Itchy Bones & Dream Catchers

Finished your essay a day early? That deserves a. Finally folded that laundry? That deserves a. Parallel parked on the first try? That deserves a. No matter what you accomplish today, celebrate with an ice-cold Coca-Cola. Because even the little wins deserve a big. Enjoy Coca-Cola. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends. No girl. Die alone. Shoot my face. Shotgun face. It was all good. It was all good. You want to sing, dude? I can sing. Let me do your life song. And he will not die alone. He'll have a fulfilled life with a beautiful wife and a couple of kids and they'll go fly a kite down by the ocean. And one of his kids will walk out too far and he'll go. What a birthday celebration. What a beautiful, beautiful. And let me say something. I appreciate everyone showing up to my party. It was a party. So we rented a bowling alley. Yeah. Montrose. Montrose. Shout out to Montrose Bowl, man. Yeah. It was an intimate little setting. Awesome. Eight lanes. Yeah. There are some people I was like, why are you here? Well, let me guess who. You know, but most people were like, oh. Had pleasant surprises. There was a couple of people that didn't show up that I thought would show up. And I think maybe it's. Well, Paul, dude, it's too far, buddy. It's not far at all. It was 15. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have my dog, he said. Bring the dog. No, we already had one. Yeah. Okay. And then who else? It was funny because there was all these different camps too. Well, it was the Tiger Belly Camp and the Bad Friends Camp. Bad Friends Camp. But then there was also other pockets of things. There were other pockets of comics. You had a lot of younger comics. Yeah, yeah. Younger comics, open micers. How was my speech? It was amazing. You called everyone an open micer. A lot of people that weren't open micers, you called open micers. They were kind of open mic-y. I don't really. I don't. That's a subjective term. And then I did a speech. What did I say? Did I mention. Who did I mention in my speech? Of course you. Did I mention you? You mentioned me, Kalilah. I was very sad. You mentioned me and Kalilah and the Bad. Yeah, you mentioned Bad Friends though before Tiger Belly. That is true. Yeah. Why, why? Well, it's by ranking. Yeah, yeah. Kalilah did a phenomenal job. Phenomenous job. Phenomenous job. One of the most phenomenous jobs I've ever seen. And I also met the Big Bad Wolf. Oh, you did. Jason Momoa. I will blow your house down. Dude. Dude, one of the nicest, coolest dudes. He was over today. By the way. Yeah. Handsome. But my point is, is that. Great. Let me say the rankings of gifts. Okay, gift ranking time. Okay. Gift ranking time, dude. And I'm going to say this in the most honest way possible. Please. Okay. Not only was this gift the best gift of the party, probably one of the best gifts I've ever received in my life. Whoa. And that's Gene Hong. He gave me these. No. Andrew. Andrew gave me something that was such a surprise. Out of left field, right? Here's what. I want to be surprised. You love a good surprise. Right? Number two, it's got to have value. Financial value matters to you. Yes. No. Sentimental value. That's. Fucking bullshit. Yeah, yeah. Hello. We bought you $500 Louis Vuitton glasses. You go, I want the expensive ones. Yeah. And you got me those. We did. We did. We went back and got you. But here's the thing, okay? What you gave me was shocking. You didn't expect it. It was the best gift I've ever got. Can I tell people what it was? Of course you can. Yeah. He gave me. I gave him his own home kit to make a Chinese water torture. And it's got all the instructions. It's so good. You can do waterboarding, right? It's really cool. Yeah. It comes with a mat. You know that Braveheart, you know what I mean, thing where he died at the end? That little, you know, slab? Dude, how fun. You can unroll that. I see an infomercial right now that's like, make your own waterboarding at home. Yeah. Timmy does it. Yeah. And then bamboo. You know what I mean? Because, you know, bamboo, the little sharp, like the tips? Yeah. You can stick it in the pink. Right in the tip-tip. Tip-tip. Anyway. Tell them what I got you for real. I have no idea what's going on. But he got me. Well, as everyone knows, I'm a big fan of Arsenal FC. It's a soccer team. It's your favorite soccer team. Mm, the shoes. The shoes are propping up the sign below. The shoes are down there. What shoes? The Arsenal shoes that I bought you. Let me see. They're propping up the sign. They remain in the box. Oh. Which is fine. Those are fine. This is fine. Yeah. The gift, you got me way better. Well, yeah, obviously. So he gave me. So Arsenal FC, their biggest star of all time was a guy named Thierry Henry. That's right. You got me a Thierry Henry signed soccer card. But it's a very exclusive card. Exclusive card. Hard to get. For some reason, you left the price tags on them. I did not. Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did. I did not. I can take photos of it right now, and I can show you the price tags on it. Really? Yeah. On every single item, there's a price tag. I must have forgot to take those off. So you know it is real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And in bold, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Or do you have a price machine at home, like one of those sticker machines? I don't know, because I Googled it. Oh, you did. I didn't trust it. It's right about right. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And then he got me an E3. Ethan Wanyeri rookie card. Now, this kid is from the academy. He's only 19 years old. He could be the next big thing. You think he might be one of the greatest Arsenal players of all time coming up? He's great. That good? I mean, he's one of the youngest starters we've ever had. Aside from Max Daumann, he was 16 or something when he first played for the A team. How old is this new kid? What, Max Daumann? No, how old is this new rookie? Now he's 19 or 20. Wow. He's 18. He's 18? This guy? Wanyeri? Ethan Wanyeri. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's 18. 18 years old. And you think he's. He was on the first team. He played for the first team at 16, 17 years old. That's disgusting. We have a kid named Max Daumann who debuted at 15 three weeks ago. He can't even drive a fucking car. Yeah. They've never inserted their genitals into other genitals. You never know. I don't know how they. Yeah, yeah. That's your personality story as a measure. Yeah. Excuse me? Well, that's how you joined teams when you were a kid. Or they've never had caviar. Is that better? That's probably. That's probably closer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've never had caviar. They've never had like, you know, snow beef. I love snow beef. Love. You know snow beef? I think I've had it with you. Yeah, yeah. We have snow beef together? Yeah, snow beef, dude. But wait, the thing I got you that I'm really interested in. And then you got me a couple of different packet of a set of cards. Yeah. that I probably will never open. Well, here's the deal. I'm told. And I have to give some love to the truth of this. Our good friend helped me. I went to. I was going to a store. I ran into a good friend of ours. Do you remember who I ran into? Did you go with him to there or you just ran him? No, no. I literally random ran into him. There was no way. How were the odds? My hand to God. And I was like. He was walking out of one store next door. These two cool. I'll show you where they are. Okay. Collectible stores. And I was like, I want to get a collectible for you. And he's walking out with his buddy. And I was like, you have to be kidding me. Wow. And it's David Cho. Yeah. And I was like, dude, what are you doing here? He's like, what are you doing here? I was like, I'm coming to get a gift for Bobby. And I was like, are you coming to the party? That's why when I showed you his text. Was he invited? Yeah. He didn't come. I showed you the text. He said, my kids, I have to. You know what? I'm tired. You know what I'm tired of? Oh, God. What? He has kids, man. I'm tired of. That's the excuse. Anyone that has a kid, that's the greatest excuse. I don't have the information if they're sick, if they're dying. If one of them's in prison. Well, his younger kid is in prison. They have a dying toe. Right? There's nothing. I know. Itchy. Itchy bones. They're nothing. Itchy bones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Itchy bones disease, you know? I don't know. Right? It could just be like, this is an excuse. I don't want to drive all the way over there, so I'm just going to say kids. I think he really couldn't because he was upset by it, but he helped me pick this up. No. All right. He helped me pick it out, and he said that box set, he goes, Bobby's an addict. I'm an addict. He's like, the thing I love about comic books and new card things is because it's like an addict. It's an itch to scratch. Yeah, we're both addicts. And by the way, he said. He said, he said, in that pack, you can choose to not open it, but in that pack could be a like one of 10 card that's worth 10 grand. What's the card? You'll know when you open it up because it'll have a special look to it of an arsenal. It'll say the sticker on it, one of 10 or one of number on it. He's like, you should open it. He opens all of them. You don't have to. Yeah. But I think it's worth it. Because that pack, because the price tag was on it. on it was 500. I think that's what it said $500 for just a packet of fucking but that's not the real price you know that I put fake prices on those so how much was the Thierry Henry one I think the Thierry Henry card was like 36 bucks and 40 cents and the rookie card he gave me for free and that box said I think literally was $19.99 so I think I spent like 65 bucks thank you appreciate it I really do appreciate it I'm going to throw them in a fucking you want me to throw them in a fucking fire no stop it look at me right now I will throw them in a fire sure I don't care are they the real prices no I'm going to throw them in a fire the Henry one is don't do that please don't do that that one was not cheap but is it the right but the rookie card was free I will say shout out the guy was friends with Cho and he was like can I give this to you to give to Bobby as like an included gift well because we'd spent enough money that he was like can I give you a free gift wow that's a huge one well he was super rad that's the most exciting one well he's also a big fan so he was like is this cool if I give you a gift to give to him I was like that's fucking awesome he owns the store so he was like I'm going to give you a rookie card he goes Bobby will know who it is and I said okay so I put it in the thing it's so good it's awesome it was you know the Wanyeri card was like a deep cut and it was like in my mind I'm like Andrew's doing research yeah yeah he just said that he says I was being very mindful I did some research well I did research on where to go to get a collectible that I was looking for for you so that is true but he helped me with the other side all right I'm going to go down did I try to go get a Tierra Henri thing for you you know what I really tried to buy for you a signed jersey from Tierra Henri I don't want that framed on your wall in your room I don't do that you don't want that no I'm not like fucking well then I'm glad I didn't buy it because like a midwestern like this is my man cave dude I'm alpha male dude look I got fucking Troy Aiken fucking signed whatever you know what I mean I don't like that god you're such a cuck and a deer head I shot that in the woods with my father grandfather and father when I was 17 years old you don't like those fans no so you don't like anything I love them okay I'm just not that kind of guy I'm beta you're very you're very sensitive and soft yeah yeah yeah I listen you want to know the posters I have in my room sure I have a poster of Depeche Mode no Peter Sellers and Shirley MacLaine together framed right okay I have a photo of Brian Ferry singing okay okay I have a photo of I have a really cool cool Lou Reed one on the street I have a photo of Tashira Mufun in his underwear doing a cheer hmm why it's like is that at a party or it's a posed photo it was at a party it was just like it was a candid photo of him partying yeah that's kind of cool yeah what else do I have a couple of movie posters but you know I'm not you know I'm not you know I have like a deer head on my wall I don't think that's the thing I have a dream catcher oh that's close to a deer head yeah yeah I have a little dream catcher has it caught any of your dreams all of them really saving them all have any of them come true I hopefully not because they're all nightmares wait really oh yeah I have nightmares isn't dream catcher supposed to encompass your catch your dreams and put them back out into the world isn't that what I think it catches nightmares well I'm pretty sure yeah it catches them before it goes into your head like it you should know this dude you were on reservation dogs yeah did you not pay attention to anything that those guys said I never even shook their hands you were on reservation dogs you never shook one hand no I'm kidding no he's kidding I love them rank your gifts here we go let's get a gift alright so number one Andrew thank you number two I have to say Gene Hong what did he get you he got me those AirPods that translate language no the AirPod 3's that just came out yeah yeah yeah did you try it no they're still in the box you're never gonna use it when I go to fucking Mongolia or something I would when are you going I go to Mongolia every year every year you go is that where you go there's a hut out there dude I don't think you're gonna use that and I love eagles big Mongolian eagles yeah yeah I love Mongolian eagles and their beef is good they're delicious well the Mongolian eagle meat is good that's what Mongolian beef is isn't it yeah yeah I have one of those sky cow I have one of those hand you know those eagle hand mittens sky cow everyone needs one of those of course absolutely right you know what I also have you know how the cocks fight the cock fight and the cocks the little roosters I have the little knives and the elbows oh the elbow knives I have a collection of those I collect weird things but my point is let's rank down the fucking cocks the fucking gifts me, Gene Hong right and then what did he give you again the air pods it's not that good I mean it's nice it's okay now that being said you know it's gonna go down way down yeah well so three was I have to say Sarah Hyland my ex-girlfriend yeah she got me some weird shit she's cool that's why she got me this weird Japanese it's like a vintage toy from the 70s wow right and it's like and it's just like this weird Asian doll she goes let me take it out she took it out and there's a button and it goes hi-yah a little tiny Asian doll yeah that's a karate that goes up to number one yeah that's great that's pretty cool that's really cool yeah and then but it's a little scary it sounds a little creepy it's a little scary her gifts and then just give me dead last now you can't go four, five, six okay okay I'll give you dead last and it's nothing against him it must be it must be I don't wanna so Sandy Danto oh wow he shows up two hours late he was pretty late but I think he had his thing with his kids oh really kids again well he showed up yeah that's big itchy bones yeah oh my kids have shivering eye disease that happened yeah yeah I'm gonna call I'm gonna call Sandy's I'm gonna call Sandy itchy bones from now on so he goes here dude happy birthday I know you like these what is it and I could tell it's dream water you know what dream water is no clue dream water is what you go to the airport and you can you know you go to like any of those stores yeah and it's a you know melatonin-y drink right like a yeah right and it came in a box but the box was so tattered and torn that I knew that he probably bought it 10 years ago on the road never gave it to anybody and never gave it to anybody he's like I know you like these it was like the most tattered I've ever seen any box you know what I mean it's like brown and you know what I mean I love that and I was like sat in his car and I just like okay cool man thanks yeah what did he say when he gave it to you sorry man happy birthday happy birthday yeah yeah dude he had he told me he had 20 tattoos and he never used to have tattoos I said when did this happen he goes honestly dude I just started getting them my wife and I wanted to get tattoos and then overnight he goes I filled my arms his arms are filled with tattoos I've never seen them he had so many tattoos he's always wearing like long sleep shirts I know but I was shocked wow I think it's time for me by the way I had a daydream the other day to get a tattoo I think it's time I think a neck one is time yeah that's insane yeah yeah that's insane I love Sandy he's a very funny guy always long sleeves yeah yeah so he always wore his suit coat look at his suits he dresses so great though yeah the kid's got great style he's got great style fancy you don't have a tattoo either isn't it time to get a tattoo no come on yeah what are you gonna get I don't know you have to dictate it what I mean you love the bears not that much oh let me think let me I don't know a cute just golf club just one little yeah yeah but right here yeah smaller even maybe right there on my head and just thin yeah thin line that's what I want thin lines yeah yeah like your arsenal I don't have an arsenal I'm gonna get how about this I thought you had an arsenal I wanna get one I wanna get an arsenal here what are you gonna get the cannon yeah yeah and then you get a golf club we'll go no yeah that's pretty cool that kinda looks like a scar though yeah it looks like a scar yeah too thick it's also poorly done yeah what does that say papa that's a little creepy it's a little creepy what if I write daddy with a golf club yeah that's for you a golf club on your shoulder daddy Danny something what about your wife something about your wife or something like a just like a like something that reminds me of her on me yeah or a little I'm trying to think of what that do you have a do you have like a little funny thing that you call her like pumpkins or I do yeah what is it I have a nickname what's a nickname I'm not saying what's up with this guy that killed this girl and they found her in the trunk I wouldn't even know it's so dark dude this guy named David David he's a rapper in LA they found his Tesla in a dump yard I heard and a year went by they found the body of this girl he killed a year ago she was sitting in a car for that long so where was the Tesla in his driveway no it was in a dump yard in a junk yard right well but they also interviewed the neighborhood like the neighbors that he lived in they were like oh my dog would always like sniff at the car and there was a foul stench so he kept her in the car for a long enough time then he turned it into like a impoundment lot and it just sat there and somebody what what what what a bad what a bad criminal well let's not kill let's not don't do that but if you're going to but if you're going to think it through think it through yeah yeah like you know you gotta know you know like the wolf in um in Pulp Fiction yeah yeah you need one of those guys you call that guy they take the Tesla and they crush it in that fucking crushing machine and it's gone forever it's gone forever no this guy didn't do his due diligence yeah you guys just leave it there also I listened to some of his music because I'm not familiar with him good no it's bad so it's they should get him they gotta get him it's terrible yeah what would you do though how would you do it if I was going to kill you no no no but how to hide a body hmm well you've obviously thought about it so do you want to divulge no that's what I'm asking now I've never even thought about it hmm you know so you know what does one do is there okay let's say here's a scenario someone attacks someone you love which one someone hurts your mom now oh my god forget it now you're a renegade and you go to Arizona to kill this person you find him you kill them you call me well my brother would kill him first How is he gonna get a ride to Arizona? He has a car. It's never going to make it. I've seen that thing. It's brand new. I bought him one. Wait, I just bought him a new car? Yes. Why'd you do that? He's my brother. You can buy me a new car. You have, what name, the car you have for me? All right, Jay Leno. You could buy me an Andres a new car. Yeah, no, you know what? Because that wasn't on. All right, and then to sign this, I'm going to come up. You know how annoying that is? I actually said to him, I go, you're going to need a new car at some point. He goes, I'm going to write it to the wheels file off. His car has 270,000 miles on it. Oh my God. But it still runs well, even though the engine light, check engine light. But it smells in there because those cloth seats, after like 20 years, there's so much stuff in those seats. How many times have you hooked up in that car? I don't hook up in my car. You've never hooked up in your car when you're in high school? You never hooked up in that car? I don't really hook up with people in high school. McCone. You never hooked up in a car in high school? You've never hooked up in the back seat of a car? I have, but not my car. You're a pussy, dude. You're weak. You go in their car? I have. Be a gentleman. Whose car? There's one girl. But after we saw- A Waymo? At the Americana. It's so funny to fucking a Waymo. That'd be great. Someone was the other day. Why don't you stop doing that behavior, please? You're going to get cum all over the streets. Stop, stop, stop. It goes against policy rules. Stop, stop, stop. Yeah. So let's go back to- He gives her criticism. To my mom. Use your hands a little less. Yeah, yeah. You're doing it too wrong. Quo. Q-U-O. Quo. Oh, one of the tools I've personally seen make a huge difference for business owners is Quo. Formally open phone. That's what they used to be called before. And it's the same great business phone system you've heard me talk about before, just with a brand new name. 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And the best part is you can do that from the comfort of your own home. If you want to be comfortable while you are kind of divulging pieces of you that might be uncomfortable, you got to try Talkspace. As a listener of this podcast, you're going to get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com slash bad friends and enter promo code. Space 80. That's Space 80. S-P-A-C-E 80 to match with a licensed therapist today. Go to Talkspace.com slash bad friends and enter promo code Space 80. Celebrate with an ice cold Coca-Cola because even the little wins deserve a big enjoy Coca-Cola. Um, my mother gets murdered. Your mother gets murdered and you call me and you go, dude, we need to, we need to take care of this guy. I have already, already. I wouldn't do that. You wouldn't call me. No witnesses. You would no connect. I don't want to connect you to the prime. I'd, I'd, if somebody hurt your mother, I would, you would never help me. Dude, what are you talking about? Is that real? You really believe that? Murder? I don't, I, as a friend, I wouldn't want you an accessory to murder. Well, if your mom is dead and you're going to go on a hunt to kill this person, this show's over. So I might as well fucking dump in. It's not over because I'm going to get away with it. You're never going to get away with it. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to Google it. They don't. Check GPT in. You're going to end up like David. No, I'm David, no. You're going to end up just like David. I'm going to be one step ahead of David. Really? He can dance. Yeah, yeah. You have no steps. He's got steps. Yeah, yeah. I don't even know what the scenario is. Some random guy? Here's what happened. Your mom, your mom was playing pie gal and she took the table. She's good at pie gal. She's killer at pie gal. And there's a guy there. Well, then I have some questions. Huh? Is it an underground tournament? No, no, no. This is public. It's at Talking Stick, the casino right near your mom's house. She's at the Talking Stick. She's by herself? She's in a room at a pie gal table. It's late at night. There's two or three people at the table. Who are the people that are on the table? There's a short little tiny, black guy who's really good. Can he be Puerto Rican? There's a short little tiny Puerto Rican guy who's really good. He's in his mid-60s. Now it's fun. Now it's fun. He's divorced. The second guy. Okay. Then there's another man there, a mysterious man. White. Gotta be. A white guy who just moved to Arizona. He has an underdeveloped hand. Both of his hands? No, just one of them. One of his hands is a claw hand. Not just claw. It's just like a nub with just two fingers. Two fingers. Like peace. They call him peace. Because every time he, you know, he waves, people think he's doing the peace sign. Yeah, peace, man. But he's just saying hi and bye. Okay, I like it. I like it. He's got one leg much longer than the other one, so it's hard for him to. Whoa. Yeah, he kind of walks with like a. He does a little. Wow. People look like he. Well, he's got good rhythm, to be honest. Yeah, yeah. That's why he's the peace guy. People can see this guy coming, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you can hear his shoe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so this guy has it out for your mom because she's killing the table. He's got his mortgage on the line. He loses it. He's waiting out for your mom by the car. He's smoking a cigarette. Oh, my God. And he thinks, I'm going to rob her because she killed it tonight. She made $50,000 cash. This is making me so angry already. He tries to rob your mom, but he acts. Oh, my God. This makes me so angry. I know. What are you going to do? Oh, my God. Well, I'm setting you up. What do you do now? Did she die? Yeah. How? He pushed her. She fell. Oh, that's it? She's 100 years old. Oh, yeah. Okay, and then, so how do I know about it? It breaks on the news. In Arizona, an elderly. W-4-5-6. Welcome back to the Evening Hour. Tonight, a woman was killed out at talking stick. This is me watching it. An elderly Chinese woman was killed tonight at talking stick after playing Pai Gao. Her name. Bobby Mom. That's good. She was killed in the parking lot of the talking stick casino. This is the suspect on the run. Poof. Photo up. You see where he is? He's somewhere in rural northern Arizona. What's the photo look like? He's leaning. Well, it's Peace. We know what he looks like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's seen last in Flagstaff, northern Arizona. His name is Doug Peace McGovern. Doug Peace McGovern. If you have any information about him, please call the Arizona hotline. The first thing I would do is call my brother. Not you. Wow. Because you're not going to help me murder. I think you're grossly underestimating what I would do for you. I really think you are. But that's fine. No, no. Don't change your fucking answer. I'll call you. If you don't want my help when you kill somebody, don't fucking call me. No, go to prison with me because we could do the pod in prison. Really bad friends. Bad friends live from L.A. County Jail. Yeah, yeah. In the middle of the show, some guy's like, you boys ready for lunch? I'm like, yes, sir. Yeah. I call you. Ding, ding. Ring, ring. Hey, Bob. What's going on? Are you okay? My mother was murdered. Your mother was murdered? Yeah. It was just on KT or whatever. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I think his name is Peace McGovern or something. Are you telling me Peace McGovern did this? How the fuck do you know Peace McGovern did? He killed my mother. That's it. I'm coming over. Yeah. What did he do to your mother? Oh, yeah. I remember. I hung up. I know. But whenever you hang up. He's talking to the dial tone? No, I keep talking because you hang up too early. I do. And I want to keep talking. Yeah. I spend hours after you hang up. I hang up so fast on everybody. I always love to hang up fast. Listen, what are you doing now? You're calling your brother. Be real. You call your brother. I call my brother and my brother already is going to be livid. Like, out of his mind. Yeah, of course. Somebody murdered your mom. I go, pick me up. He picks me up. We'll go straight to Arizona. You're going to drive or fly? If the cops can't find him, how am I going to find him? You have to take revenge in your own hands. Have you never seen Taken? Have you never seen. Yeah, but I don't know how to do any of that. I show up to this crime scene in the back of, what, Chopsticks Casino? What is it? Chopsticks Casino. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm wandering around and there's the yellow tape. Yeah. You know, my brother and I have flashlights. Well, the lights are on. But I mean, you can have flashlights if you want. We have to. We have to have flashlights. I have to have a pad. You should have a pad. Yeah, yeah. A legal notepad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm dressed like. You, right now. You're not changing clothes. No, I have to change. You do? Yeah, dude. - You're gonna buy a suit? - No, I have to change like Sherlock Holmes, like 17th century English attire. - Beautiful. - Hello. - Hello. - I'm here, you know what I mean? We have notes, flashlights, and then it's like, what am I, I don't have the technology to get fingerprints, that. - Let's say that you did find him. - Okay, good. - How do you kill him? Guy that kills your mind. - Okay, good. - How do you find him? - We find out his address. - Oh my God. - What do you do? - Well, first of all, I'm gonna have to have a conversation with my brother. - You know the Chinese water torture kit I bought? - Yeah. - Finally, it'll come to use. - I was saying to my brother, Steve, all right, I know you're gonna, I don't know why you have the machete, but I go, we wanna torture him. - Yeah, you gotta slowly torture him. - Yeah, yeah, don't just go swinging. - No. - You know what I mean? - No. - So what we'll do is, we'll, well, I'll tell you what we'll do. - Hmm. - We'll capture him. - Yeah, you got him. - I'm gonna rent a warehouse somewhere in Gilbert, Arizona. - That's a big, I mean, right now the prices are through the roof, but yeah, it's fine. I would spend every dollar that I have to build a warehouse. - How many square feet are we talking to this warehouse? - I don't know about square feet, but probably 500 by nine. - 500 feet by nine feet. - Yeah. - Okay. - Yeah. - It's an odd layout. - Narrow. - But I do like it. - It's very narrow. - It's a long hallway. 500 by nine's a long hallway. - Yeah, 'cause there's gonna be a lot of running. - Back and forth. Oh, he's not, oh, you're gonna make him run back and forth. This is actually very smart. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - 500 by nine. - 500 by nine. - If anybody can please draw this up. - This torture chamber that's 500 feet by nine feet. Also, actually very intelligent, because the 500 looks like there's hope down the road. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But the nine feet is, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - So he can, he's got a little bit of space. - Well, no, but the 500 fluctuates. - Gets shorter as we-- - No, it's like one of those, remember like in "Star Wars" that the trash can machine, the garbage, yeah. - It closes in? - Yeah. - Like that, that's what it kinda looks like. - Yeah, yeah, it closes in and out. - That would give you nightmares. - Nightmares, dude. - Like a long endless hallway. - Right, it's no windows out. And so what we'll have at the very end of that hallway, right, is a surgical table. - Oh, a surgical table. - I'm gonna, what? - I don't get it yet, but a surgical table. I didn't get it, so I was like, ooh, yeah, that's good. Why is that there? - Yeah, no, I'm no doctor. - Neither. - But I will hire a black market surgeon, okay? - Sure. - And what we're gonna, I'm gonna say to this guy, I go, I'm gonna pay you $1 million. - Hm. - What? - You have a million bucks to do what? - You'll see. - Oh, all right. - Right, we're gonna knock him out, right? And we're gonna give him female genitalia. - Oh. - For free. - For free. - For free. - For free. - Yeah. - Not that, but he probably doesn't want it. - Maybe he does. How funny, he wakes up, he's like, perfect. - Yeah. - That's exactly what I needed. - Wow, I've been gambling so I can get this surgery. - It is the only reason I gamble every day. - Yeah, I shouldn't have killed your mom. Well, I'm glad I killed your mom because now I get this. - Now I have what I want. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So you're gonna remove? - His genitals. - I think you make him genital-less as a whole. He has nothing. - Like a Barbie thing. - Yeah, Barbie's a Ken doll. - Right. - Or you can put anything as a genital replacement. - What could you put in place? - Or, no, that's good, but you know what's worse? You give him no openings. - Right. - Oh, I just bundle them up. - Right, so the pee and the poo, it just gathers inside his body. - Stitch him up. - Like a hose? - Yeah, yeah. - And he just bloats into this poopy. - It's a good horror movie. - Stitch him up. - The beginning of nothing, man. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - We have to force feed him. - Well, yeah, a tube and you blend it. - To the throat. - Right. - Right? - Tube, the wet throat. - Can you imagine this doctor's like, you guys have, you guys got me doing way too much. The doctor's like-- - No, he'll leave. After the surgery-- - I'm a black market doctor, but I have other stuff to do. - Just, this is what I would say to him. - Dr. Ma-ma-ma-ma-la-lo. - Ma-ma-la-lo. - Yeah, Ma-la-la-lo. - Ma-ma-la-lo. - Dr. Ma-la-la-lo. - Dr. Ma-ma-la-lo. - Where is he from? - What? - Dr. Ma-ma-la-lo? - Somewhere in the eastern or northern region. I'll tell you that right now. - Somewhere northeast. - From a different place. - Dr. Ma-ma-la-lo. - Yeah, yeah. - And I say, just put the tube in. I know you did the bottom surgery. - Thank you for that. - Thank you so much. Here's the money, right? Just put the tube in. You know how to put the food into the tube? - How funny, when it breaks, you have to call him. You're like, "Dr. Ma-ma-la-lo." - Yeah, yeah. - "The tube is disconnected. You're gonna have to come back to that." - Yeah. And so then once he, then we'll just, he leaves, and then my brother and I, for like a week, we'll just be feeding him. - Wow. - And watching him blow. - Until he pops. Eventually, he's gonna pop. - He'll pop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You gonna film the pop and put it on IG? - TikTok, yeah. - Yeah, TikTok that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But what do you think of that? - I think it's a great torture, and I would support you. Unfortunately, I mean-- - All right, let's go to you now. - If somebody killed my mom? - Can I give you the scenario? - Go for it. I know you're already building one up. - Right. Your stepdad's out of town, business trip. - Yeah, well, he's retired, but yeah, I got it. He goes back, he gets, he un-retires. - Yeah, he un-retires. - He gets a job he can't refuse. He gets a job-- - What is the job? What is he doing? - It's some sort of repair job. I know he's not good at that. - He loves repairs. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like a plumbing, lighting, electrical-- - Big electrical guy. - Yeah, it's a bunch of stuff. And they're like, "We'll give you 500 grand." - Jump action? - "One day at work, we'll fly you out first class." - Wow, gotta do it. - But here's the kicker. - Uh-oh. - It's not even real. It's the killer luring your stepdad away. - It's a ruse. - It's a ruse. - Wow. - He shows up in Louisville Airport, right? No one's there to pick him up. - Right. - Meanwhile, your mom's alone at the house. - Oh, no. - Yeah. - And there's a man that comes in. - What is he doing? - He's doing, he's dancing, I'll tell you that. He dances into the house, I'm so sorry to say. - It's pretty bold. - Yeah. He does like a MC Hammer dance. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, right. - Yeah. And he has a tomahawk. - Ooh. - Is he native or is this-- - No. - Oh, this really-- - He started from dances with wool. - That's very disrespectful. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's very disrespectful. - Right, that's what-- - Cultural appropriation. - Cultural appropriate murder. - Yeah, yeah. - Cultural inappropriate murder. - Right. And he, unfortunately, throws the tomahawk right at your mom's leg. Mom's leg just slides right off. She's screaming. Then he makes a makeshift tourniquet. - Oh, no. - And then, so she doesn't bleed out. - Oh, he helps her. - Just to do more torture. - Oh, no. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then he has some sort of medieval mallet. - My guy just pushed your mom down. Your mom just broke her hip and died in the parking garage at your talking stand. - Oh, I'm sorry. - Jesus, get it over with. - All right, just let me do one last part. - No! - Anyway, mallet, pop, pop, pop, pop in the head. Anyway, so then you get a call from the cop. - Chicago cops call. - Hey. - Hey, we found a murderer over there in your mother's house. - What would you do? - Your father's out of town. We gotta go though, we got dinner. - What would you do? - Ooh. I mean, I definitely would take it into my own hands if anybody hurt anybody in my family. - You would? - If you caught the guy, what would you do? Let's just get to the catch. - So catch, you gotta catch first. You can't kill, 'cause kill is too weak. You gotta catch the guy. - Look what I did. - I know. - So I'd cut off his feet. - Oh, that's always a good one. - Little nubby guy. - Yeah, yeah. - And then I'd, every single day goes by, I'd cut off each finger. So each finger slowly gets cut off. - Can I have all the limbs? - Yeah, I'll save them for you. - It's arts and crafts. Yeah, yeah. - Bobby's waiting. - I'll do something with it. - Waiting on a FedEx. He's like, "Andrew's FedEx is still not here." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I did two day. Why would you ship me limbs two day? - Yeah. - I couldn't, same day was expensive. - Oh, so pack it in ice. - And then, and here's what I do. Cut off his little finger. Oh, pack it in ice. - Yeah, yeah, thank you. - I cut off a finger a day, cut off his feet, so he's got nubbies. And then eyes, eyes gone. - That's always good. - Eyes absolutely gone. - How do you put them out? With a spoon? - Ooh, hot spoon, hot stove spoon? - That's good. - Hot stove spoon. - Hot stove spoon. - Hot stove spoon. Scoop it right out. - Scoop them out. - Do you want the eyes or should I throw 'em away? - Keep the eyes. - Keep, I'll keep the eyes. - Yeah, keep the eyes. - Hot, ooh, an ice cream scooper. - Ice cream scooper's better. - It's perfect. - And then you fill it with pistachio ice cream. - Each of his eyes is pistachio ice cream. - I'm just throwing it out there. - Well, in case I get-- - Maybe a Rocky Road pistachio. - Right. - Oh my God. - So good. - Yeah. - And then. - You know, he'd be freaking, he'd be like, "What the fuck?" You know what I mean? He'd drip, it would be so itchy and just the coldness of the ice cream in his sockets. - And he can't itch it out 'cause his nubs can't. And then I have to cut out his tongue. So he really can't say much. - Keep the tongue. - Nope, cut it, gone. He can't say anything. - All right, ship that, ship that. - I'm shipping the tongue. - Okay, okay. - And then I'm gonna get a tattoo artist, one of the best in the world. Yeah, I'm gonna get like Dr. Wu or somebody incredible. - Yeah. - You know? - Kat Von D maybe. - Sure, Kat Von D. - Yeah. - And they're gonna tattoo all over his chest in unbelievable amount of racial epithets. Like, you know, like a swastika, the N-word all over him. Just like the most foul stuff all over his body. I hate blacks. Right on his chest. - You could go further. - You can. And then I'm gonna drop him off like in "Die Hard." Right, just like that. So he has no way to speak or walk or tell everybody what's going on. And I'm gonna drop him off in the middle of the worst neighborhood in the world that I can find and let them eat him alive slowly but surely. - Oh. - I'll never make it out. But I'm also not killing him and here's why. - Why? - Because you want someone to be able to have vengeance 'cause then that's a good movie. That's a good second movie. If he comes back for me, now it's a film. - Well, he has no eyes. - They thought they killed me. - And there's no nubs on his feet. - And no tongue. - Wow. - I seek revenge. - Imagine if he came back. - The tongueless. - Yeah. - And he comes back for me. - Yeah. - That's another, that's a second movie. - Yeah. - Like "Oldboy." - Just like "Oldboy." - Just like "Oldboy." - What's a good idea, dude? - We got really dark and deep there. - I'm so sorry. - Me too. I hope no one ever hurts anybody that we love. - No, no, we'll never do that. we will kill you if you mess with our mom yeah just i mean i think i think people can relate i think that's a no-go your mom is it's the one you can't touch the mom dad fine dad yeah no yeah no no one sibling is bad too but just something about your mom because it's your oh my my mommy oh my the helplessness excuse me my mom's 80 and she's just laying there you know what i mean oh alone oh my god it makes me so angry oh there she is there she is okay sweet sweet lady yes what a sweet lady okay good put it hold on pull that up again is it was there two cameras taking pictures of her what do you mean well she's looking one way and then the other way i feel like there was just camera okay she didn't know which camera to look at is what it kind of can i tell you can i tell you something so one camera was dead on the other one was to the left can i tell you something this is something you don't know and i can call your mom right so when my mom was dead on the other one was to the left and i was dead on the other one was to the left all right can i be honest you started that whole war three years ago so my mother when she was seven or eight years old right she had chronic pneumonia okay she got pneumonia all the time yeah no but she had this one sickness where her left eye the pupil went all the way so you couldn't even see it it wouldn't even the pupil went like out of like it was fucked up by her face so bad she went her eye went into her fucking what yeah it was like that when she moved to america but also that's why it's the best country in the world they're fixed now almost yeah yeah yeah so um when she um as a kid was teased and bullied because of that eye she was yeah yeah like chronically it was bad well thanks i'm glad and then the crux of the show and then i know and then let me finish right she comes to america and my dad had a little bit of money and when she met him he got those that eye fixed he said i'm gonna fix your eye yeah so that's now the result of it you can make fun of her all you want i do yeah i know yeah but well you make fun of me too you make fun of my mom too yeah but your mom's perfect that's exactly right yeah no your mom your mom your mom got it all fixed out and i'm glad that it no but you still make fun of her eye i have and it's fucking crazy well i have to it's insane yeah yeah i have i'm bobby mom all the time but in fact in fact i go out in public probably 10 times a day that's been mentioned and then you gotta go right that was but your face is not really that happy your eye look at that you're like good i get it i get it every day i get it i didn't know when that's not your mom by proxy it is and i love her so i love her dearly yeah anyway i can't believe you never told me that story about your mom's eye unless it's fucking bullshit it's not bullshit that's real you do bullshit stuff like that it's 100 real that that happened uh i mean it's very traumatic for her well it's terrible then why didn't you say that when we started joking about it years ago because we're a comedy show and i thought you meant well but now you keep digging and digging it i didn't dig he brings up the photo well he did that yeah yeah you're like look at that eye one way and i'm just telling you well we love your mother i'm the one that flew her out to see you yeah bring in a student let's see if we got a student that we want to chat with rocket money the amount of subscriptions that we had you cancel through this company is actually very laughable okay i had oatmeal an oatmeal subscription yeah i swear to god this is coming to your house i had oatmeal coming for months at like nine months in a row stacked right and i had to go to rocket money and that's where i found the discrepancy the discrepancy that's right yeah well you need it because rocket money rocket money is incredible rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions monitors you're spending it helps lower your bill so you can grow your savings and here's what i'm telling you about it they show you all your expenses in one place they try to negotiate to lower your bills they make it so easy for you if you're someone that has a lot of subscriptions like all of us do let rocket money clean it up for you they also will negotiate lower bills for you the app automatically scans your bills to find opportunity to save save and then goes to work to get you better deals they'll even talk to customer service so you don't have to rocket money's five million members have saved a total of 500 million and cancel subscriptions with members saving up to 740 dollars a year when they use all the ass premium features and let that be you as well cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with rocket money go to rocket money.com slash bad friends today that's rocket money.com slash bad friends rocket money.com slash bad friends true classic you know when you you know when you look the sexiest what tell me when you're wearing true classic classic is honestly so good some of my favorite shirts that i own are from true classic and i mean that genuinely there's comfortable um and they're well priced and the best part about true classic is you can wear them everywhere i wear them uh to meetings i can wear them when we're filming something i can wear them here you can wear them everywhere and that's why they're so nice and sleek and comfortable and they're very affordable which is nice and clearly people agree because people vote with their dollars and true classic has sold over 25 million shirts to more than 5 million customers and racking up over 200 000 five-star reviews god it's so many people so good people do vote with their dollars so the shirts fit like they should they feel incredible and you don't break the bank you get that tailored look without sacrificing comfort or blowing your budget so forget the overpriced designer brand skip the cheap throwaway stuff true classic is built for comfort built to last and built to give back i've been wearing them for a long time now and the difference is very visible you can find them at amazon target costco sam's club or head to true classic.com bad friends to try them out for yourself that's true classic.com bad friends you finished your essay a day early that deserves a finally folded that laundry that deserves a parallel parked on the first try that deserves a no matter what you accomplish today celebrate with an ice cold coca-cola because even the little wins deserve a big enjoy coca-cola this actually could be my little sister yeah you could be your daughter not my daughter she's like 20 years old yeah you're 40 fuck i am yeah you could have had her when you were 20 22 i'm 42 yeah yeah shit dude you could have been how old are you 21 wow that could have been my kid yeah your daughter could have been my daughter yeah where's your do you know your mom and dad i do know them okay thank god um talk closer into the mic and put you want the earphones on or yeah this is quinnipiac isn't it quinnipiac quinnipiac would you go to quinnipiac for media stuff yeah i would go to quinnipiac for media stuff or something film film yeah you want to be a director no okay actress no writer no keep guessing producer no rigor no keep going what'd you call her a riga sorry uh no what you can't rigor you don't know rigor as you rigs you don't know fucking rigor yeah a grip no you want to be oh oh i know i do know what wardrobe makeup make hair you guys are missing like the other big one i feel like you're getting producer writer director actor huh editor oh my that was a good one it's funny because we don't value them yeah yeah he's he is you want to edit things that's awesome yeah yeah they're the best so you don't mind being locked up in a small dark room no i prefer it i like when they like everyone goes on set and they like deal with all the chaos and then they send it to me and then i sit by myself and i do it you like that you like i prefer that yeah what's your name emma emma emma emma is here you're from connecticut i'm from boston boston massachusetts boston connecticut boston connecticut boston connecticut she goes from boston but goes to quinnipiac in connecticut okay which we visited your beautiful campus yes it's lovely it's a nice yeah that's all right what do you think of la what do you think of la so emma you um you you have you gone to any nice restaurants have you experienced la at all in a fun way like yes but no we've explored downtown a lot we've gone to all the touristy areas and my internship is in beverly hills so like that's the only nice part that i've seen didn't i give one of your students money so they can have dinner yeah i think we're gonna do that i mean i think i might do that tonight you know what i mean yeah they keep coming because as a group they should they know you might give them money yeah yeah emma so the dream is to be an editor and and you know that this guy edits this show this little the fancy and he does a very good job do you have you ever seen this show before i've seen parts of it yeah yeah parts of it that means tiktok yes i know what that means that means tiktok we're big with kids on tiktok yeah it's like i don't have the attention span to watch like anything really right well you're an editor so you spend time watching other shit exactly i'm included in this show you watch i've never seen this show but that's not you do watch whole things you watch films all the time yeah but if i'm not a part of it i'll watch it right she's not a part of this the fuck are you talking about yep young people her age don't watch anything anymore now yeah okay they don't like it you don't watch film i like i do but i feel like films are getting longer see oh my they don't want to watch anything what are you talking about and they're actually probably getting shorter i bet you like shorter they feel like they're getting shorter popular ones lately have been have you seen doctor zhivago that's like four hours long they're getting statistically they're getting longer on average oh wow you're right and i'm not the only one it's not like i like i have adhd but it's not just me well look at that they were around 90 minutes in the in the 30s and then it went up to about 130 minutes peaked out in the 60s then it dipped in the 80s and the 90s which i love the 90 90 minute you know whatever the back in the 90s the comedies that were 100 minutes perfect you know but they are peaking yeah but then right now we're no we're kind of on average we're actually going back down technically yeah so so boohoo sit around do enjoy a movie i do enjoy what's the last movie you saw i feel like i feel like the group of us watched something recently oh we watched pitch perfect which is brand new movie just came out 15 years ago emma pitch perfect well it was on cable we have like the tvs in our rooms this is gonna make me sad she's gonna keep telling me how awful this place is awful it sounds like a prison it's it's nice you have no you you got You guys have no money. Well, don't rub it in. Well, I'm in an unpaid internship right now. They're 20 years old. They're in school. Yeah, it's tough. I don't remember. So, like, you have a bank account? Yeah. Okay. Do your parents help you? Do you have a bank account? I don't know what the fucking deal is, dude. Sorry for swearing. She has a bank account. Okay. She can swear. Do your parents, do you ever call your parents like, I need money? No. And they never give you money? They, like, will offer it sometimes, but I don't like to take it. Wow, you're one of them. Are you making your own money now? Yeah. You are. I mean, at this exact moment, no, because my internship's unpaid. But I've, like. Unpaid internship was always the biggest scam of all time at Hollywood. We all did it, but it's insane. Yeah, that too. They're like, you do the same amount of work, but you don't get any of the money. And you're like, when do I get the money? They're like, if we want to give it to you. That's crazy. McCone's been on an unpaid internship for a couple years now. That's pretty wild. Do you enjoy working for them? Yeah. Are you cutting? Are you prepping and stuff? What are you doing? No, I'm doing, like, a lot of internee, like, duties, which is, like, running the social media and stuff, but they're letting me, like, work on, like, giving, like, feedback on the trailers and stuff. It's really, like, good. It's worth it to have the experience. It's just hard living in L.A. because it's so expensive to not be making money. Yeah. Do you see yourself living here? No. Or New York? She's going to go to New York. She's an East Coast kid. You're East Coast. I like it here. I wouldn't stay here long term. I'd live here for, like, a couple years. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. What? Yes. People from the East Coast, they're so delusional and crazy. Hmm. Can I. Let me make my peace here. Yeah. All right. L.A. is the best. Best city in the world, I believe. Yeah, I don't think it's the best city in the world. What do you think it is? Madrid? What's the best city in the world? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Madrid's pretty great. In the United States. Well, that's not the world. Okay, let's just condense it. Best city in the U.S.? Yeah. New York's up there. New York is way up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chicago is way up there. Yeah. New York's beautiful. All right. Look at that Chicago. Chicago's good. Look at how gorgeous that is. But here's what. It's the weather. The weather. The weather is the best here. Yeah, yeah. San Francisco should not be on there. Look at all that poop. San Francisco's still great. No, I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Poop Island. Great restaurants. But L.A., I just. I can't. You'll never move. I can't. You won't let me. I want to. I know. Very bad. You're staying here. It's the hardest thing in the world. Whenever I said this the other day to my wife, whenever you fly here when you're coming back from the East Coast and you get to Colorado, they're like, it's going to be bumpy over the Rockies. It always is. And then they go, all right, strap in your seatbelt. And we've got about two hours left. You're like, two fucking hours? We just did two hours. We got to do it again? Yeah. We're too far. Yeah. That's my biggest problem with this place. It's way too far. Not from Hawaii. Five hours. It's far from everyone. Okay. All of the country is that way. Everybody's that way. Not my people. You don't. I'm your people. Hawaii, dude. Have you been to Hawaii? No, I haven't. Have you ever been on a nice vacation? Yeah. With your parents? Yeah. Where'd you guys go? Puerto Rico. I would say it's the best. It's an island of garbage. That was really dead on. You know who that was? It was a comic. Tony Hinchcliffe. He joked around and called it an island of garbage. What was that? I don't even know what that was. It was. Trump. It was a rally. He called it an island of garbage. It was a joke. He was. But it was at the. Madison Square Garden. Yeah. Hulk Hogan was on it. He was like, I'm an island of garbage, brother. Yeah, yeah. So your dream is to become an editor, have a family maybe one day? I do. Yeah. Well, you're 21, so life is so bright now. There's nothing getting. I know. She's so free. I wish you could borrow younger people's blood. You stick around Hollywood long enough, you'll get it. Right. Just give you a couple more extra years. That's why everybody's getting kicked off the air, because they're all blood drinkers. They're all blood drinkers. I love that that's a real thing. I know. That people rumor this, that they're like, they're drinking blood of babies. Yeah. I've run into people that said that. That's what the Hollywood Reservoir is filled with. I know there's a cabal, and you guys are a part of a cult. I go, really? Mild. And they go. And I always ask, am I in it? They're like, no, I don't think you're in it. Right? Then I'll ask, but what about so-and-so? No. But then you get to a point like, what about Bill Burr? And they're like, uh. Because he's that famous? Yeah. But I'm like. Yeah, he would never do that. That's what you think. Dude. Baby blood is warm. Give me fucking warm baby blood. Dude, I sit down for me. These guys give me fucking warm baby blood. At noon. Do you know who Bill Burr is? Yeah, that was. Do you like stand-up comedy? Yeah, I watch it sometimes. We saw your show. That was really good. What show? At the comedy store. Oh, you guys went to a live show? Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, they came down to the main room. Oh, you guys saw that? Yeah, it was awesome. Who was not good? I don't want to say that. Yeah, yeah. Okay, we'll bleep it out. Don't make her feel that way. All right. Dax Flame was so good. We loved Dax. That was hilarious. I didn't see it coming. Emma, so we know your dreams. We know your hopes. Yeah. You're 21, and you're living in arguably the most uncomfortable part of Los Angeles. In terms of walking around at night, you don't feel safe. Do you? No. Yeah, please don't walk around at night. Yeah. We just met, but I really do. The things I have seen being here, just like what? It's been two weeks, maybe three. Yeah, it's crazy. And I'll look out on my balcony. I saw someone with one leg throwing scooters at people. Oh, that's Caleb. Yeah, Caleb. I love that guy. He's actually very sweet. Yeah, yeah. There is a guy kind of near here that throws e-bikes into the LA River. Yeah. And then the fire department was there yesterday, and I talked to the guy. And I talked to the firefighter. I was like, what are you guys doing? They had a hose out, and they were training. He was doing hose training exercises, like unplugging, plugging. And they were shooting into the LA River. And I go, what are you guys doing? He goes, training. And I go, what's up with all those bikes? He goes. He goes, dude, the more we take out, the more they keep putting in. So we're not doing it anymore. Wow. Because these homeless guys, they find them, and they throw them in the fucking LA River. Yeah, look. That's them. Dude, they just huck them over the side. Like scooters and stuff? E-bike scooters. They'll throw fucking. Why? Because they're homeless, and they're upset, and they're. Yeah, that's right there by Frogtown. Wow. Dude, it's. Literally, the firefighter was like, we stopped taking them out. Because we would have to take them out. It's a pain. And then the next day, there'd be four more. Four more in there. Wow. There's a homeless taking a stand against e-bikes. He had no leg? Yeah, he only had one leg. He was in a wheelchair. I don't know how he was throwing them. He was throwing them far, too. He was throwing them at people. He didn't reach them. They didn't reach them, but. They got good strength, those one-leggers. Yeah. Just like the guy that murdered your mom. Peace. That's right. That guy was a bad boy. Maybe this could be the same guy. Maybe. Also, there's a robot that's been stuck in my neighborhood. They weren't allowed forever. You know the ones that self-deliver? I love those guys. They all have names. Yeah, this one's Kenny, and he's been stuck at a light pole in my neighborhood, and I don't know what to do, but honestly, the sun is roasting him all day, and it's dying now. The lights are dying on it. Oh, no, like WALL-E. It is like WALL-E, dude. Oh, no. It is like WALL-E. Good. I love the eyes that they put in. Well, look. It helps. And they blink. Yeah, they blink. They do blink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the eyes are slowly dying. I can tell it's dying, and I want to help it. And I always say hi. I don't know why. Yeah, you say hello. I let them go in front of me. Yeah, me too. And I go, hi. I like how they stop really abruptly when they don't know what's in front of them. And I always go, I'm sorry. Like, it doesn't fucking know. No, it does know. You think it does? Well, it's recording everything at all times. Someone's watching back some of that footage. I don't like those things. I put shit in front of them or juke them out. You're a fucking bully. You're a fucking asshole. They're taking jobs from real people. No, they're not, dude. You don't have to tip them. Get these robots out of here. Someone had to program it, fix it, upkeep. That's three jobs, right? And that lost 50 people delivery jobs. You're an oppressor. You're an oppressor. You're an oppressor. That's how they felt. These robots are oppressing us. When immigrants started coming to America, they viewed it like that. That's not an immigrant. That's code. That's code. Immigrants are the thing, John. How is that not an immigrant? Yeah, yeah. Does he have a citizenship? One day, there's going to be a sentient being. His name is Jamie. With what? He's not an immigrant. It's Jaime. Imagine if ICE starts busting these boxes. Yeah. Today, on KTLA, today ICE takes down Jamie, Jaime. Please, no, just delivering food. Please, please, please, please. Nice try, Jamie. Jamie. On the fucking ground. Shooting that thing up. Yeah. Bad. Are there Waymos in Boston? No, I've never seen one until I came to LA. No, when you saw one, people don't know a Waymo is a driver. Self-driver, driverless car. It's Uber without a driver. It's a car. It just drives you. They suck. Did it shock you when you saw it or no? It did. I saw them at first, and I just thought they were weird-looking cars, and then I looked in, and there's no one in there. You know the bad news about this, right? Because we're Valley Boys. We live here in the Valley. Yeah. They're coming to the fucking Valley by next year. They're mapping it out right now, so it's happening. I wanted it only in the city. Fine. What's up with your fucking shit against oppressing fucking robots? Taking jobs from people. I was a driver. I was a FedEx driver. I support drivers and the working man. Yeah, you're the working man. You quit after like a month and a half. How long did you do it? Well, I worked until I got my unpaid internship, and I had to take all my FedEx savings and drive out here with the same car. Let's go back to Emma. Emma, do you like a guy like Coney who's close in your age? Is this kind of guy someone, if you saw him, would you trust him at a party? Would you go, I like this guy. He seems trustworthy? If you saw him. I mean, do you want honest answers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The mustache is always a little iffy, but so far you seem fine. But the mustache, at a glance, what do you think? You think perv? Abuser? Not specifically him. It's just the idea of that specific mustache. Right, but he is wearing it. I'm not known for that. Right. Is he cute? Yeah, yeah, I think he is. Okay, wow. Yeah, she has to. Yeah, I do. Why? Because we're here. She doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Okay. Okay. I think you are cute because I've had girls say McCone's cute. Thank you, Emma. I appreciate you, but I don't want to. Don't give him anything. Say thank you. Thank you, Emma. You're the best. Thank you for Emma. That's Emma. Send in another victim. Let's see somebody else. Emma, I hope you make it. I know you will. You can be a great editor. You're going to make it. By the way, if we need more editors, right? Yep. When she comes out here, if we need one. Well, you don't want to move to L.A. We could. We seriously could use her if we need her for something. All right. We'll talk to you, Emma. Okay, Emma. Thank you. We need a guy. Oh, look at this guy. Oh, shit. We're getting two? Two. Yeah, we have two for one. Two for one? Yeah, two for one. Good. All right. We're going to guess their names based on their appearance. All right. The guy's name is. He looks Eastern European, right? Yeah. Yeah. He does look Eastern European. And his name is. Tok. Tok. Tok. T-O-K-E, Tok. You're Tok, dude. Okay. And this young lady looks. Yeah, yeah. She looks like just an East Coast girl. Willow. Willow. Willow. Willow. Willow. Willow or Willow? A or O? Willow. Willow with a W. Yeah, yeah. I get Willow and I get Tok. Because you look very Tok-y. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what's your real name? Ben. Close. Ben. Yeah, yeah. And your name? Sam. Sam. I was close. Sam and. Sam and. What's your name? Ben. No, Tok. I like Tok. Tok's, yeah. All right. Tok and Willow are here. Yeah, yeah. And you guys are Quinnipiac. How old are you guys? I'm 21. 21, same. And then you guys are on the graduate program. What do you want to do, Tok? I want to find, like, stable income. I think that'd be cool. Oh, fuck. These kids. These kids these days, they want to work. Yeah, but it's a tough job market. I know. I was being facetious. Yeah, no, it is very hard. I'm saying. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to be. I was playing into it. I'm just trying to find Ben, you know? No, no. Tok. I get it, Ben. All I've been told is it's hard to, like, get a job. So, you know. And how has it been? You know, I've just had internships. What are you doing in the world of film? I'm with Seven Equis right now, yeah. Oh, you work with us. I do, yeah. What do you do? You're interning? Yeah, I'm the intern there. You know, I know, like, Richie. I saw he was on the podcast the other day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't get any ideas, Tok. You have thin fingers. I like that. Thank you. Is that, like, a good thing? It could be. If you're Chopin. No. If we need you to pick a lock or something. Yeah, yeah. And how about you, Willow? What do you aspire to be and do? I've enjoyed producing. That's been a lot of fun. You've been a producer. Yeah. You kind of have a producer vibe. You have a producer vibe. You know why? Because she's even-keeled. She's got that very, like, balance. But not a good one, like Kathleen Kennedy. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, yeah, like a whip. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My way or the highway? Secretly, she's insane. Yeah, right now, it hasn't flourished yet, but you're going to be a bull. Okay. I'll take it. That's you. Do you have bully inside of you? Can you be mean? Look at that face. I ruined Star Wars. I think I've, like, raised my voice at someone once. Like, not including, like, my brothers, because, of course, but- Yeah, jerk. Yeah, no, I don't like confrontation. Yeah, I'm going to have to get over that. We're going to learn. All right, so you and I are working. You're a producer. Okay. Him and I are on a film set. You have to scold us. Scold you. He's a lighting guy, right? And we're behind schedule, and I'm sound. He's lighting. And we're just chilling. No, we're just in the back alleyway smoking. Smoking and we're hanging. You remember trees? Yeah. Right? You fell in that mud pile. Man. Excuse me, guys. Yeah, what's up? What's up, lady? I'm sorry to bother you. What's up, woman? We don't have any more cigarettes, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. That's my last one. No, I'm good. Thank you. You guys are done now. If that's okay, we're going to go back inside. We're going to do our job, and we're going to have a great day. What? What? Yeah. I'm sorry. Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? I'm the producer. What producer? Producer for what? We've never- We've never- Preserved this film. Oh, for the movie we're going to- Yes, yes. Top Dog, Top Hire, so I'm going to need you guys to come back now. Top Dog, that's you? Yep, that's me. Oh. That's me. It's nice to meet you guys, but we got to get back to work. Yeah, well, you know what? I don't know. Hey, lady, can I just say something? Please. Skip. Yeah, thank- Go ahead, Charlie. We'll get there when we get there. Yeah, we'll get to it when we get there. Well, I have your paycheck, so if you want that, you're going to have to come with me. Oh, you're extorting us? Oh, I'm extorting us. Oh, you're threatening us. Interesting. Okay. All right. I get it. I could do this all day. If you guys want your job, it's in here. We can do this all day, too, lady. Pretty good. I got to go inside, man. You should be more stern, though. That was good. Yeah, I'm going to have to work on it. This is great practice, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you got to do it like you got to talk like you're one of us, so like, look, I'll be the executive. You be smoking, you know? Okay. Now, it's just you. I'll show you. Can Ben be in it? Yeah, Tok can be in it. Tok, you're in it? It's you and Tok together. Right. I'm going to show you what to do. All right, you guys are- Smoke, Tok. You're out back, and you're on smoke break. Hey, Tok. Yeah, what's up, bubby? Fuck this project. That's what I'm saying. Fuck this project. Right? It sucks. Fuck it. Jake Gyllenhaal. Hey, boys. Hey, guys. Guys, guys, guys. How are you? What's up, man? We're smoking. Oh, I know, I know. I love smoking. Smoking's rad, huh? Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking awesome. Yeah, man. Don't you want to smoke everywhere all the time? Yeah, we do, and we also want our privacy. Me, too. Tell me about it. Right, Tok? Tell me about it. I told you to stand up for yourself, Tok. Tell him off. Tok, that's his name? Yeah, Tok. Tok, you're fired. So, Bobby, I'm going to need you back inside now, or you're fired as well. Are you fired? Yeah, I fired. You see how quickly he got fired? Why'd I get fired? By your fucking mouth! You see how that's how you do it? That's how you do it. Yeah, you just bully him. And you got it in you. Okay. All right, so bully us now. Really fucking hit us hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want you to fucking just make fun of us. How about that, though? You have to. You have to. You're Kathleen Kennedy. You're KK. This movie is $300 million. $500 million. Yeah, $500. And? And, right? We're behind schedule. No. Tom Holland's waiting on set. No! Yeah, and also, who else is it? Okay, this is the story. And Tom Holland. Tom Holland and what's the kid from fucking. Yeah. I don't know anybody's names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Timothee Chalamet. Zendaya. Zendaya and Timothee Chalamet. And Chalamet. They've been waiting. For days. We're camera operators. Right, we're ops. We're supposed to be on. We're supposed to be shooting. Aren't you guys excited about this, though? We're smoking now. Oh, okay, my bad. You know that, Purdue? What's that producer's name? Who, Linda? Whatever, that lady with the hair. Oh, the little blonde girl? Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Oh, here she is, here she is. Oh, shit. Can you put those down now? No. No. Okay. Okay, awesome. Cigarette. Tap cigarette. I'm gonna need you to do that or I'm gonna need you to leave. Excuse me? Excuse me? Who are you? I'm the producer. What's your name? My name's Sam. What's your guys' name? Sam. Sam. Sam, you can't go up. She went, my name's Sam. That is very sweet. No, no, no. You're not my friend. You gotta bully us. Yeah. You go, you don't need to know my fucking name. Dude, you, Sam, let me just put this into perspective, okay? I need like a notepad or something. Here's, I'm gonna put you in perspective. You need to ignore all of these notes. Okay. This is all, this is bullshit. You're Cleopatra, right? Okay. And we're just dudes building the pyramid. God, that's so harsh. What? That's how you have to think, though. I get it. Right? You're just one of 20,000 people building a pyramid, right? You're the queen of Egypt. Yeah, you're the queen of Egypt. No, no, no. To me, everyone's on the same. You're not gonna be a producer then. That's not right. No pyramids will be built. No pyramids are gonna get built. You have to be a bull. Yeah. Now, we'll do it again. Do it again? Again? Ready? One more. You know who I can't stand? What? That. Who do you have to work with? Fuck. Hey, guys. He sucks. Hey. I think hey, guys is even wrong. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. What's up? Excuse me. Is that better? No. No. No. Guys, listen up. Guys, listen up. Okay. I have my job back. Yeah. Actually, okay. If you guys don't put those down, I'm hiring Tok. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. That's good. Tok was really bad at his job. You could have Tok. But okay, you're gonna fire me? Yeah. Okay. Tok? Yeah. You see any other redheads on set, Tok? Yeah. Emma. Emma. Emma's my editor, actually. She's in studio. She's on set today. Oh, she's on set? She's on set. My daughter's on set? Yeah. Mdog. Listen, you're gonna be a producer. You're gonna be a great producer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. I actually really like out here and with school because I'm trying a lot of different things. So, it's really great experience all around. And Tok, I gotta tell you something. Yeah. Be careful out there. I will. Okay. Why are you saying that to him? Because I want to say the same thing. You can feel something. He's a little troublemaker. He needs to stay careful. Stay careful. Why do you think I'm a troublemaker? Well, you wore a jacket and it's 96. It's a little weird. And that was a little dead giveaway that something's afoot. And I don't know what it is, but I thought. Tok came in here with a jacket. It couldn't be hotter outside, literally. Yeah. Well, it's normally very cool in the building, so I want to prepare. At seven, it's cold? And I'll tell you another thing, Tok. Mm, Toky. Your face is very Peaky Blinders. Peaky Blinders. Peaky Blinders. Hello, Tok. Yeah. Like a hood rat from England. British? Yeah. Can you do a British accent, Tok? I don't think so. Try. That's you, dude. Tok, say. What should I say? That type of. Where's the party tonight? That's pretty good. Pretty good. Party. Very good. Party. Embody that character right now. Party. Party. Party. What are you trying to do again in the business? I forget. Yeah. Embody that guy. I like to do marketing, advertising. Advertising? Yeah. Very good. All right. So sell me this show. You got Cillian Murphy. That's a pretty big name right there. That's a great. Well, I mean. Can I just say something? Yeah. We're on the road. i mean we're a production company yeah you don't open with whoever's starring in it you need to know what the project what's the project okay so it's about these british guys and it's it's not in the modern day it's like i don't know what time period it is that would be helpful excuse me excuse me oh can we have a little meeting yeah he doesn't know that there's another time period that's interesting he could just make it up and lie to us they're gangsters i know that oh we're listening like yeah we're listening yeah we love british gangsters yes criminal activities they do criminal activities so time period could it be in the future uh no it's like in the past it's oh it is yeah how far into the past how far let's say the 1920s 1940s maybe 1920s or 40s big gap big gap somewhere in that 20 1920 to 1940 jumps though you know oh you do a lot of time jumping yeah we need oh time jumps okay and now and now the show takes place in where london in central london in 1920 1920. is that right i don't know dude you gotta pitch it you lie you just gotta does take place in central london very good very good toke you already lost the room yeah it's over yeah yeah i'll pitch you this show okay ready no pitch no pitch me a different show okay that you make up oh that i'm a new show yeah all right to all you guys are the executives yeah thanks for having me today guys great to be here how's everyone man you good hi how are you good evening oh good evening my name is uh skip libawaski mr libawaski it's wonderful to meet you and send your constituents over there and introduce yourselves please hi i'm willow hi willow your last name willow my last name yeah what is it i feel like we're familiar maybe we met willow what's your last name willow evergreen willow evergreen willow evergreen anyway and sir what's your name sir uh uh toka toka toka toka toka smith toka toka toka smith anyway anyway i will say toka i do appreciate the fact that your parents being very anglo smithians yeah giving you a unique name i like that he's bulgarian oh he's bulgarian let's move on um so i have a movie what's the movie sir uh do you guys like who reps you huh who reps you reps unrepped you're unwrapped yeah how'd you get a meeting toka how did you get a meeting schedule one who willow did you schedule this guy he has no reps how did he get a meeting with us well your your assistant read my script that i sent in and loved it so they you did willow yeah yeah no i i thought he had something and i figured he should miss evergreen wrote it really yeah unbelievable because you know you bumped aaron sorkin for this he's still out there in the hallway i know anyway go ahead you guys like girl scout cookies we love girl we we've been talking about doing a girl scout cookie move what's your favorite flavor the mint the mint one the mint one yeah okay i like the peanut butter one you do yeah willow shut the up willow shut the up the movie i'm pitching is called thick mints okay not thin mints and it's about a uh girl scout leader a very beautiful sexy thick woman uh who uh trains young girl scout women to kill men wow who have done her wrong it's almost like a uh it's a female empowerment film and all the while they're selling cookies to make money to fuel their their revenge on all these men that have done them wrong my god it's pretty great you like it they're young children that murder no no they're girl scouts but they're all grown women by this point now they're just avenging their death through the girl scouts so they train the children to kill mm-hmm i don't know if that's going to market well why talk to express yourself why interesting well um you know i don't think that's going to appeal to the general audience like child neglect well i like it yeah so this is hollywood at its finest yeah yeah this is hollywood one guy in the room we like it yeah we like it by the way great movie it's a great movie thick mint very good the girl scouts are trained to take to take revenge on men who have done them wrong amazing amazing all right well we'll say thank you to toke and thank you to willow you guys are amazing we love you give it up for these guys you could join the others do we want to take one more for fun two more in general i'll get them over here get them in here yeah get them in here guys you guys are the best thank you and good luck on everything hello you're gonna be capote the rest of the time what's your name oh wait let's guess hold on yeah her name is slavankia slavanka and his name is um tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet slavankia and tweet yeah and your real names are jj jj whoa jj when we said tweet i don't like your reaction got a little defensive what does jj stand for jeffrey jr jeffrey jr because your father's jeff that's true that's the big j you're a little j you have falcon what a vulcan you have a vulcany vibe kids got great teeth kids got great lips yeah is that weird to say yes okay i mean no if he has nice lips he's playing him a compliment i don't think it's that bad slovakia slovakia what's your real name it's gianna but i go by gg pretty close gg to be honest that's yeah in the world slovakia giovanna what's your hist like what's what european country does your family come from italy um italy france i i don't know like exactly yeah no one's doing 23 and me anymore after they see gg can you put your mic closer to your mouth i'm not allowed to do those dna tests you shouldn't do them they're dangerous and silly why why they have your blood for the rest of time they can like frame you they have your dna oh my god you're afraid of getting framed i leave my dna in every hotel room i ever stay in gg are you afraid of getting framed no no i do you have anything to cover up no okay is she being honest do you think jj i think so yeah okay well i don't buy it yeah what do you guys want to do in the biz i want to go into editing do you want to be an editor as well tough competition with emma huh yeah what about you um i think i'm going to ad route 80. these are great smart that's very smart an organizational person your people person right maybe well that's ad you kind of have to if you ever ad something that i'm in if you quit the film if you call me in too early we're gonna have a problem out what is up with their they don't know about time they do they don't they do why do i have to wait four hours because they're lighting and they relight and then they change where we're shooting and you know how this thing goes it's a nightmare who out of the crew hangs out the most well toke and i are have been roommates in college so token you go back yeah we go back do you like toke i am a big fan of them you guys are good friends you guys do night whispers you night whisper when you sleep and you you guys do night whispers you go toke it's more like what are you thinking about it's like talk yeah what you thinking about grilled cheese sandwiches yeah i don't really want one real bad oh i wish we had a kitchen you have a kitchen they do we do we have a kitchen what we have a kitchen kitchen do you have cheese or cheese there's probably no wait do you have a fridge yeah they do we have a fridge fridge when did we get a fridge do we have a grill do we have a grill no no no what the fuck no he said fourth floor fourth floor we have a fucking grill we have a grill right so we have cheese and bread we can do it let's do it let's make it do you do that ever with toke no oh okay you don't whisper at night and who do you live with i live with the girls but i have all the girls live together yeah oh i have my own room because there's three of us there's three girls you all have your own room obviously here's what we're gonna do i'm gonna give you guys money i'm being real yeah what are you laughing about okay if you want to give money yeah yeah but you guys are gonna fucking get dinner tonight okay on us on us do you have any cash on you yeah i got cash in the bag okay i'll give you some cash we'll give you some cash you guys gonna get a nice dinner okay on the we treat what's that like what's that what in your mind what's a nice dinner down is there a nice dinner downtown that you know of what do you guys usually eat eating downtown because everything closes down there but on the way from here there there's places they go to bob's a big boy i don't know no i know yeah yeah that's true we've all been like kind of cooking a lot you cook a lot like doing like frozen meals frozen meals yeah cooking a frozen meal not tonight baby right and if you take the cash and now don't get a meal i'm gonna have a problem with it i'm not gonna have a problem with it you can do whatever you want no no not me your money you're spending you're spending on a meal tonight on us thank you you know you're shady right now slovakia okay what do you think first thing out of her mouth she was like i don't want them to i don't want them to frame me so she's obviously got some weird chicken you got some weird chicken you got some weird trust issues i think i just got social anxiety oh you do you do oh i'm sorry i'm glad we put you on the show yeah yeah yeah i didn't know you well no this is a good exercise this is good yeah we have anxiety yeah you know what's great what you wouldn't think i'm anxious now i'm full of anxiety you have terrible anxiety yeah yeah it comes in different forms we'll do some improv exercises then to get you through it let's do let's do one yeah you want to do you want to try one and you want to be an ad and what do you want to be again editor editor with emma that's right yeah yeah let's do an improv exercise okay you're doing a ted talk okay okay so let me say a tina talk yeah you have to be very confident even though we're going to give you a topic you have to pretend you really you're a professional you know what you're talking about yeah there's thousands of people in this room they paid money and they're here to hear an expert on a topic that's right okay so you're gonna go up and you're gonna say you're gonna make up a name you know me where you're from and you're gonna go into the topic for like a minute and and the technology well because what's the topic well the the thing you invented was uh you were the one that that decided that the box uh at streetlights that goes wait or walk walk walk that's you yeah that's actually your voice the original one was your voice yeah yeah so you were the girl that invented wait go walk walk that's you yeah okay yeah do you know what i'm talking about to talk about that for a minute yeah one minute one easy minute yeah so i'm going to introduce you okay ladies and gentlemen lights down and um how about a round of applause for our presenter for this evening you don't clap for yourself no you can if you're really excited about your project yeah yeah yeah i am um and i have invented something that you have all used in your life many times what is it i wonder what it is what is it it's actually the cross walk box that says wait and and it tells you to walk that's what she invented okay no listen listen i'm serious think about this okay if this wasn't a thing we'd all be getting hit by cars well we not really i mean we have i but we can we can see the green red no no no no no no no we need this is a very important thing that is in every city in every state and i'm everywhere okay can we we have some questions we have some questions can we ask some questions i like how we gave her a great invention and she somehow made it sound like it was not worth it yeah like for some reason now i'm like god that is not it was invented for the for the blind yeah i mean it was you know that it was invented for blind yeah to help them get across the streets yeah that's why you hear go cue cue so the the noises echo each other so they can find out how far it is and where they're going but you hate blind people you've said that on the show the first thing out of your mouth is i hate blind people no you did a good job pitching very good very good i actually really liked it you want to do one not really i think i think you should i think you should i think you know she said she has social anxiety and she really powered through it yeah and i think and i applaud you genuinely that was fucking great yeah all right let's go jj okay so jay ted talking he what did he invent you two tell him i did her okay um bubble wrap oh this is fantastic yeah all right ladies and gentlemen your presenter for the night jay jay um you know how like you order something and then uh it gets damaged on the way that happens to me yeah oh my god yeah it's like human body oh my god yeah body parts always get dinged up what if you had a wrap made a bubble to stop that what do you mean made a bubble we already have bubbles they float and they pop like little kids we already have that little blow is this the guy that invented it what did you do what is it what do you mean i did bubble wrap oh you you invented bubble wrap i did really yeah this is they're not turning into a ted talk it's turning into like an answer question who are you talking to the fucking speaker for there's only two of us in this room i mean my god you didn't sell any fucking tickets it seemed like a q a i got it yeah yeah yeah you invented bubble wrap yeah and what gave you the what gave you the instinct to invent something like that um well i ordered like a tv and then it shattered on the way so i thought we need better protection in like the postal system smart very smart smart i don't know why you're ordering tvs through the postal system but outside of that i think it's fantastic yeah jay jay you're gonna make a great ad someday a very good ad and you're gonna be a great editor who's better at editing you or emma be honest go fast go honestly don't even think about it i haven't really seen much of her work i haven't seen much of her work i haven't seen much of her work we need to have an edit oh slam let's have an edit off slam to emma oh that was a slam yeah i don't really see stuff that she yeah that's right i don't like stuff that she does that's a little down there i mean she's asked i just kind of don't want to see it yeah yeah yeah she does that it yeah not that i know i've seen it from afar i don't think she's doing it right a lot of other people say she edits but i know i don't know that i know of it's not really my thing yeah all right we'll uh jay jay and gg we appreciate you very much thank you so much for coming on thank you guys look at that they passed did they get a grade for that or they passed some sort of test yes um let's say this uh we uh thank you for all your birthday condolences yeah that was great can i say an honest thing real fast a truthful thing no it's the wrong word yeah he didn't die he died on his birthday i want to say i want to say something genuine am i dumb honestly am i dumb no you know be real am i dumb you're an artist why because i say okay do you think i'm dumb yeah you really do no of course not all right i wouldn't do something with you if i didn't think you were intelligent are you being real yeah if you're a fucking idiot i mean i could freak yeah here's the thing i think you are what we call an idiot savant meaning you're brilliant in your own very specific way yeah and and by the way that's that's what makes you so special i'm not smart but you're bright no it needed savant refers to an individual with mental disability who also demonstrates extraordinary abilities in specific specialized area that's fact the term is now considered outdated and potentially ableist did not know that instead prefer to the more respectful term individual savant syndrome sorry i like idiot i'm an idiot yeah you're an idiot i mean that could also be a special name idiot savant yeah uh i just want to say this i want to say thank you to everybody who watched my special white noise on hulu and disney plus or wherever you get it it's all over the globe on disney plus hulu in north america i believe i want to say thank you it means the world to me i know the world is chaos right now uh and i'm glad that we can make comedy that lets people forget about all of the nonsense in the world and just have a laugh so thank you for watching white noise it means the world to me thank you and also thank you for being a bad friend thank you for being a bad friend you finished your essay a day early that deserves a finally folded that laundry that deserves a parallel parked on the first try that deserves a no matter what you accomplish today celebrate with an ice cold cold coca-cola because even the little wins deserve a big enjoy coca-cola