Ike Barinholtz

Hi, it's Rick Glassman from this podcast. We'll get right to the show, but first I wanted to let you know that I'm on my stand-up comedy tour, Ricky's on the loose, and I'm in Dallas this weekend. And if you're in Washington, DC, Montreal, Quebec, Edinburgh, or London in the UK, Portland or Eugene in Oregon, Philadelphia, PA, or Houston, Texas. My tickets are for sale now at RickGlassman.com. And if you want to be the first to be notified when I'm coming to your city because I'm adding dates as we speak, go to RickGlassman.com/tour, sign it from an email list, and I'll let you know. Hey, girls, get started without me. I'll be right there. Hurry up, Rick. Seriously, what are you doing? Please, I'll be right there. Now enjoy the show. The show. The show. The show. The show. Hello. Oh, that's right. Oh, shit. I didn't even realize his blood still on it. Stick back. Oh, God. Oh, shit. What are you doing? I'm so fucking sorry. Oh, my God. Do you put my nose? So many texts. I have so many friends now. Wow. It's just hot chicks and billionaires. They both want the same thing. Mike. Scoot. Oh, yeah. Is he here? Oh, he's moving in a moment. So there's a little bit of traffic in one of the eggs. All right, actual strength magic man before you get them. There's only one in the fridge. Take it. Okay. So he's been ruining a lot. It's the thing you taught me. Yeah. Hey. Do I have a fellow? What's up? Stop, man. How you doing? You're going to be on the couch. Yeah. I'm going to lay down. That's okay. Do I get fully new to any of my underwear on? Figure it out. Uncle Bob, you say for simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss. For simple online access and personal for care line loss. Create loss and more visit hymns.com/tisow. That's hymns.com/tisow for your free online visit hymns.com/tisow. Let's eat real head to factor meals.com/tisow50 off and use code Tisow50 off to get 50% off in one free breakfast item per box. What? For a year. What supplies last. How much until Halloween, 1031, 2026, what's that code again? Eat real high so 50 off at factor meals.com. That's Tisow50 off at factor meals.com. Guess where you can see more details. Take your shoes off. Take your shoes off. I got one more thing. Oh my gosh. Fine. Go. Is this a bit? No. Let's get the fuck out of here. No, go. No, I want to do it. I'm doing it like this, but I want to do it. It'll be fun. I'm doing it without you. I'm going to be here while I plug my dates. Yes. Why? Because you look funny in the world and I would want to see you if I was out there and I want to know your dates. Because maybe I'm going to bring Kevin on a surprise date. Yeah. That was for his birthday to go see Rick Glassman. But now you're ruined it. Well, I'm going to be in your hometown. When? You're going to be in Fatberg. You're going to be a stupid town. This weekend, I'm going to September 10th through 13th, I'm in Portland, Oregon and Eugene, Oregon. We are not from Portland, Oregon. God damn it. I can't hear you on my headphones on Rick. You want to play this fucking game? But September 17th through 19th, I'm going to be in Philadelphia, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, downtown or center city center city. Let's go stand up October one through three Houston, Texas, October 15th through 17th to coma, Washington, November 13th through 14th Salt Lake City, Rick Glassman dot com. I'm also adding new dates. If you want to find out when I'm coming to your city, your city, your city, your city.com, and sign up for my email list and I got one question and I end every promo with this. Is that one question? Are you garbage? What? What? Sure. No dog. No. I know. He is. You want to. Oh, thank you. That's easier. It's better. He said his first day of camp, I'm testing that out for when like sometimes I have to leave out of town and stuff. Yeah, it's tough. I've seen him. I'm a fan. I was. It's funny. Yeah. He's got a good personality. He's got a nice personality on that dog. I'm not trying putting the guest an autofocus. Never do this, but I had an issue recently with who. Yeah. So we do it. So we do it. So we do it. There's not someone you want soft focus on. Ike Bernhalts. That's a soft focus face. That would get you no complaints from the after no nasty comments. Is that Kristen Bell? She naked. I don't think this is my signature. Will you cross that out and sign it and maybe a message? Of course. I've got it done. I think I'm proud of it. Could you hold it up? Yeah. Now, full disclosure, I'm stealing a little bit from Dax's bit here. Dear Rick, you have the best bums. Bums. Bums in the languages? In the business. Sorry, autism. What's up? I'm going to have Kristen Bell in my wall. Close. How'd you get that? A frozen poster. Are we really going to watch both Frozen's right now? I've never seen the second one. The second one's OK. The first one is really good. Really good. The second one's not bad. Sequals are hard, guys. Now let's assist direct. You're doing weed. Are we OK to say that out loud? We can bleep it. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm doing weed. I smoked a little baby joint. Maybe I could smoke another one. Yeah. So I just want to make sure that because I'm having an edible, it's cool that we're back in the habit. Is this an ad? Is this hashtag ad? No, sister act two, the new name is back in the habit. I have joints for you, but if you have something you like-- Have you ever had these guys pure beauty? I haven't smoked in years. It hurts my throat. Yeah, I know. It's your smart. It's bad to do it, but they're really nice. And they're little. It feels like-- I was like, no, I'm putting the air through my-- No, no, no. I'll just always tell you a little while. This is like a six hour thing? It can do. No, I got to work after this. I got to do stuff. Edibles for me. Edibles for me can only do them when nothing is asked of me. Well, you came in the perfect podcast for an edible. Well, do you have my cans on? You know what? Yeah. I always say whatever you want, but at least yes, at least for a little. I took an edible on Saturday. I saw the Odyssey, my wife, and it took a nice 10 milligrams sativa, and then about an hour in, popped another half of one. It was great. It was great. Not yet. I'm seeing it on Friday. I want to see it in a certain theater. What theater? I'm just here. I'll say it. Universal City Walk is the only true 70 millimeter IMAX in L.A. Right, man. Not man's Chinese, too. Also Chinese. No, it's not. I think it's a 1-9 instead of a 1-4. It's a different ratio, but I am seeing it there because all the ones for Universal you can only sit in the first four rows. Kevin McCarthy. Do you know who that is? The former speaker of the house? Kind of. Yeah. We'll put it a picture. He interviews. He loves. He's a cinephile. He's always, he's probably seen clips of him interviewing like James Cameron or something. Cinephiles, can we just say one of the, when it comes to files? The best one. The best one didn't be, I would say. Yeah. Anyway, sorry. The worst one, of course, being I need to organize my. Corrupted. Yeah. It is. I'm a corrupted file. So he interviews celebs. He interviews. Yeah. Like, move the guys. I do know. I do know this guy. Yeah. So he offered me a ticket. He had, he saw it seven or eight times in the theaters. Already? Yes. Is that, does that work out time wise? Like, is there even enough time since it's been released? Like, does that math work? Yeah. Three hour movie. I don't feel like you don't know what a cinephile is. Someone who loves to go to movies, which a little kid, yeah. But he offered me. He had one in the actual, like the, the, the, the, the, the, the seat, yeah. The seat, um, I can remember his name. Christopher Nolan. Thank you. There we go. Mr. Nolan. Mr. Nolan to you. Jonas brother. Yeah. It's like where he sits, but it was a six a.m. And he had one extra ticket. I'm like, I can't. Like, I've seen there how to show him it's like six a.m. and two a.m. Both don't work for me. And nine a.m. I can easily do. I heavily fuck with the nine a.m. I saw a two p.m. It was perfect. Uh, it's really good, man. He did a really good job. It's a little woke. It's a little woke. It's crazy to me that these guys are getting mad about the Odyssey being too woke. I want to, I want to press boss. Yeah. I want to shine a little mic magnifying glass on something that I just noticed. No. I'm not sure for people that don't know because it's hat is on. Talk about boom Chicago. This guy's been improvising before Donald Fazon was a star on the first run of scrubs. Okay. But you just did something that, uh, that this is, that I noticed. And if you and I were an improv team. and I'd love to pitch this as an idea. - Ooh, what's our name, by the way? - The candy wrappers. - Very good, but wrappers are a, p, p, y, y, y, y, yes, yes. - W-R-A-P. - I'm all, oh, I was thinking like p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p. - Two allergies. - What the hell was that? - Two cats. Two cats. I thought it would be like a little pun, like where the candy wrappers. - Well, you just got rid of his own wrapper. - That's big pun. - Oh no, the edible kicked in, and I took it sooner than I showed up 'cause we don't really know each other. I would have loved to have had like 10 minutes when I'm like, "What's your comedy?" I was your family. - You know, it doesn't matter though, the family's great. And what we would be, we would do an improv team together. And. - You told me that the Odyssey was a little woke. That was your joke. - That was my joke. - And based off of the reaction that maybe I didn't give you, you didn't want to say I was joking. So instead, you just shared your point of view. Isn't it crazy how. - Yeah. - And I feel like you did that because you felt maybe disconnected from me subconsciously. - No, I just know you have watched your stick. No, I know you, you're like me. You're like a funny guy who likes to do bits and stuff. And I appreciate that. - You have seen me before. (laughing) We'll probably have to bleep this. And I don't know, we don't much to talk about because things aren't official yet. But my best friends, John DeWalt and Alison Boseman. - Oh my God. - Are the writers of bleep bleep the movie guys. - Best friends. - Yeah. - They wrote the funniest red test. I've read it in so long. I'm, oh my God, love you guys. Love you guys. See you on set. - So I suggested I wanted to have them write me a, like I wanted to do a scene with you as if asking you if you could get me in the movie or whatever. But I was basically doing them and like, things haven't closed yet. No, I don't know about this. And I'm like, you know, like I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, I will bleep anything." They're married. - They're married. - That is crazy. - They're so funny. - Could you write a movie with, are you in relationship with now what's your status? - What's your status and what is your status? What's your height, weight? - Six, three, 185. - Pretty low body fat, I gotta say. Just from the hug I got from you outside. You're pretty good. - You're just saying that 'cause my dick is big. - I felt it. I felt it when you gave me that. - I'm a cinephile. I love people that are in movies. - I look like a little guy, a single right now. Single right now. If you were in a relationship, would you wanna be writing with your spouse? - Depends if my spouse was as good of a writer. If my, watch this. If my spouse was half as good of a writer as Allison Buzma, I'd say the only reason I wouldn't wanna work with her is 'cause I don't wanna tie her down. - Suck it, John. - Wait, no, what do you mean? - Oh no, John, that's congratulations. - Yeah. What are you talking about? - I thought you were cool. - No, I was saying that she's such a good writer, so if my partner was such a great writer. - Yes. - Yes. - But still the dynamics of a relationship are tough and in like to have to bring that same kind of, to bring that into like the writers, it's just natural things are gonna come out. - I come out. - I am very impressed and surprised, and I understand it 'cause I know them. - Like you'd be like, I think the third act needs work. And they're like, you're just saying that because at Thanksgiving your mom broke my dish. It's like that kind of starts to blend a little bit, maybe. - You know what makes what's interesting and I've learned this being in this business for a bit, as you get to know really like really true writers. - Yeah. - They understand when they're writing fiction and when they're writing their fiction, you know what I mean? - And when they're writing their fan fiction. - Yeah. - Are you still writing fan fiction? - Who is, who are you doing it for these days? Who are you writing stuff for? - I don't really write for my audience. I write for me and if my audience is interested, I would love to give them the opportunity by signing up for my Patreon and reading my fan fiction. And it's expensive, by the way, I owe my Patreon $200 a month. - Is it still all sex in the city based? - You joke but it's a lot, I'm heavily influenced by them. - Sure. - The ladies? - Mr. Big. - Mr. Big. - Aiden? - I see, we're cool guys. You can trust us. - I just finished watching my fifth rewatch, not judge. - Yeah, a month ago. It's really, I love the show. - It is an amazing show. It's amazing. I miss like years of it because it was just like a period where I just was single and on like Mad TV. I wasn't like gonna go home and watch Sex in the City. - Did you have to be since Mad TV's canceled? Have you watched it? - Right, what, what, what did you just say? What happened? - Mad TV. - Mad TV. talking about it. Yeah, Matt TV's done. Can we just, yeah, I call my my manager for a second. I didn't know that I heard it was coming back. Will you turn it off? I heard it was coming back and I kind of fuck. Okay. Sorry. She's not answering. All right. Let's get started. Let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's begin. First, let me just say, I'm horny as shit. How weather it gets me all friggin' turned. John DeWalt also was a boom Chicago in Amsterdam, just he was a sketch editor. What? Yeah. Have you ever been a boom Chicago? I am actually going to be there August 17th for my first time. Are you going to stand up in Amsterdam at boom Chicago? Oh my God. Oh, that's great, dude. Scotland with the fringe festival. Then we're going to Amsterdam, double and show just sold out. I think we're adding another one and then London for five shows. Hello, let's go, Mike. Let's fucking go. This is your chance to see the man Rick Glassman, the Glassman. Alley G. Amsterdam is going. It's going. I'm good, right? Have you been in Amsterdam before? The only place I've ever been in in in the UK and the EU is London. Okay. Rome. Pretty good. What's the place where people say it's Spanish, but they say it's silly way what they get. Barcelona. I was thinking the Tha. Yeah. Barcelona. Beautiful. And somewhere in France. I've been to Paris and then South of France. So you're your Amsterdam. You're pretty well covered. Amsterdam, Norway. Did Helsinki for a minute? Amsterdam is great, man. You'll have a really, really fun time there. Red light district. Yeah, definitely go to the red light district. I went there with my family last year and like day three of my wife was like, you need to spend time with your family. You cannot go to the red light district. What is it? It's a prostitute. It's all. Is that what it is? It's our vacation. Yeah. So it's it's in this weird little kind of nook. And it's it's it's I'm one hand. It's very, you know, kind of sad and like, you know, oh, yeah, but, but, but it's also in terms of that whole thing. It's as kind of good as it can be in the sense that there's they're very they're pretty well protected. They're very safe. There's actually what are we talking about prostitutes? Literally prostitutes in the red light district. I mean, they they they're good laffers put it that way. That's why so that's really a thing. So people just go there and they just and they only have sex on that street. Yeah, it's like neighborhood I grew up on in my bedroom. I'm sorry. I'm excited. I'm stoned. First of all, congrats by the way. I haven't sex. It's like dope. It's like it's like five different little alleys ish that are along the mouth. The pussy. What are the other two? The ass guy. Oh, man, I'm gonna fucking come all over your alley. But you you stay standing in the windows and we would we the theater owned a little boat. You should take a little boat trip while you're there. By the way, like a don't get on one of those big boats where it's like tours and like eight different languages. Get on like a small boat. I can actually I'll talk to the blue and SMG. I have an SMG SBG SBG small book. Okay. I got a small book. I'll put you in touch with yeah. Yop. Their names. They're so crazy. It's like, this is my father. Yolpe. That's isn't that isn't that the name when they translated when they when they I fucking I have it and it's fine. And I'm sad that I couldn't think of the word and it makes me angry. Translated. Thank you. When they translated from the Sandlot. What was his name? No, it's crazy. Yop. Yop. I've never seen the Sandlot. I've never seen that movie. I'm just like I'm older than you and that movie missed me a little bit. Like when you were seeing that movie, I was sucking on titties. I was probably doing the same because I was just born. And I hooked up with this. I have this checker. I was really hungry. Both are cool. But I said a lot. I'd never never seen that movie. It's weird. Well, he had this a character name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm walking down. Right. I'm doing my thing. I'm like, oh, let me get some churros. I just got off this small boat. More my arms tired. And then I'm like walking down and I walked down an alleyway and there's just a whole bunch of titties in the window. And they're like, fuck me, suck me. In my three alleyways. Yeah, that's pretty much what I mean, yeah, it's wonderful. I'll do it. No, no, no, no, you definitely want to. I definitely want to do it. It's it's it's it's but like I said, it's like it's relatively safe. They have like almost like a union called the red thread. That's like they're kind of union where they kind of like look out for each other and they I don't know, get dental. But it's it's cool. The best way to see it though is is through a little back on your back, looking up at a mirror and watching a woman. No, get on a little boat ride and look up. Don't be walking around because it's sketchy too, man. And it's your name's a little dangerous in a weird way. It's got like, it's like, I mean, compared to wherever in New York, LA, it's much safer, but it's like the red, the red lights a little seedy, little, little. Yeah, they're gonna grab you. Remember that. Let me ask you this question. How, when you're doing a show right now, your show that you're taking out, how long are you on stage for? Like, what are you doing? You're doing like an hour or 45 minutes? I'm doing, I'm usually between like, at the moment, 65 and 75, it feels like three hours to the audience. Don't say that. It does. I've never seen you do stand-up comedy. I would legit do 20 minutes for you right now. I like you so much. And then, then then you're exactly what I would want you to be, at least so far in whatever our dynamic is and what you're willing to offer me. Or I'm just like, yeah, let me, let me show you where, where I'm my best. So hopefully you'd like to even like me more. And then you're just like, this would be better if there are people here. I know that. Yeah, I know. Do you have an opener you bring with you? Do you find like a local Dutch boy? I don't like to call my friend an opener because it just so happens that he's open. He's going on for me. That's very cool. And the truth is, like, if the, I often look at an audience as a jar of pickles, I'm trying to get open. And my friend Michael Lenochi shout out to the, we should date pod. He just loosens the jar. Yeah, baby. Then you get in there. Turn the camera off me. It sucks. I just don't mean I want it right. I get it. You know, warm a lot. Yeah. Also, like, you don't really need, you could open a pickle jar. You're on without it being loosened. I've seen you do it. Plus, I have to pay for his hotel. I have to pay for his offer. He's like, well, you sell merch. I never sold merch on the road because I'm not a fucking. Yeah, that's what I'm like. Yeah. Now, like if he, you know, he sells it and helps cover the costs. I got five guys who will do it for half of what he's charging you right now. You let me know. I'll text them. How will they get there? They live there, dude. Americans, expats and Amsterdam, whatever city. I know standups in every fucking city. You want to cut this dead weight. Just don't even say anything. My EU UK tour. Yeah. I'm not bringing it. I'm not bringing a friend. Yeah, fuck them. You don't need them. You can find other people. You don't even need them in this country. You know what I mean? Just find out. I have guys in every city waiting to go on stage for cheap rock bottom prices. Bring this a little bit lower. Hang it up. Is that better? Yeah. Never done podcast before. Yeah. Bullshit. Get your own. I do. What's the name of your podcast? I'm sorry for you. Funny you ask when you come on it. Thank you. Tell me the name. Funny you ask for space. Come on, dude. Wake up. Keep up, man. The red light district doesn't mean stop. Are you do you like trivia? Are you going to trivia? No, but my brother's a jeopardy champion. No way. When two years ago, wait a minute. I had a question. Is your brother, your family's the family from that video, right? The replenish video. Yes. You replenish. You're supposed to take the warm ones and fill it up after you finish. You have one today. I saw you have a soda pop today. I had one yesterday. Well, I am a million yesterday. You had a million yesterday. But I definitely might be supposed to be replenish. You take the farthest. You never replenish. I can't believe it. I never have anything to replenish. We have a refrigerator in the basement. And if you went downstairs in the basement and got a soda, what was the fucking rule? Okay, what the fuck? The Eddie doesn't fuck. Are you replenish? When I saw that shit, I was like, this is the most Jewish video I've ever seen. Like my bar moods for video is less Jewish than that clip. It is. Let's put aside by side. Pull that clip. Do you have footage? Because I would love to put it. I would love to show a little bit of my love of the earth. It's so funny. I think I just found it. Was it on A track? Jesus, man. Was it on phonograph? It was in an oral tradition. It was an oral story like the Odyssey. And then his uncle Jerry got up and had too much to drink. Christopher Nolan is making a movie about my birth. That's his next movie. I actually think I just found it. My grandmother just passed away. You want to make a joke about it? She suffocate on her tits. I don't know what you want to say. I'm sorry. No, I don't want to make a joke about it. But I also don't want to get a world war two letter and piece of shit. I know she just passed away at 102 died in her bed. The great literally the dream we could all ask for a wonderful mother. But we thank you. God bless you. It was just a massive tits. So you're not wrong. But we found a bunch of your grandma's man. They have huge tits. It's not weird. She was actually in reality. She was one of the tiny Jewish grandmas. Like the dream. No, she was like just like a tiny little lady. Like I never ever would at any point was like, and those are just got some cans. You know, I just, she wasn't like that. She wasn't built like that. She was built different. But we found all these super rates and these videos and stuff, VHS stuff. And they started going through them. And one of them was my bris. Wow. Yeah. And I had, and one was like a video of me playing with my friend. You're talking about the foreskin. Yeah. My friends the foreskin. I was playing with it. No, I've never seen videos of me as a kid. We didn't really have a video camera. Wow. And it's crazy to see it. And, and I, it was really taking it back by like how big and thick my deck was. Even that, even at like three weeks, you are a centafile. It's talking about three or three week old deck. Well, mine, mine own mine, not anyone else's. I don't talk about any dicks, but myselfs. Hello. It was like, didn't go through. It's like someone's trying to call me. It's my bad service. My phone. Do you have better service on your phone? Cause it's, I mean, sometimes, can I text you? Yeah, you go. That's fine. Thanks. I hate to. And we'll just cut just give me like five minutes about this is fucking. I could we put this on the podcast. And if you don't want to, I'll send it to you for approval. Yeah. Yeah. Is that fine? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like, this is just like really like, I just need confirmation that this is actually like happening. Hello. Is that Jen? Is that you? Oh, hello. Is that I? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hi. Okay. Hi. Hi. Hi. I'm sorry. My, my, my, my, I'm a bad Wi-Fi zone. No, that's - Okay, I'm glad to talk to you, 'cause I've ever seen my emails in my text. - No, I have not. I literally was driving. I'm doing-- - Like, okay, can we talk quickly? Because we are so fucking fucked. Like, we are so fucking fucked. - What, okay, do you tell me what you know? - I think that you got by one of those masturbation scams and they've been emailing me. And do you have time to talk? - Hold on, hold on. This is a-- - No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I was calling you, do you heard that they're not gonna pick up the new mad TV? Have you heard that? - I mean, yeah, I-- - You heard that they're not picking it up. When were you gonna tell me? I just literally found out on this fucking podcast. - I mean, mad TV hasn't been on the air anymore. - The new one, the new one, the new one that I wouldn't unpitched. I pitched a relaunch of the show. Hello. - Okay, are you hearing me? There is a video of you masturbating to a woman whose account is called tap dancing Pamela. She has the video, she sent it to me, she's threatened to release. - That, that's not, that's no, no. That is not, no. I don't know what that is, I never heard of it. - Is that something that you did because I have the video? - Oh, you have a video of me masturbating to test. - She sent it to me, Ike, it is, it's been a little bit off her computer. - Oh, yeah, you can't make that with A.I., so Sora couldn't make that. Hey, hey, hey, that aside, that aside, what the fuck are we gonna do about this mad TV shit, man? - Uh, okay, I don't know. I, I was, I'm gonna finish this podcast. This is in the video where you ask us in the video, please. - No, no, no, no, no, no, the video doesn't exist. It's not me, it's not even me. - I'm sorry, Ike, Ike, is there someone else on the call? - Hi, my name is Rick. I am, we're doing a podcast and I'm gonna send this for approval. I'm gonna send this for approval for everyone. I'm not putting this out live. I'm gonna send this for approval from anyone who wants. I was just wondering if we could maybe get that video and I'll send it and if you don't think so, but it might look good if we acknowledge this and say it's not real. - Jen, hear 'em out, hear 'em out, hear 'em out, hear 'em out. - Did you not? the right to use my voice. You do not know the right to use this recording. I did not know that this was being recorded. This was a private conversation between me and my client. Okay, send it to me. I'm not going to show it to Rick, even though I think it would be it could in a weird way and get this all cleared up because it's bullshit. It's what I'm talking about. You want to know why bad TV didn't get picked up. I'll tell you why because it was shit. Your proposal was shit. You're not as funny as you used to be. You're masturbating online to different accounts and then talking about it on a podcast. If you don't care about your career, how am I supposed to care about your career? Jen, Jen, Jen, I'm going to call you in one half an hour. I'm going to call you. I want to do another 90 minutes. I'm going to call you in 95 minutes. This is the third masturbation scandal that I've handled for you this year alone. What were the other two masturbates? No, no, no, no, no, no, don't get into it. Don't get into it. Don't get into it. Don't get into it. What are the other masturbating things? If you take me off the podcast, I'll okay. Hold on. Okay. All right. All right. It's could you hear me? It's going to sound different now. Could you hear me? Yes. Okay. It's off. Also, but we're going to go back. So remember what we were talking about. Yeah. Okay. Do I have Ike's permission to tell you? Are you his lawyer? It's better. Honestly, these days, it's better to get it all out in the open and just deal with it then. Okay. Okay. Just go for it. Fucking go for it. On paper, it's not as bad as it could be. It's, it's usually dancing. It's different types of dancing. So tap dance. Pamela is one of the accounts. I don't know if I've heard of it. She tap dances. There's another woman who does jazz dancing with a hat with a black hat on. Don't watch it. There's types of women doing different genres. Wait, but I'm confused. Is he watching these as videos? He has a private. He organizes these very expensive minds. You have talked to his business manager about this. $400 an hour sometimes sessions with these women on video where they do different genres of dance. Sometimes you request a genre of dance. And he. So these are entertainers that like these are entertainers that like do a cameo live. Like hey, I'll give you $400 to dance to do your jazz dance for 15 minutes. I'll zoom or something. I film it. I film it in a masturbate allegedly. That's what they're saying. Do they see him masturbating? Yes, that's why they have the video. That's what I'm saying. Oh my god. He's gonna call me in 95 minutes. He wants to be on a podcast. He wants to reboot that TV. These are the things this man. It's sometimes the women have canes. They have top hats. They have clicky shoes. Their shoes are always clicking and clacking. They're on sometimes just on a plank of wood that will make the. For some reason, the louder their shoes dance, the more excited he seems to. That wouldn't even turn me on. That wouldn't even fucking turn me on, Jen. Jen, do you think if we do like I won't send this for approval, but this could be a good clip because maybe what he actually needs to do is make sure all those girls take their shoes off. Jen, he doesn't allow shoes in his house as part of the brand. Jen, Jen, is this Rick Glassman? Yes. Do you know him? It's Jen. Do you remember me? Jen, I don't, Jen, remind me. Sorry, I'm very, very bad with names and I literally can't see your face. You took me on a date. Yes. Jen, yes. It was a fuck, when was that? That was remember to you. Yeah, it was a while ago. See what color hair you think I have. Blue? Okay, you do remember. Can't believe you dated my agent. Hey, real quick, Jen, before I call you, please find out if there's any other buyers that are interested. Is Spike TV still around? Can we get in with those guys? I could sell that thing to Spike TV. I could walk in backwards. I could tap dancing. Not tap dancing. Not tap dancing. I could walk it in. I could walk it in. I mean, I can look into it. You want me to check with. Yes. I know we try to get you on date my mom and ridiculousness. And I know those aren't around anymore, but we can just cancel through there. If there's a way, if there's a way that we could do one of his pitches on this show, take me for dinner again. I had a blast. You took me to the rainforest cafe. What? In Chicago. She's interesting looking. Yes. I'm pregnant. Oh, congratulations. Wait, what? I saw you there at night. You were doing coke. Rick, I think that date we went on was about seven months ago. How many months pregnant are you? Please say three or less. I think I'm about seven months. Oh, fuck. That's probably mine, isn't it? This woman is not ready to be a mother. Take me back to the rainforest. Where did you find a fucking rainforest cafe at 2026? And it wasn't in 2026. It was kind of torn. It was the end. It was right when around when I was Thanksgiving time from when I got back from Thanksgiving. Seven months ago. Seven months ago. Jen. God, that was fun. Rick, do you remember that? My blue hair hanging down to my ankles. Yeah, this is weird. I can't think about her like this. Why? Because she's my agent, man. I like watching your podcast. Let's just say I like it as much as I like watching girls do tap desks. That's not true because they're not girls. They're usually, you know, 70 plus. Hey, are you on my team? Aren't you always like your team and I talk like you're on my team, right? I didn't realize you were still on the call. I'm sorry. Hey, I'm gonna do it. Jen, he was just talking to me about how much he loves Amsterdam and the red light district and all the stuff with the prostitutes. No, I didn't go. I just even said, he even said the best way to view that city is on your back. Swipe to it. The best way to see it though is looking up at a mirror and watching the woman. On a boat, on a small boat, which is we know, Jen, the metaphor we like to say for your clitoris. Yeah, that's coincidental. That's coincidental. I got to run because I have another meeting with ex-business manager over the expenses, but tell my dad. I said hi. Whatever you do, don't let him sing short people by Randy Newman. He likes to do it on every podcast. No, it sounds sounds like a safe bet that we'll get it on here then. Jen, I'm going to talk to you in exactly 95 minutes. Please, please take my call. What? What? What the fuck did she say? Your wife has the video as well to have to why would she have that? Sorry. Yeah, so bye. Welcome back to another episode of this episode is sponsored by Factor Meals. Have I told you that sometimes my mom goes out to eat at a restaurant and likes the food so much? But yeah, we'll have Factor Meals and she'll call me and she'll tell me it feels like I'm eating at a restaurant. She honestly says this. Really? Yes. Really? Since they started sponsoring me probably two years ago, my mom's probably maybe I'm average four meals a week. We got to run Factor, getting them all the time and where they deliver the meal your house. It's pre-cooked. It's ready to eat healthy. Yes. Well, you tell me. Tricious. You tell me. But is this one of those things? Because we used to have a podcast and we'd read ads and they'd be like, read the copy and then also tell a personal story about the product. I never give a personal story if I don't have one. Okay. In fact, I'll even have told some brands before. Stop right there. Stop right there. You need to run for office with that kind of scenario. I will never tell a story unless I have one. I won't say I've used this. I won't say that my mom is it. No, absolutely not. Okay. There are some ads where I'm like, I would sponsor them but I don't want to try it. If it's something like Bluetooth, say Bluetooth, Bluetooth. Okay. Because you don't need that, right? 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You've probably heard of Revolve Women if you're a woman probably because it's a hot, it's a hot shopping network. - Yeah, it's hot. - I know, I mean, before Revolve Men even came to me, I didn't know that they did men's clothes. I knew of this app. I know people that use it. - Oh yeah, wow, they do do men's clothes. - Yeah, and I've been buying stuff on it. So when I first found out about it, I used it just to like to better understand how it works, but now it's kind of a thing I go to. I like clothes. I got into clothes a couple of years ago. There's certain brands I like. Revolve gets new stuff all the time. You could say it's constantly changing, like in adding to their inventory. Free-today shipping. I've been ordering stuff from them where like, "Oh, I like this, I don't like this." Where the idea is almost like trying it on. So I don't feel bad if I'm ordering stuff just to try on. Hey, John Michael, who is the Revolve Man? 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We got camera here. We got one over here. This one over here. It's gonna push it on you. This is auto-focus. No, it's so fun. We just wrapped season two, baby. It's what they said in the business. In the camp, you cannot be in season two. Because you're not doing any reshoots. What do you, Zach Efron? Remember? Swipe to it. There's a real film missing. That's why we're here. Oh, I'm so over this movie, man. I'm technically not available for reshoots. So I really hope you guys find it or you're fucked. Wait, what about Zach Efron? Zach Efron said that when they wrapped the movie and that he had the, the, the, the, the after party, he said that he's not available for any reshoots. Oh, fuck. I've never seen the show. It sucks. Speaking of Zach Efron and reshoots, me first. I was. I was. I was. In the movie, neighbors, too, speaking of comedy sequels, they had to put him a poster of neighbors, too. They had to do a reshoot of literally just a moment of him like coming in like a different way to make it like make sense. And he was in the middle of shooting Baywatch, remember he did Baywatch with Dwayne and Alexander Dardario. Alexander Dardio. And Rob Hubel. Rob Hubel, one of the funniest guys. He's still here. Still here. I saw him. He's not too long ago. He lives upstairs. Um, the big man, but he, he, if you remember him in Baywatch, he went on like a crazy thing where he looked like he was like literally 2% body fat. He was like glassman level. Yeah, he was. Body. He looked great. He looked great, but he looked very different than a moment shot neighbors, too. So there is a scene in neighbors, too, where it's like we're coming into the house and you will literally see like normal looking Zach and then just him walking and it's like a different guy. Different color. Very thin. Yeah. I love that boy. I love that boy. I years ago, uh, started this thread like I, Hey, Zach, you left your, oh, tag him on Twitter. The way I say Twitter, I still say, even though it's called X, it's understood. Yeah. You know, it's crazy when we reference wrestling in the 90s. We still call it WWE, even though it was WWE. Yeah. That is very true. And that's just, that's, it creates how much the legal system actually puts a like barren halts. That's one person of a guy who, you know, wants to figure out puns. I would say the difference there is people, um, did not despise Vince McMahon as much as they don't like Elon. Like people were like, and it wasn't that big of a switch. I, I know, say it again, because I'm not sure what to say, like, like when WWE, WWE was a huge switch. It's a huge switch, but not in the actual name. It's one letter, right? So it's not like, same with, same with Twitter, but Twitter and X is very different, right? It became one letter. It became one letter, but it, first of all, to me, it always sounded like a X-rated. It's like a weird, better gutter, dude. I'm thinking, I'm thinking like, you know, double vaginal, double anal, what? Double vaginal? Double vaginal. Yeah. That's what I think of, which is why I was like, wait a fuck up a, a, a, a good brand. It's like if you had Coca-Cola and then all of a sudden they're like, we're calling this. Pepsi. Slick juice. Pepsi. It literally Pepsi. You'd be like, what? So, to me, also then a bunch of like Nazi pedophile started going on there and it's not as much fun as it used to be, maybe. Anti-Semitics who love the movies. You mean propaganda? Mostly propaganda. It's mostly propaganda. Dude. We're guys, we're in a fucking propaganda war and we are losing. I am in one of these moments that, that this podcast gives me a lot where I am just so grateful right now. Why? I was just laughing so much for a little bit and then for a moment I was like, oh, right. This is awesome. It's pretty nice. It's pretty nice. This is cool, man. I just started doing a podcast, right? Yes. Again. Tell me the name again. Funny you ask. First base. Which Rick Glassman is coming up. But I've never, I've been on a million, but I've never done it before and I got to say it is incredibly fun. It's like if you enjoy it and like you got a good bit, you know, a good setup and stuff, it's really fun. You know what? It's rewarding. Do you know trivia at all? Can I ask you a couple trivia questions real quick? Awarding. It's awarding. I see him. I see him. There's a whole bunch. Can I ask you some trivia questions? I brought trivia questions. Yeah. It doesn't matter if you're bad. You get it at out. Can I call my brother? Yeah, you can call him a friend. Okay. What nation did the 300 residents of sub- sub- sub-borga? I don't even know where that is. Let alone the residents. Fuck this. Fuck this. I'm going to give you a different one. I don't know anything. Who rose to be a North Carolina senator despite being voted most obnoxious in his high school. You won't get this. Actually, I remember. I'm pretty sure it's North Carolina. I remember obnoxious as I was thinking of Andy in the office. It's something Helms. No. Yeah. No. James Helms. No. How the fuck did you know that? Did you know that? Is it really? Yes. I don't look at you. I promise, push it on the card. Is it really? Because I remember it. Because there was a video I saw where they were doing Jordan's intro music because of North Carolina. And they brought this out. Anyway, random. Funny. That's so weird that I would know that. Can I ask you another one? I think you do. The fruit is distilled in Normandy to make a brandy called kelvados. Can I ask you one question first? Yeah. Do you trust me? Yeah. Do you think I have good will? Yes. Then how do you like them apples? Impressive. Impressive. I will say something. It is apples. It is apples. Yeah. I thought so. The hell is apples. But kelvados is. I know. That's a good one. The hell is one I'm sure it's. That I knew. Yes. That one was easy. All right. I'm going to give you one. Are you like a big tennis fan? No. Okay. then you will not know this. Who split from his Adriatic hometown of split to join the pro tennis tour? All right, you're going to think this is ridiculous. The movie split. Do you remember that movie? James McIvoy. James McAvoy. Yeah. And Shyamalan. Yeah. That's how I remember that. Okay. Goran. Even S-o-witch. S-o-witch. Something like that. Isn't it something like that? You're not a tennis fan. Why would you know that? Because because in Mr. Deeds, do you have a tennis player called John McEnroe? And I remember looking up because I didn't know who that was. And I was just looking up other tennis players. Right there. Goran, even S-o-witch. This is fucking stupid. This fucking sucks dick. Why does it come on the podcast then? Sure, but why does sucking dick, why is that so derogatory? Sucking dick and eating pussy. Like no, they're both great. I know, but oh, that sucks dick and that eats pussy. Yeah, but it's like a different application. It's like a dual use. Yes, it's sucking dick when you don't want to suck dick or even worse when you don't want your dick sucked. And that one's worse. That's never happened to me. Let me know what that happens. I was driving here the whole time. I was like, I was sure could use a dang blow job. Have you ever kind of blow job while you're driving? It seems insane to me. It's fucking crazy. You can't do it. I mean, you'd have to be on the golf course alone. Like country road maybe, but then it's like a deer could come out. It's too dumb. Just wait. Pull over. Pull over. No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing. Fucking yes. One of my favorite songs is he, he goes, uh, he's the cop in Dumb and Dumber, when he goes, uh, pull over. I remember, I remember he's, I love Harlem Williams. Very funny, man. Very crazy guy. He's a crazy guy. That's Trump doing his Steve Martin. He's a wild and crazy guy. He's a horrible country road by John Denver. That song. It really, uh, I love it so much. Beautiful. One of the reasons I'm such a fan of Ed Helms is because of the way he plays, uh, he plays that song in the office. Yeah. Him and Dwight serenade Aaron. Yeah. Yeah. I bought a banjo because of that. I watched some YouTube videos. I'm like, I, I, I, I'll say one thing about the banjo. I love, I love a banjo. I love hearing a banjo. All right. You know what? I think I know what you're going. I'll get back into it. Bring you next subject. I was going to say you know who doesn't like the banjo, the ladies. That's not true. That's not true. You know what? You're a little older than me. How old you 64 this year? Are you really? You're 34 years older than me. I have, things are different with women now. What's women? What they love is first, not necessarily any order, but like these first three, a feeling of safety. Yes. A feeling of curiosity. Sure. And a feeling of being seen. Yes. If you have a talent, that's not going to step on any of her core needs. That was just shame and judgment from Capitol America. Yeah. But if your hobby is something that they don't vibe with. My hobby is playing magic, the gathering. I make trading cards of previous guests. I like comic books. I do feel like ladies, tell me if I'm wrong. Those are a little quieter than banjo. Not the way I play it. Don't blame magic, the gathering. The way they're doing the woods. If you're a beautiful musician, whatever instrument you use, whether I, are you one of those people that doesn't think what they do is art? No. You're an artist. Yes. What's your instrument, penis? My typing, my fingers for typing. Good answer. You know what's interesting? Your instrument is very quiet. Yeah. It seems not the way I type on the Smith Corona. I read all my scripts. Be serious. It seems that you have a little bit of a resentment toward louder instruments. No, I don't know. Honestly, this is coming from this is therapy. This is coming. Even though it's fake. Honestly, it's like a little right here. My mom, my dad had a banjo, because you just wiped it into a poop mustache. Could you please just. No, I know what I did. I know what I did. It's going to get expensive. Could you wipe it off? Thank you. My dad had a banjo. He loves Steve Barton, and my mom always kind of made fun of him a little bit before. That's why it is. It's all about our parents. It's, you know, if you're lucky, but really it's all about our beginnings into the world. Some people are not even, they don't even, some people are left on a fireman's door stop where a hot fireman saves it. Are you new your Massachusetts? Cleveland. Netherlands. Shaker Heights. Very close. Nice. Very nice. I love Cleveland. So it's going to put up Cleveland Rocks, the Drew Carey, but I don't know if YouTube's going to do a thing and you check it. It's like, the Drew Carey is very litigious. It'll give you a copyright strike right away. Where are you from? Chicago, Illinois, baby. 60652. 60613. That was my home zip. Did you ever do anything with scruff? What's scruff? McGruff. Scruff. McGruff. Chicago, Illinois, 60652. What is this? He's like, he's a crime dog. And I recently found out he's gay. McGruff, the crime dog is gay. I didn't know. For some reason, I never realized McGruff was a Chicago boy. Oh, yeah. I didn't know that. Born and unfortunately bred instead of going to the rest places where we have these kill shelters. All my crime dogs at home are rescue crime dogs. I just want to say that. And actually, they rescued me. You know, a lot of people ask me if I rescued my dog or if I rescued me. And I truly am one of those people that believe I rescued it. No, I love him and he's great, but if it weren't for me, he'd be fucking dead. How old is your boy? I can't believe he's not here. That's fucking not false advertising, but something. Well, you know what? I guess YouTube does have to come back. You got me. You got me. How old is he? I have two beautiful boys at home. I love him. Very much, three in five. Three in five years, pounds, little panty guys. No, no, no. One is a big boy. One's like a big, thick, thick guy. What's its name? He's Pico. What kind of dog? He's a black lab. I love him so much. And then the other one's like a rescue, some kind of rescue doodle situation. Let me guess it's his name. I'll give you 100 bucks if you guys his name. Gaya. Close. Gaya. Girl. This is my girl. This is my dog. Gaya. Ralph. Pico day Ralph. Pico the Ralph. Big miss. Does your guy like dogs or is he a little kind of one of those dogs that's more like human? He likes dogs. He likes running. It's good. Pico's older. Pico's older. He's big. He's got like a big head. Perfect dick. Perfect. He's perfectly thick. I said perfect dick. But he is perfectly thick. I was joking. His penis was na. Not applicable. Got it because I was think I was I thought I was intrigued. He said na na as in like what grade did he get? Na not applicable like his his and it's it's not a factor. Oh. Hey, he's dick isn't. No, well, honestly, it's like an A minus. I'm being honest. It could be a little bit better, but it's pretty great. And the only reason it's an A minus is because he's not in my lap right now. He's minus my lap right now. We give our dog Viagra the runner in the house with giant fucking bonus. Man, you know what I would love to do with you. Do you live anywhere near me? Yeah. I would love it for our podcasts. Um, almost I would like this even more if you never came on mine and I never go on yours. But still it's okay. And I still will and I would love to. But I'm saying we always do our commercials together. You know, like there are tea, but only for commercials for their podcasts. Yeah, that's good. That's good. You'd be the candy rappers. Just one hundred contacts is so confused. No, but I'm sorry we're doing it together. It's not I do years and you do mine. No, no, together. Still we get a studio for the record. They'd be thrilled. Oh my god. And they would be funny. Yours are very funny. You do ads in a video. You figured out a very funny way to do it. That's well, listen, I went to school for marketing a lot of advertising classes. Did you really? Yeah, marketing and theater. Where'd you go to school? Where'd you go to state university? Can't state in Ohio? Yeah. Where'd you go? Layour Lamaramount? Improv Olympic Chicago. Oh, I asked what school you went to. not what your church was. Boom. I went, I got went to Boston University for like a year, but I left and slash they asked me to leave. And looking at me now. Look at me now, got a friggin' Yeti. I got a peanut collater here. Go, go, go, go. Pretty fucking drunk right now from being honest. You might have a book and take a little nap. It's a different person. Maybe three o'clock. It's a different person for real. Do you take naps? I mean, does a bus when it's tired? Yes. Yeah. I love a nap. I love it. Show Hayotani just said, he sleeps 10 hours a night and takes a two hour nap every day. Well, he's he does a lot more activity than us. You don't know that. I do. I love him. I love that guy. I had a conversation with my brother about a year ago and he had we had two very different opinions. Who's more famous? Okay. And then like this. And there's there's you or your brother? Yes. Who's more famous and what what what that means to you? Okay. Shohei, what's his name? Shohei, Otani. Yeah, I know. Or LeBron James. Oh, it's good. I think it's LeBron without a doubt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shohei in 10 years, that was the possibility too. But also, LeBron will also have been 10 years ago or seven years ago. Sure. It's just I think basketball is more international than baseball. Like baseball is big in Asia. But it's it's I think basketball just has more of a global reach. Are you a LeBron fan or are you like one of those guys that like would like take a shit on his jersey after you left and then and then go and buy a new jersey when he came back. I can't stand those guys. Yes, I'm a LeBron fan. Yeah, he's great. And they're going to be good. Philly is going to be good this year. I feel like I have Jaylen Brown and him. If Joel is healthy, they're going to be like a really good. They were already good. You know what? I think maybe I want to go to Philadelphia. I think I'll go 17 through 19th September. What's going on? What are you going to do there? Do five shows at the Helium Comedy Club? Whoa. You get tickets to Rick Glassman.com. That's a great club. Two shows a night. Thursday, Friday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday. Fantastic. And remember, you don't need to bring your fucking friend because I got an opener in Philly. I got a guy who will open for you. Killer. Are you okay with like racist shit? This guy's great. You know, I'm here one of his jokes. I would do injustice. But what I was saying is I did some marketing and advertising classes. Yeah. What I learned was if you want to sell something, it's not because you want to sell them a product. It's because you want to overcome an obstacle that they have. You want to help them. Yeah. Because the truth is a fast dollar is just fast. Anyone ask any racer. It doesn't matter if you went by a mile or a dollar. A win, a win. Van Diesel. Van Diesel said that. Yeah, I said that quote. Tell Rick Glassman, I said that quote. This doesn't sound like we diesel. Yeah, it does. How do you do your Van Diesel? Better than I could do. I would kind of sound like this. Let's see if we get Van Diesel to actually do this and we'll lip this. Yeah. Yeah. And if not, we'll just leave it blank. That's pretty good. But you're using the best quote from the movie. My first mad TV sketch was just take something from a movie. Exactly. And bespoke monologues, fucking feeling his own tits. No, I know what bespoke means. But for the people at home who don't, could you explain that word? Homemade. Oh, you talked about the chick down the street makes me pasta. You're laughing. You don't know what I mean. And it's because that's not that funny. But you laughed. Well, because you presented it as a joke. What are we going to sit here and go? Yeah. So I could explain to you. What's talking about? You know the pasta my homemade. You have a hoe? You have a hoe. You have a local hoe. A girl. Oh, by the way, you were single. Are you all right? Fuck, dude. You okay? Are you fucking bleeding? Fuck. Oh, was it the tooth? Shit, sorry, dude. You all right? You have a fucking fake tooth. No one knows that. Dude, we're all stardust. I am soy-facing so hard. Eye-facing? Soy-facing. What's, isn't soy-eye? You ever heard the term soy-face? You know the term soy-face. Soy-faces when you, um, why is it called soy-face? It was like a kind of like a, almost like a meme in like 2018 or so where it was like, dudes online were like, dudes online were like, man, this guy's got low tea. He's eating so much fucking soy. And so like, they would find pictures of like guys that looked, I don't know if fucking feminine to them who are going like, and so now whenever you have, whenever you make that face where you're like, and it's usually like in like, YouTube thumbnails, you'll see people be like, "Sorry, you're not gonna believe, yeah." I had this up, you saw me soy-face with that, sorry. No, you had some really important stuff to do, you had to put that back on the cat. That's not a blanket of statement. By the way, how was Supergirl? I see you went to the fucking premiere. That's not the Supergirl. That's not Supergirl, it's a Superman. Isn't it interesting how Superman comes out first? Yeah, it's kind of fucked up. It should technically go Superboy, Supergirl, Superman, Superwoman. Then Superboy again, or Supergirl. Superboy, Superold man. Superold lady. Now, I'm not somebody who speaks on this community. I don't know much about it, but I'm asking a genuine question because we want representation across all of our heroes. That's why it's important to have men and women and black people and Chinese people in Puerto Ricans, the big five. But what I'm curious about is when it comes to like a, what does you call that? When they might, what is it multi-gen gen? Not binary is, isn't that binary? Like, there's none of them or is it all of them? They're not a men. Are you talking? I'm just saying the pro not anyway. Doesn't matter. I want to get too much in the weeds or the bushes. Whatever, whatever your choices. Whatever your choices. Love it. But like, is there? I want to get too much in the vault. Is there too much? Is there like, what would that be? Like, what do you think would it be a new superhero? Or would they turn like spider they? Oh, I see, we're gone. Remember when the more reporter one time said to Joe Biden, Mr. President, how many, how many genders are there? And he goes, come on, man, at least three. No, that we don't. Very fucking cool. I don't know what they would, that's great. I don't know what they would do. What DC would do. It's funny that you think it would be DC. I marvel at the opportunity to have a super day. And that would be what we could be. We could do it. And our ads together. There has. There's definitely a non binary superhero. And there's somewhere. Someone we, some are in Deadpool. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're amazing. Yeah. Perfect. Like Deadpool. You look like if somebody were to make a movie about your life and they hotter it up, Ryan Reynolds would play you. Oh, wow. Do you get that? No, I get. When I was younger, people would be like, oh, you look like Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, maybe. Or a man I got older. And then they were like, Donnie Wahlberg. And now they're like, you look like the one that owns the hamburger stand. Wahlberger's that brother. And I'm like, it looks like cool. He might be the hottest one. He kind of is smoke. But yeah, I've gotten those guys. I've got Michael B. Fucking fish. Smoke. I've gotten Clayton Kershaw. Pedadras pitcher. Yes. Well, I've gotten, um, who else? Oh, oh, my God. Once a month, someone like an airport will be like, Hey man, rat race. My favorite movie. And I'll say, yeah, I'm not in it. Remember the movie rat race? Yeah, Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean is in it. Whoopie Goldberg. You look like whoopie Goldberg. I look like whoopie Goldberg, baby. Hey, baby. No, I, there's a guy named Vince. His actor's name is Vince. And he, uh, uh, he gets a tongue piercing in it. And I look a lot like him. And but people are consistent. People are insistent that I was in rat race. And I wasn't. Do you want to take another hit? Sure. Yeah, I would love to. I'm going to get a, um, a, uh, uh, plate ash tray. Oh, nice. How are you on time? I normally go, I normally go two hours. I was going to say, is 230 good. Yeah, I mean, I got to get to the dentist by then. Perfect. There we go. Yeah. Thank you for not doing a Chinese accent. Or why didn't you do a Chinese accent? When? 230. That's like the joke. I never thought it was it. Oh, when I was growing up, that was literally. What is it? Chinese dentist's favorite time of the day. Oh, I always just thought that's, that's. That's like the best time of day and every time you get you go to the dentist don't you want to go again 30 minutes later? I Got a couple I Got a couple of jokes that like I do like Like the the the you say I rescue my dog I rescue my dog you rescue my dog and I'm like and it's like sometimes like you don't repeat jokes Because it's like no you did the right and there's some where it's like it I feel like I'm getting equity in it Yes, if I find a good one. I I ride that train. What was that? What the fuck was that? All right, I'm gonna go masturbate I'll be back in 20 minutes. Okay, we he is a gooner. He was like, I don't know what gooning is. What is it? Fuck this Isn't it funny when people get upset about stuff that is So ego-based not that like we don't or people human, but like Oh, I just wanted to light it from you from here, but isn't it fun like it's funny It's funny when I'm like you got a little dick. You like fuck this about it here. That's funny because that's a real person, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, isn't that interesting? Also, man Oh, please, thank you. Thank you for trying to keep a nice picture here Sometimes when you when you're editing your podcast when you're looking at it or sometimes are you like I hope someone murders me because I look like shit so bad right now about me. Yeah, no dog Thanks for asking There's times like my I'll look at my edit notes and I'll be like Don't use a shot my gun just hanging out. You can see the back of my muffin top there This is too many jokes about the Rizzler Yes, there are times where I look I've just done it enough. Yeah, there are times where I look you're getting better There are times that I look at stuff. I'm just like Fuck like I don't want this to be a good episode. Yeah, I look like shit It is what it is sometimes they will send me like they'll send me like four thumbnails And like which one do you want to use and I think at least try something like I need to do four guys You're over four are you okay if I use the ugliest photos of us for our No, I won't then because a lot of people listen to this. How about we do this put one up now and now because we get to it late It's it's it's I'm making we're making thumbnails Jonathan John Michael Also, by the way, if you're ever looking for an amazing editor and you need somebody else I don't want you taking this boy your way for me, but John Michael edits his podcast and he's absolutely brilliant I use Thelma Schunmaker you ever fucking heard of her. She didn't even think called Raging Bull So I'm sure your friends good, but I'll stick with that Raging Bull isn't that your new nickname after you get caught master rating to all of these cut that fucking cut that Cut it. No way dude. I'm not signing. No way dude. I'm not signing dude. I'm not fucking signing Now you gotta get get get me in the studio season two or get Fox season two So we have to go to Apple and ask them for money to reshoots just to put you in a scene. You said I have good will Yeah, you've got your you I said you are good. Will you set the apple you like them apples TV Buddy listen, this is why you need me in your shows. I know. This is where I this is my magic to man You know, well then fucking put me in a piano player An amazing one, but I'm a good writer. We do have a scene that we do need to maybe reshoot about a piano player We have a big dick. I mean, Subtex is everything. Can we write it in or make that his name the big dick big dick guy It's like the guy from eyes wide shut instead of big Nick. It's or Nick night and gale. It's dick neck and gale Remember eyes wide shut Too young too young Remember him the piano player Of course you know who he is that's Todd Field who directed book unites You know, Tari's the only word that rots Brad spells backwards Brad yeah, I didn't know that. Do you say rot right? I said rot like the way like a hot girl say rat. Yeah, right Safe page. Oh, crossers are right over there. Hey, good Tefinet Will you put me in something and where where it could literally be background. I started doing background I love doing background. I've done backgrounds in lots of things. Yeah, but your your respect. I have True love and respect for background. I think it would be distracting people would be like why is reclassmen? It can be very little I'm not that famous. Thank you. That's very sweet. Put me back background. Then give me one lines. Here's what here's what I want I want you to put me in something where it doesn't matter what it is So you give me any name in the credits and I want you to give me guy with huge dick play by Rick Glassman And I want to do that in lots of things I think it's very fun. I just thought I am db. It's just all got huge dick or some version of huge dick guy, you know, like police to police detective with huge dick Come on, dude. Please help me do this. I mean, or I mean, I think legally I have to be in something for you to put it in the credits. Otherwise, I could just ask you to put it in the credits But no, you have to be in it where you union first let get me in there pay me scale and I'll give it back Okay, but then you got to give it back again. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Man, that's so that's a funny idea I think that's pretty good. We remind mark this remind me just ask Constantly build up your resume. So it's just and then the good thing is too It's not like you're gonna go and spend like six months doing a movie. You're gonna spend like six hours Just hanging out with buddies with just yeah, just being like, I'll think I'm gonna be over here. But I'll always be doing this. I'll always be just like walking around All right I love background. Good background makes a scene so much better GB M.A.S. GB M.A.S. S SPG You're gonna love my SPG. You're not gonna love my S.B.D. Small boat. It's coming your way silent, but fucking dead. All right. That's over. That's what I should have known. That's what S.B.D. means You know, are you promoting anything right now? No, but you're podcasting. I'm going to call the goddamn it funny. You ask Oh, I was I said funny. You should ask Ten is not that uh, yeah, no that that's the only thing kind of right now. I'm doing then do you get stoned on it? I'm always operating on a little bit of vibration Yes, the answer is fucking yes. I'm always I'm always you high every day. Yeah More or less smoke we use that for booking Sunday. That's for the church Good iOS every Sunday. Yeah, I think here's why weed is good for me is it allows me to in a healthy way kind of like compartmentalize So I'm like each of those syllables compartmentalize that word and that's it Now it just makes it easier to do what we do and not get bogged down thinking about like the world Problems and the darkness and stuff it allows you to kind of Be funny have fun What do you do it? Sick too big Man, what a fucking treat Truly truly yeah, yeah Do you ever um play with friends like you did before you had a family? Not a whole lot um every once in a while though like I'll you know Do like a boy's name, you know we'll get some cigars We go to cheetahs by the airport. No, what do you do for a guy? I go to dinner. Just go to like an early dinner. That's pretty much it like I have a smokehouse I like the smokehouse smokehouse is more like if you're shooting you know over there on the way home stop there There's just something so romantic about that place But I think it's also because it was across the shape from where my first job was and in a later standard show is one of my favorite shows But like I love I love if I'm thinking like you want to go somewhere if it's if it's around that like That's my do you know there's a secret Path under the warrant you can get from the Warner's lot to the smokehouse in a golf cart without crossing borrow You know how I know that? Oh Chinatown Your episode of yes, I saw that yes, and I'm like oh that's so and I'm like It's like a little It's it's like a little street substrate that runs alongside the LA river and yeah, you have to go under like a little tunnel But you end up on the back side of yeah, I thought that was so cool. I've never seen that it's like Jack Warner developed It's like bring his mistresses there on Like he's the man. He's the man. He's a great. He's my favorite of the who's your favorite Warner brothers? Brugs bugs. I like bugs. I like Taz is the man Taz Taz I'll tell you the one thing about taz that is a rude dude with the bad two I think taz was autistic Is And he's misunderstood Yeah, yeah, I could so I can see that. Wily Coyote feels careful I think Bugs is autistic as well. They all are. All the characters. No, he's not autistic Daddy does not autistic. No Porky pig you're gonna tell me he's not autistic Why fucking kidding me? Why do you think porky pigs autistic? I was just checking my checking my phone to see if anyone sent me tits. Oh no Oh no, they did. Porky pig did. Have you seen Porky pig's tits? - Well, I mean, have you been my ex-wife? - This guy, Porky Piggy's got eight perfect fucking tits. - Tits, tits, tits, tits, tits. - Boobs. - Boobs. - What's up, I'm Barsky. Let me see them. - Boobs. - Boobs. - Boobs. - No, I don't know if any of which cartoon characters are artistic. Porky is just. - Houston City. - Based on the outfit a little bit too much. - I think Bugs is artistic. - Tell me why. - He uses sarcasm for him and he understands it. But he doesn't take things. He takes everything literally. So when they told him which way to go in New Mexico, he realized he should have made a left at Albuquerque, but they just said turn. So that's why I think Bugs is the smartest of the tunes. - But yet he doesn't respect just a humble opera conductor who's just trying to do a great performance and Bugs can't stop from making his little dickie go up a lot. It's not cool, actually. It's actually not okay. - You got that operatic sound, like Bugs Bunny with the glove, raising it around and holding it up, assured on ties. The guy's breath turns wide in his face red and hides it, puts it up like a jackal lantern. You jack, I'm jack. Three jacks. No jacks. None. - I don't think it's about not respecting him. I think it's about not intuitively finding the same things to be a priority that it is for other people. I think you're proving your point. Hey, it was really great when you had Dylan and the other guy on here. That was really, really wonderful. I was, I loved watching them on here, very funny and heartwarming. - We love Logan and Dylan, but there's something that happened with Logan that Dylan, I knew, I saw more of who Dylan was, I felt like on the show, and I loved him. Logan, I felt like I didn't see that side of Logan from the show, and so I saw like another side of him. And I just like, I think about how sweetie is often, like sometimes people will say something, and like I hear the voice of like, that's okay, you know what I mean? - Beautiful. - You know, I had such a performance, I wanted to do it, I felt like I shouldn't, I had such a performance of which one of, like somebody who I'm trying to hook up with, and I feel like I shouldn't, because if anybody takes it seriously, - You're going to hurt feelings. - Yeah, or maybe I'll put myself out there in a vulnerable position and they'll make fun of me for wanting to. - You know why I like you? Because you have correctly identified at least a girl who is the funniest person. I didn't even know you know her, do you, how do you know her? - I met her through my brother, John, - Could you do this a little more emotional? Because I couldn't be emotional, I wanted to see you do it. - At least a girl who I, I met her initially through my brother, John, and she came on a history of the world, part two, and she did a little part, gained DeVito's daughter. So, she's so funny. And then she ended up working with my dad, not, uh, jury duty. And was he the accountant? - He played a jury duty? - He played the, uh, judge, and, can we cut this please? - Sure. - And I've, since then, sorry, I've fully, um, I've worked with Lisa on running point, and we did a little podcasting together, and, um, I like her. - Yeah, me too. When I first met you, I have a little bit of a sensitivity to seeing in movies and television when the character is supposed to be bad at acting, how bad they go. - Yeah. - And they don't get it right. It's tough. It's a tough thing to do. It's like playing drunk. It's very drunk. It's way harder. But be a bad actor, all you have to do is do what you're supposed to do, don't be really, like, just, you know, without being fully present in it. It's just like, do like, hey, pull over. You've been going way too fast. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You know, like, that's a bad, for a cop. - I don't know. - Pull over. It's a cardigan. - Oh, you have your headphones on. I'm sorry. - I didn't hear anything. I have not heard a word. He said the last 90 minutes. - I'm listening to Smooth Jad, I'm listening to the best of Al Jero over here. - Country road. And now, John Country Road by Al Jero. Al Jero. - You know Al Jero? Al Jero. Al Jero. - I can't move in my mind in my soul. I can't find. - That's on. Al Jero. - No. Al Jero. Al Jero's big hit was, he'd be saying, oh, we are the world. - Great cast. - Yeah. - Still, I still think it sucks that Princeton do it. - Yeah. Did you watch the documentary about it? It was a very-- - Or the co-producer on that. - It was. - Were you seriously? - Yeah. - No. For real? - My grandfather, Ray Charles, was Sid Feller's producer and arranger. Excuse me. Sid Feller is my grandfather. He was the producer and arranger of Ray Charles and worked closely with Quincy. So. - I don't know if he's telling the truth, but I think he is. Al Jero. Oh, was it Deon Warwick there? I don't remember. - Yeah, Deon Warwick was there. - So she's so funny. - Yeah, no. She's super funny. I remember in that fucking doc, though, like, I think it was Wayland Jennings, like at one point, something the name of a fat person. - Wayland Jennings. Guy Wayland. - Heavy men porkers. He's a great, outlawed country guy. And at one point, Michael Jackson was like, is that we need to incorporate some African music and they all start kind of chanting, you know? And Wayland Jennings walked in and saw him all chanting and goes, "Yeah, this shouldn't for me." And I don't think I'm like a racist way, but just in a racial way. - A racial way. Exactly. - Yeah, that's like, I didn't wash my hands, but I wet them. - Yeah. - Exactly. - Yes, yes. - Algebra. - Algebra. - Hey, did you see the bloopers, the Odyssey bloopers? Have you seen them? - I have not seen the bloopers. I want to see the movie first, so I'm now that I've seen the film. - You know, Dave Stasson and I play ball together sometimes. - Oh, and he says you can hoop. - Well, he met me when I was a little injured, so that's nice that he says that. - Scuses, excuses. - Scuses for hooping? - Yeah. - Well, I'm not right anymore. - That's an important. - He says you're good. You're a good ball player. You've told me, you played high school, you played college, you played Penn State. - I played at Penn State enough for the team. - Whoa. - Just kind of on your own. - A right league champion. - Oh, whoa. - Including being the football team. - Wow. - That's pretty good. - At basketball. - Yeah, but they're athletic. - Right. - Did you guys play them in football? - Let's just say the football team is mostly, how do I say this? - Like, that would make sense. That would make sense. Okay, that's pretty cool. - Yeah. - Gaming's a good player too, but I keep telling him that you got to stop fucking playing. It's like stupid. Like, it's like once you get to a certain age, like every time you play basketball, you're just like invading like, sitting in like a doctor's office and he's like, so this is going to be your best friend in the next three months. It's a little scooter that makes you look like you're about to take it up the ass everywhere you go. - Jesus Christ. - You say, "Hi, what's up, Doc?" - Of course, of course, you know, you know, I just turned 30. I don't know when this comes out, but last week, I'm feeling this. - Happy birthday. - Happy birthday, by the way. - Sing it to me. - Fucking naked. - Don't have the right. - I made a coup stick. - Oh. - Isn't there one like, like a, some restaurants adopted some art. - Happy birthday. Isn't it that one? - Yeah, but that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a very, that's a, that's a, that's a, I was going to say an athletic person song. But yes. - Okay, it's, it's, uh, uh, - Happy birthday is actually out of the public domain. It's back in the public domain now. - Well, you know what? Cut to a Mickey Mouse singing Happy Birthday while you sucking my big black dick. - Hey. - What? - I don't know, dude, I'm edgy. I'm pushing it. That's why I win awards. - This is- - Two webbies, five signal awards. - This podcast is a lot edgier than I thought it was going to be. - Yeah, you ain't podcasting with Goron, even us a bitch. - Fuck you. - Sorry, man. insane. It's all love. Well, I mean, that doesn't really. That makes me think you almost don't know. What do you think, man? Will you suck my dick and I'll suck your dick? Yeah. Would you? Would you? That's why I fucking came here. Would I do it? Let me ask you a scenario scenario. Alright. Who name a director that's still living and working and two actors actors and actors of any sex, especially the oral that you've always wanted to work with, even if you already have worked with them before. Okay. Okay. So this is a director and actor and actress. Yes. No, two should be two actors. I call actresses actors because I'm not a fucking borky fucking woke, baby. Yeah. Um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, brain diploma. I love Brian Paul. It's let's say, let's say, uh, who's the guy from Sweden who are the dilemmas? Uh, yeah. Great. Yorgos. Yorgos, Lantamos. Yeah. He's great. I love that guy. Yeah. Little fish angle pervert. Love him. Love his shit. Alright. And then I'm assuming Dom Cheedle and who? Don Cheedle and, um, let's, let's go ahead and say, Megan Markle's on the table. Judy Dench. Okay. Judy Dench. Don, you said Dom Cheedle, by the way. Yeah. I don't know if you know who he is. The guy with the fear of school. But he said, I like Don Cheedle. Not as athletic. He should change his name. I would say, uh, yeah. Yorgos athletic. I heard you to eye. So it's Yorgos Don Cheedle and Dame. Yeah. That's it. Okay. Here's the movie. Give me the movie. James Doodied and she's your daughter. Okay. No, no, she's your mom. Okay. And, uh, it's a, it's, it's you were told that the tone of the movie was different because as you read it, you realized this is actually really funny. The way that sopranos is a comedy. Sure. Okay. Yeah. Um, it's like a special movie, but it's, it's an art movie. It's fisheye pervert. Sure. Great. Yeah. It's your, it's your ghost. Judy. It's fucking your ghost. Get the fuck out of here. Okay. So there is a, it's, it's, it, it, it's about shame. Okay. And why things are done and why they aren't and how much we become who we are by what we're avoiding. Sounds good. Which is the opposite. Like we think we're avoiding something to be, to, to not be or to be something different. But the fact that our fears are driving us, is what's actually ruining us. There's a scene where you suck the channels characters dick. Okay. Um, they show it. They show it. Now, obviously real quick, obviously, it's, you know, like a fake penis. No. It's a real penis. They wouldn't, I don't know if they would like bond you for that. No, it's, it's a, it's a thing. It was done. It's done in the over seas. It's done. You know, there's a movie. It's done in international waters. It's done. Okay. Okay. So I actually have to put Don Cheetles penis in my mouth. The movie, the, the money isn't fantastic. You'll be walking away with 200 K after everything gross. It's paying you 650. Is this a lead role? It's, it's, it's, it's, it's third billing. It's third billing. Is it a true two-hander? And I'm like in a couple scenes or is it like, it's the three of us and they're just bigger stars. It's Judy's movie and you're in it almost as much as Don's character. You, it follows you and it follows him. It's just he has a relationship with Judy and you don't. Is it meaty? The role? Yes. Here's what I'm getting at. This is, this is hypothetically, hypothetical, hypothetically. This actually does like, this is received very well and it changes. No, no, no, the, the, the movies movie very well. It's like a festival hit. It's not that you're not grateful where you are. No, no, no, it changes at two level to where like, you could be doing like, if you suck it on the rack. Yeah. Um, okay, okay. There's a lot to unpack here. It's not as much as you think. I, well, I had to really talk the size of his dick. I would, I would hope for my sake that he has a very small dick. Um, writer, Ike Baronholz wishes that Don Cheetle has a little dick. Yes. Headline. Yes. Slow news day. Welcome to slow news day news. I, uh, 200 grand 600 before paying everybody. I don't, I don't, I don't like normally like do things for money. I think, like, you suck dick for money is what you're getting at. That's what I was asking. I do love your ghosts. I do love his movies. Treaty adventure. I've always wanted to work with him. Don Cheetle. It seems like a great guy. Three million. Okay. Do I have two weeks in, oh, oh, oh, oh, it says weeks. It's not a lot of time. I like that. Uh, it's, it's also, uh, they are flying your family out and everything is a first class. I would not want my family to be there for this. Wait. Hey, God, they can come to set. Don't say, come. Wait, uh, do you, do you, do you give me a little context on this? I'm really going to swipe back to right before he said a little context for the ghost. Do you just swipe to it? Do you do? Hold on. Let me give me a little context on the scene. Is it one of these things where it's like, I fucking love you, Mom. Don't you get that look? No, no, it's arts here. I don't have the skills to write it. Don't you love a scene? Yes. But it's not about love. It's not about loving him. It's about loving yourself and accepting that you're willing to do things despite the fact that you'll be ashamed to question why is it that I'm judging this in the first place? Why is there shame behind doing something like that? You're telling a story. Sure, sure. I see you play a producer. Yeah. You're not really a producer in your life. Otherwise, you'd put me in one of your things and say them with a big dick and everything. Anyway, go ahead. Guys, that's a picture wrap on Rick Glossman is big dick Ed, but you don't even have to say that you don't have to tell anybody. You could just. No, we have to because people otherwise gonna be like, why is Rick Glossman here? But he's not saying any lines because I'm doing something. Hey, guys, please, just keep it moving. Whatever. And then it's just, you know, big dick, traffic. Big dick usher. I like to call them usher athletic usher. Boom. Hey, okay. Okay, athletic usher. Last question about this scene. Are he is he finishing in my mouth? It's not obviously it's not towards completion, because this would be a rated NC 17. He's not finishing in your mouth. But he's not finishing in my mouth. Is this guy gonna fucking help me out and suck me off a little too? Or is this all just me fucking being the fucking catamite? No, I know what catamite means for the people at home. They don't know what catamite. I think it's either I think if you're the catamite, you're the one who's sucking. Sautamite is the one who's getting sucked. I just thought it was a strong feline catamite. It's a catamite catamite catamite. I would say I don't know what catamite is. Yes. Similar way, guys, I'm talking about the beginning. It's a noun that means a boy or a young man who's in a sexual relationship with an older man. I'm younger than done. Catamite. He's got me by a couple years. And me, you know, I'm 56 years old. Damn. I'm sorry. Damn. Sorry. I thought about it. I've talked about it with Jen, my manager, an agent, and I've prayed on it. Talked to my family. Talked to my pastor. Talked to my rabbi and my e-mom. Your e-mom? All my bases. What's an e-mom? An e-mom is like a Muslim rabbi. I honestly thought you were like an orphan who was starting a relationship with a parent online. Like an e-mom? Like an e-bike? Also, I have another play on Wordsjoke. Let me hear it. Do you know how you say, how do you say the end? You could say end. Fiend or fiend? Fiend or fiend? There we go. Do you put me in something as a guy with a big dick? Listen, guys, you don't wriggle out. He's very famous. He's fucking hilarious. He's gonna, he's got one line. He's got a little bit of more play. You could turn it into more and more. Just got to talk to wardrobe and just make sure that at some point, the camera dips down and we just see like a large bulge in his face. You don't have to see that there doesn't have to be context. I think if someone sees there's no context and you play it completely straight and then someone was like, was Rick fucking glassman in that and they, I maybe it just says usher with big dick. But then they're going to say, oh, there was a scene that was cut out. We're like his pants. Hey, man, or something. Hey, oh, oops. People are talking about it. Now I'm going to fill up my water. He go flip your water. Um, fill up your water, which is, it's taking me longer than necessary because for the longest time, you've actually fully been filling my cup, filling my cup, filling my cup. Your cup is runeth over. Here's my impression of a guy who's very strong cat. Catamite, um, was, uh, uh, killed by, uh, - Large cup on wheels. - See? - I can't, I'm fine, it's cup with runnethover. - Ah. - I don't know, something there. - Something there, you know? - My cup, this was my cat, my name, cup. He's been runnethover. - So, oh, right, you're gonna stop enjoying it. - Oh, yes, my little giant. Have you watched those videos on TikTok of like guys that are like, I'm gonna take 500 milligrams and I'm gonna go for a 10 mile jog. It's like, holy shit, man. What are we doing? That does not seem fun. Oh, those are good. What are those blueberry yogurt bars? - Ben Lewin. - Yeah, baby. - Austin Power. - Nobody knows me, it's not for everyone. I know that. And I don't think it should be because if it's not, it's not. People have different reactions to it. - Oh, for sure. I'm like, I don't like drinking. I can't really drink coffee. I'm a magic mind guy now. I'm so glad I could do weed. Because what it does, this tastes good without weed. - Yes, yes. It's also just like, yeah, I enjoy doing joy drinking but you just can't do it a lot. Especially you get older, it's fucking poison. But I love it. Are you like sober or are you just the effects of alcohol or just. - I don't feel I'm in control. - You're wanna be in control. - Yeah, I mean, of my facilities. - Yeah. - I mean, I definitely eat more when I'm stone and I get sillier. - Right, but it's. - But like, I could still like, oh, okay. - Yeah, I got you. - Like, if you need something for me, I can accomplish it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that. Yeah, when you're really drunk too, like, because you get older, like. You'll have like a couple drinks, you feel great, then you'll have like a third one. You're like, I feel like shit. I need to like, go to bed right now. And then you wake up and the hangover's as you get older or like. - Yeah, but what are the movies? - What's up? - Well, the only focus. - Is he in focus? - I never saw a hangover three. - It's the best one. They're a little asphalt on the ground 'cause you figure that out. Also, I'm a little bit more lenient at the moment as being stone, but can I please ask you to obnoxiously keep it over the plate? - I'm long gonna take one more hit. - Over the plate, over the plate, over the plate, over the plate. - Holy shit, man. Free plug to Van Lewin. - It was a sponsor. Van Lewin, you're leaving money on the table. Get over here. - Scorpion, marketing agency. - That's where you're with? - 'Cause it's time that you get over here. - Get over here. - Hey, since I'm wearing this. - Finish him. - And I can't talk much. That's Judy Dentch's line to you. - Oh, real quick. Will you finish talking about that? - I thought about it a lot. Ultimately, I'm not going to. I'm gonna have to pass in the film. - Would it make it easier if Don also wanted to pass? So he had to stand and do his part, but we needed you to act. Would you rather suck? - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's nothing to do with that. If I was gonna do it, I would want it to be done. I would wanna make it real and authentic and everything. But I know, it's so good. You can't talk, I know. Fuckin' finally. But I just, it's not about who it is. I just would feel like. - Real quick, so I was talking. I don't know what you could use. Just look to the camera and say what you said again, just assuming that you were to do it. You don't have to even mention you'd rather do him than the stand-in or the body double. Just, you could say, hi, I'm Mike Barron Holtz and I would actually, we know you don't want to. But if you did, all the, those are the kinds of pros. Say what you would like to do with Don Cheet Olympus. You get it. - Yeah, but I'm not not, though. - That's my question. - I know, I'm saying, just as a pick up, 'cause I was talking and I spilt this and we couldn't use this, I bent up too much. - Right, but this is a new thing. - We're putting this in. We're gonna put this back in there to fix it. So, because I don't want my true self. - Oh, you know what I'm saying, we're putting this in. - We're putting it back in. So just look to the camera, you know what to say. - Yeah, but I don't know what world. - Josh, I'll set it to you for approval. You'll get it. - Just in that world, you get it. - Okay, okay, let's camera. - I guess in this hypothetical world, if I was going to do it, which I'm not. - Right, starting now. (laughing) - I'd suck Don Cheetle's dick. - So you want to. - That's not good enough. - You want to. - So you want to describe it. Sorry, maybe trying to make a nice picture here. - No, it's just so you don't touch it. Really, I don't like outdoor clothes and my indoor stuff. - I will say, got out of the shower, washed everything, got in my asshole, fucking balls, put these clean jeans on. - Those are the first time there's jeans have been worn since they've been washed, bullshit. - I swear to fucking God. I swear to fucking God, Rick. No, I, these are clean. Everything's clean. Your car seat is dirty because you've sat in that after you've been on the seat. - Yeah, well, too bad for you that fucking last Friday at the studio, they had the car wash guys there, and I got a fucking wash and didn't drive all weekend. So. - How'd you get the car home? - It's clean. - Driving on. - I did your fucking fire. (laughing) - The worst character real. - You know what's fun and funny. Actually, I got in my car today, and someone had like broken in my car last night. And like, you know the thing with it is, if you accidentally redore open, they just go through it, and they just like open your shit. And there's nothing in there. So technically, this is actually very dirty, 'cause there was a little tiny trail of diarrhea that whoever broke in left, and I sat in it quickly, and I forgot to wipe it down before I got it dear. So you're gonna wanna throw this blanket out. It might've seeped through, and-- - I'm washing it. - As when you leave. We got diarrhea all over it earlier. - Well, it's there now, baby. - We got you in the comedy. Look, what is it? What are you-- - I don't consider what I do comedy. - That makes three of us. - Fuck. - It's just a pussy, mouth, and an asshole. - Seriously, for real, this has been fun. Edit that out. I don't like walking into jokes like that. - Okay. - Okay. - That's not what I fucking came here for. Okay, you're not gonna make me look stupid, setting you up for a joke that zings me, and zings my career. - To my family? (laughs) - Big fun of my name. - You joking, right? Do you want me to take that out? - Yeah, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, no. Nothing I say is serious. Except for the fact that, probably-- - I can hear a little bit of that. - I wanna suck on Joel's dick. I really wanna do it. Honestly-- - We got it. We got it. - Thanks guys. - Thanks guys. (laughs) - Probably SNL, man. Probably watching like SNL when I was a little kid, you know? Like Bill Murray, seeing Bill Murray on SNL. Eddie Murphy, those guys. Ever heard of him? - Yeah, one of them's some scrooge, then the other one's a bow finger. - Yeah. - I've got his bow finger. It's perfect movie. Frankaz. Frankaz. I gotta go you guys. I gotta 2.30 in Burbank. No, I don't. I have to leave at 2.30. - Is that a timer for 45 minutes? - 2.35. - For 15 minutes. - Oh, yeah. (laughs) - Who's cool? Who's you? Who you gonna have in your podcast next? - You don't keep this in. - Just Dave Franco tomorrow, I don't know. - When I tell you, when you ask me, do I have like friends that I play with? Every six weeks I go to gender with Dave Franco and another friend of mine. - Well, it looks like you're gonna have to come over tomorrow and hide on the balcony for most of the episode. - Why? - Trust me, I have a device. He's my guy. He's what we call in the business, my guy. - So I'm gonna pretend that I have a segment that I open every podcast with and I say, "Hey, I have a friend of yours." Gives asks you a question and answer on camera and then gives you a little bit of advice for how to handle the podcast once you're on it. Does that make sense? - Yeah, yeah. - And then I'll show it to him. - Got it. Is it my camera? - Oh, you're sick. - Yeah, but I'll show you. - And then real quick, what would, give me a quick example of it? - Hi, I'm Mike Baronholz and I really love to suck down Cheatle's dick. I don't know, are you being serious? - Oh, yeah. - Something like a question that you have for him that you think would be, that you're curious about because if you're curious, that's right, we're curious. It could be anything. It's something for him to answer. - Pollard does this on her podcast. - This exact thing? - Well, she has people, friends, phone in. - Yeah. - This is different than, and then I want you to say, "Hey, so just so you know, I just finished the podcast." - I'm feeling great. - After having done, now that I've done it, here's a little advice I would give you. And by the way, you can make it sincere. You can make it like at my expense, got it. Also, do it in Mandarin. - Go. - Can you just put the Mandarin AI filter on and then that way? - There's a picture of somebody who did with her. - We've done this before on the John Magnello episode. - I put a blanket around her and put the Mandalorian helmet on my head. - Yeah, it says she does with her. - She's superimposed me, yeah. - I'm being serious, but that's the perfect name for it, you know? - You're being Yoda. - This is my camera. - This is my camera. Dave Franco, my man, my main guy, just finished doing a podcast with Rick. - Also say that I wanna somehow get in there that you wanna blow down Cheatle. It'll help, they won't know 'cause I haven't seen it yet, so it'll be just be weird. It would be weird if I said that now. It would be weird. Dave, I had a great time. time doing the show, I was real nervous. I didn't want to do it. And my PR team really kind of were like, this is a big one. This is one of the, this is one of the big 14. You got to fucking do it. And you know, this is nice. And I was like, fuck, no, I'm not doing this shit. And I'm assuming on your balls. My cable. Can't find them. Come on, dude. Say I want to suck. Cheetos dick and ask him a question. Dave, I had such a great time doing this. You're going to love it as much as I would. You're being sincere. You're being sincere, dude. That makes me feel uncomfortable. I thought you were zooming in on my fucking balls. You're like, Hey man, you're going to have a great, the food's great. You know, it's like, what are you doing? You're going to watch Ricky to popsicle. You're going to offer you one halfway through. Holy fucking shit. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Are you going to do a bunch of like, like podcasts and shit when you're in? Are you talking to me? Are you going to do like a bunch of podcasts when you go to London? I'm going to do a few in London. What are you doing? Anything cool? I mean, I don't even know your fucking schedule. You just knew off the top of your head. I have a few up in the air. I don't know exactly. Oh, Prince William, I think that's the guy that's that knows. What's your name from suits? Yes. Margot Robbie. She got cut from it. Margot Robbie got cut out of suits. And now she's married to the king. No, you're thinking of Megan Markle. I know. You said Margot Robbie. I'm talking Margot Robbie was in the in suits, but her seeing I cut out. No, are you fucking serious? No, you fucking coward. No, I stopped you from sending Franco a message because you were being too serious. Listen, I'm not going to, I'm not going to shy away from how much I enjoy myself here today. Hey, man, question for you. Do you have any kind of relationship with Shyla Buff? Can you get him to do ads with me? So one thing I want to talk about for 1,800 contacts. Wait, wait. That's kind of how he talks now a little bit. Like that's that feels bad. Is it really? Yeah, a little bit. I mean, he, I sound like George Lopez. Yeah. Yeah. Which means George crazy. What? No. What? How do you say? Locos. Locos. Or is that how it gets racist? It's the George Locos show. The only thing that's more local than him is that hairline. Who on George? Dude, I didn't see them in the last time I saw me have like a big, perfect Corona. Yeah, it's gorgeous. He's, he's aged very well. He looks very cool. I'll, I'll do that one day. Shyla, I don't know. I hope shy. I'm fucking figures out his shit because he's such a good actor. Dude, he's him and Jamie Foxx, the two most talented people in showbiz if you ask me and me. I put you up there. Jamie is ridiculous. Jamie's. Yeah, he is like otherworldly. I didn't show a Jamie, I didn't show a Jamie when we, when we wrapped RAP RW RAP. What we wrapped at rap. What was the, what was the, it was he played George Jefferson. All right. I played meathead RIP on the live in front of a studio audience, the Jefferson's and all in the family. And after we wrapped, he came up and was like, yo, man, what's great work with you? And he walks away and then his assistant comes up and goes, Jamie really enjoyed himself working with you and he just gives you like a box that has like five sunglasses in it. And he gave me like all the actors. Did you guys ever talk, did everyone talk to you about sunglasses? No, but I just, I think, I think he brought, yeah, it's a very, very baller move to have like, yeah, you guys are doing that, but you can't do a sunglasses. That's his thing. You got to do with something else. I'm a glass man. I just got away. You are the glass man. Thank you. I wanted you to do that. You do exactly what I wanted. We would be great with doing commercials, man. We would, man. We're going to start an improv team and do live spots together. Me, you would shy of the puff. What company would pay for that unholy alliance? Two guys that are just digging around in the third is just punching everyone. Come back. No, man. Shia isn't punching everyone. Shia punch people. Shia punch people. Yeah. Shia is a people puncher. I'm a people pleaser of where people pleaser is. He's a people puncher. I still think Will Smith is is one of the kings. I like Will has book back there. Oh, there it is. Yeah. You know what? I'm not here condoning slapping and punching people. No, no, no, unless they asked for it. Take it easy. I'm sorry. I said, I'm sorry. Wow. Oh, man. We did it. You know, air doctor. You should develop a show called air doctor. Yeah. I, um, I'm excited about if it goes through. We're bleeping the name again. Oh, my god, please, I thought I was so happy. You, you know, you know, it's tough with comedies because sometimes they sit around for a long time or sometimes they've been working on for I think 15 years, but they keep change updating. They just keep it going like it's a car that they're not driving, but they're just keeping maintenance. It's tough, I think, to have like scripts that make you truly L.O.L. Very funny. I would like to let us fucking do it. Let us make movies. Guys, come on. You know, it's so much fun. It's so nice to see like, then it doesn't have to all be the fucking Odyssey, which is amazing. But like, you know, I said, no spoilers. Have you seen the movie that invite? Have you seen that one? I, I hear it's awesome. And it's on my list to go see very soon. So fucking good. Yeah. Very, very good movie to bring a date perhaps. Oh, you know, you do, you do, you're an Amsterdam, red light district, go up to one of the windows to one of the ladies of any race. Sure. Sure. Yes. So is there a problem with what I'm doing? Is this bad when I'm doing? Say it's bad. It's bad. Sorry. They could be any race. Why? You say, I'm going to pay you whatever you want. And then you guys just go box of sunglasses. You give a box of sunglasses. That's what you're done. But you just go watch the invite. Yeah. You know, if you, I'm saying, if you can't find a date, but you should be able to. So the studio season two, well, and we're ending it, but I have to say because we didn't at all. And not that you need much promotion for right now. It's one more words almost than me. But seriously, is unreal. You know, you've heard it. You heard it. I feel like I'm putting it. So say, I'm not me. Shut up. I don't want to make you feel like you have to. It's so good. You guys are so good. You're so good. I really want to at least one time. We do, I'll do a few, you do a few commercials with me. I do a few commercials with you. Maybe we have a month where we're just doing each other's commercials and we either kick off the month or we end the month with me on it and or you back on this. We can make them. I want to do commercials with you. I want to do commercials. Here's my pitch to get you on the studio. We're making, they're making a movie in it. The content of the studio is making a movie. This could be for season three. And I'm just throwing this in. Well, look at this. It's how the television works. They, they, they are, they're making another oceans movie with Don. I know we're going and I'm so sorry for saying that. And a problem months of the movie shut down. The production has shut down and they don't know why. And Don Cheetle won't come out of this hotel suite. And the only thing that is going to get him to go to set to his character playing Don Cheetle. Yeah, whatever. Is, is if, if you have to be that you go to his hotel room and you have to stick and it would say it's like it's like a soda burger. It's like, I want this to be like a very graphic scene. Like he normally doesn't do that. But like this is his most, this is probably his most bold scene yet. And if, if, if, would you do that part? I'm going to say yes. And then if on the day, things change and they have to make them won't, they probably won't. It's pretty baked into the story. But you have to figure it out. Sometimes, sometimes the scene doesn't book end with a joint. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it does. This scene is, we know exactly how it's going to go. I'm just telling you, it's going to be fucking crazy. I have a plan words. Well, we say no. You said we know. Or, or, or Don Cheetle's we know we know. You're going to do it. This is the way we get you in the show. Get ready. Because the scene is fine. But my character guy's name, my character's name, he guy who sucks down Cheetle's dick, but also he has a big dick for real. You started laughing before it said it. To their sentences. That's really great, man. All right. Well, you have to get out of here. So we're going to end it. I'm going to take a Polaroid with you. So you stay right there. I don't fucking think so. And Amy Polaroid. I'm really feeling these plans. Come on. This is, this is. I'm a trivia guy now. But with puns, uh, make sure you check out Ike's podcast called first base. My name is Rick Glassman. We'll put the link in the description. - Yes. - And as I end every episode, I always say, I've used it, you do it. (laughs) - That's all, folks. - Who split from his Adriatic hometown of Split to join the pro tennis tour? - What is it? (laughs) - Yes, come on, dude, we have to do it this way. What is it? Come on, this is funnier. - It's tough one. Goran, even Esavitch, even Esavitch. - Yes. - Goran, even Esavitch. - Him too? - Yes, even Esavitch. - Yes. - Hold on. - What tennis player is in Mr. Deeds? (laughs) - It's like a stupid. - John McIroy. - Oh, John McIroy. - John McIroy. - So stupid. - John McIroy. - John McIroy. - And Mr. Deeds, he had John McIroy. - John McIroy. - Do it again. (laughs) - And Mr. Deeds, he had a tennis player, John McIroy. - John McIroy. (laughs) - John McIroy. - I know what I said. - I thought you said MacAroy. - Maybe you didn't. MacInroy. What's his first name? (laughs) - What is it? - John McIroy. - John McIroy. - Got it. Got it. Shut up. 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