JAKE SHANE: “I Was Scared People Would Find Out Who I Am”

If one of these things happened to younger Jake, his whole life would be complete and he would be able to be happy and have it be over. I was so fulfilled while I was on Broadway and then the second it was over, I'm like, "Well what now?" Hey, it's Jay. I don't know what your day's been like, but I was just thinking about you for a minute. And I hope you're being a little patient with yourself, because you deserve it. And yeah, I'll talk to you soon. Jake Shane, welcome to On Purpose. It is great to finally have you here. And I have been so excited for this, because ever since I came on your show, I fell in love with you. And every time I see you at a party or an event, whatever it may be, you are the sweetest kindest person. So, thank you for being here. Thanks for having me. I've been so excited about this. I'm so happy we finally figured it out and were able to do it. So we've been trying to schedule dinner for a while. Yes. And it's fallen through. You've had crazy travel. I've had a bit of moving scheduling. And I missed, I think it was your birthday end of last year, October 27th, so I think it's like your half birthday right now. If that's even a thing. Oh my god, it is about to be my half birthday. And so I wanted to offer you a little gift that I got for you. And so what we did is we actually sponsored a real octopus. And they. I know this thing. The World Wildlife Fund sent us this. And there is now an octopus in your name. Wait, really? Yeah, genuinely. That is now being cared for and taking care of it. Oh, that's amazing. God, I should stop eating them. Well, that was the hope that this would balance it out. Yeah. This would balance it out. But Jake, I wanted to ask you, you are having an incredible moment. It's so fun seeing you everywhere. It's so fun seeing you win. It couldn't happen to a better person. What is this chapter of your life called and why? It's funny you asked that. I've been journaling so much lately, and I've never journaled and I've been journaling. And I feel like I'm kind of. You know that part when you're in the ocean and it's like the calm before a really big wave. That's kind of what I feel like this is. It feels. Everyone's like, you're doing so much. Everything's happening. But it feels very tame right now. Maybe this week specifically, but I don't know if that's just because I just, when I just got off Broadway, that was like a big whole big thing and now it just feels very tame. I don't know what this chapter would be. Okay. I'm like. Talk to me more. You're journaling about like when did you start that and what's that been like? I started journaling after I had this like time in January where I felt really shitty about myself and I started journaling like really shitty things. And then somebody was like, you should journal. I think it was. Somebody told me that they like to journal to remember things that they would never remember. So like I saw Jay today and he gave me an octopus. Like just some little things like that, something I wouldn't remember. I would remember doing this interview, but I might not remember the octopus or the breath strips that you have in your bathroom, which is like little things like that that I have just started journaling about. And it helps me like kind of like explain my thoughts out loud in a way like I'm very good at speaking my thoughts, but sometimes journaling helps put them together. That's very helpful for me to hear too because I like speaking my thoughts too. I do a lot of audio journaling, but there is something different about writing it down. I think you're so right that we actually miss, I've become friends with someone recently who like probes me and challenges me and will ask me like, what's the most beautiful thing that you saw today? And I'll almost all of a sudden be like, oh crap, I don't even know. And I'm like, wait a minute, I saw lots of beautiful things today. Or I experienced lots of beautiful things today, but because we don't write it down or because we don't share it, like you said, you just forget about it and just disappears. I think I also feel like journaling, I'm everything is going to get exposed or everything is going to come out or everything is going to happen all at once or something. Something's going to find out that like I'm not like who I say I am or something. And I feel like journaling, like writing it down physically is like the one place where I know my thoughts are safe. Yes. Like I'm always scared of like my thoughts escaping my head, if that makes sense. It's like an OCD thing. Explain, explain. It's confession, OCD, it's like you feel like you have to, that's why I'm so honest. It's because I feel like I have to tell everybody every side of who I am or else somebody will find it and use it against me. Yes. Like writing stuff down in a journal is like the one place that it feels safe. Like even typing on a laptop, I'm scared that someone's going to take my laptop. Yes. Or like it's like a very paranoid thing. Yeah, yeah. No, no. That makes sense, especially in today's world. And the hard part now is you're trying to say everything, but not everyone has the ability to listen to everything you ever say and therefore having a safe space where you can truly be honest with yourself. I'm guessing. Yeah. It's huge. Yeah. And it's, it used to be so much easier. I guess I used to think my podcast was bigger than it was. Once it went on Netflix and became bigger, people will tell you like your opinion is wrong. And it not only is it wrong, it's bad. And like my biggest fear is being like a bad or like bad or doing something wrong. And so like I've been struggling with like saying being everyone's like, oh, you're so relatable. It's like, well, I have had trouble being relatable lately because I'm scared of saying the relatable thing is wrong. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what you mean? You're saying that what made you successful was being relatable. Yeah. And now you're worried that saying that thing is the same thing that's going to be scrutinized because the platform's got so much bigger. Is that right? Yeah. People are just like, I don't know, like I've had a hard time collecting my thoughts lately. Yeah. It's hard. Yeah. But it is hard because I feel like we're so overwhelmed by opinions, feedback, expectations, chats, data, numbers, comments. Like it is an insane amount of data to hold. Yeah. Like it's insane. It's a lot. And it's, it's, I've been spending more time like kind of, was I'd say it was spending more time off my phone, but I haven't. So I love the honesty. Not true. Yeah. I love the honesty. Yeah. You asked with this chapter of my life would be called and I genuinely don't know. I feel kind of like confused how I got here and like, kind of confused as to like, what's happening? Yeah. Yeah. That's further. I also started smoking weed again. So there's that. This episode is presented by State Farm. We spend so much energy becoming the best version of ourselves, building better habits, showing up more fully, embracing mindfulness. But sometimes the most purposeful thing you can do is just handle the thing you've been putting off. If getting your insurance sorted has been living on that list, State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage. That's right for you. Go online at state farm.com or use the easily accessible app to get help from one of their over 19,000 local agents like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. You just said you just got a Broadway, you know, you're doing a movie like you've got TV show coming out. It's like, what would and we're going to start reprogramming some of these thoughts? I mean, treat us to where we can go with this. But like, what is younger Jake feeling about this version of Jake right now? Whenever I think about that, it's like, if one of these things happened to younger Jake, it would, his whole life would be complete and it would be, he would be able to be happy and have it be over essentially. I was so fulfilled while I was on Broadway and I felt, and then the second it was over, I'm like, well, what now? Now, you're going from doing a show every single night of the week to doing that nothing. When you're doing a live show, it's almost like unanimous validation. Like everyone's there because they love you and they see you, but when you're putting something out online, you're kind of like opening it up to people being like, I don't like this. I think that was kind of hard for me. I always felt that way after I got off tour, after I got off Broadway, that's been difficult. You're not trying to be right, even in what you say. You're just literally giving musings and reflections and it's almost like, I don't know how you can be wrong. It was never that I was trying to be right until somebody was like, wait, you're wrong. And then I was like, wait, I can be wrong. That's what I mean. Like, I just see you as someone who's like, giving your opinion, being vulnerable, sharing, like, I'm like, where does right and wrong even come into that? I know. And I missed talking about, like, my dating life as well and I feel like I'm not able to do that anymore. Like, therapist was always like kind of an outlet for me to like talk about stuff like that. But then I would see guys and they'd be like, well, I saw on the show and I was like, what would they say to you? Like that they would see that they would know that I was talking about them on the show. Oh, okay. And because it happens in such real time that I'm like, I can't talk about it anymore. And that would upset them because they'd feel exposed, even if you didn't say anything about them. Because anyone would feel exposed. I don't want to make them and then I don't want that to prohibit me from, I don't know. I don't know. I didn't prove your dating life not talking about it on the show. Kind of. Yeah. A little. Yeah. So that's a good thing, man. A little. So something good came out of it. But I missed talking about it. I missed being like this happened. This happened. Yeah. I don't know. God. That's, yeah. That's, that's a, that's a like predicament right there. Yeah. Like, which way do you go? Which, which way is your heart pulling you right now? If the situation is over, you can speak about it as long as there are no like identifying figures to who this person may be. Yeah. Especially if they're private. Right. and so that's like what my like heart is telling me because I want, I think like being gay, it's like, it's a weird experience. It's a weird dating experience. I've always kind of prided myself and being able to like talk about how weird it is. And so I think where my heart is telling me is that the situation is over. I can speak about it as long as no one will ever find out who it is besides my best friends, right? Or you, I can tell you right out there. Right after this. 'Cause I can't keep my mouth shut. Yeah. As a straight man, talk to me about what dating is like as a gay man in a way that I would understand it. From my experience, a lot of the gay dating scene is online. And I think that's where a lot of gay men find like community is online because they make my live their life closeted or and search for an outlet and have, and that can be on hinge or whatever dating app. And so when you're on a dating app, like the first jump is obviously a aesthetics and looks and if you're attracted to this person, of course there's prompts and you're like, whatever and the prompts may be charming and whatnot. But it has been for me very visual-based. And that's like led to a lot of stuff with like my body or being comfortable and all that. But as, yeah, it's been lonely. I would describe it as very lonely. Yeah, that doesn't sound fun. It's not fun. It's very lonely. And I know I'm not alone in that experience. And I think I would always talk about how I wanted a boyfriend on a podcast and how lonely it was to not have one. And then when people started, when other people online started talking about my looks and how if I was ugly or whatever, my whole bit was complaining that I didn't have a boyfriend, I felt like unvalidated and then I felt like I needed to shut up. And then the whole experience is lonely. I didn't make any sense just now. And no, no, no, no, I get what you say. I'm like really trying to find my thoughts. And I like that. I appreciate that. That's probably one of my favorite things to do on this show. It's to hear someone actually be vulnerable and open and figure things out. Like if you can articulate how you feel perfectly, then you're not really thinking about it anymore. It's a conclusion. Like you're already kind of there. And so I like that you're trying to find your way and I'm with you all the way. And then obviously you show us your incredible new physique at Coachella. I know. And it goes viral and everyone's talking about it. And that feels really good. 'Cause I've been working for years for a really, really, really long time on my body. And then it feels good to get a little more male validation from that. So I've discovered that I'm like kind of male set. Being gay and dating feels like I'm experiencing what straight people experience in high school. But now that's like kind of, I feel like I'm 10 years late on like what a 16 year old girl would experience. Got it. That helps. That really helps. And it's people like me too. I mean, I'll just be really, I DM Jake straight away and go, I need that workout and that diet now. So it was a spray tan and angles, but it was also, it was, I've been working really, really hard. Yeah, we've seen the allogen stories. Yeah, see you working out. What has that experience been like? Like I think jokes aside, like there's a, there's a seriousness. So I was overweight growing up. I was bullied for being overweight. I also grew up in an area that wasn't Indian. So I was bullied for the color of my skin. I know what that feels like. I then was lucky enough to get fit and healthy, do well at school, you know, I've been with my wife now for 13 years or whatever. And it's like, I worked through all of that. For you, what has this journey been like? Where you're like, wait a minute. People are saying these things about me. I'm getting into shape because I'm working out for myself anyway. But now I give validation, it feels good, but I'm the same guy who I was three years ago. Like, talk to me about that. It's so funny, I saw a photo of myself from like two years ago when I was a bigger. And it's almost like, I can't believe, and this is just me being completely honest, like that I lived like looking like that or feeling that way. Because like, and I, and I, and I don't mean to sound horrible and saying that, I feel like I'm a lot more, I feel like if you can tell, I'm like a lot more cautious with what I say nowadays. But it's like both this feeling of like, I feel so attractive and I feel so proud of my work. And then I get this feeling of like embarrassment that people saw me the way I used to look. Like, I'm like, I get, I'm like, oh my god. Like, I didn't even think about it during posting it. It kind of just like happened. My trainer calls it like the iceberg effect. Like one day you just kind of start to look different and it kind of just goes like, or whatever, which way. It's been weird. It feels very good to get compliments. And then I'm like, I start to base all my happiness and compliments about how I look. And then I'll have this like fake sense of confidence that I'll have from all those compliments. And it'll get shattered by like one old video of me where I didn't, where I used to be bigger. You know, you talk a lot about imposter syndrome and that's where you're kind of experiencing now, which is like this, I'm really proud of myself for what I built and what I'm doing. Both career wise, physically, everything that you're doing. And at the same time, there's this feeling of embarrassment from how you were before or also looking at it as a child and thinking, oh my gosh, Jake, little Jake would have been happy for one of these things, but now I'm unfulfilled. Talk to me about how you get anything done when you are so sensitive. Because I think that says a lot about you, because I think that is a universal thing we all experience. We're all more sensitive than we make it out to be. We're all more affected by negativity than we make it out to be. But some people get stuff done and some people don't. What's the difference in being sensitive and building as much as you have and getting stuff done versus kind of going, I can't get our bed today? I think it's about the people you surround yourself with. If I was alone every day would get nothing done. Thank God I have my roommate Brett. Thank God I have my best friends, Peyton and Julia and Alice and my whole team that makes me feel better about everything. 'Cause if I didn't have them, I wouldn't get anything done. And there's kind of like experiences like doing Broadway where it's like people bought tickets to this, you have to get on stage and you have to do this, no matter what people say. I used to look on Reddit all the time. I don't look on Reddit anymore. And then I would move from Reddit to Twitter. I don't look on Twitter anymore. So like there's certain things that you can do to help yourself and it's kind of like ignorance is bliss. If you have that mindset, like you have to like go into it knowing that if something was really, really, really wrong, people will tell you. Like Louise would tell me. So you're almost saying like limit your exposure to all those things that just increase your sensitivity to a point that you just can't be yourself anymore. - Which is hard though because a lot of my humor is very self-deprecating and I would take a lot of those things but it's gotten hard to look at. 'Cause it's gotten like real specific and real nasty. - Really? Like what's been the one that gets to you the most? - That I'm like a bad spirited or like I have like a bad heart or like I'm not a good person. That is the one that always like really, really kills me. Like 'cause I feel that way about myself all the time. - That you are. - That I'm a bad person. It's like, I was talking to my therapist about it. It is like a form of OCD, just feeling like you're dirty and like a bad person and like your thoughts are bad and like everything about you is like, I think that's like kind of like a trail of OCD that you see it in people that are very clean and see it in people who have intrusive thoughts. Like it's like those things about being infected. So when I read something about me being a bad person, that really upsets me. And I can read anything about me being bad at my job. That I don't care about. I really, I thought if someone said I was bad at my job, it would hurt me more than it does, but it really doesn't. It's more about who I am as a person that really kills me. - By the way, I feel the same way as you do. If someone thinks that I'm like inherently a bad person, it like hurts me to my core because I can see all of myself, like I've seen the shadow sides of myself and I've seen the good sides of myself. And it's almost easier if you never thought there was anything bad about you because then you wouldn't even believe it. But I want to be able to see what I need to work on and I want to be able to see the parts of myself I need to improve. But it gets to like a really dangerous murky place when everyone who doesn't know you and has never met you thinks you might be a bad person. - Right. - And then like God, what do you do with that? - The thing that I remind myself is that like my friends wouldn't be my friends if I was a bad person 'cause my friends are good people. That's the one thing that I'll always remind myself. It's like, well, I've had the same friends for almost 10 years now and they would tell me if something shifted in me. I don't need Twitter to tell me if something shifted in me 'cause Brett would tell me. - Yeah, I love that. I think the idea that the people that know you most deeply, most intimately, who've actually seen you when you're hungry, stressed, tired. - Yeah. They're the ones who can actually tell you where you're at. - Yeah. - And someone who's only seen one clip of you or one video of you doesn't really have a picture of who you are in life and that's a great one. And I love the people around you. I mean, Peyton obviously is one of my, I have to give a shout out to Peyton. - We have to pay him loves James more than life itself. - I have to give a shout out to Peyton. - Yeah, Peyton is the best. - Yeah, she's awesome. And like everyone that you're surrounded by, like I've loved meeting the people you're around as well. And he was evident when I came on the show and for anyone who's wondering, Jake is not about dude so just throwing it out there like whether I see you at a party an event whether we're texting Whatever it is like you're always the same. You're always the kindest and the sweetest and thank you And you're a good person. You're a good guy. So thank you for whatever it's worth. I did need to hear that So thank you. I'll throw you it out there. Thank you. As you said you share so much of your life online You're having to be a bit more careful especially in the dating area What's something that you think you're discovering about yourself that you haven't yet fully talked about? Publicly like things that are new things that are coming up. Well, you're like oh, I kind of just discovered this last weekend And I want people to know about it or I'm learning this new thing about myself that people might be surprised to know I love sitting in the shower sitting in the shower. Yeah, and laying down a shower. Do you take like a stool? No, I just sit on the ground So how long will you sit in the shower for 30 minutes? Wow, and what do you do? Just listening to music? Okay, I think what I discovered lately about myself is that Writing stuff down is so fun because nobody can get that get to it besides you There's no computer bug that can get inside your computer and get what you're writing like that is on paper Like that is for you like those are Your journal is really like your brain like it is so like unless somebody came into your room and took your journal out and Started reading it which feels way more invasive than like a computer bug Yeah, because I feel like as a society we're accustomed to people like hacking other people and like that's always like a fear I've That I've had them which I know is an OCD thing, but I'm journaling I've really really been journaling a lot lately and I've discovered that that's really really good for me and that weed probably is it This seems to be like a running trend right now. This discovery that weed is not good for you Yeah, and I've also discovered that when I'm feeling confident about myself my body is shaved I like grew myself properly like I take care of myself and when I'm not it's like not and I feel gross and how's that connected to weed? Because when I'm smoking more I feel gross more often right I got my brain scanned by Dr. Daniel Aiman I don't know if you ever done that I've heard of him. I want to do it with my friends You should definitely go and do it because I think he'll be able to talk to you about at least what we'd doing to your brain I know and then you'll be able to see the difference then But that visual kind of like sticks in your head because you're like oh wow like that's what's going on Well when we talked, yeah, I think I was sober from weed. I don't think I was smoking at the time I wanted to look cool in front of this person and so I started smoking again And it just slowly but surely it was like, but it makes me so creative. Yeah, I make my like funniest I get really I get there's like 20 minutes of like Like where like no one can tell me shit and like I am the funniest person in the world to myself Yeah, and I'm almost brought back to like the days of like where I was first posting on the internet and like that type of humor that I elicited and That's like kind of what I love about smoking weed But then there's the 20 minutes after that where I feel like shit. Yeah. Is that where the world of dance videos are coming back? Yeah, that's that's I'm always high when I'm dancing. Yeah, I'm always high That's so good and yeah, I mean that's like a that's a great conversation to have with someone like Dr. Daniel Aiman Actually, I feel like because he's like he knows he knows the benefits of the creativity But they know everything else that you're feeling and it's it's a fascinating thing I want to go back to the general thing because I think what you're saying is I feel like as your life gets more public Yeah, your private life becomes more important and I always say to people I'm always like my private life's better than my public life So if someone thinks my public life is good which which I think it looks good I'm like my private life is way better and I keep it to myself because you almost need It's a weird one because you're like I put my whole career on sharing everything and that's what's been so cool But it's almost like there is a beauty in having something that's just yours. Yeah, that's what your journal represents Yeah, and I always kind of had this like false Dream of like celebrity and what that meant and I always thought it was cool when someone was so wanted to know about your private life and I think I'm coming into realizing that it's not this glamorous thing that I've built up in my head For people to like speculate on your private life In the set like I always grew up thinking that it was like so cool like all these like women People would be like who are they dating? What's going on with them? And I I always thought it would make me feel more attractive almost if people like wonder about who I was dating But then if someone wonders about who I'm dating and they think that I'm too ugly for that person then that like, you know I didn't think about it down side. I don't know if I'm making sounds that is making so much sense But what's so fascinating about it is that when you're consuming that content like if someone's yeah If someone's on Instagram and they see oh so-and-so is dating or whatever like oh is this person good looking enough for this person Whatever it is right if someone sees that we all love that right like we will get addicted to it We're talking about with our friends. We're like, can you believe so-and-so together now like whatever but when you're going through it It's the worst experience in the world. I've coached so many of my clients through public divorces or moments or whatever it may be and I will say it right now like those people no matter how rich They are no matter how much how famous they are no matter how successful they are Having your divorce or breakup happened publicly is not easy and not fun in any way Yeah, and it doesn't matter how much money you have so what I'm hearing is I agree with you I think when you hear about people you're like oh, they're so desirable. They're so can yeah, you know mysterious Yeah, so cool. And then when you're the Mysterious desirable one and I don't think I've ever really been that but I've had moments where I've been Maybe hopefully felt like that and then but I immediately feel the downside and I think that I've always struggled with this is I want everyone to like me always I can't take when someone doesn't like me It was always hard for me to not have people like me in my personal life But then when That's your job as well and people don't like you and you kind of just have to like keep it moving with and you can't like When I grew up if someone didn't like me I would try to handle why they didn't like me But when you're a public figure and you're putting out a show someone doesn't like you You can't address every single person that doesn't like you you have to just keep it moving Yeah, I think that's what I've been trying to struggle I've been struggling with Yeah, I remember that when when I feel like I first came into more notoriety or people being aware of who I was and I wanted to like sit every person down. Yeah, who didn't like me and I wish I could like set a day Where I just sat with each person one-on-one and like held their hands and looked into their eyes and was like let's talk Right because I want to but you can't do that no to millions of people on the internet And now I've just realized it's all mathematics. I always say to people it's all just math. It's like if you get You know a million views there'll be 10,000 people in the world who don't like you if you get a billion views You'll have a million people in the world who don't like you and if you get a hundred billion views You'll have a hundred million people who don't like you like it's just math right? It's not complicated. It's almost like just about the volume and scale that you operate at And it's natural and that's the hard truth about it where it's like it's just gets bigger the more big you get Whereas you know we think oh the bigger you get the more loved you are and it is that's true You are more loved, but there's a proportion amount of people that are now just not fans of yours I think it makes the love harder to believe though Like if someone used to come up to me and compliment something I did I would say thank you and now sometimes I find myself saying like really like you like not to be like pick me But I'm like oh you really liked that when I said that like you really enjoyed that And they're like yeah, and it's like because I read something negative about it Like it makes it harder to believe yeah, yeah, yeah, I personally think and obviously you're talking to your therapist About the therapist about this which is amazing, but I honestly think that's because of our inability to properly receive good feedback and comments and compliments It's like we don't have the presence To be really slow And thoughtful when we read a positive comment yeah, we don't really yeah, we don't really take it in It's just yeah, whereas if someone reads a negative comment we will analyze every word in it Yeah, and like read it backwards in three times over and send it to a friend and it becomes this big conversation I always say to people that you remember the bad times more than the good times because When something bad happens you cry for a month and when something good happens you celebrate for a day Yeah, and we all know what that feels like right if you win You'll have one party and then tomorrow you get back to work Yeah, but if you go through a break up you will cry for three months and that will stay with you And so we just deal with negativity with so much more depth than positivity, but do you get involved in internet drama I never get involved because I think it's a cheap shot to get involved. I think it's a very easy Way For people to talk about you. I don't need to give my opinion on anything I don't need to like like that's not what I'm here for and if I were if I were to be doing it I'm not shy and saying that I love to gossip But I don't need to gossip on the internet publicly because it will hurt someone's feelings And it will show my face to more people and I think that that's a very Cheap way to get yourself out there. Does that make sense? That is the best answer I've heard of it Really? Yeah, I just I think it's a cheap shot Yeah, it's at the end of the day. I really do I think and there's been times where I've been like I want to talk about this I want to talk about this, but I'm like, you know what like there's more to me than just gossiping then, gossiping is for when we stop recording and we start talking just as to, 'cause that's the beauty of gossip. - I guess it's the idea of like, I don't wanna be followed for gossip. - Right, I want people to be like, I follow him because he's funny, and he makes me feel better, not like I get my news from him. And there are places for that, but I just, that's never been my journey. - Yeah, it's not the offering you wanna put into the world. And I like that answer because I think it can be tempting when something feels like we know everyone's obsessed about it. I think we now live, we also live in a really interesting time that I discovered was, whenever there was something viral about someone happening whether it's an article, a someone getting canceled, whatever it was, these companies are now sending reports to every podcaster on their network and saying do this 'cause it will get clear. - Really? - Yeah. - Oh, see, I don't know that 'cause I'm independent. - So am I. - Yeah, that's the way I don't know that. - So I discovered this when it was happening to me, but it was like basically what was happening was every time there was something about someone who was well known that was not great, that company is sending a report saying do this topic because it will get clicked. And so half the time people are talking about stuff, not even because they care or have an opinion, but because they're company or their network or whatever it is that's told them that will get clicked. Which is a crazy thing to think about where it's not even something you're thinking about or care about that much, but you're diving in because you've been told, what do you think about cancel culture? - Cancel culture exists to me because when you get likes on a video, likes on a post, likes on anything, it feels good. There is no rhyme or reason that that chemically feels good. That is like a scientific fact. So regardless of what you are saying is complimentary about someone or negative about someone, like for example, when I was doing my skits, my improv skits and they were getting a lot of likes. The reason I kept doing them is because it was fun, but it was also doing well. So if you're making videos negatively about someone else and they're doing well, everyone is going to start making videos. It's like a virus. - You have a lot of people now saying a lot about people that they know very little about. - Yeah. - That's the fascinating part. - Right. - Is that we're reading into like a tiny paparazzi picture, one second of a conversation, and then drawing these massive conclusions based on people. But we all do that as humans all the time. - Yeah. - Do you stay away from that in your personal life, like in your private life, like no? (laughing) - I do it. - I am such a gossip. I can't help it. I love gossiping. It's like my love language. I just don't, I try not to do it publicly. - Yeah. - But like if you see me and we start talking and like I start gossiping, it's 'cause I love you. - Yeah, got it. - Yeah. - It's not with me today when you were in touch. - Yeah, I'm like, all right, I'm like, it's because I love you when I love to gossip. And I think there's such a beauty to it. And I think, but yeah, I won't ever publicly do it. - Let's do a quick rules of gossip. - Okay. - I'll do a quick rules of gossip. - What's the manifesto? What are the rules of gossip to make it fun and connecting but not hurtful and painful? - Rule number one is like you can't, if something is happening to somebody you really love, you don't gossip with other people about it. Like you don't like, like if something was happening to me that was really, really hurtful and really, really bad, I know Peyton wouldn't go talking about it to someone else. - Got it. - But if it was someone outside of our group and we were like, if we heard something about something, we would be like, what the fuck is going on? - Got it. Rule number one, that's two. - Rule number one is protect those that you love. - Yes, okay, good rule. - It's like, you know, protect the family. And I would say rule number two is like, have fun. As long as no one's listening, just have fun. Gossip is fun, sharing information is fun. - What if it gets back to them? - Yeah, it's happened to me many a times. - No way. - Yes, many, many, many times. - What do you do in that position? - So you say, sorry. - Oh, you do, okay. - I'm very, yeah, you just say, I'm sorry. - Do they reach out first or do you reach out? - No, I'll just fake fuck, okay, I'm sorry. - So your message is gonna say, I'm sorry. - Well, it's never really gotten to that. Usually I get confronted. I'm an easy person to confront. Like, I'm not very intimidating. But I'm never like, really ragging on. Like, I'm normally just like, sharing information. - Yeah. - I don't know. (laughing) - And the third rule of gossip is the one you've been talking about, which is like, only gossip offline, not online. - Yeah, that, I really think, is important. - Yeah, got it. - Yeah, got it. - Do you in pain ever gossip about me? - Never. Well, we only say positive things how much we miss you. I told her I was coming here today. She's like, tell him I love him. - Oh, she's a serious. - Yeah, she's the best. - Well, I love her. - Oh, you have to do this for me now for my audience. Define a crash out. - It literally feels like a painting is melting. Like, your world is like, from balloon. Like, it feels like everything is falling apart. And you're just like, free falling. - Wow, that's good. The painting melting is brilliant. - So, like, I crash out over this guy. During my crash out, I reach back out to him and saw him again, even though I knew it wasn't gonna be good for me. And that's because any decision you make in a crash out kind of goes. And it's fun to crash out when your best friend is also crashing out. So, painting and I will often sync up with our crash outs. So, I'll be like, should I just do this? And she's like, yes, should I just do this? I'm like, yes, even though we both know it's bad. Like, there's this, like, rush. There's a rush to a crash out. I really think there's a rush to it. - And are you trying to get out of it as quickly as you're in it, or? You can't really see a way out. When you're in a depth of a crash out, when you're in like the real darkness, depth of a crash out, like, there's no way out. - What's the longest crash out you've ever had? - Probably over the sky. So, from January to the end of March, I think I'm still good. Beginning of April. - Wow, I thought you were gonna say like three hours. - No. - You just said three months, four months. It's like a fact like this one guy affected like every decision I made. What was it about this one guy? - I don't know. I really don't know what it was. And like, I knew I shouldn't have gone back and I went back. And the same exact thing happened as the first time it just took longer. - Never go back. - I know, but I really was like, basically, we went on a date and it didn't end up working out. And then I reached back out like a few months later, just like throwing it out there and he came back with like flirty, so we started hanging out again. But then the same thing happened after our first date, after like two months. So it was like, you know what I mean? And it was like, this was all because of a crash out. - And did you feel more mad at yourself? Or did you feel more mad at him? Or is it a crash out a bit of a. - In the moment when he was like, I don't think this is working out. - I was like, okay, like I was right the first time. - Yeah. - And he was right the first time. No one was wrong. It was just like, that's like this was, if someone shows you who they are, what they de-missituation to be like believe them. - And then does the crash out affect everything else in your life for those four months? - Though is that our closest to me will tell you yes. - So how do you go to work? How do you do the show? How do you go on stage when you're having a crash out? - You need someone to just be like, well, on stage you're like, these people paid to see you. - Okay, so that, yeah, that commitment. - Luckily for me, they also paid to see me crash out. So like, I can get on stage and be like, I'm crashing the fuck out right now. Like, I'm not okay. And that for me, for them is equally as entertaining as me not crashing out. - Got it. - So it's almost like I can crash out on the job 'cause it makes it more entertaining and more funny. - Yeah. - But then there's moments where I'm like, wait, no, I really don't feel good. And I really can't do this right now. Like, after the Vanity Fair thing, I didn't wanna talk about that. I didn't wanna talk about it. I didn't want, I couldn't like make a joke out of it yet. And that was a really hard week for me 'cause I was like, I can't crash out about this publicly. Normally, everything I can be like, I'm crashing out over this, that, and the third, I couldn't crash out about that. 'Cause so many people were yelling at me or that's what it felt like to me. Like something like that is hard. Like I can't crash out. And that's, I think, the moment where things kind of shifted for me where it being public became less fun. - We were texting at that time. - Yeah, I was not okay. I was not okay. - Yeah, I really appreciate you reaching out. - Yeah. - 'Cause I can't imagine that being fun. - It was, well, it was just like, it was horrible 'cause it's like, yeah, yeah, just sucked. - And you survived? - And I survived. - I literally like, basically, when you physically survive something you're so scared of, you're so dreading it happening. You knew, like, I talked to you about this. Like, people getting mad at me is my number one fear. Like, I think my physical reaction to that was that I literally would not physically survive. - Yeah. - When you physically, like, actually make it out of something that you're scared of, it, like, teaches your mind almost that, like, it's fine. - Yeah. - Do you know what I mean? - Yeah. - Like, after that week, like, I felt like, oh, like, I'm still, I'm, like, breathing. As dramatic as it sounds, like, I'm, like, breathing. And I felt like I was holding my breath, waiting for this thing to happen. And then it happened. - Yeah. - And now what? You just keep going on. - Totally. And what I find really hard about those moments, and obviously, you know, I'm a fan of yours. I follow you and it's like, I'd watched an interview done around the same time. I think it was just before it was the Rolling Stone one. - Correct. And I'd seen that interview and I was like, Jake's being really honest, like, he's not a, He knows he's not a journalist, not trying to be a journalist. - My mom is a journalist. - Yeah, he really, it was just really interesting 'cause I follow you quite deeply in that sense. I keep up with what you're up to and I was like, oh wait, Jake said this thing in the Rolling Stone thing and the thing that he's getting targeted for whatever you wanna call it, is that very thing that he's already-- - It's funny how that works. - And I'm like, if you just listen, and this is the challenge I see with everything and I go through this myself, I'm like, if someone actually listened to everything I said, I think they'd have a better picture of my genuine emotions about things. But if you just pick one thing I say or one thing I do, you might get a very different perspective of who I am. And I think the challenge today is who the hell in the world has the time to listen to everything I've said or everything you said over there. - And who cares enough to do that as well? Like, it's too much work and so it's, yeah, it's rough because I felt like what you were seeing in the Rolling Stone interview, directly would have made the other side of it. - Right, it was like a direct response. - It was like, well, I'm not a journalist. I've never claimed to be, I think it's insulting to say I'm a journalist. I'm not-- - Neither am I. - Inquisitive enough to be a journalist. - Yeah. - Unless it's gossip. - I'd be a good gossip journalist. - There you go. That's the new title. - Yeah. - That's the new headline. - Yeah. I feel like the good thing is to survive early in that growth journey because then you start realizing that these things will keep coming and keep happening. And you're gonna have to live with it forever. So in one sense, it's kind of like nice to get one under your belt because you don't wanna wait too long 'cause I've seen it happen the other way. And I think this used to happen a few years back was that people would literally have like three decade careers where they would never have anyone hate them. And then all of a sudden, something massive would happen. - Right. - Years later. - And they don't know how to deal with that. - And they don't know how to deal with it. - Because it's the internet. - Correct. It's not just bad press anymore. Like back in the day, traditional media and traditional celebrity, you could get bad press where the press was talking about you, poorly. But the press is now the people. So it feels a little more individual and a little more like, I think it feels more personal. - It does feel more personal. 100% it feels more personal. 'Cause you're seeing one person say something about you. - Yeah. - It feels really, really personal. There's this, I remember Ellen DeGeneres was canceled at something like, I can't remember how she was at that time. Like 46 for coming out as gay. Now coming out in America as gay was like, cancelable. - Really? - Yeah, I remember there's this clip that people can watch of the Oprah show where people are literally standing up on the Oprah show saying, how can you be friends with Ellen? 'Cause she's gay. - Really? - Yeah, it's unbelievable. And you'll see Oprah say like, well, you know, I appreciate her, I like her, whatever it is. And I'm like, that is bizarre to me to think about. You watch that and you go, oh my gosh. Like, you know, what a crazy thing to go through. And now it's almost like, yeah, it's what you just said. It feels so much more personal. It feels so much more urgent as well. And it's rough. And I don't think anyone has the magic pill or the answer to how to deal with it. Because you gotta keep moving on. You gotta keep getting on with it. Well, I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you survived. I'm glad you kept going on. - Keep it up. - 'Cause you're making a lot of people happy. You're making a lot of people smile. You're like, and trying. I'm really trying. I feel like I've kind of lost my funny lately. And so I'm like trying to like get it back. - What helps you get it back? - Watching TV. - What have you been watching? - Industry. - Oh, I've not seen that yet. - Yeah, I keep being told. - You gotta. - Okay. - That's a very you show. - Okay. - You would love it. And I'm so good at when I'm like, and I know I'm good at when I'm imitating things. And I always say like when I'm binge watching a show and I go through this period of like bingeing. And then I regurgitated all out. That's when I'm my funniest. So that, okay, watching TV. Mine is genuinely like, I love watching standup comics. - I don't watch enough of it. - I love watching standup comedies. I want to my favorite things. I come like, if I can watch a really good standup comic that just is doubted and you know, really knows how they're working the crowd. It's, you've never done standup comedy. - I did it in seventh grade. - Oh, okay. - It doesn't really, doesn't really count. But I love, when you see someone so, whether it be a comic or athlete or a musician in control of a crowd, it's like equally as crack for you as it is for them, I feel like. - Yeah, yeah. - It's like the, oh my God, what am I witnessing right now? - Absolutely. - Absolutely. - What's become you are like biggest red flag and dating for you right now? - If someone watches my show. - You don't want them to be a fan. It's weird because it's both a red flag and a green flag. It's like, okay, you still pursued me even after seeing me for all that I was. But like internally, I'm so insecure that you've seen it that I now can't date you. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Because I'm so insecure with all that you've seen. I can't hide anything from you. - God, that makes sense. - Yeah, it's almost like you don't get in a normal relationship. Like if you're not a public figure, you get to reveal information. - Yeah. - As you both get to know each other more. Whereas when you're a public figure who's talking about yourself all the time, it almost feels like everyone knows too much about you already. - Right. - And now you don't even get to reveal that part of yourself and it doesn't feel like a discovery even for the other person. - And it just feels almost like embarrassing. - Tell me about that part. Why is embarrassing? - 'Cause I used to talk about like my sex life a lot or like lack thereof. I'm like, oh my God, if this person seen my show, they know that I haven't had sex in however long. That is so embarrassing. I can't sit here with a straight face. - So what do you do now? - I go for older men that wouldn't normally watch my show. - Right. And how's that guy? - It's fine. - Okay. - Honestly great. They have great perspectives on life. - This episode is brought to you by Ultra, making space for ourselves matters, having time in room to try new things. Our feet benefit from more space too. That's why Ultra running shoes feature Ultra Fit design, giving toes more room for comfort and balance, helping feet feel stronger. These aren't just running shoes, they're perfect for walking, hiking, any pace, any level. They feel right from the first step. Go to ultra running.com/onpurpose and use code purpose 10 for 10% off. That's ALTRA running.com/onpurpose. Stay out there. Are you generally attracted to older men or is this because they don't listen to you? - Sure. - I think generally I'm attracted to older guys. - Okay. - Then this has made it even more so. - Easier. - Okay. - Okay. - So that's a green flag right now, being an older man. - You beat an older guy. - He doesn't watch your show. - That's a green flag is like an older guy in their 30s who doesn't watch my show. And then a red flag would be like someone my age who watches my show. - Yeah. (laughing) - It's good, dude. You're segmenting, you're cool. - Yeah. - It's good. - Yeah. - What's the phase change? - I know I'm wrong. What do you mean you know you're wrong? - I know I'm wrong. I know what I'm saying is incorrect. And I'm gonna wake up and be like no that's not how I feel. But that's how I feel, I think that's my issue with having my podcast grow as much. It's because I think I say things that I feel on the moment. And then I switch my mind up like that. And then so when people are like that's wrong. I'm like we that is wrong. I don't even mean that. But in the moment I did. - It's not your opinion on anyone else. - Yeah. - I don't think that can be wrong. - I know. - You're allowed to change your mind. - I know. - And you know it's all tongue in cheek too. Like it's like you know it's you saying how you feel about what you're attracted to right now. And that could change tomorrow. I think that's cool. - Yeah. I think that that's a red flag. I'm trying to think of like another red flag that I would agree with tomorrow morning. 'Cause I feel like I can go on a date with someone that watches my show and them be wonderful. And it be you know. So I actually don't know if that's fair to say that that's a red flag. I think a red flag would be, I don't know. What was a red flag for you when you were dating? - That's a good question. It's been a long time, Jay. You're like, you know, age of me right now. I haven't been on a date for. - I think Lion. - Lion. - Lion is good. - Lion is good. - Lion is good. - Lion is good. - Lion is good. Yes, this is my answer. If you catch somebody in a lie early on, bright flag. - Yeah. - Immediate red flag. - Name dropping is my red flag. Oh no, are you trying to name dropping? I don't, I don't need to like, or if someone's like brand dropping, name dropping, event dropping, like, "Oh, I was just going at this place with this person." - Yeah, very good red flag. - It doesn't, it doesn't do anything for me. I'm like, I don't, I'm good, like, you know. - Well, then I think is this date just a name drop for you later on? - Yes, yes, yes, yes. So, and now I'm thinking about friend dating 'cause I don't go out and date something of like, just friends and how I pick people to hang out with. I don't like that. I don't, I get turned off if someone's like, if someone only talks about work or money or deals or me too. Like I just, I find that boring and like, you know, back to my crash out from the reason I crashed out so hard over this one guy was 'cause he wasn't a name dropper at all. And like, I've realized that the way I need to be loved in a relationship is constant words of affirmation. It's like someone telling me that they are attracted to me 'cause I read people telling me that and I, and I'm very insecure already. And I see people saying that I'm ugly all the time. - Really, do you see that all the time? - And so to have the person that I'm intimate with tell me that they are attracted to me and they're not lying to me is like, I think what, like my most important thing. - I didn't realize the ugly comment for you was a common thing or a thing at all. - Oh yeah, especially from other gay guys. - Wow, I had no idea. - Yeah. - God, that must be it. Terrible. Yeah, it's not great, but I am able to use it to like as part of my humor. Just sometimes it gets a little too mean. Yeah. Sometimes it's a little too mean and a little too specific. And that's when you can't laugh. And that's when I can't laugh. Yeah. Well, you showed everyone with the Coachella purse. Yeah, you did, yeah. Yeah, you just put it out there, you know. It's I think I think you did like flatten with you, Jacob. I know. I know. I know. But I did I do that that part of my I actually you know what it's funny when you bring up the like what my bot like transform me my body and stuff. People are a lot of the comments that I've received are people being like that just doesn't make sense for him. I think I literally just heard Louise laugh. Like am I not someone that's supposed to be attractive? Like that's how it feels to me. And then it feels even worse. Yeah. There's those clips of like I remember there's a clip of like Jonah Hill when he'd last away. And I think he was on a TV show and someone said to him like, oh, you don't look like someone who would smell good. Yeah. And he called it out on the show. Like he literally goes, what do you mean? I just don't think like you see the like he just goes straight at it to come back it because obviously didn't feel good to hear that. He was like, what do you mean by that? Well, it feels like they're saying to me your face is still ugly, but your body is okay. Yeah. That's what it feels like they're saying to me when they say that. When they say this doesn't make sense for him, it feels like they're saying the face is still ugly. I need some work to do, but the body is getting there. Yeah. So what are you, what are you new dating rules? How are you? Go on first dates. Room number one. Go on first date. And it's so hard. I hate dating. How do you meet people right now? Right now, Raya, it's touch and go. Yeah. Kind of like it's like sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's not. But also leaving the house. Like I feel like leaving the house and going to a bar. Yeah. When you base all your like romantic validation and online dating, it's a black hole. Yeah. Like you're never gonna, you're never gonna feel good about yourself. But when you go to a bar and you get flirty with, yes, like in nature, like it fuels you for like that next month to like lead with confidence. I like that. The fact that you're saying you can go out and do that being a public figure. I think that's great advice for people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Actually get out there. Just do it the old way. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I because what else you're gonna do. Yeah. Yeah. Any others that are working and anything else, that's kind of. No, I mean, I don't think many things are working for me right now. What's the most insane thing you've ever done in dating with the craziest thing you've ever done on a date? I mean, like crashing out over a guy went on one date with and then telling him, I passed the place where we went on our first date to get back in contact with him, even though I was sitting in my hotel room with my friend Cassie. Like that's insane. Like I was like, I just passed this place thought of you. No, I didn't. I was in my hotel room. That's a good one. No, I didn't. And by the way, not only was that, I plan that. Yeah. From the second that he said that he was not, I thought he got the, so I thought he got the egg from me and my friend was like, if he has the egg from you, just give it a month and then try again. So I gave it a month and I was like, my plan is, well, my plan was three months. I lasted one month. And he's probably gonna listen to this really good kids and saying, but it's over now. So whatever. Yeah, that was part of the rules. The only rules you said. That's so bad. I know red flagged for dating if they're friends suck. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. I like that one. I like that one. If they're friends suck, bad. Yeah. Yeah. I also don't like people who are not responsive. I have a big issue with that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I need to get a rhythm of communication. I'm a bad responder. I don't see. He's the thing. I think there's like, I think you've got like a 72 hour rule. Yeah. Right? Like if you respond to someone within 72 hours, I think it's respectful. Yeah. And I'm like, if I'm getting to know someone again, I'm not dating. But if I was getting to know someone as a friend or I'm like 72 hours is fair. Everyone's busy. Maybe five days I can deal with. Maybe seven days out of max, right? Yeah. But over seven days to not communicate, I'm like, hmm, this is like, yeah, I think about the person that I haven't responded to in seven days now. And I'm like, I have to respond to them. I feel like seven days is good. And like anything more than seven days. I'm like, there is no, seven days is good for someone you don't really ever want to see. Right. Right. Right. Whereas if I want to build a friendship with someone, I'm expecting them to respond within 72 hours. Right. Yeah. So nice that you have a wife and you don't have to think about the romance. No, I don't have to think about romance. But I do think about friends and I do think about like building relationships or people at work or whatever it may be. I'm definitely, I think you're always building relationships with people. And I'm someone who's just like likes having friends. Like I enjoy you do love that. I enjoy getting to know people. I enjoy getting to know people deeply. I enjoy to actually get to know what's going on in someone's life and heart. Like I enjoyed that. And I'm always looking forward to, again, I don't want to do that with a million people. I'm looking forward to doing that with a few people. Yeah. So you're like, you're looking at me with some dubious eyes. Are you? No, no, I'm looking at you with like, have I just said a whole bunch of nonsense for this past hour? No, no, no, no. And like, has anything I said made sense? There's been so much that has made sense. And the insanity question was was a was a really good one. But why do you feel ready to be in a relationship right now? Or just to be dating? I think just to be dating. And I've always said I wanted a boyfriend. And every time I get close to it, I'm like, I don't want this. Because I don't know. I haven't figured it out. I think I, well, I just had someone on my show and they explained to me the different attachment styles of stuff. So I think I'm avoidant. Like I look for people that are not there. And then if they ever get there with me, I'm like, wait, what? Like I don't want that. I think I'm too insecure to like share myself entirely with someone. I think I'm just like, too insecure as a person to like be able to show someone. I think that's where journaling's kind of been helpful because I've been able to like, I'm sharing it with like this fake object, this object, but it's still something else other than my own mind. And I think that's what I've always struggled with. Yeah, yeah, for sure. You talk about the importance of friends and being surrounded by the right people. You obviously have a great crew. I feel like you just told me you're going to be living alone for the first time in a long time. Well, yeah. And I'm really stressed out about it. I've been begging Brett to stay. But her journey is that she is moving in with her incredible, lovely boyfriend. And I'm dreading the day it happens. And I don't know what I'm going to do. Waking up to a friend every day is like the best thing on planet earth. We wake up every morning, we go downstairs, gossip for 20 minutes, we go about our days, meet back up for lunch, gossip, go about our days, meet back up for dinner. And like, I don't know, like it's you get very complacent when you live with someone you get complacent and not having to make plans. It's like, well, Brett will be home or I'll just be with Brett. And I think it's going to be really, really, really hard for me when she moves out. I don't know what I'm going to do. How do you define a good friend? I think the most classic answer and the most truthful answer is that somebody who has been with you at your worst, like I think the song "Dalakit" by Taylor Swift is kind of like applies to romantic relationships. But it also, for me, applies to platonic friendships as well. It's like she talks about like this feeling of like having this new relationship and like her reputation has never been worse. So this person that she's with right now must really like them for them. And so the people that have been with you at your worst and stuck by you, like that's a good, like a loyalty, like loyalty. I've learned that loyalty is really and truly everything. Sticking by someone, even if it's not convenience or sticking by or doing something for someone because you know it means a lot more to them than it would to like, you know what I mean? Like I'm trying not to get too specific, but like really showing up for people, you know, even if you don't want to. Making things work for someone, even if you don't want to, because they would do it for you. And knowing that they would do it for you, that's a good friend. And you're like that too, as a friend. I think I've learned how to become like that. I don't think I was always like that. And I'm totally fine to say that I wasn't always like that. And my best friends would sit here and tell you right now that I wasn't always like that. What changed you? Like life. Just like things happening. And sometimes life forces you to put things into perspective. And you have to choose. And you have to decide like certain routes to go down. And I've just been faced with situations like in college or high school or middle school on each situation. Like I think I've been a better and better and better friend. All right. We have two games that we're going to finish on that we do with all of our guests now. Okay. One's made for you and one's another game that we do. So this one is called which one ruins your day more? Oh my god. I love this. So Jake, which one ruins your day more? Someone text we need to talk or someone just reacts thumbs up to a long text you sent. We need to talk. Why? Because the thumbs up, I at least know where you stand. If I if it's the uncertainty that kills me. Yeah. If I know you're upset with me. And I know that that text that I've sent that you don't like it. Fine. So be it. I'll be upset about it. But I'll be way more upset if you say we need to talk. And I don't know if it's good or bad. Okay, then my brain starts spinning and spinning and spinning okay everyone listening do not send your friends We need to talk all right, which one ruins your day more you wave at someone who wasn't waving at you Or you say you to after your service as enjoy your meal you're waving at someone because the you two was like You're being polite at the end of the day. It's like you're polite like they're just trying to be polite like oh you two and it's like a silly fun moment Yeah, waving at someone that happened to me the other day was the worst it actually Yeah, one time I did it to Jennifer Aniston by accident and it was like we were staying at the same hotel And I was wait. I thought she was waving at me and I was like what is she what it was so awkward? I like thinking about it makes my skin crawl was she waving at I know I think I was waving at someone next to her But obviously she's like are you waving at me? And I'm like no like I don't and I realize it was her and like it Makes my skin crawl which one ruins your day more you get left on red or they send back a five paragraph text Left on red it's the uncertainty kills me Kills me. It's the worst which runs your day more being way too over-dressed at a party or way too under-dressed at a party so in New York you would say that It's better to be over-dressed than under-dressed but in LA. It's cooler to be under-dressed. Yes, I Feel these days very LA thrown through so I would say being over-dressed would upset me more got it I agree with you. I'd rather be under-dressed to which one ruins your day more you send a photo of the guy you're talking about to him or like a post on his Instagram from five years ago send a post to him or send the photo to him I think I've actually almost done that before and that's happened to me in like other situations where I've been talking about somebody And I've sent them a screenshot of like our own tax and that ruins my week. That's just like you there's nothing there's no coming back There's no coming back. You have to be like sorry All right a couple more which one ruins your day more the guy you're dating isn't funny or doesn't get your brand of humor Doesn't get my brand of humor. Yeah, of course because if he's not funny like You can always I think you can always teach someone how to be I think it at least laugh It doesn't matter if they're funny. Can you laugh at me? And what are the jokes I'm making? But if you don't think I'm funny why are we even talking? Totally. Yeah. All right last one of these you accidentally send a mean-go text about someone to that exact person All your core in a blatant unnecessary lie by someone you actually deeply respect. I think the mean girl text sending a text to someone rescinding a text to someone that you didn't need to send it to like they'll kill me for telling the story and I need to double check it with them but one time Payton texted Julia. I need to go search for Julia's bag so she'll shut the fuck up and she texted to Julia was sitting next to Julia And I just remember like it being like for everyone else the funniest thing but for them to like not funny so bad It was slippery. It was slippery. Julia couldn't find your slippers. Oh my god. Oh Well done. You did good. That was really good. All right got reaction. So I need your quickest reaction the hill I die on for no reason is Air conditioner as like everyone should have it. Okay, right. No like everyone should have air conditioner I don't care how bad it is for the environment. I don't even I'm sorry I don't you need to have an air conditioner like it is important to condition the temperature of your home Properly got it the most embarrassing thing currently sitting in my notes app is I Thought I was being really poetic. I know my phone with me, but I I took notes of my day and It was that I was walking home with like makeup products in my hand because I was too embarrassed to walk home with this Forebag and I wrote that down and like I remember and I looked back at it today and I was like what the fuck why are you doing? I want to walk home with this for a bag That's good. That's really good. The most unhinged thought I've had today is oh Most unhinged thought I've had today is probably like Chey smoke before this and I'm so grateful. I didn't you didn't know Oh nice. I was like I'm so I literally was almost like Chey to smoke yeah, and then my Therapist was like you cannot smoke it like giving me all this attitude about smoking reading me a quote from Yoda And I told her I was like I don't even watch Star Wars. So I know what the fuck you're talking about There've been people who smoke before I mean like whiz had his whiz Khalifa had his car down there and smirked before he came onto the show Yeah, but he's able to like People I'm trying to remember now, but whiz is definitely one of them. The brand. I would sell my soul to be the face of his Dior. Dior. Yes. You already are. No, my god. You can't anymore. I wouldn't love to be I see you where do you everywhere? It's my favorite brand. We both love you Jonathan. I love Jonathan. I think it's just everything he does is so brilliant And I think what he's done with the brand is brilliant. I agree I went to his first show out in Paris last year, and it was just spectacular without the one where he debuted the book tote collection That's correct. Yes, it was just I was really it was so good. It was so good. Amazing good answer The celebrity friend you're calling to help you bury a dead body is Renee rap. Oh wow. Okay, Renee Yeah, okay, Renee and Renee rap she She is that is a ride or talk about a ride or die like that girls a ride or die like I'd call her and be like I am geeking out I'm tweaking out over this one thing. She'll be like where it's handled word handling it That's so good and you trust that she can like she's like, you know, she's like on like she protects she protects her family nice Yeah, Jake we end every episode of on purpose with a final five these questions have to be answered in one sentence maximum Okay, Jake Shane these you a final five first question. What is the best advice? You've ever heard or received you can't create magic twice I like if something like works once there's no point in like I wanted to go back for Coachella weekend Two and I looked at Louise and I was like just I don't want to taint my experience because weekend one was so perfect And it's such a shallow thing to say for that answer But like just like you can't create magic twice like magic exists because Like you know, it's like how did this happen? Like you can't create a miracle twice. Yeah, the impermanence is what made it special Yeah, the fact that you didn't believe you could do it again. That's what made it right. Absolutely. I love that advice never had done the show question number two What is the worst advice you ever heard or received all press is good press? I don't think it's true. I thought it was true and then my friend looked at me and said that is not true. It's so painful Yeah, it's so painful. I agree. It's the worst I fully agree Question number three. What was the highlight of Coachella the strokes Besides like Justin Bieber and stuff the strokes. I've always been at the same festival that they've been playing at And my favorite song of all time Besides the archivite Taylor Swift is someday by the strokes And I never got to see it live And I saw it live and I was on my best friend Will shoulders and it was like the best moment of my entire life Really, yeah, wow, that's awesome and I the video of it too. Someone took a video of me. So it was like you weren't even having ever I didn't have to have my phone out. I just got to experience it. Yeah. That's beautiful. I love that question number four What are you most excited about this year continuing to like work on my body and Work out and show people like how much work I put into my body and I'm also really excited about Working on my show that I have in development That's been so rewarding and so fun. This is a show about your life, right? Yeah And it's just it's so fun to make fun of yourself. Yeah, that's so cool And you feel you can do it a little more in a script. It's at it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah I'm not acting in mind, but we're working on one as well about my life and I'm like I'm helping producer and working with the writers and I'm having so much fun because I want to make fun of myself Yeah, and there's no better way to do it than in a script to show you are at least getting to play yourself Which I'm not going to do but it's like I mean are you of course I but I literally am like I imagine I can't make a show about myself and not play myself because I So desperate for a role. So I'm like obviously I have to play myself. Yeah, it's brilliant Jake 15 final question. We asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be? This is my law every airplane should have personalized air conditioning instead of central AC because when it's central You're like is it when is it turning on did it out but when it's personal and you can just twist it on or off Like every plane should have that right and that should be the law And that they also shouldn't oversell airplanes. I never understood that. What do you mean? You'll be like we oversold this flight. How oh, yeah, yeah, that doesn't make any sense. How is that legal? How does that work? Yeah, how does that work? What happens in that situation when they do oversell? So they make somebody get off the plane. It's crazy. It's the craziest thing has ever happened to you I would never know I would never you'd have to drag me off the plane If they were someone was saying like that we oversold this flight, please you have to leave I'd say over my dead body. Am I getting off this plane? So good. I'm not. I would pick someone else. So good. Jay, Jay, Jay, you are so much fun. I love going to chat to you I hope you got to open up and share what you're where you're at right now and honestly I can't wait to see you continue to win Continue to succeed and most importantly I'm excited for you to find that full film and that you're seeking and I'm excited to Be there by your side as you discover those things. - Thank you. - Oh, thank you. - Thank you. - Thanks for having me. This was so awesome. - Thank you, Jake. You're awesome. That's fantastic.