it's okay to not be okay

Hello everyone, welcome back to the second episode of my podcast. Take a seat, get settled in, get comfy, because we will be discussing some deep topics on here once again right here in my closet as per usual. Also, before we begin, can I just say thank you to every single one of you that sent me a message about how much the first episode helped you? I honestly was so blown away by the support and love and it made me so happy to read about your experiences and how much you could just relate to the things that I said in the first episode. I think sometimes I get really disconnected with the fact that these numbers and names on my screen actually belong to someone. And then when I get a DM, I'm just like, wait, what? But for real, every time I get a message, I literally experience like a serotonin rush. I'm not even kidding. Like I've said before, don't be shy, feel free to reach out to me because I'm always going through my messages. Okay, I literally have no life. I'm always on Instagram 24/7. Okay, so I hope everyone has been doing well since we last spoke, which was just like a couple days ago. I hope you guys are out here doing big things, achieving your dreams and conquering your fears all in the middle of these uncertain times. But if not, that's okay. Because guess what? It's never too late to do any of that. We're taking every day, day by day, there's no need to rush. If you're just vibing, then vibe it out, you know, we're all just chilling here. And that's what brings me onto today's topic of it's okay to not be okay. For those of you that are familiar with my channel, if you happen to find me elsewhere and you're not familiar with my YouTube handle, I'm kind of surprised because I feel like 99% of you are from my YouTube channel. But just on the off chance that you aren't, I uploaded a video a while ago titled how I got my life back together. And I basically just talked about how I was going through this rut and how I was always sad, I felt unfulfilled and lost in just every negative feeling in the world. I'm not really going to go in depth in this podcast about what I said. So you guys will just have to watch a full video for all that. But it was a whole thing. Okay, to be honest, when I first uploaded that, I really wasn't expecting for so many people to comment and say that they were experiencing those exact kind of feelings that I was going through. And the funny thing is, I was really hesitant on uploading that video because a part of me was like, Oh my God, here I am again making another sad mopey video. Like I don't want my viewers to think I'm just like perpetually sad 24/7. I don't want this to be my brand. And I just want to make it known that I'm generally a very optimistic and happy person. But I do have my moments, okay, like every other human being and my friends will vouch for that. But obviously, in the end, I decided to upload it because I was like, fuck it. If anyone thinks I'm being melodramatic, let them think that because I don't really care. Like this is my life. This is my channel. Take it or leave it. And that's kind of the mentality that I've been growing into these days. Before I used to be really, really consumed with every little quote unquote, I guess hate comment I got on my channel, like I would feel the need to personally reply back to them to explain myself and almost like try to get them to like me in a way. Like, you know, hey, you're a hater, let me try to change that, which is so ridiculous to stay out loud. I know, I know what you must be thinking. Okay, but that was old me. I don't associate myself with those thoughts anymore. And I think it was because I would get so affected by what they would say. And it would literally be like one hate comment, just like one out of the hundred positive ones that I would get. But it's like my mind would just go into like tunnel vision mode. And all I could do was just think about that one disgusting comment. And I think it was just because I have like this inherent need to be liked. And the thing is, reality, you're just not going to please everyone. That's the hard honest truth. You can do whatever it takes. But you just, you really can't please everyone. Not everyone is going to like you. And the sooner you know that, the easier your life will be. And the thing is, I don't really see, I don't really have that mindset anymore, where it's like, you know, if I see a hate comment, I'll get super affected. Now I have this mindset where it's like, I see it as if you're willing to take five seconds or even 30 seconds out of your day to deliberately, intentionally leave a comment about a person that you do not know at all. Like I'm already the bigger person by default. I'm the one that's brave enough to post a video, show you my life, face judgment, criticism, whatever. And you're just over there tapping away on the keyboard, leaving a sentence or two, being super judgmental, whatever. Like I already win. I don't have to respond to you. I don't have to care because you've already lost, which is why I honestly don't give a fuck now. Like there's a fine line between honest, genuine comments from individuals that actually want to see you succeed and do better versus just flat out hate. You don't have to be a mad genius to know the difference between the two. That's all I have to say. But yeah, okay, back to the topic I hand before I start rambling going on and on about something that's completely unrelated. What I really wanted to focus on in today's podcast is just allowing yourself to be sad. Hence the whole it's okay to not be okay. And I'll tell you why it's super important to not suppress the things that you feel and why I'm really, really glad that we're normalizing just having bad days and negative emotions in general. I love how YouTube has taken this turn where creators are allowed to talk about what they're dealing with. And we don't have to keep up with a facade of always being happy all the time, because that in itself is just not a true depiction of reality and how life works. To be honest, I'm always kind of wary when I meet people that seem to quote unquote have their life together, I guess. I mean, they could honestly genuinely have every single good thing going for them. So maybe there is no reason for them to be sad. And they're actually just really happy and vibing. But for me, I think it's hard to just really get along with you. When all you want to do is just tell me about all the good things happening in your life. And you kind of just put up a front, unless it's not actually a front of you just being the best person that you can be. But the thing is, you know, if you're really just having the time of your life, I also really appreciate and admire that. But just knowing the kind of person that I am and the types of people that I really enjoy hanging out with and surrounding myself with, we would probably not get along because I'm not like that at all personally. And I want to make it clear in this podcast. And I want to get this message across. And I want to tell you guys that it's important to know that progress and growth is not always just this clean one way street that's constantly going up and up. I feel like people are not kind of drawn to that kind of success story where it goes from zero to 100. But that is rarely the case in real life. Maybe it's the case where people just don't like to talk about their failures. And everyone just likes to focus on their success, which is why it seems like, Oh, it looks like they're just doing one amazing thing after another, and it just gets bigger and better. But I feel like those kinds of situations are super rare, like 0.01% type of rare. And I think the reason why people are so enamored with that kind of growth and success is because it looks easy, right? You're taught that if you're taught that if you put in 100% of your effort and time and hard work into whatever it is that you're doing, you have to succeed, like there's no other outcome. Otherwise, it's considered a waste of time. But the thing is, when you place so much emphasis on the end goal, rather than the actual work and progress that you're doing to complete this, you're really looking at it in the wrong way, okay? And you're kind of setting yourself up for failure. And what I mean is that you're setting all these expectations and standards that if it's anything below that you're going to feel like a failure and disappointment, and that's extremely unhealthy, but it's super common to feel that way. I feel like we as a society are so obsessed with outcomes, results, grades, awards that we don't really acknowledge the actual experience, progress and growth that resulted from it. Like let's say for example, let's use this, let's say that there's an art student that's entering this prestigious art contest for the first time, and they have to paint something in a certain medium with a certain style, etc., etc. So they put in all this time, effort, sweat, tears, everything they could have done to make this the best possible piece of work, and then comes the day of when they announce winners. And this person ultimately doesn't win. But that's fine, because they learned so much from this experience. At the end of the day, it's ultimately not what you've achieved, and maybe you did win, which is great, you know? But sometimes it's also just about what you've learned and the experiences that came out of this journey. Because they entered that competition, you know, they pushed themselves and learned all these new methods and skills. And those are just as valuable as receiving like a medal. Failing doesn't make you a failure. Okay, I just kind of, can we just normalize that real quick? But I also want to acknowledge the fact that it's totally okay to be sad and upset. It's easy to say, Oh, you know, it is what it is. And kind of just move on to the next thing. But it's perfectly fine to cry over it too. Don't let someone else's way of handling a situation affect how you deal with your own personal issues. If it takes you a week to get over something, then it takes you a week. Okay, if it takes you a month, then so be it. I've been saying this since the beginning of time, but everyone's journey is unique. And it's their own. That's why I hate when people say stuff like, Oh, you know, I completely understand what you're feeling like. No, you don't. Unless you're actually inside my head, please don't psychoanalyze me and think that based off of your own experiences and knowledge, you know what's best for me. Like, yes, you may have been in a similar situation, but we're still not the same person. That's why whenever someone comes to me with their problems, like my friends, I always say that I sympathize with them, but I can never truly understand the scope of what they're dealing with as much as I would like to, you know, I would love to be able to put myself in your shoes. But the reality is, I just won't be able to all understand what you're telling me, but I just will never be able to go through the exact same things that you're feeling. And most of the time, when my friends come to me for help, I like to listen to their problems. And I'm usually really hesitant on just giving like real solid advice, because I want to steer it in a way where they're ultimately in charge of what they want to do. And it's less of like my influence, because you can be saying all this stuff, but there's all these other things that I don't really know, right? So what I am giving to you as a piece of advice, it may sound right to me, but I won't really know the full extent of your situation. Like even with all this stuff that I'm saying right now in my podcast in this episode and all the things that I will say in the future and all the things that I've said in the past, it's based off of my own experiences, the things that I've seen, I've done and went through. So this is still very much my own kind of like bias and judgment. And you're more than welcome to disagree because this is just my perception of how things are. And I guess like the takeaway from this podcast episode is essentially that it's perfectly fine to feel the things that you feel. Normalize having sad days, okay? Days where you just don't want to talk to anyone. And if they ask, just be like, I'm going through it right now because you don't owe anyone your time. All right, your time is your own. All right, now I'm going to take that away from you. And I just want to make it clear that just because you have the sad feelings and negative emotions doesn't make you any less of a great person because you're going through valid human emotions. All right, you're still great all the same. I don't know what you're personally going through, but I know you'll get through it. You have to give yourself credit where credit is due. Anyways, this podcast episode is a little bit shorter. So I'm really sorry about that. Hopefully you were able to take away something from this episode. You don't necessarily have to learn anything new, but more just, I hope it challenges your thought process and you gain some new perspectives. That's what I really like to know. But yeah, thank you to everyone that has been listening to the past two episodes so far. It really means a lot to me that you're joining me on this podcast journey. And I hope to see you next Tuesday. Bye.