If You Still Feel This... You Haven't Actually Forgiven Them (EP 191)

Be honest. There's people that you say that you've forgiven in your life, but then you freak out a little bit when their name gets brought up. You know, you say you forgive someone, and then you see them in school, and then all of a sudden that bitterness or that grudge comes back. You know, you say you forgave that relationship that failed, but every time you see a post with their new boyfriend or girlfriend, that bitterness and that rage begins to feel your heart forgiveness can be a subject that can be deeply hard to conquer, that can be deeply hard to do. And we oftentimes view forgiveness in a bad light. We think that forgiveness is a one-time act. And we kind of view repentance the same way. You know, we think repentance is a one-time act. No, no, no, no. Forgiveness and repentance are similar in the sense that it's not just a one-time thing. It's a daily practice. Welcome back to the Bryce Crawford Podcast today's episode. We are talking about forgiveness. We will be in Matthew chapter 18, 1 Samuel 24 and a little bit of Matthew chapter 6 today. But first, we need to define exactly what forgiveness is. We hear the word forgive, this untangible feeling and emotion that we so quite often talk about in Christianity, but we don't really understand fully, I believe, what forgiveness is. What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is canceling the debt that someone owes you. And that's why we get a little sensitive when we talk about forgiveness because we say, oh, I forgive this person, but then you see them and you are reminded by the way that they hurt you, by the way that they backstabbed you, by the way that they did this thing. And really, you haven't forgiven them. You've shoved your feelings underneath the rug. And that's exactly what Jesus does on the cross. And we'll get to that a little bit later. But forgiveness is understanding that the payment that someone owes you, you say, no, I got it. We don't return evil for evil. That's the whole purpose of Matthew chapter 6. It's Matthew chapter 6 literally talks about, hey, if someone hits you on the right cheek, give them the other one. And if someone takes your tunic, you give them the other tunic because you don't return evil for evil. You see karma is not a law of human nature within the kingdom of heaven. Forgiveness is the law of human nature. You know, forgiveness is so radical because it doesn't make sense. What do you mean? I don't return back to them what they did to me. What do you mean? I don't hit them harder than they hit me first. What do you mean that I don't hold it against them until they bend? You know, why? Because we like to say that we're free. Oh, I live in freedom, but you live in unforgiveness. Freedom is a Christian and unforgiveness can't coexist because forgiveness, not only frees the person that has done you wrong, but it frees you as the human being. And that's what we see in Matthew chapter 18, right off the bat. You know, Peter asked Jesus in Matthew chapter 18. He says, and Peter came up to him and said, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me? And I forgive him as many as seven times. And we have to understand a Jewish tradition that seven was the number of completions. So you forgave someone seven times that was the normal completion. And after that, technically you didn't have to forgive them. And Jesus' response is interesting. He says, I don't say to you seven times. I say 77 times, or some translations say 70 times seven. 70 times seven does not mean you forgive the person 490 times. And then on the 490 first time, not or not, no more forgiveness for you. That's not what he means. Jesus is saying infinity times infinity. You never stop forgiving people. Why? Because we're broken. We're broken human beings with flaws. We're desperate human beings that need help. And so when Jesus is answering, Peter's question, he's also talking to us like that time that you feel like you've forgiven that person three times in your heart and then they do it again. It's like, oh snap, that's when you're gonna revoke it. You know, the interesting thing about forgiveness and grace and all these things that we don't deserve that are gifts to us is like we want forgiveness and grace for ourselves when we do something wrong. But we're not willing to dish out that same amount of forgiveness and grace that we want for ourselves for other people when they do us wrong. It's like why is it that we're more tolerant of our own mistakes than other peoples? Why is it that we're more tolerant of our own forgiveness than other peoples forgiveness? Why is it that when it comes to canceling the debt that we owe somebody or we owe God, we're all for it? But then when it comes to like other people being forgiven in our life, it's almost like we don't want to offer them forgiveness because it's like we want to have a one-up on them or we want to have something to kind of hit them hard or a little edge to it. It's like we have something to get them back on or it's like, oh, well, they'll scratch my back in the future if I hold this against them, no, no, no, no. That's not kingdom, that's not kingdom. It doesn't matter how many times or how often they do it or whatever it may be, you cancel the debt. Now that doesn't mean that you don't have a level of trust. Jesus loved everyone equally but had levels of trust. He had the 72, then he had the 12, then he had Peter, James and John and then he had John, right? So he had different levels of trust, but he loved everyone equally. The gift is on the table for everyone. The forgiveness is on the table for your best for into 20 years and for the bully that you only talk to when he has something nasty to say about you. Forgiveness is on the table for them all. Now, you know, like we look in scripture and we're like, oh, you know, where is forgiveness? This is that my favorite story of forgiveness actually comes from 1 Samuel 24. Now what's happening is you have, I don't know if you guys have ever heard of King David but essentially King David chosen by God through the prophet Samuel to slay Goliath. Kills Goliath like a stray gangster. Kills Goliath and then Saul's praising, it's like, oh, you're the dude, like you're the bro. You're amazing, you did a great job. And so now Saul then becomes a little jealous. Saul's getting a little jelly of David. And so Saul, like King's do, he's like, I'm just gonna kill this guy. He's like, I'm gonna kill him. I'm so jealous of David. His attention, his aura, whatever he's got. He's like, I am so jealous of David. I'm gonna kill him because I want what he's got. And it was so crazy, and the scriptures talk about how God removed his spirit from Saul many times because he didn't listen. But think about the bitterness and the unforgiveness and the strife and the anger that Saul has in his heart. Think about all the opportunities and all the time that Saul had to dwell on the grace and the mercy of God but wasn't willing to give it to David for something that David didn't even do. I mean, you're talking about Saul who's a king who was chosen by God who had the Lord behind Saul originally, right? He would think, oh, well, someone that God has got his hand on, well, obviously want someone else to succeed him that has his hand on David and then it's like, but no, God has his hand on David now and Saul is jealous. You know, we always like to think that unforgiveness is an issue of someone doing us wrong rather than unforgiveness can be self-inflicted bitterness and jealousy. This is a good indicator right now to maybe review your heart, do a diagnosis to search my heart some 139. And go, man, God, do I have unforgiveness in my heart because I'm hurt by this person, do I have unforgiveness in my heart because I'm jealous of this person or do I have unforgiveness in my heart because I'm coveting. You know, covetness and jealousy is such a tool used by the devil for unforgiveness because we want things that God trusts other people with than he trusts us with. You know, for example, like money, that's why it's so interesting. It's because money isn't inherently bad. It's the love of money. And like sometimes people get jealous of people's different financial status when it's like you're jealous of a dollar amount and one dude's bank account when God can't even trust you with 10 bucks. And so jealousy and covetness, the devil will use to get in there. He doesn't need a wide open door. Just he's a crack. And then he gets in there. And so Saul is hunting David, hunting David down, chasing him, hunting him, trying to kill him. And in first, Samuel 24, in the passage of first Samuel 24, David actually finds Saul sleeping in a cave, getting some rest in his long journey of trying to hunt David down and kill him and think about it. After all this unjust wrongdoing that Saul has done to David, if anyone has the audacity, if anyone has the right, if anyone has the ability to give revenge without punishment, it's David unjustly hunted by Saul out of jealousy for something that he didn't even do, just simply walking out the call of God on his life. And David is looking over Saul with knife in his right hand, contemplating if he's gonna take this man's life to end this haunting, end this hunt for his life once and for all. So David grips the knife and he rears back and he cuts a piece of Saul's shirt off. He doesn't kill him. He cuts a piece of his shirt off. Next morning, Saul begins to hunt David and he's going and David's actually behind Saul now. And he goes, "Hey, Saul!" And Saul turns around and he sees his prey, David, in front of him, ready to pounce on him, ready to kill him. All this rage, bitterness, jealousy, built inside of him. David's like, "Hey, I saw you in that cave, sleeping." And he holds up the piece of cloth that he cut off his shirt. And I can imagine Saul just looks and he's like, "What? "I wonder, I thought I caught my shirt on a rock." No, you, I could have killed you, Saul. But I didn't. That's forgiveness. Is that yes, you may have the ability to give revenge. You may have the ability to punish. You may have the strength to hit harder than someone hit you. You may have the rage and the grudges to really inflict pain. But grace and forgiveness is I'm willing to take the pain you gave me and not return it. Not only for the sake of your soul, but for mine. That's canceling the debt that someone owes us. That is forgiveness. And that's why I love the continuation of Matthew chapter 18. And that's why I want to come back to it. It is after Peter brings up the thing about 70 times seven. Jesus brings up a parable to him. He says, "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servant." Matthew 18, 24, "When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him 10,000 talents. And so he could not pay his master ordered him to be sold with his wife and his children. And all that he had and a payment to be made." So the servant fell on his knees and ploy him. He had a debt of 10,000 talents. And he said, "Having have patience with me and I will pay you everything." And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. This dude had a debt of 10,000 talents to this master and the guy said, "You know what? I'll let you side of forgive you." Cancels the debt. But when that same servant went out, so the dude that just got forgiven the 10,000 talent debt to that same servant went out in verse 28, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denari. The pocket change. Like stuff you leave in your pocket that goes in the washing machine. He just got paid off the debt of a lifetime. And in the same day, he was, "Thank you God," walks out and sees someone that owes him money. And he said, "Hey, give me what you owe me." And that servant fell down and said, "Please have patience with me, I'll pay you." And he refused and put that dude in prison for some pocket change until he paid the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, "You wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt "because you pleaded with me and should not you "have had mercy on your fellow servant." And I had mercy on you. And an anger his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay. So also, verse 35, "My heavenly Father will do to every one of you "if you do not forgive your brother from your heart." The measure of forgiveness you show other people is the same measure of forgiveness that will be shown to you. You know why an indicator of someone having the Lord Jesus Christ in their heart is if they forgive, because you can't forgive unless you've experienced the transformational forgiveness of the Lord himself. Because we are dirty, broken people. I have made mistakes that none of you guys know that I've made and God has forgiven me and that forgiveness that he has shown me gives me the power and the grace and the love to forgive other people in the same way. That's the way it works in your own life. If your debt has been forgiven, you have the ability to forgive other people that have done your role. And that's why you can't claim to be free as a Christian and have unforgiveness in your heart because you really have an experience that transformational love of God if you can't forgive other people. Because the thing that fuels your forgiveness for other people is his forgiveness for you. That's the mind-blowing factor of bitterness and unforgiveness or forgiving and joy and patience and grace is because we demand forgiveness for ourselves that we aren't willing to dish out to other people. That's not kingdom. And that is the picture of the gospel. Jesus Christ offered a forgiveness for debt that he knew people wouldn't receive. The same canceling of debt that Jesus Christ showed Peter, he showed Judas. Just the difference is only one of them decided to receive it. And here's the crazy part. And here's the thing I want to caution anyone watching or listening this episode to, particularly with yourself because a barrier to approaching God is this aspect of grasping forgiveness. That is really the ultimate barrier that comes to approaching with God. Because people are like, "Okay, yeah. Jesus sounds like a good idea." And he sounds great, but I've done too many mistakes and I've done too much wrong. And so he doesn't love me and he can't do this. And you know, that's not the case. Well, the forgiveness of God would say, if we trust, that is a pinnacle of Christianity. The pinnacle of Christianity is trusting that Jesus Christ's death and resurrection was enough to forgive the debt that we owe God with our rebellion wrongdoing and sin. And when we love God and trust that promise, we realize that same price that he paid for us is the same price that he puts on everybody else's life despite race, status, financial status, whatever it may be. When we love God, we're able to love people well and you can't love people without forgiveness. And so think about that person. Think about that thing. Think about that circumstance that is filling you with bitterness and rage. Think about that relationship that just ended. Think about that friendship that just got backstabbed. Think about you getting cut from the team and the bitterness that you have towards the coach. Think about the bitterness that you have towards your parents from either just or unjust discipline from your parents. Think about that unforgiveness and understand this principle. That the forgiveness that you show other people is the forgiveness that will be shown to you. And I would challenge you, my friend, watching or listening. If you can't forgive the people in your life, it's probably because you've lost sight of the forgiveness that God has for you. Don't just be tolerant of the forgiveness that God shows you and not other people's. Rather, be so radically generous with your forgiving that not only frees the people that have done you wrong, but it frees yourself because it just takes a little bit of bitterness to cause strife, hesitation and a gap with God. Let me pray for you, Jesus, we thank you for today, God we thank you for your forgiveness. We thank you for your love, we thank you for your mercy, God we thank you that your forgiveness overflows into our life. God would you be with us? Would you continue to love us? Would you shower us in your grace every day? And God would your forgiveness fuel us to forgive those who have hurt us so deeply, so harshly and have hurt us? God we love you, we thank you for who you are, we thank you for the cross. It's in your name, we pray. Amen.