It's Not That Deep to Have My Divorced Parents on to Drop My Biggest Announcement, Ep 100 with Mark and Jill

Love you guys. I love you. This was the best episode ever. Oh, and it's the hundredth. It's the hundredth episode ever So thank you for inviting us. Yeah, very unique very unique Wait, it's not that beat And like I think that I felt so much more love than I could have ever had because you guys separated. Like I think it would have looked really different if like you guys weren't able to Like feel good in yourself. Yeah, did you feel like you were living in a house of tension? No, and I always say that I was saying that to Wolf yesterday like when you guys split when you guys sat me down and we're like your dad obviously mom did the talking No, I just remember being so surprised when you guys told me and it probably wasn't a surprise to so many people, but to me it was because I never saw you guys or really heard you guys fight Like I got annoyed as you both at you both at my parents, but I felt like you never in front of us hash it out really would have loved to see it. My money's on mom obviously, but no like I never that's why I was so surprised I was like what do you mean you're getting divorced dad's obviously sleeping in the basement because he snores Like he did snore that was part of it. That's your go to life. I know. I don't know. I mean I you guys are on for my hundredth episode to obviously talk about the matters of hand that are coming up with me in a couple of months that We're announcing today, but like I also I don't want this to be about like your marriage and your divorce and all that, but like I think it's really unique and special that I can text you guys and ask you to come on or I can text you guys that I have a comedy show or I can text you guys that I have a yoga event a meditation event and I want you there like I literally want you both there and the fact that you both can show up whether or not at times it was tumultuous and you didn't want to be in the same room, but you always showed up in the name of your kids. I would agree. I think for me initially when we separated in divorce, it was very difficult for me to be with you sitting in a room. I knew that. I knew that. Yeah, I appreciate that you're saying that you did feel love and that was important to me and to you and being a divorce from a divorce. As a kid, I have no idea what it feels like and I'm sorry we did put you through that, but I'm happy to hear that it was not miserable. It was on neither of our checklist of things to do in life, in order to picture that being part of the story. 100% like I just think it's it speaks volumes to have gone through like you start a life you have a family of a house you have a job you get another job you you entertain you make time like you you parent you guys were such good parents or you are such good parents and then and then this happens and then I never felt like. Anyone was not like paying attention to me like I always felt taken care of I always knew that it was going to be okay because you guys were my parents like it never. I didn't like feel like it's great yeah yeah you were the idea of you like being collateral damage was never an option. I did do like a light intro for you guys if you don't mind go for it i love how we're getting right into it. And I came prepared with my written questions by the way of course you came prepared with the written but I wanted to be more of a conversation but I do have yeah and dad probably those are just in your head right your questions. I have I have ideas I have ideas which I will put once a while now I watch it I see how this works is does it will flow it will flow yeah I have no concerns about enough. So quick intro i'm joined today also do you guys remember my ball mitzvah when like you couldn't get through my speech mm-hmm. We've always just been like so emotional. I think in a good way it is a good thing yeah but where like do you guys think that I got it from both of you the emotionality yeah just being able to just cry and like not really G.A. F.A. Giving a fuck I think that you i'm gonna say inherently yes but you thought it for a long time i feel like for it felt for it she fought it like this little like the picture from the kitchen for a long time no but like the picture from the kitchen where you're like dressed up like a little hood you like little tough you you didn't want. To have those emotions for a longest time. And maybe part of it was in opposition to your sister who was emotions on the tables just spilling out like like water and then at some point you recognize that you were fighting you're fighting yourself and all of a sudden you switched over. But it took you a while for a while you were like. Yeah i was but to me that's and that's reflect opposite like like all right the role of the angel is already taken by Kayla i'm gonna I'm gonna be the little devil was so and I totally get that one of my earliest memories that's not me. Is that your I you're your laptop yes that could be a face calling me okay let's face time a perfect that's hysterical wait oh yeah this is so funny. Kayla the little angel hi how funny is this guys so funny such a great idea to call in I know are you supporting yeah Kayla Kayla look what look at the balloons Kayla do you have anything to say. No I just congratulations on your 100th episode i'm so proud of you it feels like it was just yesterday that you started. You're not that deep podcast and I just can't believe where it's where it's gone and just all the impacts that you have on so many people. Kail that was so nice I can't stop crying i love you so much this. I just like mentally gaslit everyone and was like who didn't turn their phone off could try put your cell phones on silent. That was you mom what were you going to say about the birthday thing that's exactly what I was going to bring up was like I I loved having the birthday parties but I was like oh my gosh she's going to cry as soon as people start. Singing happy birthday and I was just somewhere where they were singing happy birthday at a restaurant and I told whoever I was with oh my gosh this is reminding me of Dana and how many years we went through happy birthday. And you would cry and I'd be like do we sing do we not sing i think we ended up singing eventually you grow out of it and I do agree with that that yes at some point you were like. I think you were so uncomfortable feeling you didn't know what to do with it it was overwhelming and then at some point you said alright I might as well go with it because I it's here like i'm feeling it like I might as well experience it rather than fight it yeah. Yeah I want to know like before we get into my big announcement. Like do you guys have memories of parenting whether when I was younger or like middle school or high school that you were like that was a really interesting time to parent Dana. I just remember my my line when you started drinking and i'm not going to condone or condemn anything you're doing i'm here if you need me. In the time at Hamilton House when you were puking and you were like can you hold my hair i said no no figured out like you were. Stop looking at the screen i don't know where you're having a conversation with me like no but i caught myself i don't look at that okay okay. I'm very tough. - But that indeed, I was like, I'm here, but I'm not really gonna help you that very much, so. Yeah. - You were like, you were a tough, you were tough, but you were real, like, focusing on mom right now. Like, you instilled a level of fear in me, that like, I think we went through so many, specifically you and I, of, like, me growing up but like, with you physically in the same house. Like, we moved into the Hamilton apartments together and then we had a fire. - Right. - And then, right when you feel like, maybe you're getting your life together a little bit, that happens. - Yes. - And then, we are living in a one bedroom apartment, too. Hamilton was one bed, was two. What? He gave you the big bedroom and I took the smaller bedroom. It was two bedroom. Oh, but then when Kayla would come, right, you stayed in the same room with her. Wait, are you sure? - Okay, Dana, really? (laughing) I thought I slept out in the living room. You're on crack, you're on crack. - I've never tried crack. - You're literally on crack. - You, I gave you the primary bedroom. - Oh God, yeah, you did. And I, yeah, yeah, just treated me so well and I was such a bitch, like I, I remember like going at it with you a few times. Meanwhile, I looked back and I'm like, that was probably the most like, such an emotionally intense life. Like, I have to be honest, I remember we had struggles. Don't remember the arguments. I, I know you were challenging. Can't recall the arguments, 'cause I just, I, you were struggling, too. - Yeah, we were divorced and we weren't living in the same home. We gave up the house. The house was knocked down. - A lot of changes. - Yeah. - A lot of changes. - I mean, I was aware of that, but yeah, I was trying to, trying to stand upright to support you and Kayla and make yourself, and myself, yes. - God forbid, and yourself. - Yes. - Yeah, I mean, I look back, yeah, we were, we were living together. Like, it just was such an interesting time of life. Like, you look back, or I look back and almost, I can't even fathom that this is the same lifetime. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, it seems like a different chapter in a very long book, or maybe even a different book. - You almost, I almost, we almost develop our own, as I form into an adult, as I have been the last couple of years, ever since puberty, depending on how you look at it. - Yeah. Like, I've formed my own relationships with the both of you because I want to. Like, there never was a, you have to see your father X amount of time. Well, like, there was no custody. There was no, like, yeah. - Yeah. - Like, we saw each other every Sunday. That was our Sunday night dinner. I looked forward to it. - My favorite night of the week. - I. - It's so funny, like, it's a blip in my memory of, like, we would always go get sushi and, like, tie, and that was our thing, and, like, that was you seeing, like, your kid for, like, the week. I don't know, it's just so crazy to, like, think about, you guys always decorated my room for my birthday. - Mm-hmm. - That was mostly your dad. - I even bring, I even brought balloons for Kayla's birthday, even though I wasn't living there at Hamilton's. - Yeah, I remember that. I was, like, is he overstepping? - Let's play a game. - I really don't care if you're overstepping, or is he just being Mark. - I'm just being Mark. And maybe that includes overstepping, and too bad. - Oh, my God. - Yeah. - Yeah, I don't know. I've just, like, I've enjoyed getting to know the both of you as I get older, as you guys get older. I have such an appreciation. Oh, my God. Am I okay? You are okay. - What do you mean? Are you okay? - I'm so emotional. - That's all right. It's part of what it is. - It's a hundredth episode. Yeah, like, I just, I'm so grateful for the both of you, separate together as one entity. What a great feeling. To circle back really quick on the story that you were telling. - Okay. - I'll never forget. I had, like, 13 shots of green apples smearing off every on O'Brien's house. - Oh, my God. - Thank God I was a little tubby. And I was, like, fuck. And I remember throwing up outside of her front yard. And I was, like, I don't know, oof. I called, yeah, I called you and you picked me up. But, like, you weren't the parent that was, like, opting to pick people up. Like, that was dad. - Oh, yeah. - Dad loved, which makes so much sense by your part-time Uber lift driver. - Well, no. - You loved that was home. I didn't want to go back out. But, like, that's me as fuck. Like, I'm going to be like that. And I love that you were always relying on of, like, oh, my dad can pick 17 of us up and blast music. - Hey, one of my favorite evenings and I'm probably having more of those once and picking, dropping guys off at a party and you would say, "Dad, just so you know, we're going to be drinking." I'm like, "Are there going to be any parents around here?" They'll be coming in and out. It's just like, so it's being overseen enough for my liking. It's like, you know not to go crazy, right? Yes. Okay, fine. I would pick you up at the end of the night. You, Mia, and a bevy of Westfield girls, windows down, moonroof open on that, I'll launch her with music blasting and everyone hanging out to her. - Yeah. - One of my favorite memories, top 100 of my lifetime, okay? - That shit was fun. - It was brilliant. It was so much fun. It was picturesque. - Yeah, and like, that was fun for you. It was fun for me and Mom was happy to not be involved at all. I was asleep, but the fact that I called her, I'm like, "This is bad." - No, yes. - Oh, but I was so drunk. You know what you did say to me when I was throwing up into the toilet and I asked you, "Do you think I remember?" - I was so aware, I'm gonna tell you why. I asked if you could put my hair up or for a hair tie and you were like, "Do it yourself." Then you were like, "You can't handle Penn State." (laughing) - I think I didn't get you a hair tie. - You did, but then I had to put it up myself. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You're the parent. You're the parent. You can't handle Penn State. I'm like, "I'm literally 16." (laughing) And you should not have been drinking that much at 16. - You were having flashbacks to your own experience, Mom. - The parent, okay, there you go. - The hair tie, but won't tie the hair. Like, that's kind of tough. No, but like, I'll give you the tools, figure it out yourself. - Right. - The both of you were always like, "If I didn't do well on an exam, it was, well, did you do your best? Did you try your best?" Like, we don't have the biggest brains in the world. Like, we're seagull scenes, you know? We carry a lot. (laughing) Come on, we're emotional, we're kind. We're not brainiacs. - We can't be the whole package. - Very thoughtful, yeah. We can't all handle Penn State. - Exactly, only one of us could. - Do you guys have any closing remarks for like that section of the podcast? - What was the initial question you asked? - She asked you, was this-- - Well, I was gonna say what was like a story or example that you have from one, like a parenting example. If you have. - I remember trying to induce you and Caleb to help me shovel the driveway. - I don't say when you took me driving. - Well, that's even better. But I could not induce, no matter how exciting I made it sound or how important it should be, that you guys would help me shovel. You shovel for like three seconds or you're draped for three seconds or you're pushed a lot more over three seconds. And then run away, run away for whatever. - I did like going the lawn though. You gotta give that to me. - All right, yes. - Snow was tough. - Yeah, I know. - Did you move the lawn that often? - There's no way that's your example. Like I'm sorry, there's no. Like actually, not a good example. - We'll teach you to drive. That was quite the experience. Quite the experience. I mean, there was a time where I let you drive when you were still 14. You came down Canterbury Road and turned onto the lawn and I have a picture of it. That was brilliant. I mean, that was fun. But you actually, when it came time, you actually listened, you took it seriously, you were responsible about it, whether we started off in the driveway or in Union County College parking lot or the rest of the local roads. And you were not nearly as tweaked out as Kayla was about, no, I'm not going on Route 22, no, no, you can't make it. - You're Grammy. - I'm turning around. She freaked out at one. - Where's your friend? - No, I know. And the expectation with children is that each one is their own individual. You never, anyone who thinks that all my kids are gonna be the same is playing in the wrong board game because it's never, never the same. So you treat them each as their own and you deal with them each as their own. There should not be like one set of rules or a way of dealing with everyone. - Well, thank you for dealing with me on my own as my own and letting me, and like parenting me as my own. Also, and I just want to add, oops. I very much appreciate you saying what you said about feeling loved and recognizing that I think you've come to understand possibly why dad and I did do it. divorce and that yes, our sole interest was our children's happiness as well as our own, but it was really important. And I think we worked well together as parents, as married people as parents and as divorced people as parents, as best as we could. So I love that you shared that. They don't give a test for, can you have children? There's no exam. There's no DMV. For getting that point in your life, people just go. Everyone thinks they know what to do. Uh-uh. You figure it out as you go. There's no magic potion. It's just to the best you can't. Magic potion, Jeannie. You love Aladdin, but little monkey. All right, let's get to the matter. I've been William. Yeah. Well, for everybody listening, this episode was very important to me. My 100th episode. If you asked me three months ago, if this would be what was happening and what I was talking about, I would be kind of confused and say, I think you might have the wrong gal. Uh-uh. So when this comes out, it'll be September 15th. Wow. But a rather and I love changing butts to ants. So good. Do you do that as a therapist? Because my therapist always does that. Sounds like plastic surgery to me, but that's just not I haven't, but maybe I'll use it. That's funny done. Thank you. Um, I am moving to Los Angeles. Um, I didn't get a pit when I said that. And I think that's a good thing. Okay. I think that my body is excited for it. I think my mind is excited for it. I don't know if ready is the right word, but I think excitement is what comes up. But the reason, I mean, let's talk like timing, besher, everything that the 100th episode is lining up pretty well with this big change. I think it's cool. And I wanted you guys to come on and kind of interview me. Yep. You know when I love when things are about me. Sorry. Like it's it doesn't right says the queen of selfies for the sex from the moment we gave you a camera of any kind. Sorry. Like I love, sorry. Like I love that. You guys would be so mad if I'm like, I hate myself. You have to have it to play. No, that, that, that, that South Pole, we have no interest in. We'd rather stand in the North Pole. I like me. So sometimes, but I, so I move in LA. Yeah, it's kind of crazy. I, I told you both in different ways. And I thought that both of your reactions were rich. I told dad over text because I knew he was going to be sobbing. So I let him take a second. Oh, I don't know if I told you this. So I'm driving. I think it was the same week as, as Larry's birthday. And we were meeting in the city that night. And you texted me like advanced warning over the starboard bow. Hey, dad, just so you know, I'm going to see you later, but I just want to tell you ahead of time that I've made a decision to move to Los Angeles. You texted this? Yes. Mom, he can't, you can handle anything. I'm not saying that you can. I can, but you didn't want to see my initial reaction. I did not want to see his, but I know I can't, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. You can't handle the truth. Some days more so than others. I knew that you'd be physically upset. And I didn't want like, I wanted you to have that moment and like let yourself kind of sit with it. Right. Like a bottle of wine. Let it breathe. Let me breathe. I needed you to decanter. Right. Exactly. So there was the same week as the Nick said, one to championship. So I was riding my next high. So I text and I was driving over that afternoon until I came into New York. So I'm like, I think it was the same day as a parade, maybe, or now we'll have to parade. So I texted back. Oh, wow, it's amazing. Congratulations. It's so exciting. And then I sent send and I'm driving and there are tears rolling down my face. So it was like tears of joy and loss and a little touch of shock and a touch of a little bit of grief. I mean, you know, when I get together with different groups of friends, they're like, so Seagalstein, both of your girls ran away to the West Coast. What have you been doing to them? I'm like, so I've gotten some of that. But, you know, we have to you have a chance to, you know, finish the whole concept of what it means. It's wonderful. And it's great opportunity. And, and, you know, you're young. Like I tell you, always, you can go, you can do something. And if it doesn't work, you're young enough, you can come back, you can go here, you can go there, you can do whatever you want until you're tied down to children in a house, a mortgage, and someone else that is unable to move, you have freedom in this world. So enjoy it. Take advantage of it. Make the most of it. That's what you can do. For us time is right. Yeah. And my reaction was not that. You said, you have the beach here. I did. Yep. I said, no, if that's what you want to do, go. I mean, yeah, but initially you were like, why? And then I, so what prompted you to seriously, they were handwriting like, you're so cute. What prompted you to seriously think about moving to LA? Like, where did this come from? Okay. God, such a good question. Thank you. Leave in question. Well, as you both know, a few years ago, I lived in LA for one month. Yeah. Yeah. I've always had this travel bug. Mm-hmm. So every April for three years, I left New York. I went to a different place. I started with LA, yeah, which had originally I wanted to go to Italy, but they said no. I said fine. That would job said no. Yeah. Yeah. I did LA. No, I did Denver first. Right. I did LA. Oh, yeah. And then I did Oregon. Yeah. So I've always had this travel bug in me. And I think that I, whenever I go to a new place, I'm, I'm amazed that life is happening here simultaneously while life is happening there. And the concept that anything can happen, anything can change at the role of a dice is so enticing to me. Yet I also value routine and stability and tradition. And all of those things. And I had, after I lived in LA two or three years ago, I had thought I could, I could live here. And I kind of want to. Kayla was at home at the time. And I couldn't, I couldn't fathom being that far away. Being far away. And it's not like she kept me here, but I couldn't fathom her being here in her position and me not being able to be physically there for her. Yep, yep, yep. And so I think once she was able to go to Denver, it that kind of happened in me of, well, what's keeping you here? Right. So much is keeping me here. And I think that you both haven't still the value of grandparents in me. So intensely to the point where I was able to form my own relationships with them specifically by grandma's as I got older. Yeah. Yeah. And your mom, Grammy Sandy was my last, my last girl alive. And it was at the same time it almost was like I got on medication that I needed. Yeah. I was depressed. And she was entering hospice. And it was this like magical parallel of my world's opening. And I feel like I can finally breathe and be like, I don't need to be on the East Coast. She was so crucial to me of like being physically here and being able to go, I couldn't go to the West Coast when she was here, not because of anyone else, but myself. I didn't want to miss out on things with her. Grammy. Yes. Okay. And I felt like when she was going, I finally was like, now what's now what's keeping you here? It could always be something. It could be my parents are aging. My parents are aging and I'm missing time with them. I'm going to miss holidays. I'm going to miss birthdays. I'm blah, blah, blah. What about like, what do I want? What do I want? What do I like? When I started thinking about what I like when people ask me, what do you like to do Dana? Besides my friends and family, I love hiking. I love swimming. I love the ocean. I love travel. Well, guess what? That's not a part of your life right now. And it can be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. How was that flow of like telling that? That was great. No, that was like spot on. Yes. And it's almost like as things certain things change, they released you from your need to be here to stay here. It's like, yeah. It's like that's You got, you know, not that you were rushing any of these things, but they were inevitable. Speaking of Grammys, and after Caleb moved to Denver, at your behest and your suggestion, which was amazing. Right. I mean, I give you credit for that all the time. You basically pushed her out the door and said, you need to change and you were right. I've never seen her since it started, I've never seen her, I mean, she's always happy. But happier with that trying as hard to show she's happy and also as healthy as she appears to have been in a long time. And I don't know if I would have had you pegged for this, but you're a natural born leader. But you don't, you don't grab power, you just do it as a normal part of who you are, which is very unique, I think. It's so funny you're saying that because I'm sure I've told you this, but when you were three, your preschool teacher and our parent teacher conference, Ms. Sherry, said to me, you know, Dana shall always be a follower, never a leader. And I said, I'm not sure that's what a teacher wants to be saying to a parent. And let's wait and see. I don't know if you remember Ms. Sherry, where the fuck is she? She's out on, at least she's in Colorado. Are we allowed to curse on us? Yeah. Yeah. Call her up right now. Yeah. Yes. I remember walking away from that conference and thinking, thinking, who does she think she is? And I, to this day, want Ms. Sherry to somehow stumble on you present day. So wow, that's so interesting. Yeah. Yeah. And anytime you did something in your life that was kind of leadership, I was like, fuck you Ms. Sherry. Like you initiated selling carnations for some storm, yeah, and selling cookies, Kalen, you sold, we bake cookies and you sold them in the neighborhood. I think for Katrina or so, I forget. No. It was like a tsunami. Yeah. It was some tsunami in India where we had this initial Philippines or Thailand or something. Yeah. But you always had this initiative to kind of do for others and get people rallying. And it was always like, fuck you Ms. Sherry. Don't say that to a parent and don't even think that about a kid, Ms. preschool teacher. That is pretty interesting. I felt like you guys gave me the tools to almost like empower myself, like if no one's following, just keep marching. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. They'll come, create your own path. Yeah. And I love your line. I'm creating community. Like how cool and beautiful is that? Yeah. Like you guys also, I mean, but that's also an ode like, I think it'd be harder to like be a leader if I didn't have people that I knew. Like there's baked in people in my life that I know will be there no matter what. You have a lot of those people. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm, but I'm so grateful where I just feel like, I mean with comedy, like you guys were just always there or different things or listening to the podcast. Like some parents don't give a fuck what their child is doing. Shame on them. What do you see happening with your move to LA as far as parts of your life that are of most interest to you? I hope that LA creates a whole different energy shift for me where I'm experiencing parts of myself that I didn't even know existed. My therapist and I talk a lot about how I'm not running from New York. I'm just running towards LA. That's one of your questions. Like I, I, I love New York. I love New York and I love the city. I love the people. I love the community. I love my people and my community in New York. So that's why I know that I think I'm a, a part of me is like are people going to think I'm stupid for leaving this. But my favorite palaton quote, lol is if nothing changes, nothing changes. I am looking for a disruption to my norm, to break out an entire new version of me. If you told my 23 year old self, sorry, keep going back to sobriety, it is a big part of my life. Sure. Like you told my 23 year old self, like you're sober and you're going to move to LA. I'd be like, well, literally why, why are we doing this? Why would you do that? And now it's like, I tell people and they go, that makes sense. You've like mentioned things. I didn't even realize I had been mentioning it, but I think that's what I'm looking for. I'm honestly looking forward to like expanding my job, like my sales job. I think it gives me so much opportunity and money and protection and stay where the good people are. So many good people at my company. But beyond that, I want to, I want to meet people that I've never met before. Expand your life. Expand your world. Yeah. That's what it's all about. So it goes in with, it ties in so maybe you'll expand on this, but what do you think is going to be different about your life in LA that you couldn't create for yourself in New York City? Such a good question. Not multiple choice. It's similar to what you were just talking about, but like, what do you think is happening that you can't create here? Right. I think, I think a lot about sometimes of where is Dana the most Dana? And what am I doing when I'm feeling the most Dana? And there's things that I feel like I'm supposed to be doing to feel the most Dana. But I think I am. When I have the mountains and the ocean and my nervous system is more regulated, I can show up as the best Dana, but could I find that here in New York? Yes. Could people find that here in New York? Of course. I think that I will be back in New York, but I feel like I'm like being. I feel like I'm not talking about something that I should be talking about. Like, I feel like I'm missing something. What do you mean? Like, I feel like I'm, I think it's ultimately just needing change, a new challenge. Like it's no specific thing. Like, oh, I want to be near like more taco places, or yeah, the ocean sick, but like to a point someone made, there is an ocean here. So it is something different. Like I think breaking the mold that I've been in is something that I need. I don't want to live in my comfort zone. Why do you need that? That's a good point. It's how you grow. Like I, I want to be constantly evolving and I need something different. I mean, I moved to Brooklyn. And I thought that would be like a good change. I enjoy Brooklyn, but like, I think a lot of my days look the same. Okay. So I'm just, this is just a therapy session with me and my mom. Well, no, I don't want it to be, but I also think like maybe your values have changed. Like what you actually value in your life right now. Mom, such a good point. Yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah. So what do you think you value more now that are that's causing you to move? Like that's really what you know, here comes the gold brush. Sorry. That's good. My mom literally has a degree in this. No, that's such a good point. I think my value, my values have shifted so much. Okay. I think I used to value. I don't think I know I used to value like going out, partying, dinners, drinks, brunch, Sunday brunch, Sunday drinks. It's just classic Manhattan life totally. And so eat it up, do it, love it. Take it all in. Like own it. I know. Right? And you're like, you're like, all right. What's next? But that's not to say that that's all there is to do in New York. Of course. I just feel like right now I need my life to look like waking up, working out, going to the beach, maybe filming a podcast with a new person, maybe going to create sketches with new friends. Maybe it's going. It's finding me just in an environment that is more likened to where I feel free. But yeah, I don't value, I mean, I love getting together with my girls. Like, I love my girls, but I don't need to be sitting at a bar until 2 a.m. While everyone's drinking, like, I just think it's my priorities have shifted. But I go ahead. I'm fine being around people that are drinking. Like, that makes me feel like I'm saying I'm, it's all about the drinking. It's not. But like, there has been such a shift in my brain since I stopped. Yeah. Yeah. my health, my health is the most important thing because it's, as we all know, it's all we have. And I think that being able to be able bodied and have choice and wake up and want to go swim or surfing or hiking or drive to Montana, if I do so please, that is what my body and my soul is craving right now. I think with Kayla, we've seen how quickly your life can be put on pause, taken from you. However, we want to position it. And I'm like, I love New York and I want to be using my body to feel as healthy as I can in this moment. - Yeah, yeah. - I hear you. - That's brilliant. - Do you think there are more sober people in LA? There's more sober activity, okay. Like, I think that when I think about in New York what I like to do sober, it's perhaps like a museum or a comedy show or sitting in a park or going to a cop, there's plenty to do sober. I'm also doing drugs. Like, I'm not fully sober, please. (laughing) - Right. - But like, what I think about what I would do sober in California, it's living. I would live. I would live. It is completely different than living in New York. You know what people might be saying? What living is so New York? Like, the city, the city, it's at your oyster. I am aware I'm not saying that it's not, but right now I need the other. - And I will say, I think you've embraced the city so, so well because you do the museums. You're involved in that mentoring. You're involved in so many different activities and engaged with so many different people and meeting people for coffee that watch and listen to not that deep. And I think you've embraced the city beyond. And I love that about you. I love that you're able to do that and really branch out. And I feel that you really do have a love of life and a love of people. And I think you will have that no matter where you go. And I think if you didn't go to LA, that would be not a good decision. - That would be like leaving a piece of fruit on a tree. Like you've been squeezing this big apple down to death to nothing and doing it all. And the fact that you make a good living allows you to enjoy things that a lot of people don't always get the opportunity to because people want to live them in heaven. But most of their money is spent on rent and they end up doing fast food or takeout and missing out on half the things they really wanted to do. You're able to do it all. So you're not like you're missing out on anything at all. You're covering all the bases. It's the way you should do it. - I mean, I feel sad when I think about like, just like missing time, but I also give it myself grace of, I don't know what's over there. Like I don't know what my life is going to look like and that's scary and that's okay. - And exciting. - Yeah, it's exciting. - Like it's so exciting. - Yeah. - Yeah. - What a rush. - What a rush. - Yeah, totally. - What a rush. - Oh my God, it's gotta be amazing. - Dana, yeah, how do you feel about leaving family and friends? (laughing) - Moon face. (laughing) - I think I could stay here forever and be so happy. - Mm-hmm, yep. - I don't think I'd like have my love for life without my family and my friends. - Mm-hmm, okay. - I'm looking forward to like having people visit and show that my space, but I also hope that it also evokes like a different side of friendship and familial relationship when we get to catch up on FaceTime and phone. Maybe I'll even call more. Maybe we'll be in touch. I don't know, like I don't know what that's going to look like, but I think I also see a lot of my friends like getting engaged and maybe having children and it's so exciting. And I see that as their next chapter of life, I want my chapter of life 'cause it's not looking like that. And whatever chapter of life you're in, it doesn't need to look like anything. - You're right. - I have will on my end who's moved from New York to LA. I remember I thought he was crazy for leaving. - Yeah. - What do you mean you're leaving New York? Like you freak. - Right, 'cause at that point, New York was you were still in the massive discovery stage and everything was blowing your mind. Yeah, like to leave something so familiar and so full of love. - Yeah, yeah. - But I think that I will confidently look back and say, I'm so happy I did that. - Definitely. - And I'm so happy that I still have the friends and familial relationships that I do because of it. - Agreed. I agree. - Yeah. - You're not losing anything. - No, no. - Yes. - You're only adding. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm gaining. - Uh-huh. - That's the key though. - Yeah. - All right, one more. - Okay. - This is the hard one. This is a bonus question. - Wow, I literally can't stop crying, but it's okay. All right, in your head, does L.A. offer you opportunities that New York City does not? - Great question. - Thanks. - And if so, what are they? Like, I immediately think just like for my soul. Like L.A. offers for me like food for the soul. But I do think that things are going to change with not that deep when I go to L.A. - Okay. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I need to, what do I want? What does my ideal situation like? - Great question. - I'm working my corporate job because I have to say that. I'm working my corporate job for the rest of my life because I have to say that. (laughing) Now we have that covered. I want not that deep. I want to be going on live podcast tours that I am able to go to different cities, have different people share with me their stories, share they're not that deep at the day and continue to like provide joy and recognition to people's lives and struggles with humor and by being myself. Whatever, that's the umbrella, okay? Whatever comes underneath that is just added bonus. But I don't, I don't plan on this podcast like popping off out of nowhere. I am, I feel like I've been laying the bricks and I've been slow burning and I will continue to do that for as long as I need to because I know that everything that's meant to be will be. I am in no rush. - Yep. - There's a plan. There's a plan that you little fuck. (laughing) - It's just a bug. - I think he was on one of your other podcast tours he wants back in. - Like, I really do believe in that and I feel woo-woo and I honestly think I started feeling so woo-woo, woo-woo also means like Western. Like woo-woo is aligned with like magnet healing and energy healing. Okay, like the doctor that helped my sister, your child so much, like was not treating with like, oh shit, I meant Eastern, sorry, Eastern medicine. Like, huh? Sorry, let me start over. Please. Functional medicine, Eastern practices, these non-conventional ways of like living and treating. I've seen how it has benefited and helped Kayla so much. - Yes. - And I just feel like I'm tapping into my energy now more than ever of what feels good. Who do I feel good around? Who is my energy drained around? Let's go not pack. I used to pack my New York City day. Like, there was not one after work that I was not doing something. And I look back on, was I doing that because I wanted to or because I felt like I had to like, soup up New York. You know what? Up New York is, it's resting when you need to and it's fitting in everything that you want to when you need to. And like, I fully did not slow down until my body physically would not let me move from like December to January. Sorry, that sounds like not a long time. I was really sick. - Yeah. - And I do think that was the first time that I like sat down and just watched TV. Like I hadn't really done that. And that is so, the little disturbing, but it's also like my sleep right now. is my medicine and it's my religion and it's what I need to function and like that mentality, that mindset is like so West Coast. Okay, I can appreciate that. Yeah. Yeah. And be in touch with your your body and your mind together. But like I could I could do that here. I just need a change. Yeah. No. I need a change. I could do this for the rest of my life. I mean, I started crying. I mean, I'll just keep crying on the street. Like I met like the cutest old people and they were like regulars at the cafe. I love news bar and university and they were talking everybody. They knew everyone's dogs. It was such a New York mom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not called a New York. It's not called a Florida moment. It's not called a New Hampshire time. Like it's new to you. It's very specific. Right now it's L.A. And I need that. And I hope you guys visit me. I'll try to stop us. I will be there without a doubt. Like I can't wait to give others an opening into this this lifestyle. And I think it's it's sure I'm going to slow down a little bit. But I don't I don't actually want to slow down. I just my environment needs to be a little bit more copacetic to what I need. I want to grind out there. Like I'm I'm there to work. But also rest. But also rest and take care of yourself. Whatever that looks like out there. Maybe you'll surf. I think I'm going to surf. Yes. What did you guys think when I first started not that deep? Like what were your thoughts when I was like I'm starting a podcast? As always go for it. Dana, you're unstoppable. You're unstoppable. Whatever you want to do. And how can I support you that? Who the hell thinks of starting a podcast like. Yeah, these young kids. They don't realize it's an oversaturated market. Like go for it. I remember just having dinner with you somewhere. I'll guess Thai food. It was Pranakon. And we were talking about the whole concept and like just digging down deeper into how do you how do you put everything that not that deep means from a large scale into a very succinct simpler thing? And that I enjoyed being able to help you to get there. That was very meaningful for me. But I also knew that you would get there. And then as opposed to some people that say, okay, I'm here. It's like no, you're more like a running back where you take the ball and then you keep running. Okay. And you go when you go when you go. And you keep going. There's no, there's no end zone. You just keep going. And that's the right way of doing it though. This is what he does every time we get dinner. Yes. The metaphor. I could not even be there. He's literally like, and there's a bamboo tree. And the tree's going to grow. But at some point, it's going to hit the nebulous clouds in college. They called those seagullisms. That's funny. Yes. Thank you, Mr. Wepper. So I mean, we laughed. We cried. Yeah. We will continue to do so. Was I like unclear? I'm worried that I was like unclear about why I'm moving to L.A. And people are going to be listening and being like, she's going to regret it. Like, what do you think? I don't care what anybody thinks. But I think you're very clear on it. It's all about growth. Well, new experiences. Nothing changes. Nothing changes. I'm mainly worried what Miss Sherry is going to think. I'm not worried about Miss Sherry. I do hope she's listening. Mom, can you tell the story about promiscuous? Yeah. Okay. So second grade. And then we're going to do you're not that deep at the day. So dad get thinking mom get thinking. Yeah, I kind of forgot to do that. So you're going to go first. I usually last time I was on this episode number seven, he gave me three shots. I had blanks each time. Now I'm ready. Okay. All right. I'll think what you're doing. But promiscuous. Yeah. Second grade. It was kind of writing up about yourself. And one of the questions was second grade. You're seven. Yeah. Yeah. Your favorite song. Okay. Dana's favorite song. Everyone else is like God bless America. Or you know, you've got a friend or whatever. Dana's song is promiscuous. And the teacher's like something going on at home that is she called you. She did call me. Yeah. Mrs. Willis. Yeah. Won the merch giveaway. She did? Yep. Everything's full circle. Oh, I go on. That's what I was when you were supportive teacher. And you don't call me a follower. Right. Exactly. And she did. She called. She goes, I'll put it on the board. But is everything okay at home? You're like, actually, yeah. Um, I said, first of all, I don't really think Dana knows what that means. I think she just likes the music. And she likes to dance. And that's her favorite song right now. Go for it. Yep. It's all about timing when it comes to something like that. Yeah. So it wasn't like you, that was your number one song for two years. Right. You used it. It was in the moments. Right. And you always got stuck on a thing for a period of time, like Oscar Meyer lunchables. And I like to say a brand. I don't even know. Yeah. Yeah. Or what were the other? She gets. I love rice cakes, laughing cow cheese. Oh, yeah. Like, endlessly. Yeah. And do you think that that is like a metaphor? Like I get stuck on one thing. Like am I stuck on LA? But you support it. No, but you I don't think there's no, you don't plan it out of why? Like, mom, get that laughing cow. I want to know, I have been I have been I mean, I just get like, obviously I'm excited. Like there is so much like, I'm scared. Like I'm scared of I'm scared to get there and miss my community. I'm scared to get there and feel lonely. I'm scared that I'm going to question if I can do this. Like I'm I don't even know what I'm scared of. But it's like, I'll never know until I try. Correct. Just do it. But it's a blank slate. It's a world of possibilities. Just do it. Yeah. You can do it. You've been thinking about it. You're going to follow through. You create community wherever you go. Yeah. You really do. I need to know from y'all what's your not that deep of the day. So my not that deep of the day thing. I want a little fairy thing there is that it's not that deep to talk to strangers. Okay. Thank you for the little little. I've been doing it my whole life from any age on growing up in the 60s and 70s. Parents taught you stranger danger. Don't talk to strangers. Don't put yourself in a situation where you don't belong. And I was like, no, no, no, I would always talk to strangers. And there are times where you're like, you know, you go different than like going to pet a dog. Assuming it's going to lick you and it's like barks at you. Yeah. You encounter some of those barkers. But for the large part, if you open yourself up to somebody, they will open back. And it's whether you make a joke when you're crossing the street in Manhattan and somebody laughs and you have a moment to share a moment with them that never would have happened if you were just quiet and shy and just living in your own lane. I mean, from driving somebody uber or lift rise over the years, I've people will open up to you if you give them the opportunity and they're interested. And you end up discovering things about the world and yourself because you end up talking and you like you always keep pushing dad therapy, go to therapy, go to therapy. Yeah. I'm in therapy every day when I'm driving people around. So you're not, but what I am. Mom, what? Why not that deep? No, I'm not. And dad like driving a bird is not like in, like, you just saying, no, but it allows you need professional help. Yeah. I've got the finest people in New Jersey helped me on a daily basis. But the conversation that you enter and the topics that you discuss with a lot of people are like, Dan and Dirty in real life. And you share information and you share stories and you share history. And it's, it just makes you feel alive. Interacting with strangers is not that deep. It's actually I think beneficial, healthy, wonderful. Dad, I love that. And I also can't wait to post like a clip of you talking and be like, has this man ever driven you? Has he ever driven you crazy? Well, driven you crazy for sure, but driven you driven you in his Honda Accord. Have you heard seagullisms in the back of this man's car? Yeah. Yes, exactly. Mom, Jill. Yes. One time I called you Jill and you were like, you can call me mom recently or years ago, like years ago, you just like enlist a level of fear in me that I'm like, I was never scared of my dad. Mom, what's your not that deep of the day? Okay. So it's a little bit deep and a little bit not that deep. You started off this session as conversation with giving your dad and I some positive feedback about putting ourselves first and deciding to divorce and being happy. And that was really deep for me. but I want to really emphasize how it's not that deep to pursue happiness for oneself. And what that looks like for you, for me, for you is individualized. No one is here to judge that for anyone else. We are not on each other's bodies or shoes. Your decision to move to LA enforces your desire for you to be happy. And I can only support that. And it's not that deep. You're going to do what you want to do. And you're going to be happy no matter what you do. So I love that you can appreciate the fact that we did get divorced as much as it hurt. As much as it wasn't what we wanted. It turned out for the better. I hope for both of us. I know for me. But life continues. Enjoy it every day. Enjoy that. I love you guys so much. Like I love you guys. I love you. And it's the hundredth. It's the hundredth episode ever. So thank you for inviting us. Yeah, very unique. Very unique. [Music]