Is consciousness only in the brain?

Namaste and welcome to Satsang today. And it's really good to be back here with you all. We've had an amazing time at retreat and bringing all that love and power back with us. First, incidentally, when we are on retreat, there's an amazing opportunity there for everyone who didn't get to go, their body didn't get to go to retreat for whatever reason. And let's not believe that we need to physically be there in person to get the benefits of it. If we're open, we can receive the benefit of the retreat that's going on wherever your body is in the world. So something that took me a while to learn, so hopefully we can shortcut that. If you are me and I am you, then what's to stop you receiving the same benefit? Only if we feel that we're different people, right, that would stop it. So even then it can't really stop it, but you get the idea of what I'm saying. So Satsang is a gathering of like-minded beings to explore what we really are, to find out what we really are and not just to think about what we really are, but to experience it. To dive as directly as we can into seeing it inside our own self, inside our own direct experience, so that we can come to have some seeing or experience that changes the way we see ourselves and the world, each time we recognize who we really are directly. We're moving into living as that a little bit more and we're a little less able to go back to the old stories we might have about ourselves. And that's really, really important. Only the direct seeing of who we actually are is going to transform your whole life. Thinking about things is okay, but it's not really satisfied us to this point. Even thinking about the oneness, the supreme self, the consciousness, the awareness that you are, eventually even that becomes secondary, although our mind might disagree always. So I wanted to take some time today to do some self-inquiry directly here on this Satsang and feel and call to kind of do it with some volunteers live here on this session. So if anyone would like to directly see what they are, and I'm not talking about thinking about it, then I'd ask you to put your hands up. I'll take the first five hands up that want to work with me one-on-one live here in the session and even as I'm working with each person here or non-person, everyone can follow along as well and do the inquiry as well. So I'll take five, so we have one already and I'll save time for a couple of questions that have been sent in. Okay, so no more hands up now, no more hands, thank you. We'll see if we've got time after. We've gone through these five beautiful beings and if there is some time, I might open up for a bit more, we'll just see. So we'll start with Elaine whenever you're ready. I'm ready, but I don't know what I volunteered for, but I'm game. Okay, that's absolutely perfect, lovely to speak to you, I don't think we've spoken before. No, first time. Wonderful, wonderful. So we're just going to actually search and find, see if we can find this separate person that seems to be on this journey, that seems to be suffering, you know how it goes, right, the one with the stories and let's just, self-inquiry is just a process of inquiring, of asking, of looking, it's not necessarily trying to find an answer. So it's just a question of exploring together. So let's just do that and I'm just going to ask you to share with me what's happening when we do this and there's no right or wrong here. There's no way you can screw this up. So that's good news and we're just exploring the question together. So let's just start with, can you find a separate person, are you a person, are you a thing? And again, just exploring this, am I a person, not trying to make anything happen, just seeing what happens when we ask this question. Well you might prefer the question, what am I actually, whichever one works for you. I'm aware of senses, perceptions. Yeah, exactly, wonderful. Anything else? Perceptions, lots of, feel my hands, I hear the birds, beautiful. And who is this eye that's hearing the birds, who is this eye that's noticing sense perceptions. And again, just curious, we're just curious about this question, you don't have to make an answer up here, just curious as to what happens when we ask this, what is this eye? Sort of the case manager, it's the one that sees and hears and feels, not those things, it's the one who feels those things or is aware of those things. And what actually is it? It's not those things, it's not the senses, it's not the birds singing, it senses those, it sees those. Can you tell me anything about it? Is it an object, a person or something different? Not an object, just something constant, something that is always present, no matter what is happening on the outside or on the inside, it is aware of all those things. And is it a solid thing or something else? It's very much not a solid thing, it's amorphous, it's energy, that's a word, it's everywhere. Beautiful that was my next question, you're reading my mind now, I like that. So if it's everywhere, which I agree, I also agree, are there any other beings then? No, no, no, it's, no, no beings, objects, what kinds of objects, but not. Being is, I guess, being is what it is, no, it just sounds like words, I don't know. No, you're doing amazing, don't doubt yourself, you're doing amazing. And is it, you said that it's constant, which I loved, does it have the capacity to die this being, whatever we're calling it? Right, no, no, it just is, it is. Bodies are born, right, bodies are born and die, but this is different, isn't it? Yes, yes, very much. Does it have a beginning? No, it is, it is, it never was born, will never die, it's eternal, and it's eternal. And infinite. Beautiful. And what, what problems does it have? It has no problem, it has no problem. Any karmic patterns it needs to transcend? No, no, no karmic patterns it needs to transcend. Trick questions, I know, but it's fun to explore, right? Sure, sure, sure, it's fine. And what's, if this is what you are, because we started by asking what you are, what remains for you to do now then? Anything else to understand? No, no, mind comes in, mind comes in and says, you know, hold on to this or allow and be the conduit and be the sky and let the clouds pass and all of that, I'm aware of that. And can, can you lose this even? Right, no, no, how can you lose, how can you lose? If you're here, it's here, right? You are it, yeah, yeah, yeah. So just noticing that mind can't really understand this, right? It thinks it's something that might go, that you might lose. But even if attention now, when we finish talking, goes back to thoughts or some emotion, have you lost it? No, no, I am it, I am that, immersed or not in thinking or feeling, I remain it. Beautiful. You're talking like a sage now, have you heard yourself? So whether attention is looking at this, this being or whether it's turned around, so to speak, to look at thoughts and phenomena, you're still unaffected, right? You're still the same. Right, right, I don't, I'm not necessarily aware of it throughout the day. I kind of get it and then I don't get it and I get it, but I'm, but I don't need to. It's not you. Right, I don't need to be concerned about whether I get it or not. Yeah, it's just the subtle places, we still, the subtle story, right? I need to stabilize in this or embody this or, there was a hundred little subtle stories I told myself when I got to this point, I need to be this consciously, as if I could be anything else, you know, it's just to see those, right, those little stories at the mind, the subtle ones. I want to bring this into the world, I want to serve, I want to be a light in the world. All of those, right? Do they apply to you? Question, how do I do this? How do I bring this beauty into the world? How do I be a mirror for people who don't have a clue? If there's anything at all we can do, it is only really to see this again and again and again until it overrides all stories, right? These last few stories, of course you want to be a beneficial presence in the world but is that your work to do? Can you never not be this, you know? Well, that seems like two different answers, two different questions. Can I ever not be this? I know that is not true, I am this, I am it, it does not change depending on my mood. Beautiful. And the other one was something like… Is there any work for you to do now to bring this? Yeah, that feels like there's work to do. I don't know why but that's where I fall into, of course there's work to do, of course there's so much work to do. What work is there to do? If you want to explore that, should we just explore that? Yes, please. Yeah. What work do you need to do as this to bring this into the world? Well, I need to understand. You don't really buy that though, do you? I can see. You're not really buying that story, 100 percent. There's such a huge drive in this body mind to be of service, to be the light because there's so much darkness around me. I do not want to contribute and in fact, I would like, I mean, even just a small circle, my children, my grandchildren. How do you know you're already not contributing, being of service? I think perhaps I am, I think perhaps I am and I hold that as something important. So maybe I'm confusing what I value. I don't know for sure, but there is a kind of should in there. There is a kind of, they need you, you know, the world needs you, you know, something like that in not a grandiose way, just basically. There was some other beings that we just proved didn't exist, need you. Right. And I'm only pointing this out because it caught me for such a long time. Yes. That's right. Of course. Yeah. So, of course, of course, you want to make a difference to the other bodies around you, I get that. Yeah. But the clearest way for that to happen is to keep going deeper into your own seeing, right? That's all you can ever really. Wonderful. Yeah. Wonderful. Thank you so much. So brave. Yeah. Thank you. That was amazing. Thank you. Thank you. We go to Fatima next. Hi, Helen. Hi. Hi. Welcome back. Thank you. Thank you. Good to be here. I'm sitting outside. I hope you can hear me. All right. I hope it's not too loud. It's perfect. You can tell me if it is. All right. I will. Let's dive into the same question. What do you find when you look for yourself? What are you? Do you mind if I share something first? I watched all your set signs a year ago and now I'm rewatching them and they are hitting so deep and the realization hit recently, deeper than ever, that the mind will not be able to grasp this because every time I heard you talk, I would see myself being like, "I don't get this. I don't get this." Something went behind that and it was huge to really grasp that the mind is inherently incapable of understanding this and I think that what I'm struggling with now are struggling. I had many questions for you, but they keep changing, but the one thing that doesn't change, I guess it's right now impatience of like, "Reveal yourself faster." I want to see more, I want to see everything now is what's happening. Is that you, though? Is that you? Are you the impatient one? Because again, I've got fault here, right? Yeah. Because my mind, when you start to see that mind can't really ever get this, you stop investing so much energy into what it wants you to, into its thoughts. Achievement. Yeah. I mean, all that gets satisfied then, but from going deeper inside and for me it became clear that I had to keep looking like what we're just doing before. Is this really me or is this something from the mind, being able to tell the difference between the two? Yeah. Even this urge to make sure it's going as fast as it possibly can, that's honorable and great, isn't it, from the mind, but is that an issue? Yeah, I see that, yeah, I see that. So there's just sitting and watching it all pass by and when the body moves and wants to do something or do the groceries or, yeah, that's why the questions keep dissolving the moment I, the question keeps changing and I see that it's the moment you bring that question up against the real self that you've experienced, it dissolves because it's not your issue. The next one, it dissolves. Just taking these questions and doubts or whatever from the mind and really looking is that true for me, the real self. It's true for the mind, but we're learning to go, not everything that happens in the mind is to do with me. And there might be more and more inquiry going on in the body and mind, self-inquiry and meditation and interest in, but that's just happening in front of you, isn't it? Yeah, it is becoming more and more clear. And also the karmic patterns that was something that I was really struggling with because I felt so many contractions and it kept feeling like I was sitting and transcending them and doing something. There's one sticky thing right now that I'm seeing that it's also a perfect gift or tool to contrast, to be used as, am I doing something here or does this have anything to do with me or yeah, I would like to look for this separate self again. Let's go for it then. Yeah. Let's see when you explore yourself. I see a building in front of me. There's a body that's seemingly sort of still on an awakening journey. It does feel more and more intimate in a way, more compassionate towards the body as well. I feel some warmth, I guess, towards myself, the self. So those are things you can see, the building, the body, the feeling of warmth. You can kind of see those, right? Tell me what you can about this seer, that which is seeing those or noticing those. It's quiet. It's just quiet. And it's very subtle and I know I see myself wanting to grasp onto that quietness and make it a bit louder or like make it a bit more distinct so I can hear, see it better. I sense this quietness. Just inviting that quietness to come to the forefront, just in back now here. Softness, right? Like no... So not a grasping, trying to make some, just an invitation, turning that grasping into an invitation, like what are you, this quietness, please show yourself a bit clearer, you know, something like that. Just not trying, just an invitation, let's see what happens. In that moment when I sense it and I see myself getting... I do contemplate that, wasn't I here two seconds ago before, like two, three seconds ago before I... Let's just come back to the quietness right now and let's put as much attention as we can on that quietness just for a moment. It gets louder by itself, right? It gets more obvious by itself. Yeah, okay. Is that all there is to do, yeah, that's all there is to do, right? Like... Well, that's, and you might have to look at what the mind gives you to see if it is your issue. It's a little bit like to rowing a boat with two oars. It's dancing. Yeah. See, seeing what you are, right? Yeah. And then allowing the mind to bring and seeing what you're not. Yeah. So it's a kind of like a two-sided coin, seeing what you are, seeing what you're not. But just noticing whenever you put your attention really on that quietness, what's going to happen is the world of phenomena has been in the forefront of our awareness and the quietness seems to be in the background and this is going to swap over so that the quietness is just stunningly obvious more and more and the phenomena is happening inside it, right? Thank you so much, Helen. Thank you so much. You're incredible. Very direct, like the most direct that I've ever come across. Thank you. Thank you. It's only what I would... I tried to be what I would have needed and found helpful when I was in the same place. So... So immediate. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for bringing your attention back to that, all right? Fall in love with it, be deeply curious about it and no matter how much you see, there's always more to see, right? Excited. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Magritte. Hi, Helen. Hi. Wonderful to talk to you. Yeah. Wonderful to see you. So let's do a little inquire together. Let's have a look and see what we find when you look for yourself. Let's do that. Yes. What happens when you ask this question? What are you? It looks like there's nothing. No thing. No thing. What is there then? If there's no thing there, what is there as you? A little bit of fear coming up? Uh-huh. It's okay. It's not pleasant, but doing your best just to allow the fear. If you can, just gently curious as to what is here. You told me what isn't. Your thing, no object. Feels like space. Uh-huh. Does it have any shape or form? No. Wonderful. Does it have any edges? Any boundaries where it stops? No. Where is it then? It's everywhere. He's smiling now. And how is the fear in the body right now? It's less. Uh-huh. So, just noticing that as we just actually look and explore, the fear starts to diminish. The fear is only there because we don't quite know what we're going to find, at least the mind doesn't. So, it's kind of freaking out a little, but we actually look and see this. Tell me more about this space then. Does it have a problem with the mind? No. It's very full and it's in harmony. Does it need to get rid of anything? No. Or change anything? No. You can get goosebumps. And it's just kind of equally being with what is, right, whatever arises. Even the fear, it just lets that arise. Yeah, it's very loving because it allows everything. So, you're describing yourself there, are you aware of that? No. Because this is what you brought forward and I asked you about yourself. Yeah. So, what problems do you have now? Mapping. And can you suffer here? No. Even with fear, even with challenges with the body, are you suffering? No. And of course we want the fear to diminish still and of course we want the body to feel well and all of that and our life to go to be more abundant but just to be clear, we're not suffering right now, right? That's a big story. Yeah, it's felt like everything is, I don't know the English word for it, parries. Yeah. It's beautiful. Just held. And it is love, isn't it? It is love. If we could find any definition of love it, surely it would be something like this. Everything is just carried. Yeah. And when attention goes back to thoughts or sensations or any phenomena after this, has anything changed for you? No. Yeah. Very clear. I love it and I love it. Yeah. Very, very beautiful. Anything else you want to tell me about this space that you are? It doesn't change. It's very steady. Yeah. And notice the effect when we bring attention to this real self, notice the effect it has on the body. You feel something happening inside the body. It's quite contradictory because on one hand it gives me a lot of like peace but there's also something like ah. And it just helps you to see those little pockets of ah going on inside without trying to do anything with them. Just now an opportunity to carry them, to hold them as this love, right? As this space. Yeah. From there they'll kind of work themselves out. Yeah. It's beautiful. Wonderful. Thank you for example. I'm taking it in. Taking it in. Yeah. And just keep coming back to this, whatever this is. Just experience it again and again and again and again and somehow in that we forget how to imagine that we're a small tiny being. Yeah. Beautiful. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Michelle. Sorry I was trying to get my video to start. Hi. I love. Wonderful. I'm good. Good. It's good to see you. So let's explore this together. Let's ask what are you? Again no right or wrong answers. Just exploring together. I don't really get an answer but if there's like a stableness, like a feeling of just stability. Yeah. And that's an answer, right? We might not get any phenomenal insight, but there is an answer here. Something presents itself, right? Something that's not really a thing. Yeah. Stability. I think you used the word stability right? It does feel kind of constant and just even. That's kind of, that's what I think I was thinking, stable. I think I can't find the right word. Yeah. Yeah. And is it suffering? No. Wonderful. Does it have any problems? No, it doesn't seem to. Does it? Sorry. Go ahead. No, it's going to say it seems like even when my thoughts try to come up in like a problem, it's almost like it still stays stable. Does that make sense? Almost like I can't acknowledge it when I'm actually focused on that. Quietness. Yeah. You can't quite believe the stories, right? When you're being this, you always are this, but being this consciously, my attention is on it. So, yeah, so do you have any work to do then to, to, do you have anywhere to get to now? It doesn't seem like there'd be no, no. Wonderful. And where does that leave your problems in your stories then? Can you fix them from the mind? It's like I get a sensation in the body of like anxiety, like I need to, but this, that's stable, constant silence just kind of stays the same, so I guess not. Or maybe the, the stable, constant silence is the best way to fix them. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That became clear to me that having recognized this again and again, trying to go back and fix my problems, it wasn't really working out, right? If life has got anything that that's maybe not the, the best way to fix them. True. So resting as this as much as you can is going to have an effect on those things, those parts of our lives that aren't flowing so well, let's just say, are flowing at all. That was my life. It was a bit of a disaster at the time. So just go ahead. This is just a tiny question. Is it like if I dedicated a little bit more to my practice. So now when I go in, down what I call the rabbit hole thoughts, it's like I stop myself and I go sit in the silence. I never did that before, but I feel like, like a lot's coming up because of that. Would that make sense? Like a lot of, like, I guess a lot of stories to question, maybe just want to come. Yeah. And why they're coming up now is different, right? They're coming up now so you can make a choice. Do I want to follow this or do I want to stay here as the silence, the space, the nothingness. Sometimes you might still feel like you don't have a choice. Sometimes the tension might just go anyway, but more and more, I might find a growing capacity to just rest here. Yeah, I was getting mad because I was trying to question the memory that was coming up, but even questioning it was making me, my thoughts get, you know, heavier, like, and I was like, wait, it's not the words that matter, you know, and I just sat there in the silence and it was able, I was able to, for lack of a better way to put it, shift out of it, I guess. I don't know if that's the right way to, that's not like, oh, thank you. And there's a knowing that grows, you might notice already, you can't really fix those problems by giving it energy, by focusing on them, right? It's, let's see what happens when I rest here, is this, and then something unravels in the manifestation anyway. Right. It's just been an idea that if I focus on my problems, that's the best way to fix them. There really hasn't worked so well for any of us so much, right? No, definitely not. So for me, there is a sense of, I can't fix that problem from the place where it seems to exist in phenomena, but let me see what happens when I rest as this, which isn't an avoidance of what's going on, maybe just a more intelligent way of being with it. And as you go, I don't know if this is the right way to say it, but if you're in the moment of something and you can't formally do what we're doing here, you can still, I mean, I know this is a pretty dumb thing to say because I already know the answer, but you can still acknowledge the silence while you're talking to somebody. I don't really do that very often, it's infrequent, but I feel like that's what comes next, I guess. Yeah, just if we really look at our day, there's like 100 little moments, right, where you're knocking on someone's door and you wait for them to open the door, can you just check in with this real quick for a nanosecond or while they're making tea or whatever, or while you're walking down the stairs or while you're in the bathroom or waiting for someone to answer the phone. There's a lot of little moments, so you can just, only for a nanosecond, just kind of acknowledge this that you are, and it begins to shift your whole day then and your whole life actually. Definitely. Yeah. Thanks for that, I didn't think of it that way before, it makes more sense. It's just love emerging, right, for this that you really are, it's like naturally you'd want to experience it more and more throughout the day, you don't just want it to be, "Okay, I've done my meditation, now I'm going to go about the rest of my life," you know, it's moving from something you're doing to something you're living as more and more. Even knowing that, like you kind of said at the other lady, like knowing that you're always that, because I buy into the idea that once I go back to do Michelle's stuff that I'm not that anymore, and I have to go find it again, that's important, I think, to remind yourself. Yeah, whatever the body's doing, wherever the attention is, you're still this. This is all there is, right, and we prove that when we see it again and again and again. And then there's not this constant pressure, "I must bring attention back all the time," and then paradoxically it comes back more and more, and it's on anyway, attention back to who you are. Great, thank you. Wonderful, wonderful, thank you for exploring with me. Thanks, I really appreciate it. Wonderful. Okay, we'll go to Christine, last but not least, whenever you're ready. Hi, love. Hi. So let's explore this together, what you really are. Let's just have a look together, and no right or wrong as always. Just hanging out with this question. What really are you? So, what comes as like space, like the presence? Beautiful, and is that something that's just arrived, 'cause we're looking now? Why was it there before? No, it's here, so it's here. Always here, yeah. And does it have any problems? No. And is there a person running around inside, is there a Christine person running around inside the presence? The thoughts or the, I guess, image of it comes up, and I see that, and I also see the presence, or perceive it, I guess. And the thoughts of Christine, is that enough evidence of a person, a seeker, someone who has to wake up? No. So when we really look, there's just this presence, there's some thoughts, there's a body, sense is perceiving, but no actual person, right? Can you find an actual person, Christine? Or to the presence? No. Wonderful. So, maybe Christine is an idea that the presence is exploring about itself. Oh, maybe Christine is aware that the presence is experiencing itself. Yeah, it doesn't, like, land anywhere, so. Beautiful. And just one thing that comes up, and maybe it's part of the doubt, is like, this presence that I feel, but it also feels like I'm watching the presence, as well, like, aware of it. Let's explore this question, then, and again, it might be a challenging question, but let's just explore it anyway. We don't need to make any answers appear, and we don't need to work hard. Am I looking at or from the presence? Just playing with this question. Am I looking at or from the presence? What happens when we ask that question? It feels like both. Can you prove, both, can you prove that you're looking at the presence? Is you're looking at it, seeing it from somewhere else, there must be somewhere you're looking from, location. Just exploring that and just going, can I actually really prove that? Feels like both, but can I prove that? No, I can't find any. Wonderful. Sometimes in self-inquiry, we're just interested in what we can prove with certainty, right? And this assumption, this idea that I'm looking at the presence is just a very persistent assumption that we haven't really questioned so much until now. Sometimes it's helpful just to look and say, you know, it feels like I'm looking at it, I really can't find anywhere I'm looking from. Does that bring any fear or anything like that in the body? It brings like a, I don't know if it's like a, not a resistance, but like a tension and like my, like my solar plexus a little. What is that tension? What is it worried about? What is it saying? If you're not looking at the presence, something inside says yes, but... It just feels like a clenching, like holding on. Yeah. There's some things a little scared of realising this, right? Something inside, it's okay, can just be compassionate with that, it's okay, it was the same for me. And just reminded ourselves that we're only seeing how things have always been, doesn't mean anything's going to change. Right now as we're looking like this, your body and mind is still functioning perfectly well, right? Nothing's going horribly wrong like mind worries about. Just to be clear, it's just good to be clear what's actually true. Where am I looking from was a powerful question for me. I really began to destroy this idea that I'm looking from the body and mind at the presence, something, some assumption that had a lot of power. Anything else you want to tell me about this presence, that you are? Nothing that comes to mind. Maybe just enjoying resting it, yeah. And noticing this presence doesn't have any problem with the tension in the body, right? It's just letting it be completely. Yeah, it's happening inside. Yeah. Beautiful. So just testing out these assumptions, coming back to this over and over, just seeing if you can prove these assumptions, the feeling will be that you're someone looking at the presence. Let me see if I can prove that just gently each time. Noticing again and again, I can't find anyone that's looking at any separate person. Yeah, wonderful. Thank you, well done, well done. Okay, wow that was some powerful inquiry there and I just want to finish by reading these two questions that have been waiting a little while now with being away on retreat, so we will, I'll read these and then we'll finish for today. So this first one says, "Hi Helen, thank you for your wonderful help and I hope this question is okay. I struggle with addiction to food, to content and to other substances. I also see some things becoming harder in my life as I partake in these activities more. I want to stop but it's becoming harder and harder the more I continue. How do I break out of a negative self-sabotaging spiral? How do I remind myself that I don't want what I think I want in those moments where it is all I can think about? Thank you so much for your help, much love. How do I break out of a negative self-sabotaging spiral? I love what you said here, how do I remind myself that I don't want what I think I want in those moments where it's all I can think about? So with me, there's been many addictions to many things, most notably food and alcohol. A lot of needing those things to give me something and of course if you need help from an official 12 step group, a support group, absolutely go with that and you might have already done that. All forms of help have their place in the path. For me, how do I remind myself that I don't want what I think I want in those moments when it's all I can think about? Well for me then it was a question of emitting maybe I can't in that moment. Maybe it's all encompassing in front of me and the only thing I can think about in that moment is whatever particular substance I was using for gaining that feeling of whatever it is I wanted. Usually escape, usually just to feel, firstly to feel nothing compared to what I was during depression or to feel better than I was. Admitting that I couldn't always do that in that moment, I couldn't always distract myself was a huge thing. Maybe I'm giving myself an impossible task, maybe you're giving yourself an impossible task there but in those calmer moments when they come later, if there is any, even if just for a nanosecond, inquiring into what is it that I really want from this, why is my, what is this addiction giving me? And for me it was always a way to feel something, to feel something positive even if that was just a blankness, an emptiness for a while. So I kept on asking in those calmer moments, sometimes I could do it in the heat of it but usually not and that's not anything you're doing wrong, right? That's just how it is right now. What do I really want? Is it this thing that I'm using right now to, is it really that that's giving me this feeling inside or could I go to something more direct? So I started to really look at what is it I really want and to feel better that came up and eventually to feel good and then to feel good all the time, if I got really honest about what I wanted. It was to never ever be able to kind of drop away into suffering or to resist something that was coming up so if you can inquire in those moments that are a little calmer, what is it you really want and what is the best way to get that? So we're not trying to change the body's behaviour right now, it's gonna do what it's gonna do but we are intelligently inquiring into what's the best way to feel good and gradually it moved for me from sex and alcohol to food which was less damaging but still had its effects and then I kind of got addicted to meditation which was a huge relief in fact. I could do that as often as I wanted to and as often as I could and we didn't have the same negative side effects, it had some side effects still but not like the alcohol etc. So I found that my addiction or what I was addicted to was moving and eventually gradually became clear that that is devotion in disguise right and I just haven't quite found the best place to put my, across addiction is a medically unrealised thing but it could also spiritually be devotion in disguise, obsession in disguise, obsession with truth. So just kept asking what is it I really want, what's the best way to get it and it became clear that it couldn't really ever be something I was doing from the outside in as something my body was doing and eventually ended up here at this, like we've been doing today, this self-inquiry. What I really want is to be myself consciously, effortlessly and continuously to not be able to imagine anymore because I only need those other substances to, I'm only using those to try to feel better from the effects of my imagining myself to be a separate limited being, who doesn't feel good enough of anything, might feel like I did very ashamed of myself, hated myself, who I thought I was at least and those began to fall away. Having said that, I did the therapy and I did take medication for my depression. It all helped, it all worked, ultimately just to help me see what I really, really wanted was this and that perhaps our outer addictions are ways to cope with the effects of the illusion of who we think we are and all that comes with all the stories that pile on top of it. So maybe give yourself a break and say that you recognise that you might not be able to in those moments and that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, it just means in those moments all attention is going to what's happening in front of you and there doesn't seem to be any capacity to turn that tension in at that moment, that's okay. But there are moments, quieter moments when you can do that and they will begin to have an effect then upon those moments of self-sabotaging behaviour. Always try to remember as well that you're doing the best you can, all of us are and any idea that you should be doing better right now is not true. If you could, you would, you'd like to see different behaviours from the body, of course in the mind but saying that you should is going to sabotage everything, you're always manifesting and the body and mind are highest where you can in any moment so hope that helps in sending much love. Okay, final question, hi Helen, thank you for your beautiful teachings. When I look within, I cannot find the separate self, I can only find the vast stillness. However I cannot move past the belief that I am my brain, that myself exists as electrical activity in my brain. This belief is compounded when I consider for example, if I go within and search for my eyes or my liver I cannot find them but still they are there. I'm sure you can clear this up for me, thank you for being you with love and deep gratitude. So it comes up very often right, we experience who we really are and this idea pops up but yeah what if I'm just happening inside my brain, what if I die with the brain and the brain dies, so do I. So it's great that you've seen yourself as the vast stillness so let's explore that. If you were located inside your brain, if you are only the electrical impulses running around inside your brain, you would be an object, a very subtle object, a thought, an electrical impulse that jumps across a synapse gap in the brain, you would be an object. When you look and find that stillness, is it an object? Is it something that can be confined inside a brain? For me I had to prove this, these things, I had to look at them like we've been doing today, whatever the mind says, yes but, what if, I had to take those inside and really question like this, can I only be a function of my brain if I am not an object, if objects appear inside me, if brains appear inside me, can I only be inside a brain? It might sound silly to say it like that but sometimes you have to look and actually experience. I have no edges, I'm not an object, I can't be limited by any object, especially the body and mind, we love the body and mind but we just need to prove and be sure that we're not an object and then to understand, not a thing, then to understand what that means. If I'm not an object or a thing, I am that in which all things appear. And yes I am also flowing through the brain as I'm appearing as these electrical thought impulses but I can't be only those because I can prove my own intangibility, my own formlessness, my own insubstantiality as I inquire and find only this stillness that isn't a movement. And by contrast if I'm only electrical signals going through a brain, is that what I'm actually experiencing, taking the doubt of the mind and actually trying to prove it, what I find is stillness, not a movement. Movements happen inside me, I'm not a movement, I am just here as this. So whatever mind brings you like this now, it's trying to help you, it's trying to say here's a place where you have a little doubt, where you could be a little more convinced of who you are and that's what the serges have done over the years, is just to take what doubt they have or the mind has and the mind's saying now please help me with this, I can't resolve this, what if you're only an electrical impulse because if you are then there's still fear or death and you will die, so it's good to clear this up right? Can you be limited to appearing inside an object to brain? Experiencing what you actually are and then asking this question, can this that you are, this no-thingness, be inside an object only? Where does this stillness stop? How big is it? Where is it located? Can it stop? If your body is set off to walk to where this body is, where would the stillness stop along the way? And if you're not an object, what does that mean? Can you be limited by anything, really, really important to explore? This is what I did, I just took, eventually I realised that mind was trying to help me and I took every doubt and just explored it from the seeing of who I really am. Can this be true for me now? Recognising that, you said I still cannot move past this belief that I am my brain. A belief happens inside a brain, is it true that you can't move beyond this? Aren't you already beyond this? So these things are going to come up, right, just for you to confirm and as you confirm and look, wow, no, I can't be limited, I can't only be inside a brain or I have to admit I'm inside everything, all brains, all forms, everything. Then this nagging thing from the mind will fall away then, right, because it's done its work, it's given you a gift. It is your best self-inquiry body now, your mind, your brain, and if you kind of approach it like this, it's going to be a lot smoother and easier. So thank you for sending that in, I hope that's helpful. Thank you all for volunteering to do this amazing enquiry together, it just takes courage to put your hand up and speak in front of everyone, so I just want to applaud that. Thank you for being here with me today. Just a very quick reminder tomorrow, next week rather, the satsang is an unusual time, it is a 3pm UK time live here on Zoom again, so same link, same password, thank you, namaste. [BLANK_AUDIO]