Infidelity, Mom Loneliness, & The Reality TV Ethics Debate

this episode is brought to you by palm olive family time isn't just the big moments it's weeknight dinners sitting around the table everyone talking all at once so when the plates are empty and the sink is full use palm olive ultra palm olives most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 of grease leaving your dishes sparkling clean and the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together shop now at palm olive.com want to be the one who's always in the know about the game the scores the plays here's a tip the apple sports app just pick your favorite teams and get automatic live updates without even knowing their schedules and when your team scores it shows up right on your iphone lock screen making it easy to check in anytime so rule the group chat and download apple sports for free on the app store or find it on your new iphone i have a hard take that you cheat you should go to jail cheating i used to think it was legal it's horrible go to jail go to jail think about what you've done we realize that a lot of moms are really lonely of course you can do everything on your own as a mom but what is the cost of that your mental health your physical health i never have watched bachelorette since maybe 2019. i'm like if kilby ever broke up would i go on the show yeah really i feel like matt would be like yeah babe you go do it like he would support me welcome back to always here i'm your host abby howard and abby howard and we're here to share the hope and the hard with heart and humor every week every friday or whenever you listen to it yeah i usually listen to it on mondays really well the monday before oh i was like a little behind the scenes behind the scenes we have exciting developments in the always here family our editor and his wife are currently at the hospital having their baby yay we're so excited for you randy and your family so exciting very sweet yes all right well there's been lots of good pop culture things going on well should we say good or entertaining things to talk about i've been talking about a lot with other people and i usually don't know what's going on before we jump into this what can i tell you guys about my morning oh gosh yes yeah what's happening okay you guys i just if i feel out of it it's because i've been scrubbing diarrhea off my rug from your dog yes i woke up at 6 45 this morning and i go what's that smell what's that smell and then i look and i go it's gonna be a bad day it's gonna be a bad day does he have a sensitive stomach i don't think so no it's been going around uh i don't know yeah it's been bad so diarrhea yes i had a whole list of things that i wanted to do today it was yeah i might have to get rid of the rug it's a yeah i don't want to go into graphic of details but yeah we've been working on it for a couple hours so we'll see how it goes is caleb there caleb was there this morning when it happened you had to fumigate your house normally he tells us when he's like needs to go out so i was really surprised that it that happened it was an emergency i guess i think he was surprised by it so if i feel off it's because i'm just thinking about it and currently smelling it i can't get the smell out of my nose that is so bad i know no that happened while we were on our cruise and my parents were watching our dogs both of them got diarrhea bad multiple times at our house and we were just like oh my god we're gonna have to do it again we're gonna have to do it again and we're gonna have to do it again and we're gonna have to do it again and we're gonna have to do it again you know so that's a fun one to start the pot off that's a good day it's hard it's been hard it's been hard dang it yeah but our hope is that we've been distracting ourselves with lots of good tv yeah i i'm surprised i even like watched it and know what's going on yeah i would i was so surprised that you watched it well i had a rough weekend but it's fine yeah we're gonna do it again and we're gonna do it again and we're gonna do it again and we're watching tv america's next top model that's what we're talking about yeah yeah well i actually loved loved that show like growing up you did which i'm like maybe i was a little young for that i was curious if you addy did you watch it not really i remember being in maybe fifth and sixth grade when it was out so and i was that was young to be watching it so i would have been i was surprised third grade abby potentially well also i feel like they played the reruns forever like on tv and i think i was probably watching like a ton of reruns and i was like oh my god they did have 24 seasons i knew what it was about and stuff i surely i saw some seasons i feel like i never actually like tuned in and watched it oh addy you missed a whole good i actually is it like controversial to say i kind of want to go back and watch it okay no you should okay no you should it's good it's like tv i would like it is great tv and i feel like i was actually also part of the like people like the group people that started watching the reruns during covid i actually had covid and i had it bad guys oh the first time the first time i remember that i remember i was fainting yeah like i was without matt because we separated because he had it and i didn't have it so he went and separated which was weird because we were married of 2020 no one knew how to handle it yeah and so no this was before christmas actually was it it was around that yeah and maybe it was a little because i was we were there blake and i were there yeah they saw me faint i got it yeah and i was like freaking out because i wasn't with matt i was like i want matt i want matt so then my mom like like laid in bed with me and watched reruns of america's next time i watched a whole season wow um sweet anyway um all that to say the documentary i was very invested because i knew i like actually even knew the cycles they were talking about and like some of the shoots i was like i remember that i remember that totally and um just to say one thing when i watched it even watching reruns i didn't think anything of it which i mean i feel like we're all kind of in that boat so many people watched it it was like the number one show right and i don't think it was like the number one show it was like the number one show it was like because they were like this show is like so popular we can get away with anything yeah no i feel like everyone was like this is great yeah and then now we've like learned we know better now about like some things yeah some of the shoots are crazy oh yeah that was not necessary yeah that was like immoral right but um yeah i don't know what were your top note thoughts um i i thought it was very entertaining i will say i don't have a lot of pity for people who watch my tv competition shows which maybe isn't like the nicest thing to say but i felt the same way about the biggest loser documentary like if you're waiting in line to go on a show and you see i feel like i have pity for the first season people but then after that it's like you're you're auditioning to be on this you watch the show you know what you're getting into you know you're doing crazy shoots you know you're gonna get a terrible makeover like you know you're doing these things then i'm like oh can you really be upset about it because you always have the choice to leave you know what i mean right right and some people did leave that yeah she was like i'm out and they're like you're gonna give up this opportunity she's like yeah yes i will she's like i'm out and that's that's besides that's outside of the unethical things like there were obviously a lot of really like the shandy thing was really sad i'm not i'm not speaking about that i'm more so just talking about like if you don't like the shoots and stuff yes you can leave you know yeah i agree with that yeah the shandy thing was like super sad that was the thing that really stood out to me because it was just like a lot of these the same standard we do now we learn more we're so we can do better but that was like wrong then clearly wrong now and actually even illegal like i was like that was she was blackout drunk and even those it made me sad that even in her like modern day commentary like i don't want to speak for her but just like knowing the basics of the situation that they detailed i was like that was not that was not consensual that was not sex that was like illegal what happened to her and yeah and you did not cheat in my opinion like you didn't cheat in my opinion you didn't cheat in my opinion you didn't yes you went to the show with a boyfriend but like that all none of that happened with your consent so i don't yeah and it was just so sad and just kept getting worse i feel like because like the recordings none of like i don't need there was also people were mad about the people filming which i'm also like yeah that's that's so wrong that they filmed that but then also there was other girls in the house too like they were they were there too yeah and sharing a room with her i was like there's there's a lot of accountability that should have happened like um that made me really really sad and i don't know even just her talking about it then like in like modern day like you could tell that she still like blamed herself she's just yeah she does it makes me so sad so sad for context um if you don't oh yeah yeah sorry shandy was on she was on the first or second season like really early on right i think cycle two cycle two and they went to italy it was the first time they ever went abroad and they had a party and there was drinking involved and they invited some of the guys from their day uh challenge that they had and they were like and yeah she was just very drunk and there was definitely some essay that happened and she talked about it and it was recorded recorded the whole thing was recorded then afterwards because it was now a storyline they had a recorder calling her boyfriend and telling him about it devastating horrible horrible horrible stuff and it's like this is a modeling show is this necessary you know so i think it does bring up a lot of conversation just about the ethics of reality tv show because honestly i don't know if it's better today i think about some stuff that's secret lives of mormon wives and real housewives and sometimes i even remember on um secret lives jesse was talking about how like things came out with her affair that she had and she's like well i know i'm gonna have to talk about this in the show like she didn't really have a choice to talk about it or not and i just feel like that's very uh interesting and sad um but also it's a good point like we might not even have actually made any progress i don't know if we have at least in that area of like i don't know deeply personal things reality tv yeah it made me so sad yeah and the expectation on people just to be blatant about everything in their life on some of these hard things is really i would be curious because i don't know how do you watch a lot more reality tv do you feel like there are can you think of times where people have kept things off screen no yeah i think i'm sure it's in their contract somewhere that when things happen that they have to speak about it publicly right or they negotiate a contract not to speak about it i mean think about okay you you watch the kardashians yeah how much does kim talk about kanye is that something they don't talk about no but they're also producers which is different that is true it's a little bit different but i'm sure there are totally different yeah because i mean tlc like i used to watch it all the time i feel like everything is on there even when we've talked to the duggars or things like that like they talk about everything but there are some things they don't talk about i think for reality tv mostly you have to talk about everything yeah that's just crazy or also it's like or we're gonna still share this element of the plot and then like you either can comment on it or you can just not comment in which case like people have no context totally so yeah there was an interesting um point to that emma are on our call she's one of our producers she pointed out that a lot of these girls were really young like 17 18 years old so and there's a power issue there and with a celebrity and yeah yeah it was just it was very sad to watch that it was hard it was well done documentary though i thought i thought it was too you know i saw some comments being like netflix always puts the abusers in the seat to hear i mean i think that's a crazy thing to call somebody i think it would have been poorly done if you didn't have tyra on i also don't think it put tyra in a great light no like even when she was speaking i'm like she's not defending herself in a way that i'm bought in her or ken let's say it's not just her ken also took no accountability ken was the producer or the other yeah yeah i liked him a little i liked him more too he did say he said yeah he was like that was wrong he said one thing yeah he did say that on the switching race thing no that wasn't the one no it was a domestic violence one because the girl that was doing the photo her mother had been shot in the head and they made her do that photo shoot sometimes when you hear things like that you're like what were they thinking that's crazy um what was the one thing that i was like no what was his name that nigel barker honestly he was the king of the show too and you know he i feel like he played a like he did it well and honest he was like yeah that was a it was a different time he's like yeah he's like he's like looking back at it now he's like that's crazy yeah like and he was like this was wrong and but i feel like he was very fair and like yeah i think so too and just real totally liked him i liked him too i remember liking him on the show a lot i thought he was like he was like he was like he was like he was like i thought miss jay was that was really sad his story i didn't know that he had had like i didn't know that either ailments it was interesting seeing more of like the where are they now that was really sweet with like that they like jay and nigel and like all them like hugging and like that they came to visit him in the hospital that was really really cool i appreciate that like behind the scenes like caring for each other totally like tyra did it it was such a bummer too because i was growing up like such a tyra fan like i life size life size i was gonna say do you remember life size i was i remember distinctly one day i was had the stomach flu and my dad had to stay home from work with me because i was throwing up all day and i made him watch life size three times oh my god and my dad did he watched it three times with me and i was like dad this is this is the best movie ever like because think about it a little kid like her doll comes to life it's with lindsey lohan and tyra banks that was a good movie i would watch a cute movie we should do it have you seen it addy no what oh my gosh addy a classic it's so good and i'm gonna be really sad if i re-watch it and i hate it i actually told maddie today i was like when you watch like of the irish it's about to be like it's about to be hard the irish is that the disney it's a d-com it's the same it's a disney channel movie yeah i think i actually went to disney channel original disney channel original movie come on addy come on addy this is when our age difference is starting to show well i knew about disney channel original movie i just never knew d-com oh yeah baby it's a d-com we should do a quiz or something where we quiz all each other on different old like just a lot of tv i did too this one's different but i learned last night what someone said they're a ceo in reference to church christmas and easter only oh i never heard that either they were creasers no they called it she he goes i was a ceo and i'm like we're like he's like christmas and easter only we're like oh like did you think you were gonna know that i was like never heard of it i love it that's great anyway yeah that was well done that was a really good one oh the reason i was thinking the other documentary where they put the an actual like okay i don't i don't want to say anything about tyra i don't know if she's an abuser or not but an actual abuser yes was that documentary on netflix about i liked having her okay what was that called the stalker with a collar unknown caller where the mom ended up being the one that was like abusing her abusing her daughter and she was talking to her people were mad that she was in the documentary that's my i totally agree with her i love that she was in it i had i didn't paint her in a good light at all and actually maybe have more empathy for the daughter because i'm like wait this is what jess had put up with at home yes she has zero remorse i think the fact that she showed zero remorse spoke volumes yeah to me as a viewer and like all the like yeah like you said it kind of just like sets the scene more for what this daughter was living with all the time and i think that we are we get we need to give ourselves more credit as an audience that we can still like make critical like critical thinking when we're watching something right say like oh that's wrong that's weird what she's saying is like that's so off base but we're allowed to make those we're allowed to have critical thinking right we can do that ourselves right i think you can also have empathy for someone that did bad things and still think that those things were bad right like i could be like oh wow that's really sad that their life was like that can't believe that they killed people it's crazy yeah you know what i mean yeah like i think you could both things can be true right just because you feel compassion doesn't mean that doesn't like make it right like what they make wrongs right yeah i really like that they include both sides of the story they had a lot of good it was not boring it was very entertaining and i feel like it was very they showed a lot of sides but i like that they had the network even because you also feel that pressure that they had to keep their ratings high and to like constantly do crazy things but it was interesting because you make the point i was like wow i can't believe they had them do that afterwards we watched this brand new show matt and i wanted to watch it it's a guy from jack a oh yeah they have a new fear factor yes and his name we started it like and i think started fear factor they haven't released all the episodes yet steven steve i don't i never watched that show growing up don't go back i'm a girl i think you're right steve something yeah uh anyway steve-o that's what it is it is okay i think it is addy fact check it you reminded me of jim carrey totally he's very expressionist but some of the things that they have these contestants do they were showing previews down the line i'm talking sticking metal rods through their legs they're bleeding oh like they are like actually torture these people for reality tv oh and i was like well it could get worse they could change races those were the ones that i loved on the document probably will they literally changed ethnicities and then they're like but they didn't just do it once and then they kind of did it a third time that is so crazy and it was like nine cycles later yeah when they showed that i was like oh no it kept happening it kept happening and honestly they cornered those poor girls because they were here to do this shoot and then the poor girl who was white she's like i felt like she got like not like a black girl and then they handed them the babies i was like that was crazy they made him change race and they gave him children of that race just like that poor kid i'm like this is really wow that's great i remember that shoot oh yeah i did i was like they did it more than once i remember thinking that art is beautiful i was like i love that and then people yeah so okay sorry fear factor you're saying it was just crazy it was steve-o it was the old host yeah not the new host yeah yeah the new what do you mean you want to know who the new host is no that is the new one it's steve-o isn't it this is well steve-o is not the host of the new fear factor the new fear factor the next chapter on fox he's not the host of that oh who is it who is the new one i wouldn't recommend the show by the way matt literally lost his attention and if it like johnny knoxville johnny knoxville one in the same honestly you knew this guy no i just feel like they kind of do the same thing okay johnny knoxville yeah they're like sticking rods through their skin like bleeding like it's torture they're like torture and matt lost interest yes i literally told matt i was like this is a problem because he was like trying to skip he's like i'm gonna skip to the next challenge and i was like you're like and they did like a suffocation challenge in the episode we watched where they were in they were in the air blank and i watched that episode and matt was like i'm bored i was like your brain is fried i have a distinct memory of watching fear factor when i was a kid sitting on my dad's desk in his office eating party pizzas just sitting there watching them have scorpions crawl all over them and then a lady had to shave her head and i was like that's what i'm saying i don't know if i'd ever do that they were dropping snakes on this girl that's what they were doing dropping snakes dropping rats and i was like also where's pita here they're literally dumping animals into the tank from the top So you're right. I mean, reality TV has not – I don't think it's gotten better. This wasn't isolated to America's Next Top Model, and this has not gotten better. No, and guess what? We're still eating it up. It's terrible. I was watching. I was like, Matt, those rats are surely getting injured. Yeah, it is bad. It is bad. Yeah, so anyway, that was a very well-done documentary in my opinion. I thought it was too. I would recommend it. I thought three episodes was the perfect length. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No longer than that. Thank you, OneSkin, for sponsoring today's episode. Something I just cannot stand are lengthy skincare routines. I need a routine that I can stick to, and so I like to keep that routine very simple but effective, especially when you've got really good research-backed products that you can trust. And here's the thing. A lot of skincare looks good on paper but doesn't really deliver results. That's why OneSkin really stands out. 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For a limited time, try OneSkin with 15% off using code ABBYY at oneskin.co slash abby. That's 15% off oneskin.co with code abby. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them, and please support our show and tell them that we sent you. You saw Wuthering Heights? I saw Wuthering Heights. Wuthering Heights. What is that about? What is that originally about? Oh, it's like a. It's a book, right? Dark romance. Yeah, it was written in 1847. Okay. And her sister wrote Jane Eyre. There's three girls. So it's like a classical novel. She released it under a male's name, so it would get. Oh, that's really cool. And it worked. Okay, so I feel like I remember hearing about that in school, maybe. That's why I know Wuthering Heights. Oh, yeah. It was actually made mandatory reading in a lot of schools. We didn't read it in any of my classes. I didn't either. I feel like I heard about it. Oh, yeah. It's a classic. Yeah. It wasn't liked at the time because this book is very like. It talks about female desire. There's infidelity. There's a lot of taboo topics. Especially taboo at the time. And especially for the 1800s. Especially from a woman. There was just so many things about it. But it was. Wow. I said on my stories, I have a lot of thoughts. And people were like, what did you think? I want to know. I'm like, I cannot convey them in an Instagram story because it was just. So much. First of all, it was. I want to say this and I don't want to sound like such a weenie. Like a whiny weenie when I say this. But we have gotten really good in society about trigger warnings about certain things. Sure. And I think that's awesome and great. And some of them I'm like, oh, why do we need a trigger warning? It's just because it doesn't apply to me. Right. I'm like, that doesn't seem like. Oh, my God. That seems like something that shouldn't be a big deal. It's like, oh, it's just because it doesn't apply to me, which is why they have these. And so. And I started talking to a couple other women who have also experienced like pregnancy loss and things like that. And they were like, I have. They're like, I watched all the media for this movie. No one was ever talking about this. And I was really upset watching the movie. Like, I wouldn't have seen it. Wow. And that's how I felt. That's a part of the plot? Huge part of the plot. So I'm going to just say this for any woman that's watching because I know it affects so many people. Like, if you have experienced miscarriage, pregnancy loss, pregnancy complicate, anything like that. Like, don't know that going in. And if it's fresh, like, probably just like, just know yourself. Just like, don't watch it because it ruined. It really did ruin my day. But before all this. Well, first of all, also, I wanted to bring up on the topic. Another show that I was like, they were really careless with this was The House of Dragon, which I know you guys probably. Did you watch it? I didn't watch House of Dragons. Okay. House of Dragon. House of Dragons. There's like a ton of like miscarriage references, pregnancy complications. Mm. Like, all kinds of like really traumatic births. Yeah. Left and right. And I remember like, after like one of them, there's like a, there's a crazy scene that was like etched forever in my mind. It was like fresh after I had one of my sons and it was like an emergency C-section that happened in medieval times. So obviously she's going to die. She's awake. Like, yeah. And he's, the husband's making the decisions for her. I was like, this is something that is like, like, I actually want to vomit. Like, I literally am like not, I can't enjoy this at all. And it was actually created by women. Wow. To bring awareness to these things. Yeah. But I was like, this isn't the kind of. But give a trigger warning. Yeah. Give a warning at the beginning. I thought, I thought that actually about This Is Us. Okay. I loved that movie and I've never experienced domestic violence, but I had no idea that that's what that movie was about. Oh, It Ends With Us. What, what did I call it? This Is Us. That's a TV show. Different show. It Ends With Us. Yeah. And I didn't read the books or anything and the trailers hinted at nothing about that. So I went in totally blind not knowing that and I was like, oh wow, I had no idea it was about this. And this is pretty heavy. Yeah. I just remember thinking that if that was something that people had gone through and experienced or was like really hard for them to see, they would have no idea that that's what this movie is about. Yeah. I felt that way. I was like, if I would have known, I would have absolutely like, especially at the time in which I saw it, like I absolutely would not have seen it. And so like Matt was literally like the color drained from your face. Like I was like, yeah, cause it was deeply disturbing. I didn't hear anyone talking about it. Yeah. I've just seen people crying online, but they never say why. Yeah. Yeah. It was also like, yeah. Okay. Let me just start with the bad. Why don't I start with the bad? Okay. Let's hear it. Give us your, a couple of things will never be sexy for me. Infidelity is one of them. Infidelity will never be sexy. I'm never going to cheer for that on a show. Their like romance was steamy. And then I was like, then she got married to another man. I was like, so she should go to jail. I'm not into this. I'm not into this anymore. And I feel like other people, maybe that's just like, I don't know, forbidden love type of thing. But I was just like, ah, no. I just kept thinking of, I was like, and like, they were like in her husband's house. Like, I was like, these should respect. I have a hot take that you should go to jail. Cheating should be illegal. I used to think it was illegal as a kid. It should be illegal. It's horrible. Go to jail. You're done. Go think about what you've done. Well, I mean, that is a hot take. I mean, it's a hot take, but anyway, keep going. We could all use a little bit more accountability. That's what I'm saying. But, um, then another thing that will, you know, I don't know if I'm going to say this, but this will never be sexy, um, incest, but they're not technically related, but they're essentially brother and sister. What? And think about like a half brother. Oh, are they a doctor? Or like step sister, not a half brother, not half brother, not half brother. Step sibling? Step sibling situation. He is taken into the house as a child and they're raised together. Oh, that's kind of like clueless though, you know? Yeah. That was gross also. It also was gross. He also did seem really old and clueless, but that's besides the point. So yeah. That's kind of gross. There were points where I was like, yeah, they're not related. And I was like, oh, they're cute. And I'm like, but they are. Like we all know someone from our childhood that kind of felt like a brother to us. And then I was like, no, no. Like that was a line. That was a line. It wasn't for them, but it was a line for them. Right. And so there was this, sometimes that kind of bothered me. Sure. Other things I really liked about the movie. I thought they did. I think the acting was amazing. The soundtrack with them is amazing. The costuming, the set, like the storytelling was all very beautiful. Like I thought it was really, really, really good. And, um. Great one to watch with your husband, I would say. Why? It was just steamy. But no nudity. So I like appreciated that. And I really liked that aspect of it. Great movie. Great movie. Great movie. Just. Really wish I never saw it. Great movie. It is the best movie that I wish I never saw. Okay. Great. So I just feel like everyone should know. I also don't. I didn't read the book. So I have to say that. I know that some of the criticism is that it didn't follow the book, which apparently it really didn't. Cause I did a deep dive into like what the plot of the book was, which is also. So why I would say the trigger warning would be very important is because in the actual book, there is not a miscarriage. There is a traumatic pregnancy birth situation, but it's not a miscarriage. And I do think that. They land differently. They land very differently. And I also think that either way, like you should probably have a trigger warning. And I just, I feel like such a weenie saying that, but it really, really like as a consumer, I feel like I couldn't have even, couldn't have even protected myself from that like type of thing. And I. I like it genuinely did ruin my night. Yeah. And so, um, great movie though. Do you like, or does that bother you when movies, then they changed the movie from how the book was or do you like it? I feel like it actually doesn't bother me. I always feel really proud of myself and I'm like, that's different from the book. Like I like, I'm really proud of myself, but I don't think it necessarily bothers me. I'm like, I can see why they made that change with Wuthering Heights. They could have made a chapter one in chapter two because like they did with wicked. Because the, the book, the movie ended at the halfway point of the book. Hmm. There's a whole nother following of the next generation in the book. Oh, so they could, it didn't feel like it was missing anything in my opinion either. Well, are they going to do a part? Are they going to do a second one? I don't think so. They ended it very finally in my opinion. Oh, I don't think there's even been conversation about a second one. I don't think so. In fact, I'm out if they did. Cause that was just, I also never watch genres like that. I don't even watch rom-coms, but I don't watch romance. I really at all. You watch house of dragons. Yes. We're picking it up. It's because I always watch shows with Matt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you should know that before you watch it. I'm just saying. That's good to know because I feel like everyone's talking about it online. And I'm just like, do I need to go see this? But knowing that it's spicy and sad, I probably won't go. Those are my two kind of na-nas. I don't want to cry and I don't want to twist my ass. No, no, no. It's dark. Like, it's, like, depressing and dark. Ugh, I don't like that. And I feel like there's a couple other triggers that you could probably, like, look into as well. Because, I mean, the whole thing is very adult. Even though there is no nudity and I don't even think there's cussing in it. Like, and there's no, like, drugs. Like, it's, but it was. Just adult themes. Really adult. It was really adult. I really, I think that's interesting that you bring that up. Because, yeah, we have nudity ratings, language ratings, drug and violence and alcohol. Like, they have those. They do have adult themes as, like, sometimes I've seen in, like, movie ratings. Like, adult themes will get it a higher. But those are also more subjective. It's kind of hard to, like. Totally. I feel like that's why, like, I feel like we all had PG-13 movies as kids that we were allowed to watch. Even though we weren't 13 for us. It was Jurassic Park and Star Wars. We were allowed to watch those. I was not allowed to. I just watched all of them. My parents didn't stop me. Like, The Notebook on repeat. Like, 10 years old. Different household. You're like, Jurassic Park and Star Wars. And those scared me. See, you had a brother. I never saw Jurassic Park. Still have never seen Star Wars. I think I would say you still have never seen Jurassic Park. I've never seen it. I don't care to. I don't care to. It's so good. Ah, dinosaurs. I don't care. I have a son, so I'll probably see it. It's such a good movie. Yeah. Abby. I know. Oh, my gosh. I know. I like my TV to be really light and. Okay, that's true. Yeah, I don't want to sweat. I don't want to cry. You don't want to feel anything. I don't want to feel anything. I just want to laugh and just then go to bed. You know what I mean? Okay. We watch different types of movies. We do. We do. Something light coming up is The Bachelorette. The Bachelorette. Yes. I'm actually going to watch this season. I have not watched in a long time. I said I would only watch it if I watched it with you guys. If it was like I could lump it into like family, sister bonding. Yes. We're going to do it. We're going to make it happen. Yes. You know we're on Mondays? Yeah. Is that when it is? Let's double check. I don't know. I thought they changed it from Bachelor Monday. Well, that's during football season. It's not on Mondays. The girls lost. Their membership went down. The boys dominated the TVs. Yeah. Taylor Frankie Paul is The Bachelorette. Yes. So I actually wanted to do TikTok girly. We've got to watch. It premieres Sunday. Sunday. Sunday, March 22nd. I like Sundays. March is busy, you guys. We've got a lot of good shows in March. What else is in March? Virgin River season eight, maybe. I thought that one was sad. No. Okay. I mean, it's kind of like a drama, but it's nice. I don't know. I like it. Virgin River. I feel like only grandmas watch that show. I've never heard of that in my life. Teresa told me to watch it. I loved it. She is our kid's grandma. Well, we were going to do. Wait, I wanted to ask really quickly before we started on that one. I wanted to ask what we thought about the advertisement because it just popped up on my Instagram. She's holding the book. I didn't see it. It says The Book of Mormon. And I feel like that had to cause a rise. I don't really know the commentary. A lot of the advertising that these Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, their show does, I'm like, the LDS church, they just have to be so furious about this. I was like, are they offended? I think they probably should be. I'm offended for them. I'm like, wow. I'm not a member of the church, but I'm offended. Abigail, can you see all the way over here? Wow. Do you see that? It has the church window in the back. Yeah, that's. I'm not surprised, but I was a little surprised, actually. Yeah, why are they carrying it on? I know. The Bachelor is so separate from Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Different everything. Wow. The Book of Mormon. You gotta stop claiming you're Mormon. We know you're not. The Book of Mormon. That's a great play on words. I was like, wow. Wow. We really. You went there. Okay. Okay, so what are we doing? What are we doing? This is Addie's idea. This is fun. This is my idea. We're gonna. They just announced all of the candidates. Candidates? Yeah. We're buying candidates. The Bachelors? The Bachelors who are going on to the Bachelorette. Eligible Bachelors. And so we're gonna look through them, and we have pictures of each of them, their age, role, and where they live, and we're gonna give them superlatives. What happened? I just. She got a bad bat. They never look good in these pictures. Okay, yeah. Always better at first. Okay, who stands out with your first glance? Who's your first impression, Rose? Who do you think's gonna get the first impression? Just right off the jump? Either your first impression or who you think's gonna get it? I feel like Brandon looks nice. Where's Brandon? Yeah, he does look nice. He's got a friendly smile. He's a loan officer. You have to pass a test to be a loan officer. A hard test, so. You do? He might be smart. Yeah, you do. I'm gonna say Shane. I'm going Shane. Private wealth planner, 28, Atlanta, Georgia. But he's not smiling with teeth, Abby. Is that a red flag for you? No, he just doesn't look warm. Can I tell you mine? Yeah. I also feel like Michael looks like a sweetie. This is my problem. I like Malik. Malik. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that. I can see you're liking Malik. Is this your first impression, Rose, or hers? Yeah, are you talking about yours? Oh. You look nothing like Blake, Abby. I love it. I love it. Oh, this is great. Okay, sorry. Let me get back to her. I think she has a good batch of men. I feel like Trenton looks nice, Brandon looks nice, and Michael looks nice. Oh, and Rod looks nice. Sometimes I feel like they give him fake jobs. Like, Doug is a lotion lifeguard. I'm like, surely Doug. What do we think about the chiropractic healer? He's not a chiropractor. He's a chiropractic healer. He's a baseball player. I'm like, what's his current job? Malik's a tech executive. That's all I got to say. I actually should probably say, I don't think that she's probably going to go for the nicest guy. Who's going home night one? Oh, I don't know. I don't want to be mean. Yeah, that's sad. I'm just going to say, just because of age, Matt is 43. Yeah. I just think that feels more on the older end for her. I know they had to get all ages. I could even say maybe Christopher because he's 35. I don't really see her going for, like, older. Trenton's 35, though, and I could see her going for 25. Yeah. Trenton. But that's because he looks like her exes, I think. Well, because she, okay, she has three kids. Yeah. That plays a big factor. Yeah, she's a mom. Yeah. And so. I wonder if any of these men are dads. So, potentially, she would need to find a guy that maybe doesn't want to have any more kids. So, maybe older is better. Yeah. That's a good point, Abby. Question. They don't want anyone who's there for the wrong reasons. But they're casting a social media person, like, someone who's a public figure for the first time. As the bachelorette. And so, do we think any of these guys are there for the wrong reasons? On your pictures. Oh, this is hard. It might feel shallow, but this is how it starts. Brad looks like one of my high school teachers. But he's just a cowboy and entrepreneur. It's not him. Oh, cowboy. Interesting. A cowboy that lives in Newport Beach. I love that. The ritziest area of California. Cowboy, but he's also slash entrepreneur. I know. Yes. Okay, who looks like maybe they're here for the wrong reasons? That's a good job. Richard. Richard the photographer. Photographer, because he's kind of in the art space? Maybe. I could even say maybe Trenton. He's a pro athlete. Well, you know. Richard is not here for the right reasons. I can just argue so. Conrad, very general startup founder. Conrad. He could be trying to get his company's name out there as a startup founder. Oh, Clayton. Conrad does look like an evil villain. Singer-songwriter from Nashville, Tennessee. Singer-songwriter. Screams, I want to, like, become Instagram famous. Nashville. You know? I do think that Doug might be a villain arc. Doug. Just based on his shirt. He's got great eyes. Brad has 158,000 Instagram followers. Where's Brad? Cowboy. Okay, maybe he's there for clout. Honestly, I just don't even blame these people. But then wouldn't you say he'd be the least likely to be there for clout because he already has a following? I don't think so. I think he wants more. Do you think because she is famous that it would be good for her to find someone that already has some clout, like, that doesn't care about the attention? I was thinking maybe. Yeah. So Clayton also has 44,000, and he's the singer-songwriter. That's cool. Hey, I'm really rooting for her. I want her to find a great man. Yeah. She has three adorable children, and, yeah, I'm rooting for her. I love her on Secret Lies of Mormon Wives. Off the jump, I think Michael looks like a kind man. Who do you think's winning? Last, wrap it up. Who do you think's going to win? I don't think she's going to get married to the person that she is. Oh, okay. Then who's she going to end up with? Who's getting her final rose? Maybe Malik. Malik? I'm rooting for Malik. You never know. No, I'm going to stick with Shane. First impression and last impression. Well, actually, yeah, I'm going to agree with that. You think Shane's going to get the final rose? There's a million reasons why my opinion on this means 0%, because I've never watched Mormon Wives. I never have watched Bachelorette since maybe 2019. We're going to watch this season, and we will see. So my opinion is nothing. Yes. But gosh, I wouldn't want to be in her position. I used to want to be on the. But okay, I was always dating Caleb, but I'm like, if Caleb and I ever broke up, would I go on the show? Yeah. Really? You'd apply? Abby, I would love to watch your season. I would have gotten no screen time. I would have just been like. I feel like Matt would be like, yeah, babe, you go do it. Like, he would support me. The first ever married Bachelorette. Honestly, America's headed in that direction. They are, unfortunately. America is really headed in that direction. we really should make adultery a crime let's not give them those ideas we would not watch it we don't want it they're like it is the most dramatic season i always think back remember that season where they made the men choose between caitlin and the other girl yes and i look back on that and i'm like that is disgusting that they put those two girls they said we can't decide who we want the bachelor to be so we'll let the guys choose so on the night one guys weren't even applying for a specific person no they never are but some of them were and then some of them left like when the girls they did choose didn't want well then they probably ended up with her but imagine the self-esteem hit like you're a girl and you're meeting all these guys night one and they're coming in and they have to cast their vote and then you get booted well hot take that's how i feel like the whole show is for anyone that's not the single person looking for anyone that's willing to share a girlfriend or boyfriend with 20 other people i have just felt so icky about i'm like you're like the men choose come on well that's like when they did the whole did you watch the duel season when they had two bachelorettes at the same time gabby and katie no they the girls got roses and they gave them to the men but then sometimes they would the men would decline because they wanted the rose from the other girl that's when you know they're losing the plot when they have to start doing crazy stuff to keep people interested well that's what this season is the next documentary will for sure be about that i know i can't wait i can't wait to hear all this all these reality tv shows are quaking in their boots they totally are well i am excited to watch the trailer she's gonna be a great she's gonna be great on this show well something that i like to do this position to think of a segue yeah in my segue was in my head i was like what would drive men to submit themselves to reality tv only loneliness extreme loneliness i like that one too anyway we're talking about loneliness um there was this comment on the last episode or two episodes ago she said i love this episode quick question can you guys touch up on how you resolve conflict or how do you plan to resolve conflict as sister-in-laws if it was to happen do you have plans in place for that can you talk about what you did to become really close and i feel like that's a good framework for us i feel like we can talk a little bit about conflict but the second half of that we get asked a lot like how did we become so close which is such a sweet question that is sweet and i honestly give most of the credit to you because you're just a very good includer but i just feel like we we can talk on that talk on that and we were discussing this question we realized that a lot of moms are really lonely and so we started kind of diving into more about that and when to talk about that and there's some pretty staggering facts and information out there um i think the one that we were both kind of shocked by is that 80 of 80 to 90 some research suggests that 80 to 90 of new mothers are lonely yeah so it's just it's so common um and i feel like i've definitely experienced that i feel like i probably felt that a little bit more when i was when i had just had cj my first because i do feel like there's an element when it's your first baby and your baby can't go to the park can't go to play dates you can't really do any activities yet with your baby that that felt very isolating and also your baby's small and you're nursing and there are just a lot of factors i feel like when you have one child that make it kind of hard when you have multiple i felt like with vivian i haven't felt that as much in the newborn season i feel like it's a little easier to get out and about and do things so i feel like that does play a role into it into it but i remember feeling lonely after having cj um and so i thought we would just kind of talk about that like what did we do to make friends how we fostered friendships in this season especially being parents and yeah our thoughts on that first of all my i have like a lot of opinions on loneliness and motherhood like the relationship between the two of the things because i can easily see where this would happen in the type of culture we have created in america specifically today i'm but i know that like a lot of people are like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know a lot of these statistics come from the uk too and um i think it's because like i'm almost afraid to share this opinion because i feel like people are going to be mad but this is i i feel like this is almost undeniable is that like as a society we really really heavily praise independence there's good aspects of that but in motherhood that's not necessarily uh something to necessarily be praised sure like of course you can do everything on your own as a mom right you can right but what is the cost of that right your mental health yeah your physical health like so many things and ultimately like i this can go on to so many other things ultimately like you're not being necessarily a great role model for your children and i think that we don't talk about that enough and the other thing so we overpraise independence and we um shame moms who ask for help and i think these are the two major major pitfalls and how america treats new moms today and it's probably why we see birth rate going down people are putting off having kids because it seems so daunting and miserable and um and then new moms are experiencing like record high levels of depression anxiety like all these other mental health crises in hindsight and it's and i think loneliness is probably one of the key factors of that yeah yeah okay i also want to acknowledge i feel very privileged that i have an awesome family that lives close to me and that is like i really trust with my kids yeah i know that they keep our kids best interests at heart but i do want to also bring up the point that we have multiple friends that have no family here that live in arizona like in our community and they're around us all the time and i know all of our friends would watch their kids and have watched their kids multiple times and like have or just like want to hang out or like do dinners together or do all these things so it doesn't mean that like if you don't have that within your own family that it's all over for you yeah i think there are ways to build the community and your i'm curious why you said why you said that you think that that's a bad role model uh not taking care of yourself oh oh sure sure sure like letting your physical health your mental health not having your own friendships as an adult like i don't think that's a good role model for your kid like to be having friendships getting out in the community taking care of your body taking care of your mind like that's what i'm referring to gotcha and we have a lot of talks with my kids about that too because i'm like well it's really important for mom to like go out and you know work out at the gym and like it's good for like my health and i think it just becomes like the standard but i feel like we it's easier to have those discussions about our physical health than it is our mental health and i always make sure i say and i was like honestly i just think it's i get to see my friends which is really important for me too yeah and i get to like it makes me feel happy and excited and motivated for my day and so um that's what i was referring to that makes sense what would you agree would you think how did i make that sound i i thought you said if the if you're showing independence or like trying to be independent and doing it all yourself that's a bad role model oh no okay well i i yeah i agree with your the clarification of it for sure yeah i think there is something to it it's like the days where i'm home all day long with the kids and like not getting out of the house it's not even that my kids are making me feel impatient it's just not leaving the house and just being isolated that makes me feel impatient it's like cj and vivian aren't doing anything but if i'm not like getting out seeing the sun and speaking to people outside of myself or even just speaking at all because sometimes i'm just not saying that much i start to feel impatient and snappy and i notice i'm not a very kind mom sometimes and so it's really good for me mentally to get out and like see people so yeah i just i can't imagine i can't imagine a lot of moms like it is hard and sometimes it is expensive to join a gym it is hard to go um you know to the park if you have little babies so then what do you do how do you do it well i do you can take babies to parks actually today at the i was at the park today with my kids and some friends and there's a ton of people at the park because it's beautiful here in arizona and i thought it was really sweet there were two moms that were there they had just like little tiny babies and just they did not have any bigger kids but they were at the park because they were just walking around with their little strollers had their were baby wearing and um and i think that also just goes to show is like your your your days can be so long as a mom and those days where i stay home all day it's like if my kids are sick i feel that i feel like i'm not going to be able to i'm like wow this day feels like really really long like i feel like i have run out of things to like it do with my kids i feel like they're bored we're bored but we make it a point we go out every single morning so like this is our like everyday routine we go to the gym and then we go and have some type of funtivity and kudos to my friends because i don't plan them because i apparently okay i guess matt and i have been discussing whether or not i'm type a or type b matt thinks you're a mix okay and so i was like i don't plan the events but i should like i think you're type b like you're you're type b but you're on the the cusp of i told matt i was like if i was married if i was married to somebody else i think i would sway way more type b but because matt is so tight you have to be a little bit i feel like i've just tried to find some type of equilibrium yeah but someone else one of my friends plans it and she's awesome and then we just all go out and do a fun thing with the kids it's great for the kids they have their friend they learn from their friends they learn to socialize but more importantly i'm with them the whole time and it's also like we just always talk in the car and we have so much fun anyway that breaks up the day so much first of all your house doesn't get trashed in the early part of the day i don't want to start off my day with a trashed house sure sure and that is great but i don't know i'm going off on a rampage but it just or on a rant rant i'm going off on a rant i'm going off on a rant but i'm saying if you could instill some type of like part of your routine where you get out and you see your friends and they your friends that have other kids like your age I think everyone's day goes so much smoother. it really does and it doesn't mean that like I needed their help necessarily even like I didn't need their help I could go to the park by myself with my kids and we have many times but it just there's just something about that aspect that just like fills my cup up for the rest of the day where I'm like I got some adult interaction I got to be with my kids all morning and I feel like a lot of that is just it's it's hard to cultivate that and so I guess that leads to the question of like how do you get there well I think too you don't necessarily just because you have kids have to stop hanging out people that don't have kids like I remember when I had CJ I think it was a very fortunate time to where all my friends had babies around the same time but when we were in Kansas City I had friends that had kids and no one else did and like they would still come and hang out all the time and like I loved holding their baby and and of course obviously you can't relate on the same level to things but I was grateful that they didn't it'd be so easy to isolate like oh I don't want to nurse in public or nurse in front of people and like sometimes it's like I don't want to nurse in front of people and I don't want to nurse in front of people and sometimes you just have to get over those mental hurdles right and still engage I think that's a big thing is we have to challenge ourselves as moms to get over the mental hurdle of things and just get out the door it gets so much easier it's a muscle it really is a muscle you have to strengthen uh-huh yeah because like it feel I remember like getting out of the house the first time with one and then with two is a whole different ballgame getting out of the house is like you have to rip the band-aid off rip the band-aid and you have to practice and you have to practice and you have to practice and you have to practice and you have to practice and you have to know so well that is so comfortable to me uh-huh and so yeah you have to overcome some fears for sure for sure I think something else to mention is if you are like you you have the flexibility that you work in the afternoons like you get to have that time a lot of people who are working moms don't necessarily have like that big chunk of time you can do like I typically work nine to five every day I still go to the gym every morning and I take Brielle with me so she gets her interaction with people I get my interaction with people I work all day and then she gets to hang out with dad when she goes to work I get to hang out with dad when she goes to work I get to hang out with dad when she goes to work I get to hang out with dad when she goes to work so you can still squeeze it in if you make it a priority you said it the other day and I think that's really important to say is you're in charge of your time saying you don't have enough time for something you're choosing that if that's what you want to make time for and so I make sure I get up every morning so I can go to the gym and I can get out and that's what I'm making time for in my week so then I can have that interaction Brielle gets to hang out with people and we do it that way too so I feel like being in charge of your time is important to like recognize you're actually in charge of it I think that actually brings up a good question for me because like in that research I wonder if the 80 to 90 percent of that I was assuming stay-at-home moms yeah I was too okay lonely okay I think working moms probably do too working moms are also probably lonely but they do have that like adult interaction of going to the workplace during the day most of the time yeah I would see I could see it being really hard to form good friendships if you're a working mom because when do you have time to invest in friends because you're going your job then you just want to be home with your kids right and your husband you know and so I could imagine that being a whole different ballgame and I think that's a really good question I think that's a really good question that's a whole different ballgame so I guess maybe we should narrow our audience I was speaking to stay-at-home moms okay perfect I think that's a great point though just in general just if you're a working mom I feel like that is yeah making the time I mean a lot of people too are working remotely which is even more isolating for that's so true like um making friendships is really hard or um I think I made a lot of friends when I worked in an office I was never a mom then but I made friends working in an office but working from home is a a lot different or you're working with a small team and that's like not a part of your friendship making is that your workplace and you have to make time for it yeah totally I feel like that's good we can kind of talk about where you've made friends I feel like I've made a lot of friends most of my friends have come from church or the gym and I think I sometimes hear the price tag of like these boutique fitness gyms and like that's really expensive but I think it's not just an investment in like your physical health it's not just a workout class when you're going somewhere and you're going it's become a part of your routine you're going to start forming community and relationships in those places and I think sometimes that is more important than the physical benefits and I'm like man that you think you budget okay you budget a hundred dollars a month to go out to eat but like if you budget a hundred dollars towards the gym you're gonna make so many friends you know and I just feel like they'll cook dinner for you that'll cook dinner for you baby don't go out to eat and change that budget to go make friends because I think it's just so good for your mental health and I think boutique gym is the best place to make friendships Blake and I were on a tight budget and we had a serious I wouldn't even say serious because Blake just said yes when I was talking about it I was like it's expensive but one I was pregnant and I was like this I really want to stay into fitness and this will help me stay reliable and this is where all the moms are that I know like this will be fun and he was just like yes and we just reworked the budget because it was important to me and totally it's been so I just hit like my one year of like being in person oh my gosh yeah because I was doing it on demand for a while so it's like I don't know I don't know I don't know I completely agree yeah it's it's hard and you know I'm sure they're different price points and different budgets but if you can make that work I feel like the gym and a place that has child care Addie like you're saying like that's a huge benefit and if you want to be around specifically other moms finding a gym that has child care is probably this episode is brought to you by Palmolive family time isn't just the big moments it's weeknight dinners sitting around the table everyone talking all at once so when the plates are empty and the sink is full use Palmolive most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 percent of grease leaving your dishes sparkling clean and the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together shop now at palmolive.com the best way I think I've also poached a lot of my friends off of other friends uh-huh like I've been like oh you're friends I think I I definitely poached Val off of you well I poached everyone off of you yeah I was gonna say I poached a lot of people off of you when we first moved here you and Matt invited us over every single day for dinner almost every single day I know that's so nice but I'm like they are making us a lot of meals and then when you were hanging out with friends you would always invite me to come I would just that meant so much to me because I didn't know anybody and you had friends here and that's like that alone it was just so like it helped so much yeah poach your friends do whatever you gotta do I mean seriously gosh and any good friends not gonna be like you took your thing out me I'm like going out Val we're like don't we all love Val yeah Val here's your daily weekly shout out he's getting famous comment below say we love you Val she's gonna love that um and um neighbors like people just like that living around you if you're in an apartment building that's even better there's a lot more closer to you like and um and obviously some of these don't happen as organically um but there are so I've actually been looking into it I want to find a way that we can uh partner as always your podcast with a local charity because there's actually already organizations doing this very thing even in our local area that are helping moms find community because this is I mean we called it the loneliness epidemic but it's it's really true it is and obviously we all know I feel like we're tired of talking about it but like our devices are not helping us in this because we start to feel like we're like seeing all these people you're like I actually haven't even talked to them in years but like and so we're we're definitely losing we're losing relationships we're losing interactions motherhood specifically can be like a very very isolating time yeah there was a stat on one of those articles that said loneliness affects your health just as much as what 15 cigarettes a day yeah that's a really crazy statistic yeah it's really crazy I mean I believe it because I just picture and maybe this is like the stereotypical but just sitting home alone in like the dark with the blinds shut you know it's like that's just I mean it's just sad that's just the fact of it and like I've had days like that you know and so yeah I can't imagine if that's every day yeah well one of these statistics said like it was in the UK but I think this probably real like would be very similar in America that the new mom typically spends about eight hours a day alone with the baby that's that's your whole day yeah I mean I think it's also worth saying that like that loneliness so say you're alone all day with your baby once again I'm speaking to stay-at-home moms like eight hours a day with your baby your husband comes home from work and you're then without even meaning to but kind of subconsciously asking your spouse to fill all these other roles for you which also puts a huge strain on your marriage yeah that's so true like on when Matt is like hanging out with buddies or like I am having a girl's night I just I know that I'm like I'm so happy for him because I'm like he's gonna just like be so happy and filled up by this yeah and like he's so excited and always roots me on to like hang out with girls too because we just come back charged up in a different way than like with your spouse they can they can only fill so many roles I'm like you can't girl chatter with me like I try sometimes gosh sometimes it works and also even though kills with me all day long he doesn't understand the thing about being a mom like or breastfeeding and the things that you think about and all this stuff and like I'm grateful to have these thoughts and carry these responsibilities but like they also do need to be talked about sometimes with other women that just get it you know also this is also gonna could sound really wrong but I do I saw I've heard someone else bring up this point oh no I think it was uh Arthur Brooks he's a comparison is actually a good and healthy thing I don't want to put this in his mouth if this is like it can be a good and healthy thing in which it's like okay I don't know how many times I'm like okay like we tried this with the kids like temp check what do we think like is this is this the right way to go about it and it's not like you're giving your kids a chance to like you know like I don't know how many times I'm like the role of parenting your children or like the authority of like how you run your household. But like, it's really good to just like get gain some perspective yeah or it's like they started doing this it's like oh yeah girl oh yeah that's normal that's normal we've been we've been doing that for months over here like we're still working on that type of thing or like yeah we're noticed this even just like a health thing like one of our friends her husband's a resident i can't tell you how many times i've just been like hey should i take him in for this is this like a thing and i'm like that is seriously like i'm not saying use your friends but like we all have unique strengths that can contribute to one another to just make this season so much more so much less scary honestly yeah totally yeah i think um also when we were saying how you when you go do things and you're charged by them or matt gets to go do things and you go hang out with your girls like blake does the same with me where anytime i ask to hang out with people he's always like yes like not that it's a not that i'm asking permission but i think there's not many men who watch this podcast or husbands probably but it's so encouraging to have your husband want you to go do those things and so i think tell your husbands to be happy for you and really good dads too because it's like i literally when i go out last friday i went to dinner and we were with a bunch of other moms and they're like yeah i had to beg my husband to like and i was like oh i didn't even i i literally went home i was like matt thank you so much he's like yeah oh wow that's wow that's interesting yeah like they didn't want to be alone with the kids yeah for on a friday night oh and i was like okay you i was like thank you so much he's like yeah i'm their dad yeah and like i don't even think i'm like i'm not like did they eat did they did they get a like i'm like he can fully do literally everything yeah and there's a learning curve that like obviously if you have a baby and you're just both still figuring it out but like these people didn't all just have babies and so i was just like wow be grateful yeah be grateful and then also like make sure that you you and your spouse are probably both on the same page of like this is a really important thing that like in this new season of our life this can feel like you know we're trying to trim the fat right like okay there we gotta get what we need to get done because it feels like your plate is so full it's like this is actually something that has to stay and has to stay a priority yeah it does and it can look so different like honestly when i'm saying like socializing i'm literally talking about like tonight we're going to our friend's house that also has kids and we're just eating dinner at their house yeah it doesn't have to be just mom to mom like your husband can be included like right from through our church caleb and i have community group we've met with these same um there's eight of us total we've met every week for three years every week and had dinner together and we'll just then we'll split up like guys and girls and the girls will go chat for like an hour and the guys will go chat and we'll just share like because not everything needs to be shared between men and women you know right it's like that's just so filling and when you have repetition i think to answer the question of how we got so close like it really is time like we've just spent so much time we've prioritized a lot of time and we've like included each other in a lot of things and so when you invest in in people you'll get those relationships back and so i think it's just taking those steps like you would always invite us over for dinner you still always invite us over for dinner i'm like you guys i love making dinner it made me sad when you guys knew that we were gonna tell you we were pregnant because you're like they never invited i was like that's not true well maybe it's true so i've been trying to be better no you i've been trying to be better about it and just like inviting you know just like including people into your your world and i think it was because it was a weeknight too that is a huge factor yeah yeah yeah we're not hanging out with kale because i'm so early we're not we're not hanging out on the weeknights but yeah investing time and people i think like when we're how that relates to the gym is like if you're going to the same class times you see the same people all the time you get that face time and you just start to like remember names and people and places and that's really good so like repetition that's actually represented in research too not to be like give us the fact but there i and i'm not gonna quote the correct thing but it's people miss mistakenly think that it's these peak experiences are that are what bonds you to a person and makes them a good friend so they think like oh i went study abroad with them for like a month and we saw all these crazy sites together we're gonna be best friends for life chances are you're never gonna meet up with them again yeah i'm thinking summer camp experiences like oh this random person that you like went skydiving with one like all these random things you would think that like oh we experienced like really high highs and low lows together we're gonna be the like that's not actually what the case right it's it's consistency over time and and a lot of those things tend to be mundane like eating dinner going on walks even just like i don't know getting coffee together or just like watching kids together those are the things that like prove to build stronger relationships with people yeah and so it's it shouldn't feel i know it can feel overwhelming but knowing that it should feel a little relieving to know that's like okay i made major progress today because we sipped coffee while our kids crawled around the playground yeah that was progress and like you don't have to put all these pressures around it and maybe some friends are just friends for a season or maybe it was like okay like there doesn't have to be all these pressures around but it's just the fact that you have to know that it's important for you and for others and because the other thing too is that you're also serving those around you too yeah it's not just so you can be a part of it but it's also serving those around you too yeah it's not just so you can like take care of yourself like i just think about our own friend group like i was actually just thinking about this when i was making dinner the other night like so many oh my gosh you make me cry i care about that i care about these women like so much and i just think about everyone's stage of life like a lot of our friends are going through some serious serious stuff and i'm so thankful that they don't have to do it alone that we're all like carrying those burdens together it's just how that's how we were designed and i feel like we have strayed as a culture from that so heavily yeah and yeah i'm just i'm just thinking about that a lot because i just think about all the meal trains that we've had within our friend groups and it's for all kinds of different reasons yeah some of them are really sad and some of them are celebrations and it's just like which also i shouldn't say that that's a really good thing we should announce like meal trains are a great thing for your like ever friends like it's just a website that you can like sign up to make a meal for friends but nothing really shows love and nurturing than like a home-cooked meal when you're struggling the most or when you're entering a new season and like you're just trying to get your feet on the ground again yeah so that's a really great way to also build community and share with your friends i can't think of like how many meal trains we've had among us i was gonna say i got invited to another meal train for someone at church today and i was reflecting on that this morning i was like just i don't know why the meal train it just hit me like that i was like there so many people are surrounding so many people and it's really really cool to see and being a part of that and being someone who can step in and i'm like i'm signing up for a meal train for someone who brought me one a month ago like it's really really cool to just be able to make someone dinner and bring it to their house and know that they were thinking about you or praying over that meal as they were making it and like it's very intentional um taking the time out of their day to make that for you and it really is really special the kids birthday parties think about how many birthdays we've spent with like i think i've been to every single one of all of our friends like i'm like oh i went to your first your second your third like and it's like i know kids birthday parties get made fun of but honestly a lot of it's for the parents it's for the parents like it's so fun we can socialize like our the dads have started hanging out our matt and some of the dads have hot dad saturday every saturday i always make fun of matt though because being the type b parent that he is every time there's hot dad saturday every saturday morning my kid comes home i'm like i never i never bought this brand of diapers uh and i find wrappers in our car i'm like i've never bought these snacks before and i'm like did you pack a diaper bag he's amazing but he doesn't think ahead like a mom he's not he's not packing a bag and my friends are like yeah i sent them with extra because i knew that that's how you know like you're such a sweet community literally caitlin's always like i packed these snacks and i'm like i'm gonna pack these snacks and i'm like i'm gonna pack these she's like i i knew my kids wouldn't eat them she's like i was taught about you and i cut these up this morning like how many moms pack snacks for cj when i was like he doesn't need snacks and then he gets and he's like snacks you guys always have extras for him because i'm type b type b yeah it's i think to your point addie like it's not a burden people don't feel burdened by your presence or burdened by you asking for help or even if you're not asking for it like it's an honor it's an honor to come alongside other women and do that and um just be there for one another so never think of your time as like i don't want to annoy them with my kid or what if my kids have a you know big feelings it's like every kid has big feelings and like that's just part of it and we never judge other people's kids you know it's like we just parent alongside each other and like or like little babies you know it's like you just bring them along and it's so fun having the baby there you know and so it's just never think about your your presence as like a burden or your kid is like oh they're gonna be annoyed by your kid like they're gonna love it you know it's just part of it it's just part of it it's just part of it you know i think sometimes those are like insecurities that are really common or like thoughts to go through your head because it is just harder to get out the door than when it's just yourself yeah i was gonna add in saying yes when people are offering help or things like that it's very easy to be like no no no no it's okay i don't want to bother you but letting people serve you i think i've said that before like for example you offered to watch brielle on my birthday and i think at the gym i was like i don't know let me ask blake i don't know we don't i don't know if we have any plans like you don't have to do that and then blake was like no let's do it and then like and i i don't know why i couldn't just be like yeah that'd be great thanks and it took and you're my sister like i was like why did i hesitate to say sure that would be great if you could do that so we could go out to dinner so i think saying yes more often is is right important totally i think and i think also the suggestion would maybe be if you're like i want to start this but people aren't like i don't have that circle around me the suggestion is what i gave before which is like go first and be weird but like literally be the first to offer it's like hey why don't you guys go on a date this weekend bring your kids over our kids would love also my kids love playing with other kids yeah like it makes my job easier i'm like everyone's 100 entertained this whole time yep and so i'm like and then like you said saying yes to those things and then also like returning the favor every once in a while and i think this also brings up the other point that i have hesitant to also share but i don't i think it's because we're afraid of talking about these things that it's not changing sure i do also think that in culture today anxious overly anxious parenting is praised it's really damaging yeah it's praised too it's like yeah i couldn't leave him with anybody for x y and z amount of time it's like that's not necessarily like i don't i don't want to be rude like i i want to honor that anxiety of like leaving your kid in the hands of someone else for even a short amount of time is is a really scary thing when you've grown that kid and raised that and spent every waking hour that kid but that that temptation to like continue in that pattern it's not serving your kid either right like it's really obviously only when safe hands yeah only people you like trust with your life not just like crying today it was the first time i like have handed of my babysitter brielle like while brielle's been awake usually she's there when she's sleeping and she said hi and then brielle just the biggest smile on her face and it just like they love it was really sweet to see her like be like so happy to see her babysitter like and she's literally six months old and so that just spoke to me right there seeing that that's really sweet it's yeah it's so true it's like it's good for your kids to like get out of your house and be around other people too and you know just experience that it's so healthy for them and yeah obviously only like people you fully trust of course and not for long periods of time yeah it's not all day yeah and and so it's like obviously you as the mom are like are uniquely equipped to be like the main nurturer and carrier for your kid but this doesn't need you don't need to put this pressure on yourself that because it's also unsustainable and i think that's also why people are struggling so much in motherhood right and so yeah i just want to say like i literally love being a mom so much i do not feel depleted by my kids i don't feel like they hold me back in any way and i am sad when i put them to bed at night yeah like it's like because i'm like oh we had so much fun today like why does it have to end i feel that way literally almost every day and i'm not saying you have to feel that way but i'm just saying it doesn't have to feel like this monotonous super i don't like torturous thing totally and i get really anxious about online it's like okay maybe you're not like the most prepared mom at you leave the door and it's like what's the worst that happened okay they have a blowout okay so you put them in their car seat in their diaper you know what i mean like it doesn't have to be perfect every time we go out we don't have to i just feel like the internet puts so much pressure on moms to know all the things and do all the things and have the right gadgets and have the right bag and have all the gear and do all the that's just marketing it is literally just marketing it's like i'm not going to be the best mom i'm not going to be the most efficient and it's like those are subliminal thoughts that are put on us and it's like i'm just saying we need to cast all that off and we need to say we're done with that we're done we're done with that it doesn't have to be that way we don't have to make motherhood so dreadful and i get so sad online when i see all these videos of parents like dogging on their kids and dogging up being a mom and then the comments are like this was great birth control great birth i'm like okay first of all knock it off knock it off knock it off like we don't have to be so efficient and we don't have to be so efficient and we don't have to make motherhood there's like big scary terrible thing like it's so fine and amazing and like your kids really just need you and they love you and they just need your time and they need friends and when you get to do it together it makes it like it's night and day different yes you're gonna and i i promise you that and i know it's so scary and especially if you're moving or you feel like oh my schedule doesn't allow it like it's like just find tiny ways in which you can just do a it it will it will your family will feel a difference yes totally and um we've been talking about this for so long sorry sorry sorry i'm so passionate about it i know me too i think it's because we just see the lies so much online and i'm also just so grateful for like our community seriously like seriously so great yeah it's amazing this episode is brought to you by palm olive family time isn't just the big moments it's weeknight dinners sitting around the table everyone talking all at once so when the plates are empty and the sink is full use palm olive ultra palm olive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 of grease leaving your dishes sparkling clean and the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together shop now at palmolive.com well i would say naturally just like having deep friendships and being really invested with people you're gonna have conflict that comes up and arises people want to know what our fight was abby oh i heard abby's feelings her feelings and so what did i do i called you the minute i found out that i hurt your feelings you did and i said i'm sorry and i just feel like that is i think that's a big part i picture i always think they're like why do people have like strained relationships with their family or strained relationships with people in their life i think it probably goes a lot with like just really poorly handled conflict that's not resolved well and i'm sure like a lot of repetitiveness of that um and so when i think about how i want to handle things especially being family it's like i i do the same thing with my sisters like i want to call my sister and i want to make it right and if i said something that hurts your feelings and i want to apologize for it even if i didn't recognize it i think that's a lot of it is like a lot of times not recognized totally and i think understanding the intent of people is important but like yeah i think just owning up to it and like swallowing your pride and just be like man i'm really sorry that i hurt your feelings will you forgive me you're literally the best at that and it's like and i feel like this is where it's like the my fault in this whole conflict being vague and it's guys by the way it really wasn't that big of a deal like i feel like we also rarely rarely have conflict but it's like a big lesson for me is go directly to the person like that and i feel like that's an also an honoring thing it can feel like especially if you're in a conflict avoiding avoidant person it feels like you're maybe doing right by that person by just shutting up it's not that's not the case like it's honoring to that person to go directly to that person and say hey like i know you're hurt and i'm not going to do it for you and i'm not going to do it and i know that you would never intend to do this but x y and z made me feel this way and i i guarantee that person will maybe maybe if they're not used to that maybe they won't handle it well i don't know but hopefully like in that moment but hopefully down the line they'd be like oh you know you were kind of right for that i honestly think any good friend would be like oh my gosh like i am i had no idea i had no idea i did not mean to do that yeah and um yeah i think a lot of this comes from just like knowing your friend's hearts and so like i think women especially are like afraid to like say those things but all that to say just bringing it out in the open and i'm not saying i think there's a lot of power in the art of letting things go i'm not saying that but when it's something that's like oh man this feels like it's repeated or if this feels like something that i can't stop thinking about and it's affecting when i interact with them in person like things like that it's affecting our interactions yeah just honor them by just going to them directly and it doesn't have to be a fight it doesn't have to be nasty there doesn't have to be anything weird about it and honestly it can just be a fight it doesn't have to be a fight it doesn't have to be a really cordial conversation and so it can be really hard to do though especially if you're like oh my gosh like i know they don't mean this x y or z way yeah i i was nervous to call like i you know i was like dang like this is gonna be hard i just felt so bad you know because it's like you just don't realize sometimes the way that you do or don't say something can affect and so yeah i mean i remember being like i the last thing i want to do is like call and say this because it is a hard conversation but i was so glad sometimes then also just like sitting on those thoughts and i was like oh my gosh i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry you know you need to have that conversation with someone that is like sometimes even harder you know and it's like just gonna do it and call and it's okay to say like i was wrong you know like that's a good thing to say to people it's good to swallow your pride and do that abby's like literally the best person at taking any kind of criticism or feedback like i just wish i could handle things that way no same honestly you both do no i feel like you do i feel like we had a conversation and we were talking to me and we're asking if i was hurt by something and i was like i i was like you want me to be honest like and i and we got to have that conversation i feel like because i know you we were able to have a very honest conversation about it and i feel like knowing your heart behind it i was like i can be honest with her because i know her character i know their feelings behind this i know these are things that i might have been feeling weren't true but i just need to hear them instead of just telling myself that they're not true all feelings are true i don't think they're they may not be right but it's true yeah they're real but they're not trusted yeah they can't be trusted yeah i think about that all the time like i i don't remember where i heard that and the first time i i think it might have been like a sermon or something but it's like all feelings are valid but they can't all be trusted so you have to like filter through your feelings and it's like is this yeah what is lie what is true what is you know you just you can't just take every feeling and be like well i feel that way and it's like well what's like Let's peel that back. Let's dive a little bit deeper into that and let's filter it. And like anything, like approaching it's like learning where to take personal responsibility too and like don't be afraid to also own up to that with that person and be like hey like here's where i could have done things differently or here's what i should have done and i think that can also be really meaningful and that also brings to say like if you think you've hurt someone's feelings also you can go first and just be like i feel like we do that all the time with each other yeah and honestly sometimes it gets a little out of hand i'm like no i'm sorry no i'm sorry did i hear your feelings they're like no i just left and i'm overthinking this but when i said this it come could have come across as this yes and i think it's just because we're all really honest with each other and like that's bound to happen and we all like love each other and deeply care and also are like family so you cross some lines at times because it's like hey we're family like i can hold you to a closer standard different standard and like but obviously within brains yeah and i think that's a really good point because i think that's a really good point i think what you're saying eddie too like when you handle conflict well it brings you closer together like now you trust you can have these open-ended conversations because you know how the other person handles it yeah there's a lot of safety in that so much safety uh-huh yeah we have a history of overcoming things so it's like nothing's there's nothing that's gonna like knock us down yeah like yeah nothing that's gonna permanently burn this bridge i also think it's important when it's family that there's an extra level of we need to resolve this we're not if it's just a friend sometimes you're like i'm not gonna see him for a couple weeks totally we don't need to resolve that do this and so with with family i think there's an urgency to it a little bit more than there may be with friendships and a reason to go directly to them and go directly to them especially with like spouses involved or things like that when it's like i can't i'm not gonna rant to blake about something because he's gonna be like nope go talk to her oh okay it's true it helps when your husband's don't like to gossip it keeps me in check yeah not that i'm about you guys how do we know i have lots to talk about though i don't want to here's my problem it's always navigating the line of like okay i'm being honest and genuine to myself but also like i don't want to water down like i don't want to water down the crap out of things where i have no opinion at all for sure so now it's towing that line yeah it's like okay well you know what if i feel this this is safe yeah okay well and also i trust that people will tell me if i'm wrong let us know oh yeah don't let us know yeah they they love her look at me and an act of defiance that was actually a great tip though my mom bought me socks she was like your socks are disgusting why do you why do people care hey also my socks are clean they're just permanently stained yeah how often are we rebuying socks i want to see your socks for three years if you're commenting about our socks being dirty i want to see your socks my mom she's a doer she goes that was a problem i bought you new socks she's honestly she's a she's a fix the would you rather see her toes i'm surely not maybe no you'll not see my toes i was actually just talking to somebody who's brother-in-law has a foot fetish has one or is has one she's like that's why we can't really hang out it's like serious growing up her husband had friends over and he woke up his brother was sucking on his friend's toes i'm sorry a man sucking on another man i don't know i don't know the genders that everyone's got toes i mean it's a joke for a reason there's probably some truth to it a lot of people are into that i actually had as a self-preservation thing i i just said foot fetishes aren't real oh sure and turns out it is i told her i was like i said no i in my head i told myself it's not real and she's like it is real i'm like no okay wow we're going off the rails let's listen to a voicemail ask ask ask abby hi abby abby and addy my name is grace and i just wanted to say how much i absolutely love listening to your new podcast always here you guys have such great energy and it really feels like i'm just hanging out with friends while listening and my question for you guys is what podcast do you guys like listening to thanks so much bye that's really sweet thanks grace let's go down the list i'll get my iphone out okay i like diary of a ceo yeah i've listened to a lot of those i like unplanned every wednesday i have to say since we started this one i've listened a little less it's just so much of my i get so much of you guys not in a bad way i just know don't want to like too much no it's not too much i just don't want to ruin some of the stuff that we talk about right right that you guys might talk about unplanned you de-influenced by danny austin jordan ramirez they're a fun one sometimes i listen to whoa that's good by sadie robertson i loved they just had a really good episode i listened to um her and her mom did a conversation on botox and fillers did you see that one i haven't seen that one i love those i love those like her format of that well i listen to john deloney three times a week which is a little crazy um i listen to true crime as a category so i have 48 hours dateline crime junkie i also listen to diary of a ceo arthur brooks and ginger and jeremy podcast oh fun yeah fun the sweetest i also i listened to this one called the glossy podcast their fashion news podcast i like that one if anyone also sends me a random one-off podcast it also automatically if they text it to me it automatically goes into my apple podcast and then i listen to those too so there's a lot of one-off ones from families and friends right that's so good of you to listen to ones that people send you i feel like sometimes people send things and you just never listen oh i do i feel honored i listen abby sends me some yeah it's good to know it's funny you sent me a good one the other day it was like three hours i was like here we go yeah i thought they'd be a good guess on unplanned i know i know i listen to chicks in the office for my pop culture um news and then i listen to true crime if i'm on a really long drive it has to be long it has to be long it has to be at least 45 minutes so i can watch listen to the whole thing a lot of crime junkie yeah i need more like fun ones oh i also listen to that's the point pod by christian johns and john volk i like listening to that a lot and they're fun it's kind of similar vibes i feel like they're just like chatty yeah hi abby's and addie i'm jana i just wanted to say you guys are all so beautiful and i love this podcast so much um my question is when you get a boyfriend how do you make sure he doesn't become your whole identity thank you that is such a good question in high school i did marry him though so it paid off i think i did did she say if your boyfriend becomes your identity how did i get married how did i get married how did i get married how did i get married how did i make your boyfriend become your let me text my friends if i did that you go ahead it is so hard when you first start dating not to like get swept up in the feelings because it's so fun and obviously if you're too like if you're young and you're in high school and stuff like you only have weekends to really hang out and so you want to just hang out with them all the time i think it's just being really really important that when your girlfriends invite you to hang out you hang out with them and you don't flake on them to hang out with your boyfriend that is a no-no don't flake on your girls to hang with your guy that's a no-no and don't always invite your guy to come along that's actually a different way of interpreting it than i thought what do you mean when we come your whole identity i thought it meant like you start to like everything that he likes like you start to lose aspects of yourself and to just kind of like replicate him oh interesting i took it abigail's way okay but i could talk about both because i think that's a good yeah i think i've turned a lot more dangerous like codependency yeah well to just like lose yourself and and obviously some things are gonna change but it's also a more important to make those changes probably in marriage than like the boyfriend you're like okay i don't yeah just don't like shed pieces of yourself because of a romantic relationship and also that's probably the reason they started liking you in the first place yeah so like have your own interests and likes and passions and thoughts and opinions on things inside a relationship i think that's really important i think it's especially easy for females to like kind of morph into like more like their partner totally i would agree um but yeah don't flake on i did not do that i did not do that that's what i thought you meant i was like really no i've had a lot of fun with my friends so i had i had we just hung out we hung out a lot too but yeah i think that's a big temptation gosh infatuation can really just and here's the thing you got to go into it knowing that you're gonna get infatuated because that's it should happen you love them it's part of it but you gotta know how to like keep it in a box like and so it doesn't bleed out everywhere yeah i think you need to be okay saying no to your boyfriend like sometimes like if you don't want to do something that they're doing like it's okay to say no you know hi abby and abby my name is mckenzie and i was i'm planning a wedding right now and i was wondering if there were anything that you wish you had put on your wedding registry looking back like the most random things or just something that's not just plates and linens thank you congratulations that's exciting never in your life will you get to do that again really just think about think about that responsibility right there that is heavy uh i made a mistake i registered at macy's and that just wasn't the vibe i just didn't know you could register at other places matt was a really frugal era at this point so we only did amazon and bed bath and beyond which rest in peace bed bath and yeah i would say register for the good quality stuff because i still use all my stuff from that we got as wedding gifts yeah and it's been seven years um okay something random i was really upset that kilb asked me to take the trash can off of our registry because he said a hundred thousand dollars and i was like oh my god i'm $100 for a trash can, that's absurd. And so we just got the $20 plastic one walmart and it was ugly stinky and it had to be replaced multiple times where if you just got the really nice hundred dollars stainless steel get a nice trash can that's a really good advice yeah i would say get a really good nice this is such a dorky thing to say i'm thinking about the kitchen because here's the other thing too i feel like your items that are going to get scooped up the most are in the 50 to 75 range yep or 50 to 100 range yeah and so i feel like within that range you can get uh really high quality staples that you'll use a lot of times yeah i don't think it needs to be like hundreds of dollars but i think about my cast iron pot that i use literally all the time you can use it like a skillet and a pot and it can go in the oven it's a great size and yeah i think that's a great advice to like i'm not saying to get like bougie i i stay focused on things that are 50 to 100 well i'm gonna disagree i'm gonna disagree okay because like i think you should put a dice in vacuum like no totally because people do group gifts yes yeah but i'm way more likely to get an individual gift because when someone uses something i want them to think about me oh that's funny but i think more i think like older people that you're inviting and close like close people they'll they'll just buy the whole thing probably and they'll get big gifts like that's where you're gonna get your big gifts is your wedding so i would put some of those expensive things on there will be people in your life to do that i take kitchen aid on expensive one yeah i actually set a good knife set a good good knife set i was hassled for putting a kitchen aid on there i use it literally multiple times a day so i'm like i put it on it was worth it kitchen aid is great yeah good knife set that you got me a tv i think about it every time i look at it oh i forgot that i got you a tv now i'm happy see i wanted her to think about it's a staple in our house we use it every day every day multiple times with the tv people that's so true i would say get put the things on there that you're gonna use every day or like frequently and that aren't gonna change from place to place that you move yeah the things that i did not use uh themed fabric like cloth napkins i feel really sad about it but i just don't want to use them the spiralizer accessory for my kitchen aid never use it what what would you spiralize you would spiralize like zucchini i never did what though noodles right exactly when i was in my healthy noodles i hate cauliflower rice and i hate zucchini noodles i just gotta say it i'm eating rice white rice don't make me don't make me spaghetti squash with flour yeah well this episode is brought to you by palm olive family time isn't just the big moments it's weeknight dinners sitting around the table everyone talking all at once so when the plates are empty and the sink is full use palm olive ultra palm olives most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 of grease leaving your dishes sparkling clean a new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together shop now at palmolive.com well that brings us to our segment of always eating and we have fun recipes for you guys mine is our tried and true cookie recipe that we both use i used it today i made it last night i'm so excited about cookies tonight um it is by some joy food sunshine joy food sunshine i will will post it my friend abby my other friend abby i have so many you know so many abby's sent me this it's the perfect chocolate cookie every time bella's the one who sent me this recipe really no my friend abby sent it to me that's so funny because i got it from bella so we yeah this recipe we're not the first one we're not the first one to find it is titled the best chocolate chip cookie recipe and it is and i will say the recipe includes two not me taking your take it includes two cups of chocolate chips yeah but you can also play around with it i made them one time with white chocolate chips and regular chocolate chips i did a day with regular chocolate chips and mini m&ms you can really swap those out for other inclusions just keep it to two cups of like inclusions yes but it's a great base and chocolate chips for valentine's day so cute you do m&ms in the one today yeah that was good i ate it before this episode oh my gosh another cookie um the recipe i'm including is i feel like this is a universal crowd pleaser i feel like your kids will eat it you'll eat it and i've made it multiple times probably for both of you also it's my healthy hamburger helper wait didn't you do that last time no i did strip tacos i'm a one trick pony though i do use the same recipes over and over i mean it's delish it saves really well for lunches i feel like you could and you sneak in some veggies it has spinach and carrots but you will not taste it and it's really really flavorful i didn't grow up eating hamburger helper never me neither oh did you eat hamburger helper addy yeah does it taste like what i make have you had it before i haven't had a hamburger helper in a long time but i actually don't think i've had your hamburger helper okay crazy someone's gonna have to let me know if that actually tastes like hamburger helper because it's really really yummy and has sneaky vegetables and protein in there and it's really quick really quick love it okay wow what a chatty episode um that was fun that was really really fun we needed a heavy one after the fails last week not a heavy but a deeper one i felt heavy i felt like i hope it's barely better souls i hope it's heard right we love you that's all that matters yes and we also are very thankful to those of you that constantly show your support to the show not just by listening to the show but by watching the but also by hurting it liking it subscribing downloading sharing with a friend and especially those of you that give us five stars and write a review just like jasmine who says five stars just the girls as a 25 year old married mom to a little boy it can sometimes feel like i'm in the minority in this generation which is why this podcast is such a breath of fresh air it honestly feels like sitting down with the girls laughing unwinding and having real meaningful conversations without judgment i'm so grateful i found it highly recommend oh thank you jasmine i distinctly remember being 25 years old with a little boy oh and so i'm not far off from that 27 but it just it's really special to be in your ear like that on your car rides while you're doing your laundry and so thank you it really does make such a difference and our whole team really appreciates it if you also want to leave a voicemail like we listened to at the end of today's episode you too can call in the number is 602-456-9690 and we love hearing from you guys it really really means so much so thank you for those of you that have called in and engaged with the podcast in that way and we're reading the comments i'm reading them and if you guys leave good stuff that'll be a podcast segment so right it was today yeah it was so thank you guys so much again for leaving comments and engaging and starting conversation are we doing a book club what do you mean are we waiting for more making more decisions we already said the book last week what was it again atmosphere what is it atmosphere okay bye i thought you were ending the podcast so they're saying bye i was like all right well it's coming soon anyway um yeah so if you want to read the book pick up the book okay put those details in the description as well atmosphere by taylor jenkins read okay perfect and we're gonna figure out what our new avenue is for that we're still brainstorming we're going to read your comments yeah we're gonna read them from the last episode okay you guys we are so grateful for you and remember we're always here you want to be the one who's always in the know about the 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