Jake Johnson is still an ALPHA SILVERBACK 🤣 | Whiskey Ginger

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I'm going to be in St. Louis slash St. Charles, Missouri. August 7th now instead of July 24th. We're still good to go. I can't wait to see you guys. Come see me. Go to andrewsantino.com. andrewsantino.com In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. You were that creature in the gym. Ginger beard. Sturdy. Ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again. Today, it is the return of Jake Johnson. Hey, my man. Great to see you. What's going on with the Bears this year? I feel good. I've fallen off on the Cubs. Really? You're this guy? It's this early. We're fine. No, I've fallen off for the last few years. I'm saying this as an overall statement. Oh, that really hurts my feelings. I've fallen off with the Bulls. I mean, I still love them. I'm just not watching. It is funny. I've fallen off with all sports. I didn't watch the NBA Finals. I'm not paying attention. Really? I don't care. I still love the Bears. Bears the only one. Bears, I read about them. I think about them. But the Cubs, no, huh? I want to. I still love the uniform. My father was buried on that stadium. I know. But. There's something now with Marquina. I can't get it easily. Well, I have to pay for the MLB, so I have season tickets. I know, but it gets blacked out. No, if you have season tickets, they give you the, I get the Marquis app on my. Oh, interesting. And then I VPN it so I can stream always. See, the VPN, you've lost me. I don't even know what that means. Besides, it's a sponsor on podcasts sometimes. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly right. I use my VPN in my bag of blue chew, and then I go. And then what? I go to. I'm not feeling good. Because it covers the same insurance. But if you want to really save money, you've got to go to Rocket Money, brother. I tell you, on a good night of sleep, you go to Casper. Because those mattresses, dude, they're really. They're incredible. They're incredible. And when my back is sore, I really will stretch out on the hydro row, which is just incredible water technology for Raleigh. Because the whole thing is an ad. No, I'm still on the Cubs, but it's funny. One of my childhood best friends came into town, and I took them to a Dodger game, him and his girlfriend. And I was like, they had never been to Dodger Stadium. Yeah. Never. I've never seen the Dodgers. And I was like, you're going to love this. And they both were like, mind blown. Positive or negative? Positive. Because also, Dodger Stadium is so much larger than Wrigley. They're used to Wrigley. And they were like, this is so fucking big. It like goes way. And I was like, yeah. And it's gorgeous. It's beautiful. And then, you know, you get in at sunset. It was a 7-10 game. And then they got, you know, Shohei. They got Freddie Freeman. So many stars. Dude, they got Shohei. Shohei had a solo. Freddie Freeman had a solo. Oppo. First at bat. And Max Monti had a solo. And it was like, they were like, is this like this every game? And I'm like, almost. It's an all-star team. So it's really hard for people to like. I agree. It's hard. But I took my dad to Dodger Stadium. We went to a playoff game before he passed. I don't think I told you this one. But he went. And he's used to late 60s. He dropped acid every day. It was in the bleachers. He was part of the real bleacher bums. Like the originals. Originals. Yeah, not this new age. They made a play about it. And they wrote a play in like the 80s with the Second City group. And it was like the Joe Montana types. Yeah. And they like commercialized it. Right. But the real ones were like, not junkies because it wasn't heroin. But not guys who party like you and me. Right. It was different. You were like, oh, everyday acid? Not like when there's a concert? Just Wednesday acid? Yeah. Where they're like, my dad be like, well, I did it every day alone. I was like, that's negative. You tell the story. Like, it's positive, but that's negative. That's a negative thing. Yeah. So he was used to, you drink beer, you have fun, you talk so much shit. Yeah. Then at the end, you all roll to a bar together. Right. And you care. But what are you going to do? Beat up a guy because he's a Reds fan? No, no, no, no, no. He cares. I care. Nobody cares. You talk shit. Yeah. But then at the end, you go like, have a great day. Okay, good game. Who cares? Yeah, you will. Yeah, you will. We went to the playoff game, and we had pretty good seats. And he was being so funny. And he's not funny around others. But he was just, like, in a zone. Right. The people around would all be, even the Dodgers fans would be like, okay. And I was like, well, Krakow's killing it. You know when, like, older guys had a zone? Yeah. Oh, yeah, when my dad is cruising. After my dad, like, my dad finds, but then the zone also is easy to fall out of. Of course it is. He makes one too many, and you're like, all right, Dad. I feel great. And they don't know the line. No, they have no idea. They don't know when they're in the zone and when they're not. You know, like, Shohei's up, and he's like, go ahead, this guy. I got him all the way off a boat from China. Silence. And everybody's like, Jesus Christ. And you're like, Dad, Dad, Dad. And then you go, like, all right, man. All right. That's enough. That's enough. That's enough. That's enough, Dad. I like when the dads are in the zone, and then they just dip right out of it. One line. One line. And I also love with that generation, when you see the faces changing, and you can go before, like, all right. It's like, oh, yeah, he's a real good-looking guy. He's the kind of, all right. All right, all right. Stop. It's not going to play. But my dad was talking all sorts of shit, and then it was fun. And then a couple, like, true L.A. gangsters. Oh, yeah. You know, with the literal L.A. on their heads. Yeah. They were talking shit back, but smiling. Yeah. But it wasn't friendly. But Krakow's old, so it was like, what are they going to do? They're not going to fight him? I swear to God, I had to say to my dad. They were wanting to fight him. Stop, my man. You're not reading the signs? L.A. tats on their head. Yes. Yeah, when the tats are on the head, it does say something else. They were like, oh, is that right, man? Isn't that right, man? But they were like, and my dad thought, like, this is fun. And I was like, you're not seeing the reality. This ain't Wrigley, homeboy. That's the friendly confines. Correct. Yeah. This is a stadium that when the Dodgers came from Brooklyn, they took it from a Mexican community. Stole it. Exiled families. Yeah. Get out. And then they were like, no. And then we put a team there that wasn't from here. And now everybody does love the team. But when it gets tense, it's a different landscape. It's a different level of tension. It is. So don't do this. Yeah, I had to explain to my friends, too. I was like, we get out of the car. We go right into the stadium. They're like, nobody tailgates. I'm like, they put a guy from San Francisco in a coma. So no, we can no longer tailgate. I literally, I was like, you don't do that here. That's not here. It's just a different vibe. It's fun inside. Right. But if somebody's not having fun with you, you go like this. I'm so sorry. Sorry about that. To me, it is just a baseball game. It's baseball. Yeah. If you really want to win this debate that you guys have more World Series, you do. Yeah. And I'm going to go home and not get stomped in the parking lot. I love my brain more than I love this. I want to keep it. I'm going to keep my little brain. I need it. Yeah. I'm holding on so hard. Don't kill me, my man. You're using it too much. You too. No, you're working. I'm working. I'm out. Fucking damn. We talked about it outside. I'm out. We're out. We're done. I'm out. Okay. So outside, last time we were here a couple years ago, we talked the podcast game, which helped me a lot. Yeah, podcast. We talked off the record. You know what I couldn't do that your idea was right? I just couldn't do it? Video. Why? You don't want to show that face? No. I'll tell you. It's a different what I love about it. I love being able to do it from my house in my closet. Yeah. But I view going out and doing this thing as my job. Yeah. So I like that this isn't my job. It's great money. It's really fun. It's really easy with Gareth. Yeah. But I like that I'm in a fucking closet in underpants. Sure. And then interviewing somebody, and I have to go to the bathroom, and I'm embarrassed to stand up, because they're going to see my legs. So I got to go like, all right, man, let's everybody get off this Zoom. And they're like, well, we got to go. one more caller and i'm like all right everybody want to shut off our cameras for like a second turn off cams that's what we do here well we do mic only for a minute i have to get up and literally i'm afraid you're gonna see the pastiness of my legs i think that's worth it i think we need to see those legs that accelerates you in the pod game that's what we do bobby nudity helped tremendously with bad friends he took lots of nudity he took those pants off he's he's gotten nude on the pod constantly oh yeah um how's his dick normal okay he jokes that it's small but it's a bad joke because it's not small he's got a fine day i mean it's not it's regular yeah he's not king kong well you're never gonna look at it and go um oh my god like like that's so weird you're gonna look at it and be like oh it's a regular guy's penis i will say that's what my penis is and a regular guy's penis yeah like when you're at a stall when you go to go to a baseball game and everyone's peeing next to you each other you're fine yeah but what i will tell you for years of my life i was disappointed that i have like a sedan right like toyota corolla yeah as i've gotten older i have an avalon toyota avalon similar but more sporty really yeah my penis is a little bit more sporty than yours no way i will say my penis might be more comfortable than yours i agree yours might be sportier but mine when you get in the groove you're like yes kind of a nice back seat it's big it's bigger than you thought well you know what it is it's roomier than you thought there's more storage you can store more in the trunk than you ever thought possible and it might be because i took something out years ago i was like i just fucked around in here you can take this thing out i don't need the tire oh this comes off and i just put a little cheap carpet back there right my we do have wieners like toyotas from the late 90s yeah because you don't know what color that is no what color is that you can't really tell it's it's what you could never tell it's a color that you can't really tell it's a color that you can't really paint to match if you chip a door forget about it forever that's it's it forever um but there was an era going back to wrigley when you see the trough you see whoppers and yeah what gets me yeah is it's not who you would expect sometimes that's actually true it's usually i don't love that yeah the guy that doesn't look like he might have a hot like a weasley looking skinny skinny guys always with like a flat brim cap where i'm like i don't like your style you're not my guy and then we go next to each other i go like well that's unfortunate i apologize for disrespecting you the reason i do like your style the reason he has no style is because he didn't have to worry about it yeah the guy that's overdressed that looks really sharp all the time that guy's got a pathetic i know but here's the problem with even that theory sometimes those pull out and i go like why are you wearing a watch like that and you gotta walk just be consistent yeah like john ham right like he's got a big old hog he doesn't deserve that yeah he's so handsome he doesn't deserve that he should have a regular dick he should have a small dick you should actually get regulate we should have a government program that regulates your penis based on your handsomeness and success i wish dicks were more like a communist country where it really was you kind of knew where everybody had the same it wasn't that like i don't like how lucky it is yeah i don't like how random it is i don't like that it's not your body type like i would be so embarrassed if i had a tiny dick and i had an nfl or an nba player's body because you know that happens it exists and i don't know where but you know it you know it's real that would for me a nightmare would be mine is i take my pants off of the woman and she doesn't go like oh yeah she's like yeah fine that's exactly what i would have guessed from your vibe from your body type the way you walk in space right that's what i thought your gait should should dictate your penis you're also who you are at like a bar at 1 a.m is your penis size and mine is should we fight for one more drink or am i drunk enough or do we have two more and i make myself bar before i go to bed that's my penis size some guys penis sizes drinking time is done i go home or i one of these women is going to come home with me right that's that's confident guy i'm um get food on the walk walk home quietly eating it laughing a little bit once in a while and then yeah that's that's that my penis i taught luke my cousin i said when we left the goat this weekend i said we played darts we love darts and i said you guys he'll come sometimes when he's when he's um he's an east side guy dude he's too cool he's cooler than me too but he's a young cool hip east side kid me too yeah i'm buddy you and me got the same vibe bro sometimes i'll i'll make my way to the east side especially after a dodger game i'll go over there to go meet up with him and i'll be hammered and i'll just hand him money because that's my i want to be young i'm saying by the way i'll just hand him money when he's with cool young people i'm like buy everyone a beer that's what we could by the way because we have to know that's what we're supposed to do if we're in yeah we go out at this point yeah one of the times i said one of the reasons i say no to dinner people are like hey we're all getting a dinner i look at the table i go i'm gonna have to pay yeah dude that's six people i'm gonna have to pay two of those people i don't know yeah i don't need to spend 450 bucks to sit there no but i can't sit there with this group and go like this you guys want to do cards split split yeah yeah you i'm sure you don't have a job what do you got brother they're like no i actually do work i work from home i'm self i got you my man i got you brother i'm gonna put the card down so no big deal and then we're driving home i'm going like could have had a weird tv yeah instead i had like a chicken kebab that i didn't even love wasn't worth it but that one fucking guy had a lot of appetizers four drinks you're like you get another specially a special martini oh wow my as a and i can say this as a half jewish man my father used to do a thing that was the funniest thing that i got to know him later in life as i've said and when we would get together and i'd never seen this move and i hate that i'm thinking about it and i'm like i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do it i'm not gonna do the move sometimes that the bill he was the guy i got it put your money away everybody but then when he would see the bill he would just do a move where he'd go like forget it and you put your fucking money away then he would look and he'd go oh you'd go like this that doesn't make sense look at this place and then everyone's sitting there looking at here right he said put your money away and he'd go all right the kid over here you know 15 and the two of you and you he would mumble your numbers know your numbers so everybody you'd have to sit there and then he would go and my kid over here what the hell but that's 17 that's 25 and you just go like this and it would be like a little tally going up and then you'd have to go all right then you go i'm happy to throw it he'll go it's not about that i just want to make sure it's right yeah yeah that's right little asshole but he would pay always yes see and he'd pay for his friends see that they had a system so it's why i like people of the same age because really what i believe it is all has to come out in the wash it should the three of us went this guy can never pay but i'm buying never paid you're buying we're doing that and then guess what in the end we're gonna be 50 50 100 yeah that works out and i don't care if it's 10 in a row it will be it will be 50 with him it's no yeah we don't i don't know i paid one time for breakfast why because i didn't have my phone on me no because you wanted to like prove a point oh that's right because we were going through something and i wanted to yeah because you were going through yeah well he's being very unappreciative about something he was being a little brat true i think that's you were being a brat what was your point of view um that it wasn't that it wasn't that expensive of a breakfast and i was like i i understand the gesture and i was like that's very fair i said i said you're paying for breakfast today i can handle the breakfast sometimes you gotta teach him lessons i mean i'm handing the kid money all the time that's okay yeah hey welcome to a segment i'd like to call whisk ginge predicts a segment presented by fanduel well it's wednesday right now and the episode is coming out on friday but i do not know what happened last night or tomorrow depending on how much you're into tinfoil hat futures and simulations but i do think i really do think what is going to happen on saturday is going to change the hearts of the minds of all the people on fanduel right now i know the spurs because they got some home field advantage although they did lose the first two games but they did lose the first two games uh i do think the knicks are going to win uh in five i do think this is going to be a monumental thing for the city of new york it's been uh 50 some odd years since they've won and that's where my my my money is going to go on the new york knicks to beat the san antonio spurs to finally finally slither themselves as champions make themselves some champions also it's fifa world cup and i'm telling you usa versus paraguay is going on tomorrow and my money is on usa usa usa and more importantly in my heart and in my uh in my soul is of course major league baseball which i love so very much uh and uh i'm telling you i've had a little bit of a struggle with my chicago cubs uh we were ahead of the major leagues then we dropped to third in the nl central which is really tough for me uh i'm not gonna lie it really bothers me it irks me it grinds my gears that we lost uh to the white socks and the crosstown rivalry but uh tonight we're taking on the san francisco yans up in san francisco the cubs are predicted to win and i'm going to predict that w as well and i do think uh right now we're just a shade above 500 by all-star break we're going to be six or seven games above 500 that is what i am predicting right now you can make your own predictions of course on fan duel you decide you decide i'm not telling you what to do but you decide if the cubs gonna make it to the world series this year i don't know but will we make it will we make it to the national league championship series i would love to think so i really would and also uh the wnba is moving right now and the WNBA commissioners cup is happening. Of course, my Chicago sky, um, took a big L tonight or this week. That is when this episode comes out and hopefully they'll be able to storm through. Um, and I shouldn't say the storm shouldn't mention Seattle storm because they're getting smushed all over the map and I wish no ill will to them, but Hey, but, uh, my money, uh, tonight, uh, will be on the Valkyries instead of the storm, because I do think they got it like that. If you're a big WNBA fan, it's heating up over there for the WNBA commissioners cup. And finally in the NHL, a big deal in the NHL, uh, hurricanes are pushing around Vegas as of Wednesday. Uh, but we will see what's going to happen last night. And then, you know, if necessary, game six is going to be in Vegas. What a world that may be to see golden Knights win. Once again, Las Vegas has a lot of championships on their hands. Uh, I am predicting, uh, a Las Vegas, golden Knights, Stanley cup one more time, etching their names in history. Uh, so you decide you predict on FanDuel. You decide who you think is going to be taking wins, losses, and spreads only on FanDuel. This segment is presented by FanDuel. Wait, I give him a hundred bucks the other night to just, I give him a hundred bucks. I ran into him for 10 seconds. I go, I give him a hundred bucks at cha-cha. Just walked him and said, here's a hundred bucks. Well, he comes up and give him a hug and a kiss on the face. And I say, hello, to his friends. And, uh, and I talked about how much I wanted to have sex with a little British guy. He's very cute. I kept telling him, he's like, you kept saying it. I was like, look how cute that British guy is. He was really cute because he was compact and also like, hello, mate, nervous. And I was like, oh, I want to have sex with that little guy. I'll tell you something that you and I are similar on and is a Chicago thing. When we were growing up, men used to talk about women this way. Yeah. 2020, we said, that's not fair because there is victimization and people are getting hurt. I go, I don't want to hurt anybody. Yeah. I'm not into that, but I still miss talking sexual about people. It's all about men now. It's all boys. Yeah. When I did the show Minx, which was, you know, nudity about the seventies. Yeah. And I was so weird with men on that show and it was for nobody. I wouldn't, I didn't have like a main buddy I was hanging with. So I would be alone in seventies costume. There would be a featured extra with his dick out. And then after the take, he'd put his robe on and we'd be sitting there and I'd be like this, like good on you, brother. That's a great. Looking hog. And I was doing the joke for no one because I wasn't laughing. And they would be like, oh, thanks, man. And then I'd be like, that fucker's great, man. You had that your whole life? And they'd be like, yeah. And I go, and when did it fucking explode? And they're like, huh? Did it start as a boy's dick? And then one day you had that monster. And they're like, it's always been pretty big. I'm like, God damn, you're a lucky son. I'm talking about their bodies. Yeah. The way that my dad and my uncles would talk about women's bodies. Oh, look at that broad. Oh my God. That fucking ass. Yeah. If I could do anything, I could stick my nose in the hole. And then you're sitting there being like chicken fingers, like in the butthole. Your dad's like, I let her fart in my mouth. Look at that. Huh? Look at that shit. Take him to a ranch. And that's gone away. That's gone. So now there's a little British boy. It's cute. He was cute. And so I said, go buy Tom, Tom. And I said, buy everyone a beer. Here's a hundred dollars. And then he comes back and then out of nowhere, he go, he elicits it. He's like, did you want your change? Oh yeah. I was like, no. Just God damn it. That's an interesting question. He knows I don't want the fucking change. But what if the change is like 42 bucks? It was because it was cha-cha. It was only beers, only four beers. That's, that's the right question. He's from the Midwest. I know, but that, cause if you keep that, then you're being snaky. Exactly. But what you can do is tip it or buy the next round and you cover the rest. I wouldn't ask. I would then make sure this man has a drink too. And then the rest goes to his group. What did you do? Well, I kind of assumed you didn't want the change, but I figured I might as well do my due diligence and just ask. But did you ask because you actually wanted to keep the change? I mean, of course I wanted to keep the change. See, that's snaky, dude. That's a little rad. If he would have wanted it back, I'm like, fair. He can't say he wants it back. No, I cannot. What's he going to go? Yeah. And then he's going to go, there was no coinage. Yeah. So it was even. It was, it was $16 even. And what'd you leave for a tip? Yeah. That takes away the whole cool gesture of giving you a seat. You put him in an unwinnable situation, man. I'm going to need you to take your pants off and walk around on the floor. We're going to do an elephant walk. You front or back? I'm back. You know I'm back. You know I'm front. Let's go, brother. No, you have to. You have to treat. You have to. My dad was that way too. It was very interesting to always, I got it. I got it. But it was never nice restaurants. Yeah, totally. I don't think I went to like a nice restaurant until like, you know, something big. Yeah. Like someone graduated. Even still. Even still. We wouldn't really, like my parents to this day, not a fan of nice restaurants. They don't really like them. What do you think of them? They give me a little anxiety. They're a little overrated. Yeah. You know, like I like a nice restaurant once in a while for a thing, but we went to a spot the other night and it's a new LA nice spot. And. Yeah. The food's the same. Yeah. I think they've sold us on a great trick. Yeah. But they also sell you on the whole, it's like a really nice hotel. It's always a nice experience. Yeah, they sell you on the lobby. Yep. They sell you on the elevator. See the valet? Yeah. Yeah. The valet's wearing a suit. Yeah. But here's the reality. The bed's the bed. It's still, yeah. But I do like a nice hotel. I do. I love. I'm a little brat about it. Me too. But that's because we travel. I know. I was in Austin yesterday and they put me in the Four Seasons and I got there and I was like, this is different. Yeah. Because I've been to Austin so many times and sometimes, when I've had to pay, not at the Four Seasons. At the Marriott. And it's somewhere. It's right down the road. I know where it is. I've stayed in it. I'm sure I've been there. Many times. I'm sure that's right around the corner. The Four Seasons is right on the lake. Yeah. It's beautiful. Yeah. They're like, do you want a view of the river? You're like, oh, yeah. Well, no. I want a view of an alley. Can I get a view of a fucking toilet seat? The Four Seasons is like, we don't have any alleys. We actually made sure all of our views have no alleys. There's no bad views whatsoever. Yeah. It's all beautiful views. Yeah. You do. Once you stay in those. It's nice. One thing I got to say about our first one that we did together was the great Anna Kendrick told me. She was doing something in our house. Maybe working on her movie or something. Where she was like, I was stuck inside. And she would listen to it a lot. Really? Yeah. And I go, more than once? And she goes, it's less about what you guys are saying and more the way both of you speak. She's like, it felt very Midwest and very Chicago. And there was a rhythm to it. And it was just soothing. People say this, that they fall asleep to the show sometimes. They're like, it's very funny. But I'll put it on at night sometimes when I want to go to bed. Just because they want to hear the rhythm of the. That is so funny. It's kind of like how. It's kind of like how dogs hear. That's what you want when you're falling asleep. Speaking of, you know what I just did? On the plane yesterday. And I felt like a real pervert. I love this. And I don't even care. I am leaning in. So I did. I'm doing press. I've got two Apple things right now. And one of them we're doing a movie called The Dink, which is really funny. July 24th. And one of the promotional things, they put those AirPod Maxes on me. Oh, yeah. The over the ears. Noise cancelers. Yeah. I've never had them. You've never had the in-the-ear noise cancelers? Never. Wow. All I do is the old school cord connected to the phone. The wire. Yeah. Because I like it. I'm used to it. But. You listened to Kamala Harris talk about that, didn't you? Do you not know this clip? No. The people are like, why do you have wired headphones? She's like, let me tell you something. If you think they can't hack into your headphones, you're crazy. She's not wrong. Yeah, I know. She's right. I know. It made half of the country be like, I'm going to get the wires. I'm going to get the wires. Yeah. But so, I did this promotional thing and then I said like, oh wait, if I'm in a commercial for these AirPod Maxes, they got to send me a free one. I was like, it's a funny promotional clip because you're interviewing people, but the two can't hear. Oh, that's true. So I was like, this is one of those like Jimmy Fallon gags. Yeah. But I'm like, this one was pretty funny. Yeah, it was good. I had kind of like a bitchy attitude at the start. But then when you say to like Aaron Chen, I go, tell me about the movie. And he goes, I think you're asking me about what food I had. I'm like, this is funny. You can't lose. But so I said, will you send me? Send me some of those, please. So they did. And I had them. And I was like, yeah, I got these fucking cool Maxes, whatever. I put them on. My kids taught me how to do the noise canceling. And instantly, it just goes like. It's crazy. So I started listening to ASMR of women's voices talking to you as if they are like a sexy mother telling you that you did good. Andrew, I don't know. I'm going to pretend I started it as a joke, but it wasn't a joke. Yeah. I was like, I'm tired on this plane. I put it on. I was like, yeah, I'm listening to some cool music. Jazz is cool. I'm cool. I had three hours on this fucking thing. How many songs can I really listen to? Right. I'm not a music guy. I'm not like listening to the notes. Right. So I went on Spotify. I went like ASMR. And then it was like R-rated. And it was like blowjob sounds. I was like, this is disgusting. I don't need to hear like. Right. Like you need that surround sound. Imagine it's just the guy going. It's not her at all. It's just. You mean porno? Yeah. This whole generation of like alpha males been like, dude, I love porn. And you just love watching fucking hogs screaming. This is the wild. Hold on the hog. Pause. Hold for hog. Yeah. Just everybody is now so. Because of the availability of porn, we're all so comfortable coming to penises. Oh, yeah. Like you tell me that when I was growing up. Not in a million years, brother. When you're growing up looking at like a JCPenney catalog of a woman in lingerie, it's like the way a whole generation of men are going to have orgasms is when a bunch of hogs are around one woman. You go like this. Is that real life? That's the future. 20 dicks. One girl. And that's what we all want. It's almost all dicks. The girls there just because. cause. I'm so sorry, but I'm just a caveman from another era. Why do all these men like this? It's all penises. Yeah. Yeah, it is. All penises. But dude, it's fucking, she's loving it. She loves it. I'm sure she is, but what are you loving about seeing all these days? I love that she loves it. That's what I love. Okay, so your point of view of her. Yeah. That's what I mean. But so I start listening to this. What's the name of it? Can we say it? I don't, it was like, you know, Mother's Helper or something stupid like that. I have no idea. The first thing that came up that wasn't literally this. I was like, Jesus Christ. Get out of my ears. It's everywhere. Yeah, it's all around you. And I did, I closed the eyes. I was like, let's just zone out. Starts off, and comedically I was like, I'm making fun of this. I'm in on the joke, even though I was alone. I was like, this is so funny. But it was like a woman's voice being like, oh, you're such a good boy. You did so good today. And I was like, I need to hear this. Ten minutes in, I'm like, light in the dark. I'm like, the, you know, flight attendant walks by, something to drink. I'm like, huh? You didn't hear that, did you? Who's that on speaker? It's just like, but I was like, oh, this is a whole new world. Now I'm going to explore this. ASMR of women, of a mommy. Be like, because what it is, and I know we have the same issues. Hey, I wish dicks were the same. The only thing that is accurate are men's issues. Oh, yeah. Men see other men's issues really fast. And you go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're one of me. Yeah. Yeah. Sucks, huh? Yeah. But hearing, like, a woman's voice that is this, like, fictional type of mother that's like, so nice. And so, I'm like, that'd be cool if that existed. Yeah. I'd love to hear that. Some people get that growing up. All the time. In here, we pour whiskey. Go! The biggest stage in world's soccer is here, and every goal changes everything. Football, as it were. And now, FanDuel is giving you a reason to root for every single goal. Introducing Every Goal Pays. You heard that right. Every goal pays. Bet on a match, and get bonus bets for every goal scored in that match. That's right. The more goals means more bonus bets, and all you have to do is turn on your token. B-ding! Turn that on. I was invited to a game out here. A little friendly, which is incredible. It's getting heated up now for the World Cup. Hopefully, I'll be able to sneak into a World Cup. Maybe. Maybe just maybe. I'll be running on the field with my shirt off, sliding on my knees. No, I will not do that. Don't do that. But I can't wait. From the opening whistle to the final kick, let there be goals on FanDuel. Visit FanDuel.com to get started now. 21-plus select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino. 18-plus D.C., Kentucky, Wyoming. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. 1-800-MY-RESET. Call 1-888-789- 7777. Visit ccpg.org slash chat. Connecticut, visit mdgamblinghelp.org. Maryland, visit gamblinghelplinema.org. Call 800-327-5050. Massachusetts, call 1-877- 8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY-NEW-YORK. Call 1-877- 770-7867. Louisiana. Hey, I want to tell you about RULA because I believe that you need to RULA your emotions. Hey, you like that? I believe in therapy. I've talked about it very, very much on many shows across many platforms. I do think that talking to someone is very helpful. And online therapy should be easier to get, easier to pay for, easier to do, and make you feel less anxiety than you already feel, and that's probably why you're going in the first place. A lot of people want to take care of their mental health, and they keep putting it off. I deal with it, and it's been tough throughout the years to find time, but I'm telling you, someone like RULA is going to get you out of it. It's going to get you where you need to go, because it doesn't have to be that way anymore. Getting help with RULA is easier than talking yourself out of it. First is the cost. The cost can be the biggest blocker for a lot of people. RULA sessions cost an average of $15 with insurance. They show you your cost up front. It actually does work. It focuses on quality care, and finding the right therapist is huge. Insurance, availability, different types of providers are all there. It's got all the care that you need. That access is there. They simplify every single part of it. Instead of overthinking it, you can actually take the very first step. If you're ready to stop talking yourself out of finding care and making progress, then head to RULA.com. That's R-U-L-A dot com, and take the first step. Ginger. I like gingers. I just saw the movie Obsession. Dude, everybody. I'm the only one that hasn't seen it. I'm going to see it on my birthday. I'll take you to go. Because I've got to see it. $180 million, that kid? What does that mean? The movie's going to make $180 million. It cost a million to make. $750, they said. Wow. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you. I'm really annoyed by this, though, by the way. This is giving people a lot of hope. We need it. We do, but I'm also like, hey, everyone in the world, don't think that this is a real. This is an anomaly. This is LeBron James. I kind of see it a little bit differently in that I know everyone's so scared. This is what the business does, man. Bobs and weaves. I know. It's good. It's a good thing. But also, like. I don't want everybody to think they're going to make a million-dollar movie and it's going to make $180 million. No, but here's what I will tell you from a guy who's made a lot of million-dollar movies. You can make money on it. You're not going to make $180 million. Oh, but those guys did. But guess what? If that happens, great. Yeah, good for you. Because now, rather than making a million-five profit, you might make two and a half. This is real money. It's good. And I think their whole movie, I think they shot it in 18 days or something crazy. So it's like, you don't have to spend nine months making a movie in Budapest. My wife asked me last night. We were sitting in bed, scrolling, doom-scrolling through Netflix, Apple, Amazon. We do it every night. Same thing. And then we always end up watching a documentary about the Hindenburg. And. We did. We did. I said that yesterday. And we're doom-scrolling and she was like, about that Obsession movie. She's like, how did it gain so much traction? She's like, what is it about it that got into the zeitgeist of the thing? And I was like, I don't know. I can't even tell you. I'll tell you what I think. And I don't know that answer, but the thing that. Because my kid loves horror movies. So I don't. I've never been into it, but in the last couple of years, I go with her now. Is it. Is it jump scare? No, I think. Ah, like that? No. No. I think what it was that made that so good was the main woman's performance. She's that good? She does. It's a really hard part. Yeah. And she does it really well. She's super obsessed with this man who wishes it upon this relationship, right? So who she is as a person is. She's cool. She kind of friend-zoned a guy. She ain't into him. But she's the girl that you're like, I'm totally in love with. Yeah. And she ain't into you. Until. And then he does this thing. And now she's both. That's great. And so she does it in a way where you're like, that's your fantasy. If the person you want is not totally into you, and then you're like, it ain't great. Just be careful what you wish for. It's all it is. It's a monkey's paw. It's big. It's what? Monkey's paw. Monkey's paw, yeah. Well, good for him. Also, the director was like. Yeah, he was in comedy and doing sketch stuff. Wasn't he like a YouTube guy? Yeah, he'd do a lot of YouTube sketch stuff. Oh, those guys, yeah. And he was. I think it says on ZymeDB he was in an episode of Dave. Oh, really? He did a. Yeah. Well, it's the Young Turks. Same career path. The Young Turks, man. They're here. No, no, it's good. I mean, good on him. I saw his face on stuff before, but I didn't really know anything about him. But he did an episode of Dave. Look it up. That's incredible. That's what it says. I just Googled him. Well, Tal, speaking of. Wow. What are you doing professionally? I'm out. I'm done. What does this mean? We're done. We're going to say goodnight. Tell me what this even means. I'm Mr. Podcast. Yeah. They call me Mr. Podcast. You're great in the game. I'm Mr. Podcast. And stand up. I'm going to stick to these two things that I love. Okay. I don't want to do the thing anymore. And tell me why, because you don't love it. I just don't love it. Okay, so when you. I'm supposed to do a thing with our friend, Lamorne. What's the thing? The thing? I don't think we're going to do it. Yeah. I mean, who knows? It may be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole development of it all. But I was like, maybe we'll do it. I agree. Who knows? Maybe we'll do it. And I like him a lot. He's the best. I always want to see what car he's driving. You know? The sad thing about him, dude, and this is real, and I, you know. Say something mean about him right now. Cut this out, obviously. He creates fake charities. What does that mean? So we just did Celebrity Wheel of Fortune. His charity, he pockets the money and gets. But hey, man, you got to cut that shit out. I can't, I can't be. He's a sweet guy. But all his charities are about, like, you know, kids in another country. Yeah, what country? I don't know. He's like, Malta. You're like, what do you know about Malta? He's like, we're taking. We're taking care of the kids over there, man. Where is it? It's way out. He's like, I don't know. I've got somebody who runs it for me. And then all of a sudden, he pulls up in a new car. And he would never tell anyone. And this, you know, obviously, this can't be on the show. But he said to me in confidence, he goes, I love fucking over pork heads. And I was like, it's so disgusting. Because I'm the opposite. That sounds like him. Yeah. That does sound like Lamar. The goal, what you're portraying is Robin Hood. And he goes, but it's the opposite. Oh, wow. And I was like, that's really dark. Anyway. That's him, though. I don't want to spend any more time on him. But that's him in a nutshell. That's who he really is. Oh, it's sad. It's disgusting. But so you're walking. So when we say we're walking away from the business. I'm not really walking away. I'm just. But is it a secret play that you're like, I don't want to do the dance? Okay. So do you. So here's what's happened. Here's how we've been different. Last time I was here, I think I was promoted a movie that I wrote and directed. I think that's what it was. Yeah, it was. I haven't done any real writing. since or any directing and I have no desire to right now. - You're well, you're burnt. i was so tired you did you told me how exhausted you were like i i don't even know i don't feel like me anymore i don't feel i hated the whole game i am now going back to just being an actor it's great well you're great so it's why not that's perfect but i get called i get the opportunity i decide if i want to do it i in my contract i'll say like the days i can work great you show up like maximum pleasure guaranteed the one i'm promoting right now it's really tatiana show the main woman she's excellent she's very good she's a real actor manslay yes yeah she's phenomenal great actor yeah she's phenomenal she and i and it's me her and this woman jesse hodges who's a great actor oh yeah also good great yeah my whole thing is i'm going through divorce with tatiana and now i i cheated on tatiana and i'm with uh jesse yeah and we're going through a custody battle i show up to new york david gordon green directed we fight for a day and a half and then i fly home no one's showing me cuts being like what do you think i'm on no meetings everyone's going do you like this color correction color correction i'm sitting here with headphones i'm listening to a woman tell me good job i'm slammed i've been doing this for four hello the fucking nerve you got yeah good job you're a big boy jay i know i am i'm an actor but i'm like oh this is working for me yeah it's fun i was like this is working for me yeah it's fun i was like this is working for me yeah it's fun i was like this i'm like back where you belong maybe kind well in this you know every era we all change yeah um i just saw this really funny clip from uh my uh hawk um ethan hawk ethan i was hoping i was saying everything right i had no disrespect it's his daughter yes yeah and uma thurman's daughter great actors but she said something really funny she was talking shit about male actors and i hit home she said she had heard a woman say that a female actress is a little bit more than a woman and a male actor is a little less than a man that's so good what happened i was like that is true that is very true and lee a director uh akiva shaffer who did you know he did the pilot i just did for mbc so funny so great he told me when i was directing the movie he said like just so you know directing his dog's work dogs and i was like no it isn't like you're the captain of the ship he's like uh-uh you do all the work yeah you do and the writer you're doing like all the work all the rewrites that you don't even agree with right you'll get a note that you'll be like an actor will give a note and you'll be like amazing amazing amazing thank you for that and that can i see it in on the sides you're like oh so literally tonight after work i have to do homework for your ass they're like yeah yeah yeah you do you're doing overtime you're doing overtime yeah you're the captain of the ship and you're also cleaning the ship docking the ship hosting the party cleaning up the party yes drive make sure people get driven home okay yeah then the part that really got to me is that you're the captain of the ship and you're also cleaning the ship docking the ship is then part of your job is complimenting everybody for doing their job because morale matters so then you got to go like this hey hey hey thanks for helping me while i cleaned that party you did a little less cleaning than me and who's thanking you good boy jake if i had the fucking headphones then i'd still be directing 100 percent um but that was my realization of like you know what just know the lane you like but i view you is because you've had a run lately we did a little bit john cena movie three years ago okay yeah three years ago i shot everything three years ago everything's three years everything for me you had a bunch of shit coming out where it was like it was just like two years i did a lot of stuff at once and then after that i felt very like uh what am i doing here not satisfied i was like what i don't even know what this is like what am i even so we're gonna try to make some stuff okay well i guess what i'm saying is i'm i just we're gonna make stuff on our own a little bit because i think we made this karate ghost thing i'm gonna send it to you after this i think the um that's fine i'm gonna send it to you sorry i think the uh um i tried squeezing it in a tight spot yeah it didn't make sense it does fit yeah but it's okay good boy jake back on anytime you feel uncomfortable you know what just give me two minutes someone gives you notes on set they're like jake that wasn't the take we liked and you're like i i pretend i had the thing where i need headphones on around in the big crowds you're like i just it's a what is it called uh sensory sensory overload yes i'm so sorry i'm good and then they go like oh he needs quiet and then somebody's like oh he needs quiet and then somebody's like oh he needs quiet and like does he have a boner oh he sucks slowly scratching his leg he he's not a good person i'm like i'm so sorry but in this crowd i just that dude genuinely sucks he's a bad person we're gonna i'm gonna send it to you we're just gonna make our own stuff i think we're gonna but is that why is that because you got bored in like development yeah well that one's that part so you're just like here i am because i'm just tired of i'm just tired of um uh singing for the supper when i'm like well i can make my own food yeah i'll just go make my own food i got i guess i got tired of being like hey hey what about me do you like do you like this you like this now we're like hey we'll just make it and if the fans love it awesome yes and if someone else likes it too and the business is like we we would like to work with you on this it's like great or we can just go we're okay we'll just keep doing it on our own so you guys you feel so the beauty of the podcast world which i've now also learned is you do have a direct link to the audience and you're like oh i'm gonna make my own food i'm gonna make my own food i'm gonna the peeps are there they're seeing it they like it they like it they're i got it too with we're here to help i forgot to mention the last love we're here to help thanks bro you were great you guys are so fucking funny man you know that was when we started doing that podcast it was you and i were talking too yeah and it is it's a direct link to a base yeah to people that that want to consume more of your shit yeah i like this yeah so you're like really fun but the only thing i like about the business of it mind you we might have had younger different goals as younger men well yeah you were much more um always dreamed of acting yeah right right and you always dreamed of stand-up i dreamed of i mean my hero my wife said that to me the other day she was like what was your what was your idea of it when you were a kid because it's great i'm not complaining i'm happy right now of course but jim carrey was like the ultimate to me it was like that's a stand-up who gets to do comedic acting when he wants and then of course it took off in a way that i'm sure even he was like holy shit that was the dream oh 100 is being a stand-up who got to do comedic roles of characters and kind of bury yourself in these things what about like a stand-up character for you no thank you guys ray romano someone going like i love ray so much he's the man no i i think like i just wanted i was obsessed with maybe i didn't project that enough i was obsessed with the idea of burying myself in a weirdo character because i really did love that as a kid i was obsessed with transforming i think when you don't like yourself you're like i want to be somebody else but also when you the other thing is is when you know how to make people you want to feel good and you go it doesn't matter how i feel right now if they're happy that helps my wednesday 100 that you go oh they wanted this version of me then i'm happy to do that i'm gonna do that that's acting 100 yeah that i think that's really fun that was my whole childhood so i wish i wished that like the way i i saw him be ace ventura the way like i saw him be these things i was always like oh my god you get to play like that that this is no disrespect to acting yeah yeah it's just when actors are acting very well like someone like brad pitt who's a great actor like sick like fight club yes incredible he is tyler durden agreed right but he's also brad pitt yeah because he's fucking stunning yeah so you're so hot that you're like i can't help but oh great yeah so with jim it was like i saw a man become another human being and i was obsessed it like blew my mind i was like you can be another person a whole fucking different and your face looks different and everything looks different and that kind of thing and i was like oh my god i'm gonna be a human being and i was like oh my god i'm gonna be a human being and i was like oh my god i'm gonna be a human being and that kind of turned me on same but by the way same but i feel that way less with movies and more with tv well tv has more ability to do it now because well you also have 80 episodes so what i love is people deep down just think you are the character yeah and when they like a show enough they're like you guys didn't even have to act yeah you're like well that's the compliment right because that was that's it when i watched cheers growing up i really believed that bar existed oh me too and i really thought like that's awesome and then everybody i know my dad would be like you know you know i'm not a fan of that bar but i'm like i'm not a fan of that bar but i'm like i'm not you know your grandpa knows he knows uh george george went you know he knows him really well everybody knows george went in chicago everybody every guy everybody had a beer had a beer with george who went yeah yeah he's a fucking good guy he's a great guy his brother used to his brother used to own a little sandwich shop on diversity honestly he's a real guy man he's a real he's one of us yeah and you know it's i'm happy for a guy like that because at the end of the day he's just a guy they talk about him like they all went to elementary school with him here's what every chicago here's what happened in real life yeah george was at the bar because he had a drinking problem and then some guy at the other side of the bar goes like a cups and socks george and he goes my best buddy george no he's a good guy he's a good guy he's that's a sax guy i thought i when i was young i thought ted danson did play for the boston red sox i thought ted danson was a pitcher as well i 100 was like that guy must have been a pitcher at some point in his life and i also thought ladies man but he's not great with ladies because he only thinks about sex and then i thought coach and um sam alone loved coach god i loved coach um i thought like talk about dating ourselves all the young people are like you don't know what that is uh minnesota state mancato oh you do know he does now he's obsessed with the past uh craig t nelson craig nelson can't live in the now the kid he is uh uh patrick from spongebob bill do you know his name bill fagerbacky fagerbacky what a midwest name is fagerbacky Yeah, it's funny because it was Minnesota. 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And when I'm like, there is something to that world, but I'm like, but I do like, and I think you like it too. I like the machine. I do. Well, we all kind of love the machine. But younger generations, I don't think they do. I think they really have a thing of it of like, it's a dinosaur. And I'm like, to them, I'm like, totally. Yeah. But it's not like, it's the, like, if it's, if I'm in like silent films and now there's talkies, and I'm like this, dude, it doesn't make any sense. That they're not even talking. And then at home, I'm like, practicing like, and I'm like, well, I mean, I've just been doing this my whole life. And then deep down with my wife, I'm like, they don't think they can convey things without words, but that to me is the machine. Yeah. And I'm like, as long as the machine has a harp, it's literally one of the reasons I did the NBC thing. Cause NBC did pilot season. I miss those days, dude. I miss them. So they were really fun. And guess what? We did a pilot. Yeah. And then I was, it was with Dan Gore, Luke Del Trecci. And I was like, it's an NBC. I was like, it's for sure going. Right. And I was trying to get like people to go like, this is a fake pilot, but it's for sure going. And everyone was like, no, we're going to have to test it. That's great. And then I was like, I'm so excited about this. That's a real thing. Yeah. And then when they tested it, it was like, it tested really high. I'm like, great. Because we were nervous and they worked really hard at it. Yeah. Rather than like, we just picked up 10 and then did a writer's room and we'll see. No, we're doing a show. We're testing it. We're testing it. You're putting it out. You're making sure people like it. What they don't, we're making changes. Right. I'm like, oh, fucking television. Like, I remember a girl got fired on my first sitcom. She got fired from the table read and that blew my fucking mind. What was the table read? I've seen someone get fired from table read. It was at, it was at ABC. It was at one of those like towering ABC building right off, right off the 134. That like. Of course. That big stupid. And we're in the, in the banquet hall and you have to do a table read in front of like. I know. A hundred fucking humans. And you're like, who are these humans? And it's stressful. And as a standup. And I'm like, luckily I'm used to doing crowds. So you're like, well, I can, I get being, being on for the crowd. Right. But I think some actors don't get being on for the crowd because it's not part of their shit. They get shut down. Yeah. They get weirded out. They do this at the table. Yeah. Oh, or they look, or they look down and they do not look up the entire fucking time. They're going like this. Yeah. They don't want to engage. And I don't, and I don't discredit them. It doesn't take away from their talents. But I saw, you know, this poor girl afterwards, she called me and called another guy and was like, and she's by the way, done phenomenal for herself. She's fine. She bounced right back. But she was like, was that fucking weird? And both of us were like, it was a little strange, but I think that the energy was bad too. And it was, the energy was bad. Sometimes it happens. And they, they almost set her up to fail a little bit. Yeah, it happens. And the lines were bad. Totally. And like, you felt it slowly go, oh, it was really weird. I mean, I did. I bombed my tits off in front of Will Ferrell for a new show. And I remember. You did? Bombed my fucking tits off. What happened? I was at a Funny or Die read. And for a new, it was a movie that they were doing. And it's Will. And, uh, and Adam McKay and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm in the room and I am tanking the lines. And I mean, it's just not, the rhythm is bad. Oh my God. And then afterwards they were like, thanks a lot. And I was like, fuck. Like that, that, I just, you're a good boy on the way home. It fucked me up. Dude, that shit fucks me up bad. But it's good for you because it, without that, that's what we mean about the machine. Without that, you don't get more strength to like figure out the faults or figure out the, you need the thing. You need. The failures. You do. You need the misses. For me, I need the adjustments where I'm coming in soft and somebody kicks me in the face. And I go like, oh, I thought you guys were being nice. Right. I was like, oh, I didn't, I didn't, I thought we were done fighting. And then you go home and you go like, oh, I got to make an adjustment. Yeah. You got to figure it out. I got to figure it out because, oh yeah, this is the fucking jungle. And whenever I get too fat and comfortable, I go like, you know, my favorite thing in the world is any, you like the documentaries about Hindenburg. I like them about animals. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. You're with, uh, what's his name? Attenborough. Well, I, you know what? I just watched, uh, Silverbacks, a guerrilla documentary and I loved it in a way. It got weird. You're walking around your house, silverbacking around your wife. I've been doing that for a while. Pre-doc. But what's happening to me is, and if I'm ever going to direct another project or write another project, I'm literally just going to copy guerrilla documentaries. And turn it into human experiences because it's the same story. And I'm watching. I was just like, this is what I fucking love more than anything. These interactions between these girls, it is the same as us. And then you've got certain girls where they're like, like, Django was a great leader. He was the leader for more than 15 years, but like, Ichiwa was getting stronger. And then he's like, but Django was not an aggressive leader at all. He thought there was room for everybody. Ichiwa disagrees. And all of a sudden, you see this big old fucking guerrilla being like, I got everything. I got the alpha females into my shit. Yeah. I got probably 25 kids running around. We got a big old pack on the side. And then Ichiwa comes, fucks his ass up. And then they go, now he had a decision to make. That's be a lone guerrilla and run off or start supporting a new guy. And they did. And I would never spoil it. Don't spoil it. But you just start going like, oh, that is so neat. And what I love about the adjustments and talking to you about the game is, how long do we get to play? Because there is going to be a moment when it is over. Oh, yeah. And you go like, oh, so for me, when I did the directing thing, I was like, I'm a fine director. But Max Winkler told me something so funny after the cut of my movie. He goes, you want to know the hardest part of directing a feature? And I was like, everything? And he goes, the realization that you're not a genius. And he goes, you're just a guy who makes movies, man. And he goes, and the movie's good, Jake. I liked it. He's like, but you're not like a genius. You're not Paul Thomas Anderson. You're a guy who does TV, who could direct a movie. You could probably do more. And I was like, I know. I never thought I was one. Right back to the guerrilla documentary. And Django realizes he has moved on. Oh, he hasn't. I want the one with the lady. You are a genius. Thank you. But I was like, that kind of, for me, I was like, all right. So you can keep going. You can keep doing these. Yeah. But I was like, but if I've got X amount of time on this side of the mountain, I'm not going to compete with fucking Jordan Peele as a director. This young kid who did, these kids are doing Obsession in that. Curry. Barker. But these are guys who are so technically sound and love that side of it. Obsessed. Obsessed. And they're good at it. Yeah, very good. So you're like, I had, after my movie, I did a promotional thing. Lamorne and I did it together. I was like, will you help me do some promotion? So I was like, will you interview me for the movie? We'll do it in your bed. And we'll pretend it's at your house. And we'll create a fake series in bed with Lamorne. And Lamorne always says yes. So he's like, sure. And my buddy Nick Jasanovic was going to direct it. And I thought I was kind of directing it, too. And they go, all right, we're going to scout. And I was like, well, fucking skip the scout, man. And he's like, Jake, I like scouting. And I was like, oh, I'm such a bitch. Yeah. I like shit all over it. And I was like, do I have to go? He's like, you're not directing. I was like, thank you. You're a little actor boy. He's like, you're not doing it. I'm going to scout. I'm going to get the perfect location that I want. He goes, do you care? And I go, I trust you. Right. I just literally want to go lay in bed and do bits with Lamorne. Yeah. And get notes from you and go home. Right. And I was like, great. Now each of us got eight more years on the side of the mountain. Before Jungo takes back over. Someone's coming. Someone's coming. Someone's coming. A new Jungo is coming. Yeah, but you're seeing for your game right now, you're like, I can go direct to my audience. I got a big base. You love stand-up. I love. I just want to go back to them. I just want to go. and give them stuff. - And I'm doing this, yes. - It's almost like the beginning of our career like when i first found out about doing stuff on youtube or whatever which is what we did i did a youtube show like 15 years ago where i played a character at my buddy dan's house and we just threw it up on the internet and back then it got like a hundred thousand views some of them and it was like staggeringly it was crazy and i just played this dumb character in his basement i want more of that stuff just because i get to transform it and we get to just do it and also we're failing live like the it's it's not totally it's not super packaged so we're getting to kind of fumble live with them which is what pods are too yeah i think that is the best part of pods what i now love about doing my podcast is how mad the audience gets at you when you make mistakes yeah oh yeah they get real and i love how vocal because you know i got adhd my brain's everywhere yeah so i just like changing the show a lot and gareth such a sweetheart is at this point where he's like in an abusive relationship where he's like you're famous enough that i have to keep saying yes but i've known you long enough that i can say like that's a stupid idea brother but you got to keep trying it but i i said he's like why don't we just he's like i've done podcasts i do the dollop it's very successful yeah let's create a format and keep doing it yeah and i'm like i would rather be the beatles and try to make an album that everyone goes i hated that album for sure and i was like because if i do the same thing then it becomes a job right and then i get bored and then the audience will go like they're talking for 20 minutes before the show starts stop it's boring i'm like i hear you it was fun for us right but it's for you but it's fun yeah and it's okay if it's changing you'll we'll see our numbers because the analytics are so fun you'll be like this then you'll drop then you'll find then you're like yeah they got mad at us it's fun and it's fun checking and not watching this one no thanks yes i love that yes no thanks santino not watching this one dude yeah exactly like dude really lost me with that line didn't think you were that kind of guy i'm like what kind of guy yeah i'm a lot of kind of guy they figured you out baby and then they get so mad and then they'll come back and be like dude but when you said that that meant a lot you're like no i don't mean anything we're just all bullshitting but that fun of it all yeah that's not the machine no and but what's great about the machine is when it gets kicking i now like all the executives i now go to the dinners well you're cruising right now too yeah that's it you're cruising you're you're ichiwa dog you're in it i'm an old ichiwa but it doesn't matter but they love but ichiwa still and we're not going to give it away for we don't want to spoil what really happened but yeah but even old they all got poached because that's ai i'll tell you what the gorillas don't have to deal with is fucking technology coming no they're good smoking these fools they're good they're okay we're i think it's going to be okay with us too i think it's going to be fine there's going to be like everything else there's going to be stuff and then there's going to be stuff that's going to be there's going to be ai products and there's going to be like i remember you remember this era uh drum machines have no soul oh my god dude it was on like shirts and shit too yeah and it was could you imagine a band with a drum machine because actually the drummer is the soul and it was some guy with no sleeves who was the always the drug addict being like and you're like at a concert stoned out of your ass you're like dude i could just watch jeff play yeah i'm not gonna watch a computer do fucking jeff's job no one could jeff's dad used to punch me in the face brother so mad like a little 15 year old jeff beating the shit out of these drums and then you'd be like you're his parents here his mom is yeah his dad didn't show his dad didn't show that's why again he's scanning the crowd exactly dude he can really play with led zeppelin he can do all the shit he's so good so talented but then guess what happened the fucking drum machines come and then there was electric electronic dance music they have a whole thing for it a lot of people love it it's never meant shit to me sure but but a lot of people exist and there's going to be people being like dude my favorite prompt is ai movies then fucking watch them fine then there's going to be people who like other stuff there's going to be people who want it direct to consumer i'm like it's not going to change i don't think in our lifetime no it's just going to be other things it the change it will be in our lifetime but it won't be this like the end ever sweeping no no it doesn't make sense and they also say that too and i hate it where people are like la's dead i'm like shut up i'm like shut up i'm like shut up i'm okay with them saying that because no one's here now it's great you're like yeah it's dead go away that i'm like it's paradise here yeah no it's still very beautiful it's also it's the same yeah and i'm like good if a lot of people want to leave then go don't come back it's fine but honestly i'm like if you want to talk shit about it do it go to a whole other city bring all your friends with you but like i'm over here yeah because it's fucking paradise it's also hard to move i just don't i don't want to get up and go oh i want i'd like to be able to say i move to blank no no way it's really hard whenever i'm someplace else the first day i go like it's awesome here and then there's always something really quickly i go like get me the fuck get me home i will say the one thing no matter how angry i am at la or happy with la when i fly back home after touring and right as you're coming over downtown to go land there's something about it i don't even know what it maybe it's from my youth and film and seeing exactly what you mean something in that like we're coming over downtown and you're just like it's paradise look at that there it is you know it's like that that's that sweeping i'm here it's really weird dreams man i do that in chicago too but that's also because i'm going home and it's like a nostalgic thing you know especially when they flip you over the lake which also i feel like is i feel like they do that just for you to go oh just for this yeah i'll tell you speaking of i moved uh my mother eve johnson to los angeles last week she didn't like it oh she uh guest house living main house living so i got a house in los felix i know i know you got a lot of houses i'd been renting out for a while uh and eve's at the point where i want her here but eve's tough she she's got she's set in her ways i love my mama my mama tough my mama's of the old world yeah shouldn't fuck around yeah she's and i'm really realizing it less and i'm seeing it more and more i saw it when my dad died i think we talked about this but man that whole type of person's going away oh yeah and they're not being filled up the new generations are coming and we are a certain type but we're a quarter of what those people were and they'll consider us characters all right i'm like no no no no i was the dopey kid from the suburbs yeah these were the fucking like if you saw my uncles all hanging out now it was like good fellas yeah it's cartoonish it's even the way they dressed yeah you'd be like cool jacket eddie dude that's a sick ass leather jacket with a perm yeah like it goes away but i realized when my dad died i was like oh this generally like when i first moved to l.a my dad was hanging out because they got sober so he was in all the a.a but it was everybody i guess in a.a and n.a just like finds their very specific click in those programs oh yeah there's a lot of subcultures within the culture man and they judge each other it's very funny who's good at it who's not yeah and my dad was in a group of car salesmen what it was like my dad was the jew there was the mick it was the dago yeah and they were all he's like that's the wop the jew that's how they did it that's the guy with the limp he likes black girls this guy gleason from gleason ford oh shout out gleason ford uh back in the day he we would all go and he was the old head at the table my dad was probably 65 glees was about 80. glees would order for everybody me included and he didn't get the orders right but he wasn't a real godfather this was not mafia it was a generation of people who loved the mafia but they were not mafia right so they imitated it often it was fake yeah they were not genuine tough guys by the way this had a reprise with sopranos for some reason people on the east coast thought that they were also in the mafia again they're not in the mafia the real mafia has rules and structure yes you're just wearing a jumpsuit and ordering for me and you're tipping while handshaking but you're not in the mafia you're not the mafia but it is a nice thing to do it isn't it but i moved my mom out here and it has been so funny watching her adjust to la to everything because how many times has she really been in la what i mean she visited me once oh shit that's a huge leap and it came out of nowhere she finally said like i'm ready and did you sell her place but she have a uh as of today the deadline for offers on her place i don't know if she's going to sell her place but she's going to sell her place i don't know if she's going to sell her place but she's going to sell her place but she's going to sell her place i don't know if she's going to sell her place but she's going to sell her place is happening while we're in here so when i walk out there'll be that decision will happen but that's not your child at home that she lived in though yeah that's what's wait that's long gone yeah long gone um that was gone when i was 15 wow but um so my mom didn't have i talked about this but my mom didn't have id so she tried to go the old school way and she's like it'll work i'll just go to the airport and i was like it's not gonna work if you don't have valid id and she's like it's me she goes i talked to the fucking people at tsa it's like okay so it didn't work of course not she got locked out of the system i don't know what happened so then we had to figure out how to get eve from chicago to los angeles without an id without valid identification no passport no no nothing nothing and 80 and is lippy yeah mouth's off right away like like in a real way you don't have my fucking number but we don't know you ma'am and also in this day and age you know who my son is not that jen do that no because she's been this way forever she would fight taco bell employees when i was a kid she she was the lady that you're in line and the lady would be like the 16 year old girl would be like my hot sauce course that's why I asked are you talking about it I'm like what's happening this is going sideways I'd be like it's fine we don't need it here take my tacos I'm gonna lose the fight you women will be fine yeah but so I was like I can't put her on an Amtrak um because she'll get kicked off and a train is like something what is the train bottom what's a train nine days to I did even worse Andrew so I wasn't worried about the timing I was quite literally worried about them kicking her off an Amtrak her cuz you're just fighting with somebody getting an argument where I wouldn't know what really happened mm-hmm but I would get a call going I mean Arizona what happened the fucking guy's a prick what happened I already told you you was a prick that's what happened I don't get what's happening so I found a service where somebody would drive her from Chicago to LA shut the fuck up swear on my life how long does that take four days yeah that's crazy and I'd have to book the hotels each night not have to rent a car oh god there's a guy from here from Burbank who would fly to LA and then drive her back oh my god we did it wait a minute his name was Rick you're telling me Rick you're telling me having someone back in Chicago to help having someone back in Chicago to help her get an ID was that hard that you're her get an ID was that hard that you're like we're just gonna rent a car to try like we're just gonna rent a car to try possible she would never go to the DMV possible she would never go to the DMV it's never gonna happen yeah okay I get it's never gonna happen yeah okay I get it crazy yeah it's it's so funny that's it crazy yeah it's it's so funny that's the stupidest question I've ever so the stupidest question I've ever so you're like Rick is gonna go out there you're like Rick is gonna go out there this is just better Rick flew to out this is just better Rick flew to out flew to Chicago some guy named Rick rented a flew to Chicago some guy named Rick rented a car we rented him a car and you car and you drove it to meet him at the airport at drove it to meet him at the airport at midnight all the way to LA and stopped midnight all the way to LA and stopped in what are we talking Colorado no we in what are we talking Colorado no we went south cuz my mother's afraid of the went south cuz my mother's afraid of the hills I created the route so she went hills I created the route so she went the longest way she does you had the the longest way she does you had the longest way and it went sideways between longest way and it went sideways between her and what kind of car did you guys her and what kind of car did you guys rent I put her in like just a little rent I put her in like just a little sedan this is fascinating and it went sedan this is fascinating and it went sideways quick yeah I'm gonna kill the sideways quick yeah I'm gonna kill the prick they're in Missouri she's freaking prick they're in Missouri she's freaking the fuck out something happened Andrew the fuck out something happened Andrew the fuck out something happened Andrew where he crossed a line and these are where he crossed a line and these are where he crossed a line and these are lines I crossed as a kid and I'm lines I crossed as a kid and I'm lines I crossed as a kid and I'm crossing now that I have her here I've crossing now that I have her here I've crossing now that I have her here I've trapped her here right I'm a prison trapped her here right I'm a prison trapped her here right I'm a prison warden well she doesn't have any warden well she doesn't have any warden well she doesn't have any control she doesn't like it here too bad control she doesn't like it here too bad control she doesn't like it here too bad unlike me anymore too bad well unlike me anymore too bad well unfortunately for her sorry if you end unfortunately for her sorry if you end unfortunately for her sorry if you end up watching this on YouTube this is what up watching this on YouTube this is what up watching this on YouTube this is what she calls it she puts emphasis on the she calls it she puts emphasis on the she calls it she puts emphasis on the second half your tube she was like this second half your tube she was like this second half your tube she was like this you know I like the YouTube but she and you know I like the YouTube but she and you know I like the YouTube but she and Rick were going in something happened Rick were going in something happened Rick were going in something happened where she said I have a taste for where she said I have a taste for where she said I have a taste for doughnuts charming thing for a woman to doughnuts charming thing for a woman to doughnuts charming thing for a woman to say it is cute and I'm getting her say it is cute and I'm getting her say it is cute and I'm getting her doughnuts immediately believe me she had doughnuts immediately believe me she had doughnuts immediately believe me she had a whole case when she arrived a whole case when she arrived a whole case when she arrived and he said well there's a Dunkin Donuts and he said well there's a Dunkin Donuts and he said well there's a Dunkin Donuts and my mom's got very particular taste and my mom's got very particular taste and my mom's got very particular taste she doesn't like DD you never know but she doesn't like DD you never know but she doesn't like DD you never know but it's very clear when she doesn't like it's very clear when she doesn't like it's very clear when she doesn't like it but then she's very opinionated right but then she's very opinionated right but then she's very opinionated right I'm not getting Dunkin Donuts he goes I'm not getting Dunkin Donuts he goes I'm not getting Dunkin Donuts he goes okay well let's get back in the highway okay well let's get back in the highway okay well let's get back in the highway we'll see what happens and as they were we'll see what happens and as they were we'll see what happens and as they were getting back on the highway she goes I getting back on the highway she goes I getting back on the highway she goes I might want the donut might want the donut might want the donut and he said it's too late for the and he said it's too late for the and he said it's too late for the doughnuts she said who the are you doughnuts she said who the are you doughnuts she said who the are you oh shit that's when things went sideways oh shit that's when things went sideways oh shit that's when things went sideways oh yeah so did she got the donuts by the oh yeah so did she got the donuts by the oh yeah so did she got the donuts by the way they didn't actually oh no Rick was way they didn't actually oh no Rick was way they didn't actually oh no Rick was like you know what we're no we're like you know what we're no we're like you know what we're no we're driving yeah not getting a glazed driving yeah not getting a glazed driving yeah not getting a glazed what happened was they just became what happened was they just became what happened was they just became family within four days and he got her family within four days and he got her But I've never seen a man drop somebody off faster. I met him outside He put her stuff literally on the sidewalk didn't walk an older lady's stuff inside. It was like a pile I walked he didn't get out of the car. He shook my hands. He goes. He's a lovely lady gone You know, this is Your next movie. I mean, you know this right driving miss Evie. I mean truly this is the next movie Yeah, cuz it's brilliant. Yeah, like it's a perfect story. Yeah, I'm not kidding. You have to write this But here would be the catch because Gareth wants to do that to Gareth is like we're just writing this movie It's perfect. And then I said to Gareth pitch on it. It was way more broad and way sillier but I was like, but the real part of it is It's two older people and it's nasty. It's contentious the entire time It's it's not the the that movie if you go back to the dinosaur not to the direct audience You need redemption in the third act. Of course, you need them them to learn something, right? My mother learned nothing I mean it you'd have to write it you'd have to write her learning what you would have but in writing it for me and this is what I learned during in my movie the movie ends where It has a resolution. I Loved my movie. I had that movie for years. There was no resolution. I don't like stories with resolution I'm a bit on this earth for 48 years. I don't think I've learned very much No, I'll go through big adjustments where I'm like now I get dude. I'm getting stronger. Mm-hmm. You're gonna see me in a year I'm gonna be 50 pounds fatter and you're gonna really good right now. Go through a phase brother. Yeah, but like the audience I'll be bigger and you'll go like what's going on big boy fucking pasta, brother You an Italian lately? Yeah big time Right now you're like I'm done with the business. Will you make one of these things that come back that thing hits you? What are you gonna go? I don't have time to do the podcast. Why I'm going to Hawaii to make a movie paramounty There's no in my opinion There's no real lesson. No, there's not and when people learn them and especially in the podcast here, which drives me crazy Everybody wants to tell you the lessons they've learned and as they're talking I'm like, you're not as smart as you think you are. Nobody is you don't know what you're talking even the smartest people I've met sometimes you're I'm shocked. I'm like God that guy's not as smart as I thought he was it almost fucks your head up It does they you're like I really thought you were kind of and then I really you're not right who's running this shit, right? That's what's very scary. So the no resolution is actually pretty good I do like the idea of Because Hollywood would a Hollywood at it, right? They have to Hollywood. Yeah, they would have made it a great little bowtie at the very end In fact, he's a black guy Rick. He drives out there. He's an older guy. They go through the south She sees him have trouble in the south She starts to see his world view and I can't they still treat you like that, you know, they shouldn't treat you like that There's nothing wrong with you, right? It's green book. I'll tell you what's wrong with it. What's wrong with that, right? Exactly, and when I say that I don't mean they them and I just learned about that Yeah, and they can do whatever they want big laugh big pop. They go to a coffee They go they end up at like a bar down south where somebody says something to him She stands up for him while they're drinking my mom's drinking for some ten years the bartender who is are they then is with them? Right this ragtag group goes back to their house where they have a house party and my mom ends up dancing, right? Some executive right now. It's like I don't know why these guys don't make this and the truth is you're like, yeah And then you go. All right, and when the movie ends you do all this work and I go it just doesn't feel like a bunch Of gorillas on the side of a mountain because I'll tell you they don't make adjustments. They don't really learn anything No, they do things they act crazy. But like there was in this thing that I loved There was a gorilla who got isolated from the group That behavior he thought he was the alpha dog. He wasn't and he tried to take over and the man got fucked his ass up The fuck you talking with the guys like I'm coming in they're like get the fuck out of here They're not the Young Turks. You're not here to take over. You think you are? Yeah revolutions fucking squad You're a clown. So he left he was walking around the side of the mountain. He's like, maybe I'll find some other ladies star family I wanted his ass. He walked so far south Santino. He comes across humans Shut up. There's a whole thing of players my favorite part of the movie. They're like and then he came too far down the mountain there's all these people looking at him these farmers and this silverbacks like He then just starts doing fucking weird stuff and Trying to like rehash his life just doing stuff where you're like, he's having a midlife crisis. Should I spoil? He murders one of the babies in the pack not his no To try to establish dominance or something who knows just a fucking shitty ass move. Whoa, and they're all kind of like They don't kill him they run him outside they a bunch of the male and the females follow his ass where he has to go all The way outside of the mountain and I guess when you go far enough away, you never come back he's dead they scored him off and they go like one of the my favorite lines and the whole thing is they're like a Lone male silverback in the jungle alone is the most unpredictable And I was like, that's it. Yeah, you got a wife your little family you start getting more predictable you get a job You got nothing You're a taxi driver Big brother And I'm like, there's no resolution There's no big growth He's out there doing something fucked up on the side of that mountain the rest of them are going if he ever comes back We got a fucking stomp his ass out, right? And I'm like, I like those stories, but those don't get well good reviewed Nobody likes them. They're not happy to see it. I like them me too, but it's such a small audience But we're twisted but but I'm like but that's a movie when I would watch I'd go like that made me really happy to see You ever see you can count on me the movie. Uh-huh. You'd love it. You can count on you can count on me It's about a brother and sister. It's really dark. It's really weird, but it's just like I'm like That's a great movie. It's cuz it's fucked up and twisted real. You just kind of go like Have you seen it? No, you looked it up. It's a follows a single mother living in a small Catskill Mountain town Whose life is disrupted when we're struggling away where Younger Brother returns. Oh, that's great. Just great. Concept already. Great, great acting, great direction. Ruffalo and who? Laura Linney. Young Ruffalo. Young Ruffalo. Young Ruff and Laura Linney? 2000. Two for two. Yes. 2000, one of the greatest years, dude. Yeah. Prince was right. Yeah. Let's say you're happy, you're healthy, all the good stuff, man. I'm trying to figure it out. Yeah. But you know what? I don't want to be that lone silverback, so maybe I'll stay with the pack. Look at the resolution. Now that's a third act. That's a third act. Uh, please, please, please, please. Uh, The Dink comes out. The Dink is July 24th on Apple. July 24th. It's about pickleball, but it's actually really funny. Sean Clements wrote it. Uh, Roger Clemens, but with a T is his last name, so Clements. Sean Clements. Uh, do you know him? No. The writer? Don't know the guy. Oh, you would love him. Yeah. He's so funny. He does Hollywood Handbook, the, uh, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Super funny dude. He wrote it. It's great. Josh Greenbaum directed it. The movie's genuinely funny. Awesome. Uh, Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed is on Apple now. Awesome. It's great, dude. Um, and then we're here to help. Check out the podcast. The Kid is cruising as usual. Uh, I love to see you. You too, man. Uh, we end the show the same way. You look into that camera, say one word or one phrase. Whenever you're ready. It could be powerful. It could be quick. But it's gotta come from you. Silverback. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a good thing. Yes. Gingers are hell no. Ginger. I like gingers. Shop liquidiv.com. That's P-O-D-2-6. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT. ChatGPT for bigger, multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting Work Mode, available on Plus and Pro plans. Brave the upside-down, face-off with the front man. Play leveled-up arcade games, shop exclusive merch, and enjoy themed food and drinks. Beat the heat. Play, eat, and shop on repeat at Netflix House at Galleria Dallas. Get your tickets today at Netflix.com/house.