James McCann & The Tribes of Comedy

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He's a door person, much like Ramsey once was. Yeah. Cat still is. Yeah. Right. It's a fine institution. Number one. Yeah. For, in terms of comedy institutions, it could be viewed as a Harvard or a. Yale. Yale. Yeah, yeah. Or a. You know, MIT. Cambridge. Yeah. Hogwarts. That's interesting. Interesting. You got a lot of. Your generation would go to Hogwarts. Yeah. Do you actually think that that's an actual school? If you were a wizard, it'd be an actual school, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you go? If I was. If I got one of the letters, yeah, I'd go. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. If I could. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like an owl wouldn't deliver you. I feel like it would be, like, a pigeon or something. Damn, he doesn't get an owl? Yeah, he doesn't even get a full letter. He gets, like, a post-it note. Yeah, he gets one of those. Right on the eye of a pigeon. It just says, I guess you're invited. No. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? No. It just knocks its head on your window, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and still, I don't think you would go. No. Is he here? Not yet. He was running by the way. Okay. But, yeah, I think you'd be. I think you have a Hogwarts-y face as a student. Yeah, big time. Okay. Does he not? He does, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look like a professor. Well, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, a snake or something. Snape. You just called him a snake. Is it Snape? Professor Snape? Professor Snape, yeah. Like, you're not. You're in the dark arts. I feel like this started positive and it got kind of. No, no, no, no. You're not in the dark arts in the Hogwarts universe? Yeah, I guess I would be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Slytherin. You're Slytherin. No, I'm not Slytherin. He's not white. Yeah. Slytherins are pretty. Are there black Slytherins? I mean, the new. In the new one. The new Snape. Yeah, the new Snape is black. You think I'd be a D.E.I.? Yeah, a D.E.I. Snape. Yeah, okay. I'd take it. But you're definitely not somebody like, you know what I mean? Like, alchemist teacher. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the alchemist teacher. And what would I teach, you think? Like, dark powers. Yeah. Moving, transforming a cave into a fucking. It's always got to go. A cave pussy. So that a big creature could. Whatever. Yeah, okay. Like, just spells that, you know what I mean, wouldn't help anybody. Certainly. I mean, unless you were trying to. I'm going to turn this tree into a, like, you know, a tractor. What? Feels like that would be helpful. Oh, that's true. Yeah. I'm going to turn this tree into a nuclear missile. Okay. Okay. I knew it was going to get me. Yeah, nuclear missile with certain colors on it. Okay. That represent a certain country. What about that? Okay. What about that one? I'm going to move on from this. Okay. Okay. Why do you have a headache all of a sudden? Oh, I don't know. Why are you sweating so much? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I was thinking about something else. Yeah, what were you thinking about? Oh, I forget. Are you scared that the Strait of Hormuz is closed? No. I mean, yeah, I guess. No. I don't know. What? I don't really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm confused? Is there literally just, like, a gate that they closed? How is it closed? Who's closing it? Couldn't you just drive your boat through and it's like, okay. Don't do it, brother. Don't get Bobby going. What do you mean? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know is the thesis of my argument. Yeah, I know, but do you have Google? I think so. You don't look at it. Well, I don't just spend my time being like, oh, is there a gate at the Strait of Hormuz? Like a gate? He thinks it's like a pearly gate that opens. Oh, opens up. Or like a toll road. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's just a gigantic, I don't know how many miles is that, 15-mile waterway. Sounds right to me. Yeah, but there's only, like, two miles of actual shipping lane. Yeah. Because a lot of the Strait of Hormuz is shallow. Bobby's getting really into the Strait of Hormuz. Yeah, you're tapped in, bro. He's tapped in. Yeah, but there's not an actual. There's not an actual gate. That'd be the biggest gate ever made. Yeah, it would be. Only the Chinese could do it. How long is the actual Strait in its narrowest passage? Yeah, that looks pretty big. Yeah. I don't think you could do a gate there. I'm going to estimate right now. 90 to 104 miles. I was going to exactly say that. 90 miles. Yeah. And then the width is varying from 24 to 60 miles. Okay, and what are the shipping lanes' width? No one Googles this. Shipping lanes' width. Okay, come on. This is the most geopolitical people. Yeah, I was getting in trouble for not Googling it myself. Two miles. That's what I said. Did I not? It's pretty close. Yeah, I did say that. Pretty close. Bobby's tapped in. Yeah. I'm not tapped in. I just know what's going on a little bit. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your generation, what are you guys doing? Coachella's. We're at Coachella. I went to Coachella. We're looks maxing. You're looks maxing. Yeah, you were trying to explain to me that earlier. What is it? Yeah. What is it? Yeah, looks maxing is basically just to mathematically make yourself the most good looking that you can through any means necessary. Any means. Are you doing that now? I aspire. I'm on my looks maxing journey as many people are. You are? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just at the beginning of my journey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope to grow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're cute. Thank you. I've been looks maxing. No, but I think genetically you're cute. Genetics are a big part of it. So you don't have to do much on that end. No. Yeah, yeah. I guess. Is your mom hot? I guess you'd have to. Yeah, who is hot in your family? The dad or mom? Somebody asked me. Yeah. I guess you'd have to ask someone else. No, in your opinion, I can say that. In your opinion. No, I can say this, okay? That my mom, based on her earlier photos, especially in her 20s, was a pretty lady. Yeah, I could see that. Her face. Yeah. Yeah, body not great. Dumpster fire. But the face is good. So can you, yeah, look at my mom. Yeah, your mom is very attractive. Yeah, she's attractive, okay? Nice. And that's me as a baby. She was clearly looks maxing. Yeah, looks maxing in there, right? You can see her jaw line there is like a really pronounced, that's good. That's good for looks maxing. You still kind of look like that, Bobby. That's crazy. What are you trying to say, dog? I'm saying like you, if you show me that, and like not cut your mom out, I would have guessed that was you. Yeah, not Ronnie Chang? No, no. Okay. That's a distinct Bobby Lee right there. Okay. Can you take that off, please? I didn't even know that was on the internet. So between your parents, who do you think is the most attractive? My mom My mom I guess Is a very lovely woman She's a lovely woman Yeah Are they still together? No Okay Single? Your mom? My mom is single yeah How old is your mom? She's older She's like 62 Okay Bobby's out What do you mean? I have a girlfriend I know but even if you didn't You'd be out That's not true That's insane You'd date a 62 year old I'd date Cher I would date Cher Cher is hot I think Cher is hot And she's an icon Yeah yeah yeah Madonna Okay you're only You're literally only Celebrities Yeah yeah yeah You're only choosing famous Hot women Yeah yeah yeah Who are people in their 60s? Okay yeah I mean these are all gorgeous I want to just tell you right now Lisa Rinna are you in? Wait yeah In Wait I'll just go through the phones We don't have to say Okay Out In In Out Out Out In Out You're out on Edie Falco? Yeah That's crazy Yeah yeah Okay here we go Okay Okay okay In Out Wow come on Out In Okay Out In Uh huh Out Okay Out I think I think I think out Yeah Oh in for sure For sure in Out Yeah Yeah yeah In Okay Out In No Come on dude Okay that's crazy Is that Donald Duck? In In In If that's Donald Duck In Yeah yeah How about you? Let's go this row Luke Okay but I have a girlfriend I know I have a girlfriend too This is just Older ladies if you were single Yeah dude You're not gonna actually date Go in a row No shh What you don't think I could? I think you could Alright alright Ready go Wait so where are we starting? I'll do 65 Okay go 65 Go 65 Okay Jane Lynch She would Don't say the names Don't say names You just go Oh you don't say the names We'll show the photos online Say in a row Okay In In Uh In I guess I guess In I guess is an out Yeah I'd say in Second row In In in I'd say in in In in All of them Kill the swing Wait really quick Third row in Wow All the way in Third row Yeah dude I'm all in honestly Wow I like this guy I like this guy a lot dude Yeah yeah yeah How about Well go back to that next The previous page Ramsey Okay Were you in? On on All? No absolutely not Okay Tell me yours Out in Out in In In Out out Wow Very good I'm an older man I'm discerning Yeah yeah yeah What is this? You just don't dream big enough bro This is 67? They look great for 67 They look great Well I know one of them So I can't even Do that one You've known multiple No I've seen few that you knew here Alright so No trust me I only know one of them On this list Personally Oh you mean on this one? On this particular list Okay got it Try this list This is seven year old Okay okay I can do this I can do this perfectly If you I perfectly Yeah perfectly get it If you were gay Okay Okay and be honest This is easy This is so easy Incredibly easy In Dub definitely In Definitely Out Yeah Out Really? Whoa In It's just a look In Out I got it In Out I thought that was a I give you 90% on that one How can you be out on William Dafoe dude? He just In the dark Oh this is by lighting Thinking about In the dark You know what I mean? You know how your eyes Get adjusted to the dark? Yeah And he wants to hook up At four in the morning You're not in And he's like This close to your face And you wake up It would freak you out I think Bobby That was actually A beautiful case I think you'd go Like that Oh William What's up? Suck my dick Apparently it's a huge dick I did not I did not know I was going to be Turned around so quickly Well you have to know Because we're in a relationship And we're together You know what I mean? I'm picturing the red carpet William Dafoe Oh yeah yeah yeah No you gotta think of Regular No makeup Late night It is regular clothing Oh yeah Morning breath Yeah morning breath Oh my god That morning breath Goblin like Right? He was a goblin Just like a goblin Yeah yeah Okay okay Alright so here we Hold on Alright so This is 81 81 Let's do your list Go Luke On this one Oh my god Yeah yeah Alright Let's go Luke Okay this is if I would make Gay sex with him If you would make In a relationship with him In a relationship Yeah yeah yeah Okay Out Yeah In Yeah What do you mean? Wow Okay out In In Out Yeah In Yeah So out Yeah So out Yeah So out Last three words So out Yeah yeah I think that's my list too Yeah How about you Ramsey? I think I'm in There we go In Yeah In Yeah Out Why? I think there could be an abuse situation No I'm going to I could Alright let me just say this right now Let me just say this right now Please And you just Offended me to the biggest Degree I do No one can offend I do apologize Know him Okay Alright He's been sober forever That's good Right He's helped more people Probably than Anyone I ever know Right He's a good man I'm sure he's a good man Right And I think I think you I think you said no Right And I'm going to say this out loud I think you both of you said no Right Because of racism You said I agree with my list though After I said it You did say I agree with you I agree to his list No he wasn't No I didn't Want me to edit it out? I'll edit it out What? I didn't say I didn't even know That was Edward James Olmos I didn't read it Oh really did you read it? I'm out with Edward James Olmos Yeah Okay Go back to telling us How we're racist Yeah After you confused Okay anyway Yeah But I agree The last three Completely out You know I think Michael Douglas I mean just Yeah Legend Just for the stories The stories The stories of Gary though Yeah I'm with you on Gary by the way I might go yes on Gary Yeah These are too old Can we go a little younger With the guys? Yeah that's 81 Let's go to 75 Where's James McCann at? Perfect timing Thank you Perfect Thank God Thank God What's up James? Hello I'm so very high Nice to meet you What's good there? Hello Am I going here? Yeah right there We got water for you Oh please Honor and respect is all mine All mine All mine Sit down please Oh if I may Yeah Oh You may not You may I mean Hi My friend Ruby Ruby Who is Ruby to you? Ruby Ruby is a comedian She's in the festival She's a dear friend What do you mean? She's different in what way? Oh dear friend Sorry not different Oh yeah yeah Oh dear friend What does that mean? Dear friend Friends maybe Yeah That they're dear A dear friend Okay Is it a platonic relationship? Yes Oh Thumbs up Good for you James is a married man Are you really married James? Yes Why is that funny? Your sentence structure Are you really married? I don't mind Yeah It's a hard thing In this business To be married Not a lot Yeah not a lot I've never been married Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah That's how Koreans You know what I mean? I well Because we put in the Heart I've seen this Yeah yeah yeah I've heard about this Yeah yeah yeah I went to a Korean sauna recently For the first time Yes And um Yeah I thought it would be An odd sexual vibe Because of the nudity Yeah yeah yeah And it kind of was No no no Wait wait wait No no no Look at me right now dude Yeah No look Which one was it? Because I'm an expert in I was at Houston I was at Houston See I don't know The Houston spa Korean spa scene Very cool with black people A lot of black people Oh yeah yeah yeah The Houston Korean spa In the Wii spa here in LA Yeah A lot of black people A lot of black people Right And a lot of Korean people And the Korean men Are always like Hiding their penis No the black penises Were out and about Yeah I know But the Koreans Because of the size Differential Yeah Right they go They do that Yeah White so You being a white It's odd It's odd So there's two types I don't know if you like this Luke Okay I can't say this about you Shopify Shopify Shopify We use Shopify here on Tiger Valley And we only use the best here Of course we have our merch And we sell it off of Shopify And we love it because Shopify is the commerce platform Behind millions of businesses Around the world And 10% of all e-commerce in the US From household names like Allbirds Rothenburg Rothies Tiger Belly Tiger Belly And also Skims To brands just getting started Get started with your own design stores I love design studios Don't you? You get to do whatever you want With hundreds of ready to use templates And Shopify helps you Build a beautiful online store That matches your brand style What else Kai? Well and also You can get the word out Like you have an actual Marketing team behind you You can easily create email And social media campaigns Wherever your customers Are scrolling or strolling Best yet, though, Shopify is your commerce export service. with world-class expertise in just about everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. Something I really like also about Shopify is that I might have not a lot of as many fans as you guys, so I need people to learn about my brand, and I want people to do that, and Shopify helps me find customers with easy-to-run email and social media campaigns. Very important. So I can grow my own brand. What's your brand called, dude? I don't know. Probably called Luke Brand or something. I'm working on the name. Luke Brand. That's why I need Shopify to help me, honestly. It's time to turn those what-ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash tigerbelly. Go to shopify.com slash tigerbelly. That's shopify.com slash tigerbelly. Oh, Bill. Oh, Bill. B-I-L-T. Bill. You guys, Bill started out rewarding members on their rent, and that's a fact. Now, as of 2026, built members can also earn points on mortgage payments wherever they live. That's another fact. Every housing payment earns you points you can use toward flights with top travel partners like United and Hyatt, Lyft rides, Amazon.com purchases, and so much more. Personally, I had to redeem my built credits for gift cards at 120 brands. Dude, for me. All 120 brands? All of them. Student loan backers. Balances. That's what you do? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my gosh. You didn't go to college. I have my degree, sir, in nursing. Okay, that's right. My bad. I forgot. What about you, Luke? I think I would use fitness classes, honestly. I'm trying to get yoked, and it'd be nice for you to earn points. Yeah, you want to get yoked. Isn't it so wild that we spent all of the years before this just paying rent and mortgage, and it just stops there with nothing in return? I think this is why built is so cool. It almost incentivizes you. You're excited to pay rent, because you get a little something back. It's simple. Being a renter and owning a home, it's better with built. You're right, man. Join the membership for where you live at jointbuilt.com slash belly. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash belly. Make sure you use our URL so they know we sent you. So there's two types. I don't know if you like this, Luke. Okay. I can't say this about you, because Persians. I'm not Persian. He's not Persian. I'm Palestinian, but all right. Kind of on the other side of the whole thing. Are Persians Arabs? No, they're not. No, but they're Palestinian? Yeah, we're Arab. But there are Arabs who say they're not. Yeah. They'll say they're Phoenician or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what's that about? I don't know. You're going to have to pick it up with them. Yeah, but what is it about? We'll deep dive into it maybe later. We've got to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But when I said Persian, I apologize. It's okay. Yeah, and I forgive you. But I was f***ing close. Pretty close, dude. Was I not f***ing close? Pretty close. Like when people go, are you Japanese? I don't get offended. I'm like, you're f***ing close. I think you'd get offended. Yeah, yeah. Like you're white. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I am. But you're an Australian white, an island white. That is true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like the minorities in America are nicer to me than they are to the conventional whites. Oh, I think I agree with you. I think I get in easier with black people, et cetera, because of the historical context, I think. Yeah. I think this is James Baldwin going to Paris. You're nodding along like you really know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree with you. Yeah, that's true. Is that true? That people are nicer to James because he's Australian? I think I definitely don't experience that. As a traditional white, I don't think I experience that. Oh, you don't? Yeah. You think that you're treated, you're treated equally amongst all of the immigrant or ethnic groups? No. You do. So are there ethnic groups that you feel uncomfortable and they treat you differently? Ooh. I'd love to hear this. Yeah, we'd love to hear this. I guess I might feel out of place, but I let them shine. I go, hey, you guys, this is your, this is your. Oh. And I'm just here to, I'm going to listen and learn. Like shine, like put a spotlight. We'll put your tuxedo on, do a tap dance, shine. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. See, they always want them performing. Yeah, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Yeah, you throw them a basketball, do something. Yeah, people, people. You're on his side. You're looking at me. This is what you're talking about. Yeah. James gets to meet, right? We're on the same boat. I know where my bridge butted. I know how to get to the other boat. Come on, me too, bro. You do? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know where it's buttering, bro. All right, dude. What are you looking at? I'm looking all around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a lot to look at. So, James. Thanks for having me. Thanks for being here. I can't wait, and I couldn't wait. Well, look, I'm happy to do it. I think Santino's having me on in two. I don't know why I couldn't do the one with you two together, and we save everybody time, but I'm happy to do them separately. I know I've got to work my way up to have you in the same room together. Well, that's, you know, that's unfortunately. I'm being gatekept. No, no, no, no. That's unfortunately the wrong way to think about it. Okay. There's two things. I wanted to address the spa thing, but I'll address this first and then I will go back to the spa because my mind works that way. Okay. Number one, we rarely have guests. Okay. Bad friends. Yes. Yeah. Both our podcasts, individual podcasts, are guest-driven. Yes. Right? So that's why you're doing probably. Have you done Whiskey Ginger yet? I have not. But you're doing it soon? And I might also say this. There are about, I think it's odd that there are about five podcasts in all of Los Angeles, and between the two of you, you've got three of them. Yes. It's a little odd. Yeah. It's odd. Yeah, yeah. But what I'm saying to you is that once you do both, and then you'll do, do you understand? Hey, I'm just happy to be here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like you're not. If this is where it ended, it would have been a great day. It's never going to end. You and I are never going to end. Can we go back to the spa? Okay. Okay. There was a man who followed me around. No, that's what I was going to say. And there was a cold, there was a hot pool with some sort of root in it. Explain the root. It was some sort of, it was a beautiful smell. It was sort of murky. It helped the back unlock or something. Then there was a cold one, and the man would walk over. He walked, followed me from the hot into the cold, talking to me. And he would stand up, and he would sort of dip his penis, because it came up to just mid-thigh level. Yes. And while talking to me, hands on hips, and he was just dipping his penis into the cold. Yes. Yes, talking to me. Age? Asian guy or black guy? White guy. White guy. Yeah. One of the only other whites there. Yeah. He was dipping his. So you've never dipped your penis in and out like that? Alone would be one thing. Oh, I see. Mid-conversation. In public. I did find that to be unusual. That is unusual. He was very friendly. I agree. Very friendly guy. But I have done my dips. Of course. And you've got to do about 20, 25 a day. Totally. Yeah, alone. Hot or cold water? I do both. You do both. Yeah, every temperature. Yeah, yeah. Because I do the dips to make it stronger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It circulates the. Yes. What I love is the room afterwards. Is it called the Jojo Bar? I don't know what it was called. It had a space. It had a special name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was this whole room where apparently you're just allowed to go and hang out for as long as you want. Yeah, that's what it is. And fall asleep if you want. Yeah, you can sleep there. And there are people who, they stay there for hours. They spend the night there. Yeah, they do. This is a high trust. It's a high trust situation. I love it. Well, there's lockers. Yeah. So at the Wii Spa, you can spend the night. There are lockers. There is an area where you can sleep, right? In fact, all the spas have it in Koreatown. And you pay a little extra for an overnight stay. Interesting. Yeah, so it's a good way. You would have to have a vehicle. And it costs about $60 or $70. Okay. I mean, that's cheaper than a hotel. Yeah, it is cheaper than a hotel. I would rather do that, too. Yeah. Yeah. But what I was going to ask you about in terms of spa is me as a free American citizen slash Korean person, okay? And also just, you know, I'm sort of like a Beatles song. Okay. If I may say. Sure. I fly. And so just let me finish, okay? I fly, right? I fly naked. And so when I'm at the spa, I go fully nude, right? And I see a lot of half of the white people, they cover themselves up with either shorts or a towel when they're in the steam room in the dry sauna. And I was going to ask you, what kind are you? Oh. Oh, I was dick out. Yes! Dick out! No, my dear friend. Come on, everyone, dick out! Very important. Very important. I could tell that it would be cowardly to cover the penis. It's cowardly. It draws more attention to your penis than everyone else's by covering it. Great point. Exactly. Like there's something you're hiding. Yeah. But my friend Eve lived in Korea. She's a Jewish woman from New York, but she lived in Korea for a long time. She opens for me. She insisted we go whenever there's a Korean spa on the road. She goes, we're going to the Korean spa. Yeah. And she goes up. I didn't realize that, first of all, the lady, they have an area, but she was telling me in Korea that there will sometimes be a more overt sexual, she said there was, she was once at a Korean spa and there was a very old Korean lady there in Korea pushing up against one of the jets and having a. Orgasm. Yes. Yeah. But this was considered to be a little unusual, but okay. It seems unusual, yeah. Well, can I tell, can I reveal a story to you then? Please, please. My father caught me because my, my parents' bathroom was, it was, it was, it was, it was bathroom, the bathtub. had a strong faucet. Like, it just came out like a waterfall. Yeah. Niagara, specifically. Thank you. Okay. And so, I thought he was at work. And so, I was naked. I came home from school, and I got naked. And it was so powerful that just putting your penis, right, on it, right, would make you erect. Yeah. It felt very good, my friend. Of course. Yeah, yeah. You're a young boy when you're doing this. I'm 14, and you know what I mean? Yeah. And I'm discovering sexuality. Of course. And there's tingly sensations around there, as you know. This is very common, I think, for young girls. There are a few stories. There are a few stories about boys getting their dick in a faucet. Yeah, yeah. And I want to share, right? Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to share the other. Perspective. Yeah, the other gender also. And so, I got fully erect in there. And I would be able to just have an orgasm. Just by the strength of the faucet water. And then, one day, I hear a laugh. Oh. And I turn around. My dad had come home early. And even before his death, we never talked about it. Yeah, I feel like that, yeah. It was never mentioned, but there was definitely, and my dad saw me with an erection. And he goes, go get up. I took the fucking towel. And I ran out of there. And we never discussed it. But anyway, back to the show. Our guest, James McCann. James McCann. Give him a round of applause. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure we all have a story like that we can share now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wait. Yeah, let's go down the line. Luke, do you have, when you, coming of age. I do have a story, actually. Should I say it? Yeah, that's why he asked you. Right. Yeah, yeah. Whoa, whoa. Sorry, sorry. You're a sidekick, too? Sidekicks don't talk to other sidekicks. You're right. That was, I apologize. I didn't mean that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think, just a side note, right? Your ego's getting in the way. It's not my ego. Luke is just my good friend. I've known Luke for a long time. I understand it, but just take the ego away. You're right. You're right. I apologize. Go ahead, Luke. Sorry about that, Luke. Right. And I'm sorry, as well. No, there's no need to apologize, Luke. This is your first time on the show. Affirmative. Strip enterprise. I'm not Jean-Luc Picard. I don't know what affirmative means. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. Great show, by the way. Anyway, yes, go ahead. That's not the character I thought you were going to ask. We'll move on. We'll move on. My neighbor, when we were in, like, he was in, like, fifth grade. I was in, like, fourth grade or something. He was a little older. We watched Transformers together, the movie. Transformers movie, if you're aware. Megan Fox. Yeah. And he said, hey, check this out. If you Google Megan Fox naked, it actually comes up on Google. Yeah. So then every day we would go to his house and on his family computer, Google, like, Megan Fox naked and kind of just sit next to each other in awe. And then one day he had a housekeeper who, like, walked up the stairs and she saw us Googling it. Yeah. And we physically were, she was, like, trying to get to the computer and we were physically, like, restraining her, trying to get her away from it. Yeah. And she discovered it and told us. She told everyone's parents and it was only brought up at a barbecue once by the dads who said, hey, you know, I get it, honestly. Good response. Really good, yeah, response. I think it's something that is just better unsaid. Yeah, yeah. If I was your father, I would never even bring it up. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it wasn't my naked, erect penis, but yeah. Similar kind of story. You know, it's the same kind of embarrassment. Yes, yeah. There was an embarrassment there. Yes, there was. Yes, there was. Yes, there was. In Persia. I mean, in, I apologize. Prince of Persia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, where the dunes are. Yeah. I want to say it in a way where I'm not offensive. It feels like. You know, where the barrens, you know what I mean, of dune. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. How would you explain it? You don't have to do this, James. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In Palestine. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I grew up here. Oh, you grew up here in Orange County. Yeah. That's right. So, I don't even have to do anything. Do you think this is a problem for the Persians in general, is that they're having a revolution, you know, they're trying. Yeah. Yeah. But then all the people who looked good in bikinis and liked liberal democracy and the Shah and this, they already came here and they're having a nice time in San Diego. Yeah. Yeah, Irvine. Yeah. Dancing. Dancing, yeah. And none of them are getting strapped and going back over. Yeah. I'm not saying they should, but how long can you have? How long until the people in the country start to resemble that which the regime would want? Cuba, for example, gets rid of everybody with a little upward mobility, a sense of themselves being able to do something. Yeah, yeah. So, you actually finally get a communist population. Yes. I think the people, I mean, North Korea, do they actually love it? You would know better than I. What do you mean that I would know better? Well, it's just been going on for so long. Yeah, yeah. And so many people with a personality type who go, this is, I can't tolerate this anymore. Yeah, yeah. But people who might love marching or discipline would just over time, the population starts to resemble what the regime wants them to be. I know. I always say that. Well, that's a very interesting point there, right? That when you're used to, you know what I mean, it could make life easier. Get through the first couple of years of the revolution. Yeah, yeah. I think it's like, all right, I have to go to this government job. Yeah. Right? I know I'm going to eat the same meal. Same meal. Right? Same place. Some sort of animal. Yeah. I don't know what animals are up there. Sheep. Or some like black, you know what I mean, pigeon or something. Okay, good. Yeah, I don't know what they have. I think you paused at black. Yeah. No, I didn't. I said, I was trying to figure out what bird. A yellow pigeon. If that's going to be better for the, you know what I mean? It will be. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We appreciate it. And, you know, they know, you know, weekends, right? It's going to be. Some, maybe a walk through a park. Yeah. And that's the, when you're inundated with technology and Grand Theft Auto and Project Hail Mary. Yes. Zins. And zins. Fucking Hail Mary. Yeah. And constant, you know what I mean? Celsius. What? Celsius energy drink. Or sugar-free Red Bull like I drink. You know, et cetera, et cetera. The Chalamets. Yeah, yeah. The whole family is what I meant. Uh-huh. You're inundated with all this stuff, right? Maybe it's a simpler life to just do, and then you have one wife, because there's no porn. Of course. So you think that once she shows like even half a titty, right, you're like, oh my God. Yeah. Right? And it's like. The pornography I do worry about. What do you mean? You think they have it in North Korea? I mean, I read some story about like they, they went to fight in Ukraine or something. To help the Russians. And they got the internet for the first time. The North Koreans? And yes. And then the internet kind of broke. Because they were just in such huge numbers. Going crazy. Getting around the porno. That's what I heard. Yeah. That's very interesting. Amos Gill told me that. Yeah, yeah. Imagine being a North Korean soldier. Yeah. You're 24 years old. You may never even seen a vagina in your life. Just imagine. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want everyone to put. I like what you're doing right now. You're thinking. Yeah. Okay. Put your eyes up in the sky and think. Yeah, yeah. Everyone think, right? Imagine 24, never seen any anatomy of a female person. Okay. Then you go to the war. Yes. There's bullets being shot at you. Yes. You're probably not eating a lot. Right. Sleeping conditions are bad. But you get free Wi-Fi. Okay. Right. And now, I don't know, can't do a Ukrainian accent, but I'll try. Please. Excuse me. You must. Wait, wait. Why are you doing buck teeth? I don't know. You must look at the phone, Harper. Right? This is what. It's a record playing backwards. Yeah. You must. You must. Check out the phone, Harper. Right? And then. What is up? Right? And then, right. That was a better accent. Very good. Right? Right? And then go. Yeah. And then go. www.phonehub.com. Right. Whatever. Right? And then. Yeah. And then they see everything. Oh. Imagine. Two girls, one cup. They're looking at all. The classics. Look at the. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Debbie does Dallas. Oh, a hundred. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody subsides them. Bang bus. So North Korean soldiers get internet access in Ukraine. Clooked on porn. That's insane. That's absolutely insane. I'm actually kind of jealous of them. Like that they get the experience. It's all bad at once. You know? No, I'm not. Because it gets taken away when they go home. Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen the, have you seen the Egan? He's a comedian who's in Japan at the moment. Who's, have you seen the clip where he teaches everybody the word Guna? Oh. I love you. Have you seen this clip? I'm friends with Egan. You've seen that clip? Yeah. He's got. Stop, stop. I don't know the word Guna. So I'll tell you something. Yes. I'm an Arsenal fan. Congratulations. Thank you. I know where this is going. Right. They call Arsenal fans Guners. Yeah. And so my, my cat. His name is. Is gooner. Right. Right? So all I know is a gooner is a good thing, right? But I think there's a different definition. Yeah. And I swear to God on my mother's life, she's still alive, that I don't know what the other definition is. And I don't even know if I want to know. No, let's move on. Let's move on. No, I want to know. Go ahead. I want to learn, and I'm learning today. Go ahead. I like this. I think it's a young man who spends a lot of time masturbating and thinking about what to masturbate about. Okay, no, no. It's way more than that. Okay, I don't know. It's a younger generation. Is it not doom-scrolling pornography? That could be considered modern gooning, but the original. What the heck are they doing now? I like the history of goonings. Real old-school gooning is when you have multiple screens of porn playing all the time. So you'll have a goon cave. Similar to this, where we are right now. This is not a goon cave. It could be, though. Why, why? If you had a lot of pornography up, and instead of all these. He doesn't. I don't. But if you did. Seems the operative changed. It's like a separate room where you could create a. This could be a museum if you had Rembrandt and, you know what I mean, Picasso on the wall. I mean, like, you could go on and on. It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? This could be a bathroom if you put a toilet paper in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, yeah, you basically watch, like, a lot of multiple screens and a lot of high volume of pornography for a long period of time. So with gooning comes, like, edging, where you're edging yourself, where you're masturbating yourself for, you know, hours. What happened to just coming? I know, I know. How old are you? Oh, 30-something, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you won't say that name. Oh, I don't. Actually, I don't know. 35, maybe 35. Okay, maybe 35. 36, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You really don't know? I was born in 91. What's the year? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't care. It ceased to be. Yeah. A huge part of my life, yeah. Yeah, I'm 54. Well, no, I would be keeping track then, because you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every day is just. So I'm 54, and when you turn. Once you turn 50, you start counting the days. Wow. When people die, you go, how old were they when they died? Yeah. And then you go, how did they die? And then you kind of, like, do the math. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, so I ultimately have maybe 22 years left. I think you're going to live longer than that. Unless AI technology catches up and helps me medically, you know what I mean? But. How's your digestive system? I just had a colonoscopy. How is it? No polyps, no cancer. Come on. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I'm good on that. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I haven't checked my breasts or my shoulders or anything like that, but you know what I mean? I don't know if that. You're relatively slim. Your knees, you can make it up and down these hills, okay? You go for walks. Oh, yeah, yeah. I can hill walk. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm just discovering that now. Yeah, yeah. I'm hill walking at the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very special. It's really. And it is. Hymns for your hair. Hymns, hair loss. Hymns for your hair. Vanessa Dry, Minoxidil. You guys, I love hymns hair. And I'll be honest with you, it's thick in my hair. I think so, too. Yeah. Hair loss. Hair loss doesn't fix itself, bud. And the earlier you act, the better, friend. Okay. Hymns make starting simple with 100% online process, chief. Dude. Dude. Personalized treatment plans delivered straight to you, guy. And what are the ingredients that matter, Bobby? Finasteride and Minoxidil. I can memorize it. I know. And it can stop further hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months, Captain. Bro. Bro. Bro. I'm telling you right now. You shouldn't. You don't even have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. Hymns brings expert care straight to you with 100% online access to personalized treatment plans that put your goals first. You can think of hymns as your digital treatment's front door that gets you back to your old self with simple 100% online access to trusted for real health concerns. All in one place. That's right, punk. Yeah. Yeah. What else? That's true. I just like that you're able to find the right hair regrowth treatment for you. Like, I might not have, you know, complete baldness, but I. I have some thinning here and there, so I go, okay, I need a flexible subscription option. And luckily for me, I have access to 24-7 provider support and one-to-day treatment option. And they can be like, Luke, you know what? You're okay up front, but you're a little spotty up back here, right? Okay, or not. Or maybe it's something else, but yeah. Someone's been looking at the back of your head. It's violent. Yeah, I've been staring at it for years now. Well, luckily for me, I can fix that. Yeah, exactly. Thank you. For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit hymns.com slash belly. That's hymns.com. That's hymns.com slash belly. For your free online visit, hymns.com slash belly. Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride. I like that one. You like it? Oh. Before we dive back into today's episode, great news. For the comedy TV fans, every episode of the Hulu original series, Alice and Steve is streaming on Hulu. From the producers of Baby Reindeer comes a new edgy comedy. Lifelong best friends, Alice and Steve, see their world implode when Steve starts dating Alice's 26-year-old daughter. Uh-oh. The once rock-solid friendship turns sour as Alice tries to sabotage their romance, and Steve attempts to salvage their friendship, leading to hilarious hijinks and chaos. A fiasco. Per se. This unique comedy that can only be described as the first wrong-com proves that sometimes best friends make the best enemies. Alice and Steve takes a wild premise and turns it into a sharp, insightful, laugh-out-loud British comedy with real emotional bites. Starring Jemaine Clement and Nicola Walker, the series explores friendship and modern dynamics with a blend of dry, dark British wit and awkward situational comedy that will delight every generation. Watch every episode of the Hulu original series, Alice and Steve. Steve on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply. I see a lot of happy, rich, nice people. Yeah, yes. It's a very nice neighborhood. I don't know what's happening down in the plains, and I don't much care to. Yeah. I'm enjoying this. When you say plains, what do you mean? The greater flat. The Hollywood flat. The Los Angeles flat. Where those movies came. Yeah. Like Color. I didn't know it was called Skid Row. You mean, or. It's called Skid Row. That's its real name. Skid Row, yeah. I thought that was a derogatory expression. They actually called it Skid Row. Yeah. Have you been there? No, I realized I came very close. Because it was at Union Station. And then we went to a Chinatown, and I just missed it. But I'd like to go. There's a Chinatown and a little Japan town there. I saw a little Japan. Yeah, yeah. And I'll tell you what. I didn't see. A lot of Mexicans. I think they're lying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what? It drives me crazy when people are like, from out of the state. Look at LA. Yeah. It's in the dirt, and they just show Skid Row. And I'm like, yeah, I've never even been there. Like, I wouldn't even be able to even know. Like, if somebody was like, hey, let's go check out Skid Row. I wouldn't be able to even tell them where to go, really, specifically. It makes people feel really good to talk LA. Not that there aren't things to talk down about LA. But people would always tell me Malibu was on fire. It's all been destroyed. I went to Malibu. Yeah. Some things got destroyed. It's still a really nice place to go. It's a nice place. It's a nice place to go. They have a fish and chip shop there. It was world class. I bought the hoodie. Yeah. I rented a boogie board, a body board. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what that is. I had a great time. I'm from Southern California. I know what body boarding is. I loved it. You loved it. Yeah. Also, San Diego. Yeah, yeah. You know, you seem like a, and I don't want you to take offense to this. I'd get ready. No, I wouldn't get ready. And it's not an offensive thing. I think it's a good thing, right? But you look like a Peter Jackson white. Like a creative, you know what I mean? A really talented. I'm thinking about shaving it all off. No, no, no. No, no, don't. It might be time. No, no, no. You look like a director. Yeah, I see. You look like you're a very creative person. Yeah. You look like you're, I've never met you before. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You seem introspective, and you seem brighter than Shane, and brighter than. I see. I know. McCusker. McCusker. And I believe, now I know. That's why we. No, no, no. No, just in. No, don't pop off. You'll start a war. You'll make, you'll say something. You'll say something about Austin. You'll make me defend Austin. We'll get a big fight. I know what I've been brought into now. You start with a compliment. You start with all positive. Let's talk about the hot springs of Korea. No, no, no. No war. No war. No war. No war. I love it. Why come here and say nice things about Los Angeles? I was kidding. You're great. Yeah, yeah. You're a wonderful person. You're a wonderful and very talented person. That's all I'm trying to say. I'm not starting a war. I love all those guys. I was kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like, you know, I think that Gillis, now I get it. You and McCusker, you guys pod together. we have podded you have podded together i've been on podcasts with them are you a regular on that podcast i don't i wouldn't i don't know regular i've done it five or six times i've enjoyed doing it yeah yeah i like doing it yeah yeah yeah yeah but um i would say i've seen i'm in that universe you're in that universe cinematic universe yeah yeah yeah you're in the if it was a marvel that's how this country i've realized that's how this it's all tribes and clans and it's very it's interesting i'm very happy to be here i feel blessed to be brought in just australia but it's very yeah i see everything is what you're saying i see you're saying everything is try and there's this guy and that it's marvel versus dc you know it's yes yes it's you know in the nfl they have uh you know coaching trees yes i see this with people's openers and yes yes oh he's a soda guy that's part of the soda lineage yeah yeah yeah crime families crime family there's the burr people and the louis people they're not the same people they're not the same people i'm out i think it's all one big happy no no very discreet yeah but there are treasonous folk absolutely yeah there's treasonous folk and there are also kings and emperors and there's also peasants right and there's also it's it's very games of thronesy okay but at the end of the day all hail to the king yeah absolutely okay who is you know yeah yeah all hail to the king for now yeah okay and so i'm just bobby who akbar no no no no i i'm just a little you know i mean i have i i'm in charge of a little village uh-huh i am you know off the coast off the coast you know what i mean i hear the rumblings what happens in the kingdom right but it's none of my business yeah okay and i know who's in play what you're in the hermit kingdom over here yeah yeah i'm in the hermit kingdom yeah yeah but i'm still a part of the royal class okay and so are you i mean how much of it comes down to a new york la divide to begin with because austin is definitely a break off of the la thing and new york thing a little bit too people have dribbled out yeah new york but overwhelmingly it's it's an la really la yeah yeah i mean in game of thrones yeah have you seen the show uh isn't it yes but it disappeared from the cultural imagination real quickly not from bobby's not from mine i talk about every week yeah yeah yeah i still talk about lower what are you gonna do never really came what then when is winter i thought there was gonna be a big thing yeah oh winter yeah oh so you're saying winter's coming oh oh so you're saying the austin people are the white walkers it's not what i'm is that what you're saying potentially the homeless yeah yeah i don't know where i would put them actually yeah yeah might be dawn yeah yeah yeah yeah i think they are because there are people there there are big names they're big they're big names big names but not a threat yeah they have to join alliances yeah or they think exactly don't you think they couldn't stand on their they can't stand on their own no no they can't win the war vanderbilt being their team is interesting you know what does that mean always sort of in the conversation never going all the way yeah yeah i don't know what vanderbilt means it's isn't that their college football team they all wear the v yeah you see them always with a v theo always with the v oh i see it's it but it's all i mean i like nashville a lot yeah and they're doing it they're trying you know and why not low tax nice place to live have you thought i thought about moving there like really you know me and andrew have thought about moving to three different places national austin was one of the best places to live in nashville i've been there for a long time one of them yeah vegas is one of them i think phoenix and then a nashville too so there's four wow yeah yeah like literally buying houses and moving out of la can't see you in nashville why uh just a race thing i guess i don't know if there's a lot of asians that's incredible that you're yeah i just didn't know on the boat again i'm fishing on the boat again what do you think of that good i'm all right i like it i mean i would be a hit you'd be a huge hit in nashville we got a big asian population in australia and we had uh you know we had australian idol you got american idol i know that's really american idol though you would have um they would have the goofy person the silly person who's never really going to make it through right the william hung would be like a big yes we but we had so many asian people who were making their dream come true yeah yeah were they good no some of them some of them yeah the first winner of the first season was guy sebastian yeah yeah asian fella asian fella but uh have you seen um i feel like i've been liby dibby dauchu liby dibby dauchu is someone in i think a philippines version of it's like philippines are ken lee oh yeah yeah liby dibby dauchu yeah i've seen that so beautiful but the philippines per capita have the best singers okay sounds right the world should be furious with that i know but i'm telling you right now have you seen why they say eight welsh people and they're all tom jones oh that's right that's right that's right yeah tom jones you think the philippines the philippines per capita are the most talented gilbert yeah are the most talented people interesting i've ever seen in my life it's just there's just no way to make it sure right because it's so impoverished they're at in sections yeah you know i mean and i've been there many times i love the islands yeah i'm one of them if if i may say you know what i mean yeah yeah because i had sex with one for 10 years sure yeah yeah so um that gets you cred that gives me a lot of credit you become one i know the smells i know that you know what i mean textures yeah you know what i mean skin textures you know what i mean food etc etc okay et we just et'd it loves a touch what i love touching but you say the most talented yeah in the world i i would have i would argue yes i because i've been there and i and i every time i'm there i do the bobby lee talent show i've done it twice you get to do shows in the philippines no what i do is this i go i'm in town and i'm going to do a talent show singing dancing that's me that's in the philippines that's in the philippines i don't know why he wears a full suit yeah yeah yeah yeah the top bobby lee's talent extravaganza right and i invite the whole island to compete and every it gets packed yeah and people are doing all kinds lighting themselves on fire yeah yeah crazy crazy the craziest acts you've ever seen what do they do you record it i do record them yeah yeah i don't put them online but they're just for me what yeah yeah you just watch them at home by yourself no i just like to watch talent from all over the world you know i mean because i'm a man of the people but you would only do it in the philippines yeah i only do it yeah on one island cebu okay yeah yeah and they all come out and they oh my god one guy took put baby powder in his mouth and blew him and put shapes oh that's with baby baby powder which i never thought you could even do you look so sad yeah because i'm sad when i'm there it's a lot of stress because i'm like is anyone going to compete is anyone coming sure i take it personally and people cry when they lose like teams yeah people like dance crews they cry when they lose well this is a show what do you mean this is a that's uh you gotta get that i taped it as a show i try to pitch it and no one bought it what's so funny oh i don't know what the i don't know i i i think that's people should have bought it bobby what do they win stop sorry what the fuck do you mean dude no i'm i'm let's just say this okay james you know this you take a big risk you can fly all the way over there you get the camera people you tape it you cut it together and you you go to all the networks netflix everyone you pitch it and they all say no and i call that trying yeah you did a good that's a good yeah what the fuck have you ever done okay that's what it's called maybe concert movie if you get that into a 90 minute version a concert instead add to con yeah yeah yeah south by southwest that might really maybe film it myself yes yeah you attach james as the director no no visually i see what you're saying it's not a skill that i have it's not a skill you have yeah we'll find out i mean yeah i think you do just based on your look and i worry yeah yeah on your look i worry that you need a level of attentiveness to direct yeah yeah do you like film yes i do yeah yeah i just found out that quentin tarantino has a cinema here yeah he does i just found out yeah he does have a cinema yeah and it's in los feliz right yeah yeah yeah we were just there yeah yeah it's not there are so many australians in los feliz there are beautiful jacaranda trees yeah yeah yeah what's what can i let me ask you something what's up with the didgeridoo thank you well if a woman i've always i've always women aren't to play it it makes them barren apparently oh because of all the wind that you must use out of your body to get that thing to i don't know the detail i don't know the fine i know that's real but i've never heard the didgeridoo do and where that i'm gonna you have like start a band and have a guy be the jackal oh no there's some good ones there's some good dig tracks out there oh there are and that's why i wanted you on here why treat me I think there's a dig in that. Gee, I'd hope so. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes when you're just. It's Celtic. It's primal. When it comes in. Tell me how you feel. A deep. It's not used as much in Australia because people get offended or whatever. But I would think that. Why would they get? You know, they. What? No, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know about the region. Tell me. Aboriginal people get very, you know, very. What are you doing with that? Didgeridoo, that sort of thing. That's the idea. Oh, when the white people do the didgeridoo. Yeah. Right, didgeridoo. Yeah. The Aborigines get offended. Well, even saying Aborigine, people get real mad at you. What would I call you then? Aboriginal. Aboriginal people. Explain to me why that's. One's fine and one's not. Yeah, yeah. Can't do it. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know either. And something that. Well, maybe chat GPT or something we could discover. Yeah, spend. Yeah, yeah. Hours arguing with chat GPT about Aboriginal people. You know? Hours. Hours. Are you friends with any Aboriginal people? Yes, I am. Yeah, I bet you are. Yeah. Hello, Craig. Hello, Craig. And others. Lots of others. Yeah, lots of others. Yeah. What's up with the quokka? Okay. Only in Western Australia. Yeah, I've seen it. Yeah. Alive. What's up with it? I have been to Western Australia a lot of times. I've never made it out to see a quokka. I never went to the island. That's insane. I never did. I went. I did the gigs. I went home. Oh, no. I went to the quokka. How was it? And let me tell you about the quokka. Okay. Cute. I mean, that's just. You know what a quokka is? It's the part of the bird where they pee and poop out of the same hole. I've never even heard that of that. No, no. It's an animal. It's a cloaca. Yeah. That's a cloaca. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a quokka. Yeah, cute. Oh, okay. Yeah. You know? Yeah, there's a resemblance there. Of what? It kind of looks like you, honestly. It has your. Wow. Okay. That was bold that you said that. I'm cute. I'm sorry. Yeah, no, it's cute. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they love them over there. Yeah, and I have to say, out of all the creatures I've met on Earth, that's my favorite one. That's a good one. Pretty beautiful. Yeah. It's unbelievable to me as an Australian that you've not gone to the island to see the most friendliest creature on planet Earth. Everybody else always got to do it, but I would. Pass. The dates would never line up. I'd be there for the festival, and they'd go, on Sunday, we're going out. I'd go, I'm flying out Sunday morning. Oh, so what part of Australia are you from? I'm from Adelaide. Oh, Adelaide. I'm from the middle of the bottom. We don't have a good concert hall for people. I played it. We had the entertainment center. Yeah, we did that, I think. It was acoustically rough. It was rough. No disrespect, but it's rough. Yeah. And the Thebeden Theater, which is. Thebeden Theater, which is 2000. That's the biggest, best one we've got. That's the one we did. That's better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But boy, we could use this Hollywood Bowl. Yes. We could have a Hollywood Bowl. Yeah, but. A Greek. Build it into the hills, because we've got the hills. I find the LA Hills really remind me of the Adelaide Hills. Then how did you start comedy? In Adelaide? Well, just in. There's open mics. You don't start out in the 2000s. You would know this about comedy. You know this. It takes time to get to that point. But there are open mics, isn't there? There are open mics. There are open mics in the 2000s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, I was there for a while. But is the scene in Adelaide. I'm sorry, because I don't know much about it. Please, please, yeah. May I? Yeah. Okay, good. What question would you like to ask? I would love to ask a question. I would like to hear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it as brutal as it is? Because I know. Did you start here? I started in Orange County, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You started here. Yeah. Yeah. It's brutal. The worst. It's competitive. There's no audiences. No audiences. A zillion comedians. Brutal. Yeah. That's what I. Because I started in San Diego for three years. A little better, but still kind of brutal. Yeah. Is it brutal in Adelaide? There's always room to play in a greater extent, I felt. Then you could go out to the bigger cities. But I found this about San Diego. I thought this because I thought. Derek Poston was from San Diego. And Hassan Ahmad was a San Diegoan. Yeah. And yourself. And I thought, for where it is geographically, that must be one of the best Cedar cities in America for comedy because you go off to L.A., you try and make it. Yeah. And when it's hot. When it's hot in L.A., you know, rather than going, fuck it, I'm moving back to Ohio. You just go, I'll go see mum for the weekend. Yeah, yes. I'll drive down to San Diego. Yeah. I'll go to La Jolla. Yeah, yeah. I'll swim. Well, I'll try again next time. Yeah. There's not a make or. You can just go back, hang out, catch the train. Beautiful train. Yeah, beautiful. Beautiful train. Beautiful train. Beautiful train. And Adelaide was good. We got a big fringe festival, so that was nice. There was a lot of stage time during the festival. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then difficult the rest of the year to get everybody else in. Yeah, yeah. I think it suffers from the same thing that every, you know, million to two million city gets with a comedy scene is it gets really, really good. There's like 15, 20 people who are doing great. They all go. And then it fucking crashes. But then there's a new generation. Then there's a new generation. But now with the internet, you know, people aren't doing the comedy circuit as much. Wow. They just go and they do that. Or they bring their own openness, you know. It used to be a thing. There would be a guy come to town and everyone would get to open for him. Oh, wow, wow, wow, yeah. I mean, I'm a part of that problem. I don't like working. I don't like the people from the town. Well, my problem with it is that, you know, I want, you know what I mean, like-minded openers. Okay. So I bring this fucking guy, you know what I mean? And I bring Cat Bird. I brought him once, right? Yeah. So it's like I know them. I can hang out with them. Yeah. Because what happens, because I was at a point for like maybe 12 years where I couldn't afford to bring an opener so that I'd have to go to a town and there'd be two locals opening for me. Yeah. And that's when, you know what I mean, it wasn't that fun because sometimes you'll just have a guy, like this one MC, I was in Houston and his first line to me was, I think I've said this before, his first line to me was, yo, I'm not going to tell you like- Interesting. Okay. Yeah. We got the yo. This is what he said, but he's not necessarily what you think he is. Okay. He's a yo man. Bro. Hey, what's up? What's up? I go, what's going on? He's like, yeah, yeah. I'd be like, I'm a headliner. I go, oh, you're a headliner? Yeah, but I don't even know why I'm open for you. That's crazy. That's his opening line. That's so crazy. And I go, oh, well, then why did you do it? He's just like, time's tough. You go, but I'm a headliner. I go, well, who do I care? Yeah. Just do the host, right? He does 40 minutes up front. Oh, my God. And it's all the dirtiest jokes ever, right? So then after the show, I come up to him. I go, yo, what's up, man? Because, you know, I'm regular. You know, whatever. He's like, what, what? I go, I mean, you're supposed to do 10, 15 minutes up front. And it's a little too dirty. And he go, I, right? And I go, second show, he goes dirtier and he does longer. Oh, no. This is Friday night, right? At the end of the second show, I walk right up to him. I go, you're fired. Yeah. And he couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe it? No, he couldn't. No, because it's like, at that time, I wasn't a name. I was kind of climbing up. Sure. But still, I just went up to the manager. I go, I can't have a host doing, you know what I mean? Yeah. Dirty jokes, you know, 40 minutes up front. And that man was Patrice. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. If it was Patrice, I would go, you close. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll open and I'll do 10 minutes. What are you talking about? You're a legend. This guy had. It's insane. No, it's insane. It's insane. Because also, they give you the most senior guy in the town. Yeah, yeah. What you want is not the guy who's been doing it for 15 years. Yes. Full of hate and despair. You want someone coming up who's going to do something else for their life. But they don't give it to that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They give it to the guy who goes, I've seen a lot of guys come through here. Yeah, yeah. There you go. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's the. You guys don't know this particularly, but I think James and I know, right? Is that in every city, in every town, there are people that have been doing comedy for 20 plus years and they never move. Sure. Right? And these are the ones that open for you. Right? And there is a bitterness. Yeah. Right? Like, I shouldn't be. I shouldn't be here. I don't give a fuck about this. There's. I had one guy introduce me as Billy Lee. Like, he didn't even bother to memorize my name. Yo, man. Billy Lee. There's a lot of yo. Yo, a lot of yo. Every guy yo. What do you mean? There's a through line. Seems like. No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let me do it again. Do a British accent. Do a British accent. Hello. Oh. Nice audience. Please welcome. All about life. Is that better? Yeah. Yeah. And then I come out. Oh, no. I said Bobby Lee. Yeah. Please welcome Bella. Yeah. Right. And then I have to go up on stage. My name is Bobby. It's not good. It's not good. It's not good. Already. You're in the weeds. Yeah. When you have to say, my name is actually Bob. You're already in the weeds. Yeah. You're fucked. You're fucked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Over and over again. Over and over again. Yeah. So now we bring our own. You bring your own. I try. Also, I find it very lonely on the road. God. God bless you It's nice to have people there with me To keep it going But I I think a lot The other thing that Dooms people Is they actually make good money Doing comedy These people have done it for 20 years Because they've got all the local Corporates stitched up They do all the Christmas parties They do work functions No? Not here? I agree I know these people I agree But I'm shaking my head And I'll tell you why But keep No tell But I think that What? No tell me No no keep going He has a philosophical disagreement I believe Thank you Yeah Keep going Bobby But I must now No I understand that You didn't finish your thought though Start over Start over There's a sense of entitlement That people have No? Yes yes But no And they're making big money From doing comedy I always thought I always wanted to get on the cruise ships I always wanted to be on the cruise ships I always wanted Because I was this part Until quite late in the career I was like 15, 16 years in I was just in my little town I tried moving away I didn't know I had to keep moving back Over and over again And still I did like one Christmas party And it went so badly I never got another one They still gave me the money But the cheapest chips Would never book me again I'll tell you I was shaking my head I'll tell you why Okay Thanks If I may If I may Okay When I started They were like Yeah you gotta clean up your act You know what I mean? You gotta do jokes That like are more You know what I mean? Meat and potatoes Right? You gotta You know like about driving Or you know what I mean? Dating What's going on with The airplanes You know what I mean? And you have to dress better Because I used to dress like this And messed up hair You know what I mean? Fucked up I would say really crazy shit on stage Wouldn't get a laugh necessarily But it was just like Really nut shit You know what I mean? Yeah And people would go You're never gonna get corporate gigs You're never gonna be on cruise ships You're never gonna do the road You're never gonna make it with that act And I always thought But I'm being myself Yeah You know what I mean? And I You know Because you have to do a lot of like You have to Pretend that you're a comedian more Than finding your own point of view And being essentially yourself Right? So you kind of have to like Clean up your act Wear a certain A specific thing Right? Only talk about things That everyone You know what I mean? Will relate to And I think that hinders comedy So yeah There's corporate comics In these towns That like If a convention comes through But their jokes are very generic About family Or Yeah Very generic jokes about The freeways Driving and the freeway Around that town Oh yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah They have local references And it It's I don't think that that's what comedy's about Yeah I think comedy's about Like you I've never seen Anyone that looks like you I've never seen I've never seen Anyone like you Right? I've never seen anyone Do comedy like you Right? You are You are who you are Okay? And I think I was the same way So that's why I've never done a corporate Your whole career You never did one corporate case? I think I did one And they lit me right away You know what I mean? And they were like Get him off You know what I mean? It was like one of those things And you know I did maybe Seven colleges And they were like No he's too wild Yeah For the kids I could see that Yeah yeah I would do crazy shit You know what I mean? Just running around The whole thing You know what I mean? And they'd be like No no no You know A part of you still goes I'd like to do well for these people Excuse me? One still wants to do well For these people Yeah But I would try and do it And I would Because I didn't have the I did a gig for a supermarket company On their special golf day And I You know It was their special golf day And they said Get up in 10 minutes What do you mean special golf day? They all went out and played golf With the people who supplied the supermarket Oh it's special Yeah yeah Special golf day And they said Here's the comedian I think I used the word Three times in the first four minutes Are you on a golf course? They had come in from the golf course Okay So watch me say something About someone getting Today What the fuck am I doing? Yeah yeah yeah That's what I'm saying It's all the lights are on Yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah The lights are on People are eating It's not the right environment Yeah yeah yeah It's a nightmare You know what I mean? So what I would say To a young man like this How long have you been doing comedy? Four and a half years Four and a half years Still developing What you would say Yes yeah Still developing Are you Yeah I say it Yeah yeah You know it's so funny From afar Sometimes you look Asian I've gotten that a lot Yeah right now Yeah yeah like right now Thank you People say it I have squinty eyes If I may say Yeah yeah I'm just Yeah yeah squinty eyes I mean you're dating a Korean Yes Yeah An Asian person Waysian yeah Yeah She's half Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Are you afraid of full? Oh afraid of full Asian? Capital A Asian No I'm not afraid No Okay good Fair question Yeah no And fair answer No fears Yeah yeah Koreans have maybe the least Asian Archetypal personality What do you mean? There is There is I agree with this What do you mean? I think of Christopher Shin from Earth I think of other Koreans I think of other Koreans I think of other Koreans I've met in my time Yeah There is masculinity And just a constant Threat of violence Yeah What? In a very American way Yeah They're Christian I think they call this Yeah Han Heiting Heiting Heiting Yeah yeah yeah Very Lives large in the You know of all the Of all the Asiatic regions Gender politics Maybe the worst there Women not happy To be submissive And they take themselves Out of the sex market And the birth rate Is I think the worst In the world In South Korea Yeah In South Korea There's something In Korea That is really People think of Japan As being the most alien And like interesting But boy There's something Happening in Korea I'll tell you An interesting thing Yeah If I may Please Okay Even other Asians Don't like me Of other Asian regions They find me to be What's the word? Unflavorable Yeah Unpalatable Unpalatable I can't say the word Yeah But I agree You agree Well I mean I've seen it You've talked about it I don't agree Yeah yeah yeah But I know what you're talking about I have a similar thing I mean you know There was I don't want to You know I've been Potting for a long time So sometimes I reiterate Certain stories Yeah But I had this famous Asian actor once Pull me aside At the comedy store And he goes Let me talk He had an accent Yeah Let me talk to you Outside And I go Okay He goes Oh you're Disgraced Yeah And I go What do you mean? He's like Call you Asian everybody And I go Why? All the things you say And I go What the fuck You say Talk about you F*** Back up That's really the sort of thing He might have had In a problem Oh you think That was the thing I started Okay okay I started out With Ronny Chieng I love him Great Yes But Suit Dignity Yeah yeah Tonight Tonight Show Yes I've been reading The news Yes I was in a You know It's very I have my law degree Yes I'm disciplined In martial arts Yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah The diaspora Is very happy To get around Yeah yeah yeah I'm If I was back in the day Right I would be You know what I mean With the rice On the head You know what I mean The coulee Yeah just shuffling Through a village You know what I mean Right Yeah Dropping it off Right And then probably In some well You know what I mean Dirty face Really dirty Yeah yeah I would like Maybe have some sort of Slight leprosy You know what I mean Right right People would call me The town You know what I mean Yeah Yeah and I think that I'm one When I was a kid I never wanted to do comedy Until I saw Margaret Cho On HBO And she's Korean And I'd seen other Asians You know what I mean Like Johnny Yoon Or other people To my Yotsuki And stuff like that But Back in the day She was the first person I was like Oh I think maybe I can do comedy Because She's Korean And you can tell She's Korean Because she can She goes to the edges Of things You know what I mean Yeah You know what I mean And I thought Oh you could go to that Edge of things And I think that Oh maybe I can Because When you're watching Just a Seinfeld Growing up As a Korean boy You're like Oh there's no way I could do that Because he's in a suit He's talking You know what I mean What's up with that You know what I mean I'm like I don't even understand Yeah But then you need You know I think Koreans Especially in comedy Are a little wilder I think Yeah I think so Like Hans Kim For instance Is an extreme example Of that Of just Something wrong Yeah There's something wrong with us And I think it's The Japanese oppression Of 50 years Yeah You know what I mean We were tortured And pillaged And you know what I mean Destroyed You know what I mean And we My generation Lived through that And it's generational trauma And it's just the way we are We're You know what I mean We're really into revenge There was something Happening before then though Because in the medieval era Those hats The Korean hats No no no Tell me about the hats You know about the Korean No I don't know about Korean hats They called it The kingdom of hats You've never seen The hats of medieval Korea Well I'm watching a movie a TV show again called Kingdom. - Yeah, yeah. wearing these large hats. - Maybe the hats are unbelievable. - Unbelievable hats. - Something important that, no, I mean, get up, all of the, there was a show about, was this the zombie show? - Yeah, The Kingdom. - The hats in that show. - That's what I was talking about. - I went from there, I saw that show and I went, look at these hats. - Look at the hats. - And I went back, it's a whole tradition of these hats. - And clothing. - Yeah. - They were really into linen, and I'm gonna tell you this right now, it's fucking Prada shit, dude. We were into style, you know what I mean? We were into like, you know what I mean? Check me out, you know what I mean? And it's like, everything is just like clean, good lines, very Balenciaga, if you really think about it. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. Look at that, dude. - Look at that one on the right. - Different styles. - Different styles of hats. - Of hats, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're also clever because they're see-through. - Wait, they talk not, they breathe? - So it breathes. - Breathes. - We were already. - Breathing into technology. - Yeah, breathable fabric. - Yeah, breathable fabric before anyone else. - The Margaret Cho thing you say is interesting though, 'cause it was sort of like, there was a last moment that there was kind of a left-wing, progressive, edgy punk rock that got absorbed at some point into a mainstream, but it's like her and Patton Oswalt were getting around like Jim Goad, and all the weird, edgy, sort of proto-fascist, straight, like violent, kill yourself, kill other people. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And you go, that's really gone away. There's not, people got the Dirtbag Lift. Dirtbag Lift had nothing on, early Margaret Cho. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - David Ross, David Cross, yeah, what a moment. - Yeah, I witnessed the tail end of that. And I think I was molded by it. Like Bane was molded by the dark. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were. - Remember Bane? - Yeah. - Yeah, he was molded by it. - When did that go away, and why did that go away? 'Cause I wasn't there for it at all. - I think you were molded by it. - I think you were molded by it, too, as well. I watch your comedy, and I think you're molded by it. - So Vice Magazine had started up by the time I was in my teen years, and that was really big. And I know that was born of that. They're taking that ethos as well. - Yes, yes. - And Gavin is a big Jim Gode person. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - There's some through line there. - Yes. - And the hipster thing was huge in Australia. We loved, it was like, oh, we can be counter-cultural and have a nice little meal. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Ride around on my bicycle. - Have some casual sex in the bookstore. It's great. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But it does-- - Your generation killed something. - What happened? - What? - Yeah. - No, you guys-- - I mean, you're wearing-- - Very unfortunate. - Let's just look at your clothing. - It's sick. - Yeah, it is sick. Yeah, but it's like, there's, not you specifically, right? - Okay, it felt like it was for a moment when you said, "Look at your clothing." I mean, yeah, it felt directed at me, I guess. I misunderstood. - You're wearing corduroy trousers? - Yeah, bro, these are J.Crew. - But in this heat. - I know, see how defensive he is too. - I like that. - Yeah, man, J.Crew. - Great, great, no, go for it. Go for it. - Yeah, go for it. - Go for it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm wearing seersucker and linen. I planned ahead for Los Angeles. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm loving it. - Yeah, yeah. - I love it. - This is style. - Yeah, suck on it. I'm on your side. - Yeah, suck on it. Suck on it, dude. - You're a great guy. - Yeah, you're a great guy. - He's a great guy. - You're a great guy, dude. We can tell you're a great guy. - Four years in, a heady time. - It's a heady time, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you feel you're still struggling? - Yeah. - A lot. - Yeah. - Are you a door person? - Mm-hmm. - Where do you door person? - The Comedy Store. - What a great place to be a door person. - It really is. - I've only been there about four times. I went in there the other night. - Yeah. - Oh my goodness. - What was, did you go up? - I just watched from the back. I was, I couldn't get on this one. - Oh, yeah. - This was, Kanye was there. - Oh! - Who was that? - Kanye West. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Kanye West. - I have a slippers. Those slippers are dope. - Yeah. - Let's move on. Yeah, yeah, let's move on. - It was a night of many star. It was- - Chris Rock, I heard. - Chris Rock was there. - Yeah. - Chappelle was there. Shane was there. Louie was there. - Wow. - It was a, I was with my friend Fuzzy. - Yeah. - He's never been to California before. And he was, he'd never been in the store before. He's walking around going, "Is it like this every single night?" - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's not. - Yeah. - Because mostly the nights are me. - It's usually you. Bobby, you're the guy. - It's me, Santino, Whitney Cummings. - Ali Wong. - Nikki Glaser, Ali Wong is pretty much the, is the regular nights. - Yeah. - But during Netflix week, which is this week, is everyone. That's why I'm, like, I was gonna take this week off, but they're like, "You want a spot?" And I'm like, "I have to do it, I think." - Yeah, yeah. - I think I have to do it. Because I'm going to the, the house for the first time tomorrow. Did you hear about the house? - No. - Ted Sarandos has a lunch. - Okay. I know about this only because I saw Hannah Gadsby in the picture one year, where she was, a couple of years ago, she came along and she's right in the corner, and Chappelle's way over there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me about, 'cause Hannah's from your region. - Hannah started out in my city. She's a Tasmanian, but she started comedy in Adelaide. - Are you friends with her? - We've never really hung out. I'll be honest. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - She was doing much better than me in Australia when I was there. I went to MC at a gig she did, and I didn't do a very good job, and I think I was offensive. And anyway, so we'll figure it out. No disrespect. - Yeah, yeah. No disrespect either. - Great club comic. - Don't know her. - Great club comic. - Yeah. - Not known for that work. People give me a fucking, people give me a look, but I'll stand up for it. She was a really strong club comic with tight, punchy bits. - I like her. - And she did, no, no, over here, over here. - I know, but yeah, but he's anti-everything. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like Red Bar. - People don't want to hear it. - I don't know who that is. - In the wild. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Red Bar is a guy who- - No, I don't have any interest in finding out any more about him. - All right, let's move on. All right, let's move on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is the lunch. - Yeah. - Okay. - There she is! - Where? - In the corner, no one's- - Is that her? - That's her. - That's her. - And then Chappelle. - That's them, sorry. That's Hannah. - And Chappelle's right here. - Zoom into that area. - Yeah, happy Chappelle is. - Chappelle's here. - Yeah, yeah. - Chappelle's having a great day. - So every year they have this famous lunch, right? And I'm finally invited. - The Asians, you would say. You don't get any outsized Asian attendance at your shows? You must. - No, he does. - Oh yeah, oh yeah. Oh, in San Francisco, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - I mean, but you know, when I play the Midwest where we've never had an Asian, or there are no Asians in the town. - Yeah. - What can I do? It's just filled with whites. - If you showed up to a show and the entire audience was Asian, would that feel good or weird to you? - Oh, it'd be great. - You'd like that, okay. - Oh no, 'cause when Dumb Founder did that outside all Asian festival and that was a surprise. It was a huge reaction. - Yeah, okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I know where I belong in the history and the annals of, you know what I mean? - Sure. - History of Asian comedy. - Yeah, okay, yeah. - I understand. You know, I think the whites have it harder. - No, I mean, accented whites? - Oh, fuck yeah, you have that. - No, Ari, Matty and I have like a hot knife through butter. We can do quite well. - Can you do an American accent? - Yes. - See, they love it. - Yeah, do it. - Oh, I'd turn it on and off though. - Oh, all right. - No, during the show, I try and balance it out. - I'll give you. - I'll go, sure, you know. - Yeah, but can I give you a line? - Porking my car at the car park. - Yeah. - Porking what? - Sorry, porking what? What do you want me to say? I'll try to go, I can do Midwest. - All right, all right, read the, this is your book? What's this book here? - "My Struggle." - Whose book is this? - It's mine, I brought it in. - Why? - Alex Cameron's book. - He actually does have it. - No, I'm just reading it. - I do have books of poems, yeah. - Can you say this book, "My Struggle," Karl Ove, in an American accent? - "My Struggle," book one, Karl Ove. That's not great. I can do, this one's much easier for us. Personally, I find it not especially difficult. - Yeah, look, can you teach me how to do an Australian accent? - Ah, fucking dog, dog. - Now give me a sentence. - Yeah, you fucking dog. - You fucking dog. You fucking dog. - And even then the T, Americans really pronounce the, if it's an R at the end or a T, they pronounce it, we just, we just end. - Car. - Car. It's like Bostonian. - It's a little-- - I have a-- - It's a little south side Chicago. - You know what I mean? - I have a-- - I have a dreaming, or whatever. - That's very good. That's a very funny bit. - That was a Martin Luther King. - As a sketch. - Yeah, yeah, you think so? - Well, with the dreaming is the aboriginal-- - Do you think this is a bit, 'cause I thought about it, what if Koreans had like an MLK, you know what I mean? He did a speech like that, with an accent. - Uh-huh. - And so, I have a dreaming, right? The white people do the laundry. - Do you think that would work as a bit, or no? - Sure. Give it a go. - I guess. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I like it, yeah. - I have a bit about Koreans that I've not managed to get off the ground. - Can you workshop it here? - Well, it's that from the outside, the stereotype is like, you know, these Koreans, they'll like the anime, and the black people, they like the fried chicken, but now I'm here, it's like, my God, I mean, the Koreans love the fuckin' fried chicken, and black people love anime. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's the whole observation. - I think that it is a very-- - Too much work, yeah. - It's a very accurate observation. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I can't believe how much black people love the anime. - Yeah, they love it. - And Koreans with the fried chicken. - Black people love, back in the day, kung fu Chinese movies. - Man, and I wish that Liquid Swords, I don't know if you know the song Liquid Swords. All these Wu-Tang songs, they've got 90 seconds at the start of some odd Chinese, you know. Yeah, they love it. I fight you and the samurai came for my father. Yeah, yeah. And I didn't. And weird noises happen. Yeah, yeah. And finally we get to the song. Liquid Swords is the big one where it's just 90 seconds of piffle and screaming. Yeah, but the Asian culture is heavily influenced, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's macho, macho with the black thing. It's a fighting. What's a macho? Macho, I mean, kung fu movies. I was reading about this, I think the Tarantino book. What's macho? Kung fu movies, very macho, and black people. Wait, wait. Black people have a macho culture. Kung fu is a macho thing. Like macho. He's saying macho. What's macho mean? Like tough. Oh, macho. Macho man. Oh, macho man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to be a macho man. It's actually not a very macho man. And then Trump comes out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's doing, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What weird choice. YMCA macho man. It's, it's. Yeah, like the worst. Maybe that's the only rights he can get. Is that what it is? Maybe. He ends on candle in the wind. I always thought that was beautiful. His, his, after his speeches? He finishes the speeches. They play candle in the wind. Wow. That's why there's that clip of him coming off stage, and they go, Ruth Bader Ginsburg died, and it's candle in the wind playing. No, no. Oh, it's the greatest clip. If I'm ever to. Explain it to me. Explain it to me. He, they go. It's, it's, and it seems to me. In the distance. It's playing. And he comes over and he goes, what? And someone goes, Ruth Bader Ginsburg is dying. It's my first time hearing that. You're telling me that for the first time. Wow. She lived an incredible life. Yeah. And then he walks up the steps. Yeah. He salutes everybody. It's candle in the wind, and the fucking flag's going. Wow. It's like cinema. Yeah, yeah. It's perfect cinema. Perfect. Does anyone else? Have you seen it? I've never seen this before. Yeah, yeah. I've never seen it before. Oh, it's great. Yeah, yeah. I love it already. It's peak. But, but describing is better than seeing it. Maybe. Yeah, yeah. Don't look it up. Especially from an Australian. From an Australian. Yeah. Yeah. As an Australian. I'll cry thinking about it. You, you live here now though, right? In Austin. I was living in Austin. I moved back to Australia now. I'm just doing a tour. We had a fourth child. It was hard. Oh, okay. Congratulations. We'll figure it out. Congratulations. Thank you. I appreciate it. How do Australians feel about Americans right now because of the global conflicts that are going? Can I, is that uncomfortable? No, no. We're not a political show. No, no, no. People are afraid to come. Most Australians feel odd coming. Yeah. Because I have a tour in Australia in August. Yep. Hey. I'm going to Australia. Woo! Yay. I'm going down under. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And I am, right, going to sell out every show. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. And it's going to be great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And Jay, you're going to open for one of me in Adelaide? I think I might be filming. I am actually directing a movie in August. Would you come one day early? I'll do the show. Are you really? Will you come and be, I can only give, I can't necessarily pay you. It's a very low budget. Yeah. You're directing a movie. Yeah, but can I? That's so funny. I'm not a director. I don't think it's going to work. No, wait, wait, wait. I'm not a director. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You fuck. You're a fucking lying piece of shit. No, no. I was quite careful with how I worded everything. No, no, no, no, no. Go back. It's a crazy reveal. It's crazy, dude. Yeah, that's you, dude. All right? And what I'm saying to you is this. I already said in the beginning of the show that you look like a director. Then you completely denied it. Like you didn't want anything to do with it. I played it down. I played it. I didn't. And then now it's like, can you fly in a day early? To do my movie. So I can be in your movie. I'll give you a good role in the movie. You would? Maybe. Yeah. No, great role. Powerful role. Powerful. Okay. Are you really directing a movie? I'll send you the script. No, you don't have to send me the script. I'll do it anyway. All right. Done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll do it anyway. But what I'm saying is, yes, I'm doing it anyway. Nice. Oh, so you are going to Australia. Woo-hoo! Go to Australia. Yeah, yeah. We'll be in the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's the way back. You ready? What? Here we go. The cruise. We're going to get on one of these two-week cruises. And get Hantavirus? Yeah. Come on. Come on. I'm pure number one Hantavirus guy. Brisbane to Hawaii. Yeah. How long does that take? Two weeks? Three weeks? One month. You sit on the deck. You drink the drink. Yeah, yeah, you drink the thing. Go for the swim. Yeah. And then you get off in Hawaii. Yeah. So now I fly back with a sweet American jet fuel. But. Oh! A three-week trip to Australia through a cruise. And then a beautiful trip. That's six days then. You can get booked on the cruise. Two, $3,000. Get a free room. No, I'm not doing that. Bobby will pay that to not do that. Yeah, I'll pay not to perform. So you're saying three weeks on one way to Australia. No, no. I fly in. Fly in. You got American fuel to bring you in. Oh, I fly into Australia. Ship out. And you ship out three weeks. Wouldn't that be nice? It would be nice. Go to Australia. I'm in Hawaii. Stay a couple of days. Yeah. The problem is that I'm playing Hawaii in September. In September, so. What if that works? August, September. Hello. Hello. Could work. What if that did work? You're doing the Blue Room? Blue Lagoon? Blue Nuts? What's it called? Hawaii Theater. Hawaii Theater. No, the bigger one. Yeah, it's a different one. I'm doing a bigger one, yeah. I've always wanted to do Hawaii. Blue Note? What the fuck? I said Blue Note. What am I, Tony Hinchcliffe? That's the best I could imagine for myself. You're playing Rainbow Warrior Stadium. It's five to five. I'll text them tomorrow. I want to go to Hawaii. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never been. Oh, you got to go. You got to go. Seems perfect. I've got all these kids and we've got to keep going back and forward. Yeah, yeah. What a nice place to get to stop and take a look. You got to go, dude. I took him. Yeah, you got to go with Bobby. Yeah. It's a different Hawaii. It's a different Hawaii with me. It's different. Yeah, we go to Omicasa. I know what all the great spots are. A lot of laying out. A lot of beach fun. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like you're recognized everywhere you go, but in Hawaii, it's a different level. Yeah, I have a whole big Hawaiian family. People go crazy for you. I don't know, crazy, but it's like I'm a local. Yeah, you are. Do you support a Hawaii independence movement? I do. Yeah, and I was on a show called Magnum P.I., which was shot in Hawaii, so I worked a lot out there as an actor, just so I don't lose the job. It would be an honor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. An honor to have you in the picture. I can't pay you rates. I'll do it for free, dude. I do movies and television for nothing because it doesn't do much. No one's going to see your movie, but anyway. Hey, maybe so. Maybe so. It's hard to get off the ground, but I would- If you do it for free and the movie does get off the ground, you'll come with us to the Cannes Film Festival. You'll have a wonderful time. And not only that, how about this, as a promise, right? I'll do that small role for you for free, right? But if it becomes a huge movie- No, no, no. No, no, no. Yeah. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I won't do it. How big is a huge movie? All right, so if you do this movie, right, and it becomes- I should have just moved on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like an Academy Award winning movie, right? Yes. You'll get another movie. Yeah. A bigger movie, right? Yep. I get a part in that movie. I can accept these terms. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Pending your performance. No, no, no, no, no, no. You shook first. All right, a part. All right, a part. Not one line. Not one line. It's only two lines. I'm not background. Not one line. That would be great. I would be an honor. No, we- I feel- I have a significant role in the big Hollywood one. Yes. Because I've been in this boat before. Yeah. You know that I have. Yeah, I've been- Always gets screwed. Literally, I've been on this boat before. Gets screwed. Where I get screwed, where they're like, you know what I mean? Do this short, right? You're the star, right? And then all of a sudden, we got funding for the movie. We're going to get Keanu Reeves. Yeah. Right? And then you're like, oh, I got fucked. Yeah. Have you ever been in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? I have not. This might be time. Are you directing? You think I could- You got the movie? No, I'm just saying. You think I could call Warner Brothers, hey, can I play Wolverine? I think that there are enough people in there that if you just start putting that out, who knows what will happen. Well, I have auditioned for- For Star Wars and Marvel Project. But not as a superhero, as like a scientist or something. Or a clerk at a hotel. Like, oh my God, Spider-Man. Lines like that. I helped you with Shang-Chi. Yeah, you helped me with Shang-Chi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say, Shang-Chi, you didn't land anything in Crazy Rich Asians? Oh, it's- Everyone has to have a subject role. That's what I'm saying. All right, okay. All right, all right, all right. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, all right. I was tracking that movie from inception to casting. Yeah. And when we called and said, can Bobby Lee audition, they go, he's never going to get it. So thanks for bringing that up again, you piece of shit. You might have- They truly are crazy, these rich- If I would have put you- Ken Jeong got it. I would have put you. Anyway, did you have fun today? He did blackface. Well, he did? Yeah, everybody knows that. Let me see. Oh, in that episode of- Let me see. In that episode of Community that got cut where he's a dark elf. You may have just won your graces back with Bobby. Can I say, this is so funny, though? Yeah, send it. It's so funny. Oh, my. That's not a black friend. He's an elf. Yeah, he's like a- All right, yeah. Now, find mine. You have one? The George Foreman. The George Foreman one. Yeah. Did it George Foreman? I played George Foreman's son. Is that online? I think Bad Friends has it. I had no clue you did this. Is this on Matt TV? Yeah. Oh, no. You're not going to be able to find it. Give me some time. Okay. Anyway, well, we're done with the podcast. Here's some of his dates. Oh, yeah. So your dates are once you're. All these shows. Get on down. Well, is there a site that they can go to? The James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan out now. All digital platforms. Spotify. Delicious Little Juice. The hit single out now. Okay. Four books of poems. You got four books. Wow, four books. Give James and Rod a round of applause, everybody. Thank you for having me. I really thank you for having me. That was so fun. Thank you for having me.