Jack McBrayer

"Welcome, welcome, welcome." - Oh no, what happened? - I don't know. - You know the yips. We just had a, we had a guest on talking about the yips. - Oh right. - So athletes famously get the yips. And what if I got the yip that I couldn't say welcome welcome? That's how crazy the yips are. - I know. - You take this thing you can do. You've done for decades and all of a sudden you mentally can't do it. - Well that's such a ding ding ding 'cause I'm reading a re-reading a book right now called Art of Fielding that is this. - It is. - It's about the yips. - Okay, so welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to our expert. I'm Dan Shepherd. I'm joined by Lily Padman. - Hi. - And today we have a very, very, very funny young man, a young boy. - What is the funniest? - He's the cutest in the funniest. He's also an Emmy-award nominated actor and comedian, Jack McBrare, 30 Rock, Racket Ralph, Zillogon Wild, ding, ding, ding, ding. My new favorite show. - And forgetting Sarah Marshall. - Now they're ding, ding, ding. - Very memorable. Season three is airing right now of Zillogon Wild on HGTV or you can stream it on HBO Max. That's what we're doing, give a little pro tip. But yeah, if you follow the account in Zillogon Wild, which I do, it's a great Instagram account. It's all these very unique homes, unique. - Yep. - And Jack goes and visits these and they're incredible. And before we go, I want to announce some summer armchair anonymous prompts. Here we go, tell us a foreign object story in body. - Oh yeah, foreign object in body. - Yeah, foreign object in body, we love that one. Let's go around three or four of that. Tell us about a time you fought a wild animal. - Oh wow. - Tell us about a crazy family secret. - Oh yeah. - Tell us a crazy stalking story. Oh, we dare go back to stalking. - Stalking. - They've all been so scary. - Stalking to scary. - Tell us a crazy home intruder story. - Okay, so we have foreign object in body, fighting a wild animal, crazy family secret, crazy stalking story, or crazy home intruder story. Go to armchairexpertpod.com to submit your story. And Emma, we'll sit through those and pick somebody and hopefully we'll get to talk to you. - We'll talk to you. - Please submit. Please enjoy Jack McBrayer. ♪ He's an archer, he's an archer ♪ ♪ He's an archer, he's an archer ♪ ♪ He's an archer, he's an archer ♪ ♪ He's an archer, he's an archer, he's an archer, he's an archer, he's an archer, he's an archer, he's an archer, he's an archer, he's an archer. - I don't know what a lock. - Doing notes. - No. - I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. - Serial. - Kill Dex. - I don't want to be here. - Where are you coming from? Are you on a whirlwind tour right now by moding? - Hey. - Where have you been? - Were you in New York a minute ago? - Did you just do so? When did you do so? - Oh gosh, that was back in July. - Oh, okay. - Almost a full year ago. - Yeah, more than, yes. - One full year ago. - You are dumb. - How did we start this thing? - We're started. - Where were you going? - This is it. - It's almost over. - Is it? - Yes, it's almost over. - What a dream. - Why is it taking you so long to come on the show? That's our first question. - Yeah, you've been invited. - I didn't have anything to say. - What do you mean? - Well, now I have a show to talk about. - What was I going to talk about? - Well, let's get into that, because I think we deal with this with some guests. There's just people who are super interested in. And we're like, "Hey, we'd love to chat with you." I have nothing to promote. And then we think, "Is that the only reason to come chat?" - You only love us to promote? - I don't know. I don't do podcasts. Y'all tell me. Y'all do it. - You did Cohnens. - Because he made me. - Okay. He did. But is it your policy if you're not promoting something? You're like, "I'm not going to go." Do you feel silly just doing a podcast without something to promote? - It's not silly, but I don't know what I would talk about. - You, your life, your interesting life. - Oh. - You don't think there's anything there. - No, I don't want to. - Yeah, see, when we started this show, it was not helping people promote projects. It was just to talk to people. And it started out that way. And then it got sort of tricky where people wanted to promote their product. People started using us, you know? - They should. - Well, but explain to me what Y'all's view of podcasting is. - Okay. Is that fair? - Yeah. - Messiness of being. - I would probably start with the fact that I had been a guest on them 10 years ago. So before you had your own, you were doing guests. - Yeah, like I did Marin and I did Chris Hardwick and I did whatever. I did these long form podcasts. And I remember thinking, "Oh, I like that so much more than having seven minutes to be really funny and get your three stories in." - On the talk show. - And just like being able to relax and shoot the shit, which is my favorite thing to do, I came away from those going like, "I actually enjoy that. I love shooting the shit with someone for an hour." - Yeah, so that was the motivation to do it is like, "I loved being on them. Why not host one?" - But were you on those podcasts to promote something or just a chitchat? - I wanted to be on Marin's show. I want to be on Chris Hardwick's show. - Anything that I like, I just would want to be on it or involved. - Like Stern. - Stern was the main drain. Yeah, and then I got to do Stern. - Oh. - Had you listened to Stern ever? - No. - Never. - No, no, please. - Now who is? - Yes. - I know who Howard Stern is. - Okay. - Howard Stern. - I don't know who Howard Stern is. - You know, I am certain who Howard Stern is. - Kelvin Steerings. - So has there ever been a show like that you liked as a viewer and you wanted to be on as a guest? - Like a show? Yes, of course. - Tell me. - A lecture company. - And you got to be on that episode. - Yeah. Oh, wow. - Nailed it. - A Netflix baking show. - Yeah. - You're a big fan and you wanted to be on. - A kid show called Yo Gabba Gabba. - Oh, sure. - Jack Black, also famous. - Exactly. - All the jacks. - Jack Nicholson. - Jack Nicholson. - What if the show, it was just listing all the jacks. - You could probably do two hours of a list of jacks. - There's a lot of jacks. - Jack Kennedy. - It's Jacks, a nickname. - No, poll naming. (laughs) - I'm insulted. You're calling Bullshit on DAX, right? - No, no, no, no. I really don't know. For example, my real name is Jack and not John. - Oh. - Okay. - So I didn't know if DAX was a nickname for something. - I can't figure out what it would have been. - DAX is the real name and then maybe the nickname is Dan, which is really pedestrian. - What? You're saying a nickname for DAX would be Dan? - It wouldn't be, but in my case, it has become. Dad and Dan are the two names. - Well, Dan is not by my children, but my friends were Michigan. - It's confusing for all of us. - She is rolling her ass. This is your job. - I know. I only about it. - Wait, so tell me about UGA. You're not from Georgia. - I'm from Georgia. I'm from Duluth. - What? - Yes. I know you're from Macon. - Morning Macon. - When I was 15, we moved to Conjures. - Okay, yeah. - Right outside of Atlanta. That's where my mom and dad's still are. Brother and sister still live in Athens. - Oh. - That's place ever. - That's the coffee cup. - It says the coffee cup. I'm trying to get DAX's children to go there. - Okay, now it's hard to get into, probably during your time. During my time, it was not as difficult to get into. - Yeah. - Still prestigious. - Very prestigious school. - Macon, Georgia, is 85 miles from Atlanta. Something like that. - Southeast. - R-15. Yeah. It's right in the middle of the state. When I was there, it was a medium-sized town. We had the almond brothers. We had little Richard. - They're both from Macon. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So my best friend from childhood moved to Georgia to Macon County. It's a county, right? - As well. - Macon is a city. Macon County is a different part of Georgia. - Oh. - But again, there's a city of Macon in a county of Macon. - Okay, and they're separated. - There. - Then all my references make no sense. Because then when I would visit a Macon, was like rough and tumble. - So I think there was even a movie back in the whatever decade. A Macon County line or something like that. - Oh, okay, yeah. - And I think that is more along the lines of your body. - Yeah, it was like very rural. You get beat up pretty easy at the bar. - Yeah. - What was the vibe in Macon, the city? - Very straightforward. - We had the Macon Mall. - What did your mom and dad do? - School teachers. - Both of them. - Yeah. - What subjects? - Mom has always been health and PE. And Daddy has always been social studies. - Okay, I love that he's daddy. - I know. - I know. - Daddy. - No. - Say daddy. - Keep it. - Yeah. - I'm never cutting that. We love that. - Excellent. I'm a grownup. Did they meet at a school teaching? - Oh, no. They met as children. They knew each other from way back. We've just been Macon family for generations. And when we did move to Conniers, when I was 15, they did teach at our high school. Mr. Cresswell, who was our principal, was like daddy's sorority. What is it called? - Fraternity. - Fraternity. - Yeah. - Georgia's other. And so there was an opening for two teachers. And so Mr. Cresswell just called up mom and dad. So mom and dad were teachers at my school. We're also my brother, who's two years older than me. My sister, who's two years younger than me. We all went there. So I was always at school with at least three members of my family. - Oh my God. - Oh my God. - Yeah, does that not ruin your schooling experience? - I mean, I wasn't a bad kid. - But maybe because of the coin. - Well, you coin it. - Yeah. - And I was terrified. The only downfall is like, if I crapped out on a test or something, my mom would hear about it. it before I did. Oh, they would go and run and tell. Well, they'd be in the teachers long. And I'm scared. So I'm going to be like, Jack really shit the bed. I don't think that's what they got the language they use. It's where they would get nasty. That's the side of your mom. You don't even want to know about that. Happens in the teachers lounge. Why would you even say that smoke and cigarettes and drink a black coffee? Absolutely not black coffee. I'll grow up. That's the worst part. Did either of your parents smoke? Oh gosh, no. Oh, well, don't say oh gosh, no. My parents smoked. Are you bragging? Yeah, a little bit. They were super cool. But we're children of the 70s. You would agree with a lot of parents were banging darts. What smoke and cigarettes? I'm feeling you just came out of the 1930s. You're so innocent. You are just the words you're saying. Bang and darts mean smoke and cigarettes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you know that? Yeah, because he says it all the time. Did you know it before he said it? That's a great question. It is a phrase I probably have not heard of. What was that? Oh, you're making a deal. Why are you doing this? It's okay. Jack is just doing casual conversation. Yeah, excuse yourself. Would you rather light up a cigarette and bang a dart in front of you? Or would you rather just do a nice little squirt? How often do you do it? 30 times a day, maybe more. Does one squirt equal a cigarette? No, no, no. Two squirts equals one milligram. That doesn't mean anything to you. But now it's a moderate dosage of, yeah, but let's put this way. You know, everyone does those little pouches now. Well, those pouches range from four milligrams a pouch to 13. And this is one milligram for two sprays. So is baby stuff. Do you have any vices? I mean, daddy likes his medicine. Yeah, you like to drink, right? I don't. I do. You don't. What do you mean? What do you mean? You know, you think it's just a kid and hand it to you. Where do these come from? No, when I'm sitting out by the pool, yes, a nice bed light. If I'm going to a Mexican restaurant, sure, I'm Margarita. But also, like, sometimes I just feel like I'm pretending of, like, how grown-ups work. I'm just like, mm, what is your Sauvignon Blanc situation? I don't know how I'm talking about. I mean, that's the story in my life. I don't have the time. I'm just like, oh, property tax miles per gallon. These are adult cons. A tasting menu. I mean, yeah, banging boats. Please pass the bang to dark. Will you get blasted? You'll get blasted, right? Well, I don't care for that term. Oh, you don't. I mean, if you're at a party, sure, I like to have fun. But also, I'm old enough now to know how bad the next day feels if you get too blasted. Yeah. Not knackered. What's your preferred word? Tempted by the devil. The devil. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. I like it too. What is the older brother like? That's two years older than you. Pete, very intellectual about the celebrate his retirement. What? He works at the UGA library. He does IT. Oh my god. He might have wrote it to each other. He's been there for many, many, many, many, many years. I wish I had. I wish I could say I had. You never went to the library? She's never any technical issues while she was at the library. Yeah. Yeah. I was into more hard back book. You're so analog. I love it. They say about me. You love it. He was super smart. Was he nerdy? He loved reading. And he loves math. Was he hanging out with the jocks or was he hanging out with the math leaps? He loved his books. There was a great deal of reading. Okay. How about your little sister? What was her vibe? She was in the plays with me in high school. And then she went on at UGA. I think she was getting a degree in journalism, but was waiting tables at the Athens Country Club. And then during the course of that, just as the years progressed, promoted, promoted, promoted, became the general manager at the Athens Country Club. So they're both in Athens. Both in Athens, Katie has since moved away from hospitality. She is a sixth grade math teacher in Athens. What run of the ladder were you at in school? Like, what was your crew? Oh, I don't know. I mean, I can talk to wallpaper. So it's not like I was specific. I could kind of sit at any lunch table. I wanted to just because like, what am I going to do? You were friendly. Yeah. You weren't into athletics at all. I mean, I tried cross country for like half an hour, but I talked to my parents. I was like, if I audition for the play, I might not be able to do all these meets and stuff. And so I talked to the coach, Coach Fyfield, and he just let me do the plays. And that kind of set the course for me. You used plays as an excuse to drop out of a broad country. Use it as an excuse. Well, it is his whole career. I justification. Thank you Monica. I feel seen and respected. Go bang that hash. No, it's dark. You're going to get it by the end. You know, it's fun in the audience right now. You've set the hook, basically, which is this is all a facade. You coast under this. You speak very nicely. You're very kind. You're offended by some words. And then come to find out you're a very dark rascal. You're a dirty boy. We had some tech. Oh, no, we come prepared. We just explain your approach with birthday greetings. Please explain it. All right. I love reaching out on people's birthday. It's really nice. And because it is a personal message to them not to be shared with the universe. I feel liberated to speak freely and playfully. So yeah, I will use some off-color language. Yeah, I just say, you know, what are you doing? It's going to happen. Yeah, what's going to happen? I feel like he's sincere about that. I know. I did too. Like you really don't want people to know that you use the word bitch. I've never done that. Oh my gosh. Listen, my point being, okay, it's the best part. Okay. But here's the thing. We're going back to podcasting. This is a very public venue for that. And I have interactions in my life that perhaps are not meant for public consumption. Sure. And there's nothing wrong with either, but you understand the dilemma. No? Well, I don't. And I really would like to sincerely hear from you. Yeah. This perfectly lands us to your nice fun chasm as just personality types, right? I am Mike. This is me, y'all. And if you don't like it, I can accept that. But what I refuse to do is act like anything but my full self at all times. That's my ethos, right? I'm on one side, which is like, yes, I have fucked too many people and I'm an addict and I have treated people badly and I've stole. Okay. You know, all the dirt. Stole quite a bit. Stole. Dexterity. Jack, do you know? I don't use the word stole. I didn't try. I always say try. Because I thought he said it got stuck. I just wasn't able to liberate the coins from the thing. Once I got it into my apartment, but I did steal the parking meter. He stole a parking meter. But he could have lots of stuff. That's illegal. Point is life's too fucking short to not steal a parking meter. Well, that too. But to have a version of myself I'm protecting from quote, the broader world. Rebuttal. Yeah. Yeah. So that's just where I come from. Great. And then yes, I feel your reservation. I'm dying to know. For me, I can speak to you in a way that I'm not going to speak to a six year old. I speak to a stranger in a way that I don't speak to a college roommate. I mean, call that what you will. I don't think I'm being inauthentic. I think I'm reading the room. Well, that's true. That's really true. You're really switching a little bit. Perhaps. Call it what you want. But do you have a fear that you would say something that the general public would react really terribly to? I would not send a text that I send to your lovely wife, Kristen Bell, or use the word pitch pretty allegedly allegedly and and expert Leo. Yeah, they're incredible. Okay. They're incredible because they're so long and nice for a very long time. And then they always end with you fucking bitch or some kind of horrendous second thing. My point being, I love conversation. Like, let's go out to dinner. Let's have these conversations. Well, yeah, you're saying it as if like it's standard. And I think also over time, privacy is not a thing anymore. Now that there's social media, people are putting their whole selves out there. I don't think you're on Instagram, are you? No. You've remained kind of private, but we live in a public world. You do. Exactly. No, and I think it's actually wise that you've remained outside of me. It's all about sanity and calm and avoidance of chaos. Yeah. It is chaotic. Anything you've always been that way, or do you think nurture wise? There was some bit of chaos you didn't like. No, I mean, I think I would be the first to admit I probably have some control issues. And maybe this is how it manifests. You know, there's so much that we can't control. Let me ask you a very hard question as sincere. Please. Do you feel like there's parts of yourself that you were hiding for a long time growing up and that that became part of? No, I mean, like I am who I am. And I've always had great friends. We met one of your friends here. Who? I told you immediately. Alexander Skarsgard, who I didn't have any feelings about one way or another. Just I admired him in movies and thought his body was gorgeous and true. And when he told me you're his best friend, the amount that he like ratcheted up in my head as a person. Very telling me we were like, oh, you're so cool. He's the best. He's just one of my favorite people. How did you mean him? - We met May 13th, 2010 in New York City. - Wait, you know the date, say it again. May 13th, 2010. - You have that kind of memory or just for that date. - I mean, for a lot of things. - Wow, yeah, I call you on your birthday every year. - You're so good about the birthdays. - Yes. - And you need to know how you keep track of everyone's birthday. - No, I do keep it in a calendar. But for some reason, I do just know it. Like, what are you January second? - Yes, that was really good. - It's weird. - I think you might have this borderline super memory thing 'cause also with the people's names already, like the gym teacher for one quarter, the whole thing. And then these dates, there's a huge overlap with people with that condition and OCD. Are you a little OCD? - I'll see, I don't know the answer to that. You know, there's some people who have OCD who can't leave the house without flipping light switches and stuff. - For sure. - That's not me. - What did your closet look like? - It's immaculate. - So there was a 60 minute segment on it. There's how I even know this. And they went around and talked to different super memory people and they went into all their closets and marry this famous actress, Mary Lou Hinner. - Yes, she has it. - I remember. (laughing) - No. (laughing) - You didn't even see the segment and you remember it somehow. - Well, she's famous. - Yeah, but then her closet was like the most color-coordinated immaculate. - My last color, I'll sing you off further. - It's a perfect, it looks like a unicorn or something. - How much do you work on it? Well, how many hours a week do you spend managing that? - What's the thing? - Once you set up your system, all you gotta do is maintain. - Okay, and that takes just 20, 30 minutes a week. - What's your policy, you get undressed at night? Walk me through it. - I've said too much. (laughing) - I sleep clothes, I don't want any strangers that think I sleep. - In the outfit that I'm wearing tomorrow. - No, but I don't care for dirty clothes laying around. - So I have a hamper, but then-- - I don't let it pile up too much, 'cause I don't like that. - Do you step into your closet clothes and then begin undressing and putting items in the hamper and then re-hanging the things that won't get washed? Does all happen in the closet or will you sometimes get disrobed in the bedroom and then move the whole project to think, I think this is telling. - It is, I do. - No, for me is the closet just 'cause you want to keep the stuff. - Yes, I had to hunt you, it all took place in the closet. Where's I'm walking and I'm taking clothes off and I'm throwing one on the bed and then I'm throwing one over here. I'll ultimately gather at all, but I don't go to the designated spot. - Okay, this is interesting. - What do you do? - I now, as a couple months ago, have a walk in closet. - It makes a difference. - It makes a huge difference, because now everything happens in the closet. And I, before, was a mess. - Where are we, Millie? - Just everywhere and I would throw it, I'd throw it on this cushion and then some on the bed, but now that I'm a good steward of my belongings, I do that. I take off my clothes in the closet, I'll put them in the hamper, I'll hang the things so it looks nice. - Yeah, and then you'll get into your night time or your jam jam. - Still in the closet. - What do you sleep in, Jack? - Fella. - No. (laughing) - Boxer is jammy. - I would have never guessed that Jack would be our hardest to know if you know. - I would not have guessed that. - No, it's fun. - It is fun. - You won't even say what you sleep in. - That's nobody's guess. - Oh my god. - Okay, because part of this might be a little Southern. - I'm gonna lay him off that he's something else is going on, but I'll let it slide. - We'll get there, we'll get there. - But the notion that people knowing what you sleep in might be. - It's nobody's business. - You sleep some meandies? - I sleep in pajamas and a wife feeder. - That's a great story. (laughing) And I have to, because Jack, my legs get sweaty when I sleep. - Okay. - Dear legs get sweaty. - Why would you think this is information? I'm gonna share with strangers. - What the strangers were saying? - Friends of yours. - Friends of yours. - These all. - Oh, sure. - What is wrong with you all? - Why would you think this is appropriate? - If we were at lunch, would you tell me? - Yeah. - You would, okay, that's good, that's good. There is a circle I could enter. Okay, I gotta go back to your bits because they're so good. Some less people think you're such a goody-goody. - I'm not a goody-goody, I swear. - You do? And for getting through a martial. - I said some very racy, dirty stuff. - Dirty-grown-up things. - Growing up. - Err, annuities. - That was the character. - Yeah. - But Jack, my brother was saying it. - That's true. - I think on 30 Rock, you said probably some stuff too, but less. - Rare swear words and more just crazy words made up words. You know we're celebrating 20 years since that thing for me? - 20, that makes me feel old. - 2006? - You did it. - Wait, Jack, do you love acting? And I'm being sincere now. 'Cause you get to play a different person and you're not really responsible for it. - Have you seen the characters I play? - I do not have range, fella. I talk Southern. I say weird stuff. - Right, that you don't normally say. - In front of people. - Right, but in the shows you have to say in front of people, is that liberating? - Well, because then I can't blame it on the character. I reckon. - Yes. - What I can tell is that you're not at all burdened by this. Like this would burden me to have two different presenting versions of myself. Like one I do here, one I do here, one I do there. That to me would feel burdensome. - Well, now I do have to ask, and I ask about you all. Do you all feel that I behave very differently? To me, I feel like. - No, like even when I'm making remarks to your wife on a birthday. - Fowl remarks. - Just really bad stuff, it's still me. - Just being in a more playful manner. - Yeah, so from my point of view, that side of you is so appealing. I can't even imagine constructing some story where everyone wouldn't like that. - I'm not gonna say those words in front of six-year-olds. - Yeah, yeah, but there's no six-year-olds listening. It's okay. - On Zillogon Wild. - It's Zillogon Wild. - Yeah, we don't have a six-year-old. - Zillogon Wild, yes. You have to meet whatever the tone of the show is where it's at, for sure. Okay, one other one you did. Well, you've done a bunch of great bits, which is you have been to many functions at our house or parties, I guess, and they're not functions. - You know, this is the first time we see in this house. - That's too long. And we haven't had as many socially things, 'cause kids, probably, I would say. But one time you came over, you called on the way and asked Kristen, "Is there anything I could bring over?" And she said, "No, we're all sorted." And then you stopped anyways and you got a bag of ruffles at the store, brought them, put them on the counter, and didn't make a big deal of it, and then left. And after you left, we had discovered that you had left the receipt on it, and you had circled and highlighted her, how much you had spent. And then you wrote a little note that this is my business manager's email. Please reimburse me for these chips. (laughing) - Okay, I don't remember doing that. - You don't remember that. - Oh, and then here's an even better one in the same vein. - That's fine. - You're getting really exposed. - But that's what I'm saying, playful bits better for y'all. And I realized, for your podcast, we're telling the world about it. - Uh-huh. - But they're so good. - And then this one's the best. Another thing you came to a party, you didn't bring anything, or if you didn't, you didn't leave a receipt. So we're like, oh, that's both of us. - You always bring something. - You okay? Then you did. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So Georgia, yes. - You did, I just, we missed it, and there wasn't a whole receipt thing. So we almost had that wet down of like, oh man, Jack McBrayer was here, but there's no bit. Where's the paper trail? And then a full week later, we received mail from the post office. And when we opened it up, it was a letter to us saying that you had a nice time at the party and that you submitting your invoice for the personal appearance fee of $12,000. But then you were going to make some deductions because there were other celebrities there that helped you share the burden. - Yes, and yeah, yeah, yeah, like Darcy was there, and you deducted $1,500 and when I enhanced it was there, and you deducted another $1,500. - Oh my God. - So it brought us down to yeah, like, $8,000. - What do you or you are to have as a friend? - Let's see, that's fun. And that's playful. - So playful. Like, that's fun. - Yeah, you know mine, that's the right. So I want to know how much of your day between the birthdays, clearly you call someone every day at someone's birthday every day, right? - Not wrong. - Today, I had six. - You had six birthdays. - No way. - See, this makes me think of, like, Sederis and his postcard routine. - This is a commitment. - But also, how much time does that take? I mean, you talked to somebody for two minutes on the phone. - That's really nice. I hate to add one to your list. - Don't. - I love, I love to be a part of the emergency. - I love this 24th. - I know, I want to be, like, bad, bad texts, you know, that Kristen gets. - Are you gonna post them? - No, I won't. - Hold on. - I'm nervous about, I feel unprotected here. - I have a promise I won't. August 24th, we are guys. - August 24th, I already have some August 24th. - Yes, the common one, actually. - That'll week is insane in my house. - Is that true? - Yeah, my sister, my mom, Monica, my dead grandmother. - What is non-months prior? - People are going in, no, it's like Christmas. - Oh, yeah. - They want that warmth. - Yeah. - They're seeking out that warmth by the fire. - Monica. - Grow up. - It happened to me, I'm the one that came out of that. I'm allowed to say it. - Wait, what's your background? - Oh, God. - Are you a performer? - Yeah. I started out as a performer. - Did you study theater at UG? - I did. - Well, there are few people in college. - You're so much older than her, as am I. We're both so much older than her. - What with you? - I know it's real. - I know the truth about our ages. - Shut up. - Just shut up forever. - Okay. - And now we're talking. - And then she did UCB. - You did in New York, Raleigh. - LA. - God, it. So we definitely know some people there. - Yeah. - Okay. - Awesome. - Interesting. (upbeat music) - Stay tuned for more armchair expert. If you dare, we are supported by all state. Checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that your keys are actually in your hand before you close the car door. Have you ever stood in a parking lot full of sun staring at your keys sitting right there on the seat four inches away and completely useless to you? It's a very specific kind of humbling. Yeah. Checking first is a good idea. So check all state first for an auto quote, it could save you hundreds. And for fast reliable help when you need it, add an all state roadside plan today. You're in good hands with all state. Potential savings vary insurance and roadside assistance plans are subject to terms, conditions, and availability insurance provided by all state North American insurance company Northbrook, Illinois. Roadside assistance plans provided by all state motor club incorporated in all state affiliate. Back to you. Have you ever had any blowback? Like, have you ever sent anything that you regretted? Has that happened? Publicly. Oh, publicly. I'm sure I have, well, like in the early days of 30 rock. Okay. Here's a good explanation of something that you seem to be dwelling on. Yeah. So my background is an improvisational comedy. And so I was doing that in the mid 90s to the early 2000s in Chicago. That's kind of where I found my legs. Met Tina Fey there. So we're talking improv Olympic. You're talking Second City. Like fun, established institutions of comedy. And I felt like a million bucks. Like I had found my people. I was on top of the world. What I loved about doing improv and doing improv at that time, I could be any character. I could say anything. I could create any scenario. And it was all in the spirit of this ensemble creation of playtime. It felt like being a kid on the playground. Pretty magical. Low and behold, I moved to New York. I'm able to join the New York UCB gang. That was super fun. Paul Sheer, Jason Mansouk, Rob Cuebel, Rob Riggle. So many just Mansouk. Come on. What a guy. That idiot. We're neighbors. We take hikes a lot. Oh, you did. Oh, this would be so fun. Really fun. I bet there's a lot of swear words on some sites. Okay. And again, I'm in that fun sandbox world of improv. Then I get 30 rock. And then you have to do press interviews and say things that go into print. I never had to do that before. 2006. This is also the advent of social media. The advent of smartphones. Things are being recorded. Season one, I'll never forget. There was an incident with Michael Richards at a stand-up club. He used the N word. And you start realizing like, oh, the internet is forever. And so I did start getting very self-conscious. I was censoring myself in improv scenes. Oh, in improvs, even. And so then I kind of just had to take some inventory. And just be like, okay, what am I comfortable with? What am I not comfortable with? That's why I tend to be more relaxed in conversation at dinner, at lunch, when there aren't microphones in cameras pointed at me. And just understanding that the words that I say will follow me for a very long time. And so yeah, and maybe this is control issues. Am I being cautious about that very likely? Do I feel that it is keeping me from any happiness? No, absolutely not. Right, right. You don't feel like. I wish people understood this about me and I can't tell them more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that fair? Totally fair. I also think there's some relevant context from where you're from, right? Which is like the South's very polite. There's a lot of decorum. We spend a lot of time now in Nashville. Oh, no, no. I observed it all. Yeah, yeah. Oh, fine. I was just there in March. Reese Witherspin's birthday. Oh. Oh, man. [laughs] We're really sad we weren't at that party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's still going on. Y'all look at a fun party. I know. Of course, because you're fun to be around. And that's something people know you will never speak out of school. Exactly. Yeah. Until you come on a podcast where people are hammering you. Shoot and dart. [laughs] Bone darts and bang and spray. [laughs] You're so stupid. But both parents, schoolteachers. She's met them. She's gone out to eat with them somehow. She has. Yeah, she said she loves them. Basically, a girl a thousand years ago in New York City. Oh, they love her. But they're pretty PG, I'd imagine, right? If they're schoolteachers. At school, they are. But, I mean, they had an audience idea. Well, I'm going to say something. I've never said in public before. But this is going to bite me in the butt, I'm sure. So, mom was peeing health at my high school. And so, a great number of my classmates would take her health class. The curriculum for sex education in Conor's Georgia at that time period. And so, Betty McBrayer would go and tell classes about her exploits with Jimmy McBrayer. Oh, boy. So, I had friends at this new school that I had transferred to coming up with me. Hey, you should probably never go in your hot tub again. Oh! Oh! Oh! Wow. That kind of thing. And also, like, they were young parents. They're very funny. The whole family. We're goofy. And we joke. It's not like we come from some buttoned-up and puritanical thing. Oh, okay. No. Were you guys religious? We went to church. But we went to Methodist Church. And that's mostly social. Yeah, tell me, like, Methodist versus what? Baptist. Okay. That's more hardcore. A little more hardcore. Ars was Cherokee Heights, United Methodist Church. And, mom and dad both went there. And dad's mom, my grandma, was mom's Sunday School teacher. You know, that kind of thing. Just like a multi-generational, let's go to church kind of thing. But again, it was a very relaxed. It really was about the social aspects. Once I learned the golden rule, I was like, "Okay, I got it." What's the old rule? Do unto others as you do unto yourself? Are you asking me what the golden rule is? I am. Yes, that is correct. Oh, Jesus. Is that it? What is that? Oh, I have. I don't feel like that. You got it. You got it. There's so many, like, don't you not kill? Seems like a golden rule. That should be. That should be high up there. That's like a mirror. Yeah. But I guess if you do unto others as you do unto yourself, rules out murder probably. You think? It's pretty good umbrella. My shirt's suicidal. Yes, not ever. Yes. Sorry. That's the truth. Yes. Sometimes the truth has to be said out loud, Jack. That's wrong. This is where we divide. Well, how did you end up in Indiana for school? Why did you pick that? I wanted to go somewhere outside of Georgia with all due respect to Georgia. I love Georgia. I was just like, let me try something else. There was a program that I thought I wanted to do at the time and they were offering me some money. And what was the program? A study theater management. Tell me what that entails. I suspect it was essentially they're like, well, you're not that great of an actor, but you're kind of smart. So you're going to help raise our GPA. Oh! But at the end of the day, I took a bunch of theater courses, but I was also taking a bunch of business courses. Which, as it turns out, comes in very handy later in life. I have a lot of actor friends who are not very financially illiterate, not very business savvy. And so I'm like, oh, well, I got this. Yeah. It's funny. It's shocking. And then it shouldn't be shocking at all. It's like these people already declared they were into the arts, but you are shocked when you hear like, wait, I would Nick Cage not know that he spent all of his money, right? On the island. His islands are pricey. It's the maintenance that gets you, Jack. That's how they get you. Yeah. I don't show you those prices. You think you're just buying a jet, but it's the gas. It's the gas. That's what gets you. And then you go from there directly to Chicago, what prompts that move? I wanted to try a big city that maybe wasn't Atlanta. Again, with all due respect to Atlanta, I just knew that I would be always coming back to Georgia. Let's see what else is out there. And because I was in Indiana, I had visited Chicago. I had visited Indianapolis. I had visited St. Louis. I had visited Louisville. So Chicago was one that I'd visited. I really loved it. And somebody's a man who had graduated the year before we already live in there. I knew there was a room available. So it just made a very easy transition. When you went there, no goal of doing comedy yet. Not yet. You end up going to a second city show, right? Is that how it started? Yeah. It changed everything. It was the summer of 1995 and there was a terrible heat wave. Like people were dying. Yeah, you said like 400 people died. Oh, God. Like, they were putting them in refrigerated trucks. The mortuary was full. It was bad. I lived. Well, you're from Georgia. Yeah. You drove like guys. Luckily. I was just like, this is kind of hot. Like it's one of those where you take a very cold shower right at the end of the night and you just lay in bed, soak and wet and just pray for sleep. I know. It was one of those. People were saying like, their bar of soap and their shower would melt. Oh my God. Oh my God. It was very very hard. I kept it 130 or something. People were dying to get the big box fan in the window blowing on that wet physique. Well, we knew that night. Yeah. We just figured it out. I didn't say that. I mean, we just figured it out. Okay. Figure it out then. Idiot. And so it was so hot. My roommate was just like, well, you know, there's this comedy theater downtown, you know, they do free improv. They got cheap beer in its air condition. And I'll look, let's do that. Went there. And I was like, these people are living my best life. These people are doing exactly what I want to do. I didn't know that this was a thing. And they are hilarious. And here's what I'm very excited about is that over the years, so many of those people that I saw that inspired me, I've been able to work with them. And that is a big deal to me. I'm very proud. Yes. That first show who was in it, Adam McKay, Rachel Dretch, Scott Adzit. I think John Glazer was there. Um, and maybe Jenna Jolovitz, just some heavy hitters. I'm actually going to Chicago tomorrow. Oh, you are. And so I'm going to make sure I get to second city and see a show. So you what start class is there? I went through the ground leaves. not totally. - Be sure how Second City works. But there's classes, right? - Correct. - So I started taking classes, and then you just elevate up the ranks, your last class you put on a big show. There are kind of open auditions to join the touring company. That's kind of like your entry level to Second City. So I auditioned and eventually got on the touring company. - Where do you guys go? Do you go everywhere? - Ooh, Ohio. - Ohio. - Great deal of Ohio. - Do you like corporate things? - A lot of corporate things, but a lot of colleges, performing art centers, and Second City is a very established and illustrious institution. I was so proud to be there. - Yeah. - I know it was interesting because I was kind of forging my own path. And sometimes you'd get frustrated 'cause I'd be real excited about getting the touring company. And you'd try to tell a friend back home or somebody in a family or something. They're like, "Oh, you know, they don't understand "what it is, the way they get what a big deal it is." - Yeah, yeah. - But I knew it was a big deal and so I kept going, kept going, got put on a resident stage. Was there for many years? - Is there like a main stage there? - There's a main stage and I was on the ETC stage which was the studio theater. - And so you were there for seven years. What were you doing for employment? - So when I first got there, I was waiting tables, got fired. - For what? You seem like you'd be a great waiter. - First of all, I'm a very good waiter. I did mess up though. I was giving coffee to my regulars and not charging them for coffee. And then they'd leave $2 for a tip and I'd keep the $2. - Okay. - I'm a stealin'. - Thavery. - Hey, what's up. (laughing) - Everybody's still gonna love you. - You didn't like seat someone with COPD in the smoking section or anything like that. It wasn't that kind of, yeah, you didn't have that kind of infraction network where you sat someone clearly on a oxygen tank in the smoking section or? - That was very specific and very strange. - Yeah, but that's not what you got fired. - I know. - No, it's just old fashioned stealing. - Okay, it was coffee. - Were you trying to steal or were you like? - No. - I just want to be nice and give these people some free coffee. - That, but also like I was workin' the breakfast shift. One person runnin' around that floor. All of these people just wanted to eat their oatmeal and drink their coffee, read their newspaper and smoke cigarettes before they went up to work. Upstairs, we're in the basement of a big office building. And so they're like, come on, buddy. And so I was just runnin' around, I was like, don't worry about it. Out of kind of necessity, but it was stealing. - Oh no. - I'm proud of it. - Where'd you go on to after that? - Tampin' navigate consulting. And now here's a life hack I've learned. If you're gonna be in a job like that, make yourself indispensable. - Okay, and how does one do that? That's easily said. - Well, I was in charge of creating the filing system and you just create it in such a way that you're the only one who knows where everything is. And I mean, don't get me wrong. They could have figured it out, but I knew where it was. - If they had the Rosetta Stone. - But they, yes, knew the secret code. (laughing) - It says there, you'd be codeon rings. - But it goes back to, maybe that is where, I don't wanna be so cavalier as to say OCD because that is a legit hard thing for people to deal with. But whatever my tendencies in that world are, sometimes it comes in handy. - And I'm like in a line. - I have everything on my phone. I'm talkin' 'bout like a list of every teacher I've had in my life. - I used to be every roommate I've ever had. - Really? - Yeah. - Why not? - 'Cause well, 'cause it takes. (laughing) - 'Cause that's a crazy person. (laughing) - It's like, I can't imagine a list. - The list sounds great. It's craning the list. - Yeah. - And I think that's my point. Once you do the thing, then you don't have to do the thing ever again. - That's true, that's true. I would assume you were friends with Tina Waller you were in Chicago? - Yes, more so her husband, Jeff Richmond, who is my director. - Oh, okay. - And who was the musical? - He was the musical supervisor. I think that was his title at SNL and then joined us for 30 Mac. Composer and director and I've known Jeff longer than I've known Tina. I mean, like their family. - And so she was charmed by you, I presume. - Oh. - Was she in a bright-- - Clearly. - Little too late. - She wrote the role of Kenneth for you. So there's a lot of ground laid before that. - Current. - Correct. - What causes you to leave Second City and go to New York and was that a hard and scary decision? - Very good question, Dax. And thank you. - Yes, first one, I got one. - Been here like three hours ago. (laughing) - Was it hard to leave Second City? Yeah, it was. I left February 3rd, 2002. The reason I know that is because every February 3rd, the stage manager will film your final night and they do a big thing where everybody says nice things, you get to do your favorite scenes. So I have the DVD of my final night at Second City every February 3rd, I'll watch it. So that was 24 years ago. - But it was such an important time in my life that changed everything. But yes, it was a big deal. I had a job. I was doing fine. The ETC gig was one of the best gigs in Chicago. ETC, the studio theater, was I think a Thursday through Sunday schedule. So you always had Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off. - Oh yeah. - The main stage was perhaps the more recognized whatever and bigger stage, but they were working six nights a week, eight shows a week, and they were getting paid like maybe 14 dollars more. I was like, I'm good, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just there right here. But to leave was a big deal and it was a big decision, but it was one of those things when your skin feels tight and you're just like, let's see. Let's see what's next. Let's see what else I can do. Let's see what the next thing is. It felt exciting, scary. - When you were at Second City, did you have SNL dreams? - Yes. - Yes, same. - I think that's pretty common. I think a great number of comedians in general, no matter if you're at an established theater or not, that show was so important to me growing up, quoting the dumb bits and imitating the characters. And it being such like a reference point for so many people just in my life, in my world. - You could find your people in school by who liked us now. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - I don't know, I felt so cool watching it. Like it was late at night. It felt not, it felt not, it was like timely, topical. It impacted me in such way. So of course I wanted to do it. They did see me. - You got to audition? - I got to audition. I don't think they've seen the tape. No. - Of course they didn't have it. I auditioned the same day as Seth Meyers. - Oh yeah. - Oh yeah. - In New York. - In New York. - Oh. - I flew me out. - Yeah. - What was your nerve level? - Oh, very high. Quite high. - Oh, incredible. - Very high. And it's one of those things where, of course, I was not fit for this show. But man, just to be able to be on that stage, for me, just being an airport and having somebody hold up your name on a sign. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I made it. - You got my way again through it often. - Yeah. - But I got to be on 30 Rock. That is a show that is based on SNL. That is a show that is produced by Lauren Michaels. - Inwritten by the previous head writer. - I'll do that. - Yeah. - When you moved to New York, did you already have something set up? Did you know you were gonna start working at Conan? - No. I think so. - No. - No. - No. - The reason I went to New York was Jeff Richmond, taking care of his boy, Jack McGbrare, was remounting a show called Hamlet the Musical that he had originally staged in Chicago 100 years earlier. And he said, "Hey, I just heard you're leaving Second City. Would you be interested in doing like a three-month run of this show that we did in Chicago?" And I was like, "Yeah, I got nothing else to do." So my final night was February 3rd, 2002. I was in a U-Haul with all of my junk in a car on February 5th, 2002. - So you quit before knowing you were going in here? - Isn't that crazy? - That is, why did you even decide to quit? - My skin felt tight. - Yeah. - It was time to go. - You just didn't listen to your gun. - Well, surely I've had that. Or you just, you know something either feels very right, or you know something feels not very right. - Yeah, but I've never had that conundrum while one thing was a safety net, right? - That's fair. - I've had that sitting in Detroit going like, I gotta get out of this city within hours or I'm gonna wake up and be 50 in an alcohol. Like I could just feel where it was all heading. But I wasn't giving up something fantastic or any safety or something I'd work seven years to achieve. - You're not wrong. It was scary, but also it made me feel brave and strong, and all that kind of stuff. And also like the genuine curiosity, what could this be? Who could I meet? Where could I go? What is going to happen? That felt fun to me. That to me outweighed any of the fear. - And were you about 29 or 30 at that point? - I was 28 when I did that, turn 29 in New York. - So how quickly do you get immersed in the late night with Conan Ray Prussian? So my first one would have been March 3rd, 2002. - So wait, so you left in February and one month later, you're on Conan? - Okay, but it's not like, oh, he's brilliant. No, so many people who are writing for Conan O'Brien had come from Chicago, had come from Second City, were already working with Conan. They heard that I was in town. They're like, hey, Mike Berger's here, just plug him in the song. - I got a hamlet to play, what happened to that? - I was still going. - Oh, you're doing that too. - Yeah, because you could do a bit for Conan in the middle of the day, go do the show at night. - Oh, wow. - You had a lot of jobs. - So many jobs. Also in New York, you kind of had to. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Did you live in New York? - No. - I stopped trying to make it about me. We see what we do. - Yeah, we know that. - Let's see, this is how people talk when they ask questions. - Good people like you. - Yeah, nice people, you're right. - Yeah, I hate everything about this. - Do you remember what your first bit on Conan was? - Yes. - What was it? - I was the overconfident new prison inmate, written by Brian Stack, who's now at Colbert, and he was Second City. So many people in my life have just taken care. And when I tell you I am so grateful, that's why you've got to be nice to people that I'll start now. I'm going to start today. But it was an overly confident new prison inmate and it was very special for me because I hadn't done hardly any TV before that. I didn't know how this worked. And I knew that Conan was okay with the bit. And so it kind of started a fun tradition of people just like just put Jack in there kind of thing. Yeah, you ended up doing 80 appearances in the next three years. Yeah, and that was paying some bills for any of the UCB kids like that was the gig. Hell yeah, the best. 80 paychecks, you're getting what some kind of sag minimum or after minimum like 600 bucks every time maybe. You're so starving in New York. You got to move to New York. But no, it wasn't the gig. I was like, I have a ride on TV and I can I tell you all something. I haven't told anybody this, but I think this is germane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, really good, was that correct? But every time I go to do a bit for Conan, it filmed in 30 Rockefeller Center. So I'm taking the F train from alphabet city in Manhattan and get off at the Rockefeller stop. I'm a person who if I find a penny heads up, I'm going to hold on to it because that's a lucky penny. If I find a penny tails up, I'll flip it to be heads up for the next person. Oh wow, so nice, it's disgusting. What's more than that, you're so busy between the list and the having to stop for the penny. I just feel like your days are so busy. How much time do you think it takes to flip a penny? Are you stepping over cracks and stuff too? You got a whole thing with those. I don't believe in bad luck. Tails up penny. Well, then it's good luck for somebody else. So every time I come to do a bit for Conan and if I found a penny heads up in the subway stop or in the building of Rockefeller, I'd hold on to it. I had this whole like little box and stuff that I just put them in there. You get on a show called 30 Rock, and I was like, that's cut to you. Yeah, I like that. Do you still have it? Of course. Yeah. I'm trying to be ridiculous. I know. I'm just. I'm going next to his left side. I've got a PDF. You're doing that for three years and I'm sure you're pretty content. It's wonderful because you're on TV every couple of weeks and obviously we all worship Conan. And I was doing the shows at UCB. And then 2000 and what year is it? Like tail in 2004, we're beginning in 2005. When do you find out that 30 Rock is going to be a show? Well, I took a break and came to LA for a year, almost a year. Another wild move, right when you're on Conan and things are going well and you're at UCB you came here for a year? Oh, yeah. I mean, think about it this way. For three years you're doing this thing and you're having a ball. But SNL wasn't hiring me. I had done bits for Conan. It's not like I could have elevated further there. I was doing my shows at UCB. I was like, okay, but what else? And not out of discontent but just out of curiosity. What else? Also, New York is very expensive and it gets very cold. Yeah. And you're from Georgia. I'm from Georgia. And it got so bad. I can't handle that. Madam. I'm so. I was like, let me try LA. Let me go be broke and tan. Let's feel us. Oh. Right. And what was that year like? So fun. I was just like, look at me. I'm in LA. Are you from Green juice and stuff? I don't go there. Okay. Too far. Yeah. Monica. He's old fashioned healthy. He is a sun worshiper. He believes in getting like six hours a sun a day. I believe in that as well. Keeps you young. Today's day is really good. You're a close friend. Sunbathe, they can really go for your skin. Here's the thing. Somebody's got to look into that again because it just makes me feel good. I agree. I'm with you. Vitamin D is real. Thank you. People have so many deficiencies. I have an unpopular take. I'm only very sparing with sunblock and it's only in a few spots and I feel like sun's good. People hate that about. I know. But also we got to take care of so much other stuff. That gets exhausting to me. I'm right. There you go. Something's got to give. This washer repair. What else are growing up? Yeah. This washer repair. Okay. So you came here. You weren't drinking green juice, but live in my best life. I'm tympan. Oh, wow. I'm living in Los Feliz, bought my 2004 Hyundai accent from Inter-Presidental car, which I still have to this day. No way. Wow. 22 years later. You're still. 22 years later. You're still in that car. And I just hit 65,000 miles. Oh. I know. Well, you're driving like a thousand miles a year. Okay. So think about it this way though. That one year I was here in tympan. So I had to drive all the way to the west side of Teleflora. I worked there for several months. But during the course of that book, Televentonites got some arrested developments and eventually got 30 rocks. So within the year that I was here, I got 30 rock, which took me back there. And because of that, I just left my car in a garage for seven years. Oh, for seven years. Seven years. Okay. It didn't start when you got back. No way. You didn't call a tow truck to jump. Well, no. I had a roommate who had started up. Oh. Oh, that's great. Well, that was the piece of the puzzle. I needed. Really? Yes. Otherwise, you had a world record on your hand for the longest batteries. Yeah. Just stagnate and then working. This is the worst. It is. The worst. So you go back to New York, but now you go back, were you a seasoned regular right out of the games? Series regular. Yes, I was. Remember, it was not a sure thing. Thirty rock took a while for people to tune into. And for NBC to have enough confidence to keep us going. So it was ten U.S. The first year. Yeah. And I mean, flops, great years. I just knew to keep my side of the street clean, just do the job, show up on time, be nice to people, decks, pick up the panties, pick up the panties. I was just so excited to have the job. You loved it all seven years. So New York eventually let me know that we were not meant to be together. Oh, and what way? Everything. It was just the amount of people and the cold and the gray. What a wonderful change in my life. My time there brought about. I'm not built for that town. You can feel oppressive for me. If I'm never a long time, I'm like, oh, I just too much to take me to the water, take me to the park somewhere and get me out of this zoo. Yeah. You get intimidated by other people. I guess I'm really curious what it's like to work with Alec Baldwin. Oh, scared. Yeah. Terrified. Terrified. To this day. No, it was one of those things where pretty much everybody on the call sheet was so much more established and just had so much more experience than made that I was just like, do the job. Hit your mind. I mean, to be fair, Alec was brilliant on the show. And I think he knew very early on, I'm not gunning for his job. I am happy to be here here to make this all look as good as possible. You are not a great player. I was not a threat. I'm not a threat to blind kittens. Right. But no, the whole thing was intimidating, but also it was just fun to kind of like prove yourself and be like, I can do this. Y'all can count on me even to the writers room. Y'all give me anything that you want me to do because I can do it. There's something about being appreciated by Tina that feels so good. It's almost like an anointing, I guess. For her to like you and you make her laugh and she repeats things you did that she liked is a very rewarding scenario, isn't it? Yes. Yeah, I kind of just worship her a little bit. Of course, but I will say this too. She doesn't suffer fools, so she chooses people for a reason. Uh-huh. That's why she's never come on the show, so she hasn't picked us yet. How do I change the subject? Can you probably text her and tell her we love to have her? I'm going to fake a seizure. Are you sad when it ended or do we also getting that familiar kind of okay time for something now? Good question. It was a mix. All of us at different points, we kind of just burst into tears like the most random thing. I'll never forget. I was like, this is my last free haircut. Oh, yeah. I'll never forget Janker Kasky walking down the hall and it was me and our friend Alitia who's in wardrobe. And we were just like laughing at some internet thing and we're like, and Jane just burst into tears because she's like, we're not going to see this anymore. Yeah. It's sad. So that was indeed emotional, but I was excited and also I wasn't worried that I was never going to see these people again. I call all of them on the birthdays. Right. Right. At least once a year. Well, and I'm telling you, for the 20 year anniversary, we got to do something, right? Yeah. We got to do a panel or a table read or something. Were you not frustrated? I remember when I would watch the show. I would think I'm so confused why this show is in as big as Seinfeld. I thought it deserved to be a mammoth hit and every year they kind of put it on the bubble the same way they did. Apparently, it was like, are we going to bring it back or are we not? Well, I mean, I'm kind of glad that I didn't have to worry about that stuff. You could kind of sense the writing on the wall. We were talking about like the introduction of streaming. We're talking about the surgeons of cable shows, you know, the sopranos madman, all these things from cable were such heavy hitters. Also, it was my frame of reference, you know, like this is my first show ever. But I could easily tell that we were not getting the numbers that friends Seinfeld will ingrace all these legacy NBC shows. Again, that was not my fight to fight it. And so I was like, all right. Do I have a job tomorrow? But it just felt like it deserved it. Oh, it's one of the best shows ever. It's one of the best shows ever ever. You know, the people who like it really like it and the people who don't. Yeah. They don't get it. Or my family. I'm mostly back in Macon and stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare. Okay, in that period too, you do for getting Sarah Marshall, 2007 maybe? April, 2007? And Kristen did tell me some funny stories about that today. What was she saying? Well, one, I get to think everyone was introduced to your son, baby, or a teen. On set? Yeah, well, she said that they would be on the way to set and Jack would be by the pool right on the gates. That's good. I mean, she's not wrong. So for getting Sarah Marshall, my first time in Hawaii, I couldn't believe I was in a movie with all these like famous people. We were staying in the resort where we were filming Turtle Bay. In Hawaii, I was like, this is crazy. So yes, I was there for a month and I worked eight days as you said. The other thing she said is you somehow finagled them to be able to stay like two weeks after you arrived. No, it was just the schedule. I didn't like it. There was no views in it finagling. I don't know. I don't even know the meaning of the word. You called Conan and have them give you a full page outfit for your audition for 30 rock. So I know you know how to call people. That's not finagling. That's asking for a favor. Okay. Great. I think finaggle is French for favor. That's wrong. I think that's a lie. But you managed to be in the sun for 22 of 30 days. I know. Here's where I got tricky. They're like, well, Jack, your character is like a morning coming from Utah. You wouldn't be tan. I was like, that sounds like a makeup problem. I tried to slather on as much, but after a while, you're like, bro, I'm getting tan. When you're at poolside, are you just sitting or are you on your phone or are you reading a book? What do you do with that? I can't sit for that much time. I can. And here's why. It is transcendental. I go somewhere else. It is meditative. I will be laying there and I'm not fully asleep, but I'm not fully awake. I can't lift my arms. I just go somewhere else and I just feel the warmth and I see the light from the outside and I'm just like, this is who I am. Yeah. This is who I'm supposed to be. Yeah. But then I'm just like, who was I in a past life? Yeah. Sun God or like a lizard? Could be a lizard. Yeah. Someone that's got to get his core body temp up before he can do anything. Maybe I was a reptile. Maybe I was a solar panel. How long are you doing this like an hour? You got to flip. So yeah, you don't want to do this for a full hour. I mean, you just flip, jump in the pool. Okay. But you're out there an hour hour and it's the best. And your hair just turns that bleachy chlorine green. Yeah. It's the best. Our youngest daughter has green hair and I'm so proud of her. I mean, it's such a badge of something, commitment to swimming is what it is. At the same time, and this is where I met you. So you and Kristen became friends on that movie, and then I start meeting you just right after that movie. And I want to see you came over and you would just film this, but you filmed a Mariah Carey music video. Oh my gosh. That would have been eight. February of 2008. It was during the writer's strike. I'm positive. I was not the first person to call, but I was the first person to say yes. But I play Mariah Carey's love interest in the hit video, touch my body. And is it this one? I was like, don't want to see you up on YouTube. I'm always enamored when there's been certain words I could put in songs, and I'm really impressed that they pulled it off. Totos Africa to get Kilimanjaro in a song is really, really hard. Did I wrong? Yeah. And then another favorite of mine, the Year of the Cat. Great song. What's the word? The Year of the Cat. It's 70 song. What's the word? Kilimanjaro. It's just the title. The Year of the Cat. They just sit down and write a rock ballad that's hugely successful and it's called The Year of the Cat. That's like a feat. So this thing like on YouTube, YouTube, that to me sounds impossible. Like if you approach me and said, actually, you have to write a hit song and you have to say YouTube in the song four times, four times while holding, and do a runner, kind of do a run on it. That seems hard. I'm impressed. Well, to be fair, that's when YouTube was becoming a thing. I know. That whole era. It needed addressing. Yes. She's the perfect spokesperson. And she wants to do stuff, but you don't want to see that shit up on YouTube. Sure. She's also letting us know I have like a little bit of a naughty side. And you guys probably were very aligned on that. Yeah. Privacy. Like you got to keep stuff off YouTube. I'm sorry. It's set in healthy boundaries is okay. Yeah. We should all practice recommended, but now you didn't want to kill Mariah Carey during that. Third video. Is that not true? I didn't kill Mariah Carey. Well, you did that. You did not kill Mariah. So yes, I did. It was a terrible accident and she was fine and she was a very good sport about it. So that is for the record. We're supposed to be like frolicing in a field and I'm supposed to throw a Frisbee to her and bless her heart. She was singing as she was supposed to and just twirling around. Uh-oh. So I threw the Frisbee when I was supposed to, but it left my hands. It doesn't have like a string that I can yank it back and it just happened to like hit her in the face. In the face. I was more to fight soon into its flight trajectory. Did you start realizing, oh, fuck, I think that's going to hit her. And did you yell or do you were you afraid to ruin the video by singing this is a tough position? It's yelling worse than a Frisbee hitting her in the face. I think it's better. I'd rather you hear yelling and get hit in the face with a Frisbee. That was my pick. It was just an embarrassing and unfortunate thing, but was it obvious to you it was going to hit her in its flight? Nothing is obvious to me. I don't know that. Everybody knows that. And maybe I think so fast. It was a blur. And you have moments where you just feel your stomach just sink and you're like, I might throw up right now. And I'm more than fat. I'm not proud of this. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. She was such a good sport. I think she just needed some touch ups and stuff. I just need to cover the bruise a little bit. She's trying to make me look like an animal. And did she explain to you why she wanted you to be her love interest in the video? Did that ever come up? It came up in conversation that she seemed to enjoy 30 rock, but I would really do suspect that they were trying to get bigger names and stuff. Okay. All right. I'm not lying. I don't know. She liked 30 rock. That's your shadow filling in a lot of unknowns. The shadow voice that tells you you're terrible and a piece of shit. There's security. I have a shadow voice. You do have a shadow voice. You can lie about having one, but if you have one, there's some part of you that's like Jack, you're so whatever it says fill in the blank. Why would never? Because I can't think of a bad thing about you, but I bet your shadow has six or seven and things are bad about you. Is the shadow in the room with us? Oh, wait. Oh, no. We bring the shadow everywhere with us. You're so stupid. Do you like it? Tired of this job? No, we love it. Oh, you're doing this talking. I know. But that's not the premise. You didn't say, Hey, can I come over and talk about myself for an hour? I'm like, Hey, can I learn about you for an hour and everyone else would like to learn about you? Yeah, but we could also do that over dinner. But no one else gets to hear it. Okay. Yeah. Sounds good to me. Right. You watch interviews. Do you enjoy interviews? Mom? No, no. Other people. Like, I love interviews. I used to listen to all the Stern interviews and I had the streaming app so I could just listen to the interviews. I just love interviews. You loved Letterman interviewing people. No. I'd see the iconic ones about like Drew Carey. I mean, yeah, when Drew Carey showed his tits for Letterman's birthday, before a price is right. Iconic moment. That was. I'm going to say. Man, am I dumb. Is your shadow tell you you're dumb? No. Okay. I hope you don't think that you know what he's very bright. He's got a very good vocabulary as I watch other interviews with you. Oh, I did say Jermaine. Yeah, he did. That brought me to smoking the bandage. Have you ever watched smoking the bandage as a kid? I'm sure that. And Georgia. But one of the officers says to be for T. Justice over the radio. I don't see how that's germane to the situation and be for T. Justice says, the God damn Germans got nothing to do with this. Many things he said, Germans, the context led me to believe that you figured that out. I did. Because you're smart. She got me. You read me like a book. That's right. A pop-up. Okay. Now, after having that security for seven years on 30 rock, do you not crave that again? Or would you love that? Yes. Having job security is wonderful. I don't need more money. I don't need more attention. I don't need any of that stuff. For me, I'm like, what could be fun? What might this feel like? What would it be like to work with this person or in this studio or in this location or with this script? That to me is more fun. That's a very rare commodity to not feel like you need more. Where do you think that comes from? I think that's just baked in the DNA, but I do think we didn't have a great deal of money growing up. We were not made to feel that we were less than or anything like that, but I do feel that whether it was intentional or just subconscious, but that you make the best of what you got. whether that's financial, whether that's whatever's going on in your family, you make the best of what you got. And so that was a very helpful lesson for me in terms of like, I don't need a lot. I can make the best of a small space or a small paycheck or the 22 year old Kia Hyundai. Hyundai, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Both Korean, I didn't get it. Wow, they're both Korean cars. I don't see color. Well, I do know that about you. You're famous for that. You see 10. We know that. The light car. Yeah, he's the savage base in the mirror every morning. Somebody told me that you can take a peptide. Yes. How did you know that? Because we talk about it a lot on here, because we know people who've done it when sitting next to me. Is it you? I did it for just a little. You'd better try it. Oh, yeah, I loved it. I would love to be on it. But then a friend who got an illness. We found out also love that peptide. So then me and the other person that were on it got really paranoid about it. Yes, yes, yes, based on nothing. Like I'm sure there's a million reasons this person got sick. It's okay. It also does weird stuff like your freckles got darker. Oh, yeah, on my forehead. That was one version of there's two versions of it. Then I did the second version and it didn't have those issues. But here was my point because we debated it. I was like, I like how I looked tan better. Everybody looks better with color. Absolutely. And if I have an option to do one that might up my rate of carcinoma versus one that doesn't, why wouldn't I choose this one? It seems crazy. I don't understand what the moral conundrum is about using a peptide versus the sun. I mean, I get it. For me, it's like, I'm not going to be the first person to buy the new author. I'm like, y'all go first. Yes, y'all work out the bugs. Then come back. I had some ethical issues with it as a brown person. Oh, tell me more. I was like, as a group, darker skin people are more marginalized. And then you're just picking the piece you like about it and getting to have that piece. And it just doesn't feel fair. I see. Yeah, it was a big debate for us. It was a big debate for us. A big debate area. Are there peptides that change your skin color in different ways? Like make it lighter. Well, there's skin bleaching and stuff, which a lot of people have done. Some Indian people have done skin bleaching to look lighter because you're considered prettier there at times. Is that an external thing? Mm-hmm. Well, like the movie stars there are generally quite light skinned. Yeah. And there's like the paper bag test, like if you're lighter than a paper bag. Colorisms are real thing for people of color. So I think this gets a little triggering when people are like, oh, I'm just going to like take this peptide and be dark now. But my point was you don't mind when they get suntanned. No one's mad if white person gets suntanned, because that's natural. So you're really drawing this. What I think is a little bit arbitrary line. Like do you get it naturally or do you get it from a peptide? And that somehow changes it. But also like this is information that I didn't know. And that's helpful to understand. I'll start because this woman identifies as black, which is clearly a problem. A white woman right now. No, no, I was pointing to the TV. When we put a picture of her up on the TV, she's like this woman. That bad laugh. Yeah, she's fucking Irish. Oh yeah, all to say I'm white. No, there's a woman. She identifies as black, like saying I identify as a woman, right? Like that's her identity. She was white as no. And then she took this peptide. She had a lot of body modifications. And then she took an elephant's dose of this peptide. And she moved to Africa. Oh, so I think that's what kicked it off. Understandably that context puts it on a path where that reaction is justified. I understand, Rob, maybe you can pull that up at some point just for Jackson amusement because it's really some amusement. We don't have to do this. No, I really didn't realize the pattern. The real news that a human has chosen this path on planet earth. And it's okay to be amused by that. And if we pretend that that's not a museum, I don't know where we're at. I was talking about the reality. I don't care anymore. For a minute, I felt pretty strongly about that peptide and feeling like, oh, I don't know if that's good because of this. And now I'm like, whatever. I guess just do whatever you want. Everyone try to look as hot as you can. That's all we're all trying to do is look as hot as we can. Are you Jack, I am. Look at my hair. I think you look wonderful. You look limp. Fish or price here. No, like Lego, Lego. Yeah, my Lego snap on here. You make the best of what you got. What you've carved out post-30 rock is a pretty insane voiceover career. Yes, which is kind of for people who aren't hip to it. It's about as good as it gets in a sense. Because the money is great. The time commitment is very low. And you can maintain some anonymity to some degree. It's the best. Now, I have been told. I hope I'm not getting my information wrong. Because many of the characters that I voice do sound like this. I believe the term that was explained to me was that this would be a signature voice as opposed to a more character voice. Like many of the actors on The Simpsons can do, like, you know, 12, 14 different characters. I cannot. So pretty much every character that I voice is going to sound like this. Yeah, I'm okay with it. Yes. Let me see. Easier. But you've been in "Rucket Ralph" in the sequel, like, big stuff. Disney shows that ran for an eternity. I know. I can't believe it. What are you doing? He just likes to click him. No, we're almost out of time. Yeah, we're almost out of time. Don't worry. We're almost out of time. Come on, subscribe. Yeah. So that was the before and after of her. Oh. We don't know how she did her hair, what peptide that is, but that hair-- Her hair is like a wig situation. But it's clearly not with that widow's peak unless they do a lace front with that much extra hair up front. Well, but you can see where this would kick off the kind of conversation that Monica might have some issues with peptide use. That's understandable. You know, yeah. I'm learning a lot today. We're here to teach. Okay. Let's talk about "Zillogon Wild." Yeah. Hold it. Yeah. Happy birthday, too, Jack. Were you following the Instagram account before you got approached for this thing? Because I was. Oh, okay. I'm a first in "Zillogon Wild" Instagram. Excellent. So I'm not on social media. But I know that during the pandemic, this became a very popular Instagram page. And it's just actual listings on "Zillog" that stand out. Yeah. Crazy listings on "Zillog." They're gone wild. It's in the wild. We'll get to this. So this line, you got to kind of-- you don't want to be mean to anyone. And also, let's call it like it is. Some of these are-- Crazy. Fella. Yeah. I mean, by season three, I realized like, okay. My baseline is, does it have a toilet? That's where we are. Oh, my God. That's what you're hoping for. But it's been so fun. And what I do enjoy about this show, I get to do the TV version of what that Instagram page is. Right. So the Instagram page is like scouring all the "Zillogon" listings around the country. And it's gathering the most unique ones. When anyone would look at them if you don't follow this page, you go, how on earth are they going to sell this? Someone has committed their entire house to raccoons. And raccoons stripe everywhere. You name it, people have done. It's been done. When did you get approached in this? This would have been in March 11th. Well, it was June of 2023. Oh, my God. It's weird, right? It is weird. But it helps me keep things organized. So here comes the dementia. I was in the ground links. Do you like looking at houses? Is that a hobby? Do. I live in my dream house. But when I'm strolling around the neighborhood and I see an open house, I'm going in that open house. Oh, I love it. And I think that's just a very human thing. I mean, it's a genuine curiosity. Like, oh, what are they doing? What is this like? What's their view? So they approached me about the show. Did it? Had a blast. You know, you're going in blind. I was like, am I going to be good at this? This is my first time doing unscripted. I was like, am I going to be interesting? Can I keep a conversation afloat? It was very important to me. And I made this very clear with the producers. I don't want to be snarky. I don't want to be cynical. I don't want to embarrass these people. I don't want this to be an exercise and humiliation. I want this to be celebratory. And I want this to be exploratory and really lean into the curiosity. The human curiosity, we all have about what other people are doing. On top of the fact that these houses are crazy. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, mongers. So you're 100% right to have that ethos going in or that principle. And I agree, it should not be making fun of people. But also often you are standing in places where the only thing one could say is like, this is fucking nuts. I don't know, even when you go with that intention. Well, we have that. Like an armchair, not on the same thing. Where it's like, we're not here to make fun of people. If you go in with the idea that you're not here to make fun of people, you do see the best. That's true. But here's this more extreme. Like you need to see the places he's standing in and you have to recognize like here's an example and it wasn't even the owners of the house. They had bought it from someone else. Sure. But he's in a house and the thing that makes it qualify for Gone Wild is the previous owner was obsessed with storage. And so you walk into the kitchen. You have your normal refrigerator high cabinets. But then you have two more rows of cabinets about that going up into what had to be like 15 feet up the ceiling. And it looks a little like it gives you vertigo a little bit to see that many cupboard doors. And then it just unfolds is getting crazy and crazy. And there's a moment where they walk into this. It's 80 feet by 40 feet. So it's about a 4,000 square foot room that is a big cavernous room in floor to fucking ceiling of shelves. I was thinking to Kristen, we were watching it last night and I'm like, I'm too distracted by needing to know what the mental illness was. of the person who built it, like, my explanation was, you know, just like there are alcoholics that are low functioning or high functioning. To me, that house is like, well, this is a super high functioning hoarder. They have the money and the wherewithal to still hoard but do it in a way that would be organized and it's madness. That was a crazy house. But again, like, how can I spin that? I think you're probably correct. It was someone who might have had issues of holding on to things but had the wherewithal to keep it organized. But then it also begs the question, were those shelves ever filled? How did they clean out this house when it originally changed hands? But yeah, no, you are correct. And so what is crazy? They don't let me even do any homework of like what the house is about to be because I want to catch my reaction genuine. And I'm like, well, I bet you anything. I'm going to say, wow, this is scary. Like that room weirdly was a little bit scary. That one was unnerving because you know, I had seen the scope of the house from the outside, but I don't know what I'm about to see inside. And it was like a high school gym of shelves. Wow. It was so big that they were ultimately going to cut it in half so that he could have a four car garage on one side with his cars inside. And she could have another workspace and whatever. And there was still going to be plenty of room. It's the size of my barn, Monica in Nashville, but with shelves. So you're interviewing the people who not in this case, but normally the people who live there or like you're probably built it. A lot of times it is the people who built it and made these design choices. And sometimes it is the people who bought it because of those design choices. Either way, it is fun. I get to like spend several hours with the person we're taking the tour. And you know, a great deal of a design camera, but some of it is off camera. And you really get the dirt. And everybody has been a joy. They're opening up their homes to us. Yes. That's a big deal. It's vulnerable. You're saying go ahead and judge me basically. Yeah. And especially in season one, they didn't know what they were saying yes to. Right. We got lucky with that. We were able to like set the tone. And I feel that that has made it easier in subsequent seasons to, you know, have that proof of concept even though, just like I'm not here to make fun. Show us what you got. Yeah. And another one in the first season was this bunker. So I personally, you can't take this swing. The shows works on so many levels. First of all, you're the greatest host. You're so fucking cheery and likable. House guest. You're an incredible one. Yes. The chips, the ruffles. You'll receive. I think you know, yes. You will. And a bill for personal parents. I guess twenty. Okay. So it works on a lot of levels. A, it's just so fascinating to see people's houses and all the houses are completely bizarre. You're a phenomenal host. But the part for me, the third gear and juiciest of it is is and you're already witnessed it. Like I love being armchair psychologists. And so I'm watching the one with the bunker and this boy bought a bunker, a missile silo and abandoned missile silo. There goes seven stories into the ground. It's all underground. There's a door above ground and it's all underground. And you walk down 50 feet of steps. And then you're in this rusted out cavern. Now mind you. He painted the walls and he put some stuff up. And then he takes jack over to where the missile used to sit. And it is just taken on 50 feet of water. There's just standing water and now water seeping in. Not his fault. Not his fault. No. No. What are you going to do? And also what are you going to do? Put a raft in that. He put a raft in it. No, he really did. It was huge. I mean, a missile sat down there. Oh, gosh. You can't imagine how stressful it is to even just look at the environment. I can't imagine it was like to be in that subterranean damn rusty. All right. May I? Yeah. Our homeowner, Andrew, was a delight. Very sweet boy. You know, good old boy did some hunting and fishing and stuff and treated himself to his own man cave, which happened to be an abandoned missile silo. Was it creepy? You're up. Yeah. But when you have someone like him leading the tour and stuff, it did answer some questions. Would I have spent a great deal of time down there? And no. No, thank you. No. I don't want to go there. But the sun. I was enjoying it. I said to Kristen because he's giving his interview. He's like, you know, how many people can say they've owned a missile silo? And I'm like, yeah, that's the only value to the place is to say you owned it because there's nothing pleasurable about being down there. No, whatever. Want it? It's for sale. Some other boy. No woman's ever going to buy that place. You're not wrong. There's something about boys that are like, yeah, I have this thing nobody has. I'll tell people at school. It's so cute and sweet. That was sweet. And I will say this. And I'll be delicate. I suspect and I haven't followed up to see if it's still in the market or what. But someone who perhaps is more concerned with long term safety, prepping, yeah, prep your words, my considerate space like that. Yeah. Safety is really the through line though, because that's what everyone is looking for in their house. So the person with all the shelves. That's also about safety. I agree. I've learned a great deal about how people define home. It's been really wonderful seeing how people define that. For me, it was just like four walls in a roof and peace and quiet. That's not the case for everybody. But this season, what are you doing? I know you're paling up with David Brahms dad. Yeah. So he's like a legit HETV person. Yeah, he is a huge show, my lottery dream hall. Correct. And so the thing is like, he knows what he's talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. Right. Right. Shadow. He comes to houses. I know there are words I'm supposed to know. We're like, oh Wayne Scotting. Your most genuine self always comes out when you see a swimming pool. Like when you're at the peak house, you're like, oh my god, the swimming like you almost exploded out of your body. Gosh, like pools are the best. Are you the swimmer? I mean, I float. Okay. Well, yeah, I never do all that. There's so many bud lights. He's got. I love the light. I do love a pool. What calls that? I wonder the water. Do you like the ocean? I do, but I like the controlled environment of a pool. I'm never detained. So this season, you go 26 feet under Las Vegas. Yes. What was that one? It's a bunker. It's not just a house. It's got a yard, a fountain, an event space. You feel like you're outdoors. Like they painted this guy. They got lights. It is weird. It messes up with your circadian rhythm. That's the word. Yeah. Did you watch fall out by chance? You watch how? But I know which one you're talking about. Yeah, with the no-nose. Yeah. They're all in vaults underground. Got it. So it makes me think it would be. They're living the real life. And paradise. It is similar. Yeah. Yeah. You haven't seen it yet. You're probably not going through. Yeah, I just ruined it. Season three, we saw 41 houses. So like, I've been traveling a great deal. My carbon footprint is not great. It's not great, but how's your airline status? So good. If I do it, there's meant it just gives you all these numbers. I'm like, I don't know what this means. Okay. You're the top. You're probably the diamond. Got me. Got me. And then you got the hotel doing the same thing. I was like, I don't know what this means. Do you cash any of these in for your own life? I don't know how. Okay. Okay. Okay. I don't know what this stuff means. Have you ever gone to see Alexander and Sweden? Yes. You have. Yeah. What's that like? How are you not in love with them? I would be in love with them. We all are when you meet the boy. Yeah. So lovable. I'm the godfather of his kid. Oh, no. He was such a delight. We were surprised. We were completely taken by surprise. Yeah. And he's so gorgeous. I could just look at him. He's a beautiful man. He's one of those people where you meet him and you're just like, Oh, you're my guy. What are you doing here? It's when you guys go out to bars at night and probably no, he cooks at home. Okay. He can be quite a home body. It's domestic. Yes, it's domestic. But like it is also funny because half the time we're acting like an old married couple, half the time we're acting like middle school boys and class kind of thing. You know, he goes and he loves comedy. And so I'm like, America's plus one. But I'll go with him to the Saga Awards or the Emmys or whatever. You joined him at Ernst and I'll this year when he helps. I joined him at this time. Yeah. When he meets the cast of Shits Creek, I'm like, oh, let's go say, hey, let's go say he's like, okay. So he gets nervous. It was so bad. You guys are such a good duo. Oh, he's a gem. And then you're on MurderBots. That was so fun. It is one of those things. You got to be best friends with people who just give you jobs. That's a really good rule. I want to act in something with him. Yeah, that sounds fun. It is one of those things where I don't know who we were to each other in a past life. But we found each other. I love it. Okay. Well, the new season of Zillogon Wild is out May 1st on HGTV. I also was watching old seasons on HBO Max. Correct. So if streams feel free to go over to HBO Max, your birthday is today. No. Oh my god. That would have what's the date today? April 29th. When's your birthday? May 27th. Oh, man. I wrote down 427. It's 327. If you're a 427 and it's 429. Oh my god. Today's five. What is today? 529. Are you okay? It's all that nicotine. Shootin' too many blanks. That's right. Oh, I made it bad. I'm really confused. We finally got something not. It's 429. Today is 429. His birthday is 527. 5? No, it's 3. No, man. Man. Jesus Christ. Sorry. It's your scare. Look, Lincoln's birthday is March 27th. I don't know why I'm like, I'm getting stuck on March 27th. March 27th. Okay, I have three birthday stuff next. month. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. All right, I'm going to try to send you a very vial. You don't have to do that. You don't enjoy receiving them, just dishing them out. Do whatever you want. Okay. I'm going to warn you now. I'm going to call you a pecker. Well, I'm blocking your I'm going to go. Happy birthday, you pecker. You fucking said, Jack, the pecker. You're terrible. I haven't used that word in 30 years. Good. It doesn't mean something in the eighties. They regularly call people in the eighties and shows and movies peckers. That guy's a pecker. Well, pecker was a penis. Yeah, yeah. Just reminding everyone. Yeah, yeah. I'm all about this. Jack, my brother, I love you. Thanks for getting through this with us. We have a weird job. Yeah, we like it. A blessing. We want to keep it. I adore you. I can't wait to your next party attendance and your next receipt and your next invoice. Our third party just so jacking. I should have been too long. We just want to go play by the pool. Yes. Okay. Great. Yes. Let's do that. That's easy. Do you sauna? What does that mean? Do you go on the sauna? Do you enjoy a sauna? Is that hot or with steam? Hot. Uh, dry. I mean, that's what I mean. Alexander's never had you in a sauna in a sweetest sauna. Can I just use the pool? Yes, absolutely. But the sauna is also nice. It's very social. We like to get in the sauna together to chat. How big is the sauna? It's embarrassingly large. Is it big? It's shamefully large. It's like your carbon footprint. Is it? Yeah. I have a terrible carbon footprint. I know you do. You just let that out of the bag. Well, it's not my fault. I know. It's HGTV. So I check out the new season. I'm main first, which is five, which is the month of your birth in 1973. Okay. I love you. Good luck. Good luck. Everyone. Good luck. Zillogon wild. Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong. This episode is brought to you by yellow. That's right. That is really right. It's officially brought to you by yellow. Monica, as you know, I have these little snacks between our recording session. Yeah, you do. It's always the same bar. I'm kind of addicted to it, and it's got half of my fiber in it. It really does. This isn't add now. Yeah, but I'm not going to say the name of it. So it's not an app. Oh, I just love this bar. It's got half my daily allowance of fiber in it. So I need to hang it up. I eat to a day. I love them. They're such a treat for me at night when I get into bed. Oh, it's your dessert. After I brush my teeth. Oh, after. Yeah, which will people hate. Yeah, people don't like that. Then I'll remind them that pushing to use more about the plaque being on there for 24 hours and becoming a voice versa. It's more of a time game as long as you interrupt it. Anyways, let's not hear another last night. I was laying in bed, having my snack. Yeah, 190 calories. Okay. And I thought, huh, I wonder how this would taste on a melted marshmallow between two graham crackers. Oh, a smore? A smore. I want to try a smore with my protein fiber bar. This summer, I'm just loosely scheduling it for July 4th weekend. Cool. That's a new project I'm working on. That's fun. I know. So in his way, I'm announced our new projects. I feel like you got inspired by an armchair anonymous. We recorded. Maybe you don't even know that you did, but you did. There's a camping one. And I asked a little boy if he was going to make smores that night. And he said, yes, the story about smores. Yeah. And then I asked if he was going to use a Reese's peanut butter cup. Oh, yeah. He said he had done that. He was a pro. Yeah, he was. But he probably hasn't tried this. I don't know that anyone has. I bet the first person in history that tries this protein bar is a smore topping. I think that could be true. I'm skeptical. Okay. But I'm hopeful for you. It's very rare. You know, I'm obsessed with any time you can do anything on planet Earth that someone hasn't done. 8 billion people. Right. 8 billion, by the way. Now, I think just the ding ding for a fact actually coming up. Oh, it is coming up Easter egg. Okay. Fourth coming fact. But yeah, Lincoln had to correct me. I was like seven and a half billion. That's not it anymore. Or we're well above 8 billion. Now, are you worried about what the heat of the protein powder in the bar? There's protein in there, right? It's a protein bar, right? It is, which is on conventional for me because I don't prefer it. It is vegetable protein. Plant-based. Plant-based protein. So I do think it'll melt better than like say way protein. That's what you're worried about. Yeah, I just feel like I'm a little nervous about what's going to happen. Consistency-wise when there's protein in there. Maybe a microwave one tonight to see what happens when it gets hot. Okay. You're right. It might turn hard, but I think it's going to get runny and yummy. You're pessimistic. Report back on the next back check. Well, no, it's not going to happen to July. This is going to get in the microwave. Yeah, let's do some experimentation. Okay. Sometimes you do start projects and then you don't follow up like your your cash mirror that you're making out of your back hair. I'm still I'm still contributing to the stockpile. We just haven't heard lately. Yeah, I just haven't given an update, but there's a growing bag in my back. How much do we have these days? Probably enough for like a pinky suck. Oh, all right. That might be maybe half a pinky suck. Okay. It's like thimble. I don't know how much it's when it's once it's spun, right? You got a spin wall. Yeah. I think it goes down in size quite a bit. Does it does. So I don't I don't really know. It has pretty thin hair we're working with. The very that's its appeal. It's baby soft because it's off of my baby's legs. And your your in my back. The daddy's back. Yeah, none of the other hair would qualify because the rest of its course. I was just getting complaints about it actually from Delta about the beard's not soft unless it's a certain length. Oh, and then my gray hair on the sides kind of scraggly. It's kind of soft as the rest of it. Well, you could dye it and it'll get soft. I just reached out to Amy to see if she has a window to give me highlights. Not that my hair's getting longer. I like to have highlights. Oh, wow. You know that. I do. Yeah. I do know that. Lights are fun. Have you ever considered any kind of layers for your hair for dimensions? No. No, when you got perfect hair, you don't fuck with it. It's not that I have perfect hair. It's that. Yeah, perfect hair. Well, that's very kind. Thank you. But it's that I. Oh, how do I say? Well, you're afraid you're going to offend somebody somehow. So if you're white and you are how your brunette you dye your hair blonde or or vice versa in the case of Dakota Johnson vice versa. Okay. Was that a film she was in or? No, no, no, she just went blonde to brown. Okay, great. Yeah. And it still looks natural. You could have been born with that hair color. Right. Now, if you have brown skin like me and black hair like me, I could not have been born with blonde highlights or blonde hair. I got you. I could not have. So it is just so obvious unnatural. That it's unnatural. That it's that it is something done. Now, that's fine. Yeah, because look at me. Everyone knows I have gray hair on my sides. And next week, I'm not going to have gray hair on my sides. They'll know it's all fake. Well, that doesn't matter. It's more about just like the brain knows that well, by the way, if my hair goes gray, I'm dyeing it black. There we go. Like it's not that I'm against, but my I'm dyeing it my natural hair color. Right. And that will appear like my natural hair color. Now, if I do a big, if I dye my hair blonde, it's going to be pretty clear that I dyed it. But that might be okay. That's fine for whoever wants to do that. But I like George has got, you know, George has these beautiful ringlets, penne. Okay. Yeah. And here's there. It's very dark. That's almost anyone I was facing the other day. He clearly has like a layer of blonde highlights. It looks really fun and radiant and playful. I'm sure. And it's clearly fake as hell. There's no way. Yeah. He doesn't care about that. Yeah. And a lot of people don't. A lot of people don't. And that's great. Like do it everything you want. I'm just I just mean for me for your brand. I don't think I feel comfortable with like having something very obviously. Okay. Kind of like the shave sides. Yeah. It's not me. Yeah. You're not taking big swings with your hair. I've never taken any. What do you think your biggest swings are? I would say with your fashion. Probably. But even then, I'm not taking huge swings. I don't take very many. But I mean, no, I do. My big swings are in my ability to confront people. Okay. That's your where you reserve all year. Those are where I take bigger swings than most people. I'm not afraid to have a hard conversation with someone who other people might be afraid to. Right. You look at me super intense. Well, I just I do have conversations with you that I do think a lot of people would avoid. And that's that's where I keep it. I keep it in my hair. I got you. So I'm not willing to. Well, and one time I got my hair cut when I was really little. Well, my mom did it. And it was a mushroom cut. And it looked horrible. Yeah. Mushrooms cut. Very few people can pull up. She didn't mean to make it a mushroom cut, but that's how it turned out. Yeah. And so I just cannot, you know. Oh, you see, you're kind of reacting to a little bit of hair trauma. A little, I guess. A little. And I do think if you can have long hair, I mean, not forever 'cause it's hard to maintain, I guess, like, do it. - You did just bring up a grievance I have. - Oh, let's hear it. - And it's the least sympathetic grievance I could have. - Okay. - It's not my acknowledging that. No one's gonna feel bad for me. - All right. - But I am frustrated, so the thing you just said, like you're not afraid to confront me, but other people-- - Just like you're not afraid to confront me, and other people would be as well. It's both ways. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Aside from that, I've had numerous examples on a being one of them, right? We're honest said like, "Oh no, I thought, "I was afraid you're gonna be mad." - She's afraid of you, yeah. - Yeah, and I'm like, I'm like on a, I mean, really, if we were around every tape ever, I've been nothing but like just so sweet to Anna. - I know, it's not about that. - And I was just talking to Delta about this because yeah, this intimidation factor that I don't feel like I deserve or earned. Yeah, yeah, like that people would be afraid of me. I'm like, that's not-- - This is a slippery conversation. - Oh, okay. - Is it, I mean, I'm happy to have it. - It's a slippery conversation. - I'm happy to have it, but I don't want us to get in a fight and I'm a little worried. - Okay, let's leave you and I out of it. - I don't think we can. - Well, I think we can, 'cause I'm not addressing you and I. - But-- - I'm addressing other people that are afraid of me. - I know, but the people that are afraid of you-- - Yeah. - Sometime, I think. I've seen instances of you being a little, okay, I don't know how to, it's not, well, scary. I guess to them, to them, right? But that-- - I don't know if I want a hair house. - I mean, if we're just all in conversation and me and you are like doing a thing-- - Uh-huh, we're finding-- - That's intimidating, and that's like, I don't want that. I don't ever want to be on the receiving end of that. I think is the way some people feel. - Okay. - If they've seen it or been around it, or also you're just, you are someone who speaks their mind as am I, and is not afraid to like enter a tricky conversation, enter a fray, and what I've had to learn is a lot of people don't want to do that. - Oh, sure. - But that used to be hard for me. - To accept that they didn't want to do it? - Yeah. - You thought they did want to do it? They were just afraid too? - Well, all of it. It's just like, it's like, oh, like, if you think this, why wouldn't you just say it? - Uh-huh. - And then I would get like, annoyed at people not saying stuff when, and then like, but then I had to understand that not everyone wants to have conflict, not everyone, in fact, most people don't. - Oh yeah. - So they avoid it, and that's fine, you know? And so I, yeah, I think that's what it is. - I think we big as part of it too. 'Cause often, I think when I was talking about deltas, like, these little kids that come around, I'm so friendly. - Oh, are the little kids scared of you? - Yeah, I think in general, a lot of the friends are afraid of me, which is my doing. Like, I got tattoos and I got big. So I'm gonna take a lot of responsibility. But I'm just like, I'm so, I think I'm so friendly. - Yeah, you are. But sometimes that's intimidating. - To be friendly? - A little, 'cause it's like. - Why is he so friendly? - No, it's just like, oh, I have to talk now. Like, this person's engaging with me. So now I can't just like go side unseen. Like, this person notices me. - Yeah, yeah. - And now I have to talk, and I'm a little kid, and I don't really know how to talk to adults. - I, remember, I don't, maybe this has changed over time. I hope it has. But I used to be so intimidated by everyone's dad. Doesn't matter how big they were. - Uh-huh, just like the role of dad. - Yeah, the role of dad was always intimidating. - Yeah. Of course, I don't want anyone to be intimidated by me. I want everyone to feel very loved by me and comfortable. - And? - And? - You also want people to understand that you aren't to be messed with, or your family isn't to be messed with. - Batties. I don't care if batties are intimidated by me. - No, but it's all part of your persona. Your persona is, I will not be fucked with. Like, I'll be nice to you, but if you cross the line, like, I'm killing you. - Okay. - To death. - To killing you to death. - Or if you say something about someone that I'm protective of, I'm killing you to death. So, like, you know, there's some, like, what's the line? What's the line I might accidentally step on? - Okay. - I don't know if the kids know about that, but dealt with friends. - Maybe they just can intuitively. - They can be, spidey senses. - I wonder if your tattoos don't fit for the-- - But, Anna, I'm just, mostly, this is probably my grievance against Anna, where I'm like, sweet, sweet girl. - I've been, I'm just so loving. I can't imagine having put more effort into being, like, loving. - You're very kind to her. - The idea that she would be scared of me. That just hurts my feelings. - I'm sorry, hurts your feelings. - I am, I'm really, yeah, I am. I don't want your feelings to be hurt, and I hope you can understand, like-- - I can, we got, we work through it. - You're a presence. - I'm a president. - You're a presence. - Okay, I guess I'm over it. - I just, you understand what I'm saying. - I do. - The notion that someone would be afraid of me, someone like Anna. - But listen, okay, first of all, I want to-- - Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. - Okay. - Two things. - All right. - One, you've never been mean to Anna, ever, and she doesn't think that. She doesn't think like, oh, Dax was mean to me or any, like, I've never heard her say that. - Yeah. - And then also, Anna is also not, you're putting her in a category of like, she's like such a big sweet baby. Like, she's not. - No, I don't think she's a sweet baby. She does cry very easily. - Oh, I mean, she cries a lot. - She cries a lot. - And that's hard for me when girls cry. So I, anytime girls cry, I'm like, I have no game plan anymore. - Sure. - Okay. - So she does cry a lot. - She does cry a lot. - Yeah, I love it about her. - I mean, she's a cancer. Oh my gosh, she's so mad. If she heard me say, she's a cancer. She's a cancer. And she does cry at the drop of the hat. - Yeah, yeah. - But she's tough. Like. - Oh yeah, she'll be fine an hour later. - Yeah, and she's not crying about, sometimes she is crying about things that people say or do. But like, you know, she can dish, she dishes it out. - Yeah, I don't think she's fragile. - I don't think she's fragile at all. - She's not fragile. - In fact, I think she's very robust. - I will tell you something. So she, she made a mistake once. - Okay. - For you two, you and Kristen. - Oh yeah, I already know what this is. - You know what this is. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - She made a mistake. - Yeah. - And it was financially a hefty mistake. - It impacted, it impacted you financially. - Yeah, yeah. - And she told me, you know, and so she's very stressed out about this. But then she said, then you made a point to tell her, to not ever stress out about your money. And that was very kind, and she felt a little better. - I said, the best use of money that could ever be is that the people I love can be happy from it. And so the notion that someone would be upset because of missing money, that's the whole reason to have it. - Yes. - So I don't, I refuse to let you be upset about this. - I know. - Because I'm not mad. I would never get mad at someone. I love over money. - Well, yeah. - Uh-oh. (laughing) - What? - I thought it was really sweet that you said that, and you did everything you could to make her feel totally better about that. - What? Are you smirking about over there? - Nothing, I just, I don't know. Sometimes, sometimes I'm jealous. - Okay. - Sometimes I'm jealous of people who have honestly, like a less, I don't wanna say intimate, but kind of a relationship with you. Like I think, you know, I don't know. - You think, yeah, if I worked with Anna every day for eight years, and she blew a big chunk of money for arm tracks, was that what you're saying, kind of? - Well, I did. - I would address it. - I don't think you always, and vice versa, ding-ding-ding. - Uh-huh. - For me. - Yeah, for me to you. And Dakota's hair. - Dakota. - Dakota Johnson. - Johnson vice versa. - Uh-huh. - I don't think we necessarily treat each other with the same level of like sweetness and kindness that we treat other people. - Sure. - That are less like, I mean, for, important to me, people who are less important to me, I can treat better. - Well, yeah, which makes total sense with like, the less impact someone has on your life. - Yeah. - The less concerned you are about their behavior, 'cause who cares, it's not gonna affect you. - But yeah, if you run a business with somebody, - It's more than that. It's like, it's more than that. It's, you know, the history, the beauty of life. There's since the kids were three months old that, you know, like the whole family element that it's deeper than that, like it's, and I'm so happy about that, but it, I think it can come at a cost, but that's just like the way life is, I guess. Yeah, I think if you cross this threshold, that's not full siblings, but it's almost sibling-esque. Yeah. We're together way too much for me to ignore things or, yeah, and they're just like, okay, well, I've earned this, you know how I feel about you? Yeah. Like, is what you think in your mind? Like, my siblings. Yeah. Like, I love my brother and my sister, and I'm going to be there for them so we're all dead. And so I'll tell them things that are harsher, for sure, then I'll tell anyone else because it's implicit the safety of the relationship. I know, and I think that's where there's sometimes a weird, like, extra-hard layer for us or for me and the family is like, there is that relationship, but there isn't the intrinsic safety. It's implied safety, it's a feeling of safety, but it's not biological, it's not, you know, which biologically also people don't, that doesn't always happen. And I think it all depends to, like, we own personal experience in life, so it's like, Aaron, him being my biological brother would not make us closer, nor would it make our relationship more permanent. Like, is this so fucking permanent? We both know it, and yeah, we talk to each other differently. It's what I love about it, right? It's just like, he knows I'm not judging him. Right. And I'll just say whatever I observe in vice versa, Dakota Fanny, Dakota Johnson. Yeah, it's a big vice versa episode. Yeah, brought you by yellow and vice versa. You look all of it like everything in life. It's all trade-offs. So you take on more good, and you take on more bad. You take on more, you know, closeness. I'm still to some degree seen on as presenting self. Right. You know, I don't see, I'm not with her 45 hours a week, so I don't really know on the way that her ex-girlfriend knows her or Kristen knows her. Or me? Or you? Yeah. And yeah, I just think all these predictable things happen when you get super close to somebody. Yeah, that is true. And you're like, well, we no longer have like an acquaintance ship or a loose friendship. We're now like, we're co-existing. So if we're co-existing, we have to like call out things that. Yeah. I know. Yeah, it is. It's just trade-offs. It's interesting. But yeah, you're very nice to her, all to say. And she shouldn't be, your feeling shouldn't, but your feeling shouldn't be her because she's also like, he's also my boss to an extent. And Kristen's her boss, but. Well, I'm not. I make that really clear. Well, yeah, but also if you ask her to do something, she can't say no. I don't ever ask her to do anything. The two or three times I've asked her to do something. I pay her on the side. And I say, like, you don't work for me. I know, I know, but it's just part. You know what I mean? Like it's a dynamic. Like if you, if you ask her to do something, I am a boss's husband. If you ask her to do something, it's different than if I ask her to do something. It just is. And so there's going to, that's just the way. I know. You know, again, but again, the time that I, like someone asked her to do something that shouldn't have asked her to do something. And I witnessed it. And that person got a talking to. But. Okay. Because you should be intimidated by me. Yeah, yeah. Just because like, it was a family member side of it. You got to get a talking to no one wants to get a talking to from dad. That's just the way it goes. Yeah. Stay tuned for more armchair expert. If you dare. Speaking of family. Yeah. My brother proposed to his girlfriends. He did. Yeah. Did he make a big thing of it? He did. He did. He took her to this nice restaurant and then he like had a whole thing like all these flowers was a whole to do. Oh, wow. He got down on one knee and he did it up and they're very happy. Oh, good. She said yes. She said yes. Okay. Yes. Stressful. She did. I'm glad he didn't do it at a sporting event. No. He wouldn't do that. I guess if you've already asked the woman, would you say yes? And she said yes. Then you can do it at a sporting event. But I do not like when the woman's surprised. She's an entire audience waiting to see if she's going to say yes or no. I know that stress is me out. That's not a fair assessment. You don't have a real answer. They have to. Yeah, that's fair. The pressure. I know. If anyone wants to propose me, do not. If you know me even a little bit, I hate audience participation. So if you propose to me in a way that's in public, I'm saying no. Okay, that's just across the board. No, you don't even know me. Matt Damon asks you in public. He doesn't know me. And what happened? Like what happened with his life, you know? Well, he's. He's single in this scenario. Okay. She left him. Oh, good. Yeah, he didn't. He wanted to deal with her forever. He's fine. He's coming out of the smelling like roses. Okay. He's the bad guy. Cool. And he asks you at a hockey game, a Boston Bruins game. You want you to see his Boston Bruins. Okay. Yeah. And we're on the cam. Yeah, you're on the cam at Damon and Monica Padman. Oh. Kiss cam. And then it turns into. Oh. Oh. Oh, this is a nightmare. I'm saying no. I always turned the non-kiss cam into a kiss cam when I would go to the Dodgers game with Peter Krause and my brother. Um, anytime they would show us on the big screen just to say like Karen has here, I would turn and try to kiss him as if it were the kiss cam. That's very funny. Yeah. Um, okay. I have, I have a situation that happens. Oh, okay. Great. Spend a while. Yeah. I'm, I'm prepping for your response. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, Jess and I went to a restaurant, quarter sheets. I probably shouldn't say it, but I said it. Pizza place, right? Yes. Love it. It's very hard to get in. You have, we have a whole routine or you stand in line. You put your name and it's always like at least an hour and then we go next door. Go shop. They're not in that shop. We go next door and there's a bar next door called Little Joy. Very cute. Okay. Um, we have a drink and chips. They sell chips there. Like homemade potato chips. No. Potato chips. Like, um, the gas station. Oh, okay. Like ruffles and lays. Yeah. Okay. You know. And so they have different ones every time. It's very exciting. Anyway, we do that and then we go. So we did that the other day and we got to quarter sheets. Uh, there was a really nice couple next to us and, um, in fact, you know, we ordered, they were getting ready to lead like they were got their check and we had ordered. We got these beans. They make the best beans and they're always changing up the beans and every time there's so good. Oh my God. So we're eating our beans and we're like, there's like this couple and the, um, woman looks at us and she's like, Oh my God. So sorry. We're just like staring and like gawking and, and we were just like, I know the beans are so good. We had this like little exchange. They were so nice. They left. Right. We're continuing. And then the server comes, he moves that table over so now there's this, they make this big table. Uh-huh. Party of what? Six, eight, four. Uh, four. Okay. But the table's probably like for six, okay? So then these people come in, two couples and they're kids. So two couples, each with two children and they were little kids. Some were babies and um, we looked over and they were all sitting and it was like cute and you know, we were like, Oh, I wonder like, are they like in laws or like what's going on? These was so cute, like Delta level, okay. It was wild. And I really wanted to hold it. Once in a generation, cute. Yes. And, and oh, so cute and small and whatever. Anyway, so we're like, you know, we, I, I, I will admit, I think, well, I will admit that I think we were lucky, like, fair amount at this family and like, they're being cute. And they would like get up and like, go and, you know, rock the baby and come back. One of the babies was feeding. One of the kids came around and I said, hi to one of the kids. Okay. All this is going on. Yeah. We're enjoying our meal. It's great. And at the end, we were paid and the server brought us this cookie and they said, that's, it's from them. Oh. And I was like, Oh, my gosh. That's so nice. And this is so embarrassing, but I have to admit it. Of course, I thought they were a fan of the show. Okay. Okay. Okay. Good. And they're like, and she said because all the kids, right. And I was like, oh. Oh, and Jess and I both were like, no, no, no. That was totally fine. You didn't need to do that. And like, one of the dads was like, no, it's okay. Like, yeah, no problem. But like, didn't really, wasn't like trying to like really engage. Just like, you're welcome to kind of like be done with it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then what we kept being like, oh my gosh. Like, I really hope like your family is so cute. We were talking about how cute your kids are. And Jess was like, yeah, like we're just single over here. And, you know, there's kind of some laughter and then we were leaving again. It's like, thanks again to him as you really didn't have to do that and we both left. And he was like, that was weird. And I was like, it was weird. The moms were mad at us. They were not look at us when all this was going on. And like, I was like trying, you know, I was like trying to engage, and I mean, he was looking at one mom. He mainly was looking at the other. So he was talking about this lady. And I was talking about this lady, experiencing the exact same thing. - Uh-huh. - And I was like, wait a minute. Is this some sort of like resentment cookie? Like, they thought we were judging them. So they got us this cookie to make like, to abate the situation, but they were actually just, they were mad that we were upset, but we weren't upset. - Uh-huh, yeah. - And then I hated this cookie. - Oh, okay, but you're already eating it? - No, I didn't. - No, it's still sitting in my kitchen. - Okay. - Yeah, it was wrapped. - Oh, okay. - And I felt weird 'cause I was like, oh my God. How is it that now we feel bad? - Mm-hmm. - When we didn't, we really did not. The reason I know we didn't do anything wrong is 'cause we didn't have any bad thoughts. - Yeah, sure, sure. We were not like, oh my God, there was like so many kids here. Anything, I think they were so cute. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Especially the little one. - Yeah, they're the cutest. - Really one, to hold it. - Yeah. - So I didn't like-- - So to me, mm-hmm. - Well, first of all, I do this all the time. - Okay. - So like when I go to break tops and it's the kids and we've got a party of nine and I know we're loud. - Uh-huh. - I often buy the people that are directly next to us, is dinner. - That's sweet. I do that all the time. - But you don't often mail go, oh no. And I go, oh no, it's fine. That exchange can go on too long. - Well, that's 'cause you're famous. - Well, no, just like, I don't want to debate whether you, like you earned it or I shouldn't have done it or whatever. It's just like, I just want to go like, hey, things were being a good sport. I know we were allowed. And then if you're kind of like, no, I reject it. No, I loved it and at some point I want to go, well, what are you, like, what are we debating now that you should like, you want them to refund my card? Now you pay, like maybe they just wanted you to go like, banks and to be done with it and didn't want to have to beg you to take it or convince you. - We didn't say like, take it back or we'll buy you one now. Like it wasn't like a whole thing. It was just like, oh my god, no. - Okay. - That what, it wasn't an issue. Like, they were apologizing and we were saying, you don't need to apologize. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And also, let me tell you something about quarter sheets. If you're gonna go there. - Okay. - This was our table, right? - Okay, you're here. - They're here. - Okay, so they're, and that's not an exact-- - Yeah, yeah, so for Monica, for the list, now we're talking-- - 12 inches. - Yeah, 18. - If that, like I had to walk through sideways to get out of the booth. - This is like me at the fight on Saturday. - You got stuck. - I was next to a linebacker, Jared verse. - Were you scared? - No. - Oh. - But I was like, this couldn't be more inconvenient. We're in folding chairs that are butted up next to each other. Had a dainty woman been next to me. We would have been touching shoulders. But I had a real linebacker from the LA Rams and I sitting next to each other. Then Ryan, not small. Then Barry Bond, probably the most jacked baseball player of all time. - Yeah, that's cool. - That he was there. - It's exciting. There wasn't enough room for all of us. So we had to choreograph and coordinate. - Movement. - Like they, Ryan and the linebacker would lean forward for a while and lots of fight. - Oh, okay. - And then they'd want to come back. And that was my cue to lean forward. And then Barry Bond's was following suit. So there was like all this-- - Was it spoken or unspoken? - All unspoken. - The leaning, okay. - But of course, 'cause I was touching this man for three hours, this gorgeous linebacker, he's so good looking Monica. - Wow. - I mean, so good looking. I'm like, this dude's 25. - Oh wow. - He plays for the Rams. He's this good looking. - That's cool. - What a good time that must be. I was very friendly and talking quite a bit, maybe more than he bargained for. Yeah, but I was like, we are snuggling. Let's chattel a bit. - He's used to being touched. He's a football player. - His butt, in particular. - Yeah, they touch each other's butts. - And then they, oh yeah, very handsome. - You guys see it's smile though. It's so infectious. That's not a good picture of him, 'cause he's chewing on a piece of plastic. But what was I gonna tell you about him? I was gonna, oh, he's trying to eat non-processed food. - Oh wow. - 'Cause I offered them some of my caramel corn I had gotten. And he said he wasn't fucking with sugar. And I was like, how long you been off sugar? He's like 36 hours. - But in general, I try to eat process of food. I was like, look at this young man. He's 25, he's conscious of his health. - He has to, it's his job. - And he's gotta put on weight. Like, linebackers are supposed to keep on a lot of weight. - Yeah, it's a lot to deal with. - Yeah, it was exciting. - Anywho, so the closeness, you were very, sitting very close to him. - Yeah, tell a linebacker. - As a linebacker. - He, yeah, yeah. - And so you couldn't really just be like, thanks, and then like, turn your head. It had. - It required a little more power up. - And I really can't see. I can't make an argument or they're mad at you guys. - I know. - So no, I can, I can. Like, they're like. - Stop staring at us. - Stop staring at us, or yeah, we have kids. Like, that's, this is what happens. You have kids that go in it. - Yes, I felt that they were defensive. And then I created a scenario where the husbands are the ones that sent the cookie. - Okay. - Which would be very unconventional. Just say that's. - I know, but the husbands were the ones. They were mainly sitting the whole time. And the wives were like up and back. And so they, maybe, okay, this is maybe what happened, okay? Maybe the husbands were like, hey, maybe just like don't get up, like don't, 'cause you're bothering them, or something, you know? And then they're like, well, we have to. Like, we have to take care of these children. - You might have stumbled into a little conflict between them. - Exactly. - Yeah. - And so then they sent the cookie and then the cookie. - Like, you guys, we weren't doing anything fucking wrong. You don't need to apologize, we're just handling the kids. So maybe they were mad at their husbands. - Yep, and then they sent this cookie over, reiterating that they had, everyone had done something wrong. So then they were then mad at us. - And they're like, they made my husband sending fucking cookies to this hot chick next to me. - They're cookie boys. - No, they're like, why didn't you, why didn't you? - Yeah, she's a known cookie boy. - Literally, I am a cookie boy. - But they, like, why did you do that? We didn't do anything wrong, you didn't need to do that. - Okay. - And then they sent the resentment at us. And so I had to throw the cookie away because it's laced with poison, mental poison. - Okay, it wasn't just you were full. - No, I took it home. - I know, I took it home. But why didn't you eat it? - I couldn't eat it any day. - You really didn't want to eat it because it was out. - Yeah, it felt weird. - Uh-uh, not jinxed. - I didn't feel jinxed, I just lifted it and I got annoyed. I got annoyed by the cookie because I was like, now I feel bad and I should not feel bad. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So when you were planning, before you laid out this story, you're like, I'm anticipating your response. - Yeah. - And what do you, what would you think my response would be? - I thought you were gonna be like, well, yeah. Like, moms are going through a lot and, you know, they probably felt judged. I thought you were gonna do a lot of defense of them, which like, again, I was not judging them. - Yeah. - They were beautiful women. - Or they? - Yeah. - Yeah. - And then like, the daughter was so cute. One, yeah, yeah, they were. - Okay. - All right. - Okay. - They were, they were. The whole thing was beautiful. Everyone was pretty, everyone was hot. The kids were so cute. Like, it was a great, yeah, and then I started to do that. I'm like, no, I feel bad. I don't even have a husband or children. And why is that? - Okay, so the mural personal stuff came up. - Probably. I probably can't have them. And like, no, I feel bad. - Excuse me. You have this beautiful child. Like, yeah, so I got upset. - Yeah. Well. - My response is only, how do I alleviate your upsetness? - Yeah. - And then my solution to alleviate it is like the oldest fight we have non-stop. So it's not even worth, you know, suggesting. - Wait. - Which is just, I don't like the idea that strangers have sometimes control of your emotions. That's what I don't like. - Oh, I know. I know you don't like that. - I understand. - That's the part where I get protective of you, and then it always ends up where I'm angering you more. So. - No, you're not, but. - But I don't like that anybody has any control over your ingestous fun night out to get pizza. That's all I don't like. - But when he, so he, the fact that he said it first, he is so oblivious to this type of thing. - Yeah. - The fact that he said it, he was like, that was, something was weird. - Uh-huh. - And I was like. - But I did hear, if any of that was, if you guys read that correctly, my money would be falling on, yes, some tension between husbands and wives, not you guys. You're like immaterial. They, at this one, they just want to ignore this whole situation. - Right. - It's not towards you. It's towards their husbands. - Husbands or us though, like, oh, these single people, like, don't understand what it's like, and it's hard for us. Like, and it is hard for them. They are having to get up and go and out. It's, and-- - Taking little kids to a restaurant is a pretty beat down. - It is a beat down. And what I wanted to be like is like, I know. Like, I don't know 'cause I don't have them, but I've also been to a million restaurants with kids, and I've taken kids' restaurants by myself. I feel for you right now. I know that that is hard. I don't feel put upon. - Right. And, but I don't want to feel bad for existing. - Right, right, right. - But, you know, I'm over it. - Just got over it. - Yeah. (laughing) - Just got over it. - Oh. - But it's hard. I think, like, family is a-- Everyone's having a hard time. - Life's challenging. - Life's challenging for everyone. - That's right. - Everyone. - And I got this bruise and I don't know why. - You're not sure where that came from. - No. - Okay. - All right, let's do some facts. - This is for-- - And I just want to remind everyone about our presenting sponsor, Yellow. - Yes, that's right. - Let's circle back. - You know what's happened since we interviewed Jack McBrare? - What? - Our family has become obsessed with Zillogon Wild. And we're actually all caught up now. We're in season three, which is airing now. There's only three episodes out. - Oh. - And we watched two of them last night. So we know that there's only one for us. And we like to do two in a row. - So you're gonna wait? - But it is, it has replaced. It's been the SAV of Million Dollar Secret. Not being around. It's our current show. We love it, Monica. - I love it. - I'm in trouble a lot while we watch it. - Oh, why? - Because it's Zillogon Wild. You're seeing a lot of choices. - Sure. - And I have a lot of opinions about the choices. - But aren't they kind of, they're wild choices by now? - They're wild, they're on the show 'cause they're pretty wild. - Yeah, so feels good. - But some of them are very cool. - Yeah. - Well, first of all, the people are very interesting 'cause anyone who's gonna turn their house into a pirate ship. - Yeah. - You know, they're unique. - Of course. - And then, oh, this is great. You'll relate to this. 'Cause this has sometimes been our friction. I think when I notice things, it comes across as me being me. - Judgmental. - Judgmental or me? - Yeah, we have gotten into it. - Yeah. - Oh, is it happening? - Yes, 'cause I'm like, oh, notice they blank. And I hear dad. And I'm like, wait. - So it's from the kids. - Yes, okay, okay, okay, yeah. - Dad, and I'm like, hold on a second, guys. First of all, this person's not here. - Yeah, you love it. - That's a big defense of your life. - It is, yeah, it's true. Like this person doesn't have any sense that I've said anything, observed anything about them. - Yeah. - And I'm not name calling. - No, no, no. - I'm just like, oh, that's an interesting move or whatever. - Yeah. - That's unique. - Because the word I like, member, you know the word I don't like. - Weird, you hate weird. That's why I specifically just said you, Nika. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But do you say weird when you're watching with them? - No, I'm on high alert with them, dude. It's like you. (laughs) - I think God for them that they are also representing me. - Yeah, I think my thing, like what is the thing that gets triggered at me? The thing with me is some kind of baggage, which is like acknowledging reality isn't me. Like reality can maybe mean. - Yeah. - The world's implicitly mean in some sense. But pretending certain things don't exist in reality, to me feels very dishonest and not realistic. It's not how anyone thinks. It's like I say the thing that I know they were thinking, but you're supposed to not say. - Right. - And that just feels disingenuous. And it's like, what are we talking about? - But some, okay, but there's a scale. Like some people aren't thinking. - You miss a lot of stuff. Yeah. - Yeah, like. - But I blame your eyes for that. I think some of it is just your eyes, not your character. (laughs) - Maybe, maybe some of that is true. - Like we were watching someone infamously where this really came to a head. They had an enormous tongue. - Right. - To the degree where I was like, I can feel their struggle of trying to keep their tongue in their mouth. - And it's like stressing me out. - So aware of the tongue. - Yeah. - And I was like, I-- - You didn't notice it. - No, even when you pointed out, I was like, what do you mean? - And here's the spectrum. It's like, you didn't notice. I noticed and said something. Kristen noticed, but hadn't said anything. - But this means. - Yeah, when I said this, she's like, yeah, I've been watching it too. - Right. - And then you were like, that's so mean. Also, what are you talking about? - Well, it was mean to me because I was like, oh my God, you are, I think, well, it obviously triggers for me. - That people are nitpicking. - Yeah, so they're looking at everything that's wrong with me and they notice it. And I already feel that way. - Yeah. - And like, so I really, I don't really do that physically. Now, I do do it. - Yeah, you're watching couples retreat, our couples therapy. And I'm sure you have all kinds of-- - Oh God, I'm first to know. - A personality thing. And I'm very fast on it. Like, oh, this person is this. This person's doing this. This person's crazy. This person, I do that all the time. But physically, I really don't do that. And maybe as you said, it's not my character, but it is my trauma. And it is my reality. Like, I don't notice. - Yeah, you don't notice. There's been a few whammy's where we've been observing something. I'm like, you did not notice the guy had an eye patch on. You know, or something like that. - Well, this is the notorious story with Callie. - All right, it was about a girl. And she was like, oh, the woman with a lazy eye. And I was like, no. - Right. - And she was like, yeah, she has a very substantial lazy eye. - You're like Nate in that way. Remember my famous one was like Nate's roommate had Tourette. It's very visible and active Tourette. - Oh my God. - And lived with him for a very long time. - Yeah. - And then I said not in a mean way, just simply inquiring like so and so has Tourette. Like if they shared it all with that thing. You know what it's like to, I noticed they don't have it when they're performing, that's fascinating. - Oh, and he was like, what? - He literally was like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, what are you talking about? You live with this person. - I know. - Everyone here knows this. But you somehow, and you live with the person? I guess it's a beautiful quality. - I don't know where it comes from, but it is real. It is real. And then. - Like do you think any of your friends have massive Tourette and you've missed it? - They could. - Yeah. You seem to know my text pretty well. They're not given by you. - They're not. And either are just, you would join you there. But anyway, okay, yeah. So, whatever you commenting on, that was quote mean to them. Like can you give an example? - I mean, I'm afraid that the person would know I was talking about them in which case then it would be mean. - So it's not that they're stronger than them. - Generally them. - Oh, okay. - Well, I mean, I got a lot to say about the houses too. - Sure, sure, sure. I think what's regularly on the table with this show is and it's sweet. Ultimately it's sweet, but it's so delusional. A lot of these people are trying to get millions of dollars for these houses that like they're the only people in the world that want to live with them. It's so specific. - Yeah. - Someone's gonna have to definitely go in and like rip most of everything out. - Yeah, but it's like their heart and soul. - It's their heart and soul and it's sweet. But I'm also like when they show the thing at the beginning, it's like this many square feet on this much property in this state, $3.8 million. I'm like, guys, I just can't help it. I'm like, guys, they're gonna get $380 grand for this. Like that's the real, I also feel some obligation to let my kids know market value of places. - But that's not mean. - That can be mean to them. - Oh really? - Yeah, they love it. You know, it's like. - They call me to shut the book and be true. - It's like, it's not, again, I don't think it's mean. - It's a certain reality like 24 hours square feet in the middle of New Mexico, 300 miles from a town. - Oh, but, Dad, are you saying like, oh my god, this dump. And then they're like, okay. - No, I'm going, that house is really worth 270. - Okay, well yeah. - You know, like that's just the truth. - The truth is the truth. But sometimes you add color to the truth. - Well, that might happen. Well, then, yeah, so then some of the houses, I'm just getting physical anxiety. Imagining being in the house. 'Cause it's so, there's so much going on. It feels like a bad acid trip, right? It's just like a million due dads everywhere. And there's not a single plane wall you could like, look at and call 'em yourself. And so I will be expressing like, they'll go to Beth and I'm like, oh, like, I physically am like, I can't imagine sitting in that room. - Right. - Dad. - Oh. - You know. (laughing) - It's great, it's great. Every place is great for them. - That's not true, that's not true. They're discerning because at the end of each episode you're gonna vote, they vote on the show what was the most extreme house. And so we have favorites and then we're polling for certain ones. - No, not one. - So make credible tree houses and stuff. - They're aware of people, like I, yeah. - Yeah. - They're not nice. - You know what it is and this is a great, great thing. I think for them, if like it were quarterbacks of famous football teams houses we were going through and it was something insane about it, that'd be fine. But these are often really kind of introverted cute people and they just rather, you know, I get it. They're like the notion that they're tender and fragile in the notion that anyone say anything critical would be overwhelming to them and they feel protective of those people. - That's how I feel. - Through the television side. - That's how I feel. - And I go, but guys, you know. - 'Cause remember one time. - There's no toilet in that floor. - I know, but remember when we got in a fight because you did a voice of somebody. - Okay. - And I said, I said, well, probably, we don't know if the person sounds like, but you by looking at them gave them a voice. - Oh sure, sure. - And I said, "Dax, that's so mean." And then you got to, look, here's the other thing. It's like, you are funny and you make jokes and you do things like that. But then you're also very sensitive. So then if someone then says, like, that's mean, you feel like, I'm not mean. Like, you get defensive. - 'Cause I never in person make someone feel bad. - To be a mean person. - Right, and in real life, I'm not a mean person. You're not a mean person. - But in the safety of my bedroom, I do want to comment on this person's wardrobe. - Right. And so, but in that same way, that person that you gave the voice to, I felt, it was a fragile person. - Uh-huh. - You know, so. - Yeah. - But their voice probably sounded like it. - It really did, but like. (laughs) - What do you care? (laughs) - Okay, is the movie called Making County Line? Yes, that is a movie, 1974 action crime. Only an hour and 29 minutes. You know, that's my kind of movie. - Yeah, you hate anything. - I love it. - Over 155. - I love a short movie. Oh, he said he was gonna send us photos of his closet, but I doubt he did, did he? - You don't say me anything. I only like me anymore after the interview. (laughs) I think this is one of the first. Generally, people come in here and maybe, I think I'm not gonna like him. We become friends. This is the first time a friend came in, and I don't think he likes me anymore. - No, he does. - I'm pretty sure, you know what I'm talking about. - Of course he does. He just doesn't, he just doesn't want to be. - Interviewed. - Interviewed. - Yeah, yeah, that's fair. - Okay, Chicago, the Chicago Heat Wave of 1995. 739 people die. - That's crazy. - I know. Five-day period. - Move. - Scary. - That's over 100 today. - Oh my God, it peaked at 126 degrees. - What in Chicago? - Yeah, Rob, what were you doing then? - I don't remember that at all. - Do you think maybe you were on vacation? - He was like barren naked on his sheets with a fan on him. - He was a baby. - And he was constantly getting around. - Oh, no! - That's what was happening. - He was a trial. - No, how old were you? - Six years old, what was Ninety-Fourney Set? - I was Ninety-Fourney Set. - And appropriate. - I was picturing Sixty-Fourney. - It was in Ninety-Fourney. - Ninety-Fourney, it was a Seventh. - It was Ninety-Fourney. Maybe your parents took you out of town. - Yeah, maybe. - 'Cause it was in July. - You probably had great air conditioning. Didn't even know that. - Yeah, that's what I was thinking. - You're so struggling, Rob. - Okay, was Jeff Richmond, the SNL Music Director? Yeah, he was the Music Director for SNL and then 30 Rock and then a lot of other shows too. - I think he might have done Baby Mama's. - Oh, probably. - Score. - It's not a list. Oh, yeah. - Yeah. - Wow, ding, ding, ding. In 2008, he composed a score to the film, Baby Mama. Which starred Tina Fey and Amy Puller and Dark Shepherd. - Who doesn't say that? - No. - But I'll add it. It says citation needed. I'll add it. (laughing) - I'll add it. - More attorney in that too. I bet there's some people that would come before me. - I think you'd be next. - I don't know. - Is Greg Kanier in it? - Yeah. - Both of you would be next. - The Kanier ski. Steve Martin's in it. - Oh, shit. - Small part. - Yeah, small part. - Well, there are no small part. - Okay, how many people are deficient in vitamin D? - Everyone. - It does say globally about 1 billion people. So in the United States, estimates of deficiency widely vary from 30% to over 60% of adults. - I feel like it's the most common thing people find out when they start doing lab work. - I know, I almost don't. I'm like, if everyone is and no one is. - I got mine straight. Mine was in the toilet. There's also this chicken and the egg thing. Which is does low vitamin D cause inflammation? Or does the inflammation deplete your ability to process and whole vitamin D? So for a long time, they were looking at the cause and now some people think it is the result. - Interesting. - Okay, is finagle French for favor? - No. - No way. - No, you said that as a joke. - As a joke. - Yeah. But the origin of the word finagle, it emerges American slang in the 1920s. It likely derives from an older English and Irish dialect word, finagle. Which means to cheat at cards or reneg on a promise. - Uh-huh. That word reneg makes my children uncomfortable. - Me too, I don't like it. - Yeah, we were playing spades last night at dinner at a restaurant. And I said, oh, you just accidentally reneged. And they were like, what did you say? And they've heard it before. - I know. - Yeah, it's a dicey. - It is. - Yeah, it's really. - I know. - No, it is. - Oh my God, there was a crazy moment I saw. Thielvon had Tyson, my Tyson on a live show. - Oh, cool. - They did a live show. - Okay. - And Tyson made him say the N word. He was not taking no for an answer. - What? - Yes. I was like, geez, Louise, what happened to that situation? - Why, what was the context? - What was it? - I dropped in pretty, it was mid, his-- - That's so strange. - Yeah, he's like, just say it. (both laughing) He's like, come on, say it. - Oh my God. - Yeah, he was like, he was bullying him. And it's my Tyson, you know, you got a-- - You could eat your, you got to be careful. You got to kind of do whatever he says. - Well, you could hold your own, you could hold your boundary. Like, sir, I am not comfortable saying that. - I don't like that word, sir. - Yeah, that's how you say it, that's how you hold your boundary. - I can see why Tyson did it. I can see being in that situation and doing that. - He's so provocative. I mean, my God, he just can't stop himself. - Tyson or-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he's one of a kind, this is, you know, again, you don't get all, you know, you'd be the like, fucking most decisive punch-thrower in the history of boxing. - Yeah. - And then you also went to a finishing school, you know. - You probably don't get all those at once now. - No, and that is a result of him being like, really overweight as a kid being terribly bullied and his pigeons being killed. I mean, just a terrible childhood. - I mean, I don't think he's, I don't think he should have gone to finish, I don't think I know when he's to go to finishing school, but I also don't think you should force someone to say the end work. - Right, unless you're, he's entertained by it, and it's his right to do whatever he wants, 'cause he's the one who has to deal with it. Like in an audience, like, that's like-- - I'm not saying he should have, I'm saying I understand. He's like, I'm the one who gets to say this. - He gets to say it. - Yeah, and he gets to say, now I want you to say it. - I know, but it's mine. - But no one can force anyone to do something they don't want to do. - Correct. - Okay. - Unless it's to save their own life, then it gets a little murky, but yeah. - Okay, well yeah, they're like, if he's like-- - I don't want this oxygen mass, you know, shut the fuck up. - I'm gonna shove it on your face. - That's true. - There are exceptions. - There are very few. - Okay. - Well, all right, love you. (upbeat music)