Speaker 1fall never arrives all at once first the air then the light and slowly the things you love begin to find each other a jacket meets a dress a hoodie slips beneath a blazer an old cap finds a new scarf because you don't simply step into the season you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall find fall your way at ross
Speaker 2here's a sentence that might stop you in your tracks midlife may not be the moment a woman loses herself it may be the moment she becomes unwilling to keep leaving herself now we've been told midlife is a crisis something to survive to manage to get through but what if it's actually an invitation what if it that's relentless that you feel isn't something breaking it's something waking up my guest today has spent years you as a clinical psychologist and she's here to offer a radically different way of seeing this season of life and later she's going to explain why so much of what we call self-care is actually keeping women stuck and what real self-care looks like instead if you've ever felt exhausted by a life that looks good on paper this one's for you now my guest today has a message i think a lot of women have been waiting for to hear without even knowing it dr joe is a former clinical psychologist with over a decade of experience now an embodiment educator author and founder of tula soul her work helps women reclaim their voices return to their bodies and remember their own wisdom especially through the powerful season of midlife at the heart of everything she does is a simple radical idea that we don't need someone else to tell us who to become sometimes the most transformative thing is learning to hear ourselves again dr joe welcome to the show i'm so excited to have you here thank
Speaker 3you so much stacy and i loved that opening that was really really nice i like that how you frame
Speaker 2that thank you now dr joe you flipped the whole idea of midlife on its head like we're taught it's a crisis you call it's it's completely opposite that it's like a reclamation of embodiment where you kind of the whole idea of midlife is a whole life changes for you but for the good of it like what do you mean by that and why do we get midlife so wrong great question and
Speaker 3the reason we get it wrong is because of society and patriarchy when younger women are valued because they can have children and so then the idea is once that is over with women are not attractive anymore and not you know and then once you have menopause it's like your sex drive is supposed to go down all these other things but for me it was an awakening and i think just changing our mind about and our perception about what it means can be really helpful and talking about it in a normal way instead of having you know behind the scenes like telling people about it so one of the things that that i also teach is that embodiment is very important for in terms of self-care and just figure out who you are yeah so i do teach that and it's basically about learning how to feel safe in your body many of us live from here up and especially women. And so when we can come into our body and feel safe there and learn to listen to the body cues, because our bodies are very wise beyond our mind, which is largely illusions and conditioning. So that's a big part of what I do and what I believe
Speaker 2in. Now, that relentless list or disconnect that so many women feel at that stage of their life, what is it actually trying to tell them?
Speaker 3I believe the message is, yay, you get to slow down. And focus on you. And some of your responsibilities are gone, whether your kids are gone or whatever. And you don't really care anymore what people think, ideally. And when you get to that place, it's a whole nother level of freedom. Because then you really have room to be authentic without getting attached to how somebody else is going to see you.
Speaker 2So, yeah. I love that. Now, this one really stuck with me. Like you say, women become extraordinarily good at enduring lies. That are quietly exhausting them. How does that happen? Like, what do women get so skilled at enduring? One of the
Speaker 3things that we're conditioned for and are skilled at is taking care of others. And what happens is oftentimes women lose their own voice and even their identity because they are so busy taking care of everybody around them and taking on their feelings. I talk about a space bubble, like putting a translucent bubble around you. That's your safety. So instead of letting people feel like they're in a space bubble, you're putting a translucent bubble around you. So instead of letting people feel like they're in a space bubble, you're putting a You can listen, but you don't let it pierce you so it goes inside. So that's kind of a helpful exercise because we're not responsible for other people's feelings or behaviors or acts. We just aren't. We have to just be responsible for ourselves. Obviously, that's going to affect us, but it's up to us to deal with that and get
Speaker 2through that ourselves. I think so many women go through that. I think so many women don't realize that it's okay to feel a certain way and that we're not responsible. If someone else feels a certain way, that's their choice. That's their choice to feel that way, that we didn't bring that on. And so many times we feel the guilt or the shame because we feel like we caused that. But it's completely opposite, isn't
Speaker 3it? Absolutely. We're not causing anything. Whatever our behaviors or thoughts are, it's up to the person that's receiving the message what they do with that. And I think when you become more authentic as a woman, especially when you're in a space bubble, you're going to feel like you're aging. Then your voice is important. Your story is very important. And I think you get a little bit better at telling it and at validating your own experience, which makes women also think about valuing their own. And the other thing about menopause, why it's a superpower is there are seven cities, cities, they're called, of special powers women have that men don't, such as, you know, pregnancy, bringing life, menstruation, all those things. And menopause is at the pinnacle. That's like your final big. So it should be like a celebration, like, OK, I've done all my development. Now here I am. I'm going to do what I want. Yeah. So embracing it
Speaker 2like that, I think would be very helpful. I think so, too. I definitely think so. Like, what's the cost of being that good at pushing through? And why don't we even notice that we're
Speaker 3doing it? The cost is largely a disconnect from yourself and from your body. We don't realize we're doing it because we're just, you know, we're doing it because we're doing it. And we're everything moves so fast now. So we're just in the zone. We're not thinking about how does it feel in my body today? You know, where am I at? It's just more about like stuck in the thoughts and obsessions. And oftentimes they're negative self-talk. So that's another thing that has to shift before you start feeling good about
Speaker 2about things in general. I like that. Now, are you saying like being strong and handling everything is actually part of the problem? Yes. Yep. I think
Speaker 3codependence on other people. But also, yeah, I think it is an issue because it takes away from one's own struggle, one's own personality. And it's it's kind of expected, but it does lead us. It's it's there's an effect from it. And I think a lot of times women don't even know what they want or need because they're just kind of going through life and based on other people's. And OK, so maybe I should do that because this person did that or, you know, he thinks this is dumb, so I'm not going to do it. You know, that kind of thing. When you start to really trust your own instincts in your body, creativity flows.
Speaker 2Yeah, I see that all the time. I see like people around me where they were taught by their parents to live life a certain way and their parents were taught by their parents to live life a certain way. So they get into their own life with their own family and they feel like they're expected to do X, Y and Z, even though X, Y and Z is not fulfilling them as a woman, as a person, as an individual. And they create all these identities to kind of mask it. And I think that's a really good point. I think that's a really to make themselves feel good. Like sometimes a woman might have the urge to want to maybe open up a little tea boutique, let's say, and they never did because they were taught that you're supposed to stay home and serve your family and your kids and whatnot. So they're living this life and they have this dream and they're not pursuing their dreams because they're doing something that they feel that is the quote unquote right thing to do. And then they have all these identities, mother, wife. Grandmother, sister, whatever. Yeah. And once those identities are stripped and you add, okay, let's strip your identities. Now, who are you? That's a good exercise.
Speaker 3Yeah. I like to do something similar. I have people write down like 10 roles or however many roles you think that you have. And then gradually I'll say, okay, now cross off two. You're not that anymore. Cross off another two. Eventually they're all crossed off and people are like, what is happening? Who am I? You know, because that's how we define ourselves by our roles. Although what, what we can define ourselves is by love, which is what we are, you know, we're all light. And so we, if we invest in that positivity, if we invest in our own self-care, then we can
Speaker 2heal others as well. Yes. Yes. And we have to learn how to take care of ourselves because we can't take care of others unless we care for ourselves first. And that's another thing I think people come into is where they feel shame if they take care of themselves first. And that's another thing I think people come into is where they feel themselves before they take care of their kids or before they take care of their husband or whatnot. they feel that especially the kids mothers they have to put their kids above meanwhile they look drained they look like they need attention they look like they need self-love they look like they need time to renew but they're not doing any of that because they feel kind of shameful yeah or
Speaker 3even when they do start to let's say a husband would be like why are you doing all this you know stuff why are you getting a massage what is this about when really the holistic approach is so much healthier for women so it does involve a lot of different tools like acupuncture like yoga like all of these things are self-care and going to your doctor appointments you know keeping consistent with that that's all self-care as well as journaling is always a good thing because it helps you process your thoughts so that is another self-care and reading as far as I'm concerned reading is a self-care because if you learn so much from books and you just learn more about yourself yeah so I think things and it's not it's not a problem to pamper yourself in terms of self-care but it's also a problem to pamper yourself in terms of self-care because there's nothing wrong with that but that's not the whole picture it goes much deeper
Speaker 2I agree I agree yeah now okay so this one I really want to get into and it's it's going to challenge people you say much of what we call self-care is actually keeps women stuck okay and so what's the difference between self-care that just smooths us and and soothes us and then the self-care that actually changes something yeah yeah that's a great
Speaker 3question and I think that's a great question and I think self-care has been defined largely by you know buying something for yourself or going to get a spa treatment or things like that which is fine but if that is how you are rewarding yourself then on some level you know that there's something else missing you're not diving into your spiritual life you're not asking the important questions because you're just covered covering all the details so that's where my yoga teacher said stretching silence and stretching being still which I think is really a good point is that when we do pause and this is important self-care pause and just really do an inventory about where am I at and just do the body scan and see where's the tension today yeah what can I do can I breathe in some light for that yeah so that's a lot of different things that I think we're not thinking about as self-care but they are like you know simply going to your doctor and making appointments and and being the best that you can be in terms of how you express love but first how you express love to yourself because if you can't then it's not going to be fully reciprocated I love that
Speaker 2I love that and if you sit down and you meditate you can feel the blockages if you really go from the root all the way up and you really focus on each individual part you can start to feel where the heaviness lies and you can start to realize what areas in your life are the areas that are the heaviest and what areas are the are not being 100% treated the way it should be. There is those problems in that area. And then, you know, learning how to unblock those areas and learning how to fulfill what you need. Because a lot of times our body, I feel like are always talking to us. It's just that we don't listen.
Speaker 3We just don't listen. Exactly, exactly. And that's really important because I think that's the whole thing about embodiment. When you're present in your body, your body kind of knows. It knows what it wants to eat, knows what nutrients it needs, knows like when you're aroused or knows when there's something wrong in your body, there's a pain, what that means. And actually sometimes I will take the pain with a client and have them externalize it, maybe even name it and have like what structure, maybe it's a black ball and then start talking to it. You know, like trying to figure out, okay, is this real or am I just judging myself and making this shit up? Right, exactly. And taking it on. I love that.
Speaker 2So the bubble bath and the spa day, those are the problem or is it something deeper we're avoiding?
Speaker 3I wouldn't say that they're a problem. I think it's good. I think all of those things that women do for themselves, you know, pampering, all that stuff is a good thing unless it becomes an obsession, of course. But that's, you know, thinking of it just in terms of like that kind of self-care, you're missing the whole point of self-care in terms of diving into who you are and learning more about yourself. That's an important job because when you know about yourself, then you're going to make decisions and act based on your true values versus whatever somebody else thinks you should say or all the different masks that we wear.
Speaker 2Yeah. I felt like my life changed once I started to really understand myself and I started to dive deep into myself and I started to really understand who I was, what I needed, what I wasn't getting, what my flaws were, what my strengths were, what I needed. What I needed. I felt like I found myself in a sense. Once I treated myself in all those different areas and I really got to know a sense of who I was as a person, I feel like life changes for that individual.
Speaker 3Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think like menopause is the perfect time to do that evaluation. Like, okay, so I'm at this important stage in my life and this isn't a bad thing. This is part of my life. And it's, I'm fortunate that I have, I'm a woman and I get to have these cities, these experiences. So I think embracing that is a good way to go and just recognizing self-awareness is the key to enlightenment.
Speaker 2Yes, I agree with you. For the listeners out there, if any of this is landing close to home, stay with us because Dr. Jo is about to share how women actually begin to become home to themselves and follow the advisor with Stacey Chalemi right now. Every week we bring you the voices that help you live a life that truly feels like your own. Okay, Dr. Jo, here's the part that I think everyone needs. Because you say something really surprising that understanding your problem isn't enough to change it. So you spent years as a psychologist. So this is striking coming from you that insight alone doesn't create transformation. What really does it require to actually, to gain transformation in your life and to feel fully at whole with yourself?
Speaker 3Yeah, it takes a lot of just, I mean, journaling and doing things to first figure out who you are, such as one of the things I do, I talk to myself out loud and I swear it's helpful because like if I'm anxious, I can just be like, okay, Jo, calm down. Or, you know, if I'm having eating disorder thoughts, it's like, okay, that's from the past and talking out loud actually reinforces whatever you're thinking. So that's one thing I suggest women do is talk out loud and positive thoughts, even when they're feeling not great, just put some positive energy in there because we are just energy. Yeah. You know, energy flows where attention goes. Yes. So whatever we're paying attention to. So if I'm going to pay attention to this, you know, mistake I made and put all my energy there, then that's directing, it's a negative direction and it tends to continue on that path. That's why you'll see some people that are just miserable all the time. They haven't experienced the ability to let go of that identity and figure out who they are, which I think is so sad. I tell women like, what is the most, what is more exciting? What is more exciting than learning about you? Yeah. You know, doing this journey. It's not always easy. You have to do the shadows, but ultimately that's what life is about, I think, is figuring out who we are so that we can be a better service to the community, but mostly to ourselves.
Speaker 2I agree. I agree. Now, why isn't understanding our patterns enough to change them?
Speaker 3Well, because one of the big reasons is trauma is stored in our body. So you can think about like at every time something occurred, you know, you're in a situation where you're in a situation where your body kind of contracted a little bit more. Yeah. So you keep, and then this trauma is stuck in these muscles that were contracted. They need to come out. They need to expand. So that's where somatic work comes in so helpfully. Learning how to be in your body, learning how to meditate and recognizing that meditating is not about having no thought. Yeah. And you can do it for two minutes. That's fine. And it's more about coming back to the breath. And I have all kinds of techniques that I teach. Yeah. So that's a big part of it. So if we understand, our patterns, then we can see that playing out in our life and be like, okay, that's something that my dad did. I don't want to follow that. So you can kind of change that. But at this, so you're changing your thoughts, you're changing your behavior. You know, you've got that good sense of who you are from therapy as much as you can get, but there's still stuff in your body that is being ignored. Yes. There is tension. There is just a constriction in your body. And the way that that is most helpfully treated is through alternative medicine. Like, you know, meditation or acupuncture, qigong, any of those can be very helpful to get a different level of healing.
Speaker 2Yeah. I have found that those have really been very helpful. And I really encourage others to dab into that. And if one doesn't work for you, try another until you feel really comfortable and start to really absorb something that really works for you. And you might incorporate a whole bunch of different holistic techniques into your life, depending on what situation and what you're doing. But it is very powerful. It definitely is very powerful. Now, if insight isn't enough, what actually is? What creates real transformation?
Speaker 3I would say self-awareness and letting go of shame because there's a lot of shame. And when we're carrying that heavy cloak, then we don't have as much room for relationships or anything like that. And then also just, you know, using the, like my body taught me how to process, trauma by starting to shake. And I thought it was crazy, you know, because I'd have these episodes, but then I realized, oh, no, this is a good thing. It's shaking things out. Just like when we have tears. I mean, there's chemicals in there that assist with healing when we allow ourselves to cry. But oftentimes we're so cut off from our emotions because they are dangerous. But, you know, the more deeper you grieve, the higher ecstasy you'll experience. Yes. So emotions are on a spectrum. And if you keep yourself in this little box, you're missing out on so much.
Speaker 2I agree. You know, I also feel like if you if you repress your emotions and you keep repressing them, I think after a while you start to feel numb because you have so many repressed emotions inside you that you can't even feel after a while because there's too many different emotions going on. And you kind of lose the ability to really know your body, to know what's going on, to know how you feel. It's kind of being on a highway with six lanes and not knowing what lane to turn into. Great way to put it.
Speaker 3Yes. I mean, that's true. And I think that's a part about being curious, you know, and pursuing different options or treatments that never would have occurred to you before. And just kind of having faith that I'm going to get something from this. Maybe it's not dramatic, but something will happen. You know, like with acupuncture, your energy is being moved. That is happening. So that's healing. With Qigong, all the physical practices and the philosophy of yoga is really a very important thing to read and to know. If you want to feel better, you can do it. Find some real peace about who you are and about what you want in life.
Speaker 2Yeah. Yeah. I agree. For the woman who knows exactly what's wrong, but feels stuck anyway, what's the one thing you tell her?
Speaker 3I would tell her, first of all, that it's always a process. It's a journey. And that if she believes, then she will get there. A lot of it is just about manifesting too. I mean, I have this idea for her. Retreat ecosystem. And it came from nowhere. It's kind of an ambitious goal. But I mean, that comes from me. So I have to express it. And the creativity part is very important because that's a way of discharging trauma too.
Speaker 2Yeah. I think so many people go through trauma. I don't think anyone really doesn't go through some sort of trauma. And I always say, sometimes people, we all have different levels of trauma. So what I might consider trauma, you might consider trauma something different. But to that person, it's traumatic. And at any point in your life, that trauma could change your life completely for the rest of your life if you don't treat it and heal yourself.
Speaker 3Yep. Exactly. Yeah. I think it is about awareness starts with, and then when you start being aware of like your negative thoughts, for example, then you can counter those thoughts and realize, is this true or not? And trusting your body is so freeing because, you know, usually, and especially as women, you know, we're like, oh, this, I wish I was flatter tummy, all of this stuff. But one of my Sufi dance teachers said something I'll never forget. She said, you in the West have it so wrong. You think belly should be flat, you know, and, and concave, whatever. And she said, no, no, no. Bellies are not just for digesting food. They are digesting the material of life. So you want to give it space. You need a softening there. There's a reason we have extra fat tissue underneath because that's for. I mean, it's a woman thing. And so people trying to get rid of that, it's really not good for you because it's just body acceptance is going to be the key to living a peaceful and happy life.
Speaker 2Yeah. I agree. I agree. You know, your work is deeply about the body reconnecting as a source of wisdom that it's not how most of us are taught to think. So why is reconnecting with the body so important and what does it help women recognize?
Speaker 3So connecting with the body is critical because we have so much information and wisdom in our body that has nothing to do with our brain. And if we get settled enough and get comfortable enough, then we can do things like, if you have a hard question, ask it, and then your body will respond and tell you the answer. So you have that ability. Plus when you're in your body, you experience things differently. It's more like colors are brighter. Everything you see is a little bit enhanced. So, and also. And also like in terms of sexuality, a lot of women have to, not have to, but get to do the processing of that. That has to be physical too. Absolutely has to. And I think that's where therapy is kind of missing the mark. The other thing is you don't necessarily need to go over and over and over the story of your trauma. That can be helpful, but at a certain point, that's reinforcing. So that's where Eastern medicine is a little bit different because it's more of a holistic approach that lasts. It's not like, okay, you got sick, here's a pill. Go away. So, and my idea is that sort of, we're going to get away from buying things and instead put our money towards getting self-care and love. You know, that's, I think that's where the money belongs versus like insurance companies. They could use a lot of that to help people on a deeper level. And you'll pretty much notice it right away. I think once you do body work, you'll, you'll know that it's working. And meditation. Yeah. Meditation takes a little bit of time, but you know, and you can start with two minutes a day. It doesn't have to be a long time. It's just that intention of setting aside time for
Speaker 2just you and quiet. And I noticed that it becomes easier and easier the more you practice. Like when I first started meditation, I remember going to a meditation class. I used to go out every, you know, once a week and it would take me to the end of class just to start relaxing. When everyone's getting up and starting to roll their back, starting to leave. Wait, wait, I'm just starting to relax. I just got back. You know, and then, but the more I practiced it, the quicker I was able to get myself into a level of calmness. So I think people have to be patient. And I know in this world, everybody wants a quick fix, but not everything is a quick fix. I think, and nothing good is a quick fix. Everything takes time.
Speaker 3I think. Yeah. So honoring the journey and really respecting that I'm, I, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be right now. Yeah. In my mind, I wish I was here or there. I wish I could go back and correct that error. No, all we have is right now. Yeah. And so reinforcing and validating, I am exactly who I'm supposed to be right now. I don't have to change myself for anything because look, I'm living, I'm safe. And so that's another kind of reclaiming energy as well as like sexual energy. When people are ready to do that healing, women aren't aware of the fact that we can, like there's 10 levels of orgasm and there's all these other things about sex that we're not taught because we were taught we are objects and, you know, property. So as we you know, getting older and understanding the world a little bit more, it's easier to kind of recognize that as, okay, so if I am in my body, I'm going to make different choices. You know, my body, if I paid attention, this person that approaches my gut instinct is saying, not go, don't go there. Run away. But then our mind is like, oh, well, I like this person. So I'm just going to give them a chance, you know? So it's avoiding, avoiding a lot of delay in, in terms of self-growth.
Speaker 2Yeah. Oh, I agree. I agree. I think we were taught that it's a hush hush thing that it's only behind closed doors and not to talk about it. There are so many women going through the same feelings and going through the same thoughts, but yet because it was brought up in our society as a taboo topic, it's not talked enough. And it really should be because there's a lot of things I think could benefit women if they were more, if people were more open to talk about sex and more open to talk about orgasms and their body and even just listening to their body and what their body needs.
Speaker 3Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, I think it's tragic that so many women are not in touch with their sexual desire or are not able to, to enjoy self-pleasure because I think that's very important to know yourself or be able to tell your partner in bed, well, this is what I like, or can you do this? Because you're just kind of like shrunken into this role of, of woman who just is acted upon and who doesn't act for herself. Yeah. So that I think makes sense.
Speaker 2Now for a woman who lives entirely in her head and feels disconnected from her body, how does she even begin? First, I think is awareness.
Speaker 3So if you're aware of that, that's important. And then you start recognizing, okay, what are the thoughts that keep circling? What are these thoughts? And you write them down and then you ask for evidence. Okay. So I had a thought that I'm really stupid. So I'm gonna write that down and then I'm gonna say, is that true? And then evidence, no, I mean, I have a doctorate, I have this, this, this, so that's not true. And so I'm starting to challenge them, some of that negativity and there's limited beliefs to that affect all of us. Yeah. Yeah. And I think one of the breath work is one of the easiest. And I tell people just extend your exhale, you know, inhale for four, exhale for eight, even that is going to be effective. Right. So it doesn't take much as people might think it involves a huge transformation of what you're doing now, but it really doesn't. A lot of it is just intention. Yes. And how you want to live your life.
Speaker 2Exactly. Exactly. Now your framework is beautiful, empowered, embodied, enlightenment, reclaim your voice, return to your body, remember your wisdom, like walk us through that.
Speaker 3Sure. So I developed this sort of curriculum because I recognize, and it started with me, like I recognize that I'm best when I'm empowered and when I'm embodied, and then I can reach enlightenment because I'm safe there. Yeah. So that, for example, I have three retreats next year, The first one is going to be about empowerment. the second embodiment, and the third enlightenment. And they kind of build on each other. So empowerment, that's a lot of education and a lot of like cutting the cord ceremonies and letting go of relationships that are no longer serving you, understanding how to say no, set boundaries, that kind of thing. And then the embodiment is going to be a lot of body focused practices, meditation, yoga, things like that. Also massage and self-massage and things like that. So enlightenment is going to be the silent retreat, because at that point, you'll be ready to be in silence. And I take the phones and everything. But it's actually a beautiful thing. When I went on a silent retreat, I remember at the airport, my husband picked me up and I'm like, don't talk to me. This is too much because the stimuli around you is so much when you get away from it. So I was like, you can't talk to me for the rest of the day. So kind. But he respected me.
Speaker 2I like have to. To gather myself after that experience. Yeah. Well, when you come out of those retreats, you're in a totally different, how do I say it? Like a totally different zone. When you come back into the world where everything around you is technology, this, that, people are on the go, go, go. And you've gotten to a place where everybody is centered. They're relaxed. Everyone's feeling everyone's energy. It's all positive energy. People are releasing negative energy. And it's just, you feel lighter. You feel like, oh, totally. Different person. And then you come back to, to the world and it's like totally different.
Speaker 3Yeah. It's hard to adjust. Yeah. It's hard to adjust from your higher self to this plane of existence. If you have a deep spirituality, then there's certain things that you understand and know about the world that are not conducive to that idea, you know? So I think that's, that's a really good point.
Speaker 2Now, how do they like work with each other, the embodiment and everything? How does, how does one work with the other?
Speaker 3Sure. So empowerment is about getting to know why you're in this place in life. So once you have that, let's extend the healing a little bit further and help you come into your body. And once you're in your body, you're going to feel safe again. You're going to start to trust yourself because when you're disconnected, you can't. So then that you're at a stage where you're ready to really do shadow work and some enlightenment because you built up the base. And that is the, probably the most profound retreat of the, of the series. So I love that part,
Speaker 2but I like all of them. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, I love that. Now for a woman listening who wants to start coming home to herself today, what's the very first step? Breathe, breathe into it,
Speaker 3breathe your intention. And then another thing is starting to believe in yourself. Even if you have to fake it, I tell women to look in the mirror and say, I love you to themselves. That might be the first step. It might take a while before you can even do that. Those kinds of things and saying it out loud is so reinforcing. So honestly, in like affirmations, say I'm out loud. Cause then you're getting a double level. So yeah. So once there's a sense of safety in the body, the other little things that you can do is just doing a little stretch or yoga can settle you down. And there's so many breath techniques. I love to teach them. So there's, it's, you know, you find your own practice. Just like with meditation, there's tons of types of meditation. You find which one works for you.
Speaker 2Right. I love that. So I wanted you to speak to the people out there who are exhausted by life that looks good on the outside. Who's just try to, you know, mask herself and try to look good in front of others. And she's been suffering inside herself, trying to just make everything keep going and to just live life. Like nothing's wrong. Like what do you want her to know? First of all, that there's a lot of things that you can do.
Speaker 3You can do a lot of things. There's so much more to life than when you're just surfacy. And that getting to know yourself is a fabulous adventure. You know, there's not all things that we're going to like about our experiences, but we can not judge that. We can just be like, oh, look at the lesson I learned, you know, that kind of thing. So definitely also, but coming back to the breath is just anytime you're anxious and you come back to your breath, it's going to work. It's strange how breathing we have automatic and then we can also manipulate it. So that's a very, very useful tool. Yeah. And the other thing is seeking support, whether it's from a coach, a therapist or a friend's support group, it can't do it alone. You just can't, you know, you can, yeah, you can do the therapy by yourself, but then when you start getting into real healing, deeper healing, you need a community because we all need to belong. So, and that can, I mean, ideally that's a group of women that you really trust. That's why I do like women's circles because that's, and it's also about healing the system. Right. Yeah. I like that. Now you've written books. Can you tell us about your books? Yeah. Okay. So I coauthored two. The first one was called Start Over and it was basically a bunch of people telling their story of how they got through something. So I wrote about my anorexia and then the next one is called Post-Traumatic Growth. And I wrote in there similar about my experience with yoga and how I healed. And then my own book, I have one called Love Your Body and then I have a embodiment journal that's going to be out this fall. And I have, yeah. And I have like a memoir of 700 pages. So that will be condensed at some point. I love writing. And I love being a poet too. I've, I'm a award-winning poet. And I like to say that because it's reinforcing my, cause you know, I doubt myself my whole life. Like I can't write poetry. This is ridiculous. But then to get that recognition, it's like, okay, I'm saying something that's important. And my creativity, my art is, making a difference.
Speaker 2Right. I love that. I love poetry because it comes right from the heart, from the soul, from the inside. And so many people can relate to what we're sharing. And I think poetry is very powerful and it's a very powerful tool of healing for the person and for the other person who is reading it. I think poetry is a very powerful piece of writing.
Speaker 3Yeah. And I do tell women, we can all, we're all can do this. You know, we're all, we have that capability. It's just a matter of believing and understanding like where, how you, what do you need to do to get there? Yeah. Yeah. And another thing that I always suggest because women tend to have problems with boundaries, whether taking on other people's things, or if you're an empath, you can feel other people's feelings. So one technique that is helpful for me is like pretending there's a giant bubble around you, translucent bubble, minus pink. I don't know why I don't like that color. But mine showed up pink and you are in your little safety cocoon and you get to decide what information from the world you're going to let in. Yeah. For example, maybe letting in news 24 seven is not a good idea given the world right now. Yeah. So things like that. And yeah, I think those are all kind of quick fixes. And then the long-term work is a lot more about learning, processing the trauma and talking it out. But then, then moving on to discharging it and changing your thoughts about it. I love that. So it's a little bit different. Now, where can people
Speaker 2find your books?
Speaker 3Yes, they are. Two of them are on Amazon. And the third one is through, I have it through a publishing company and it's like an ebook. The other ones will be coming out in fall and they'll be everywhere. They'll be in bookstores and, and communities. So I'm looking forward to that one. Now, tell us a little about your services that you provide. Yeah, I have a holistic coaching and I do have a package that is like what level of embodiment you want to get to. And also so you can save money. A lot of clients just want to just keep seeing me and don't necessarily want a package. So that's possible too. Yeah. And also I write newsletters. I'm pretty active on social media. So people can follow me there. My LinkedIn is Dr. Joe Tula Soul. And then my Instagram is holistic coach Joe. So that's, that's a place to learn more about me because I'm putting out some real important things about the retreat already. I'm going to start to, so that people can start planning ahead if they want to, if they want to come. I love that.
Speaker 2I love that. I think retreats can be lives. So life-changing. It's so powerful retreats. I, especially when you have a woman's retreat, you know, I feel like it's very powerful and things that are normally not shared and in real life, because I think once you get to know the people, especially when you start to, your energy starts to connect with each other, there's that level of trust that just develops so quickly. And you're able to really open up and share things that you normally wouldn't share with the rest of the world. And you're not being judged. Everything's unbiased, you know? So it's, it's such a nice feeling and you can get so much off your shoulders and you could heal so much in, in a retreat.
Speaker 3Yeah. Removing yourself from the environment and from the phone and being with a group of intentional women who are all there for self-growth. Something happens in that chemistry. Something really clicks for people. Yeah. So that's why I'm so passionate about wanting everyone to go on a retreat. You know, my idea is that women with money can gift women who don't this retreat. And then ideally they go to the retreat together and form like a lifelong friendship. And that's some, and then the economic piece, everybody who works in the retreat, whether it's the therapist or the Reiki or the massage or the hair, they all get paid equally. Yeah. Because one person is not worth more just because they have letters, after their name. - Exactly. - I think it's important to compensate everybody equally And then this is sustainable because the money is going to be coming in from sisters themselves. And there will be people who invest. I mean, you know, like philanthropy. I'm really working that angle and I really
Speaker 2believe that will happen. Yeah, I love that. I love that. And they can just, they can listen to your social media, go on there, your newsletters and your website and all that will probably have updated information as time goes on.
Speaker 3Sure. Yep. And my website is tulasoul.com.
Speaker 2T-U-L-A-S-O-U-L.com. For the listeners out there, it turns out that midlife was never about losing ourselves. It's about finally refusing to keep leaving ourselves behind. Not a crisis, but a homecoming. And Dr. Jo reminded us today that we don't need anyone else to tell us who we become. And that sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is to learn to hear ourselves again and to finally come home to who we already are. And I just want to thank you. Thank you so much for coming on the show today and sharing your own personal stories and your own values and thoughts and different strategies and tools. I think it's so important. I think we all go through so much in life. And a lot of times people think that midlife is the end. Like, oh, no. And it's just the beginning. Yeah. It's the beginning. And, you know. It's time to live your best life. And you hear that from many people. And you know what? It's so true. It's so true. Sometimes I see people, they dwell on their age. They dwell that they're in midlife. They dwell that they're in post-menopause. But you know what? This is a time to really live life. And we've gained knowledge over the years. We've become, from everything that's happened in our life, you know, whether it's good or bad, those things made us who we are today. Yeah. And that's what we have to realize, that everything happens for a reason, in my own opinion. And, you know, everything that we've been through made us the person we are today. And without those things, we would die. We would not be here. And we would not be the people we are today.
Speaker 3Yes, exactly. Yeah, I'm grateful for all of my struggles because it very much did inform my career and just who I am.
Speaker 2Yes. I agree. I agree. I thank you so much for being on the show. I'm so appreciative. Thank you. I love you so much. I think you're a wonderful individual.
Speaker 3I love you, too.
Speaker 2And I hope that you'll be on the show soon and we can talk again. And I really enjoyed this. And thank you so much.
Speaker 3Thank you so much. Yeah, I would love to be again. I would love to be on the guest again because I have so many things to say. I know. And I can't wait. Important things. Important things.
Speaker 2Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I love it. Well, thank you so much. And I'll talk to you soon. Thank you. Okay.
Speaker 1Sounds good. Bye-bye. Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress. A hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.
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