If you're walking on ice you might as well dance

- What's happened, beautiful people? Uncle Joey here with his trusses sidekick, Lee Sayat aka Keito, for another tremendous episode of the church of what's happening now, New Testament. - Oh, there we go, fuck yeah. - There you go, you know what I'm saying? We've been gone for a long time. - No, we haven't. - Yeah, last week, 420, I forgot. (laughing) - It felt like two weeks ago, but 420 was fantastic. I want to thank Rhythm, I want to thank MJ Leif, rooted all the places that I vigor, all the places I go to visit on 420, had a nice 420. - You did a little rounds and went to some stores? - That down, he went to one store. I was in a rush all day, I wasn't feeling good, I was still nervous. - Did they have like events, like in LA? It was like a big thing, they always be like, hot dog store? - Yeah. - They had events in my area on Saturday, we were in Nashville. - Oh yeah, yeah. - I don't know if he came to the shows in Nashville. - Thank you. - We love you to death, there was a great show, it was on it. To put, when looked out, I saw the church windows. I was like, "God damn, all right, we're in a fucking church, "but it was beautiful, the city was great." And that's it, what's up with you, Tarzan? - Dude, we should tell them, I thought, I thought for sure, I wasn't going to be in Nashville, or if I was going to be on Spirit. The first time, I've been with you since 2012, this is the first time ever I was late. - I know. - This is, oh, I was, and I thought I was cool. - He looks it, there's times, one of you tell me you're late, I'm like, "You know what, just show up in my house, "I'm canceling anyway, fuck it, we'll go tomorrow." - I thought you were going to be on the plane already. - Oh, I thought you were going to be on the plane already. - One little bit of a bad almond. Like Lee, I don't know if I'm going to Jesus Christ, I don't know if I'm going to make it, but you know what, you're right, we ain't going to make it, fuck it. We'll leave to mom one. Here's me a chance to go cop a bag, just sleep on my couch and I'll be back. - Right. - Oh my, I sure do. - You got 20 bucks? - Never. - I've always hit you up for this small fool. - I got it in fives. - Oh my, but you, like, yeah, 'cause when we used to go places, I never, like, remember when we went to the UFC? And then we didn't, it was like a Robbie Lawler fight. It was in Vegas. It was like, right when we started hanging out and I think you did a show and then I stayed at like a weird, like, you're like, listen, if you can get a hotel room for another night, I have like floor seats at the UFC. It was like an early Robbie Lawler one. But at that point, you weren't watching the main events. So like, and I knew that if I didn't go up with you, there's no way I was gonna get out of the arena. So anytime we went anywhere, I stood next to you like this 'cause like, you would have left me places. No, and you would have felt, you would have called me later to make sure I was okay, but you would have left me places. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Before you put bad information on it, what do you mean I don't stay for the last event? - Oh, I'll never forget it. It was a raw eye and I think, you stayed, but we watched the fight on like, you know the TV screens? On by the concession stands like the little 19 inch prison TVs. Then look, we were like, we had like probably 10 rows from the fucking cage seats. - Here's the way I look at it. Here's the way I look at it. And there's honest to God, my brother George, once a month, he has a dear friend. He's got box seats and they feature. They bring your sushi cocktails. Okay, let's be honest with ourselves. Nine innings is not gonna happen. - Why not? - Because I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen. There's no, if you told me, listen, when you get there, the game starts at 7.15, but get there at 6.45, they're gonna have a light cocktail hour with sushi. Okay, right? That's 45 minutes until the game starts and they're putting out something else. But then when you go in there, it's sandwich food. I don't care, it's nice grisket. It's a nice brim rib. Whatever you like, not a little sandwich, just to keep people enthused. But if I walk down there in the first inning, and there's crab legs, lobster tails, this spaghetti, on a third inning, how uncomfortable. I'm sitting like a fucking, you know. And God forbid, if somebody scores four runs, there's no reason. - Right, but I'm talking, there's no reason. I get that a little bit, but we're talking about UFC. It's the same shit, how? Because you want me to sit in the seat in a very good seat, right? We're in a very good seat, right? So now, the finance everybody, whatever the read time. And now everybody's like waiting for who? - Well, I'm gonna need to wait for them to doubt me. Look at the guy's eye. You can either know the, let's split around and wait for the result. - Yeah, but we watch, I don't wait for who's buffer was screaming. We were already upstairs at the close. They were closing the concession stands. - That's why TV. - Because I want to get up dead before anybody else does, bro. You're not going to get out of there. If you're in that level down below, I got caught there a couple of times. - Oh, I understood why you did it. - It's 35 fucking minutes, my people farting it. Yeah, no, not tonight. So the last fight, I left them come out, right? If you have graphkins, you get back right there, right? And right there, what are you, what are you? First of all, let's get some straight. When you're at a UFC fight, bro, you're gonna look at the fucking screen. 65% of the time. - Oh, of course, yeah. - Okay, the rings right there. That could be right there, punching each other to death. And you're gonna watch it, what? But then they're gonna go to the other side of the ring. And there's gonna be a fucking bar with those strings blocking you. So your neck goes right up, okay? - Oh yeah. - So I always said the best levels are the ones when Anderson Silva kicked that dude in the face. And he broke his jaw and he went down. And Ari did acid that night. - Oh, sure. - And we sat in the middle looking down and it was exquisite. - Right. - Exquisite. Like, I have a dear friend. She wants to go to, and I told her, listen. They're like, they want like 10 grand for those seats. And you're gonna be looking at the fucking screen. If I had to change grand, I'd go and sit out there, like Johnny Boombeats, like Drake, with the gold chains. You know, I don't need that, Mila. - Right. - I'm very comfortable in my house. And who the fuck guy am? Who do you see fight to show you? - If Joe wants to take me, I'd go. - Right. - But I'm not waiting till the end. And in those days, that arena was connected to a hotel. - Yeah. - Oh yeah, yeah. - He probably watched the ending on the TV in your room. - By the time you get to your room. And the winner is, and right away, you're rowing that number. I got 35 minutes for Rogan to get off the back. He's back there giving interviews. So I mean, nobody, they were just walking around in circles. You know the idiots. What are we gonna do? What time's Joe gonna come? Just go to your room. Roller joint, take a shit. Maybe bang one out, get excited, get some hunger going, because you're gonna go to the dinner. There's always a plan, man. Why be like everybody else? What is he saying? Mitch Hadberg? Be yourself, Turkey. I drew you. - I never heard that one. That's money. - That's a brilliant Mitch Hadberg, Joe. - Oh my god. You see, you don't, like it's funny, because you always. - Oh, here it is. - Like if we're going to a supermarket. You see Turkey's salami. Turkey ham. Turkey soup. Turkey this. Turkey baloney. Turkey cheese. Turkey, what's wrong with you? Just be yourself, little brother. I drew you. That's the fucking joke. - That's a great joke. - That's a classic Mitch Hadberg. But, you know, that's, I want to save on time. You know, what people don't know is, when you go to a Dodger game, there's only one road out of it. Unless you jump off the fucking cliff. - Yeah, that's scary. - There's one road out of there. And you got to sit there till the 9.30. First of all, those people are not fans of anybody. They all have their 80 dollar Dodger hats, and they go blue and listen. 7.10. Let's get to Mexicans. - Oh yeah. - They get the fuck out of them. - What's that? - Sun goes down. You see those heavy duty white people leaving. 5.10. They take off. By the time the, by the time it's the. - 7.10. - 7.10. It's all Mexicans out there. You know. - Oh yeah. - The bleachers are fun. - Huh? - The bleachers are all that shit's fun. But nobody sits at a Dodger game. Now that doesn't mean me. For me, I wouldn't leave a Dodger game 'cause I like Dodger game at night. It's the prettiest fucking stadium to sit there and watch a baseball game. You can talk all this shit. You want about the Dodgers, the team, there's no nice stadium in fucking April. Fucking Ralph and Meg. God rest his soul. Took us to see Clemens. 20 feet away. We had to leave. He came in with a edible cake. A bag of animals walked into right to the bottom. I mean, we were like three rows up. The sun was so hot. We had to leave. We were melted. We were wet. My legs were peach. My one arm. 'Cause I kept moving back. - How big was it? - How big was it you guys at that point? - Big. - In the fucking day game. - Big. - The animals. - Oh my god. That stadium is beautiful. But Bob, if you leave at the night then you're dead. - Yeah. - I'm dead. First you got me got beat up by somebody in the stand. Remember that? They got from San Francisco. They fucked them up. And it's bumper to bumper to you hit like the 101. That's 40 minutes. So now, Because you wanted to watch the last two innings. I can't fucking do big for another hour till I get old Fuck that shit. I have to do. Huh? What do you like? I always got to say like you always mess with George He doesn't sit still neither do you what do you mean sit still? What do you just how you know how you can't do stuff for another hour What are you gonna do after a daughter game? Okay after a dodgy game. It's 11.30 at night. Yeah. I want to go to sleep Okay, I'm gonna fucking early in the morning. Oh, I think I had stuff to do now So now you're up at six to the morning with your dick in your hand That's why so sometimes you want to get home early so you get that extra fucking now Well, so you don't walk around or I'm open the next fucking day. Yeah, especially now I can't have the patience unless I bet something and it's a nail by the game that I got to stay Like ninth inning the fucking four four Well series type shit then you stay like an idiot. Well, see what happen. You're taking a day off the next day anyway Right, what about playoff so like I'm if the nicks and the Celtics play each other might have to am I try to go to one of those? Feel what do I give a fuck? No, but when you go to a when you go to a playoff game like is that different when you stay for that? I have a lot of vices Like we all do we have a lot of vices my vices are like health stupidity and shit So before I drop 800 for a ticket to see the next Or 500 or 5,000 to say you're gonna be that much to sit with fat Joe and make believe I'm somebody I'm not You know sit with you know the director spike and throw shoes and that's not what I want to do And if I sit up top, I'll get tortured. Yeah, god damn it. If I sit in the middle I get tortured. I didn't think about the Be I get tortured. Yeah, I go in a bathroom after a sporting events. I got guys behind me Roan fucking men standing there while I'm fucking peeing Are you sure we did? No, no, I'm fucking Mohammed Zumbi, but you know what I'm saying? The fuck is wrong with you man. People over talk to you with your dick in your hand. All the fucking time. No, they don't do that. I got hot. I get fucking hot Let me give you an example Let me give you an example. I don't know if you guys know this. I didn't tell you any of you guys I start having problems breathing on Thursday night. Oh Jesus I went to the boxing gym and I'm like, you know, the day they canceled the fucking surgery It probably started Wednesday. I was having a hard time breathing. I thought it was the anxiety From the fucking surgery, but once they canceled the surgery, which we'll get to Friday, I didn't you know mercy went to Hershey Park to do a two-concent So it was just me and my wife and I'm like I'm not sitting in that fucking house with my wife in the basement watching no So I did what I had to do Friday. I didn't feel good Oh, you're gonna love this so I didn't feel good like I went into oh, I wanted to Big sporting goods And I had to leave I couldn't keep it together in there like I just had to walk out. You can breathe as a guy in there who is Second cousin grew up in North Bergen with us He played football good kid Romano He came over and he goes, Joe, you okay? You know what? I ate and I just don't feel good And I did eat breakfast. I don't eat lately breakfast. I just eat half a jar of yogurt With blueberries raspberries and blueberries and blueberry. Oh, you had hated yourself a few years ago I know I can't eat eggs don't that's crazy. Well, what do you tell a whole look? What do you mean they feel good? I was having a hard time breathing All right, so now my wife has an idea She goes, do you want to go see the Michael Jackson movie? I go, you know what? What time she goes six third? I ain't got the pace of the six thirty. Let's go out four forty five So we went to the four forty five didn't start to five fifteen. Oh, I know the worst fucking things they put on me There was only one movie I would go watch out of the nine that they fucking showed That's crazy horrible. It's half an hour. I haven't been in a while. I didn't know his nine He used to be like 15 minutes, which is perfect And then God Nicole Kidman comes on an AMC. Oh, yeah, it's like 35 fucking minutes of the bullshit, but You know, I was feeling a little fucked up And if you're walking on ice your mother's will dance. No, Jesus. I took one of those 500 milligram ones I got a bag of the blue ones and I ate two fucking taffies That's 700 just to get in the car and I get outside of my wife's like, oh no, you're driving I'm like, fuck it. Let's go. We shot the movie brother when I get to I pull up already my wife's like, why are you parking crooked? I go my crooked really I even know I was already three sheets to the wind And I was still fucked up from Thursday All right, let's get the Thursday in a minute, but Friday Oh, we parked but we usually parked and when I walked into the theater though, I couldn't make it in I had a stop and make believe you only you guys call me George hello hello I couldn't even do that. I was breathing heavy But like was you okay, you know, this is the same thing tomorrow Let's just go to the hospital. I won't take Vegas, and I'll just Hold out for Atlantic City August because I have to push the surgery back, you know Not gonna let me have surgery With congenial fucking heart failure, so Talk I'm sitting in this Michael Jackson movie and it was entertaining. We'll talk about that later You have important things to talk about now and shit, and I can't take it no more. I gotta pee And I get up to put my wife got like close to the move with the screen But on the right side, there weren't a lot of people there I mean it was a better amount than any of movie. I've gone to see there. There was a lot of people there I mean, I think it did 37 million on fucking Friday. That's amazing. That's a fucking amazing like that's They're fucking sucking big black Dixon Hollywood right now Yeah, they did great. They did that movie did a lot more than 37 million 200 million Yeah, that has to go you got to put a pirate or fucking or a T.I. or Marvel comic Yeah, so that's only movies that work, but I know I want to talk. Yeah, I keep going Sitting in I got a pee dog. I get up to pee By the time I'm halfway there. I can't fucking breathe guys I got myself out of that movie dinner by Will I don't know the the embarrassment of falling down on the movie theater By the time I got to the pisser, I just stood there for like 10 minutes and just pissed and try to catch my breath I'm like that's it. I got to go to the hospital tomorrow I had an anxiety attack like I never had before man I had to sit on my smiling. I took 700 milligrams. That's what did it So I sat there must have missed 15 minutes of movies. I was just sitting like the fat chick at the prom. I was just waiting You did see you told me part of this story wait, but you tell me the funny part of this story You just told me that you saw the movie and then you went up to paint just didn't sit with your wife No, no, no, I walked back in the movie theater. I looked down to see what my wife was and it was a chair right there And I sat right there. There was nobody around me. There was some kid in the handicap chair You know, I have like the stool and the fucking donkey. He had the whole thing over in the corner I sat there and my wife are you okay? She kept texting me. I go right in the back of the theater It's just not worth going down it because I don't know when this movie is gonna end And I'm the boy if I walk down it and he gives out what I was he who I'm gonna be I'm gonna be pissed like a mother fuck I'm gonna be fucking furious So I'm gonna say right here and I'm waiting for him to see some Malastatio, but nah, they showed her that shit. They just showed a little boys running from his room and Michael And Michael chastlin with a fucking monkey So Thursday was the best ladies and gentlemen Because I roll like this. This is my life on a daily fucking basis You can well, I'm sorry Why just we didn't finish How you're feeling now or do you want to tell Thursday first? Because you're just having my feeling now right now today. Yeah, you just said at the movie Like I go to the hospital tomorrow. Did you go to the hospital? No, I found those pills That my wife gave they hospital gave to us they gave us the prescription. Okay, they were in my shaving cabinet And it's the pills they give you when you have to drain water from your body. Okay, so my lungs are really congested That's how I knew something wasn't so I started taking those Today's the third day. So yeah, today's the third feeling any better. You got a pee like a racehorse. Everything comes out of you Okay, I went to the gym today. I made it down 45 minutes So that made me feel a little better and now We'll get I'm not all there. I need a little nap any another eight hour fucking night tonight. Okay. Jesus Christ Be ready for the surgery. Say what happened Thursday. All right. So Thursday I get up right away the surgery of 10 30 I know it's gonna be a fucking problem Why is that it's like taking a 10 30 flight? I don't like it. I don't like it Yeah, I want to be in there seven. I want to get your fresh couple call from maybe your wife sucked your dick I want to catch maybe your husband ate your clip before you came down there. Everybody's happy Everybody singing songs holding hands cool by y'all Now 10 30 so now I got to sit down suspense then they'd take that bullshit you can't eat listen One of my Gandhi. I'm eating. Okay stop So I a little bit of yogurt, a little bit of fruit, and I wasn't fucking down there, because I knew it. They always do this to me. They made me go down at 10 30. They talked to me real quick. They put me in the back. They shaved my leg. They fucking connected me to electronics. They gave me a bunch of tests. They asked me more questions than I've ever been, you know, I had to call my wife. She had to come and then the lady gave her the questions. So now they're like, yeah, you're probably going to go in there about one. It's 12. And they come back now and they're like, we're shooting some vitamins in you. Some antibiotics on the IV. You know, I already had the IV. I mean, from the time I got there. So they were just doing whatever they were how to do. I was watching whatever listen to music with the fucking phone. And also they go, listen, we're about to give you your first block, which is the leg where they take the nerve and they shut it in your leg. I don't know, they did that. Okay. Me neither. Yeah, they did it last time. They did that to me when I first heard it a couple of weeks ago. And then we're going to take you in there, dope you up even more and give me an up a door block. That's when they shoot you right in the spine. And they numb you from the waist down. So even if I get a heart on, I ain't feeling it. You know what I'm saying? It's like a ghost. J-O-S-T. God. And you got that or you were about to get that. I was about to get that. So they came, they gave me a bunch of pills. And one of the pills was oxycodine 20 milligrams. I don't really do oxycodine. I only get them when I got pain. When I did my ear, the surgery, he gave me like fucking a jar of them. I eat them like two nights and then I give them away to my name because I don't want those things around. That's why I'm worried about my fucking knee. I have to go back and make that Michael Jackson T because they told me there's a certain RSO that kills pain. But you don't want to do any pills. I have to fucking three or four days. Those pills turn you into a fucking zombie league. Really? You're a fucking zombie. Okay. You can't shit. You know, if you take one of those three or two of those, doggy or next thing, you know, you're backed up and you just feel fucking weird. Listen, am I going to lie to you? That night in the hospital, I'm planning a big party. They give me everything more fiend because they're taking the ride out of my leg and they put a new one in. So that means pain. Uncle Joy likes a lot of things. A lot of things, but not pain. I don't want fingers in my ass. I don't want nothing to go wrong. Can you have them do that to you when you're having surgery? I could, but I don't want that. How about when you get surgery? I have to pay the little US hole when the doctor puts a half a plunger in there. I don't like it, but I fucking sleep. But one of those Yamaha plungers, you know, it's on top, it's on top. Oh my god. Then 15 minutes after they give me the oxy and the other shit, the doctor comes on. I got bad news, Mr. Diaz. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. It wasn't this fall. Yeah, that's a bad way to start that. I didn't feel good about the sanitization, the room. So I'm calling the plug. I got another spot next Thursday. You're more than welcome to get your surgery. Then I didn't even say nothing. I just looked at the floor and I was like, because you cannot get mad anymore. In today's society, guys, you cannot get injured. I'm an angry number. Tell you why, because customer service is to all all time low. I don't know what happened after COVID. They just hired people that never had work experienced before. And you could see it when you go in and you sit there for an hour with no water and they're on the phone showing baby pictures to their fucking look at my grandson. Listen, I'm over here dying the fucking person. You know, I don't give a fuck about your grand children. That's society. You were going to CVS lately. The Mongolians, they got in the front counties. They don't speak English. They don't know. Over here, over here. I want to don't even go to the one on edge, water road. That's like little fucking Liberia. They got every, that's like Australia in 1890. They got every criminal in the world working on that. See, everything's locked up. You can't even get gum. They got a fingerprint to get like fucking change and shit. Cost of the service is done, ladies and gentlemen. And wait till you get older and you start needing doctors and calling doctors. You're going to see how fucked up and then we got this poor guy. There was the, I don't talk politics, but I got to talk about this shit. The correspondents, dinner, and listen, the best necker to happen is somebody could shout RFK. He's got to be stopped. That poor bastard. I could be on. Come on. You supposed to be the health minister. You over here twitching. That's why I stopped doing coke because I was getting those twitches. What the fuck is going on in the world? How can he be the health defense whatever the fuck is? He stripped me of fucking. I can loosen his collar in shit. Come on guys. Have we just fallen off the fucking face of the world here? What the fuck? I haven't been to that CBS by my house because the last time I used to go to have feed the cats. Oh, is that serious? That's so sad. Yeah, they come out at night since I moved there, right? The Hindu, the skinny one. I love the dead. The one with the wig. He always makes me wait. He drives me fucking crazy. And he's like a salesman of a monster. How about you donate a dollar to kind of say, no, how about to the how to have costiation? No, you like to mince their on sale. Listen, you fuck just bring up the nicotine gum and find me a coup on it and fuck it. And then last time I went to had something. Again, I don't want to say what it was, but it was something. Okay, in the middle, it was a half man, half woman with a class two on a face. I'm like, this is not. And this is root nine at eight thirty at night. Like, this is a scene from what you ever see that? What's the original blob? The lighting when Steve McQueen goes to do the do's the barber, Mr. Batchicleo, but he's like, I cut in your hair. And also they look at the door and he's just the way the lights hit. It's just like that. That's crazy. What? I've never heard anyone describe them with a half man, half woman dog. We're fucking blue eyes. And I thought it was, oh, the rat 69, whatever his name is six nine ticket. Oh, the rapper. Oh, what the fuck is going on, people? And it is it would like. I've had a little bit of experience with going to the doctor over the last couple years and nurses and doctors, you know, it's probably annoying. Like, if he doesn't want to do it, let's fucking let's wait a week. No, I wasn't even going. The only person who's aggravated my wife, you know, they turned into a liberal. Why is this happening? Terry is happening. It don't matter. But the funny story is I left it. I got really hungry. I said, let's go to Crown Palace. I'm going to tear it to some shrimp and lobster. So bro, by the time I got the Tom Palace, I'm like, fuck. I'm fucked up. And I'm like, oh, shit. That fucking oxy carton's fucking me up. I was scratching and shit. I got a little itch in my back. I must subscribe to it for eight hours the other night. At the end, I had the cat. I took the cat's board, just use it. Oh my God. Fucking unreal. That unfucked and real. And listen, man, guys, I went to the hospital today to the pre-registration, so they don't ask me creepy questions. Okay. For example, here's what happens. When I went to the hospital and I have no antibacterial, they don't use antibacterial cream at the hospital I went to. I don't know if that's not, let it goes. We use Vaseline. So she brought a little jar of Vaseline to my room and I'll put the Vaseline on my ear. When we left, we had a bunch of prescriptions. We had to pick up. You know, we have insurance for prescriptions. I mean, you know, whatever. There's some shit. There's one thing that's 630 a month. I got to pay for. Thank God, I know my neighbor and she gets a coupon for me. They knock it down to like 69. It's a lot better than 631 a month. Because when you're paying 3g's a fucking month for insurance, that's the fucking going right with a family today. So I run through it. You know, there's like eight prescriptions and you got to ask them. Like, for all I don't know. And the lady came with six little bags and this big bag. You're not going to believe this. You're never going to fucking believe this. You know, wasn't that big bag? Like a fucking bitty type Vaseline. Like it was still the good stuff, the old label. Or what? For my ear, they tried to sell me a tub for 149 dollars or some shit. And I'm like, I ain't taking that tub. And like, but what do you mean? the doctor I listen I ain't the 149 fucking I go to dollar store and get hookers doing every fucking day. They ain't a hooker that cares about they know hooker that pays for that shit at Costco like that very that's that's for somebody who takes it in the ass like in a house that that's all it's allowed nobody has a pussy it's just a gay home and that's 10 people fucking a night for 10 fucking years it's on top of that anyway the point of the story is every time you go to a hospital visit that tax on to your record so every time you go to a certain doctor they sit you down and they run you you still on this listen I tell him every time do you see my wife here if you don't see my wife here knock it off don't even ask well did you take cyber I mean it's like fucking what I tell you if you want to talk to my wife here talk to her knock yourself out she'll text you the medication but if I'm not here don't ask me about this shit and every time you go you hear my wife on the phone all oh Jesus take that off it's just bullshit they just keep tacking on them but that that central doesn't tell the other ones what to erase so every doctor you go to you gotta start from scratch so the other day when the operate and with me my wife my daughter the doctor's like I'm gonna ask you some questions and she's like are you still on the Vaseline and I'm like no and then she goes are you still on the agrarian I'm like no my wife goes it was like three tablets five years ago then I got on the black market the shit the Russians do you know I'm saying I got the shit Puerto Ricans do fucking eight kids and like how how much are you eating before like you started with that I'm gonna even get to talk about it you told them they told you not to eat you still ain't eat what you said you ain't yogurt dog listen that's a control thing right how do you know that things got so bad and I blow a little fart it's just a little grape jelly and a little couple fucking great all the best I eat this much Lee it's a it's a it's a yogurt thing like this I take half of it I'm not a fucking animal I just want some of my stomach because the surgeries they tell you at 10 30 but I'm still sitting there at one I'm fucking dying at one and so would you I know they're about to shoot you they can only give you fucking water and then you're gonna wake up and they can give you ice cubes for a half hour and the person they show up is what a fucking turkey sandwich that's drier than your asshole and fucking you know where I'm right bread that's two days old I need that in my life so I want to prepare I'm going down a deep tunnel my body's about to get fucking opened up and you want me to fucking go there starving and listen I know Joey you're a fat fuck you got plenty of food in the 70 leaders this is something a band yeah whatever the fuck oh my god right now I'm sent to that shit I'm gonna take you gotta assume I'm gonna take three or four big needles while I'm awake all right that alone like I told my wife the other day oh people have no idea how much courage I have to muster to do this shit like as I'm driving them like I can just make it you turn my wife will be mad at me for two days three days tops I don't because I know the responsibility of that but if I was 20 years ago and just be day to day like you see me yeah you do the surgery now I don't look a fuck himself I don't want to know surgery I do nobody year or two and six months later you fucking crying so that's why I'm doing the surgery because at first I was like that's a sign from God maybe our shoots themselves from fucking Egypt from monkeys fucking foot or something like that but then I go this is a bone thing it's a rod and a fucking bone and when the lady shaved me she goes Joey I don't know if you can see your bruise under that so this thing's like I told you guys I don't think this thing will make it till Thursday I'm telling you every day is a little more so that was doing dead lips and I'm like why because I got to get my body prepared for fucking war on Thursday so do out to a top I'm not a young man I'm an old man so I got to be prepared testosterone everything the TB I got to be recovery mode fucking I got the thing Thursday and by Monday they're gonna send the lady to my house on Saturday and Sunday to do physical therapy then Monday I'm gonna go to hyperburet chamber and sit there for an hour just sitting there with some music on a couple fucking oxies pink Floyd three three then the end I want to get your doctor on the phone what are you gonna tell the doctor what are you gonna do they can't stop it I understand that working out being healthy before the surgery is good but like stuff that doesn't use the thing that's about to snap what listen if I was walking around I wouldn't try to snap it but as the saying goes if you're walking on ice your mind is well dance it snapped you take me to the hospital you come 10 minutes later I got eight IVs in me and I'm talking about Cuba 1962 I was a young man I don't know nothing you know I'm saying oh my god yeah it's all gonna work out Lee why live if you're not listening to God damn it that's the problem everybody plays is so fucking safe anymore I'm already have dead with that Lee George we'll have dead you guys are still young me and this guy here we got days we got days it could be seven thousand fucking days or it could be 10 days one never knows so why not I'm gonna die with an empty stomach like some fucking guy and you know got arrested by ice you know I got none of my stomach but fucking ritz crack and go fuck and then after they cancel surgery which they were very nice and if you notice I'm this kind of shit happens but somebody goes you hungry right she goes I'll bring you some food two packages of salty crackers one blueberry muffin okay and two things of apple juice nothing fit there I had the crackers what am I going to dip it into the muffin right why did you send me crackers for what is I didn't get surgery you're gonna send me crackers I'm gonna see some cream or broccoli soup something up in this bitch oh my god now let's take a little breather here well I got to get up and pee Lee's got to do this thing will be right back when I talk to you about a couple things mother's day draft king is and bluetooth ha we'll be back hey what's happening beautiful people it's uncle Joey listen the NBA playoffs are here and draft king sports book an official sports betting part of the NBA is bringing the heat to every game day only draft king sports book keeps you in the action the entire game best player props bet live however you want to play new draft king customers bet just five dollars and get a hundred and bonus bets instantly download the draft king sports book app use code Joey j-o-e-y so you're ready and for the moment again that's code Joey j-o-e-y turn five bucks into a hundred and bonus bets instantly and in partnership with draft kings where the crown is yours gambling problem called one eight hundred gambler or one eight hundred my reset new york called eight seven seven eight hope 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Hey Uncle Joey here. Listen, bluetooth gold has helped millions of people have better sex So it's time for you to check it out. I'm not talking about regular sex. I'm talking about people flying through yeah 9-1-1 type stuff. You got the cape you live on fire all that Anyway, bluetooth gold is a 4-1 tablet designed to increase blood flow and the rousal It dissolves on the attack right now and it gets you in the mood so you could be ready for action in as little as 15 minutes Me, I like the bluetooth why why do I like bluetooth gold because I tell you what Usually when I make love to my wife it just stops after like three minutes like the room blacks out my dick dies And we just sit there staring at each other. It's the most uncomfortable silence you've ever heard in your life But anyway now with the bluetooth gold. I ain't not got out of the park. There's sperm everywhere I'm ready to kill them motherfuck you know what I'm saying? Discover your options at bluetooth dot com again Discover your options at bluetooth dot com. We got a special deal for church fans Right now when you buy two months of bluetooth gold. You're gonna get a third month Absolutely free with promo code Joey again Two months of bluetooth gold. They're gonna give you a third month for free with promo code Joey J.O.E. Why Visit bluetooth dot com for more details and important save the information Listen to some is coming alright. It's already main next week and you're still digging around You got to get ready for the summer and bluetooth gold is gonna help you sling dick listen Your dick's gonna be so hard. They won't even be sharks in the water You know what I'm saying? You want to thank the bluetooth for and I want to thank bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast all jokes aside Alright, I love you have a great week. We're back Jack anyway Well, I'll talk to you about something that happened this weekend. Okay This is one of the most exciting things that's ever happened to me in all my life I can't even describe it to you to look on my face when I got it. What happened bigger than anything? I don't care about this is bigger than the comedy store for me the birth of my daughter. All that's nonsense Compared to what happened on Saturday. What happened? I got my handicap park. It was thicker. I'm living like a fucking dog And you know they said it was six weeks if you send it in I didn't catch my wife. She goes Bring it down the freehold and no fucking do it. And then it's cheat less time Pro is like I walked in your number 151. I said now go 151 and won don't number two I went over she looked at it Pop-pop-pop. Yeah, your license pop. Okay. Go back and said I will call you right back I thought it was going to be like some paperwork to say I received the receipt to I was idea worked up. There it was the handicap dog. You should have seen me walking out of it You thought I was Rick James After the super freak out. Dog, I was so fucking happy. I just see myself cutting people off Like that whole night. I was like fantasizing like all the scenarios of me like waving at people vote for me and Pulling right into a fucking handicap, but Yeah, oh Like on the way up mix army what happened was I was listening to a song I think it was deaf leopard fucking stage fright and I passed the block and I'm like that's the block and I go fuck. I passed it So the awesome thing is like you passed the block you pass listen shut the fuck up. There's a make a left Like I ain't making a left and right there's a right It's coming down. You can go up that hill I make the fucking right. I'm going up the hill. That's my block. I'm gonna go all the way around gas I need to fill my thick. I got to drop 80 to fill the tank now I'm gonna make a trip all around the block. I just pulled down at one rotor. That's my man fronny boss Asura said and I'm gonna you turn nobody saw nothing You and George came walking out. He came he's like I saw you make that turn down the road I don't know that that's what I've been doing it. I've been telling you I do what the fuck I wanted to say There's always an excuse. I got a pee. I couldn't see I got a shit I got no diapers But this thing only gives you parking privileges like listen it gives me everything privilege if they know parking That means I park on the grass bitch right in front of the fucking joint. Oh my god better have a handicap Park it for papa. There's me you pull up the valet and go ready get a fuck you I got a handicap you pull right in front of him come up bop and shit what are you don't have to do valet anymore? And forget about the damage I do at stadiums You know what I'm saying right there. Peepy. I'm just like go judge Right there the steps are right there put the neck brace on You know what I'm saying is got to add the neck brace for full effect. Please tell me how it's not just a handicap sticker If you're gonna fucking sell it, you got to sell it That means I got out of the car with a limp like when those little twitches like the jellies in my grandma school That would the little body would shake like a half a retard I'm gonna die. Oh my god Jesus Joey, but I don't give a fuck anymore It's eminent and plus It's not eminent who wants to see somebody old that miserable. I don't want to die like that. I don't even be close to that I want to die giggling my ass off Like I went to the hospital today and the lady did me and my wife an orientation or the pain and everything And the lady looks at me she's like by the way To help you your recovery in the pain. We're gonna give you out What are the fuck you call those things they No, what's those things you put on your tongue on the nose and breathe them They have a name like haphan Why haphaneless praise go back to your coma. What's it come? What's the name of that shit that you uh arrow dynamics arrow Something a Roman therapy three fucking scholars here. Nobody knows a Roman therapy. Okay. One went to college. Do he is Anyway, she gives me like lamb and and I'm giggling. She goes. What are you laughing like a listen? I'll paint this fucking scenario for you. Joe in What if How is a lavender gonna fucking kill a beam going into my bone and reset Think about what you're telling me you don't make sense. I got those at the house They gave him to me last time. There's no house by using them in the mornings when I wake up I don't know if they're if it's whatever. I don't use the help at all Well, it smells better in my room. So I go with it. I'm saying All I smell in my room is cat in my feet. That's it. And the fun guy toenail. Oh my god So yeah, I got my handicap parking sticker all scenarios in my life opened up again So many were closed because of what listen you get to an aid and then people tell you got to walk 10 000 But no, I don't No, I fucking don't there's nowhere that says I gotta walk then that's even the Egyptians didn't walk 10 000 miles of fucking day 10 000 steps of fucking day You know, I like walking no more. I grew up walking right me walked everywhere. George tell him how much I walked I loved it. I love getting high and listening to the fucking music Walking through Harlem walk out in county. I walked Fucking like those two idiots willing Clark They walked everywhere those the tube The two brothers walked all through Oregon is shit. That was me I got nothing to fucking walk for no more to get hit in the head now. I want to listen to music I can't even walk with the Cars behind me. So I always walk facing Cars even when I ride my bike these people are bike lane. Fuck you. There's no bike lane for Uncle Joey I ride against the trap because I don't trust nobody behind me, don't Why would you? You're on the cell phone your girlfriend texted and that minute boom you clip me. I'm just I'm just going for a ride You know what I'm saying? But you have an argument about your girlfriend to pick up tampons. What other fuck you got to do You look at the phone. Oh my god. Boom. And also you hit a chubby guy to bike and now fuck up the fucking 18 weeks Yeah, oh my god Yeah, so no mask. I don't need to walk anywhere All right, I got my little handicap car white five bus out the truck like they gave us in Connecticut I'm looking at different options now. Do you like this place or do you have like the thing on top? I got the thing on top Do you wait for people like talk shit to you and then you whip it out? What like do we have it? Has anyone like accused? Do you have not been able to park there and then you whip it out? I did like no, I've only had it to the Saturday. I'm only bus to a couple people's balls Oh, like when I go to the mall my house. I park where I want All those restaurants have that pickup shit those spots are always empty and they're in a security guard out there Why are you parking eight miles away? Oh, we couldn't find there's eight spots right there If they question you say oh, I thought that was the eating there. I'm eating I just dropped a small lady in there. I can't park there Yeah You're gonna fucking You know, you're gonna cheesecake factory and ain't the small 30 normal It's a small lady and God forbid somebody gets a cocktail God forbid It's 80 for I got the soup last time my wife got the soup the cream of chicken to fucking die for in that bitch nice was last time you had a joint nice and they give you that brown pumpa nickel with the really good butter and you dip that pumpa nickel with the butter and oh oh fucking delicious and I always get either the chicken Chinese salad Chinese chicken salad which is just a salad with dangerines you know saying and fucking chicken and noodles and crispy noodles are good though crispy noodles are good and my wife got something oh she always gets the chicken pommador with mashed potatoes pretty good too because I ate the leftovers fucking tip top my goob and that's small 90 hundred bucks so if I want to pay 100 bucks same McDonald's I'm getting a pocket spot who said I said that's who fucking said I can't walk on my half a limp you get to keep it forever three years oh shit come on dogs big my my my doctor was like what do I for I'll till the end of the year tell tell tell my new business how long we do it three years we'll do it it's like that thing with the with the eye couple when the cops and they get busted he goes how much would it how much would it take how much would it cost to take care of things and the guy gives them a bribe and he goes forever what a bribe yeah we're gonna bribe you don't even do not leave you you wait for the light you haven't ran across the street in 32 years yeah you wait for a little guy to come on nobody lives an excitement no more do some medables run across the street against the light then you impress me oh any idiot you can wait I'm I'm sixty three I got away from the way no way to the New York huh no one went for the light no because there's no cars coming I'm talking when there's action you fucking fuck ten seconds to go I'm making this bitch and you fucking run across the street that's what living is about you gotta take a chance time to time you gotta take it right on the Titanic you know side that makes sense you're like a 15 seconds the weight you're gonna hit by a fucking car it wasn't interesting week now my surgery is this fucking Thursday so it pushes it back you know listen recoveries recovery I can't challenge time I was stressed and I gotta do this I have to do dick all I got to do is be on a Atlantic City August 7th nothing got no planes for that nothing like that I might go to Austin to tune up maybe do a couple shows in Brooklyn but the first thing I do is heal there's no stitches they put that crazy glue in there the new and improved the shit the Germans used an archwit you know they fucking they got that you could take showers now thank God because before you have to wrap your leg with the wheel listen to them either nothing now they're gonna have a fucking scar I'm gonna be home for a couple weeks they're gonna come over do some massages some Indian women I don't know what they are they come over and do a little physical therapy and I pray for the best guys that's all you can fucking do with these things I'm prepared I'm a lot better when I had the surgery last time mentally physically spiritually and how long do they think it's gonna be to recover it's going to be six to eight weeks that puts me at the end of May to be able to I push me at the end of June G and where's that mean it like you can walk without any help I think I got like three weeks with the fucking cane the other thing I'm getting a cane with a knife from the bottom you know I said oh shit like those Chinese can't oh yeah I'm gonna get stabbed for sure I got to get Becky to start cooking call one of cousins and fucking on time oh my god yeah so you listen man the last time five weeks later I thought I could get on stage no you can that was my biggest mistake can't be on that leg for 45 minutes it was just I think about it now I just want to punch myself in the face but God knows where my head was back then when I first moved so now I'm not in a rush we do the podcast if you guys got to come down one week we'll set that mother fuck on fire you know what I'm saying? Reef or bonds we get your old tell down there too you have to drive the Chinese lady misses you anyone I want to know I want to know about two weeks ago she goes when Lee I miss Lee bring pizza hmm but yeah that's all you know that's the problem you have with mostly everything you hurt your leg or you hurt your shoulder whatever doing recovery or when you go to the gym that's why I'm only going to the gym with somebody to say hey it's over so I got PT twice a week then the gym once a week then I could whenever I could stand which again if I do that I'm gonna hurt my leg is go boxing there's no boxing whatsoever I just looked it up so I can't box I could do the hyperbermic chain make it do the peptides help me heal I could eat I could sleep you know I'm up to take like an extra like we still have Bioma around here so the probiotic but with those oxycote and you're gonna be fucking plugged up Jack so I got to get like a stool softener and a screw driver I'll show up your ass loosen it you got like a little piece of bupoo in your muffler and you gotta stick your finger in there moving around a little bit your finger comes out brown you have that brown shit on the your finger for like a week until you figure out you gotta cut the you gotta cut the nail you gotta cut the nail you put the you put the nail next to something like a week later still smells like shit it's tremendous like a little stink bomb just for sure but I gonna have a fucking screw driver in the bathroom what I had a listen I did a story telly show one time at the police store when there was a young man who went on stage very well know that I'm just not they weren't there fuck you don't need to know what is Jersey boy they went on stage and he told the story about getting hurt and eating pain pills and he got so backed up he put a spoon up his ass to look and he was on the phone with the nurse at the same time and she's like what are you doing he's like I got a little no it was a nail clipper the other end of the nail clipper the thing that you turn around to clip it was that but you got loose from one piece sometimes and the rest of it just comes out like fucking you know it's like Jed struck a million and you know what I'm saying it's like belly Hills Bellies oh my god how was your weekend last weekend what'd you work I was in Greenville South Carolina with Jess and my pollute so it was fun it was I had had a really fun stretch of being on the road pretty much every week since like February and it was all great and I was feeling pretty confident and the everyone had a great time I took others a lot of podcast people there and I was I was very happy you were there but it was just a strange feeling from going from like the rhyming and having a very good set and then going with like the same material and it just like they were very polite but they were quiet you know and it was there was a fun weekend but it was a very like I had I totally had like we only did three shows and I so I had to read I had three completely different shows basically just trying everything I had just like what would work and it wasn't it wasn't them it was me but it was just an interesting end to a run on those weekends Lee after like the first I mean you were there for the San Francisco run why Bob foreshows and then I destroyed the last one I mean I took it to a different level right because I went away from my comedy I just want to talk to them not working what are you on the table it's not working every once in a while airplanes they break you put some crazy glue on it it works this particular time and ain't working so instead of beating yourself up and putting yourself in the dumps just talk to them now yeah back in fact even pull out a chair you guys want to be slow I'll be slow and get to that level you're a Jew you go to these towns they see like three Jews a year in Greenville South Carolina you know saying no and the show's got better the last show I actually did fine it wasn't my best show but I it was the most consistent but it was just an yeah I was a I don't know it was I haven't had one of those in a while you know I got very jealous at time of people who could do certain thing because I know deep down inside I'm just to fucking moron like if I didn't have comedy I don't I'd be working on subway I'd be working on subway telling stupid stories to the young kids and trying to sell them oregano for ten bucks and you know yeah I can't fix the refrigerator I can't you know I can do math I cook a little bit you know I can't I can mow a lawn if he asks me help my wife shovel. I push the fucking guzzermen. Sometimes I switch with her. You know, I do all that type of shit. I can paint, but the fucking thing went away. Like I like painting when you get high. You put the borders up first and then you mix the paint and you rip them off and you retap it and then you paint. There's a system. I'm one of those anal motherfuckers and I like enjoy doing that. But I can't do what my wife does. The fucking drier breaks, she's in there. With a light and fucking, you hear shit? And two minutes later, the drier works. The washing machine, no, the fucking dishwasher. Once a month or something with a wish, I don't know what she does. She's got wrenches, I go in there, she's spinning it around like the fucking ship. I don't fucking know. But I get that, I feel bad, but then I'm gonna tell you this, where I'm going with this. And then you do a show with me or anybody else at a Ryman theater, one of the other prestigious theater or just a fucking theater and you destroy it. And you get on the plane and you fly to another city and with the same set list, you feel so lucky now from that set list, you're gonna use this set. You just destroy it, man. To an audience that's not really yours. You just destroyed and now you go to that town and that same set list gets three, (laughing) (laughing) So while you know how to fix a speaker, and you know how to frame a picture and I can't do any of that, I know how to think. 'Cause that's what you think about. That is your puzzle, you're an engineer of what the fuck just happened before you throw your beer away and kick the walls. I don't know what just happened. I destroyed the other night in California and come here to bump fuck Jersey and I fucking eat a bag of Dixon. Happens all the time. Your bridges get too big. There's 11 things that could happen. But over the years, I realize it's just, you know what, it's the next set. And that's it, that they start giving you that shape 30 minutes later, why fucking lower yourself? It's not doing knock, knock, jokes. So now I'm telling one of this to grow up being a Jew. That's it, I'm gonna start. Just, and right from there, fucking jokes are start coming out. You never even thought you had because you got 60 people, you got 120 eyeballs looking at you. That's pressure. And that's what we can do, not a lot of people can't do. So when you can figure out a computer and I get jealous fucking late, those other fixed computers and shit, I don't know nothing about that shit. I tried to set my fucking game on me on night. I could put the game on, but yeah, I couldn't pick the story. I couldn't put Twitch on. Oh, you could sit there with me for eight days straight and I will call you the night, dang, go dog. What'd you just do before when you were here? You know, Joey, we wrote it down. We put magic markers on the thing. How did you end up on fucking Grant? How did you end up on Call of Duty? I'm one of those guys, but I know this since I'm in pants. I know that any car I buy is gonna get a right hand dent from the bottom. That's since I was a kid. I can't see out of my right eye. I always cut a little clock, you know what I'm saying? That's when whenever I make a right, and I see those people waiting on the corner, I'm like, that's taking on your end, I don't know. (laughs) Look at me, lead on, oh, a fucking plan. He's calling it shit. It's getting worse by the minute. I like it, Lee. But that's what comedy is. That's why we get paid. Because we got to figure out what the fuck happened. And then you shrug it off, right? You're like, oh, I'll get them Wednesday night. You shit, you pull a George, you put prints on. You dance during your set, you're rightly put your shine, your shoes, and guess what happens? You bomb even worse than I before. (laughs) Now you come back, you're looking for a hangar. (laughs) You're looking for a rope, you know? You're like, wait a second. And that kinda shit happens all the time. When does that happen in sports? I saw it one year so easily. The Giants won the Super Bowl, and they lost the first game on the next season. I fucking bet against that second game and they lost again. Who would have thought the World Champion Giants would have lost the first two games of the opening season? You follow me? So I've seen it before. It's just the way it is sometimes. Some people take it, me and you go back, and we go back to the notebook. We write the set down, we write what we figured. We're gonna be honest in that paper, that's God. You're talking to God. You're talking to you. That notebook that you rate your sets, that's God. If you tell them, if you tell the notebook you destroy your fucking piece of shit, because I'm only your, be honest with that piece of paper and go sad that the rhyme and I had a bag of dicks. I didn't like how this went. I had a negative review for myself about the rhyming. I always do, yeah, something. It could've been a little bit better. Of course, it could always be a little bit fucking better. There's always got you, when I'm Jesus, when I'm perfect. I don't know. No, no, of course. I thought you meant you said the whole thing was bad. You're just saying you had like one or two things. There's a couple of things I messed up, the wording. I was going for something else, and you know what? It happens. Of course. If you think I'm gonna beat myself up enough 25 years ago, in an apartment downstairs with fucking no money, no shower, you know, all that shit. Yeah, there was a standing shower. Like an old pay phone, they took the pay phone out and turned it into a shower and put curtains around it. You think I'm fucking kidding you? You wonder there was made a tin, like a ding, ding, ding. So yeah, it's, this is, this is what being a comedian is. It's figuring out your next move. And then after a while, when you start moving up, you gotta start figuring out the next three moves. Like, oh, am I gonna blow up? Okay, I'm gonna do a week in a Caroline's. I know Caroline's is closed. I'm just using my, but do a week in a Caroline's. Hopefully that commercial gets released within a week. Give a see when you haven't seen somebody in a year and also you see three things they're in. You're like, what the fuck just happened? That's how they time that shit. Those big stars time it perfectly. They time it around their fucking schedule. But I'm talking about like, like for me, it's always been when I needed the movie got released. Even if the movie didn't do well, you still, you're out there. And if the commercials on TV, you're out there. That doesn't matter if they seen the movie or not. They saw you in the fucking trail. Who gives a fuck? That happens all the time. But everything needs to get put together. YouTube set this that and that's when you, now you're using three different superpowers. But we'll get to that in chapter three, I'm sorry. - A little bit. - Look how fucking high you are. - Oh yeah. - How did this happen? Did you eat? - A little bit, man. - You didn't eat a little bit. You had like four dishes. - Yeah, I had some nice meals. - You know, you only try these clams, everything. - No, I know. - Most Jews only shrimp. This motherfucker was killing everything in there. - No, I don't. - The shrimp and garlic, the bread and the shrimp and garlic. - Yeah, that was good. - From fucking, oh my god. If you ever got a chance to, what's the name of the place? Doppers on 76 feet in Bergenland Avenue. The fucking, I was gonna get Pi a Friday with my brother, Chris D. Lorenzo and I go, it's not happening in South Amboa. This is a different, but it was the same chain. There's one by my house and there's one in South Amboa. He was like, that one's a little better. Not like this Pi, not like Nathan like that. What do you got coming up? - Nothing this weekend. My finger, I had something in the Hoboken, but I got canceled, so I'll be in the city this weekend. - We got to club that. We got to shut down because. - Why? (laughing) - Oh my god. - I don't know. I applaud you guys more than that. Like, you know, I don't even know what he's about to say. - No, no, I'm not saying you, I'm saying that. You know, this week you went into the show and the show got canceled Friday. And for some people, that's nothing. That's just salary. And they don't give me that fucking yardstick or yard nap or the small 50, or the big 50, yeah. 'Cause if they give me a small hundred, it's a big 50. I was like, so, you know, we should like that happens. That's like, I needed that money. Am I gonna starve? No, but this was going through the plane ticket or whatever the fuck it was. You know, now they canceled another show. - Are you on your set? - Yeah. - And somewhere in Jersey on Thursday. - So they canceled the show or they closed the club? - I think both. - You put the couple on that one. They put your picture on the fly. The place goes on the, oh my god. - Oh, remind me not to open up a comedy club and headlight you. Thank you for saying that I'm just teasing you sure like that, but that's what talking about, like I told you that my dear friend, Lisa Messina said she watched the podcast with Natalie Cuomo and she goes, you know, it was weird how you were looking at her. You're looking at her like you were smitten over and I go, no, she's 26 fucking years old. I'm not smitten over. I'm smitten about what she does. The kid weighs 90 pounds. You know, every time they tell me they go into the city, I think the movie with Charles Bronson, Deathwish, Deathwish, people around Corners, she's a little petite thing. You grab her by the throat and have your way with that little girl. I love her to death, but I look at her, I look at Ali, I look at Becky Z sticky fingers. I look at all these fucking young women and what they have to do now, like how they have to act and they don't get paid, they don't do nothing. You're the same thing. You know, when they bang on out of me now, they cancel the show, you don't get a free fucking meal. They'll still charge you 50% for the onion ring, you know, so it's like if you, when I was working yet, it would give me 400 to 500 for five or six shows, but they gave me a hotel guys. These guys didn't get a hotel number as a feature. This was the first club that did actually, very simple. The club was great. This is the club actually gave me a hotel this time. Yeah. But the hotel was also $4,295 right or wrong, no, I didn't say it's not a cheap hotel. No, remember, like, it's like when you go to a fucking four seasons in New York City, you're paying for fucking tariffs, you know what I'm saying? You're paying 1,509 after plus plus. If you go to that same poor seasons and Omaha Nebraska, it might be after that. That's what I was saying. Brother. I was insulting you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So you know, a, a, a high at Regency here is 349 a night by the airport. But if I go to screenville, South Carolina, it's really nice. This one twenty nine and you're like, what room service is shit? One twenty nine, they turn up your bed and give you a piece of chocolate at night or your compile. That's how to do it. Last time somebody turned me down and gave a piece of chocolate. It wasn't that as well as shit, you know what I'm saying? And they called me Monsieur at the end that I shit. So yeah, but that's, it happens and not giving features. That means if I took a feature on the road, I'm coming to the hotel, you know, and I don't give a fuck because I get it. And how many hotels do people cover for fucking me? Okay. And I didn't stay at no motel six. They put me in nice hotels and the club was giving him like 62 dollars a night. He was banging out 300 on his own for me. So I get it. The shit runs downhill. I'm an episode when the kid didn't want to pay a multi-santi, didn't want to pay the tab. And he went to yell at Tony and Tony goes, what are you talking about? You know, many tabs out of pickup, thousands. One day when you're there, this is how you treat the people under you. For us, it's the people under you. I can go eat a nice steak and send you motherfuckers to shake and bake with a straight face. But what type of man would I be? Come on. I want this to be a family thing. When we do our shows, I want it to be like duck dynasty. At the end, they all get together and say prayers and shit like that. Same thing. I don't want us to just be four fucking comedians, calling luggage and I'm doing what I'm doing. You know, I don't like going on a daytime a lot. I like when there's a hotel, a nice restaurant by the hotel. We go walk to something, but I'm not going into fucking Broadway in the daytime. They'll kill me. Yeah. They'll kill me down there. They got drugs down there. I just saw it. I'm fucking. The drug show. Was that fix up? They just had Nashville on, I watched it the other night, 11 30 at night for a little. It's one of those shows about drugs undercover drugs and this one was Nashville where they make hooch and they make math and the guy was shaking the mat and he's like, man, my cousin blew his eyeball out in his hand and this guy's over there giving the fucking they're shaking with gasoline or something. But no, you know, so I have my, I don't mind going close. I like going somewhere, he closed, but when we go out, we're a fucking family on the road, you know, and we eat together, we giggle, we drink some water. One of you is always gets a cocktail, whatever the fuck. But that's what makes the comedy show that much better because we each got each other's back. Now, everybody knows that. So it's not like we go from the hotel room in the back of a mobile gas station right to the show and the guys got fried chicken wings that look like it was an order in the afternoon and nobody ate them because they were so bad. So he just read them, let's give them to the comics, give it to the con and Lee comes. All these wings are great. And you're eating fucking cat nip and fool, fool pads. God knows what else the fuck it's just crazy shit, man. So I can't imagine, I cannot, I cannot imagine what it's like to fucking be a feature act now. But I applaud you guys with all my heart, it gets better or it gets worse, but not really, it gets better. And you hope for something to break or shift, but at the meantime, you just keep laying the work down and everything will fall into place. You agree with me on that? I hope so. I mean, you hope so. What do you mean you hope so? You got to say fuck yeah, Joey, that's a worth motherfucker. I'm a Jew. I'm going to make this work out of respect. You're not all right, the landlord, so what do you have any dates coming up? Nothing. I have a bunch. Yeah. I'm going to be in Charlotte. I'm going to be with Josh Wolf. I'm going to be headlining in Foxboro. I'm going to be headlining back in Adon Gavini. So I'll be at size splitters. I have a lot of coming up. I'm really sure. He'd like to do it with a week of some. Oh, that's the big news. New year's gig. Yeah. Yeah. Once you put one together, Lee's house of father and frolic right in Midtown, Manhattan. Get some firecrackers. I had two chicks to dance. You know, have a good time. Give out some roofies. I don't fucking know, but that's the only way you're going to get a name on the fucking gazebo. I don't want my name on a gazebo for giving out roofies. No, no, but you always focus on the dumb shit. What are you doing? I'm talking about giving out roofies. It's going to be a New Year's extravaganza and you're going to build your name like that. If you give out roofies and people taking, it's not on you. Yes. Remember, putting a roofie in somebody's soda and giving somebody a roofie for you. Taking on your old risk. Two different situations. Nobody's going to jail. Yeah. If I put it in your soda, then I'm a fucking creep. But if I hand it to you and go dog, this is a roofie, do what you need to do, Jack. Me? I'd pop it because I want to see where it takes me. That's the type of motherfucker I am. I used to pop those all the time by myself, drink a couple cocktails like nothing. Oh, my God. Like nothing. You just can't jerk off because your dick is dead, so that's what happens with the roofie and shit. You all right, Lee? No. You're getting convulsions and shit. No. Anyway, I got no dates right now. All we got is August 7th and 8th at an Ocean's Casino and Atlantic City, Jack. Rockin' and rollin', got a room for two nights, freaks, bitches, people takin' in the muffler whole fucking thing. Look at the shape of poor fucking Lee on another Monday night, 100 milligrams that was. And those are my milder fucking edible, see? You're not training when you're on your own. You keep eatin' those 25s, you gotta build up your tolerance 'cause the war's just gonna come abroad. War? Oh, yeah. It's comin'. It's ain't stopping. It's not even though-- It's not even giving out adbbles and war. Yeah. They don't want to fucking open up the lake of Gaza boo, whatever the fuck it is. I pay 80 dollars for tankin' gas. Now it's over. All right. You all right? I'm good. We'll call 911. We're like this, I'll take you to the hospital and bring you back. Things happen. You wanna have mouth to mouth from George? I love you guys. Have a great week. Listen. I'm having the surgery Thursday. I don't know what's gonna happen. All I know is I'm gonna try the best I can to do one next Monday. We'll figure it the fuck out. Even if it's a Zoom from fucking Zoomville, it don't matter. I love you. Stay black. I love you guys. Have a great week. [MUSIC PLAYING]