I Hit the Wall—Here's How I Climbed Back

(upbeat music) So real talk, you can definitely tell that this is Friday. I'm recording on a Friday because I almost pressed record and completely started doing this whole thing without my microphone in front of me or without my headphones on. So yeah, this is gonna be good. And honestly, I think I'm recording on a Friday. This is a solo cast that's part of our mini series and don't cut your own bangs, put down the panic, a gentler and kinder guide to stress. I think sometimes when you're not all zippy full of energy, that's the time to have the kind of conversation we're gonna have because one, it's just probably more grounded and lived experience. It's more, yeah, it's more lived in. It's less conceptual, it's less in hindsight. It's more like we're here. So let's go, let's go, welcome. Welcome back to don't cut your own bangs. If you haven't caught on, this is a solo cast. And I've got my tea, I've got my water, you can't see, but I've got my candles lit. Right, the vibes are right to talk about what we are going to talk about today. In this episode of Put Down the Panic, a Kinder Guide to Stress, we are gonna talk about what happens when the weight of the invisible load that we are shouldering and carrying finally catches up with us, burnout. And burnout doesn't arrive like a thunderstorm. It doesn't just plop in our laps all of the sudden. It sneaks in quietly. And then before you know it, suddenly you have hit a wall and you think to yourself, how in the heck did I get here? And this is truly, I think, the mental space that many, if not most of the clients that come to see me for therapy, arrive at before they scheduled their first session is everything on paper is fine. Why do I feel like I'm low level drowning every day or just barely keeping my head above water? This is what we're gonna talk about. So we're gonna walk through in today's episode how to recognize the signs early, how to name what's happening before it gets worse and then gentle ever, ever more gentle steps to help you rebuild and replenish your energy from the inside out. These are gonna be small, simple, actionable, one degree shifts, right? Burn out is heavy. And so if the solution is equally heavy, then the likelihood of us taking it on or even feeling like we have the capacity to give ourselves some relief is gonna feel impossible. We don't wanna do that. That's not helpful, that's not productive, that's not what I need. So the name of this episode is lovingly titled, I hit the wall. Now how do I climb back? This is your map for recognizing the signs, rebuilding your energy and taking one small step today to give yourself the love and support you need. Disapp. So here are the three key tenants that we are gonna focus on today. We're gonna recognize the early warning signs of burnout noticing when pushing through is no longer serving you. We're gonna rebuild energy from the inside out shifting from quick fixes to more sustainable practices and then create small daily anchors of care. We'll talk more about what that actually looks like, but there are simple, doable ways to support yourself without feeling guilt. And I'm also gonna clarify what guilt is and what guilt is not. This is a theme that's been popping up in my algorithm, that's been popping up in conversations. I was just interviewed by Tiffany Souter on her podcast The Life of And. And guilt is a topic that's either coming up in therapy or other conversations and also the interwebs through the algorithm. So I think it's important that we really clarify that because I do think misplace guilt is also another sneaky component that brings upon burnout. So let's start with recognizing the warning signs. The language I like to use for recognizing if you may or may not be in burnout is noticing and paying attention to when pushing through or pushing through your to-do list, tacking more, adding more caffeine, creating more structure, the need for more regimen, more control, the self-talk is getting harder, the fatigue is getting heavier. How can you walk the cat back? And notice, have I hit the wall? And being able to get some clarity on, have I hit the wall or is this something else? Defining what hitting the wall can look like. It can be physical exhaustion, brain fog, irritability, also complete loss of the joy to be the joy of life, the little things that normally bring you joy aren't. For me, I'll just give you some personal examples. For me, I'm more irritable in my capacity for patients with just the little stumbling blocks of daily life, in my case, it typically involves two children under the age of four. This morning, the negotiation process of getting the seams of the sock right on my daughter's feet before she put her boots on. Today, I had all the capacity in the world. Now, not so long ago, I had hit the wall. I had truly, I was in burnout, luckily, thankfully. I have been through this process enough, where I recognized it in the really, really early stages to where I would say on the bell curve, I was definitely on the light low end, but I was definitely in burnout. And because I was able to identify it sooner, because I was able to recognize it, I was able to give myself what I needed, and I'll also talk through what that was, but I was able to give myself what I needed in a way that helped me, and I wish I could quantify it more specifically, but without getting prescriptive, I would say, within less than a week, I wasn't in that place anymore. And each day, and it wasn't like it took a solid week of hard effort, it wasn't like that at all. It was just like a day crescendo where like a song fading out in a movie, it was a gentle decrease in the pressure, but being able to recognize it was actually really empowering. Some my lack of patience or the frustration of the moment may be a level two, but I'm experiencing it as like a level 10. I'll raise my voice sooner, which that's a really key indication for me, because I don't, the way that I'm talking into this microphone and talking to you, this is my register, this is my tone, this isn't like a podcast and PR affect of my voice. It, this is my volume. And so when I raise my voice, particularly when I raise my voice at a frustration or even anger, that is very much not like me. That's a really strong indication too. I'm more irritable on the road. I'm more critical of other people. And again, like my baseline mode is pretty compassionate, pretty understanding. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt, because it's just more comfortable within my own little body and when I start to feel that prickly, agitated, sort of crinkly tissue paper in my gut feeling, moving through the world, particularly with the people that I love most. That's a very strong indication that a wall has been hit and I am there. I am Humpty Dumpty and brain fog. Now, I have heard particularly as conversations about for women of perimenopause or even menopause in some of the symptoms that can accompany that. Brain fog is one. But I would say brain fog is also a function of burnout. You're functioning through this low level exhaustion. And I say low level exhaustion because sleep deprivation, exhaustion, fatigue on we, that may not always be an indication of burnout. When burnout is present, that is also always present. So sometimes when you're thinking trying to assess, self-assess, am I there or maybe as someone I love there, it may not be one thing. You're allowed to feel irritated from time to time. That doesn't mean there's burnout. You also may just be tired and that doesn't inherently mean burnout. But it's like where there's smoke, there's fire. And so these examples that I'm offering, particularly when they become cumulative, particularly when they're cumulative over time, where there's smoke, there's fire. And when you start experiencing more than one of these more persistently or consistently over time, we're probably talking about burnout. Another is loss of joy. For me, when I was recently in those like, in that early stage of burnout, one of the things that I love doing, is that I talk about virtually every single podcast is journaling and even meditation. I was, my brain and my mind was so stimulated while also feeling very foggy and fatigued that I couldn't settle myself enough to sit with a journal, to sit with my own mind, my own headspace with a meditation. And one of the thought patterns that's also pretty consistent with me is that I have too much to do, or there's too much to be done, or I'm too busy to pause and sit for 10 minutes, 15 minutes, which in the scheme of a 24 hour period, that's nothing. But when I'm in that headspace, I absolutely believe, like I just don't have time for this. That's a very key indication. The things that normally bring me joy and fill me up, either don't think I have time for, I don't believe it will be helpful or effective. I just don't believe in them anymore, which is ridiculous. But that's not the truth with a capital T. That's what I'm feeling experiencing and saying to myself when I'm navigating burnout. And also my walks. So I have been walking every day, sometimes 10,000 steps, sometimes not 10,000 steps, sometimes with a rough sex, sometimes not. But my walks give me joy. And when I was navigating burnout, the walk was something else to get through. That was another commitment. That wasn't inherently bad that I was doing it that way, but the way I was thinking and feeling about the walk was again, another indication that something else, something bigger might be going on. So what I want to do next, so let's say you've heard these examples, you see yourself in them and you're raising your head silently or literally thinking, oh shit, okay, I'm in it. Or I am in this a lot more than I realize, maybe you're not in it right now. The very next thing to do, once you have that sense of recognition and you see yourself in this process, breathe and normalize it, you normalize this, you are not lazy, you are not failing, you're not doing anything wrong. And also taking the pressure off, nothing wrong is happening. So much of the function of this particular experience, which happens to be burnout is a function of the mind. It's a function of thinking. You can feel like everything is on fire while you're sitting on a bench looking at a lovely view. Burnout can rob you and often does rob you at the present moment because your mind is so active. But it's active, it's like your mind is racing while you're in a fog on a dock that's rocking, you just feel unsteady, ungrounded. You can't see very clearly your thoughts are racing, but also you're okay too. It's all of that happening at once, but normalizing. This is the experience I'm having. Oh, that's what this is. And it's not a diagnosis, it's not a character flaw, it's not a failing or a failure. But now that you can name it, now that you can see it, now you have something you can do with it. You don't have to stay stuck in the confusion of the Ick. There's now a recognition of, oh, I know what this is. So normalizing it can also be naming it. I'm experiencing, and when I add this is very important too, not that I have burnout, I'm experiencing burnout. I'm navigating burnout, I'm moving through burnout. I like using that type of language because it's impermanent. It's an impermanent state of being. It is not a character trait, and it's not, again, it's not a diagnosis. It's an experience that you move through, and knowing that it's an experience, that you just, you're in line for a roller coaster, you get on the ride, it may not feel good, but eventually the ride will stop. And that is absolutely when you're able to identify and recognize and name the experience at burnout. Oh, I'm on a ride. And now I just need to figure out, okay, when the ride stops, what can I do to stabilize myself a little bit? What I'd love to invite you to do is whether you find yourself in that state now, or maybe you have recently, or maybe this is the first you've ever heard of this, it's just consider and asking yourself, have you noticed any of these sensations, any of these experiences within your own life recently? And if the answer's yes, that's okay. If the answer's no, that's okay. It's all okay. Let's say you've seen it, you've identified it, you recognize it, and you're in it. Now what do you do? How do you climb back, right? The wall has been hit. Now what do I do? These are, I'm going to say firm, loving statements. They're not commands, they're not orders. It's gentle, but it's important to know that we have to go back to the basics. And by the basics, I mean the hierarchy of needs. First key point, rest is no longer optional. Rest is not optional. I had a client yesterday actually, who when I asked her about her quality of sleep, 'cause she was experiencing a lot of the things that I mentioned, and all for different reasons. Secondary grief, people she loved going through an incredibly hard time. The pressure she was experiencing at work, really piling on. And the more out of control and helpless she felt, she could be to support the people she loved having a really hard time. She also happened to notice some other things coming up, working until very, very late at night. And that also leading to less than desirable behaviors with how she related to food and movement, right? Oh, it's just, it's this trickling effect that one behavior leads to another behavior leads to another. And then it just starts to swirl and lead you to a feeling good place. But when I asked about quality of sleep, there was this, well, I think I'm sleeping okay. Like, I mean, I think I'm sleeping well. I'm getting sometimes six hours sleep, but maybe more like five hours sleep. And sometimes that happens, right? Sometimes you've got a lot on your plate. This isn't about a role to live your life by, but this is when if you have identified clearly that I am in burnout, rest, true, true rest is not negotiable while you're in the recovery process. It would be just like if you had an injury, right? You fractured, you fractured something. The cast is not negotiable unless you want to re-break it and navigating burnout. The first thing that you have to help reset is your relationship with rest, your relationship with sleep. And that may be easier said than done. And that might be enough of a task on a job. Like, I'm going to list some other things, but when you hear this, particularly if you're in it and way in it, that may be the only thing you have the capacity to look at. Because things may need to move in life in order for rest to be supported. So if that's the case, great, but rest is no longer optional. It is essential. It's not negotiable. It is essential, essential. And nourishment beyond food. So that's the next here and the hierarchy of needs. I'm going to assume you're eating. Is it really sustaining? Is it fulfilling? Is it unourishing? But that's either here or there. You know your body. You know your taste buds. What I also know about myself is when I have been functioning and over-functioning through burnout or I'm on my way to burnout, look at almost always too if I'm really hyper-focused in my computer. My brain can get really caught up in the task that I'm doing where I will miss my body's cues on things like hunger and feeling hydrated or not. Needing to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I don't realize I need to go until, to quote, "Bluey, I'm busting." It's creating little breaks for yourself, to nourish yourself while eating, yes, and also finding opportunity to laugh, connection, creativity. For me, sometimes it'll just be like grabbing a pen and sketching. There are so many accounts actually on Instagram and TikTok where it's like a five-minute flower is one that I follow. There's a few others too where it's just artists and illustrators will show you, oh, I learned a very simple way to draw penguins. You draw the whole triangle. You cut or a rectangle. You cut the rectangle in half. Shade that in. Add a little nose, a beacon feet. You have a really cute abstract penguin. But something that helps bring your creative center and kick it online. And when you can do that with your hands as well or through moving your body through dance, connecting what your mind is doing and trying to create with your body's expression, movement, art, hugging a loved one, stepping outside, touching your tree, any of those things, connecting to something beyond your thoughts and your to-do list is the next tier. And also allowing help, allowing help. One of the other functions of the mind that I see come up a lot when people are navigating burnout is they don't want to inconvenience anybody. They don't want to make anybody else's life any harder. So they're just going to continue to swallow their low-level fatigue, their low-level rage, their low-level exhaustion. I can just keep caffeinating through this and pouring my extra glass of wine through this and I can just grab a quick snack. Like I don't need to stop and actually eat. Allowing other people to show up for you may feel when you are in the space of burnout, like you are making other people's lives a little harder. And here's the truth. You might be because the people around you, whether it's co-workers, teammates, a coach, a boss, your children, your spouse, whomever are the like touch trees of your life that you're interacting with the most. Believing in them enough and believing in your relationship enough that people in your life are going to want to show up for you. And let's just say that's the most positive spin we could put on it. When we give people the credit in the space and the opportunity too, they enjoy showing up for you. I can't think of a time where somebody has truly needed me and I've been able to rearrange things or show up and be of service that hasn't also felt in service of me, that hasn't also felt good for me. To be the service provider is incredibly enriching. Why would I deny anyone else in my life the opportunity to do that too? Now let's say through the other lens that you kept someone on a day or a moment where it's not the most convenient thing in the world for them to step in and take something off your plate. You can also breathe and allow that to exist. They are allowed to have a reaction, they're allowed to have whatever experience they're having and your needs are also still true. It's so much easier, I think, for those boundaries to be clear, say, if you had a cast, I can't carry the load of laundry up the stairs because there's a bone fracture and I'm in a cast. Sometimes with burnout and often any promotional experience because it's experienced on the inside, it requires some level of communication to be known on the outside and the way that a physical wound just, it's so much easier to see. And so letting the pain be known that exists on the inside on the outside, it's no less real. It's just expressed and interpreted maybe different. But sharing that with somebody, say a partner, hey, I need you to carry this load of laundry up the stairs for me 'cause I just don't have the capacity to do it. Now, again, that's a silly example, but an example nonetheless. Allow help and allowing whatever voices come up in your head, it's not weakness. It's an opportunity for you to let yourself honor what's really going on with you and it's an opportunity for the people in your life to show up in ways that not only serve you, but also then. Another key example of telling it's Friday without telling me it's Friday, I was in the middle of recording, straight up fully had a scheduled phone call that I knew was there. I was aware and knew it was there. I just thought it was a different hour than it was and had to pause halfway in this recording and now picking back up where I left off. So yeah, it's Friday folks, but you know what? It all worked out, it always does. All right, all right. Or were we got a no funny business? Oh, benefit of pausing and having a really great phone call in the midst of a podcast reporting is I got to replenish my tea. By the way, let me share my new favorite tea recipe and this is kind of funny, but also just is what it is. So I am someone who's for the most part, I've had tea out of tea bags my whole life and like most of us I'm a ceiling and didn't really even know about loose leaf tea until years ago somebody suggested to me, shout out Gina, credible massage therapist in Indie said that she had been steeping lavender tea and I asked her, oh, lavender tea, how do you do that? You buy lavender buds and you get some hot water and put the two together, it's just so funny to me that I have been drinking rose tea, lavender tea and it's just rose petals or lavender buds, I get organic but fully just like buy rose petals in bulk or buy lavender buds in bulk, steep it, add a little bit of honey, oh, it is. It's still like full, a little tea sip. So where are we last left? Recognizing that you're in burnout, recognizing that honoring rest and prioritizing rest is no longer an option. Not for a while, it has to be the priority. Being gentle and kind, connecting with laughter, connecting with people, connecting with friendship, giving yourself that space to potentially be creative and allow people to show up and help you. When you identify that you are in burnout or you have hit that wall, this is where recognition becomes a turning point, not an indication of a fault or failing that I think sometimes working in a helping profession and as someone who has consumed a lot of self-help over the years, there can be sometimes getting lost in the work of self-development, what is the point? And I would say that this is the point. When you can see yourself in a process, you're then out of the process because you can't be completely aware and in at the same time. So once you recognize, oh, I'm in burnout, you now have access to a fork in the road. I'm splitting my fingers like the fork in the road. I can either keep doing the same thing and will likely yield the same results or will intensify the discomfort that I'm in. But with this new sense of recognition, I have an opportunity to redirect and try something new. And so that recognition, that awareness and that work is creating an opportunity for you. Let's talk about anchors of energy. An anchor helps you create some stability in a time that may otherwise feel turbulent. The currents of life are going to continue to have their demands. But the anchor keeps you rooted in yourself. So you're not anchoring in a system. You're not anchoring in a role. You're not anchoring in a to-do list or an obligation. You're anchoring into yourself in this new, or I would say, renewed sense of commitment to honoring the truth of what your body has been trying to tell you. You're going to re-anchor in the sense of awareness and honor it. For example, a walk outside. Now I know when you are in the midst of something hard and heavy, you're like, a walk. You want me to walk? Yes. Yes, I want you to walk. And I would even venture to say, commit to the walk regardless of the weather. As I have continued to do that over the last couple years, I remember the first time I was out on a walk. It was a couple of years ago. I think I was between babies. It was before Luke, but after Logan, I was on a walk and an unexpected scattered shower came. And I just started getting dumped on. And I started calling people in a panic, hoping that someone would be available to pick me up. And I ended up getting a hold of a friend who at the time was an ultra marathon runner. Like, that's an insane hobby, but like good for her. But she was an ultra marathon runner. They have to train for these ultra marathon and all kinds of crazy conditions because the training schedule doesn't change because the weather change. You just train through it. That has not always been my personality. That's not usually the way that I approach things. I like to be cozy, hence the tea in the sweater. But I started getting rained on. She was the person who picked up. And she was like, just walk in the rain, man. Just get wet. And that was a huge turning point for me that if I want to walk, I don't have to wait for the perfect conditions to do it. I can just do it. And in particular, this last summer, I live in the Midwest. I live in Indiana. Somehow, even though we are completely landlocked, our summers are like the most epic Miami heat and humidity. We have all the heat and humidity of living in the south or by water without the benefit of the beach. But it was hot. And I would just make sure I hydrated well and I would sweat it out. But that commitment to myself was really replenishing. And though I know I had mentioned earlier that some of the thing, when you're in burnout, some of the things that normally bring you joy, you experience them differently in burnout, that's okay, because walking was an anchor, it's a really good gauge for me on how I'm doing. If I am maybe really needing to lighten up and not feel so serious, I find myself leaning into maybe a more humorous podcast. I'm really enjoying Amy Polar's podcast, the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast, Mike Bribiglia is working it out podcast. Podcasts where comedians are talking with other comedians about funny things. If I've had a really hard, heavy day, that's typically where my walk is. If I'm working out an idea or I'm really sitting with a new process or there's just something that's like really present on my mind or in my heart and I wanna be present with it, sometimes I'll walk with nothing. No air pods, no noise, no conversation. It's just me and my thoughts. Now, once I recognized I was burnout, I turned my walks into a moving meditation. So I have my air pods in but there was no noise and I would just fully have a conversation with myself. In full transparency, the air pods just gave me, it gave me the way to get out of my own head and worry about what people thought when they saw me fully having a conversation. Obviously, big picture, no one gives a shit. Nobody was watching me that closely but it just gave me the freedom and permission to not worry about being embarrassed and just do what I needed to do. But I'll sometimes take my feelings for walks and process it as I move. Now that I'm out of burnout, I fully have reclaimed my journaling practice, my meditation practice, but the talking to myself and moving at the same time was really helpful. It could be a five minute walk outside. But what I found too is with your anchors, if you keep the time commitment small and you keep what you're actually committing to feeling light and possible, once you actually start engaging with it, you oftentimes will find out really quickly. You can give a little bit more than you thought you could. You can make a little bit more time for it than you thought you could. It's more the thing that sometimes shuts you down and prevents you from even starting is the belief you have before doing the thing. Oh, I don't have time for that walk. I don't have time to do that thing. And then you end up making time and you realize, oh, this is exactly what I need to be doing so I'm just gonna keep doing that. Another great anchor is looking at your relationship with your fallen. And for me, I don't let myself get on social media or email before sleep. Now sometimes I just want to let myself watch a little TV or whatever and I am really gentle and kind with myself about that. But things that can activate me when I am in burnout in ways that just can become more destructive than helpful social media and then email. Mostly because what emails activate is a sense that there's more to do and I can't let myself get off the clock. Those two commitments are an anchor for me. And if I can put the phone away completely, like about an hour before sleep. And then also first thing in the morning, I an anchor is before touching my phone. I try to touch a living thing, my dog, my husband, a child and sometimes my child is my alarm and is touching my face and breathing heavy into my mouth before my eyes open. So sometimes life just presents me with all of these beautiful opportunities. But the relationship with the phone or tech in general can be a really key place to start for people that are navigating burnout. The other is I will drink water before coffee. Caffeine is definitely a drag or choice for me when I'm in burnout. Mostly because everything is just a little bit off. I'm not sleeping grade, which means I may not be eating as well, which could be impacting how I feel in the morning. And so I feel like I need a little bit more of a boost to get going or I need more of a boost throughout the day because what I need might be to rest or move outside or be gentle. But instead, I'm convinced I need to keep fueling and so I'll reach for caffeine. An anchor is I will squeeze half 11 in my water, maybe add a little pinch of pink Himalayan sea salt and I will drink it all before I have my coffee. So I'm not telling myself I can't have the thing that I love, which is coffee. But I'll hydrate well before I lean into that. And usually that results in me drinking less coffee. I'll even take that sometimes a step further and I'll live it myself to one, maybe even one and a half cups of coffee and then I'll switch to something else. And even this last most recent time that I was in burnout, I just for maybe about five days, I just drank matcha tea in the morning. It was just something I was trying playing around with. The other element that can be helpful to keep in mind is it's your commitment to you and it's led by your own needs. And no one knows you better than you. These are suggestions to get the creative wheels turning but let it be personal to you. And what matters is it feels like something you can commit to. Not something you're punishing yourself with. A big reason why I don't tell myself I can't have coffee is because as soon as I tell myself I have to eliminate something, I immediately want to rebel. It's just like this internal childish response. I'm not going to judge myself for it. I'm just going to honor it and know that it's there but I'll hydrate well first. Another is binding where I need to be saying no in my life. And that can take the form of rescheduling something, canceling something, not making myself available. The no doesn't always have to be harsh cut off. But what it does is it gives me an opportunity to create a barrier between my energy reserve and my energy output. Sometimes our anxieties or our stresses and our worries, they come up because when we feel discomfort in the moment, there's a part of us that worries is it going to be like this forever? If I say no to this one thing, if I push back in this one way, if I cancel this plan, will I lose the opportunity forever? No. Burnout is temporary. Healing is a process and this won't last forever. But it will continue if we don't honor it. Let's wrap it up. Let's bring back everything we've shared so far. Burnout does not mean that you failed. It is your body really trying to call you back to yourself and call to your attention. Hey, we need something different. We need to do something different. We need support now. This week, I would invite you to look for one anchor that you can commit to. I invite you to find something that is kind, something that feels doable and notice how it feels when you do this for yourself, even just a little bit. And if you're willing, share it with me. Let me know how this goes, how this content landed on you, questions you have or experiences you have as a result of this conversation. Can email me at [email protected], subject line bangs. I want to know what your anchor, how's it working for you? Next time, we are going to be exploring how to silence the noise and hear yourself again. The head chatter, Elizabeth Gilbert has this awesome expression that when she is not taking care of herself, her mind becomes a bad neighborhood that she's walking in alone at night. And I want you to feel safe in your own mind. We all deserve that because we are the only company we keep ultimately at the end of the day. It's us carrying us around everywhere we go. So we're going to silence the noise and help hear ourselves again. That'll be coming up in episode three of our mini series. And I am so glad that you were here, that you took the time with me. You took this time for yourself. And if you ever feel like you've had a wall again, I hope this episode is a reminder that burnout isn't personal. It's just a way of gently saying enough, enough, please. Recovery doesn't have to be traumatic, hard or scary. It can be gentle, one, shipped at a time. And sometimes it starts by taking a little something off your plate, letting yourself rest, even if guilt comes up. And yes, guilt, yes, guilt. Let's talk about guilt briefly as we wrap up because this is key and important. Guilt is often used when we feel discomfort. The discomfort of change, the discomfort of taking my conflict that I'm feeling on the inside and taking it external and seeing other people grapple with this new information or even seeing people take in this new information and needing time to digest it. That discourse, that doubt, that space, that newness of change can bring up a lot of feelings. It can stir up a lot of feelings. But that is not guilt. What we actually mean when we say guilt is my behavior didn't reflect the way I want to be in the world. I stepped outside of who I know myself to be. I believe it's Dr. Becky who said guilt. Guilt is when I step outside of my values, and I betray my own values. And the feeling I have as a result of that is my behavior didn't match who I want to be. And so now I have something to reflect on and maybe even something to repair. Making space for yourself in the world, establishing a healthy know, taking something off your plate so that you can replenish a heal, that is not guilt. It may be discomfort of some kind and that's okay. But this isn't guilt. This isn't guilt. I'm glad that I remembered that right at the very end. That's a way to end. Thank you for being here. Your time, your attention, mean the world to me. If you want to pick up a copy of the Treasure Journal, it's a great way to support all the work that we talked about here in the solo cast. It's linked in the show notes. It's a seven part guided journal that a lot of the processes I took from my therapy practice and put it in journal form. There's also lots of blank pages at the end for you to use. And if you have littles in your life or littles that are adjacent to you who are struggling to hold big feelings, there's also wrestling a walrus to children's books that I have written for that very thing. It's for little people with big feelings, but let's be honest, it's also for the big people with their big feelings. I wrote it for my kids. I'm using air quotes, but also in reality, I wrote it for me too. It's great for adults and the inner child and all of us, as well as the littles that we're raising into, hopefully, thriving humans in the world. Those resources are all linked for you in the show notes. Remember to rate, review, and subscribe. The top's the podcast grow. It makes a big difference. And I hope that you continue to have an incredible day and we'll catch you next time. (upbeat music)