INYS: Mother's Day Special Edition : Part 1

Hello! Hi everyone, welcome back to English and Podcasts. Today's episode is a very special one and a very 10-year one. As we approach Mother's Day here in Berlin, you know we have different dates of Mother's Day across the country, but today happens to be Mother's Day in Germany and we are holding space for a different kind of story, one that is filled with love, memory and also loss. If you remember very well, I already have a podcast recorded for us with "Feel of My Friends", but this is special and we are basically going to Honour our mothers and I'm joined here by three incredible women who are mothers themselves, but who have also experienced the loss of their own moms. So imagine being a mother, you have your own children and you've also lost your moms. So we're going to discuss about this, we're going to talk about who their mom were, what they meant to them, how grief has shown up in their lives and how love continues to emerge even after loss. This is a safe space, it's going to be honest, it's going to be emotional and it's going to be full of warmth, laughter and remembrance. So thank you ladies for being here with me, I really appreciate it. Thank you for your time, thank you for the honesty that we're going to have on this episode. So let's talk and introduce our mom. So let's start gently. In front of you, you might already have a picture of your mom already in your head or something. I want you to take a moment, you know, look at her, imagine her face again and just introduce her to us, tell us your mom's name, your mom's name, Radha, who she was, the kind of woman that she was, what she did, maybe an occupation, business or something, wishes from, and tell us a little bit about her life, maybe a birthday or when she passed. And if you had to describe her in just one word, like what would it be? You know, I can also retract and take it back but yeah, maybe let's start with you, Boomi. Would you mind starting? Yeah. Hi, I'm Boomi, I'm Boomi. My mom was just an amazing person, I think that's just one word. She used to describe her. She was well loved by everybody who knew her and she was a very vibrant soul. Like there's no time or anyone who ever encounters my mom who would forget her. She's the kind of person that used to call this treats mommy where if the path takes the like, I remember vividly when I was 11, we had this issue in Nigeria then where I transformed my blood and then Neppa took the transform away for like months and we didn't have light and then my mom rallied all the mothers on the streets and said you know what we're going to do, we're going to storm Neppa office and boy they rented a bus, she got out everybody together, she told nothing mothers to carry their kids and then they all stormed Neppa office and then they were like you have to give us a transform out today. That's to believe she went to Neppa office with those remained at like 9am and by 6pm Neppa was installing a transform on the street like wow, that's the kind of person she was like when she died everybody was like oh no no no, it's not possible, so like she was amazing, just honestly. That's beautiful, thank you so much Boomi for sharing this with us about your mom. I mean if you also remember anything you want to chip in, yes please feel free, Debbie, would you like going? Yeah so one word to describe my mom is that she is selfless and even up to her passing every time you hear someone say something they always talk about how she has impacted their life what she has done for them so she was more like a douua or she focused a lot more on pouring out into people, into projects and stuff and receiving less. Wow amazing, thank you, thank you for sharing. Would you mind sharing wishes from? Yeah she's Nigeria and from the south of Nigeria. Okay, Boomi your mom, so I think we didn't talk about that. My mom is from the Republic. Okay, yeah thank you guys, Tala. Okay, my mom, I was saying she's just. the way she's. she's that kind of person that you don't see coming because she's all put together, they're quite feminine and also because she had this small structure so you never really people on the estimated as strength. Oh yeah she, she unleashes and you know this is not going to happen on my watch. And so then I feel like she's the kind of person that everybody's mother comes and that's so she, she carried body graciously and I think that that's one of the most remarkable thing about her. Yeah she can push herself forward but she also feels like she's a thing to every other person. I can remember vividly so we had a neighbor who was the single mom and then she had a son with us so I think the son had the fever and then had seizure and guess who was called my mom. She's not a doctor but she was good and she was so amazing. I don't know how she did it but she knew what to do to help the child and then you know the child came out of seizure and I was just like this one I have so much on that you'll see that you don't know. You just she just needs to be in the situation I want to solve it and so that's that for me it's very remarkable. Yeah with some people call her, we see some people call her an TB, some people I mean, or my new from which I mean she does go to the service as far as she was very gracious even with her sense of style. Wow amazing thank you for sharing that I can go last. My mom was a kind person kind to effort. She was a stylish woman who always loved to look good all the time. She loves her career she was brave and she was very confident. She goes for she believes in going for you know whatever you place your mind on. So far it's good and can make real impact. She believes to go for that. She supports our family so much in our best capacity even with her you know our home personal family and mom and dad our brothers and sisters. She loves them so much and she supports people. I remember one incident about one of our neighbors you know we usually take some walks in the evening with her especially with me mom and I like there is this place Dr. Slodge you know and anytime we pass there is this guy that is always saying from the doctors always greeting my mom especially and always greeting me on our way good show I was like to see that guy is interested in you I knew it. So one day this guy now came to the house and in noct and I happened to be able to open the gates and it was a whole thing good that it was so scared that it was my mom that would come open the gates. Meanwhile my mom was at the back of the was at the back of the gates and the guy was like "Eh, so what are you looking for?" like "why why why are you here?" "Do you know it she's still very young." The guy was like "Mom I've never seen this." I mean that's one of the funniest moments that I can also you know recall another thing that I also recall of my mom is there was this guy that we we go to the same school together secondary school together and one day he came to drop a letter for me and my mom again think that he was a love letter so she collected the letter the guy left and she read it and by the time I came outside I saw a crying and then I was like "Mom why are you crying on another person's letter?" So she was like "I don't want to call his name now I want to run after him and then she just dashed out of the gate and she ran after the guy called him inside they spoke for almost four or five hours that night and the next day she didn't give me full details because she she was like the guy didn't want me to know about what she discussed with me and that she really wants to owe that and respect is whatever he entrusted with her and all that but along the line I got to know I mean this is like three or four years after mom died when the guy came for my mom's burial and she said the single heart that your mom did for me that night saved me the guy is a lawyer now and he's in UK he said he saved me and made me be who I am today I would have given up on my dream if not that she ran after me and did this and this and this for me so she is that kind of person yeah yeah so that's my mom in a nutshell and thank you for sharing all the things that you shared about your mom I really appreciate that so let's go a little deeper into our relationship with our mom so um Bumi yeah we can start with you like what was your relationship like with your mom what is something that she taught you that you seek carry today or what do you miss? the most about her or what do you think about today? That was a festival memory of feeling that comes to mind, you know? - I think I miss my friend. And it's very, it's a very fine line between a parent and a friend. And I think my mom blored that line unconsciously. So of course we had like hiccups here and there where, whenever she wanted to assert herself as a parent, I was like, yeah, no, that's not happening. We're more friends than mother and daughter. We like, we used to wear the thin clothes. We used to do things together. And like all of that like, we buy my cereal, we still have scarf, have bags, you know, all those kind of things. So for me, what I miss the most is like having my friend, like being able to just pick up the phone and be like, oh my god, you're not believe what happened. And just like my biggest supporter, like, you know, like, once you get married, they're like, oh, you have to trust your husband, you have to do this. And I love that. Ain't nobody loved me like my mother did. Ain't nobody, ain't nobody thinks I'm special. Like my mom did like, if there were 7,000 people that were doing one thing, my mom would look up and be like, you had the best, like, you want me like, no other person would get as great as you like, she was my biggest fan if I made any decision. If I thought I had a dream or something like, and you know, because my mom wasn't as educated as she wanted to be. So she usually lead her dream, very curiously through me. So there was never anything I said, oh, I wanted to do that. My mom would be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. She's like, you want to do this? How far do you want to take it? It's always a question of like, if I say jobs, she's like, okay, how high are we jumping? Where are we going through? So I think that's what I miss the most about her cooking, we her talking to her. We could talk for hours. Like, hours, so yeah, that's what I miss the most. So, well, thank you for sharing that. As you're just talking about, by just talking to her, it's like, what is something that she told you that you stick curry today? Oh, I think my mom was Christian, and she was born in kid. And one thing she does me, which is very, what I'm about to do is not special, is the power of prayer. My mom prayed for herself. My mom prayed for her children. I don't know what my life would be like or where my brother's life would be like without the investments in prayer as my mom did. My mom would go out, she would go to church, and she would sit for hours, just praying for her children. Like, she was very, very selfless, and that aspect in the fact that she would contribute hours on hours and hours. And when I think about my children and how I'm raising them, I'm always like trying to see if I can ever measure up to that point where I can pray enough for them. Because sometimes you have to pray to break people through to break them out, you know? And then the wish was able to do that very, what seemed very effortless. That's what's going to carry all through when I think of my children. And I wish I could do like, I wake up and I'm like, in the middle of the night trying to pray, and I'm like, I do just call my momy-mommy. Every time I call my momy-mommy, that means she has done something wrong and I'm mad at her. That's only time I call her momy. So every time I think of my like, yeah, but me, am I doing enough? Oh. Like, I keep, I think of us, yeah, but me because she's area of momy. Everybody knows, yeah, but me. And like, I keep thinking to myself, "Hey, have you ever met me? "Am I doing enough? "How do I do it?" And if there's one thing I wish, I could, I could act all right now. How do I pray enough for my children? Oh. How do I pray enough for my home? How do I pray enough for my marriage? 'Cause I know that she did. She pray enough for herself and her children. Well, not for herself, but she pray enough for her children. Oh. Wow. Thank you for sharing that. Debbie, do you want to go next? I'm like, what was your relationship like with your mom? What is something that she taught you that you seek courage today? What do you miss most about her? Yeah, I think I'll just pick up from where Bumit dropped. Like, on my way to this place, that was the biggest part of my reflection, thinking to myself, like, can I really pass on the same life skills, the same life lessons, you know, and the same morals to my child unconsciously, because my mom was doing it unconsciously, you know, so naturally, you know, but for me, many times I reflect, I'm like, hey, I have to do this. I need to plan it. Like, schedule it. For example, pray, I'm sure Bumit can really, like, if you really have to pray, then you have to plan it in the week and see, you know, that's the world we live right now, but our mother's did it so effortlessly. So that's one thing I'm taking. I think this conversation also really helped me to reflect the bits more deeply, you know. And the relationship between me and my mom, unlike Bumit, you know, it's like mother daughter, you know, she was the disciplinary. (laughing) You know, and at some point, I had to support her in her business, 'cause she's a chef and imagine the home of a chef, always something to do, always. (laughing) There's always an order, or the other some group of people having a party, like there's always work at home to do. And I always also wanted to do my own thing so there was class of schedule and stuff. So that's the normico's best of friends, you know, but then I would support as much as possible. And also, at some point, she had to like hire additional hands when I have something to do, but we had to figure it out. And I'm sure many Nigerian children who don't understand, yeah, because when you come from a home where the job is done at home, like I have to contribute. Yeah, so when I sit back and think about my mom, I think about how hardworking she is. And I also see that part of me, you know, reflect that, I'm not in the same line of work as she was, but in my own line of work, I feel like there's this extra energy because I saw my mom working hard, working diligently, waking up early in the morning. And as a child, I'll say to myself, like, what's going on? Can we just sleep until seven? (laughing) There's an order that's supposed to be delivered by nine. So you have to wake up early. So, you know, and I also found myself in my early days, you know, in career, really committing day and night. Studying, working, you know. And this is what I think I got from her, naturally, right? Understanding what it means to be consistent in your work, you know, to improve yourself, to stay committed, even in the unfancy days, like when you are not seeing where this is leading to, but you are still doing the work, you know? And I saw that in her and I see myself, you know, naturally taking that up, you know? And that's one thing I really appreciate for, you know, being with her. I was the first to leave the house by the way. I think I shared it to my mom. Yeah. And I had to find my own food and find my own life because I, you know, I needed to move on and to start my life. So I left the house quite early. And because of that, our relationship was not, you know, as close as it's supposed to be, you know. But I still try. I try to reach out and whenever I want to get updates about what's going on, she's the one who gives the update. (laughing) And like, what did I miss about my mom? Honestly, all the gist of everybody's younger brother, sister's daughter's son. And then I don't say who leaves three streets down the road. You know, but I was trying to give me a gist of somebody, I was like, oh my god, somebody's son came and he brought the German woman to the street. And everybody was blocked on the street, and I was like, "Histah!" And he kept on describing. And then I was like, "God, I wish you have a new life." "This gist to be sweet." "We are wasting the potentials of this gist." Exactly, yeah. Like, this is me who is away from the house for like one year. Yeah. Every single week I talk to my mom, I feel like I was home the week, you know. So she's always giving me the gist, telling me, updating me, I think she was also doing it intentionally. So she filled that void, even if I was not at home, I still would carry my roof or, you know, my home cards. But if you tell us, come in now, you know, not that I forgot my roof, but I'm not as connected as I was when my mom was still there. Yeah. 100%. My siblings are busy with your life. Most of them are not even at home, and dad is not at home. So I literally don't know what's going on. Except I see maybe my cousins social media that I know this person is getting married. Because of my mom, I could remember my cousins, aunties and the likes. True. Or I'm sorry for any of my family members that I meet, like extended family members, of course, I meet and. I am not able to remember that that's is the bridge is no longer there. Yeah, yeah, I just want to add something to be said because you know, when you started speaking about our moms like you were like all that you were not as close to her as you wanted to be, I think you should give yourself grace and credit. If you're able to speak to your mom every week, that is grace. That was that's more than some people have done for the amorous in their entire lifetime. So I think you might not have realized how amazing your relationship with your mom was because you're not giving yourself enough grace. I think you should give Debbie Grace. Debbie did a good job. Thank you. That means a lot. Thank you. Thank you so much ladies. So, um, Tala, what was your relationship like with your mom? You know, same thing. What is something that she taught you that you still carry today? And when you think about how was the first memory, you know? So, contextually I answered that question. My mom died almost a year ago. How was it? She needed her and I went to school from yes as one so she died when I was in SS2. So before my my move to what they called my move to a body house. I moved to body now. I was supposedly a lastborn so I was in I was a third child. So, we're pretty close. You know, you have those kind of children who are like elders in the child's body. So I was that child. Same here. I was that child that you know, we enjoyed. I lived vulnerability of a strong person from my mom. She was, she would do everything now so I could be fierce put together. If my mom were a father, which is a confided guy. So literally, you see these trends. But sometimes she comes in and she's like, this half point, this person said this and it hurts me. And she will open up. And so those kind of things I learned really, what's been a person of strength, but also been the vulnerable. And our own way was not, I know that now we talk about the intent of trauma that you know, some people put the body on their children and everything but sometimes your children also need to know almost sacrifices you are putting on table for them. And in my mom was a single mom. So you can tell that you know, the society was not very nice to us. I could remember vividly that we're trying to renovate something in our own and she had paid this male carpenter and this guy defaulted. And you know, in confrontation and everything, he said to her, go and call your own down to come and challenge me. When you're collecting that money, you do have to ask about it. And all of that. So of course she defended herself and we laughed at that conversation. She came back and said there are some trope who's done not supposed to reunify it. And so I saw those vulnerability first time that it took, it was, so she used to call us a husband that if there was anything and courage in our life that we were turning out to be different from where we came from. And she put everything into us, she tried really. If she made money and she had to solve a little which made it 150 K. And she had somebody used it to buy designer bag. She told you, I could have bought that designer bag. But I rather use it for your feelings. It didn't make sense. The kind of investment she was making on our children. Again, she wasn't as educated as she would have loved to my mom is a reader, but she didn't get all of this support. So she's like, if my own parent had given or made this kind of sacrifice, maybe you wouldn't have to be struggling like this. She's not, there are parts where she acknowledged a mistake of systems and everything of not doing enough. But there's also a part of it, you know, if she had more leverage, then the society might probably not be dismantled or she might not necessarily have to struggle with all of that. So she paused it out and then from those places my mom was not known to be, she stricted but she not known to be the bring out kind of, she spoke and our vulnerability was like the road of correction. For all of us, we can like, we can see just a month's sacrifice and then we are just, we are just, and I think that's one of the most beautiful thing about her. You could, even when she's in a vulnerable state, she allows herself to be comforted by you. And we're outside us, you know, but we saw her and she saw us through it. And that's one of the most beautiful things. So when she passed on, I think for me was the one who called you her, give her a kiss and then, given me, you're going to boarding school, you are sure that you love her and you are sure you are that kind of thing. So, for me, that's one of the things I missed the most about her. And of course, she liked to retain your common sense. Even if you were not a born-of-gain person, you fall into that church. It didn't matter. Before I was a system, let our people catch on to the reason why, again, I felt like one of the reasons I actually did that was because she was coming from an entirely different background. She's from a Muslim background, shows Christianity. So even as simple as we're still Muslim, but she was sort of like putting it, I've not done it perfectly, but I would do it the best way. And we saw that it really distinguishes not just our body, but even when we are children. And how do I get you wasn't for me in my church? Wow, amazing. Thank you. So, for me, my relationship with my mom, you know when you see a snail and it's shell, I think it's called a shell. How you can't separate those two, that's how close we were. I could remember back then in school, if my mom doesn't call me in a day, I remember my roommates telling me that, "Tosin, your mom was not called you today." Like it's like that. And some day she'll be like, "Your dad just got a new car. It's time to ask for money. Go and believe me." You know, that's how I really, it was a good relationship. I had a very good relationship with my mom. Something that my mom taught me, "Oh, my mom taught me a lot too. But I will say one of those things, I'm told I already mentioned vulnerability. On a sick bed, my mom was on the sick bed close to a year, right? And even on top of that sick bed, I lent even more things from her. I lent, I would talk on vulnerability a bit, you know? When you are in that state of, how did this, this is somebody that has trusted God all our life. I can't remember my mom ever falling sick. I don't have that memory." And then this happened all of a sudden. And instead of her questioning, I mean, I've seen people question God to say, "Why did you allow this to happen to me?" You know, I mean, it's also okay because she have been human, right? But my mom, she would say statement like, even in this we give thanks. On our bed, I've seen even preach to people on sick bed like, this is somebody that would literally carry to the bedroom to bed. Somebody would carry to, you know, after she's done a business in the toilet, I help. She still finds one way or the other to still talk about Christ. And this is by who she holds and she puts her money into me doing that. It's God. All the time, you know, I'm, one day I haxka. I'm like, "Mom, why are you, why are you this, you know, I haxka, I said, Mom, why do you still go hard? I remember asking that question and then she looked at me and say that things happen to people in life that you can't explain and that doesn't mean that God is bad. And that's a state with me, you know. And she tells me that I am so privileged to have my children with me on the sick bed to take care of me. I mean, I don't know. I don't know how somebody would have that kind of mindset on the bed. So she has taught me not to take when things can happen to you. Don't be too hard on yourself. Why are you at it? Make it the best. She taught me that. She taught me accountability with money, with, you know, character, with saying sorry when you should. I've seen a, say, I've seen a practice distance, say distance, leave it countless times even without kids, even when she makes mistakes. I remember one incident, there's this lady in my second school then she sells pants on the way and all that. So I bought an on the way for out of the money, small money that they are giving me for pocket money. So I now on the on the way in the bedroom and she called, came out and she was like, "Tossing, I didn't buy this on the way for you. Who will give it to you?" I'm like, "I'm sorry, I bought it too. My mom drove me to the school." And she went to meet that lady. My class teacher, she told her everything that this is what to say to do now. She's not eating that no one damn lean that why would I think that it is pants that I need. She was so angry, you know, I was literally embarrassed that I would, I would echo Y'know, 'I can't forget that scene.' And then we got home. And she said, 'I think I might have done it too much.' When I kicked you out. You think? I mean, I'm like, 'Really?' You know? But I'm just saying this to say that. I mean, for me then, I didn't expect that she would come to come and tell me that. 'Ah, she overreacted, do.' That she's not supposed to do like that. She should have just trusted me and then. Talk to me at home like she told me that. And that taught me something. That taught me vulnerability. That taught me. She. She honed up. She was accountable to. She saw that she could have done better. And then she came to me even at that small age. I didn't understand. It is now that we need to put words together to actually understand that act. You know, to say this and a lot of things. And one thing I miss most about her is. Just being able to talk to her. I still remember. Daily Memo, that's number. I mean, it's been 14 years now that she died. And I'm like, 'Somebody we just speak.' There's something in your body called 'Where I'm from' and in the part of Nigeria, it's from the Urbassite. And in our language, there's something they call 'Akudaya'. So, it means that somebody that died and maybe. Incarnate? Reincarnate? I remember wishing for that. I don't even want that to know me. Let me just be working on this trick. One day I just need some more. Mommy! I think there's another phase of grief because it comes to me and I was discussing it with different. Actually, the spiritual aspect of it. Yeah. That was one thing I. Sometimes I'll pretend on the phone. I miss that connection with her so much. I'm just going to add something here. I remember when you said we should write a letter and I told you that I'd journal a lot because. Especially when it comes to my mom. Because my mom died in 22, so it's fairly recent. And I still like going through the process and all of that. And I remember writing on one of the hardest and about 'Durts is the silence.' The person just disappears. Like, there's no. Or maybe it's just because the person's not here for now. It's a vacuum that can never be filled again. Yes. And when someone says, 'Oh, your mom died.' And I'm sorry, and I know how you felt. No, you don't. Unless your mom has died too. You can never know how I feel. Because the vacuum is a louder. There's no silence as loud as the silence of death. You can't wake up to say, 'You know what? I'm not actually going to talk to you again.' Like, 'Mex trick or something.' No, it's just missing. It's just gone. So true. Maybe I can just add something from. Yes. Tola and Tosin about vulnerability. I think that's also a style of parenting. Yeah. I really hear that going on. And I'm also thinking to myself, how can I be vulnerable to my child, so that they don't see you just as one superhuman. They also see that side of you. I think that's something that children can really relate to. And I was also thinking about my mom's last days. So why has. When was the situation to go there? Oh, okay. Yeah, because I thought of something else. I'll just go. Yes. Thank you. Okay. Let's take this moment to, you know, smile together. So I'm going to ask, we all know there are things that just connect us and thankfully in this room we're all Nigerians, right? Like, especially growing up with African moms, the habits, the sayings, the discipline, the love. For example, I remember, "This and drop that thing." Look, look at. "Night." I said, "Drop that thing." "Okay, mama. Where should I drop it?" On my edge. I just said, "Come up with that." He said, "Nine, no, send me home, man." And then we just smile. I mean, growing up with that African woman, "You can't try that, no, sis." So like, let's just add in moments like that. Maybe it could be anything. I'd be the saying, the discipline. What are some things that feel like typical African moms that you remember? I just remember. Nariya, so. Although my mom was a chef, I never liked to cook. She would cook different kinds of meals. So one day, her assignment for that day was to make me cook. She brought the stove outside to the front of the house. And we also had some family friends. Yeah. She wanted me to like, cook, then display something like that. So, hi, I was more like, going to be a beautiful event. But to me, I was so stressed. How to combine all the ingredients to get the things together. And then I cooked. I did my first soup. It wasn't perfect, but I mean, they were able to eat it. Another scenario I thought about, very funny. We had this place where we put our laundry, like everyone's dirty clothes. And in the house, like, where the boys keep their own laundry, different from where the girls do. And you come back sometimes, and you see her in front of the house, or flow that the laundry bag with pockets there, trying to wash by herself. She's doing that almost when you are about getting home. So that you see that doing like, it's just so funny. But then you collect them like, I'm not going to live. [LAUGHTER] Where are you going, people? And then she would start saying, how can you leave your clothes to pile up on, you know, in this house and all of that? She's just doing it. She wants to help, but she wants you to know that you are supposed to do this. You are not supposed to let your dirty clothes, you know, fill up the bag. But you did. And she has no option but to wash. And our response mostly is like, why are you doing it? [LAUGHTER] It's not close, you know. You can still do it. Yeah, so like those are like very beautiful memories. And you just think about it. Yeah, and then you just love kind of comedian. So Bumi, what is something that she used to do that annoys you, but then you remember, you just laugh about it or maybe anything? So I'm going to take up from my rubbish stop. Yeah. I can't cook. I don't mind cooking. I hate baking. Bake him to experience. And God knows. I don't know how a lot of the sense apply. That's why I'm married to a patient man. Because I am not a very patient person. But my mom can bake for nature. So one of the biggest things was always how she'll do cooking practicals, kitchen experiments. And then you have to sieve the flour. You have to run this. You have to do that. Why are we doing all of this? At some point she said I was going to go into selling snack business. And I can tell you for a fact, I think I singlehandedly reowned that business. [LAUGHTER] And I'll tell you. That was my mom's call business. So I have this one morning. Early in the morning she woke us up and was like, she has to make the-- because we had the shop, that was in front of the house. We owned my grower, owned the building. So we had the shop. And she was using the shop for the snacks at the time. And then one morning she woke us up. And she was actually working me up. And I was like, OK, let's get ready. We have to make the dough for the doughnuts. We have to sell egg roll and all of that. And she was like, past the sugar. And it was early in the morning. Anything serious? NEPA specializes in taking the lights by doing-- I mean, you have no one. You know, power authority. Like they take the-- they always turn off the lights and don't. I don't know why. So you know, it's like you're holding touch lights and like trying to get very little light in a very dark space. And honestly, I feel like Nigeria is especially dark, mostly because of the buildings and all of that. So I passed her something. It was supposed to be sugar. Oh, no. [LAUGHTER] Let me tell you something, ladies and gentlemen. [LAUGHTER] It was salt. Oh, my God. She put the salt in the entire bowl, like, an egg roll. Oh, my God. And then she fried the entire thing. And people had bought the egg roll. And then someone had to come back. Well, of course, we're not going to taste this as a skill. And then someone had come back to say, why do you put too much maggi? In the egg roll, and literally, that was how she had to recall the egg roll, she had to apologize. And she wasn't sure if it was half-fold or what happened. So there was nobody she could be mad at. I only was my fault. And you know, just add to that very quickly. And then I thought, oh, you know, I couldn't ruin the business anymore than adding salt for sugar, right? You'll be wrong. There was a pot of granite oil. For whatever reason I put, was dirty water. Oh, my God. You remember when granite oil was super expensive? I know it's probably more expensive now in the injury, especially with the economy. But at the time for whatever reason, it was crazy expensive. And I saw the pot of granite oil was dirty water. And I just went to the gut and I was like, [GASPS] And my mom screamed. Like, this is what she calls my name. Is it what she calls my name, Bummi? It's fine. mishit aatsu o? Oh, so it goes like BOOM! I'm dead like prepare for the funer like flowers and roses everybody so you know sometimes Very funny, the lady of India I think for my mom I would say she works to work so rather than tell you remove that thing She can ask you like if you are using your number six is that thing supposed to be there So I said something like And because I was a child I didn't like to eat again so in a bit to encourage me to eat again She had trouble so much that she didn't need to use KNO to shout she just need to say something Mark and then the next thing is you yourself you are you are super So one time she wanted to get me to eat and then she was she was also complaining that you know you are not Not as as as Chowbi as your sibling you are not eating well then she just told me I said Oh really? And 40 like 20 Oh my god if you are not side that you want as I'm just Wait did you just want to just really say that I'm not looking like my aim damn So I come down I was so bad and body thing is I don't like to eat you cannot force me so there's nothing but In there's any other thing and so I think African mothers are very good Body language Yeah yes yes I agree This is a whole lot of cold today You have to look at the eye Yes, why is the other eye proud? Yes yes yes And that's some looks I will be like if I get home today I'm dead That's what you're going for that from you have to cook on very strong story Yeah I feel like I'm training my kids like with that look You're sometimes when I wear a key time my daughter does something and then the key to people they're like oh no And then like and she goes okay mama You know this thing happened recently I took my son for I should run test and was doing it and everything So I feel like the doctor was looking at me like this woman The way you are looking because I also give stretch face And everything so she kept on looking at me like there was something about you and this guy like yeah I cast I don't understand your There's all the language I don't understand yes And everything I'm like what a mafrican We have cold of speaking we don't need to call our mom exactly I think that's what the downside to that is that sometimes because we are African now we are used to this Even when people don't mean anything but the same facial language you assume that they're making They're making incinerations or they're judging you or not So it's something I'm also trying to now balance my kids I'm really on the hands of your children to speak with you Yeah so anybody's giving you that I'm at them You said look at me look at you Wow thank you thank you all for sharing So I want to gently move us to a more vulnerable space now And you know just share of course what's your comfortable sharing Can you take us back to the time you lost your mom? How did you find out? What was the other spots of that moment? In fact I'm not even talking and I'm already sharing them What was the moment that it really hit you that this one is gone? Like she's really gone you know yeah My mom died in train train to like I said Very very interesting She died in October she died October first That's the day how much of a main character energy she has She died online she was in the penance later So it was her birthday October 25th And she was turning 50 And I was like you know like I was already in Berlin So I'm gonna do Parah for you If you don't know what Parah is it was a train in Nigeria at the time When people would get the saxophones they'll get everybody comments on the paper I had paid for the Parah Yeah And then we're planning for this shit Because she had been sick for a while And she had been sick for a couple of years But she was like sometimes getting better sometimes it could be the crisis moments And she had had a crisis moment like the month before Like a few weeks before she was in the hospital And then she came back and I felt oh I'm glad you feel so much better It's your birthday we're gonna celebrate and do everything right And it was someone else's birthday on that first of October But even she had been sick she went to the hospital the day before And I was so nervous this birthday doctor and my person was on our WhatsApp status And I was like oh my god you have to see this person's WhatsApp status My mom was fine the night before I spoke to her And I called her to say you have to see this WhatsApp status let's talk about it Let's make fun of this person together And I called her And something immediate not few right because she was in Pekingha course I called and called and called you in Peking I remember my brother was at home with her So I was like hey where are you I called my brother I was like hey where are you And he was like oh you sleep in here he has not slept out of the room in a while I was like have you heard from mom? I was like no so he went off and I was like I'll just go and check on her And he opened the door and he was like there's something wrong I was like what do you mean like there's something wrong just wake up And she was cold she was stiff and apparently she had passed in the middle of the night Very we had very straightforward situation and he called me and then he was like I don't know what's wrong she's not waking up and she's quite stiff she's quite cold And then at that point I knew in my heart that she had that And then we called my dad because my dad was not working in Ligos at the time And then he they called him and then he was like oh maybe something is wrong We just need to get back to the hospital she will be fine and I'll love that we called somebody And then the doctor came and she was declared dead And at the time she died because I was in Berlin I could only function So I kept thinking to myself my brother is alone in Ligos there's nobody there We have to call this person we have to help get this person to help We have to get this person to help and I just kept on calling everybody Hello, you have a medical array you have I'm sorry that means you have a need diet this morning And I was like you have to get up you have to go help my brother You have to do this you have to do that I just kept on running on film By the way I was three months pregnant and then I just kept on running on film And then after a while there was nobody to call they had wrapped that up They had taken her to the motro and I looked at my husband and I called him And I said "Pierre, you haven't met a girl" And I screamed I screamed I screamed because what am I going to do? I remember husband not knowing what to do because I had a toddler I mean he's very fine like wish time He decided to lock me up in the room so he told me to go into the bedroom And he shut the door and he said I know you want to be alone because I can't advise you to your emotions right now So you shut the door and I lived down in the middle of the bed feeling sick and nauseous Wow pregnant I just wanted my mommy But my mommy was dead oh my god it was sword You sword I didn't think I could ever get past that day Honestly I didn't think I could get through my pregnancy Because I can't don't think in why what am I going to do? Oh my god it'll go That was it for me Thanks again Boomi for sharing with us This is where we're going to post the part 1 of this episode today This story deserves time, space and gentleness I don't want those to rush through them So in part 2 we will continue this conversation We hear more about the journeys, these beautiful women have walked through after losing their moms Thank you everyone for sitting with us, for feeling with us, for working with us And for honoring these memories with us We will see you in the next episode of In Your Shoes Thank you guys And happy Mother's Day to every mother out there, your sin, your love And you deserve to be celebrated every day Bye guys