JAKE SHANE: “I Was Scared People Would Find Out Who I Am”

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I don't know what your day's been like, but I was just thinking about you for a minute. And I hope you're being a little patient with yourself because you deserve it. And yeah, I'll talk to you soon. Jake, Shane, welcome to On Purpose. It is great to finally have you here, and I've been so excited for this because ever since I came on your show, I fell in love with you. And every time I see you at a party or an event, whatever it may be, you are the sweetest, kindest person. So thank you for being here. Thanks for having me. I've been so excited about this. I'm so happy we finally figured it out and were able to do it. So we've been trying to schedule dinner for a while. Yes. And it's fallen through. You've had crazy travel. I've had a bit of moving scheduling. And I missed, I think it was your birthday end of last year, October 27th. So I think it's like your half birthday right now, if that's even a thing. Oh my God. God, it is about to be my half birthday. And so I wanted to offer you a little gift that I got for you. And so what we did is we actually sponsored a real octopus. Oh, I know this thing. The World Wildlife Fund sent us this. And there is now an octopus in your name. Wait, really? Yeah, genuinely. That is now being cared for and taken care of. Oh, that's amazing. God, I should stop eating them. Well, that was the hope that this would balance it out. Yeah, yeah. That this would balance it out. But Jake, I wanted to ask you, you're having an incredible moment. It's so fun seeing you everywhere. It's so fun seeing you win. It couldn't happen to a better person. What is this chapter of your life called and why? It's funny you ask that. I've been journaling so much lately. And I never journal and I've been journaling. And I feel like I'm kind of, you know, that part when you're like in the ocean and it's like the calm before a really big wave. That's kind of what I feel like this is. It feels everyone's like you're doing so much. Everything's happening. But it feels very tame right now. Maybe this week specifically, but I don't know if that's just because I just, when I just got off Broadway, that was like a big, whole big thing. And now it just feels very tame. I don't know what this chapter would be. Okay. Talk to me about what you're journaling about. Like, when did you start that? And what's that been like? I started journaling after. I had this like time in January where I felt really shitty about myself. And I started journaling like really shitty things. And then somebody was like, you should journal. I think it was, somebody told me that they like to journal to remember things that they would never remember. So like I saw Jay today and he gave me an octopus, like just some little things like that, something I wouldn't remember. I would remember doing this interview, but I might not remember the octopus or the breath strips that you have in your bathroom. It's just like little things like that, that I have just started journaling about. And it helps me like kind of like explain my thoughts out loud in a way, like I'm very good at speaking my thoughts, but sometimes journaling helps put them together. That's very helpful for me to hear too. Cause I like speaking my thoughts too. I do a lot of audio journaling, but there is something different about writing it down. I think you're so right that we actually miss, I've, I've become friends with someone recently who like probes me and challenges me and will ask me like, what's the most beautiful thing? I think you saw today. And I'll almost all of a sudden be like, oh crap, I don't even know. And I'm like, wait a minute. I saw lots of beautiful things today, or I experienced lots of beautiful things today, but because we don't write it down or because we don't share it, like you said, you just forget about it and it just disappears. I think I also feel like, uh, journaling, I'm everything is going to get exposed or everything is going to come out or everything is going to happen all at once or something. Someone's going to find out that like, I'm not like who I say I am or something. And I feel like journaling, like writing it down physically is like the one place where I know my thoughts are safe. Yes. Like I'm always scared of like my thoughts escaping my head, if that makes sense. It's like, it's like an OCD thing. Explain, explain. It's, um, confession OCD. It's like, you feel like you have to, that's why I'm so honest. It's because I feel like I have to tell everybody every side of who I am or else somebody will find it and use it against me. Yes. Right. Like writing stuff down in a journal is like the one place that it feels safe. Like even typing on a laptop, I'm scared that someone's going to take my laptop. Yes. Or like, it's like a very paranoid thing. Yeah. Yeah. No, no. That makes sense. Especially in today's world. And the hard part now is you're trying to say everything, but not everyone has the ability to listen to everything you ever say. And therefore having a safe space where you can truly be honest with yourself. I'm guessing. Yeah. It's huge. Yeah. And it's, it used to be so much easier. I guess I used to think my podcast was bigger than it was because once it went on, Netflix and became bigger, people will tell you like your opinion is wrong. And it not only is it wrong, it's bad. And like, my biggest fear is being like a bad, bad or like bad or doing something wrong. And so like, I've been struggling with like saying, being everyone's like, oh, you're so relatable. It's like, well, I've had trouble being relatable lately because I'm scared of saying the relatable thing is wrong. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do know what you mean. You're saying that. That what made you successful was being relatable. Yeah. And now you're worried that saying that thing is the same thing that's going to be scrutinized because the platform's got so much bigger. Is that right? Yeah. People are just like, I don't know. I'm like, I've had a hard time collecting my thoughts lately. Yeah. It's hard. Yeah. But it is hard because I feel like we're so overwhelmed by opinions, feedback, expectations, stats, data, numbers, comments. Like it's, it is an insane amount of. Data to hold. Yeah. Like it's insane. It's a lot. And it's, it's, I've been spending more time, like kind of, well, I was about to say I was spending more time off my phone, but I haven't. So that's just not true. Yeah. I love the honesty. But yeah, I, you asked what this chapter of my life would be called and I, I genuinely don't know. I feel kind of like confused how I got here and like kind of confused as to like, what's happening. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's fair though. I also started smoking weed again. So there's that. 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Whenever I think about that, it's like, if one of these things, if one of these things happened to younger Jake, it would, his whole life would be complete and it would be, he would be able to be happy and have it be over, essentially. I was so fulfilled while I was on Broadway and I felt, and then the second it was over, I'm like, well, what now? Oh, you're going from doing a show every single night of the week to doing then nothing. When you're doing a live show, it's almost like unanimous validation. Like everyone's there because they love you and they see you, but when you're putting something out online, you're kind of like, oh, I'm going to do this. of opening it up to people being like, "I don't like this." I think that was kind of hard for me. I always felt that way after I got off tour, after I got off Broadway. That's been difficult. You're not trying to be right, even in what you say. You're just literally giving musings and reflections. And it's almost like, I don't know how you can be wrong. It was never that I was trying to be right until somebody was like, wait, you're wrong. And then I was like, wait, I can be wrong. That's what I mean. Like, I just see you as someone who's like, giving your opinion, being vulnerable, sharing. Like, I'm like, where does right and wrong even come into that? I know. And I missed talking about, like, my dating life as well. And I feel like I'm not able to do that anymore. Like, Therapist was always like, kind of an outlet for me to like, talk about stuff like that. But then I would see guys and they'd be like, well, I saw on the show. And I was like, what would they say to you? Like, that they would see, that they would know that I was talking about them on the show. Oh, okay. And because it happens in such real time that I'm like, I can't talk about it anymore. And that would upset them because they'd feel exposed, even if you didn't share their name. Even if I don't say anything about them, because anyone would feel exposed. I'm like, I don't want to make them. And then I don't want that to prohibit me from, I don't know. Like, I don't know. Has it improved your dating life, not talking about it on the show? Kind of, yeah. A little, yeah. So that's a good thing, man. A little. So something good came out of it. But I miss talking about it. I miss being like, this happened, this happened. Yeah, I don't know. God, that's, yeah, that's a, that's a, that's a, like, predicament right there. Yeah. Like, which way do you go? Which, which way is your heart pulling you right now? My heart is saying, if the situation is over, you can speak about it as long as there are no, like, identifying figures to who this person may be. Yeah. Especially if they're private. Right. You know? And so that's, like, what my, like, heart is telling me. Mm-hmm. Because I want, I think, like, being gay, it's like, it's a weird experience. It's a weird dating experience. I've always kind of prided myself in being able. to, like, talk about how weird it is. And so I think if my, where my heart is telling me is that the situation is over, I can speak about it as long as no one will ever find out who it is. Mm-hmm. Besides my best friends. Right. Or you. I can tell you right after. Right after this, yeah. Because I can't keep my mouth shut. Yeah. As a straight man, talk to me about what dating is like as a gay man in a way that I would understand it. From my experience, a lot of the gay dating scene is, is online. Mm-hmm. And I think that's where a lot of. Gay men find, like, community is online because they might live their life closeted or, and search for an outlet and have, and that can be on Hinge or whatever dating app. And so when you're on a dating app, like, the first jump is obviously aesthetics and looks. And if you're attracted to this person, of course there's prompts and you're like, whatever. And the prompts may be charming and whatnot. But it has been, for me, very visual based. And that's, like, led to a lot of stuff with, like, my body or being comfortable and all that. But as, yeah, it's, it's, it's been lonely. I would describe it as very lonely. Wow. Yeah. Wow. That doesn't sound fun. It's not fun. It's very lonely. And I know I'm not alone in that experience. And I think I would always talk about how I wanted a boyfriend on my podcast and how lonely it was to not have one. And then when people started, when other people online started talking about my looks and how, if I was ugly or whatever, my whole bit was complaining that I didn't have a boyfriend. I felt, like, unvalidated. And then I felt like I needed to shut up. And then the whole experience is lonely. I didn't make any sense just now. And no, no, no, no. I get what you're saying. I'm, like, really trying to find my thoughts. And I like that. I appreciate it. That's probably one of my favorite things to do on this show is to hear someone actually be vulnerable and open and figure things out. Yeah. Like, if you can articulate. If you can articulate how you feel perfectly, then you're not really thinking about it anymore. It's a conclusion. Like, you're already kind of there. And so I like that you're trying to find your way. And I'm with you all the way. And then, obviously, you show us your incredible new physique at Coachella. I know. And it goes viral and everyone's talking about it. And that feels really good. Because I've been working for years, for a really, really, really long time on my body. And then it feels good to get a little more male validation from that. So I've discovered that I'm, like, kind of male. Because being gay and dating feels like I'm experiencing what straight people experience in high school, but now. That's, like, kind of, I feel like I'm 10 years late. Got it. On, like, what a 16-year-old girl would experience. Got it. Understood. That helps. That really helps. And it's people like me, too. I mean, I'll just be real. I DM Jake straight away and go, I need that workout and that diet now. Well, it was a spray tan and angles. But it was also, it was, I've been working really, really hard. Yeah. We've seen the Allo Gym stories. We've seen you working out. What has that experience been like? Like, I think, you know, jokes aside, like, there's a seriousness. So I was overweight growing up. I was bullied for being overweight. I also grew up in an area that wasn't Indian, so I was bullied for the color of my skin. I know what that feels like. I then was lucky enough to get fit and healthy, do well at school. You know, I've been with my wife now for 13 years or whatever. And it's, like, I worked through all of that. For you, what has this journey been like where you're, like, wait a minute, people are saying, these things about me. I'm getting into shape because I'm working out for myself anyway. But now I get validation. It feels good. But I'm the same guy who I was three years ago. Like, talk to me about that. It's so funny. I saw a photo of myself from, like, two years ago when I was bigger. And it's almost like I can't believe, and this is just me being completely honest, like, that I lived life looking like that or feeling that way. Because, like, and I did. I don't mean to sound horrible in saying that. I feel like I'm a lot more. I feel like if you can tell, I'm, like, a lot more cautious with what I say nowadays. But it's, like, both this feeling of, like, I feel so attractive and I feel so proud of my work. And then I get this feeling of, like, embarrassment that people saw me the way I used to look. Wow. Like, I'm, like, I get, I'm, like, oh, my God. Like, I didn't even think about it during posting it. It kind of just, like. My trainer calls it, like, the iceberg effect. Like, one day you just kind of start to look different. And it kind of just goes, like, or whatever, which way. It's been weird. It feels very good to get compliments. And then I'm, like, I start to base all my happiness and compliments about how I look. And then I'll have this, like, fake sense of confidence that I'll have from all those compliments. And it'll get shattered by, like, one old video of me. Where I didn't, I used to be bigger. You know, you talk a lot about imposter syndrome. And that's what you're kind of experiencing now, which is like this. I'm really proud of myself for what I've built and what I'm doing, both career-wise, physically, everything. Everything that you're doing. And at the same time, there's this feeling of embarrassment from how you were before. Or also looking at it as a child and thinking, oh, my gosh. Jake, little Jake would have been happy for one of these things. But now I'm unfulfilled. Talk to me about how you get anything done. When you. When you are so sensitive. Because I think that says a lot about you. Because I think that is a universal thing we all experience. We're all more sensitive than we make it out to be. We're all more affected by negativity than we make it out to be. But some people get stuff done and some people don't. What's the difference in being sensitive and building as much as you have and getting stuff done versus kind of going, I can't get out of bed today? I think it's about the people you surround yourself with. If I was alone every day, I would get nothing done. Thank God I have my roommate, Brett. Thank God I have my best friends, Peyton and Julia and Alice and my whole team that makes me feel better about everything. Because if I didn't have them, I wouldn't get anything done. And there's kind of like experiences like doing Broadway where it's like people bought tickets to this. You have to get on stage and you have to do this no matter what people say. I used to look on Reddit all the time. I don't look on Reddit anymore. I and then I wouldn't. I move. I move from Reddit to Twitter. I don't look on Twitter anymore. So like there are certain things that you can do to help yourself. And it's kind of like ignorance is bliss. If you have that mindset, like you have to like go into it knowing that if something was really, really, really wrong, people will tell you. Like Louise would tell me. Yeah. So you're almost saying like limit your exposure to all those things that just increase your sensitivity to a point that you just can't be yourself anymore. Which is hard, though, because a lot of my humor is very self-deprecating and I would take a lot. But it's gotten hard to look at because it's gotten like real specific and real nasty. Really? Like what's what's been the one that gets to you the most that I'm like bad spirited or like I have like a bad heart or like I'm not a good person. That is the one that always like really, really kills me. Like because I feel that way about myself all the time that you are that I'm a bad person. It's like I was talking to my therapist about it. It is like a. Form of OCD just feeling like you're dirty and like a bad person and like your thoughts are bad and like everything about you is like I think that's like kind of like a trail of OCD that you see it in people that are very clean and see it in people who have intrusive thoughts like it's like those things about being infected. So when I read something about me being a bad person that really upsets me and I can read anything about me. being bad at my job, that I don't care about. I thought if someone said I was bad at my job, it would hurt me more than it does, but it really doesn't. It's more about who I am as a person that really kills me. By the way, I feel the same way as you do. If someone thinks that I'm like inherently a bad person, it like hurts me to my core because I can see all of myself. Like I've seen the shadow sides of myself and I've seen the good sides of myself. And it's almost easier if you never thought there was anything bad about you because then you wouldn't even believe it. But I want to be able to see what I need to work on. And I want to be able to see the parts of myself I need to improve, but it gets to like a really dangerous murky place when everyone who doesn't know you and has never met you thinks you might be a bad person. And then they're like, God, what do you do with that? The thing that I remind myself is that like my friends wouldn't be my friends if I was a bad person because my friends are good people. That's the one thing that I'll always remind myself is like, well, I've had the same friends for almost 10 years now. And they would tell me if something shifted in me. I don't need Twitter to tell me if something shifted in me because Brett would tell me. Yeah. I love that. I think the idea that the people that know you most deeply, most intimately, who've actually seen you when you're hangry, stressed, tired, they're the ones who can actually tell you where you're at. And someone who's only seen one clip of you or one video of you doesn't really have a picture of who you are in life. And that's a great one. And I love the people around you. I mean, Peyton obviously is one of my, I have to give a shout out to Peyton. We have to. Peyton loves Jay more than life itself. I have to give a shout out. I love you too, Peyton. You're the best. Peyton is the best. Yeah. She's awesome. And like everyone that you're surrounded by, like I've loved meeting the people you're around as well. And it was evident when I came on the show and for anyone who's wondering, Jake is not a bad dude. So just throwing it out there. Like whether I see you at a party, an event, whether we're texting, whatever it is, like you're always the same. You're always the kindest and the sweetest. And you're a good person. You're a good guy. So for whatever it's worth. I did need to hear that. So thank you. I'm throwing it out there. Thank you. As you said, you share so much of your life online. You're having to be a bit more careful, especially in the dating area. What's something that you think you're discovering about yourself that you haven't yet fully talked about publicly? Like things that are new things that are coming up where you're like, oh, I kind of just discovered this last weekend and I want people to know about it. Or I'm learning this new thing about myself that people might be surprised to know. I love sitting in the shower. Sitting in the shower. Yeah. And laying down in the shower. So what, do you take like a stool? No, I just sit on the ground. So how long will you sit in the shower for? 30 minutes. Wow. And what do you do? Just listening to music. Okay. I think what I discovered lately about myself is that writing stuff down is so fun because nobody can get that, get to it besides you. There's no computer bug that can get inside your computer and get what you're writing. Like that is on paper. Like that is for you. Like those are, your journal is. Really like your brain. Like it is so like, unless somebody came into your room and took your journal out and started reading it, which feels way more invasive than like a computer bug. Yeah. Cause I feel like as a society, we're accustomed to people like hacking other people. And like, that's always like a fear I've, that I've had, which I know is an OCD thing, but journaling, I've really, really been journaling a lot lately. And I've discovered that that's really, really good for me. And that weed probably isn't. This seems to be like a running trend. Right now, this discovery that weed is not good for you. Yeah. And I've also discovered that when I'm feeling confident about myself, my body is shaved. I like groom myself properly. Like I take care of myself. And when I'm not, it's like not, and I feel gross. And how's that connected to weed? Cause when I'm smoking more, I feel gross more often. Right. I got my brain scanned by Dr. Daniel Amen. I don't know if you've ever done that. I've heard of him. I want to do it. My friend's done it. You should definitely go and do it because I think he'll be able to talk to you about at least what weed's doing to your brain. I know. And then you'll be able to see the difference. Then that visual kind of like sticks in your head. Cause you're like, Oh wow. Like that's what's going on. Well, when we talked, I think I was sober from weed. I don't think I was smoking at the time. Oh, interesting. What took you back to it? I wanted to look cool in front of this person. And so I started smoking again and it just slowly but surely it was like, but it makes me so creative. I make my like funniest, I get really, I get, there's like 20 minutes of like, like where like no one can tell me shit. And like, I am the funniest person in the world to myself. And I'm almost brought back to like the days of like where I was first posting on the internet and like that type of humor that I elicited. And that's like kind of what I love about smoking weed. But then, and there's the 20 minutes after that where I feel like shit. Yeah. Is that where the, all the dance videos are coming back and everything? Yeah. That's, that's, I'm always high when I'm dancing. I'm always high. That's so good. And yeah, I mean, that's like a, that's a great conversation to have with someone like Dr. Daniel Amen, actually, I feel like, cause he's like, he knows, he knows the benefits of the creativity, but they know everything else that you're feeling. And it's, it's a fascinating thing. I want to go back to the journal thing, because I think what you're saying is I feel like as your life gets more public, your private life becomes more important. And I always say to people, I'm always like, my private life's better than my public life. So if someone thinks my public life is good, which, which I think it looks good. I'm like, my private life is way better. And I keep it to myself because you almost need, it's a weird one because you're like, I'd built my whole career on sharing everything. And that's, what's been so cool. But it's almost like there is a beauty in having something that's just yours. And that's what your journal represents. Yeah. And I always kind of had this like false dream of like celebrity and what that meant. And I always thought it was cool when someone was so wanted to know about your I think I'm coming into realizing that it's not this glamorous thing that I've built up in my head for people to like speculate on your private life in this, like, I always grew up thinking that it was like, so cool. Like all these like women, people would be like, who are they dating? What's going on with them? And I, I always thought it would make me feel more attractive almost if people like wondered about who I was dating. But then if someone wonders about who I'm dating, and they think that I'm too ugly for that person, then that like, you know, I didn't think about the downside. I don't know if I'm making sense. That is making so much sense. But what's so fascinating about it is that when you're consuming that content, like if someone's, if someone's on Instagram and they see, oh, so-and-so is dating or whatever, like, oh, is this person good looking enough for this person? Whatever it is. Right. If someone sees that, we all love that, right? Like we will get addicted to it. We're talking about it with our friends. We're like, can you believe so-and-so together now? Like whatever. But when you are going through it, it's the worst experience in the world. I've, I've coached so many of my clients through public divorces or moments or whatever it may be. And I will say it right now, like those people, no matter how rich they are, no matter how much, how famous they are, no matter how successful they are, having your divorce or breakup happen publicly is not easy and not fun in any way. And it doesn't matter how much money you have. So what I'm hearing is, I agree with you. I think when you hear about people, you're like, oh, they're so desirable. They're so. Yeah. You know, mysterious. And that's so cool. And then when you're the mysterious, desirable one. And I don't think I've ever really been that, but I've had moments where I've maybe hopefully felt like that. And then, but I immediately feel the downside. And I think, and I've always struggled with this is I want everyone to like me always. I can't take when someone doesn't like me. It was always hard for me to not have people like me in my personal life. But then when that's your job as well, and people don't like you and you kind of just have to like keep it moving with, and you can't like when I grew up, if someone didn't like me, I would try to handle why they didn't like me. But when you're a public figure and you're putting out a show, if someone doesn't like you, you can't address every single person that doesn't like you. Of course. You have to just keep it moving. Yeah. I think that's what I've been trying to, I've been struggling with. Yeah. I remember that when, when I feel like I first came into more notoriety or people being aware of who I was and I wanted to like sit every person down. Yeah. Who didn't like me. And I wish I could like set a day where I just sat with each person one-on-one and like held their hands and looked into their eyes and was like, let's talk because I want to, but you can't do that to millions of people on the internet. And now I've just realized it's all mathematics. I always say to people, it's all just math. It's like, if you get, you know, a million views, there'll be 10,000 people in the world who don't like you. If you get a billion views, you will have a million people in the world who don't like you. And if you get a hundred billion views, you will have a hundred million people who don't like you. Like it's just math. Right. Right. It's not complicated. It's almost like just about the volume and scale that you operate at. And it's natural. And that's the hard truth about it, where it's like, it just gets bigger, the more big you get, whereas we think, oh, the bigger you get, the more loved you are. And it is, that's true. You are more loved, but there's a proportionate amount of people that are now just not fans of yours. I think it makes the love harder to believe though. Like if someone used to come up to me and compliment something I did, I would say, thank you. And now sometimes I find myself saying like, really? Like you like not to be like, pick me, but I'm like, oh, you really liked that when I said that, like you really enjoyed that. And they're like, yeah. And it's like, because I read something negative about it, like it makes it harder to believe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I personally think, and obviously you're talking to your therapist about this, which is amazing. But I honestly think that's because of our inability to properly receive good feedback and comments and compliments. It's like, we don't have the presence To be really slow and thoughtful when we read a positive comment. Yeah. We don't really drink it. We don't really take it in. It's just, yeah. Whereas if someone reads a negative comment, we will analyze every word in it. Yeah. And like read it backwards and three times over and send it to a friend and it becomes this big conversation. I always say to people that you remember the bad times more than the good times because when something bad happens, you cry for a month. And when something good happens, you celebrate for a day. And we all know what that feels like, right? If you win, you'll have one party and then tomorrow you get back to work. But if you go through a breakup, you will cry for three months and that will stay with you. And so we just deal with negativity with so much more depth than positivity. But do you get involved in internet drama? I never get involved because I think it's a cheap shot to get involved. I think it's a very easy way for people to talk about you. I don't need to give my opinion on anything. I don't need to let you like, that's not what I'm here for. And if I were, if I were to be doing it, I'm not shy in saying that I love to gossip, but I don't need to gossip on the internet publicly because it will hurt someone's feelings and it will show my face to more people. And I think that that's a very cheap way to get yourself out there. Does that make sense? That is the best answer I've heard on it. Really? Yeah. I think it's a cheap shot. Yeah. It's at the end of the day. I really do. I think there's been times where I've been like, I want to talk about this. I want to talk about this. But I'm like, you know what? Like there is more to me than just gossiping. Gossiping is for when we stop recording and we start talking just us two. Cause that's the beauty of gossip. I guess it's the idea of like, I don't want to be followed for gossip. Right. I want, I want people to be like, I follow him because he's funny and he makes me feel better. Yeah. Not like. Like I get my news from him and there are places for that, but I just, that's not, that's never been my journey. Yeah. It's not the offering you want to put into the world. And I like that answer because I think it can be tempting when something feels like we know everyone's obsessed about it. I think we now live, we also live in a really interesting time that I discovered was whenever there was something viral about someone happening, whether it was an article, a, someone getting canceled, whatever it was, these companies are now sending reports. To every podcaster on their network and saying, do this. Cause it will get clipped. Really? Yeah. Oh, see, I don't know that. Cause I'm independent. So am I. Yeah. So I don't know that. I discovered this when it was happening to me, but it was like, basically what was happening was every time there was something about someone who was well-known that was not great, that company is sending a report saying, do this topic because it will get clicks. And so half the time people are talking about stuff, not even because they care or have an opinion, but because their company. Or their network or whatever it is has told them that will get clicks, which is a crazy thing to think about, where it's not even something you're thinking about or care about that much, but you're diving in because you've been told. This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for Sponsored Jobs. Indeed Sponsored Jobs helps find quality candidates when you need them most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for. Like. Skills, certifications, or location. 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This episode is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the chance to step outside of our routine. Travel is a way of slowing us down and shifting our perspective, and with the Chase Sapphire Reserve card, every journey becomes even more rewarding. Earn four times the points on flights and hotels booked direct, enjoy access to award-winning airport lounges, three times the points on dining, and reserve exclusive tables. Learn more at Chase.com forward slash Sapphire Reserve. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank, NA member FDIC, subject to credit approval, terms apply. Old, what do you think about cancel culture? Cancel culture exists to me because when you get likes on a video, likes on a post, likes on anything, it feels good. There is no rhyme or reason. That chemically feels good. That is like a scientific fact. So regardless of what you are saying is complimentary about something, someone, or negative about someone. Like, for example, when I was doing my skits, my improv skits, and they were getting a lot of likes, the reason I kept doing them is because it was fun, but it was also doing well. So if you're making videos negatively about someone else and they're doing well, everyone is going to start making videos. Like, it's like a virus. You have a lot of people now saying a lot about people that they know very little about. Yeah. That's the fascinating part. Right. Is that we're reading into like, a tiny paparazzi picture, one second of a conversation, and then drawing these massive conclusions based on people. But we all do that as humans all the time. Yeah. Do you stay away from that in your personal life? Like in your private life? No. I knew it. I am such a gossip. I can't help it. I love gossiping. It's like my love language. I just don't, I try not to do it publicly. Yeah. But like, if you see me and we start talking and like, I start gossiping, it's because I love you. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. You did start with me today when you were talking. So I'm like, all right. I'm like. It's because I feel comfortable. It's because I love you and I love to gossip. And I think there's such a beauty to it. And I think, but yeah, I just, I won't ever publicly do it. Let's do a quick rules of gossip. Okay. I'll do a rules of gossip. What's the manifesto? What are the rules of gossip to make it fun and connecting, but not hurtful and painful? Rule number one is like, you can't, if something is happening to somebody, you really love, you don't gossip with other people about it. Like you don't like, like if something was happening to me, that was really, really hurtful and really, really bad. I know Peyton wouldn't go talking about it to someone else. Got it. But if it was someone outside of our group and we were like, if we heard something about something, we would be like, what the fuck is going on? Got it. Rule number one. That's rule number one is protect those that you love. Yes. Okay. Good rule. It's like, you know, protect the family. Yeah. And I would say rule number two, it's like, have fun. As long as no one's listening, just have fun. Gossip is fun. Sharing information is fun. What if it gets back to them? Yeah, it's happened to me many a times. No way. Yes. Many, many, many times. What do you do in that position? You say sorry. Oh, you do. Okay. I'm very, yeah. You just say, I'm sorry. Do they reach out first or do you reach out? No, I'll just be like, fuck. Okay. I'm sorry. So you'll message them and say, I'm sorry. Well, it's never really gotten to that. Usually I get confronted. I'm an easy person to confront. Like, I'm not very intimidating, but I'm never like really ragging on. Like, I'm normally just like sharing information. Yeah. I don't know. And the third rule of gossip is the one you've been talking about, which is like only gossip offline, not online. Yeah. That I really think is important. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. Got it. Do you and Peyton ever gossip about me? Never. Well, we only say positive things. How much we miss you. I told her I was coming here today. She's like, tell him I love him. Oh, she's the sweetest. Yeah, she's the best. I love her. I love her. "No, you have to do this for me. Now, for my audience, define a crash out. It literally feels like a painting is melting. Like your world is like crumbling. Like it feels like everything is falling apart and you're just like free falling. Wow, that's good. The painting melting is brilliant. So like I crash out over this guy. During my crash out, I've reached back out to him and saw him again, even though I knew it wasn't going to be good for me. And that's because any decision you make in a crash out kind of goes. And it's fun to crash out when your best friend is also crashing out. So Peyton and I will often sync up with our crash outs. So I'll be like, should I just do this? And she's like, yes, should I just do this? I'm like, yes, even though we both know it's bad. Like there's this like rush. There's a rush to a crash out. I really think there's a rush to it. And are you trying to get out of it as quickly as you're in it or? You can't really see a way out. When you're in a depths of a crash out, when you're in like the real darkness depths of a crash out, like there's no way out. What's the longest crash out you've ever had? Probably over the sky. So from January to end of March, I think I'm still good. Beginning of April. Wow. I thought you were going to say like three hours. No. You just said three months. Yeah, three months. It's like this one guy affected like every decision I made. What was it about this one guy? I don't know. I really don't know what it was. And like, I knew I shouldn't have gone back. And I went. I went back and the same exact thing happened as the first time. It just took longer. Never go back. I know. But I really was like, basically we went on, we went on a date and it didn't end up working out. And then I reached back out like a few months later or a month later, just like throwing it out there. And he came back with like flirty. So we started hanging out again. But then the same thing happened after our first date. That happened after our first date after like two months. So it was like, do you know what I mean? And it was like, this was all because of a crash out. And did you feel more mad at yourself or did you feel more mad at him? Or is a crash out a bit of both? In the moment when he was like, I don't think this is working out. I was like, okay. Like I was right the first time. Yeah. And he was right the first time. No one was wrong. It was just like, that's like, this was, if someone shows you who you, they are, what they deem a situation. To be like, believe them. And then does the crash out affect everything else in your life for those four months? Those that are closest to me will tell you yes. So how do you go to work? How do you do the show? How do you go on stage when you're having a crash out? You need someone to just be like, well, on stage, you're like, these people paid to see you. Okay. So that, yeah, that commitment. Luckily for me, they also paid to see me crash out. So like I can get on stage and be like, I'm crashing the fuck out right now. Like I'm not okay. And that for me, for them is equally as entertaining as me not crashing out. Got it. So it's almost like I can crash out on the job because it makes it more entertaining and more funny. Yeah. But then there's moments where I'm like, wait, no, I really don't feel good. And I really can't do this right now. Like after the Vanity Fair thing, I didn't want to talk about that. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want, I couldn't like make a joke out of it yet. And that was a really hard week for me because I was like, I can't. I can't crash out about this publicly. Normally everything I can be like, I'm crashing out over this, that, and the third. I couldn't crash out about that because so many people were yelling at me or that's what it felt like to me. Like something like that is hard. Like I can't crash out. And that's, I think the moment where things kind of shifted for me, where it being public became less fun. We were texting at that time. Yeah. I was, I was not okay. Yeah. I was not okay. I remember. Yeah. I really appreciate you reaching out. Yeah. Because I can't imagine that being fun. Yeah. It was, well, it was just like, it was horrible. Cause it's like, yeah, yeah. It just sucked. And you survived. And I survived. I literally like physically, when you physically survive something you're so scared of, you're so dreading it happening. You knew, like you, I talked to you about this. Like people getting mad at me is my number one fear. Like I think my physical reaction to that was that I literally would not physically survive. Yeah. When you physically like actually make it out. When you're scared of something that you're scared of, it like teaches your mind almost that like, it's fine. Yeah. Like after that week, like I felt like, oh, like I'm still, I'm like breathing as dramatic as it sounds. Like I'm like breathing and I felt like I was holding my breath waiting for this thing to happen. And then it happened. Yeah. And now what? Yeah. You just keep going on. Totally. And, and, and what I find really hard about those moments and obviously, you know, I'm a fan of yours. I follow you. And it's like, I don't know. I've watched an interview done around the same time. I think it was just before. It was the Rolling Stone one. Correct. And I'd seen that interview and I was like, Jake's being really honest. Like he's not a, he knows he's not a journalist. He's not trying to be a journalist. My mom is a journalist. Yeah. He really, like, it was just really interesting. Cause I follow you quite deeply in that sense. Like I keep up with what you're up to. And I was like, oh wait, Jake said this thing, the Rolling Stone thing. And the thing that he's getting, you know, targeted for whatever you want to call it is that very thing. Yeah. He's already okay. It's funny how that works. Yeah. I'm like, if you just listen, if, and this is the challenge I see with everything. And I go through this myself. I'm like, if someone actually listened to everything I said. Right. I think they'd have a better picture of my genuine emotions about things. But if you just pick one thing I say or one thing I do, you might get a very different perspective of who I am. Right. And I think the challenge today is who the hell in the world has the time to listen to everything I've said or everything you said. And who cares enough to do that as well? Like it's too much work. And so. And it's, yeah, it's rough because I felt like what you were saying in the Rolling Stone interview directly would have made the other side of it. Right. It was like a direct response. It was like, well, I'm not a journalist. I've never claimed to be. I think it's insulting to say I'm a journalist. I'm not, I'm not inquisitive enough to be a journalist. Yeah. Yeah. Unless it's gossip. I'd be a good gossip journalist. There you go. That's, that's the new title. Yeah. That's the new headline. Yeah. I feel like the good thing is to survive early in that growth journey because they, when you start realizing that these things will keep coming and keep happening and you're going to have to live with it forever. So in one sense, it's kind of like nice to get one under your belt because you don't want to wait too long. Cause I've seen it happen the other way. And I think this used to happen a few years back was that people would literally have like three decade careers where they would never have anyone hate them. And then all of a sudden something massive would happen. Right. Years later. And they don't know how to deal with it. Because it's the internet. Correct. It's not just bad press. I mean, like back in the day in traditional media and traditional celebrity, you could get bad press where the press was talking about you poorly, but the press is now the people. So it feels a little more individual and a little more like, I think it feels more personal. It does feel more personal. A hundred percent. It feels more personal because you're seeing one person say something about you. It feels really, really personal. There's this, uh, I remember Ellen DeGeneres was canceled at something like, I can't remember how old she was at that time. Like 14. 46 for coming out as gay, like coming out in America as, as gay was like cancelable. Really? Yeah. I remember there's this clip that people can watch of the Oprah show where people are literally standing up on the Oprah show saying, how can you be friends with Ellen? Cause she's gay. Really? Yeah. It's unbelievable. And you'll see Oprah say like, well, you know, I appreciate her. I like her, whatever it is. And I'm like, that is bizarre to me to think about you watch that. And you go, oh my gosh. Like, you know, what a, what a crazy thing. To go through. Yeah. And now it's almost like, yeah, it's, it's what you just said. It feels so much more personal, it feels so much more urgent as well and, and it's rough. And, and I don't think anyone has the magic pill or the answer to how to deal with it. Right. Because you gotta keep, keep moving on. Yeah. You gotta keep getting on with it. Well, I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you survived. I'm glad you kept going on. Thank you. Cause, cause, uh, you're making a lot of people happy, making a lot of people smile. You're like, you know. I'm trying. Yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm really trying. I feel like I've kind of lost my funny lately. And so I'm like trying to like get it back. What, what helps you get it back? Watching TV. What have you been watching? Industry. Oh, I've not seen that yet. I keep being told. You gotta. Okay. That's a very you show. Okay. You would love it. Okay. And I'm so good at when I'm like, and I know I'm good at when I'm imitating things. And I always say like when I'm binge watching a show and I binge, I go through this period of like binging and then I regurgitate it all out. That's when I'm my funniest. So that, okay. Watching TV. Yeah. Mine's, mine is genuinely like, I love watching standup comics. Like I just. I don't watch enough of it. I love watching standup comedy. It's one of my favorite things. Like I'm like, if I can watch a really good standup comic that just is dialed in and you know, really knows how they work in the crowd. It's you've never done standup comedy, right? I did it in seventh grade, but it doesn't really, doesn't really count. But I love when you see someone, so whether it be a comic or athlete or a musician in control. I love a crowd. It's like equally as crack for you as it is for them. I feel like. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the, oh my God. What am I witnessing right now? Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. What's, what's become your like biggest red flag in dating for you right now? If someone watches my show. You don't want them to be a fan. It's weird because it's both a red flag and a green flag. It's like, okay, you still pursued me even after seeing me for all that I was, but like internally. Yeah. secure that you've seen it then i now can't date you yeah yeah because i'm so insecure with all that you've seen i can't hide anything from you god that does that make sense yeah it's almost like you don't get in a normal relationship like if you're not a public figure you get to reveal information yeah as you both get to know each other more whereas when you're a public figure who's talking about yourself all the time it almost feels like everyone knows too much about you already right and now you don't even get to reveal that part of yourself and it doesn't feel like a discovery even for the other person and it just feels almost like embarrassing tell me about that part why is it embarrassing because i used to talk about like my sex life a lot or like lack thereof i'm like oh my god if this person's seen my show they know that i haven't had sex in however long that is so embarrassing i can't sit here with a straight face so what do you do now i go for older men that wouldn't normally watch my show right and how's that going how's that going how's that going it's fine okay honestly great they have great perspectives on life this episode is brought to you by ultra making space for ourselves matters having time and room to try new things our feet benefit from more space too that's why ultra running shoes feature ultra fit design giving toes more room for comfort and balance helping feet feel stronger these aren't just running shoes they're perfect for walking hiking any pace any level they feel right from the first step go to ultra running.com forward slash on purpose and use code purpose 10 for 10 off that's altra running.com forward slash on purpose stay out there are you generally attracted to older men or is this because they don't listen to your show i think generally i'm attracted to older guys and then this has made it even more so easier okay okay okay so that's a green flag right now being an older man being an older guy who doesn't watch your show that's a green a green flag is like an older guy in their 30s who doesn't watch my show and then a red flag would be like someone my age who watches my show yeah it's good though you're segmenting your you know your pool it's good yeah what's the face i know i'm wrong what do you mean you know i know i'm wrong i know what i'm saying is incorrect and like i'm gonna wake up and be like no way that's not how i feel but that's how i feel i bet i think that's my issue yeah with having my podcast grow as much is because like i think i say things that i feel in the moment and then like i switch my mind up like that and then so when people are like that's wrong i'm like wait that is wrong i don't even mean that but in the moment i did it's not your opinion on anyone else yeah i don't think that can be wrong i know you're allowed to change your mind i know and and you know it's all tongue and sheet too like it's like you know it's you saying how you feel about what you're attracted to right now and that could change tomorrow i think that's that's cool yeah i think that that's a red flag i'm trying to think of like another red flag i'm trying to think of like another red flag i'm trying to think of like another red flag that i would agree with tomorrow morning because like i feel like i feel like i can go on a date with someone that watches my show and they'll be wonderful and it'd be you know so i i actually don't know if that's fair to say that that's a red flag i think a red flag would be i don't know what what was a red flag for you when you were dating that's a good question it's been a long time jake you're like you know aging me right now i haven't been on a date for i think lying lying is good catch somebody in a lie early on red flag yeah immediate red flag name name dropping is my red flag oh i'm not a huge fan of name dropping i don't i don't yeah i don't need to like or if someone's like brand dropping name dropping event dropping like oh i was just going to this place with this person very good red flag it doesn't it doesn't do anything for me i'm like i don't i'm good like well then i think is this date just a name drop for you later on yes yes yes yes so and now i'm thinking about friend dating because i don't go out and date something of like just friends and how i pick people who i hang out with i don't like that i don't uh i get turned off if someone's like um if someone only talks about work or money or deals or me too like i just i find that boring and like you know back to my crash out from the reason i crashed out so hard over this one guy was because he wasn't a name dropper at all yeah and like i've realized that the way i need to be loved in a relationship is constant words of affirmation it's like someone telling me that they are attracted to me because i read people telling me that and i and i'm very insecure already and i see people saying that i'm ugly all the time really do you see that a lot all the time and so to have the person that i'm intimate with tell me that they are attracted to me and they're not lying to me is like i think what like my most important thing is that i'm not attracted to them i didn't realize the ugly comment for you was a common thing or a thing at all oh yeah especially from other gay guys wow i had no idea yeah god that must be terrible yeah it's not great but i am able to use it to to like as part of my humor just sometimes it gets a little too mean yeah sometimes it's a little too mean and a little too specific and that's when you can't laugh and that's when you can't laugh yeah well you showed everyone with the coachella poster right right you did yeah yeah just put it out there you know it's i think i think you did i'm like flirting with you jake i know i know i know but i did i did i i do that that part of my i actually you know what it's funny when you bring up the like like my body like transforming my body and stuff people are a lot of the comments that i've received are people being like that just doesn't make sense for him i think they just heard louise laugh like like am i not someone that's supposed to be attractive do you know what i mean like that's how it feels to me and then it feels even worse yeah there's those clips of like i remember there's a clip of like jonah hill when he lost weight and i think he was on a tv show and someone said to him like oh you don't look like someone who would smell good yeah and he called it out on the show like he literally goes what do you mean i just don't think like right you see they're like he just goes straight at it to combat it because obviously it didn't feel good to hear that he was like what do you mean by that well it feels like they're saying to me your face is still ugly but your body is okay yeah that's what it feels like they're saying to me when they say that when they say this doesn't make sense for him it feels like they're saying the face is still ugly i need some work to do but the body is getting there yeah so what are you what are you new dating rules how are you go on first dates rule number one go on first go on first date and it's so hard i hate dating how do you meet people right now right now it's it's touch and go yeah kind of like it's like sometimes it's great sometimes it's not um but also leaving the house like i feel like leaving the house and going to a bar yeah when you base all your like romantic validation and online dating it's a black hole yeah like you're never gonna you're never gonna feel good about yourself but when you go to a bar and you get flirted with yes like in nature i'm not gonna feel good about myself but when you go to a bar like it fuels you for like that next month to like lead with confidence i like that the fact you're saying you can go out and do that being a public figure i think that's great advice for people yeah yeah actually get out there just do it the old way i mean yeah i i because what else you're gonna do you know yeah any others that are working any anything else that's no i mean i don't think many things are working for me right now what's the most insane thing you've ever done in dating or the craziest thing you've ever done on a date i mean like crashing out over a guy one-on-one date with and then telling him i passed the place where we went on our first date to get back in contact with him even though i was sitting in my hotel room with my friend cassie like that's insane like i was like i just passed this place thought of you no i didn't i was in my hotel room that's a good one no i didn't and by the way not only was that i planned that yeah from the second that he said that he was not i thought he got the so i thought he got the egg from me and my friend was like i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that and my friend was like if he has the ick from you just give it a month and then try again jay so i gave it a month and i was like my plan is well my plan was three months i lasted one month and he's probably gonna listen to this be like this kid's insane but it's over now so whatever jay yeah that was part of the rules the earlier rules we set jay that's so bad i know oh red flag for dating if their friends suck oh yeah that's a good one i like that one i like that one if their friends suck bad yeah yeah i also don't like people who are not responsive i have a big issue with that yeah yeah i'm like i need to get a rhythm of communication i'm a bad responder i don't see here's the thing i think there's like i think you've got like a 72 hour rule yeah like if you respond to someone within 72 hours i think it's respectful yeah and i'm like if i'm getting to know someone again i'm not dating but if i was getting to know someone as a friend or i'm like 72 hours is fair everyone's busy maybe five days i can deal with maybe seven days at a max right yeah but i'm not getting to know someone again i'm not dating but if i was over seven days to not communicate i'm like hmm this is like yeah i'm thinking about the person that i haven't responded to in seven days now and i'm like i have to respond to them i feel like seven days is good and like anything more than seven days i'm like there is no i seven days is good for someone you don't really ever want to see right like you know whereas if i want to build a friendship with someone i'm expecting them to respond within 72 hours right yeah so nice that you have a wife and you don't have to think about the romance no no i don't have to think about about building relationships or people at work or whatever it may be i'm definite i think you're always building relationships with people and i'm someone who just like likes having friends like i enjoy you do love it you love getting to know people i enjoy getting to know people i enjoy getting to know people deeply i enjoy to actually get to know what's going on in someone's life and heart like i enjoyed that and i'm always looking forward to again i don't want to do that with a million people i'm looking forward to doing that with a few people yeah so you're like you're looking at me with some dubious eyes though No, no, I'm looking at you with like, have I just said a whole bunch of nonsense for this past hour? No, no, no. I'm like, has anything I said made sense? There's been so much that has made sense. And the insane, the insanity question was, was a, was a really good one. But why do you feel ready to be in a relationship right now or just to be dating? I think just to be dating. And I've always said I wanted a boyfriend. And every time I get close to it, I'm like, I don't want this. Because? I don't know. I haven't figured it out. I think I, well, I just had someone on my show and they explained to me the different attachment styles of stuff. So I think I'm avoidant. Like I look for people that are not there. And then if they ever get there with me, I'm like, wait, what? Like, I don't want that. I think I'm too insecure to like share myself entirely with someone. I think I'm just like too insecure as a person to like, be able to show someone. I think that's where journalism. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. You talk about the importance of friends and being surrounded by the right people. You obviously have a great crew. I feel like you just told me you're going to be living alone for the first time in a long time. Well, yeah. And I'm really stressed out about it. I'm, I've been begging Brett to stay, but. Her journey is that she is moving in with her incredible, lovely boyfriend. And I'm dreading the day it happens. And I don't know what I'm going to do. Waking up to a friend every day is like the best thing on planet Earth. We wake up every morning, we go downstairs, gossip for 20 minutes. We go about our days, meet back up for lunch, gossip, go about our days, meet back up for dinner. And like, I don't know, like, it's, you get very complacent when you live with someone. You get complacent and not having to make plans. It's like, well, Brett will be home or I'll just be with Brett. And I think it's going to be really, really, really hard for me when she moves out. I don't know what I'm going to do. How do you define a good friend? I think the most classic answer and the most truthful answer is that somebody who has been with you at your worst. Like, I think the song Delicate by Taylor Swift is kind of like applies to romantic relationships. But it also, for me, applies to platonic friendships as well. It's like, she talks about, like, this feeling of, like, having this new relationship and, like, her reputation has never been worse. So this person that she's with right now must really like them for them. And so the people that have been with you at your worst and stuck by you, like, that's a good, like, loyalty. I've learned that loyalty is really and truly everything. Sticking by someone, even if it's not convenience. Or sticking by or doing something for someone because you know it means a lot more to them than it would to you. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm trying not to get too specific, but, like, really showing up for people, you know, even if you don't want to. Making things work for someone, even if you don't want to. Because they would do it for you. And knowing that they would do it for you, that's a good friend. Yeah. And you're like that too as a friend. I think I've learned how to become like that. I don't think I was. I was always like that. And I'm totally fine to say that I wasn't always like that. And my best friends would sit here and tell you right now that I wasn't always like that. What changed you? Like, life. Just, like, things happening. And sometimes life forces you to put things into perspective. And you have to choose. And you have to decide, like, certain routes to go down. And I've just been faced with situations, like, in college or high school or middle school. And each situation, like, I think I've been a better. I've been a better and better friend. All right. We have two games that we're going to finish on that we do with all of our guests now. Okay. One's made for you and one's another game that we do. So, this one is called, Which One Ruins Your Day More? Oh, my God. I love this. So, Jake, which one ruins your day more? Someone texts, we need to talk, or someone just reacts, thumbs up, to a long text you sent? We need to talk. Why? Because the thumbs up, I at least know where you stand. If I. It's the uncertainty that kills me. Yeah. If I know you're upset with me, and I know that that text that I've sent, that you don't like it, fine, so be it. I'll be upset about it, but I'll be way more upset if you say, we need to talk, and I don't know if it's good or bad. Okay. Because then my brain starts spinning and spinning and spinning. Okay, everyone listening, do not send your friends, we need to talk. All right. Which one ruins your day more? You wave at someone who wasn't waving at you, or you say, you too, after your server says, enjoy your meal? No, you're waving at someone. Because the you too is like, you're being polite. At the end of the day, it's like you're polite. Like, you're just trying to be polite. You're like, oh, you too, and it's like a silly fun moment. Yeah, yeah. Waving at someone, that happened to me the other day, it was the worst. Did it actually? Where were you? It was horrible. One time I did it to Jennifer Aniston by accident, and it was like, we were staying at the same hotel, and I thought she was waving at me, and I was like, what? It was so awkward. I can't, thinking about it makes my skin crawl. Who was she waving at? No, I think I was waving at someone next to her, but. Obviously, she's like, are you waving at me? And I'm like, no, like, I don't, and I didn't realize it was her, and like, it makes my skin crawl. You get left on read, or they send back a five-paragraph text? Left on read. Left on read. It's the uncertainty. It's the worst. Kills me. It's the worst. Kills me. It's the worst. Which one ruins your day more, being way too overdressed at a party, or way too underdressed at a party? So, in New York. You would say that it's better to be overdressed than underdressed, but in L.A., it's cooler to be underdressed. Yes. And I feel, these days, very L.A. through and through, so I would say being overdressed would upset me more. Got it. I agree with you. I'd rather be underdressed, too. You send a photo of the guy you're talking about to him, or like a post on his Instagram from five years ago? Send a post to him. Or send the photo to him. I think I've actually almost done that. And that's happened to me in, like, other situations where I've been talking about somebody, and I've sent them a screenshot of, like, our own text, and that ruins my week. That's just, like, you have. There's nothing there. There's no coming back. You have to be like, sorry. All right. A couple more. Which one ruins your day more, the guy you're dating isn't funny, or doesn't get your brand of humor? Doesn't get my brand of humor. Yeah, of course. Because if he's not funny, like, you can always. I think you can always teach someone how to be. Yeah. They can at least laugh at. It doesn't matter if they're funny. Can you laugh at me and the jokes I'm making? But if you don't think I'm funny, why are we even talking? Totally. Yeah. All right. Last one of these. You accidentally send a mean girl text about someone to that exact person, or you're caught in a blatant, unnecessary lie by someone you actually deeply respect. I think the mean girl text. Sending a text to someone. Sending a text to someone that you didn't mean to send it to. Like, they'll kill me for telling this story, and I need to double check it with them. But one time, Peyton texted Julia, I need to go search for Julia's bag so she'll shut the fuck up. And she texted to Julia while sitting next to Julia. And I just remember it being, like, for everyone else, the funniest thing. But for them, too, like, not funny. So bad. So bad. Not bad. It was slippers. It was slippers. Julia couldn't find her slippers. Oh, my God. Oh, well done. You did good. That was really good. All right. Gut reaction. So I need your quickest reaction. The hill I die on for no reason is. Air conditioner. As, like, everyone should have it. Okay, right. Like, everyone should have air conditioner. I don't care how bad it is for the environment. I don't even. I'm sorry, I don't. You need to have an air conditioner. Like, it is important to condition the temperature of your home properly. Got it. I don't even. I don't even. I don't even. I don't even. I don't even. I thought I was being really poetic. I don't have my phone with me, but I took notes of my day. And it was that I was walking home with, like, makeup products in my hand because I was too embarrassed to walk home with a Sephora bag. And I wrote that down. And, like, I looked back at it today and I was like, what the fuck? Why didn't I want to walk home with a Sephora bag? That's good. That's good. That's really good. The most unhinged thought I've had today is? Oh, most unhinged thought I've had today is probably, like, should I smoke before this? And I'm so grateful I didn't. You didn't? No. Oh, nice. I was like, I'm so. I literally was almost like, should I just smoke? Yeah. And then my therapist was like, you cannot smoke. Like, giving me all this attitude about smoking, reading me a quote from Yoda. And I told her, I was like, I don't even watch Star Wars, so I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. There have been people who smoke before. I mean, like, Wiz Khalifa had his car down there and smoked before he came onto the show. Yeah. But he's able to, like. control himself yeah there are a couple of people i'm trying to remember now but whiz was definitely one of them the brand i would sell my soul to be the face of is dior dior yes you already are no oh my god are you kidding or i would love to be i see you wear dior everywhere it's my favorite brand we both love you jonathan and i love jonathan and we love you i think it's just everything he does is so brilliant and i think what he's done with the brand is brilliant i agree i went to his first show out in paris last year and it was just spectacular was that the one where he debuted the book tote collection that's correct yes it was just brilliant it was so good it was so good amazing good answer uh the celebrity friend you're calling to help you bury a dead body is renee rap oh wow okay renee's been on the show okay renee renee rap she she is that is a ride or talk about a ride or die like that girl is a ride or die like i'd call her and be like i am geeking out i'm tweaking out over this one thing she'll be like we're it's handled we're handling it that's so good and you trust that she can like she's like you know she's like she protects she protects her family nice yeah nice jake we end every episode of on purpose with a final five these questions have to be answered in one sentence maximum okay jake shane these are your final five first question what is the best advice you've ever heard or received you can't create magic twice i like that if something like works once there's no point in like i wanted to go back for coachella weekend too and i looked at louise and i was like just i don't want to taint my experience because weekend one was so perfect and it's such a shallow thing to say for that answer but like just like you can't create magic twice like magic exists because like you know it's like how did this happen like you can't create a miracle twice yeah the permanence is what made it special yeah yeah the fact that you didn't believe you could do it again that's what made it rare absolutely i love that advice never had that on the show question number two what is the worst advice you ever heard or received all press is good press i don't think it's true i thought it was true and then my friend looked at me and said that is not true it's so painful yeah it's so painful i agree it's the worst i fully agree question number three what was the highlight of coachella the strokes besides like justin bieber stuff the strokes i've always been at the same festival that they've been playing at and my favorite song of all time besides the archer by taylor swift is someday by the strokes and i never got to see it live and i saw it live and i was on my best friend will shoulders and it was like the best moment of my entire life really yeah wow that's awesome and i have a video of it too someone took a video of me so it was like you weren't even having to have my phone out i just got to experience it yeah that's beautiful i love that question number three what is the worst before what are you most excited about this year continuing to like work on my body and work out and show people like how much work i put into my body and i'm also really excited about working on my show that i have in development that's been so rewarding and so fun this is a show about your life right yeah yeah and it's just it's so fun to make fun of yourself yeah that's so cool and you scripted said it yeah yeah yeah i'm not acting in mind but we're working on one as well about my life and i'm like i'm helping produce it and working with the writers and i'm having so much fun because i want to make fun of myself yeah and there's no better way to do it than in a scripted show you're at least getting to play yourself which i'm not going to do but it's like i mean are you of course i literally i'm like i need i imagine i can't make a show about myself and not play myself because i'm so desperate for a role so i'm like obviously i'm not going to do it i have to play myself yeah yeah it's brilliant jake fifth and final question we asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be this is my law every airplane should have personalized air conditioning instead of central ac because when it's central you're like is it when is it turning on but when it's personal and you can just twist it on or off like every plane should have that right and that should be the law and that they also shouldn't oversell airplanes i never understood that what do you mean you'll be like we oversold this flight how oh yeah yeah that doesn't make any sense how is that legal how does that work yeah how does that work what happens in that situation when they do oversell they make somebody get off the plane it's crazy it's the craziest thing has that happened to you i would never no i would never you'd have to drag me off the plane if they were if someone was saying like that we oversold this flight please you have to leave i'd say over my dead body am i getting off this plane so good i'm not i would pick someone else so good jake jane jake you are so much fun i love getting to chat to you i hope you got to open up and share what where you're at right now and honestly i can't wait to see you continue to win continue to succeed and most importantly i'm excited for you to find that fulfillment that you're seeking and i'm excited to be there right by your side as you discover those things yeah oh thank you thank you thanks for having me this was so awesome thank you jake you're awesome that's fantastic on any journey using uber it helps to know you're getting into the right car pin verification adds an extra step to make sure your ride is your ride before the trip begins your app gives you a unique pin just tell it to your driver and they'll enter it in their app before the ride can start hey what's your pin two five three eight that way you know you're in the right car taking the right trip and your driver knows you're the right passenger make sure your ride is your ride with pin verification from uber one more way uber is putting safety at every turn learn more on the uber app fall never arrives all at once first the air then the light and slowly the things you love begin to find each other a jacket meets a dress a hoodie slips beneath a blazer an old cap finds a new scarf because you don't simply step into the season you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall find fall your way at ross at kroger we love helping you save with pickup and delivery right now you can save even more on fresh favorites with exclusive online deals like kroger brand 80 20 select packages of ground beef for just 3.99 a pound and fresh strawberries for only 1.99 a pound plus get 20 off your first online order of 75 or more restrictions apply c-site for details download the app or visit our website to get started kroger fresh for 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