-Fill her up. -You're listening to the gas digital network. ♪ When you hit that bomb drop, drop, drop ♪ ♪ You know what to do, helping up the pit ♪ ♪ Bitch, I'm coming through ♪ ♪ Big J, the battle rap champ ♪ ♪ I'm up in your ass with the strap, red attack, tank ♪ ♪ When it's easy in the building ♪ ♪ You better believe, never forget ♪ ♪ Okay, there ain't got nothin' on sleeve ♪ ♪ Puerto Rican rattlesnake, venom in your face ♪ ♪ Natural born killers, lead you to skies ♪ ♪ What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, no? ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ -What's up, what's up, everybody? Welcome to your favorite podcast. To my right is always, Steve Ren is easy. -Woo! -Baby! To my left, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Louis Shagomaz. [ Cheers and applause ] -That was weird. -I mean, that's crazy. And we have big J2, yeah. -I'm big J. Ohkerson. -We are the Legendary Legion of Skanks. Three, four, Lou. -Four, light. -Three, four, life. Welcome to the show, everybody. Thank you for being here. We have a fucking. -That was weird that those claps tapered off for you. -That was nuts. Am I losing the crowd? There's the Gomez cycle. People hate me. Then they're like, "Okay, I can kind of get it." And then they're like, "I love him, but then they go back to hating me again." -Yeah. -I think it's collecting really. I thought maybe these are some new people, so they're still not sold on you yet. -Maybe it was the summer of Gomez, and now we're falling into the fall. -The fall of Steve. -The fall of Steve. -The fall of Steve, which happened a few years ago. And how it's earned. -Yep. -Yep. -Yep. -We're almost ready to celebrate everyone. -That's true. -Yep. -He was never forget. I mean, forget a little of it. -Yeah. -But never forget. -Can you please forget? -Yeah. -Some of it. -Forget some of it. We have a great show lined up for you so much to get into. So let's get our fucking guests out here. What do you say? Our first guest, you know from the Doorag and the Deer Tag podcast? You know from the Digital Bazooka podcast, which means Lewis did very, very fun. It's a prank call podcast. Make some noise for the hilarious Drew Montana. -Yeah, yeah. -Yes. -Sure is my favorite wigger. -Oh. -That was very sweet. Our second guest, he has a Netflix special that right now, called the Family Plan that premieres September 1st. I said it's available right now. -Tomorrow. -Tomorrow, baby. -It is right now when this show airs. -Yep. -Right. -100%. -You were right the whole time. -That was fucking correct. -You're off. -And they didn't even clap for me. Why are you off? -I think I'm still thrown by the back of the thing. They gave less claps for you than everybody else. It's weird. They made a real choice. -All right, it's fine. I'm gonna give a shit. -Everybody, it's been a long time since you've been on the show. Last time, you wore a fun hat. What will it be today? It's the hilarious, Jared Free. [ Cheers and applause ] -I just remember you're in the picture. -You were the hat last time. -It was bold. You look good. -Thank you. It's great to be here for the end of Lewis Summer. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Steve Fall. -I didn't even know Rana's EZ were on the show. -I've been here for 16 years. -15 years. -15 years. -The Dave Seek got less Jewish, but more Jewish-looking. -Diva Tell was never on the show. -It was never him. -No, never. Steve Rana's EZ, 16 years strong. -Absolutely. -The C's. I was pumped to see you guys. -Yeah, this is great. Thank you for having me. -Hell, yeah. We're very happy to have you here. We have a great show planned. I'm very excited. Did the producers ask you guys if you had any incidents? -No, no. -Because there was no preparation. -We have meetings and then our producers never listen to what I say. And then they do whatever they want to do. Once the meeting's over in one ear out there. -Dude, I almost had one last night. So, like, five days ago, the people across the street from me moved out and then new people moved in. And this is Sunday night last night. There was a fucking party going on from, like, midnight to 5 a.m. That was, like, shaking the fucking walls of my house. -It was based across the street. -Yeah, it sounded-- -Do you still live in the hood? -I live in the hood, so I thought it was, like, some Jersey Shore Shit. -It was a place we came to. -Yeah, you guys were there. I went outside to, like, deal with this at, like, three in the morning. 'Cause I couldn't go to sleep, and I was, like, it's gonna be white people out there. I'm gonna tell 'em to fuck off, throw a tomato at 'em. As soon as I opened the door, there was 50 Y ends outside and one of 'em immediately was double-burting me. He's, like, fuck you, and I was, like, I'll just go back inside. -What's a one? What's a one? -You don't know this? -Is that a young and word? -Yeah. -Yes. -Yes. -Is that what it is? -Oh, my God. Is that what it means? -I was being funny. -Yeah, it is funny. -It is funny. That's what you call it. -I don't know if I should be on this episode. -No. -I didn't say it. -I think I just-- I just realized-- -Oh, don't worry. -One minute in. I realized this was a huge mistake. -No. -You're a YW. -Yeah. -That's right. -You're a YJ. -I'm an M-A-J. -Middle H-J-U. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, match. -Are you-- are you middle-eastern at all? -No, I-- I don't even like that question. -Oh, shit. All right. -Over two. -I don't even-- -Here we go. -What's your background? -It's always a tough one in these times, you know? -Do they yell at you when you went back in the house? -No. -Like, come back out. -I don't even like the word "they" in the synonym. -All of 'em. -Okay, all of 'em. -I'm just making sure. -They were twins. -Yeah. -Those people. -They realized that they outnumbered me. I think they kind of didn't even see me. It was just one guy being like, fuck you, go back in time. -I dare you to come back here and say something. There was a YN in-- and I love this term. There was a YN in New Orleans. -Lewis took so-- took to it so quickly. -Oh, right. -He's like the Nirvana baby that just swims immediately when you throw it in. -That's the dollar in front of him. -Why not? -That's what YN stands for. Why not? I was walking down the street with my girlfriend in New Orleans. I was like, oh, this bourbon's just a little crazy. I was like, what is kind of fun, right? Within 30 seconds, there was a 15-year-old black kid with a brick in his hand. And he just started throwing it as hard as he can at the ground until it shattered. He was picking up other pieces and just staring at white people. -That's Jango work, dude. Turn him big rock. -Oh, I am pleased. -Jaron, I'll make you feel better. I almost had an incident, too. -Okay. -Are you going to tell me a story about summer camp or something now? -It's about being in first class. -Okay. -Being annoyed. -I'm flying home yesterday from my friend. -We have an intro for this. -Oh, sorry. -We didn't do that. -Is it an incident? ♪ I was just saying ♪ ♪ I was just saying ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Love an intro. -If you don't know where the intro never asks the question. -Yeah. -What an incident is you get involved in something publicly where somebody might pull out a cell phone and start recording you. -So that wasn't an incident. -You walked out, walked back inside. -Yeah. -Good on you. -It would have been an incident for them if I had gone over. They would have beat the shit out. -It would have been a white incident. -Yeah. -Drew came so prepared that he was ahead of the intro. -Yeah. -Yeah, you know I'm fucking all over the place. -You were ready, man. -I'm flying home yesterday. -Look. -What airline? -Airfr-- -Why in? -Air France. -Yeah, why in airlines. -Oh, Spirit? -Yeah, yeah. [ Laughter ] -There's still one plane up for you. -Air France. -Look on back from France. -So first, they have those little pots. They got the pots, right? So I have my pod. My wife has her pod. I'm feeling kicking at the back of the pod. -Ooh. -Right? -There's a guy behind me with him and his wife, two pods, but they have a baby. The baby is punching like a child. It's punching the back of my pod. But the dad is sleeping. And the mother is sleeping. -How strong is the baby that you can feel it through the pod? -Fucking hard, dude. -Yeah. -Just throwing shit up against the sheets. -It's a shit. It's a girl baby. -This bitch's baby, dude. I stood up at one point because I'm like, you know, you feel the banging, dude. -Right. -You're trying to ruffle loudly so the parents wake up and panic. -I'm looking back. -Yes. -You can't sleep with a baby, dude. -Yeah. -If the baby's up, one of you has to be up. I traveled with kids before. You cannot just go, "Who gives a shit? I'm in a pot, I'm in fall asleep. I'm tired." And let the baby run around the fucking airplane. -One of them up. -One of them up. In a polite, but like, loud way that gets them to notice something's going awry. -They should-- Neither one of them should be sleeping. -Right. -Someone's got to be awake here. -Yeah. -So now I'm like, "Hello? I'm doing the--I'm up." -And now, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a thing when you get like annoyed. -Right. -Now I'm not even tired. -And my wife is now-- -This is very-- -I've just taken her to Paris. -Yeah. -And she's not on my side, dude. -No, no, no. -We had kids. We know what it's like. They are really tired. I go, "I'm fucking tired. I paid for the C-2. Are you fucking crazy here?" -Very madge move of you, middle-aged you. -Oh, very-- -We'll also wind up getting mad at the price of the trip and elation now. -And the best part is-- -This is why Ian's in Paris, great song. -Yes, that's right. -Let me tell you. They're laid out flat on those flat seats. And she's just jumping. The babies jumping around. And the dad's out. And I'm like, "I'm gonna wake the fucking dad up." Like, you have to-- -Yeah. -And then my wife fucking told me not to. -You didn't wake the dad up? -No. -That's like an incident. I would have-- I would have woken up. I had just recently, I had a-- I was on a six-hour flight back. It was a baby. Last hour of the flight started kicking like a little toddler. -Yeah.
And you have to do it in such a polite way like I got up I turned around. I was like sir. Yeah, yeah, I was like I got I got kids I did too. I was like just was like but like your kid just started kicking the I was like it's not a big deal The mother said the mom she's over there. She's like what what is he saying moms started getting like aggressive And I was like no, it's not a big deal I was like but she hasn't been kicking it the whole flight. So I know she doesn't have to yeah Yeah, exactly and then they stopped and I almost punched a baby in the face So that's almost an incident that would be an incident that would have been an incident That would have been punched a little baby in the face. I would have been loudly coughing to wake up that dad My plan was to like pour a drink on his face. Yeah, that's You got a spill by ass water and be like oh, I get I was walking My daughter punched me in the fucking balls because she's been running a muck for a while with the hidden with the Billy Madison Move where you trip and grab his tits on the plan Just fought this face and I'm like, oh your daughter may be fuck your face Not an incident not an incident. Yeah, did you say you had an almost incident? It was an almost incident I was driving home from Albany yesterday and I Got like cut off hard by a Owen Carry the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. It wasn't even a black guy No, it's some fucking white piece of shit who I thought would have been a fan By the way, he looked into how shitty his car was And I know you look that are WWE. It's one of the Now here's what happened I'm stoned. I'm left lane for sure. I'm probably not going much over to limit a little bit We talked about this before as a unit I assume what happened when he cut me off was that he went around me because then he started he had the middle finger out the window and I just fair I went into An irate One-dimensional nothing more important in the world Then getting next to the sky and possibly running him off the road until he's car So I started acting as such and driving fast and getting around other cars to make sure I zip him up We almost we almost I thought so - yeah, but what's happening and this is really set state of the youth I got to tell you what's going on with these kids today. Let me guess your passengers are pussies totally Tristan Boeing and Dylan In the truck. I mean holding seats almost saying things like dude dude dude dude. This guy's already he's already one man You've already one You've had a great life you got skanks on Monday come on and I go a lot to live for I go. Oh, it's all right There's an intern that's gonna run through mud for you. We got to create a man coming up day We got an intern that's gonna look your ass hall of Monday. I swear I go we could get that so then I tried to I got next to at one point and I had an empty one of these bottles five hour energy the dream Covenant, so it's it's a joint Pre-roll Literally does look like one of the energy shots. Yeah, so you're opposite. Yeah, there's there's no reason for you to be losing your mind It's a reaction for sure I like that that finger thing dude. I don't like it. So I got kind of next to him So I was gonna try to throw this it is windshield, but It I the wind was - I just I did the math. It wasn't happened But you have such a nice car that we went through this recently like I did that once I threw a quarter at a Just like a shitty car because we had a road rage thing and I was driving my Audi and then he just started flinging Fucking coins back at my car. Just put in little things in my nice car Right that happens to me. I'm going straight to the anti-deformation No, I appreciate it right away. That's what my I press a button on my car takes me right to their offices Which lose I'm surprised you say because in the moment I assume you were the same kind of way There's moments of this where I was like What is it fixed cost to fix my door if I just give this guy a little tap or off the fucking road? Right I didn't do anything like that, but I thought about it. Right. You're also going like 60 miles an hour You're gonna do that and go the other way and Baby, it's not GTA physics. Yeah, I only had one stars then diesel did this once Yeah, well I hit the ramp and went upside down on it. I was inverted. Yeah, dude I did a show the other day with a Robbie Bernstein It was like on his porch door and it was a fire Robbie the fire shout out to Robbie It was in some ladies it was supposed to be your backyard, but it got rained out So we did in her living room and it was just like crazy South Philly conspiracy lady And she was telling me that she had the flight logs that could prove that Charlie Kirk was killed by a drone and I was like this is the lady. I want to talk to this like this like right before the show I was like let me hear about this Drew and I have very different touring experience Yeah, I'm doing living room. I was very likely. I'm on don't know dude. She told me she goes She's like I have the flight logs that can prove a drone took off from Utah flew around Charlie Kirk's thing and The plane took off flew around drop the drone off the drone went down shot him and then went back into the plane And I was like like some fast and furious shit. She was like exactly like This only really makes me think one question Steve, what are you doing here? I have road rage I figured out that I I'm gonna do to change my road rage experience because All right time is all sender. I was in my mind. I here's how I let it go I went we've been in a lot of traffic jams on this ride home Mm-hmm if we're in a traffic jam again, and I'm within a few car links of them Then I'll get out of the car and do something drastic and psychotic. Right. Yeah, right I'm probably not gonna get to do that. Yeah But I'm sure I know I've done this before when you get out of the car in a traffic jam It starts moving As soon as you get out yeah, it starts moving Then you're in the middle of It's like the idea that I had for my delivery app. I wanted a delivery app that you could all you used when you were drunk That let you do the order, but it never would come Yeah, so then you would this was my idea for years you'd pay like 10% of what you would have ordered and so you just pass out So just like you're you're saying if it took if a traffic jam happens I'll get out of the car all approaches guy because it never will happen you feel better because you've made deal with yourself Yeah, yeah, that's I was in possibility what that was gonna happen, so But here's what I realized. Oh, I I'm over here Well in the go to a physical situation when I could be easily Outmatched the second I get out of the car with somebody and then you forget if they have a weapon or whatever. It's just a It's a dice roll of what could happen there. Yeah, what happens is what you what let me say what what I Solution and we should all do this. Yeah a big Dry erase board right next to your seat because what I could have just if I could just got next to that guy I'm been like I hope your children get aids right like even if the acts like it doesn't bother him It does right and we're the best at that. You know what we're the best at that we have five unused dry erase boards So I love those dry erase board so we can now we have a use for them now and the fans of love you draw little dicks on them But I like Jay couldn't win a show because the entire time it was on the dry erase board drawing dicks not paying attention to anybody speaking Not thinking about anything except I think you've got a shark tank That's when I was just about to tell you hey sharks Jay Have you ever been in traffic and wanted to flip someone off or give me a really witty retort you can't think of one Jay Has him for you all right pop them up right there. I hope the children are good aids It's those magnet letters, but it's full phrases that you've written for people with road rage. Yeah Your mother's a cunt. Yeah, yeah, but don't with honor system don't write the N word. Yeah, of course, of course Honor system honor system in fridge man. Don't do this. That's why they don't give you two G's Is it really one? I never give you two Every bag dude, I swear to God you gotta buy two separate bags. You're like no me second G's. I had a steal from friends Isn't that a great like that would I'd immediately feel you feel better showing that to him right? Showing him some terrible thing about himself. I pet notes quickly Listen you're in traffic. So you gotta take a second there. Yeah, you have to pull your dry Little knee steering for a second. Yeah, and you gotta think of the quick you gotta be like, you know The fans are gonna be pissed when Lewis gives you a tablet and you got to swipe it over and hold it up on the windows But I will tell you right now a tablet would be better to you as you click the phrase Way better nothing is good. It doesn't look cheap. It doesn't distract you while you're driving glare You're probably this glare You're right. Lewis don't want another agenda here. It's a bad idea glare the glare is gonna fuck everything up The dry erase boards is the perfect thing. What if it dies now? Here's what I'll tell you at night time problems An iPad that has like backlit white with black letters would be nice This is an app waiting to be made. Well, it's like when the you know the driver picks you up and they like you have a sign With the sign on it. That's kind of where we're free when me and Jay used to go on the road This is like an early memory like literally what maybe made us friends was we would go on the road wanted to do this We both wanted to do this and we would I would be like Jay I need a marker and a paper and then I would spend my time Drawing out and thick bubble letters the first hour of a six hour drive
drive the Montreal. Yeah, it would, it would say show your boobs and it would be on a piece of paper. And every time we talk about being cool by going like, we're going to show your tits ago, crass. Yeah, crass too. So anytime we pass any woman, it doesn't matter if it's a grandma down to a teenage girl, I'd be like, ooh, ooh, drive next to her and then he would dangerously maneuver next to her car and I'd slap it against the window. I'd be like, ah, show your boobs. And literally the best case scenario, a girl would laugh and be like, how I kind of nervously laugh. Worst case scenario, you saw women get really upset. Well, one time they gave us number, remember, they gave us a number to call them in their car. Yeah, really? It was 911. Yeah. Did you call the number? Yeah. Yeah. And it was them. Yeah. That's all? Did they show you boobs? No, we never saw boobs. By the, by the fourth, fifth trip we took, we realized boobs were never happening. So then it just became like just like the cool test. Yeah. Is she going to laugh or she's going to be a fucking asshole because we're harassing her dangerously. Yeah. Oh, why? Because a couple of, a couple of May add max fucking extras or are out there. She's speeding. I'm going to play the bass on the back of the car. Yeah, Lewis was hanging on the fucking thing. He said the first five or six times. How many times did you guys do a show boob sign? Uh, it doesn't at least. Yeah. Yeah. I mentioned when you got good at it that, that Jake maneuver so that Lewis could put it on their window. Like he took his hand out and showed up. He heard it backwards. We also, we, well, very often I didn't have a marker. So I like shit. We only have a pen. So I would spend an extra hour, extra hour doing this with a pen. Yeah. Yeah. You go, you do the grade. You go all diagonals this way. Yeah. All diagonals. It was, it was a lot of work. Lot of work. I don't think never tits. And we knew we weren't going to get tits. We knew we were going to get stopped at the border. It was great. Speaking about the stories you made along the way. Yeah. So my thing wasn't an incident didn't happen. But I'd say, but I did come up with a great idea. That dry race point is going to be huge for me. So many people are going to know that I want their kids to get aides the old fashioned way but sex with somebody with aides. Yeah. Good old aides. Good old aides. Don't you miss aides being a fun thing? I do. Now it's no longer a death sentence. So if you go, I hope you get a hold. I'll be fine. Yeah. Look at magic. Yeah. Take a couple of vitamins every day. So what? Yeah. And once you have aides, you can really just fucking go crazy with the aides community. Just fucking everybody, dude. That's true. That's a massive dev aides. What is the average cost? You let Martin Screly deal with it? Yeah. Yeah. What's the average cost of to like a monthly cost if I have aides in order to live a fun life from not transmitting aides to anybody. And I'm or you just got to take prep for that. Yeah, but how much is prep and how much is the other medications to make sure that I have no more than skyrazy same kind of commercial. GLP one basically. Yeah, they're all happy. Essentially. That's a thing. You want to be a skinny aides guy or do you want to have like you could be fat. You want to be jacked. You want magic Johnson. So some for other VRT in there too. Yeah, you don't want to get like the Charlie Sheen you want to you want to magic Johnson. Charlie Sheen is has something more than aides because he's rich and he looks like a fucking wild man. He looks fine. He's handling aides great. Jim Mike it says usually health insurance will cover AIDS medication. However, you don't have health insurance. It's 40 to 50 thousand dollars a year. Wow. I can't do it. That's a lot. I couldn't do it. No, not for a gay guy. You're two two four for AIDS. No, you get your fucking sugar daddy to pay for that. The guy is how she live in while you do paintings and get butt fucked by him. Jay watched the season. I like the painting for you. That happened in you for you. That happened before you. Really? Yeah. If you're gay, you could just live for the guy who's hiding his gay from his wife and let you paint in an apartment. He keeps and he gives you lots of money. So you can afford your AIDS medication at least. Okay. That's sick. All right, I'll get AIDS. New dating app idea. Katzai, something with AIDS. I bet you there is an AIDS dating man. I bet that. Of course there is. With AIDS not being a death sentence any longer. What's the amount of money you would take to have AIDS? He's going to take the medicine for us. Great question. Great. Well, I just watched hacks last night where they had a similar. Wow. His character. I'm sorry. He's a show called hacks. You're watching hacks right now in front of you. Hey, is this show called a house? They offer hat. There's a whole episode where she offers Adam Ray's character a million dollars to never do stand up again. That's not the same thing. I'm saying how much would it cost to get AIDS? Did you not hear us? AIDS. AIDS. The whole the whole crux of this is AIDS. I know. The money isn't the crux. AIDS is the crux. You're going to have AIDS. You're not going to have a girlfriend with AIDS. You're not going to retire from comedy. You're going to have to be so. Yes. $10,000. Wait a minute. That's way less than the medication, dude. Oh, fuck. No, I know. He isn't sure. He isn't sure. $110,000. I know. Hold on. Can I negotiate for you? You're right. Steve, get my back here. Yes. It's a lot. He meant a million dollars. That's what I meant. Dude, AIDS. I mean, even though it's not a death sentence, having that conversation every time you want to fuck somebody, you have to be like, I have AIDS. That's crazy. All right, wait. I only have one conversation. You put prepping their fucking drink first. You put it in their drink. Here's the worst. Would you rather ever? Would you rather have AIDS? Or would you rather work 80 hours a week at AIDS? AIDS or 80 hours a week every week for the rest of your life at Wendy's on register? I think that's the worst one. AIDS, for sure, dude. I don't know. He and Jared are Jewish. So definitely AIDS. 80 hours a week on register at Wendy's. Not the hate on groceries that are doing it, but it's it's help. I'm so Jewish. I don't even know the difference between on and off register. Damn right. I don't know why that's it. I don't know why that's a poor and important element. Do you know the badge of honor our Jewish mothers would have telling everyone that their sons are surviving AIDS? They're account, right? All right, I meant on register. What's the number? You get AIDS, you and this is it. The number of the amount of money that you take AIDS for. Like you got to tell your parents good news bad news. Yeah. Okay. Good news is I have a hundred million dollars independently wealthy. Oh, the numbers 50 million dollars. Okay. 50 mil gets me like, you know, I I I'm I'm working off of the you know the residuals of you also have a house every I got a couple houses. 50 million dollars. The number where you can do to a check. You're like, like, look, I have AIDS. Let's get married. You're going to get AIDS too, but you're going to be really. Yeah. We just have to get AIDS. Right. You go, you go, be with me right now and you're going to live a life of luxury. Right. If you let me give you AIDS, I'll put you in the will. Oh, yeah. She doesn't take the age. By the way, you explain like it's the family business. AIDS is the new family business guys. Right. Our brand is AIDS. Okay. We all have AIDS. I'll give everybody a we have $80 million. But it might have to be on register or off. No, you're not doing it. If you take AIDS, somebody else, you're not even at Wendy. Yeah. Somebody else brings you off. No, I 50. Yeah. The new family business. You go to when is yourself when your medication is not making you nauseous. You go to Wendy's and customer. And I'm eating Wendy's happily just because I'm, you know, there's not I don't have a lot of weight on me. I can afford this. Every day's a gift, what does it feel like? The first thing you're going to talk with a doctor when you go, you think, hey, we beaten Wendy's or we're going to take AIDS is the first time every time. They're definitely going to try to do the rundown of the AIDS. You might go on chat. You can do right now and ask them to describe in detail what living with AIDS every day is like. Oh my god. And like before I decide life expectancy 2026. Yes, with AIDS. Yeah. If you're a better question, that's yeah, not what's a day to day take. I want to know someone's life. How many naps do you have? Can you read the screen pray to Philadelphia for us? Crying. Crying in front of a picture of his parents. That's the first two hours. Old AIDS is a different thing. You're thinking like 15 minutes of scraping the lesions. Yeah, I don't know. Like 30 minutes of. Do you have days where you're like washing dishes that Bruce Springsteen saw? I mean, like I'm saying like, is it days where you're like, oh my god, my it hurts the medication. Of course, it is. Or is it like I'm healthy as fuck? Every time I see magic Johnson, he's in a boat in a visa. So I mean, that's a good day. He's a good. Dinner is on a yacht with Michael Jordan smoking cigars. But God, I would never put eight gay sons. That's true. That's his eights. That's really easy. That's how you make a six foot eight gay son as you use that stuff. That's a great question for him. Would you rather not have AIDS and have you? I would absolutely say. Magic Johnson would probably rather have died from AIDS in the 90s than lived through AIDS to find that his son is walking eight. I mean, she's gorgeous. No, I think it's her name. It's like AIDS Luru. Am I wrong? Walking AIDS Johnson. Have you seen the new owner of the San Diego Padres? Or her name is Clonsa Johnson? I shut up, dude. I swear to God. What did you win the lottery? She's the first ever Black owner. I'm a white baseball team, dude. It's the first ever Black female owner and professional in the big four professional sports. But her name is Clonsa Johnson. And her and her, her and her Puerto Rican billionaire husband bought the team. His name is Feliz Navidad. Folks. Is this real? Folks. Folks. No, it's not, it's not his real name, but this is her name is Clonsa Johnson. Yeah, she's cute. Nice smile. Yeah, gee, Mike, how does it feel to live with AIDS every day? It says if you have HIV, you
You could feel normally years without medication. -Nice. -With untreated age, your immune system needs to be treated. -No, not untreated. -Treated age. -Treated age. -We're trying to have a comedy show here, man. -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -Is this what you're producing? -What's the hell is this? -I'm trying to have a nice Monday night out of the stand. -What the hell? -A meter of producers buzzed and killed. -Did you win the inter-pollifon or whatever? -What was my grandmother's shivakall like? [ Laughter ] -I really thought, look how black I look right now. Holy shit. -Damn. -I went to Spain and then New Orleans, and I'm fucking, this is why nobody clapped for it. They thought I was a black guy, and they were furious. Their racist fans were angry. [ Laughter ] -What does it say with treated? -If you're treated, you can feel completely normal if the treatment works well. -Good, but you still need lifelong medication. And if you have any complications from the AIDS like immune system complications from before, you'll still have them. A lifelong medication doesn't really phase me at this. -15 mil. -I take 15. -I mean, I'm on a GLP wanted. -15. -I'm on a centipril? -Yeah. A cholesterol-medicator. A GLP wanted. -The one thing skinny people will say to you, "You're gonna have to take it forever. Yeah? Okay." -Are you taking it? -Yeah, it's the best drug I've ever done. -It's a miracle. -You give yourself the shot. -I give myself the shot. -Have you never done cocaine? -Better than cocaine. -No. -For this time of life at 41. -I've never done cocaine. -I'm on cocaine at 41. -But it is a miracle. -No, the shot is great. You're gonna get in a Costco because it's already in the-- -Preloaded? -Preloaded. I don't have to, like, do some rinse. -I'm not a scientist. -Yeah, I don't know. I said, "Give me the Costco discount." -Yeah. -And the preloaded syringe. -Give me the thing I could just shut down. -It's like an epic pen. -Can I say I just said I'd never done cocaine and Lewis set off microphone, which is very sweet of me. He goes, "You have." But we've said it on the show before. -Twice. -I've done, I did one line of cocaine when I was on tour with the bands, one line, and then on my bachelor party, I did one line of cocaine. Have I done cocaine? -Yeah. -I've never sucked a dick, except my bachelor party. And then when I was on tour with the band, the band. -I've never sucked a dick twice. -I've never sucked a dick. -Two dicks. -I've never sucked a dick, but I took a piece of gum out from Justin Silver's ball bag and dick crease. -That is not sucking a dick. -Right. -With your mouth? -Yeah. -100 million dollars. -That's how we became the intern, man. -What? -My number is 100 million dollars. -Right. -No. -I just put it on nine figures. -15 million dollars. -I think you're going to make 50 million dollars without having AIDS in your life. -You're underrating 100 million. Like, you're underrating money right now. -What do you mean? -I just think like 100 million. I don't even think you would know what to do with it. -No, 100-- what do you mean? -I just think the difference is-- -No, he's right. -50 and 100 million. -You're going to be leaving behind more than hip, which is great. But I'm just saying, like, your life's also not over. If you have 100-- or if you have 50 million dollars, you can-- -Oh, what? -You guys wouldn't take 100 million dollars for AIDS. Fuck you, buddy. -Yeah. -Fuck you. -What happened? -Too good. -No, those people have AIDS. -Too good for you. -All right. -Are AIDS humor? -They have AIDS. -I've got those people living with AIDS. Are they? -Oh, shit. They're AIDS patients. -Oh, shit. -They came to get away from all this. -I actually went to the local hospital and gave away a few tickets tonight. -Yeah. -That's your pro bono work? -That's why I was like getting a little tense. I'm like, man, I usually do this. -I do what my special comes out. I do something nice for the community. -Oh, man. -I do a couple of crowd work sets for local AIDS hospice. -I'll tell you why. Look, here's the thing. 50 million-- yes, obviously, you're not going to be able to spend that much money in your lifetime. I want multi-generational wealth. I mean, AIDS-- -For the next fucking 30 years, 40 years? -Yeah. -This is all I'm going to give it to my whole family if I accident. -Lewis, consider-- -I'm going to give it to your whole family on purpose. -Lewis, consider the fact just you're in your 40s and you're in your mid 40s, right? -44. -So consider that, like, over the next few years, like, things are going to just develop where you're going to have to take pills every day anyway. You got any things? Getting AIDS at this point is such a manageable thing. $15 million? -I don't want to have a conversation. $15 million is crazy, James. -$15 million is genuinely fucking insane, dude. -We know friends with $15 million. -Sorry, guys. I'm an every-man. This guy would get fucking AIDS for $8 million. -By the way, we're not negotiating against anyone. These are all fake numbers that we can say whatever we want. -I know, and I'm telling you, realistically, I ain't playing with this one. -$15 million is a wildly low amount of money, considering I know how much money you make already. -I know. I mean, I have a pretty good idea. -Before you die, you're going to make $15 million. -J without AIDS. -Yeah, but not all at once. - Believe in yourself, Jay. -Not all at once, though. -Yeah, not all at once. -No, one check. -What do you want to roll around? They're like, "Sprooge big duh." -Yes, dude. I want to dive into my cash. -Your life is pretty good, dude. You don't need AIDS. -$15 million. -Dude, what are you fucking doing and twisted in my truck? -Dude, look at that. -You've got so much to live for. Stop trying to fucking get 'em. -Dude, they're pussy's for not supporting that. -$15 million. -Listen to me. $15 million is not enough money to make your lifestyle that much different than it is right now. -Yes, it is. -No, it's not that much. So he's right there. I still live my life exactly the way I live it. -J. -But now I buy a couple more houses. -Okay. -And you invest on it. -Yeah. -You hate the house. -You hate the house. -You're starting to sound like someone on house hunters. -J as you can afford to a couple houses with $15 million. -Sure, okay. -No. -But $15 million buys you a lot. -I'm not buying a lot of it. It buys you okay with the future. You don't have to worry about the future. -Yes. -Yes, that's what it buys. -Just you. -Not your daughter. -I got you. -Your daughter might not know. I wouldn't change. I would still continue to make the money I make. And I would use that $15 million to just buy houses in different places. -And all those places will be close to a fucking AIDS clinic. I'll be getting around the clock care. Everything's going to be fine. -Guys. Steve, what's your number? You got $100 million. -You're lying. -Oh, I'm not lying. -I'm not lying. -I'm not lying. I'm not lying. -Guys, let's start to go fund me, and let's see how much money we can get and see who decides to take AIDS first for that money. -I'll still do it. -I will still do it for $10,000. -Okay. -Here's the-- -All right. -Drew's going to go to funding, right? -Got Drew. I hate to tell you that we would raise $10 grand by tomorrow. -I know. -And you're going to have to take AIDS. -Drew, I would personally give you $10,000 if you'll really take AIDS. -I'll put that with Lewis. -I think the number that the day is could probably cover on its own. -In fact, let me cover our ass here. Let's say when when the microphones go off, you go, "Dude, I was just kidding. I wouldn't take AIDS for $10,000." -I'm going to do that. -Right. -I'll go, "Oh, well, here's the thing. I'm going to double it because Lewis is going to be 10 and I'll give you 10. Now you're 20." -Now I'm back in. -We'll do it for $20,000. -Yeah. -Dude, if this show gave Drew Montana AIDS, first of all, we've got to find AIDS in needle. -Yeah. -Don't create them presents, give Drew Montana AIDS. -I would say this. -Sensey pee out on the streets to find a needle guy with AIDS, and he'll say, "Drew a ball, find AIDS." -No matter how this appearance goes for Drew, he will be in the Wikipedia page if this goes through. -Wait a minute. -Is there a ball out here? -He's not here. -Could you imagine trying to draw blood? -No. -He just looks very depressed every time I see him. He's over in the corner. -He's in a chamber right now. Getting like a fucking liver fixed or something. -Yeah. -Do we have a reason cerebral palsy out here? -Yeah. He had a medical thing. I think he said about his braces being broken, so he had to go get new ones. -I don't think he meant it. -No. -No. -It's fucking forest complex. -Yeah, the legs. -Oh. -Well. [ Laughter ] -No, I don't know. -It would be fun. -Thinking of him drawing blood is funny to me. -Lewis. -I just like that I see couples here in the crowd. It's nice to see they can connect. -Yeah. -Over this. -Over this. -Yeah. -That's a couple that's going to make it. They like this together. -They love each other. -Yeah. -This is great. These couples like each other. -They do. -If they're at the thing they enjoyed together. -Guys, you like to laugh and they're women who could take a punch. -Yup. [ Laughter ] -Oh, yeah. [ Applause ] -How much would you take AIDS for, sir? -50 million sounds nice. -50 million. -50 million? -What do you do? -I work in retail. I also make music. -You work in retail and make music. -That means it makes shitty music. [ Laughter ] -He plays his music in the store that he works in. -Let's say he makes great music. -Yeah. -The odds of making it are always low with everything. So, I think this guy takes AIDS for $1.3 million. -You think so? -Okay. -It's survivable. You can live your entire life expected today. -Jay, you are really giving a lot of credit to the AIDS lawyer. -Are you on their side? -Like, Steve, you're so shortsighted with this. -Do you think they're coming around and being like, "Listen, we got a great deal for you. We want to give you AIDS for $55. How about that? -We're starting there. -Steve's been rich for too long. -No, no, it's $10,000. -Can I tell you something? If you take AIDS for $55, you're $55 richer. -And you got to take another pill or two every day for the rest of your life. -So, what? So, if they give you $15 million, I take seven pills a day already. -Jay, you sound like you work and I used AIDS.law. -Yeah, yeah. -Like, guys, I got AIDS for $50. -By the way, AIDS. -What are these AIDS? -Even if you take the fucking cocktail, you're still going to have the GLP1 effect. You're still going to lose weight for that stuff. -You're going to take the cost of the GLP1. -You're going to have to take a cocktail in your tail to get those AIDS. -Oh, dude. -AIDS plus fucking ozempick is like a wagovie times three. -Right. -God, you'd be so skinny, dude. -You'd be so skinny with AIDS.
And I'll be like, you know, anybody want to have quantum sex or do you want to what do you want to take this pill first and let me raw dog you? You know when we started with this conversation, I said Jared you'll get through two minutes of AIDS conversation So we're gonna pull a thread on the top. No, we we got we really got into it. We dug it. Yeah, I'm happy. This is absolutely We went eight deep. It's gonna be big for you with the YN's This is really gonna turn things around for you with the YN's I was hoping that would come back around. It was previously not enjoyed your work But I think this is gonna be the thing that turns a lot like AIDS is never gonna go away I do get excited even when I was in an Albany this week this weekend when like to like black whenever black fans Fuck me like like and I see they're excited to meet me. I'm always like Why don't we say it's cooler? That happened in New Orleans. I was in a jazz club hanging out fucking dancing a jazz music and a black That comes over to me. It wasn't my check and he's like, hey dude. I don't want to like blow up your spot But I'm like a big fan of each of those kinds. I'm like blow up my spot. You idiot. Yeah, I'm like you look so Nobody sings Why would you ever like if I'm ever with a hot girl and you see me you know me make me look fucking cool It's like no act like I'm a fucking prince from Africa. Get on the knees and start worshipping me. What's the fucking the hand? It's the best I think I know there's a billion myths of it But what's the original is the Don Rickles and Frank's oh, that's the greatest story. Oh, that's a great story Oh, yeah, he asked for a Don Rickles tells Frank's not really. Hey, I got a bunch of friends over there with me If you come over and just kind of like make a big deal about me being there would really make me look cool Which do that for me goes. Yeah, sure and then Frank such comes over he goes don't oh my god It's so good to see you and he goes Frank. We're eating Can't you see we're eating here? Yeah, guys. Come on, man. Can you please have a little class. Let's fucking set it all way I don't know a ton of Don Rickles, but that and the fact that he that Wait was I think Bob's tag it told the story of Don Rickles calling his Answering machine and when the answer machine plays a mess from you as you have one new message and he goes I don't know how you work this fucking ju UFO Alright, thanks. Let's take a quick moment to think she's underwear for supporting the show a veteran owned business to keep your Gucci in order with she It's do do do do do pouches. That means to pouch amazing colors patterns brand new patterns all the time luxurious fabric They feel great. We've been using sheath on the show for a long time. It's all I wear look this is what I got I wear sheath underwear. 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I'm not out there fucking you know, I don't know what strength that's insane But I wear them for the style and the comfort But you're probably a fucking badass do to listen to the show if you listen to legion of skanks more than likely You got a shitty job and you need boots for them. Yeah, you definitely think you know MMA. Yes So yeah, you got to try them out. They're absolutely great And for a limited time legion of skanks fans can get 10% off at brunt when you use the code legion at check out a brunt workwear calm That gets your entries for the brunt potty of gold sweepstakes But once again, you don't even have to spend any money. You can simply just go to the website and enter the sweepstakes for your chance to win $50,000 dollars. All right, let's get back to doing We should sit real quick. We have more a lot more show, but we are doing another golden ticket contest. Oh, yes Did I take credit for that? Another goal is not happening November 13 through 15th in Norland skankfest X is gonna be the biggest and best one we've ever done We booked our our secret musical guest, which I'm so excited about. It's gonna be sick. It's a fish out the fish use We got we got a fish cover band to come nice. Oh, yeah, dude. You just slower than the real fish Three members of Nickelback not the singer But they're gonna play third eye blind covers. So yeah, no, no, no, no, it's gonna be so good and get those tickets You'll create and present skankfest skankfest calm. Can I say allowed? Please. I don't know who the musical guest is They don't tell me because they know I'll tell everybody yeah, yeah when they get a new location for skankfest They don't tell me because I'll tell everybody. Yep, so stop asking. I don't know and because I said to them Don't tell me because I will fuck up. That's knowing yourself. It's the truth. Yeah, I'd rather just not know the beauty of skankfest If anyone's thinking of buying a ticket, I would believe is that the Google dolls are playing the she the Google dolls The beauty is that it couldn't be the Google dolls. You have no idea Yeah, but that you guys are gonna create a festival that you would have fun at yeah, so they can trust you It's not like a couple suits look gonna make money. No. No, these are guys. No, dude. We all want to see for ten million dollars We all want to see Ed Sheeran. Yep Dude, Ed Sheeran would fucking I'd love to book like an ed Sheeran dude to have it go bad. He'd have to start. Yeah I'll be the fan. I'm probably Lewis. Do you think in a real nostalgia? Yeah, whatever we're gonna skank fist like a John Cougar melon camp or something? I think You could get you could get Joey Fatoa Yeah, he would like have the best time But we could just throw J on stage and say he's Joey Fatoa 100% we took that picture together make sure I was always lit if I guess so anyway look We it's it's happening. It's gonna be incredible We did give away a pair of golden tickets to the woman with the ugly as a vagina We we decided to do something. Thank you. She's out there was a landslide and We decided to do something different We've decided instead of doing an ugly body part. We want to do this year with this next one is gonna be for best tits Wait, wait, wait. Perent parentheses men only men only. Oh I did a dude with a nice rack. There is a Howard Stern producer so mad that you took his idea 10 years ago Well, he's only doing one show a year now, so we're all fine You got for some reason he's doing one show a year and I got to change channel. Oh, I don't
-And they be trans? -On HBO. -Can they be trans? -No, because it got to be a man. -I thought if I have to call you or she, you can't fuck this. -Oh, no. Get ready to be a-- -You've removed yourself from eligibility. -Yes. -This is going to be the lightning rod that starts up another political debate. -Oh, no. -Also, they have to be real folks. -I hope so. -They have to be a man with fake tips. -All right, if you're a man that gets fake tips-- -Oh, there he is. -But if you're a person trans, if you live your life as a man, but you get fake tips-- -You guys. Which cost Morton's cake, Fistickets. -Which one of the ways has been done before? -Poker players. -Okay, go and take it to our price list. -You can look that up. -Those are all given away. -A poker player challenged another poker. He played him to get fake tips. He put them on for, like, 10 years. And then he paid him, like, 10 million dollars. -Can we see these tips? -Stevo had to be fucking physically stopped by his team. -You put the fake tips on? -Yeah. -He was going to do it. -So, yeah, they have to be-- -It's very funny. -So, you have to be a dude. You have to send in a video of you showing us your suppletits, and just describing what life is like to be a man with tips. And then-- -You call them something-- -And if you do, he tricks with the tips. That'd be great. -No, not in the round two. -No, round two. -No, round two. -Round two is what it is. -Ticks capable of. -Yeah, yeah. -Well, the tiebreaker should be Nippelength. -Okay. -Oh, this is the guy. -There he is. -Wait, what is-- This is our first submission? -Is this a-- -No, this is just a dude. -Is this the guy that Steve was talking about? It's a poker point. -Yep, I don't like this one. -I'll tell you this much. I'd poker. -I'll tell you what, though, he's got good dude Nippes. -Yeah, he put them on. -Those are solid tips. -Yeah, that's right, Nippel. -Yeah. -I love the face he's making while taking this picture. -I don't think the rest of his chest is hairy. -No, he owned it. -By the way, he's got a stupid haircut of any way. -Yeah. -He looks like Will Forte. -Yeah, he really does. He's like, I don't give a fuck anyway. This guy's not, like, he doesn't live his life worrying about this, which is, by the way, probably liberating a shit. -Right. -When you don't give a fuck for real, I always envy that in some way. -That guy's living by himself. -Someone not giving a shit. Someone's like, yeah, he goes, he came, he made a chick, he left for there, and he just smells like shit and lives in the fucking street. -What the fuck? -Yeah. -And he's got a big old set of fucking bees on him. -Almost Ari Shafir's style of dress. -Yeah, it's where he's like-- -There's that where it's like Ari Shafir's fucking-- -He's 60 years old, and he's like, I'm shut up in quarter royalties. -Two, he's sure with a robot on it. -It's the Joker. Like, you know, you just kind of like the world burns, you know, really. -We went to dinner. He looked in France. He looked like a fucking Russian drug dealer. We weren't to dinner, dude. Of a lore matching suit. Crazy his hair's long, the balls. -Hair's slick back in a fucking ponytail. Beard down in here, and then like this black pattern shirt that was like, "It disco?" I was like, "Are you a fucking coke dealer right now? What are you doing, dude?" -This sounds like CrossFit clown doing stand-up. -It's amazing. -Not that you wouldn't go to the mall and fucking basketball shorts and whatever, but do you give a fuck about how you look when you go on stage or are you picking like what you wear? -You got to dress up nice, or keeping it simple. -Hair is a perfect five o'clock shadow. That's not-- that's what matters. -I don't dress-- everything here is on purpose. -I don't dress up nice, necessarily. But when I go on a weekend, it's all thought at all. -You don't have to include the word necessarily. -That was redundant. It's-- you're not-- you're right. But when I go-- but I think about everything with like where it's going to-- my shoes to my back, whatever, I care. -I think that's normal. -Are you freaking out about your hair? -Sort of my nails. -My hair? -Yeah. -Just because you're bald. -Should I be? -No, no, I'm just saying. Because because you're balding aggressively, are you worried about that? -I have no hair. -Everyone I feel like. -No, no, that is not where my insecurities lie. -Okay. -I just, uh, Norman-- -He's got plugs, yeah. -The plugs, I couldn't believe it. -He did. -I was on a show. I was like, dude, you're not like a hair-- a guy I would think of. -That's what I was saying. -Right, I think it now it's turning into men or getting ahead in the same way women are. -I'll tell you what, I worry about it. I think about it, but I think I'm all right. -Yeah, you're fine. -No, you're good. You're fine. -You're fine. -You're also like a age where you-- -If you get past a certain age with hair-- -I'm 48. -Yeah. -Yeah, you're good. I think you're, yeah. -You're tall. If you were short, it would be a problem. Because what? -The top of your head's tall. -Oh my god, it's not that. -It's thinning a little bit, but it's like mine. Even the ears are a little hairy, too. -Oh, come on. -Z's is good. -That's a thick, it's a thick. -You're going to have that forever. -Yeah, but what's the plan? -Jerry, you're going to eventually get plugs? -No. -I would if I fell I had to, but I don't think I have to. -No, you're good. -But I think by the time in like 10 years, it's going to be like, you're going to get a kiosk at the mall. And you'll be able to tell. -Right, well, I mean, that's the same with, you know, talk about GLP1s. All this stuff is getting cheaper and cheaper. -You don't have to go to a doctor. You can just go to a place. It's like something health. -Oh, yeah. -You know what I mean? -And they go, "Here's needles to give yourself." -It's one of our sponsors. -It's true. -Right, no, it's everywhere. And then the peptides thing, that's getting sold by like any idiot you want to high school. -I'll tell you what, though. Peptides has to go through the ring a little bit more. I'm not giving myself a fucking needle. -Well, have you ever seen five times a week ago? -The people who sell it, I've seen them at shows. They always look like they're just like not the person you're going to ever. And then, but they're like positive about it. Like, they never blink. -It is for those guys like, "Burt Krasher," and stuff, the guys who have IV people come out a lot. -Yeah, I do think so. -Like, watching somebody give you a needle, it's like, "You came to my fucking house, and you're going to put a needle directly into my veins." -Seems crazy. -Yeah, the. If you want the drinking at that point. -Stop drinking? -Yeah, I think you got a cool off. -First getting a needle in your arm every week. -Yeah, fuck that. -I don't like needles. I don't want an IV. -I don't like needles at all, but an IV is like. Also, what I felt, I don't know if they've taken them ever where I've been like, "I feel great." -We did an IV at a bachelor party. That was part of our trip. And we were like, "Oh, this is going to be awesome. We're going to just fucked up as we want." And then, we spent three hours getting the IV. Like, it ruined the whole trip. -Dude, three hours. -It took forever. And we were like, "Are we done yet?" And the woman's like, "You're going to be. You'll be good by tomorrow morning." We're like, "That's the same as a hangover." -Yeah. -I've never been out. That's how you were doing that. -We could have done that for three hours. -We could have been drinking right now. -Yeah. I was so annoyed. -I've never been out of that hangover. -I need a needle in my arm. That's fucking crazy. -Yeah. -I've never been hungover that's been passed drink a giant glass of water. It's always dehydration. It's never been like. -Oh, no. The worst hangover. -It's never been an over, like, a mound of out. I mean, that's the time it's happened before. But generally, if I have a headache, like, hangover, it's drink water. I've never gotten drunk in Denver. Getting drunk in Denver is, like, ruining your whole. -Oh, dude, yeah. I'm in that condo, like, with the. -No. -I'm like, "Sweat." -Go down. -What's coming out of my nose? -Oh, my god. -I'm so fucking dry. -You guys are crazy. You have to go downstairs to 7-11. -Oh, yeah. -And get the fucking oxy blasts. So you go up there and fucking you drink and smoke weed and just keep going, "Pshh." Like, fucking Dennis Hopper and Blue Velvet. -I went to Aspen and did. I got the night before, like, I got into Aspen. They're like, "We're gonna go to karaoke night. It's an awesome time." I had three martinis on the third one. Like, my friend looked at me. She was like, "You shouldn't be doing that, man." And I was like, "What are you talking about?" The next morning was the worst day of my life. -Did you ever get out to sickness there? That's the only place I've ever gotten it. It was strange. And I felt like I had the flu immediately when I landed. It was the worst feeling ever. -Horific. -Fucking Denver's tough. -Yeah. -Yeah. -One of the best comedy cities in the globe. -Yeah. -Yeah. -All right, let's talk about some of these things. Like, shit, well, home, where are we at? Let's do some plugs real quick. We're about an hour into the show. And we have a lot. This show has been. We've gotten to almost no notes. We're just talking flat. -We're going to be, we're going to be, we're going to be, send the thing for-- -Oh, yeah, right. So if you guys want to send your pictures or videos, we'll say of your tips. And your man, men only, go to LOS
[email protected]. LOS
[email protected]. Is the email address-- -We are like the WNBA, though. You can be a fucking girl and fucking enter and say you're a guy. If you identify as a guy. -Jays, you're trying to see real tips. Identify as a guy. -Let's do some plugs. Obviously, Jared Freed, September 1st. Brand new special, The Family Plan. Tomorrow on Netflix, everyone watch it. -Yeah, please watch it. Thank you. I really want you to-- I have, in the special, you mentioned the incident. It's called The Family Man. It's a one-hour story about going to the beach with my parents. And my dad in 2018 asked me how much I weighed at the beach. And that's the whole special. So it's all about my dad asking me how much I weighed at the beach for an hour. And I want you to go watch it, send it to your parents. It's all about-- -Where'd you record it? -Targetown. -Oh, good. -Music hall. -The music hall was great. And there's a story in it about an almost incident. You made me think about this during COVID. My mom almost went and like, intervened with a woman, old woman fighting with a girl at this pool. And we have this almost incident about this girl ran out of the bathroom. And then we were at a pool and the bathroom's right in front of us. This girl runs out crying, goes to her mom. An old woman runs out and goes, "She wasn't wearing a mask!" And then her mom yelled across the pool, "That girl just had her first period!" And my whole family witnessed this whole thing happening. And then my mom tried to help out. And I was like, "If you help out, you're the biggest idiot in the entire world." So there's a whole story about that in the special. But it's all about Gornard Del Rey Beach. My dad asked me how much I weighed. -Love it. -Very dear, Jennifer, it's so funny. -Thank you. -Hilarious to be here. -I appreciate you having me. -This is a blast. Drew Montana. -I'm going to be in Denver, actually. Speaking of Denver, September 26th, come on out to that. Tickets are moving. And that's my last show on the road of the year. Other than Skankfest. -Oh, yeah, dude. -Let's spin fun. But come on out to that. And then thank you, thank you. Y'all mind if a white boy gets some motion tours? No more. And do rag in the deer tag in digital bazooka. Check those out, man. Thank you.
- My website's down for some on-gunly recent. (laughing) - Maybe some French baby. (laughing) - Yeah, oh, yes, we got hilarities in November. I'm gonna add more dates, but after football season's over for December and January. But I know I'm going to the mothership again next year. Austin, I'm going to San Diego. I'm going to Chicago. So more dates coming up soon. SteveRennazisee.com. - Very cool. (applause) - Hey, Jay. - Hey, Jay, comment.com for all my dates. Great to see you after a live tour happening right now. Coming to us sitting near you. Virginia Beach coming up very soon. Mugubi's Joe Kalson, Timonia, Maryland. Cleveland, Ohio, hilarities. Seattle, Washington, first time there in years by myself. Denver, Colorado, back at the comedy, works downtown where we did them day. Rochester, New York, and so much more back in Philadelphia. Oh, it's over going to be the mothership. Tom, we're doing story wars. - The story wars on Wednesday. It's not on your website yet. The 28th, Wednesday, the 28th story wars at the mothership. - No, really? - It's the Thursday. - Thursday. - Are you guys doing story wars in Florida again? - Maybe. - Are you doing New Year's Eve Phillies? Is that what it is? - No, no, no. I'm doing January or I'm doing December 26th, 7th and 8th in Philadelphia. - We might do it. - I believe we might do it one of those shows because I've been announced and I could hopefully make pretty soon for something that I would like to do in Philadelphia. So yeah, we're gonna fuck this up. - Here's a teaser. Jay's a little sick. - Took the money. - $15 million richer. - I'm building a youth center with my age money. Come see me on the road. - Wait, wait, wait, yeah. Holy shit, that was crazy. Listen to the bonfire. Our Faction Talk Series XM, I think right now, Channel 137. Howard Stern decided to go to one show a week so everything got shuffled in Series XM. We're now a Faction Talk Series XM 137. - Oh, dude, I forgot it. I didn't even realize that when I set it before. So you were on the station? - No, no, no, no, we were on 103, but for some reason everything changed 'cause Howard Stern is going to one show a week. - Oh, so they changed the whole network. - We'll talk about that. We'll check in the plugs. Let's go, come on boys. But then all these sides on these plugs. - And apparently he gave everybody who he fired like a week of pay for every year they were there. - Didn't he use to work with that black magic guy? - Yeah, Beetlejuice. - Yeah. - Oh man. - And Truze H's just shows. - Of course, this is the story of war. - I just felt the hundred years old. - Yeah, I know. - Oh God. - Watch the little guy. Beetlejuice, that's a part of my childhood. - Watch the Kevin Hart rolls on Netflix. - By the way, just so you know I tried. I asked Kevin Hart sees in town. I said I keep seeing you're at the stand. Hopefully I'll see you tonight. And I said if you want to come to Legion of Skanks or Bonfire at any point while you're in town, that'd be awesome. And then he didn't write back. And then I texted him, yeah, or whatever. It's stupid to be funny. And then he wrote, and then he wrote today, I'm gonna text you, or I'm gonna call you when I'm on lunch break. And then he didn't. (laughing) I thought at any moment, by the way, I used to wait for my father to pick me up for my grandmother's from Knowledge Younger. And every time someone comes in the stairs, I look at the thing where I go. Oh, it's probably can't come down to do the show. (laughing) - Come see me on the road, guys. Go to my website, luisofskanks.com. My next dates are September 11th, 12th, Florida in El Florida. Right after that, Empire Comedy Club September 17th or 19th, Nick Rochefort, special guest on those shows. - I was just there, great club. - Great club. - Great club. Belmore, New York, Brookridge Comedy Club, Comedy at the Carlson Rochester after that. I did move my Vancouver show to January, so we're doing it on the weekend now. It's gonna be great. So get those tickets. Well, New Year's Eve, Tampa. It's gonna be sick. - A coup. - And yeah, come see me on the road. Do all that shit. Check out all the other pods that I do. Side up for Gastigial, if you love the show, we do a Friday night. Bon, thank you. We do a bonus show every Friday night. Just the three of us, 15 years running. Friday night hang. The only way to get it is to subscribe to Gastigial. Plus you get the uncensored ad free version of this show with pre-release every Tuesday before it goes anywhere else. Gastigial.com is a website. Use that promo code, LOS, supports the show directly. And yeah, it's fucking great. Thank you. And by my book, knives and spoons, listen, there's like fucking 12 typos in it. It is a collector's edition. (audience laughing) - They're doing a reprint. They're rockin' up all these typos. So you gotta get it now. - Oh, yeah, that's a collectible. - Oh, it's like the baseball class, it's fucking baseball. - My audio book, I just recorded it. So that's gonna be coming out in a few weeks on Audible. So grab that. Lots of mistakes in that probably. So my publishers, they really didn't care. They didn't care. So yeah, that's it. - I know, I don't, there's no reason to talk about it a lot, but Lewis came with me in the group, big bunch of people. G Mike included to see Marilyn Manson Rob Zombie. And Lewis, when it was all said and done, you had to admit, Marilyn Manson looked great. - He looked good. Well, here's the thing, if Jay's love languages telling him that Marilyn Manson looks great, if you wanna, if you wanna, it's how-- - Some people like Gifts. - It's how I've before avoided arguments with Big J. For the best two years, December will be two years since we've got into an argument. And this is I've learned every three to four months, that's about, dude, Manson looks great. - No, no, no, no, you publicly fought me on this month ago. - Christine goes, "This is Marilyn Manson's pussy." And he comes immediately. - Dude, when they show the close-up of his face, like, he looks pretty good from this angle on many turns. - Of course. - Dude, like he's-- - He's 55 years old. - He's the ugliest human being on the planet. - No, don't say that 'cause I'll tell you what, when he goes profile, would I see Tony Hinchcliff? - Exactly, the ugliest human being on the planet. Tony's a handsome guy. - No, you see, you think Marilyn Manson? - Dude, do a profile picture of Marilyn Manson. - I haven't seen-- - No, no, no, no, I see his age. I'm just saying, there's certain angles of him. - And he sees your age. - Yeah, well, of course, you might as well see it, dude, $15 million, that's been a million, just putting a billboard up. - Dude, when they, when they, the close-up of his face, he's got like, his, it's like covered, ugh. - Well, that's a bad example. - What do you think that's a bad example? - What, how he looks? - No, no, I'm saying, no, I'm saying it's a bad example. I don't think I look that crazy, he's 50 fucking-- - It's not, it's not about his age. It's literally his, he's no chin and a wall, ugly beak of a nose, he's an ugly human being. - No, he was always ugly. That's not the issue, but I'm saying the issue is more-- - Looks good there. - No, no, what I'm saying, that's old. But what I'm saying is, Lewis, the point, I'm making yours. - All right. - Lewis, Lewis, you didn't stay, this one. You didn't stay with Manson through the year. I went to the shows when he was legitimately fat, mumbling, long apart. So with a fact-- - That was the fat Manson, I never seen that. - It's terror, it's so sad. It's a period right now. - It's a close up of his face. - So sad. - Oh man. - Oh no. - Now I'll tell you what, this isn't even a good example. He would be on stage and sloppy in fat, was so fucking-- - Was he drinking, is that what it was, or-- - He was drunk junky. - Oh really? - So he's been sober for five years now. - Good for him. - Yeah, so he looks great. Now what's funny is, the show will never, the bummer-- - He doesn't look great. - No, go ahead guys, he does great. - He does not look great. - Drew, do me a favor, just chill out. - Drew. - Drew, you're gonna be on the outfit DJ for at least a year. - Drew, do me a favor. - I was thinking, I should bring Drew on the road, me a bunch. - Drew, and I was like, yo, what was that? - I was thinking the Drew, me and Drew would have a great time hanging out on the road, but not if this is-- - That's a nasty attitude. - Yo, this guy's hot, what? - Well, what? - This guy for sure. - Yeah. - Is that his real hair, by the way? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - 100%. - His show, that show was great. - Oh man, his show was amazing. - The bummer was, he fucking like, I mean, it was cool for me because I'm such a fan, but like, as a person watching a show, like, he kind of dusted Rob Zombie, it was weird. Rob Zombie, it's got better music than Rob Zombie. - Really? - He does have better music than Rob Zombie, but Rob Zombie has such a big show to see the crowd not giving it up as much for him as they did for him. I think, I think-- - It's a spectacle. - I think the Mance and they're kind of excited also about the return, you know what I mean? - Rob Zombie, so much better looking men. - Every Rob Zombie song sounds like shit. - I always gotta give Josh the bibliography, but his impression just goes, "Tidies and Monsters, Monsters and Tidies." I'm like, that really is every Rob Zombie song. - They all sound the same. They're blended into one shitty sound, Satan's auto bodyshop. (all laughing) - Mance, it's so evil and fucking like the devil and upside down crosses, and then Rob Zombie comes out and he's like, "Ooh, do you guys like Frankenstein and Monsters?" - Look at one eye, ooh. - But the thing is, you just have to bind it both. Like, I like Rob Zombie because it's like, it is silly and old, like bog monster fucking. - It's like the Cyclops, it's silly. So it's like, but again, it's almost the interesting thing is like, you can't go to go from silly to Marilyn Man, but Marilyn Manson's thing is so like, you know, if that music hits you at all from the time when you were a fucking coffee kid or who gave a shit about that, Rob Zombie's energy right afterwards is a weird switch. 'Cause he's like, "Everybody's having fucking it, UFO." Like his songs are so ridiculous. - Every day he gets closer to Monster Mash. - Yeah, it's a monster, monster, monster, monster. (laughing) Like that looks like he's doing Monster Mash. - Yeah. - Yeah, he's like, he's like-- - It was a grave y'all trash. - But I won't, I'll make jokes a thousand times, but I think Rob Zombie performs awesome. He's also 60 fucking one years old. - If you say that, that's someone who we should be taught. He looks great, 61. - 60 more. - My dad can't spread his legs like that. - No. - Yeah, if your mom can though. - Oh. he wasn't.
(laughing) What? (laughing) If he wasn't wearing a t-shirt and his ribs were actually showing like that, I would believe it. - Yeah. - He looks like that kind of guy. - Oh, he stinks. I left, when there was four songs left, I was like, "I got it, I gotta get it." - No, you used to be beating a traffic no matter what. - No, I was, but no, if I loved it, if it was Marilyn Manson closing, I would have stayed. - Okay. - That's a tough thing. - He was being contrarium because you don't wanna like Rob Zombie because I think he's good. - What? - I've seen this. - He's got a lot of main characters in term. - Yeah, man. - Do you think I didn't like Rob Zombie because you think Rob Zombie is good? Or if I not like Rob Zombie since I was 15 years old, when he kicked me off the bus at Osfest. - Well, I like it. - When John Dolmai and from "Sesame of It Down" invited me and my buddy Dave Green on the bus, we saw him on a BMX bike. - Is this a dream? - No, this is a dream. - That's his fucking fever dream. - You had this fun. - This is my dream. - This Axel Rose asked me if I could fly his plane. - That's my suck landed on the water. - Pretty awesome. - Well, it's not backstage after I was in a rabbit, so we knew a hole and opened up a whole new world. - We just stuck backstage after I was fast to where all the buses were. We saw John Dolmai and the drummer from "Sesame of It Down" on a BMX bike. - He said, "Hey, hot chicks, get on the bus." - Yeah. - You and your friend, Dave and Gordon Green. - Dave and Gordon, hey, why don't you and Dave Green get on the bus, dude. - You guys are pretty hot. - I'm more rock star than that. - Come here, friend. - I told you your story before you just don't listen to your friends. - What? - You're too busy drawing dicks on a whiteboard to listen to my stories. - So then, no, he invited us back. He was like, "Do you come hang out of the bus?" So we got on the bus with John Dolmai and me. There's literally the biggest fucking fantasy for 16 year old kids who love "Sesame of It Down" and metal music. And then Rob Zombie got on the bus and he was like, "Who the fuck are these kids? "Get off the bus." And they kicked us off the bus. Now, up until I became an adult who performs, I was mad, but now that I'm an adult, I'm like, "You know what? "I would also kick 16 year old boys off my bus." - Listen, that's right. They didn't handle the right way, but can I just say this? - Rob Zombie, say it right. - Can you be objective for a second? - Yeah. - And just say, couldn't this story also be exactly what you said except after you snuck backstage, you got hit on the head with a police baton and the rest of it was a dream you had before you pulled back up outside. He was saying, "Fighting me on the bus." And then Rob Zombie's a fucking dick, 'cause I don't like his music. - Oh, I'm gonna text Dave Green right now. I'm gonna ask him to text the whole thing. - Dave Green never would lie to me. - Yeah. - Dave Green never lied to me. - How would he know the story? - 'Cause that was the hospital therapist they gave you the phone number. - Hold on. - This sounds like Lewis and his friend were about to get molested and Rob Zombie saved them. - Yeah. - It sounds like he was about to get fucking gang-fucked by a bunch of crazy or mean people. - And Rob Zombie goes, "No, no, no, don't fuck these kids "and Lewis goes, "What the fuck do you mean?" - Hey, Rob Zombie, cock-block. - Yeah, you're about to get fucked. - Let me listen. Hey, Dave, in a few sentences, text me back what happened when we went backstage at Osfest and saw John Dolmayan from "System of a Down." - Is your friend AI? Why do you talk to him like that? - Yeah, I was crazy. - You talked to your boy like ChatGPT, that was nuts. - Dave Green, how do you make a tuna casserole in less than four seconds? - Dave Green, in a big JK, it's tell me how. - It's so funny how you gave him a sentence frame to get the set, I know we have the show to do, but like let him explain it how he wants to explain it. - And how do you work it? - If you, not too much details, I mean it's just a bullshit. - No, no, but how would you ask that question? - I would just tell you what happened when we went backstage at Osfest or whatever the fuck it was. - That was it, when we saw John Dolmayan? - Yeah, but you gave like a, in five sentences or less. - Dude, I can see Louis sings his privacy screen, but I can see his text before. And it says, dude, if I text you during the show, don't answer, and I'll just tell everybody you were asleep, it's cool. Wow, dude, you're a corn ball. - I wanted to go through, dammit. - It won't go through. - Oh, I can be here. There's Wi-Fi, there's Wi-Fi. - We're wearing his phone outside. - We're connected to the Wi-Fi. - What's the Wi-Fi password here do we know? - Let's give it out. - I don't have it. - No, I have it. (laughing) - Yeah, dude, you're already lost, dude. - Here we go, Dave Green at your back and call. - Well, it'll come through when it comes to it. We can continue the show. - Great, no, let's wait. - Yeah. (laughing) - Everyone, don't want to change, I don't want to change the energy before he writes back. - Let's do more plugs. (laughing) - Keep plugging. - We should talk about Reggie walks. - This is pretty funny. - Here's the thing, I gotta tell you, I see a lot of facts here, so it must be crazy because in the basic outline of the story that I know, which is all I know, it was herf, his ex-girlfriend killed herself, and all of her-- - Oh, stop, stop, stop. - Nice. - He's typing. - And you got so excited. Dude, what is Dave Green at celebrity? (laughing) - Before Madison Square Guard, you're so pretty. - Before Reggie walked you back to Reggie. - We're gonna go back to this and he killed her. And that's gonna be it. We're never gonna get to the story. - And people are gonna think Reggie walked killed his ex-girlfriend. - Well, no, so she killed herself. That's, I think, an arguable, but somehow now, you would also kill yourself if you had hang out with Reggie Watts. - You're not wrong, dude. It's like, what do you wanna get for dinner? He's like, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken. Chicken, chicken, chicken. (laughing) (cheering) - Flash potato. - That's how it's chicken, chicken, chicken. (laughing) - Wait, was that his only bit? - Chicken, chicken. - And a mullivogue of biscuit. (laughing) - Chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken. - I've seen it, I've seen it, chicken, chicken. - I've seen it, I've seen it, I've seen it. - Chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken. - We just did his entire career. - Why are we not millionaire? - Wait, that's great. I always thought that was like one of his many bits. - That's the one. - That's the one? - Well, the other one apparently was getting your girlfriend. - Apparently the other things are getting your girlfriends addicted to ketamine because all of her friends, but here's the thing, I gotta say, I have no defense over Reggie Watts. I don't give a shit about Reggie Watts. But from just the blindness of the story and hearing that like she committed suicide, her friends are saying he got her super into ketamine and then she became a drug person, she killed herself. Somehow he's responsible. I'm like, that doesn't sound right to me. - And nobody becomes a drug person on their own. It's always a cool friend that gets you into drugs. - Yeah, and who's better than Reggie Watts? Who's got his lupin' while you're fucking smoking? - Comedian promotes ketamine and it's psychedelics who explore higher consciousness. He had friends of his ex-girlfriend who died by suicide. - This could be about half of our friends. - Yes. Like I could plug in Reggie for like six names that I know. - Absolutely. - Right? - Yes, I brought a problematic weed habit in the Christine's life for sure. - I brought the problem. - Are you guys ever done ketamine? I've never done it. - Never. - Yeah, Lewis got me addicted to marijuana probably. - And yeah, I've done ketamine. - Yeah, what's the effect? What is the effect? - I did ketamine as cell vulcanal's wedding, which is hilarious. - I remember. - That is something the impractical Joker's fans might not know. - Yep, because it's nice. It's good though. It's good. - There is a housewife in Des Moines. - By the way, why Lewis was in another fucking planet. Joe Gatto fucking suck Lewis's dick. That's why he's kicked off the show. - Wow. - Story, answer, questions answered. - Big night. - This is gonna be fucking. This is gonna be a fucking viral video right here. - Big night. - I was on the train doing lines of ketamine by myself on the train. - That's not a loser move after the sad. - That was pretty cool. - After the show. - Shut the fuck up. - Comments, that's not a loser's move. - After the fourth line, the train turned into a rollercoaster. And I felt like it wasn't the whole, just gone. - And listening to music, and I was fucking on another planet. - On the train. - On the train. - Is that why you didn't take part in the scavenger hunt that I won? - You won the scavenger hunt? - Yeah. - There was a scavenger hunt at the wedding? - Yeah, it was awesome. - It was fine, Lewis. - That's not a loser thing to do at a wedding. - It's a lot. - It's a rich person who can do it at a wedding. It was a scavenger hunt. It was pretty awesome. And we were also being chasers on the woods. Being chased by Jason's, Michael Myers, and Freddy Krueger's. - Lewis was-- - But it was Sam's wedding-- - But it was, they fired it. - What's going on? - It was different, Jason's. It was Jason Mammala. - Oh, absolutely. - It was Jason. - It was wedding at his condom. - Jason Ellis. - Jason Ellis. - Is this the wedding, really? - They had it at Neverland Ranch. It's what they had. - It was awesome. The prize was fucking dope. It was a-- each person who was on the team got a book bag full of shit. One of them, a PlayStation thing that you plug in that's got every PlayStation game ever. - Really? - Holy shit. - That's cool. - It's fucking dope. - Pretty dope. - Wow. - Pretty dope. Good prize. - You thought everyone was going to start clapping? Everyone was like, "Okay." - Yeah. - No, no, no. I feel like these are PC gamers. That's console shit. I live that console life. - So, they had a real-life Squid Game? Is Sal's wife a nerd? What's the-- - She's super dark black. - What? - She's like Nigeria. - Yeah, like that. - That's not even close to the question I am. - Good enough dark-skinned model that she's-- - Oh, I just thought you should know before I make a bunch of black jokes about it. It won't make sense to you. - Well, I'm just wondering, that takes-- it's her wedding day and they're doing scavenger hunts. - It was a weird wedding. It was like-- - Of course. - The next day, the next night, there was a DJ, a new edition performance. So that was for her. - Okay, that's for her. - That was for her. - Let's say what he says. Oh, my God. I said a few sentences. He wrote me a fucking guy. - It's a fucking guy. - That's insane, dude. - That's insane. That's longer than your book. - Oh. - But not as interesting. - What the fuck? - And less spelling problems. - Yeah. It is a page turn, though. - What? I think he's literally making up a story. - No. - Maybe that was-- - I think you were making up a story. - Yeah, we all thought you were. - He goes, "Wait. We just got, never got backstage at all. We just went home." (all laughing) - And then you try to fuck me in the movies. - We've been home and got Italian subs. - Oh no, he says, "Fuck, I wish I remember that." I know what happened, but I don't remember exactly what went down. I remember we saw him standing there and I said, "Hi, ha, ha." But I do recall the time we met Pantera at Osmos 98. This is completely different story. It even wrote me a whole goddamn paragraph of it. - And you didn't meet Pantera.
I don't remember meeting Pantera you would absolutely remember that they're your favorite remember you're on or I rest my case Let's say no one remembers both witnesses are So you guys an idea you and I were hanging out near the stage close to a fence waiting for Pantera to play before we knew it Dieback and Vinnie Paul went walking Respect walking all right pass us That Dave Green of the fence we basically screamed at them to meet and they walked right pass then dime stopped and turned around and came right to Up to us he wrecks in Vinnie Paul all turned around and came back to talk to us. This would be in your book This is like when two college kids are like last night was a movie man Buddy, this would be you don't see dude standing over a nanny light case Fiving you understand Lewis's life would be before this and after this day This would be huge for you know, you sound epic. We all of kiddie's pizza. That's true Whoa the band kitty different day. Yeah. That was a different day and the drummer pinched my ass, but what what part? Can you tell him that it goes? I'm pretty sure you're having a hallucination of the Pantera thing I don't remember the Pantera thing at all. I'm talking about Rob zombie kicking us off the bus. No, no, no You can't give that to him now you know that you already has it He's gonna go. Oh, maybe was that instead of meeting Pantera. God damn it. It's like the past We're just you fucking muddy the waters Drift Kings is out. It's over dude. Let Jay call Dave tampering You don't remember rubs zombie be involved in this story at all No, dude Pantera loved us. Yeah, all our members Pantera dying back there all changing his path to come back and be like Come on and you forgot that remember it at all you love Pantera. I love Pantera. I don't remember Jay that's that's I'm saying that's he's out of his I'd worry about your friend Dave You're both slow fuck maybe fuck you the fuck you this is the so by the way you didn't meet anybody You never mess with some of it down Rob zombie never kicked you out. You're a lying piece of shit You have no idea why you hate Rob zombie. You just hate Rob zombie because I like him. Yeah, that's it Just like I said from the get go you just want to hate his guts because I think he's good I saw jade a kiss at an open mic one time and silly and I asked him to start a podcast with me and we've been doing Do rag in the deer tag ever said oh nice dude. That's pretty cool me and jade a kiss Big news that Lewis won't give a shit about but I just want to see if Philly people know it's true Did Alan Iverson by part of the sixers is that real no, but I heard he got a job with the sixers He's like a player development coach. I think actual like check mark celebrities are posting that he's an owner now I hope he is that be awesome. He I mean he's that every game. He's fucked up. He's having a time up Yeah, he's when I went to court side hammered when I went to the one the one game One game where they hook me up at the sixers game. I went there and they were I said something about like I don't want to be a Pain in the ass at all and they're like you can't be Alan Iverson is on Sir I just come in and like what they ask for and demand And then just leave and walk around and just annoy the shit They're never where they're at when they order stuff. It's them complaining about him to me. Why people really do feel that bond When glad you are just a man goes goes. Oh, yeah, it's exactly what you think a bunch of boy and shit coming from an oh-end I'm here for I'm a game. I want to watch and be that a dick naima's a story about one time Alan Iverson pinched him on the ass Damn when I walked up telling Iverson to bodyguard stepped in front of me and put their hand in my chest and said we'll tell him you you're said high Guys let's talk quickly about ultra which is one of my favorite new sponsors Thank you. Thank you. Yeah Ultra their pouches. So I don't do nicotine pouches. I don't do caffeine pouches I'm not gonna think I'm not gonna put something in my body that's gonna make me feel terrible I love ultra because they're designed for increased energy and hands-focused nicotine free caffeine free They have neutropics and vitamins in the pouches. 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Yep body bring coffee.com is the website use the promo code LOS 20 for 20% off your entire order If you get the entire stack the coffee the creamer plus the mug and the hand for author you're getting 25% off Get the whole stack get the fuck it's that's all right Now I'm getting sad. Yeah, because I'm thinking about all of Madonna's friends in the 80s that you could have saved The dot com is a website. We use that promo code LOS 20 for 20% off. All right, where were we? Some of these Reggie Watts facts here, so His girlfriend kid they broke up last October and she killed herself in Peru in March How'd she kill herself? That's hot. How did she kill herself? Does that that information hasn't been released yet? Well, no, let me say something is she hot enough that if VMT's came and she was naked I always ask this When they look do they look down and even if it's internally do they walk by if it's guys they walk by and do this If she's naked, well they're wearing masks, so think about like this. Uh-huh they go Yeah, yeah, right not even to each other. I'm just saying do they acknowledge they do they walk in is it just human nature when they walk in They go like damn dude. Nice pussy. Yeah, and then go all right well Time at death 503, you know, they just move on with that but but some part of them drinks that in It's like what I've always said about it if you were in a house that was burning and you couldn't get out You know you were burning alive, but deep in the distance you heard like the beginning of stairway to heaven Some part of you still even know you're like I'm gonna die you go that stairway to heaven But still think about it. You know what I'm saying right? You're your human instincts are always there Yeah, that's what you're saying. It's what I'm saying, right? So how do we have no idea how to kill herself? Yeah, but the question is would you look at your pussy if she was dead? Yeah, we've gone. Yeah, yeah All right, so her friends and family alleged at what's encouraged her drug use particular academy and comedy bang bang This is what they comedy bang bang dropped Watts's famous theme song from its most recent episode Well, which is look here's a yes fine. He was in the drugs But what what is he what is he gonna do not do drugs with his girlfriend? If you're in the drugs You're sharing your drugs with your friends and girlfriends. I gotta be honest again to do it She doesn't know if he goes I understand if he goes if he just I'm sure he does to some degree Let's assume he's out of monster some sort of just like personal guilt that it was like I mean I guess you couldn't handle it. I maybe I shouldn't have introduced this stuff into her life But I don't think he is responsible to call me a monster like personal guilt He might feel but I just don't think he should be like I don't know She's a don't wish you could have not the boys are getting accused of things They shouldn't be getting accused of this weekend between Reggie Watts and that guy that faked playing for the 49ers I think men have done nothing wrong We can't lie to women and say we play professionals ports anymore So some guy got arrested at the airport the feds picked them up for scamming women out of I guess he scammed women out of like millions of dollars But he said he said that he played for the 49ers and then when we got some contract he goes when I get my contract I'll pay you back. He could be Nigerian Prince trick on we've done bitches. I love for real though He did it for real though, and then nine million dude nine million dollars nine million dollars You got to show him running routes Running routes I was imagining a white guy Yo, he just but he's 35
Dude, I swear to God, I think I would not have gotten nine million dollars. This is this is progress. I want to say this is progress for now because me and Lewis both it's 1.3. I swear to God. I swore a 1.3 million. Yeah, I knew it was gonna be a black one. No, when when they said the story I also pictured a white guy. I thought a white guy would be that conniving. Yeah. Did you see the and I can't believe I can't believe that many fat White chicks have that much money. Yeah, we're gonna watch the video of him. How many rich fat bitches are there? There's a video of him running routes on the beach. It's so funny. He wears it. He has his jersey and helmet on like NFL players Where they're jersey and helmet everywhere? There's also a video where they he goes he's like so the thing is this is how I got affiliated with the NFL It's like it's affiliated with the NFL. What do you mean you got fucking either draft? You're either in the NFL or you're not you don't get Affiliated. It's like a scene. It's a scene out of the replacements that like it would be the montage of him getting back in shape to go back in the 26 women out of more than one point three million dollars to romance and investments games He used a fake 49ers career fake Instagram fake bank statements luxury cars dating apps his I his IG even had free agency and year one and Super Bowl highlights. This is the death. This is the definition of working hard to not work. He's working hard. Yeah, if you can Fake super Bowl highlights for yourself. You deserve pussy. Yeah, at least pussy. There's about 26 women 1.3 million dollars divided by 26 women It's genuinely only like 50 grand each not even right? You are 40 grand each by the way, it's 200,000 What is you got to be you're committed to the scam here for sure because there's something so like I Don't know why it would bum me out so much just even if I was new. I was getting a scam and getting money for it Showing someone a video. That's like fake and being like that's me slam dunking right there. I don't know why that would bother you Know what it is that bother me more than stealing their money is taking the valor for life. It's because you're a fear of her going No, it's okay. What do you think I can't rise about you think I can't live above the rim. I have on 50,000 dollars each Jay, it's a video you have the YMCA in a full six or jersey that says okerson on the back and you go this is real It's 50,000 dollars each pull pull pull pull up the sex the sets again or that was everything wait 56 Times 50,000 is I don't know. I don't know. Here's them doing routes. Yeah, that's hilarious. That's great Set up cone. Look at that. It's like 40 pounds. This guy's the fucking man Setting up cones This guy is the fucking Yo, his body stinks. Yo, he slipped He slipped it. Who's throwing him the ball the 49ers helmet on at the beach? Don't look at it No one does the threes. Oh my god. Yeah, this guy rules By the way, the effort is kind of off. I mean this I think he went to what he's sneaking to an actual combine That's crazy. No bullshit. I think the three of you if he ran 10 routes each against the three of you You all lock him up everyone We would shut him down I think Jason down 10 out of 10 hundred percent. I'm on phone for his fucking shoulder moves dude. Follow the feet I if I got fooled by him it would be the most like that interview like like someone just being like he was wearing the helmet Oh, I'm sorry the guys I gave him 20 grand the guy says he went to USC. What am I supposed to do the helmet sign Jerry rice? Wait, was that a call? I mean, dude. That's definitely a fucking yeah, he bought that at a fucking Would it be funny if it was like a football helmet phone? You just take it off pops it up the top because what's up bitches money in the back of his helmet? You just see the fucking the coil core Connected to the top So what's been dropped from four festivals and a series of shows with the band is that am I creep? Tell me what I'm having a bad month a guy in a fanatics t-shirt told me was on the Niners So I gave him fifty thousand dollars. That's crazy. I'm saying convinced me that he should take them all festivals for sure So it's a piece of shit take them all festivals, but but he went back to right No, but say let's be the start your own. Yeah, I'm saying if you're a piece of shit kick people off that don't don't look Musical guest. Yeah, but I'm saying that's gang fest. I broke one. Yeah, but if he's the yeah, I he was like kind of Pomp us about it was he I don't read you what I'm I have one interaction when I think ever and it was a I Did first time I did the nasty show in Montreal. I had a room with two beds in it and Kurt Metzger's ex girlfriend It was my roommate for a while. I've known for years at that point So she was up there to hang out at the festival, but didn't have a place to stay and I'm like sucker enough that I was like You can come crash in my room, I guess and then she started just treating my room like it was really her room versus a place where she can crash So but one of the nights me and I think it was Mike Britt were playing NBA 2K on my Xbox 360 In the hotel room and she just came in with a guy that she clearly I think wanted to hook up with and it was fucking young Reggie Watts Really? I was like, but he looked kind of different kind of thin and almost muscular, which is weird, but like Yeah, and that was the only a 49ers helmet. Yeah, and then he got like so fucking famous, but I'll tell you this He didn't offer me ketamine One woman alleges Watts recorded a video of her without her consent, which is shouldn't be a crime What does that to do with it Lewis the major crime? I'm telling you to throw your phone in the ocean. I've said it 18 times another alleges that Watts Initiated sex without a condom despite an understanding they would use protection due to Watts having an STD So wait, this is opened up. Let's hear who was without sin cast the first stone. These are all things we all do Man Lewis, you better get your law degree And then Watts's attorney says the abuse allegations are false McCullough was an experienced drug user who did not need Watts to encourage man This is an interesting fact, which I didn't know McCullough the girl killed herself Killed herself in a double suicide with another man she was staying with Hey, believe that guy I think I think the issue people have with I think the issue people have with it He's like an advocate for the drug. Yeah, I think I think that's like but a lot of people so is Alex. Yeah Personally, if I kill myself with a German man, I'm not blaming Alex Yeah, those are the things she killed herself. I think with another guy that I made on some suicide pack She's a fucking lunatic now if the drugs got her there. I don't know I just don't know I just think like everyone's responsible for themselves. You could always just go. I'm good Of course, I've been around heroin before I've never been like tempted even to be like let me give it a whack You've been around heroin. Yeah. Yeah, who my ex girlfriend when I was like she was a hero She was a hero. Yeah That's to go. Remember I told the story. I was told nice nice way to talk about your ex. I told the story of story wars before Where her mom after we broke up her mom called me and was like I can't wake her up And I'm like she's alive. She goes, yeah, but I can't wake her up Can you come over and help me so I ran over there? We'd broken up already But you know, it's one of those things where you're like you're young enough We're like who knows maybe we get back together a bunch and have one of those rocky up in their relationships And I went there to her house. Oh, and her mom goes she's in her bed. She won't wake up. She's was alive She's breathing. She's just sleeping and I I shook her and she went And I continued to wake her up until she woke up But it and that that was the moment where I was like I'll never hook up with this girl ever One far away. It wasn't the heroin O.D. It wasn't the far her mom didn't shake her. Oh No, it took more than that. Oh, okay. It took a little while slip to that But the first shake but the first shake she fucking cranked one and I was like yeah, it was through tight cheeks She was dead. Oh, it made me feel like she was faking the whole thing because she tight-cheeked it You know what I mean if she was really unconscious away. I would have been like a bomb. It would have been like a base I don't know what heroin does to your butt cheeks. I think it makes you shit. Oh Probably yeah, she made she's not motivated, right? Or is that just picking what if I and that's it? You don't treat spotting doesn't he do heroin to all the beds? Do all opiates make you Consipated or was that just during the was it was the oxycontin face constipated and can't come was the oxycontin face That comes what we were doing. Yeah, we have an oxycontin face Yeah, I'll leave your mistakes. Oh Yeah, we did the show did oh, yeah, I said you were buying oxycontin and the problem is you don't buy one oxycontin Fill you buy ten of them and you take it for ten days and oh, oh, I can't do that again And then a week later me and Lewis Handen me and Lewis Handen are very differently, I guess I Did every Sunday night me and Christine would split one in half and have a great night be very fun I mean after this mild nausea, but then it got awesome and then I You make it sound like such a rock star lifestyle. It was great. Well, no, it was my old nausea It was like to us. It was really just sinking into episodes of supernatural quite honestly, but it was But it was fucking great and then months in One Sunday we took the half each and about after about an hour, so it was like I'm not feeling like usual. Should we take another half and we were like, yeah And I was like and then we should never ever do it again and we never did cuz I was like that's a quick talk It's a big way. That's a quick talk by day six of the basics of doing oxycontin in a row That's crazy. You can't shit. You're like sitting there Your asshole feels like it's plugged up. You're fucking you feel great though, so you don't care now I treated it like a real coming home on Sunday fucking unwinding kicking on a Sunday glass of wine, but as soon as I built
a tolerance I was like that's terrifying yeah I never got into oxy cotton but oh it's beautiful when I was in college my friend sold me a recycling bin full of Xanax for a thousand dollars maybe the best deal I've ever come across in my life wait a recycling bin head the roller ones like the blue like blue yeah yeah yeah but you gave me a recycling bin that's that's possibly millions of standards bills the cost of total dealers you sold it allegedly allegedly but they last a couple months that should be years of helping of helping in a psychiatric clinic no no no we ran through those but here's the I think they were all fake because I used to set them down on a table and they would like fall apart they were like chalky I was like I was probably like fat and I should get rid of these and never doing again they just would put you to them anyway I did most of them yeah I'm fine yeah yeah you might put in the G by putting in the notes if anyone has any fun stories about drugging with chicks true hugging with drugs with chicks yeah I mean no I didn't I did most of that been by myself but yeah drugging them right the I the most fucked up I've ever been in my entire life is I was in California with this chick in LA and we were I was doing ketamine up one nostril and molly up the other and I was just bang bang bang and at one point we were in our hot tub the double bear and yeah fuck and like and it's it's like food alive in a stop being sexy literally she I started hallucinating and she her face started morphing like that in that Michael Jackson video black or white right so she was like she she's like she's like dude she turns into an Asian chick then an African guy the Panther yet no a werewolf dude I watched hair start growing out of her face and I was like that's hot no dude I there was no getting my deck to work oh I thought you came and I felt my heart and I was like oh I'm gonna have a heart attack I was sweating and I was like I felt like I was gonna die I took so much drugs and yeah that was this isn't this isn't with the chick but like two skank fest to go or no three skank fest to go this before I was on the festival and I used to just show up as someone's plus one and I shared I shared a room with Lamar and I did acid for the first time and I tried to sleep in the same bed as Lamar but Lamar snores so much for what's happening he snores so violently and I was on acid for the first time that I thought my friend was dying and I started crying yeah you weren't wrong do Lamar looks like remember uh in uh in hook the little fat black kid oh yeah pull up that little kid to hook when man looks like adult that kid oh so much he's so cute he could also be steel from juice and Sam from lean on me same kid you know what it looks so cute yeah he's so cute when he rolls into a ball when he's fighting they're fighting the pirates and it's and he has like fake legs yeah oh Lamar look at Lamar a little sailor boy a little sailor of Lamar you're not a drug with chicks guy no I really have oh I mean like the one of the worst was I stayed at this girl who I knew at Nellay's house and she used to data comedian Rick Shapiro oh yeah Rick Shapiro is like a very like uh I like Rick a lot no he's a little Rob died his brother's brother died uh Rick's alive he's very sick I think but like Rob you know legend and uh but fuck what was the oh yeah the drug so his ex-girlfriend I went to stay at her house at Los Angeles one time and she goes you ever take Adderall and I went no she goes it's awesome and she fed it to me and kept me awake and I mean this for 72 hours showing me VHS tapes of Rick Shapiro doing comedy over and over again and telling me what a genius he was and I was just so locked in not blinking I was like I guess I'm starting to see it because I didn't I gotta be honest live I didn't catch it but I think I can start to see it now is this the idea you gotta be like sleep deprived the fucking fully get it but everyone's telling stories about doing ketamine and coke and molly she's like I did Adderall once yeah yeah and drugs now you never did drugs Steve I mean I've done drugs but not like where I've got a situation if it's always with Ari and it's always like one time I say yeah we went to Bonneville and I cried because I thought that um John Mayer was part of the Grateful Dead from the original Grateful Dead yeah I thought he was a baby part of Grateful Dead but yeah never one time my wife and I well yeah we did uh in college we did molly but it was like 30 years ago so it was like some of it was caught with some day and I got 30 years ago I think that's what we called it molly it was ecstasy back yeah ecstasy yeah yeah yeah the press pills yeah so mine was like total speed total fucking coke I had the greatest time and she just cried the whole time and I was like you suck on drugs yeah and so she probably you're doing cartwheels around there yeah she's terrible on drugs she doesn't even spoke pot my life she's the last time she ever spoke pot it was New Year's Eve in 2000 she did a two-foot bomb rep and she went to the kitchen and it was about to be New Year's Eve and I went back to go the fucking balls gonna drop and she goes no I have to go to bed I go why she goes I have a brain tumor and I'm gonna die tomorrow and I was like what the fuck gotta be okay with that and she's like I'm going and I was like there's no talk in her out of it so I just walked her into bed she should probably get some rest yeah and then I go well we got a long day tomorrow can I and I'll see you tomorrow and uh she went to bed and she's never smelled pot ever since that ever let never yeah yep yeah you know what it is I never want to drug like when I was doing drugs hard drugs it was always like alone in a bathroom mean Karen Fian did a bunch of coke together when we when we dated we would like literally we had no money we would like get a bag of coke do it like on her dresser and then we'd go and get a sandwich on credit from the deli buyer place oh my god and I couldn't get I have to send her in I was like go and shake your ass get us the sandwich damn yeah that's wow yeah that sounds like you drove her into point on I know too that sounds like what are you ready she's like I'd rather show my ass than she goes you know it's what you guys are punching my own cut and stuff she got silver yeah yeah she's like I got to change everything yeah yeah what the fuck am I doing yeah you're a great friend I just have embarrassing myself is her showing my snatch online instead of hanging out with this dildo poor fucking Reggie Watts or what a piece of shit I want to be on the right side of history no matter what yeah you want a bit you want to hold the bets there yeah hold the at it um I don't know I just don't think like doing drugs a girl being into you hooking up with you and then that girl doing drugs well I mean what is the what's the result of it just sounds like people want to let everyone know that he's not a great dude well I don't know I have to campaign well people connected to him in drugs I guess that's what I mean I just not even in a way but I'm saying what's the campaign right now it's a good guy because he does drugs right I guess that's to cancel him from all the thing which is like I don't know like what is his big let's say he sucks right like I don't know should you not be able to work he should be off comedy bang bang immediately well here's I mean here's where gets weird where it goes someone's saying he initiated sex without a condom despite understanding they would use protection due to him having an STD which it's like what do you ask a second time we've all done that yeah of course well what STD well you assume if it's having it it's probably a either HPV or herpes those are the ones that you just have all the time if you have a girlfriend guys don't get a real we don't know I'm just saying like they don't he says initiate sex without a condom even though we know he had an STD but if it's an STD and there are a couple it's like a long it seems to get so long standing I got it's like wait a minute no I'm just kidding yeah he was doing the math because I'm like I got chlamydia in college and I was but I thought it was gonorrhea and I was like I did get kind of guys guys can get that they can't oh oh I didn't see these right different women so one woman alleges one woman alleges that he recorded video for her without her consent and the other says that you know she'd expect a condom you know you're just what mean how did she find that out do you go that he go I have herpes spend over like I have probably fucked her without a condom and she got herpes I would guess no he said he said he initiated sex even though they hadn't understanding they would use protection yeah that's why I thought it was a girlfriend yeah no but I yeah what if you forgot okay well listen now we're he has on kind of me listen guys before you freak out this is what we brainstorm right yep exactly you got to have a few bad I think he's older than us yeah I forget shit all the fucking time yeah yeah my buddy did green forgot about us meeting roms on that taking us off of us yeah and then somehow magically remember the time the panterious you if you would play drums on stage this guy's my fucking dad's age and he's on you know your number pantera lettuce jam I don't I don't remember the rob zombie thing but remember pantera lettuce jam on stage dude I have asked my wife before to have sex and she goes no I'm on my period and then I'll forget and ask her again that night yeah and she goes to never mind you to go oh yeah I'm on my period I'm like oh yeah yeah okay then you go oh yeah
I do still think that's gross so I won't do it. Yeah, but she won't do it. Oh, I love period sex that I rub it on Really? I mean, I would love it, but it does it makes you feel like a native But you can write an article like he he tries to initiate sex while I'm on my menstrual cycle Yeah, you put it with a monster you put a woman's a woman's blood on your face and you fucking go out Yeah, it makes me sound like I'm like, come on, maybe yeah, let's get fucking tribal monster I'm not a monster. Thanks. Sorry guys. I've been looking really into wicked shit I've been getting super in the wicked shit What's wicking? Oh something for fat people you wouldn't get it Okay, all right, I can say you're gonna explain to you, but you would just say it sounds like fat shit It's just some dumb bitch witch shit. Yeah. Uh you did. I'm just gonna go outside and show my little wiener to the moon later Whatever, whatever Have you ever have you ever laid out naked in the sun? No, never No, I'm what's your new beach once you what do you mean you that's hurtful what you're saying you want to mention my naked body I picked it ever I picked I pictured use walking up with your dinger bouncing around Bouncing. Yeah, that's what I would do That's what I would do I would wait. Let's now would try and I would hope that the the beach heat would be enough to melt my balls So they hang heavy and then my wiener hangs heavy in front of the balls. Yeah, but there's a chance It could be you just did yeah, but it could be may a wiener lay heavy in the sun Yeah, dude into how hallowey ride you've skinny you skinny dip the bunch. Oh, yeah, I love that fucking hammer dude Of course, oh, I only for and Captain America can wield that thing No, I love it. I'm out there Yeah, all the time. I can't wait to my my privacy tree is already in yet So I can't wait even for them to fucking grow in I'm naked for the entire summer in my backyard love it What do you do all night time privacy trees coming in? Yeah, well, they have to grow I wear a towel like a woman with big breasts in front of my dog I go dog so let me be cool I go hey Dawkins, why don't you go down and you're great for a little bit. I got to sit down I don't want you to see my wiener all bunched up on my lap Well, that was great show boys. Oh, is that it? Thank you so much Jared free make sure you check out the new special The family plan out now. It should be out now Thank you, oh, it's great. I thumbs up to it and I left a comment Drew Montana, thank you so much. Make sure you listen to the deer tag do ragging a deer tag in a portable bazooka We had the Legion of Skanks people catch you later in the week on the Friday hang until next time everybody. Please You've been listening to the Legion of Skanks podcast with big J. Oh person. Did you suck it? I think I would instinctually suck it I think with 3C Yes, we fucking over Lewis realist Gomez Who is J Gomez you're trying to watch a retard draw swastika tellerius. I'm sort of known as a point going to podcasting Be a fat gay guy is so fucking awesome and comedian Steve ran as easy the Legion of Skanks podcast
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