"I Need Money!" w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast this is iu gabbage oh yeah it's that little show we sit down your favorite comedians and we find that if the group to be classy yeah or they're just a big old piece of trash i'm your host h foley coming at you on a beautiful day we're out back here with toadies in a new edition and if you listen closely you can hear the sounds of the blender going which means and toadies gonna spend the afternoon in margaritaville getting a soup i thought that was goddamn good i'm laughing my co-host coming at you from across the tables we call a family episode just the boys the bozos of the homies just the way we like it give it up for kj kevin james my best pal ryan hey what's up gang shout out to you uh as always please make sure you rate and subscribe on autunes full video available on youtube yeah full video available over there on spotify and boys are climbing a freaking charts we're killing it uh obviously the greatest we're killing it he's killing it i'm killing it everything's fucking cool you're killing the vibe talking about losing the room uh patreon.com gang let's go go over there you sign up you get up to fucking at this point pushing six years of business content a lot a lot of good good good episodes over there you go check it out a lot of good storylines a lot of things going on uh-huh two extra shirt baby how you doing that's great very proud of you look good down in the jeans got new jeans too yeah you don't like them do you i don't know i don't like it either they're like a weird gray uh they're like 2010s yeah that's all they had 2010s at this size now it's i tell you go over that dxl if there's a skinny kid back there he don't give a shit i just got a thumbs up i need a fucking quarter pounder in there what's that oh i'm big boy yeah yeah this guy what don't they care about why can't you just do i don't understand you can't do the shopping you tried facetiming me this weekend he goes i just wanted to show you a pair of jeans i thought you're gonna kill yourself i go i can't pick this up if he's on top of a roof or something i don't have it in me to talk yeah no yeah you're worth it you're having sleep it's just that i'm watching forensic file it's just that dark hotel room not bad not not not not not not not not i said it once i'll set it again you could have should have killed me when you had a chance i don't know why you think we're so adversarial why do you think i should have killed you this is your problem there's always a good there's always a good guy and a bad guy and i don't know hey newsflash you should have killed me if i was a dog you would have shot me that's all behind us now now we're chilling homeless but between between you know apartments but yeah there you go you gotta you gotta spin the i'm spicing it up yes i'm hey i'm between apartments right now i'm gonna be down there cousin ian's start throwing parties when he's not around that's good that's what two guys in rehab should be doing throwing parties well coming in mocktails uh-huh charge a lot of money for them my wife they bang me out every time we go out i'll do the mocktail i go let's get a fucking soda lady more than my fucking jalopy ipa i mocktail get the fuck i i juice i crush i can't sip anything i got down it i've never i've never seen you sip anything yeah i can't sip uh-huh even martinis i used to fuck what's much why are you using that mug it should be no no free promo she'd sit down like floyd mayweather and go is that any pain for this and fucking throw it how do you know i haven't worked at a deal with dominoes we're a tootie mug family gang tootie mug dominoes actually the way it's angled you can't see them blur it out no stop stop it i'll drink this you probably got some side deal cooking don't you uh my left arm's been hurting luke did you get the pictures i said i did cool surveillance footage of you what man whoo uh you wanna yeah so listen where it honestly got so we're a big uh we're big supermarket store yes we are every we have our favorites we have ones we like we don't like it's a little bit of a suburban americana suburban supermarket especially as we always say in the summertime yes when the living's easy i took this very picture at a suburban uh at a suburban supermarket in the summertime wegmans uh acme shop right you've been crossing the line i've been all over if i do a lot of running around i'll stop at a nice joint you will huh yeah stop at a stop at a shop right uh-huh this is actually that's actually funny i was in the parking lot somewhere some uh woman goes holy shit it's kippy i said hey how you doing get out of here no it's not you didn't see me and she goes oh my god you got a racing form under your arm she goes oh my god can you take a picture she's asking her mom she asked her mom to take a picture and then she goes yeah then her mom the whole time who the hell is it who is it who the hell is he who is he he's like it's kippy and every time somebody says it's kippy then they act like that helps if you don't know you don't know yeah kippy martin sound like a muppet um that's a very nice suburban shop right can i say this real quick i've said it before i tell you what the uh the bakery department at these at these grocery stores they've really stepped up they really have really have next time you go in there you get a dessert stop at the and get whatever they got going on that day those ice cookies they do all kinds of fun stuff and usually on like a sunday night if you're having dinner i used to have dinner with my family but yeah they don't talk to me anymore fucking bullshit fuck i do they should have killed you when they had shit i should have i get the invite down there no more you know how it is fuck you either either either either died a hero you live long enough to become the bug man but anyway when i had a family you uh you go over there you get like you know they do brownies and stuff like that they really i they're making that dare i assume right i gotta take it two things one then he's got into it with the bakery lady very recently that's always awkward man when patty would have beef with somebody at the deli counter or the seafood i get over there they told me he wanted to get a cake and like have it was old broads don't like being told no yeah she got and well the woman like i don't think we can get something gave her two that's the last thing denise needs is yeah you can't get that dude from a 20 yeah two from a 20 dude from a 24 year old denise yeah with a nose ring or something yeah no uh i'm looking for some assistance over here that's bad uh so she i said you know what see you later and i went over to yeah whatever and i went over to corporate i went over to help me now i went over to ask me she said yeah pick out any cake you want we'll pull whatever on it so i think too you get yourself a cake over there how do you feel about this nadine did this and i didn't know the other day i guess it was at like a trader joe or something like that you can funny ways trader joe she doesn't pluralize trader joe so i went to trader joe sounds asian when he's i went to a reader joe i hope she doesn't see this her not like it when i make fun of this thing specifically really yeah um that's her button huh yeah i mean it's not so much the button it's the amount i do it it's the exaggeration i do on it to our loved ones we get old quick don't we oh so sweet i'll rot your teeth you know what i mean i can't turn it off buddy that hasn't been i don't like this commentary or narrative you're spinning uh all right so you had a shop right no nadine bought this uh i guess it's fancier i don't know if like a regular shop luke would know this this is in luke's wheelhouse and maybe you've even dabbled not the picture but i get there the other day there's like a baguette in a in a bag right you know what i mean yeah sealed i open it up i know you're talking about i start eating it it's brown it stinks what you buy it and then you gotta cook it to last like eight minutes how do you feel about that what the heck is even that i tell you what hey toast bread it's always better but who's got the time what are you doing i'm hungry what do you mean what am i doing i'm looking for a little bit of carbohydrate i'm looking for a nice baguette so what it was bad stunk i gave some to the baby he didn't like it yeah it's like see if you can find it they're like cooked 75 of the way or something and then you do that can you i don't know half cook a bread and then keep it and then cook it again he goes were you i knew right at the cut when i was cutting it wasn't that good she goes did you eat like it later that day she goes did you eat that i go salmonella or what's in bread celiac celiac get that sourdough in you get all fucked up in case of the dough what do you got uh they're called parbaked parbaked uh yeah you gotta preheat the oven for about 10 minutes you know fire that in there preheating for for a little snack i ain't preheating as a kid the oven might as well been a death sentence you gotta lightly mist it with water wrap loosely in foil to prevent drying out micro so you we're doing everybody's job here yeah what Cook the fucking bread, will you? That's crazy. I said, what are you doing buying half-baked shit here? That's crazy. Hey, Warner, brother. Got me fucked up. I know you're lying. Shout out to Mojo. Shout out to Mojo. I'll tell you this. The garlic bread in the silver thing, that's not cooked either, but still. But that's a dish. You're buying that knowing you got to do that. I haven't had garlic bread in a minute. That's a lie. Oh, yeah, okay. We should just have more Easton in the corner, and that's a lie. You just stole my bit that I did. Yeah, well, no. And what comes out first? This is a hard feeling. It is. You just scooped my bit. Scooped. That's a lie. It's not hitting you. Belting it. Yeah, I haven't had garlic bread in a long time. What's a long time for you? Just curious. I can't even remember the last time I had a nice piece of garlic bread. Must have been like 15 BC or something like that. The Romans were still banging. I think it was back in a restaurant in Mesopotamia. Me and this Sumerian broad were sitting down to a bowl of manicotti, and I said, hey, how about a little garlic bread? You don't like that? What? I can't. It was everything. Mesopotamians, Sumerians. You know the Sumerians? I could have used Sumerians. Hey, you were right there. I know. What is it, though? I'm talking about that yeast. Yeah, I got fucking yeast going in my brain. You know, that's what the- Mesopotamians and Sumerians. They're ancient civilizations. No, I know what it is. I was trying to- Who had way more stronger technology than people let on. I was all buried by the Vatican. Good job. You rule. That was one for the good guys. But whatever. I'm at a fucking shop, right? You by yourself? I'm by myself. I love it. I love Poland. I love Poland. You know what I do? Kind of a douchebag move. I got a big Tahoe. Handicap? Parking a fire lane out front. Parking the fucking- I park about 75% back. Parking the cart corral? Why? They got a big car. Park 70% back in the spot? No, in the lot. Oh, okay. I'm not going for the first spot. No. You know what I mean? I go back a little bit. I never. I like stretching the legs. I like stretching. That's the one time I like walking is through a parking lot. A grocery store parking lot. I'll park. Even the mall. I'll park a little bit back. Yeah, I don't mind. Yeah. Growing up, it was this, like, feat to get to the closest possible one. It's fucking 25 feet. You're going to walk around in the mall anyway. Mm-hmm. Unless you get that Annie's pretzel. Orange Julius. Wet my whistle. We never had a Julius. There's egg whites in it. They stopped making them or something. I haven't. Yeah, something happened. The half-baked? But I'm at the- I go to get a cart out of the front of the store. Mm-hmm. Do you have a list in your hands? It's on the phone. Dunsky? A list in my hand like a- No, it's on the phone. What happened? What? You used to be fucking in the city, banging. I still am. Fuck it. Oh, and I'm not allowed to go to the store? Walk around with the heater and the burner. What happened to me? What happened to you? What are you talking- You're currently homeless. I'm right here. And you make more money than a doctor. A good doctor. Speaking of doctors, I need somebody in the real estate community. I'm going to play a game in New York City. Today? Yeah, I do. For a place tonight. A real estate broker in New York. I'm looking at a- I want a couple places over in Hell's Kitchen. All right? And all this bullshit about making 10 times whatever, having that in the bank account. We don't need- You don't need that. All right? I'll get a letter from my boss telling you what I make, and I can cover it. Help me out. The last thing I need- Also, if you're in Annie Ann's out there, I'm looking for a job. I'm looking for a part-time gig. I applied to DXL. I'm waiting to hear back. Good. If I get the store on 6th Ave, I'm taking it. I said this would be good for you. You get out, you know what I mean? Yeah, Saturday. A couple of hours, talk to people. I'll move that shit. I can't fold clothes, though. That's what I told them. Yeah. That's the whole job. Yeah, that's what the kid said. I talked to the kid in Denver. When I was in Denver, I went to DXL, and I was talking to the kid. I was like, how do they treat you here? They're pretty good. Pretty good job. You got to fold all these clothes. How long is a lunch break at DXL? I don't know. Four hours? It's got to be a minute, dude. It's got to be a stretch. It's probably a regular, but then you get a 40-minute nap. Shut it down. It's like kindergarten. Hey, everybody's got a bottle of milk laying there. Keith David comes in and reads you a story. Who's Keith David? Who's Keith David? Are you crazy? You don't know who Keith David is? He played a. Fucking. What's her name? What's the blonde chick's name? Wait. In order to explain who this actor is, you have to. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Something about Mary. Who am I thinking of? What's her name? Pam Anderson. Uh-huh. God damn it. What's the chick's name? Don't tell them. Don't tell them. What's her name? The blonde-headed chick. She was in the mask. Scarlett Johansson. No. Charlize Theron. I can see her face. I can see the knockers, too. Fucking pussy brain. What's her name, Luke? Come on. Jennifer Aniston. Come on, Luke. Courtney Cox. No, come on. What's her name? Meg Ryan. Drew. Whatever. She played his dad. He was in fucking Platoon. Played his dad in what? She played Mary's dad. Cameron Crowe. No. Cameron Crowe? Mary's dad. He played Mary's dad. The black guy played Mary's dad. He's got a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame. That's all bought. Yeah. Fucking 50 grand. I'll get you one this weekend. Is that 50 G's? I think so. Find out. You got to buy those. Huh. Not in a nice part of town, either. That downtown LA is a good ruse. Yeah, place gives me the heebie-jeebies. What's her name? Luke, please. You're going to drive me crazy. Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz. Thank you. Cost 85 grand to get a star on the- That's all you got to do. There's Keith. You recognize him once you see him. I thought that was fucking Ernie Wells. What's his name? Ernie Hudson. Ernie Hudson. That's Keith. It's Mr. Keith David. Brilliant actor. Looks like an R&B singer. I know you fucking lying. Shout out to Mojo Brooks. We quote Mojo, former guest of the show. I mean, he gets- If we're on the road, if we're in the car or the green room together, I know you fucking lying. But whatever. Let's get back to this freaking shop right here. Motherfucker got a short-sleeved turtleneck on. All right. That was the funniest thing. Never. All right. So you're in a shop, right? I'm in a shop, right? I go to grab a cart. Yes. You know, there's been advances in technology, AI, chat GPT. Luke, hit him. This is a cart that you just, I believe you just put your stuff in and then you pay on the cart. What's that cup thing? I think it's a cup holder. That's what blows your mind. I know. I mean, you're like, it's crazy. It's crazy. I thought you put that. I thought it was a recycling. All right. So you pull that out and the cart's open. Yeah. It's like a shopping cart with an iPad on it. It's got CarPlay on there. You plug your phone in. No way. You're a toonski. There's an Emojo Brooks on there. I know you like it. No shit. Yeah. You listen to Keith Adams. Keith David. I respect. He's done a lot of narration. He's got a great voice. Okay. Oh, he's in Rick and Morty, too. Does a lot of Rick and Morty. Love that Emojo Brooks. Yeah. So then if you scan to the next one, there's instructions. Skip the line every time. Pay on caper cart. That's great. Punch in on that. That's great. Yeah. Scan the QR code to add your payment method in the ShopRite app. Sign in before scanning on your next ShopRite. Log into the ShopRite account on caper cart. Check out. Pay on cart. And then you just fucking go. At checkout. Pay on cart. But people got to be stealing with that. Right? Yeah. But then this is another way to cut out fucking. Did I ask you this on air? I can't remember. When they did self-checkout, they. Listen, I was in the trenches when they rolled that out. We did this on air, right? They know people are going to steal. Yeah. You have this thing of drinking when I'm about to drink. It's crazy. Scoop you. That's a lot. How do you feel about that? I think it's cool. Yeah. I think it should be easier than the whole app thing. It should just. Like, ring it up. I can tap my card and get the fuck. I don't like logging in. What's the thing? You got to. Because then you don't go in and then you got to update your wallet. That's the shit that kills me. I like the. I like the convenience and the idea of all this. But it should just be like a fucking. You can tap with your card. Because then it's like. Log in. Then you got to like. You got to use that plaid or whatever to like log into your bank account. It's like 15 emails. Is there a way. So can you scan it? Do you have to scan it with your phone or you scan it with like a scanner in the cart? What do you mean? Like if you could just scan your items as you put them in the cart. And then have like a tap to pay on the whatever. Yeah. Why don't you look up caper card? I don't know. I just. I didn't even realize you were scanning them. I just thought you just put it in there and it recognized it. Oh, you didn't use it? No. Oh. I was only grabbing. I was grabbing ice. Yeah. I think you. And chafing dishes. I think the scanner is probably in the front. In the front. You should have the gun. I like the gun. Yeah. I like pulling the gun. Pulling out the gun. Depot or something. Target has the gun too. Target's got it, Walmart's got it, anywhere would do depots. put it on my nuts two million they want for them so it says the carts instantly identify items dropped in the basket 360 degree ai cameras yeah so you just place it in there and it gets it that's crazy you can even weigh produce items and deli items on the fly that's pretty good what i feel like i'm a spokesman for them on the fly whoa that's gonna save me what do you think about that i can get home and watch anime porn let me ask moderate successful pod stand-up comedians and podcasters kevin ryan and h foley what they think of caper cart i think it's unbelievable or even as a caper caper cart capper cart any caper caper that's all right though the name sucks somebody's gonna buy that change it up it's gonna be a rip cart or something like that yeah rip cart grab a rip cart grab a rip cart dude just grab a fucking rip cart my best cart fast cart's great cut that fast cart is a good idea excuse me kevin talk about zoc doc baby zoc doc now i've been seeing this this is very interesting i like this i got a lot of problem making appointments and finding the doctor and all that kind of stuff zoc doc makes it easy yes where you are list of doctors bang helps you sign up for them get your appointments ready to go it's really fast and easy i love when somebody comes up with something smart like this that streamlines a process you don't got to call the office uh this guy this just take this insurance just take that insurance zoc doc does it all for you yes i found my current doctor at zoc doc i needed a physical probably about a year and a half ago i remember this i started and i'm just the guy i don't have all this stuff i don't like calling and go i take all cut out all the middleman i chose it online went ended up loving the guy he's now my go-to guy there you go shout out general practitioner yes zoc doc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors you can be in there by noon today type deal let's go they have more than 150 000 providers within 200 plus specialties across all 50 states zoc doc's website has tons of reviews from real patients and detailed doctor profiles to help you choose the right one see actual appointment openings and click to instantly book a visit i don't not to make it not to talk it down it's like booking a reservation at a restaurant you are it's that easy they've cut out all the red tape all the middlemen uh your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be a problem for you complicated find and book the right doctor with zoc doc head to zoc doc.com slash garbage to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list that zoc doc z-o-c-d-o-c.com slash garbage do it do it okay let's talk about pesty pesty pesty now you're the homeowner big pesty guy but pesty just popped up over at patty's place no way she's got the dog she wants to make sure that you know any infestation he pests are under control but she wants to take care of her animal you know what i mean yes do yourself a favor go over to pesty yes pesty is one of the things uh listen my wife's at the forefront of figuring stuff out she's getting the brands before i we were using it before they were even a sponsor uh then they were nice not to send a handheld note to me very nice um but listen it's cool it comes you get the whole package uh you dump the stuff in you mix it up it gives you a pair of gloves you feel cool you get a little pumper and i did it i did it the first year boom put it in that put it aside went back to next year plug it in and i'm like okay i'm gonna do it next year i'm gonna do it next year right back in i don't know how long they say it it is very quick i did it bing bang boom did two laps around the house out the door i think you gotta let it dry for an hour or something it's like you can you know it's safe for the kids the pets the whole nine freaking yards uh with pesty you can get started at 35 per treatment with a customized plan based on your location blood bugs and climate you put your address in it goes this is what you get this is what you got to worry about in your neck of the woods let's go uh gets rid over a hundred types of bugs from spiders to ants to roaches and scorpions you got to worry about it you got to worry about it you got to scorpion you got bigger you got bigger issues it's kid and pet friendly and offers a hundred percent bug free guarantee or your money back keep bugs uh out of your summer sanctuary with pesty go to pesty.com slash ayg for an extra 10 off your order today that's pesty p-e-s-t-i-e.com slash ayg for an extra 10 off do it uh it's all changing man it's all ai dog all ai you always talk like you're like buttoning up a movie it's all changing dog all right fucking no country for fat man over here zip it well i guess you get caught living or you get caught dying that's right i love speaking more words from capricart that uh that speech at the end of no country for old men the guy in the wheelchair oh it's so good his uncle who you know waiting on you that's vanity you got to put a tourniquet on it do you have any other notes on 20 year old movies we can talk about also it's like that's like the most important movie in the world it's like the most famous like ending of a movie that and six cents when you find out he's a ghost what i told you that pat stole that grudge against me oh you told him yeah he's like dude you fucking ruined six cents for me i've never seen the movie so i don't know he's like still holding that was a shocker that's a movie i wouldn't mind going that's something you can just watch six cents yeah it still never makes you makes you really miss philly they shoot over there on fucking spruce street the lancy that part of talent cashel sure all right you don't have a house here you want to fucking you want a place down in fucking written house square if you can't afford house kitchen you definitely can't afford written house square somebody hit me up seriously choirs only you're looking to rent yeah okay all right well what i'm looking to rent but i know manhattan's fucking all bougie you got to have like 10 times the rent in your bank account and all that shit it's not really depends how much you and jb are going to play ball with me don't do this to me what do you think it's not me playing ball it's jb what do you mean yeah no we went over this you think you can use the corporate bank account why not game's over man what this is the third time we're going through this when you know when what last summer all right i'm all clean now this this apartment you were supposed to this is very hard feeling you were supposed to use this apartment to get your feet under you right and you didn't i did i paid some things off okay but i've got fucking 10 times i wasn't saying you do that's why you're moving with cousin ian yes get your feet on that's great that's great for you it's great for content it's like living in the box like when the when the heavyweight champ goes back and lives in the boxing gym you got you got two you got two rocky two man you got tigers and shit you got fucking corvettes you're living the fucking movie star life you gotta get back in there real feel mickey's dead link's dead you know what i mean get back in the gym live it you stop living it man i'm taking pictures of fucking shopping what the hell are you talking about but think about that that you get back in there hand to hand combat you and ian laughing coming up with stuff go for it called no cameras take bets on calci on how long that fucking life chat to my cousin ian out there obviously cuz my boy you know what's pretty cool is that a live show some people wear cousin ian shirts and be like i gotta represent the family love it which you love to fucking love it someone yelled out ian the other day at uh just yell it out they were like ian where did i see a matt and shane t-shirt was one of the is that one of the guys in the special one of the audience members in the special i don't know what special you're talking about special we got coming out in september whoa big are you garbage special coming out in september all are you garbage film down there at side splitters tampa over the weekend it's our best work excited about it more at 11 more at 11 yeah um all right listen i'm not screwing around with you what you have in your bank account what you don't have in your bank account let's uh i'm aware that i've made some mistakes i'm owning up to them yeah no one's saying you're not cool so we're cool everything's erased right okay starting now let's just hit one would you hit me with a reset will you you've gotten so what reset can i give you you want more money that's what you want it's not a it's not about money you seem to make it about money i don't know what the word bridge loan was thrown out advanced oh great chilling you're about as straight as mateo lane dog shout out to mateo lane out there on fucking broadway they can talk about family yeah he starred in chicago on goddamn broadway now he's a good actor he's a great actor that kid can do everything that was a shot at you oh fair enough hey i take it now that's a guy with talent really does yeah he fucking he's singing dancing he's like acting he's drawing tight little body on him too he's talented to the fact where i just like to the point where i go like oh i don't even know like it's crazy we do the same thing i mean we don't sure um but yeah you're just like oh wow that's yeah we can be funny in conversation it's like that guy is like just fucking i can riff you know that guy's a goddamn singer you guys are doing chicago Chicago, which I wouldn't mind seeing that. Doing Mulan Really I've seen Miss Saigon And I've seen Les Miserables They're the only two Broadway shows I've ever seen I don't go in for All that Disney shit The fucking Lion King And all that crap I like straight plays Old school Mamet Pinter Mamet old school He's alive isn't he No but that's old Like straight plays No music You know You like them Yeah What was the last one You went and saw I couldn't tell you Yeah You don't like them that much You like saying that You think I had Garlic bread that night I'm saying I would go But you don't No You would do a lot of shit Sure You haven't Well if I get to this place Over in Hell's Kitchen I'll be right I'll be right I'll be right In the theater district Yeah there's There's some There's some people Who are bragging Lying to you With a broker But they're like They're not Yeah see They're like corporate brokers Nah I need somebody That's gonna play ball At a big At a big high rise Why don't you get A longer sublet Longer sublet Yeah like an eight month Sublet or something They still check the books And shit I don't need anybody Snooping around No What Get Patty to cosign Fuck that Hey be in bed with her She'll get denied too Why it's not as bad As you think She'll get denied too I should get Luke Fucking little shit Be working at a footlocker Getting your Getting your employee To fucking cosign for you Is wild work Shark You live a specific life You've made some great decisions And horrible decisions That means Yes That's crazy Very true Yeah you have an That's What a wild What a wild way to live life You have an employee Who could cosign for you I have four employees Five if I count you The girl who does my books You got more than that Do I I guess full time employees There's one two three There's four Nice Then a lot of Independent contractors Fuck I can them For a couple of weeks Keep their checks Don't think that Hasn't crossed your mind Convince them all To go on strike Or something like that You didn't ask To get this Start a business Laying the fucking union dude Hey Hoffa Yeah right Then I end up fucking Then De Niro kills me That's your dream though right What De Niro killed you Yeah You ever think You'll be alright I'd rather be Pacino I'm honestly more of a Pacino man De Niro Hula I told you Somebody pops out of your closet In Hell's Kitchen I got him I got him I got him Cheap Alright let's get out of business It's a god damn family episode Gang as you know When you sign up For the old Patreon You submit your question Right on the air By Kevin Ryan himself And if you're selected You get the Rent You get to cosign For Mr. H Foley You know I should be Hitting up Who I don't know who I don't know Come to me Why don't you ask Like one of our rich friends Who You know who Kreischer Any of them Segura Schultzy Schultzy What to cosign or just I just give some cash Yo why don't you Fucking let me get straight here Yeah Going through a rebuilding phase Yeah why don't they'll break you off You think Nah Couldn't do that They saved their cosign No What do you think they would What do you They need content too That's true Like No I would never Write off Listen we're joking here I would never ask somebody to Fucking do that I'm not a fucking dirtbag What Alright I'm a dirtbag Yeah you just asked me I wouldn't go Yeah you're different You're family I'm not going to fucking Schultz and asking him for like a 75 thousand dollar loan What do they Which he's got What's the investment term I'm Overextended Or leveraged Or what's the Like I mean like you're cash poor But Hey don't say that Like liquidity issues No Liquidity I got broke I blew it all On drugs What are you talking about Alright let's go Screw it around Yeah we got a god damn Show to go Okay alright let's see This one is from Matt $10 homie Never had one read Ah fuck My glasses were on there The whole time Take it from the top Ah it's embarrassing My fucking readers Embarrassing That's more embarrassing Than being 50 With no money in the Asking your mom to Co-sign on a loan for you Talking about it publicly To hundreds of thousands Of people Is that how many people Listen to the show Pretty popular program Which we appreciate you And thank you Yes thank you very much I felt bad the other day I was running from I was running home From the airport I was in a rush And this kid like saw It was a crowded airport And this kid saw me And he was like trying to say What's up And he's like hey what's up Did you see him No Bigger like kind of Stockier red headed kid I hit him with the Bug man's right back there And I had a fucking Oh this is when you were Moving and shaking When I was moving and shaking Wow And he was very nice And he came He was like I'll be listening To the whole flag Oh thanks brother Appreciate you Thanks so much Shout out to him Hit me with a God bless you on the way I've been hitting people With a God bless you That hit me I do that to Uber drivers Every once in a while I doubt they like that No that's who I hit it to You know and God bless We're talking JC Well they don't know that But you know Whatever higher power They pray to You know They appreciate Keep fucking eyes on you guys This guy's This guy's vulnerable And willing to do anything For a payday Al Qaeda real estate You would be the guy They honeypot I just got a job Entertaining the troops In Yemen They're good fellas We should do a USO tour I've fucking been telling you man Get me in a fucking Blackhawk Blackhawk Sure No Us in a Blackhawk That'd be cool Uh huh None of that fucking Germany shit I wanna go out to the front lines Maybe I'll catch a frag Into that Do me a favor He steals someone's hand grenade Uh Uh listen This one's from Matt We're having fun Ten dollar This is all for comedy purposes Of course yeah Nobody freak out Everything's cool He got Eight hundred credit Yeah That's another thing Till my credits tank Come on Don't worry about me You keep bringing up bad shit What do you mean don't Drop the juicy tidbit Your credit was always better than mine Yeah well it ain't no more Okay Now pull this shast out of your ears And fucking let's get to work We're up in the ad reads This episode It's 57 You're doing them Go ahead This is from Matt Never had one read My mom had a slip and fall At the grocery store When I was a kid The manager offered a four pack At New York strips If she didn't file a claim She came home Like we won the lottery And was completely bruised On her left side That's crazy Yeah That's old school That's a tough broad too What was it Four pack of what Four pack of New York strips New York strips What's that go for now In today's dollars That's probably about Sixty seventy dollars Worth of meat Four pack Four pack of steaks Dude steaks are so expensive Are they Yeah I don't know why Especially you go You look and get a nice steak out Not even a nice place It's like forty eight bucks What the fuck is this It's probably running you Fifteen bucks a steak She should have fucking sued This shit out Juicy If they're good It could be like twenty five I wonder why that fuzz I doubt they were good You think that falls On the store manager though Like why he I guess maybe Yeah just you know The no slipping Whatever Listen those I've worked in those Corporate things It's like The The people who end up Being store manager Like really fucking care And like they put You know Part of the company Looks for people Who will put the company First kind of And like Not cut corners Or whatever But like Will convince Customers To not Get Not file a claim Right Just cause it's just Negative bad Whatever whatever Cost of money That way if they're up For fucking You know your Your store's up for review And they're like Well we had to pay out A hundred thousand dollars In claims For your store That don't look good to me That don't look good to me That don't look good on you No Rather four pack Claim someone stole it Yeah There you go Books are even You know what I mean Sure I feel you They're gonna go Fake a slip and fall At a Wegmans Never Which I said this before I don't love a Wegmans And I found out why It's too close to Walgreens You're not wrong You're not wrong It doesn't do it for me I got room for one W store Yeah it doesn't do it for me The aisles aren't all straight Fuck that There's a lot of There's a lot of like Wacky turn Then you're in traffic Behind It's just like Up and down We solved this Grid system Grid system What the fuck Grid system Alright let's see here This one's from Lewis Is it garbage If the McDonald's Drive-thru cashier Calls you a $10 homie For listening to AYG Let's go I was getting a coffee Before my FedEx shift At 3.30am Listening to the new Patreon at drive-thru Hands me my coffee And says What's up $10 homie Let's go Let's go baby That is some blue collar That's what we're talking about. Drive-thru with the 3.30 a.m. ship. Guy going to FedEx. 3.30 a.m. ship. Linking up. Shout out to him. Thank you, fellas. Yes. This is a perfect time to bring up our new segment that we decided to do today. Okay. Not do it, but we can announce it. Okay. We're going to do a small business spotlight. Ooh. This came in the idea through a listener when I was asking for help with the pool. A bunch of pool guys and electrician. Everybody came out of the Woolworks looking to help. I was like, oh, this is really fucking cool. And some guy was like, dude, you should let people know if there's someone who does windows in St. Louis that I would rather use a Homey or a Bozo. Love that. And I was like, oh, that's fucking awesome. Build a network. Yeah. So there'll be a link in the description of this show. You can click that. And if you own a small business, only owners of small businesses are like, whatever. No screwing around. Yeah. And you can enter it and we'll pull some and we'll do it and we'll profile them on the show. We'll go over. We'll look at your Instagram, the whole nine yards. I love that. And kind of fucking fill out all the information so we know where you are, what you do, all that kind of stuff. Shout out to it. Yeah. We'll have a good time with it. While supporting the fucking bootstrapping the goddamn army of garbage. Let's go. Who do you trust more than a fucking Homey and a Bozo? That's right. Endless summer escapes start here. Travel the worlds of Netflix IRL. Inspired by fan favorites like Stranger Things and Squid Game. Brave the upside down. Face off with the front man. Play leveled up arcade games. Shop exclusive merch. And enjoy themed food and drinks. Beat the heat. Play, eat, and shop on repeat at Netflix House at Galleria Dallas. Bring your crew and save. Get your tickets today at Netflix.com slash house. Your favorite friend group is back. FX's Adults follows five roommates living in New York, leaning on each other to navigate love, work, friendship, and family while tackling pressing questions of your 20-year-old. Your 20s like, what if the person who inherited your fake ID is cooler than you ever were? Why does being around your family make you regress into your worst self? And how do you tell your roommates that you have other friends? FX's Adults. All episodes now streaming on Hulu. All right, let's see here. What a perfect segue that was. I wasn't even playing. You do very well with those. Kids are good. No one's been lucky with the segues. Thank you. Like Doc Holliday. Quick on the draw. That's when we were out there and fucking out there on Red Rocks on that hike. Felt like I was in 310 to Yuma. It was hot. Are they red? Are they red? He seemed like a nice guy. Yeah, they're red. What is that, clay? I don't know. How old do you think that rock is? 300 million years old. Damn, he's good. I know how old rocks are. Uh-huh. Yeah, the structure of the universe. Okay. Okay. Why don't you focus on an apartment, all right? All that. All that brain power. Stop cracking the universe. You crack, I'll sketch you. Am I right? About 200? About 200? Yeah. I think you heard us talking. Scooped him. That was a lie. Which I don't know if I buy that, by the way. What? They wouldn't be able to tell that. Carbon date. Nah, carbon dating's only good for so long. Not to mention, they wouldn't be sitting there for 300 million years just like that. They would've been moved around. Nobody said they were. What are they doing? Well, if we found them in the 1800s, they could've been somewhere else 3 million years ago. That's also why they say they were shaped like that. Why? Because there's like a ridge of them going down. There's like 15 of those like, I think they're called like the dinosaur spikes or whatever. That's result, this was loosely explained, the result of the stuff moving. Like they weren't always there. Play tectonic? I guess, I don't know. But yes, very cool. Yeah, it is cool. Millions of years, we're here for a blip. Yeah, that was like, shout out Denver, we'd fucking sold out five shows. But the late, late show wasn't fully sold out. There was like 20 tickets left. I was like, really wanted to sell it out. And I was like sitting there running like, fucking 300 million years old. I'm worried about selling like, fucking dust on a fucking, you know, I'm worried. Shit don't matter is what I'm trying to say. But we did end up selling it out. We did it in five sold out shows. Yes, very cool. But thank you. Shout out to the fucking, all the homies and bozos. Five sold out shows. Shout out to the Comedy Works. Yes, one of the best clubs in the country. 100%. This one's from Marty. $10 VIG contributor. I once saw a guy spray painting his late 90s Mustang in a self-service car wash bay. I don't know if I witnessed a garbage or a cover up of a major crime. That's, nothing good happens at those places. I've always been, they were popular in the 80s too. I always felt sketchy in there. We only have really new of one. And it wasn't in like a great neighborhood. I mean, we used to have to go pay a bookie there. I don't know if he like managed it or if that's where he worked or he lived by there. But that was my only, that was my first. We used to go to Car Wash USA. That's where we went. Sure. But then like we would, as we got older, we're doing like more construction. We'd like wash out the back of the bed and stuff. If we were like moving rocks or fucking, you know, trash, you'd spray out the bed. But like, how much, I guess it's probably what? Like two or three bucks and quarters to spray it down. Something like that, yeah. You don't get the wax. You don't get nothing. No. You get the soap. I guess it's some probably. That is for after you hit somebody. Yeah, that's like you're covering something up. That's hit and run shit. Get the deer's blood off the front of your car. There's also a lot of just not great people hanging out around there. A lot of episodes of cops, people getting arrested. Shifty. Yeah. Because they're never in great neighborhoods. And there's no one watching them. Yeah. That's another good point. You can hang out. There's like outlets. You can probably plug your phone in. There's a Vendy machine. There's people coming and going. You can fucking. Grift them. Yeah. Steal something. Beg for something. That might be a good job for you. There you go. Check it out. All right. Let's see here. This is a great name. Worst summer ever to electric boogaloo. $20 Texas trash. Never have one read. You's ever used pretzel sticks as edible chopsticks. Pretzel sticks as edible chopsticks. That's a good time. That's all right. I'm not good with them. Pretzel sticks and ice cream is very, very underrated. I remember doing that as a kid. Yeah. Just throwing pretzels and ice cream. The salt, the sweet. That's what it is, right? Yeah. That's a pretzel cone. Yeah. Which are pretzel cones national. Sure. Yeah. I don't know. Probably international. I mean, they got Europe. They do big stuff with ice cream. They got a lot going on. They'll do the fucking fake cone. Hit you with that thing. That ain't Europe. No. Yeah. If Europe's in Pakistan, what the fuck? What the fuck are you talking about? That's a turkey move? I hear a lot of things about turkey. I want to go over there and hang out. No booze, though, right? Oh, what do I care? I don't know. That was your first concern. You tell me what you care. Let's focus on rent first, okay? Fucking international travels. I might go over there and try this ice cream. You get mad, kill the guy. What? You get mad because he won't give you the cone. Fucking rent. International incident written all over it. You're an interesting man, Hank. Interesting man, and that's why we love you. Thank you, Kevin. Cut that. Another deep cut of a name. This one's from Mova. Mova. An additional deep cut. Come on. $10 Chippahoy. Never have one read. I want a Chippahoy. If you know, you know. Those are deep Seinfeldian cuts. I did not. I did not. Is it garbage that my dad bought me? My dad once specifically ordered two happy hour margaritas from a waitress because he insisted we arrived at 6.56, four minutes before happy hour ended, but we were deliberately not seated until 7.02. Whoa. Yes, the manager had to get involved. Wow. Huh. I respect it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I see the. I see both. You give it to him. 100% hospitality, you give it to him. The guy's there. You drug your feet. He hates it, and I'm. Plus, those fucking. Listen, listen, listen. Let's cut the bullshit. We all know those happy hour margaritas are not the same as the regular margaritas. It's some pre-mixed or watered down. They're in a smaller mug, whatever it is. Just give him the fucking thing. Yeah, it's also like, if these are the two you got to keep, and then he's going to order one or like. Yeah, you know he's getting fucked up. He's ordering fucking two margaritas. He's arguing over fucking four minutes. He's getting fucked up. Yeah. But you did come in at like. That's like the restaurant doesn't close till 11. You know, it's vicious as McDonald's with that fucking. I thought it was all day now. No, they cut your right off. I was in a McDonald's drive-thru. That was all day at some point. Or some of them are. I was in a McDonald's drive-thru not that long ago, and we ordered and then heard the cutoff. That's it. There's some guy behind us. You're mid-order. I'll do two hash browns. That's all you get. Fucking freak out. That's the system, though. That's the computer system. Yeah. Yeah. But it should be all day. What are we doing? It was. Didn't think they'd change that. It was like for COVID for a second. No, this is also. I remember living in fucking Queens when I lived in Queens. Wow, you lived in Queens. I lived in Astoria before you, dog. No, that's not true. It is. I lived there 10 years ago. I lived there 100 years ago. No, you couldn't have lived there before me. I lived there 300 million years ago with the Red Rocks. Because you couldn't have lived there before me because when I moved up here, I moved into a Queens apartment, and you hadn't moved up here yet. I wasn't. - This isn't a story though. - Stood in there in Philly, it out they ended it who who didn't know please he was going out some weird competition they ended it uh during covet during yeah because they had it for sure yeah because i remember i was i didn't know they did it i was in a mcdonald's over there on broadway like 34th and broadway and uh fucking guy in front of me ordered like a couple of mcgriddles i said yo god what do you want fucking pluto and then they gave them dirty in the afternoon they gave them to him i said i'll do the big breakfast just as an appetizer i was a big breakfast kid back in the day whoo they still do that the big breakfast yeah they got it and them sausage patties were fucking something else a little red pepper flake or something in there get you going that'll start your day um all right let's see uh this one's from nick farino hey gang ten dollar pool chemi sponsor never had one red uh oh no never mind it says never had more than five red kids had a couple red let's go kid writes a good question is it garbage that i cut my nails and trim my beard outside so i don't have to clean up the bathroom cut my nails and trim my beard outside so i have to clean the bathroom yes it's a gentleman's move i don't hate it but what do you do with this i need to see the beard i know right and i need a i need i need a i need a system to see the saw i gotta see it from the angles you know because we got seven cameras maybe he's got a maybe he's got a mirror out there a vanity a vanity but out but then like if you got an outdoor shower i could see it like he also could be a real man what's that mean like he just trims it he just knows how to do it he has like a good beard where he just has to run yeah but you still need to see not these real guys i don't know about that uh so a real man can just blindly trim yeah okay um i can't i fucked up in denver gave yourself herpes no i got fucking i'm trimming my beard i looked weird i had to fix it yeah i didn't know the scissors you notice it now good i don't think so would you mess up did my mustache yeah i'd like to shave but it's just i look so gross i look gross now but i think you look good now huh i'm talking to luke no yeah i think i mean in comparison you look fantastic oh yeah you look amazing that picture from austin oh that's moving on we're moving on atell's kitchen everybody hit us up um yeah i think that would be great i would just i would love to do that because i hate the cleanup so i would be that would be great but i would need some sort of mirror system going on sometimes i'll take i'll film myself like this to make sure i got everywhere like those barber videos i'll light my hair up on fire like those turkish dudes those guys go ham yeah i got nothing else going on that's how bored they are they're letting each other's hair off i want to go over there for that start drinking that place probably stinks i hate burning here there's uh i watch a a thing in uh i think she's she's from bethlehem like do my i get really weird people and things but it's this she's a girl barber and she cuts like you know like 12 year olds hair i guess when she asked for their pronouns if she can touch you no okay you know what i'm talking about yeah is that like hot or like weird no it's just being um like super safe space yeah haircutting yeah dude i got my haircut fucking did you hear this i got my haircut and fucking where are you denver i sit down and i'm like looking at the uh you know not a not great looking uh the street kind of lady walks by and the guy goes how many beers would it take i'm like what the fuck they say that about you you at least a case yes that's funny different things different things um all right let's see here i'm not screwing around this one's from screaming cold heater ten dollar partially used gift card never had one read is it garbage or collect intangible things my sister's trying to see a game at every major league ballpark my stepdad is a chef who wants to eat at the oldest restaurant in every u.s state before he dies i think that's great say that one more time just deleted it fuck idiot uh ten dollar partially used gift card is it garbage to collect intangible things my sister's trying to see a game at every major league ballpark that's great my stepdad is a chef and wants to eat at the oldest restaurant in every u.s state before he dies wow that's like experience stuff that's like a million times better trashy though but i respect it i don't know i mean just collecting anything's trashy but i would say you're not collecting you're doing stuff collecting is eat at the oldest restaurant in every city state state that'd be ralph's right in philly uh that's the family owned i don't know if that's the old i think their caveat was family owned gotcha i went to school with them you did the rabinos but uh yeah i think that's great i mean that's like experience that's like going on vacation that's like saying i want to go to 20 countries you're like going somewhere doing something with a purpose there's history you know um same thing with the ballpark i mean i don't think the major league ballparks are the most uh culturally defined things sure you're still like it's still the motor that makes you go to a city do stuff experience just spend time with friends family whatever so it's like it's better than collecting fucking beanie babies or starbucks mugs like this weirdo don't get me started with the starbucks what i don't collect them is there a collection of them sure are they all just a regular cabinet yeah behind glass you must have a lot of locking key you must have a lot of mugs yeah it's probably like eight to ten at this point what i got like 25 25 total mugs yeah what do you live in a diner i don't know we got a hell of mugs who collects them my girl like my girl drinks tea a lot so as the english do hello and i will show this then and i like chief and a big fella good coffee mugs yeah always buy a good mug whenever i see it see there you go he gets it i don't have any mugs uh-huh you don't have a house to put them in what are you talking about it'd be weird to it'd be weird to bring if you had to move your coffee mugs from hotel room the hotel room they're clanking around like jacob marley can you put these in the safe please i'd like to keep my coffee mug collection in the vault of the uh hilton garden inn please uh all right i love it you got a brief you got a briefcase that comes to your hand please i don't like the the feel of metal out of my skin yeah i don't oceans 11 one of them but i don't think it was the 11th yeah yes it was it was the original one okay dickhead it's carl reiner yeah rest in peace sure also rob reiner rest in peace r.i.p and his wife too obviously rest in peace alright this one's made off with Bernie's great name $10 homie never have one read what age does it switch from he or she is a good kid who made a mistake to he or she is hemmed up how old are you I would say I would say age plays a role into it and the amount of times law enforcement has to be involved also I think like where they are at in school like if you're still in college or if you just entered the workforce after like high school good point good point cause if you're in college it's like he's a good kid he's figuring out he's getting his head on but if it's like you know if you get a DUI at 23 and you're like you're in the electricians union or something like it's a little more it's a little more teeth you're not in the you're not in the make believe land anymore you're like there's real world consequences to it rather than being like ah well by the time I'm out of college that DUI is gonna be gone it's like I gotta find a ride to work you know what I mean it's a little bit different that's a good one though that's really good I would say yeah age for sure cause we're a big family I think Philly does it as well as like uh New York does it too but like hey he's a good kid like I said it the other day about my friend and they were like they thought I was talking about my friend's kid and they were like what I'm like oh no I meant you know I meant a 40 year old man that's what I meant but uh so we said he's a good kid but you know whatever he's a good kid but at some point I would say the the length of the length of the trials and trials and tribulations as well you know what I mean like I had friends who were yeah he's a good kid he's just you know he goes he parties too much I'm past all that even though I'm on a straight and narrow now I'm past all that I'm bad seed yeah you're jammed up you can't be 50 and a good kid making a bad choice you know you're not running with the wrong crowd anymore you know you are the wrong crowd but yeah then I had friends who have like been like career lifelong addicts and it's like yeah you're just you get like a year to like straighten out that tough time between like 20 25 I would say like yeah 50, 50, 50, 55, 60, uh, over 30, there's more consequences to it. There's like, everyone's bitching at you, whatever. Fuck. Fuck. Pull up my mom's purse. Yeah. I guess the proximity to your parents is still a pretty good, if you're like, if you got to go back to their house, not present company excluded, obviously, but visiting you're there to steal her mug collection, but that's a big thing. Of like, you know, I, yeah, I think the second you don't have a home base and this is not, I swear to this is that I didn't put two and two together when we started talking about this. Um, I swear to God, you know, a place to hang your hat. You need, you need roots. I got an apartment, a warm meal to come home. Loving family. Just keep rubbing it in. Then we're back. Uh, yeah, that's a great question though. That, yeah, I would say age and duration of shenanigans, I think is a good way to put it. Some people are. Our career shenanigan guys, lifelong shenanigans, Henry and his shenanigans, shenanigans, not a bad name for a band. Coming with that tattooed on you, Henry and the shenanigans, um, yeah, a great question though. I would say my, I come from a world that a group of people wear. So that rope is significantly longer than I would say the rest of society. Sure. Like, Hey, he's a good kid. He's just got, you know, 18, 19, 20, 21, turning around mid twenties. It starts hitting like, you gotta fucking, you know, you gotta fucking get it to get this guy's got to get it. Yeah. You got probably got that. At that point, you have pride. You have some problems that need to be addressed. He's going through a lot, you know, I just caught Patty sending that to somebody. He's going through a lot. He's talking about who the dog. No talking about me. No shit. Somebody who owed me an apology. She's fucking, Hey, he's going through a lot. Bunch of bullshit. Wait, someone owes you an apology. Maybe. Probably not. No, but I caught her fucking not backing me up on something. What are you reading her text? Yeah. What the fuck? You're holding it to her face while she's sleeping. You know, it's crazy. I'm pretty sure my son's face can open my phone. Whoa. Isn't that nuts? That's crazy. Cause I've handed it to him locked and sometimes it's open. Me and my brother can do that. Yeah. Wow. It's pretty. Dork. Oh, no way. Oh, you guys are bad kids, huh? Our dicks also get hard at the same time. Isn't that weird? Yeah, it's usually got your mouth on one of them. It's called a 69 guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my brother did it like a nerd alert. Jesus Christ. You ever kiss a girl? What the hell? Just my brother. This one. You guys do this thing. Kissing your hand. He keep talking it back. Did you ever, as a kid, you ever anybody that could do like that and where it looked like they were making a high dude? I never understood it. I didn't go to school with Jim Carrey. My brother could do it real good. It's the only way I could come. I remember someone's going, yeah, look, it was like an uncle or somebody. I forget. I remember being like, dude, I don't know what this bit is, but it's stinkaroos. Okay. I can't guide you. Check that for a minute. Hmm. Where were you? Where were you dreaming of a mouthful of teeth? I had a loving family. I just caught that one. Yeah, you went back. Did I? Yeah, like a walrus. Set of chompers on you. You better not bite anybody. Hey, you'd be identified in a fucking weekend. I got hippo teeth. They're all flat. I saw a hippo fucking rip an alligator's head off. You were on a cool crowd. Dude, rip. He doesn't have hands. No, I bit it and ripped it. Like, literally, the alligator bit inside of its mouth. The hippo chomped down and just ripped his bottom jaw off. Fucked up. Alligator was okay, though. Check it out. Very funny stuff. This one's good. Pavlo. Pavlo loves hog. Talk about your mouth watering. Long time, homie. What? You got to be kidding me. I was reading. What'd you say? Long time, homie. I hear you just giggling out there. Shut up. That's God. Back to work. I need it. Guys, find me a co-signer. Yeah, got them all hammering away. It's just a bunch of cell phones. We can't fake this for you? That's what I'm asking you, dickhead. What was it? What the fuck do you think I'm talking about? You got to show them bank statements. Yeah. Oh, I'm not. I mean, the company's not showing you. The company can't show fake bank statements. It's fraud. You can do that if you want. Sure. Yeah, I'm not getting involved. Fucking print them up. I'm not doing it. You can do it. I don't know how to do that. I don't. I'm not getting. Dude, you fucked up everything. You think I'm committing fraud with you at this point? You're. I bleeped that. You're nuts if you think I'm going to commit fucking fraud with you. I don't want you committing fraud. You just asked that. It's not fraud. It's not fraud. Just don't talk about it on the telephone. Go home. Make some calls. You would rat me out immediately. No, I wouldn't. Yes, you would. No, I wouldn't. I'd be able to throw it in your face 10 years later. Yeah, after I get out of prison. No, I get out. You what? Because I don't rat you out. Then I come. It was all your idea. So. I'm helping you. I'm still coming for vengeance. Cape Fierce. Cappy. Cape Cod style. Chips. You're a big movie star. I don't know. Playing baseball. I don't need it. I'll fucking straighten. I'll figure it out. Don't you worry. I'm not worried. You just start picking out a fucking housewarming present for me. About 45 grand. I'm kidding. We're fine. It's super specific. I only need $44,362. I'm joking, obviously. They're going to kill me. Actually, I should do a fake kidnapping. Yeah, do it. I would love to see you try it. Leave notes. I'm just right back here. You're probably at my house. Oh, fuck. See if you can fake your own death. That's pretty good. Yeah, but how am I going to get the apartment then? What? I can put somebody else. I can fucking live as Randy Johnson or something. Yeah, right. Like you can throw like Randy Johnson. I ain't got the heat. I can maybe do a slider. That's a good to fake your own death. Does it be Randy Johnson? Why do you want to be Randy? You got a thing for this guy? The unit? He throws heat. The big unit? Yeah. He throws heat. Who am I going to be? Aaron Nola? No, thanks. Something with some fucking. Do you have to be a pitcher? I think so. Hey, why don't we try a guy who's not broke? I'm not faking my own death. I'm not doing anything illegal. I'm done now. I'm done killing. On stage. Why don't you do a Lebowski thing? Cut my toe off? Yeah. No, I'm not doing any of that shit. I'm going to get it the right way. Get off of here. I'm going to beg you for money. Do the gentleman's move. I'm going to find something, hold it over your head, threaten to kill myself. Like a man. Yeah, we got to wrap up. We're such good friends. You're right. We are. Gang, I'm going to tell you right now. Don't listen to what you hear out there. Don't listen to what I tell you because I'm lying about some stuff. Gang, we love you to death. We'll see you in three days. Peace.