Inside The Corruption of Texas Prisons: Drugs, Riots, Gangs & Deadly Guards

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Dudes could just come up and get your cell popped and run in and stab you to death. And I would sleep with fake body armor around me at nighttime. People used to call me a silent killer. Just like accepted that I was going to be a prisoner for the rest of my life. What happens when a 17-year-old kid gets thrown into one of the most violent prison systems? In America, he becomes an animal. And that's exactly what happened to Tim Griesheimer. In this episode, Tim takes us deep inside the belly of the beast, exposing the violence, brutality, and corruption of the Texas prison system. From fatal stabbings in the chow hall, to guards murdering inmates, to working on death row at the infamous Terrell unit, Tim has seen the worst of humanity. This is part two of a five-part series we filmed with Tim. So to get the other episodes early, head over to 7-Up.com. Head over to Patreon.com/TheConnectShow. Ladies and gentlemen, he blows the lid off this one. It's the great Tim Griesheimer, right here on The Connect with Jonny Mitchell. Terrell was like, at one point in time, I want to say it was like the worst unit in the nation. Like, when I got there, I remember my mom wrote me and said it was like the worst in Texas at that time. And there was like so many riots. Like murders happening between like the Mexican Mafia and Texas Syndicate. And I think the Pistoleros were involved in some of those too, where like my mom drove five hours to come in, and just because who I was hanging out with, which I don't even know why they would do this because I wasn't Mexican, they wouldn't even let her come and see me. Like they were regulating, like my mom said they had a paper. It's like the count sheet that has all the numbers. It's like the count sheet that has all the names and bunk numbers on it. And fucking, my name was highlighted. Like that happened multiple times. When I got put down, there was an officer. I'm not gonna say his name. I don't know if he still works there or not. So my homeboy, Ian Jay, from Fort Worth, I think he murdered somebody in the mall or something like that. So he was on death row, and he got convicted when he was 16, I think, 16 or something. 17? So he was on death row. He was still on death row when I made parole, but Texas wound up passing a law saying, if you were like 17 or 16 or some shit, that that punishment was too harsh. So he wound up getting his time commuted to a life sentence. He was on the front of the papers and everything. So he got out. So because death row is like a higher security, say an officer is like, a sergeant on death row. If they come out to population, they automatically up them to a lieutenant because of that security level. So my homeboy, Ian Jay, he put a law down that was a ranking officer. He made him affiliated. And this motherfucker, he gets out, right? He comes to population, so now he's got a higher rank. He's working on third shift. And this one, they still had all three shifts 'cause they moved to two shifts. Correctly, remember in the history. And so now they're like 12 hour shifts, four on, four off, A card and B card. So my homeboy Porkchop from San Antonio, he is a BSV, a bloodstone villain. I used to call him, he used to call me like a pink, little snow bunny, pink ass woo. And I used to call him the chocolate marshmallow 'cause he is like short and chubby. And he had like a little like small fro as much as he could have. 'Cause in Texas, they don't let you grow your hair out. It's not like other states like before, when I went back to prison the second time, it was like my second or third year of my bid, they just started letting us have beards. Like that's how strict Texas is. Like they don't play that shit. So he put this law down with blood. So we're on three building, we're all chilling. And all of a sudden it's almost rack time. It's late night rack. It's like close to 12 o'clock at night. So the lady comes in, the guard, she comes in and she gets Porkchop 'cause E and J, tells him to come and get Porkchop. But nobody knows what's going on because there's been no kite sent, no nothing like that. So she's like, you need to go to one building. So on like Friday, Saturday night, if you get called to one building that late at night, it usually means you're getting UA'd at that time. So we're like, damn fool, you getting UA'd? So we're thinking like, who the fuck told it? 'Cause at this time there was like no, if there was snitching in the penitentiary, it was so fucking low key. So at this time, Ontario unit, if a riot happened, or say the SAs were about to kick it off with the SAs, or the whites were gonna kick it off with the whites, they would come around to the other gang leaders and tell them, hey, you guys got a week to make store or send money to your people who don't have money. And this is before snitching became prevalent. The snitching stopped all that from happening, right? It was really when they enforced this thing called the Safe Prisons Act, PREA. And you started seeing like this like rap with the stick. Like I guess it was like an extortion rat or some shit. So long story short, bro, Porkchop goes to one building. He's gone for a minute. So I think it was like around 12 o'clock, 11, 12 o'clock. He comes back close to two o'clock. But the female officer that came and got him, she was involved in this shit the whole time. She knew the whole play. She brings him back, escorts him all the way back so he doesn't get shaken down. Comes in, she tells him, go straight to your cell. So like, Taro's like the newer units, like doors. You can get individual doors popped. And back then it was so wide open. You could just like go up to your cell and be like, "Hey, pop my cell." You didn't have to wait for an in and out. You could just get him to pop your cell. So he goes up there, he pops his cell, puts his towel up on the door. And I'm like, "The fuck?" So we're all kind of looking like the fuck just happened. So next thing you know, he pulls the towel off one side of the window. He's like, "Look out, Tim." I look up, he's like, so I look, I'm like, "Come on, fool." So we shoot upstairs. This law done dropped off to this fool. I'm talking about this motherfucker's wrapped with the goddamn saran wrap. Like the big, they package the boxes with. So the law done wrapped this motherfucker up. This fool's got bud, packs a bugler. He is strapped to the fucking tee with work, bro. And I'm talking about, we were on fucking fire, dog. Like everybody had it. This is when, when like the Bloods were like, dude, like Ontario unit, like the Bloods, we had the most fucking respect. And then we got into a riot. This led us to get into a riot 'cause one of our homies got jacked for a pack. And this is what got us respect from the Mexicans. So like, I don't know if you-- - Can I cut you off for a bit? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So, so your homie was able to flip this guard so much that he had, he was like a mini 7-Eleven. She, they wrapped him. - They wrapped him. - With all this contraband. - Yeah, with all this contraband, bro. - What was there, tobacco? - It was tobacco and weed. And then I think there was some powder there. I know they had, I can't remember if there was powder that time, but there was powder later on involved. - When you say powder, are you talking about meth? - No, coke. Yeah. - Wow. - Yeah, they had that, dude. They were. - So you can bubble like crazy off of that. - Fuck yeah. - This is one of those sticks, like a tiny tobacco stick selling for. - Now the tobacco, you would, they would roll maybe like some small joints, but usually motherfuckers, I used to call them baseball bats when I used to sell them. I used to call them Louisville sluggers. So I would try to flip them joints like as big as my pinky just to get them gone. But they would sell pretty fast squares. It was the joints that were stupid small, like a pen, an ink pen. You know how the tube is like super small in the end? Them motherfuckers like five bucks all day long. And then, you know, the pencil sharpener, the little miniature one, that pencil sharpener, that little hole right there. If you filled that up with bud, that's like 20 bucks, 20 to 50 bucks, depending on what's going on. If you filled it up with coke, you're looking at a hundred to whatever, a hundred minimum. - Was there money in Texas state prisons like that? Fuck yeah, bro. I sent you that fucking article on Polonsky. too long ago dog like bro motherfuckers would get it in they ain't playing around dude they're fucking they'll you can't even write in there anymore because you used to be able to write because motherfuckers was taking that that k2 liquid and spraying it on on cards and dudes were cutting strips of cards and these fools were just smoking card like smoking the chemical like getting fucked off on that shit like there's a new death every day in texas prisons from that that spice that k2 shit them fools are out of there on that trash so you hadn't yet really put your hustle down i mean you had sold butt on the streets but now you're in prison hustling so you were you were taking care of yourself yeah yeah yeah hell yeah did that feel good fuck yeah because a i didn't really i didn't really get money on commissary but b so when i was a kid when i hung out on the block i always you hung out with the older guys and the older guys always fucked with me like my homeboy ray and their dad he's passed away his name's ray too he used to call me his white son this dude would let me get he had one of them old late 80 link baskets you know i'm saying uh the lincoln i think it was the town car he used to let me at fucking 15 years old take his lincoln town car across town full of and make drops you because he fucked with me so hard because how i was i was very quiet i didn't talk i didn't brag or boast people used to call me a silent killer they'd be like that's the silent killer right there like i didn't i didn't do no talking like it wasn't i wasn't about talking about it like if i came and told you hey bro i'm about to go fuck trevor up like i ain't telling you that so you could try to talk me out of it i just be like hey hold this i'm about to go take care of this real quick and there was no talking about it like i'm taking care of it if i told you at all so i always had older dudes telling me to like take care of myself so when i went to prison this is why i stopped stealing because i went there for burglary and they used to clown on me calling me a cat burglar oh you cat burglar you sneaking in people you sniffing panties and shit sneak through people's window oh coward you you what are you weren't down to take it i'm a robber i took that shit so it made me feel some type of way that it made me they weren't doing it to clown on me they were a lot of i was the youngest dude on tarot unit when i got there they wanted to pc me up they didn't want to let me in population because they figured i was going to get raped and taken advantage of the warden told me that so when i came out to ucc and went to uh to ucc i gave my name and my tdc number and then he looked at me and they saw that i fell out of bell county they know it's a military unit and they know it's a military unit and they know it's a military unit town even though i wasn't a military brat they thought that i was one so they go are you a military brat and because my grandfather and all them had been in the military i just said yeah at a reaction i didn't think it would affect like like it would benefit me so i was like i was like uh yes ma'am yes sir yes i'm a military brat and they go what the fuck are you doing here with this burglary case and he was like man he's like put him in pc uh ship him and then i was like i was and they're like what do you mean i was like i was like man i don't want that type of jacket don't do that to me you're just gonna make it hard on me and then the warden uh he was like you know what's gonna happen if i let you out in population he goes you know what happens to little white boys like you he's like in a week if even a week i'm gonna be out by that phone when you're gonna come by and chow with cool off it's this little kool-aid they sell in prison they call them cool offs they used to i think their the name has changed now cool down or something he's like you're gonna be walking by with fucking people and i'm gonna be walking by with fucking people cool off on your face wearing tight ass pants and you're gonna have a fucking different name if i let he's like i'm tired of seeing little white dudes done he's like and i'm retired military i'm not gonna let that happen to you and i was like i just straight told him i was like sir i'm not gonna disappoint you i promise that's not happening please let me go to population so i had a chance which at this time in texas prisons you couldn't catch out like how in other prisons people can refuse housing you can't do that in texas you can kind of do it now but back then you couldn't do that shit you couldn't even how i'm talking kind of loud right now like if me and you got into an argument and then i was like man fuck you uh pussy ass motherfucker come over you like that was like catching out on the cool like you were trying to make a scene if i had a problem with you and i wanted to fight you one-on-one it had to be professional i had to come up to your people if you were running with somebody hey johnny disrespecting me i want to i want to you know get the the blacks would kind of get down like that but not even that often but the whites and the mexicans they kind of enforced that professionalism so i i wanted to go to population i could have caught out like i could have they nobody would have known i didn't know nobody knew me so they could have put me in pc and shipped me all for the fact that i said that i was a military brat but i didn't want that i wanted to go to population i wanted to prove myself um to be to be a man that i could walk through the country and i could walk through the shit that i could fade it were little white boys getting raped like that fuck yeah fuck yeah dog all the all the little pussy ass white but they weren't the only one bro like blacks were gambling on blacks that were coming in you see little black dudes coming in and they had gamble on if they could break them and take advantage of them the the families they were doing the same thing they were extorting other mexicans that's why uh you remember on the on your on the first podcast i talked about the tango blast so like you know i ain't trying to disrespect them or nothing but like when i was in prison the first time where i was at i can only speak for where i was at because everywhere you go is different bro like when a new sa would come onto the pod they would go up to them they would hit them up first and they would be like hey are you solano are you fama are you are you blasting what you're doing and if they said that they were solo solano if i'm saying that correctly then they would say if you want to fuck with us you can fuck with us if not you're going to have to worry about the famas which is the families and they would protect solos now they don't do that they don't protect them no more but back then at least ontario unit they would kind of protect solos from the families preying on them you know what i'm saying because they're going to have you do all their dirty work and their bitch work but uh yeah bro dude there was a white dude in there that had murdered his whole family named billy who was in there getting fucking straight up done in bro a certified killer getting straight done in well why is it because you get tested you refuse to put up a fight i guess so man he was riding with a dude named big world i'll say his name he was riding with big world big world wasn't doing anything sexually he was paying he was extorting him you know what i'm saying he was doing anything sexually he was paying he was saying so uh billy made a comment to me on the basketball court he was like man i sure like to suck his dick and i turned and i looked and he was looking at me and i was like i and i was like i was like say fool and me not knowing how to handle it because it was like my third week in the joint i was like my third or fourth week i hadn't been there no longer than a month and i was like and i was itching to prove myself already because nobody had came and challenged me or backdoored me like nothing had happened yet so i was like i was like fool fuck you talking to like that motherfucker i'll smack the goddamn shit out of you i'm all roaring trying to be hard so next thing i know well my cellmate big world was his cousin so i was in there asleep and next thing you know i hear a knock on my cell and i look up and it's this big ass black dude standing at my door with billy and uh another punk a white boy named billy and i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so foot who had like some ski boat fucking tennis shoes. He was a weirdo who was in there for murder. He murdered somebody. He was getting extorted. So he's like, you Tim? And I said, yeah. He's like, Temple, right? I said, yeah. I walked to the door and he's all like, come out here and holler at me, bro. So he looked at the law. Hey, pop the cell, fool. So I pop the cell. I come to the door. He opens up the door. This fucking motherfucker is massive, bro. Super wide. Big old fucking arms. I don't even know who he is. He's all like, you talk shit to my boy? That's what he called him, my boy? And I was like, yeah. And he's all like, oh, what happened? I was like, man, we were on a rec yard. He said, I sure like to suck his dick. He's like, so you threatened him? I said, yeah, I threatened him. He's like, well, if you threatened him, then you threatened me. He's like, so now you got to answer to me, motherfucker. He's like, and I don't give a fuck who you fucking with. I don't care who's got your motherfucking back. And he's talking loud. And back then, now they got flat screens in there. But back then they had like the little small TVs, just one of them. So he turned around and pointed to the day when he goes, I don't give a fuck about none of them bitch ass white boys over there. Ain't that? I'll whoop every single one of them hoes. And these are all family members. They don't want nothing with me. He's like, yeah, you're not. Hell no, fool. I'm about to come up in your cell. And as he's saying that, my celly's coming in. He doesn't even realize that he's coming in. He's realized that this is his own cousin's cell because he's so hot that I didn't check this dude he's paying protection to. So I was like, I was like, well, I was like, we can just catch the shower, dog. You ain't got to come up in here. And he and he's like, he like caught him off guard he's like what I was like nah we can catch the shower I ain't trying to fuck my silly shit up I was like but we can catch the shower though bro let me put my shoes on so I go and I put my shoes on and he's looking at me and all of a sudden my silly comes up the stairs he's like what's up they shake hand they started talking and shit and then he looks he's like this your silly he's like yes my silly what's up he's like oh shit man we about to catch the shower he's like about what oh he checked my boy and he looked he started laughing and he had a crazy ass laugh he's like man what happened to him and I was like man that fool talking about he he sure like to suck my dick I was like so shit I was like he talking about he want to come up in the cell I was like I ain't trying to disrespect the house I was like so shit I guess we just gonna have to fade that fucking shower bro it is what it is and he was like man y'all cool that shit woo and then he's like man that's my silly bro the cool ass white boy and he just off of that strength he left it alone and then he turned around and slapped that punk for saying that to me but I found out later on that punk had killed his own his whole family because he was on 60 minutes 60 minutes in 2020 came to that unit all the time fan duel is now available everywhere in the u.s so you can get in on the sports action no matter where you are including these places make this your most rewarding season ever with fan duel age and location restrictions apply product availability varies by market see fanduel.com for eligibility gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER because it was so violent and the violence and anarchy and because of there was a lot of high class cases there uh high profile cases there like there was uh some cases some black dudes and a white dude got caught up with them cash love i'll never forget his name cash love they were from like some small east texas town they busted him with a bunch of keys at coke but it was it wasn't coke it was like drywall so they didn't catch him with anything but the laws wanted him so bad they put fake i think it was kilos or something you can look this up i'll look it up and i'll send it to you of coke they were interviewed by 60 minutes in 2020 i think twice and uh uh a law firm of kids or something like pro bono picked their case up and got him out and the cash love he had like uh 485 years like he got the most time out of all of them white dude who ran with a bunch of crips but he wasn't claiming crip but the crips still fucked with him because of who he was but he was solo but he was he was a cool motherfucker but there was a lot of high profile cases there this episode is proudly sponsored by shopify when you start something new whether it's a podcast a side hustle or a business it can feel like you're doing everything yourself 100 i feel like that way still doing this podcast you're building your brand managing the 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payments to shipping returns and analytics this is backed by award-winning 24 7 customer support they handle everything from a to z start your business today and use the industry's best business partner shopify and start hearing cha-ching as that do-re-mi rolls in sign up for your one dollar a month trial that's one dollar during the trial period at shopify.com slash mitchell once again that's one dollar per month trial period at shopify.com slash mitchell my last name go to shopify.com slash mitchell once again that's shopify.com slash m-i-t-c-h-e-l-l does texas it seems like they hand out so much time like those ridiculous like 500 year sentences yeah did you see a lot of that where it just people's years that made your head spin yeah how is that even humanly possible yeah there was a judge in houston that would like pick up i think it was nickels or quarters or something and he had tossed them to you and whatever you caught whatever hit the ground is how much time you got i can't remember his name that's a true story bro there was a bunch of dudes with time like that there like when i was on tarot unit like everybody had massive time massive time dude but what's crazy is all the guys with that massive time were the coolest motherfuckers because they knew they were never getting out so that's why the respect level there was different like some guy with five ten years trying to come and start some ruckus that motherfucker get his ass stabbed the fuck up like there was a dude from new york that came there he was a loud mouth he had like five years uh they killed that fool they stomped him to death and they choked him with the shoestring um tied it around his neck and and put him in a cell and because it was so wide open over there and the laws didn't get in your business they didn't find him dead for a couple days he stayed two cells down for me when they pulled that motherfucker out his head was swelled up like a fucking basketball and they killed him just for being a loud mouth and always talking to the laws they're like why are you always talking to the laws fool and he had like five years six years and the people with the big time they i don't remember who did it to him but they they because you could get your door popped all the time that's why i was so dangerous over there like when we got into that riot uh my homies had shanks passed to them through the scullery where the dishes that's why the essays respected us because in texas prisons blacks don't play with knives like that they don't play i don't know about no other states but in texas prisons blacks don't really get down with the steel like that um so when they seen that my homies got down with the steel like that where they were at it it brought a different respect level with the mexicans but when we were in that beef because dudes could just come up and get your cell popped and run in and stab you to death because that was happening all the time we would make like fake body armor and i would sleep with fake body armor around me at nighttime oh because of that shit so if there was an op that wanted to kill you he could tell a guard uh whether the guard knew about it or not maybe the guard was working with them hey pop greisheimer cell i'm about to see him and they the guards would pop your door open and then and then they would run in and stab you to death let them come in because there was people in there that had big fucking money bro there was there's a dude i ain't gonna say his name i'll tell i'm gonna tell you off camera just don't rat me out there's a prominent figure here in texas ted cruz no he's not a politician there's a there's a prominent motherfucker here in texas there was a bunch of dudes from houston on that unit for dirt for him and he was taking care of all of them and that's a fact he wasn't in prison he wasn't in prison but he was taking care of all these houston dudes in prison in prison and they were doing dirt they did dirt for him and they could get whatever they wanted they could turn a guard like that because they had the money to make it happen they had cash dog and these you know you can imagine how hillbilly and country redneck these guards are yeah so you even with the black guards because the black guards are from these little towns like jasper and cleveland their country they don't know they don't they've never seen no money houston is the fastest thing to them even though texas in the city we're all pretty country right it's all it's still kind of country to a motherfucker who's not from texas you know in houston you can go to fifth ward right now the bloody nickel acres homes them motherfuckers run horses down the street you go to the black rodeo like these motherfuckers dope dealers big dope dealers hardcore gangbangers ride horses like it ain't nothing like you know don't get it twisted so when you got a dude just say back then because it was cash money when you got a dude telling a female hey i'm gonna get this dropped off to you i'll give you twenty five hundred right now just to say yes and i'll give you another twenty five hundred when you bring it in and then i'll give you a percentage whatever that percentage is off of every drop so now a guard who's making a couple grand a month and they only get paid once a month there now is getting five thousand just to bring something in and she's getting up he she or he is getting a percentage of what's going on and they're actually really taking care of that person that's not a lie like they're not manipulating them and then saying i'll go fuck you they're like actually that's what like be seeing that and being a part of that That's why I treat people the way that I do. That's why I don't try to fuck nobody over. That's why I was always honest when I started selling dope to my plug. Because I was taught that in there by the older dudes. So there was cash in prison at Terrell Unit. Mad cash. Like thousands of dollars. The most money I saw in Terrell Unit on one person was 10 grand. Yo, in the joint, that's like 150 grand. Yeah. That's insane. So they were getting it. So you could pay a guard if you needed to hit somebody. It could go even something that serious, you could corrupt and flip a guard. All day long, bro. So knowing this, what was the first time that you were tested? Because you knew it had to come, right? You're 17 years old and you're a white guy that is accustomed to running with blacks. And now you're in this heavily segregated environment. This incredibly violent environment. Like what was the first time somebody backdoored you? That was the incident in the furniture factory with those guys, with those white guys. That was that incident that that happened. Yeah, that was some crazy shit. That was like I was in, I think that was like my first month in. It was within probably I want to say like a six week time. I hadn't been there three months yet. I know I was like the first like month, month and a half I was in that that happened. And that was for me watching rap videos. That's what that all spiraled behind was me watching rap videos. Marcelli, dude, who I've talked to and he asked me, I'm not saying his name because he asked me not to say his name. He asked me to keep his name out of everything. I don't know why, but I talked to him and he just said, don't say my name. Like he's totally. Totally changed his life. Like, like, like me, like I forgot my own prison ID number. Like I have to keep it written down. So, you know, being that type of criminal, when you want to switch and be a clean person, you got to totally switch. You got to totally turn it off, I believe. So that's I think he just doesn't want anything to about that lifestyle. So I respect it. If it wasn't for him, I don't think that I would have made it out of the furniture factory alive that day. Like because they were going to take me to the SAP room and do whatever they planned on doing. I might have made it out alive, but I wouldn't have made it out. I wouldn't look like this. I wouldn't look good looking like, you know, I would be fucked up. I'd probably be missing some teeth, fucked up nose, fucked up face. And just that dude fucking with me, man. He told them to look out for me. And then just how everything played out, like the furniture factory is so big. So when you walk. You had these big shelves that I told you about, like the Home Depot shelves, the Lowe's bullet Lowe's shelves to the right to the left was the shipping area. So it went around like basically a big horseshoe was one big factory. That's how. So we made like all the face frames and stuff here. And then when you entered into the flipping doors, it was a bunch of like rolling line, like a rolling assembly line where dudes built desks. They had the table saw like everything you would see in a free world, a factory. Building all these desks for the state and federal facilities. That's how they don't pay Texas inmates because Texas inmates gave up their money for good time. So as long as they make debt like stuff for a quote unquote state and federal facilities, that's how they say they don't have to pay you. Right. That's how they get out of that. So you have these dudes are making desks, sanding desks. They're going all the way down this line. And then the SAP room is where it's the final process that only one guy works in there, which is ugly. Buddy, he monitors every desk that comes through there. And then it goes through around the corner through his to the spray room. And once it gets sprayed and lacquered and all that shit, if it's all good and go, it goes to get shipped. So we were going to go to the spray room because in the spray room, when they put these desks and they take the shelves off, they spray them. There's this ventilation system that shoots everything outside. There's like these filters on the on on the in the ventilation system. So they'll go into that ventilation system. And they'll smoke bud or they'll smoke cigarettes and it'll just get sucked straight up outside. You can't fucking smell it. So they had came to me to go back there and smoke some bud. And I don't know why I said yes, because the white dude had already told me I was on my own. He's like, you're on your fucking own, homeboy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He was an AVT cat. I know his name. I'm not going to say his name. I don't know if he's alive. I don't know if he's active. I'm just going to show him respect. Of that nature. Not to say his name, but he was the one that had told me like, oh, you know, you're on your own. You're about to see what prison is really fucking about, bro. So when I went to work, they waited a couple of days. It wasn't the next day. It was a couple of days. And that's when them dudes came to me. And I think that's I think they did that on purpose to let my mind stop thinking about it. And, uh, and I remember my silly telling me, he's like, they're not going to get you over here. They're going to get you at work because if they're here and they try. Something they know they're going to have a problem with me. So I guess he already kind of put the word out like, Hey, this, this is the homey type shit. Like this fool's fucking with us. So like, I was like hanging out with the Houston dudes already. They were already fucking with me, playing dominoes with, um, stuff like that. I started wearing like tight whites and shit, being a player. They used to sell like a house shoes in prison. They had brown ones, but the black ones were really hard to get. But because of him, I was able to get the black ones out of commissary. Like if you put a blue slip in. You have to put in these things are called property slips to get, to get like a stereo and all this shit from commissary. And it takes like two weeks to get approved. Like we just went straight down there and he had the commissary lady on his team. Like I told you, this fool was a big player. Like he had multiple females on his squad. Like this dude was, this dude was making money. Like this dude was, he was sending, he was making so much money. He was paying his mom's bills. That's a fact. He was paying his mom's bills from prison. This is where I. I got this mentality. Why I started hustling when you asked me, did it feel good to make money? Because I didn't have to ask my mom for shit. I never wrote my mom and asked her for any money. Never. When she'd come and see me, she's like, you need money. I'm like, nah, I'm good. I got money. So he was making like street money on the inside and on the inside. When I'm talking about man, motherfucking drops from the S two, the S two would go down to the fucking park. The trustees, they call them S twos, like S one S twos. Like that's the most. Lenient security you could be. They'd be down at the parks. No guards watching them. They had take a tractor down there, hang out down there all day long, eat free world food. These motherfuckers are coming back with the drop. The law is letting them bring the drop and throw it over a certain part of the fence where they couldn't be found. Then another trustees grabbing it and bringing it in. Cause you, when you're on a, um, a unit like that, that's the highest level security you can be because death rose there. So there's like three fences before you even get to the main fence. And there's gaps in between those fences with the, it's not razor wire. It looks like razor wire, but it's really snagged wire. Like the top, like the, it goes like that, but it's only real sharp at the ends. It snags you like you can run your hand across. It's not going to cut you. So these guys are you, I think it's like two or three layers of that before you even get to the main fence. And the only guys that can go into that area are trustees and they're always escorted by a cop, but the cop is letting them bring the drop. And you understand what I'm saying? So then they bring it in and when they bring it in, we're in the fucking cell, busting down fucking cans, a fucking bugler, fucking making packs and shit, fucking bud. Like just dude, you're talking about like tobacco was the biggest boomer back then. He didn't really fuck with weed like that because he's like, I'm not trying to, they're not going to give me a free roll charge for this, this tobacco, but weed they will. So he was like just a big tobacco guy. That was his thing. So he has to be making so much money because he's got to be paying off like five people just to get the drop in. Dude, that dude had, he took care of everybody. There wasn't a person that was around that fool that was hungry. You remember I told you about the, like the five gallon buckets, like the ones they sell at Lowe's and Home Depot every Friday and Saturday. So when we had canned goods, you had like the barbecue roast beef, they were like $2 and 20 cents or some shit. And then the other one was like a Jack Mac, like the McDonald's. Macro and tuna to the top, bro. Barbecue roast beef, chili with beans, chili, no beans, uh, free, uh, summer sausage, free world, meat, pork, whatever it was out of the kitchen. And you're talking about that much food, bro. Soups that much food in both every weekend. He's feeding the whole pod. And then we didn't have ice. Now they have ice in the penitentiary. They got coolers. He would get a cooler from the guard, full ice. And they had like the name brand sodas. And then they had the quarter sodas. They don't sell the 25 cent sodas anymore. And those sodas were actually made in Temple, Texas. He'd have a cooler full ice with fucking sodas in it. And then they had a cell that was empty that nobody stayed in, in the toilet. They would fill it up with ice and they would have fucking sodas in that motherfucker. So these motherfuckers every weekend, the blacks, the Houston blacks were fucking eating like this in front of everybody. There wasn't a motherfucker from Houston. and that starved around that dude. dude. And I'm not fucking lying. In any special holiday, Juneteenth, MLK, whatever, fucking wide fucking open. The cell was always open. Like, you know, like how I told you, like I smoked weed down there sometimes. The first time, the second time I didn't at all. If that fool saw that I was smoking weed or any of those dudes from Houston before I became affiliated, they would like chastise me. Man, why are you doing that stupid ass shit, fool? Think smarter. Be a businessman. You fucking getting high, the dirty you at. You want to risk everything you got right now. You got lockers full of food, you stupid motherfucker. If you go to close custody, you ain't going to be doing shit. You're going to be stuck on 23-hour lockdown. Think smarter, bro. Quit being fucking a stewhead. Quit being a crash dummy. That's what crash dummies do is smoke weed. You're bringing heat, dumb motherfucker. The whole pod smells like marijuana. They ain't going to care about tobacco, but they care about the bud. They're going to bring the dogs in here. Think, motherfucker. Show some respect. So they really schooled you on street game. Yeah, they schooled me like a motherfucker. And you hadn't yet been put down with the blacks, technically. No, no, no. You weren't blood yet. You weren't a fighter on blood. Tell us about the riot that basically gained you guys respect from the essays, from the Mexicans. Dude, I don't remember who he was. He was a crip. I just can't remember his fucking name because I would say it. I can't remember his fucking name. He jacked. He got fronted some bugler, a couple of packs. I don't remember if it was a couple of packs. I think it was a couple. It was like 40 bucks, I think, because a pack of bugler went for 20 cash. And you could make, if you rode pinwheels, like not big ones, you could make, I think, a hundred dollars commissary off of it. And he jacked my homeboy, Baki, who was a Pasadena, Denver Lane. He jacked, he refused to pay. And then I want to say Baki fell out of place over there and he got his ass whooped. And then that dude started bumping, saying, I'll jack you. I'll jack any one of you motherfuckers. And he started, you slob ass motherfuckers. And that's what set off that riot. It set it off on multiple buildings. And my homeboys, that was their own little plan. Like I, we didn't have anything to do with that. That was just what they did when they went to kick it off. Uh, this is, uh, one of the dudes that put me down is he was a part of this incident right here. Um, they were the ones that did it. So G they had, they had the shanks already ready in the scullery, hidden in the scullery, because on B side, when you go into the chow hall, they lock both doors. So you can't get out. So they, they, they, they, they, they, they knew that these fools were going to be locked in the fucking, uh, in the, uh, uh, chow hall with them. So as soon as they went in, they all sat down and they fucking ate. And then when they came up to the scullery, the fucking, the shanks got passed to them and they fucking went in and started sticking them fools up and set off a riot in the chow hall. And this is black on black. Yeah. This is black on black. Yeah. This is Houston. This was the, the bloods against the Crips. Okay. Yeah. What kind of steel did they? Having like Texas state prisons. So is it big knives or is it just little, like kind of shit to book, book somebody? I dude like that California shit. I never saw no shit like that in there. Like all I saw was either welding rods, um, fence. And then at that time they still had the ringer on the mop bucket. So sometimes motherfuckers would get the ringer off the mop bucket. I seen a couple of those, those bangers. And then, uh, the canned goods because they, they put, the canned good on the thing and they like put like the can opens like a circle like that. And they get the top of the canned good. Uh, they'll, they'll make it out of that. And that's, oh, and then the steel toes. You remember when I told you about how they took the steel toes out of this, out of, out of the system, like regularly because of that, that, uh, when homeboy got his face kicked in, I said, his eyes got kicked out. So, um, they would take those like my celly that I told you that was TS. And, uh, he had a life sentence in the state and the fed. Uh, he, he wound up stabbing somebody up. I don't know. I don't think he killed him. Uh, but he wound up stabbing somebody up and that's how he wasn't my celly anymore. He used to get the steel toe and he'd get a, uh, a razor, not the one from the razor blade, but you know, in the pencil sharpener how there's that razor in there, that one's more solid. It's more stiff. So he would cut the tongue out of the shoe. And because it goes like in a half crescent moon over the top, he'd have his hand in like this and he would cut back and forth, back and forth until, and he had banged this, the, the fucking, uh, steel toe on the toe on the ground and push that fucking, that crescent moon like that. And then he would send it out to, uh, one of the vocational classes had a vice, a vice grip, and they had put it in the vice and cause it's like that. So they had put it in the vice and they had flattened it out like that. And then they would make that motherfucker word, that cutter where they can buck you with that motherfucker. And they would attach it to something. You know what I'm saying? Like I seen a, a Mexican dude come up to a dude with one of those word, that half crescent moon was attached to something. And he cut this fool's throat in the child hall, man, pulled his fucking head back and fucking was hitting him like that. And blood was just coming out. It wasn't like squirting or anything, but he pulled his head back and just was hitting him and pulling his head back. They said he almost decapitated him. Did he make it or he? Nah, he killed him. Yeah. That shit was crazy, bro. That fool was Brown. And when we got brought out, he was like, he was light Brown because all the blood was gone out of him. Hmm. Today's episode is brought to you by superpower. So here's the deal. 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Pro football is back and so are the predictions. Trade yours on Kalshi, America's number one prediction market platform. This Sunday, it's Denver versus Los Angeles with Denver currently trading at 46% to win. Trade $100 and you could get $209 if they win. Download Kalshi. Use code win26 to get $25 when you trade $25, a K-L-S-H-I. Kalshi. Trade what's next, 18 years plus only. Restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors. Kalshi products are not available in all jurisdictions. Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see Kalshi.com slash regulatory. There was one instance where it was going to happen. I had a free world box cutter that it was going to happen and the Muslims prevented that from happening. And it was Houston Muslims that prevented that from happening. And the only reason why that happened is because the dude that sold me the knife, like I told you off camera, if I'm going to like start some drama, I don't tell nobody, or I might come and tell one person like, hey, can you send this guy to my mom and let her know? Because if you go to lockup, they're going to take all your shit. So I'm like, hey, can you, if I trust you, I'm like, hey, can you send this guy to my mom and tell her what's up? So the dude that I got the box cutter from was a Muslim and he sold it to me for five Jack Mack cans, which is considered $5 in prison. So in prison, anything like 80 cents and above or 85 cents and above, they round up to a dollar. And I got the box cutter from him. Didn't tell him why I was getting it, but got the box cutter from him. But everybody knew the situation that had already happened. And he went and told some of the Muslims dudes, because I worked out with a Muslim dude named Hitman in there. He's from Third Ward. He was a professional boxer. And I with him on boxing working out and stuff like that he went and told him because we were workout partners and he would he well i guess he went and told him i bought a shank so the dude that i was going to cut up was a muslim and they came and talked to me and then they were like what the fuck is going on and i'm like what you're talking about and they're such such told us he sold you a box cutter and i was like you already know what he said to me and i was like so you know what it is and they're like we're going to handle that and then they smashed that fool and excommunicated him for that what did he say to you he told me he was going to kill me we had got into it uh he used to mug me all the time for some reason i don't know why he used to say what's up to hitman he would mug me so i walked up to him and i i called i asked hitman i was like hey like i want to what's up with this fool does he have a problem with me and he's like he just doesn't like white people so he was a muslim but he was like a nation of islam muslim so like the regular muslims in texas prisons and then the guys that fall up under the nation they kind of like they all go to service together but there's kind of like um i ain't want to say a beef but they oh he they he's a nation like the nation dudes are more like black power more racial where the regular muslims they're not you know what i'm saying they're different so um i asked him do you have a problem he's like he just doesn't know what's up with you like white people so this happened for like a couple of weeks of him coming by we'd be outside working out it was every time because he would come back from work right before count and we'd be on the rec yard and he would say what's up to him and then he would just give me this fucking look like i was a bitch and that shit i'm a person like i stew on shit bro so i walked up to him respectfully i so i told hitman i said hey i was like are y'all gonna trip if i call him out he's like nah bro hand to your business because hitman was um he was like up in rank and with the muslims you know what i'm saying and um so he's like no hand to your business just do it right i go okay so when we came off the rec yard i went in and i fucking got my gloves on you know the leather gloves i told you about and i came back downstairs but i had them in my shorts so nobody could see what was up and i like didn't change my mannerisms and i just walked up to him and i was like i was like hey bro can i holla at you real quick and he's like yeah pulled him off and i was like what's up man i was like you be fucking mad dogging me and shit i was like if you got a problem with me i was like man i got my gloves on maybe we could just get this shit out the way right now we can fade the blind spot we can fade the shower we can fade your cell whatever you talk about doing i was all like because you know and i just like basically kept it like that i can't remember everything i was like what's up man i was like what's up i said but i know it was in that and he goes i ain't got no problem with you bro he's like that's just how i be looking and i was like oh okay and i left it at that so then next thing you know we come back from last chow and he's like hey look out tim and i look at him he's like hey come here real quick and i walk over there and when i walk over there like i come this way and then we kind of turn so now the tv is right there and i remember my cell was up there and he's talking to me but i'm so fucking angry because i know he's lying that i'm not even looking at him because if i'm already fucked up with you the more i look at you i just get angrier so i'm like looking at him and i'm turning my head like this looking at him and i'm breaking eye contact with him and next you know like when i look at him like yeah yeah like i really don't want to talk to him and he's like telling me like these excuses like man bro uh hit me and talk to me and it ain't no beef and as soon as i turn my head this fool steals me boom boom and then he tries to catch me with the fucking a third one and i bounce back and i look at him and he's like yo what's up bitch pussy ass white boy and i looked at him and i grabbed my jaw and i go like this no blood in my mouth and i was like you just stole off on me and you ain't knocked me out and now everybody's looking i was like i was like bro i was like you just fucked up fool so i walk over to my cell real real cool get out of my shit my celly's in the house he was a mexican a pison mexican uh he was in this gang called the but i think now they just call themselves pices he was a mexico mexican i taught him english diablo he had three life sentences cool as a motherfucker i knock on a cell i'm like i'm like look out look out silly he's like kilda i was like look at my gloves bro he already looked at me he slid the motherfuckers over and he's all like and i was like nah nah nah because he's he's that's that was like how the essays were over there especially them that they stayed strapped up that's just what it was and um i fucking put them hoes off and i always kept my gym shorts like i told you i used to wear like baggy pants so i kept my gym shorts under me so i pull everything off fucking get out of my socks go straight down to the day room this motherfucker like he's like putting his his his uh boot up his foot up on the the table tying he's he's roaring and i ain't gonna lie to you bro this fool had one of the most gangsterous mean mugs i ever seen in my life and he had a big mouth he had a big face like all the way across his face like this and he just had a he had a scary look bro like this is what made me get that knife because i was scared when he said this like i ain't gonna lie to you like it shook me i couldn't sleep so he had his feet up on he's like come down here motherfucker i'm gonna beat the fuck out of you and when i started coming and i'm putting my gloves on hit the foot that he had on the stool he like launches off that motherfucker boom boom and he tries to kick me and it caught me off guard because i was like i'm gonna beat the fuck out of you but i like stepped back and i pushed his leg down and he came down and then he dropped back and he got up and i fucking finished putting my gloves on and i was like this motherfucker just tried to fucking power ranger my motherfucking ass and we posted up and i fucking went to piecing his bitch ass up i just fucking straight blitzkrieg his ass and when i fucking dropped him i started stomping him which that's not allowed like as soon as i dropped them because i was so hot i started stomping this motherfucker and all the blacks come running over there oh fuck they start grabbing me everybody starts grabbing like you can't do that they're like go in the shower so i run to the three row when i go in the shower and he's just down in the fucking day room oh fuck you white boy i'm gonna fucking kill you motherfucker watch your motherfucking back no no no i'm gonna come up in your motherfucking cell i'm like this fool's fucking tripping dog i'm like this is this fucking for real and he was never going home so and he had already been locked up like 33 years so i'm like man fuck this fool so i'm like fuck it i'm just gonna go ahead and go downstairs and just and just beat the fuck out of him until something happens so because i don't know what to do so fucking i cuz i haven't been in this situation before so i fucking start coming down three row i come over there and i try to start getting after it with him again but everybody's getting in between us the uh muslims and shit june bug uh he's like nah tim tim chill out fool leave that alone he's like i'm gonna he's just roaring i'm gonna fucking kill you motherfucker and i'm gonna i'm not affiliated yet so he can just basically get away with talking to me like this watch motherfucker watch motherfucker watch your back and it's winter time so everybody's wearing coats and in texas prisons they give us like these green uh military looking coats so dude i fucking i can't sleep i'm stewing on this shit so i go to the the muslim dude that i know i can get a knife off of and i'm like hey i wait a couple days like i give it a couple days because i'm just like and he's not really looking at me nothing's happening i'm not talking about it because like back then like talking about something it can it could go different ways like if i so say uh you know say this dude did something somebody i know and then me and you were talking about it that type of gossip and then you went around and to him and maybe brought it up and then you went around and to him and maybe brought it up it could be perceived something different and now you done got me into a wreck so like talking about somebody behind their back didn't really happen back then so you really just kind of kept shit boiled in i mean like kept in because you didn't want things to be perceived the wrong way so i'm not really asking people i know what should i do is this dude gonna stab me because i don't want i'm like i don't want it to go any further but i can't sleep so a couple days passed and then i go to homeboy to get a knife off of him and then that's when i get a knife and then he goes and tells hitman that i got a knife hitman already knows why i got a knife because this fool done told me he's gonna fucking kill me so hitman goes to the other muslims and they talk about it and then that's when they come to me and i was sitting in my cell uh sitting in my cell reading the dictionary i used to read the dictionary for two hours a day i used to read that had the dictionary and the the thoracist or whatever um and they came and knocked on my cell door and i'd put the towel up on the door so nobody would bother me and he came and knocked on the door he's like look out tim i was like what's up bro he's like come to the door so i go to the door do the thing and then they turn and they go like this and the lady pops their door so all these muslims fall up in my cell and he was just like give me the knife and i was like i ain't got no knife and then he's all like khalil already told me he got a knife give me the fucking knife and i'm looking at it and i'm like i don't know what to do with it i don't know what to do with it And then they're like, bro, we ain't gonna let you catch no life Send this fool behind no bullshit. Let us handle this. This fool is out of control. So I gave him the fucking, the shank. I don't know what they did with it, but I know when I was gone at work, they wound up smashing that fool in the shower. And then he wound up catching out. And then they, I know he was on the unit for a little while longer. He got moved. And then he wound up getting shipped. But I know they excommunicated him for that incident. So the blacks really, multiple black people really saved your life in many ways throughout your time in the system. Yeah. It kept you from getting killed, killing somebody. And this is before you even became a blood. Yeah. That's kind of remarkable. Like, you remember how I told you that, like, they would be hard on me about shit? Like, when I was kind of getting, like, I guess too big for my britches and acting, like, tough. I wouldn't say I wasn't acting tough. But I was getting a little flamboyant. They would kind of talk to me like I was stupid. Ah, ooh, ooh, ooh. Like, they were, like, hard on me. Like, damn near like a drill sergeant kind of. So, like, I kind of, like, had slid back from fucking with them. And I was just, like, kind of, like, do my own thing. They're like, Timmy, come over here, play chess with me or come eat. And they started noticing it, like, after, like, a few days. Then they come over to me fucking Macy O&M. Fat Mac. He was, man, what's up? What up, baby? You don't fuck with us no more, fool? And I was all like, I was like, nah, man, y'all talking to me like I'm a bitch or something, fool. Like, fuck. And they were like, nah, nah, you know, we don't want you, we want you to do right, fool. Like, we don't want you to come back here, bro. Like, you're a good dude. You're, like, a good cat. Like, I told you, like, people either fuck with me or they don't. And it's usually, like, 98% they fuck with me. But, like, I think the reason why, like, the blacks fuck with me like that, like, that type of way is if God's real, God. If that divine intervention is real, then that's what I'm going to give it credit to. If it's not that, I think it's just because I have a certain charisma about me, a certain way I carry myself where people just fuck with me. Like, like, I told you, I think I said on the last podcast, when I came in, remember how I told you off camera, like, they were gambling? Or I told you they were gambling on dudes when they would come in? One of my homeboys, he had told me, he said, you know why nobody really fuck with you when you walked in? Because when you walked in, you didn't walk like you were hard. You didn't walk too timid. And when I would, when I locked eyes with everybody, like, I just kind of, like, skimmed the day room and people looked at me. And then I just kind of, like, turned away. They were like, we could tell by your eyes. You were like, it was like, motherfucker, it is what it is. Like, wherever you want to take this shit, we can take it. And he was like, he told me he believed that's why, because he's like, that's why we didn't try you. Because we were like, oh, that white boy's going to get after it. We can tell. And then I kind of had, like, a swagger about me. They could tell I was from the hood. So I think they were just intrigued by me, maybe. Do you ever regret not? Going to PC when you had the chance? Nah, I mean. What are PC yards like in Texas prisons? There's no PC yard. Now there is. Like, when I was, so when I was getting, I went on, it wasn't even when I went on medical chain. When I made parole this last time and I was going to the program, I went to McConnell, I think it was, McConnell unit. And they put me on 7 building in transit on HPOD. And on HPOD, HPOD is usually medium custody. But they had a, on one section, I think it was just one section because there's three sections to a pod. It was like a PC pod where there was a bunch of catch outs. And most of it would look like it was just a bunch of homosexuals over there and a bunch of regular dudes over there. So there are catch out wings now on big units. On Torres unit, there's not a catch out wing unless there is now. If you try to catch out, back in the game, you couldn't catch out. There was no catch out. There was no such thing as a PC yard. Like, motherfuckers could stab you up. And PC was, you lived in segregation. You lived in seg. So nobody knew why you were in seg unless somebody sent word back there that you were in seg because you were, you got stabbed up or you got raped or something like that. That's how, that's what said, that's what PC was in Texas. That's why Texas is so different. You can't catch out. Like, you can now. You can refuse housing and they'll put you. You can lock up and then you can keep refusing housing and eventually they'll ship you off somewhere. But then you got to go to that unit and make up a story of why you got shipped there. And there's no inmate to inmate correspondence. So shit don't follow you. Where if you got X'd out on a unit and went to another unit back in the game, inmates could find out where you went because the laws are going to tell us. And they could just send a kite over there and say, hey, get that fool. And then you would just get got on another unit. Would the administration actually allow, like, sex offenders onto population yards, population units? Yeah. Well, well, now if you touch them, it's a case. It's a you can get a free world case for touching them now. It's like a hate crime or something. They'll give you time for that shit. So back in the game used to be used to be able to go to the law library and look up people's offenses. You can't do that no more. Um, so people will find. They'll find out, bro. Like, they'll get your number. Well, if you're white or Mexican in Texas prisons, you're giving up that TDC number like blacks, they they really don't be on that shit. Uh, I don't know why, but they really don't be pressing their people if they got sex cases. If they find out, they'll do something about it, but it ain't something they're going to do where whites or Mexicans you're giving up that that no, you're giving it up, you're giving that ID up and they're going and getting on the phone and they're going to find out everything. Um, so people will find out everything. Eligibility varies by market. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. what does that mean they fucking ran in the shower when he was in the shower so on the newer units you got three row two row and one row and there's two showers on three and two row and then there's one on one row and it has like um like a swinging door that's probably like that it just blocks the center of your body and he went in the fucking shower and the showers are small bro and there's two showers so on one side of the shower is like this like concrete like a it's not like concrete it's like uh like some type of like stuff they put over the concrete like it has sand in it or something so say he was in the right side of the shower so you got the left side and the right side he's on the right side of the shower so the right side is just the wall and then the left side is steel so when you come into the shower when you open up the door to the left of the steel there's a bench right here and there's supposed to be some like hooks right here for the shower and then there's a bench right here and there's supposed to be some like hooks right here for the shower and then there's supposed to be some like hooks right here for the shower for you to hang your stuff and then you can put your clothes right there so when you shower and get done you can try and change so it's it comes in like that and then it comes off and it goes straight and then it goes like that again like a hexagon or however you would say that and there's a shower head right there so the shed and then there's a little open area it's extremely fucking small bro and when he went into the shower they ran in the fucking shower on him you could fit like i don't know how they fit three cats in there but they went in there three deep and it was even more than three deep when they went in there and just started taking off on him and smashed him they dragged him they chunked him off the three row so they threw him off a third story the third story here tear yeah and he hit the table and his ass was done for i don't know if he survived but i know his ass was unconscious when they fucking took his bitch ass up out of there and they took their fucking time coming to get that motherfucker and none of the guards got in trouble i'm assuming nobody got in trouble that's why that that's why polonsky has the most cameras in the prison system because all the murders that happened over there and you think that usually had some kind of coordination with guards hell yeah dude all them guards were on the take over there bro like there's dudes over there i could say their names and say shit about them man there was dudes over there with fucking paper bro that were making shit happen like like what you would say mafia shit no lie no fucking lie inmates with pure power pure power there was dudes on death row bro there was a cat that came on the unit that was claiming he was a uh abt now uh ab and the abt don't fuck with each other but there was a california ab on death row so that some two some so this is when ab was getting sagged up like the ab the ac mexican mafia they were getting sagged up so these two white boys had came over fucking one of them units that's predominantly back then it was predominantly white so they came over me and the tall white dude we fought we he was in the sally port so okay are the no the rotunda is the the hallway that goes around the picket and like i told you the picket was in the air so i'd already been on the unit like three years at this time i was already established everything you know i'm saying i was already banging all that shit so he just like kept staring at me and um i think his name was brandon tall white boy goofy looking motherfucker and uh we come back from wreck and we're all in the fucking uh the sally port talking and he's all like talking to his homeboys and he says it just loud enough for me to hear it yeah white boys that act uh black over on uh mcconnell he was a mcconnell or connelly they could they could they get smashed out so i turn around i was like what's up dog because i like i told you i got real good ears like i can hear shit i turn i was like what's up and there's a bunch of us in there we're all talking fresh off the wreck yard sweaty and shit i was like what's up dog what the fuck did you just say fool i ain't talking to you i said no you talking about white boys get smashed out i was like smash me out pussy and i started walking up to him i'm like smash me out pussy smash like i was like you don't know what you're talking about you don't know what you're talking about you don't one section right i said yeah boy i'm coming over there fool i'm coming over there right now motherfucker and my homeboys are all looking so shit we go over to three section i get my gloves and shit fucking get the ball to pop the door we fucking go straight over to one section i walk straight over there i'm like shit come on homie let's get after it fool he ain't got no choice he's family he's got to fight he can't he can't not fight me so he's like i ain't fighting you in the shower i'm gonna fight you under the stairs which is the blind spot so we go up under the matter because the law already knew what was up and fucking i beat the fucking shit out this fool straight to the body on this motherfucker too dog threw a dummy to the fucking face hit him straight in the fucking solar plex pop pop pop pop fucking folded him like a lawn chair bro he didn't he didn't have himself a fucking bb and uh so fucking i go and sit down on the fucking bench like so like the stairs are right here the blind and like the little blind spot i sit on the bench and wait for him to get up and i'm like you good fool i'm like you want to get up and i'm like you want to do another round what you trying to do dog and he's like oh good let's go again let's go again let me get my wind back i'm like bet same setup he fell for the same dumb ass shit and fucking folded his ass like a lawn chair again and i didn't even give him a chance to get another round and i just looked at him i said fool if you want some more you got to fall over the three section bro so like the last podcast i i forgot i did it slipped my mind so i had a brief stint working on the shower crew on death row and i lost that job i can't remember why i lost that job i think they just let some of us go uh when they switched call so when i when they went from like the eight hour shift to the 12 hour shift it was that i want to say at this time over there like the a and b card and a couple of us we we just lost our jobs so i just became like a normal ssi so that ab cat on death row i don't know how this happened because supposedly they're not supposed to be fucking around the one white dude started telling those two white dudes that pulled up that he was abt he started because they're all segged up so he starts like lying telling these fools that he's a i don't know what he told him what rank he was but he basically had these fools following him around for like a couple months dog a month or two it was a couple months it was like i want to say a three month span just trying to kind of think i remember homeboy who i got into a me and him got cool he came up to me on the rec yard and was like hey bro can i holler at you so i'm like yeah so we take off walking the rec yard but how he's carrying himself i kind of think he's got a burner on him and he's gonna hit me with this hoe so i'm kind of keeping my different distance and he was like he was basically almost your height maybe a little smaller maybe like six two six three tall lanky motherfucker but he was stupid fucking cool it's just you don't see a white so i didn't have any it wasn't nothing personal so he just wanted to tell me like hey i respect you you know i overstepped my boundaries blah blah blah blah blah type shit and we just got cool but he but i think the real reason why he swallowed his pride is because he wanted me to start passing kites to the dude on death row he's like i got a homie back there and then that's when i had even told him i said ain't he a cali ab and he was like yeah i was like i thought y'all didn't fuck around and he's like nah then he said some fucking story i can't fucking remember so i i took a couple kites back there for him and he was like yeah i was like i thought y'all didn't fuck around but i was like there ain't like no like there's nothing no nothing that isn't like if it's a kite that's got like some violence on there like that can catch you like a case so i'm like it's this just basic correspondence right because i was like i'll cut it open and read it and i have done that before if somebody asked me to pass a kite i'll cut it open and read it especially if it's for a family member and make sure that it's not like a hit on there or something so he told me that there wasn't but i still cut open every one and read it and it was just basic correspondence type shit so uh one day when i went to work the cali ab cat he was like uh hey bro i'm like what's up and i cannot remember that dude's name he's like hey it's such and such you know who he is i was like yeah and i was like loud mouth motherfucker he's like yeah he's like uh dude's saying he's he's saying he's family he's saying he's my people i'm like yeah i was like he got them two uh youngsters following him around like a puppy dog and shit like he's some kind of fucking og or some shit he's like i appreciate that bro and i was like oh my god he's like oh my god he's like oh my god i was like hell yeah bro i was like anything you need i got you boom took off walking next thing i know you got three building and four building and then there's a long ass concrete wall that splits in between the two and because so many they're you so now there's a guard picket at the end so they're on the end of the on the end of the concrete wall there's chain link fence and you can talk to dudes on three and four building y'all can talk back and forth motherfuckers used to be cut open and stuff full of dope and shit but because there were so many stabbings on the rec yard they put a they call it a gas picket so there's a picket up there like a little bird nest that a guard climbs up to and takes a gas gun with them up there and sits in the air and watches both sides and they'll still let you talk back and forth if they're cool so but they hadn't concreted the rec yards yet so they're over there in the grass talking and me and my homeboy were on the curl bar curling and then we're super setting curl dip curl dip and i remember i'm for some reason it just caught my attention and i'm watching and And I'm reading the body language and I'm looking at how these fools have their hands in their pants. Because, you know, in prison, I don't know if in other states, but in Texas prisons, a lot of times dudes will keep their hands in their pants talking with their hands in their pants. And I'm looking and I'm and I'm just something just seemed off about the conversation. I don't know what it was, the body language. And next thing you know, they're getting I see them taking him further under that picket, that bird nest. So the dude can't see down the fat dudes white right here. The tall white boys right here. And they got the white boy, the older dude. He's facing me like so I'm basically where you're at. And next, you know, I see the white dude like this. He's facing him like facing right here. And I see him like kind of like turn back. The motherfucker comes out. They just start hitting this motherfucker. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Start busting him on a wreckyard. And that dude's trying to take off running home. He chases. He chased him down and fucking like did some goddamn Michael Myers shit to this motherfucker and fucking stuck the fuck out that motherfucker. But he lived, though. I know for a fact he lived. I think they had welding rods because it was real skinny. Whatever they were hitting him with was like welding rods. So what do you think that was over? That dude claiming he was A.B. and he wasn't. It's that simple. Yeah, that that that that's exactly. That's exactly what that was behind. And do you think, you know, that obviously they've put cameras everywhere because all these homicides and attempted murders and shit were people getting away with some of these buckings, some of these bookings back in the day? Yeah, man, from 2000 to 2002, for sure. All the time. You remember the first stabbing I told you about where homie hit him in the Sally port and then they brought him. They they didn't get that full. That fool's. Still down there. I saw him on the next spot over still down there like nothing because there was no bro. You didn't tell it back then, dude. Everything was like if you heard some people fighting and you turned around and looked if somebody was watched like that and somebody watched them like the fuck you looking at fool. What's up? You trying to get it like this your business? Like if you heard fighting, you didn't even look. You just kept looking at the TV or whatever. And just that's one of the reasons, like I told you, I used to stand on the wall all the time. But to answer your question. Bro, until like that Priya shit started really taking effect, yeah, bro, there was no dry snitching like, dude, there was dudes and if they like it, yeah, they got away with that shit all the time. And going back to the violence committed by the guards, did you ever hear of any other incidences? Did you ever get fucked up by the guards? No. So like I had guards fucked me over all the time, like on lockdowns, they wouldn't give me Johnny's. I had guards write bogus cases on me, getting me, you know, that's how I spent so much time on medium custody and closed custody was guards, the white guards, writing bogus cases on me. I tried to have some one-on-ones with the guards, but that never happened. But I've seen plenty of guards get after it with inmates and fight inmates one-on-one or pay other gangs to do shit to inmates. But I never personally fought any guards. But I go ahead. Tell us about those one-on-ones. Oh, dog, especially on closed custody, fool, they'll tell them to take their shirt off. I don't know why that mattered. Take your shirt off because they claimed if you took your shirt off, that no longer meant you was an officer. But they get back and forth to guards, so they pull your celly out and then in closed custody, everywhere you go is in handcuffs. So you remember how I told you the shower, it had like the little door that could just like protect this? Well, the door was like a full cage. So when they put you in the shower, they can lock you in the shower. So they take your celly down. Yeah. Lock you in the shower, lock you in the shower, fucking take their shirt off and fucking go in there and start fucking thumping with the inmates. Fucking one-on-one, just all that. That was that was a regular thing that happened a couple of times a week on closed custody. Guaranteed if the multi-purpose. So there's so there's a room called the multi-purpose room, right? It's really it's also also called indoor rec. So there was two TVs in there. They never called indoor rec. And then there was another area called passive rec. So. Dog, this is this is crazy. Have you ever seen that movie called Felon? So when you came out and you went through the rotunda. I think it was in. Yeah, I think it was still in the rotunda. There was a door you went outside and it was an area kind of shaped like a triangle. But the other type of triangle where this end is longer than the other. I forget what that's called like that. And all it had in it was a bullshit pull up bar. Some of them had like a basketball rim. I'm drilled into the concrete and I had a big ass fucking curb, bro. If you had a problem with the law or even an inmate and you wanted to thump with that fool, you could tell the law to let you go to passive rec and they would fucking gamble on the fights. All the time. That happened all the time before Priya on medium custody. The they called it the multi-purpose room or indoor rec. You could go in there. The laws would lock the door and they would like me and you could go in there and thump and they would gamble. So like the gladiator fights they used to have in California and they were gambling on it and they were letting that shit was happening over there. Tough. So when would somebody win when another dude gave up or would you have to TKO him or. Disappended. It depends. That dudes over there could fight good. So they would go for rounds. If a TKO happened. I mean, you got to give a dude a chance to get his money back. So if he wakes up, you like you still want to get after it. Then, you know, if they still wants to get after it, then he wants to get after it. You see dudes fight, get winded, sit down for a second, then get up and be like, come on. Or until if they were just fighting for a long time and the guard got tired of saying, hey, pop the door. Hey, y'all, y'all, it's done. And there's blood fucking everywhere. These fools are thumping like that's that. That's how it gets. Yeah, that's how it was getting down over there. So you went from maximum security. They call them. It's different here. It seems like they call it custody rather than security. They use different vernacular. I noticed in Texas than than other states like California. It's really distinct. That is a very Texas thing to do. Yeah. Let's get your own flavor, your own thing. So you went from. Tell us, like the journey from going from maximum security to medium custody. Like from going from like going from the worst custody to the better custody. Terrible unit Polanski down to, yeah, you know, a less serious prison. Well, I mean, Terrell and Polanski are the same one. So if you're just talking about different custody levels on that unit, are you talking about because Terrell's maximum security all the way around? It doesn't even matter if you're on the dormitory, you're a S2 or something. It's still maximum security. It's like if you go to the dorms, the dorms are like they're not off the unit, but they're further out and you get like more freedom. Like they had like horseshoes out there. They had a basketball outside their outside basketball. The basketball goal didn't have like a roof over it. They had weights inside. They had an indoor gym. They could shower whenever you could shower whenever you wanted to. But lockdown, they had more freedom. They just had more freedom to do what the fuck that they wanted to do. That's that's all that was. There was really like no gang politics out there because once people got out there, they're just trying to fucking chill and do their fucking time. But as far as like custody levels is concerned, you got. B side and B side and A side is the same custody. It's just a different living situation. And B side is medium and close custody. So they're basically the same thing, except it's close custody. You go everywhere in handcuffs and you never leave the fucking cell. And then they bring you your chow medium custody. You do go to chow, but they're supposed to let you out for four hours a day room. But like I told you before, they might not do that. Like they might come out and say chow out for chow. They let you come out. And because maybe you're. Building was the last one or your pod was the last one to go to chow. They count that as your fucking day room because something might have popped off in the chow hall. Like I told you in Texas prisons, chow, the chow hall is a dangerous place to be at. So you might, you know, fucking be on seven, build an iPod three section and G pod went first, then H went first. The next, you know, H pod kicked off something in the fucking chow hall. They gassed the chow hall. Now all that food on the line is bad. They got to throw it all away. They got to clean it all up. So it might be a few hours before you even fucking go to chow. And next, you know, they say, oh, that's your day room. And you're like, bitch, I didn't even get the shower. You ain't showering today. So you just got jacked. But cool laws like the ones that are cool. If they say out for chow, you bring all your stuff out with you because, you know, you might get fucked. But the poll, like some whole laws are like, no, leave your shower shit inside. You ain't taking no shower. So it really just depended on who was working, how that went down. It's so crazy to me that such a organized, professional prison, like at that time, that's a prison where the inmates are on like professional time. You don't dry snitch. You don't even raise your voice because the violence is so serious. There's no need to raise your voice and stab you. It's crazy to me that they would kick stuff off in the chow hall. I've never heard. I've heard that that's just neutral everywhere. Everywhere I've heard about. what people do in time, the chow is always neutral. eat yeah so why does texas do it differently fan duel is now available everywhere in the u.s so you can get in on the sports action no matter where you are including these places make this your most rewarding season ever with fan duel age and location restrictions apply product availability varies by market see fanduel.com for eligibility gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER i don't know i i don't know i i don't know like the first violence that i saw in the chow hall was you remember i told you that white dude that got stabbed up at the scullery that was the first violence that i saw in the chow hall and then after that i saw several riots in the chow hall like several motherfuckers set it off in the chow hall like a motherfucker all the time all the time the cook the the guys behind the line might have did something that's why they put so like there was like a metal deal over so you can't see who's putting what on the food on on b-side chow hall because motherfuckers were hopping that line to what motherfuckers on the line so much they put a cage up and and and they did it at torres unit too when i when i went back and i went to torres unit and it's a cage that goes all the way up and locks into the ceiling because motherfuckers jumping over the fucking the the line and fucking getting after it with motherfuckers behind the line for they think they fucked them over on some food or they might be like hey give me some extra something and dude's like i'm not i'm not even on that i'm on the carrots and then he calls them all pussy ass molly police ass motherfucker the next you know fuck you oh and now it's on so you've been in the chow hall getting gassed several times they're stabbing up somebody several times several times when the sa especially when the essays that that the essays like when the ts and the mexican mafia were out bro they're they're lighting motherfuckers up all the time like like several incidents like multiple incidences like when they were they were going to war at one point in time i don't know why but after like this era like they were there was none out in population if they were they were flying under the radar because the blast that went to war with the ts2 and uh basically what was left of them random like got rid of them aired them out you know what i'm saying there wasn't really that many of them left but shit i i dude there were uh my next door neighbor was a ts and i i thought his celly was a pistolero bro they stabbed each other up one of them i got a kite they were so fucking cool so on seven and eight buildings they were like oh my god i'm gonna kill you because you know they stack when they build tall walls they stack them on top of each other right and then there's like rebar that goes in them so they put like that concrete putty to seal them up well on seven and eight building those holes aren't sealed up so you can put like toilet paper or like a tabasco i mean a hot sauce cap in the deal so say you live next door to me i could pull my cap out and i could boom i could hit that suction and shoot that deal off like yo look out johnny oh so like say i might be like uh man you got some hot water over there say i didn't have a hot pot or some shit or just say we're we we have a spread and we only have one hot pot my celly don't have one so i go by hey can you put uh some hot water on me uh for me bro and you would say yeah so say you had an empty uh colgate to the toothpaste right the long colgates you would have it empty you would fold it like that pinch it up so it's pinched up like that you would stuff it through that hole and pull it up and you would have a hot pot and you would have a hot pot and pour hot water and it would funnel through to me on the other side and i would heat up a soup like that so one of those dudes had got a kite to stab the other one and we were on closed custody and they had so much respect for each other that they both laced up and fucking went hand-to-hand combat in that cell so you know how it is bro you hear and but it's when the shank is sticking it's like a you hear that skin pop off bone like one motherfucker hit you right here bro like he ain't piercing through your bone like it's hitting and bouncing off type shit so i'm hearing that pop out i'm like what the fuck so i pull my fucking uh toilet paper out and i go boom and i hit it i shoot off and i look and these motherfuckers pop pop fucking getting it with each other just just fucking hitting each other going back and fucking the bloods getting all over the wall they stabbed each other up when the laws finally came and walked around to do this i think it was a security check they were both on the ground they brought them both out on the the uh the stretcher lifeboard deals and they weren't even conscious i don't think like that's how like fucking brutal those two motherfuckers were that's how bowdy they were like when i looked in that hole they're going back and forth hitting each other like this like that like holding like some hockey players holding on to each other sticking each other pushing back and forth all that's exactly what happened that dude i'm looking through the hole and them fools are fucking sticking each other dude i saw a ts cat on closed custody chased four black dudes around the day room with a knife they could have jumped them we're coming in from wreck like i told you when you go to wreck they don't take you in handcuffs unless they changed it the black dudes did something to disrespect him on the wreck yard i don't know what it was but what a what i can tell you about them family members is they're fucking stupid huge on respect they they they don't even fucking talk about it that motherfucker went up in his cell because they popped the cell the law was cool so when he came in he just unlocked all the doors at the same time so motherfuckers running getting the shower getting their shower shit all that type of shit that fool fucking came out with the blade and it was crypt dudes he fucking came down off two row and just walked up to one of them started hitting him from the back and i'm standing up on three row because i got next on the shower and this shower right here was a blood shower so he's fucking hit him boom boom boom boom boom and i'm like god damn so the three other crips that were right there they don't even try to help this fool they fucking take off running so now the law after all the commotion so the mexican dude he's not even talking he's stalking after these fools not saying shit homeboys laying on the ground folded up leaking he's walking around so finally the law sees it he starts yelling man y'all y'all uh rack it up so he calls the other law so the other laws come in and you remember that fogger i told you about that was like a weed leaf blower they got the fucking fogger so the door the the entrance door it's mechanical but there's a bean slot on it so they fucking pop the bean slot they shove the fogger through the thing and they're like everybody who's not a part of it like rack up because they i guess he had already told him it's just that dude chasing them so everybody gets in their cell except for the mexican and those three black dudes and the the fourth one that's on the ground so they're all three in the day room because they're running up on the rows and shit like get trying to get away from this motherfucker right so this is how slick the sa is so the pod it comes to the center like this so you come up the stairs this way it's four rows of cells the two showers if you're on one on two row and then it splits this way so that's how it's shaped so the sa in the in the middle so you got one two and three section three section there's only one row of stairs you go up go to the end come back on two section there's a set of stairs here and a set of stairs there so he comes down this set of stairs and i'm right here in 63 cell no i'm on two section 45 cell yeah i'm in 40 yeah because 45 yeah i'm in 45 cell he comes down he comes to like the center so the black dudes come down and they come over here and they're telling them lay it down lay it down lay it down lay it down lay it down lay it down lay it down lay it down lay it down lay it down like he lays his palms flat but the knife is still under his hand so the one black dude stays by the stairs and he lays it down but they keep saying come out to the day room so we can see you so the one fool he gets up and comes over there he lays down they're like now put your hands behind your back these fools immediately put their hands behind their back this fool fucking gets up and fucking rushes that fool boom boom boom boom gets him up against the plexiglass just starts fucking lighting this fool up all right here dog i'm talking about you saw blood shoot out of his mouth all over the plexiglass dog i'm talking about got on this motherfucker so fucking fast fucking hitting that fool with that motherfucker like yeah what do you think it is culturally about black people or black people in texas black inmates that is less violent than the white cars and the mexican cars because clearly like the white the the mexicans and the whites were about that murder game that's stabbing you until you're fucking bleeding out of your neck the blacks don't really like that overall it doesn't sound like no no no no they weren't what is that i don't even think they're like that on the streets i you don't hear about a lot of i could be wrong you don't hear a lot about them stabbing people like maybe like some black news from like haiti or africa or some shit there but i think they're just i think they're not built shooting somebody is their thing their game you understand what i'm saying this is where i learned about the psychology of the human mind so back in the game right i knew blood dudes and i knew crypt dudes that had like four or five bodies on them but they wouldn't fight they wouldn't stab they weren't built like that so they were with us but they had money so they were paying protection so they were paying protection because they weren't built like that but then you had dudes who would fight all day long but as soon as somebody pulled a pole out they didn't want no smoke like my homeboy gangster that i told you about that i used to slap box with that had 375 years gangster was about that murder game that fool was about that that fool was about that life he taught me how to make a shank so i'm gonna i'm gonna send you some videos of this shit so on closed custody right because the the radio service is so bad they'll take magazines or newspapers right and they'll roll them into tight ass spears and they'll put like um um headphone wire or old old headphone wire on it and they'll stick it out the window to get radio service right but also the windows they're like a a fucking um a rect uh a rectangle like that and you crank them open but there's thick like about that thick square bars they're they're thin but they're wide so you can't get out the window but dudes will take those they call them spears they'll take them they're so good you're locked in a cell all day long they'll tie a string to it and they'll launch them to the next building they'll keep launching them until they'll do it all day until they get it through that fucking window and you'll see motherfuckers pulling like clothes lines on the east coast pulling bags of coffee pulling shit across the unit like that bro so in texas prisons they have this thing they have it in like the officer's dining room it's liquid sugar it's like sweetened sugar me and gangster were he took sugar he took sugar made it into a thick ass paste had those that magazine paper all laid out flat and smeared it over the magazine paper then took the liquid sugar and squirted it all over it turned around and rolled it into a tight ass spear so the end is kind of thick and then he puts an indention in it in case he wants to shoot it so he fucking made one like that long tied it into a tight ass spear let it fucking sit for a couple days and get rock hard and then did the same thing to the outside of it and then he did the same thing to the outside of it and then he did the same thing to the outside and he's like bro i get like five pokes with this motherfucker or i'll just fucking they'll take the thread at this the the lining out of the boxers and they'll make a goddamn fucking crossbow with that bitch and fucking whop and fucking light your ass up with that shit i've seen somebody do that shit on uh death row shoot somebody in the fucking neck with the spear like that and it penetrated fuck yeah that shit's hard as a motherfucking rock that sugar it just locks up so goddamn hard and fucking and get you and it gets your ass up and you're like oh my god i'm gonna get this shit dude you know and i mean i saw a gangster do this uh he got some styrofoam cups out of the uh the um infirmary and he fucking had a lighter and he fucking took a styrofoam cup and just like lit it and melted it and melted it down into a quick banger he got a free world toothbrush off a guard a real one he took fucking uh the plastic off the ramen noodle soup so the bristles he he kind of melted them and pressed them down so they were stuck together like that and he layered the ramen noodle plastic thin like just lit it like he did a layer lit it stuck it together lit it had sandpaper lightly sanded it like the real fine sandpaper fucking lightly sanded it and he kept doing that doing that doing that until he had a fucking straight razor out of that hoe some genius yeah like he like like everybody knew like he was like the one black dude now i tell you what black dudes when i was down there that if they were gonna play with steel they would play with steel was texas versions of the black gorilla family which is the mandingo warriors and we we had a peace treaty with the mandingo warriors ontario unit so we had a handshake that we did with them where we grab each other by the arm like this and then come and go like that and hug each other there was a mandingo warrior over there so um if there's dudes on the unit like hit man that i told you about that was a real professional boxer and me and him were training on the rec yard fighting they made us stop training because they could have said him for teaching me how to really fight because he was for real with it like he was a real known professional boxer that murdered somebody in a drug deal gone bad that was his nickname in the ring was hit man so they made us stop training because he was real with this shit so there was a black dude he came i think from coalfield and uh the mandingo warriors he had these motherfuckers he knew kung fu and he was for real with it i watched dude i i'll tell you the story this is craziest book he had all these motherfuckers on seven building on the rec yard lying the fuck up militant than a bitch doing fucking workouts shit doing like blocks and shit like that and they got into a riot with the mexicans on on the rec yard bro i watched him he probably fucked up 10 mexicans i ain't lying to you they said he knew like some type of voodoo that people couldn't shake him from the back he was like i'm black he had some type of voodoo but he was from uh i see he was from one of those uh black islands he had an accent he was light-skinned and he was me and that dude were stupid cool i man he was he was dog he was they segged him up after that riot he was for they would dude he got him on the rec yard they would come down and film with the camera and film him and he'd be walking back pacing back and forth slim dude ripped the fuck up and they their their sign i don't think they'll get fucking pissed off but they're gonna get fucked up and they're gonna get fucked up and they're gonna get but they're they know the tattoo in prison so i ain't ratting nobody out it's a shield like a diamond shield with like the spears coming from behind so that's that that's they're they're called the mandingo warriors now some of them would play with steel but what i can't say about them at that time is they were they were about that action they they they were serious motherfuckers and they they were they were they were about that action and one of them actually had got my back in a fight on medium custody i got into a fight with the black dude from colleen and i whooped him in the shower and then uh the other dude came to try to sneak me when i came out of the shower and that black dude just so that uh that that mandingo warrior just so happened to be on three row and fucking snuck like slept that fool when he came to sneak me from the back and then we ran up uh i run up i wound up getting him in a one-on-one in the in the uh cell we went three rounds and then my homies went in there and i was on him too and then he wound up catching out so what year was it how how deep into your stretch when you when you became a five nine blood tell it tell us about that initiation i know you told us on the first episode you did but it's so incredible let's i'd like to hear it again so like when i got moved to g pod i got into a fight this law lost his id you remember when i told you that the crips and the folks were whooping all the rank and shit so there was a sergeant in there named sergeant sherman or sherwin i can't remember big ass country white boy right um somehow he had his hands in the handcuffs so he started like coming down there was a little crip dude uh he was a dixie circle crip uh named little dicky i think that thing's named little dicky he was like five foot three man it was stupid cool so fucking he had him up against the fence was trying to shake him down and little dicky was going back and forth and then he like came off the fence he shut him on the fence so he just started coming down with them handcuffs on top of them so that set off where they were dude i think they were fighting with the laws like a year a year and some change so they were coming down to the rec yards and they were filming the rec yards so anybody who was wearing like tight whites all the shit they put them on g pod well that that racist white lady wrote that bogus ass case on me miss ring saying i threatened her and everything else so they took my job and they put me on on g pod so then they moved in this crip dude that nobody liked named uh c c loke that's what he called himself but nobody liked him this five deuce cat so me and c loke because that law act like he lost his id i mean he he act like he left his id at home they locked the farm down shaking everywhere down looking for this identification card so i packed my shit like after like three days i had a visit with my mom and i was like hey and i usually don't say shit like this to my family and i was like hey i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that but i had to tell her because i didn't want her driving five and a half hours to come and see me and then i'm behind the glass because i was still having a contact visit with her so i told her i said hey man don't come back because i knew i was going to go to medium custody or close custody for this event because i had just had a major case so i was like hey i'm about to fight my celly don't come back and then she tried to talk me out of it and i was just like hey look let's just enjoy our fucking four hour visit and it is what it is i'll write you when you can come back up here like you're out here i'm here so when i went back i packed my shit up boom me and that fool catch scratch and the sergeant tried to he was like i won't take you to lock up if you'll move back in the cell with him now this is a key thing bro for when i got put down since we're allowed to go in depth when i refused to go back in the cell with him some people looked at that as a catch-out move because i didn't go back in the cell with him but the rule is if you lose you have to leave and he refused to leave the cell but people were trying to say some of the bloods were saying well the law gave him the option to go back in the cell and he refused to go back in the cell but that came up when they went to put me down like well that fool caught out but i smashed him i whooped him he was supposed to leave so those dudes that were politicking against me for catching out those were like the first dudes that i fought because they were trying to speak bad on my name so i wound up going to medium custody for that so my celly was this blood fool who was been locked up for he was locked up he's from dallas for shooting a cop my boy ty he was he was crazy he whooped what's crazy is he whooped every celly that he had no matter what color this is how throwed off this fool is because i said this in the last podcast i said he's cool but he's throw he was a little throwed off and i didn't get to go into the store and i didn't get to go into the store y'all why i'm gonna tell you why so he did 20 day for day for shooting this cop they had gave him a life sentence but he went back on appeal beat some part of the charge and got it down to 20 years he did 20 day for day i think he did it all on cold field and he did like the last like year or two years on tarot so this fool was so throwed off he had a fucking sock that he colored black and he had a sheet that he colored black and when he would get a celly in the cell he didn't like he had wrapped the sock around it he cut two eyeballs out of it he had tied around his head and look out the eyeballs and he had put the cape on and start beating his celly at night and he called himself black man fan duel is now available everywhere in the u.s so you can get in on the sports action no matter where you are including these places make this your most rewarding season ever with fan duel age and location restrictions apply product availability varies by market see fanduel.com for eligibility gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER hand it fucking god this is real shit dog that's hard bro this fool was man so i don't know none of this until later on because like i told you people didn't talk behind people's backs so i'm gonna tell you what i'm gonna tell you i'm gonna tell you what i'm gonna so me and this fool used to stay up all night playing chess together but when we would go to the day room he wouldn't really go fuck with none of the bloods he would go and stand on the wall and he'd just chill he didn't really talk to people but he took a liking to me so when that crip fool hit my boy p stone in the face with that lock and i told you that they started having all those one-on-ones and shit people started calling each other out and then i tried to fight one of the crip fools for hitting p stone with the lock and he just wound up giving me a pass they all gave me a pass because really i should have got the brakes beat off me by the crips for that but like i told you it's there's something about me that people will fuck with me so they just gave me the pass and slim was still there and everybody knew about how slim and ugly buddy spoke up in that event in the furniture factory so i still had that weight with the crips and the crips knew this is the crazy thing because i grew up with crips in ohio and i lived on the block of crips and i knew crips i used to joke with the crips and i would walk up to him even after i got put down with blood i would walk up to him by what's up cuz like just fucking with him and people i was just that type of dude that people fucked with bro so i could get away with a lot of shit where people might be like oh that fool's lying and i can get i gotta have my homeboy calling from the phone right now i could have text him and had him call right now when i was here so you could talk to him like that's just how people fuck with me i had that type of gift of the gab that i could get away with maybe most that others couldn't get away with type shit so after the incident with p stone happened when he hit him with the lock there was a meeting on the rec yard because they used to all fuck with me anyways i used to lock up with him what's up damu what's up homie whoa shit like that so we were out on the rec yard but everybody was like what are we gonna put him down with so there was a blood from my from temple that was a denver lane me and his fool were super tight um he wanted me to get down with him but denver lane is a cali set pasadena denver lane's the cali set five nine bounty hunter is not no cali set not no matter what people in the comments on that youtube video said that's that's not real so my homeboy nairobi from waco him my homeboy fleabag my homeboy juice they wanted to put me down with five nine bounty hunter because nairobi is like he's from the 254 there's a bunch of five nine bounty hunters there we want them so that's when other dudes were starting to say well he caught out he he caught out here's smut you know who you are they they fucking know he caught out he fought that fool and didn't refuse to go back in the cell so as soon as they said that i was basically quiet the whole time because you already know in prison you have to pick your words wisely so this meeting that's going on i'm not talking the whole time i'm just listening and then as soon as he's like oh well he he fucking caught out and i was all like well shit if you think i got that pussy let's fucking let's get out let's get after it fool right now right now motherfucker the laws already know what's up they're letting us have the meeting on the rec yard we're the only ones out there in the morning after breakfast we're not even supposed to be out here it's still dark because it's cold outside the sun's not up i'm like i'm like let's get after it right now and then i slipped back into the old tim on the streets and i used the n-word there was a couple times in prison that i slipped up and used that word and i'm like yeah what's up and then everybody's like and then i was like oh shit my fault and motherfuckers just kind of looking and it kind of like i guess it kind of broke the tension because fools like damn fools wild abyss for this use the n-word like that so he's like yeah we'll get after it back on the pod homie and i'm like fuck the pod like now let's do it now so i was like that everybody's like oh this fool's standing on business so we start falling out of place basically down to g pod and i'm like hey fool you know i'm saying you know what it is let's get over here let's get it where you want to get it at you want to get it in the day room you want to get in the cell get it in the shower the laws already knew what was up so we were waiting for uh a i think it was a card because that was the sergeant that nairobi was cool with he was the one letting us fall out of place to catch this paper and then slowly people started that were maybe on the fence about me they started fucking with me you know what i'm saying because i'm falling out of place to catch this paper and then after i had caught enough paper i guess in nairobi's eyes after i would come down there to catch paper he would be like after you fight him you got to fight me so now motherfuckers like fuck now we got to fight nairobi and this fool's got like one punch knockout power like he's just just he's just fucking knock your dumb ass out but what really solidified me with them which is crazy because we didn't mean this dude didn't even fight so i used to get the double xl magazine i i sent this for every time i got the double xl magazine i let all the homies get the magazine back and then i saved them i saved all of them because my mom bought them for me and she was broke and her giving me that double xl magazine meant a lot to me so the double xl magazine comes up missing so i'm like a homeboy from temple city coming down there the denver lane cat and and this dude's got hands like he most likely would have beat my ass i'm sure he would have he should have be if i would have won i shouldn't have won so we'll just keep it like that so he comes down so i'm like hey bro where's my double xl magazine at he's steady giving me these excuses about the magazine so i found out that he done sold the magazine because it was a limited edition to somebody on closed custody he done sold my magazine so i'm talking to ty about it the whole time i don't know that i'm in the cell with ty a couple months are going on he's coming to these meetings but he's not speaking on whether i should be put down or not when they ask him they're like you're a celly what do you feel about him he's like i don't really care either way i'm about to go home but he told me later on the whole time every night we had been in the cell together he had been debating whether he put the mask on and become black man and attack me this is why i say he's throwed off because the whole time he's playing chess with me he's thinking about beating the fuck out of me in my sleep but he admits it to me so i find out he sells the magazine so i'm talking to him about it i'm sitting in the cell and i'm like i'm like man fool i was like when homeboy comes down here tonight i'm gonna get at this fool he's like he's like all right bro and he's like well you already know what's up if you get out after him what's up and i was like i was like yeah i already know so homie comes down there he knocks on my cell what's up tim that's how he talks what's up tim and i'm like i'm like man don't what's up don't don't what's up me fool he used to come down on the shower crew he's like what you said i said bro i found out you sold my magazine on closed custody i got the magazine back it's all bent up and fucked up i'm fucking pissed i was like i got it back fool you sold my fucking magazine what kind of hoe ass shit is that i you know i thought me and you're supposed to be tight fool since day one we're going back and forth and he's like man, you tripping over some petty ass shit like that. And I'm like, yeah, I was like, bro come down here when they call pill window because they usually call pill window than breakfast i said come down here when they call pill window and we gonna catch scratch uh before fucking breakfast over there in the blind spot because i didn't want to fight him in the shower or the cell because i knew he'd beat my ass so i wanted to give myself some fucking wiggle room to be able to not get fucking knocked the fuck out so he's like i bet and he walks off so you remember i told you about that dude that had got uh one of my homeboys from stop six that had gave that fool them stop signs and then like took that fool's booty in the cell and shit like that he's down on he's down on the pod so everybody comes out right this fool done went around all night politicking with everybody telling everybody basically building the audience that he's gonna beat the shit out of me now i don't know already been fighting for like three months now so everybody knows i'm i'm about that and they you and i'm not no slouch with the hands so you've been fighting like dozens of these blood gang members at this point yeah and when does it stop like when does it stop after this okay so so does nairobi tell you like do you know that you're almost about to be put down i was already put down i was already locking up the only thing the only thing that was different was if somebody said they had a problem with me locking up or if we if we met out on the backyard if we were in the chow hall or if we fell out of place and i came over there and y'all were all over here and i'm locking up with y'all and then he's like he i go i was like what's up homeboy and he don't want to lock no bees with me then me and him got to get after it okay so it was only the people that didn't like you yes that didn't like that you were about to be a blood member yes that you had to so the when they voted the yeas outweighed the nays but when they said well how are y'all gonna do it are y'all gonna 59 them what y'all gonna do and then nairobi was like nah and i i was saying for you i know you're gonna block but i'll just say how you say he's like nah every nigga that got a problem with my motherfucking homeboy he gonna fade every single one of y'all niggas so i'm like fuck oh my god i'm in i'm in it now motherfucker here we go you know i'm saying it's like fucking 50 60 of us out here dog and there was a lot of motherfuckers that didn't like that shit so i'm like fuck like how is this gonna happen so i'm looking at him and i can't obviously i can't be like oh like i so i just i'm just sitting there like nonchalantly like okay it is what it is so he's sending me kites hey fool we gotta fall over here gotta look at such such such such you know i'm saying because dude there was dudes pressing the issue like still talking about it so that's basically kind of how it went like it wasn't like i just fell out of place and was like oh you said you didn't want to see it there was dudes pressing the issue about it and then we're always linking up to each other and we're like seven buildings wild so we'll get out i'll fall out of place we'll go down a g pod go down here hey what's up homie what's up homie and motherfucker i ain't locking up with you fool fuck you i ain't locking up with that fool fuck that fool so this whole process has taken like months yeah it's like i'm thinking it's never ending and i got so used to it that i was kind of feeding off of it right you know what i'm saying you're getting better at fighting hell yeah is your confidence growing my confidence was growing and i'm working out every day i'm working out every day and then me and ty have gotten we so right up to the incident where with where that basically everybody stopped having anything to say about anything me and this one would get bored and we'd be working out in a cell and we'd start going to the body on each other so we're just in the cell because one day he fucking smacked me in my stomach and then i was just like and sometimes that's how people will test you they'll want to see you like how you said what's up fool let's go to the body real quick a lot of the times there's dudes that are doing that they're trying to see where you're at you know what i'm saying they might we'll just do like 30 then they sneak something in real hard to see if they can fold you that's a penitentiary game so he had been locked up almost 20 years you got to think it's only 03 so he's been locked up since the 80s when taking booty was cool you know what i'm saying and now i'm a white boy trying to get my old mentality you know what i'm saying so when he smacked me across my stomach my response was he's testing me so when he hit him back boom oh what's up fool what's up fool what's up fool what's up boom boom boom we just start going to the body so it's like that type shit i gotta be my survival mind frame people aren't understanding this mind frame bro i gotta be on fucking 10 toes 24 7 every little slip every little funny look i'm taking it as and this is bro imagine living like that and every day you come out you're wondering what's next that survival instinct i'm not sleeping good you already don't sleep good in there because the way they wake you up it's like every day i'm like what's next what drama's next what's this what little slight am i gonna have to answer for oh how'd you he said that which way how'd you mean he might not even have meant it no way but because i'm knowing i gotta prove myself and probably insecure at the same time and all these other things i'm over here calling out motherfuckers for no reason you know like and now they gotta fight because they might be in something they might be banging and they're like you know i'm like a fool i pull my a fool you fucking said it so you think i got that pussy you know i'm saying what's up fool i'll fuck let's get after it type shit so i'm having to be like that uh like on one basically all the fucking time bro and um so this fool's telling everybody all night and the tv's not on and i'm like what's next what's next what's next what's next so you can hear this dude talking he's talking to where i can hear it i'm gonna slap this wabba beat this white boy i don't sleep all night so they they they come in they do a pill window and chow and what's weird is they do one row first everybody comes out then they go to three row everybody comes out i'm on two row so fucking they do uh two row last and when they do when they do two row they're popping my cell my celly the whole time this happens to me and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm this fool sleeps he sleeps in his fucking shoes every night fully fucking dressed every night on his back that's how he sleeps and he stays on the top bunk so i'm thinking he's asleep so i'm standing in the door and there's a table right here and i'm in my bad i'm in 50 hold on that's 49 48 i'm in 30 35 cell 36 cell and i'm looking down there's a table right there all the domus all the bloods are sitting right there they're all talking this fool's got his foot up on a thing i'm about to beat this i'm about to fuck this little this white boy got me fucked up so the dude that took that fool's cheeks that i'm telling you about he's kind of clowning with him oh hell yeah fool get that mother because he just came off of closed custody so he's already looking like i'm gonna get this white boy too this what this is probably what he's thinking because i hear him talking so they finally popped my cell they said well they say uh if you're coming out that's what they said if they come out you remember i told you people made them fake hands out of the cardboard they're like flash the paper or flash your cell light so i took the cardboard and i went like that they popped my cell i'm thinking my cell he's asleep because he's not talking and usually we stay up all night playing chess but he and we play chess for a minute he goes i'm gonna lay down oh my god so as soon as i come out the cell i go to fuck i come out in my in my my gym shorts my gym uh like a gym t-shirt and i come out in my shoes and i got real clothes folded up so i come out the laws already know what's going on so as soon as i go to shut the door and the door is about to shut man this shit's damn near like a movie that fool ty puts his hand right here and hits his hand and i turn and i look because i'm shutting like this so i look this way i'm like he i let go of the door he pushes it open he steps out everybody's looking oh what's up ty what's up fool so that fool just straight says it i never heard this dude talk this loud he's like ain't no what's up so he goes I'm riding with the white boy so like when I when I came out of that cell before I came out of that cell my adrenaline was pumping so hard with like fear and anxiety and because I know now these dudes that are at the I can hear them at the table talking about me so I know that they're against me they want to see me fail so I'm like fuck bro I better I better like shine like I better not get knocked out like I'm like just thinking in my head I'm going over moves that I'm gonna try to do like I'm playing this shit out and as soon as he did that and then he came out and he goes I'm riding with the white boy my fucking confidence raised it was like everything that was scared about me disappeared so instead of me coming down this way he which was the way I was gonna go he starts walking this way he said come on homie he's like bring your stuff so I bring myself we walk we go down the stairs and so on two row like I mean two sections like I told you there's stairs on both sides so there was a table right there directly by where my cell was so that same tables on that side so I set my stuff down there so in prison I don't know if they still have them but there was a religious magazine called victory that they used to come and hand out so there was like a stack of victory magazines on each table so I fucking stand over there I get out of my shit put all my gloves and I just stand under so the first stair that comes up then it's a platform is the second stair that goes up I stand under that stair going up and I stand there and I don't say shit I'm just standing there waiting for him to come over so he walks over And he's like, what's up? You ready to get after this fool? And I was like, I was like, yeah, fool, you already know what it is, dog. Like you aren't, there ain't no more talking. He goes back over there, starts politic and comes back. Now they done ran out pill window. So he tells Ty, he's like, so you riding with the white boy? And he said, man, there ain't no talking fool. I'm riding with the white boy. He goes back, starts talking some more. Ty gets up, walks over there. I don't say shit. I just stand over there. Not nothing. They're going to talk. And then fucking one of the other dudes, fucking, I can't remember his fucking name. He, we never really fucked around like that, but he's like, bro, you over here telling everybody, you got everybody out in the day room. There's dudes in one and three section looking in the window, trying to see the fight. And he's all, you don't went around telling everybody you're going to beat the fuck out this white boy, go over there and fight that motherfucking white boy. He's like, cause as right now, that white boy looks more like a nigga than you do. Go over there and beat. His motherfucking ass. Stop talking about it. This fool comes walking over there, picks one of those victory magazines up, walks over to me and stands in front of me. And he goes, you see this right here? You see what it says? And I look at him and I'm like, he's like, this is what I'm about. And I'm like, well, then let's get out for it, fool. He's like, yeah, we will. And then he threw the magazine on a thing, fucking hit the button. The dude came, what's up? He's like, let me up out of here and walks out. We never have a fight. And I never had to fucking fight again after that incident. Because that dude had hands every, like when you talk about dudes on the farm who could thump, he was a name that got brought up. Like that fool had, everybody knew if you, what was up. I don't know why he didn't want to fight me. I don't know what was up. I know that I saw him in the streets two years ago. So you think he would have beat your ass? I think he would have beat the fuck out of me. I ain't never seen him fight, but I know other people that got hands and say, that that fool fucking got his fucking hands. But for some reason, he didn't want to fight me. In Denver Lane that I had never met again, he got shipped off the unit after this. Somehow he got off of closed custody and he came and fell out of place to iPod to meet me. He walked in, he's like, and I'm working out. So me and my workout partners were doing like wheelbarrow pushups. So this is what we would do. So I'd get on the first row. So here's the step. So say I'd kick my legs up and you would hold my legs and I would like pin them to your side. I'd do five pushups. Get on the first air, five pushups. Get on the first air all the way around up to three row wheelbarrow all the way across and do that coming down. And that was one set. We did that a piece three fucking times. So I was doing that workout. And as I was going up the stairs, he fell out of place with his shirt off, yoked up motherfucker. He had a head dome piece of hundred dollar bills and it was like parted. Either on this side or that side, like the hundred dollar bills were peeling back. It was fucking fire. He's like, Hey, where's the, where's the snow bunny yet? Snow bunny that called out woo. Like, look out Tim. So my homeboy who was a BSV from Galveston, Kaki Lou, he put my legs down. It was me, him and a Mandingo warrior working out ghost. And, uh, he's from Houston and fucking, uh, came down the stairs. He's like, he's like, Oh, you Tim from Temple. I'm like, yeah, what's up? He's like, what's popping down? Ooh, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. What's up fool? Hey, I heard about you, homie. He's like, got my respect fool. Fuck with you. Anything you need. You ever fall down to eight building, anything you need. I got you, man. I'm the one down there. I'm like, I'm like, hell yeah. And by the time I made his eight building, he was already shipped off. But that incident right there, even though we didn't fight, it gave me, I don't know why he didn't want to fight me. Like I said, I saw the fool at the 7-Eleven a couple of years ago when I was in Temple and I saw him and I don't know if he didn't recognize. He didn't recognize me because of my long hair, but I have a very distinct voice. And I was like, hey, what's up fool? And he looked at me. He walked in the 7-Eleven and he came out. I was getting gas. He looked at me. I was just being like, what's up? Like on some what's up shit. Like, how you doing? And he went and got in the car and drove off and just kept staring at me. So I don't know if he just didn't recognize me and maybe he was trying to put the voice to the face and stuff like that. I don't know. But yeah, that is. That incident right there and not even fighting, like gave me like through the root clout with all the domus. So now you're a 5'9 blood. Yeah. Are you the only white blood in that prison? I was the only one there for a while until a white dude showed up on the unit from the free world. He is, I think from Greens Point or from Fifth Ward, a white dude named Brad. He showed up. He was 5'9 bounty hunter. Coolest buck could rap. So this made you feel good. This is like. This gave you status. Like, how did it feel? Did you get that sense of belonging that you had been looking for? I already. Since you were a kid. I already had it. But like when that incident happened, like I was still very weary. Like I felt like I was going to get jumped or something like I was still kind of nervous. But then like I would stand. So they wound up just moving some dudes around and because my homeboy from Cali, whooped a lieutenant in the chow hall. So they wound up like just like moving dudes to different pods for some reason. I don't know why they did that, but it was only bloods that they did that to. So they wound up moving me to three section and moving Ty to one section. So I go to three section. So that slab I told you about that I told you about the Mexican dude that got stabbed up and shit that I knew that was my homeboy's gambling partner. And I told you the other dude got kicked and they said his eyes came out of his head. That slab right there that you walked to go to chow on. That slab. That staircase, there's windows and you could see dudes coming by that window and holler at them. And there's like a little vent under the stairs. Y'all can talk. So every time all the homies would come by from G pod, I'd be on the window and we'd be in there rapping or whatever, talking shit. It was just me and a couple of homeboys. We had to stand right there all the time and just talk shit. And they'd come by, hit on the what's up. Oh, maybe he has seen me. He would never say nothing. Never, you know, never shoot nothing back to me or if somebody else was next to me. And shot, you know, threw up the bees like he had thought the bees, but he wasn't doing it to me. But for a little while, I didn't. I felt uneasy about it. And then after a while of him, like not saying nothing to me. And then one time what really kind of got me at ease with the whole situation. And then I kind of started feeling like, I guess, like maybe fully accepted. I guess it was like uneasy about it was, oh, I wasn't uneasy about it anymore. Was we all went in the chow hall to talk about. Um, one of our homies had jacked a dude for some packs and now that those dudes, it was some BD fools. They wanted, they wanted to, they wanted their money or they were saying they were going to set it off with us. And, uh, so we fell up in the chow hall to meet and then everybody shook hands and locked up and he locked up with me. But like, we didn't say hello. He didn't make eye contact with me. We just kind of was like, like, Hey, what's up fool. And, you know, left it at that type shit. But what did you think about? at night like when you were getting ready to go to sleep you know you spend your whole day at maximum stress level from the time you wake up you know from the politics to the hustling it's it's constant it's constant stress it's constant cortisol dump and then when you go to bed you're it's the only time you're alone in prison kind of yeah even though you got your celly did you think about your old dreams of being a navy seal and did you think did you was it did it blow you away like where you had ended up i only had those thoughts when certain songs would play like i don't know if you had this like listening to music in prison i would listen to like rock rap or 80s music my celly from houston all he listened to was my celly my celly from houston all he listened to was my celly was 80s music he never listened to rap he would listen to nothing but 80s like pop 80s all the 80s station 1069 the point i still remember that but when i would listen to rock or rap and i would hear certain songs it would make me think about my friends or my past kind of make me get emotional i would say like not cry but i would get emotional and think about that and then think of where where um think about what i was doing with my life reflecting on my life what i had become and then i guess i just like accepted that i was going to be in a prisoner for the rest of my life type shit like i just kind of i'm very good at compartmentalizing so like i think about it and then i just compartmentalize it and say that's the past and this is who i am now and this is what it is now in that moment in time so i did that and then i was like oh my god i'm gonna be a prisoner reflect all the time and i like i told you i used to stand on the wall all the time and watch everybody and i would be reflecting i'd be like what the fuck am i doing like what is going on like holy shit like part of me was in awe that i was even doing what i was doing that i was banging it felt like surreal it felt kind of crazy i felt a million different feelings at one time the headspace was definitely crazy for sure uh i felt like i was putting on an act a lot of the times too because I couldn't tell anybody how I was feeling because I didn't want to look like a pussy. So, you know, it was, I guess, imposter syndrome, I would call it. But, yeah, when I lay in my bed at night, I would think, and by that I didn't sleep good. I still don't sleep good. But, yeah, it was a bunch of different things going on all the time. If that answers the question, I guess that's probably the best way I could answer it. We'll be right back. Mom, home of the save. Join for just $20 at BJs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer. New members only. BJs, home of the save. This episode is brought to you by TXU Energy. For the first time ever, Texans have an energy plan that combines free nights all year with daytime summer savings. It's called Free Nights in Cool Summer. You get free nights every night all year long, plus a 25% bonus toward your daytime use all summer. It's a first-of-its-kind plan. Created for how Texans actually use energy. Discover how much more you could save with Free Nights in Cool Summer. TXU Energy. Energy for everything. Visit TXU.com for more information. Rep number 10004.