Hey guys, Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour is starting back up in February, February 13th we kicked back off in Orlando, but we're coming to Tampa, Buffalo, New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Dallas, Houston, Oklahoma City, the list goes on and on, go to Gansoder.com and see all announce dates, all dates are up and the tickets are on sale, go buy tickets right now, I really appreciate it and I hope you're doing okay. I think we'll go comedy first half, and then I really want to talk about McDaniel, but. McDaniel. My buddy is. Oh, the dolphin. The former dolphin. Oh, sorry. Now he's a porpoise, you know, you know, a little longer as a porpoise. Out of all the comics that we came up with, you have consistently done the funniest shit in late-night situations that I know no one else were friends with whatever do. I'm Kevin Hart, closing the set with I'm Kevin Hart. Sure. The wiping your. The Conan tie. Was he mad about that? He didn't love it because his mic was on his tie, so he was like, what do you do it? And this could ruin the whole show, but I had to do it. I just got like a weird. Did he calm down? Yeah, he was cool. It wasn't the end of the world, but I asked to do his part and he was like, we're good. So. I can't get on there either. Oh, really? Okay, okay. No, I think it's level of fame. Okay, all right. I think you. I mean, you're fucking pretty famous. So are you. No, I'm below you. So we got to look at how it's going. To get on Conan, Conan, have us both on. How about that? That would be great. We talk about your late-night sets. Yeah. Because he did one of the coolest things that I've seen in the business where the second time I did Conan, I didn't like my set. Yeah. Just didn't like it. Didn't feel like it went well. I didn't like it either. He called me to the couch. And it, you know, it's like second night. Yeah. Because they do that. It's not like Carson. They're just doing it. It's the same thing. You're like, we're going to chat. And he's like, just shut up. Shut up. I'll do this. Yeah. But he did something really cool. We're at the end of the show. He went, all right. That's all my time. He's like, the guest and he's like, they had soda. Thank you guys. Good night. Anyway, and you know, it's like the crowd's clapping. He goes, how'd you think you'd do it? I go, I hated that set. And he just looks at the crowd. He goes, they fucking sucked like that. He made me feel so much better. Whoa. Instantly. That's amazing. Just to have that like kind of. Yeah. That's huge. Because you don't think these guys are, do you think they're just robots just out there like dance and monkeys, but they feel it. Yeah. They're still comics. Yeah. So they still feel like Conan's still a funny person. So he knows when they're laughing right or not. Well, Conan changed his opener, his warm up guy. And that I've done the show. I did the show like seven or eight times. And it was like night and day from the new, the new warm up guy. And I don't want to shit on the old one. Cause it's a funny guy. But the new one just changed the whole dynamic. The crowd was way hotter. Really? You noticed a significant difference. Completely. Completely. He's crazy. Because you got to think this is 5 p.m. Universal Studios fat, you know, Cleveland people coming in on vacation with Mickey ears off. Yeah. Yeah. They're just like jaws. Yeah. And now they're, did you see Ryan Reese's documentary about warm up? I told him I have, but I have it. Yeah. I'm going to tell you it's good. Okay. Okay. If you're a fan of comedy. Yeah. It's fucking good. Cause it really shows you like those dudes are necessary and they have to be good at it. Sure. But then it puts them in this weird position where they're going after it. Cause when we were coming up and all I wanted to do is not have a day job and be a comic. Yeah. I remember the lure of warm up. Yes. Yeah. You get dental benefits, a health. You're doing a show every day in front of important people. Yeah. You're working on it. You're getting you don't, you know, and then you see it and you go, it is a trap. Oh, completely, completely. I know the girl does the view. And she's like, it's tough. You got to be in there early in the morning. And you got to deal with all those crazy coos ladies and who does? Who do you? Who do you think is harder to warm up? Gutfeld or the view? I would say the view. The view? Because I think liberal audiences are too like don't say that. And it's all ladies. Yeah. So it's all like ladies who don't work. Cause they're there in the middle of the day. You got to be like, Hey, fuck your husband. Yeah. It's exactly. And you're a your husband. You're a white guy. They don't want that. Yeah. And then and then I got filled must be pretty easy. Just jingle keys. You just go, Hey, my kids in a Somali daycare. Yeah, you go. Hey, trans. And I said trans. Am and they got every opening for Gutfeld's audience. You just have to do my, my pronouns are proud of American. Yeah. The view they're like, it's like walking a minefield. Yeah, exactly. He's got their Maduro. We got him. Fireworks going on. Black drops. Just show them a gun. Yeah. I love it. The view you have to be like, I am incensed. Yes. With the pronouns used. Exactly. Did you see the way that gay dog was treated on the internet? No, I'm not under skit. That's crazy. I know. He's a roast battle with the opener. The warm up. Is it Mackie that warms up Gutfeld? Oh, he's a war. I don't know if he's a warm up. He's a weird warm up. He's so fucking fun. He's one of the great joke writers. I watched him. It's so like a couple of months ago. I was like, this fucking guy just did a special recording. Oh, great. Finally, such tight jokes. He's a special. No, and that great. Well, he had eight of them, but then he would be like, they're not good. You're happy. Yeah. So he couldn't. He couldn't live. A port. Something I don't believe in. Make sure. It's the only time he likes abortion. Yeah, bring that. You got to bring that special to term. If you filmed it, you got to fucking it. Yeah. If you're pro comedy, you better fucking release it. I mean, it was late term, too, because that thing was edited and it had like art on it. Everything. He slid it and reported it. Hypocrite. I love this. We're back to Boston balls. Yeah. Dude, I did a podcast episode with Tommy Pope. Oh, nice. Love him. We talked about the NFL. He's a big Eagles guy. I'm a big 49ers guy. They're playing this week. And then I talked about what it's like having a friend who's an NFL head coach, because you got to deal with sports shows, talk a shit about your friend. Like us joking about Joe. We all know it's, we love Joe. He's fucking hilarious. He can text us and be like, that wasn't funny. And that's fine. Sure. When you watch like cable sports shows and they're shit talking your friend. Right. It gets your. I got me. I couldn't handle it. And also sports, well, we do it subjective. So you go, that guy sucks. You're like to you. He's not funny to you. Yes. You lost that game. There's no way around that. You fucking lost. Exactly. And that's already painful enough. Right. You want to see your friends do well. Exactly. Then what sucks even more is all these people coming in going, I'm going to tell you the reason they did this. They lost because they bad, bad. And like Katie is, you know, obviously, working sports forever. Yeah. She kind of helps me navigate because I'll get mad at you go, no, it's that there's people that are analyzing them and people that are criticizing them. Sure. Those are the two differences. Yeah. But man, I pimped out of the edited out of the Tommy episode, but I was like, because I'd go on the dolphins read it. Oh, no. And they were like, because I've stopped going to all comedy read it. Good for you. It's, it's, you have to learn how to not do it. I know. I know. It's touching a hot stove. It's a, it's one day at a time. It's one day at a time and it's touching a hot stove. Because the second you do go and you look and it's bad, it'll fuck your shit up. Totally. I just deleted two videos the other day because I read some shit. And you read, and I think everyone, Katie used to have a theory that everyone, like this is an old theory. She had that everyone should walk around with over, I think, 500,000 followers on Instagram just to see how it feels. Oh, that's good. To feel how everybody is criticized. That's good. And I feel like everyone should have a subreddit post about them. Right. Because you read that. And the first time I experienced it was the Opian Anthony subreddit, because they liked me. And then when they turned that day, I like had a coffee and I was like, let me check the opening and then he'd go in and there's like a hundred and 93 comments. And you're like, you see the amount of punches you're going to take. They're right. They're absolutely right. I had the same thought before I went to bed last night and you just set it. Yeah. And so it's, but there should be, you know how they do those things with like a period or pregnancy where they put it on a man and you feel the pain. Yes. Yes. They should do that with Reddit comments, like somehow it fires your synapse that causes anxiety or doubt. And you're like, now there you go. That's what will happen if you put out a bad tube special. Did you see that video of the woman who was like, it's got to be so easy to be a man. I wish I was a man. And she dressed up as a man, like full. Crazy. What is that Rick guy who does all the special effects? I don't know. I don't know. He's like the special guy. So they got a guy like him to make her look like a man. And she went out for a week and she called herself. No, no, we're giving a pig. Pimp. Look it up. Because that's like every time you bring up that situation, I immediately think of Eddie Murphy dressing. I know. I love the safety. That's the best one where he goes. So good. The newspaper he goes, just keep it. The Eddie Murphy's day as a white guy on SNL is one of the fun. Go. It's time five. It's got to be on YouTube. Oh, easily. It's got millions of views. Fucking funny. I don't know. Keep it. Take it. Take it. I remember being a kid. Yes.
Very little, and it fucking made me laugh. So Google says the story you were calling refers to journalist Nora Vincent, who lived as a man named Ned for 18 months to explore male privilege, concluding in her book, Self Made Man, that men's lives weren't easier and men faced unique emotional burdens and later died by assisted (bleep) in 2022. - Oh, sorry. - Though her death was due to major depression, not directly proven as a result of the experience, but the experience contributed to her mental health. - All right. - So I don't think you're wrong. I don't think you're wrong. Well, there's a verb. There's like a popular TikTok of a woman that went on a dating site as a man, and she like blogs about it, and she's like, "Yo, this is fucked." - Oh, really? - Like women are asking first, she's like, "That's hilarious." - But everyone, that's, I think with the internet kills off that we need to fight for his empathy. - Yes. - It's like, you know, the reason, 'cause I get sick of hearing comments, like comics go, "I don't read comments." It's just like, "Yes, you do." - You do. - It's like the Epstein list. - Yeah. - You go, "You know a (bleep) if you're a very powerful person, you know a very powerful person that's a motherfucker." - Right. - Don't act like you don't. - Yeah. - How many you do, then we start working forward. - I know family members who are (bleep) - There you go. - And they should be castrated. - Yeah. - It's put on an island. - Yeah, that dead. (laughs) (laughs) - Ah, square. If you have a business, first off, good job. That is one of the hardest things. 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Make healthier eating easy with factor. But yeah, no, it's true. I was on the app before I met my wife. I was a big tinder and bumble guy. And bumble is crazy 'cause the woman goes at you. That's the whole spin. It's like the Sadie Hawkins dance. Yeah. And they are, not to shit on all women and generalize, but they are terrible with pickup lines. 'Cause they never had to do it. So they'll be like, "How's your Tuesday?" Yeah. That's what you got? How's your Tuesday? I got out of here. I had a real lonely point in 2016, probably my loneliest, in match.com, which if you don't know, when you sign up for match.com, it's harder than applying for college. Really? Yeah, 'cause you have to write essays about yourself or give in what you want. What? And that's why I cost money 'cause I think they actually try. Okay. It's not just a bumble algorithm that's just firing off. Yeah, I'm just getting women with blue hair. It's like, oh, but I made the mistake of being like, I work in comedy, blah, blah, blah. Man, women trying to-- Oh yeah. I bet I'm funnier than you. Oh, that was a big one. Bitch, you ain't. I'll tell you right now, bitch. I got hundreds of hours of podcasting that I'll tell you. Yeah. That you ain't. But, what do you have? That doesn't make me want to fuck you. What? Oh, do you like the nagging? Funner first date, Katie was like, I'm funnier than you. I'd be like, you're out of your-- It's just a weird thing to say. It's, yeah. Katie's hilarious. And I would be like, it would just turn me off on you being funny. Yeah, I think they're trying to bust balls and be neggie and all that, but it's weird. It's like a weird, combative thing to come at me with. Like, what if I was like, my tits are bigger? Yeah, where are you going? I'm a more emotional monster than you are. Yeah, all right. Why would you say that? But it, it's like, people should have to go through the empathetic feeling of it sucks to go online and read something about yourself. That's great, because everyone thinks I want more followers. I want a half a million. I want a million. What if you have it? You get shit on all day. Dude, and, or what you do is, it's not even you get shit on. It's just the random ass stray you catch. When you're at the airport, that's seven in the morning, and then you get comments on a video. And you go, I wonder who comment on this video. And you look at the comments and they go, "Sky fucking sucks." Yeah. You stupid yourself and you go, really should. I know. That does remember. I'm outside of a Hudson news gone. I really should just fucking end it. What's surprising, you know, 'cause the side is up, by the way, in our society. And I wonder how this ends up. Yeah. Oh fucking, not the employment rate. People making decent money. All right. We got one thing. It's comments have got to be on the list. Why is no one talking about that? Oh, I think that's proven. I think. Okay. I think that's why Australia did that thing where they tried taking kids off social media. Oh, that didn't stick. I don't know where they're at with it. I think they were the first country to try it. Good for them. But they were the first ones that did the gun laws. I mean, they're recently. But they've had like, I'm not even going to talk about this, 'cause these fucking gun nuts jizz out their ass when you talk about it. But they did like, John Oliver did a piece on the daily show years ago about how their gun band worked. Right. So the most part. Yeah, it went 40 years or whatever. But as I haven't heard of a school shit in a while, are we, are we turning the corner on that? Or are we just, you know, do they just, they're not even news anymore? Did they move on? Was it like a thing where they, it's like, that's not even cool anymore. Exactly, exactly. It's not cool to spray up your school. Well, you know, hip hop, I just saw the hip hop is, not hit the top 10 charts for the first time in 30 years. Really? No hip hop song, which I think is a crazy shift. What is going on? Well, you know what it is? It's all that ass country. Countries huge. Because it's the easiest, especially for white dudes. Right. You're going in country, you don't have to deal with anyone else's culture. You're just going in and being like, I'm a white dude. Right. And then you just white it up. You go, I'm from a rural part in a love beer. I got a girl that's cute and man, I love my country and these guys, jizz for it. Damn, you could open for gut felt. Dude, I might, I might start doing that. That's the pivot. You see on me on gut felt. Prick and cash. Yeah. That was fun about Red Eye was, he used to have everybody on. I know, I did it. Sam did it. All humor did it. Everybody used to do Red Eye. Yeah. It was like a fun thing to do, where you'd go and fuck around. Tom Shaloo. You talk shit, but he always had a balance. It true, it really was. It would be like, yeah, that's true. Andy was like pretty libertarian. Right. Shults, those shults was like wild. Right. He had like just bunch of different people. It was, yeah, it was great. That's where I met Dave Smith. I saw all kinds of people on there. Yeah, I met, I met one of like the Max and magazine ladies. That was like older and I was like, the things I used to do. Yeah. But watching McDaniel go through this is like a head coach. Yeah. It's like been my buddy since seventh grade. Wow, that's crazy. And it's like awesome. He's an NFL coach. That's incredible. And he worked his way up to a head coach. But he'll get a gig, right? Somewhere else. Absolutely. In fact, I think he's better off, because I think, and listen to me right now. I think it's a shit organization. I think it's well, I think it's ran by an old fuck that stab mic in the back.
after he told them he was going to be all right for another season and fuck the Dolphins. And honestly, fuck Miami as a comedy town. Whoa. What if you ever had a good show in Miami? Well, I got to say, I just did it because I went on vacation with the wife and the kid to Miami and I was Jones and so I set up a private show after she fell asleep. And she-- Like you're creeping with a comedy show? That's my new stepping out, like putting a jacket on. Yeah. How you doing? I knew it. Yeah. You're in the middle of a bit. Is that-- Is that a lipstick on the collar? I got notes on my hand. So I got to do it. I saw your set list mark. I knew where you were. I'm kidding about Miami. I know a bunch of great people from Miami. Yeah. Foreign show on a bunch of guys. Oh my god. And you go down there. The vacations are awesome. Sure. I've just never enjoyed doing stand. Well, have you done the comedy in? No. It's in a days in and it's the best room. Big J told me about it. It's the best room in Miami. Really? It beats all the other ones. So go down there, do the days in. You look at the lineup. No. Not for at least. McDaniel needs to get hired somewhere else. I need to get over this heat. If you live in Florida or Lando February 13th, Tampa February 14th-- No, that's a great town. Tampa's the best. Tampa's the best. The best comedy town. One of the best comedy towns in the South. What is that? It's something about the old people, the Jews, the Cubans, they come together. It's wrestlers. It's sluts. Monster trucks. Scientology. Scientology. It's just a bunch of crazy motherfuckers in the swamp. Yeah. They're great. They don't give a shit. I love Tampa. I love it too. I love going to Tampa. So there you go. If you live in Florida, October 13th or Lando, October 14th, Tampa, Miami, TBD for a very long time. If you're ever down, then check out the end. But other than that. But go to the comedy. It's tough. Check in the comedy and the secret comedy. The enrollment's signing off on it because comics talk shit about Miami more than any other city. Yeah. I know. I know. I know. I know. Yeah. It's bad. It's bad. But just comics are like fight clubs. We have these weird little rooms. Like go here. Take a right down the alley. You know, blow a guy. And you're in. And you're in. But the club's in the mainstream. Doesn't work there. You got to find these weird little back alley rooms. Yeah. So maybe that's the way to go in Miami. You got to do these secret cheat on your wife's show. Yeah. Exactly. She's sleeping. He's putting a knife under her to make sure she's breathing. And then he's out. He's like, get to try a new one. Yeah. That's the new blow job. Try a new one. Yeah. Really suck me to completion. Yeah. Exactly. For those of you, you know, you're watching this on Tuesday. But we taped this. I just found out McDaniel got fired. Yeah. Right before you came over. Wow. Probably an hour and a half before. And I was hot. Yeah. Because they told him he was going to be all right. Yeah. They were like, you're going to get one more season. We're searching for a new GM. I think Troy Eggman fucking got Mike fired. Really? Yeah. Troy Eggman's helping him with the GM search. And here's what I'm going to say. When you watch football as a fan, you notice when broadcasters are slanted four or against you. Okay. Like you watch Chris Collinsworth. He loves Patrick Mahomes. Mm-hmm. He's going to bring up Patrick Mahomes. Any chance he gets because he just wants to slob his knob. Yeah. Just loves the dude. When having a friend that's an NFL coach, you notice you listen more when people talk about your friend. Uh-huh. And Troy Eggman shits on McDaniel in a way that I'm like, he doesn't like Mike. Whoa. And me and my friend Chad, who grew up with Mike, we're like, Chad was the first one was like, I bet Eggman had something to do with it. And then I was just like, fuck Troy Eggman, looking like white Jay Z. Have you ever seen that? No. Can you bring up a picture? They said Troy Eggman looks like white Jay Z. Oh, I can see it. So fucking funny when you see the picture. But that's what I mean. That's at the stage of grief I'm in right now. Damn. I want to fight everybody. Well, wait, wait a minute. You're your sweet friend. You're sticking up for your buddy. But what if you get trashed on Reddit? Is he coming at you? Is he coming at them? We'll go ahead. Just busy. Okay. But now that he's now that he's unemployed. Probably. There you go. Probably. What do we got here? Oh my God. That's dead on. That's so funny. Wow. Fuck white Jay Z. How about that? Fucking white Jay Z. Help me get my friend fired. Damn. That's crazy. I was so mad. I was so mad. I'm Jim Florentine is a huge dolphins fan. So once McDaniel took over the dolphins. Is that normal? This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you're me, if you know me, you know I talk about therapy and the benefits of therapy. 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[email protected]/Sotar. Let's get back to the show. Yeah, but it's like how you feel when you see your friends get trashed online. Yeah, yeah, it stinks. You're like, shut the fuck, like that's when Shane got fired from SNL. I got so mad at everyone that was talking shit. That was crazy. That's the people that I knew that sucked. Yes. That were talking shit. The piling on is while people go, oh, we can do this. It's a green light. Let's go. And you're like, you got to see the guy. Yeah. He has feelings. I don't get it. It's all about compassion and being nice. But then they're like, fuck this guy. What's funny is Shane would tell me all the ones that would shit on him publicly and then privately be like, hey, sorry about that. I didn't really mean that. Yeah, there's a lot of that going on. There's a lot of those people. The internet brings out, the internet is like the new booze. You know where you're like, oh, you know, you go, that guy got drunk and yelled at his wife. That's the real him. Yeah. And then you see Twitter for the morning. You're like, what the fuck is Jeff Tweeting? It shows the real you. Yeah. You see people out in the wild on something and you're like, you're like run into a Twitter account. You're like, I think I know who runs that. And that's crazy. That's how they are. Yeah. That's how they, because in person, they can. You can really hide. I think it might have killed empathy, but it ruined bullshitting. Yeah. People being like, hey, how are you? That's true. That's true. You can feel it. It's also that stamp of time where people talk shit. That's why I'm glad I've never been a hot takes guy, because I'm like, good point. I'm like, I'm wrong about motion. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so wrong about stuff that I just know. I'm not going to have a hot take. Right. Right. Same. It's going to age poorly. Exactly. And then someone goes, this you? Yeah. Everybody needs to get this year. I know. Just by the way, the this you has existed in arguing, especially in couples, since the beginning of time. Oh, that's true. Bring it up old shit. Like the text. Yeah. Why bring it up old shit? Yeah. You know, one time you said you would never let me go to your mother's, and you're like, okay, but I have a fucking baby. Yeah. That's the new this year. Well, the woman though, with my wife, she's so good at arguing that I always want to be like, you said this. She's like, I never said that. I wish I had a fucking tweet. Yeah. It's so satisfying to show them. It's proofs to bring it up. Yeah. And then you're like, I fuck it. Got you. I know. Katie is very good at arguing. Yeah. And when we argue sometimes she'll just have me dead to rights, and then I do this new thing where I go. Over here. And she'll go, what are you just, what are you doing? You know, like, distracting you. Yeah. And most of the time it'll break. Yeah. You know, break the argument. Yeah. She's like, I've just fucking said that. I go. Up over here. Yeah. Oh, dangly a treat. Yeah. Like I'm a rodeo client. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I get up on the wall. Right. He's like, what the fuck? Yeah. Cause arguing in the internet is built for you to argue. It really wants you to engage. That's why engagement culture. I know. Like a comment. What a place. The comment below. I love doing stand up. I love the chance to just be funny for a living. Yeah. I don't want to engage. No. No. God no. My engaging is going to cities and doing shows. That's my engagement. Exactly. And this shit online. I read all of it. Don't get me wrong with the mayor and all that. I'm like, whoo, baby. I'm ready to see it. That's what's nice. That's what I mean about being on Reddit and getting off the comedy shit. Yeah. I didn't even see it. Until we did the regs. And I think the episode comes out tomorrow. Yeah. But they brought it up. And I was like, I didn't even know. And I love the mayor. Yeah. I don't even know. I probably would have intervened. Yeah. Oh, don't intervene. You're in a thread that somebody goes, you know what? I hate them. Yeah. Buddy. That dolphins guy should have been fired. Yeah. When it gets brought up, I don't know. Or someone's like, yeah, and fuck that guy. Yeah. What an idea. Yeah. But watching, you know, because they were spectating that McDaniel was going to get fired at the beginning of the season. They started really bad. Right. And then he pulled it together. He had a quarterback that was falling off. Tua stinks. But people, listen, I think McDaniel got fired because he tied himself to Tua and they lost. Ah, Tua. Hock Tua. Hock Tua, dude. I fucked him. Get brain damage on that thing. But I think that's a sign of my friend being loyal. So like, as a friend. Oh. As a friend, I go, fuck yeah, he stuck with him. And I hope the next team he goes to, the quarterback goes, this guy stuck with him. So I believe in him. Yeah. So I'll fucking play for it. I just hope McDaniel goes and wins.
10 Lombardi trophies and then shoves him up the owner of the Dolphins ass hole One at a time just like he's packing the back of a fucking SUV. Hell yeah Funk Funk just shoving Lombardi trophies and I hope the Dolphins never win another game Your old logo is better your new logo looks like a penis jumping through a new varying Your fans don't know ball a couple of them at the stadium It's it was like crazy watching. I'm not knowing to cheer on third down. Jesus Christ Fuck him fucking whole organization Arena and he's been to her, but that was about the end of it. That was it And you know what Marina lost his only Super Bowl of 49ers and he should have he wasn't as good as Joe Montana Gee, this is like a reddit thread. This is fuck. Hey Dolphins fans. Here's my reddit thread Whoa, it's just me commenting on you fuck you your reddit thread is fucking shit It is just like well if we can get Joe burrow and then we can get this guy and then we can do this in jail I hope you never want to fucking Super Bowl suck my dick Fuck you team McDaniel your owner stabbed him in the back, but there are Dolphins fans that I love No, there are Dolphins fans that genuinely were like sad that he's fired or whatever But the rest of you euro trash fucking losers. They want to just dance to techno go fuck yourself I hope it's shark eats you hey, I hope I hope shark attacks go up in Miami now Here's this guy like this fucking guy can never come to see world What an asshole That's gonna be the text where I send him I can I go get it to shit out about this and I let it ride fuck it This is engagement, but if you think controversy are you gonna keep your kid off social media? Oh, I think I say you're gonna keep your kid Turn aboard. Yeah. Oh for sure. No phone. No nothing. I'm just gonna go trying to ride into the sunset to like 16 17 Are you gonna be one of those parents that like? Not in my house. You're not gonna have social media in my house. Yeah, definitely no I don't want it anywhere to be honest Yeah, it's gonna happen like my brother has two kids. He's like when they get on the bus. It's over the bus is like Reddit They learned curse word. Yeah, sex shit porno. Yeah, it's all over on the bus. He's smoking cigarettes Yeah, fingering whatever it is. So I'm gonna try and the kid is already he's 11 months and he's already got a better attention span Like he'll just play with the toy like I'll hold it and look at it and I'm like staring at him going boy I want to look at my phone. Yeah, and I'm like this kid's better than me. Does he do you guys do a lot of screen time with him? Nothing nothing. I don't even put the TV on in front of him. Really? Yeah, just cuz I'll let him watch TV and movies eventually But right now he's exploring. He's learning. He's playing with things. He's got a drum kit. I love that Yeah, it's fun. He's got blocks and he just does blocks, which is at first I was like am I being abusive and then I'm like no, this is normal. Yeah, this is how we live for thousands of years Yeah, cuz now you go to the airport and if you're at a restaurant in the airport You see a kid with headphones on a phone and a screen in front of him totally like their Wall Street broker Yeah, like a little kids now have screens like their fucking trading. Yeah, they're doing crypto This is nuts. I love that you're doing that. I'm trying and I'm trying cuz it fucks you up and fucked us up I think I'm remember how joyous life was we just walk around and look at things. I remember the like The pure feeling of anxiety I felt when social media came out of being like so what do I gotta do? I got to post something. Oh, I gotta post and I got to stay active on it and it was like yeah Yeah, it was weird it felt a little like when I started like a drinking right where I was like I drank because Other people were drinking. Yeah, and it's a little social lube. That's why it's the same with the phone You it's something to go to when you're uncomfortable remember like you never smoke cigarettes. No smoking that was always the way out You can just go. I'm gonna go smoke cigarettes That's good, but the phone's the new out. It's the new out. You're in the elevator like I'm all on my elevator if I'm walking the dog. I won't even look at my phone and it feels weird Yeah, people are all on their phone. I'm like am I the creep or my joke book when I'm writing stuff on the train? Oh, yeah, I'll be writing someone on the train in my joke book and I'll be like I think people think I'm a psycho It's like a manifesto. Yeah, it looks weird Yeah, and then you're like and it feels more comfortable doing the notes app of course stuff down because people know what the fuck I'm doing Yeah, lists used to do this thing when we lived in Astoria when we'd be coming back from something in the city It and you go from 59th and Lex up to Queensborough Plaza. You come outside Phone's back the day didn't work under the that's right. You would go underground and your phone would work So I remember one time coming back from like you know what dude and we're coming up out of the train and list You know that shitty does where he's like two tickets, please We're coming out and he goes phone time Joaquin. Yeah, and I watched is everybody where he's right Oh fuck the two things I heard where don't use it in a transitional period like if you're walking from here to the train No phone. Yeah, you can look at it on the train, but not from there to there That's a good way to start and then no no shitting phone Which is so hard You're thinking it's horrible reading a jacks. It's brutal you but the thoughts that pop up are fascinating You're like, oh third grade. Oh, yeah, it's better for joke right way better You're brain can go to that area because it your your brain's like hovering right here with the phone And then when you let go of the phone it has to go other places and now you're often different quadrants Think I'm gonna go no phone poop try it. Text me. I'm gonna get done. I'm done Yeah, and send me a photo I'll show you how healthy it is. Yeah, but it does that does feel like we got to bring boredom back boredoms big I honestly used to have a great bit about that. Oh, yeah, you need boredom. You need it We got to bring it back. You got to just sit there with over Christmas the break the holiday break We do a road trip, but I drive a lot. Yeah, you know, we split the Driving is big. You go real meditative, but you don't even you're not I didn't look at my phone. You know when your Phone tells you how what you average screen time. Yes, I averaged like an hour of screen time Yeah, but it was because we were driving right so I the only time I look at my phone is when we get to the hotel I like look at my phone But then we're eating or like watching something else and I felt better Yeah, when I got back home I started like wake up look at my phone. Yeah, that's what that's what happened because a couple of years ago I started putting my phone in a different room at night. That's big too because in on the road I will wake up and look at my phone. I know three in the morning and reddit is kind of like the Final boss on the phone because it's mean it gets your blood pump in it's hot. There's a tits. It's everything I will say I know I've been like joking around about reading about you like yourself and your friends on reddit But if you like something Reddit's great. That's true. Like that's true. That's why you have to remove yourself from the comedy at the good point because you go I work there. I don't want to talk about it like 14 as a 49ers fan is a nuggets fan. I love reading the reddit you like stories pop in video games Movies right right a lot of the times. That's where I'll find out about movie trailers It's on reddit where they'll be like that new Russell Crowe Robin Hood and I'll be like I want to watch that yeah, yeah, or the Christopher Nolan Um, oh, yeah, Odyssey that's fucking awesome. And you're like oh, yeah, and I and I get like pumped. Yeah, I don't have the feeling of like Yeah, that's good because I got completely we I post on x.com, but I don't ever go on post and ghost post and get out of it That was this is the second Football season that I stopped reading Twitter and it has been way better really did I just get so mad because I love Dude, first off, I love the 49ers, but I love my friend Mike And I want to win and I'd go on Twitter on my phone and they'd be like fuck this guy And then now I'm looking at some guys Twitter profile trying to find his IP address Because I want to split his head with a fucking Eastern bag damn you do that I hate rubbing everybody's calling a coat said fuck you to a coach That's my dog, though. Yeah, also Mike is like it's it it truly is different when you know the guy Have you talked to him? What does he think is he just like what do you know? Oh, I mean he's Did coaches read it. What's that the coaches read this shit? No, they shouldn't know he's not he's nowhere near his phone good football season I text him knowing he's not gonna get back to me of course. It's only now. It's literally what's funny is this week It's you know, because again, it just happened today. I found out he got fired because he was told he was gonna be given another season Yeah, I was doing I was on the I was on the toilet right in a real nice text to him I had a long text about like hey the season started like shit. You pulled it around. Yeah, I think you're a fucking great coach You're gonna do papa. I was just giving him like a friend a friend build up. Yeah, and then someone called me And I you know got off like They let me call you back. I got up off the toilet called him back when I got out of the bathroom and then forgot to write the text Yeah, and then today he got fired and I went to text them and I saw this long God you saw that yeah, and it was like little fuck oh my bad. Yeah, so then I had to send him one that's like dude Fuck this, but I'm I probably he's he's probably getting like 6,000 texts today. Oh completely. Yeah, yeah But imagine a football coach with like that obsessed with his phone where he's watching it during the game Yeah, so I was like what do we do now? He's like I missed it Yes, Twitter like when you get called out by your wife for not listening. Yeah, you look at your phone You go what did you say you go? Good point. Yeah, that's true. I I think that would drive you crazy. I think it's I don't know man I think we're gonna reach age by like when you're when you're
- Your kid is, hopefully 20. - Yeah. - That like social media is just completely gone or-- - Or has like a governor on it at least. - You need it, dude. - You need it, yeah, 'cause it's-- - It's also just not good. - Now, if you remove social media from the internet, the internet's great. - Right. Well, you know, you know, they say like two parent household is changes everything or privilege or whatever. I think a kid without a phone, versus a kid who's doing the iPad headphone at the airport all day, they're gonna have different lives. - Yeah. - Different up rings and different careers. - Yeah, because I think the kid that's rooted in reality and see stuff. - Yeah. - Well, probably just, hopefully be a more logical thinker. - Sure. - Where those kids are just like, 'cause it's dopamine. - It's dopamine, they're gacked out. - You're just, after you just put your kid on a fucking huge thing of blow. - Yeah. - But I can't talk shit 'cause I don't have kids. But you have a kid. - Yeah. - So do you see, do you feel the lure of screen time? - I do, but of course, 'cause they're so annoying. So you just want to give them a pacifier. But also, I feel bad, 'cause I'm on my phone. - Sure. - And then I'm telling him not to do it. So it's this weird thing. - It's smoking. - It's smoking. - People have done the bit. Ronnie Chang did it. - Great bit. - Trying to think of us did it. Social media will be the-- - You watched Twitter when you were pregnant. - Yeah. - That was the big punch line, yeah. - That's great. - So good. But yeah, it's awkward, 'cause I'm like, "Oh, look at those, look at Sydney Swini." - Yeah. - And I'm like, "Hey, don't look at that TV." - Stop. - But I also think, even for grown people, even people that are older that grew up without the internet and then got the internet, they want to act like it doesn't affect us. - Yeah. - It's crazy to open your phone and see a guy, or like a lady gets shot in the face. - Yeah. - Like that lady in Minnesota got shot. - That's crazy. - Who didn't open your phone without seeing. - I know, it's him with Kirk. - Yeah. - He got shot in the net. - Oh my god, whoa. - When they first popped up. - Yeah, 'cause you just scroll in and you go, and you know, he would do those debate. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You know what he did, oh my god. - I know. - And you're like, "It's like the red wedding from Game of Thrones randomly all day." - Oh, yes, yes. - We just open it. Sometimes it'll be like, "This guy fucked around and found out." - Yeah. - It's like, he's just getting hit by a car. - I know. - Do you remember "Band from TV"? - Of course. I love those. - Those were crazy. - I got hit by a train like this guy. - Yes. - What's his name? - What's his fucking name? - Fuck. - Oh, he's forget it. He shot himself from the face, isn't it? - Yeah, it was a politician. - Yeah, filters nice shot is about him. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, what's his name again? - Yeah. - But it's funny 'cause we had to get a videotape to see three, four, five random things. That's just the morning, that's breakfast. - Yeah. - You see in that shit. - No, not your breakfast, it was, man. Blood Dwyer. - Dwyer. - That's it. - Fuckin' Dwyer. - Blood Dwyer. - But yeah, like, blood Dwyer was on that. - Yeah. - He also, a band from TV had a news clip from Brazil where they were releasing hostages. This is one of the ones I remember. And one of the terrorists dressed up like a hostage, but the Brazilian police knew who it was. And they're all comin' out of this building with their hands up, and as the guy comes out, one of the cops just point blank rage with a shotgun to the chest. And that was on the video. - Pull it up. I haven't seen that. - Yes, sure. - Oh, there's one man. - From TV volume one. - I haven't had my coffee. - Yeah, but that's, but you're right. You just wake up. - Yeah. - You wake up and you're just seeing Bud Dwyer every day. - You're right. - Every day. And we used to, I remember we went to my friend Adam's basement. We had to make sure his parents weren't home. And we put it on, and it was like. - Oh, it was crazy. - What are we gonna see? - Yeah. - Faces of death was the same way. - Yeah, that was a big one. - I've talked about this before, but it's crazy when you think that the internet is just that in your pocket. - Yes, faces of death. - All the time. You're waking up. I'm tryin' to find out who's injured for the 49ers against the English. - Right. - I don't know how the outcome is. Go Niners, I hope we did all right. But you wake up and you go, oh, execution in Iran. - Yeah. - That the world's talkin' about. - How about the knife cutting with the guys head off and it was like a dull blade? - That was the first one. That was the first one that was on Twitter and shit. - Yeah. - Or on YouTube where they were like, dude, check out this link. And you're like, I don't wanna watch an ISIS beheading me. - I know, I know. - 'Cause it's crazy that. - But there's gonna be kids who saw that. And then there's gonna be kids who see that every day. And then kids who never saw that. And they're both gonna grow up in different paths. - I think you're right about the two parent household that it does feel like, 'cause I, as someone that grew up with a single mom, I see where the lack of dad is. - Oh, really? - I see where the lack of confidence or just like a reassurance. - But you're pretty well adjusted. 'Cause-- - I've been in therapy for 15 years. - Still goin'? - Yeah. - Oh, shit. - I'm lifetime, man. - I can't. - I pulled out. - Yeah, you did? - Well, I haven't raised the prices on me that. - Did. - Yeah, but to me, it was like, I had to negotiate. 'Cause I was-- - Oh, did you? - Yeah, 'cause I'm like, dude, this is too-- - It was like a 30, 40% jump. But I'm like, he's like, I saw your Netflix. Don't try to get that one by me. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - It's a licensing fee. You don't even know what they do. - I'm like, that goes into editing. - Yeah. - So, that's all lights. That's all lights in the venue, baby. - Yeah. So, I had to fight with him, and he was like, you're really pushing back on this, and I was like, you taught me this. I'm asserting. - Hey! - This is what you taught me. That is great. Yeah, that is awesome. - Yeah, so you're listening. - You fucked himself. - Yeah, sorry, Sensei, you shouldn't have taught me on a fight. - I'm the master now. - Yeah, I'm the champion. - I got the upper end. Because I really, like, he was like, I raised him, and I was like, that's too much, and then I was like, what, what do we, what do we-- - Yeah. - What do we do when we found something that I was like, all right, but finding a therapist that works, but you're right. Like, having a two-parent household in that house versus having phone or no phone. - Yeah, I think it's gonna make a big diff, because two-parent household, we don't talk about that. That is it. We talk about privilege everywhere. That's a privilege. - Yeah. - That is a luck of the draw. - Can I argue though? - As someone that grew up in a single-parent household, I see people with married parents that shouldn't be married. - There's a lot of that. - And I think the damage is greater. - Interesting. - I think they don't learn how to speak up for themselves, because they watch, I think a lot of people are in shitty relationships, because they watch their parents be in shitty relationships, and it's something I've always really valued. - I'm just kidding. - Everything I've always really valued was my mom was like, you know, she'd been married three times. Once when she was really young, which is just like straight out of college, I don't think so. But watching my mom know when something wasn't working was very valuable to me. - That's big. That's fantastic. - Because it was going like, I don't need to be around this. I'm not getting anything. And I'm, dude, I fucking know people whose parents, I mean, I'm talking about like, years ago, I knew people whose parents were sleeping in other bedrooms. - And not because they, not because one snored or one, not for reason. - They couldn't stand each other. - Yeah, but they just didn't want to be divorced. - Right, right, well, divorce is very healthy. I think if you get a divorce, it's usually for the best. - It's that Louis bit. - It's the Louis bit. - He says you should get married just to get divorced. - It's like the feeling of rock had a great bit that he cut from his last special about divorce that I'm really mad about. - Can we hear it or is it? - It was, I don't know, it's not recording anywhere, but the premise was like, it's crazy to have an arch nemesis. Because when you get divorced, you then have an arch nemesis. - Right. - Who's such a good angle. - That is great. - He has these bits that he does that he throws away. - I know, I know. - He makes me his old one that he didn't do on shoot the messenger was AIDS ain't shit. - And he like, he like really Chris rocked it. - That's a funny t-shirt. - AIDS ain't shit. - AIDS, you do the hand. AIDS ain't shit. I saw him do it at the seller and it was like, one of my favorite jokes I've seen live. He was like, the AIDS made magic, AIDS made magic Johnson retire with two good knees. He's like, Tom Braini can have AIDS, they would expect him to play in the second half. - Right. - And they wouldn't, they announced it would even take it easy on him. - Wow. - They go, I know he's got AIDS, but he's got to pick up that weak side blitz. - Dang. - He was such a bit and he's one of the greatest stand of comedians all the time. - He's my number one probably, but really? - Well, he's the best with angles. He had when we-- - The premise is easily. - Easily. - She pales my number one because of the hours he's put out his full, like kill him softly for what it's worth. How important those hours were. - Yeah, yeah. - It was like zeppelin to me. - I know, that was huge. - But I still could do the sesame street bit, my sleep verbatim. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But rock, you know, like, I'll only ask him comedy questions because I have more, like, immense respect for him as a stand of comedy. - Yeah. - One of the greatest. And I asked him, I go, whatever happened to the AIDS joke, he was just down in the hole. - Oh, yeah. - And he goes, I put it on the shelf. It works. And I go, well, he didn't put it in anything and then he didn't want to answer me because I'm not famous. - That is crazy. Let me just say his angle that I loved. I saw him at the cellar years and years ago, and he was doing the notepad thing where he's just trying shit with no energy, no delivery, the whole Chris rock, like, AIDS ain't shit. It was just talking. - Yeah. - And he goes, Hillary Clinton's running for president. Weird. Why would you want to work at a place you got cheated on? - Craig. - And you're like, oh, how do we all miss that? That's so brilliant, that's such a simple, great angle, and we all missed it. And he is. I mean, just like, that's the best part of working in a major city with a historic comedy club is you see the guys go up and do stuff. - Yeah. - Where like, I've been on the big, um, everybody misremembers Dane Cook. - Right. - Everyone tries to shit on him like he was just some boy band and you go, no, he was a beast. - He was a hammer. - Killers. Yes. - And Drew Dunn opens for him. - Drew Dunn's a killer. - I love Drew Dunn. And we were at, we had the same flight, he had a layover, we were, uh, me, Murphy and Sagalo were flying to Detroit and he flew to Detroit for a layover. And he's like, I'm opening for Dane and I was like, I think Dane is so funny and no one talks
about it, 'cause I saw him at the Patrice Benefit, the first one. - Oh really? - That was the last show I bought a ticket for? - What year? - 2013. - Oh wow, that's pretty recent for a stand-up to buy a ticket. - 2012 maybe? I think that's, I mean, he died in 2011. - Dane died? - No, but I remember going and Dane was on the show, and I was like, he was like Bobby, Big J, Norton Voss and Quinn, all like the tough crowd dies, New York guys, and Dane Cook, and I was like, and I really was like in the audience like, all right, guys probably lost his fastball. That motherfucker got me three times. - Really? - Under than most people on the show. - Dane. - Like he got me into the point where I was like, this guy is funny. - Yeah, well, you forget these guys blow up for a reason, 'cause the kiss of death in this business is being cool to hate. It's one thing to hate a guy, but if it's cool to hate a guy, you're fucked. - 'Cause then people revel in it. - They revel in it, and they go, I gotta hate 'em, 'cause I don't wanna be not cool. - 'Cause what I tell Shane, I talked to Shane yesterday, I think it's hacked to shit on Austin now. - Yeah, yeah. - It's just like hack, what are you doing? You don't live there, you don't care. I don't give a shit about Austin. I like it. I like going there. - I like Austin too. I like going there. I like seeing my friends that live there. - Yeah, they have good comments. It's still, it's not New York. We'll just put that in cement and let it dry. It's not New York, we're better than Austin, but I like Austin. - But I mean, even though I don't care, even though-- - I don't care either, 'cause it's such a, it's like a midget fighting jack, you know? You're like, shut up, what are you doing? I can kick you. - But what I'm saying is like, I don't even like, we're even hating on Austin. - I'm not hating, I'm just stating a fact. - Yeah, well, this is where we get territorial. - Yeah. - 'Cause it was always LA versus New York. - Yeah, yeah, then the flyers took care of that. - Chicago, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And the flyer, like Chicago. 'Cause we never go like, fuck Chicago, fuck Philly, fuck Boston. It's always like, I don't know what, and I think it is, is because we know, 'cause you and I both came up in New York. - Yeah. - We both know, they're better at marketing and they're better at performing than we are. - Who? - LA Comics. - Oh, sure, and the marketing sauce, the comics too. - Yeah, yeah. - They perform better than us. - Right. - Like you go to the comedy store and you watch LA Comics, they take the whole stage. - They're burning calories. - They're fucking moving, but some of them bring you into it. - Yeah, sure, it's great. And you come to New York and we just stand there and they're like, bap, bap, bap, bap. - Yeah, well, they're fighting for a sitcom. We're fighting for David Tells approval. It's a very different world. - Yeah, a guy who looks like he runs a mercenary squad. - Yeah, exactly. - He's dressed like Hannibal from '18. - He's gloves on and a cigarette. - Yeah. - He's like, I got it. He's our love it when the new Joe comes together. - But it is, it's our, I feel like if we, I feel like if we, that was a good one. This one get into the mind. - I tried, I didn't know if I could get it low enough. - You gotta get the next one. - Next one. - I can't smell, so that's just pure comedy. - Oh, beautiful, and this couch is very absorbent. - It's the place to go. - It's the place to live in here for years. - This is like an ecto chamber. - When Katie's gonna make me mad and she's standing there, I'll hit it. - No, the Norman's old ass juice will come and fuck it, brazer face. Yeah, I think like if we woke up with the internet gone tomorrow, it'd be very, it'd be very, very fun. - Very interesting, that's a movie. - You just like wake up on the internet. - And you wake up and you're like, how do I get food? - Yeah, how do I get the directions and email? - Directions is the biggest one. - Yeah, yeah. People are gonna be open all my nacks and shit. What was that, that map book? - Map quest, or Map quest is a website. - That was a website. - Oh, Rand McNally. - There you go. - They lost all their money. - I know, they're codec. - Rand McNally really are codec. I didn't think they were like, are you kidding me? Everyone's gonna need a map. Where are maps going? - Yeah. - It's poor money. - You're worded by McDaniel, McNally. He's an alley right now. - Who decided to watch on that guy? Hope that guy doesn't go on reddit and they're like, fuck this map. Map asks bullshit. (laughing) When's the last time you used a map? - Do you remember? - I mean, I'll maybe use the one. You know, you go to a crazy hotel where they're like, here's the layout of the hotel, and that's about it. You're like, oh, that's the fool. - I think that's the last time I used a map to. - Yeah. - It really is where you go. Okay, so there's a chili. - Yes, yes, exactly. - I go out the hotel and take a ride. The chilies is right. That's really, really mad. - It's the last time. Maybe Candy Land, you know. - Yeah, it always, or just fucking, 'cause like, I visited my grandma one time, and this is 2008, and I had to write down, I didn't have a smartphone. So I had to write down in a Mead Notebook. - Directions. - Directions. - Turn left at the chili. - Drive 98 miles up to exit. So and so, get off, go this, for this many miles. So then you're like, looking at your counter and you're like, all right, I'm not talking anymore miles, you're doing math. - I know, it's fun to use your brain again, 'cause we've lost all that. That's all gone. - No phone numbers? - Oh, they're gone. I had a million up here. I was a rain man. - It was crazy. I remember, I used to remember friends' old phone numbers. - Yes, yes, exactly. - I do remember, to this day though, like five cell phone numbers from back in the day. - Hey. - I think my friend still has it, call it. 720, 220, is it 220? Or is it 8000? - That's how they get you. - Dude, my friend will call me and be like, "Mother fucker, I still have that." - Yeah, my friend did that prank on me. They put my number on Craigslist. When I moved to New York, all my jerk off New Orleans friends and they're like, "You're leaving us, fuck you." And I said, "He's selling his phone for $2 as his iPhone. "Here's his number, I got calls for months." - That is, like, Lewis does that to us, everyone. - Yeah, yeah. I've had people text me, like, my old number. And they'd be like, "Hey, Lewis, release this on skanks." And you're like, "Oh, what a f***." - And then I get mad at Lewis. But Lewis has like, just like way of rationalizing it that made sense to me. He's like, "It's just like your DMs. "Just don't look at it." You go, "Oh, yeah." - In the moment it made sense. And I walk away and I go, "Why did I believe this?" "No, it's not. "It's my personal number," he's dickhead. - Puerto Rican logic. - It makes sense. But-- - A blade is a gun that you walk to the final destination. - But back to the map stuff. Remember, you had no dead. So I had scary dead. My dad was like, "The dead." When he pulled in, he's like, "Dance, oh, get the f*** out." - I would go like this. I'd be on the porch like, "Hit me, I want to feel something." - Yeah. - Striking me right in my f***ing chin, dude. - Oh, my dad was crazy. But he would do the road trip and then he'd pull over. Scratch his head, lay the map on the hood and be like, "All right, all right." - The old f***ing-- - The old school way. You know, he's holding us like a warm beer, looking at the map, and then a guy would pull over and be like, "You need a hand?" And he's like, "All you got to do is go to rights." And it was a fun time. He was like, "Communal." Everybody was in the world together, and I recently had a car breakdown on the Jersey Turnpike, and two guys stopped to help me. - Really? - Crazy. One guy was like, "Oh, it's your flipper rod." That's your problem. And I was like, "Oh, what's a flipper rod?" And he's like, "Just tell him that, I got to go." And I was like, "Okay." Then another guy pulled over and he's like, "I have a trailer. I can bring your car to my house." And then you can figure it out from there. And I was like, "Oh, my God." So I went to his house with him. - What? - Random guy. Eight dinner with his family. 'Cause I was there, and his mom's like, "Come on in." It was like way out in Jersey. So they were just nice regular people. Had dinner with his family. "Oh, I'm talking to him, I'm talking to him." He's like, "We'll leave the car here. You got a mechanic, tell him. Here's my address, come pick it up here." And I was like, "Okay." And I took an Uber back to the city, and I got a mechanic to go to his house. Then here's the crazy part. Right when I was leaving, I was getting the Uber. The guy went, "Got him, buddy." No way. - He knew that he was the whole time. - That's great. - So yeah. - That's great because that guy, I know, is just like, that's fucking Mark Norman. - Yeah, we're eating chicken with his mom. - That's crazy. And then he's like, "Gawd it." - Yeah. - That's so fun. - Got me right at the end. - Also, that's what we need more of. It's like just people, like-- - People being people. - It's so easy to just go online and be like, "You'll fuck everybody." - Yes. - And I feel bad for people that don't have people in their real life. Totally, and I'll tell you, it opened up something in my head because I would never be the guy to stop. You drive by, you see a guy pulled over or broken down, you're like, "Oh, that sucks." - Yeah. - And these guys are the people that stop, and he saved my whole day. - More than less of us. - Yeah. - We need more of those guys that are fucking pulling over and being like, "What's your trouble?" - Exactly. - Yeah, dude, I don't know. Also, what I don't like about the internet is like, even now, with this conversation. Like, when I get riled up about stuff, and then you calm down, you go, "Oh, I feel different now." And you go through that emotion to feel different. The internet's permanent, and it's very first reaction. - I know, I know. Everybody flies off the handle and they start typing. - But that's how this you happens. 'Cause you go, "Oh, I was fucking reacting in the moment." And I said, "This, I didn't have all the information. I didn't know what the fuck was happening." - Yeah, yeah. - So, like, you can get this huge, so easy, because, dude. If I found out, if I talked to McDaniel, and he was like, "It's best for everybody that I leave and take the job. I don't know, I haven't talked to him yet." But I'm just saying, if that were the case, then I'm like, "Troy Eggman was a good quarterback." - Ah, exactly. - And the dolphin's franchise, I like your colors. - Well, you need, like, a breathalyzer for anger, for the phone, like, some kind of, like-- - Do the way they, the way they fucking start. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - People get too many DUI. - Exactly, but your blood pressure's too high. Your heart's pumping, you can use the phone. - Yeah, you're adrenaline spiking. You can't post. - Yes, exactly.
and then you know, or two warning. - Oh, that's good, you see how much blood's in your dick. - Yeah, they phone won't open. - You got to prick your thumb on the phone and then go, you're too horny or you're too angry. - Right. - Either way, you got to calm down before you can post. - Too horny, too angry, that's why I meant more. - Yeah, too horny, too angry. Absolutely gonna be the name of this episode. How lucky are we to have came up with the friends we did? - We had a great class. Bill Burrow has said after his group, he's like ours is one of the best he's ever seen. - That's such a nice thing to say. - That's an awesome compliment. But like I'm so lucky, it's like fun when you watch, like before the podcast we were talking about, you know, when we see people do enormous impressions of you guys coming up. - You're crazy, crazy. - I love it, 'cause I go, ah, I fucking, I know, I like, I saw you become that comic. - I know, but I feel like Oppenheimer, I'm like, I'm destroying world. - This is horrible. - No, don't be me, go be somebody else, go be Shane, or Jezzelneck. - But even Shane, like when you see someone doing Shane, you're like, hey man, you're doing Shane. - I mean, how many behind the back hands? - But everywhere I go, I'm counting behind the back. - Let me just state for the record, and Shane will agree with that. - Ah, I know what you're gonna say. - The behind the back hand, Barguetzi. - Nate did it first. - And I, 'cause I used to call it the admiral. - Oh. - Well, you're doing the admiral, too much. - The admiral. - The admiral. - Where he's, yeah, where he would stand with his hand behind his back like that. - Yeah. - Well, Nate has a joke about that. His shoulder got injured. - Oh. - 'Cause of how he was standing. You were still on the run of them when he was doing that. - What? - I know a whole bit about, I hurt my shoulder just by the way I stand. And it was 'cause he did the admiral. - Wow. - Yeah, and then Shane does the admiral. But to me, Shane is the double-class. - Double-class with the, with the out every now and then. - The out every now and then. 'Cause double-class staying, let's tell. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Double-class out in Shane. - And Burr is a cutting raised hand. - Burr is the hand down, but also the mic shift. - Yes, yes, and the elbow on the toe. - And my elbow on it, no, what do you got? Bargett's he is the both hands crazy. - Yeah. - It will throw it up. - It's crazy. - But I am, I was trying to think of whoever does the, what does List do? List does the hand in the pocket sometimes. - Yeah, that's true. - But Jay does the sit. - Yeah, I'll do a chin rub. - I do the hop back and forth. - You do kind of a hand like this every now and then. - I'm a little wavy baby. - You kind of do wavy babies thing, yeah. - Dude, when we were coming up, this is what it was great. This is why I feel like honesty needs to have a resurgence. - Yeah. - Bargett's he one time came and like pulled me aside. He was like, "Hey, you're doing the Burr shifting." - Oh. - And then you just like watch it and you go, "Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." - Yeah. - And then you're just listening to your hand. - Yeah, cool, yeah. - 'Cause there were comics that I go, "Hey, you're doing the Shane delivery." - Yeah. - And then they go, "Oh, thanks." - Yeah. - No, actually, and you're not saying it's a shit on him. - No, no, no, no, no. - He's just going to happen. - Watch your hand, dude. You're like, it's like the way basketball players like change their shot. - Yes. - You can put your elbow in. - Somebody told me I was doing norms over here. He'd be like, "Oh, over there." He'd be like, you know, norms like, "So, a homeless guy over there." All right. This guy's being a dick over there. And then I started saying, "So, I was fucking my wife over there." And he was like, "That's norm." He was like, "Oh, shit, you're right." And I had to drop the over there, it's just because I mean, how many people did we watch start doing the knee slabs? - Oh! - After she pulled it. - We don't like when he does it. - Yeah, so I don't-- - She spelled it it was like, yeah, dude, that was the one thing about that last special where I was like, it was like a-- I was like, "Stop." - I know. - Dude, there we go. - I'm just running here, you. - Yeah. - I miss you. I miss you. - Yeah. - He sort of grabbed his face, like, hook, and be like, "Where is he?" - Come back. - Here you are, Dave. - You know what he moves his face. - Yeah, uh, bumping mics, yeah, it wasn't. - That's your thing, you kind of do like this. - A little bit. - A little web shoot. - I do a little limbrist. - Spider-Man. - It's just, having a dead daddy's heart. (laughing) Dead daddy's for hard. - That's great. - It's great. - Banana. - That's great. - Banana. - Yeah. - We might be drunk Tuesdays with stories, the specials on YouTube, the specials on Netflix. One of the best out there, a real bench. - Hey, it's good to be back, baby. - Park Norman, baby. - Park on the couch. - Oh, no, do thank you for giving me ammo. (laughing) - Cavity. (upbeat music)
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