I'm Wade. I'm Bald.

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to the Stacked-A-Ball. This episode, white and white, gets a razor, swears internet stalking, and forces terrible choices. Boundstorming Bob dishes his hair cut disaster, the juices' ointment, legacy, and health. Miglomaniac Mark claims Pope Paragon status, prepares to take 4k to the nth degree, comes hard. Slurps, pin-piddle, from desaturated Yoda to remostless roasting. Yeah! It's time for… I'm Wade, I'm bored, now sit back and prepare to be distracted, and enjoy the show. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractable. I'm your host, Wade. What's that? Didn't Wade just host not too long ago? We're so back. I think it's a new season, I don't know how that works, but I'm in this seat, I'm going to stay in this seat, usually whether I'm hosting or not, I'm in the same seat, but you know what I mean. Do it as always by my co-hosts and not current hosts. Mark and Bob, hey guys. I'm not entirely certain you ever leave that seat, I don't think you have to tell people that's where you'll be, I think everyone could find you there 24/7. That's what I want people to think and know. I don't know why, but Wade, you seem particularly desaturated today, are you depressed? You're just graying out as a person. Well we're recording this a little earlier than usual, and I was in bed like a sleep, and I was just like, it was one of those moments where I kind of woke up, was like, look at my phone, Bob, 10 minutes ago, you guys want to record? Oh! You know, got up and got ready real quick, was like, yeah, let's do it. Yeah, wait, what time is it over there for you? That's not important, okay? I was up to like 3.30 in the morning playing power world, so like, I was up till 2.30, and I've been up for 5.5 hours, so yeah, but you chose to sign your life away by becoming a parent. I'm supposed to be able to sleep. I chose the sleep life. That wasn't even it, I had to go to the doctor. Well, you're just making bad life choices, I tell my doctor, I'm not free till after two. I'm doing a toddler, so I have to be back home at some point early as possible. I think I win the sleepy point this episode, I'm pretty sure. I'm the most sleep deprived of you, too. Welcome to the most perfect stir-crime. Me stealing this episode away is how it starts. And as long as I get points for being able to host it, I guess. I definitely didn't forget I was supposed to be writing points on the pad and scrambling to get that ready real quick. Sam saturate Wade, he does look pretty desached. Pick a better color for Wade, Sam. Hew shift him 137 degrees, bump lightness 1.2, make me Yoda. He's done that before, he probably has a preset. Yeah, let's assume Sam has a preset for everything and isn't crying in a corner every time we ask him to do some. Sam, make me plaid. How many bits can we do to torture Sam all at once? I'm a Guam. Send Wade to Guam. Blow Mark up. Mate off. Now we spent six hours editing that part, we're going to do the rest of the episode. My hair has never looked more frazzled, are you seeing this? Look how much frizzies I have. The light behind is definitely adding some fries. It's just a glow of a man who's succeeding in his goal of evading the law. I'm not winning the hand some point today, I just got through that right out there. I've only been saying I need a haircut for three weeks, so I'm getting close to actually doing it. Molly got me like a new foil shaver, so I've been like shaving my head every day, every other day to keep the smooth bald. The other day I was like, oh, let me trim the beard up and everything. Just go crazy. And then I thought I was on a two. I must have been on like on a point five for the beard, because I did one line. Of course, I picked the right the middle, and it was like, oh God, there's no hair left, but there's a little, just the gray blends so well with my skin, it looks like there's no hair. It's nice. I like it. Honestly, it does look good. You have a strong jaw with it that short. Yeah, definitely better than the super beard I had going on. I do like, I want to shave the beard entirely, but Molly won't let me, so one day I'm going to do it anyway. I used to cut my hair, my own hair in college, and there was one night I used to just do buzz cuts, so it's really easy. And I was like shaving it in the evening and I took, I had the thing and I put the blade guard on and I reached behind my head and it fell off, but it like fell into the towel that was around me. So I didn't hear it do anything. And I just went right up the back middle of my head, and there was a solid half hour where I was just sitting in the bathroom like, do I have to? I guess I have no, no, I can just, it's fine, no, I have to wait. I did not shave my head, but I had huge fucking line in my hair for a long time. Oh, Folly, I had known how to do anything other than all same length, awful haircut. Well, I have great news, guys. I've got the biggest news. Maybe the best news I am finally being recognized as the paragon of sponsor item that I am. No, you guys aren't invited, I've been invited out to go pro headquarters to be personally handed on iOS. Wow. Wow. What's that? Sam, make this seem like a big deal. Bigger, bigger deal. Actually, don't know, I assume they're a West Coast company. Are they close to you or is this like a flight away kind of deal? No, it's like an hour and a half drive. They're kind of towards San Diego, they also have an office up in San Francisco. But they have another one, I'm being it by down to the by the time people listen to this, it hasn't happened yet. So for the first time, you know, it's like, so you're saying it still couldn't. No, no, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying like it's a couple days later after the episode. It'll definitely happen. They can't possibly ignore me any further. That wouldn't be hilarious. You show up and it's like an empty office building and they're like, he went, he didn't even check. That's where we told him. I forget which movie it was like when Joe Pesci's a made man, he's walking in, they're out. We're going to this big party for you walks in. It's like empty and then they whack him. Man, it is like an hour and a half away and I was like, no, don't worry, I'll drive, I'll drive again. Some random place in between LA and San Diego, they just go on up, we'll meet you there, we'll be right in. Yeah, yeah. I banded mine shaft. Okay. All right. Yeah. Cool. Must be some great stuff. You can film down there. I'm headed down. You walk in. There's just like a little note in the middle of the room. You walk up. You unfold. It just says leave us alone. Oh, God, no, but it's real and I'm definitely going to get that and when I do, it'll be super cool. I'll be very excited. I mean, that is pretty sick that the mission, pro has been really fun to use for all the stuff I film, but don't post on the internet because it's mostly of my toddler. I'm excited to see what you do. Oh, I have so many lenses already for it. Ready to go. I'm just unloaded to the teeth with them. I just, I can't wait to take some of the most incredible 4k 240 footage of my life. It's going to be. Oh, me. That pen's not working. So I'm trying really hard to write points, but God, is it not also check out the set? I got the mic on my ring. Rose, same. Oh, monitor. I'm sorry. God, you're like if Thanos was a content creator. It's fine. It just moved. It's definitely not correct. I get all of the branded mics. I got like GoPro DJI that is supposed to succeed, but finally 128 bid audio. My content is inevitable. That's all I got. I won't tell you why I'm here where I am. You don't get to know. Wait and I learned long ago that Mark is where he is when we find him and we are not allowed to know why or how or even where a lot of the time. Now you can tell that that curtain behind you is Martian cotton and they only have that in I think Santa Fe, New Mexico, which means that that's where you must be. Oh, wow. Rainbolt? I don't think Wade knows what that is. I'm Rainman's son, Rainbolt. That's actually Rainman's dog. Come here, Rainbolt. Who do you guess, Rainbolt is? Well, my first thought was Rainman. My second thought is you saying bolts. There's a lot of context clues that can really point you right at the answer on this one. I'm not going to lie. You can tell me, I'm happy to know, but I'll forget in two minutes. You know what geogessor is? Yeah. He's good at that. Is he fast? What? Rain. Or like a guy with the last name Bolt who is also fast. I think I figured it out. Actually, I just remember he's not the guy that finds people from their obscure hotel references. That's someone else on TikTok and I don't know if they do that anymore. Remember when he was just deducing where that one, where that one girl was staying a lot? Then they had a love, an internet love, trust thing that felt honestly a lot like stocking to me because he would just cover up a lot of her videos and be like, you're in Lisbon in this hotel. I'll be there tonight. I'm glad I dodged this era of internet. Sounds uncomfortable. Honestly, I think it was pretty cool. It was pretty consensual to the woman who was like, find me as a whole thing. Okay. That's a lot different than what I was imagining based on the presentation. Even with her inviting him to do it, I always thought that came across as pretty weird. There's weird things out there. I'm sure. Wade, get ready with your episode. Get ready for Weird Part 5, everybody. Hey, you guys. Brood in episode. I didn't even happen yet. We engaged with it. We were engaging. I was so, yeah. We were so weird. You got to recognize it. man it was like core day at the gym I was engaged yeah they get weirder you get bread pick one what about weird bread croissants am I right for her those hold on hold on now you're cooking I got no idea all right this episode a weird bread dude fucking croissants though mark is right warm ass twisty things do you guys look at this is this is not the episode but do you guys like sandwiches on croissants I prefer normal bread I feel like yeah it's got either a hole in the middle where the you know tries to circle up hard or it's long and football shaped and it's or banana shaped and sweared like I want to go with the croissant because I'm like oh fancy and then I eat it I'm like this is just a worse sandwich it's also too light it's not structurally integral enough the thing for me is it's so messy too like it's physically impossible to eat a croissant sandwich without shrapnel just be like I'm already a messy person I don't eat extra shit all over me when I eat a crumbly ass sandwich go we're so Midwestern I love it is that a is that a Midwest thing that not prefer croissants on for your sandwich I don't it just seems like it I feel like that's the kind of thing I say someone's like oh you're so Midwestern so like I feel like I just trained to believe that whenever I have a food take like that it's just me being Midwestern I think you're just supposed to eat the croissant as a croissant I think you're just supposed to enjoy it the croissants are good just the croissant sandwich I feel like it's overrated my only small talk is that my foot is fucked and I have to take a doctor's note for the thing that we're going to talk about at the end of the episode where I was going to give one of you points one of you still gets points but I I'm not supposed to stand up at all anymore so it was really hard to do baking per se do you want to save those points for when you host or do you want to assign them because it's the next episode and you have your answer you know I did promise you I'd give them in the very next episode but saving them for when I host makes more sense no give good not give give give to me I was like I'm not going to say who they're for but they're for Mark and I want to wait give me me well look wait you're the host if you said you know care right no you can do whatever you want with them they're your points man while tall mark their his points at the end of the episode that just means he didn't play the Pokemon games correctly because I know those would win we'll see so now my episode here I've got some fun would you rather questions we're going to some would you rather there's a trick I can smell it well I can think would you rather there's a kind of a trick right because you've got to pick one of two options I feel like there's always a correct answer and I know what it is Bob you're on my left so heads his Bob tails his mark his left heads this is this is the thing hey that's me he got he he flipped for left guys Sam put me on the left what idiot what did I get it no but man you're certainly over there you say a disrespect Sam like that then he said a pretty easy episode we're not asked much of him yet about time he did some work after he slaved over a hot explosion just for you oh thank god he's got a normal long week to edit this episode Sam swap Wade's eyes yeah shake your head back and for the lot well he's doing that with the vinci's tracking nowadays it's going to be no problem he's got this he's got it I believe in you Sam I can tell we're all three a different type of tired because we're abused by the dumbest shit right now we're like pick on Sam no that's the smartest shit that's not dumb guys come on Sam put this in the beginning if at any point either of the competitors guess the game what's going on and that's that there's two good options then a normal one two bad options then the nonsensical if they figured that out at any point they automatically win all right Bob you were first here let me go okay would you rather have a mouthwash that makes your breath amazing and teeth permanently clean or a skin cream that makes your skin nice smooth and moisturized and also quickly heals cuts and bruises it's one feels targeted not intentionally I this was the first one to propose who went first but it does there's an objective correct answer to this one for me please give me the magic skin cream so I can take this shit off my leg what's fair honestly I'd appreciate both of those but in my current situation and the fact that I am diabetic a skin cream that keeps my skin perfectly healthy including all on my legs and feet and everything and heels cuts and whatnot would be like a fucking miracle drug I would do anything to get and have that because as I want my biggest concerns in life I know a lot of diabetic people who've lost feet or legs because shit just happens and if you don't take care of yourself it can just happen I don't I don't know where and I like my legs I don't like my feet that much but I'd rather keep them than not makes sense yeah I like that one wasn't targeted but it kind of felt like it I understand your sentiment I feel attacked a mark would you rather lose an arm or lose a leg no way left and there's multiple reasons why you could be left and I'm trying to figure out how it's an insult to me it's not an insult to you it's just funny mark things are allowed to be funny without being insult I have to remember to step into the mind of Wade for this because we got to pick the ones he's agreeing with that's how we get points and him know like his knees right now him knee hurt him him knee hurt him bad him no want knee right now him no need jump him sit so but him need both hand play game earn money career need a both hand so I would rather lose a leg because also you can get a prosthetic one and it's gonna be even better than a normal one you can get one of those blades and jump super high which just lose our legs intentionally so we just have prosthetic legs I think couldn't stop our toes anymore oh my god no foot cuts I feel like losing an arm means losing you know half my dexterity and playing video games especially for a career doing pretty much anything on a computer both hands is helpful it's not necessary this plenty of people to get by without it but I've learned so much to do things to hand it it would be tough you're considered prepared for something if you're armed and ready and whenever you're about to perform people tell you to break a leg because it's kind of like we've already been preparing ourselves to get rid of our legs yeah he definitely has already picked with the correct answers Bob would you rather be rich and forgotten or poor and remembered this feels like a trap feels like another one where these are even close to me and I know exactly which one I would pick with almost no thought whatsoever but that feels like a trap what would wait one I'm weighed I'm weighed I have no hair except on my face I'm weighed and on my back I'm weighed I love myself I make myself laugh all I want to do is make myself laugh and be remembered I don't care if I have things people need to talk about me for the rest of eternity I want songs sung with my name in them and they have to specify that it's me so they know which weight it is I know what I would pick but I think weighed would rather be remembered it was that what you're picking that's the game right would mark decided that's the game so I'm just playing the game here I've not said either way but you guys are welcome to assume whatever you want I'm pretty sure we would want to be remembered comrade this one for me okay mark would you rather have all toes or all fingers as in I lose your feet have fingers and your hands have fingers or your feet have toes and your hands have toes oh oh oh I get it all right I'm weighed I get up in the morning well not really it's the afternoon ah you're right you almost see all the smell for that trip I reach for the blanket with my what oh what do I need to grab this blanket get it off me grab my iPad can't play an iPad with your toes no new fingers new fingers I flip upside down grab the ceiling with my finger toes clutch tightly crawl upside down out my bedroom window say hello to Molly go let the dogs out why is she outside the window walk vertically up my wall house wall outside also my dogs have fingers for toes I'm gonna go with the fingers I think you're right I think one of the things weight hates most in the world is stubbing his toes it's awful did I've got I still got two like purple or black toenails from the stubs you should maybe check out that that's let's go down a while you're probably right Sam a Sam bass boost what he just said wait no I mean not bass boost it now that's right that's what I meant I meant like raise the pitch originally but bass boosting is a different technique it's gonna blow everyone's ear drums out Bob would you'd rather drown 10 puppies or drown 10 kittens I'm Wade I have one cat and two dogs that means I like dogs twice as much as I like cats plus they're not my cats keyters will be fine puppies will be fine whoever's dogs these are it's not my fault the universe is making me do it and by dogs I mean cats Wade would want to drown cats I love we've found the secret strategy to this game of making Wade do the horrible thing I did come up with the props so I guess I have to own there right I think we're I think we're winning the game right now Mark I think we're basically tied because we're both winning so hard we figured it out you guys are doing just fine that's probably good would you rather Mark ensure that all pets get to live happy lives or all kids get to live happy lives or happy childhood. I'm sorry. - Happy child, it's the rest of their life is indeterminate. - Yeah. - The idea of this one is like a similar length of time, you know, childhood slash the life of a pet. - Does it imply that the opposite lives terrible lives or just the normal average number of good in? - Okay. - I'm worried thinking about animals. I'm worried concerned about the well-being of all the children in the world. I'm worried I'm a good person. I'm worried I'm conflicted. I think about the animals. Some animals don't deserve good lives. Some animals are evil. Are some kids evil? Wait, debates. Maybe, maybe some kids are boring evil. Maybe some kids don't deserve happiness. Maybe some animals don't deserve happiness. Do mosquitoes deserve to have a good life? That might be bad. Are some kids equivalent to mosquitoes? What is one evil kid? - Equivalent to how many happy mosquitoes? - What is one evil kid? (laughing) - You never know how much evil one kid. - You ever eat fly, fly island? The fuck is it called? - Lord of the flies. - What about Lord of the flies? - You ever eat the fly. I mean, fly island. You ever zip your fly? You ever fly a plane? No, it's not it. - Yeah, I think the concept of too many happy animals is not as good as we might think it is. There could be some animals that we don't want to be happy for the sake of everything. That's too wide a net. - Pets. - Pets, specifically, not just all animals. - Oh, fuck me. - Any animal can be a pet. - I mean, that's true, but these are animals that are owned. - All right, I'm still gonna stick, I don't wanna go through that whole thing and I'm gonna go through the happy kids. - My fucking love, you know how they have like, the kids' translation of the Bible, where it's like the Bible, but written in, "Hello, my fellow youths, type language." Oh, the idea that there's a book that's like, fly island, a kids' translation of Lord of the flies. (laughs) - What would a kid think a conch is by would name? - A conch? I don't even know what a conch is, man. Actually, I do from that SpongeBob episode. There's really no forgetting it after that. - I didn't appreciate that. It's just called a swoopy claim. - Bob, would you rather be lit on fire or given $10 million? - To be given $10 million or to, like I would be given $10 million? - Yep. - I'm weighed, I'm weighed. It's 4 p.m. on a Thursday. I've just woken up. (laughs) I lay in bed for four hours. - Sounds great. - Playing raid shadow legends on my iPad with my foot fingers. I'm weighed. My knee hurts. I'm weighed. My shoulder hurts. I'm weighed. I'm not gonna do anything about either of those. I'm weighed. - How did this turn into an upset of roasting me? - Do I want to be lit on fire? Ooh, Molly would probably want me to do that outside. Ooh, I'm weighed. I guess I have to take $10 million. I'll take the hit on this one, guys. - Man, a lot of thinking into that one. I didn't think that choice was particularly difficult, but you thought it through. All right, Mark, back to you. Would you rather have your dream job or never get your college degree? That's really funny. That wouldn't land on you. - That's good. - That was not good either, but there it is. - I'm weighed. The last sun setting rays hits my eyes, I awake. I rise from my bed grab the ceiling with all 20 of my fingers. I waved to my one happy pet and my one unhappy pet. I hear the children's laughter outside and I think to myself, do I go to this last college class I have and pass this final that I certainly will or cool job. - The funny thing is you graduated and got a cool job. So the prompt is you get your dream job or you never get your college degree. - Oh, wait. - So if you get your dream job, you have to get your college degree? - No, you just never can. - But if you never get your college degree, you also never get your dream job. - Whoa, Mark, I don't know if we understand the rules of this game as well as we thought we did. - You get your dream job or you never get your college degree. - I'm weighed. I've presented the problem to myself slightly and correctly. - Me thinks, me, me, I'm not sure which way go up and down. - No, this is exactly how it's supposed to read. - I'll take the dream job, but I feel like I'm walking into traps. - That seems like a good choice. - Multiple traps are opening for me. Casms, yearning, yawn, open, call my name. - I love a yawning chasm. - Best calling chasm, there's. - All right, Bob, would you rather make sure all of the hungry are fed or all of the homeless are housed? - I'm weighed. It's 10.30 p.m. Almost time to start getting up. - In my dreams, I've discovered- - We're getting closer to normal day eventually. - I discover a way to achieve two separate and unrelated, but actually pretty related things. But they're just unrelated enough that I can only actually do one of them. What do I care about most? I'm weighed, I like to eat food. I'm weighed, I like to be in a house. I'm weighed. I think weighed would rather live on the street and have all the food he could ever want to eat. I think weighed would feed people. - All right, feed the hungry. - Mark, would you rather be a doctor who fails every surgery or a serial killer who always succeeds? - I'm weighed. The clock strikes 12 chimes. When my pitch black room, I don't know if that's a m or p.m. I don't risk it. I sleep until I hear another 12. Then I rise, eat some food, play some iPad, dokeon, battle something, or other DBZ Pokemon. Love that shit. Think about being a doctor. I'm honored you guys remember so much of my four hobbies I've ever had. (laughing) My knees hurt, my shoulders hurt. Never, never, I'll never deal with that. Never. I think about being a doctor. I could kill people that way. I think about being a serial killer. I'm weighed. I love killing people. I just got a side which path I choose. I could probably get away with killing more people. If I be secretive about it, if I'm a doctor, and I save my blood less on my patients, surely they will stop me. I could always fall back on being a serial killer. Serial killer, 'cause I want to be good in my job and I want to be remembered. That's, I think that's the right choice. He nailed it. 'Cause if you think about a doctor is a doctor, a doctor is a doctor a lot of time of the week, right? Like doctors are constantly doctoring. Even the most prodigious serial killers only kill sometimes. You could definitely do way more damage as a doctor whatever one's watching. Serial killer, that's pretty low key, you know? You only really have to work, assuming that's your job somehow. What's in a while? Would you feel like it? Would you get the urge? It's interesting that you guys are like, well, if I can't be good at the thing I want to be good at, I guess I'll be a serial killer and at least be good at what I do. Yeah, have some pride, man. 'Cause your intent could still be good at being the doctor. If you're a serial killer, your intent is bad. You could be dexter, you could only kill the bad ones. That's true, I suppose, yeah. But you probably wouldn't. I've got boxes to open, I don't have time to pick my target. Bob, would you rather have wet socks or the feeling of a small pebble in your shoe? Do you have the feeling of a small pebble in your shoe even if not wearing shoe? Like, I agree with the idea of yes. The idea is these are equally happening. So, you're either always feel like the, you have the wet socks on you, always feel like the pebble sensation. So, are your socks actually wet? Let's just say, yes, your socks are always wet or yes, there's always a pebble stuck to the bottom of your foot that you feel every time you step. I'm weighed. Hi. I feel like it has to be, it has to be pebble in shoe. It has to be, wet socks is too destructive. You can't, you gotta, you gotta be careful when you step on. You gotta be careful when you feet on. Shoes are gonna all get moldy and gross. You gotta have problems. Plus, if you have to always have wet socks on them and you can't wear sandals. Also, that means you have to wear socks in the pool, which sounds kind of unpleasant. It's gotta be the pebble. It's not like you walk that much anyway. I'm weighed, I sit in my chair who cares if I have a pebble on my foot. Damn, you figured it out. Does the pebble get to be on the same side as your fucked up knee? 'Cause then you can just hobble on one leg and call it good. Well, this isn't about me, believe it or not, you guys have kind of inferred that, but. It's clearly about you. We, people have been saying your name the whole time. If it was me, sure, it could be either foot, or both, I guess if you have wet socks, I guess the pebbles on both feet. You're never gonna pebble at both feet. Don't be ridiculous. Mark, would you rather know the date of your death or the cause of your death? I am weighed a thoth, the blind idiot God, slumbering eternally in the entire plane of existence. Pray I still sleep less than I wake and unravel reality by mere fabrics. Just like Icarus, I snoozed too close to the sun, time, I guess. 'Cause what if the reason's boring? What if why I, what if why's horribly boring? I guess it's just like would you rather dread, like if you know your cause of death, would you forever dread doing something tangential to what could be that cause? Or would you be horrified approaching the date of your death, I guess, I don't know. No, no, times good, times good. I feel like this has come up in a previous conversation, but it's like time makes sense. This date thing has, but not compared to the cause, I think. Yeah, date makes a lot of sense just because then I, then I would know how much time I got left, I can work with that, that's it can be motivational. And then I start ticking clock and I have a spiraling black and white, you know, spiral behind me at all times. All right, Bob, would you rather take food from children or the homeless? Wait, Bob, hold up. We'd like food, can I guess both an answer? Can I take food from both? Yeah, I would take food from anybody it would be easier to take from almost person might really need that meal It might really fight for it. I don't really want to fight kids. Don't know kids wouldn't fight back I would be like hey, I'm an adult. So I'd bald. That's an adult thing. Give me your food They just do it cuz kids are stupid Wade would definitely take food from kids See this is the first one I disagree because if you think about it almost people are predominantly adults They need more food per body weight. You would get more food Wade would want more and get more from homeless people than he would children I like how we just assume the homeless half a lot of food No, but they need more, you know, they they need more Yeah, you know more calories kids kids are hunger around the world too. You might not you know There's a solution to that more kids That's a I don't know if that's a positive. Oh, that's positive thinking. That's how you get it's an easy solution Let's say you get more food or the is this food magically zapping out of the people's hands and going into your mouth I guess I was sort of envisioning it like Wade could teleport and he's just the guy who shows up as you're about to eat and steals your food out from in front of you So like it's just a known phenomenon around the whole world. There's just this guy who's just like Yoink and he's gone and everyone's like. Oh, it happened again More would you rather be a renowned chef or a renowned musician? Wade chef is a lot of stress. I don't like stress Being a highly competitive, you know kitchen environment all these other restaurants that I got to deal with hard to make content about I've got you know, that's that'd be too much work for me. I don't know if you're a world-renowned chef You're still worried about making content Of course, I'm Wade, you know always grind every day, bro You know, you never gonna stop making content musician has the potential to be a little easier than chef and this is successful, right? This is a successful. Yeah, you're successful renowned like yeah, you you're at the top of either one I think musician has a higher pay gap, you know You're gonna get the ladies if that matters to Wade, which it does Nice. I don't know is Wade still married in this scenario Doesn't matter in this scenario He's a way of musician Bob would you rather burn down an orphanage or watch ten kids get a new puppy? I'm Mark. I'm Mark. I'm Mark. Mark. I'm Wade I'm Wade. Wade likes fire Wadey like either fire What was the other option I got completely construed by the fire burn down or something or something burn down an orphanage or watch Ten kids each get a new puppy who's got time for that. Do I get to sit while I'm watching the kids? You aren't watch you aren't babysitting you just see them Receiving a new puppy. I'll watch them get puppies. I guess as long as I don't have to participate or anything if there's some super clever Way to look at these questions and how some of them have too bad or a bad choice I'm too tired to detect it man. I'm too tired. I couldn't possibly deduce your your game is too smart You're too genius. You're too Steps ahead of me at all turns and I there's no way that I can compete ever What a smile look at that smile say I make a smile go for days That's what we see all the time everybody. That's what we see all the time. Okay. Oh God Sam's not doing that anymore. That's just Wade. Oh God my mouth mark. Would you rather eat delicious food for the rest of your life at your leisure Not always just stuff in your face back. You leave you know when you want or die of dehydration Trying to deduce the secret behind this the truth underneath the layers eat delicious food whenever I want or Literally die Literally die a desiccated husk liquid Removed from my body Yes, yeah, because it seems like the food would be the natural conclusion and it seems like the desiccated corpse that would be me Wade would be the bad end to my storage career as a musician food Bob, I think there's a secret. I'm not detecting it. I Definitely haven't figured out. What is it? Oh, I don't want to tell in case Mark doesn't know. I'm I think I'm winning Bob Would you rather end all terminal illnesses or prevent all future wars all future wars on any planet in the universe or All terminal illnesses on all planets in the universe sure both is both an option. No, but it's a lovely thought It's gotta be terminal illnesses. I guess nobody nobody doing any big wars. Make it a choice. Oh these healthy people are gonna be fighting Wade's making a choice. Wade's doing it. Oh, it's right after me. Mark. Yes. Would you rather drink a friend's pee while your friend watches or Eat your own shit, but nobody will know well Wady love pee pee, but Wady also love boo-boo. What Wady gonna do? I guess No one will know. No, but you will, but just you I pick the pee. I pick the pee. I don't want to ever do that I pray that I never have to face with that challenge that particular challenge a fear a fear from a future if that is on the horizon Bob, would you rather know something from the future? For some pain in your present or forget something good from your past for some present boom Do you either suffer a little to know something that's coming or you get something good for forgetting something good from your past? I have no influence over what I forget and what I get to know no I would have to know a thing in the future. Oh, we'd need it. I mean, I feel like this right choice You you could glean a lot from even a little bit of it nugget of information of the future Mark, would you rather poop and feel like it's happening in reverse or swallow and feel like it's happening in reverse? from it. I don't know. Imagine when an inverse poop feels like poofing I guess Does that help you imagine? No, it doesn't actually it doesn't and this is just once or is this always we'll say it's every once in a while Oh, it's still it still actually goes out, right? It doesn't yeah And you're still actually swallowing you just have the sensation of I guess vomiting. I feel like if it's just the feeling of a Of a reverse poop that's not that bad right but in if it feels like vomiting for an inverse swallow That's that's not good. I don't like swallowing vomiting. Okay, reverse poop. Is this a trick? You tell me if it was a trick Right, it's just a question. So would you rather question man? All right. I'll take the I'll take the poop Oh, no, I fell into his trap. I activated his trap card. All right, Bob, would you rather swap the location of your mouth and penis or your nose and your butthole? Whoa, I mean that there's really only one right answer, right? Oh, yeah, we're both thinking the same answer There's definitely an answer Wade would pick. Yeah, and this is right with the right one is nose and butthole Okay, I think you reacted positively to that. I'm gonna take that as a yes. I am not sure how the mouth penis exchange works because how do you eat? How long is this curse of flicking you for forever? Oh, I made the right choice. I made the right choice Yeah, cuz I'm not sure I'm not sure eating is a is a as a particularly Cuz it's not like the food would go still in your crotch mouth, right? It would it's not gonna magically teleport into your esophagus It's gonna shove it in the peole, right? I was assuming you'd still eat with your mouth But I guess you know you can assume whichever because that's not clear if you want to eat through your dick All you can no that wasn't the point. It was trying to make. I don't want to do that I don't want that's weird, but like I get it. No, I don't want it. I don't want it It wasn't even my would you rather it was Bob's I want to point out that was that was all about Bob. That was Bob's choice. Are you ready for your question? Mark would you rather snuggle one giant dog or snuggle ten small puppies? How would giant is giant? Are we talking Clifford like Clifford? Oh, yeah, I pick Clifford. I'd be so crazy I mean to be scary, but also like oh come on I mean I've been kicked in the balls but you go a lot so one kick from Clifford to my nuts And I am atomized on the spot Thanos snapped me out of existence crotch first But the snuggling would be great. I mean puppies are really cute But like getting the snuggle into like a giant warm dog. That sound lovely. All right Bob. Would you rather? Have to eat the flesh off of your own leg or see the people you love succeed in life Who was the first one? Have to eat the flesh of your own leg. Okay, that's what I thought you said It's tough one Really got a lot of back and forth going along inside I've seen a lot of angles. I guess I'd have to go with see all my loved ones succeed in life. I guess Come on man, rookie mistake buddy rookie mistake mark would you rather be able to speak and understand Any language or constantly re-break every bone in your body You know that's a lot of languages a lot of pressure. Oh, I guess so many bones. How many languages could there possibly be? At least one. I'll pick the languages. Okay, that's fine. We got through a pretty good amount of things. Um, any final thoughts before I go into points? Uh, you're in for the comfort of sleep, I'm with. Mark, you got points for, uh, you're a big deal now with GoPro. You chose to lose a leg, have all fingers, make happy kids. I think someone, your dream job, uh, be a serial killer, choose the, know the date of your death, be a renowned musician, to bad. Oh, oh, okay, I'll read that one in a minute. Uh, delicious food, pee while your friend watches, reverse poop, snuggle a giant dog and no languages. And then I wrote down a point for two bad options. Oh, Bob, you got a point for swoopy clam. A lot, you've had a long day. You used to cut your own hair. Uh, you chose skin cream. You said, remember a scum or head? What, I don't remember what that's it reference to. You chose the drowned cats or kittens. You would take 10 million dollars. You would feed the hungry. You'd have a pebble in your shoe. You'd take food from kids. You'd watch 10 kids get puppies. You'd end terminal illnesses. Uh, you would rather know something from the future for a present pain. You'd swap your nose and your butthole and you'd see your loved ones succeed. Sure, sure. I got one point for being so smart. Sounds right to me. Smart guy. Mark, you have 15. Bob, you have 15. We're currently tied. Well, I've got one. So 15, 15 to one. So we're not tied. There's one very clear loser. Is it me? Uh, we'll see after the wheel spin. I'm going to throw out there. Um, there was a way to instantly win this episode and you both got very close to it a couple of times. Bob, you said something. I think like halfway through. Mark, when you said, uh, sometimes there's two bad options. The game was I had good options where they were both good. Bad options where they were both bad, okay ones that made you think and then completely nonsensical ones where there was a very obvious answer. And I kept rotating you guys. I started Mark with bad. Then went to okay, then good. Bob, you were good, okay, then bad. And then you both had nonsensical at the same time. And then I would restart the process. If any of you guessed the game at any point, you just won. And you both started to touch on it at different times. And I was like, and then you didn't. I was like, all right, we'll just keep going. That makes sense. I see. I see. I see. So that was the secret game that I thought you guys could have wanted. I was like, I think it was like 28 minutes in. One of you said something. I was like, elaborate. You want to say more? Bob at one point of the day, even was like, do you want to guess the game, Bob? And you're like, no, no, I'll keep it a secret. I was like, all right. You did say that. Yeah. Mark, you said two bad options. And I was like, and then you're like, I'll never mind. I was like, okay. So there were a couple times where I really thought you guys were going to do it. Damn shame. We spend this first, right? So I spend this one. We'll see how many spins we get. We sure do. I was like, what do I add to the wheel for? That doesn't seem right? Three, my lord. Oh, good. An even number for a tight game. Interesting. I like that. I like that. Also, I'm not forgetting that I was going to decide the points thing that I realized that I'm competing against Mark. So I'll say that for when I'm the host. Oh, come on. You promised. You promised. I did promise, but my promise is me nothing on fair shit. What do I have to flip? Oh God. That means we have to flip. Okay. Well, if it's unfair, Bob has to give out points now. I have the tiny magnet for GoPro. It's got one side. It's GoPro. And it's pretty flattened even. So that'll be my corner. If it's doubly fair, then what Bob gets to I get to give out extra points. No, it's it's never made doubly. Wait, no. Sorry. If it's unfair, he has to change it. Yeah. Double a double fair means I never get a point from Bob ever again or just from this from I assume he means from this. Let's make Bob's episodes really boring if we just know Wade wins. Which one's heads unfair or doubly fair? What is that? This would be the heads. The one with the net label on it and because tails is empty. So I think Wade and I both got tails. Yeah. That's nothing then. All right. Fine. That's good because I still didn't know which one was which. All right. What do you want to add, Wade? Most recent haircut gets a point. Does that already on here? Ronna. I don't think so. But there are a lot of them. Most recent haircut. And we get two spins. Most distracted. You guys are both pretty locked in today. I have no other tabs open for the first time in ages. I was like the most focused. So yeah, I don't either. I didn't like look anything up today or anything. Just respin it. We'll call it respin because I don't I don't think either of you seem distracted. Oh. Oh. Most small talk. That was definitely me. Yeah, Bob, I don't even think he had much small talk. I didn't really get a chance to do small talk. You're like, oh, mine's all over it. I thought you did, but yeah, he's got to be a point above here. Surprise golf rules. That mean I win or no. Well, no, no, you guys. So that means no, but you have a point. No, you have a point. You're on the board. You're one over par. Mark and I are way over. You know what? I'll take it. Damn. We haven't had golf rules in a long time. Damn. Do you guys want to give a quick together loser speech? Some time of the till I used to. I'm in another country, man. I don't feel very good about it, Mark. How do you feel about it? You feel bad. I feel bad. This is the worst outcome. I am going to go cry into my pillow and then probably sleep, but you know, mostly crying. Yeah, I don't feel good about it either. I didn't see that coming. I thought we played the game pretty well, even though we didn't figure it out at all. And I thought it was a great fight. And then just just swooped out from under both of us, so you do. I mean, congrats to wait, though, or something. You both did well. You played along the very baseline rules of the game. You came close to figuring out what you didn't. And karma, you both decided instead of taking responsibility for your choices, putting me in there and making me make those choices for you. And because I was the bigger man and made all of the choices on your behalf, according to the way you guys played, I deserve this. And I will host again. You thought two out of three was pretty good? How about Wade hosting three out of four? See you in the next one. If you haven't already, check out these guys, Parker Markiplier, Bob Atmysk, her, me, at Minions, It's every Lord of Minions, 777, there's merch. Stractable.shop, I think. Keep an eye on that. That'll be stuff. Watch Distractable. I'm promoting that on Distractable. Why? Because we don't promote it enough. So make us promote it elsewhere. Sam, thanks for being a good sport in doing all those edits or none of them. Until then, podcast out.