Is Christina Still The Garbage Queen? w/ H. Foley & Kevin Ryan | Your Mom's House Ep. 878

Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Mom, home of the save. Join for just $20 at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer, new members only. BJ's, home of the save. Guys, with me, the RU Garbage team is here. Come on, Foley and Kevin. I'm so fucking glad you guys are here. Thanks for having us. Smoking heaters. Yo, hey, let's fucking smoke, dude. Okay, all right. Does he have an ashtray? Does Foley need an ashtray? He needs one right here. Yeah, so I basically now have- He's got an ashtray on the floor. You're single now. What are we doing here? Let's go. Let's go. Dude, I've been engaging in such, such trashier behaviors since- Well, you're returning back to your roots, your true roots. You can never shake it. You can never, that's the thing. Money don't change it. It doesn't change it. It's not. You are who you are. What are we talking about here? Okay. DiGiorno pizzas? Are we talking about like spring break and- Worse than DiGiorno. Well, you tell me. You tell me. Is this worse than DiGiorno? So I've been picking up the darts after 20 years of- That's all right. Sigs are coming back in fashion and I think- We have a big, we're a very heater heavy pod and I think we're part, you know, listen, I would take money from Philip Morris immediately. Immediately. If they cut me a check. Immediately. And listen, I think, I don't think you should smoke. They own the Bisco. Yeah. I don't think you should smoke. I think it's bad, but if you smoke, I get it. I get it. And smoke your brain. Not only that, like in Europe, they still smoke everywhere else in the fucking world. It's like the 80s over there. It's so good. It's crazy. I love it. I saw a pregnant, we were at a wedding and a pregnant woman was just crushing heaters in Europe. Oh, okay. Yeah, and everyone is like- It's okay over there. I don't know why. Here, she'd be arrested immediately. Over there, it was just like, I'm like, okay. I was like, okay, maybe one. Not true. I'll let one slide. Have you been- I wish I had a glass of red wine, though. Yeah, of course. Have you been to Florida? I've seen pregnant people smoking. Sure. Pregnant women in front of movie theaters. My mom smoked. I'm fine. Yeah, you're fine. You look great. I got a new head on the SATs. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. What's going on? What, why? I did Zip Bound. Oh, that's the- I've been walking a lot, not eating a lot. That's all you can do at this age. Just stop eating. You're just going to stop eating. It doesn't do it for me anymore, which sucks. I know. That's the one thing it took away. I have no comforting thing. Drugs, booze, nothing. It's all gone. I'm a live wire. It's bad news. So what do you do? What do you mean? You're just white knuckling? Or you want an SSRI of some kind? I take Effexor. Is that an SSRI? Yeah, good. And therapy and meetings and all that stuff. Fuck. Yeah, it's brutal. It's terrible. It's worse than the addiction. I'm telling you. I know. Because you're digging up all this shit, all this stuff. Sucks. Here's what I'm thinking. Pretty fucked up. Because I'm 50 and I'm like- So am I. Yeah, but I've been good for so many years. Maybe I can just write out the next 20 like this. Just be in a dirt bag. Can I? You're having heaters. But this is a little refined. What are we talking about? You got a Cortado or something in front of you. Wait, is this not bad? You have a confession. I feel like this is terrible. What have you been doing? Ripping darts. Okay, so here's my- That's okay. Here's my thing. I'm up to 50 milligrams of Prozac a day. That's what I have for breakfast. Okay. Some coffee. Very 90s of you. I like it. Yeah, yeah. And I'm not hungry until noon, which is when, up until recently, I would order one thin crust Domino's Supreme Pizza. Thin crust from Domino's. I respect the choice. Wait, normally you've been doing that? For a month. And I've been living in my swimming pool ripping darts. That's all I do. And drink wine. I drink white wine and I rip darts in my pool. So you fucking, you've won life is what you're saying? What are you talking about? That's like- I know. That's what you- Listen, I know. And I haven't seen the pool, but I don't think it's above ground. No. Salt water? What do you got? Salt water? Yeah, salt water. No. It's chlorine because apparently there's not a big diff. But hold on. Do you think that DiGiorno's is trashier than Domino's? I didn't know you were doing Domino's. I'm okay. Listen, I'm a big proponent of Domino's. So am I. Domino's has beat Pizza Hut in the recent years. Growing up, Pizza Hut was it, obviously. Pizza Hut ran it. Yeah. But now they're fucking- Domino's got their shit together. Together, bro. Where's Papa John's, by the way? Okay, maybe- But do they- Do they have a thin crust? I think everybody's banging a thin crust nowadays. Dude, that shit shows up so fast. Also, in my head, you're going light on the carbs. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what I'm saying. A thin crust. That's like barely even crust. Well, here's the thing. With my divorce diet, all I do is drink wine, rip darts- What kind of wine are you doing? Are you doing fancy, fancy wine? Cheap stuff, or- I do. No. I do like to have a Sancerre. Oh, a Sancerre. Very nice. Look at you. I didn't know you were in the presence of royalty. A Sancerre? No. Of course not. I'm sold. Is that Jackie Kennedy sitting there? It can't be. Holy shit. A Sancerre. You dating a Greek oil tycoon? Don't get too fucking stoked, okay? Okay. And then I do a sparkling rosé on the weekends. Jesus Christ. I love it. Whoa, you guys are my friends in real life. It's like, I can't have you on this show and pretend like, anything happening, guys? I know. That's what I was going to do, because I'm used to not addressing problems, or fist fighting. That's the way to go. That's the only thing. That's how I know how to handle problems. It's either we don't talk about it, or we have to fight now. You're so white. That's what white is. Whites do, yeah. Yeah, it's Irish Catholic repression, don't know how to handle a lot of booze. I think we should go back to that, because I'm being in therapy, all this stuff, digging up all this stuff. I like the 50s. Don't say a word, swallow it, and then die of a heart attack at 50 seconds. But here's the thing. Once you delve into all that therapy, because I do all that, and drink and smoke, and do Prozac, it's like, it just makes you want to do shit more, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, it's bad news. So you're walking? Walking's helpful. I walk a lot. I like walking. Yeah, walking's good. Yeah. Walking's good. What were you doing before? Just eating a lot? I was eating a lot. I was eating my feelings. I was doing drugs. I was drinking. I was denying all this stuff. Not moving at all. And now I live in Ian's basement, so I got to walk a little bit. A little bit of a different situation than what you got going on. Things are going great. Things are going great over at AYG Studios. Sounds like Foley and I are on the same life path. I think, yeah, I think your pool's nicer, though. Me and my wife are splitting hundreds of dollars. Well, I heard some really exciting things. I heard some really exciting news about you. What? I hear there's an above-ground pool. No, that's me. That's Kippy. What? Went above-ground, baby. $228 from Walmart. That's the leader. Do we live in a better country than that? No. Yeah, $228. Pool. Take that, China. Backyard. Ruined the grass. Neighbors don't like it. Yeah. But, you know. We are who we are. I had my best summer. The neighbors were, like, real. Why would they give a fuck? Because it's a nice- Property value. Hold on, you did it in the front yard? No, I didn't. I'm not a fucking animal. What the fuck? He's grilling out there. I'm not Eastern European. So, what do they care if it's in your backyard? They don't care, but it's like, you know, I live next to a surgeon, so it's like, you know, they just, like, very meticulously curated houses, and mine is not. I don't have to. Of course. I'm worried about this and that. Why are you worried? They didn't complain. It was just more of, like, it's an eyesore. It was lopsided. So? You know. Can they see into your backyard? Yeah. First fucking things first. You gotta- Hey, what the heck? That's not me. Jesus Christ. What are you guys, the CIA? Wow. Yeah. Dude, that's a nice one, though. It turned green a bunch. I had a shock in a couple of times. I lost the pool. Dude. Yeah, look at this. It's like Ecto Cooler. Yeah, it's, uh, yeah, it was a bumpy summer, but it was fun. It was great. But that's nice. That's a big one. What is that? Yeah, it's 14 feet. That's a huge one. Stop it. That's huge. No, but it's- It's real shallow. It's only like two and a half feet deep. Doesn't matter. So you gotta fucking hippo mode it. Well, can I tell you what I've wanted to do? Because I do have a pool, but I lack a jacuzzi. Okay? Now, here's the thing. Anything in Texas takes a million years to build. I got the answer for you. Please. Just stand-alone jacuzzi. Dude, bro. You're a white trash- Thank you. Lottery winner. You fucking, you, for sure. You're new money. That's what you get. Put it in the living room. Dude. Put a jacuzzi in there. I'm single. I can do whatever the fuck I want. So I should put it in my bedroom like everything else. My coffee machine's in there. I got a water cooler now in my bedroom. I don't have to leave it. You got a doctor's office? That's insane. I got a water cooler. I put- I don't want to leave my bedroom ever. Like Winston Churchill. I kind of get that. Is it like the five gallons in Churchill? It's a big one. Like the- Like at a doctor's office. Yes. I have a water cooler in my fucking room. I got a coffee machine. I get- That's- That is classy. But like if you're never leaving the room, you're a dirtbag. Is that what you're doing? If you do it where you're like, I drink the reverse osmosis water right when I wake up. I make a latte, whatever. But if you're just living in your room, hunkered in. Yeah. Hmm. It's like Grey Gardens in there, huh? And I have two cats. I have one cat. No, I guess I don't. This is how there will be blood in there. You're going to beat one of your producers with a bowling pin and be like shooting rifles in the house. Well, let me ask you this. How many cats is a trashy number? Because I'm working my way up. When did you get the two cats? Have you always had them? No. The first cat I got two years ago. And then I was like, I got two hands. I need one for each cat. Okay. So now I'm on the second cat. But every time I see a little stray buddy or I want to go to the shelter, you know what I mean? Like I just want my, I want like 10. That's too many. That's too many. You're not there yet. Because the house is probably pretty big too. You're going to lose them. They're going to be like, they're going to be wild cats inside. And that's not good. You'll have ivy growing on the house. You don't want to do that. We're going to have to do an intervention or something. We're not there yet. Enjoy the pizza. Hang out in the room. Whatever you want to do. But most importantly, before we begin. Wait, we're not recording? I've been fucking killing over here. I haven't even done the intro, but I just need to know this because I've been wondering since the last time I saw you. Okay. Am I still the reigning queen? Yeah, you're up there for sure, right? Yes! Yeah, I don't know. Jordan Jensen came close. Jordan's really trash. I was going to ask about her. Yeah, she's trashy. She's trashy, but she's like a little different. She's like, you know, sticks trash. She's like forest trash. Yeah, moonshiner. You were at Roseanne and Tom Arnold's wedding, right? Yes, I was. There's pictures of me in Life magazine. Yeah, you can't put that. That's trash. And then, oh, last time I saw you, remember I got a snake bite and I cut my hand? Dude, this last weekend I was sitting in this hot tub and I got fucking, not my hot tub, this friend of mine who lives in the hills and all these ants were everywhere and I got bitten by something and I got a huge allergic reaction. I mean, that's pretty garbagey, isn't it? To sit in someone's filthy. Was it above ground? No. No, it was fancy. She's real rich. You were in California? No, no, in Westlake here. Oh, there's hills here. Yeah, but I don't live there. That's like fancy rich. But I did get an ant bite that created a reaction. Yeah, but you were in a nice, probably like, you know, built into the landscape. Yeah. Like, oh, we're lowering our footprint. It's built within the lake. You didn't like. Yeah. That's pretty classy. Oh, Salt Lake City, Shart Lake Titties. 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You're eating Domino's every day. True. Also, yeah, I forgot about that. Which is crazy. And you're ordering it yourself? Yeah. Like you were going on there, not an assistant, nothing like that, just showing up? No, you just door dash or whatever. It just comes to, what do you mean? Yeah, my assistant. Do you have, you don't have the Domino's app, do you? No, but I have the 7-Eleven app and I order darts to the house. Yeah, but yeah, I know. You got it, yeah. That's crazy. I have that. What's the app? I have it too for when we're down here. That's bad. What's the car like? That's not a great. Are you cleaning the car regularly or no? Is it dirty? It's dirty. It's always dirty. Right now, if you were to look in my car, there's half an eaten breakfast bar, half a bottle of water, lipstick, like just shit everywhere. I got kids. I got a question. Yeah, kids. I just got a new car. Forget it. I have one son and my wife and it's like, it just goes. You just lose it. Yeah. I don't understand it. But how many packs of cigarettes? How many cigarettes are at the house at the moment? Oh, I got it. How many open? How many unopened? Great idea. Oh, not only that. Okay, so I got a drawer that I lock everything in so that the kids can't see what I'm up to. Okay. Very good parents. So hold on. I got at least five pack of Marlboro light darts that I keep on hand. Unopened. Unopened. American spirits for backup when these don't cut it. And then some blue camel lights. And then hold on. Oh, and then I started vaping. Kim Congdon got me into vaping. He's been vaping too. It's great. I just quit. Yeah. I just quit. Last night or this morning. Two weeks. Back on the heaters. Something healthy. I feel like these are way healthier. This is organic matter, dude. All right. You guys are great. Let's start with this opening clip. Are you ready? Please. You guys got your cans on? Here we go. Canned up. I am dipping nuggets you've never heard of into sauces you could never understand. Is this the friend you were in the hot tub with? I'm not talking about nuggets. Don't bring anyone mugging to this. She's ripping heaters. I'm ripping heaters. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. It's a heater crew, dude. It's a year. Is that okay? Of course it's okay. Like I have to. Help yourself. What are you ripping? Camels. Yeah, that's a good. You see? The blues? Yeah. I like the blues. Here, have yourself. Every pack of cigarettes he has looks like they were in a pool or something. The box immediately fucking crumbles and flaps open. It's crazy. They were in Fallujah. What's up? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. She's off the deep end. This one. Yeah. Sniffing cigs is wild. I get it. I get it. I felt that in my belly, but it's wild. I'll tell you why. You're moving bad. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Hold on. The theme song is February. Okay. She's over the theme song. Cut it. God. This is my first. This is what I smoked first. And the smell is of raisins. Camelite. These smell so good. These smell so good. These smell so good to me. Raisins? Yeah. They smell like raisins. Huh. This is not. It doesn't smell like shit. Smell this. These don't do anything to your lungs. Those really shred you up. And I kind of like that. I got you. Listen. I've smelt my fair share of Marlboro Lights, my friend. Yeah. So, what else? What's new? You got the above ground pool. It sounds like a fucking killer summer. Yeah. It was great. It's gone now. It's gone. I had to take it down, obviously. Trap of 228 bucks. I probably got five, six weeks out of it. It's not bad. It's great. How old are your kids? Fifteen months. Okay. So, when they get a bit older. Wait. Oh, they're twins. No. Just one. I only have one. Fifteen months. Boy? Girl? Boy. Okay. Yo. Here's what you're going to do next summer. You're going to get an inflatable thing from Amazon. Like these inflatable jump-a-rooney water things. I know what you're talking about. Go to Amazon right now. It's like a play. Type in jump-a-rooney. Like a jumping water thing. They blow away in high wind sometimes. Yep. Those are great videos. Those are great. My kid didn't make it, but yeah. Great videos. People are freaking out. Yo. You put that in your backyard. Summer made, bro. That boy's going to love it. Yeah. One of these things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Go to Walmart. Spend $230 and you got yourself a whole summer. We were talking about maybe getting an actual pool, but I think that's on hold. I'm just not going to use it. It's going to take forever, too. Yeah. It's just fucking crazy expensive. How much are they? They're like $100,000. Shut the fuck up. I swear. Pools are insane. You got $100,000? Yeah. That's pretty good. Damn. We make the same amount of money. That's crazy. Hey, it's crazy. He'll be like. How do you. What do you just pay that at the end of the month? Yeah. He makes it. He actually. I'm like living this. I'm a minimalist. Living this insane lifestyle. It's like I drive a Tahoe. I have a $228 pool. Yeah. But he makes it. Yeah. What's going on? What are you spending money on? I did spend a lot of it on nefarious things. Sure, sure. I'm building my way out of it. I'm just not good with it, you know? Yeah. I feel like my mission is to die in the gutter. At a certain point. Right? I mean, you know? Right? Play this out. I love how you're trying to connect with her on that. Right? She's in like a $70 million house. You're like, you're going to die in a gutter, right? Oh, you know what you're talking about. Like a true artist. The boys get me. Yeah. They all have more money than you do. I know. It's good news. Well. Yeah. What are you going to do? Can the wife watch the money? Can someone else do the money? Yeah. I don't think she's going to. We have a business. Yeah. Give me a business manager. Yeah. Okay. JB. They got her wrangled. They dial you in, dude. What are you doing? I guess. I don't know. At 50? Do they? What do I got? That's true. Hold on. I have a good clip for you guys. Hit us. Wait. What was that? Who's this broad? That's the lady I was kicking it with. No, it wasn't. Yeah, dude. She's got nuggets. I'm going to have to call CPS that this is who you're hanging out with. You're doing trivia night and stuff like that. Speed dating. Get out of here with that. But she's got nuggets that she's dipping in all kinds of places. I don't get that innuendo. What is it? Maybe I'm a brood, but she's like, she's dipping nuggets. nuggets she's dipping her nuggets what are her nuggets i mean they're whatever you want that's what i'm saying well first of all which is the superior nugget are we talking oh mcdonald's right hands down still forget about it yeah yeah hey what about chick-fil-a my kids are into the chick-fil-a the chick-fil-a tray is a standard you know what i mean you get the chick-fil-a nugget tray for christmas and stuff like that serves like 15 20 people oh that's a different thing we did it on easter this year yeah really great yeah wow but standard nuggets it's mickey i think so too for sure that's just because that's what we were raised on yeah nobody's touching mickey just the way it is now yeah it's delicious dude all right what about this hold on we got nobody putting the cheese on the burger i've never seen that without cheese so we use the fancy cheese on our burgers what we're using here throwing cheese we're using a cheese tray okay i'm fine it's the only cheese we got we're acting like we're fancy using real good cheese they got pepper jack they got cheddar and colby which is the weirdest cheese of all huh colby tastes like nothing yeah it's strange i i don't know what the take on this video is i walked in i when i saw that i went there wasting that good cheese on those me too me too i don't know what that says about me if that's a good thing or a bad thing it's definitely trashy it's bad they think it's fancy i think it's fancy i've can i i just that made me realize that i've never put anything other than american or cheddar on a burger in my entire life cheddars you don't do swiss fuck you swiss really disgusting what are you a communist that's crazy i didn't know you could put other cheeses on burgers no i really do that when i go somewhere and i'll be like i'll do the burgers like oh wait there's what kind of cheese i go american i don't know what i don't even know what an option is i don't know what i'm saying i go like i don't you have gorgonzola like i've never ordered gorgonzola anywhere no me neither cheeseburger munster i don't even know i don't know what an option is no what's an option i mean these fools are thinking you go american or cheddar that's it same thing when i do an omelet i'll be like an omelet and they go what kind of cheese you want to go cheddar that's me being like hoity toity yeah can i cut on an omelet what are you talking about there's no taste to it you got to do american gouda gouda that's super gay dude young gouda guyer come on who's getting this shit grier who gets this in their house pepper jack i could kind of see maybe pepper jack's the flavor adds a spicy kick melts decently well making it a favorite for heat see now they're hot right now nobody really likes pepper jack they just like it's saying oh good pepper jack yeah it makes you sound special i don't even sure i've ever had pepper jack it's bullshit i like gouda but on its own well i don't know i've never had pepper jack i've never had pepper jack i've never had pepper jack i don't know i've never who's doing the grocery shopping at the house now oh i do i instacart you do i always have yeah yeah why what do you think that i live in downton abbey and there's i don't i don't do anything i'm surprised a little bit can i tell you what i really like i like the heb but i prefer randall's because it's even trashier than heb my buddy i was met up with my buddy who lives here last night he goes everybody makes fun of me for going to randall's love randall's here's why i prefer randall's to he cheaper too i think that's what you said well i don't know about that but i do know that the selection is significantly less so you got less to work with you're in and out and they always hire special needs people to work the registers and the baggers so i love that i really wish they they brought back more special needs people to be baggers but you're not doing it there you're ordering in well not all the time when i can go to randall's i take the kids you know they go hey look at the retarded guy bagging your groceries it's gonna be you one day for sure i was a bagger too so i get it that's a skill because there's a whole art form to bagging groceries don't get me started i got i got i got bagging takes it'll blow you i go eggs on the bottom that's how much eggs on the bottom you can't do that that's against the rules you're crazy eggs on the bottom in the industry you know yeah they're in the container it's also very hard to crack an egg unless you like drop it those brown like creates a great base at the bottom you get it you get a 18 you get a dozen and a half boom that keeps the bag perfectly erect you stack on top of it okay i'm not saying you put your five pounds of tomato tomatoes on there you know so what do you put on top of the eggs anything boxed anything boxed cereal you're not you're no cereal you got you know you're getting all the wafers i love it and i've eaten cream of wheat apparently that's trash is cream of wheat weirdest person i've ever met you might be the only person eating cream of wheat and dominoes every day that exists in walking this planet no one doesn't no one's ever done that you're a man and calling me crazy and i've been pickling things like beets like my eastern european i've got jars of pickled he's lost it but i'm a dr drew in here something let's see what we should have drew on actually pretty soon he's been really nice okay um yeah um that's that's your yeah that's wait pickling what are you pickling so eastern europeans you pickle all the vegetables you can pickle anything i do green beans cauliflower you can pickle anything i like to make my own pick you guys don't do that americans don't pickle anything i thought no i live in a basement i'm not pickling anything i got no pool nothing i've been living out of a uh roller bag for the last five months but you look so tan where are you getting your sunshine from uh i got a little color this weekend where were we before we're in color out there yeah um yeah that's about it keep it up on the tan for a little while that's my focus you know what color you'd be all right that's it yeah you need 15 minutes that's true you do you need a little you look good though you do and that's all that matters is how you look i've been telling him that that's all that matter we're hollywood what are we doing here everything's i'm killing it i'm gonna kill both of you i don't have i don't have us in me today not today you don't want to okay not today then you know devil's knocking on the door not today jesus as the seasons change and routines are back in full swing and can be easy to let your laundry list of responsibilities get in the way of taking care of your mental health just like your body needs proper diet and exercise to stay in shape your mind needs consistent maintenance and attention as well and that's where talkspace comes in talkspace is the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime anywhere talkspace therapy and psychiatry is covered by most insurers and most insured members pay a copay of zero dollars and talkspace knows that therapy can be costly so part of their mission is to provide quality care that's both accessible and affordable whether or not you're insured i've been in therapy oh my goodness for 15 years and it has absolutely changed my life and i can't imagine not talking to somebody every week as a listener of this podcast so talkspace is the number one place where you can get the best quality care in the world and talkspace is the number one place where you can get the best quality care in the world Um, and so maybe a reflective, uh, part of my life. And so maybe this is a part of that, but something about it feels right. Um, as long as I don't feel like I'm breaking anything that is important. Who is this for? Who, who is going, I need M. Night Shyamalan content. No one's ever said that. These last four movies tanked. It's like, you're not even watching the thing you're good at. No one's doing that. I know. I'm at, I can't. I can't, I know. This just broke me. Everybody stop. Go away. Stop it, dude. Take a vacation. It's over. It's also like we started doing YouTube content and podcasts because we couldn't fight nobody. Yeah, you wouldn't kiss me. Yeah. Get, get, jerk off your shot fucking signs in my, in my hometown. I could have been an alien. You didn't, you didn't knock on my door. This is why you're here to watch this with me. This is exactly the outrage I feel. I just don't get it. Why? What the fuck are we doing? I'm, I'm, I'm sorry. I'm gonna, we've been trapped. We're having a lot. I didn't get good sleep. Well, and this also bothers me. It's very similar to Garth Brooks's attempt at being a human being. Yeah, it's like, dude, you're, you're missing even like gen, genuine con, like connection. The shirt and tie, the ruffled jeans, the sneakers, the bench. Of course. And he's so far gone from humanity because he's been so rich for so long. You think so? He's got a lot of cash. For sure. He's been doing movies for how many years? 20 years? I mean, the Sixth Sense did crazy, right? Crazy. He got a couple of points. That was still prime DVD sales. That's true. I mean, and now he wants us to know him as a person, but he's so insufferably boring. Yeah. God. I also. 80 million dollars. That's fucking crazy. Why is he doing a YouTube channel? Stop. Yeah, when's enough enough? Stop. Also, that bench doesn't live there. Like, you carried that out. You had a set director. You had a wardrobe guy. Well, hold on. Speaking of the bench, he's gonna tell you a little bit about it. By the way, we're, this is my little bench. Oh, that's fucking crazy. I'm living in a basement, dickhead. Actually, my office gave me this as a present. Oh, they gave it to you or you paid for it, dummy? That's my office in there, actually. Oh, in there. I come out here to kind of calm it down when I'm not feeling. Calm what down? You're the slowest moving man in the world. Just to calm it down. You calm it down anymore, you're not gonna have a pulse, jerk off. What is he, have a game after school? What's with the shirt and tie? This guy stinks, dude. He sucks. I liked him, too. He's from Philly. We gotta love him. Good guy. This button that we see now, he sucks. It's insufferable. How many, how many, can you get information on his YouTube account? Yeah, let's see what's going on. This has almost two million views. What? Are you fucking kidding me, man? We're cucked, dude. That's all bots. That's, yeah. That's all paramount money. How many subscribers does he have? What are the comments? Yeah, if he's not getting trashed. We gotta go deeper. Oh, no, look at the profile. We gotta beat on subscribers. Five videos. Five videos. Movie director. Oh, my God. Two million views, 12 days. This guy's doing numbers, though. I respect it. God. Diary while filming. Oh, my God. Could you imagine, I mean, just for a second, could you imagine being this enamored of yourself? No. I hate myself. We genuinely dislike ourselves. So much. It's so crazy. So, and like, if I'm not entertaining within two seconds, I'm getting the sweats, I'm nervous. It's like when you're a performer, you know monkey dance. And he doesn't have that in him of, like, dance. Come on. Oh, I'm so jealous that he doesn't have that in him. Some intern or somebody who works for him said, YouTube's very big right now. He said in a boardroom at, like, CAA, you know, and they're like. Shout out to the boys. Shout out to the boys at, like, YouTube. You know what I mean? Some guy's like, these kids are doing great on YouTube. You know, we should fucking, what about YouTube? These island boys are hot. Yeah. Oh, that's, you know. But I get it. I get it. You got to stay with the times a little bit, you know? No, you don't. No, you don't. He doesn't have to. He's so far, he doesn't need to do any of that. But, like, you still create. He is an art, like, you know, we're shitting on him. He is an artist. Yeah. And it's like, as corny as that sounds, but it's like, he's got, he does have the thing in him to keep doing it, you know? Keep doing something. Then make a movie. Make a movie, yes. Maybe, yeah. Get off the YouTube and go make a good movie. Go to Thailand, something. Maybe, Jesus. Have fun. Have fun. Yeah, what are you doing here? How much, well, how did his last movie do? Can you get a. I think it was the island one, the beach one. He's been struggling. I feel like, not that I'm a movie maker, and obviously. Are you going to the fucking electric chair? I don't know. Crank and heat it. Me too. Let's go to our rip and dart. I respect it. I'm jealous. Let's go. Breaking the mold here. Trap. I'll keep up with you. 2024. Trap. I never even heard of this. Again, it grossed $83.7 million. I never even. Production budget, I think it made $50 million. Okay, okay. Still. That's crazy. That's, I mean. Amazing. Movies, I mean, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. You know what? I'm sitting here criticizing this guy. I know. I know. Okay, but look. I agree. This is not. I can't afford a pool. What the fuck am I talking about? This is not my type of entertainment, but this, I want tickets to immediately. What? What's this? Is that Taser Fights? Sick. Right? I love it. He's trying to compete with this on a bench? Yeah, dude, you're never going to. In a collared shirt? Yeah. Dude, this crash is so hard. That guy's laughing. Yeah, they love it. And also, you probably shouldn't be in water, no? That's a fuck. I don't know how electricity works, but that's a grounding issue. These kids are crazy. Shout out to it. Shout out to it. This is more entertaining than every M. Not Shyamalan YouTube video he's going to put out. Well, that's the thing. We're all doing. The water was pretty good. We're all comedians, and it's like, there's a 14-year-old black kid that can make the funniest video. It's funnier than anything we've ever thought of. I know. Anything we've ever tried to do. Anything we've ever tried to craft. It's like, I'd watch this over anything M. Not Shyamalan does out. And that guy who's getting tased ain't making $80 million. Oh, yeah. You can't get me out of my house to go see a M. Not Shyamalan movie. No. I would leave immediately to go in a dirty tunnel and see this. I won't watch an M. Not Shyamalan in my house. No. It's on the TV. It's four presses away, four buttons away, and I'm not going to do it. This, I would get out of my bed at midnight and find the sewer. If tonight they were like, hey, you got to change your flight, there's taser fights under the bridge, I'd go, I'll tell my wife I'll be home tomorrow. This kid's pointing it out there. How do we find out where the next taser fight is? I've been tased before. Really? Yeah, I did it to impress a girl at a party. Did it work? Yeah. Nuh-uh. Really? Yeah, we dated for like a year. Was she cool? Yeah. Obviously, she's dating a guy who gets tased. She's the coolest girl at school. We used to put a dog collar on the electric fence thing and walk in front of the TV. Yeah, we had a- Never got laid from it, though. We had a buddy who was like selling low levels of drugs and he thought he needed it. So he brought out a taser at a party. It was just fucking, it was fun. You got any nickel at the house? You got a piece at the house? I'm sorry? Gun? Good Lord. I'm sorry? Don't you know me? Sincere, I said. Yeah, we got lots of guns in my house. Really? You can fucking fuck around. Fucking try. Don't you come over and fucking try me, fatso. Yeah, no. Who's fatso? I don't know where I was from. Was it Casino? You can fucking try me, fatso. That's the greatest line. That's a good line. Yeah, tons of guns, a lot of guards. Don't even fuck with Pajitsky. Yeah. Yeah. You got it? Nice. You got guards at the house. Of course I got guards. Well, that's better with the white wine and the living and the pizza and all that stuff. That's all right. You got the guards out there. That's good. Yeah, we need more stuff like this. I'm all about this kind of stuff. Not at night. Well, this is why I miss the time before the internet, because you really could just, this is what people did to entertain themselves. Like, I feel like, I don't know, walking around in the 90s, you'd see some guys skateboarding. This is how, like, Jackass got started. It was always started by skateboarders. Bored, young dudes. Putting firecrackers in their ass or tasing each other. It was great. I was a wannabe. I skateboarded. I was bad. But skateboarded outside in the suburbs of Philadelphia where Jackass or CKY started. It was like, that was, you couldn't tell us. We went and I bought like a $300 video camera and I'm like, we're going to jump out of, you know, get a shopping cart and crash it into stuff like that. It's so good. I show my kids Jackass. We watch it every night. It's the funniest thing ever. It's the fucking best. By the way, Knoxville's doing Fear Factor 2. He's, Johnny Knoxville, come on your mom's house. I want to talk to you. We've had Steve-O on, but I would love to interview Knoxville. Yeah, that shit's so good, dude. That shit's so funny. Again, funnier. It's the funniest stuff in the world. Everybody loved it. I can watch those fools shave their eyebrows, tase each other, fuck each other up all day. It's funny. At the time, we didn't realize the damage they were doing to themselves. I know. Which is crazy. The shit that Knoxville would do on that rocket. And he still does. I don't want to show them. He still does. On the last movie, they're still making these movies. Yeah. Crazy. It's like the blindfolded fighting the bull and shit. Crazy. He does all the bull stunts, Knoxville. Nuts. He does the craziest ones. And M. Night Shyamalan's coming on, sitting on a bench in a collared shirt. Hi, I just thought I'd get out here and take a risk. What? Talking on a bench. Yeah, that's how protected that guy is, that that's a risk. Yeah. I'm going to sit here. Dude, take a risk. Meanwhile, there's probably. You're getting shot on a fucking $50,000 camera. I know. There's people making all these decisions. So it's like, you're not taking a risk. Yeah. The guy getting tased under a bridge is taking a fucking risk. You know what the risk is? You're right, is the criticism. Because guys like him, especially in proper Hollywood, are so insulated. Nobody tells him that anything is a dumb idea. Sure. There's nobody in his world that is like, hey, guy, this fucking sucks. No one's told him that he sucked in a million years. Yeah. Whereas stand-ups, people tell us. They tell us every fucking minute how much we suck. That's how I woke him up this morning. I rolled over and said. You suck. You suck. Either that or you always go in by the dumpsters, no matter how big a gig you have. You guys walk by the grease trap, ruin my new Nikes that I got for the run. Yeah, it's like, obviously it's a very humbling, but in a good way. It's the best way. You can't really lie to yourself a whole, whole bunch. Not with stand-up. It's tough, too. You'll figure it out. You stink? I stink. At stand-up? Everything. At stand-up? Yeah. You always got to know you stink. M. Night thinks he's great. He thinks he's great. That's the problem. Once you believe your own hype, you're dead. Even when we have really good nights on tour, like, you know, where it's like, you know, we're both in the pocket. It's just, you know, great, great stuff. It's like, we did our job. It's like, that is what, you know, is expected of us. By the way. Not like, we're the best. We walk off, we go, great job, great night. No. But we, it's either you pass or fail. Do you know how self-loathing I am? I got a standing ovation. I got a standing ovation recently and I ignore it. I'm so damaged inside. I saw them in my periphery standing and I was like, got to go. Can't feel that. Do my eye contact. Got to get going. Got to go. Speaking of Salt Lake City, Poo-Tah, Shart Lake Titties, I'm coming to you in October at Wise Guys. Not a ton of tickets left, but please get them now. That's such a fun one. Have you guys done that one? Yeah. We've done Wise Guys out there. I like that club. I like those guys. They're nice people. You're on the road, huh? Very minimally. I have two dates. I have two dates that I'm doing. One in Chicago and then one in Salt Lake City for the rest of the year. And then I do Mothership. I'm at a residency at Mothership for November and part of October. And that's it. I do spots here with the kids, doing my thing. That's fun. The dominoes, all that. Yeah, it's a full fucking thing. You know, I got to. He's going to, if I don't do the dominoes, who's going to eat the dominoes? What are the holidays going to look like? You figured that out yet? Yeah, for sure. We're doing Thanksgiving. So that's a really good question. Because Tom and I are getting along, we're just doing them together. I like that. Yeah. Very nice. Yeah, why not? That's really good. No, we're keeping it together. I didn't have that. You guys were not. We flip-flopped. I hate that shit so much. It was all right. Yeah, but it wasn't like, they didn't have a co-parenting type vibe. Not in the 80s. No. No. No, it was like the cordial drop-off. Anytime they were together, like if they had to go to back-to-school night or something, I was like, oh, man, this is I remember one time I was having surgery and I broke my hand or something when I was like 12 or 13 and we had to go downtown to a doctor, like for the surgeon down like in, you know, like UPenn or something. And we, it was the first time we were ever all in me, my mom and my dad in a car and I was just like, I don't even know. And then my mom hit him with like a, you know, like she like, he like blew a yellow light or something. There was some sort of criticism and I was like, he could fucking just turn off this bridge right now and just kill us all. Yeah, it was like, I was just, it was like, yeah, they were, it was cool. They never fought in front of each other and they never bad-mouthed each other, which was good. Yeah, the shit talker was always behind the scenes. Yeah. Well, tell your father that or look who's coming. He's bringing his new girlfriend. We never had, there was none of that. My grandmother told my mom, she was like, you cannot, as much as you hate that man, you cannot, you cannot, you cannot trash him. He's still their father. Never, never. And you know what? And she did a good job of that. Now it's fair game, but now that we're old friends. But also Tommy and I have been friends since we were in our 20s. Like we started stand-up around the same time. We've been in the trenches. Like there's such a history. That you can't really forget it. Yeah, it's kind of like this, he's always going to be family. We're always going to be family. That's a very good outlook. No matter what. That's very healthy. I know. Prozac or not, you know. 7,000 milligrams of Prozac or not. Plus here's the good news, everybody's still rich. We're still rich and alive. It's all good. Back on heaters. Back on heaters. What else do you need? I'm going to give myself a year. So I actually contacted the hypnotist that got me off heaters. Oh my God, you're crazy. The first time. I contacted him, yeah, Ms. Cleo's going to come and fucking moralize me. Well, she helped me 20 years ago. So I said, you know what? I'm going to contact her. She goes, Christina, enjoy the heaters for now. She didn't say heaters, but she's like, just stay on it. Burn it out. It'll burn out on its own probably. I have gone, I've flip-flopped a bunch. And it's like, I've gotten to the point where I go, oh, these will never taste good. Like, I just, they burn out. There's a shelf life on them. Yeah, so right now it's interesting. That's fun. What time do you sleep until, usually? You up in the morning? Yeah, I have kids. Like, I was up at six this morning to get the kids, you know, for school. No, my life is very regimented and disciplined still. I can't go off the rails because I've got babies. Where do you eat the pizza? In the bedroom or down in the? Oh, in the bed sometimes. If my kids aren't there, I'll eat the pizza in bed. Now, the pizza comes up, are you doing a plate? Are you eating out of the box? Out of the box. Out of the box. And the hand, the hand plate. The hand plate. Right there. Watching a show? No, I don't like watching. I can't, I have a hard time watching stuff. I don't know. So what are you doing? Scrolling? I scroll, yeah. I like to watch TikToks and stuff. Oh, I've heard. And I, can we get into those? Yeah, please. Yeah, these are my favorite part of my life. All right, let's see. This is a little premature, but why not? What the fuck was that? You're on a part of the internet I've never seen. And I'm on the internet a lot. You gotta watch my stories on Instagram. I do. Okay. I've fallen into deep, deep holes in your story. Last night, I believe I did. Yeah, it's, it's not good. It's not a safe place. But why is he doing this? Can we watch it again? Yeah. It's really, it's barefoot. He's barefoot, too. It's like a smack. M. Night, that's what you gotta do. Yeah. Why are you doing it? Why is it so violent? It feels like it doesn't need to be that violent. Like, the, the, the first 90% of it has a lot of grace. He like, it's like jujitsu-esque. And then he fucking smashes his legs down. But why does he have to do it? I don't think he has to do it. I don't think that. For views, his art. What do you mean? Why does he have to? It's not like how he gets around. It's just so fun to watch him hurt himself. He's also a big guy to be moving like. That's like a clunky guy. I know. It's gonna hurt in the morning. I know. He is way too big. Like, um, my only least favorite walk, or gait, as they call it, is when fat guys walk on their tippy toes, because their calves are so strong. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you do that, Foley? No, he, you know, fat, yeah, fat guys have a certain, have like, there's like three or four unique fat guy walks. And you don't have, you have a regular guy. I remember you telling me that. You have a regular guy. That went away. Yeah, what? It feels good. Yeah, your fat, yeah, your fat guy. You have like a normal guy walk gait in a fat guy body, so it was like, but now everything, there's not as much friction. Everything's moving like a normal guy. I feel like I'm gliding. Yeah. Now, when you burp, are you still burping up rotten eggs? No, not with this that much. I really, I don't fight it anymore. So, like, I really, you know, I got hit with the newspaper so many times where I eat small, like, I don't eat until I'm full. It just doesn't do it for me anymore. I don't like feeling full. Yeah, because it makes you want to throw up. Yeah, which I do a little bit sometimes, which is good. What are you pigging out on? Gotta keep my edge, you know what I mean? Can't turn into one of those pussies who doesn't puke. What are you, what pushes you into puking? Nothing really anymore. Like I've said, if it catches me and I feel full, I'll just go in and make myself throw up. The only thing I would say I'm indulging in is like fruity candy every once in a while. That's it. Like, like Mentos. You know, Nerds Clusters, Skittles. Yeah, but that's really it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm over it. I like feeling good and, you know, for me, looking good. Yeah. You know? I've really been into Cheez-Its lately, too. Girl after my own heart. I'm married, lady. Get off. Back away. There's nothing like after I've had the wine and it's like the last thing I eat before bed, that nice salty cheesiness, crunchiness. Sure. I almost pulled back. That was the trigger last night at a gas station on some Cheez-Its, but I didn't. But they're so fresh. Like, how do they fucking stink? How do you feel about the extra toasty? No. These are very divisive in the Cheez-It realm. No. They're the white cheddar. Nah, fuck your mother, white cheddar. What am I, in the X Games? Who fucking eats that shit? It's disgusting. My mom bought that shit once at Christmas. We almost threw it in the house. It gets on your hands. That's what's great about Cheez-Its is there's no residue. No residue. And it smells like shit. It smells like Fremonda cheese. Yeah, I don't like those at all, dude. Are you brushing your teeth at night still? Yeah, yeah. I'm still into hygiene. You know what I really got into is Takis. My kids are into those. I never fucked with them. They're having a moment. The internet made those, like, really kind of cool. Flamin' Hot Cheetos? You like them? No. Ooh, they're all right. That's ratchet shit. That's ratchet. Takis are where it's at, dude. I mean, you got to try it. Do yourself a favor. Don't eat the blue ones. It is kind of crazy because you're like a proper single mom. Like, you could go real the wrong way. You're at a, I just hit me, you're at a very volatile moment in your life. Where you could go the wrong way. What could happen? Like, I gain 500 pounds? Nah, not even that. Start dating a veteran or something like that? Yeah, who knows? Veteran. A cop or something? Going to softball games? Yeah, there's some guy in a band. Oh, who would I date in a band? Not even a good band. Like, you could probably date someone in the fucking, you know, the Foo Fighters or something. But don't go dating, like, a guy in a fucking cover band who works on 6th Street. Why not? Listen, I DM'd Zac Efron. Have not heard back yet. Zac Efron. - Really? i met him in the green room and good for you he liked my set and then um duncan was in here last time and he's like listen every girl sucks that guy's dick you gotta dm him and be like i am not gonna suck your dick is that what you said to zach efron yeah let's see if he's answered shit is he fucking married i mean you didn't fact check that just send it off i'm not you're insane i'm such a boomer i don't i don't know let's see okay boomer i don't know how this works oh by the way you know what i'm gonna do when i am ready yeah he hasn't answered me he hasn't even seen the message he finds dms are probably closed that guy that guy in dms fuck the fuck's he in dms for hey thanks oh you like 17 again or whatever the fuck it's called he's not he's the kid from high school musical right so we're talking about i don't know he's the guy he got all that fucking he had to broke his jaw or whatever he got the huge he had an accident he did oh now i like him even more he's all damaged that's good for me people are saying i should date 50 cent i shout out to i'm a big 50 cent guy same i like a huge guy um yeah maybe that's a that's a that's a that's a turn i've never had a black okay i don't think you will if you say it like that either i don't know we'll see uh yeah i get that that's you know yeah yeah but you're you know i think you're doing a good job of your your uh you know get the heaters back yeah yeah it's slow it's slow that's fine you gotta blow it off a little steam yeah that's right thank you guys we don't really see anything too alarming here okay well give it some time no i'm actually i'm getting better i'm getting i'm getting i stopped eating the dominoes recently okay so and i'm making art again like i i've been making silly art like cat art and stuff like what's cat i sell paintings these guys know i sold one for a hundred thousand dollars paintings paintings you're painting can you bring up uh your fuck fuck around and find out i sold it for a hundred thousand dollars and then i also did portraits of tom naked wrestling bears and things like that you go ahead and show my art i'm working on it right now i'll be i don't know if this is a bit or not that's not a bit i swear to god i make bad art and i i mean fantastic art and i sell it i swear to god i could find the one of me a wrestling of naked tom you're lying right i promise you i don't know what's i don't i i swear to god i'm not lying i feel like this is a nathan fielder bit i don't know okay we're at work you guys find my artwork in the meantime i'm gonna show them this next bit this is pretty cool yikes his wife must hate him i know i love him i know dude why is the shirt so tight i know i don't get that i know it's a perfectly good watermelon oh there's the painting right there yeah that's that's a fuck around and find out that's a really good painting i wouldn't call that cat art i was worried you were doing like taxidermy on dead cats yeah i thought it was like you were taking hair from a cat and doing stuff no no you're a painter no this is great and then can i can we pull up the one there's two of tom on the mantle no no no that one's tom is a cat but where's the one of him and a bear when he's naked wrestling a bear find that how long have you been doing this my whole life really you know some are born with it that one yeah yeah here okay this one i did when tom choked and he went he went what's everybody so that's him as a cat choking okay what do you mean okay that seems a little that seems a little you know that's different than that i think you have to say what what do you mean this is perfect i don't know that's got school shooter yeah that's got this one yeah a little bit i mean there's some there's some elmer's glue involved in oh here we go this one's pretty good go ahead let me that's just the first naked tom but then there's tom wrestling a bear did you put a piece of tape there to cover his dick because we had to show it on the show gotcha okay that's a good that's good that's really good he's got a tiny painter in there christina p 23 25 yeah so a year a year ago i was bored anyway i got some big artwork coming up you guys very cool get ready what you should do are you gonna do like a gallery do run out of space do a gallery it's a great idea it's a great idea i'll take 10 figure food stuff like that i'm gonna do a show a full show all right what do you guys think of the watermelon guy uh yeah it's a good watermelon it's red this is very just like you know what these people are doing i don't know i don't i don't know how you ever figured out you could do that uh there was no i've come very close to doing that you've never like been in dire straits okay how about this you're trying to open a bottle of wine there's no wine opener so you do the fucking same method you punch it down yeah sure same shit so he's like i gotta eat this watermelon there's no knives i'm being honest that guy doesn't need to eat anything is that what you're doing you're doing the same thing you're doing is that what he's doing it for to eat the watermelon how does this play out no you wouldn't keep doing it he's got it open he could then start i don't know this is this is a weird you know it's it's too upsetting let's go next oh this guy's what's he doing now those potatoes walnuts with his finger dude yeah that's pretty good right this guy's probably brutal on an iphone i know right i feel like i had hungarian uncles that would do this where is he from there was yeah this is typical eastern european shit too hmm yeah okay you could date that guy what the fuck that's pretty good talent yeah remember that kid in elementary school that could do that yeah no he's blowing a bubble with a spit and then he's like oh my god i'm gonna do this and the bubble blows away that's pretty hard i can never figure that out me neither any sense i could never do that i could never now oh the whistle like this thing no no do you that's a tough no it's a bad kid i know that's a bad kid consistently that's tough too yeah i knew a girl that could queef on command jesus i had a friend i could fart on you could hear him suck the air in through his ass damn he's crazy and i had another friend who could puke on command i don't like that it was wild his name was scott and the one time we were riding a bike and he was like coming towards us and like we were like yo puke and then it just like immediately happened that's all it was crazy it was it was crazy that and one time i feel bad about this but he did it at a pizza place because he didn't have any money so he just threw up on the table and they were like get out of here later they all for like a dollar fifty i felt really looking oh whoa now come on that's not bad that's really good thank you that's like is that a dog it's a bear a bear dog you're good with the signature signatures you got that down what about look at tom's dingus yes i don't know if i'm looking at it correctly but it looks very small obviously this isn't this isn't this isn't obviously you're a little upset that day this is a precursor to the dundra um oh did you ever know anybody that could burp the entire alphabet in one burp yeah no i could do it like a like stop like no yeah i'm talking one free burp you guys call yourself trash i would puke though if i burp too much i puke really i would get to like t u v and i would throw up kind of a ladies man the taser the burping yeah kind of uh you know i can take my nuts and cover my whole penis with it we call it the bat wing yeah i can do that i got that going on fuck that stressed me out can you imagine being a guest at that fucking yeah i just put myself literally sitting i take the apple sauce there and you know it's a drive-by you know it's a dry wedding or cash bar oh fuck right off yeah they stink don't anything like that at a wedding when the when the bridal party comes in dancing oh my god get out of here i don't i i there's this and maybe it's just different because i don't you know i don't just a perspective thing or something and we you know we get to perform a lot maybe these people want to perform and like to perform they don't have an outlaw that's like i don't know there's a lot of like choreographed dances and stuff with like the groomsmen the bridal party the mom the dad it's like why i just go like just knock it all why is this why is it a spectacle yeah i mean weddings are painful enough to fucking sit down we'll act like you and your dad are dancing well together oh my god you've hit the doggie or something yeah not only that it's hot as shit out there they're all barefoot and you know you know it's a it is a dry wedding because they're hippies because i've been to these hippie weddings and then you have to sneak out to the parking lot and get drunk the whole time i wouldn't you know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know if they say this was my wife's friend i would just go like i can't make it i gotta be impulsive that weekend that would be like a nice wedding right wedding was good wedding was nice you had a nice wedding yeah good wedding very nice wedding you did no he did oh you did what'd you do hawaii it was nice whoa that's your people fairy tale sunset it was a nice party right very nice party i literally was i was proud at one point that shit i walked out from smoking a cig and i was like walking back in and it was like it was outside on you know on like the cliffs or the whatever the fuck and i went it's crazy that we've created something that can fund this i felt like i was at brad pit's wedding it's really good fun hawaii 200 people that's a lot of scratch wait where where in hawaii which which part koalina on oahu it's great it was it was genuinely crazy jesus christ georgia grand of course yeah damn dude good for you though you should go hard yeah it was fun yeah pretty good time that's a good time right yeah did you sing like this did you do your mouse none of this he did do 10 minutes though you did new stuff wasn't great had to let him early palestine israel stuff yeah stuff like this what kind of food did you have pigs in a blanket at least no we had a potpourri we had some uh um uh what's it called um what's the stuff i'm thinking of spam no we had musubis we had um what am i thinking of the tuna spam fried rice crush is so fucking hard in hawaii though yeah have you had that can i think of it what's those tuna that that raw shit they always eat yeah fuck what's it pookie pookie i don't know what you're talking okay okay yeah we had pork sliders yeah we had uh malasadas yeah bunch of drinks coffee station wow a whole nine yards you had a pig did you do a pig well yeah just me yeah it lasted about uh 10 months and then we were out of there damn dude all right what about this what do you think about his outfit today is that the guy that goes my money don't jingle jingle no i love that song that's louis lewis louis through the row through louis the root i love that guy i love him too so this gentleman likes to post his outfit of the day and i thought this one was particularly nice yeah it's nice for us in the biz okay oh oh they did oh oh today i respect it um this is what you're watching yeah yeah so she's doing i don't get i don't again i don't know because i have a creative outlet right maybe if i didn't i would be doing this shit i'd be rolling down a hill i you know i don't know what i don't know this is all very i don't know what he gets out of it you know is that what it is so it's just the eyeballs it's the attention he's a pervert sweetie he's he's getting boners that's also i don't think anybody's ever said that to me that sentence ever he's a pervert sweetie obviously he's a chest of the you know that honey i remember the first time i was called a pervert by my uncle called me watching someone on skin and max when we were about to eat dinner he's like what the hell are you doing pervert damn see that's the thing is that we need to start calling perverts out again yeah everything became too normalized and now you can't just be like yeah this guy's just a fucking pervert stay away from this one that's all that was that was a thing in the in the 80s and 90s it was just like that guy's a pervert stay away from it was just very like that damn pervert yeah yeah a freak if you get got it was kind of your fault we told you he was a pervert we told you not to go over his house yeah it's your fault but that's what i'd tell my kids when they're like mommy what's going on here i go they're mentally ill the wires are crossed just stay away from them sure yeah you gotta tell him yeah you just have to keep a radius on that guy stay away don't even fucking look that's a very good way to it's a very good way to raise them that's a freak son that's right don't even talk to him be nice to them be be kind but you don't need to come on no vacations oh this is awesome that's great yeah that's what we're talking about is that a roto yeah all right now we're going somewhere where do you fucking leave with this there you go sorry guys this is it i found it that's great i know how would it be dripping that's got to be a dry bird if it's not dripping on your dashboard because i like a i like a moist bird i love a rotisserie chick but the thing is why isn't it falling apart it's not cooked well enough yeah like it should be because the ones you get the legs are just they're like yeah right on the other side of that it's like human skin there's a short shelf life on a on a roto we're obviously we're big roto guys same there's a short shelf life on them you gotta hit it and right away real 25 minutes that's it yeah it's like a carnival goldfish yeah my mom got sick from eating a rotisserie that was sitting around too long at gelson's yeah really yeah you got you got to go you're right you got to get in there now this is a question that we've been talking about recently on the show what do you do that pizza you know you get your you say you crush you're you're being bad you crush half the pizza yeah right where does the what is the other half where's that live in the trash throw it out trash it right away you don't save it here's why i'll tell you why i like a freshy is what i call them i go a freshy look at you know 15 later i get a freshy to me it's worth it like i don't like old dominoes because it's it's only good when it's hot and fresh it's a different pie you're not wrong you won't have a slice the next morning after you left it out i'll nuke it and i but then it's too hot it's too hot that's crazy well the problem is it's too hot and then it gets hard so how do i heat it up the next day you don't no you can you know you know what you do a frying pan a little bit of water put a lid on it or an air fryer no it's all soppy no it's not if the bottom gets see if you can find that video or the steps to that the bottom gets perfect and then this the water causes the steam to melt the cheese on top without getting too hot way too cold leave it on the bed eat it cold yeah i mean oh yeah you eat it cold but if you want to reheat that's what you'd do what's on that pie by the way okay here's what i like to do i go pep obviously sure um double cheese if i can that day if i'm feeling it i like mushroom i like pepperoncinis um fuck olives fuck your mother with olives okay sometimes i'll get the sausage bits on there depending on my mood i love their sauce it's so good they did it differently than everybody in the world i don't know if it's a good thing or not it's a good thing it's a good thing it's a good thing you know i don't want to dial the you know the 50 cent piece no and i don't like the chicken i feel like that makes it too healthy i don't like chicken on pizza me neither trash i love i love a buffalo chicken slice barbecue chicken but like it doesn't it doesn't belong there i like it but it don't belong can i tell you what i've also been doing with my dominoes i get dipping sauces i get a ranch okay i get a buffalo sure and then i get an extra of the sauce and between those three it's heaven yeah okay i'm all about it what do you do with it what do you do with it what do you do with it what are you drinking with that uh diet coke dc out of what vessel uh cans that i have at the house cold cans yeah the little guys are the main the regular guys little guys i know i like the little guys what are we on a plane some people like them i like them because i don't want a whole how many are you don't you're not you're just doing one of them with a one with a pie yeah i would i'm not even joking i would need when i go i'll go get slices of pizza at the place next to my house i'll get three slices and i'll get a 20 ounce bottle and then a can kicker i need a lot of soda no i'm a bite and sip guy i bite i sip i bite i can't i can't govern well what are you going to do on your pizza what's your pizza order uh dominoes i do bacon pizza oh sorry i forgot the bacon i forgot the bacon the bacon's amazing i do a bacon pizza i love their pep too the pets fucking okay so here's your video that you wanted to show let's see this stick pan and heat over medium low for two to three minutes medium low pizza to the side and add in a splash of water and immediately place on the lid you'll quickly see oh wow yeah fuck this guy i don't want to watch him eat i don't like it i don't like watching him eat it it felt braggy i don't like it i don't like this guy's attitude yeah fuck you the running of the knife on the bottom is something to show how crispy it is i hate that shit they all do that on youtube that's all fully artist shit anyway they had that that's m night shamelon's next movie i hear shit motherfucker all right here we go is that on his wiener jesus christ let's see tom try to do that what the fuck they really know what they're doing in india well it's all that free time yeah you know what i mean we need a big war we really do we need a big war that guy just brushed his hands like he's a job well done did it again babe i'm hitting the showers boys clocking out of the fucking door dick stretching factory okay these i've been speaking of india i'm really into these videos lately face waxing why is it so much get the trimmer yeah it's too much did he know fuck off at this point if i was him i'd be going i can live the rest of my life with this just leave it just leave it i'll i'll figure that out that probably lasts like two hours yeah oh fuck dude this guy's got a hot date oh not on the nose fuck off oh fuck oh i love how you're like i don't like watching that guy eat but then this is the next video this is in the street too this is outside everything in india is outside i don't think they have an inside from the videos i've seen there's no inside at india that infection is gonna be brutal you am i wrong is there any video that takes place no in four walls and a roof in india i don't think crazy you ever see the guy cooking with his feet he sits across yes i love that guy he puts his hand in the curry and then he fucking touches his feet they have a nuclear weapon you believe that i know yeah it's called chicken tikka masala start with a health inspector will you boys you guys are the best i'm so glad you came thank you so much what are we plugging uh we have a comedy special on youtube out right now on our channel. It's called American Garbage. We play Are You Garbage? with the audience. They ask their questions. Oh my god. So it's like, is it garbage if, you know, whatever. They're a part of the show. We did it down in Tampa at Sidesplitters. Oh, that's the garbagiest club in the world! That's perfect! We were like, that's where we have to do it. Tampa! So it's perfect. Sucks, Tampa! I love Tampa. What? Sucks! No, no. I mean, in terms of like, Tampa is its own beast. A hundred percent. It's not a, no, I know what you mean by Sucks. Like, India. Yeah, exactly. Wow. So yeah, it's on our YouTube page. Please check it out. If you've never watched Are You Garbage? Please go check it out. Oh, please. I mean, Christina and Tom each have multiple episodes. Queen of Trash. Yeah. Or you only have one! I only have one, and I got, really, voted the queen. It's all she needed, like a sniper. Well, next time we come back, or next time you're in New York, we'll do one. Definitely. I would love to do that. You guys are my absolute favorite. I love you so much. Thank you so much. Trash. Oh, Salt Lake City, Putau, come check me out in October. And, uh, that's it. Thank you guys for being here. Thanks, buddy. It's good to see you. Good to see you, too. This dude, this kid crawls under a stall in the bathroom. But I'm thinking that look in his eye is, uh, revealing. He's touched? I think so. Either he's touched, or he's on drugs. Like, he's tweaking on something, and he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. You'd never crawl under a stall. I don't think he did shit. Hey, what you doing? What you doing? Hey, what you doing? What you doing, homie? Hey, what you doing? What are you doing? Hey, my boy, I'm taking this shit, dog. I'm taking this shit. Boy, I'm taking this shit, dog. What you doing, my boy? I'm taking this shit, homie. He's definitely taking the shit. I actually can't believe how much this kid kept it together. That's taking the shit. I think 98% of the population would not be able to view it this way. I know I wouldn't. I'd be like, dude, I'm shitting. Bro, I'm shitting. Dude, I'm shitting. Bro, I'm shitting. Here comes Ron Ron. Hey, what you doing? What you doing? Hey, what you doing? Hey, what you doing? What you doing? What are you doing? He is taking this shit. It's kind of. It's kind of. It's kind of. It's kind of. It's kind of scary because at the end, the guy that crawled under the stall is really close to the camera. He didn't walk that way. He didn't walk towards the door. He walked towards the picture. And then it abruptly stops, so. Hank joined BJ's Wholesale Club the day he became a father of 30. I coach. I coach football. Now Coach Hank saves up to 25% off grocery store prices. 30 pounds of pasta, 3 cases of protein bars, 75 sports drinks. And that's just pregame. He knows teamwork, and BJ's knows savings. This is your home, Coach. Home of the Save. 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