I'm A Doctor!

This episode of Distractable is present to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet. The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet according to the experts at UCLUS speed test. If you want the fastest 5G speeds with a 5-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com/home-internet-check-availability. Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply, fastest based on UCLUS speed test intelligence data, second half 2025, all rights reserved. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to Distractable! This episode, Wastro Wade aches for the antiquated nibbles his digits and asks for assistance. Bifurcating bar returns from the house of mouse, identifies crimes, administers assassination deterrence, laboratories and e-gorge genu. Mukecy marked a mic master, snarce caffeine, offers dental deletion and Brazilian bald cures, from sarcastic satanism to traffic trebuchets. It's time for "I'm a doctor. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show." Hello everyone! Welcome back to another episode of Distractable! I'm today's host, Wade, because I won whatever we did last time, apparently. Join us on my co-host, Mark and Bob. That's me, I'm one of those. I'm the other one. You'll never figure out which is which. We sound the same. Exactly the same. Exactly the same. What a great bit. Come on, dude. What the hell? What the hell? Sorry, that's not sarcastic, I meant it genuinely. Gotta be one of those episodes, uh-huh. We haven't even told you your episode I do stupid and then decided not to engage with it yet. Wait till we're mean first. Oh man, wait till you guys find out how weird today's episode is. Weird seven weird. Well, those skip weird six, I guess, but. Six is a bad number, fuck weird six. Yeah, yeah, I've always thought. Come on guys. What, you're a seven guy. I am. Seven is your number. Yeah, but six is like Satan and stuff, you know? Hail Satan. What do we say right here? We say that all the time. Two out of three of us love that. It's my favorite vocal warm up. Well, get on the call and just go, "Hell Satan!" "Hell Satan!" And there it is. "Hell Satan!" All right, go, we got Mark, but in a voice clip, thank you to a kill better. All that was just set up, this to get Mark's clip. I really needed that one. Sorry if I'm snotting, I just getting over a pretty bad sickness, so I apologize if I'm sniffling through the episode. Now, you got a mossy lung. You ever joined before as a show where one of us hosted two people points? Over as the most at the end, when the next episode. Or usually we smart, we smart, we smart, we smart, we smart, we smart, we smart. Oh, editors, cut that out. Try again, buddy. Make my lips look right. We start with smart talk. No, yes, smart, why smart talk? I don't know if I'm up to smart talk today. Oh god, yeah. Feel pretty dumb. Per usual, we start with small talk. Now, let's first try. Anything new in your lives, please talk, so I don't have to. I got plenty. I got plenty new microphone. Every era of my channel is defined by my microphone. Which is this? I think it's something something 8,000. I miss PG42, Mark. I gotta be honest. Oh, you remember even the name of the dude. I still use the PG42 that you got me. It's fucking great. It's a great microphone. It was a great microphone way big step up. And then they discontinued it for some reason. I can't imagine why that's a fantastic microphone. Anyway, this one is concerning because it sounds good. I think I like it, but it's got a heat sink in the back. You can't really tell. So this is a heat sink. A heat sink. And I've never known my past microphones to have a heating problem. Like they've never felt warmer or anything. This feels hot. Why is it hot? I don't know. Maybe it's meant for a lured content. So it knows that things might get a little spicy. Halfway through this episode, just like. But it sounds great, guys. I feel like I gotta keep using it. I'm clearly not in the bowling alleyhouse anymore. So that's good. That's good. James had a hell of a time in Disney. He very much enjoyed Disney. But that much traveling has been was hard on him. And is it funny that I feel kind of guilty? Because I feel like he had a really fun day in Disney. And we also did the Universal and he rode the Yoshi ride. And he really liked that in the Super Mario. And the rest of the trip, he had fun. There was a pool at the house that we say that. Very cool. He loves the pool. But now like we're home now and he's just like, I hate everything. Where's Disney? And we're like, no, it's regular life again, buddy. Like we're back at the house. We live in. This is every day of life. Remember when I feel kind of bad. Does I feel like we stayed in a house down in Orlando. And he was like, all right, this is life now. We go to Disney twice a week. I swim in the pool every other day of the week. All my grandparents are always around. We eat 90 food. We watch as much TV as we want. And we swim in the pool and go to Disney. All right. And then we come back home. And it's like, yes, fucking suck. Why would you show me that life? I'm sorry, man. I don't know. I thought you'd have fun. It's my bad, I guess. Is that what we're all so tired even as adults? We come back from vacation. We're like, huh, why'd you show me that life? Why are we back to this? Not Mark. Mark's better than us, but the rest of us. I've known sadness. I've known despair. You like hard work, though. Yes, true, I do. I'm not like making the massacres joke. You actually just really like, I mean, the movie was a lot. And it was a long time. And I don't know. I know you're overall feeling about it. But I could, like you could tell, you really fucking like just like being in the trenches. I mean, like, I have to work 14 hour days for the next week. I have to do it. I have not known what to do with myself. The past few weeks have been so strange. I've started watching an anime. That's how far I am. I'm scared. I mean, normal people don't do that. That's weird. I know. I mean, I just think about, I haven't watched an anime in many, many years. I mean, I think the last one I even watched was Prophetate. Are you scoping out the competition for your next project? Working on my animation skills right now, man. I'm going to show that anime industry. Who's boss? The next Toriyama is Markiplier. He is dead. So I could be him. Oh. I apologize. I apologize. Yeah, so, but also I was sick this weekend. So this is going to sound like the most middle-aged middle of the road, like 40-year-old stand-up comedian joke, a bit in the world. But here I go. I usually, I was sick over the weekend. So I didn't have any caffeine or anything. I was just kind of on the couch, just like draining. In that, I was like, oh, there's a great opportunity. You might notice, like, I've got like my caffeine-free soda here. I did, because it's really hard to get in Ohio. And I'm kind of jealous, but. So I was like, oh, this will be the perfect day to start back. I've already gone through the headaches and whatnot, because I didn't even notice it. I was sick. So I take cheek out to the park in the morning. So I was like, I'm going to stop by McDonald's. I'll grab a decaf coffee. And it'll be great. So I ordered decaf, says decaf on the menu. And I think you know where this is going. I normally never finish my coffees. I usually just take like a third of it. And that's all I'll drink, especially if it's like a giant one from a drive-through or something. I'm out walking cheek up like, ah, you know, this is decaf. I'll drink the whole damn thing. So we're walking and I'm like, ah, glug, ah, glug, glug, glug, glug. Yay, ah, what a fun day. By the time we were on the way back to the car, I started going, man, things are really fast. Thank you for real, spin up. First time I ever noticed the caffeine started to hit. And I was like, but that's impossible. And I just looked down like coffee. It's like the tab's not punched for decaf. And I look over at the label on the side. I'm like, oh, no, that's the end of my bit. I had way too much caffeine this morning and I feel funny. And all my desire to change my life and be no caffeine is ruined forever. It's all ruined. Now I got to go chug a red bull. I know it is. I have to. By as well. And for a penny. And for the other penny. Yeah, what does that saying mean? I guess it's English, but a penny isn't English. A penny is American, but a pound isn't English. You know, like, no, penny's still in English. Is it, I thought they had pence. Are those called pennies? It sounds like it could be another term for penny. And if it was a penny and I'm maybe, I don't know. I guess in for a penny and for a dollar sounds kind of stupid. So I'm not opposed to it. And they phased out the penny anyway. In for a nickel and for a dollar. And for a checkbook. Those are hip now, right? Checkbooks. Why you saying it like that? Checkbooks. Mm-hmm. Checkbooks. You look adding some syllables in there. Multiple checkbooks. Checkbook is. I'm checkingbook. I don't know. It's just fun to say checkbook like that. I don't know. Checkbooks. Anyway, I wouldn't surprise me if those were popular again. Just because everyone's like, oh, I want to analog. Because media, I want records and checkbooks. I know that I'm older because I prefer checks to all of the other like money apps you can have. Everyone's like, oh, just send it via like whatever. I'm like, can I just mail you a check? Doesn't that get you out? Every time I've ever put a check of any sort in the mail, I'm like, well, I'm either giving someone this money or it's going to get where I hope it does. I guess we'll find out on the check caches or whatever. Isn't it where I feel that way more so about technology? It's like, yep, here's all my-- banking info transferred along this digital highway. I am sketched out because it's like you need the exact user name or you need their correct phone number or something, but as long as you're like, all right, I've checked five times, this is your phone number. I know the money went to you because it went to the only phone number in the world that is yours, that is this one. Even if I give a check directly to a person, if that's not the person whose the money is supposed to go to, it's like this, they work for the company or something, what if they take it? It's just a check. I don't even have proof that I did that. What if someone hops on like their digital speedster and they're on the digital highway and they hijacked the digital package I'm sending digitally? I see what you're saying. I mean, that all this stuff that happens, yeah. What if that scene from Fast and Furious where they hijacked the semi truck full of $5,000 worth of VCRs in their $30,000 worth of cars happens, but online. Yes, like inception and fast and the Furious had a baby in the internet line. Sure, sure. I don't know. I understand it's probably nonsensical, but I still am like, checks are so much safer than this online app. Who is Mr. Venmo anyway? For some reason, I think mailing money is a crime. I don't think a check is, I think mailing cash is, is is mailing cash a crime? It's not a crime in itself, but it could be because when you're putting things through the mail system, mail fraud is always a possibility, right? That is a crime. And if you're sending money through the mail, it could be fraud. It could be fraud. Am I frauding if I put money in the mail? If you don't mean it. Oh, trip accidentally. Oh, I'm like, no, no, no, if it's just a joke, if you're like, I'll send you $500, but you have to send me a thousand back, but then I'll send you $500 back and then we'll be even. I mean, is that a crime? Yeah, it's probably a crime. What about that company that sent a bunch of nickels out in the envelopes way back when? That's just stupid. Whenever we used to do a proof of purchase mails, like for our cereal boxes, is that kind of like mailing money? Crime, definitely a crime. Yeah, crime. It's all just a little elaborate system designed to make trick you into committing crime so that they've got dirt on you for later. That's actually when you become an adult, when you finally have someone has dirt on you, you actually, oh, and then you're an adult. Yeah. What did you do? You know, you. He'd become an adult. I forgot that moment in life where I was just like, I don't know, but it's lovely pop. Oh, taxes. Fuck. Yeah, you were, you were six foot four now and you were like two foot and then just someone got dirt on you, man. I don't think I have anything that interesting to talk about myself. So it's a good thing on the one hosting this. What happened? I don't know. Unless you guys have any objection, I'm going to dive into the episode. No, I'm going to ration my small talk. I have a funny feeling. I'm going to lose. I think I need it for next. Interesting. Interesting. Well, we'll see who loses. I'm not going to let you have that one for free. If the wheels have had anything to say about it lately, we have no idea what the hell is about to happen. And we even have that today. Oh, shit. That's right. Did you remember that right down the thing? Let's not worry about this to add. Okay. I was supposed to add a point in free parking today. Yes. Yes. Otherwise, no, I didn't remember anything else. The one man show had some adjustments. Oh, that's right. We added 10% and then there. Oh, man, my notepad that had it is gone. It was a 10 and then just the normal two, I think, right? So 12%. Yeah. Yeah. So it was at six. So it's going to be at 18 now. Damn, that's a jump. Well, for today's episode, I think this is how this harkens back the old distractable. This feels like an episode we would have done a long time ago. We might have talked about something similar to this. I guess I'll leave it up to you guys if you want to do if you want to do it work together against each other, but we need inventions that don't exist yet to solve some more of our everyday problems. I got problems and I need you boys to fix them up. Clearly. So do you guys want to work together? Or do you guys want to work against each other and come up with better inventions? This is a capitalist venture. Definitely competitive. I concur. Okay. Good. All right. Don't you guys not a lot of degree in that thing? I Kirk Kahn invented it. I don't like that. A new way to agree. Otherwise, like Kirk Kahn either come on. That's like a Star Trek villain. It's Kirk Kahn. I'm going to quit saying that. I feel like I just say it harder and see if it sounds better. No, I'm good. Stress the syllables more. Check book. He's saying it like that. Probably I've had and I've been a lot better about it lately, but it's still something I battle with, especially whenever I'm not paying it. If I'm watching a movie or something, I'm completely zoned out. I will find myself nails in mouth chomping. I'm a nail bider and I've always been a nail bider and I've never been able to stop biting my nails. So I guess we'll see who goes first here. Mark heads, Bob tails, because that's the order you're going to camera wise for me. Bob, you will go first. Good. Fair. I need some invention to help me stop biting my nails. And there's already like a nasty tasting polish out and obviously gloves already exist. I'm not going to wear gloves around my house. So we're going to think outside the box a bit, but the nasty tasting nail polish did not stop me. I was just like, oh, this is awful. Chop. Oh, gross. Chop. So what will actually get me to stop? I have a number of ideas, but I think I'm going to start with my strongest one. Also, I just was saying the back of my mind. There are definitely alarm bells going off that I feel like we've done this before, but it may have been in completely different contexts. I think we've done an episode like this before. Yeah. I know how to make you stop chewing your nails. I call it the gun Gary. Gun Gary? Entry. Call your teacher interest. Yeah. Everybody wants to know. I don't know who Gary is, but I like, I don't know who Gary is and you don't need to know who Gary is. All you need to know is that there is a man named Gary and he has a gun and he's watching you to see if you bite your nails. And he's not authorized to kill you on the first try, but it escalates pretty quickly. That's it. That's the whole invention creates jobs very effective. One way or another, you're never going to buy your nails again. Gun Gary, patent pending. This feels a little breaking bad. I feel like there's going to be like a laser pointer aimed at me at random points, whenever my nails approach my mouth. No, he's not secretive. He's just in the room with you for the rest of your life. Oh, there's an upgrade you can get at one point if you feel like your nail biting addiction is sort of cured. You could go to stealth gun Gary and you'll never really know if he's there or not for sure because he'll keep his distance. But until you are ready for that upgrade, gun Gary just follows you around. This is so capitalist of you to have upgrades and DLCs for gun Gary. And it is a monthly subscription. And if you want him to ever talk to you, there's an upgrade that's a tier two subscription plan. And if you want him to ever talk to you and be nice or not lie to you when he does talk to you, that's the top two subscription. Those are unrelated services. It's just sort of an upgrade. But basic basic gun Gary service will secure you of what nails you if what else you is fighting your nails. I imagine instead of like a pop-up window, just occasionally whenever like the exact time hits. He'll just like interrupt his own sentence or whatever you're doing to be like, your subscription is about to expire. Would you like to renew? I don't like that. I don't like the real life version of how that sounds. What sounds effective? I think it would be very effective. Okay, gun Gary with upgrades and subscriptions. Mark, can you top gun Gary? Hey kids. Have you ever wanted to be a spy to go out on missions to get captured unexpectedly and have to take the ultimate sacrifice for your country? Well, now you can. And also, you'll stop biting your nails. Hi, I'm Mark Blar, inventor of Tooth Spy. Patent pending on the name. Pending means it's waiting judgment, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Sure. You know how when a spy is captured, they have a certain tooth in their mouth that is actually a secret cyanide capsule. Well, I've developed a certain fake tooth that only responds to the keratin on your fingernail or keratin in general or kerats weirdly enough. Don't know why, don't eat kerats. But when you have this, you will be so afraid of biting your nails because you don't know which tooth is the secret tooth. It's also like alligator dentist, you know? Yeah, the game where you got to push the deep down or else it comes down to you, but instead it jumped down on you. It's a bunch of cyanide explodes and military fish. I think that's how cyanide works. That's how this cyanide works that we found. That's how it works in James Bond. So I assume that's how it works. Really melt faces. Why was it ever a finath adaptation to alligator dentist? Yeah, they had an alligator. Monty golf. Monty. Monty. They had Monty. Well, I don't mean like an alligator in finath. I mean, why didn't they make the dentist game with a finath character? Why didn't they remake one toy in finath? Not even in the game. There's an actual toy. You know, you're so right. That would fit. Anyway, sorry. I was just thinking capitalistically. You should probably pen to patent on that. Yeah, pen, pen your patents, man. Not if you know, I have over 10,000 patents pending. And a lot of them are just on whether or not you like the name. That's cool. That makes sense. They keep telling me, I misunderstand what a patent's for, but I keep telling them like, I got more names. Come on. Let me in there. So it was, it was kerats keratine. And what was the other thing you couldn't bite? No, that was it keratin keratin kerats. Okay. There's nothing else. That makes sense. What I can only think of those two. I'm a little scared now. What if I have one of those? Nope. Just those. All right. Man, I kind of give points already to both. of you for both inventions, I don't know which way I want to go. Sionite tooth or gun-- I mean, gun Gary is a lot more just in my face in my way, but also probably a lot more effective in terrifying. I feel like Mark's invention is cool in a similar way, but what if you just absidmindedly forget, like you can't forget that gun Gary is there. He's there. He keeps your line of sight, and he makes sure you know he's there. Yeah, you order a pot pie with no carrots, and they give you carrots, it's like you're dead. I mean, that could be if it hits the tooth. The thing is, it's only one tooth, unless you pay for the bio-- you get it during the bio and get one special, but you'll-- you'll chump, and you'll be like, "Oh, no! Was that it?" And if your face isn't melted, you're still good. It's a lesson. You got to let yourself fall so that you can catch yourself before you die. That's what my parents taught me. They're both terrifying. I feel like gun Gary is a guarantee that like Bob, it's hard to argue. He's there. But not see him. I will accidentally probably die with the-- I like carrots, so-- random side tangent, whenever I thought of the buy one, when Mark's a buy one, get one free. I thought of Saul like-- You want to play a game? I don't want you to get the chance of death. You get two today, because it's a buy one, get one free-- I saw a post where someone had made like a parody of Saul, where it was like religious or something. Let me find the picture. It's called like the Reckon-Syler. The Reckon-Syler. I don't like that. Yeah, someone made a video, I don't know who Curtis Conner is, but he made a video of watching the Saul knockoff called the Reckon-Syler, where it's apparently a Christian knockoff of the movie Saul. I haven't watched the video, but whenever I saw it, the first thought I had, and I got to share it with the world, because it made me laugh for like 20 minutes was-- Do you want to play a game? You don't know Curtis Conner? No. I don't know people of it. He's pretty funny. It's stupid, but I'm slapping, and every time while he's like, are you done laughing, it's like, do you want to play a game that's dirt-loving? Wait, so is what you saw a parody of this Christian remake of the Saul movie? So all I saw was the thumbnail, like his video was recommended on YouTube. It popped up, and it said Saul, and there's an arrow pointing to Reckon-Syler. So this Christian knockoff of Saul is God awful, and I just had the thought, do you want to play a game? And that's it. That's the end of the story. Didn't watch the video? Didn't see the movie? Don't know who this guy is. Don't know anything. But man, that thought I had made me laugh for a long time, because it's still really funny to me. Not funny enough to help you me win, I see. Maybe. Did you make me think of it? Yeah. What's in it? The buy one, cool. Oh, you know what? Yeah. You know what? Yeah. Okay, here we go. I got to figure it out. I understand. I got the-- this is why I hedged my bets on the small talk. You know, burst into more small talk later in the episode. Get some more small talk points. You said he was holding out. We'll see. We'll see. We'll see. We'll see. Mark, you're first on this one. Hmm. I need you to help me, man. It turns out I'm bald. What? No. Oh, man. And I need a way of feeling better about being bald, whether it's fixing the baldness, or whatever other solution you might have, killing everyone on the planet with hair, whatever you think of. I need killing everyone on the planet. My friend, not only are we going to get you here, we're going to save the planet. Hi. I'm Max Behair. [laughter] Oh, go on. That's so good. What was that? What a strong start. Hi, I'm Max Behair. Here to give you some hair from another person's dairier. Let me tell you, there's no bigger problem in this world than the waste from all those Brazilian waxing studios. Rip and throw. Rip and throw. Chucking out all those single-use wax strips left and right. But Max Behair is going to get you there. Where is there? Where there's hair. I've got discount strips. By one, get 99, three. Wait. What color? Would you prefer? There's only one texture. What color? Would you prefer? I've never even contemplated maybe a little of everything, you will get a little of everything. That's right. In every hundred bucks of slightly pre-done hair, you'll get a whole rainbow of hair from every type. So you can rest assured that every single occasion you'll have a brand new to pay to match. Yes. It will be sticky. Oh God, I hate it. I want to see it written out where it's like you pronounce it slightly pre-done hair. Oh, what a brilliant thought, man. Oh, my eye. Oh, my eye. You might have cured me except for, oh, fix my eye. We were fixing my eye. It gets a hundred points. You need new context, man. This is the second time. These are daisies. All right. How many days have you worn them? Just today. I don't fuck around with wearing context more than once. You all right? I'm dying. Bob. Help me with my hair, though. Forget my eyes. I don't need to see. I just need to look beautiful. All right. Isn't my turn? I think so. Is Max be hair done? Yeah. I'm done. Max be done. I am Dr. Sheny-Nog. And I'm here to tell you that you can like the way you look. You may have heard of me. Wherever there's knees, wherever there's nogs, I'm there. Today I'm here to talk to you about nogs, specifically sad bald ones. But that's okay. Science has determined there's nothing we can do to put hairs back onto a head. It's all bullshit. It's basically super clue. You're not going to have hair and it's not your fault. But with my new procedure, you can love the way you look. I call it a "labal to me." I take by highly calibrated ice spike and the biggest hammer I'm legally allowed to swing at your face. And I remove the parts of your brain that make you feel bad about how bald you are. The labal to me. It's cheaper than it sounds. This product is not been tested. This product is not endorsed by Dr. Sheny-Nog. Despite her own risk. How impartial he doesn't need to endorse his own products. That would be biased. Hey, just pay me and I swing the hammer, man. Brought to you by me. I also don't endorse this product. You pay me. Max B. Herald. Be all over those endorsements. So my choices are wax strip hair. Oh, slightly pre-done hair. Oh, man, what choices? I don't know who wouldn't go for the labal to me given this choice. Well, you know, I might have leaned toward the labal to me if Sheny-Nog had endorsed his own product. But that makes me a little nervous. So I'm going to go with the wax strips on this one. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, man. Give me that slightly pre-used hair. Also, it's probably cheaper to have used hair. It is very cheap for me. Buy one, get 99 free. Yep. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We could reuse the same ice pick. I mean, it's whatever. Yeah. Why bother cleaning it? I won't remember. I'll remove that part, too. That cares about that. So you won't even be bothered. Oh, God. I forgot about the hair rivals. Max B. Herald. Shiny. Nog. Side tangent. Labotomies. I've never really understood how the hell. Because I know the description of it, which is like put a nice pick like right here or something on the inner eye or wherever and then you just lock a hammer. Is that real? It's about damaging the frontal lobe or something. Yeah. It causes damage to the frontal lobe in a way that affects the person's brain function and basically turns them into kind of more of a zombie. So they're less. Wouldn't it cause damage to the eye and the sinuses and then all the other stuff in front of the brain? Why? Does it go through the eye or does it? I thought maybe it went through the nose and you like drilled a hole and that I honestly don't know. I know the bottomy as like a joke from movies like I can't believe that was a serious thing that medical doctors did to people or still do I hope not. Dr. Walter Freeman popularized inserting an ice pick like instrument through the eye socket driving it through the bone with a mallet and swinging it to sever white matter. Swinging it? Swinging it. Just. So you got to get it in there and then you go. No. No. No. No. No. That seems fine. Surgery severs. Most of the connections to and from the prefrontal cortex and the anterior part of the frontal lobes of the brain. Well, yeah, we don't need those parts. So yeah, of course the little bodies were a good idea. Yeah, several of those parts probably useless. Oh, yeah. I've got to give you guys another prompt. I was like, "Where are my photos?" "Keep going." So. Bigger is seen as better, right? So we're going to cure Mark, including Mark doing it. Mark, we're going to fix shortness. Oh. No, we're not your penis. Just your height. Yeah. I don't need any trouble there. I don't need it. I don't want any trouble there. I don't know why I said it like that. I don't want any trouble with my penis. Well, let me give you a dick lobotomy. A dick lobotomy, you say. Is that also still through the eye socket? Oh, yeah. Somehow, yes, yeah. Better than a dick toppy. Lobotomy. The top. That is bad. Don't laugh. Wait. That was confusing. Thanks, man. So, we're fixing short, whose first, I think, Bob's first, this time. Here, come on. Fix me. Dr. shiny, nog here again. Like I said, where there's knees or there's nugs, you can find me there. I'm here to talk to you about knees. Are you too short? I know why that is. Not enough. Knees. I'm here to introduce you to my new product, knee knee ease. It's where we put a knee inside your knee to make it taller. You don't need a knee replacement. placement, you need a knee engorging and that's where my pet pending biotic knee comes in. We surgically hacksaw your leg and half right in the middle of your knee joint and stick my new knee, knee, knee, right in the middle. Not only will you be sub-tuple jointed, you'll be 2 to 4 inches taller, which is enough our surveys have shown for almost anyone. That's not enough for you, I don't know if this product is for you. But like I always say, I'm a doctor. That claim that all doctors make sure to make to you. No, I thought I would try and play Mark's game, but I'm just not as good at these kind of bits as Mark is. What do you mean? You just, no, you just, you go into your hairy, what was the guy's name, hair bee. Max bee hair. Max bee hair. You just like, you just jump into it and you have a care. Yeah. I don't do characters. I do observational humor, really, you know, I point things out. Knee dog made a great combat. You know, the first time I even wrote down a point for knee dog, I spelled out knee K and E. So like, it worked. Yeah, well, that's what that's how it's spelled. That's aware of that game, knit hog. I do. No. Did you ever play the second one? They made it. Second one. I think there was knit hog too. I'm pretty sure. Oh, right. I don't think I ever played it right with the upgraded graphic and the worm thing. Yeah, that's one game. I'm fixing, fixing my shortness, you just short in general. No, he specifically did say me texture, tall is a state of mind. Short is a state of body, right? Tall is up here in the dog, right? Short is down, down here in the body. Get what I'm saying. Do you get where I'm going with this? Let me spell it out longer for you tall It's different. I wish you. I'm on this ride. So, so, if you invert them, invert it. Right? How's that go? Hell, L.A.T. Lot of ARR-O-H-S. Troll. Hell, L.A.T. Nothing to give to you. I will give you nothing and you will have nothing. And therefore, there is no problem because there is no product. See? Classic capitalist move. Not solving a problem we didn't have. Exactly. So is it drugs? I think it's drugs. No, it's a lot. Trolls. Trolls. We should play that backwards word game. That was fun. What was the backwards word? It was a year. It was Bob. Did you have them? It was my game. I think I hosted it. You had to say try and say word backwards and then we'd see if you could get it correctly. I think you and I were competing on that one. People thought we were fake it. How would we fake it? I don't know. They thought we were playing numbers. I'm smart. It's the other person that's dumb. I'll do one more round. Which product are you using? Nene E.E. or L'Hatros? No, I think I got to go with Nene E.E. because I still don't know what the fuck the other one was. It's just really good drugs. I'm pretty sure. It's not meant for you if you can't comprehend it. The commercials are just a series of colors and shapes and geometric nightmares from my deepest August secrets. But if you don't understand, you don't know what. It's really not your fault, Mark. It's really unwed. All I know is if we invert it and say it backward, there's no problem. Yeah, you do get it. You're just being obstinate. Do you just not want though? Do you not want to win? I love how Bob before this was like, Mark, you're so good at coming up with a character. I don't need it. It's my strategy. It's my mind game. I give you compliments over the course of the game in it. You're like, what? And then it falter right, critical moments. He puts you in a pressure cooker. He does. He does. Good news then, Mark. You get to go first. So after you get to immediately fix this. So this isn't so much like a personal body thing, but it's something drives me crazy. Even here in Cincinnati, I have to sneeze one second. I thought bro, you just sneeze and Cincinnati. I'm hair re sneeze. I'm Phil switcher for Kleenex. I saw your nose and half even here. Cincinnati. I'm noticing traffic is getting atrocious. I was like, oh, you know what I love about Cincinnati? It's nothing like L.A. or New York or Chicago. All their crappy traffic. It's getting there. Is there driving school anymore? Because no, but people there's an ambulance full siren and someone's like, oh, they're trying to cut me off. I better make sure they don't get around me. It's like, what is happening? Let the ambulance go. You fucking crazy person. There it is. There's so many idiots. And I don't think they know what a license is. I don't know if they know what a car is. I don't know if they know they have breaks sometimes. It's getting bad. We got to fix the traffic and bad driver problem. So real quickly, just something that's not been solved in centuries in the world. I need to solve right now. Have I got a product for you? Hi, I'm Chuck M. Trudier. Here are the inventor of the car. You don't even need to worry about traffic because it's an attachable attachment to your car. That is in the shape and form of a giant spoon. That is, what's weird? A catapult? It wide? No, no. The tension? Yes, it's tension bound to the lever arm that will shock anything. Mostly it's intended for cars, but you know, that's the only thing I have a patent pending for. Basically speaking under the radar, under the, under the, I can't, I think of any common expressions under the table. Are you human? Under the table. I can Chuck M. Trudier. I am very human. And this product is also very human. It will allow you to throw everything in anything wherever you want it to go, so long as where you want it to go is in the direction you have pointed it at. So you can either get rid of those pesky traffickers or you can launch them where they need to be to assist in civil society and progressing the common men, which I am. One of those, it was us. Very human concern about that part, but otherwise I mean, chucking some people in traffic with a catapult to help them, of course, that sounds fantastic or punishment. I would never say that part out loud, but very under the table or over it. Normal human laughter. Bob, how do you solve my traffic problem? I I'm bear Lee legal and I'm here with a solution to all of your traffic problems. I love it. It's a legal solution, barely, to all of your problems. Look, there's already a solution for this. This is used by the military and in certain specific settings, but this used so sparingly, it's just a waste. All heard of the L-rad or long range acoustic device. It's a big speaker that can basically make such a terrible sound that it physically suppresses human beings or anything else with yours. If you mount one of my bear Lee legal L-rads on the front of your car, everyone will always be out of your way. They basically couldn't stand to not get out of your way. It will solve all of your driving problems and basically only your driving problems for the rest of your life. And as far as we know, this is legal probably, depending on what state you live in, and exactly how loud the sound is that you have your L-rad produce. It's probably safe for you, and it's probably legal, we think, and it's very, very affordable, ish. Depending on how much you value your time and driving experience. Okay. Bear Lee legal. I mean, I go by B. B. Lee, but my legal name is bear Lee Lee go. I believe you with the L-rad or Chuck M. Trudier with the catapult. I think I got to go with the catapult on this one. I like the idea of the sound, but it's less aptly like everyone has the sound that either no one's on the road. What if more than one person buys your product? Well, then you only really need the one who's in front to be doing it, but you could team up with a other L-Rad users. - Oh, the L-Rad gang? - Yeah, they have a big train, really. Like a land train. It's like a train, but it goes on land. - I'm like regular trains. (laughing) - That's a weird concept, but just imagine a land train. - Wait, next episode of this, you just gotta give us products and we'll give you the name of the inventor. We'll just kill you the names of the guys who built that. - Done, so hold on, let me make a note to myself. (laughing) - I do think that we've done an episode like this one before. We did inventions way back in the day. I just don't know if we've done it for these specific scenarios. This might be a part two or a part three of inventions, but at least it was, I don't think we've done these thing. - I hope you didn't pull up the same list of products. - It would be really funny if we did. I guess it's possible, I wrote all these today, but I do have the same brain probably, but slightly older and dumber. - I've noticed that as a fascinating phenomenon, is like completely remembering something word-for-word that you thought was completely original. Can you just re-road history, where? - But that didn't happen this time. - That's what happens whenever our entire lives are online for a decade and a half. Let me go through points here. Mark, you got, I gotta try to read my hand right. I hate this point, this point, this point. I hate this point. You got sick boy, new Mike. Poryama's dead. Coffee, whoops. Hey kids, tooth spy. Max B. Hare, good spelling. Wanna play a game? - You get a boy for that. - Yeah, I'm not complaining. - Wax strip, hair, Chuck M. Trudier, Lallat, droid, oh short pull backwards. - Lattros. - And catapult, you are sitting at 13. - Wasn't that technically car-to-pult? - It might have been car-to-pult, but my handwriting is a treasure chest and I tried. Bob, you got points for James Hayte's life. - Sure. - You made fun of my male check versus app's thing or else you gave me good advice. You did something with that. You're a crime expert. I don't know what that had to do, but you're a crime expert apparently. Then I gave you points for laughing. Gun Gary upgrades. Shining hog, lobaldomy. Like I say, I'm a doctor. Oh, like I always say, I'm a doctor. - N-N-N-E-E-E-S-B-L-E-L-L-R-A-D and twice I picked your invention, which I just wrote as I choose U times two for a total of 14. So right now it's 14 to 13. - All right. - Close one, which is unfortunate. Can I just hang on? I'm gonna take three points away from Mark and give him the bobs so that the wheels doesn't matter. Can I do that? That's the host I'm gonna say you can't. All right, I won't. - Wait, wait. I heard that coin clicking. Don't worry, I'm not messing with the points. - Ooh. - Unless. - Ooh. - All right, okay. - Ooh. - Are we good? Are we good? We're good. - I'm gonna bob a point for not grabbing his coin. I do that. - He grabbed his. - I was holding my coin. - Oh! - Mark gets six points for not grabbing his coin. - Okay, well, I won. - Damn, but I listen to 14 to 13. - It's 14 to 13. - I'm not messing with it. - And then I do my thing. Do we have to retroactively add things to the wheel from where you were in Florida or do we. - We've actually come up with stuff to add to the wheel so strictly. I added one point to free parking and I modified the Winners wheel to be. It's 18% right now for the one-man show. - Oh, we might have said something like the next thing we have to add something that actually gets points from free parking. - Oh, yeah, we could do that. - Let me do this real quick. How many spins we do in? I would put my money on three. Oh, I lost my money. - No. - Oh, no. - Who it is. - All right, and then I guess the thing we'll add is gets points from free parking. - Yeah. - Unless we've forgotten that we did do that, but I'm not gonna read through all the list. - There's way too many. And make sure you add a point to the free parking space. - I did, I did. There's one in it right now. It said zero and I changed it to one, so. - You know, at least now that if you get the point from free parking, you get at least one point. - Now it's worth something. - Yay. - All right, so we're doing two spins. Here we go, baby. (upbeat music) - Wearing least clothes, this is. - Okay, I got shirt pants on these two socks. - Well, a sock on each foot. - I guess if I'm in super honest, I have both socks, underwear shorts, but I have shirt and undershirt on. I mean, and I have a watch. I don't know if that's really clothes, but I think undershirt is extra layer, right? - Yeah. - Same except for an undershirt for both. - Yeah, so Mark gets that one, I guess. - I could have just lied. - No, it's what I'm talking about. - You guys know if I'm undershirt on, but it's whatever. - But yeah, if you look at the wheel, you see this black sliver? Let's put, it started to be so full of shit that it's going off center from the like graph, the graphics. And so there's like a weird off-centerness to the wheel now. I think when it spins, the black wedge goes, moves around the outside. - We take our wheel to a mechanic. - Spin number two. (upbeat music) - I'm bummed, Jits. - I'm, I'm, I'm, Bob gets that one. - I don't know if I said words. (laughs) - I mean, I said Tits, I don't know what it has to be, but. - That's a fast response. - It's a good response. I think I went, I mean, you did make a growling noise and still after Bob. - Oh, wait, wait, I'm gonna call, 'cause, okay, I'm a call-in-fair in this first specific reason. - Bob, being the one spinning it. And he said he revealed it's a local program. I am at a disadvantage. - It's true. - For that, because I am on the other side of the country. - It's pretty true, actually, yeah. - So, hold on, let's determine the outcome here. Either it's doubly fair and Bob is right and gets an extra point, or it's unfair, which means what, Mark gets the point this time or respin. I think it just be a respin. Okay, so it's a respin, nothing happens, or Bob gets two points from this. - Well, what if we respin and it's fastest response again? Does that. - I think we just. - That won't happen. - That won't happen, yeah, it won't happen. All heads, Mark wins, all tails, me wins. And otherwise, nothing happens. - Yes. - All right. - Hmm. Hmm. - Yeah. - Oh, oh, I got heads. - Oh, tails. I got, which one is mine? I got lady. Oh, heads. Oh, it don't matter. Okay, well, shit. All right, I tried. All right, well, despite that attempt, the final score is Bob with 15, Mark with 14. Damn. You did win something, though, Mark. You won going first with your loser speech. Oh, well, you know, there's that. I had a feeling I'd lose. I'm not saying I can predict the future. I'm only saying I can't affect the future. Oh, none of our actions have any weighing on the future. You can't change it. Unless that change is simply standing by and watching it all burn. Well said. - Mm-hmm. - Bob, save us with the winner's speech. - I gotta say I'm a little surprised. I felt like Mark had some pretty funny bets today. And I felt like they saw that your reactions during the episode, it seemed like you were right down a lot of stuff for him and not so much for me. But the points are numbers and numbers can't lie because numbers are science and science can't lie. That's just science. It's gotta be fair. We even flipped coins. And the coin said it's fair to. So as much as I didn't feel like confident, I earned this and I am the best, at least for today. But that's okay 'cause what you will be the best next time unless you're not. - Well said, and I'm gonna give a quick unprecedented Hoaster's speech. - What? - We might have done this topic before. - We might have had a similar episode before. - We might even talk about some of these inventions before. - But it's been disassembled, taken apart, and put back together. Is it even the same topic anymore? Or is this the invention of theses? - That's for you all to decide. - We've done sequels before the so-and-ews. - Hey, this was my turn to talk. - Don't come at me with logic facts. - All right, you're right. - You haven't already go follow these boy's market market player, Bob at MySkirm. I'm Wade Minions, I'm Senator Lord Minions, 777. - Watch the episodes 'cause there's video. Or listen if you wanna keep listening, that's fine. Merch, sometimes, maybe more soon. Maybe still some, at distractable.shop. I always pause there in case I'm wrong. About that link. - You got it. - Check it out, check us out. - Watch more of this. Listen to more of this. Also, I love the drawings. I know this drawing episode was a little while back. I love seeing people draw along with the draw episode. That was really funny. And most of them were better than us. Anyway, that's it. Podcast out. - Watch new episodes on Spotify.