We welcome actress Jameela Jamil (The Good Place) to TigerBelly, and James Blake snickers in the back. We chat the day Prince called Jameela, British heart, Ted Danson sleepover, omelette roulette, photographic memory, no reverse cowgirl, Harold & Kumar 4.
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Transcription
13806 Words, 69918 Characters
Hey everybody, Bobby Lee here, and I'm very excited because I'm shooting my first special for Hulu.
And it's going to be at San Diego, California, January 16th, 2026, January 17th, 2026.
And it's at the San Diego Balboa Theater, and the tickets are on sale now, and come check it out.
I would love to see you there, and I'm super excited.
And we're all going to be there.
We're all going to be there.
Support Papa.
Papa.
Tito Bobby.
Yeehaw!
You've never done that before.
Never.
You've never done it?
Yeah.
Because you know that it is.
We're all trying to play it cool.
Everyone play it cool, please.
I was just wondering if I played stupid.
Who am I playing?
I wish he could hear this music you're playing.
Jamila, Jamil, she's from a faraway place called England.
England.
That's where Harry Potter lives.
That's where. The Queen is.
The Queen is.
Was.
Was.
The Queen was.
Was.
That's where the Queen was.
That's where Wayne Rooney is.
Right?
Yeah.
And Gary Neville.
Wow.
Wow.
And Sir Alex Ferguson.
How is it?
Paul Scholes.
Right?
Right?
Paul Scholes?
Yes.
Ryan Giggs.
Right?
And David Beckham.
But David Beckham.
Fuck David Beckham.
Whoa.
No, he's very good.
Shots fired.
Very good.
But you know what?
Arsenal is still the best team in England.
Arsenal, number one.
What about Simon?
Simon who?
Kyle.
Simon Cowell.
Simon Cowell.
Right, right.
Very good.
Simon Cowell, right?
Can you be a bit louder just because I want to hear Bobby's beautiful piano playing?
How is it playing the piano in front of James?
Well, you know.
It's, you know, intimidating, but, you know, I'm not afraid, right?
I don't live in the fear, you know what I mean?
But Bobby just met my boyfriend.
Yeah, well, give Jameela a round of applause.
I have a boyfriend, thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just got a boyfriend, I'm dating somebody.
So he found out that my boyfriend is James Blake, who's sitting in the corner, and he
had a fucking nervous breakdown, didn't you?
A little nervy being.
Oh, no.
Well, it's just like, you know, I did have a liver, it was, you know, a liver breakdown.
Did you say liver breakdown?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, my liver broke down, my liver broke down.
I've never seen you shy or thrown ever before that moment.
Yeah, because I'll tell you why, it's like running into, like, you know, a mythological
character, you know what I mean, from your dreams, you know?
Because, you know, you listen to the music, you go, I'm never going to meet that person.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm never going to meet Genghis Khan.
Yeah, yeah, it's like running into Genghis Khan.
Just James and Genghis Khan.
Or, you know, or, you know, anyone from history or, you know, you never.
I think.
But it's like, I wish I would have known.
Sorry.
Yeah, yeah.
I wish I was just like, oh, he's just an English bloke.
What is a bloke?
A bloke is a man.
What's an English bloke?
It's a man about town.
Oh, it is.
What's a hooligan?
A hooligan is a troublemaking man about the dark side of town, the wrong side of town.
Well, you're not a hooligan, are you?
Not, no.
No, no, no.
No.
I can't do your accent, sorry.
Go ahead, please.
Have you ever done an Asian accent?
No, I just, the only thing I remember is Theo Vaughn going, Bobby.
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, do you, you're Pakistani.
Yeah.
What a beautiful place.
Pakistani and Indian, both.
Oh, you're a combo.
Yes.
I'm Japanese and Korean.
Oh, congratulations.
I'm kidding, I'm not.
You are.
You are technically DNA.
You did your 23andMe.
All Koreans have a little Japanese and a little Japanese have a little Korean.
Well, it's the same thing with Pakistan and India.
I mean, it's not a real.
It's not a real divide.
No.
The same people, kind of.
Yeah.
I think the Japanese and Korean are the same people.
Yeah, but I heard, I learned something really interesting about Hangul, your written language
yesterday.
Hangul.
Do you just Google his culture?
So nice.
No, because my little, my goddaughter, she was like, oh, do you speak Korean?
I'm like, no, I don't.
She assumed it because we, you know, we dated for so long.
And apparently it's a really good thing.
It's a really effective and easy to learn language because of the written language.
It was, it was engineered.
Like geniuses.
Yes.
To be learned quickly and effectively as opposed to like Chinese where you have like a million
characters, right?
Too many characters.
Yeah.
There's billions of them.
Yes.
Chinese.
Chinese.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
And I love the people Chinese, but, but, but every time someone cuts in line, it's a Chinese
person.
And I don't know what that's about.
Speed.
They're fast.
They're fast, but do they not know the rules?
Maybe it's a stereotype.
I'm sorry.
I mean, but I'm at a Jamba Juice.
I mean, and then they, they, they always go, oh, what, what's going on around here?
Right.
Anyway, we.
Yeah.
But other than that, I mean, I love that, you know, I love the food.
What do you think is an act?
They know what they're doing.
I think they know what they're doing.
It's.
It's, you know, but anyway, let's move on from it because it seems uncomfortable for
me.
For you?
You've been talking about it.
Yeah.
Have a little sip of my beverage.
Yeah.
Have a beverage.
I have a question for you.
Well, we're not.
We're not.
We're not there yet.
Oh.
Can I just.
Can I.
Okay.
Well, this is my head already.
I understand that.
But can you write it down on your notebook?
I did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I started at the airport.
That's why.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, you landed and then you started writing notes.
Yeah.
I was like, why?
Why what?
Well, it's a question, but.
That's your question?
No, no.
Why?
But I'm going to tell you the question later.
Why am I here?
No, no, no, no, no.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Do you want me to go?
Can I just say something?
Right.
I mean, you know, if this is the Enterprise.
Okay.
Star Trek.
I'll be.
Well, I just feel like am I not James Kirk?
He's Kirk.
Yeah.
Am I not or no?
Are you?
No, I'm not.
Yeah.
What are you?
Um, the guy with the shit on the head.
Oh, you're Worf.
Worf.
You're a Klingon?
Yeah.
I don't think so.
No.
You're an engineering dude.
James Wong.
No, not James Wong.
What's that guy's?
George Takai?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What's his name?
No, it's Sulu.
Sulu.
Let's move on from it.
I think we're confusing our cast.
Okay.
You're adorable.
He is adorable.
He's never read a book.
Yes, I have.
What book?
The Bible.
The Bible.
I want one.
Have you read the Bible?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
What's it like?
I never read it.
Fascinating.
And really, really hyper-realistic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
What starts off with the Genesis?
100%.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Can you explain?
Adam and Eve in particular.
Great.
Oh, that's the opening.
Definitely.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can you explain it to me?
Because I don't, I've never even, I don't know anything about it.
No, I can't.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Well, let me just see if I can explain.
Okay.
In the beginning, God made man.
He made, in seven days, Earth, the atmosphere, the universe.
Well, did he do the universe first, right?
Yes.
Because there's like billions of planets, right?
Yes.
So he made every billion planet, right?
Yes.
And then he made Earth.
Then he made atmosphere, Earth, sand, the trees and all that stuff, right?
And then the Kardashians.
The Kardashians.
But that came later.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That came after the snake.
That was day eight.
The Kardashian line was day eight.
Yes.
Wow, I did not know that.
So write that down.
The Kardashian, you're right.
The Jenner's?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So then he made Adam and Eve.
What color were they?
They were definitely white.
Everyone was white.
Oh, I see.
Everybody.
But then he created the sun and made us dark.
No.
Not in the book.
He creates the sun and it just bounces off everyone in the Bible.
Oh, really?
And they're all super white.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But then.
Through Adam and Eve, civilization started.
Yes.
We're all.
So we're all.
Adam needed someone to give him a blowjob.
So he took out his rib.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Which I think is what Prince was originally trying to do.
Really?
Yeah.
I did not know that.
And then he grew a woman out of a rib.
Yeah.
And then he got sucked off and then banished, I think.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Because she forced him to eat the apple because he had got no agency of his own.
Great.
Oh, wow.
Adam's a little bitch.
I did not know about that.
I knew about.
Oh, but all that stuff.
I didn't know about that.
Yeah.
And then what happened was their offspring eventually went to other lands.
Mm-hmm.
So like.
Where they remained white.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But then how did we.
White Africans.
How did we.
White Middle Easterns.
It's amazing.
Uh-oh.
So how did you become a Pakistani then?
This is all makeup.
She's a white woman.
That's a white woman.
Oh, you're a white woman.
I've been playing the D.C.
Yeah.
I'm white too.
I have jaundice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's why.
That's why the yellow.
yeah I'm a sick white guy
people don't know that
but like
so eventually
you know
they drifted apart
and they go
okay bye
you're gonna be
one day Chinese
and then one day
you're gonna be black
and then they all
one day Chinese
one day Chinese
they created a character
and the accent then
yeah
yeah and then
wow
and so that's how it
that's how we all
got here today
I did not know that
and where
when did Noah's Ark
come into play
tell me about Noah's Ark
I don't fucking know
give a shit
oh okay
what religion are you then
I'm sadly atheist
me too kinda
me too
yeah
we're all kinda
yeah
how about you Haim
agnostic
that's fair
maybe I'm a bit more
more agnostic
not because you're adorable
but also just because
there could be something
maybe
yes
right
yeah
something has to be
responsible for my breasts
yeah
no
I'm joking
okay
you didn't have to look
she was just saying
what
no I said
no I set him up
yeah
I mean I don't
I didn't look at her
I looked at her jacket
I'll look at your balls
real quick
they're extra wrinkly
and it means they're wise
they're wise
they're very wise
because all girls say
have you seen my
you've seen my nutsack
I would hope so
yeah
all girls have said
it's extra wrinkly
and I make them laugh
by saying
it's because they're wise
but then I think to myself
why are they wrinkly
no but you know
what actually
I can sort of relate
not to my balls
but
James' balls
but you know how you've got
James is your balls
extra wrinkly
they're lovely
they're lovely
I bet they are
perfect
smooth probably
so
but you have no lines
listen to his voice
you have no lines
anywhere on your face
and so all of the lines
on your face
went to your face
my eyes
they're his painting
in the basement
Dorian Gray
mine is
I have a very old ass
so the rest of me
I'm 40 in like
a few months
I've never had Botox filler
I look young
because I have a devastatingly
old man's ass
and that's why
James' songs are really so
yeah but let me ask you
something about your ass
okay
right
you look at it
and what makes it old
the shape
the texture
the wisdom
the texture
is it flat or
yeah
I'm Asian
yeah I know
you know it's just
it is what it is
I prefer flat asses
do you
to be honest with you
yeah
he's always said that actually
I like bony
I like bony flat asses
lovely
mine is sort of
it's sort of flat
but also kind of
it's
it's present
at the sides of my hips
as if it's sort of nosy
like it doesn't want to stay
at the back
and not be involved
it kind of comes around the side
to see what's going on
do you know what I mean
like
yeah
yeah
that's my ass
whoa
it's sort of like
James Bond
yeah
your ass
whoa
it's like
it's
yeah
it's like an Ethan Hunt-y
kind of an ass
you know what I mean
I like it
my publicist
is just pulled out
from behind the camera
he's like
not the asshole bit
not the asshole bit
we talked about this
I haven't yet brought up
my leathery bagel
just the
outside
what's the bagel part
the butthole
the asshole
oh yeah
yeah
yours became
super leathery
since Ozempic
how do you know
oh
we all unfortunately
know
we had to do a test
we had to do a test
we took a photo
we took a photo
Alex took a photo
Bobby insisted we take a photo
so we could do a before and after
well because it shrivels
the labia as well
doesn't it
so does it also go after the hole
yeah
the calamari
I call it the calamari
has it changed
has it changed
color yes
the
oh
what color
extra purple
it's like Barney's butthole
amazing
yeah
you know Barney
yes
yeah
a dark purple
yeah
it's a sad purple
you know what I mean
it's sort of like
Prince's butthole
you know
I mean he loves purple
oh he does love purple
yeah yeah yeah
purple rain
purple rain
you know
one time
he
Prince
called up my manager
and said he wanted to meet me
no
in my 20s
yeah
wow
he said he'd been watching
YouTube videos of me
all day
red flag
okay
that's a red flag
that's a red flag
he wanted to meet me
and so
my manager called me
and she was like
are you a fan of Prince
and I was like
not really
um
and she said
well I am
and I really want tickets
to his
can you please
so you never met him
can you please meet him
he wants to call you
wow
I was like
okay when's he gonna call me
and she was like
apparently tomorrow
11pm
so I get an email that night
just being like
no a text message that night
being like
Prince is gonna call you
tomorrow at 11pm
and then the following morning
9am
I get an email saying
Prince is gonna call you
tonight 11pm
and I was like
yep
no I got it yesterday
12pm
Prince is gonna call you
wow
1pm
wow
1pm
7pm
and then 1045
that like
Prince is gonna call you
in 15 minutes
he's gonna email you first
and at 1059
I get an email
that just says
it's me
dot dot dot
from Prince
and then he phones me
and we have this
deranged
phone conversation
where he tells me
he's been watching me again
all day
and that
and then pivots
the conversation
like he's really strange
like speaks in a very high voice
he will not let me swear
every time I swear
he tells me
that it makes the paint
peel off the walls
and then he
and then he asks me
to
bear with me
because I didn't expect
to tell the story
so then he asks me to
he starts saying to me
that you know like
I really want to play
Alexandra Palace
which is a very iconic
venue
for like 10 to 15,000 people
in England
and I was like
I think you would be great
for Alexandra Palace
how old are you
how old are you
I'm 26
okay
at the time
and he's like
and I want everyone
to be wearing
purple
and I was like
sounds cool
and he's like
and I want everyone
backstage to be women
and I was like
empowering
and then he says
I want them all
to be dancers
and I want them all
to be wearing
roller skates
and I was like
this sounds like
a great day man
yeah yeah
I hope that that happens
he was like great
so if you could arrange
that for me
I'd really appreciate it
you can't tell the venue
it's me
goodbye I'll call you tomorrow
and see your progress
and hangs up
no
and so
over the course of a
15 to 20 minute phone call
I become an event planner
I've never even had
a birthday party
like I can't organize
a piss up in a brewery
did you panic
yeah of course
I fucking panic
yeah yeah yeah
and then he's like
calling me every day
for progress
like I can't tell
call up Alexandra Palace
I'm 26
this is real
100%
wow
so I
so then he proceeds
to kind of harass me
for the next
like next month almost
like trying to get me
to organize this huge gig
and I don't know how to do it
and also you can't book
Alexandra Palace
with like two weeks notice
and not tell them
who it's for
oh wow
and so
at that time
he was a symbol right
yeah of course
exactly
so I was like
how do I even describe
describe this
on the fucking phone
and then eventually
kind of you know
the phone calls
turned from event planning
into friendship
and then friendship
into flirting
I did not flirt back
oh so you didn't find
him attractive
no
yeah yeah yeah
no no no
he's little
he's a little man
I don't mind a little man
yeah yeah yeah
okay
but what was it
that you didn't find
attractive
his hair
I think it was
his whole
his whole vibe
really
and also very entitled
calling me up
on the first date
and asking me
to organize
a 14,000 person
all purple event
and he's
he's much older
he's a time fighter
you know
so I wasn't interested
I wasn't interested
in him
and I had a boyfriend
at the time
sure
so yeah
he just fizzled away
it's well
yeah well
no it ended
angrily from
from him
Jesus
Jesus Christ
did he do that
or did you
yeah
yeah
he
but he
what's he pointing to
well he eventually
got angry with me
because I didn't want
to spend Valentine's Day
with him
because I was with
my boyfriend
and he said
well why did you put
an X at the end
of all your text messages
and I was like
that's just what
English people do
to show that we're
not angry with each other
so then we had
a falling out
and then we did
so you never
physically met him
definitely
no no no no
I did
but I just didn't
want to spend
Valentine's Day
oh I see
out of touch
completely out of touch
well now he's dead
so we're very out
I killed him
wow
Kachava
Kachava
Kachava
dude last night
I was like
I came home
from the road
and I was like
you know what
I want to
I need
I'm hungry
uh huh
okay
and you know
my body
you know
knows
when it's
getting good
nutrients
nutrients
right
and so
I went
and got the
strawberry Kachava
woo
all you do is
two scoops
glass of water
stir it
you drink it
and I'll tell you
why I like this
more than any other
thing
it tastes
so good
they're all
all of them
all of them do
all the flavors
support all the energy
with five key vitamins
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digestion
you like digestion
yep
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probiotics
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who loves enzymes
I do
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nurtures
you do
me do
me do too
nurture a healthy
metabolism
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who likes
metabolizing
me
I know you do
dude
right
nurture
immune system
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zinc
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right
who likes zinc
zinc
I love zinc
I love zinc too
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yeah
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Tell me about the flavors
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What's your favorite?
The coconut acai for me
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But if you were to go up
To Bobby's pantry right now
And open it up
Half of that thing
Is just cachava
Oh wow
I'm not lying
And my mom
You know my mom's
Like a super health freak
She steals it from me
Is that where she got
Introduced to it?
I think she stole it from me
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Chew
You guys
I'm 54
Yeah
And sometimes
You know what I mean
My little Toki the dum-dum
Isn't awake
Uh oh
And it's action
Action time
A little tired
He's tired
Old
Right
Action time
But guess what
He has a blue friend
Oh wow
It's called blue chew
Let's go
I take it
And then Toki is ready to fun
Ready to fun
Yeah
And it's
It works
Right
Uh
Guys
Enter the room
Dick first
Am I not right
You're right
Blue chew isn't just a tablet
It's a cheat code
For your crotch
Wow
Stronger
Harder
Longer lasting
Like someone gave your downstairs
A pep talk
And a gym membership
Gilbert's moaning
I don't like that
I'm just thinking about Bobby
He's a Christian
I just
No I think about Bobby
Getting hard
He gets beside
Yeah yeah yeah
When Christians do that
It's mind boggling
One more time
No no I'm not doing it
One more time
Stronger
Yeah yeah yeah
Stronger
Harder
Yeah
Longer lasting
My lord
Okay good
That's better
No but actually
It's you know
It's
It really does work
And um
You know it's chewable
You can chew it
You can swallow it
Jack could climb
His own stock
On one of these beans
I'll tell you that right
Oh yeah
Yeah
Guys this isn't just about performance
This is about legacy
Or third legacy
Give her group chat
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You know when you lay it down
Girls like Kalala
Are talking about
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Wow
I've never had
I mean if Angelica
Houston called me
Are you kidding me?
She's like my number
She's like top tier to me
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
That's her vagina
If Angelica
If Angelica Houston called me
I probably would do it
She's incredible
Are you fucking crazy?
You would be so
So lucky to even
Be considered
What do you mean?
Consider what?
Be considered
What are you talking about?
To be her concubine?
No I mean
Even if she were to
Look your direction
You should feel so glad
Okay you're Angelica
No you play Angelica
You play Angelica Houston
Wait who is that?
Okay
What are you doing?
She's trying to keep
The momentum going I guess
All right
So we're at
Yeah yeah
That's Angelica Houston
Old school
Yeah oh that's old school
You ever watch like
The old school Adam's Castle?
Wait wait
We're not in the scene yet
We're not in the scene yet
I've been fucking ready man
It's really good dude
Jimmy that's really good
Thank you
All right so
Wait before you get started
Yeah yeah yeah
So who did she play?
Morticia Adams
In the old one?
In the old one
Yeah yeah
The movies or?
Uh huh
Did you ever see
Adam's Family?
Yes
Is this your first day outside?
I wish it was
It always seems like it
No
The Royal Tenenbaums
You ever see that?
Royal Tenenbaums
She's in a lot of
John Wick
John Wick
Oh she's in John Wick
Yeah
You've seen Royal Tenenbaums?
Okay
Oh okay okay okay
No okay
Okay okay
Oh you wanna eat that?
Oh my god
You're ruining everything
Let's go back to
Okay okay my bad my bad
You know what he said to me
When I came in here today?
What did he say?
What did I say?
What did he say when he
No don't bring it up
You gotta do it
Don't bring it up
Just give the energy
You don't have to say the exact
He goes last night
I hit that back
Oh no
Why do you talk like that?
No I don't
He's one of those guys
Cause he rarely gets laid
He rarely gets laid
Right?
He's gonna be innocent
And people that rarely get laid
When they get laid
They always say shit like that
Just to let us know
That something happened
Oh
And it's gross
Right?
And I had to even explain to him
Cause I've never even heard that
I was joking
No
And then you showed me a photo
Okay
Did you not show me a photo?
No I did not
I hit that back
I hit that back
Uh uh
Yeah yeah yeah
I don't know
He's a comedian
Yeah yeah yeah
He's a comic
It's so gross
No I didn't
It's so gross
No I didn't
Yeah yeah yeah
I was just joking
So you swore to God
You didn't hit that back last night?
We're guys
We joke like that
Oh locker room talk
Yeah man
Yeah yeah yeah
Not from the ladies
Okay
What?
Man
Did he show you a picture of her ass?
No no no
Yeah
No he didn't
How was it?
Yeah
Then he did a thing
Did he not at the table?
No
Yeah he did
You act out how you hit it from the back
No
No Bobby Bobby
It was higher
He went higher
Yeah he went higher
Yeah yeah
No I didn't
I absolutely
I feel
I've never been more convinced of anything more than I am
Thank you
That you did that
Yeah
Yeah
Anyway so um
That was an
And you know what?
High five man
It was high five
Sorry James
Yeah
For what?
Yeah yeah
This is locker room talk
Yeah yeah
It's locker room talk
I don't like it
Yeah yeah yeah
Apologize to James
Anyway um
Jesus
Yeah Jesus Christ
We talked about the Bible
Yeah man
Alright enough
Alright but congratulations
It was a joke man
Yeah I think it happened
No I didn't
When you're just saying it privately
Let's move on but let's
When you're saying it privately to me
Right
When you know
It's for the world
It's for the world
It really is
Unfortunately
We've learned the hard way
Yeah
Well she's a fan of the podcast so
Okay
Oh well
Okay that's great
Listen and she's like
Hey that
Lines up
He told us
That you are amazing in bed
Wow
Yeah yeah yeah
Wow
Yeah
And very beautiful
Yeah
With perfect ass
Yeah
You're a very positive person
Huh?
Are you a positive person?
That's the first time anyone's ever said that
You're not positive?
James am I positive?
There we go
Yeah yeah
So do you wake up
Because today I woke up
You know sometimes I wake up
And I'm just like
I was excited that you were coming
Aw
Yeah but
You know I just done the road
And I you know
Came in last night late
Yeah
And I
Felt like kind of
Sometimes I just kind of wake up
A little depressed
Do you get wake up depressed?
No
Okay
You never get depressed
I don't get depressed
I wake up anxious
In fact I woke up really anxious today
And I had to take a little pill
Because I was so excited to see you
Oh
Anxiety
Yeah
Yeah
What are you anxious about?
I don't know
I was just nervous
I wanted you to like me
Yeah yeah
But
I didn't give a shit
About what you two thought
I just
Yeah
But I've always been aware of you
I've always liked you
Aw
I've always liked you too
Yeah yeah
In fact when we
When you gave me the guest list
Of like who do we get
I go
I want her
Aw thank you
Yeah so it's like
Yeah
Wow so you wake up anxious
I wake up anxious sometimes
Yeah
Yeah when you were shooting
The Good Place
We were anxious
Fucking terrified
Yeah
Terrified every day
Every moment
I get nervous
I still get scared
Thinking back on it
Well didn't you test for that show?
I did
You did right?
Yeah
Did you?
For who?
Yeah he did
I don't remember
But
It was for
Get it
Um no no no
Was it Giannu the monk?
Uh
No it wasn't
Did I racially profile him?
I didn't get it
You were Manny Jacinto
Okay
It was you or Manny
Come on let's move on
I didn't get it
He didn't get it
I test a lot
I don't get it
But that was one of his bigger
Heartbreaks at that time
Aw
I was heartbroken
Yeah
Yeah
I mean it wasn't
You weren't going for Kristen Bell
I was probably the
Were you going for my role?
No no no
What about that guy?
Manny
So it was for Manny
Yeah that's what I mean
Giannu
Maybe
But um
I didn't get it
He's much more handsome
Probably more talented
Manny is a cutie
He is a cutie
Yeah he is
He's a very handsome man
Cause I've been on sitcoms before
American sitcoms
And they're um
It's a stressful of it
Yes
Table reads were always
Because you would always hear stories about
People get fired at the table read
People get fired
So I went to the costume department
Before our first table read
Cause I'd only just done all of the auditions
And so you know
We hadn't started shooting yet
There was still a chance
That I could be fired
If I fuck up the table read
So I went to the costume department
Everyone else shows up
In like jeans and t-shirts
I showed up in my gown
From episode one
With a big floral hat
And a basket
Wow
And came in in character
I've never acted before
By the way at this point
The audition was my first ever time acting
Oh my god
Wow
Sorry to rub it in
Yeah
But um
Quite a bit
So I was so inexperienced
That I was like
I have to throw everything at this
Otherwise
I'm not going to be able to do it
I'm toast
And I think that's the only reason
I kept my job that day
Oh so you miser tech
You went like method on it
I fully
Yeah
Yeah yeah yeah
Wow
So when you're sitting there
At the table read
Especially you're
I mean you're with a legend
Ted Danson
Yeah
Right
Who I've heard
I've never met him before
I heard he's a really nice guy
Amazing man
Yeah yeah yeah
An amazing guy
Which is lucky
To be in that situation
100%
And he really took me under his wing
And like taught me how to act
And taught me how to
Stand in front of the camera
Taught me what a mark is
Just like everything I know
I
i owe to him so if you think i'm shit that is ted's fault yeah yeah
Did you ever, like. Get anxious meeting him?
Yeah, petrified.
You just finish it.
Did you ever get anxious meeting him?
Do you want to be the captain?
No, but. No, no, you want to fly the ship?
It's a mutiny.
Yeah, yeah.
No.
That was wild.
Really good timing.
I think everybody wakes up anxious.
I had to stress eat,
and I stress ate so much on the season one
that I gained a dress size and a half
and looked sort of quite similar to Pablo Escobar
by the end.
So it wasn't clear if it was Narcos or The Good Place,
and it was great.
And they had to leave my costume open at the back,
so they couldn't get images of me running from the back.
You know, when things start to heat up
at the end of season one,
they'd normally have to get me from the front
because everything was open at the back,
so I'd hulked out of all of my costumes.
It was fantastic.
Well, craft service and stuff.
Yeah, exactly.
Craft service ruined, you know, my life.
It was great, but it was very distracting,
and I developed pre-diabetes, I think.
When you go to craft service, what do you eat?
Everything.
Everything I can find.
Yeah, I like. And I took Tupperware with me,
so I could bring it back home,
and then I would fill our larder at home with it.
That's very Filipino-coded,
because we don't go anywhere without Tupperware in our purse,
just in case.
I take sandwich bags sometimes to parties.
Yeah, same, same.
But he's so anti-leftovers.
He has his whole philosophy around they shouldn't exist.
Or like them.
I knew it.
Yeah, we're so much alike.
We look alike.
We act alike.
I'm confused right now.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, checkmark, you know?
If he sees you taking leftovers,
he will peel, like, fight it off your hands.
Why?
And, like, want to throw it in the trash.
Is it because it gains bacteria overnight,
or are you just a decadent bitch?
You're a decadent bitch.
I have specific things.
Like, you know, for instance,
if I'm usually, if I'm in a group, you know, I pay.
And then when the. The group goes, like, let's say Jaime's,
I'm having dinner with him, and I'm paying, right?
And Jaime goes, can I have mine wrapped up?
I always go, no, no, no, no.
Why?
Because it's mine.
I pay for it.
Don't you get it?
It is.
You just gave me a dramatic flashback.
Honestly, what is so confusing about that?
How do you not know that it's mine?
You're a mom.
I pay.
You pay for it.
Ask me, and I may allow you to grab it, take it home.
It's so rude, people.
You would hate me.
You'd hate me.
Well, ask me, I would let you do it.
Oh, thank you.
So we're having dinner.
Go ahead.
Please, can I have some. Please, can I have some takeover sandwich?
What is. Please, sir, please.
Oh, the little. Yeah, you can take the sandwich home.
Thank you very much.
And that's fine.
But if you just assume, like,
Hey, just, you know, that's all I'm saying.
I am, but you just, you resurfaced a memory
that I'd suppressed up until now,
which is my 29th birthday.
I'd just moved to Los Angeles.
Very briefly, I got to know Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann.
I love Judd.
They were very, very kind to me.
He's been here.
Yeah, they were very kind to me.
No need to brag, Bobby.
We're all friends here.
But back to my story.
That was me smacking the ass.
I smacked the ass just now.
Sorry, my bad.
So they take me out.
To dinner, because they know I don't know anyone,
and I've just gotten there, and I'm all by myself.
And so Leslie's like, oh, come out to dinner with us.
You know, we're going out for dinner with our friend Kate Upton,
the, like, Victoria's Secret model.
I did a movie with her.
Sports illustrator.
Slap the ass.
Well done.
So then, I'm at this point very poor.
Don't have a job.
Don't have a visa.
Don't have any friends.
This is pre-The Good Place.
Pre-The Good Place, yeah.
And I'm just figuring it out in America by myself.
Don't know anyone.
Totally lost.
And I. But people know who you are because of your. Well, how the fuck do you get to eat with Judd Apatow?
I met Leslie Mann at a party,
and she just thought I was a vibe.
And then just. How do you go to a party with Leslie Mann in it?
We were at the same bar,
and then we ended up getting chatting at the bar.
I hate people like you.
You know, people that just kind of show up,
and people just kind of grab. I've had to, like. Hey, would you like The Good Place?
Yeah.
I've had to, like, kill. I would have to kill. He'd had to.
Yeah, why are you doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'd have to. And then do great comedy for them to. Anyway, let's move on.
I'm sorry.
Congratulations.
Go ahead, Leslie Mann.
Leslie Mann.
No, well, just. It's not a great story.
It's just the fact that at the end of the meal,
everyone. No one eats in Hollywood,
so they'd all left most of their meals,
and it was the best. It was like Boa or something.
It was like some of the best burgers and steak I'd ever had.
So I was like, fuck this.
We can't just leave this.
So I asked the lady who was coming to pick up all of our plates.
I was like, can I get mine to go?
And everyone else. Everyone else's.
And it's a table of only four people,
so everyone heard me say it,
and I took everyone's leftovers home with me,
but not even home,
because then Leslie's like,
we're going out dancing now,
and now I have a bag this big of everyone else's leftovers
that I'm going to eat.
Things that their mouths have touched,
like burgers, you know what I mean?
It's like I'm kissing them.
Yeah, yeah.
And so I'm so scared someone's going to steal my leftover bag
that I keep my leftover bag on the dance floor,
and I'm there like side-stressing,
dancing.
On my birthday with Kate Upton,
like one of the sexiest women in the world,
and everyone can just smell like salmon,
burger.
I'm meeting up the entire dance floor.
People are moving further and further away.
I've got truffle fries in my bag.
It was a really strange day,
and then they didn't want to hang out again.
Let me ask you something.
That kind of made me mad.
I knew it would.
Yeah, yeah.
So can we just dive into it a little bit?
Sure.
Is it because you didn't have. Money growing up.
Money.
Money.
Wait, did you have money at the time?
No.
No money?
No money, no.
Okay.
I'd burned through all of my money.
I had $17 left in my bank account.
And you were staying at a hotel,
or you were at an apartment here in LA?
I was staying with a friend.
You were staying with a friend?
Yeah.
Well, not a friend,
but like a lovely lady who had let me live in her flat.
Right, so the food that you have,
after the fucking club that you went to,
you put the food in the refrigerator,
and during the week you ate it.
Yes.
I'm known for this.
You still do it now.
Yeah.
I would say that's just meal prepping.
Thank you.
Yeah, for your week.
I've always thought you'd get me.
Yeah, I do.
I fully understand that. All right.
I just. At least in my culture,
there's a shame in not bringing home.
I agree.
I think that being wasteful is like,
in my culture,
like the biggest no-no.
The greatest shame.
Yeah.
Okay, I think you're right.
Let me change my way.
I think you're right.
Yes.
What?
I remember at Mel's diner,
you didn't let me take my omelette home.
Oh, no.
And I've been sensing a tension between us ever since.
Wait, wait.
First of all, I didn't?
Yeah, I was like,
can I take this to go?
He's like, no.
Let's go.
Remember, it was you and me, Andrea.
Take an omelette home?
You can't take omelettes home.
Yes, you can.
No, you can't.
It's a microwave.
No, that's actually. That is Russian roulette for your asshole.
You should never microwave eggs.
Yeah.
Why?
It's Russian roulette for your asshole.
Yeah.
It's really good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You never saw Deer Hunter?
No.
The omelette?
The omelette going, you know what I mean?
Oh, no.
It's explosive diarrhea.
Salmonella.
No wonder.
Yeah.
You saved your life.
I saved your life, dude.
I saved your fucking life.
Thank him.
Yeah, yeah, write down.
You should thank him.
Don't microwave eggs.
Deer Hunter.
Thank you.
Do you get diarrhea easy?
Jamila, do you get diarrhea easy?
No, no.
But you've had it before.
A hundred percent.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
That's always not a good day.
No.
But a fun icebreaker for a chat, no?
Yeah.
No, I mean, you know, I just get it often.
Are you flirting with me?
In front of James?
How dare you?
In front of James, you know.
Hey, Jamila, do you get diarrhea?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's not an appropriate question.
I think it's fine.
I talk about diarrhea all the time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to know your. Listen, I want to dive in.
We've spoken about diarrhea so much on my podcast
that we've actually had to send out a brief asking people
to stop talking to us about diarrhea on the podcast.
Well, how many episodes have you done in your pod?
I think we're at like three months or four months now.
Wow.
So we do it weekly.
It's very fun.
You do it in England?
We do it all over the world.
So I recorded lots of it in Los Angeles, then New York,
and now I'm recording in London.
Oh, wow.
I'd love you guys to come on at some point.
Oh, we'd love to do it.
We'd love to do it.
But yeah, it's just a foul.
It's a foul ratchet time.
What's it called?
It's called Wrong Turns with Jameela Jamil.
Wow.
And it's a comedy disaster podcast that is specifically anti-inspiration.
It's anti-inspiration, pro-commiseration.
I'm sick of having a silver lining shoved up my ass
every time something goes wrong.
So I just want to be able to sit in the shit
and not have like a wonderful, you know,
great pearl of wisdom gained from everything.
Because who the fuck gains wisdom every time something goes wrong?
I'm sick of it.
So I decided to create a podcast where we just marinate in shame
and everyone who listens gets to feel smug about themselves
that they make better decisions.
And you just had Ian on by dance.
Yes, I did.
He's an old friend of ours.
So funny.
We love Ian.
Ian and Nathan are hilarious together.
I'm going to see who else she's had on.
That's. Oh, I love Katherine Ryan.
Katherine Ryan's great.
Simon Pegg was great.
Oh, you get biggies.
I've got some lovely people.
Is that Johnny?
That is Johnny.
Yeah, I love him.
- Yeah, Felipe, he's hilarious.
- Yeah, great.
had some great guests. Yeah, we have some great
people coming on as well. Steve Carell, I think, is coming on
soon. Oh, wow. It's very fun.
Yeah.
Wow, look at all these people. You get people
I can't get. That's bollocks.
Yeah, no, some of these people,
like, I couldn't get Steve Carell.
Well, that's because you weren't. You didn't
get The Good Place, that's why.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've been on shows before. I mean, I can't get Steve Carell.
I'm not The Good Place.
I'm like, we got Rain.
That's pretty cool.
He's done this.
Bobby, you got me,
all right?
You mean literally, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nobody knows who I am.
I mean, that's a sitcom that failed.
But you look great
on the cover. I would actually love a show
like this. You were fantastic in The Dictator.
Oh, thank you.
I don't take compliments very good, but thank you.
Do you take compliments good?
No, I'm English.
Oh, is that an English trait?
If you've taken a compliment well, they won't let you
back into the country.
There's a special scan for it at the airport.
So if you're Jamila, you were great
in The Good Place.
I'm not from Japan.
Was that a Japanese accent?
No, wait, I want to try
to do it in English. Jamila.
No, no. Jamila.
Jamila.
Jamila.
Don't think too much.
He's giving you acting notes.
What?
That just made me mad.
Do you want my acting notes?
I watch a lot of TV.
You watch a lot of TV.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jamila, you were great in The Good Place.
It's still Japanese?
It's more Korean now.
Oh, really? All right.
Well, can you. James, say Jamila, you were good in The Good Place.
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Say, Jamila, you were good in a good place.
Jamila?
Jamila?
There he is.
You were great.
You were good in. Okay, Jamila, you were great in a good place.
Yeah, it was better.
Okay, good.
It's a bit German now.
Yeah, all right.
And then what was your response?
You were like, thank you.
No, I said, no, I wasn't.
I was terrible and I'm embarrassed to be here
and I'm sorry.
Yeah, I'm kind of like that too.
Yeah, yeah, you're British.
I'm British, yeah.
I'm kind of. Why are we. Why can't I. Why can't we take a compliment?
Because of our fucking Asian parents.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
I think that's what it is.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Were you allowed to celebrate anything?
Anything when you were a child?
Like, for instance, like a win
or like you get an award.
Like my parents never allowed us
to pat ourselves on the back.
It was always. I think it was sort of like
you're not going to get shouted at
if you get 100% on the place.
Yes.
So that's the win.
Yes.
That's the party.
That's exactly it.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where it's like everything great. Yeah, everything great you're doing
is basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you get nothing,
but that's a good thing.
Mm-hmm.
But I went the opposite.
Like, you know,
they had that baseline.
Yeah, and you went meth.
And I went meth.
I went. Because I did drugs early on.
So I went, you know what?
I'm going to go the opposite.
So every report card day,
I knew I was going to get a beating
and I doubled down on. You just come into the room
all fussed.
And I would take it.
You got an F?
You got four Fs, right?
And I go,
I'm going to get an F.
I'm going to get an F.
And you're like,
good, I'll take it, you know?
Because I refused to hit that bar.
But you guys complied.
Yeah.
You complied.
I complied.
You complied.
I complied.
Yeah, you got complied.
But some of us warriors. Oh, so you're better.
Yeah, I'm better.
I got it.
Yeah, yeah.
I went,
you're going to F, hit me.
And it seems like it made
no dent on you whatsoever.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, I'm all fucked up.
You seem really well.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
But I don't know why.
I think because
I don't think I could have got the all As.
That's what I was right about to say.
I think that. Yeah, yeah.
I think you took the beating
because even if you were to comply,
you couldn't have gotten the As.
You made it look deliberate.
Very good.
Yeah, yeah.
Interesting.
Because I remember one semester I tried.
I went, you know what?
I'm going to try to get an A.
Right?
And I got maybe like a B in something,
like history or something.
And I still got a B in A.
And I tried my hardest.
I'm going to go to the opposite
because there's no way I can do it.
And it's not that. Am I dumb?
No.
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I think it's smart.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I just, in my mind,
I just couldn't absorb certain information.
Like numbers.
So you just absorbed a can of whoop.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Instead.
Like, really, I couldn't.
I just still today with, you know,
me and numbers,
I just, I'm not good at it.
You're just a little dyslexic.
But that's the thing.
Traditional classroom learning
is kind of bullshit.
It is nonsense.
Yeah, and it doesn't equate
to actual intelligence.
Not at all.
I just had a photographic memory.
So everything I did
was technically cheating, I guess.
Yeah.
You have a photographic memory?
I have a photographic memory.
That's incredible.
Yeah, it's pretty great.
So you can, with lines,
you just, that's it?
Yeah, I can learn them
walking on set.
Wow.
Damn.
Wow.
That's really weird.
Did your dream come true?
No.
Sweating the entire time.
Yeah, yeah.
I need the script six months before.
Yeah, yeah.
But mine isn't indicative
of any kind of intelligence.
That's just like
something broken in my brain.
That's the highest intelligence.
What are you talking about?
It's not intelligence.
There's nothing intelligent
about being able to
see a page in front of my,
in my mind's eye.
That's all.
I'm just cheating life.
Yeah.
That's so cool.
I'm a bulldog.
So cool.
Yeah.
How fast did you learn?
What do you mean?
In seconds?
She leaned back so fast.
Oh my gosh.
A minute?
Yeah, yeah.
A minute?
Dude, do you know
what a photographic memory is?
Yeah, it's just
explained it.
Then why'd you ask
how fast did you learn?
Well, like,
oh, like in a day
I can learn in a book.
Do you know what I mean?
No, I actually don't.
Can you explain yourself?
I don't, I don't know
what you mean.
I was just like you.
Like, I was bad at reading
in school,
but that's pretty impressive.
Thank you.
Really good pivot, dude.
It's really good.
Yeah.
You really got some
last night, huh?
No.
I did.
I can tell.
I'm still tired from it.
I was going to get some,
but I messed up, okay?
How'd you mess up?
What happened?
I made a bad joke.
What was the joke?
What was the joke?
I made the orange joke.
People usually laugh at that,
but she gave me
that same face.
People usually laugh at that,
but like, you know,
you guys did it.
And then she's like,
orange?
It does crush.
I've seen it.
It crushes.
I know,
but every time he says it
on stage,
I always look at the audience
and when they laugh,
I look at the audience like,
like, I don't know why.
I just kind of look at the audience
and I just kind of go,
what is going on here?
Jaime, look,
James Blake likes it.
James Blake likes it.
James is in bits.
Yeah, yeah.
It's really funny.
She didn't find it funny.
She was like,
that's it?
And she,
yeah.
Well, I think if,
is that how you delivered it?
No,
I delivered it more with confidence.
Okay.
And she's like,
then she's a bitch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You delivered it pretty badly to me.
I think I would have found it funnier
if you'd given it a bit more oomph.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, she was like,
oh, okay.
And then we closed the tab
and then we left.
Oh, so you lied.
You didn't hook up last night.
No, I'm telling you,
that's what it just,
it's a joke.
It's just a joke.
Oh, that was a joke
that you just told.
Oh, I'm sorry then.
You'll get it one day.
Yeah.
It's going to land.
Yeah, one day.
No, one day you're going to hook up.
Okay.
Okay.
I promise.
One day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, anyway.
How old are you?
Guess.
Jimmy,
Jimmy.
Baby.
No, Jimmy,
like, guess how old he is.
24.
No.
Oh, I wish.
He's 46 years old.
He has an orange fart.
I'm 29.
I didn't get fingered
until I was 23.
So, you know,
you're not that far behind.
Oh, okay.
Well, I didn't,
okay, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, wait,
- You lost your virginity at 23 years old?
23 is when you lost your virginity?
22 I lost my virginity
and then I got fingered
that actually tracks for some reason
I'm like wait
ask me something about me
what a great pivot
that's a really good pivot
Jimmy
Robert
do you want children?
no
why?
sorry
my sister is very anti-baby
I can't be fucked
I cannot be fucked at all
I really don't want
I got into loads of trouble for saying in the media
that my abortion was the best decision I've ever made
no keep it in
but then
I got a huge amount of pushback from
the Christian right
I'm sorry I apologize that was wrong
in fact the best decision
in my life was cutting bangs
and then it was my abortion
and then they got much angrier
so that's that
but yeah no I'm just not
I'm not built for it
I can't be bothered
I love to wake up at like sort of 11am
I love
I'm a woman of leisure
yeah
I think that's me too huh
woman of leisure
I'm a woman of leisure
yeah yeah
you know what the biggest thing for me is
is I
I hate a lot of people
and the idea of having to become friends
with the parents
of their friends
that is like a phobia of mine
it's like having to hang out with people
that I don't want to hang out with
because my fucking child went and made a fucking friend
yeah that sucks
but then maybe what if
you know what I mean
your kid is friends with a kid
that's really
their parents are really cool
I don't give a shit
I've already got 12 friends
and I just don't need any more
and if one of them dies
I'll replace them
but other than that
I keep a tight 12
you know like Jesus
yeah you
you know
I think a tight
I have a tight 6
okay
yeah yeah
you went 12 huh
I have 12
yeah yeah yeah
I was on The Good Place
oh yeah yeah yeah
but 6
I'm joking
yeah
wait is Ted Danson in The 12
yeah
really
you still talk to him
sometimes
oh wow
yeah
he had me over for a sleepover
we
no we didn't
yeah
really a sleepover at his house
yeah him and his wife
had all of the cast
and our spouses
so me and James got to go over
for a sleepover
at Ted Danson
no
and Mary Steenburg
had made us
like a frittata
in the morning
and it was just
the most enchanted
day ever
and they found out
what all of our favorite snacks were
and they laid them out
on each of our pillows
oh
and then we
no we didn't
yeah
what a magical thing
yeah
it was an unbelievable day
yeah
could have been you Barbie
could have been you
I've had magical moments
he's turned down
a Thanksgiving with Michael Bay
yeah
that's crazy
yeah
I don't imagine
Michael Bay is going to
leave your favorite snacks
out for you
the opposite
yeah
you know what drives
Michael Bay crazy
Megan Fox
yeah yeah yeah
but his ankles
are this thin
so every time
I put my hands
around him like this
you put what
I don't know what it is
I just have to put my hands
around his ankle like this
and he always goes
take your hand
off my ankle
yeah
and I go
boop
and I do it
but every time
I see his ankle
exposed ankle
I have to grab it
and I'm like
yeah
but anyway
I turn down things
do you think that's why
he's such an angry man
no
he's not angry actually
I find him to be very
he's known for having
rage issues
and I wonder if that comes
sometimes it's like
a small cock
or sometimes it's just
teeny tiny little ankles
well no
let me say
the legendary of Michael Bay
I heard the opposite
of his peni
okay
it's a gigantic
oh and who started
that rumor
yeah
but anyway
no I think
that Michael Bay
is a case
where
maybe
on set
he is
because he's the captain
of the ship
right
what I find
is off camera
or like
in the wild
right
he's a gentle
soft
you know what I mean
fun guy
fun
yeah yeah yeah
cool
don't you
you don't agree
or
oh no I don't know
I don't know
you know that some people
on
I'm here to spread rumors
yeah yeah
create chaos
I don't know what you're like
if you're like
if you and I
are on a sitcom together
yeah
I don't know what
you're gonna be like
what do you mean
you could be
a diva
could I
I don't know
I mean I think
some people
at work
is a little different
than when they're
in the wild
no I am
my problem is that
I'm exactly the same
yeah
oh I see
yeah
I think you and I
if we were on a sitcom together
we'd be a fucking nightmare
it would be great
no no no
I think that you and I
would feed into our anxieties
no I think we would
we would create chaos
you think so
yeah
100%
does this scene suck
I think this scene
am I bad
no
no no
yeah
and then would you say that too
like I'm
I'd be like
yeah I think you're bad
I'd feed you
wait wait wait wait
you would
yeah
I don't think
you're gonna test well
you know what
I don't think
you're gonna test well
because you know
when you turn around
your old ass
yeah yeah
I don't think
that's good on camera
right
and then we would feed
I know I have to
moonwalk out of every scene
yeah
nightmare
yeah
you know what
I think that we would
be positive together
I agree
we could do
I think we'd be very
we could be Harold and Kumar
yeah
oh
like the season
oh
part four maybe
yeah
yeah
let's do it
wow
Harold and Kumar
I think we should play a couple
I don't think we have enough
petite men
with overly large women
oh that
that'd be funny
yeah
and it not
and no
but there'd be no jokes about it
yeah
it should never be referenced
oh there should be
no
no
no
I think the opening shot
you and our
couples therapy
100%
yeah
I think it's a
and my feet dangle
from the couch
because it's so short
for sure it's the era
of the short king
I think the short kings
are really having
100%
a moment
I think you're right
I don't know what that was
I'm sorry
but
I'm with
I'm with a man
who's legally a giant
how tall are you?
I'm five foot
almost 11
he's six foot eight
he's legally a giant
yeah I didn't realize
James Lake was that tall
it's
he could technically
get a disabled parking pass
but he won't
yeah
and it's really annoying
because I wear heels
yeah
yeah
well you know
I've got to do a long walk
I don't want to
assume things about James
but you know
big feet
I saw his feet
massive cock
tall guy
is it massive?
I'm
yeah
I probably got so excited
but you know
his music
your music is
scary
it's really scary
he's a massive cock
and you're like
well your music
your music gives off
massive cock
yeah
but your music
is
all he's thinking about
now is the cock
like introspective
you know what I mean
and stuff
he's a
he's a
he's a thinker
and a feeler
yeah
yeah
wow
I mean
imagine the kind of kids
you would have with him
they would
they would also be
legally giants
yeah but
they'd break my pussy
but you'd have
two talented people
and I always
oh it's a nepo nightmare
yeah yeah
but that doesn't translate
really sometimes
when you have
two talented people
and they're like
well we don't have
that problem
because only he's talented
I'm just lucky
no you're not
you're talented
shut the fuck up
you're talented
shut the fuck up
you fuck off
fuck you
I like it
I like it
it feels good
I like it
it's like
it's like you know
repetition
yeah yeah
mirroring
mirroring
yeah yeah yeah
you say it different
in your land
but um
yeah that was really good
we were feeding off
each other
but um
fuck off
but is that why
you've always
um
dated like taller girls
because you want to
offset your own genetic
wants to go up on them
because every time
what does that mean
it's a Natasha Leggero joke
just about Kevin Hart
having to go up on his wife
yeah yeah
instead of down
yeah
no when I was
that was pretty funny
the only
yeah I mean
that's the downside
is there's certain positions
you can't do
I can't do reverse cowgirl
I can only do three pumps
and then I
I can't do
I look back at James
and I'm like
sorry
oh my god
that's so funny
that's so funny
yeah yeah
yeah I mean
um
yeah yeah yeah
that's what retrograde
was about
I'm joking
yeah so um
but the reason why
um
I want taller
is because when I was a kid
my parents
my mom was
what five one
she's tiny
tiny
and my dad was like
five two
and my brother and I
would look at my parents
and I would turn to my brother
and go
well fuck
we're fuck
we're never gonna grow
this is it
this is at
ten and seven
we would
I knew it
and I always
in my mind
I was like
I have to
breed taller
to give my kids a chance
you know what I mean
but you know
I've had a good life
yeah you've done very well
I've taken what
God has given me
and my parents given me
and you know
take
but you know
I was also
jawline
you know what I mean
like
what
yeah you go for
very
because I don't want my
because I feel like
my face is too round
yeah
yes
really
you're the king of round face
yeah
yeah yeah yeah
what you're agreeing
yeah
right so like
you want to
so you kind of calculate that
like
oh that's why you always like
girls with like long chin
yes
so you're just sort of
doing eugenics
for it
yeah
that's exactly it
I think that's the one
- I think that's what it is, yeah.
- That's very interesting.
look and i go um yeah i gotta figure it out i'm the opposite i'm trying to end my bloodline
yeah yeah it's a great part my brother and i both agreed we shook on it we're gonna end the
bloodline it's great it's a great power yeah yeah james do you want kids no wow not with me anyway
yeah what about adopting them and that would be good oh no i can't be bothered fucking hell no
no i mean i would you know it's lovely it's lovely it is lovely do you have an animal you
have animals i love animals yeah i want a dog sanctuary i have two animals two dogs what are
the two dogs barreled and winnie okay good perfect dogs yeah heavenly dogs uh and that's it i want to
have like 15 dogs that's the plan yeah big dog sanctuary yeah yeah yeah i want it all i want
like you know i mean um glass frogs i'll be real i want like one of those um what do you call them
with those um those children no no no let's play
this game um whoa those are my adorable dogs yeah oh my god are they the same kind they are the same
kind they're they're cavapoos cavapoos they're so cute they're very cute what a life look at that
life it's like it's like a fucking white picket fence right she's not white dude no well they
missed each other she's pakistan no i know but i'm saying like the white picket house i have a brown
picket fence that's what we get yeah okay i've never seen a white picket fence in my life the
white people no but they don't have picket fences you know nobody has picket fences anymore but
that's a cute picture that's good that's good yeah that is a cute picture yeah that's a do you
have a professional photographer to take that no that was our flatmate what's a flatmate we have
roommates we had roommates for the entire 10 years that we lived in los angeles really yeah what like
who were they
they were my friends from when i was 19 oh whoa bunch of guys and james is a very cool man who
said yes your male friends can move in with us in our house and we're a big happy family you don't
miss la do not at all yeah yeah no i missed the weather and i i missed the buffalo cauliflower but
i but other than that i i do like time in london i love america yeah i just spent 10 years here and
i think i need a little refresh and then at some point i'll come back really and so i just dip in
by first time in i mean i've been to london before you don't like london do you no i was just i loved
it oh did you let me say something about london say something the best shopping of your life yeah
of my life they have smells there that you can't get anywhere else they have stores there mostly
the smell of piss in london but no i'm doing cologne like oh sorry sorry sorry yeah but um
yeah um we need so much cologne to overshadow the smell of the stench of piss in our street
there was a smell yeah yeah yeah it's pretty bad architecture great incredible yeah and you know
you know they say english people have bad feet bad teeth and bad restaurants yeah but i that i
disagree we have good restaurants you have great restaurants all the other stuff is true no and
the feet are great so i saw them all wow yeah yeah and then we stayed at this hotel where um
there was a sauna steam room pool at the in the basement of this hotel okay
and it was a fever dream and that's all i have to say about it it was the greatest
moment of my life i can i'll always remember this moment and the food and the people the show was
wild you know i mean congratulations i understand thank you i built it myself no you didn't you had
nothing to do with it and you have the best sport football of all time oh thanks yeah i love i've
always loved england the people the
music right music's very good music the beatles liverpool right radiohead james blake
okay okay rolling stone i don't really know what i'm supposed to do here but i'm gonna
i just want to say that you keep listing english things no what i'm just saying to you is just
stay there we don't want you back okay yeah yeah stay there i'm brown i i'm getting that
message loud and clear so do you guys live in a house there or a flat or whatever in a flat
what's the difference tell me the difference a house is a home that has its own kind of separate
entrance and is separated from other houses a flat is an apartment just stacked in amongst
other apartments and it's not we're humble yeah yeah yeah yeah so let me tell me the difference
okay so a flat a house what are some other english um living spaces what the fuck are you talking
about like a palace yeah that's what i'm saying okay we have a palace
We have palaces, we have doorways.
You have doorways too?
Doorways, yeah.
Amazing.
Yeah, pretty good.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Ballrooms.
We have castles.
You have castles?
That's exactly, we don't have castles here.
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, the Magic Castle.
Yeah, yeah, that's a, I guess that's a. Very exciting.
Touche, touche.
Is the first castle not a castle?
Medieval.
Medieval.
Medieval castle?
Medieval.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Medieval.
Medieval.
Medieval.
There we go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm sweaty.
I don't want to do that.
You left her hanging?
My hand's sweaty.
No, I love him.
He can do no wrong.
So when you're in a flat, do you know other people?
You're my best friend.
He's the best, yeah.
He really is a sweet guy.
Have you ever been to medieval times?
Medieval.
Medieval times?
No.
What do you mean by that?
Like a renaissance fairy?
He wants to know if I've lost my virginity.
I have, and so therefore I've not been to medieval times.
Oh, medieval times.
Yeah, it does look amazing.
It does look amazing, though.
Yeah.
I thought you were like, do you have a time machine?
You went back to the medieval times.
No, he thinks I'm that old.
No.
Yeah.
No, you look great.
Oh, thanks, man.
Asian doesn't raise him.
Because I've never met you physically.
Have we met physically?
I don't think so.
I don't think so either.
No.
But I've, you know, followed you and whatnot, you know what I mean?
But you look exactly then from 10 years ago when I followed you.
I told you, Asian doesn't raise him.
Yeah.
That's the vibe.
Yeah.
Do I look 54?
No, you don't.
You know you don't.
You're so disingenuous to even ask.
But, you know what?
My nose hairs are now white.
But I can't see those.
I'm going to shave them, but I pluck them.
What about your pubes?
Salt and pepper.
No, there's no white pubes yet.
I think you had like one or two.
I'm going to show you now.
I'll show you now.
You're 30?
No.
You're like kind of 40.
Well, in two months, yeah, I'm 39.
Wow.
A lot is happening.
What was going on?
Actually, I couldn't tell because you shaved.
I know.
Brazilian?
No, I shaved my own.
Do you shave it into a shape?
No, I shave it all.
If you could, what shape would it be?
Oh, God, that's really good.
Probably an Arsenal cannon.
Or, you know, Arsenal cannon or what else?
A heart.
Yeah.
A heart, yeah.
What's this when Koreans do this?
No, it's this.
Yeah, what is this?
It's like heart.
It's a heart.
People want to do this.
I want to just break it.
Snap it off.
Yeah, snap it off, yeah.
Do you like this?
No.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I believe in love.
What is this?
Do you believe in love, Bobby?
Wait, you work with. I'm in a. Wait, you work with Oliver?
Is that Oliver?
I did, Oliver Hudson.
We're close friends.
Wait, wait.
You and Oliver work together?
Yeah, we play boyfriend and girlfriend.
Is that a movie coming out?
On Wednesday, yes.
November 12th.
No.
And who else is in it?
It's Alicia Silverstone and Melissa Joan Hart,
Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
Should I call Ollie now?
And Pearson Foddy, yeah, sure.
I love Ollie.
What a nice man, huh?
Great man.
One of my favorite scene partners that I've ever had.
Yeah, let's see.
I don't think he'll pick up, but. Should we both call him and see which one he answers?
Oh, my God.
That would be so angry.
Hey, so. Yeah.
He's doing that.
In England, you guys have a good fashion sense.
I love your fashion.
Thank you.
What up, Bobby Lee?
Oh, my God.
I'm so glad you picked up.
You're on my podcast.
You know who I have on?
Who?
Jamila.
Hi, Oliver.
Is Jamila on right now?
Hi.
I can't believe she got on the Bobby Lee podcast.
That's tough.
I know she's big time, but. Yeah, she is big time, you know.
She really is big time.
What was it like working with her, Ollie?
You shut your mouth, Oliver.
Ah.
It was great.
Honestly, it was amazing.
She had some. You had to get used to her for about three to five minutes, but. You know, it took a minute to get used to her.
She was just all out there, man.
Everything was just bang, bang, bang.
It's like, okay.
Yeah.
Who was easier to work with, me or Jamila?
Hi, Jamila.
I mean, you, it was like just talking someone off a cliff every time.
I mean, it was just no, no belief in your ability, scared of everything, you know, afraid
that you, Channing was going to come down and fire you.
I know.
You know.
Did you really?
Well, how about the one morning when you didn't show up to work for three hours and I was
calling you and calling you.
I was nervous.
I thought something had happened to you.
And you just slept through your alarm, I guess.
That was the worst morning of my life.
oh dude i i i can't imagine that i was whereas wasn't i professional oliver i turned up with a
hernia oh my god i i if i could never do what jamila did every day she comes to work it's like
straight out of this happens something something is that there's some sort of an ailment she's
throwing up she's this she's that i mean but she showed up every single morning you know with puke
breath did you ever meet james blake yeah he was great yeah he's now he yeah he's a great guy
yeah he's a great guy yeah yeah yeah he probably has a bigger penis than you i don't know i don't
know about that it doesn't feel like he does i mean he's got an extra quarter inch because
he's uncircumcised i'm sure very good you know what i will agree with you
i will agree yeah yeah yeah well yeah for sure well ollie thanks for picking up i love you love
you love you guys love you jammy i'll see you tomorrow yeah hey oliver oliver he doesn't know
you he does know me you don't know oliver i was on the episode with him he called me fly boy
yeah wait wait what oliver yeah hyman oliver we're in the same episode here at tiger belly
oh i don't remember
this one's yeah okay i don't think he remembers i think he remembers yeah yeah okay yeah wait um
what kind of sick do you get i know you know you were actually the first person who openly
talked about ehlers-danlos yes ehlers-danlos syndrome do you have it um my sister does i'm
sorry but um it wasn't a thing this was before tiktok not everywhere on tiktok you you know
hear people talk about their autoimmune stuff oh yeah it's the one where i pulled my cheeks
ridiculously wide yeah that was like a long time ago
whoa
whoa
that's incredible don't stop doing it stop doing it but yeah you were the reason why
it even like sparked the thing in her head loads of people got diagnosed after that yeah it went
viral yeah it's ehlers-danlos syndrome it's just a lack of collagen uh in my body so that's kind of
why i don't really age because my skin is like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's
like a big elastic band so it's my body um so i can kiss my own ass i'm not going to do it right
now bobby so stop asking um but i'm uh but i i can um and so yeah so i mostly i have lots of
accidents and actually the accident that happened to me on set during merry little xmas um out
november 12th uh is uh is that i i we have you can see that very tall handsome you know cool drink
of water or whatever the fuck you're supposed to call him uh on the end yeah pearson fodey he's
jacked like crazy crazy jacked and he is working out all of the time and so if you want to be
friends with him you have to be friends with him in a gym so i went to the gym with him and he
trained me and went so hard that i uh got a hernia pulling up some weight so i was doing that
oh my god i got hernia in my food tube which i didn't know was a thing so that's why i was
vomiting all the time on set so i was having to go to accident emergency and then turn up
and was he in this fucking movie
did he did he apologize uh yeah of course okay but it was not his fault that i'm made of you know
um i don't know whatever the material and flubber is yeah yeah i mean that's happened to my sister
she like doing nothing she'll twist both of her ankles and she'll have to sprain ankles for six
months yeah for no reason yeah for no reason but i was a marvel supervillain and i did all my own
stunts wow i broke everything november when does this come out november 12th this week this week
so this week right now if you're listening to me go watch a merry little xmas and listen to my
podcast wrong turn we're gonna get there we're gonna fucking get there man what are you doing
we do one thing at a time man and she hulk i'm just really excited and she that's already passed
if you want to she has a book shame 12 years ago i was on a radio show on the bbc
check it out all right
we're doing current fucking promotion okay but still all right so anyway it was my birthday in
february happy birthday a merry little xmas right you have a podcast called wrong turn
out wherever you get your podcast right did you have fun today i had such a lovely time that was
so fun i've been really confused i've been disgusted at times but i had a really lovely
time you're a lovely bunch of people and um i've never felt like the least
weird person in a room until today so thank you for that
thank you for coming jameela jameel give her a round of applause everybody
you
you
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