Infidelity, Mom Loneliness, & The Reality TV Ethics Debate

Perustin pyöräilyvää teitä valmistavan ornotin vuonna 2013. Mielestäni parasta Shopify saan se, että voimme harjoittaa liiketoimintaa ilman teknistä osaamista, voimme hallinnoida yrityksen taustajaristelmiä ja frontendia sekä myydä verkossa, vaivatta, jos Shopify olisi pyöräilyvaruste, sollisi mielestäni itse polkupyörä. Sillä asiat hoidetaan ja meidän liiketoimintamme hoituu Shopify'sssä, aloita ilmainen kokeilu, Shopify piste.com sivustolla. Sillä asiat hoidetaan ja meidän liiketoimintamme hoituu Shopify'sssä. Aloita ilmainen kokeilu, Shopify piste.com sivustolla. I have a hottake that you should go to jail. I used to think it was legal. It's horrible. Go to jail. Go think about what you've done. We realize that a lot of moms are really lonely. Of course you can do everything on your own as a mom. But what is the cost of that? Your mental health, your physical health. I'd never have watched "Latularet" since maybe 2019. I'm like, "I feel like I broke up, but I go on the show." Yeah. Really? I feel like Matt would be like, "Yeah baby, you go and do it." Like he was like for me. [Music] Welcome back to Always Here. I'm your host Abby Howard. And Abby Howard. We're here to share the hope and the hard with heart and humor. Every week, every Friday. Every week. Or whenever you listen to it. Yeah. I usually listen to it on Mondays. Really? Well, that's the Monday before. Oh, I was like, "Latularet, the boy in the scenes, behind the scenes." We had exciting developments in the "Always Here" family, our editor, and his wife are currently at the hospital having their baby. Yay! So we're so excited. So excited to be a Randy. And your family is so exciting. Very sweet. Yes. All right. Well, there's been lots of good pop culture things going on. Well, should we say good or entertaining? Mm-hmm. Things to talk about. Mm-hmm. I've been talking about a lot with other people. They're happy. And I usually don't know what's going on before we jump into this. What? You guys about my morning. Oh, gosh, yes. Oh, hey, yeah. What's happening? Okay. You guys, I just, I feel out of it. It's because I've been scrubbing diarrhea off my rug. Come here, dog. Yes. I woke up at 6.45 this morning and I go, "What's that smell?" "What's that smell?" And then I look and I go, "It's going to be a bad day." It's going to be a bad day. Does she have a sensitive stomach? I don't think so. No, no. It's been going around. Oh, I don't know. Yeah, it's been bad. Diaria? Yes. I had a whole list of things that I wanted to do today. It was a big dog. Yeah, I might have to get rid of the rug. It's a, yeah. I don't want to go into geographic details, but, yeah, we've been working on it for a couple hours. So we'll see how it goes. It was Caleb there? Caleb was there this morning when it happened. But if you want to get your house. Really? He told us when he's, like, needs to go out. So I was really surprised that it happened. His emergency. I guess he was surprised by it. So if I feel off, it's because I'm just thinking about it and it's currently smelling it. I can't get this in all out of my nose. That is so gross. I know. No. That happened while we were on our cruise and my parents were watching our dogs. Both of them got Diaria bad multiple times in our house. And we just got our carpets cleaned. Nice. It was. They were just spots. Yeah. It's just like, what are you supposed to do? You know? So that's a phone one. It starts to pop. It's a good day. It's a good day. No. That is my life. It's a good day. It's hard. It's been hard. It's been hard. Dangit. Yeah. But our hope is that we've been distracting ourselves with lots of good TV. Yeah. I'm surprised that I even like watched it and it was going on. Yeah. I was so surprised that you watched it. Well, I had a rough weekend, but it's fine. Yeah. We watched the show. We watched the show on TV. America's next tell model. That's what we're talking about. Yeah. Well, I actually loved that show, like growing up. You did? Which I'm like, maybe I was a little young for that. I was curious. If you, I need to do you watch it? Not really. I remember being in maybe fifth and sixth grade when it was out. So, and I was that was young too, watching it. So, I would have been, I was surprised. Third grade, I mean. Potentially. Well, also, I feel like they played the reruns forever. Like on TV. And I think guys probably watching like a ton of reruns. They did have 24 seasons. I knew what it was about and stuff. I surely saw some seasons. I feel like I never actually like tune in and watch it. Oh, Addy, you missed a whole good scenario. I actually, is it like controversial to say I kind of want to go back and watch it? No, you should. Okay, you should. It's crazy TV. It's crazy TV, I would like. It is great TV. And I feel like I was actually also part of the, like people, like the group people that started watching the reruns during COVID. I actually had COVID. And I had a bad guy. Oh, the first time? The first time. I remember that. I was fainting. And like, I would without Matt. Because we separated. Because he had it. And I didn't have it. So, he went and separated. Which was weird. Because we were married. But no one knew how to handle it. Yeah. And so, no, this was before Christmas, actually. It was around that. Yeah, maybe. It was a little bit. Because I was, we were there. Blake and I were there. Yeah, they saw me fainting. I got it. And I was like freaking out. Because I wasn't with Matt. I was like, I'm a Matt. So then my mom, like, like, laid in bed with me and watched the reruns of America's next time. I watched a whole season. Wow. Sweet. Anyway. All that to say, the documentary was very invested. Because I knew, I actually even knew the cycles they were talking about. Yeah. Like some of the shoots. I was like, I remember that. I remember that. Totally. And just to say one thing. When I watched it, even watching reruns, I didn't think anything of it. Which I mean, I feel like we're all kind of in that boat. So many people watched it. It was like the number one show. Right. And I don't think it was like because they were like, this show is like. So popular, we can get away with anything. Yeah. No, I feel like everyone was like, this is great. Yeah. And now we've like learned. We know better now about like some things. Yes. The shoots are crazy. Oh, yeah. That was not necessary. Yeah. That was like immoral. Right. But, um, yeah. I don't know. What were your top note thoughts? I thought it was very entertaining. I will say, I don't have a lot of pity for people that go on reality TV competition shows. Which maybe isn't like the nicest thing to say. But I felt the same way about the biggest Thursday documentary. Like, if you're waiting in line to go on a show and you see. I feel like I have pity for the first season people. But then after that, it's like you're auditioning to be on this. You watch the show. You know what you're getting into. You know you're doing crazy shoots. You know you're going to get a terrible makeover. Like, you know you're doing these things. Then I'm like, oh, can you really be upset about it? Because you always have the choice to leave. You know what I mean? Right. Right. And some people did leave. Yeah. You're going to give up this opportunity. She's like, yeah. I will. She's like, I'm out. And that's besides, that's outside of the unethical things. Like, there were obviously a lot of really. Like, the Shandy thing was really sad. I'm not. That was not speaking about that. I'm more such a talking about, like if you were like the shoots and stuff. Yes. You can leave. Yeah. I agree with that. Yeah, the Shandy thing was like super sad. That was the thing that really stood out to me. Because it was just like a lot of these things like in the time. Like, maybe we didn't hold ourselves at the same standard we do now. We learn more. So we can do better. But that was like wrong then. Clearly. Wrong now. And actually even illegal. Like, I was like, that was. Yeah. She was black out drunk. And even those. It made me sad that even in her like modern day commentary. Like, I don't want to speak for her. But just like knowing the basics of the situation that they detailed. I was like, that was not. That was not consensual. That was not sex. That was like illegal. What happened to her. And. Yeah. And you did not cheat in my opinion. Like, yes, you went to the show with a boyfriend. Like, none of that happened with your consent. So, I don't. Yeah. And it was just so sad. And just kept getting worse, I feel like. Yeah. Because, like, the recordings, none of. Like, I don't. There was also. People were mad about the people filming, which I'm also like. Yeah, that's. That's so wrong that they filmed that. But then also, there was other girls in the house too. Like, they were. They were there too. Yeah. And sharing a room with her. I was like, there's a lot of accountability that should have happened. Like, that made me really, really sad. And I don't know, even just her talking about it then. Like, in, like, modern day. Like, you could tell that she's still, like, blamed herself. She's still. Yeah, she does. It makes me so sad. It's so sad. For context, if you don't. Oh, yeah, yeah, so. She was on. She was on the first or second season, like, really early on, right? I mean, Cycle 2. Cycle 2. And they went to Italy. It was the first time that everyone abroad. And they had a party. And they were drinking and involved. They invited some of the guys from their day challenge that they had. And, yeah, she was just very drunk. And there was definitely some essay that happened. And she talked about it. And it was recorded. And it was recorded. The whole thing was recorded. Then afterwards, because it was now a storyline. They had a recorder calling her boyfriend and telling him about it. Devastating. Horrible, horrible, horrible stuff. And it's like, this is a modeling show. Is this necessary, you know? So, I think it does bring up a lot of conversation just about the ethics of. Reality TV show, because honestly, I don't know if it's better today. I think about some stuff that's on secret lives of Mormon wives and real housewives. And sometimes, I even remember on secret lives, Jesse was talking about how things came out with her affair that she had. And she's like, well, I know what I'm going to have to talk about this in the show. Like, she didn't really have a choice to talk about it or not. And I just feel like that's very interesting and sad. But also it's a good point. Like, it might not even have actually made any progress. - I don't know if we have. - At least in that area of like, I don't know, at least in personal things. - Reality TV, yeah. It made me so sad. - Yeah, and the expectation on people just to be blatant about everything in their life on some of these hard things is really, I would be curious 'cause I don't know, Adi, you watch a lot more reality TV, do you feel like there are, can you think of times where people have kept things off screen? - No, I think, I'm sure it's in their contract somewhere that when things happen that they have to speak about it publicly. Or they negotiate a contract not to speak about it. I mean, think about, okay, you watch the Kardashians, how much does Kim talk about Kanye? Is that something they don't talk about? - No, they're also producers, which is different. - That is true, it produces a little bit different, but I'm sure they're also-- - That's totally different. - Yeah, 'cause I mean, TLC, like I used to watch it all the time, I feel like everything is on there, even when we've talked to the duggers or things like that, like they talk about everything, but there are some things they don't talk about. I think for reality TV, mostly you have to talk about everything. - Yeah, that's just crazy. - Or also, we're gonna still share this element of the plot, and then you either can comment on it, or you can just not comment in which case, people have no context. - Totally. - So, yeah. - There was an interesting point to Emma on our call, she's one of our producers, she pointed out that a lot of these girls were really young, like 17, 18 years old. And there's a power issue there, and with a celebrity, and yeah, it was very sad to watch that, it was hard. - It was well done, Dr. Mary, though, I thought. - I thought it was too, I saw some comments being like, Netflix always puts the abusers in the seat to hear, I mean, I think that's a crazy thing to call somebody. - I think you would have been poorly done if you didn't have Tyra on. - I also don't think it put Tyra in a great line. - No, like even when she was speaking, I'm like, she's not sub-ending herself in a way that I'm bought in her own kind. - Let's say it's not just her, Ken also took no accountability. Ken was the producer, or the other producer. - Oh yeah, I liked him a little bit more too. - I liked him more too. - He did say he said-- - One thing wrong. - He said-- - One thing. - Yeah, he did say that one. - On the switching race thing. - No, that wasn't the one, it was a domestic violence one because the girl that was doing the photo, her mother had been shot in the head. - That's so purgedy, that photo shoot. - So now when you hear things like that, you're like, what were they thinking? - That's crazy. - What was the one thing that I was like-- - No, what was his name, that Nigel Barker? - Nigel. - He was the king of that game. - He was a king of that game. - I'm Nigel. - He was the king of the show too. - I feel like he did it well and honest. He was like, yeah, it was a different time. He's like, he's like looking back at it now. He's like, that's crazy. - Yeah. - And he was like, this was wrong. And, but I feel like he was very fair. And like-- - Yeah, I don't know. - And just real. - Totally. - Like Tim. - I liked him too. I remember liking him on the show a lot. I thought Miss J was, that was really sad history. I didn't know that he had had, like-- - I didn't know that either. - ailment. It was interesting seeing more of like the where they now. - That was really sweet with like, that they like J and Nigel and like all of them like hugging and like, that they came to visit him in the hospital. That was really, really sweet. - Really cool. - That like behind the scenes like caring for each other. - Totally. - That like terror, tyrant didn't. - I was such a bummer too, because I was growing up like such a tyrant fan. Like I, life size-- - Life size, I was gonna say do you remember life size? - I was, I remember distinctly one day, I had the stomach flu and my dad had to stay home from work with me. He was actually doing it all day. And I made him watch life size three times a week. - Oh my god. - And my dad did. He watched it three times with me. And I was like, dad, this is the best movie ever. Like, 'cause think about it. A little kid like her doll comes to life. It's with Lindsay Lohan entire base. That was good movie. - I watched a kid movie. - We should do it. Have you seen it, Adi? - No. - What? - Oh my gosh. - Adi. - A classic. - It's so good. And I'm gonna be really sad if I rewatch it and I hate it. - I actually told Maddie today, I was like, we didn't watch it like at the Irish. It's about to be, what? - It's about the Irish. - Wait, is that the Disney movie? - It's a D-com. - It's the same as the Disney Channel movie. - Yeah, I mean-- - D-com. - Disney Channel-Rigel movie, come on Adi, come on Adi. - This is when our age difference starts. - Well, I knew about Disney Channel-Rigel movie. I just never knew D-com. - D-com. - Oh yeah, D-com. - Oh yeah, baby. D-com. - We should do a quiz or something where we quiz all each other on old, like, just a lot of TV. - I did too. - This one's different, but I learned last night what, someone said there was CEO in reference to church. Christmas in Easter only. - Oh, I never heard that either. - There were creatures. No, they called it. She goes, I was a CEO. And I'm like, we were like, he's a Christmas in Easter only. We were like-- - Oh! (laughing) - Like, do you think we were gonna know that? - I was like, never heard of it. - I love it. That's great. - Anyway, that was well done. - That was a really good one. Oh, the reason I was thinking, the other documentary where they put the, an actual, like, okay, I don't want to say anything about Tyra. I don't know if she's an abuser or not. But an actual abuser. - Yes. - It's a documentary on Netflix about-- - I liked having her-- Okay, wait. - What was that called? The stalker. - I don't know. - With a collar. - Unknown collar. Where the mom ended up being the one that was like abusing her daughter. - Abusing her daughter. - And she was talking to her. - People were mad that she was in the documentary. That's my-- - I totally agree with her. - I loved that she was in it. I had, I didn't paint her in a good light at all. - And actually maybe have more empathy for the daughter because I'm like, wait, this is what she has to put up through at home. - Yes, she has zero remorse. I think the fact that she showed zero remorse and all the, like you said, it kind of just sets the scene more for what this daughter was living with all the time. And I think that we are, we need to give ourselves more credit as an audience that we can still like make critical, like do critical thinking when we're watching something. - Right. - And say like, oh, that's wrong. - That's weird. - What she's saying is like, so off base. But we are allowed to have critical thinking, right? We can do that ourselves, right? And I think you can also have empathy for someone that did bad things and still think that those things are bad. - Right. - Like I could be like, oh wow, that's really sad that their life was like that. Can't believe that they killed people. It's crazy. - Yeah, does that I mean? I think you can, both things can be true. - Right. - Just because you feel compassion doesn't mean that doesn't like raise your rank. - And make it right. - Right, like what, make wrongs right? - Yeah, that's exactly true. - That's what I really like that they include both sides of the story. - They had a lot of good, it was not boring, it was very entertaining and I feel like it was very, they showed a lot of sides. But I like that they have the network even because you also feel that pressure that they had to keep their ratings high and to constantly do crazy things. But it was interesting because you make the point, I was like, wow, I can't believe they had them do that. Afterwards, you watch this brand new show, Matt and I wanted to watch it. It's a guy from Jack A. - Oh yeah, yeah. - They have a new fear factor. - Yes. - It is, we started it. - Well, you can I think started fear factor. - They haven't released all the episodes yet. - Steve and Steve. - I don't, I never watched that show growing up. - Don't go back. - I'm a girl. (laughing) - I think you're right, Steve something. - Yeah. - Oh, anyway. - Steve, oh, that's what it is. - It is, okay. - I think it is. - I think it is. - I think you're right, Steve. - You reminded me of Jim Carrey. - Totally is very expressionant. - But some of the things that they have these contestants who they were showing previews down the line, I'm talking sticking metal rods through their legs. They're bleeding. - Oh. - Like they are like actually torture these people for reality TV. - Oh. - And I was like, well, it could get worse. - They could. - Change races. - Those were the ones that, I love them. - I think they probably will. - They literally changed ethnicities. And then they're like, but they didn't just do it once. - They didn't do it. - Why? And they kind of did it the third time. - That was so crazy. - And it was like nine cycles later. - Yeah. (laughing) - They showed that I was like, oh no. - It kept happening. - It kept happening. - And honestly, they cornered those poor girls 'cause they were here to do this shoot. And then the poor girl was white. She's like, I felt like that. I felt like the black girl. And then they handed them the babies. I was like, that was crazy. (laughing) - They made him change race. And they gave him children. - Of the race. - They just like that poor kid. - I'm like, this is really. - Wow. (laughing) - That's great. - I remember that shoot. - Oh yeah, I did. - Well, 'cause I didn't hold on. (laughing) - I remember thinking that art is beautiful. I was like, I love that. - People, yeah. So. - Okay, sorry, if you're a factor, your say it was just crazy. - It was Stevo, it was the old host, not the new host. - Yeah, the new, what do you mean? - You want to know who the new host is? - No, that is the new one. - Is Stevo, isn't it? - This is, while Stevo is not the host of the new fear factor, the new fear factor, the next chapter on Fox, he's not the host of that. - Oh, who is it? - Who is the new one? - I wouldn't recommend the show by the way. - Matt literally loses attention. And if it, like-- - Johnny Knoxville. - Johnny Knoxville. - Oh. - One on the same, honestly. - You knew this guy? - No, I just think they're kind of to the same thing. - Okay. - Johnny Knoxville, yeah. - They're like sticking rods through their skin. - Wow. - But lead, like, it's torture. They're like torture. - And Matt lost interest? - Yes. (laughing) - I like told Matt, I was like, this is a problem. 'Cause he was like trying to skip you. Like, I'm gonna skip to the next challenge. - That was fun. - And I was like, and they did like a suffocation challenge in the episode we watched, where they were in the air. - That was bad. - Like, and I watched it in the episode. - And Matt was like, I'm bored. I was like, your brain is fried. - I have a distinct memory watching fear factor when I was a kid sitting on my dad's desk in his office eating party pizzas. Just sitting there watching him have scorpions crawl all over them and then a lady had a shaver head. And I was like-- - That's what I'm saying. - I don't know if I'd ever do that. - They were dropping snakes on this girl. - That's what they were doing. - Yeah. - Dropping snakes, dropping rats. And I was like, also, where's Peter here? - They're literally-- [BLANK_AUDIO] - Jumping into the text. - From the top. - So you're ready? I mean, reality. - I don't think it's gotten better. - This wasn't isolated to America's next top model and this has not gotten better. - And guess what? We're still eating it up. - Seriously. - I was watching, I was like, Matt, those rats are surely getting injured. - Yeah, it is bad. - And yeah, so anyway, that was a very well done documentary in my opinion. - I thought it was too. I would recommend it. I thought three episodes was the perfect length. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, no longer than that. - Thank you, one skin for sponsoring today's episode. - Something I just cannot stand are lengthy skincare routines. I need a routine that I can stick to. And so I like to keep that routine very simple but effective. Especially when you've got really good research back products that you can trust. And here's the thing. 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And I think we can all celebrate is that one skin was founded by a female PhD scientist. - And she understands what it's like to be a woman with skin. - Born over a decade of longevity research, one skin's OS1 peptide is proven to target the visible signs of aging, helping you to unlock your healthiest skin now and as you age. - For a limited time, try one skin with 15% off using code Abby at oneskin.co/abby. That's 15% off oneskin.co with code Abby. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them and please support our show and tell them that we sent you. - You saw a weathering height. - I saw a weathering height. - What is that about? What is that originally about? - Oh, it's like a-- - It's a book, right? - Dark Roman, I guess written in 1847. - Okay. - And her sister wrote Jane Ayer, there's three girls. - So it's like a classical novel. - She released it under a male's name, so it would perfect-- - Oh, that's really cool. - And it works. - Okay, so I feel like I remember hearing about that in school maybe. That's why I know weathering-- - Oh yeah, it was actually made mandatory reading in a lot of schools. - I didn't, we didn't read it in my classes. - I didn't either. - I feel like I heard about it. - Oh yeah, it's a classic. - Yeah. - It wasn't like at the time because this book is very like, it talks about female desire, there's infidelity. There's like, there's a lot of like-- - Tammu topics. - Tammu topics. And especially for the 1800s, especially from a woman. Like, there was just so many things about it. But it was, wow. I said on my stories, I have a lot of thoughts. And people were like, what did you think? I wanna know, I'm like, I cannot, I cannot convey them in an Instagram story because it was just so much. First of all, it was, I wanna say this and I don't wanna sound like such a weenie. And when I, like a whiny weenie when I say this, but we have gotten really good in society about trigger warnings about certain things. - Sure. - And I think that's awesome and great. And some of them I'm like, oh, why do we need a trigger warning? It's just 'cause it doesn't apply to me. - Right. - Like I'm like, that doesn't seem like, that seems like something that shouldn't be a big deal. It's like, oh, it just doesn't apply with me to me, which is why they have these. - Right. - And so, and I started talking to a couple other women who have also experienced pregnancy loss and things like that. And they were like, I watched all the media for this movie. No one was ever talking about this. And I was really upset watching the movie. Like, I wouldn't have seen it. - Wow. - And that's how I felt. - That's a part of the plot. Huge part of the plot. - So I'm gonna just say this for any woman that's watching because I know it affects so many people. Like if you have experienced miscarriage, pregnancy loss, pregnancy complicate, anything like that. Like, don't know that going in. And if it's fresh, like probably just like, just know yourself, just like, don't watch it because it ruined, it really did ruin my day. But before all this, well, first of all, also I wanted to bring up on the topic. Another show that I was like, they were really careless with this was a House of Dragon. Which, I know you guys probably, did you watch it? - I didn't watch House of Dragons. - Okay, House of Dragon, there's like a ton of like, miscarriage references, pregnancy complications, like all kinds of like really traumatic births. - Yeah. - Left and right. And I remember like, after like one of them, there's like a, there's a crazy scene that was like etched forever in my mind. It was like fresh after I had one of my sons. And it was like an emergency C section that happened in medieval times. So obviously she's gonna die. She's awake. And he's the husband's making the decisions for her. I was like, this is something that is like, like I actually want to vomit. Like I literally am like, not, I can't enjoy this at all. And it was actually created by women to bring awareness to these things. But it was like, this isn't the kind of, but give a trigger warning. - Yeah. - Give a warning at the beginning. I thought that I was actually about this as us. - Okay. - I loved that movie. And I've never experienced domestic violence, but I had no idea that's what that movie was about. - Oh, it ain't with us. - What did I call it? - This is a different show. - Different show. - Different show. It ends with us. Yeah, and I didn't read the books or anything. And the trailers hinted at nothing about that. So I went in totally blind not knowing that. And I was like, oh well, I had no idea it was about this. And this was pretty heavy. Yeah, I just were thinking that if that was something that people had gone through and experienced or was like really hard for them to see, they would have no idea that's what this movie's about. - I felt that way. I was like, if I would have known, I would have absolutely, like, especially at the time in which I saw it, like, I absolutely would not have seen it. And so, like, Matt was really like the color drain from your face. Like, I was like, yeah, 'cause it was deeply disturbing. I didn't hear anyone talking about it. - Yeah, I've just seen people crying online, but they never say why. - Yeah, and it was also like, yeah, okay. Let me just start with the bad. Why don't I start with the bad? - Okay, let's hear it. - Give us a good one. - A couple things will never be sexy for me. Infidelity is one of them. Infidelity will never be sexy. - I'm never gonna cheer for that in the show. - They're like, romance was steamy. And then I was like, then she got married to another man. I was like, so she should go to jail. - I'm not into this. I'm not into this anymore. And I feel like other people, maybe that's just like, I don't know, forbid and love type of thing, but I was just like, just kept thinking I was like, and like, they were like, in her husband's house. Like, I was like, the jail. - Jail. - I have a hot take that you should go to jail. - I used to think it was legal. - It should be illegal. - It's horrible. - Go to jail. - You're not. - 'Cause think about what you've done. (laughing) - Well, I mean, that is a hot take. I mean, it's a hot take, but anyway, keep going. - I think I'll use a little more accountability. - That's what I'm saying. (laughing) But then another thing that will never be sexy, incest, but they're not technically related. - What? - But they're essentially brother and sister. - What? - I think about like a half brother, or they adopt her. - Or like stepsist, not a half brother. Not half brother. - Steps sibling. - Steps sibling situation. He is taken into the house as a child and they're raised together. - Oh. That's kind of like clueless, though, you know? - Yeah, that was gross, also gross. - Yeah, that was gross. (laughing) - Yes, it did seem really old and clueless, but that's besides the point. - So, yeah, that's kind of gross. - There were points where I was like, yeah, they're not related. And I was like, oh, they're cute. And I'm like, they are. - Like, we all know someone from our childhood that kind of felt like a brother to us. And then I was like, no, like that was a line. That was a line. It wasn't for them, but it was a line for me. - Right, right. - And so, sometimes that kind of bothered me. - Sure. - Other things I really liked about the movie, I thought they did, I think the acting was amazing. The soundtrack with it was amazing. The costuming, the set, like the storytelling was all very beautiful. Like I thought it was really, really, really good. And great one to watch their husband. I would say like, it was just steamy. Like, but no nudity. So, I like appreciated that. And I really liked that aspect of it. Great movie. - Great movie. - Great movie. Just really which I never saw. - Really which I never saw. - Great movie. It is the best movie that I wish I never saw. - Okay. - Great. - So, I just feel like everyone should know that I'm going here. I also don't, I didn't read the book. So, I have to say that. I know that some of the criticism is that it didn't follow the book, which apparently it really didn't, 'cause I did a deep dive into like what the plot of the book was. Which is also why I would say the trigger warning would be very important is because in the actual book, there is not a miscarriage. There is a traumatic pregnancy birth situation, but it's not a miscarriage. And I do think that they land differently. - They land very differently. And I also think that either way, like you should probably have a trigger warning. And I just, I feel like such a weenie saying that. But it really, really, like as a consumer, I feel like I couldn't have even protected myself from that type of thing. And I genuinely did ruin my night. - Yeah. - And so, great movie though. Do you like, or does that bother you when movies, then they changed the movie from how the book was? Or do you like it? - I feel like it actually doesn't bother me. I always feel really proud of myself. And I'm like, "That's different from the book." Like I like, really proud of myself. But I really, I can't necessarily bothers me. I'm like, I can see why they made that change. With weathering heights, they could have made a chapter one in chapter two because, like they did with Wicked, because the book, the movie ended at the halfway point of the book. - There's a whole other following of the next generation in the book. So they didn't feel like it was missing anything in my opinion either. - Well, they're gonna do a part, are they gonna do a second one maybe? - I don't think so. - They ended it very finally in my opinion. - Oh. - I don't think there's even been conversation about a second one. - I don't think so. - In fact, I'm out if they did, 'cause that was just, I also have never watched genres like that. I either watch romcoms, but I don't watch romance, like really at all. - You watch house. of dragons. Yes. We're thinking about it. Because I want to show us with Matt. I think you should know that before you watch it. I'm just saying. That's good to know because I feel like everyone's talking about it online. And I'm just like, do I need to go see this? But knowing that it's spicy and sad, I probably won't go. There's nobody to kind of nannas. I don't want to cry and I don't want to cry. No, no, it's dark. It's depressing and dark. And I feel like there's a couple other triggers that you could probably like look into as well. Because I mean, the whole thing is very adult. Even though there is no nudity and I don't even think there's cussing in it. And there's no like drugs. But it was just adult themes. Really adult. It was really adult. I think that's interesting that you bring that up because yeah, we have nudity ratings, language ratings, drug and violence, and alcohol. Like they have those. They do have adult themes as like sometimes I've seen in like movie ratings. Like adult themes will get it a higher. But those are also more subjective. It's kind of hard to like totally. I feel like that's why I feel like we all had PG-13 movies as kids that we were allowed to watch. Even though we weren't 13 for us, it was Jurassic Park and Star Wars. We were allowed to watch that. I just watched all of them for instance. Like the notebook on repeat. Like Daniel Household. You're like Jurassic Park and Star Wars and those scared me. See, you had a brother. I never saw Jurassic Park. It's still never seen Star Wars. I think I'd say you still have never seen Jurassic Park. I've never seen it. I don't care too. It's so good. Uh, dying of the sorts. I don't care. I'm a son, so I'll probably see you. It's such a good movie. Yeah. Happy. I know. Oh my gosh. I know. I like my TV to be really light. Okay, that's true. Yeah, I don't want to sweat. I don't want to cry. You don't want to feel anything. I don't want to feel anything. I just want to laugh and just then go to bed. Okay. We watched different types of movies. Yeah, we do. We do. Something light coming up is the Bachelorette. Yeah. I'm actually going to watch this season. I have not watched in a long time. I said I would only watch it if I watched it with you guys. If it was like I could lump it into like family sister bonding. Yes. We're going to do it. We're going to make it happen this season. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it is. Let's double check it out. I don't know. I thought they changed you from Bachelor Monday. Well, that's during football season. It's not on Mondays. The girl lost. The girl went down the boys dominated the TV's. Yeah. Taylor Frankie Paul is the Bachelorette. Yes. I actually want to take Todd Gurley. We got to watch. Sunday. Sunday March 22nd. I like Sundays. March is busy. You guys got a lot of good shit. What else is in March? Virgin River season 8, maybe. I thought that one was sad. No. Okay. I mean, it's kind of like a drama. But it's nice. I don't know. I like it. Virgin River. I feel like only grandma's watch that show. I've never heard of that. I love it. She has our kids grandma. Well, we were going to do. I want to ask really quickly before we started on that one. I want to ask when we thought about the advertisement because it just popped up on my Instagram. She's holding the book. I didn't see it. It says the book of more men. And I feel like that had to cause a rise. I didn't. I don't really know what the commentary. A lot of the advertising that these people realize are more wives. Their show does. I'm like the LDS church. They just had to be so furious about this. I was like, are they offended? I think they probably should be. I'm offended for that. I'm not a member of the church band. Abigail, can you see all the way over here? Do you see that? It has the church window in the back. Like, yeah, that's. I'm not surprised, but I was a little surprised actually. It's. Yeah, why are they carrying it on? I know. The best lawyer is so separate from Stephen. It's different. Everything. The book of more men. They got to stop claiming these are more men than men. We know you're not. That's a great plan word. I was like, wow, we're really good there. Okay. Okay, so what are we doing? What are we doing? This is that. These ideas. This is fun. This is my idea. We're going to they just announced all of the candidates candidates. Yeah. We're going to find candidates. The bachelors? The bachelors who are going on to the bachelors. And so we're going to look through them and we have pictures of each of them. Their age, role, and where they live. And we're going to give them superlates. What happened? She got a bad bat. They never look good in these pictures. Okay. You always better. Okay. Who stands out with your first glance? Who's your first impression, Rose? Who do you think's going to get the rest of the job? Either your first impression or who you think's going to get it. I feel like Brandon looks nice. Where's Brandon? Yeah, he does look nice. He's got a friendly smile. He's a loan officer. You have to pass a test. You have to pass a test to be a loan officer, a hard test. You do? You might be smart. I would say Shane. I'm going Shane. Private wealth planner. 28, Atlanta, Georgia. But you're smiling with teeth, Abby. Is that a red flag for you? I just doesn't look warm. Can I tell you mine? Yeah. I also feel like Michael looks like a sweetie. This is my problem. I like Malik. Malik. Yeah, I could see that. I could see that. I could see you're like a Malik. Is this your your first impression or who? Yeah, are you about yours? You look nothing like Blake, Abby. I love it. I love it. I love it. I was looking sorry. I love you back to her. I feel like a good batch of men. I feel like a Trenton looks nice, Brandon looks nice, and Michael looks nice. Oh, and Rod looks nice. Sometimes I feel like they give him fake jobs. Like Doug is a lotion lifeguard. I'm like, surely Doug. Well, what do we think about the kind of the kind of a kind of a practical killer? But also a kind of a character. He's a kind of a pure baseball player. I'm like, what's his current job? They're going to take executive. That's all I guess. I actually should probably say I don't think that she's probably going to go for the nicest guy. Who's going home night one? Oh, I don't know. I don't want to be mean. Yeah, that's sad. I'm just going to say just because of age Matt is 43. Yeah. I just think that feels more on the older end for her. I know they had to get all ages. I could even say maybe Christopher, because he's 35. I don't really see her going for like older. Trenton's 35, though, and I could see her going for Trenton. But that's because he looks like her exes, I think. Well, she, okay, she has three kids. Yeah. It's a factor. It's a big factor. She's a mom. Yeah. And so I wonder if any of these men are dads. So potentially she would need to find a guy that maybe doesn't want to have any more kids. Or maybe older is better. Yeah. That's a good point, Abby. Question. They don't want anyone who's there for the wrong reasons. But they're casting a social media person like someone who's a public figure for the first time as the bachelor at. And so do we think any of these guys are there for the wrong reasons on your pictures? Oh, this is how it starts. Brad looks like one of my high school teachers. But he's just a cowboy and entrepreneur. It's not him. Oh cowboy. Terresti. A cowboy that lives in Newport Beach. Love that. The richest area of cowboy. But it's also slashed on to newer. I know. Yes. Okay. Who's here? Who looks like maybe they're here for the wrong reasons? Let's look at job. Richard. Richard, the photographer, photographer, because he's kind of in the art space. Maybe. I could even say maybe Trenton needs a pro athlete. Richard is not here for the right reasons. I can just argue itself. Conrad, very general startup founder. He could be trying to get his company's name out there as a startup founder. Oh, Clayton. Conrad does it like you right up the Nashville Tennessee songwriter screams. I want to like become Instagram famous Nashville. Yeah, you know, I do think that Doug might be a villain arc. Doug just based on his shirt. He's got great eyes. Brad has a hundred and fifty eight Instagram thousand Instagram followers. Where's Brad? Cowboy. Okay. Maybe he's there for cloud. Honestly, I just don't even blame these people. But then wouldn't you say he'd be the least likely to be there for cloud because he already has a following. I don't think so. I think he wants more because she is famous that it would be good for her to find someone that already has some cloud. Like that doesn't care about the attention. I'm thinking maybe. Yeah. So Clayton also has 44,000 and he's the singer songwriter. That's cool. Hey, I'm really rooting for her. I want her to find a great man. Yeah. She's three adorable children and yeah, I'm rooting for her. I love her on SQLism Roman wives. Off the jump. I think Michael looks like a kind man. Who do you think's winning? Last wrap it up. Who do you think's gonna win? I don't know. She's gonna get married to the person that she ends up with. Oh, okay. Then who's she gonna end up with? Who's who's getting her final rose? Maybe Malik. Malik. I'm rude for Malik. You never know. I'm gonna stick with Shane. First impression and last impression. But actually, yeah, I'm gonna agree with that. You think Shane's gonna go for Rose? There's a million reasons why my opinion on this means zero percent. I've never watched Mormon wives. I never have watched that tolerate since maybe 2019. We're gonna watch this season and we will. So my opinion is nothing. Yes. But gosh, I wouldn't want to be in her position. I used to want to be on the but okay, I was always dating kill. But I'm like, if kill whatever broke up, would I go on the show? Yeah. Really? You'd apply. Abby, I was the bachelor to watch your season. I would have gotten no spoilers. I was even like, wait. I feel like Matt would be like, yeah, baby, you go do it. Like he was before me. I see. The first ever married bachelor. Honestly, America headed in that direction. They all aren't. - We really had it. - We really should make it don't try and cry. - Let's not give them those ideas. - We would not watch it. - We don't want it. - Oh, I'm like, it is McMaster Matt. - It is, I always think back to remember that season where they made the men choose between Kaitlyn and the other girl. - Yes. - And I'm like, back on that and I'm like, that is disgusting that they put those two girls. They said we can't decide who we want the bachelor to be, so let the guys choose. So on the night one. - You guys weren't even applying for a specific person. - No, they never are. - But some of them were and then some of them left like when the girls, they did choose, didn't want. - But they probably ended up with her. - But imagine the self-esteem hit. - Like you're a girl and you're meeting all these guys night one and they're coming in and they have to cast their vote and then you get booted. - Well, I'd take that how I feel like the whole show is for anyone that's not the single person looking for. Anyone that's willing to share a girlfriend or boyfriend with 20 other people. - They just felt so icky-bound, like you're like the men shoes. Come on. - Well, that's like when they did the whole show. - Did you watch the dual season when they had two bachelor's at the same time, Gabby and Katie? - No. - The girls got roses and they gave them to the men. But then sometimes the men would decline because they wanted the girls from the other girl. - That's when you know they're losing the plot when they have to start doing crazy stuff to keep people interested. - Well, that's what the season is. - The next documentary will for sure be about that. - I know I can't wait, I can't wait to hear all the tea. - All the reality TV shows are quaking in their room. - They totally are. Well, I am excited to watch and I hope Taylor, she's gonna be great, she's gonna be great on the show. - Well, something that I like to do as a position. - To think of a segue. - Yeah. - In my segue, in my head I was like, what would drive men to submit themselves to reality TV? - Only loneliness. - Extremely lonely. (laughing) - I like that one too. Anyway, we're talking about loneliness. (laughing) There was this comment on the last episode or two episodes ago. She said, I love this episode, quick question. Can you guys touch up on how your resolve conflict or how do you plan to resolve conflict as sister-in-laws if it was to happen? Do you have plans in place for that? Can you talk about what you did to become really close? And I feel like that's a good framework for us. I feel like we can talk a little bit about conflict, but the second half of that, we get asked a lot, like how did we become so close? Which is a just sweet question. - That is sweet. - And I honestly give most of the credit to you because you're just a very good includeer. But I just feel like we can talk on that, talk on that, and we were discussing this question. We realized that a lot of moms are really lonely. And so we started kind of diving into more about that and we went to talk about that. And there's some pretty staggering facts and information out there. I think the one that we were both kind of shocked by is that 80% of new. - 80 to 90, some research suggests that 80 to 90% of new mothers are lonely. - Yeah, so it's just, it's so common. And I feel like I've definitely experienced that. I feel like I probably felt that a little bit more when I was, when I had just had CJ my first because I do feel like there's an element when it's your first baby and your baby can't go to the park, can't go to play date. You can't really do any activities yet with your baby that that felt very isolating. And also your baby's small and you're nursing. And there are just a lot of factors. I feel like when you have one child that make it kind of hard, when you have multiple, I felt like with Vivian, I haven't felt that as much in the newborn season. I feel like it's a little easier to get out and about and do things. So I feel like that does play a role into it. But I remember feeling lonely after having CJ. And so I thought we would just kind of talk about that. Like what did we do to make friends? How we fostered friendships in this season, especially being parents and yeah, our thoughts on that. First of all, I have like a lot of opinions on loneliness and motherhood, like the relationship between the two of the things because I can easily see where this would happen in the type of culture we have created in America specifically today, but I know that like a lot of these statistics come from the UK too. And I think it's because like I'm almost afraid to share this opinion because I feel like people are going to be mad. But this is, I feel like this is almost undeniable is that like as a society, we really, really heavily praise independence. There's good aspects of that. But in motherhood, that's not necessarily something to necessarily be praised. Like of course you can do everything on your own as a mom. You can, but what is the cost of that? Your mental health, your physical health, like so many things. And ultimately like, this can go on to so many other things. Ultimately, like you're not being necessarily a great role model for your children. And I think that we don't talk about that enough. And the other thing is so we overpraise independence and we shame moms who ask for help. And I think these are the two major, major pitfalls and how America treats new moms today. And it's probably why we see birthright going down. People are putting off having kids because it seems so daunting and miserable. And then new moms are experiencing like record high levels of depression, anxiety, like all these other mental health crises in hindsight. And I think loneliness is probably one of the key factors of that. Yeah. Yeah. OK, I'm also going to acknowledge. I feel very privileged that I have an awesome family that lives close to me. And that is like, I really trust with my kids. Yeah. I know that they keep our kids best interested at heart. But I do want to also bring up the point that we have multiple friends that have no family here that live in Arizona like in our community. And they're around us all the time. And I know all of our friends would watch their kids and have watched their kids multiple times and like have or just like want to hang out or like do dinners together or do all these things. So it doesn't mean that like if you don't have that within your own family, that it's all over for you. Yeah, I think there are ways to build the community and your village to help. Certainly, I agree. Well, I'm curious why you said why you said that you think that that's a bad role model? Not taking care of yourself. Oh, sure, sure, sure. Like letting your physical health or mental health, not having your own friendships as an adult. Like I don't think that's a good role model for your kid. Like to be having friendships, getting out in the community, taking care of your body, taking care of your mind. Like that's what I'm referring to. Gotcha. And we have a lot of talks with my kids about that too. Because I'm like, well, it's really important for mom to like go out and you know work out at the gym. And like it's good for like my health. And I think that it just becomes like the standard. But I feel like we, it's easier to have those discussions about our physical health and is our mental health. And I always make sure I say it. And I was like, honestly, I just think it's, I get to see my friends, which is really important for me to. And I get to like, it makes me feel happy and excited and motivated for my day. And so that's what I was referring to. That makes sense. Well, what would you say would you take out? Well, how did I make that sound? I thought you said if the, if you're showing independence or like trying to be independent and doing it all yourself, that's a bad role model. Oh, no. Well, I, yeah, I agree with the clarification of it for sure. Yeah, I think there is something to it. It's like the days where I'm home all day long with the kids and like not getting out of the house. It's not even that my kids are making me feel impatient. It's just not leaving the house and just being isolated. That makes me feel impatient. It's like, CJ and Vivian aren't doing anything. But if I'm not like getting out seeing the sun and speaking to people outside of myself or even just speaking at all, because sometimes I'm just not saying that much. I start to feel impatient and snappy. And I notice I'm not a very kind mom sometimes. And so it's really good for me mentally to get out and like see people. So yeah, I just, I can't imagine. I can't imagine a lot of moms like it is hard. And sometimes it is expensive to join a gym. It is hard to go to the park if you have little babies. So then what do you do? How do you do it? Well, I do think you can take babies to parks. Actually, I was at the park today with my kids and some friends and there's a ton of people at the park 'cause it's beautiful here in Arizona. And I thought it was really sweet. There were two moms that were there. They had just like little tiny babies. And just, they did not have any bigger kids. But they were at the park because they were just walking around with their little strollers, had their, were baby wearing. And I think that also just goes to show is like, your days can be so long as a mom. And those days where I stay home all days, like if my kids are sick, I feel that. I'm like, wow, this day feels like really, really long. Like I feel like I have run out of things to do with my kids. I feel like they're bored, we're bored. But we make it a point. We go out every single morning. So like, this is our like everyday routine. We go to the gym and then we go and have some type of funtivity and kudos to my friends because I don't plan them. 'Cause I apparently, okay. I guess Matt and I have been discussing whether or not I'm type A or type B. Matt thinks you're a mix. Okay, and so I was like, I don't plan the events by, I think you're type B. - Like you're type B, but you're on the, the, the costume. - I told Matt, I was like, if I was married to somebody else, I think I would sway way more type B, but because Matt is so type. - You have to be a little bit more. - I feel like I would just try to find some type of, you know what I mean? - Yeah, sure. - But someone else, one of my friends plans it and she's awesome. And then we just all go out and do fun thing with the kids. It's great for the kids. They have their friend, they learn from their friends, they learn to socialize. But more importantly, I'm with them the whole time. And it's also like, we just always talk in the car and we have so much fun. Anyway, that breaks up the day so much. First of all, your house doesn't get trashed in the early part of the day. I don't want to start off my day with a trashed house. - Sure, sure. - And that is great, but I don't know. I'm going off on a rampage, but it just, or on a ramp, ramp, I'm going off on a rampage. - I'm going off on a ramp, but I'm saying, if you could instill some type of like part of your routine where you get out and you see your friends and they, your friends that have other kids Thank you. age, I think everyone's day goes so much smoother. It really does. And it doesn't mean that like I needed their help necessarily even, like I didn't need their help. I could go to the park by myself with kids and we have many times. But it just, there's just something about that aspect that just like fills my cup up for the rest of the day where I'm like, I got some adult interaction, I got to be with my kids all morning. And I feel like a lot of that is just, it's, it's hard to cultivate that. And so I guess at least the question of like, how do you get there? Well, I think too, you don't necessarily just because you have kids have to stop hanging out. People that don't have kids. Like I remember when I had CJ, I think it was a very fortunate time to wear a lot of my friends had babies around the same time. But when we were in Kansas City, I had friends that had kids and no one else did. And like they would still come and hang out all the time. And like I loved holding their baby. And of course, obviously you can't relate on the same level to things. But I was grateful that they didn't, it'd be so easy to isolate. Like, oh, I don't want to nurse in public or nurse in front of people. And like sometimes you just have to get over those mental hurdles. Right. And still engage. I think that's a big thing is we have to challenge ourselves as moms to get over the mental hurdle of things and just get out the door. It gets so much easier. It's a muscle. It really is a muscle you have to strengthen. Uh-huh. Yeah, because like it feel, I remember like getting out of the house the first time with one. And then with two is a whole different ballgame. Getting out of the house is like, you have to rip the bandaid off. Rip the bandaid and you have to practice. And you have to overcome some fears too. Yeah. What if this happens? And I'm not in the place that I know so well that is so comfortable to me. Uh-huh. And so yeah, you have to overcome some fears for sure. For sure. I think something else to mention is if you are like you, you have the flexibility that you work in the afternoon. So you get to have that time. A lot of people who are working moms don't necessarily have like that big chunk of time you can do. Like I typically work nine to five every day. I still go to the gym every morning and I take Brielle with me. So she gets her interaction with people. I get my interaction with people. I work all day. And then she gets to hang out with that when she goes home. So you can still squeeze it in if you make it a priority. You set it the other day and I think that's really important to say is you're in charge of your time saying you don't have enough time for something. You're choosing that if that's what you want to make time for. And so I make sure I get up every morning so I can go to the gym and I can get out. And that's what I'm making time for in my week. So then I can have that interaction. Brielle gets to hang out with people and we do it that way too. So I feel like being in charge of your time is important to like recognize you're actually in charge of it. I think that actually brings up a good question for me because like in that research I wonder if the 80 to 90% of that I was assuming stay at home moms. Yeah. I would do. Okay. Okay. But I think my work probably do too. Working moms are also probably lonely but they do have that like adult interaction of going to the workplace during the day. Most of the time. Yeah. I would see I could see it being really hard to form good friendships if you're working mom because when do you have time to invest in friends because you're going your job then you just want to be home with your kids. Right. And your husband you know. And so I can imagine that being a whole different ball game. That's a whole different ball game. So I guess maybe we should narrow our audience. I was speaking to stay at home moms. Okay. Perfect. I think that was a great point though. Just if you're working mom I feel like that is. Yeah. Making time. I mean a lot of people too are working remotely which is even more isolating for. That's so true. Making friendships is really hard or I think I made a lot of friends when I worked in an office. I was never a mom then but I made friends working in an office but working from home is a lot different or you're working with a small team and that's like not a part of your friendship making is at your workplace and you have to make time for it. Yeah. Totally. I feel like that's ago we can kind of talk about where you've made friends. I feel like I've made a lot of friends. Most of my friends have come from church or the gym. And I think I sometimes hear the price tag of like these boutique fitness gyms. I mean that's really expensive but I think it's not just an investment in like your physical health. It's not just a workout class. When you're going somewhere and you're going repeating it's become a part of your routine. You're going to start forming community and relationships in those places. And I think sometimes that is more important than the physical benefits. And I'm like man that you think you budget okay you budget a hundred dollars a month to go out to eat but like if you budget a hundred dollars towards the gym you're going to make so many friends you know. And I just cook dinner for you. So cook dinner for you baby. And don't go out to eat and change that budget to go make friends because I think it's just so good for your mental health. And I think boutique gym is the best place to make friendships. Like when I were on a tight budget and we had a series I wouldn't even say series because Blake just said yes when I was talking about it. I was like it's expensive but one I was pregnant and I was like this I really want to stay in the fitness and this will help me stay reliable. And this is where all the moms are that I know like this will be fun. And he was just like yes and we just reworked the budget because it was important to me. Totally. So I just hit like my one year of like being in person. Oh my gosh. Yeah because I was doing on demand for a while. So it's like I completely agree. Yeah it's it's hard and you know you I'm sure they're different price points and different budgets but if you can make that work I feel like the gym and a place that has childcare I do like you're saying like that's a huge benefit. And if you want to be around specifically other moms finding a gym that has childcare is probably the best way. I think I've also poached a lot of my friends off of other friends. Like I've been like oh your friends. I think I definitely poached foul off of you. Well I poached everyone off of you. I was gonna say I poached a lot of people off of you. When we first moved here you and Matt invited us over every single day for dinner. Almost every single day. I know that's so nice but I'm like they are making us a lot of meals and then when you were hanging out with friends you'd always invite me to come. I would just that meant so much to me because I didn't know anybody and you had friends here and that's like that alone it was just so I helped so much. Yeah poached poached your friends. Do whatever you gotta do. I mean seriously gosh and any good friends don't be like you took her from me. I'm like going out that we all love that. Yeah. I know. I'm like I'm going out here. Your daily. Your weekly shout out. She's getting famous. Call it below say we love you. Now. And neighbors like people just like that living around you. If you're an apartment building that's even better there's a lot more closer to you like and and obviously some of these don't happen as organically but there are so I've actually been looking into it. I want to find a way that we can partner as always your podcast with a local charity because there's actually already organizations doing this very thing even in our local area that are helping moms find community because this is I mean we called it the loneliness epidemic but it's it's really true it is and obviously we all know I feel like we're tired of talking about it. But like our devices are not helping us in this because we start to feel like we're like seeing all these people like I actually haven't even talked to them in years but like and so we're we're definitely losing we're losing relationships we're losing interactions motherhood specifically can be like a very very isolating time. Yeah. There was a stat on one of those articles that said loneliness affects your health just as much as what 15 cigarettes a day. Yeah. That's a really crazy statistic. Yeah. It's really crazy. I mean I believe it because I just picture and maybe this is like the stereotypical but just sitting a home alone in like the dark with the blind shot you know it's like that's just I mean it's just sad that's just the fact of it and like I've had days like that you know and so yeah I can't imagine if that's every day. Yeah well one of these things I said like it was in the UK but I think this probably real like would be very similar in America that the new mom typically spends back. Eight hours a day alone with the baby. That's that's your whole day. Yeah. I mean I think it's also worth saying that like that loneliness so say you're alone all day with your baby once again I'm speaking to stay at home moms like eight hours a day with your baby your husband comes home from work and you're then without even meaning to but kind of subconsciously asking your spouse to fill all these other roles for you which also puts a huge strain on your marriage. Yeah that's so true. Like when Matt is like hanging out with buddies or like I am having girls right I just I know that I'm like I'm so happy for him because I'm like he's gonna just cut like be so happy and filled up by this. Yeah. And like he's so excited and always roots me on like hanging out with girls too because we just come back charged up in a different way than like with your spouse. They can they can only fill so many roles. I'm like you can't girl chatter with me like I try some fine with gosh sometimes it works. And also even though kills with me all day long he doesn't understand the thing about being a mom like our best feeding and the things that you think about and all this stuff and like I'm grateful to have these thoughts and carry these responsibilities but like they also do need to be talked about sometimes other women that just get it you know. Also this is also gonna could sound really wrong but I do I saw I've heard someone else bring up this point. Oh no I think it was Arthur Brooks. He's a comparison is actually a good and healthy thing. I don't want to put this in his mouth if this is like it can be a good and healthy thing in which it's like okay I don't know how many times I'm like okay like we tried this with the kids like temp check what do we think like is this this the right way to go about it. And it's not like you're giving your friends the role of parenting or children or like the authority of like how you run your household but like it's really good to just like get some gain some perspective yeah or it's like they started doing this and it's like oh yeah girl yeah that's normal. That's normal we've been we've been doing that for months over here like we were still working on that type of thing or like we're notice this even just like a health thing like one of our friends her husband's a resident. I can't tell you how many times I've just been like hey should I take him in for this is this like a thing and I'm like that is seriously like I'm not saying use your friends but like we all have strength you need strength that can contribute to one another. to just make this season so much less scary, honestly. - Yeah, totally. - Yeah, I think also when we were saying how you, when you go do things and you're charged by them or Matt gets to go do things and you go hang out with your girls, like Blake does the same with me where anytime I ask to hang out with people, he's always like, yes. Like not that it's a, not that I'm asking permission, but I think there's not many men who watch this podcast or husband's probably, but it's so encouraging to have your husband want you to go do those things. So I think tell your husbands to be happy for you. - It's really good dads too. 'Cause it's like I literally, when I go out last Friday I went to dinner and we were with a bunch of other moms and they're like, yeah, I had to beg my husband to, like, and I was like, oh, I didn't even, I literally went home, I was like, Matt, thank you so much. He's like, yeah. - Oh, wow, that's interesting. - Yeah, like they didn't want to be alone with the kids. - Yeah, for on a Friday night. - Oh. - And I was like, okay. I was like, Matt, thank you so much. He's like, wow. - Yeah, I'm their dad. - Yeah. - And like, I don't even think I'm like, I'm not like, did they eat, did they get a bad, like I'm like, he can fully do literally everything. - Yeah. - And there's a learning curve that like, obviously if you have a baby and you're just both still figuring it out, but like, these people didn't all just have babies. And so I was just like, wow. - Be grateful. - Yeah, be grateful. And then also like, make sure that you, you and your spouse are probably both on the same page. Like, this is a really important thing that like, in this new season of our life, this can feel like, you know, we're trying to trim the fat, right? Like, okay, we gotta get what we need to get done 'cause it feels like a good point is so full. It's like, this is actually something that has to stay and has to stay a priority. - Yeah, it does. - And it can look so different. Like, honestly, when I'm saying like, socializing, I'm literally talking about like, tonight, we're going to our friends house that also has kids and we're just eating dinner at their house. - Yeah, it doesn't have to be just mom to mom. Like, your husband can be included. Like, right. - From, through our church, Caleb and I have community group we've met with these same, there's eight of us total. We've met every week for three years, every week. And had dinner together and we'll just, then we'll split up by guys and girls and the girls will go chat for like an hour and the guys will go chat and we'll just share like, 'cause not everything needs to be shared between men and women, you know? But it's like, that's just so filling. And when you have repetition, I think to answer the question of how we got so close. Like, it really is time. Like, we've just spent so much time and we've prioritized a lot of time and we've like, included each other in a lot of things. And so when you invest in people, you'll get those relationships back. And so I think it's just taking those steps. Like, you would always invite us over for dinner. You still always invite us over for dinner. I'm like, you guys, what needs to be dinner for dinner? - It made me sad when you guys knew that we were gonna tell you we were pregnant. 'Cause I was like, they never invited us. (laughs) - I was like, that's not true. Well, maybe it's true. (laughs) So I've been trying to be better. - No, you, I've been trying to be better about it. And just like inviting, you know, just like including people into your world. And I think it was 'cause there was a weeknight too. - That is a huge factor. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not hanging out and kill bugs. I'm so really, we're not hanging out all the week nights. But yeah, investing time in people, I think like how that relates to the gym is like if you're going to the same class times, you see the same people all the time. You get that face time and you just start to like, remember names and people and places and that's really good. So like, repetition. That's actually represented in research too. Not to be like, give us the facts. - No, and I'm not going to quote the correct thing, but it's, people mistakenly think that it's these peak experiences are, that are what bonds you to a person and makes them a good friend. So they think like, oh, I went study abroad with them for like a month and we saw all these crazy sites together. We're going to be best friends for life. Chances are you're never going to meet up with them again. So I'm thinking summer camp experiences like, oh, this random person that you like went skydiving with one to like all these random things, you would think that like, oh, we experienced like, really high highs and low lows together. We're going to be like, that's not actually what the case. It's consistency over time. And a lot of those things tend to be mundane. Like eating dinner, going on walks, even just like, I don't know, getting coffee together or just like watching kids together. Those are the things that like prove to build stronger relationships with people. - Yeah. - And so it shouldn't feel, I know it can feel overwhelming, but knowing that, it should feel a little relieving to know that's like, okay, I made major progress today because we sipped coffee while our kids crawled around the playground. - Yeah. - That was progress. And like, you don't have to put all these pressures around it and maybe some friends are just friends first season or maybe it's like, okay, like, there doesn't have to be all these pressures around it but it's just the fact that you have to know that it's important for you and for others. And because the other thing too is that you're also serving those around you too. It's not just so you can like, take care of yourself. Like, I just think about our own friend group. Like, I was actually just thinking about this when I was making dinner at the other night. Like, so many, I think I'm assuming you cry. I care about these women like so much. And I just think about everyone's stage of life. Like, a lot of our friends are going through some serious, serious stuff. And I'm so thankful that they don't have to do it alone that we're all like carrying those burdens together because that's just how, that's how we were designed. And I feel like we have straight as a culture from that so heavily. And yeah, I'm just, I'm just thinking about that a lot because I just think about all the meal trains that we've had within our friend groups and it's for all kinds of different reasons. Some of them are really sad and some of them are celebrations and it's just like, which also I shouldn't say that. That's a really good thing we should announce. Like, meal trains are a great thing for your friends, like, it's just a website that you can like sign up to make a meal for friends. But nothing really shows love and nurturing than like a home-cooked meal when you're struggling the most or when you're entering a new season and like you're just trying to get your feet on the ground again. So that's a really great way to also build a community and share with your friends. I can't think of how many meal trains we've had them on that. I was gonna say, I got invited to another meal train for someone at church today and I was reflecting on that this morning. I was like, just, I don't know why the meal train, it just hit me like that. I was like, there, so many people are surrounding so many people and it's really, really cool to see and being a part of that and being someone who can step in. And I'm like, I'm signing up for a meal train for someone who brought me one a month ago. Like, it's really, really cool to just be able to make someone dinner and bring it to their house and know that they were thinking about you or praying over that meal as they were making it and like, it's very intentional, taking the time out of their day to make that for you and it really is really special. - The kids bird they part use. Think about how many bird days we've spent with, like, I think I've been to every single one of all of our friends. Like, I'm like, oh, I went to your first, your second, your third, like, and it's like, I know birds kids bird they part use to get me to fun of, but honestly, it's for the parents. It's for the parents, like, it's so fun. - And socialize. - Like, the dads have started hanging out, or Matt and some of the dads have hot dads out of the day every Saturday. I always make fun of Matt though, because being the typey parent that he is, every time there's hot dads out of the day, every Saturday morning. My kid comes home and I'm like, I never bought this brand of diapers. (laughing) And I find rappers in our car and like, I've never bought these snacks before. And I'm like, did you pack a diaper bag? (laughing) - He's amazing things, but he doesn't think ahead, like a mom, he's not back in the bag. (laughing) And my friends are like, yeah, I sent them with extra, 'cause I knew that. - That's how you know. - You're such a sweet community, that they know that. - Literally, Caitlin's always like, I packed these, she's like, I knew my kids wouldn't eat them. She's like, I was taught about you when I was cut these up this morning. Like, how many moms packed snacks for CJ? When I was like, he doesn't eat snacks, and then he gets, and he's like, snacks. (laughing) You guys always have extras for 'cause I typey. (laughing) It's, I think, to your point, Addy, like, it's not a burden. People don't feel burdened by your presence or burdened by you asking for help, or even if you're not asking for it, like, honor. It's an honor to come alongside other women and do that, and just be there for one another. So never think of your time as like, I don't wanna annoy them with my kid, or what if my kids have big feelings? It's like, every kid has big feelings, and like, that's just part of it. And we never judge other people's kids. You know, it's like, we just parent alongside each other, and like, or like, little babies. You know, it's like, you just bring them along, and it's so fun having the baby there, you know? And so it's just never think about your presence as like, a burden, or your kid is like, oh, they're gonna be annoyed by your kid. Like, they're gonna love it. You know, I think sometimes those are like, insecurities that are really common, or like, thoughts to go through your head, because it is just harder to get out the door than when it's just yourself. - Yeah, I was gonna add in saying yes, when people are offering help, or things like that, it's very easy to be like, no, no, no, no, it's okay. I don't wanna bother you, but letting people serve you, I think I've said that before, like, for example, you offered to watch Braille on my birthday, and I think at the gym, I was like, I don't know, let me ask Blake, I don't know. We don't, I don't know if we have any plans. Like, you don't have to do that. And then like, was like, no, let's do it. Like, and I, I don't know why I couldn't just be like, yeah, that'd be great, thanks. And it took, and you're my sister. Like, I was like, why did I hesitate to say, sure, that would be great if you could do that so we could go out to dinner. So I think saying yes more often is important. Totally. And I think also the suggestion would maybe be, if you're like, I wanna start this, but people aren't, like, I don't have that circle around me. The suggestion is what I gave before, which is like, go first and be weird. But like, literally, be the first to offer. It's like, hey, why don't you guys go on a date this weekend, bring your kids over, our kids would love it. Also, my kids love playing with other kids. - Yeah. - Like, it makes my job easier. I'm like, everyone's 100% entertained this whole time. - Yep. - And so, I'm like, and then, like you said, saying yes to those things, and then also, like, returning the favor every once in a while. And I think this also brings up the other point that I have hesitant to also share. But I don't, I think this, because we're afraid of talking about these things, that it's not changing. - Sure. - I do also think that in culture today, overly anxious parenting is praise. - It's really damaging, yeah. - It's praise too. It's like, I couldn't leave them with anybody for X, Y, and Z amount of time. It's like, that's not necessarily like, I don't, I don't want to be rude. Like, I want to honor that anxiety of like, leaving your kid in the hands of someone else for even a short amount of time is a really scary thing. When you've grown that kid and raised it, it's been every waking hour of that kid. But that temptation to like, continue in that pattern, it's not serving your kid either, right? It's really, obviously only in safe hands. - Yeah, only people you trust with your life. - Not just like crying. Today was the first time I like, have handed of my babysitter, Breel. Like while Breel's been awake usually, she's there when she's sleeping. And she said, hi, and then Breel, just the biggest smile on her face. And it just like, it was really sweet to see her like, be like, so happy to see her. - So happy. - Yeah. - And she's literally six months old. - Yeah. - And so that just spoke to me right there, seeing that. It's really sweet, it's yeah, it's so true. It's like, it's good for your kids to like, get out of your house and be around other people too. And you know, just experience that. It's so healthy for them. And yeah, obviously only in like, people you fully trust, of course. - And not for long periods of time. - Yeah, not all day. - Yeah, and so it's like, obviously you as the mom are like, are uniquely equipped to be like, the main nurture and care for your kid. But this doesn't, you don't need to put this pressure on yourself that, 'cause it's also unsustainable. And I think that's also why people are struggling so much in motherhood. - Right. - And so yeah, I just want to say like, I literally love being a mom so much. I do not feel depleted by my kids. I don't feel like they hold me back in any way. And I am sad when I put them to bed at night. - Yeah. - It's like, 'cause I'm like, oh, we had so much fun today. Like I'm out of the head. I feel that way literally almost every day. And I'm not saying you have to feel that way, but I'm just saying, it doesn't have to feel like this monotonous, super, I don't, like tortures things. - Totally. - And sometimes I think through, I think about what people get really anxious about online. It's like, okay, maybe you're not the most prepared mom that you leave the door. And it's like, what's the worst that happened? Okay, they have a blowout. Okay, so you put them in their car seat and they're diaper. Like, it doesn't have to be perfect every time we go out. We don't have to, I just feel like the internet puts so much pressure on moms to know all the things and do all the things and have the right gadgets and have the right bag and have all the gear and do all the things. - That's just marketing. - That is marketing. - It's marketing. And we're, but it aids, it adds then, it's like, I need these things. And if I don't have them, then I'm probably not doing the best as a mom, not being the most efficient. And it's like, those are subliminal thoughts that are put on us. And it's like, I'm just saying, we need to cast all that off. And when you just say, we're done with that. We're done. We're done with that. It doesn't have to be that way. We don't have to make motherhood so dreadful. And I get so sad online when I see all these videos of parents like, dogging on their kids and dogging up being a mom. And then the comments are like, this was great birth control. Great birth control. I'm like, okay, first of all, knock it off. - Knock it off. - Knock it off. Like, we don't have to make motherhood that's like big, scary, terrible thing. Like, it's so fine and amazing. And like, your kids really just need you and they love you and they just need your time and they need friends. And you need friends. - When you get to do it together, it makes it, like, it's not any different. - Yes. - You're gonna, and I promise you that. And I know it's so scary. And especially if you're moving or you feel like, oh, my schedule doesn't allow it. Like, it's like, just find tiny ways and which you can just do a little bit more. And it will, your family will feel a difference. - Yes. - Totally. - And. - We've been talking about this for so long. - Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm so passionate about it. - I know, me too. - I think it's because we just see the lies so much online. And I'm also just so grateful for like, our community seriously, like, seriously, so grateful. - Yeah, it's amazing. - Imagine setting your makeup. Then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all-day comfy grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue. Just plump, dewy, hydrated skin. That still feels like your skin. Try new grippy setting mist from Mavily New York. - Maybe it's Mabling. - Well, I would say, naturally just like having deep friendships and being really invested with people, you're gonna have conflict that comes up and arises. - People wanna know what our fight was, Abby. - Oh, I heard Abby's feelings. - Not what I heard her feelings. And so what did I do? I called you the minute I found out that I heard your feelings, you did. - And I said, "I'm sorry." And I just feel like that is, I think that's a big part. I picture, I always think they're like, "Why do people have like strained relationships with their family or strained relationships with people in their life?" I think it probably goes a lot with like, just really poorly handled conflict that's not resolved well. And I'm sure like a lot of repetitiveness of that. And so, when I think about how I wanna handle things, especially being family, it's like, I do the same thing to my sister. It's like, I wanna call and I wanna make it right. And if I said something that hurts your feelings and I want to apologize for it, even if I didn't recognize it. I think that's a lot of it. It's like a lot of times not recognized. - Totally. - And I think understanding the intent of people is important, but like, yeah, I think just owning up to it and like swallowing your pride and just being like, "Man, I'm really sorry that I hurt your feelings. "Will you forgive me?" - You're literally the best at that. And it's like, and I feel like this is where it's like, my fault in this whole conflict being vague. And it's guys, by the way, it really wasn't that big of a deal. Like, I feel like they also rarely, rarely have conflict. But it's like, big lesson for me is go directly to the person. Like that. And I feel like that's an also an honoring thing. It can feel like, especially if you're in a conflict of avoiding, avoidant person. It feels like you're maybe doing right by that person, but just shutting up, that's not the case. Like, it's honoring to that person to go directly to that person and say, "Hey, like, I know your heart "and I know that you would never intend to do this." But X, Y, and Z made me feel this way. And I guarantee that person, maybe if they're not used to that, maybe they won't handle it well. I don't know, but hopefully, like in that moment, but hopefully down the line, they'd be like, "Oh, you know what, you were kind of right for that." I honestly think any good friend would be like, "Oh my gosh, like, I had no idea." - I had no idea. I did not mean to do that. - Yeah. - And yeah, I think a lot of this comes from just like, knowing your friends' hearts and so like, I think women especially are like afraid to like, say those things, but all that to say, just bringing it out in the open and I'm not saying, I think there's a lot of power in the art of letting things go. I'm not saying that, but when it's something that's like, "Oh man, this feels like it's repeated," or if this feels like something that I can't stop thinking about and it's affecting when I interact with them in person, like things like that, it's affecting our interactions, it's like just honor them by just going to them directly and it doesn't have to be a fight, it doesn't have to be nasty. There doesn't have to be anything weird about it, and honestly, it can just be a really cordial conversation. And so, it can be really hard to do though, especially if you're like, "Oh my gosh, like I know they don't mean this ex-wiresy way." - Yeah, I was nervous to call. Like, you know, I was like, dang, like this is gonna be hard. I just felt so bad, you know? 'Cause it's like, you just don't realize sometimes the way that you do or don't say something can affect. And so, yeah, I remember being like the last thing I want to do is like, call and say this because it is a hard conversation, but I was so glad that sometimes they're also just like sitting on those thoughts when you know you need to have that conversation with someone, that is like, sometimes even harder, you know? And it's like, she's gonna do it and call, and it's okay to say like, I was wrong, you know? Like, that's a good thing to say to people, it's good to swallow your pride and do that. - Same. - I was like, literally the best person at taking any kind of criticism or feedback. Like, I just wish I could handle thinking of that way. - No, same honestly. - You both do, you both do. - No, I feel like you do. - I feel like we had a similar type of thing and you came to me and we're asking if I was hurt by something and I was like, I was like, you want me to be honest? - Like, and we got to have that conversation. I feel like, because I know you, we were able to have a very honest conversation about it and I feel like knowing your heart behind it, I was like, I can be honest with her because I know her character. I know their feelings behind this. I know these are things that I might have been feeling weren't true, but I just need to hear them instead of just telling myself that they're not true. - I also feel like they're true. - I don't think they're. - They're not. - They're not be right, but it's true. - Yes, they're true. - Oh, okay. - They're not trusted. - Yeah, they can't be trusted. - Yeah, I think that's the only other time. Like, I, I don't remember where I heard that. And the first time I'd, I think it might have been like a sermon or something, but it's like all feelings are valid, but they can't all be trusted. - Yeah. - So you have to like filter through your feelings. And it's like, is this, yeah, what is lie? What is true? What is, you know, you can't just take every feeling and be like, why do I feel that way? And it's like, well, let's like, let's peel that back. Let's dive it a little bit deeper into that. And let's filter it. - And like anything, like approaching, it's like learning where to take personal responsibility to. And like, don't be afraid to also own up to that with that person and be like, hey, like, here's where I could have done things differently or here's what I should have done. And I think that can also be really meaningful. And that also brings to say, like, if you think you've heard someone's feelings, also you can go first. It's like, hey. - I think we do that all the time with each other. - Yeah, and honestly, sometimes it gets a little out of hand and like, no, I'm sorry. - I'm like, I'm sorry. - I'm sorry. - Like, did I hear your feelings? - Yeah. - They're like, no. - I just left. over thinking this, but when I said this, it could have come across as this. - Yes. - And I think it's just because we're all really honest with each other. And that's bound to happen when we all love each other and deeply care. And also are like family. So you cross some lines at times 'cause it's like, hey, we're family. I can hold you to a closer standard, different standard. And like, but obviously within brains. - Yeah, and I think what you're saying, I need to, like, when you handle conflict well, it brings you closer together. Like, now you trust, you can have these open-cainted conversations because you know how the other person handles it. - Yeah, there's a lot of safety in that. - So much safety. - Yeah, we have a history of overcoming things. So it's like, nothing's, there's nothing that's gonna knock us down. - Yeah. - Not like that's gonna permanently burn this bridge. - I always think it's important when it's family that there's an extra level of, we need to resolve this. We're not, if it's just a friend, sometimes you're like, ah, I'm not gonna see him for a couple of years. - Totally, we don't need to resolve that. We need to, so with family, I think there's an urgency to it a little bit more than there may be with friends. - And a reason to go directly to them. - And go directly to them, especially with like spouses involved or things like that. When it's like, I can't, I'm not gonna rant to Blake about something because he's gonna be like, nope, go talk to her. - No, I'm like, oh, okay. - I love that. - It's true. It is true. - It helps when your husband's all like the gossip. It keeps me in check. - Yeah. - Not that I'm gossiping about you guys. - Addie, we know that. (laughing) - I'm lost to talk about it. (laughing) - I don't wanna, here's my problem. It's always navigating the line of like, okay, I'm being honest and genuine to myself, but also like, I don't wanna water down, like I don't wanna water down the crap out of things where I have no opinion at all. - For sure. - So that is towing that line. - Yeah. - It's like, okay, well you know what? If I feel this, this is safe. - Yeah, for sure. - Yeah, for sure. - Okay, well, and also I trust that people will tell me if I'm wrong. - No, no, nothing let us know, right? (laughing) - Oh yeah, don't let us know. - Yeah, they love her. - Look at my clean. - And it's not to defy you. - That was actually a great trick. - I know, I know, I know. - So shh. (laughing) - My mom bought me socks. She was like, your socks were disgusting. - Why do you, why do people care? - Hey, also, my socks are clean. They're just permanently stained. - Yeah, mine are too. - Because how often are we rebying socks? - I wanna see your socks for three years. - If you're commenting about our socks being dirty, I wanna see your socks. (laughing) - My mom, she's a doer. She goes, that was a problem. I bought you new socks. - Honestly, she's a thick brother. - Would you rather see her toes? I'm surely not. - Maybe. - No, you'll not see my toes. - I was actually just talking to somebody who was brother-in-law. Has a blood fetish? Has one or is, has one. She's like, that's why we can't really hang out. She's like, it's like serious. Growing up, her husband had friends over and he, well, his brother was sucking on his friends' toes. - Oh, I'm sorry. What is going on? A man sucking on another man. - I don't know. - I don't know the genders. - That. - The genders. - Everyone's got toes. - I mean, it's a joke for a reason. There's probably some truth to it. A lot of people are into that. - I actually had, as a self-preservation thing, I just had fetishes aren't real. - Oh, sure. - And turns out it is. I was like, I said, no, and my hand, I told myself, it's not real. And she's like, it is real. - No. - Okay, wow, we're going off the rails. Let's listen to a voicemail. - Woo! - Right on out. ♪ Ask, ask, ask, Abby ♪ - Hi, Abby. Abby and Abby, my name is Grace and I just wanted to say how much I absolutely love listening to your new podcast all this year. You guys have such great energy and it really feels like I'm just hanging out with friends while listening. And my question for you guys is, what podcast do you guys like listening to? Thanks so much. - Bye. - That's really sweet. - Thanks, Grace. - Let's go down the list. (laughing) - I'll get my phone off. - Okay, I like Diary of a CEO. - Yeah, I've listened to a lot of those. - I like unplanned. (laughing) - She does listen every Wednesday. - Oh, the two. - I have to say, since we started this, when I've listened to Little Less, it's just so much of my experience. - I get so much of you guys. (laughing) - Not in a bad way, I don't wanna like too much. - No, it's not too much. I just don't wanna ruin some of the stuff that we talk about. - Right, right, right. - That you guys might talk about unplanned. - Deinfluenced by Danny Austin, Jordan Ramirez, they're a fun one. - Sometimes I listen to "Wo' That's Good" by Sadie Robertson. I loved, they just had a really good episode I listened to. Her and her mom did an excellent conversation on the talks and fillers. - Oh, I haven't seen that one. - I love those, I love those, her format of that. - Well, I listen to John Loney three times a week, which is so pretty. (laughing) I listen to "True Crime" as a category, so I have 48 hours, date line, crime junkie. I also listen to "Dire of CEO" Arthur Brooks, and Ginger and Jeremy podcasts. - Oh, fine. - Yeah, good, sweetest. - I listen to this one called "The Glossy Podcast," they're a fashion news podcast. I like that one a lot. - If anyone also sends me a random one-off podcast, it also automatically, like if they text it to me, it automatically goes into my Apple podcast, and then I listen to those two. So there's a lot of one-off ones from families and friends. - That's so good of you to listen to one set people send you. I feel like sometimes people send things and you just never would listen to them. - Oh, I do, I feel honored. - I listen. (laughing) It sends me some, yeah. - That's good to know. - You send me a good one the other day, and it was like three hours, I was like, here we go. - Oh yeah, I thought they'd be a good guess on our plan. - I know. - I know. - I work on two chicks in the office for my pop culture news. And then I listen to "True Crime" if I'm on a really long drive. - It has to be long. - It has to be long. - It has to be at least 45 minutes. So I can listen to the whole thing. A lot of crime junky. - Yeah, I need more like fun ones. I also listen to "That's the Point" pod by Kristen Johns and Jon Volk. I like listen to them, they're fun. It's kind of similar vibes. I feel like they're just like chatty. Yeah. - Hi, I've even Adi and I'm Jaina. I just want to say, you guys are also beautiful and I love this podcast for my kids. My question is, when you get a boyfriend, how do you make sure he doesn't become your whole identity? Thank you. - Ooh. - That is such a good question. - I'm in high school. - I did marry him, though, so I think I did do that. - Did she say, if your boyfriend becomes your whole identity? - How to not make your boyfriend become your whole identity? - Well, let me text my friends if I did that. - You go ahead. - It is so hard when you first start dating, not to like get swept up in the feelings, because it's so fun. And obviously if you're too, like if you're young and you're in high school and stuff, like you only have weekends to really hang out and so you want to just hang out them all the time. I think it's just being really, really important that when your girlfriend's about you to hang out, you hang out with them and you don't flake on them to hang out with your boyfriend. That is a no-no. Don't flake on your girls to hang with your guy. That's a no-no. And don't always invite your guy to come along. - That's actually a different way of interpreting it than I thought. - What do you mean? - When we come here a whole identity, I thought it meant like you start to like everything that he likes. Like you start to lose aspects of yourself and to just kind of like replicate him. - Oh, interesting. - I took it Abigail's way. - Oh, okay. - I don't know both, 'cause I think that's a good, yeah. - I think it turned out more dangerous. - Co-dependency, yeah. - Well, to just like lose yourself. And obviously some things are gonna change, but it's also more important to make those changes probably in marriage than like the boyfriend. You're like, okay, I don't, yeah. Just don't like shed pieces of yourself because of a romantic relationship. And also that's probably the reason they could start liking you in the first place. - Yeah. - So like have your own interests and like in passions and thoughts and opinions on things. Inside a relationship, I think that's really important. I think it's especially easy for females to like, kind of morph into like more like their partner. - Totally. I would agree. - But yeah, don't flake on your, no, no. - I did not do that. - I did not do that. - That's what you meant. I was like, really? - No, I've had a lot of fun with my friends. (laughing) - So we just hung out a lot too, but yeah, I think that's a big temptation. - Yeah. - God's in factuation can really just, and here's the thing. You gotta go into it and knowing like, you're gonna get infatuated. - Yeah. - Because that's, it's your pattern of it. - Part of it. - You love that. - It's good. - But you gotta know how to like keep it in box. - Yeah. - And so it doesn't bleed out everywhere. - Yeah, I think it, you need to be okay saying no to your boyfriend. Like sometimes like, if you don't wanna do something that they're doing, like it's okay to say no, you know? - Hi Abby and Abby. My name is McKenzie. And I was, I'm playing a wedding right now. And I was wondering if there are anything that you wish you had put on your wedding registry, looking back, like the most random things, or just something that's not just plates and linens. Thank you. - Thank you. - Congratulations. - That's exciting. - Never in your life when you get to do that again. I really just think about, think about that responsibility right there. That is heavy. I made a mistake. I registered at Macy's and that just wasn't the vibe. I just didn't know you could register at other places. - Matt was a really frugal era at this point. - So we only did Amazon and Bed Bath and Beyond, which rest in peace, Bed Bath and Beyond. - Yeah, I would say register for the good quality stuff because I still use all my stuff from that we got as wedding gifts. - Yeah. - And it's been seven years. Okay, something random. I was really upset that Kilv asked me to take the trash can off of our registry because he said $100 for a trash can. That's absurd. And so we just got the $20 plastic one from Walmart and it was ugly, stinky, and it had to be replaced multiple times. But if we just got the really nice $100 stainless deal. - Get a nice trash can. - That's a really good advice. - Yeah. - I would say get a really good nice, this is such a dorky thing to say. I'm thinking about the kitchen, because here's the other thing too. I feel like your items that are going to get scooped up the most are in the 50 to 75 dollar range. - Yep. - Or 50 to 100 dollar range. - Yeah. - And so I feel like within that range, you can get up. really high quality staples that you'll use a lot of times. - Yeah. - I don't think it needs to be like hundreds of dollars. But I think about my cast iron pot that I use literally all the time, if you've been using like a skillet and a pot and it can go in the oven. It's a great size. And yeah, I think that's a great advice to like, I'm not saying to get like bougie. I say focus on things that are $5,200. - Well, I'm gonna disagree. - I'm gonna disagree because like I think you should put the dice in vacuum, like a cool challenge. - Because people do group gifts. - Yes. - But I'm way more likely to get an individual gift 'cause I want someone to use this something I want them to think about me. - I would. - But I think older people that you're inviting and close people, they'll just buy the whole thing probably. - And they'll get big gifts. That's where you're gonna get your big gifts is your wedding. So I would put some of those expensive things out. There will be people in your life to do that. I take KitchenAid on expensive ones. - KitchenAid, yeah. - Nice set, a good knife set. - I was hassled for putting KitchenAid on there. I use it literally multiple times a day. So I'm like, I put it on our-- - It was worth it. KitchenAid's great. Yeah, good knife set, that's good. - Abby, you got me a TV. I think about it every time I open it. - I forgot that I got you a TV. I'm happy. See, I wanted her to think about me. - It's a staple in our house. We use it every day. - Every day. - Yeah, multiple times with the TV people. - That's so true. I would say get, put the things on there that you're gonna use every day or like frequently. And that aren't gonna change from place to place that you move. - Yeah, the things that I did not use, themed, like cloth napkins, I feel really sad about it, but I just don't wanna use them. - The spiralizer accessory for my KitchenAid, never use it. - What do you spiralize? - You would spiralize like zucchini. - For what? - Noodles? - Right, exactly. - And I was in my healthy growth era. - Eat noodles. (laughing) - I hate cauliflower rice and I hate zucchini noodles. I just gotta say it. - I mean rice, white rice. - Don't make me, don't make me spaghetti squash. - With flour. - Yeah. - Well, imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. - Meet new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. Just plump, dewy hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Maybe it's Mavily. - Well, that brings us to our segment of always eating and we have fun recipes for you guys. Mine is our tried and true cookie recipe that we both use. - I used it today. - I made it last night. - Yeah. - I'm so sorry, I'm going to cookie tonight. - It is by some joy food sunshine. - Joy food sunshine. I will post it. My friend Abby, my other friend Abby. I'm so many, you know what, so many Abby's. Set me this, it's the perfect talk. - You're kidding me. - To put it every time. - Bella's the one who sent me this recipe. - Really? - No, my friend Abby sent it to me. - That's so funny, 'cause I got it from Bella. So this recipe, we're not the first ones to find it. - We are not the first ones to find it. - It is titled the best chocolate chip cookie recipe and it is, and I will say the recipe includes to not me taking your recipe. - Take it. - It includes two cups of chocolate chips, but you can also play around with it. - Yes. - I made them one time with white chocolate chips and regular chocolate chips. I did a regular chocolate chips in many M&Ms. I can really swap those out for other inclusions. Just keep it to two cups of like inclusions. - Yes. - Great base and chocolate chips for Valentine's Day. - So cute. - You do M&Ms in the one today? - Yeah. - That was good. I ate it before this episode. - Oh my gosh. Another cookie. - Go ahead. - The recipe I'm including is, I feel like, this is a universal crowd, please. I feel like your kids will eat it. You'll eat it and I've made it multiple times. Probably for both of you also. It's my healthy hamburger helper. - We did you do that last time? - No, I did some tacos. - Oh, so sorry, you're right. - I'm a one trick pony though. I do use the same recipes over here. - I mean, it's the lift. - It saves really well for lunches. I feel like you could, and you sneak in some veggies. It has spinach and carrots, but you will not taste it. And it's really, really flavorful. I didn't grow up eating hamburger helper. - Never meaning there. - Oh, did you eat hamburger helper, Addy? - Yeah. - Does it taste like what I make? Have you had it before? - I haven't had hamburger helper in a long time. But I actually don't think I've had your hamburger helper. - Okay, well I'm crazy. - Someone's gonna have to let me know if they actually taste that hamburger helper because it's really, really yummy and has sneaky vegetables and protein in there. - Yeah. - And it's really quick, really quick. - Love it. - Okay, wow. What a chatty episode. - That was fun. - That was really, really fun. - We needed a heavy one after the fails last week. Not a heavy one, but a deeper one. - Not heavy, I feel like I hope it's very better souls. - I hope it's heard right. We love you, that's all that matters. - Yes, and we also are very thankful to those of you that constantly show your support to the show, not just by listening, but also by hurting it, liking it, subscribing, downloading, sharing with a friend, and especially those of you that give us five stars. - And right of you, just like Jasmine, who says five stars, just the girls, as a 25-year-old married mom to a little boy, it can sometimes feel like I'm in the minority in this generation, which is why this podcast is such a breath of fresh air. It honestly feels like sitting down with the girls, laughing, unwinding, and having real, meaningful conversations without judgment. I'm so grateful I found it, highly recommend. - Oh, thank you, Jasmine. - Jasmine, I distinctly remember being 25 years old with a little boy. - Oh, yeah. - And so, I'm not far off from that. 27. But, it's really special to be in your ear like that, on your car rides, while you're doing your laundry. And so, thank you, it really does make such a difference and our whole team really appreciates it. If you also want to leave a voicemail, like we listened to at the end of today's episode, you too can call in the number of 602-456-9690, and we love hearing from you guys. It really, really means so much. So thank you for the ways that have called in and engaged with the podcast in that way. And we're reading the comments, I'm reading them, and if you guys leave some good stuff, that'll be a podcast segment, so. - Right, it was today. - Yeah, it was. So thank you guys so much again for leaving comments and engaging and starting conversation. Are we doing a book club? - Are we waiting for more making more decisions on my work? - We already said the book last week. - What was it again? - Atmospheric. - What is it? - Atmospheric, okay. Bye. - Tailoring, tailoring. - Are that you're ending the podcast? And they're saying, bye. (laughing) - I was like, all right, well, that's coming soon anyway. - Yeah, so if you wanna read the book, pick up the book. - Okay. - I'll put those details in the description as well. Atmospheric, right, tailoring, tailoring, tailoring. Okay, perfect. And we're gonna figure out what our new avenue is for that. - We're still brainstorming, we're gonna read your comments. - Yeah, we're gonna read them from the last episode. Okay, you guys, we are so grateful for you and remember, we're always here. (upbeat music) [MUSIC]