Introducing: Senseless with Erika Mahoney

Let me know what you think about this video. What's it take to be a mentor with big brothers, big sisters? It takes 30 minutes in a cup of coffee. A video game, best 2 out of 3. It takes sharing thumbs up emojis, clapping emojis, and loaded nachos at halftime. That's how you make an impact on a young kid's life. So go on, share a few hours a month, because mentorship may sound huge, but the truth is, it takes little to be big. To learn more, volunteer or donate, go to bebignow.org. This podcast relives an account of gun violence and the trauma that follows. Please take care when listening. It started as a typical Monday, March 22nd, 2021. Not great, not bad, just ordinary, until everything changed in an instant. I was living in Carmel, on the coast of California. I remembered the sky, was gray, and overcast, and the ocean was calm, a shade of dark blue. Three states over, snow covered the mountains in my hometown of Boulder, Colorado. That's where my parents live, in the same house I grew up in, in the same South Boulder neighborhood, set right against the foothills. A haven of hiking trails, and dogs, and good public schools, and a main grocery store, everyone shops at, King Supers. Are you know how you have a favorite grocery store, because you know where everything is? That was this King Supers, and I call it King Supes. Yeah, do you two call it King Supes? Yeah, definitely. We had several nickdames. Yeah, King Supes, and Supers, just kind of drop in the king, yeah. Yeah, right, go to the kings, yeah, exactly. And it was just like the, you know, South Boulder grocery store, everybody runs into, and I'm the kind of grocery store shopper that goes daily, in a sense. Jenny Jacobson loves her community, and music, and backpacking. She raised her daughter on her own, all while working as a teacher and waitress. Now she's a substitute teacher for schools in Boulder. That Monday afternoon, Jenny ran into King Supers, as usual, to grab a few things she needed for dinner that night. And I was like, oh, I'm going to make pulled pork in the crock pot. And so I had to run in and get the coleslaw for the top of the pulled pork sandwich, you know. And I just walked in, and I got the three items or four items that I needed, you know, that's it. And I carried them in my arms. And as I'm walking out of the store, I'm thinking of like 10 things as I do. I'm like, okay, I got to go home, I got to do this, I got to do that. I'm watching a dog right now, I got to walk this dog. I got to go change my laundry and put the laundry in the dryer. Like I'm thinking of 10 things. And as I'm walking, there's a man in front of me. And again, this is kind of near COVID time. So we're still kind of social distancing ourselves, like we're supposed to not be all up next to each other. And this gentleman that I am now trailing is very, very nice, but kind of looks over his shoulder to kind of say like, why are you so close to me? And as he does that, I'm like, oh, oh, sorry, because I am carrying all my groceries. And I was, I was kind of like walking very close to this man. So I take like two steps back or I just slowed down really. That man was Kevin Mahoney, who for over 25 years lived less than five minutes from the store. He also loved his community and hiking and skiing, retired from a career in hotel development. He was volunteering at meals on wheels and traveling in his free time. But most importantly, he's my dad. Like Jenny, my dad was shopping for just a few things that afternoon, some weekly staples. It was a year into the pandemic. So at this point, my dad liked to go into the grocery store because it was a reason to get out of the house. And he'd mainly been the one shopping to make sure my mom didn't get COVID. After buying his groceries and stopping at the Starbucks kiosk near the west side entrance for his favorite coffee, my dad walked out to the parking lot, pushing his shopping cart with two bags of groceries towards his car. Meanwhile, Jenny, who didn't have a cart, was just carrying her items in her arms. And then I realized I'm still following this man. And he probably thinks I'm a big weirdo. And now I realize, oh my god, our cars are parked next to each other. This is great, right? Like, oh great. Now he thinks I'm stalking him. And he looks at me again, like, why are you still following me? I actually, we never spoke. I just like looked at him and smiled because I'm like, this is my car. And he's like, oh, okay, right? Like, we're parked next to each other. And I'm like, great. Like kind of embarrassed. Like, I'm not following you. So at that time now, Kevin has a cart. And we get to our cars and we open our trunks at the exact same time. It's almost comical now. It is. I mean, we're both doing the exact same thing. And now we are putting our groceries into our trunks at the exact same time. So I look at him and I smile. And he smiles at me. And when he smiled at me, it really reminded me of my dad. Like, it looked just like my dad. I love that. It did. And then we finished our groceries at the almost the exact same time. And I'm like, okay, this is creepy now. And we could go to close our trunks. And I had to reach up because I have a 2017 car, which doesn't have an automatic trunk. And your father's car does. And so he went to go close his trunk and he pressed a button. And it went beep. And at that moment, I said, oh, like that. A brief, friendly exchange, perhaps forgettable under most circumstances. But it would turn out to be an unforgettable moment. And that made him throw his head back. And he just laughed out loud, like a big belly laugh. And he did. He laughed out loud. And I laughed. And that was it. And that was an interaction between two strangers. I love that he had this laugh. And I love this story. It's a story that would take Jenny more than two years to share with my mom and me. And in interaction, she would later describe on the witness stand. Because after that interaction, Jenny would get into her car. And my dad would start to return his shopping cart. Then everything changed. Laughter turns into confusion. And then fear. And then terror. The first gunshot rang out at 2.29 p.m. I just thought it was a backfiring car. And then the next sound was more like pop pop, which I thought was a firework. And it was so close that I actually heard it like whoosh pop, whoosh pop. You know, I'm sitting in the driver's seat and I look over my left shoulder is when I saw the gunman shooting into the truck behind me. But at that moment, I just thought, oh, that's strange. Like, there's a mob hit happening. I've never seen a mob hit. I've never seen anyone get shot like this. But your brain is trying to make sense of what you're seeing. And because I'm only seeing one person getting shot. And there's no other person that was in danger. You're just kind of like, oh, one person is in danger. This is strange. And then he turned. And when the gunman turned is when I realized, oh, this is not just one person. He's shooting people. Like, I realized, oh my god, right? Like, oh, he's, you know, I, I, I ducked and I went and that's when I heard the shots. And I just, I don't know why I just knew he was going towards your, your dad. From returning his car to running for his life on an ordinary Monday afternoon at the grocery store. And to think, just moments before a stranger made my dad laugh and look up at the sky. I'm Erica Mahoney and this is senseless. A podcast about moving forward after the unthinkable. If there is one thing I am happy to invest in, it is getting a good night's sleep. I need it. 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He, okay, super happy, always like really woke up with a positive attitude each day. This is my brother, Drew. He had good patients, and he had a hard work ethic, and yeah, he loved to ski and travel, and that. One of the biggest voids that I still feel now is like doing that, like the fun things, like 'cause you would plan these trips to like Hawaii, for example, or wherever. Just jump, you don't have to do anything fancy. And this is a video, my dad took of Drew back flipping off a cliff and into the ocean. You're being filmed. While dad and Drew loved chasing adventure and adrenaline, from jumping off cliffs and Maui to whitewater rafting in Alaska, my dad and I figured out our own ways to bond. Sushi dates and action movies. He always stayed up late with me to help me study for my history exams. My dad traveled a lot for his job as an executive and hotel development, and he'd always let me pick out his ties for his business trips. They were all in this wooden tie rack in my parents' closet. And with all the traveling, he and my mom always tried to make every soccer game and piano recital music concert. Senior year of high school, I auditioned for a jazz acapella choir called X-Caliber. I had dreamed of getting in since I was in elementary school. From the day the lists went up, showing who made the choir, I was sick to my stomach with nervous energy. I needed to get my mind off the waiting. So my dad suggested we drive around town until the list was posted. I remembered the way the sun flickered across the dashboard, and how much better I felt when we finally pulled up. My dad waited in the car as I walked up to the front of my high school. I scanned the list, and couldn't believe it when I saw my name. I spun around, then looked back at the list to double check, and ran to my dad's car, absolutely elated. I can't imagine what must have been going through my dad's head, how he had to prepare for both scenarios. When I got back in the car, he looked so happy for me, so proud. But I also know that if my name hadn't been on the list, he would have figured out how to make everything okay. That year, my parents were in the audience for every concert, and those were the happiest moments of my entire high school experience. This song, "Hold Your Hand" by Katrina Bishop, was our finale, just before graduation. My dad and mom sat together, cheering and clapping loudly. I feel so lucky that my dad always genuinely cared about the things that mattered to me and my brother. His loving personality, an adventurous spirit caught my mom's eye from the start. They met and fell in love in Los Angeles in the 80s. But if you could back up a bit and share the story of how you guys met, I loved the story and I was hoping you could share it. So I lived in South Pasadena. I had a small apartment, a carriage house, and I had worked for Disney as a writer for many years, and then I wanted to write a screenplay. I just had these huge hopes and dreams, and so I decided to leave Disney and just focus on my writing, my freelance work, and to pay the bills. I got a part-time job at the beautiful historic Huntington Sheraton Hotel, and that's where I met Kevin. I knew computers early because I'd learned that at Disney, so I was working on software programs for the hotel, and he was the manager there, and that's where we met. Can you describe your first date with dad? Now we went to a Greek restaurant on Lake Street in Pasadena that I don't think is open anymore, but we sat out in the garden area and he had on a t-shirt that said one of a kind. And it was just a really fun, easy time together, and I just felt comfortable and he made me laugh and it was light, and I love that t-shirt, that dad wore it, had the Ziggy cartoon on it, and he gave it to me, and now I have it, and I really treasure that t-shirt. Good, that's good, good memory. That t-shirt that says one of a kind across it is my absolute favorite piece of clothing. I convinced my dad to let me take it to New York during college, and I had no idea how much significant it held. After their first date, my parents couldn't stay away from each other, and eventually they got married and bought their first house together. We wanted to buy a starter home, and where all the young couples, they were buying homes in a place called bungalow heaven. Those homes would go very fast, but we finally found this incredible home in bungalow heaven on Michigan Street, and thankfully we got the home, and we're so happy in there, Kevin and I worked hard on that. We did a lot of painting, we re-did the floors. It was built in 1917, so there was a lot to do, and it was just a home, I'll never forget. I really do miss that place, even though it was small, I just absolutely loved it. And that was my first home. I was born in January of 1990. My brother Drew came along two and a half years later. I don't remember much from our early years in California. My memory gets clearer when we moved to Boulder in 1995, after my dad wanted to change. And so how did you guys end up in Boulder? You know, we were living in Pasadena. He was working in Centuries City, and the commute was really hard, and he got so tired of that long commute. We'd been through some major earthquakes, and he just wanted a change, and he applied for a job in Denver, that he read about in the Wall Street Journal, and I always helped him with the cover letter and resume, and he appreciated that. And we were both shocked when he got a call to come for an interview. So he got the job and we moved here. But I didn't like it at first, I'll be honest. But now I absolutely love it here. And I remember we looked for some homes in Denver, but then settled in Boulder, which is about half an hour drive or so from Denver. Well, Boulder, I felt like it was a different world from Denver, and it reminded us a bit of Pasadena. We both liked it here, and then Erica, you were starting kindergarten, and so we checked out this elementary school, and you fell in love with that school, and that was what really convinced us to move here, because we wanted you to be happy, and it was just a great area. Did Boulder feel safer than Pasadena and LA? Oh, absolutely. So when we lived there, unfortunately, there was a lot of gun violence. And I could hear guns going off at night, too many nights, and it was scary. There were carjuckings. We got robbed, and so a part of me just knew I wanted to live in a place it was safer. And I really felt that with Boulder. One violence is nothing new in America, but at some point things shifted, and now almost nowhere feel safe. A school, a movie theater, a church, a grocery store, a few places in America have been spared from mass shootings. Still, as this tragedy happens all around us, most of us go about life feeling somewhat safe and unaffected. I did. March 22nd, 2021 was just an ordinary Monday, after all. I'm Erica Mahoney, and you're listening to Senseless. More after the break. Hey, it's Julia Louis-Dreyfuss from The Wiser Than Me podcast, among other things, and I've got a little holiday wisdom for you. Hosting during the holidays means lots of cooking, and that means your trash is going to be full of smelly, rotting food, yuck. So here's the wisdom. Get a mill food recycler. I did. We've had hours for years, and it has totally transformed our kitchen. It's unbelievable how much less waste and less odor there is now. Plus, it's so easy to use. You toss in basically any food you don't eat, peels, pits, meat, dairy, bones. Next year we put in a whole turkey carcass, really. While you sleep, mill automatically dries and grinds all your food waste down to about a fifth of its size. That means at night you can fill it after a big, elaborate dinner, and by morning they'll be room for breakfast. Nothing rots, nothing stinks, no fruit flies. And my favorite part, using mill means none of our food ends up in landfills, which means we're doing a little good for the planet while keeping our kitchen tidy. If you want to manage your food waste in a cleaner, calmer way this holiday season, go to mill.com/wiser for an exclusive offer. That's mill.com/wiser. Happy hosting. Hi, I'm Elliot Glazer. You might recognize me from Broad City, or my new bestseller, The Terrible Harbor, No Good, Very Bad Gay. But if there's one thing I know for sure, it is not sports. And that's exactly why I'm a new podcast, so you think you can sports. I sit down with some of the most iconic figures alive, Charles Barkley, Becky Lynch, Mike Reeny Greenberg. Because all I really want to know is, what's the deal with sports? So you think you can sports, new episodes out now, or ever you get your podcasts. When tragedy destroys your reality, there will always be that one unforgettable moment when everything changed, a chasm that creates it before and after. On March 22, 2021, I headed into work after lunch. I drove along Highway 1, the Pacific Coast Highway, and looked out at the ocean like I always did. Work was busy as news director of KAU Public Radio, a small NPR station that covered part of California's central coast. And that Monday, we were halfway through our spring pledge drive. Not long into the shift, as I was live on the air with two co-workers asking listeners to call in and donate to support the station, I noticed my phone light up. I could see mom trail across the screen. Not thinking much of it, I shoved my phone out of sight and kept talking. When she called a second time, I felt nervous. She knew I was at work, and she never called when I was on the air. We were on a station break, so I answered, "Hi, mom," I said, "I can't talk, I'm on the air." "Hi, Erie. Don't freak out," she said. "There's an active shooter at King's Super's." Growing up in Colorado with the Columbine High School and Aurora movie theater shootings, this was a phone call I always feared getting. My heart dropped into my stomach. My first thought was she's inside the grocery store. I pictured her crouching for cover in an aisle and I tried to find the strength to say something, anything that was remotely comforting. "I love you so much, mom." "Oh, honey, I'm not in the store," she said softly. I rushed outside the radio station, holding the phone to my ear. My mom said our neighbor, 17-year-old Sophie, was hiding underneath the countertop at the sandwich shop where she worked next door. And then, what my mom said next, shattered my world. Erie, she said, "Dad went grocery shopping." "Well, I felt sick inside, and I really talked with Bram first, your husband, because you are pregnant and I didn't want to upset you until I really knew what was going on." I was six months pregnant with our baby girl. "I mean, we had no idea at that point." "That's my husband, Bram." "We had no information. You know, I think we were all holding on to the idea that he had found a way to escape and that he was hiding and he couldn't answer his phone. What I mean, I think that we're in denial, honestly, that there was even the possibility that he could have gunshot." I wanted to call my dad, but all I could picture was his ringtone drawing the shooter toward him. I sat in the cement steps outside the office and checked Boulder Police on Twitter. "Alert," I read, "Active shooter at the King's Super's on Table Mesa, avoid the area, PIO is en route." "Did everyone make it out?" I typed in the comments. I ran to the side of the office building and hid behind a bush as I cried into my hands. I finally called my dad, and waited, and waited, and waited as the phone rang. I prayed he would pick up and tell me everything was okay, that he was okay. But it went to voicemail. While it's hard to put in words, my connection to my dad felt different and tethered. From this moment on, the wait for answers was gut-wrenching. My brother Drew, who was in residency at a hospital in Cheyenne, Wyoming, sped down to Boulder. Yeah, I remember I just threw clothes on and got in the car right away and then started driving. Along the way, he called all the local hospitals to see if dad had been admitted. Calling Boulder Community Hospitals and trying to get some information, but there was nothing. And then, actually, when I got to South Boulder, it was really hard to get home because of the amount of police presence. Meanwhile, my mom drove to the store. When you went to the store, where the thought's going through your head. Where's dad? I need to find dad. I know I'm going to find him, I'm going to go in there and get him. I parked the car, and I got out of the car, and I started walking toward the side of the store, and I was, of course, some first responders told me to get away, move back. I saw what looked to be like snipers on the roof. It was very scary. I probably stayed there, you know, quite a while, thinking, what should I do? I know, I know I had the distinct feeling of wanting to go into the store and get dad. It was that horrible feeling of dread and sort of a knowingness, something's wrong. It's not like dad, not to text me back. Back in California, my husband picked me up from work because I was too upset to drive. We headed home in silence. It's kind of a blur to me, honestly. I remember just, we sat in our living room and watched the news, honestly, and just sat there holding each other, hoping for the best. We begin right now with breaking news, police have surrounded a grocery store in Boulder, Colorado after reports of an active shooter. About 30 minutes. So, my neighborhood grocery store was on every channel we flipped through. A law enforcement source told ABC News that police were called to investigate a shooting in the parking lot, and when they arrived at Gunman Open Fire on them, this is still a very active scene. It looked like a war zone. The store's familiar front windows were shattered. Hundreds of law enforcement officers were on the scene. Yellow tapes surrounded the perimeter. The footage showed a man being escorted across the parking lot by first responders. This man was only wearing shorts. No shirt, no shoes. Blood. ran down his right leg. At first I thought he's a victim, but then I realized he's in custody. Part of me screamed, don't watch this, but I couldn't look away. What I saw next would haunt me for years. Lying face down in the parking lot was a man's body, crumpled, motionless. I immediately called my mom. That's not dad, I cried out. I saw that, too, she said. But I don't think it is. And yet this man was wearing the same black jacket my dad had, the same one he always wore, so the movies are out for sushi, for running an errand. I ran into the bedroom and collapsed into the fetal position on our bed. Tears streamed on my face, and my body went into overdrive. I was shaking uncontrollably, my teeth chattering, as if I'd fallen into freezing cold water. Brandon, I worried about all the emotions our daughter was absorbing, this sudden surge of panic and fear and sorrow through not only my body but hers. He called her OB-GYN. Baby will be fine, she reassured us. Babies are resilient, she said. And she reminded me to drink water. As evening approached, I couldn't stop checking Twitter for any scrap of information. Finally, Boulder Police posted about an upcoming press conference. I sat down at my desk in the living room and held my breath as I opened my laptop and found the live stream. Good evening, can everybody hear me OK? Then I briefed myself for what I was about to hear. As Dionne shared, we had a very tragic incident today here at the King's Supers. There was loss of life. We have multiple people who were killed in this incident. And I am sorry to have to report that one of them was a Boulder Police Officer. During this trying time-- I felt hollow and hopeless. Later, I learned the officer, Eric Talley, had seven children. I was desperate to know how many others were killed and whether my dad's name was about to be announced. Watching this press conference was an out-of-body experience. I felt like I was looking down at myself. A terrified, pregnant young woman sitting in front of her laptop, missing her dad, wondering what happened to him. I can share with the public today or this evening that there is no ongoing public threat that we do have a person of interest in custody. That person was injured during the incident and is being treated for the injuries. As the press conference continued, the answer to my number one question never came. My fear began to turn into frustration. Where is my dad? Good evening. My name is Michael D'Arty. I'm the District Attorney for Boulder County. This is a tragedy and a nightmare for Boulder County. And in response, we have cooperation and assistance from local, state, and federal authorities. This will very much be a coordinated effort. And we'll stand united in support of the victims and their families to ensure that justice is done. Take a few questions. Members and your fellows, what happened? As has already been mentioned, we're very early in the investigation. As the journalist started asking their questions, it brought me back to when I also stood in a sea of reporters, just like that, covering a mass shooting in California two years earlier. It happened at a food festival. I realized then that I was no longer a journalist, covering this American tragedy. I was living it. Well, tonight we continue our live coverage of the horrific events of today in Boulder a day that has all of us hurting in so many different ways. The web of pain was only just beginning to reveal itself. Coming up on "Senseless," from covering the story-- Erica Mahoney of K-A-Z-U is covering this story. She's on the line. Good morning. Good morning. What? To being the story. "Senseless" is written and reported by me, Erica Mahoney. I'm your host and executive producer. Crystal Almanzaan is our senior producer and executive editor. Original music, sound design, and mastering by Hannes Brown. Audio editing and sound mixing by Jeremiah Edding. Thank you to KGNU Community Radio in Boulder, Colorado for providing sound from the press conferences. News clips in this episode, "Certicy of ABC7 Los Angeles, Denver 7, and NPR's Morning Edition." This podcast was made possible by support from Community Foundation Boulder County and the Boulder County Arts Alliance. The episode was recorded at Coop Studios in Boulder, Colorado. Executive producers for "Lemonauta Media," are Jessica Cordova-Kramer and Stephanie Whittles-Wax. Thanks so much for listening. You can follow "Senseless" wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad-free on Amazon Music with your prime membership. If you haven't yet, now is a great time to subscribe to "Lemonauta Premium." You'll get exclusive content from "Senseless," where we take a deeper dive into the web of paying caused by gun violence through extended conversations and fresh interviews. Just hit the subscribe button on Apple Podcast, or for all other podcast apps, head to lemonautapremium.com. That's lemonautapremium.com. And coming up in the first premium episode. In mass shootings, we often focus on the number of people killed, but the web of pain reaches much farther. So I don't know why, but I just picked my head up. And he was standing one car length in front of my car. And I just looked right at him, and he looked at me. And I just-- I don't know why. We just kind of locked eyes. That exclusive episode of "Senseless" is available now with "Lemonauta Premium." See you next time. [MUSIC PLAYING]