I Have No Idea What to Say Today (And That's Okay)

Hey everybody, welcome to the Addiction Unlimited podcast where you get to learn everything you want to know about addiction and recovery. I'm your host, Angela Pugh, co-founder of Kansas City Recovery, Life Coach and Recovery and Alcoholic. To learn more about me, you can listen to episode zero on your podcast app or find us on the web at AddictionUnlimited.com. Hello my friend, welcome back to Addiction Unlimited where we talk about recovery in real life and all the messiness. So it's Christmas Eve and I'm going to be really honest with you right now. I had absolutely no idea what to talk about today like genuinely no clue. I've been sitting in my office all week trying to come up with something meaningful, something helpful, something that would make you feel better or give you some kind of insight and I just kept coming up empty and then I thought you know what, that's actually the most honest thing I could share with you today. And I want to say this clearly before we go any further. I'm still an alcoholic, 20 years sober doesn't change that, right? I still overthink, I still doubt myself, my brain still goes to worst case scenarios sometimes. The only difference between me and someone newer to this is that I've had more practice and I know that everything will be okay. I've done over 400 episodes of this podcast, 400. Lots of words, a lot of advice, a lot of trying to be insightful and helpful and wise. And honestly I'm tired. I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of my own voice. I'm tired of trying to have all the answers and I talk about this all the time in VIP group coaching. I'm like you guys, I'm so tired of hearing myself. You know, as an introvert who tends to go really deep with everything, I've spent so much time in the heavy stuff, right? Patterns, healing, trauma, coping mechanisms, all of it and all of that work matters. But right now I'm just burnt out on being profound. And I thought some of you are probably feeling this way too, right? Maybe you're tired of working on yourself. You're tired of self improvement. Tired of trying to be better, do better, heal better, show up better. Maybe you're just tired. But here's the thing. I'm still here. I still showed up today, even though I didn't know what to say. Even though I don't have some perfectly crafted message or five step plan or inspiring story, I showed up, tired and confused and a little bit lost. And here's the part I want you to hear. I'm not afraid of those feelings anymore, right? I've felt them a million times, probably a million times just yesterday. Or even this morning, I probably felt all of that. But I know they pass, right? I know they don't mean anything bad is happening. And maybe that's the most important thing I can model for you today. Is showing up when you don't have it all figured out? That's real. That's recovery. That's honest. That's what most days actually look like. We spend so much time waiting until we feel ready, until we have the perfect plan, until we know exactly what we're doing, until we feel motivated or inspired or clear. But what if we just show up anyway? Not with all the answers, not with endless energy, not with some polished version of ourselves, but just show up as we are, tired and uncertain and human, because that's where I am. So if you're listening to this and you're feeling burnt out on your own journey, whether that's recovery or personal growth or whatever you're working on, I just want you to know, you don't have to have it together today. You don't have to be insightful or profound or even okay. You can just be tired. You can just be here just doing your best, even when your best feels like not much at all. It's Christmas Eve. Maybe you're with your family and feeling triggered. Maybe you're alone and feeling lonely. Maybe you're somewhere in between just trying to get through the day without falling apart. That's how I feel right now. Whatever it is, you're allowed. You're allowed to not be okay. You're allowed to not have the answers. You're allowed to just exist without trying to fix or improve or optimize yourself for one damn day. You know what I've learned after 20 years and 400 plus episodes. The real work isn't always about having breakthroughs or insights or big transformational moments. That's what we want, right? Because there's a big dopamine hit in those big transformational moments. And I think sometimes people have this view that that's what recovery is. Like it's some big profound burning bush moment like every day. But that's not the reality. And every day can't feel that way, right? The real work is just showing up even when you're uncertain and it feels lame and mundane. Showing up for yourself and just taking it minute by minute. We have so much anxiety that we want to have all the answers before we start, right? We overthink everything. We catastrophize every possible angle. We play out every worst case scenario in our heads. And then you know what happens. We're exhausted before we ever even do anything. We've burned through all of our energy just thinking about the thing, worrying about the thing preparing for the thing. And then when it's time to actually do the damn thing, we have nothing left. But here's what I know. It's okay to not have every detail figured out. It's okay to not have every answer. It's okay for everything to not go your way. It's okay to just show up. Take some deep breaths and take it one minute at a time. And know that everything will be okay. That's what I'm doing right now with this episode. After overthinking it, after outlining five other topics, endless hours by the way, outlining five other topics, and I hated all of them, none of them felt right or good, after feeling like a failure, like I'm disappointing all of you, like I'm letting you down by not having a perfect episode to change your life. After all of that, I finally had to remind myself to just sit down and shut up. Everything is okay. We're okay. We're going to make it through this, you know? So I'm showing up and I'm taking it one minute at a time. You, me, and my microphone. And I know everything will be okay. Even if all of you hate this episode, even if you stop listening to me, even if you stop sharing my episodes and I lose every subscriber I have, because that's what my alcoholic brain tells me, right? Because that's what it's always done. Jump to extremes and nonsense. And even if all of that happened, everything will be okay. And after this, I'm going to meditate. I'm going to take a long hot shower and I'm going to spend the day wrapping gifts for my nieces and nephews. And I'm going to post that process on my social media. If you want to see the craziness, I'm doing with wrapping gifts this year. It's like another level. But then I'll work on the dry January bootcamp because it opens next week and life will go on one minute at a time. That's the real work. Just showing up, just being honest about where you are, just taking the next breath. This is what long-term recovery actually looks like. It's not about the absence of doubt or anxiety. It's the absence of panic about the doubt and anxiety. So I don't have some big, profound message for you today. I don't have a worksheet or an action plan or three things you need to do differently. I just have to tell you, I'm right there with you. I'm tired too. I'm figuring it out too. I'm showing up imperfectly too. And if that's where you are right now, welcome to the club, my friend. You are in great company. And if you're listening to this thinking like I want more practice, I want more structure, I want support while I build this. That's exactly why I do dry January bootcamp. The Facebook group opens next week. You can sign up at addictiononlimit.com/bootcamp. It's where we take it. take this idea showing up one day at a time and we actually practice it together with structure and direction. And if you're super tired of all the bullshit, tired of crying and hating yourself and wondering what the fuck is wrong with you, there's also a link in the show notes to book a call with me, addictiononlimit.com/call. When I was finally ready to get sober for real, that's how I felt. I was so tired of my own BS and I was tired of hating myself and tired of being tired. And if you can relate to that, then you are my sobriety soulmate and I would love to help you get past all of that and get some real relief. So book a call, let's have a conversation and see if we should work together. Either way, you don't have to do this alone. addictiononlimit.com/bootcamp to sign up for dry January boot camp and there's a VIP upgrade option if you want to get some more support and group coaching with me each week in boot camp. And addictiononlimit.com/call to talk to me about working together, do one of those or the other or both if you're feeling like a classic overachiever. I love you guys. I hope you're having a beautiful holiday season full of love and don't forget this Friday, the final bonus drop from the unlimited life starter series. We've gone through the 10 most popular episodes from the addictiononlimit.com archives and we are at the last episode just in time to rebuild your rhythm and structure and emotional piece with dry January boot camp or a fresh coaching season with me. If you're watching the next episode of the addictiononlimit.com/covid. I hope you're having a fantastic day and I'll see you next week. You've reached the end of another great episode of the addictiononlimit.com podcast, candid and honest conversation about addiction and recovery. Be sure to visit us at addictiononlimit.com to join the conversation and access show notes and links to everything we talked about. Of this episode, please take 30 seconds to subscribe, rate and review on iTunes to help us improve and give you the information you want. Thanks for listening. See you next week.