128: I’m Performing at the 2027 Superbowl

My brother had his identity stolen. My neighbor did too. Identity theft is the number one crime in America. My gosh, my manager? My cousin! LifeLock detects, alerts you to, and fixes identity theft guaranteed or your money back. Wow, that's a lot of people. Kind of makes you think. Don't wait to become the one identity theft happens to. Get LifeLock. Save up to 30% with promo code NEWS at LifeLock.com. Terms apply. Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Guys, happy Benito Bowl. A happy Benito Bowl! Imagine, first of all, not liking Bad Bunny. Second of all, shitting on his Super Bowl performance. Third of all, throwing your own Super Bowl celebration because you're that racist, actually. Like, you're genuinely that outspokenly racist. That you're like, kid rock's awesome, right? Clown. Flop! Flop! It's giving flopville. Guys, happy Benito Bowl, Monday slash Tuesday. Still in the wake of the Benito Bowl. I'm very, very, today I'm grateful for Bad Bunny. Today I'm grateful for love overcoming hate. Today I'm grateful for hope left in the universe. Today I'm grateful for Puerto Rico. Today I'm grateful for. The. Idea that democracy, in theory, will win. Okay? Fascism cannot win. Because it never historically has, and we won't let it. Okay? So, that's what I'm thankful for today. Okay, here's my tea. I'm doing a bang today. I'm doing just one singular bang for right now. Okay? I don't really want to discuss it. I don't want to talk about it. I'm going through some things. So, just. Let me live my little fantasy with my little bang. With my bang piece. Okay? Let me live my little universe today. My reality today is me and this bang. And I don't really care to comment on it. Okay? Guys, where have I been? I've been on a break this last week. I've been on a beautiful break. And what does that mean? Stay off your phone for a week. Yes, in theory. Did I do that? No. I tried. Holy shit, I tried. I am what medical professionals are calling it addicted to my phone. Tech addiction is a real, real, real thing. And no matter how hard I try, when I'm like, I'm not going to be on my phone all week. Guess what? I have to be. Okay? Have you ever thought about this? I have to be. Because what if someone texted me? Okay, yeah. Don't be on your phone for a week. Don't scroll. What if I want to scroll? What if I actually have to check TikTok? Because I have to. Okay, but you're not considering I have to watch ASMR before I go to bed. Where am I? I'm going to get that. Yeah, TikTok. It actually has to be on TikTok. I'm also clinically addicted to Instagram reels. And that makes me feel like a fucking idiot. Like, only idiots like Instagram reels. But I'm on Instagram reels like. I'm like sending reels. I'm like a seal with a ball. Like clapping or watching Instagram reels, bro. I love Instagram reels. But that makes me an idiot. Do you see my dilemma here? Is like, I know in my heart of hearts, I'm not an idiot. As I sit here in my bang piece with my neato in hand. I am not a fucking idiot. However, I think my moon, my rising is an idiot. Like, my sun is stupid. My moon is idiot. Like, I don't know. My sun is kind of like introverted scholar. So, how does that all come together? Like, fool, idiot, stupid scholar. 'Cause I keep, maybe my moon is scholar. No, the moon is how you process emotions, right? 'Cause my moon's in cancer. My moon is in fucking stupid idiot. Because when I'm on Instagram reels, I'm literally like, there's nothing more fun than scrolling Instagram reels. And then I realized I've been on reels for 30 minutes and I haven't absorbed anything of like quality or substance, but I've been giggling and I've been sending shit to my friends. Yeah. Okay. That fucking video, I'd like to order five Whoppers and five more Whoppers. That fucking video, every time I see it, it makes me laugh. I'm liking stupid dumb ass shit like that on Instagram. And I send it to about 30 people. And you know what? Here's the thing. If you get, oh my God, I'm shedding. I'm shedding. My bang is shedding. Ew, what is this greasy little piece? Okay. I'd like to revisit a bit that I did a few years ago because I think it's time that we workshop it. And I'd like to do that here live with you today. So in light of the Benito Bowl, I've been putting, do you see how I almost fucking poked my eye out? What is today, National Idiot Day? I'm celebrating. Who else is celebrating? Jesus Christ. If I were to do the Super Bowl, okay, in this wig, I would do this. This is, this is how I do it. This is how the set list would go. This is how I would open. Okay. Hold on, let me take it. Let me take a sip of my go-go juice. That actually tastes so fucking bad. I'm like, I almost gagged drinking it. That's just coffee pot coffee. It's just coffee pot coffee. And I made it way too strong and I did not put milk in it. Like that's actually so horrendous. I'm, let me swallow a few times. Okay, meet the Super Bowl. It's quiet. Okay, show's about to begin. Single stage, 30 spots. Spotlights on me. And it's like the sound of stadium lights turning on. Okay. And it's me standing like the, the pose of Beyonce at the beginning of the I Am World tour. The baby. Okay, and now that was a bad riff. I could do better than that, but I'm not going to for the sake of this demonstration. Okay, but she's standing like this and she's backlit. And that's going to be me, okay. I'm backlit, but it's this. I got my pee. Peaches out in tune tune, okay. I do a little, I do a little number and the spotlights change. So it was on the left, now it's on the right. From the top. I got my peaches out in tune tune. Now I'm facing the other way. Crowd, crowd's going fucking crazy, by the way. Crowd's going nuts. Now I'm over here. I got my peaches out in tune tune tune. Three this time. Now I'm front and center. Bass starts, okay. Lights switch from white to red. Cha cha. And then it starts. ♪ She give me money when I'm in need ♪ Remember that song? ♪ Yeah, she's a driveless friend indeed ♪ ♪ Ah, she's a gold digger way over town ♪ ♪ That digs on ♪ ♪ Choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo ♪ Okay, and now I do a mashup of that song, "Peaches" by Justin Bieber. And, ♪ Well, you know that needs ya ♪ ♪ Ta na na na ♪ Okay, I start walking. All that's happening, except it's little like sound bites. It's, ♪ I got my peaches out in tune na na na ♪ ♪ Ah, she's a driveless ♪ It's all playing at the same time. Lights are flashing all over. I start to walk down the catwalk. Okay, by the way, there's a catwalk. I'm walking down. I sit at a desk. It's this set. I go, "Hey guys, welcome back to the," and then all the lights shut off. And then it goes, "Broski Report." And then it actually comes up. Now I'm on a platform. I'm raised to the top. I'm raising all the way up, all the way up. I'm on a pillar. By the way, two small helper men have strapped something around my waist so that I don't fall off platform. Whoa, whoa, okay? 'Cause I'm on a roller chair like this one. I'm raised all the way up. I'm 175 feet up in the air in the middle of the fucking Superbowl stadium, okay? Hey guys, welcome back to the "Broski Report." And then all the lights come up and it's "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce. ♪ Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam ♪ ♪ Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam ♪ Then I stand up. I'm in a sequin leotard. I'm in a sequin Mugler leotard. I rip this wig off. I rip this wig off. And then I rip my Mugler leotard off. Doris from "Shrek," drag, okay? ♪ I like a little drop of poison ♪ You know, when they go into the Poison Apple, the fucking bar in "Shrek 2." After, they're like, "Shrek, just go home. "She's better with Charming." You know, "I like my little drop of poison." And it's Captain Hook playing the piano with his fucking hook hand? - It's that. and I do a drag number. I do a burlesque drag number to that song mixed with the falling in love with someone, falling, falling in love with someone, falling, falling in love with. It's a mashup of the entire Shrek 2 soundtrack. Okay, so from the beginning, I got my peaches out and doom, doom. Crowd go crazy. I got my peaches out and doom, doom, doom. Now I'm in the middle. I got my peaches out and do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. She give me body when I'm in, when you know that I need you. I'm walking. I'm walking, okay? It's just these little sound bites. Crowd's like, what the fuck? Because it doesn't sound good. I go and sit at the broski report desk. People are like, okay, okay, okay. There's a hum. There's a bass going, okay? There's a bass. Then a trap beat kind of starts. Then, hey guys, welcome back to the boom. Power goes out. I'm raised up 175 feet in the air. Broski report. This is when my quick chain's happening. I rip off my leotard. I rip off the wig. Doris, Shrek 2, Shrek 2 burlesque act begins. Okay, that's from the top. This is kind of, it's a max, a mashup. Now I tried to say mix and mash and I said mashup of a lot of like kitschy things in culture. Okay, now there's not much brain behind this set. It's more so like I'm trying to hit all four quadrants. So maybe I do like, I didn't ask for a free ride. I only asked you to show me. Okay, that's one. You know, you got to hit the gays. I'll sing a Kehlani song. You got to hit the lesbians. Maybe a Muna song. Then I got to hit, let's hit the straight guys. That's what the Kanye West, Jamie Foxx is. That's what the Kanye West, then I'll hit the, um, the Beyonce. Beyonce is kind of for everybody. I think in my opinion, Beyonce is for everybody. Okay. And then Shrek 2, that's as well, like all four quadrants. So I'm really, it's about family. It's about love. It's about, you know, um, having a good time. It's about high fashion. By the way, Addison Rae comes out during my Superbowl commercial. Thank you. She comes out and she does high fashion, except we're wearing, uh, we're wearing matching Mugler. Okay. So now I'm still at the top of the thing. I do my entire, the rest of the thing, by the way, I'm not singing. It's a track that I'm lip syncing to and I'm doing like really intense, almost hit workout level. Like who's the Charm LaDonna? That's her name, right? Charm LaDonna. Charm. Yep. Charm LaDonna, American dancer and choreographer. Uh, she, by the way, is choreographing this whole thing. And Jade, what's her name? Do y'all remember Wildebeest Adams? And who was the white guy, Matt Stefania and Jade? Fuck, what was her name? Wildebeest Adams, Jade Chinoweth. Jade Chinoweth. All of them have choreographed me. I have no backup dancers. It's just me. Addison Rae comes out for one song. It's literally just me. I'm doing like almost competition level choreography to the entire Shrek 2 soundtrack. Then it transitions into a little bit of Renaissance and then transition to a little bit of the Superbowl. Towards the end, I end with, um, what would be a good closing song? I might want to do We Are the World. I'll end with like a Nightcore remix of We Are the World to really leave everyone on a damper, on a downer, because my message is about high art. It's about high art. It's about camp. It's about kitsch. Okay. It's about tongue in cheek. So I'm going to leave everyone feeling really down and depressed. And then we go back to the, the football game. By the way, who gives a fuck about football? Okay. But that would be kind of my Superbowl halftime performance. I am not open to critiques. I'm just open to who would buy a ticket? Who, who would stream that? Who would play her? In the biopic of my life, who would play me? Answer in the comments below. And if any of you fucking bitches say Marty Feldman, I'm going to freak out. If any of you hateful hoes say Marty Feldman, I'm actually going to lose my mind. Find the vacation you're looking for in Missouri. Whether you're searching for this, wanting something like this. Oh, that's cute. Maybe up for something like this, or just really, really need something more like this. You'll find the vacation you want in Missouri. Missouri. It's the getaway that gets you. Plan your fun at visitmo.com. Without LifeLock, fixing identity theft on your own sounds a lot like this. There are 77 callers ahead of you. That's why LifeLock has experts who make the endless calls if your identity is stolen so you won't have to, and restores your identity backed by up to $3 million in coverage. There are 73 callers ahead of you. Don't leave your identity in limbo. Get LifeLock. Terms of play. Okay, I've been on a break. Let's get back into it. I've been on a break for the last week. By the way, I am staring at myself in the viewfinder. I am completely addicted to myself in this wig. I just, it's a bang. It's about the bang. So next time if you see me and this isn't a wig, like I go to rip it off and it won't come off, you know what happened. And can we get it back to you? And from the other side? Thank you. Okay. I've been on a break this past week. I've been on a break for a while. I've been on a break I am addicted to my cell phone. And I don't mean that in like a funny relatable type of way. I mean, it's a clinical medical addiction to my cell phone because I live and work on my phone. I don't separate them. I don't have a work phone and then a personal phone. Everything is on one phone. I have slowly over the last kind of three months been feeling myself get into this hole, this like isolating hole where I'm not responding to texts. I'm doing the absolute, bare minimum required of me. I find no joy in my job, which is, I know that's when I'm approaching burnout because it's like this, there is nothing else on planet earth I would rather be doing than this fucking job. And so when I start to feel like, oh, I don't want to do that or, oh, I don't want to record the podcast. It's like, all right, maybe take a step back and like, don't be on your phone. So that's what I tried to do for a week. Did it work? No, I was on my phone ultimately all week and, uh, made me feel like shit, but I will say like, yes, I kept scrolling. Yes. I kept, cause I obviously have to watch ASMR. When I go to bed, what are you an idiot? I have to watch ASMR to scroll. Like I have to watch that. So what, how am I supposed to go to bed without that? Do you know, you see my dilemma? So I, uh, started here's, here's my, what I did this past week. Okay. I have adopted a new craft, a new hobby. I taught myself how to embroider. I'm going to put, put up some pictures right here of my embroidery guys. I actually went the fuck off. I taught myself lazy Daisy stitch. I taught myself what I taught myself. I tried to do satin stitch was not working for me. Okay. I also didn't realize that you thread an embroidery needle different than a sewing needle, a sewing needle. You put it all the way through and you double the string and then you tie it at the end. So like you can whip that bitch around. The needle's not coming off embroidery thread. You only put one loop of the thread through it. And then you kind of like leave the tail on. So it's just one long string. And then you tie that at the end that tripped me up. Okay. I was not doing that right. And then I slowly found the whole world of embroidery, Tik TOK and embroidery, YouTube. God bless the middle aged British women holding that shit down on YouTube. Shout out. Cause that shit. And they're so delicate with it. They're like, what you're going to want to do is very ever so delicately, just French, not under, under and pull. Amazing. Beautiful. Wow. I mean, they're just so like encouraging and they make it sound so simple because I guess in theory, it is, but when you're really in it, it's like, Oh girl, this is so hard and complicated. And I definitely frustration cried, but then I made this and I'm very proud of this. So I did that. I also did, um, I rearranged my living room. That was fun. I sometimes get in this mood. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's something in my chart. Maybe it's the idiot in my chart where if something's wrong in my life, I'm like, well, obviously it's because I have to rearrange my room. Like I have to rearrange my furniture. I have to change the wall hangings. I have to put more holes in the wall. Like, I don't know. So I redecorated my office wall and then I redecorate, I rearranged the furniture in my living room and I feel better. It's amazing. Like just switching up your space. I also saw this Tik TOK that was like, Hey, why the fuck would you say that to me? That's really rude. Maybe the reason that you're like not feeling your best, or maybe you're like in a depression hole is because of blackout curtains. Bitch. I've been sleeping with blackout curtains since I was in college. Like, yeah, maybe you're right. If I leave, the curtains open and I see the sunlight and the sunlight naturally wakes me up. Maybe I would feel better, but at the same time, fuck you, fuck you and fuck your entire bloodline. Because that's really rude to call out. Like, why would you ever say that to me? And then I did it this morning. I like left one curtain open last night. And then I was like, Oh, that's what the sun looks like. Like, shut up. I don't want to hear it. And yeah, I'm tucking my boob under my sweatshirt because I'm sweating. Whatever. Y'all act like it's your first day on fucking earth. It's your first day listening to this podcast. Hey, welcome. back it's me the broski report Oh, you know what else I would do during my Super Bowl performance? I would do, Zara Larsson would come out. And we would do a duet of, She's doing it perfect the way she does it. And then I'm on the other side of the stage. And you know how Chloe and Halle do that thing? Where when they sing, they like hold each other's hand. It's this famous clip. Maybe put it up here. Where they're singing and they're holding each other. They're on a spinning. Can I think straight one sentence? Take a breath. Slow down. Fuck. Like, no one's rushing you. Like, take a breath and say it. There is a famous performance by Chloe and Halle. Where they're on a small rotating platform. And they're facing opposite each other. Their backs are to each other. And they're holding one hand behind them. And then they slowly, like, let themselves lean forward. And the thing's spinning. And they're singing at the same time. So they're like this. And they're going in a circle. That's what me and Zara Larsson would be doing. But while she's doing, I'm doing it in the pockets. In between those notes. So it's, like, really dissonant. And it's really horrible. But that's the feeling I want to produce in my audience. I want them to feel uncomfortable. I want them. And speaking of uncomfortable. I'll get to that in a second. And thank you for reminding me. I'll talk about that in a fucking second. In the in-between. When she's. I'm doing. And then it sounds like an alarm. It sounds like a fire alarm. Okay. And with the power of our voices. We would cause a panic. And everyone sitting in the Super Bowl audience. To think that there was a real fire alarm. So. It's kind of like a modern reimagining. A modern take on a siren call. It would be like a fire siren. Okay. Like, you've heard of a water nymph. Now what about a fire siren? That is me and Zara Larsson. And we would be wearing matching sequin nuclear leotards. So this would happen before I do my Shrek 2 number. Okay. Anyway. Find the vacation you're looking for. In Missouri. Whether you're searching for this. Wanting something like this. Oh, that's cute. Maybe up for something like this. Or just really, really need something more like this. Missouri. It's the getaway that gets. You. Without LifeLock. Fixing identity theft on your own sounds a lot like this. That's why LifeLock has experts who make the endless calls if your identity is stolen so you won't have to. And restores your identity backed by up to $3 million in coverage. Get LifeLock. Terms apply. Speaking of uncomfortable. I just finished Turn of the Screw. Now we're doing book club. Hey guys, welcome to book club. I finished Turn of the Screw by Henry James. Bitch, I need to talk shit about this dumbass fucking stupid ass book. Okay? I need to talk shit about this book. This was recommended to me as a Victorian ghost story. Yay. Of course I picked that shit up. I start reading this book and to go back to George Orwell, which of course I love to talk about George Orwell. But I know that a lot of people don't know George Orwell. But I know that a lot of bitches fucking hate George Orwell. And I didn't realize that he was that despised in the literary community. Yes, his works are super impactful. Yes, I personally love his writing style. It's very simplistic. It's very to the point. Easy to follow. But of course there's hidden meaning in it. And do you remember when I read that book and I came on here and talked about it? It's called Why I Write by George Orwell. And he detailed four main reasons why any author would write. Mainly political reasons. Maybe to entertain. Third, a navel-gazing, you know, selfish thing. Fourth one, I don't remember. But the main one is at least what guided him in his life was everything I write has a political undertone. Because everything in life is political. Okay, that's one way to look at life. Absolutely. And everything is political. But sometimes I think you can write a book or a movie or, you know, music to just entertain. And that's okay. He had very kind of harsh opinions on that, yes. But the underbelly. The underbelly of that, which is writing style. And he really had an issue with authors, specifically British authors, who are so just superfluous in their writing. I mean, commas, dashes, semicolons, just so many qualifying statements that end up saying a whole bunch of fucking hoopla, a bunch of fucking nothing. And it's just words on a page. And I know that. Maybe that's reductive of me to say that. But I do think that as a participant in this book, because no piece of art or work of literature is complete until, you know, an audience member reads it. A reader reads it or an audience member watches a movie or listens to an album or fucking what have you. This book was written in that style that George Orwell literally called out in that book. And I remember reading that when I was reading Why I Write. And I was like, I think I'm familiar with the. Kind of writing that he's talking about. But in my head, I was like, is it the kind of writing like 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea where it's 75 pages discussing, like, the coral that Bro saw? That is intentional and has significance within the larger scheme of the book. Like, that's, you know, yay. This fucking book, bitch. Oh, my God. The story alone, I will say. I have so many things to say about this book. Let me give kind of a detail. A detailed explanation because you don't have to read this book. If you want to, yay, skip ahead. But I'm telling you, you don't have to. This was recommended to me as a Victorian, a Gothic ghost tale, which, yay, I'm all ears in theory, right? I start reading it. And the beginning is intriguing. It's a bunch of friends at a Christmas party. They're in some country home, a bunch of rich elites in the countryside of England. And they're gathered around the fire and they're telling ghost stories. Okay? This one guy goes, I have a fucking story. You know, everyone's like, oh, and then what? Oh, how dreadful, how haunting. What about you, Douglas? And he goes, I have a fucking story. But it's too dreadful to even, I can't even say it. Like, that kind of shit. Like, the kid who you want, they want you to ask what's wrong so bad. It was giving that energy. Like, you know, like, they want you. They're going to be like, what's wrong? This is this guy. But he was like, it's too, it's too much, too dreadful. And of course, that piques everyone's interest. And they're like, tell us, Douglas, please tell us. He goes, I couldn't even if I wanted to. It was, it's written down in a manuscript, locked away in a drawer in my office in London. And everyone's like, well, what the fuck? Send for the key. Like, send a courier to go get it. And he's like, all right, you're right, you're right. So he sends for it. This is the first, like, six pages of the book. And then it finally comes back. And all these stupid ass details, like a woman who was really curious to know about it, had to leave early, never mentions that woman again. By the way, you never come back to this story being told by Douglas ever again. And another thing, at the very beginning of the book, they mentioned that Douglas, this, who isn't even the narrator, the narrator is a different guy. Douglas, the guy who is in possession of this ghost story, the ghost story belongs to a woman who was a governess, that he used to know, that was 10 years his senior, who he had a crush on. Why does that matter, you may ask? Hey, it doesn't. Because they never revisit it ever again. And by the way, there's no need, I guess I appreciate what they were trying to do by setting this up as, like, a story that a friend of a friend told me that, you know, it must be true because there's some sense of closeness or some sense of tangibility. But even though this is a fiction, whatever, it got to a point where I was like, none of these details fucking matter. Because ultimately, in storytelling, if you're going to mention something, what's that rule called? Stanley would know what I'm talking about. Maybe I ask him. No, it's okay. If you mention something, it's because you're going to come back to it. Right? That's the only, you only mention it because it's significant to the larger story. I swear to God, 75% of the details in this book are so pointless. They're never revisited again. And sometimes he would go on, for pages about, I mean, I couldn't even tell you what. And I enjoy that type of prose, like, that type of writing, which is really long run on sentences and qualifying statements. Yay, if they make sense within the context of the story. Holy shit, it was just rambling. Okay, that aside, like, his horrific writing style, that alone, I gave it 2.5 stars because I couldn't get past it. The actual meat and potatoes of the story, is this woman is a governess. answers a call in a newspaper, like seeking governess, work in the city, you know, pays well, whatever. She's like 19, 20. She's like, okay, yay. She goes in for an interview and the guy's like, ah, yes, excellent. He's very charming. He's handsome. He's rich. He's, you know, single. He's a womanizer. Again, none of these details fucking matter. He goes, you're perfect for the position. Like, will you accept? I only have one caveat. And she's like, yes, sir. Anything. What? He goes, don't ever call me to complain because the kids that she's going to like be the governess to are his dead brother's kids who are out in a country manor who have been living, like their parents are dead. Their grandparents are dead. He, this handsome young gentleman is the only surviving relative of these poor little kids. Okay. And he doesn't give a fuck about them. He does not give a fuck. So he's looking for some governess that he can pass them on to and like totally raise them and, you know, never have to think about them ever again. This woman's like, sure. Okay. Yeah. I won't bother you. Not thinking twice of it. Well, of course, finally, we come to a detail that they circle back to, which is the master has been told, has told everyone who is in his employment, if there is an issue with the raising of these children with anything from the school, from whatever, don't, I don't want to hear about it. Don't contact me. And she's like, okay. So she goes off, she meets them. They're little angel children. Okay. They keep saying that fucking author, Henry James and fuck Henry James keep saying this. Oh, they're little angel children. They're a little, they're the most beautiful, innocent, kept saying beautiful. Like, which honestly I have issues with this book too, because in true Victorian fashion, they would haunt at or hint at, um, horrors, unimaginable horrors and torments and, you know, sin and just perverted, disgusting, whatever, but they never reveal it, which of course I respect. And I understand that kind of storytelling, which is the more unimaginable it is, the more horrific we can only, you know, the most terrifying thing is the unknown. It's preying on that kind of dynamic bitch. I'm getting all mad again. Like thinking about this fucking book, she goes out there and meets the kids, falls in love with the kids, the boy, there's a boy of 10 and a little girl of eight. Okay. I that's the, the age difference immediately upon arrival. She gets a letter from the master that says, Hey, hope everything's all right out there. I got this letter in the mail. Uh, I don't give a fuck. Like I can't be bothered to open it. It was addressed to the master. He was like, just open it. Just deal with it. Okay. No complaints, no nothing. Just handle it. And she's like, okay, okay. Okay. She opens it. It's a letter from the school that the little boy goes to. And it says he's been expelled. Okay. Doesn't expound on why or expand on why it doesn't detail anything that happened at the school. It's just, he is expelled and he is never invited back. And she's like, what the fuck? And there's another woman who works in this household. It's out in the country. And she's like, well, what are you going to do? And the governess is like, nothing. I'm not going to bother the master and fuck the school. Okay. Yay. Well, things kind of develop. She gets close to the kids, whatever. Out in the lawn and she's put the kids to bed and it's like dusk. And she's just kind of sitting out there alone, admiring the countryside. And she looks at the house and up on top of like this little tower, because it's a big mansion, it's an estate, is a man. A man standing on top of the house, staring at her, bright red hair, ugly, like dressed well, staring at her. And they just make eye contact for a long time. And then he turns around and disappears. Huh? Okay. So immediately it's like, okay, what's going on? What's going on? She doesn't mention it to anyone. Which like, why bitch? I would have been telling everyone. There's a man on the fucking road. He's going to jump. He's going to jump. He's going to do a kickflip, do a kickflip. She goes, a few days pass, maybe a week. She's about to go out on another walk. She remembers she leaves her gloves in one of the rooms. So she quickly goes back into the house. She's looking for her gloves. Ah, she sees them. They're on a chair. She goes to grab them. And this chair is by the window. She looks up. The man is standing right outside the window again, bright red hair, staring at her, a stare down. I mean, forehead pressed against the glass that close to the fucking window. I'm creeping myself out. She goes, but she doesn't overreact. Okay. She just freezes. They have another stare down. And then she decides in that moment, brave. And she goes outside. Like she makes her way outside to be like, Hey, who the fuck are you? And like, what are you doing? The minute she gets out there, he's gone. And there's nowhere he could have gone. There's no shrubs. There's no nothing. Like the line of trees is way out. She couldn't have run that far. And it was still kind of light outside. Well, she goes and she's looking out there. And then she sees the other woman who works in the house, enter the room, looking for her. Cause she just disappeared. As she goes and stands in that place that the guy was standing and puts her forehead against the glass and starts staring at this woman, fucking creepo. And then of course the woman is like, Oh my God. What are you doing? Dumb bitch. And she comes outside and she's like, miss, what is happening? Like, are you okay? Or do you feel well? And she was like, Mrs. Gross. That was the name of this other lady. There was a man out here staring at me and I saw him on the top of the building as well. And the woman's like, what? And then she starts describing what he looked like, what he was wearing. Well, Mrs. Gross recognizes. Oh yeah. He used to be here. That's a guy. His name is Peter Quint. And the governess is like, what the fuck? Yeah. It's Peter Quint. He died. Oh, so now we see that she's been seeing a ghost. Okay. Then all of these crazy, what's it called? Extrapolations start occurring in her mind. She starts making all these crazy decisions of around this ghost. The ghost is there to steal the little boy. There's another woman ghost who was the old governess who also died out mysterious circumstances, which by the way, we never know. It's never revealed how these people died, which also pissed me off. Cause you're going to like carry the suspense, the whole book. And then at the end, we still don't know. She comes up in her head with this idea that they both want individually the kids and the kids are almost too angelic. It's like not normal. And they never talk about their lives at school. They never talk about friends. They never talk about their parents, their grandparents, nothing. It's almost as if they started existing when the governess got there. Very strange, very like, I don't know if it's just shitty writing or if he just didn't care enough to go into the backstory or if he thought, so here, here's the thing, whatever, you know, she starts seeing the ghost more and more and the kids start acting weird and the kids start almost alluding to the ghost. And then she starts alluding to the fact that they know, but then when she confronts the kids about the ghost, they're like, you're crazy and weird. And I don't want to see you anymore. And you should leave. And then she's like, what the fuck? Then she sends the girl off with Mrs. Gross. And it's just her and the little boy. And this final scene, I'm going to ruin the book for you. You don't have to read it. Okay. If you want to then skip ahead. The final scene is her sitting in the dining room with a little boy. Who's probably like 12 at this point. And she asks him outright, why were you expelled from school? Surely, you know, and he's playing, you know, cat and mouse with her. Like the little boy has been in control this whole time. Creepy ass little boy. He's like, maybe I said some things. And she's like, what the fuck did you say? And he's like, hmm, can't remember. And she's like, well, who did you say it to? Hmm. Some other students. She's like, what did you say? And then he's looking up and he's like, I said it more often than once. And it got up. I got reported. And then I said it to some teachers. And she's like, what did you say? And in the middle of asking him that, guess who's at the fucking window again? Peter Quint, the ghost. She grabs little boy, turns him away from the window. Cause she's worried that if the little boy sees the ghost, he's going to snatch up his soul or something like that. I don't fucking know. And she's like, just tell me, like, I'm trying to save you. I'm trying to save your soul. And she's putting all this weird shit on him and whatever. And the end of the book happens by, she goes, do you know, I don't know. I don't know. Do you know? Basically they come to terms of like Peter Quint. The little boy has been in contact with Peter Quint. And all of a sudden the little boy dies. That's the end of the book. What? We never return to that original room where everyone's gathered around the fire telling this story. We never returned to this idea that the governess survived this and returned and maybe had a romantic affair with Douglas, the fucking narrator who isn't the narrator. This book was poorly written. I can't even tell you. But I will say this. The reason I gave it 2.5 stars is because the morbid curiosity did keep me engaged. I mean, the book's only 130 pages. It fucking felt like 700 though. This felt like the longest book I've ever read. And I don't mind a long book. I really don't. This shit pissed me off so bad. Little boy dies. Okay. So we never learn about the old governess, why she died. We don't know who Peter Quint was or why he died and what, what hold he supposedly has over the children. There are also some weird, and I don't know if this was just me. like pulling out my own, projecting my own perversions on this. But the way that he wrote this book, he made it sound like this Peter Quint character was sexually like indecent towards the kids and like groomed them in some way. And that's why the kids are so loyal to him. And the ghosts are telling the kids, don't tell the governess that, you know, what's going on here. And then also she puts these weird projections onto the kids of like, she makes it up in her mind that these ghosts are trying to punish the kids and drag them to hell with the ghosts. What? Like, it's all this weird projection. And here's what I did enjoy about the book. Okay. I will give it this. It poses a good question of reality is based on the mental state of the observer. If you are psychologically disturbed, if you are tortured, if your worldview has only been suffering and negativity, or if it's only been positivity and love and light, that's going to impact how you move through the world and how you perceive other people and reality and other people's intentions towards you. Okay. That was an interesting question. I'll be at a kind of simple baseline question of like, everyone's reality is different. What's yours? You know, that kind of thing. This was very, like, clearly the governess was disturbed. Okay. I think by the end of the book, the kids were a bit creepy. And I also am wondering why the author kept describing them as perfect little angels or little angel children. That makes me not believe it almost. You know what I mean? Like, why did she keep putting that weird perception on them? They're angels. They're angels. I have to save them from the devil ghosts. And by the way, no one else could see the ghosts until you get that admission at the end. That the little boy was like Peter Quint and then he dies. Why did he die? Why did he die? I genuinely, and I wanted to read more into it. And then I was like, you know what? I don't give a fuck enough about this book to even, I just did not enjoy it. If you're looking to read Turn of the Screw, don't. And I'm not going to read anything else by Henry James because I fucking hate his writing style. Anyway, moving on. Next, I'm going to start The Monk, which is a gothic, and I say this, it's not really romance. And by the way, we don't even need to talk about Wuthering Heights. I like, I'm going to go see it. And then I guess I'll share my thoughts later. I don't know. I think it comes out this weekend. We'll see what's going on there. Okay. I stand by what I said a few episodes ago. Heathcliff should be a brown man. That is the entire almost point of that fucking story is that he is this other, especially, during Victorian times, especially in the context of a class divide in a gender marriage divide. The idea that Heathcliff being a brown man found in Liverpool, which was famous for the slave trade, that's where the slave ships would come in. Catherine's father bringing him back to Wuthering Heights and raising him as his own son and still being treated as another. Catherine going off and marrying Heathcliff, going off and making something of himself. He's rich. He is a notable man of like wealth and power, but it's still not enough because he's not fucking white. That is the point of this book. Okay. That it was a doomed romance. It's the idea of cruelty. It's the idea of elitism and the class divide and all of these like topical. And by that, I mean, it's still relevant today. That's why this book has withstood the test of when you whitewash Heathcliff and make him hot, sexy Jacob Elordi. Yay. Right? Like sure for go see the movie if you're just looking to be entertained, but that's not Wuthering Heights. And I get it. That's why it's in quotations and whatever. Yay. I'm just like, that's not, it pissed off a lot of Wuthering Heights enthusiasts. And honestly, I grouped myself into that a little bit because I loved Wuthering Heights when I read it. And it was not the book pitched as a romance. I would say it's anything, but it's cruelty personified and revenge. It's a tale of revenge. And I just like, how can you get revenge when, I don't know. So that is that I stand on that. It should have been a brown or a black actor and it's a missed opportunity. So that aside, I'm going to read The Monk because that is, let's look up what The Monk is. A foundational Gothic novel detailing the ruin of Ambrosio, a pious Spanish abbot seduced by carnal desire and dark magic. It explores themes of hypocrisy, lust, and religious corruption featuring murder, incest, and supernatural elements. The scandalous bestseller remains a landmark in horror literature. Published 1796. Damn. Why is it called a romance? The Monk, a Romance by Matthew Gregory Lewis was published across three volumes. Written early in his career, it was published anonymously when he was 20. What the fuck? Over time, the author came to feel that its writing had been in poor taste. Later editions were heavily censored by the author himself. That's tea. Whoa. I wonder what edition I have. Whoa. First edition, second, fourth edition, Lewis wrote to his father in 1798, attempting to make reparations. The controversy caused by The Monk was a source of stress to his family. Whoa. There's this fun balance that I enjoy with Victorian literature that is both dipping its toes in taboo, because obviously, Victorian repression and oppression of the time of anyone who wasn't a white man, and of basic human desires like sex, like lust of any man, is considered a carnal desire. Also to extend to things like money, greed, whatever. I think that some of the best, I don't know, books, some of the most fun reads are ones that defy those Victorian, I guess, societal guardrails. And at the time, of course, things like Jane Eyre, or Wuthering Heights, or Tenant of Wildfield Hall, all these things, the Bronte Sisters books, were so taboo, and not well-liked. And it's because they didn't fit into what was acceptable at the time. But there is a reason why they've stood the test of time. They're great books, and they explore human nature, and the innate corruption in human nature. And it urges the reader to look inwards. Why am I so drawn to this? Why is it fun to break the glass, so to image of what a woman is, of what a relationship is, of what this perfect life that a Victorian, I guess, ideal, societal, the model life that the powers that be wanted you to live. Why is it so fun to live outside of those bounds, or to think outside of those bounds, or anything? I think just morbid curiosity. That's one answer. But it's also these things that feel so natural to human nature, like sex, and greed, and some of our proclivities towards being horrible. It's fun to explore that in a literary setting, of look what happens when you indulge those sensations, when you indulge those curiosities. And is it wrong, per se, as a woman specifically, to indulge in that, just because a woman's sexuality has been criminalized for so long? I don't know. So those things are fun to me. But I don't know, the monk might be. I'll come back with my report on that, because that shit's crazy. Some of the things I just read in that Wikipedia, it sounds really fucking crazy. Okay, y'all, in the spirit of that, Valentine's Day is this weekend. Happy Galentine's Day. Seriously, what are you guys doing for Galentine's Day? What are you guys doing for Gay Guy's Day? We are, here's something that I would like everyone listening to implement, okay? Also, by the way, go watch last year's episode on the history of Valentine's Day, because that shit's weird. It's really strange. And if you haven't seen that episode, go back and watch it, because I'm not going to be doing a deep dive today. But yeah, we explored some crazy, they used to slap women with goat hides, yay, part of Valentine's Day tradition. So maybe let's bring that back this year, except men. Let's slap men with goat hides. Men and any mask-leaning people, you're getting slapped with a goat hide this year, if you're in Broski Nation, okay? I want to encourage everyone listening to take yourself out for Valentine's Day. I know it's fucking corny. Be your own Valentine's Day. Shut the fuck up, bitch. I'm tired of cringe culture. Cringe culture's dead. It's time to live earnestly. It's time to do things nice for yourself. Do nice things for yourself and don't feel guilty or cringe about doing it. Huh? Huh? Oh, what's that? Yeah, just do it. I'm sick of fucking hearing about it. Literally, the overlap between this concept of like treating yourself the way you would want a romantic partner to treat you and the, you know, go wash your face, girl, put my hair up in a messy bun and handle it, that shit, there is a crossover there only because it's been commodified, okay? I'm not looking to commodify treating ourselves with the love and care that we crave, okay? Because here's the thing, and I love to say this, I'm going to keep saying it forever because I mean it, a man is not the point. A man is not the point. A man is not a key to happiness. A man is not the key to unlocking a fulfilling and wholesome life. A man is not going to fix your problems. If anything, he's going to give you problems. A man is not going to be the end all be all of your existence. Let that go. Life is so much more. Yay! Around shit like Valentine's Day, it's so. When I watch these bitches be like, I'm single. I wish I wasn't single. Oh my God. Wow, must be nice. You know, those like crying hamster emojis in the TikTok comment section. It's not the point. Valentine's Day is just another fucking holiday for CVS pharmacy to sell fucking chocolate. Like I'm so. It's fine. Being reminded of your loneliness, that's the point, right? That's what they want you to feel. So you bye. Bye. Bye. I feel like fairies, fairies. Mr. Crockett. This podcast literally makes me. I get so worked up. This podcast makes me feel like Mr. Crockett. I'm so over because I finally. I feel like I'm breaking out of the chains. I've broken the chains of male validation and centering men where I'm like, it's so nice here in the deep end, guys. Come join me. The water's fine. Holy fuck. Do something special for yourself this Valentine's Day. Buy yourself, flowers. Get yourself something nice. Go see a movie. Go to a museum. Go to the park. Do a picnic for yourself. Make yourself something handmade. Get your eyebrows waxed. Buy a new lip liner. But I also want to discourage buying on this holiday, okay? Your money has power. And I think that buying things is not going to fill the hole. What's going to fill the hole is tenderness and treating yourself with tenderness. And grace and love. And that feels so corny to say because, unfortunately, it's kind of been turned into a cornball day, okay? Yay! You can say that. You can say it's cornball day. But if it's. I'm seeing it as an excuse to be gentle with yourself. Because in theory, we should be doing that every day. I also saw this thing on TikTok where I was like, damn, you're so right. When you're doing skincare, when you're showering, when you're cleaning the kitchen, why are we always in a day? I'm in a rush. Like, my shoulders are always up by my ears. I'm always. Slow down. Feel your fingers on your face rubbing in the moisturizer. Wash your hair slowly. Be thankful for your body and its healing properties. Be thankful for your hair. Be thankful for your skin. It's constantly regenerating itself and keeping you healthy and alive. Oh, my God. I think that. This Valentine's Day, I would like everyone listening to reframe how you view this holiday and how you view kind of every holiday moving forward. Other than, I guess, Christmas when the point is to kind of, like, be together and be thoughtful and gift-giving and, like, show people that you love them and care for them. But, dude, I just caught that mosquito in my hand. You see that? That was my cat-like, feline-like reflexes. That was my feline-like. Watch me inhale the fucking mosquito. Because I definitely didn't get it. Anyway. Yeah, that's my wish for everyone this Valentine's Day. So, let me know how you get on with that. I also want to say that I'm not journaling again because I. Whatever. Okay? I could be convinced that journaling could fix me, but I don't. I feel like it would have worked by now. I look like Neo from The Matrix if he had a cunty black bomb. If. If I start journaling again, I only want it to be gratitude. Girl, I found this old journal the other day and I was like, are you actually out of your fucking mind? Like, why are we so dramatic when we journal? I journal. I guess I really needed to get something out. And I wrote this journal entry that reading it today, 2026 me, I think it was from 2023, I was like, if you only knew how good it was about to get, girl. And how much of that is, like, keeping yourself down? I was keeping myself down. I mean, it was so, like, I'm ugly. I'm not like. It was just pitiful. And I genuinely. How many years of my life did I waste? Waste! Obsessing over my looks. Obsessing over my body and my face and my cheekbones and my double chin and my this and that. Like, there was a shift that happened in, like, early 2024. Even, like, late 2023, where I genuinely was like, what's that scene from Pirates of the Caribbean? Calypso, I release you. That, when the. Do you remember that? Where, like, Davy Jones has to do it and then it's actually the other pirate that does it? And she, like, releases. She gets free of her human form and she turns into the monster that she is. Like, she's finally free. That's how I fucking felt, bitch. You gotta do that to yourself. And I don't want this podcast to turn into, like, a self-help bullshit ass thing. I don't want to do that to myself. I don't I want to talk about other things. But it's so topical. And if I can take an opportunity to remind you guys, hey, life is so much more, I'd like to remind you. Let's move into song of the week. This song's been making me happy lately. It's called Feats by the California Honey Drops. I also love the California Honey Drops. I love them and I love the Teske Brothers. Those are, like, my feel-good white guy music, okay? I love both of those bands. I know I've talked about the Teske Brothers. They make me feel so happy, okay? I'm happy to be alive when I listen to them. Aperture. Fucking duh! Fucking duh. I love Aperture. There is a song from Wasteland Baby, the extended edition, the deluxe edition. And no one talks about it. And I'd like to bring it to you guys' attention. Wasteland Baby, by the way, is hosier. It is a song called Why Would You Be Loved? This song is very fun. And it's very powerful. And it's very, very, very, very, very powerful. And it has all the elements of a classic hosier song that I love. Also, by the way, I'm going to take every opportunity I can to plug Blood Upon the Snow, which is a song he did for the God of War soundtrack. Love that song. One of his best. Truly, like, top five hosier songs for me. And it's off some random video game soundtrack. Those are my two. And then I'll also give you, I'll give you Ditmas by Mumford & Sons. I love that song. I really, really do. And then some more plugging. Royal Court. Go check out that channel, guys. I don't want to freak you out again, but there's a guest coming that I just need everyone all hands on deck. I need your, I need your eyes on that channel next week. Okay? Thank you for that. I'm back to posting main channel videos. I just did one with Trixie. Go give it a watch. I'm back with that bitch. That dumb bitch juice. We both drank it. We chugged. Okay? Broski.shop for moomoos and merch. Um, we also have some helpful links in the description below for the infinite things wrong with this fucking country. Just links to help when and where you can. And I'll see you guys next week. This dark week was nice for me. I would like to do it again. I would like to take a day or two to just not touch my iPhone. Imagine that. Not once. Like, I'll listen to the radio. I'll, I guess I'll watch YouTube on the TV. I will not look up anything on my phone. I just want to go analog. I also want to do just a reading day. Like, some weekend coming up soon. I just want to, I just want to read all day from when I wake up to when I go to bed. So that's it for me, guys. Thank you for watching and for listening to me bitch about Henry James. Fuck that hoe and fuck his dumb ass book. Um, yeah, that's the first ever two-star. Actually, I think I gave the Cruel Prince a two-star. Those are the, my only two-star reads I've ever done. So, all right. I love y'all to death. I will see you next week. Y'all better be good and you better keep your eyes peeled. I love you. Goodbye. 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