Inside Bad Bunny’s Casita w/ Radel Ortiz | History Hyenas

For decades, a shadowy organization called The Lemonati has kept lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Look around, lemon forward sodas, even lemon forward songs. We ran the tracks, slowed them down, reversed them, and squeezed out the truth. That's lemon propaganda right there. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Join the 7 uprising. Flip the sip. What's up, everybody? See me live this month, February 20th and 21st in Bakerfields, California. Catch us live, The History Hyenas, February 23rd at the Comedy Cellar Village Underground. Get your tickets at historyhyenasisback.com. It's what it is, and we got a great episode for you with our man Rodell Ortiz, our first Dominican person ever on the show. And it was fun, it was informative, and don't take the C train. Okay. Don't take the C train or the A train. Yeah! Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. We got Chrissy D, Yanni P, and then I believe we have now, I believe this is our first Dominican guest, Rodell Ortiz. Let's fucking go. Let's go. Let's go, Dominican. Today we're doing Historia Hyena. So, that's right. During Black History Month, we said we're going to get Dominican. And so how this happened was. And Nick just took a sneaky pic of you. Yeah. He wasn't telling his whole family. Right. Yeah. Nick, right. Nick, we said, you know what? Nick got excited. So, for us, what hap. Right. So, what happened was, is we, your manager, who I know, Dex. Yeah. He, we wanted David Cross on the podcast like a month ago. And then some shit fell through, whatever. So, Dex is like, oh, whatever, hook it up with David Cross. But he was like, let's get you. And I said, okay. Because we've been doing comedy like so long, we just don't know what's going on in the internet anymore. Right. Right. We're just old boomers. Like, we just do our shit and forget about it. So, I looked. I said, this guy's funny. And more importantly, he's got 2 million followers. That'll help us. So, now we're at the point where we're just saying, you know what? Just come on the show and tell our fans who probably know about you already. Just tell them. Tell them everything and be funny and we'll go viral and we'll give you a cut. Well, we just found out too. Very funny. We just found out. We just found out. Dex follows you online. Yeah. Yeah. And what'd you call her? Adonda? Look, he's Cedar. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you know my mother-in-law? Yeah. We talk all the time. Are you dating my mother-in-law? Hey, man. You talk to his mother-in-law online? Of course, bro. Wow. Yeah. She does look hot. Yeah. Yeah. I'll fuck with you, bro. I've never spoken to her. But she is good looking. No, but you probably have, actually. You don't realize that. You might. I'll respond. Yes. A lot of older women who have never gone to a comedy show ever. Right. Right. Yeah. Right. That's what I love about the internet, is it's made everyone into comedy. Everyone into comedy, and we're all in our own little zones. Yeah. There's no reason to be like. Who was a good example? Kevin Hart is generally famous, right? Right. Now, we're all just known to our fan. We all got our little pockets. Yeah, exactly. And that's good enough. I think that's better, actually, because you've become generally famous, and everybody knows who you are everywhere you go. That's not a fun life at all. Now, it's like, "Oh, this person knows me," and then the people over there are like, "Who is that?" And I'm like, "That's what I want to hear. That's what I want to hear." I want the person taking a picture of me in public to be like, "I don't know who the fuck you are." Right. That's actually comforting to me, because then I'm like, "Okay, you're safe." Yeah. It used to be you learned how to do comedy live, and now I think you work out your comedy online. I think everyone just does it online, which is the same thing. It's fine. It's the different way to do it. Were you inspired to do comedy by Maureesa? No. No. Absolutely not. Right. But I did. Did you know who. Of course. Come on, man. You fucking. You basically started the whole shit, bro. Yeah. You were one of the. Yeah. It's like 15 years now. It's 16 years ago. So I first saw that when it first came out. Sure. I thought it was hilarious. And I was like, "Oh, my God." I was like, "Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God." Yeah. And then I was never like. I never was into the comedies, to go to comedy clubs and stuff. Right. But then later on, I forgot. Maybe two or three years ago, I saw you somewhere online and I'm like, "Yo, this is that fucking guy, bro." Right. Right. "Yo, that's that app pussy guy." That's right. And what's big, you do comedy in Spanish, too, right? Yeah. See? Great. So my show is Spanglish. That's amazing. Yeah. So it's mostly English, but then a lot of the punchlines are in Spanish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it cultivates your own audience. Yeah. Right? I have had some people who was pissed, though, because they would come and. Were they mad that you were doing it in Spanish or English? Some people. I did the Chicago Improv in. Sure. A lot of Puerto Ricans. John Byrne. A lot of like John Byrne. John Byrne was in Chicago. Yeah. So that was like my first time ever doing standup in Chicago. And I had a comment on Facebook that just made me. It said, "Don't go see this guy, unless you speak Spanish. He completely panders to Mexicans." That's to have me crying. Yeah. Wow. That's a Chicago comment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You would figure that would be a different state comment. No. Yeah. Yeah. You can get those in Chicago, too. Yeah. You should have just said, "Bro, I'm most offended by the fact that you didn't understand that they weren't Mexicans." Right. Right. Now, because I have a full Puerto Rican family, I'm the white leader of a Puerto Rican. A small Puerto Rican tribe. And you have a Puerto Rican alter ego, is it okay that you're Dominican? Is there beef with us and you? Absolutely not, bro. Okay. I was going to say you actually look a lot more handsome in person. Thank you. I appreciate that. John Stamos said the same thing. People say that. And then it kind of makes sense why my career isn't in a bigger place, because I don't look good on camera. No. The camera likes you. No. But you have to look good on camera in this business. Yeah. But the camera likes you. But yeah, you don't have the traditional diminutive Hollywood look. What does diminutive mean? Is that a Dominican? Are you trying to say Dominican? No. Yeah. Like small. You notice they're all small. Well, no. They have big. Chalamet. But they have big heads. Yeah, but they're tiny people. Yeah. They're petite. The petite Hollywood. Yeah. They're petite. Right. They look kind of like. Even Leonardo DiCaprio is just a skinny little guy. Tiny little guy. Yeah. You look like a big guy. You go for. In Hollywood, you'd be a bouncer, a bad guy. But what about Kevin James? He was a big boy. He was a big fat guy. Yeah. That was different. Yeah. He was underdog looking. He was the jockey. Yeah. Well, no. But the problem is, a casting director told me this. I've said it on the podcast many times. He said, "I'm not castable because I have leading man face, best friend body." Yeah. And he cast Seinfeld. So he knows. He was a very accurate casting director. And I haven't been cast in anything since he told me that in 2006. Yeah. I wonder what the fuck he'd say about me, bro. You're castable. Because all I've been getting is the fucking bodega guy, bro. Yeah. Yeah. But you know what? You take a few bodega guys and that's just what it is. Yeah. Yeah. They say I have a villain face. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. I could see that. But a friendly villain. You put some tattoos on me, bro. I do look a little. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I could see that. But I also think there's a likability. So you have a softness to your face, though. Yeah. So it's not. I won't see villain. I want to be the fucking, the handsome lead role. Well that. I don't know about that. That's the guy who fucking steals her purse. Right. And then they got to fucking chase after me. I don't think that's in mind in your future, though. No. Really? You have to create your own show. It's in his future. Yeah. Right. You have to create your own show to get a role like that. Yeah. Sometimes I just wake up, I feel handsome. I think you look good today. Today? No. No. No. You look good today. Really? What don't you like about your look today? I think it looks good. Yes. So this year, I didn't let. My mustache is just looking very. I think you look good. You know what? You know what the problem is with Latino guys? Because you do. When you let it grow like that, it does look a little Middle Eastern and it just makes things a little harder for you in and out of the airport. When I was younger, I used to have the bare face and a good jawline, but. That's what Angelo used to say, he used to say the most in the airport, he felt very Middle Eastern. Yeah. Because it's. I got to be honest, as obviously the face of an ICE agent and the heart of a TSA agent, I would say that I'm probably going to just ask you maybe one. I'm not going to fully take you offline, but I'd like to ask you a follow-up of, "Show me your hotel reservation." Yeah. That's all. Just give me a confirmation. I'm not happy with that, bro. Not at all. I know, but you got to just. You know what I mean? I'm sorry. It's what it is. Yeah. Now, you grew up in East New York. Yes, sir. That's a tough area. For people who don't know, that is not gentrified. Even to this day, that's not gentrified. There's no Starbucks there, bro. No, there's not. Was it like off the L train, East New York? No, I was off the C train. Whoa. The C train, which is not even a express train. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. The C train, which is not even a express. That's a- Oh, bro. Yeah. To Broadway- They're not doing that show Subway Takes on the C line. No, sir. Kareem is not going over there. Yeah. Oh, God. I tell my daughters about the New York City train station, I say, "I want you to start learning the alphabet at F and up." Yes. We can leave the A, C, the E- That's all out of here. Yeah. Just stay off of those trains. Yeah. We're going to- I've never been on F train. F train is- Right. S train is a different train. F train's a different train. trade. You transfer for the F across from the C. It goes to Park Slope, and then it goes to Windsor Terrace. It goes that way. Windsor Terrace. That's a real place. That's a real place. In New York. You see, that reminds me of the old New York. That's the way it used to be, is that you didn't even know another neighbor. I had never been to the Bronx before I went to a Yankee game, and then back when we grew up, it was very neighborhood by neighborhood. You never even heard of Windsor Terrace. No. Yeah. Sure. That's what I'm saying. I think we're too connected now as a society. It's better that certain people don't know where Windsor Terrace is, and certain people don't know where the Bronx is. It's just better. Go in and out. Go to the Yankee games. Stop trying to buy a duplex apartment in the South Bronx. Colin, stop it. No, not Colin. I'm just using the name because I had Colin Quinn in my head because Colin Quinn said that it's not the F train, that the L train after certain stuff gets gentrified. It looks like a ski lift. Another comic stole the joke. Yeah, it was a very funny joke. Yes, and the other comic was from the Bronx. So now you live close to Ozone Park? Yeah. I'm right by JFK over there. It's a great area over there. And then Ozone Park is still very Italian? Or is it Russian? Oh, yeah. What is Ozone Park? John Gotti. Well, Ozone Park is, God, it's actually a melting pot. I'm in South Ozone Park, so it's like, it's a little. Ozone Park is really like Guyanese and. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you take public transportation here from Ozone Park, or you drove? Oh, yeah. You got to drive. Yeah, so what level of success are you now? He's not on the bus. You're not on the train or the bus. He's not on the bus. No, no, no, no. He's doing too well. Even before my success, I quit that. The bus is tough. You can get on the subway, but taking a bus as just a man, it's tough. No, it's just. I'd rather walk. Yeah. I'd rather take a city bus. Back door, when you got to yell back door when they're not. Yeah, no. The bus is for. The bus is for, like, younger people. Like, if you're a 25-year-old man, you shouldn't legally be allowed to get on a bus. That's for them assholes teenagers coming out of school. Or women. Get women on a bus or get young boys. But. I don't have. I won't have my lady on the bus, bro. But I'm just saying, I can understand a woman who wants to take the bus. I get it. But as a grown man, I just can't see a guy on a bus. It's like a guy who doesn't know anything about sports. It's just weird to me. I'm not saying you got to be an expert, but it's just. I'd like you to stay away from my family if you don't know about sports or if you take a public bus. I'm just not into you. I'm just not into what you have. I just don't want you around my family. That's all. I'm still laughing about the back door. That's funny. It's funny. Because when you're on the bus, you got to yell back door. Back door. Oh, man. No, yell back door because he tries to leave. Yeah. You're trying to get off on the back door. Yeah. You got to scream that shit and the whole ride, you've been trying to look cool. Yeah. Yeah. Mysterious. And then it's kind of a gay thing to yell back door. Yeah. Back. I know you hear me saying back door. Sometimes they don't open it, bro. I don't want to be on any mode of transportation where I know there's a possibility I could be on a dark web video page. Sure. Sure. Because those are always where you see the dark like the bad violence happening. It's some CCTV footage that catches somebody on a bus. Yeah. And they try to hijack the bus driver and he starts shooting. I don't want to be in anything where there needs to be security cameras. I've had a couple scary stories on the train, bro. Really? Tell us. What happened? The C train, bro. The C train gets scary. The C train, bro. Yeah. And this was back in like 03, 04. Wow. Real bad gangs, bro. Bloods in the Patrias and Latin Kings. And I remember one time I was on the C train with my girlfriend at the time, that bitch. Sure. She's oh, man. Yeah. And these, those, these three kids, but we was kids also. And one of them was a tall, skinny lesbian lady who had on a do-rag. Okay. And, um. Sir? Once you put a do-rag on your woman, I think you deserve a sir. Sure, yeah. And then it was, she was with two dudes. And I remember I was, I was on my sidekick LX. Yeah. Great phone. Old school. And she had a PSP in her hand. And she was like, yo, what time is it? And by the way, that's the ultimate, you're about to get robbed. Right. Sure. Right. Yeah. What time is it? Right. I see her asking you that with her watch on. Right. Well, with your watch on. Yeah. Yeah. Before they, before they actually, cause I've seen them over there, before they walked up to me, I put it away. Smart. Cause I already felt that. Um, what time is it? I'm, oh, I don't know. I can't tell you. So you sure? How do you, how do you talk to your pretty girlfriend? I'm like, oh man, you know, we just, the internet and shit. Yeah. And then we got off on that very next stop. Cause I was like, yo, you know, we was in the corner seat. Yeah. That corner seat is, is dangerous. Yeah. Cause that's where you could get bottled up. Uh-huh. Get jumped. Yeah. Smart. So I got off right there on the next stop. It wasn't even my stop. I just got off. I know that feeling. What are you doing? Yeah. It's my stop. Yeah. And she came with you, your girl. Yeah. And then we got back on the next train and right when we get to Brody Junction, you know, they have a precinct there. Yeah. Literally a precinct. In the station. Those three motherfuckers was in handcuffs. Wow. Yes. Cause they robbed somebody. Yes. And one of them was a lesbian in a do-rag. Yes. Yeah. You gotta, yeah. Cause she, she's, you gotta be most scared of her cause she got the most to prove. And that was 2003? 2004, 2003. And see, and those are the good old days when those people are still in prison today. They didn't get right out. This is what I respect about the Broadway Junction shop. Yeah. They have a precinct in there, but most of the crime happens at that stop. Sure. They love to continue. You, you can get robbed at the Broadway Junction stop. Right. Oh, the Broadway Junction. Yeah, that shit is a Yeah. And there's a precinct there, but they don't care. They will do it right. They will do it. Yeah, they'll do it right there. Yeah, they'll do it right away. And, you know, and it's one of those things where, like, I think people have to grow up in New York City. Like, you grew up in a New York City where that would happen a lot. It was the whole thing. I got in that, I was right in that time where things were happening, but you would get arrested and do real time if you did some real shit. So, there was a little bit of fear in the criminals, but when you were growing up, there was zero fear in the criminals. It was just, it was just a time where there was a good chance you were just gonna get jumped. That's what it was. I remember one time I went into the train station where, you know, and it was Grand Army Plaza, and we went downstairs. It was me and my friend Zach Zarba, who's now an NBA ref. He's an NBA ref. He's gonna ref the finals. Yeah. We walked down the station, and it was just, if you went out at a certain time, there was a school, John Jay, and if they were letting out, it was just, we walked down the stairs, and you just knew it. There was, like, just a pack of kids, and you're just like, I had a walkman, and I was just like, this isn't my walkman anymore. I should have just handed it. That's what you're supposed to do. You just hand it. I should have, looking back, I should have been like, here. Because then I wouldn't have got hit. I remember a guy picked me up, and he dropped me on the floor, and I was really close to the tracks. See, and what I like about Rondell is he's, you can tell, like, a nice guy and has that niceness in him where he knew to get off the train, and he's like, I'm not going to do those things and engage in that criminal activity. I'm not going to do that. I see that. I want to go another way. I want to become successful, as opposed to Sergio Chacon, our other Latino friend, who would beat up drug dealers with his bare hands just to get a little bit of money, and now is over here on Mushroom saying he's a spiritual leader. What I know, he used to beat up drug dealers when he was 15 years old. He might have been that skinny lesbian with the do-rag that tried to rock. It might have been him. My thing is, I'm always protective of the women. So if I was alone it would have been different, you know? Or if I was with my friends, it would have been different. If that was me in that situation, I was with the woman, I would have looked at her and been like, either she got the message that I'm getting off at the next station or she didn't. No, the thing is with Giannis, and I'm okay with this too, Giannis is okay with running and biting. Yeah. Giannis is okay in a fight to bite. You gotta. It's okay if he'll bite somebody. Oh, I'll bite the fuck out of somebody. Just get him out of here. I'll take the chomp out of somebody, bro. You gotta be able to bite. If I need to. Yeah. That's why I've been taking, you know, Krav Maga, the Israeli street fighting? No. So I've been taking these classes with Krav Maga and part of it is, you know, martial arts and jiu-jitsu and all that is an art form and it's beautiful. Krav Maga was invented by the Israelis because they're surrounded by their enemies over there, where it's just end the fight. So they're teaching you, grab the nuts, gouge the eyes, bite somebody. This is not about a martial art and gaining points. This is in a street fight. Just end it. Just don't even, there's no negotiation. If you get back into a corner and you can't negotiate with the person, then you end it. They teach you how to disarm people with guns and knives, stab somebody. Grab their nuts, bite them, just move on. I kind of like that. Can't grab nobody nuts in East New York, bro. That shit. I mean, I generally don't love prank videos because they make me feel uncomfortable, but the ones that I do like that I think are funny is when the dude goes to like a dangerous area and he starts something with the guy and then he gets naked and the guy runs away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just shows you like you can always win if you just if you try to do something gay to the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy will just not want to fight you. The toughest guys will be like, what'd you say to me? And then the guy gets naked and the guy's like, yo, yo, I'm not into that. I'm not fighting nobody with their dick out. It's like a sex crime. Yeah, yeah. One time we got robbed. One time a bunch of my friends, we came up to 42nd Street. They used to have a bunch of fake go get like fake Nikes and shit. Sure. We used to call them Snikes. Why? Because it's fake Nike Snikes. Remember that? Snikes? I don't remember that. Our generation. Our generation called them Snikes. And my friend, he borrowed his older brother's Vanson jacket and this was the Predator glow-in-the-dark with the boned jacket. It was like $1,200 and this was like an 04. And this group of dudes, bro, they walked up. We was on one of them long Manhattan blocks. Quiet. And I remember I was the only friend who didn't take no money on this fucking. I had no, I didn't buy nothing. I was just broke as fuck. And it was Halloween time and the dude pulls out a gun bro and my friend has to take off his jacket and give it to them and i was just like standing on the outskirts they didn't have me like in the main huddle i don't know they like knew they sensed the poverty on me or whatever and then finally the dude says run your pockets yeah so bro the only thing you know what i pulled out my fucking pocket bro i had some glow-in-the-dark vampire plastic teeth yeah you remember them of course and the mind you these are fucking killers bro yeah he dead ass laughed in my face bro yeah we're for gun bro i i still can't even believe that he was going like you this is what you have yeah yeah and he let me keep it yeah he let you keep it yeah there's a lot of good criminals who had the saliva string on it yeah yeah yeah some you know everything is contextual right it's not great to be poor unless you're in a situation where you get robbed then poverty helps that helps a lot you could save your life sorry for me bro yeah yeah yeah it's rough when the guy who needs money and is robbing you laughs at you for being poor you know what's the thing you know what's the thing too that latinos do that i want to start doing a lot of people in my wife's family do it is they go by the middle name your real name is andy yes first name's andy the middle name's rodell a lot that's a very latino thing to go by the middle name like if my name was paul di stefano what do you think is your middle name paul my middle name's paul you could be a paul should i change it because i like because if i your name is andy rodell ortiz rodell is better rodell i don't even when i first created instagram i just thought it'd be cool because i i asked my parents like where that name came from i don't know no fucking rodell's you know where is it they said it was the ring boy uh at their wedding that was his name his name was rodell yeah he had a black ring bearer yeah yeah rodell what they're telling you he's saying in in english it sounds black right rodell yeah but in spanish rodell rodell rodell rodell rodell and you know i'm sure you know it's a dominican name but it's not a dominican name it's a dominican name it's a dominican that the first new york city resident ever was dominican do you know that no i didn't know that fun fact yes who the fuck was that uh juan i forgot his last name but juan something if google he was the first new york city resident ever was a dominican kid i think his name was juan rodriguez i actually think that was his name my middle name would not yeah juan rodriguez a multilingual afro latino born in santo domingo was the first non-native settler of manhattan in 1613 came in on a dutch ship free as a trader living among the lenape which was the native american tribe that manhattan uh was you know lived on by and then uh before the dutch came so dominican so you're a pioneer my friend you better fucking believe it a founding father and bad bunny did this shit last night yeah i'm gonna come talk spanish this whole podcast we liked it we were in the camp of we liked it yeah yeah it was great i love it i listen if you're not if you got to go to miami yeah miami is the spot where you get all of the latin cultures in one city oh yeah and it's just latin american culture is just fun what i think and sex what i think racist white people would really benefit from is because you know i am immersed in latino culture now my whole family's puerto rican and majority of when people when i say my family my house is full it's full of puerto rican people that she has a much bigger family and they're very family oriented good people but i think they they had a fire escape put in on his window we live we live in on the country but we got a fire escape we got a johnny cup we just want to make them feel good we got a there's a bodega downstairs yeah and so and so we so what i think they would not want to know is is like the racist white people is that the latinos are just as racist they racist against the some of the most racist things i've ever heard in my life with my mother-in-law saying shit and i'm like i really wish people knew that we're all fucking alike here we all hate everybody there's definitely some racist latinos bro hundred percent hundred percent and i and i and i i always just find it fascinating where i'm like no no no you got to understand and anybody who's mad at the bad bunny thing i think is just kind of ignorant why would you not want to watch hot latino women dancing around and for the fellas a couple of hot guys grinding their bangas on each other that was that was all nice to see i mean i can't imagine the alternative country western halftime show that they said was any more fun than this because you know you know super bowl we football season we were getting banged up having a few brews and we were getting banged up having a few brews and i told you i wanted to stop drinking because i was getting hung over getting depressed but we found something called cheers restore that helps restore you the next day after you have a few brews yes this is a beautiful beautiful thing um obviously there are more negative effects from alcohol than just dehydration we all know that we're all drunk um you got to think how could alcohol be hard on your brain and liver yeah it has a depressing effect on specific receptors in your brain and it's toxic to your liver so it's not a good thing to do it's not a good thing to do it's not so there's more stuff going on because there's more stuff going on and that's why i like to be restored because you're like because the way i look at you because is you're like you're you're you're an older you're an older piece you know what i mean so you're not to be renovated or to be restored that's what i'd like that's what i'm gonna do to you you know you got to get your chimney restored yeah i mean not renovated this is great if you're drinking and then the next day you just want to feel good let's just want to feel good you want to go back to normal i'm telling you with cheers you're going to feel about 50 percent better than next day or your money back basically two drinks feel like one the next morning all you do is take three capsules after your last drink or before bed now this isn't for college binge drinking okay if you want to do 12 tequila shots you're probably going to feel rough we're talking about mature older drinking but if you're a normal adult responsibly having two three or four drinks you're going to feel significantly better with cheers that's a guarantee yanni tell him how they could get it well i just want to tell you this has been on shark tank and supposedly people really like this thing i'll tell you right now i like to have a couple glasses of beer once in a while i'm trying this shit it's just what it is because yeah i like to pitch my ideas to tank sinatra and i call it shark tank sinatra so check this out same night out way 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subscribers only varies by plan one free breakfast item per box for one year while subscription is active yeah now the old stereotype remember when we were kids the old stereotype for some reason was dominicans don't have socks and i still don't understand no no no socks with sandals yeah but the joke was always no sock a hundred percent and i don't know why that don't wear socks but only with sandals i thought oh the reverse i haven't in boot ricans are socks now why is that is that the caribbean culture like they just don't wear socks is it real a hundred percent it's a hundred percent true that that was a thing yeah and i used to wear fucking two socks like just so people didn't fucking so you have on socks right now absolutely his socks have socks yeah yeah yeah um i don't i honestly don't know where it came from but it it is well you're saying you knew it came from that they didn't yeah a lot of times they didn't but a lot of older like dominicans would not wear socks and just be cool with it just raw dogging them the the shoes probably better for your feet absolutely not bro you think it's bad for the feet yeah it's bad bro i mean imagine putting fucking no socks on some timberland boots bro yeah you have nothing to absorb the sweat yeah you think any of the baseball players are playing with no socks yeah probably interesting yeah juan soto hundred percent yeah yeah you know and and and you know in new york it's dominicans puerto ricans you know that's like the main and everyone always said they had beef but i never found that and i found that dominicans at least i used to live on stat island so many dominicans own businesses dominicans are very very very like high up caribbean nation nah they go crazy bro dominicans definitely i mean we got the fucking tax services everything yeah how about this bodegas the barbershops restaurants for for dude one time it was actually very very funny i it was just i have i have a dominican friend um on stat island great guy and we were like in like a barber shop and he They were watching YouTube, and Nick DiPaolo came. Everybody in the barbershop is Dominican, except me. I'm just a white guy. They're all talking in Spanish. And then I don't know what it was. The YouTube, they were playing shit on YouTube, and a clip from Nick DiPaolo's special came up. And the clip was, I forgot, I'm paraphrasing, but Nick is like, yay. And then there's this Dominican guy in traffic next to me driving a $200,000 car. I'm sure he's a dentist. Oh, I know that. And yo, bro, these guys started fucking dying laughing. And I was like, oh, that's cool. I was just like, nobody was like, because in a white place, if that was like reverse tape, like that, it's not okay. Where Dominican guys were just fucking laughing at it. And I was like, this is so easy to be around people like this. Man, Dominicans, if you want to hear some real fucking dark humor, bro, in Spanish, bro, like I was telling Marcelo, because you've seen it, Marcelo, shout out Marcelo, his Netflix. Shout it out. I saw his fucking, his same set in Spanish. Right. At the stand. And it was like three times more funny. Yeah. Because that's what, yeah. Yeah. The rhythm of it or? Oh, yeah. Everything. Everything about it. Healing. The punchlines just hit harder in Spanish. And for me, that was great to see. But my thing is like, it's that mix of English and Spanish. Sure. But Dominicans really get into the dark humor, bro. They got some shit that I'll be like, bro, do not say that shit in English. Do not. You know, it was funny when I was a kid. Like, you know, obviously we're exposed to so many cultures or whatever. But I remember when I was real little, you know, I think a Dominican was the first, the first time I saw a black person speak in Spanish. Right. And I was like, I had to be like, what? And that's how you learn about Dominicans. Well, same thing. I think everyone learns about Dominicans going like, they see a black person speak in Spanish and they go, hey, what are you? And they go, Dominican. You're like, oh, this Dominican. Well, what's wild about the Dominican Republic, it's the same landmass as Haiti. It's just divided by mountains, right? Hispaniola, Hispania is called. Yeah. That's like, it's like Cyprus. One side is Turkish. It's a fascinating history. The Santo Domingo is the oldest continuously inhabited European settlement in the America. So 1496. It's just, the thing is, is like DR, my, my Dominican friend. I mean, he's so business savvy. Like, I feel like, I feel like New York City, everyone always thinks about the Puerto Ricans, but the Dominicans are actually the ones. We run this shit, brother. That's what it is. But it's like, I don't know why, why is it that New York City always think Puerto Ricans are like the ones who are talked about more? What do you think it is? Because Puerto Rican, there was a lot of Puerto Ricans. There's a lot. Oh, the Dominicans came later. Yeah, they came later, a little later. Well, besides the first guy who came. Right. But the Puerto Rican, I think there's the most Puerto Ricans outside of Puerto Rico are in New York City. And bro, let me tell you something. Every time my friend would come back from DR, he would bring me Leenda. Oh, brother. Wow. Hey. Where I get to smack up on that Leenda. Hey, I love that shit. I love that Leenda. When I drink that shit hot. The hot, yes. Out the trunk of a car, bro. It's a. It's a rum, right? Oh, yeah. Bro, you've never. It's the smoothest rum I've ever had in my life. Smooth and sweet and savory. He would bring it to me and I would just be like, I don't even know how to thank you. It was amazing. The first time I had that shit was in 2021. Yeah. I was on my way to a resort from the hood over there. By the way, when you go, you got to go to both. Go to the resort, but also spend some time in the hood, bro. And the campo. Right. Yeah, it's really nice. Is that safe for the whites? Absolutely. Okay. Yeah. I mean, don't wear that. Yeah. Like, whoops. Don't wear socks, bro. I like the same sentence. He said, yeah, it's safe, but don't wear your jewelry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a mixed message. Yeah. Don't be white. Yeah. My cousin. I'll show you my cousin. He looks just like. Oh, yeah. Yeah. My Dominican. All his family members were white, blonde hair, blue eyes. Yeah. They got it. They got everything over there. So it's not. It's not spooky. It's not like you will see somebody super white, blonde hair, blue eyes and just talking. Don't know. I look at English. I look at English and just straight. We are. So it's not like you're going to be over there and people are going to be looking at you. You know, obviously, in certain hoods, you can't go to. But yeah, that's the first time I had a agenda on the fucking. We like rented a bus to take my whole family over there. I don't even remember checking in, booking the excursion. Smack, bro. That legenda. Damn, bro. It's the best. I know you was hip to that, bro. I would have fucking brought one. I know all about it. And since I've moved off Staten Island, I miss my friend. I would just want to fuck it. I want to send me some land if you're listening. Sure. But restaurants, they do carry that here. Yeah. We'll talk. I know. I mean, honestly, I mean, the food. I love Dominican food. I'm big into the Dominican culture. I just can't tell the wife that because she's Puerto Rican. But I'm also big into the Dominican porn. Oh, really? Yeah. You dirty girl. I like that. I just like it. It's more accessible. It's Monday, bro. Yeah, but you just put in Dominican asses on Pornhub and you have a good time. Little legenda and Dominican asses on Pornhub and it's weepy. Did you know that Dominicans, I think, now make up the majority of the NYPD? Oh, there's a lot. There's a lot. There you go. Oh, my God. Hi. Yo. Bro, why don't you go to some Dominican cops and I just look up and I just see my cousin over here, bro. Dominican big booty. Follow it on Instagram. That's what it is. Giannis will take a screenshot of that, draw some dick and balls on the back, and be good to go. Giannis likes to see a little cock hanging from the back. Bro, that little dick. You really look like three of my cousins, bro. I got to be honest with you. It's so overwhelming for me that it actually wouldn't even make me horny. I'd actually just walk away because I actually would just, I don't, it's an overdrive. Yeah. It's too much. Uh-huh. Yeah. It shot me off. It's really something. Like, I actually, I think because I think. You remember that? Ah, it is. It is nice. Yo, take this up. Yeah. Yo. I mean, that is nice. Yeah, Giannis' glasses are fogging up. I remember when I first went to DR, I was like, uh, like as a. As an adult, you know? Yeah. And I was like 19. Mm-hmm. And, you know, the women over there, they will, if you got money, they, you know, they're going to be on you. Sure. That's why I'm not allowed to go. Exactly. No, you over there, come on. No, I fucking. You would clean up, right? I tried to, you know, the amount of times I've tried to just suggest to my family, like, oh, I'll do a show there. She's like, you're not going on to ever, you're not even flying over it. I can't leave the continental United States. I'm not allowed to. You're on house arrest. Yeah. No. The first time, one of them girls was, it was like so into me that I just flaccid the whole time. I couldn't, because it was like, bro, there's no way. Yeah, to a well, yeah. It was, it had, it sometimes, the women, they look like that, that it, my brain can't compute it, and it just, I, I, it was nothing. Is it intimidating? Is this just too intimidating? I don't know what to say. It was just like, you look really, really good, and I know how I look. You feel me? Sure. Yeah. And it's, it's like, I just, I just felt like something was up. Ah, that's what it was about. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I was. That's what New York Spidey sense. I was too scared, bro. You're a smart kid. My dick was scared. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I was soft. Your skin knew you might get robbed before you. Your dick was, your dick was, your dick is more street smart than you are. Exactly, bro. Yeah. Yeah. My dick was spooked out. Yeah, dude. I mean, it's, now, who represents Dominican comedy other than, better than you? Who, who was with the other Dominican comics? I mean, right now, bro, when you talk about fucking the big stage, you gotta talk about Marcelo Hernan. He's Dominican? He's Cuban. Oh, no, he's half. He's got some. I thought he was just Cuban from Miami. Nah, he's half Dominican. Oh, okay. He's half Dominican, yeah. I love Marcelo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, great kid. He actually, he had me come do some Spanish standup. Good. Yeah, at the standup. My first time. Marcelo's one of those guys, like, from SNL, like, he's obviously a star already, but, like, he's the one that, like, you don't have to debate it. You're like, okay, if this kid goes on. Oh, yeah, he's out of here. He's a movie star. Yeah, he's out of here. He's like a, he's like one of those guys, like, used to be everybody on SNL was a guy like him. Like, the Will Ferrells and the, all the, and everybody was the right cast, and now it's like they pick a lot of people, and it's like some are good, some are like, what is this person even doing? But Marcelo is almost like an old school pick. Like, oh, he would have been on the cast in the 90s, you know? Look at, they got, they got their own scene down there, too. Look at this. Who's Mario Moreno? Cantinflas. Yeah, bro, that's some definitely, some bangers over here. Doesn't Moreno mean black guy? Mario the black guy? Moreno, Moreno is definitely, means dark skin. Yeah. But that's definitely. What's the last name over there? Tin Tan? Is it a Chinese guy? Ting Tang. Herman Valdez. See, this is what I'm saying. This is Mexican cinema. But, but, but, but this is what I'm saying. We were having this debate before about how so many people are, were mad at the Bad Bunny Super Bowl, and it's like, we live it, people aren't thinking that we're living 30 years ago. It's like, bro, there's an option for everybody. Literally, anything you don't like, there's no reason to comment that you don't like it because you can just find what you like immediately. Right. That's what the internet is. So, like, even this, like, we have, like, this whole, like, let's. Latino comedy scene that we don't, besides Marcelo, oh, and of course, the Kid Mero. I don't know these other people. That's right, bro. Yeah. Shout out Kid Mero. Shout him out. He's got a Hot 97. Oh, is he? Yeah. One of the, like, everyday guys now? Breakfast Club, yep. Oh, perfect. Not the Breakfast Club, but. What is it? He got Mornings with Mero. Oh, Mornings with Mero. Yeah. What did, who was it used to be? Isn't it? Oh, Nessa's in the afternoon. I think it was, yeah, it was Ibro. Ibro. Yeah. Ibro, so he, he took Ibro's spot. Ibro's out. Now it's him. Good for him. Congrats to the Kid Mero. Daniel Perez? Who's that? I don't know. Daniel Perez? Dominican? Daniel Perez. I feel like I've heard of. Dominican's a coming, bro. Yeah, there's a lot, bro. Especially the New York scene, bro. I got to shout out Tommy 5K. He's one of the people who actually put me on. Is he a runner? To doing stand-up. Oh, okay. Yeah. It was. Because 5K's. Oh, that's why you said that? I just wanted to do it for Nick. He's definitely not a runner. He's not a runner, brother. Nueva Yola's another one. He's another Dominican comedian. I had him open up my mouth. No, try to say that one. Excuse me? Nueva York. Nueva York. It's New York in Spanish, right? You got that? Nueva York. But the way it just, when you speak Spanish. Nueva York. Nueva York. Like, I would say Nueva Yorkay. Nueva York. Nah. But the way it's Spanish. Nueva York. Yeah, Nueva York. Nueva York. Nueva York. Yeah. Yeah. You know? Hello, what's up, Johnny? Yeah, what's up, people? What up? Yeah, dude. So, wait. So, you're on tour now, then? Yes. Stand-up tour. Yeah. All over the country? Yep. Yeah. We're actually going to the West Coast next week on the 17th. Sweet. Where at? What dates? We're doing an Irvine improv. Great. We're doing Hollywood improv. Great. We're doing San Jose. San Jose's a. Yeah. Okay. There you go. Look at that. Ontario. Somebody bought tickets for Canada. But it's in California. I know, but. Yeah. I was like, bro, get a San Jose improv. Do not go to the bar across the street. Somebody gets shot at that bar like every six months. Come on, bro. I'm built for that. Look at that. Tempe, Arizona, bro. That's a real place. Tempe is beautiful. Yeah. Walkie, Zany's. Be careful at Tempe because it's right by Arizona State University, and they're like the number one party sex school with the hottest cheerleaders ever. So, just be careful in Tempe. Okay. Yeah. Because it gets wild out there. Brookfield, Wisconsin. Nice place. First time ever there. I mean, Zany's. Comedy Club in Rosemont. I mean, that's going to be great. I actually like the Rosemont better than the downtown. Yeah. Rosemont's great. Downtown. Old town. There's two Zany's. One in Chicago, one in Rosemont. You're playing the bigger one. So, you're going. Yeah, I'm excited for that. Go with that. That's the narrowest. Bonnie Bone in Albany. DC Comedy Love. Yeah. Go check him out on tour. What's the site? Where can people see you? RodellOrtiz.com. RodellOrtiz.com. And, yeah, this is great. Punchline Dallas I've never been to. Yeah, me neither. I haven't been to a lot of. I did the Comedy Loft in DC. That one is. Hell yeah. I like that one. Hell yeah. That felt like grid. When did you start stand-up? I started stand-up in 2004. Oh, shit. So, you've been doing this forever? Yeah. I'm fucking washed. Yeah. But you didn't stop since 2004. You've been doing it consecutively. Actually, last year. So, in 2024, I started. We did 60 shows. In 2024? In 2024. And then we ended it. We ended it in 2025 at the United Palace, my first theater show. And that was fucking. Where was that? Washington Heights. Oh, Washington Heights. Oh, sick. Yeah. Hometown show. Yeah, we blew the doors off that bitch, bro. 4,333 seats. Nice. One night only. See, United Palace, that's great. Yeah. And then after that, I was like, it's over. I'm out of here. Right. It felt like. Go off on a high. Yeah, it felt like the moment where I'm like, this is it. And then your agent called and said, all right, we're going to Albany, we're going to Dallas, we're going to Rosemont, we're going to Washington. Right after that, my grandma died. Shit. And you had to pay for the funeral. I had to do that. But then also, I was just like, fuck. And also, before that, during my 2024 run, my father passed away. So, it was like, my father passed away, then my grandma, and then I was just fucked, bro. I was just miserable. I didn't want to. Because even the weekend after my father's funeral, I had to fly back from DR, and do five shows in Providence and Boston. And I was just. I was like, God, I don't know how I'm supposed to go up there and tell jokes right now, because I feel miserable. Right. I've been there. Yeah, that's crazy. It's crazy. It's such a fucking. It's a feeling that not many people have to experience, because they can take a leave off work, or even their job is not to be happy. Yeah, you got to go up there and pretend and be like, I'm here to cheer you up, but who's going to cheer me up? Yeah, yeah. It was definitely tough. But then after that, bro, my grandma passed away. I was just fucking miserable, sad, mental health, depression, B.O. Grieving. 100%. You didn't have time to grieve. Grieving. Yeah, all of that, bro. It was just like. And then the whole 2025, I was just. I felt like I was just out of it, like checked out. You barely were doing stand-up even. No, not at all. Zero. Not at all. After the big show, I didn't do none until the very. Like in September, I went back up. But from 2000. From 2004 to 2024, you were doing it every night or on the weekend. Yeah, yeah. You were immersed in it. Yeah, I was definitely very active. I had a whole. You know, America doesn't give you much time to grieve. Oh, no. No. Like other cultures, you know, like my mom said, like on the island, when her grandparents died, her grandmother. My great-grandfather died. He was 110. Wow. My great-grandmother, my mom's grandmother, this is the island of Crete, would wail every day that he died so young. At 110. She was like, man, he left so young. And she was like miserable and wore black for like two years. Oh, yeah. In America, it's like you got to get back to work. You got to. They don't give you any time to process your grief. No, Dominicans are like that too, bro. We take death terribly. I mean, we do the. I mean, you know, we're super Catholic. Sure. So they'll do the two weeks of prayer afterwards. Sure. So it's like sometimes I do. I am envious of some of the people who will throw a party for like their loved one. Or celebrate the life. Yeah, with music and shit. And then right afterwards, just. It's over. Yeah. It's funny how different cultures grieve. Well, because I got to be honest with you. Like, I think it's Puerto Ricans too. Like, again, that's what I have the kind of knowledge of now. And, you know, when my wife's grandmother died, she was older. She battled a disease for a very long time. Again, celebration of life. I, you know, obviously knew and understood people would be upset. But I thought this lady lived a great life. Mm-hmm. The way. Every family member, when they walked into that funeral home and saw her in the casket, every single one of them fell down. That I thought there's somebody with a sniper rifle shooting people from the back of the room. I didn't understand what's happening. I said, why is everyone falling down, rolling on the floor? And they're like, because Abuelita died. I said, she was dying for the last eight years. She's about 98 years old. What's going on? I mean, people were on the floor. I actually asked Jazza, should I put a mat down? What do I do here? Because people are falling. Someone's going to break their arms. She said, it's just, you got to let them grieve. I said, but people are fucking throwing. They're like. Screaming. They're flexing themselves. They're hysterical, crying on the floor. And you're German, and you're looking and going, what is the big deal? I said, I don't know. I said, when are we going to eat? That's what this is for. But I literally, and Jazza actually had to tell me to stop laughing, because I couldn't control it. What the fuck, Abuelita? Because after the eighth. You have to understand, coming from the white community, where, again, we're just a little bit more cold and about it. Specifically German. Specifically German. You close the casket, you go to eat, and then you move on. But, you know. Sometimes you close it. You close the oven, and you move on. And you move on. But after seeing the eighth or ninth person hit the deck in 20 minutes, you can't help but just giggle a little bit. I just didn't know what was doing, what people were doing, really. You couldn't help but giggle. I couldn't help but giggle a little bit, and then. Now, we dramatic, bro. Dramatic. Again, celebrate. I love it. Not making fun of it. But to me, it was a shocker, because people were just, you know, were falling face first into the chairs. Cuz, let me tell you something. Yeah. This weekend, I went to Vegas, right? Uh-huh. And Josephine, my Siberian husky, ate a sock. Oh, no. And they had to take her to the ER, because they said it could ball up and, you know, block her intestines. So, we took her to the ER, and thank goodness we had the ASPCA pet health insurance to help us through that. 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Like, in the campo, I remember my mom told me, like, when her. when her great-grandfather died, her grandmother like they would literally lose their fucking mind bro sure like they'll be like biting the couch and shit like right yeah like literally like hysterically done and even when my grandfather died i had to physically remove my mom from the funeral i get it like i had to take her out of there because she was fainting right like you've seen it if you've seen them they'll throw themselves they yes all control of their bodies yes like i feel like latinos especially like i feel like we don't really we don't talk we don't we're not accepting of death like a lot of other people are right like we just yeah you know we pray what everybody's going to be in heaven with celia cruz and all the people but it's like when it actually happens they just lose their shit bro and i've seen i've been to too many funerals so sure i know and and for me like i'm the man of the house i gotta be strong and i gotta be there for everybody right and then i gotta go home and cry and you know i'm gonna be there for everybody and then i gotta go home and cry and you know in the privacy you have wife kids all that i have a girlfriend no kids yep nice nice well i mean i i mean it's a different life i love kids i do want kids bro i do right i have uh i've been with my girl for 10 years wow yeah yeah does she want kids she she doesn't mind so is she also dominican she's a puerto rican lady whoa puerto rican lady yeah she's 10 years puerto rican dominican no kids it's interesting yeah right possible yeah yeah man let me tell you something bro there's this thing i i learned when i was probably like 16 uh it's pulling out thing you guys don't know dude i did it i've done it i got great pull out yeah i'm good at it you got three you're not good at it then unless no i'm pulling fully out yeah nah i'm telling you dude puerto rican women are fertile yeah i'm pulling fully out he's pulling away bro every all my kids are from pre-cum really my boy got some fucking viking he's got german pre-cum so it's like he's got some fucking viking he's got german pre-cum so like it's gonna be a german person so yeah they don't they don't dribble out they fucking shoot out into formation we keep going something yeah something in my sperm they just they just see the womb is france and they're like take it they just they see they look ahead and and i guess the eggs do look like little yarmulkes so they just go dive right into them and then they and then they fertilize it and i think it's just yeah yeah so you uh you italian or german so i'm my i'm italian and german but when i did the ancestry.com it's mostly german i am actually mostly oh yeah i am most white as fuck white as fuck i just started watching the sopranos for the first time ever bro last week what do you think of it man i fucking love it's a great show great show i'm on season two episode uh 10 or some shit sure it's a fantastic show yeah man i just missed those kinds of shows bro it's like slow pace but like just rich like also you also miss the whole script right it could be it could be entertaining so i think people miss those kind of guys you missed that yeah kind of people yeah you know the criminals you kind of just miss it a little bit you miss everybody having to be proper all right you miss everybody having to be politically correct you like a guy who's just going to tell you how it is once in a while i'm not saying everybody they're still there they're just not but you gotta it's just you gotta you gotta throw them in a little bit more i think people feel a little calmer wouldn't you feel a little calmer if you knew the mafia was running your neighborhood they did keep the neighborhood safe i mean the irony is they did the only problem is you if you had a business you'd have to you'd have to do something about it you'd have to do something about it you'd have to give a cut away just like yeah but but then but then especially now you're going like i know the agent's necessary but is the manager also necessary the manager there you go you had to give another 10 give him a cut yeah yeah it's just nice it's nice to know very similar yeah very similar you know you missed the old world a little bit now did you grow up big baseball big baseball my father was a big baseball fan and he put me he was a big uh red socks fan interesting because i think dominicans are probably the biggest dominicans are probably the biggest dominicans are probably the biggest dominicans are probably baseball and the best baseball players i think they're number one yeah he was i mean and i i couldn't get into boston bro i became a yankees fan okay he hated that yeah how did he become a red socks fan in new york dominicans love boston red socks bro it's just a thing even yeah why is that like not because of manny years before manny was also no that was the manny era yeah by the way this was the david ortiz manny era that my pops put me onto baseball but a lot of dominicans in new york bro are boston fans which i think is atrocious you can't yeah you can't be that out of boston you failed me i love y'all but you can't be a boston yeah disgusting so i was a yankees fan and then oh nine world series i cut school to go yeah yeah i played against manny greatest i play as kids what do you mean in baseball he played for bonnie's yeah in baseball what's wild about manny ramirez is he was he was like a man in new york but never learned english i know isn't that wild english in washington heights yeah that's what you in washington heights you can get by with that you don't get by not knowing a hundred not have to speak english just like in flushing queens you don't have to you can just speak chinese i know i'm serious you can have a full life bro no his stats is too good bro yeah fuck english for what dude when in you when you go to dural like outside miami like a lot of people do not speak english at all they call it a little venezuela i mean it's just you go in there and you're like can i get two waters and they're like like it's just they don't you go to the drive-thru i think i've seen something like that this lady went to the drive-thru she like got off the highway and went to a random taco bell and the lady did not in florida in florida wow yeah she was like and the lady started talking in english and she was like no speak no speak today and she was pissed bro like she recorded it and it was everywhere oh my god do you do you like my uh performing in miami do you do oh yeah we fucking this like 1700 people over there just now nice at the improv and just that audience there bro they come for a party they come for yeah support they don't come for like stand-up they come for a party i think we fucking i think i don't know if i'm talking shit here but i think we broke the liquor record that weekend i believe it yeah because again bro the people that come to my shows aren't people that come to stand-up comedy show right right this is a whole new night out and these and my people bro we're used to going to the club and spending three three thousand dollars and then we're i believe it bro on bottles yeah so if they're there they're like okay we're at the club yeah yeah right they don't they don't buy drinks bro no how much is the bottle yeah you know what i mean yeah so the question i have is you broke the liquor record but what would the waitresses say they were tipped or not tipped with the wait what would the waitress say about the tipping record was that broke was that look man or did some somebody get five bucks on a nine hundred dollar bill you know what it is though all right look in dr there's not no tipping culture over there okay there's no tipping like if you leave 20 on the i remember i was with my family and i was leaving them 20 and they literally look at you like are you fucking dumb like what the hell you think you're doing like give me right right you can't they feel insulted right away if i'm a family yeah i could see that i could see that coming where like a tip people like like you know i was just in vegas and i tried to tip the general manager of the club and he got a little insulted he was like what do you think i need this i was like no i just thought it was the right thing to do i think some people feel that way i get it i do gotta start shouting out the to tip the yeah i think i shouted i did shout out the staff you listen yeah we all have to tell our audiences certain things yeah i think you know what i mean you tell your audience hey don't forget don't forget the wait staff they work here they work here you know they don't get paid a salary that's what it is yeah i have to say i think hispanic puerto rican dominican audiences are the funnest i think if i look back the most fun i've had doing comedy is doing those more recent shows yeah because because the energy the energy's crazy because they actually let loose i know being a white person having a white family and i know it's even illuminated even more because you know wife's puerto rican it's like i have a very boring cold stiff that's the culture it's like we don't get excited where my wife's having fun every day yeah i don't know how you people sit there on fucking christmas and don't drink and get escorted out of here by an ambulance like it's jesus's birthday they dress up i mean you know look good yeah i mean it's like beautiful it's a night out the women just like it's just it's just the best yeah let me let me ask you this as you're as you know you're a a big um you know dominican comic representative dominican community us as white guys as white comics i think that you know i'm always talking about my puerto rican wife yana stresses up as a puerto rican transgender person i think we are accepted by the latino community as white as white guys that they fuck with yeah we're white we're we're we're whites that are okay we're good whites to them we're good whites we're good whites i think to the latino comedy community i'm speaking for them yeah i elect you because i think we're good whites i think they definitely fuck with us i don't think that i don't think the latino community has a problem we would know if they didn't fuck with us my ticket sales said they fuck with me yeah i've noted i i it's so funny you say that dude it's so funny because i i was in um where the fuck was i somewhere oh randomly charleston south carolina i don't know why i was at the riviera something down there theater or whatever and the the guy who was there had booked a couple of my shows live nation guy he had been to whatever eight or nine of my shows he goes you know chris i gotta be honest he goes every city we do with you you bring out the latinos and the gays they always just come out latinos and the gays he was like they're i don't know what it is he's like you got latino women coming out and then gay guys because and i'm like that's just what it is we got the same audience we got the same audience we got the same audience we got the - Yeah, yeah, but the Latinos, and the gays that's big that's how you sell tickets you want yeah you want groups you know a little trick here is you really want groups of women to fuck with you because they go out in groups yeah oh yeah guys are like get they're like i i i'm not i'm not a fucking homo yeah where women you want because a girl will come out with 12 of her girlfriends and that's what you want i'll the the only white people i do get at my show is the husband of that smoking right gringo yeah sergio's a fucking hot latinas because the white guys get in there i can't take these fucking latinas oh it's fucking hot latinas yeah they love me like there'd be like six white people in my audience so yeah yeah yeah definitely the white people gotta they gotta they gotta come fuck with me over there i guess right i feel like it's more acceptable too for the latino women to be with the white guys but if black girls with a white guy the black community gets upset at that they're like taking the women i think not anymore but i still don't think it's i think it's a little bit more frowned upon i think latinos it's more okay oh 100 bro yeah but i think it's not like it used i think like i mean dirk nowitzki's got a black nobody cares anymore you know probably not as much as before back then it was it was like a thing yeah we're coming together yeah people don't you know it's interesting you see a lot in virginia what whenever i go to virginia i always see a lot of interracial couples i don't know what it is about virginia but you'll see a white guy the most i've seen is in virginia for that's the real america over there that's right on the you're right on the one on the border of north and south yeah i had a show in richmond virginia um at the you guys know i know richmond state capital uh yeah the richmond a sand man sand uh yeah or the richmond funny or the theater there's a richmond funny bone with the funny bone i did the sand uh whatever it's called yeah some i think that was the most non-latino audience i've had whites or blacks both yeah yeah it was both so did you do all english there so so so this is again i'm i'm like learning you know so like the first time i ever bombed broadway comedy club like 11 45 p.m on a monday night or some one of them weeks those are tough this is full of just tourists really like even and i went up there started this was like right when i first started doing stand-up i went up there talking about fucking mofongo and yeah all kinds of spanish food and it was just like they were like what huh yeah they're from switzerland right it's like what i did maurice at the at the um chambre of improv for the greeks right and i didn't know it was all greek because i actually had a greek character too that was popular and i would do both i started to do both and i went out there and when maurice would come out the place would go nuts and we played the song and it was just you hear it echo you know the improv there is just kind of and i see and it's fucking dark it's dark and then i came out and it was fucking nobody they didn't even know what was go who what was going on like they didn't even know her but just shows the internet it's like the greeks knew panos they had no they didn't know what the fuck was going on did you just do it we did five minutes yeah i moved the microphone like this i told angelo i said rest in peace i said let's wrap it up like that and then you can because bombing an address it's different when you bomb in an outfit yeah it's different it's more humiliating yeah you're putting effort yeah you take that wig off it's a little sweaty yeah wow totally different experience so in february we got san jose improv where else in february scroll up a little bit san jose is coming up february okay we got a lot of dates for my man rodell in february irvine california on the 18th 19th ontario 22nd tempe 23rd la 25th san jose so february if you're gonna do anything for black history month support our dominican friend rodell ortiz i got one question i saw on your instagram with she's so hot what's her name anna armaz or oh anna de armas oh gorgeous goods how isn't that ben affleck's ex uh might have been together that was at that was actually at in at the casita and bad bunny's uh residency in puerto rico oh yeah how is she how does she look in person beautiful i get to the fucking airport right and i see anna de armas there and she's like i mean there's there's very few people that you see that literally just like she's stunning no yeah it's like yeah yeah different kind of woman yeah not as much as my girlfriend you know right right right right you gotta say that yeah she's gonna be checking this out probably but um i was i was with my girlfriend i'm like yo that's fucking anna de armas bro and she's like who gives a fuck right yeah there's people who said me yeah your girlfriend was like she's she's like prettier on camera all right she's like waiting there for her fucking luggage and so by herself with no security or anything she had like six people there with her yeah and there's people walking up to her asking for pictures and me i wouldn't dare no you know and i'm like and i'm finally i'm like bro this is my fucking chance to go and get a picture and finally while i'm doing that and i'm nervous somebody comes and asks me for a picture my god oh yeah that was so that's good timing she didn't fucking see it you gotta say yo hold up do it louder yeah you said you do it louder yeah so she didn't see it she didn't see it bro she didn't see me getting asked for a picture but then that gave me the courage i'm like you know what i'm somebody too yeah fuck you fuck it so i went up to her i asked her for a picture and we took two pictures and in one of them she's like put on a real seductive face i'll show you it yeah yeah and i was like she fucking wants me so bad this yeah but then i'm like all right never see her again the next night i'm 25 moscow mules deep wow yeah i've had 25 of them by the time i got there day drinking yeah of course love me a you went over your mommy no she was she was at the casita bro mind you you know the casita that was i know it's bad bunny show but he had he puts a you remember the house in the super bowl that cardi b was sending yeah in the dead center of the arena picture madison square garden that's they literally call it stage b uh-huh he puts a actual fucking house in the dead center of the arena and people it's an actual house i'm talking about there's a kitchen living room big screen tv playing the thing but when you walk out you're in the middle of the arena and you're in the middle of the arena and you're in the middle of the arena and you're out you're in the fucking con you're on his stage yeah he's hangs out with people in the house and then goes let's go perform outside and you're in the arena he'll he'll some of the concert happens there i'll show you afterwards the but it's only you can't buy a ticket to be in the casita you have to get invited you have to get invited yeah so we got fucking invited so you were in the arena in the casita in the casita so of course anna de armas is in there and anna de armas shows up and she's fucking so now you're golden and then i was talking to her a little bit because i had that liquid courage you feel me oh of course but then i was kind of like yeah i'm a fuck kind of feel like one of these fucking fat assholes like just trying to hang out you know but then i went backstage to go see ruben blades shout out ruben blades he's talking about most fucking legendary people of all time look him up um he was the invited guest that night he always bring out a legendary salsa artist so i go backstage i'm kicking it with him he actually did a movie with anna de armas so i was like yo anna's here and he was like oh tell her tell her you know that i'm here to you know like let's connect or whatever so on my way back i'm like yeah i got ammo now talking about so i go back i'm like hey so you know um you know ruben right she's like ruben ruben blades she's like yeah i'm like oh yeah i was just chilling with him backstage he told me to tell you what's up and her face lit up yeah and i was so bricked up yes of course you almost left your wife right anna de armas is one of those ones where the wife would actually understand i mean i don't i wouldn't care if she would or not i'd just do it you would just do it i'd deal with the car i'll just deal with the repercussions yeah i would like you know what i tell my daughters like daddy obviously hasn't lived here in in the last 15 years but now that you're old enough to know look at who's look at anna de armas so much hate messages bro when i posted her of course people gonna be jealous oh yeah yeah a lot of the hate messages was from my girlfriend also of course fuck you you didn't post me it was all her from different accounts fuck you you fucking fat piece of shit i should have left you 10 years ago you're like who is this some some ghost account saying personal details only she would know yeah yeah that's funny well yeah i'm jealous you got to meet her yeah it was definitely great bro that's a highlight oh yeah well that's good we'll see our boy and then that's it man now you can't say that this is not a cultured podcast yeah culture bro some season in this bro we've had the the the the uh array uh ethnic array of guests we've had right yeah i mean good look we went for david cross the whitest guy in the room when we got rodell ortiz and i'm happy we got rodell right now fuck david cross exactly we got john stamos greek we got a dominican now sergio puerto rican sergio puerto rican we need to get somebody black in here i got that's perfect we never had anybody black on the show pac-man pac-man we had adam pac-man joe and then in the first uh first run we had a lot of black people yeah we had godfrey we had a bunch of yeah yeah yeah yeah all right so i would like to get a trans person on let's do that yeah put the wig on yeah nick any questions any any latino uh inspired questions he just wants a picture shout out to latinos man yeah yeah hell yeah bro all my japan friends love you all the ones in the bronx they love you yeah bro i love them too bro yeah thank you shout out my fucking latinos latinos nick is a latino that doesn't he he wants to be white unfortunately wrestling and white stuff and anime so we got to get him in more in touch with the latinos side because he's you know i'm on food stamps i got it that's true that is true yeah I just started watching anime, too, bro. Attack on Titan, I saw. I'm actually not into anime. I'm just into wrestling. Oh, okay. Oh, really? I thought you were into anime. No. I'm not into that gay shit. Come on. Yeah. All right. Yeah, your anti-wrestling is a little gayer than anime, bro. Come on. Yeah. Yeah, we'll talk. Guys rolling around. Listen, my Greek mother-in-law follows you, so it's not just Dominicans and Latinos following you. Yeah, you're a funny, funny guy. I'll be at the fucking next holiday party. Yeah. Amazing. You've been talking about mother-in-law. Isn't that wild? What would you do if you came home and said- That would be hilarious. Wouldn't it be nuts? If he showed up at Greek Easter, that would be hilarious. Yeah, playing dominoes with her. Yeah. Johnny, how do I do this? Greeks love dominoes. You know, it's funny, because Greeks and Latinos, there's certain things that are very similar. Dominoes is one of them. Another thing is they have huepa, which is just like, you know, you say huepa when you're just excited or whatever. Puerto Ricans. Yeah, that's their word. Puerto Ricans. And then Greeks have upa. Upa's the same thing as huepa. It's just very interesting. Should we start upa? Remember we used to do huepa Wednesday? Should we start- Upa in the morning? Upa in the morning? Yeah. Upa in the morning. Well, bro, thanks for coming out. Thanks for coming out, bro. Man, I had a great time. Appreciate it, man. You too. Hell yeah. Yo. Follow him on Instagram. Follow him everywhere. Go see him on tour. Go see him on tour, and next time we'll drink that leyenda. Amen. Cuz, as always, you go to patreon.com slash historyhyenas. We pick out the funniest winners of the people who have the funniest names. I do. We did miss one over the last couple of weeks that I have written down. We're going to start off with this person, because they've reached out to us a couple of times, and their name is Frisbees Leveled the Praying Field. Ladder 14. Explain that one. I don't get- Frisbees Leveled the Praying Field. Like the playing field, but the praying field, meaning that Frisbees Leveled the Praying Field, meaning they hit- Gaza. Saying it's- Oh! Yeah. Walked into one, very creative. Yeah. For the end of the year. That's what it is for the end of the year. Now I'm just going to say you're for the end of the year. For the end of the year, so that's what it is. Okay. Good one. So here's the list. As always, patreon.com slash historyhyenas. We got Carl's trans daughter, call me Tucka, Carl's son. Okay, good try. Good try. Good try. Anne Eileen, welcome. Welcome, Anne Eileen. Thank you for joining. It's good to have you here. Christopher really appreciates it. Christopher Harlan, Netanyahu playing Palestinian Frogger. Okay, that's for you for the end of the year. End of the year. Uh, my cellmate told me that tattoo was a symbol for peace. My bad. Swastika joke? Yeah, yeah, it's for the end of the year. Connor Ryan. Um, uh, this one is disparaging my wife, so can't do that. Can't do that. I could see that right away. And that doesn't go on to the walk to one of those. That just gets eliminated. It doesn't even get read. Yeah. So that's the problem with that one. No more disparaging family members. Yeah. Unless it's really funny. Yeah, it's got to be really funny. This one's not funny enough. The Red Sea was easier to part than Giannis' island. Nice. We're going to put that one on the list. This list, yeah. Because that's a contender right off the bat. Because I imagine the Red Sea was really hard to part. Yeah, it's just what it is. What's eating Gilbert's gape? Good try. So now this one, the Red Sea was easier to part than Giannis' eyes because you're assuming a male wrote that, your father did. But if you were sure a woman did, you would get upset. I'd get upset. Yeah, that's what it is. I really would get upset. Actually, when the women do make the joke, it upsets you. It upsets me, yes. By the way, have you looked at our Patreon? Some of these girls are fucking peaces. I know, I know. Unless they're using fake profile. No, no, no. Oh my God. We got a lot of peaces there. Insanely hot peaces on there. Yeah, if you're not on the Patreon, you're missing out on some pieces. We have the best Patreon. We just have it. We just have the best Patreon. We just do. Who has more fun? I know a lot of you people are subscribed to other people's Patreons and that's great, but tell us who's more fun than ours. This thing, the name. Our community is the funnest community. There's no question. Everybody else just goes there for a bonus episode. We have a bonus episode plus this community. Our fans are hilarious. Yeah. Jeffrey Ray. As clit Romney said, admit Romney, chicken finger. Nice one. It's not gay. If it's my clone, put them on the list. Interesting. It's an interesting little loophole. Yeah. That's an interesting little loophole. If you're fucking yourself, it's the same thing as masturbating. I mean, it's another person. This is a very deep philosophical question. And my friend, you got a catapult for that. Yeah. It's not gay. If it's my clone, it's not only a great name, but it's also a philosophical question. It's a very open-ended philosophical question that's not solved yet. Eric, then we got chink in my armor and frisbee in my pocket. Okay. I don't get that. I don't know. Chink in my armor. SSD, Suzuki Sommelier at UCF. Okay. That's very funny. So you're saying he samples the Suzuki, which has come at UCF, which is United. The Cum Sommelier. Yeah. Yeah. Which UCF, if you're new to the show, is undercover. Yeah. So he samples the Suzuki. It's really funny. Very funny. Very funny. I'm going to put him on the list. Very inside baseball. I don't think he's going to win, but he deserves to be on it. Very esoteric for our show. Yeah. Used Honda Pilot drives in snow, but not over ice. I know it's some sort of ice joke. Yes. It's used Honda Pilot. It means he's a driver of a Honda. Was that the car that the chick was driving? Maybe. Maybe. Drives it in snow, but not over ice. My ma is my guma. That's interesting. That's really gross. Yeah. Yeah. Um, if St. Matthias's candle is burning, then so is Chris. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you did something bad. Yeah. It's what it is. Yeah. Genghis Khan, Owen Taylor, babe, shit with the door open and the lid closed. Put him on the list. Yeah. It's very interesting. Have some fun. Shit on top of the toilet. Louie Cheese, Christina, Bill, Glue Gun Gary. Glue Gun Gary. Funny. Chick a finger. Father Bill munching on Greta's Thunberger. I am the captain now. Child care services. It's an old one. It's funny. Good one though. In the shower, I turned red washcloths into ladybugs. Put spots on them. Put spots on them. The red, so then it looks like a ladybug because it has like shit spots on it. Shit specks. Yeah. Okay. Very funny chicken figure. I mean, I'm going to Drexler. First Drexler. Yeah. Uncirced jerk Trump is back, so I'm back to work. Okay. Josh P. Sent foreman to pick up ice. But ice picked him up. Okay. Okay. Kevin Kelly, bent twice. Charlie Tong, Colter Komlewski, Tom, Matt Campbell, Abdullah Elmi, Brian Myers, Alcohol Monkey, My Blanket Caught the Flu Cousy, Iceman 87 Van, Banjo Buck, Hyena Pen Security, Glue Gun named General Custer because it shoots Leroys. Ugh. Way song she in. Okay. Nick, you got to tell your friends to stop joining the Patreon. Yeah. Real Pro Fire, Corn Fire Life Safety Services, give my cut of the Patreon to Nick, you fucking Jews. Put it on the list. Okay. Put it on the list. That's what it is. Genghis Khan, Hyena's Bobblehead Night, aka Booked in India. I don't get that. Booked in India. I don't get it. I don't get it. All right. Jack Reinhart, Chrissy D's burnt off ass wart returned. I feel like it's growing again. Benjamin Carrera, Amanda Rivera, Smush Me With Arepas Until I'm Mas Duro, Cole Thomas. Good try. It might be short, but at least it's thin. Drexler. Titus, Drops All, Abhishek Dhawan, Bo Mezek, Mike Cannon's Golden Retriever. Oh, God, because his dad ran over it. Ran over it, yeah. Unfortunately. Off the beam like Charlie Sheen, because laser beams clip my peen, a lot of 14. It's just a good rhyme scheme. Yeah. Hopefully catching pink eye from her stink eye. Okay, the kid wants pink eye. What? The kid wants to eat her ass. He wants to sweep her chimney. It's just what it is. Sauce monkey, but I look muzzy. Call me a sand Negroni. Okay. My fruit of the looms is a tomb of fumes. Love it, and it's gone on the list, and it's a contender. Okay, there you go. That's funny. We got all contenders today. Yeah. My fruit of the loom is a tomb of fumes. Yeah, that, it could be the winner. S-E-S-4-4, James, Nicholas, Reinsch, Squiggly the Squid. Hose, Leroy wearing a screen mask so I can finally shop in peace. Put it on the list. Okay. Put it on the list, because he actually looks scary, but he's saying it's easier to shop with a scary mask and being black. It's very funny. Playing fetch with my German Shepherd. I throw a ball. He comes back with a Frisbee. Put it on the list. I'm sorry. Sometimes they break through the walked in ones. Yeah. Because that is so original. Yeah. That is so fucking good. Yeah. I wish these were on different lists. Yeah. Because I don't want to choose between that one and the one before. It's, yeah. That, yeah. Okay. That is just so original. K. Ross in lane, Matthew Darner, bro from the Congo, look ma, no hands. Ladder 14. Oh, that's bad. Because the hands cut off. Yeah, it's not great. Because we have so many. You want to stop and we have too many. Well, we got to just finish the, to the end of the pitch. Okay, I just feel bad because they're not going to win. Rio Grande swim team. It's a real good one. I mean, what do we do? I'm putting it on the list. On the list. It's a fight. Yeah. Julian, Ed Blinder, Edward Livingston, Trail of Tears, Laugh Track, Nick, Jordan Raysor, I cock block women, it's what it is. Straight to the crack because I'm black and gay. Okay. Well, ladder 14. We got all races and all cultures and religions listening and we love that. Hope is my hedge, but my toe is already off the edge. Kid's falling off the beam. Billy Williams. Are we at 2,000 members yet? Yeah. because mommy needs a new pair of titties. oh we got to pay for someone's titty that's right which we will promise that yeah tom feedback michael olshner tom feedback oh there's your boy yeah great guy morgan meyer deport cash patel far right tucked back call me sydney swilner you know what's funny though this just shows you how everything's tied to politics and like everyone's a hypocrite like if you said deport cash patel who's a citizen people on the left would go yeah deport him right they want him gone right even though he's a citizen yeah i wouldn't say hey that's racist yeah they want cash yeah everyone filters everything through their world through their world like what the actual yeah you're going wait he's a citizen go no i hate him so right yeah yeah and then last but not least dingleberry dan's nugget removal service dingleberry dan is a goodie goodie yeah but if you think this is it don't read i mean no i don't think you should because we got so many whole of famous okay that's fine by me all right so here is the list the red sea was easier to part than yanni's eyes i was hopeful for this guy but he got upstaged yeah unfortunately yeah it's not gay if it's my clone good philosophical question but you the back of the list just came too strong but we do want people to question that on the patreon we want someone who's we want an egghead to figure that out suzuki somalia ucf funny one but we're gonna have to unfortunately all right if you want to see the definition of ucf go to history hyenas is back.com we got a glossary up there of all our terms if you're new to the show you can go check if you don't know what a word is go check out our glossary we got it up there sabrina the hyena updates it on a weekly basis babe shit with the door open and the lid closed it's real funny but i feel like they're strong yeah because i don't get it what is it just a pile of shit on top of it yeah it's just having a good time yeah the guy's just having a really good time and it's i love those once in a while it's just a pile of shit on top of it yeah it's doesn't have to be witty or anything it's just hey babe let's leave the door open and shit with the lid closed but it's off the good part all right you can say let's if you want to have a real party that would be a good expression like tonight we're gonna fucking shit with the with the door open and the lid closed and the lid closed give my cut of the patreon to nick you fucking jews very funny um but we're gonna upstage it nick's saying to keep it yeah he wants to keep it well because nick wants to cut yeah he wants to cut um my fruit of the looms is a tomb we're keeping that as a contender leeroy wearing a screen mask so i can finally shop in peace i think it's funny um but i think we're gonna drexler it okay playing fetch with my german shepherd i throw a ball he comes back with a frisbee i mean it's just too funny it's way too funny and then last but not least rio grande swim team that's another way too funny so those are our three okay so so it is between again i'd like to say we do this right we do this right my fruit of the looms is a tomb of fumes playing fetch with my german shepherd i throw a ball he comes back with a frisbee or the rio grande swim team they're all really good the rio grande swim team is an absolute hall of fame chicken finger that's the definition if a chicken finger was gonna win it would be that one but i think we just got two funnier ones yeah but the rio grande swim team is hilarious because that's how illegals usually swim into the country it's what it is for the rio grande so then it's really between my fruit of the looms is a tomb of fumes or playing fetch with my german shepherd i throw a ball he comes back with a frisbee i mean he's a german shepherd so the king of the looms is a tomb of fumes just does what german shepherd right and frisbees for anyone new is a person with a yarmulke it's a person with a yarmulke we just call it frisbee it's fine frisbees so the pun works here and then my i have looms it's funny it's just a tomb of fumes with the rhyme scheme right so basically we're going with a borderline walked into one which is really creative and funnily or we're going with an absolute hall of fame chicken finger we're gonna vote on this we're gonna vote on this tough there's four of us we're gonna vote what do you got german shepherd frisbee or tomb of fumes fruit of the looms fruit of the looms you like the looms tomb of fumes it is interesting jesse yeah i'm a sucker for a good fart joke yeah yeah and you know what we do have so many frisbees so many of that joke you're the deciding vote here and you know and and even though my dog is 25 german shepherd i do think that fruit of the looms is a tomb of fumes is just something we haven't heard at all and it's very funny um and it's and it's and it's it's kind of more family friendly yes and i like that i think that's the winner personally and i want to just say to the other guy very funny don't stop writing you got good material yeah keep it going so my fruit of the looms is a tomb of fumes congratulations you are the ppw the pseudo penis of the week you are a big winner go to history hyenas is back.com so your name up in lights patreon.com slash history hyenas to be part of this community and hear every single bonus episode and every episode that's out on youtube with no ads ad free that's a big perk so we are going to continue at the patreon right now if you don't know by now this is me and tommy's vodka it's called poro sauce for the bears and we want you to make friends there's nothing better than having a best friend that you can share secrets with share a cocktail with and you're going to love this vodka it's got a smooth taste a beautiful finish and we taste tested a hundred different vodkas and landed on this one mutually and we were not wrong we have won two huge awards the usa spirits 2024 gold medal in the tasting alliance 2024 double gold medal it is a fair price it is an accessible price we wanted to make that for our fans and we're going to do that next week we're going to do that next week we're going to do that next week we want you to enjoy it go get yourself a bottle and uh make it with soda we have a bunch of drinks over on the poro sauce instagram page that you can try but pick up a bottle at one of our finer retailer partners abc fine wines and spirit total wine and more specs or go demand it at your favorite liquor retailer do that at a bar go up to your favorite bar and go do you guys serve poro sauce when they say no they go damn all right never mind i guess i'll have a beer order a bottle and some of our killer merch online at drinkporosos.com Make friends.