I Had to Let Go of People to Find Myself: Here's What God Was Teaching Me

The man is not coming to save you, bro. And I'm telling you right now, even if you start having relationships with people, just to fill this void, if it's not the right person, it's going to make you feel even more lonely. Imagine you locked in so hard and you start pouring into yourself to the point where you become so elevated to where everyone around you is on this like, it's just a different level, bro. In Islam, we have something called the nefs, the things that kind of control you, your desires, your, your mood swings, all these things. It's a battle against the nefs. But once you grab them, bro, and you're like, nah, not anymore. I'm Leonidib. This is Being Human. I'm glad you're here. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Being Human. Today in this episode, I kind of just want to talk about some things that I'm going through currently. And if you're in a similar situation in life, then I feel like you might highly resonate with the topics that I'll be speaking about today. A lot of it is about, I would say, remaining focused in a distracting world. Also your circle, your environment, people that might come into your life. And I am currently in this chapter where I feel like God is continuing to show me that I need to be in a very not isolated place, but I would say focusing on my craft, focusing on pouring my energy into one thing and making it amazing, not getting distracted with expectations from people or maybe new friendships that come into your life that may not actually be with the best intentions either. And I'll explain a little bit more in this podcast today. So let's get into it. So the first thing I really want to talk about is your circle and who you surround yourself with. I am a person who really only has one friend by choice. And I have my team. I have people that I work with, people that are kind of like mentors in my life, my family, but I don't have a massive friend group. I used to, but I realized as you get older and as you start to focus more on yourself, your craft, you start to see that God will remove people in your life or force you to set boundaries with people. So you can focus on yourself and stop pouring your energy into other people. And maybe it's with good intentions, right? Maybe you are trying to be there for people, but when you are consistently trying to be there for others, where your energy is getting drained, you are taking away energy that you could be pouring back into yourself. And sometimes you have to be selfish because you're going to realize more and more as you focus and you start locking into your purpose. And if you haven't found your purpose, I highly advise you to literally take a step away from any kind of media, take a step away from any kind of distractions or noise or talking to your friends for a day, journal, open up a Google doc, talk about the things that you like. What is the impact that you want to leave in the world? Really think hard about who you are as a person because your purpose can come from your side hustles. It can come from what you're currently doing, your school. It could come from helping those in need. It could be creating things in life. It could be content, for example. There's so many things, but you first have to eliminate distractions to even have clarity in your mind to figure out your purpose. So if you are struggling with finding your purpose, highly recommend open up a doc. Sit with your thoughts right and then create like a little mini goal and plan to help you become more clear in your path, but also a routine that helps you accomplish the most that you can possibly have in your day, which routines and finding purposes is going to be another video. If you guys want that, let me know. But when you are focused on your purpose and you have people in your life that do not align with you, it's going to be really hard sometimes because you're going to find yourself having conversations where you're like, "Should I be speaking about this? Should I be pouring my time into something else that could be helping me gain more knowledge in life?" And sometimes pointless conversations are good for the soul. I'm not a person who doesn't have a pointless conversation. Actually, now I can't tolerate pointless conversations. I'm going to be completely honest. It damages your brain cells when you gossip. You stop having self-respect. It's like damaging the soul as you are allowing gossip into your mind. And that's why I am someone who's like, "No, I don't want this in my brain." So I'm going to either pull back from friendships, pull back from conversations, pull back from people having access to you. Because all of this is going to take you away from your time and your attention in your sometimes. We may be the problem. We might need to look within ourselves and think, "Are we ever gossiping about people? Are we ever having dumb conversations? Are we ever consuming content online that is literally brain raw, bro?" I don't think that we should be miserable in life. God wants us to have a positive and happy life. But that doesn't mean brain raw. Because the things that you consume long-term is going to affect your mind. And you have to think about these things. We have literally one life. And God is also aware of how we spend our time, like, bro. He watches or ever move. So it's like having that awareness to know that God is looking at me and what I'm doing with my time. And he's also looking at me and watching me when I'm having conversations with people. And that's why when you are trying to find your circle or maybe you are removing yourself from a circle, it's so hard. It's so hard. I had to go through a very lonely chapter. And I would still say that I don't have a person in my life that I feel like this. Okay? Like this. I don't have that person. Other than people that are on like a mission with me in terms of my work, I am talking about someone who's not working at all with me, who is just a person that I can go to. And we have similar beliefs in terms of everything or we have a similar mindset in terms of everything. I don't have that because I feel like God has to elevate you as a person has to help you build so much love for yourself that you know how to fill your own cup. You don't need people to fill up your cup. And how do you even fill up your cup? It's by choosing discipline, by choosing a healthy routine, choosing not to give into the bad habits that make you end up feeling drained in yourself. It can be hard at times, but it's so worth it in the end. And you'll recently, there was a situation where I was like, you know what? I'm going to go out for dinner with an acquaintance because I really only have two people in my life, one of them that I work with, that I trust with everything. And sometimes still not everything. I don't over share in terms of things that I want for myself, aspirations or goals that I wish to achieve, speaking too soon about something. Because even if you have people that have pure intentions in your life, you should never over share things, especially if it's something that you wish for. Because one, maybe you have so many ambitions or so many goals and you truly believe in yourself and that you're capable of it, which you are. But sometimes people are not going to be able to see that in you just yet. Or maybe they might feel jealous or envious unintentionally because we're human and we go through different emotions. So those are natural feelings, but a lot of people don't have the awareness to think to themselves, why am I having this emotion of jealousy of envy when my friend comes to me or my family member comes to me and tells me about the success that they want for themselves. So if you are that person who is sharing and oversharing something with good intentions for someone to just be happy for you, maybe they don't feel happy in themselves to even have that happiness to reciprocate back to you. Right? And then all of a sudden, you are now faced with could be evil eye, could be jealousy, and you just don't want that energy. You want to keep things to yourself until you know someone has pure intentions for you, until you know someone who's also working on themselves that they are so content and happy within what they're doing in life so that they can share that happiness with you. And there was moments of my life where I couldn't share anything, success, even guests that like come onto this podcast, for example. I had a guest come on that I've been like really excited about and I didn't tell anyone until it happened why? Because I didn't want me saying like, oh, this guest is coming on and then all of a sudden, the guest doesn't come on because you got evil eye. And you all evil eye only comes from God allowing it. But if you're not consistent with prayers, if you're not consistent with giving back and charity, if you're not consistent with being grateful for all the things in your life, sometimes God is going to show you that sometimes you've got to pray for protection, bro. Otherwise, these things will happen in your life and stuff can go wrong. And I'm a firm believer that like whatever is meant to be is meant to be and if people, you know, leave your life or situations don't happen, that there is also a bigger blessing in it. So I always think about that, but I also, I just think it's important to keep things for ourselves sometimes and I fall short of it because I am a person who's easily trusting. I love love. I love relationships. I love being able to communicate with a friend and someone tell me about their goals and ambitions and I can be so happy for them. You love opportunities. You love blessings for your brother or your sister in faith like you would for yourself. So what you want for yourself, you should love for other people. You should be happy for other people because God will also recognize that you have so much trust in him and contentment with your life right now that you are going to be able to share that love instead of feeling these emotions of envy or jealousy. But sometimes again, people don't have that awareness and y'all it took me a while to even have that awareness in myself. I would have to reflect and ask myself why am I comparing my life? Like why do I feel these emotions of like jealousy if I saw something on social media or if someone got an opportunity and I didn't? And I'd be like why am I feeling these emotions? Let me just be happy for that person since with my heart and trust that God is gonna give me something in my life. And so again, this comes back to your circle, going through a lonely chapter, building yourself until the right people are meant to come into your life. And now when people start coming into your life, oof, I was dealt with a situation where I was thinking that maybe I found a friend who doesn't want anything to do with like my life in terms of opportunistic friendships or motives. But I was wrong. I overshared and I ended up with a situation where I had to explain myself as no, I am not ready to go into a business opportunity or like I don't want a certain connection that that person has and basically trying to leverage you to people. And maybe that's not something you can relate to, but you could relate to it in a way where people don't always want the best for you or just love you for you in every single way. Like that's extremely hard to find and it takes time to even find that. So I believe that God brings people into our life to also teach us things. Sometimes they're not always meant to stay and that's so hard, especially when you are a person who wears your heart on your sleeve. And I believe that if you have a good heart and you have good intentions for a person and you try to be the best that you can possibly be, but a person still doesn't love who you are or they don't respect you and treat you with kindness, then it's their loss. And sometimes people are meant to come into our lives to show us things about ourselves where we need to work on, where we need to grow, where we need to evolve. Maybe it's directing you in a path that is going to help you find your purpose. But sometimes it also means going through a phase of feeling heartbroken, feeling let down because the person is not meant to stay. And the more you continue to hold onto a person, the more you prolong what is actually meant for you. And again, it's not easy. It takes a lot of trust and faith in God, especially when it comes to relationships with men, or if you're a male watching this and it's a woman, love shouldn't feel too hard. It should feel like it's coming into your life and making it better, bringing you more peace, not all this stress and overthinking or making you feel less as a person. And I do believe that relationships are going to come with many challenges, but it should never make you feel less confident, not empowered. It should be a person who is going to support you and not compete with you. I think that's also so important, especially as women who are passionate about having more for themselves. Even in the slightest, there's a lot of men out here that can be so insecure if you just want even a side hustle for yourself. A partner should support you and sometimes support can also have a different motive. And I realize that because sometimes men can antagonize you and make you feel less worthy so they can make themselves feel higher. Okay. And this was a situation where I don't know what it is, bro, but it's so easy for people to come into my life and just like walk over me. And I allow it to happen because it's my people pleasing tendencies, bro, and it's still apparent in my life. And I'm like realizing more and more, especially even on a podcast, like something I'm working on is like someone having an opinion, someone having thoughts and me not agreeing with it. For example, like if I'm like, I'll be like, yeah, or like, mm-hmm, if I don't agree with it. Like why am I even talking, bro? Like I need to stop talking because I'm people pleasing. I'm trying to make that person feel comfortable by agreeing with them or by not speaking my truth, not being myself fully feeling like I have to change myself also. You should never feel like you have to change yourself as a person. I'm not talking about your bad habits or things that you need to work on in terms of like evolving your communication skills. But I'm talking about to the core who you are as a person. You shouldn't have someone making you feel like you're questioning your every move with them. And I had to let go of a person because I was like, what am I doing? And then this person comes back into my life because of an opportunity and it may be realized this person's like you was supposed to be in my life. Okay, at all. It made me realize that sometimes they're meant to teach you things about yourself or there's like a blessing in it somehow, even though it feels hard at the same time. But God knows what you want. Okay, when it comes to friendships, when it comes to relationships, he knows what you want. But not every person that comes into your life is from God. That is something that I'm starting to realize. Some of it is a distraction. Distracts you from your purpose. Distracts you from what you really want. And a lot of it is just coming from us really not trusting in God. Or maybe it's God putting it in our lives too, so we turn back to him even more and realize that we can only expect from him. Expect from your creator, not from others. Because again, we are human at the end of the day. Nobody's perfect. And we can't expect people to be perfect. I just am starting to realize it's so hard to find real friendships nowadays. And I think that you shouldn't compromise on who you are as a person or put yourself in situations or friend groups where you feel unseen, unheard, disrespected. It's just a waste of time. Don't waste your time on conversations. And like I'm going through it too, you're not alone if you feel this way. And I think that you also have to spend your time really pouring into yourself. And again, it's hard. Don't choose the bad habits or the habits that make you escape yourself. For example, like social media, don't overconsume content. Like set boundaries with your phone literally, download apps that block your apps or use that thing called like brick. This is not sponsored. But like master the art of being so disciplined in yourself, become the highest version of you. And then God will match that and bring those people into your life too. Because if you think about all the things that you struggle with right now as a person, we often attract. And God brings people into our lives to show us a reflection of ourselves and also people that are also in a similar journey. God is always bringing those people. It's either to you know, have a mentor in your life or someone to help you elevate. Like there's different kinds of relationships, of course, but usually it's people that are kind of like a reflection of yourself in many ways. So if you want a partner who is disciplined, who is focused on his craft, who is ambitious, who is willing to provide, you need to start being that for yourself. You need to start being more disciplined, more focused on your craft, worrying about elevating yourself to the highest level that you can possibly be. If it's someone who's strong in faith that you are looking for, you also need to be strong in faith. Like you have to start thinking about your life as like, I am going to attract things when God knows that I am ready for it. When God is ready to also bring things that are ready to receive me as well. Like you have to think about every single opportunity in your life or things that you want in your life. As a reflection of who you are as a person. When you truly find your purpose and you feel so aligned in what you're doing, then it will become easier. Like me sitting here talking to you and sharing the things that I go through in my life. This is me pouring into you, but also it's working on my craft. Sometimes it feels hard to film these things because I don't know how to articulate my words sometimes, the feelings, my emotions that I'm going through. But I still push myself to do it because it's something that I love at the end of the day. And loneliness is a selfish feeling. Loneliness means you are not pouring into the world enough. You're not giving back to others enough. And I'm not talking about in terms of money. I'm talking about in terms of your time. Like start doing more things where you feel fulfilled. Don't choose to live a life without fulfillment. And I'm talking about fulfillment from things that are attainable, not wealth and success and money and all these things. It's not even going to fulfill you. I'm talking about like create community events. Create only women groups where you and you know you could reach out to other people or maybe it's like finding groups where you feel fulfilled. Maybe it's going to different kinds of arts and crafts. Learning a new language, side hustle, content. Whatever it might be, like start doing things that are going to impact the world in an amazing way. And you won't feel this sense of loneliness anymore. Where we feel lonely is when we are spending too much time on our phones. When we're not focused on our purpose. Like I received a DM, I actually screen-shotted it that I kind of want to talk about. And I know I've touched on like relationships and stuff for a while, but I feel like it's kind of just apparent. So this girl said, hey girl, how do you deal with not having a spouse? I'm Christian and I've heard all the verses people throw at me, but please. Do you have any practical things that get you through those moments or even days when your desire is stronger than anything else? This is like, it's tough, bro. You can throw verses and stuff at anything, right? Like people can tell you like, trust in God, be patient. But how do you actually be patient? Again, what I said, focusing on your craft. The times that I feel lonely are usually at night. When I start escaping my emotions. Maybe it's picking up my phone or watching things online. Like I try to escape those feelings and it ends me down in like a darker hole, which makes me want to like, yeah, want a partner even more. When I'm out of routine, when I'm not sticking to a plan, when I'm not moving my body, when I'm not eating properly, when I'm not hydrating, when I'm not communicating with myself through journaling, when I'm not taking care of my skin, when I'm not focused on my purpose, I start to think about a man. I start to think about wanting a partner, what I'm alone in my apartment. I've never really talked about this, but like, desire is, bro. If people don't think like women get same desires as men, like, bro, we're human at the end of the day. And again, it's coming down to really pouring into yourself. All those things that I mentioned, are you taking care of yourself? Are you having a night routine? Are you having a morning routine? Are you praying? Are you consistently also trusting in God? And I'm not throwing a verse at you. But like trusting in God so much to know that like, he is going to bring a person in your life, no matter how it is right. So even if you're not on like dating apps or whatever it might be, you're like in situations where you're putting yourself out there and trying to like, meet a bunch of different people and you're getting so tired of it. Like I know so many stories where people like go on dating apps and like, they try to meet people and it's just not working. Y'all, it could be literally you at a gas station. Okay. You could be at a gas station and find the love of your life. You could be in a situation where you receive an email. Okay. From a person. And maybe that's the love of your life. Okay. There's so many situations that God can put into your life at the right moment, at the right time where you find your partner, but you just have to trust that he knows what you want. In Islam, there's something called Naseeb. And Naseeb is essentially what's meant for you is going to find you. It's never going to miss you. I don't know if this is in Christianity, but it's also in Islam where we believe that the missing rib, men have a woman's missing rib. I think it's like that because God has created partners for us to find peace in them. You also have to go through a journey where you are relying on God so much to the point where if a person comes into your life and when you're ready to receive that person, God knows that it's not going to break you to the point where you start putting that person above God. And by that, I mean, sometimes we can get so attached to people to where they become our everything. You lose focus. You lose drive. This person, all of a sudden, takes your attention. You're wondering what they're doing. Why they're not responding to your message. Only God is protecting you from things that you don't even know. And again, maybe you're still like, no, I still want it. Patience. I'm teaching myself that too. You're not alone. Like I am 24, about to be 25 in July. Both of my sisters are married with kids. God bless them. And I went through a year and a half to two years of really feeling so low. And I was like, bro, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep feeling low and just wanting a partner. Like a man is not coming to save you, bro. And I'm telling you right now, even if you start having relationships with people just to fill this void, if it's not the right person, it's going to make you feel even more lonely. It's going to make you feel even more lonely. And then you're going to get that thing, right? Because oftentimes we want what we don't have. And when you have it, you're like, it's not that great. It's not that great. And I started to realize that because like I was literally compromising on what I wanted and I was like, nah, I'm compromising. God knows what I want. And you know what? If I am not meant to have a partner in this life, then maybe in the next life, maybe my life is meant to pour into others. Maybe my life is to give back to the world and focus on my craft. Maybe I'm not meant for love. Sometimes I think like that. But also it's not good to have those thoughts because your perception of life is going to create that reality. So embodying the identity of God is going to bring the person that is meant for me, that is going to bring me peace at the right time in my life. And the more that I hyperfixate on it is distracting me from my purpose, is taking me away from things that are going to elevate me consistently in my life. Like imagine you locked in so hard and you stop thinking about a partner, you stop thinking about people in your life, you stop thinking about loneliness and you start pouring into yourself to the point where you become so elevated to where everyone around you is on this like, it's just a different level, bro. You're attracting different relationships, friendships, different kinds of people because you have elevated yourself. You have to have that mindset. Like that is the mindset you should have right now if you feel lonely. I'm saying this all with love because it's literally something that I had to teach myself. And it's something that we really have to look deep within us and think I need to look into myself and I had to have that conversation. And a lot of the times is like if you are feeling misaligned, of course you're going to start thinking about things like that too. So I would say the main thing is to focus on your purpose, on your craft, giving back to the world and those feelings will go away. Like they will go away because you don't even have the time to allow it in because you're so focused on pouring into others and then it will end up coming back full circle because God can do anything and you always have to have faith in that. The next thing I really want to talk about is really locking into one thing. Okay. Like lock into one thing. Stop trying to do so many different things in life to where you're not even pouring your focus and energy into the one thing that you can make so great and be patient on and really focusing on it to the point where you're like, let me get you to the point where you're like, let me get good at this one thing. Let me build on it to the best of my ability. Let it grow, let it flourish. It could be a new business opportunity. Like for example, this podcast, like if I'm going to give you a real situation, then God I'm so blessed to the point where I could allow myself to get distracted with different opportunities in my life. That looks like so many things to choose from. But I have to like shift my mindset. I'm like, no, bro, I need to focus on becoming the best podcast host in the world. One of them, God willing one day. Instead of focusing on people dangling pretty things in my face of like, oh, start doing this and you'll get more money or like, you know, it's like so many different things that you can choose from. But no, you need to start pouring into just one thing, focus on that, lock in, not different eggs in different baskets all the time. I would say at the end of the day, the main thing is to really just lock into yourself. Take this as a sign to realign yourself, realign your habits, your routine, your focus. It's okay to reset. It's okay to fall off sometimes and get distracted, but it's not okay to stay in the same place. You've got to be real with yourself. And again, I'm saying this with love and I'm literally holding your hand as I'm saying this because it's hard sometimes. It can feel incredibly hard, but I'm telling you, you are destined for so much. You have so much purpose in this world and you can't let your bad habits or tendencies of people pleasing or wanting to feel like you are not alone all the time to get in the way of it, to stop relying so much on your emotions. And you know, I would always have people that would come into my life and tell me like, you know, to emotional, like I'm too emotional to the point where like, you give into your feelings too much. You don't stick to the plan because you give into your feelings. You don't prepare. You don't do the things that you set out to do because you're consistently making excuses for yourself. That's got to go. It has to go because you're meant for so much more and God is not going to bring you this far just to leave you this far, but he is trying to elevate you in life. And that means going through a lonely chapter. It means realigning your habits and your routine, which is going to be hard, but it's actually not going to be hard at the same time once you start to feel it. When you start feeling discipline, it feels so, it just feels like you're a different breed of human. I don't know how to explain it because in Islam, we have something called the nefs, right? The things that kind of control you, your desire is your mood swings, all these things. It's a battle against the nefs, a battle against the things that you're dealing with in your mind. I'm so disciplined with my time, my energy, my focus, who gets it? Who gets my time? And a lot of it comes from an identity shift, respecting yourself, bro. You've got to respect yourself. And how are you going to build respect? You have to go to the gym or go for runs or find a form of movement that you like. You're going to respect yourself when you start pouring into you by taking care of yourself properly. Plan out your meals. If you're not planning out your meals, what are you doing? It gets to a point where you really have to want change for yourself. And also someone said to me the other day, you have time. It's okay. We do have time. But I was living in that mindset for so long to where three years go by and nothing changed really. And I was like, bro, we don't have that much time. And I don't think that is a faithful perspective because if we have that mindset of we have so much time, we're going to end up wasting our time. And again, the ambition for life needs to come through faith. It needs to come from wanting to look back at your life, at your legacy and see the impact that you had on this world. It all comes down to faith. And I started shifting my mindset to also look at life as a way of pleasing God. Like every single thing that I do has to be pleasing to God. And every single day needs to be you giving 100%. Even if it feels like 50%, you've got to give 100%. Every single day should feel like you're living your last day. Like that's how I'm starting to re-shift my mind and it's hard. It's very hard. Like I am forcing myself to be grateful the morning. Like forcing myself sometimes. Just having a more grateful mindset. Always, when things go wrong, grateful. When things go good, grateful. And also not having these extreme lows or extreme highs anymore. Because there would be times where opportunities, good things would come into my life. Situations would happen or like posts would do well or different kinds of things That would be this high, but it would make the lows feel so much lower. And I was like, "No, bro, everything's gotta be this. You've got one blessing. Thank God. Keep going. You've got another good blessing. Keep going. One low. Keep going. Same. Literally the same, bro. Why? Because that is going to help with consistency and driving. Consistency should not look like up and down, up and down. It should be this kind of like steady slope, bro, going up. And that's why you've got to have this like gratitude in your days where you're just always grateful, no matter the highs or the lows, in the same level of gratitude. And that's helping me really. And by forcing myself to be grateful, I am like consistently just sitting on the prayer mat and talking to God, but also journaling. Like that is something that's so important. But also when you're just you and your thoughts, it's like forcing yourself to be optimistic, forcing yourself to be grateful. And then it will finally stick. But if you have a negative outlook in the world and you'll again, it comes from the things that you consume online too. Because if you're waking up first thing in the morning, scrolling or consuming politics first thing in the morning, you're going to feel low. You're going to feel so low. And as privilege does it is to live a life where you can choose what you consume, I started choosing what I consume. Because I don't want to be low anymore. I don't want to feel drained anymore. I want to be able to pour into others, pour into myself. And sometimes you have to choose that too while being aware of things that are happening in the world, yes. But I think that God doesn't want us to feel drained. God doesn't want us to feel low. God has given you an amazing life. And we are blessed. And you've got to show him that you are grateful for what you have. Otherwise, we also expect more from God. But yet if you're not grateful for what you have, why would he give you more? That's also helping me really reshift my mindset is to just be grateful for the now, spend every day being so present in the now. I hope you know that your life, your life is beautiful. And you should never wish to live anyone else's life because you have something to offer in this world that someone else doesn't. But it requires you to focus on yourself. It requires you to lock into yourself. It requires you to choose to be disciplined over giving into the things that feel easy. And everything gets easier with time. It really does. It starts to feel enjoyable. And so I hope that you choose to pour into you. I hope that you choose to realign yourself and surround yourself with good people to go through the lonely chapter if you have to. Not cutting out everyone of your life, but setting boundaries if you need to, understanding that people are meant to leave sometimes, not always meant to stay. And I hope that this podcast has helped you bring more awareness in your life. That's really my intention is to just bring awareness of the things that you may be going through, but not knowing how to navigate them because I'm going through similar things. And talking, communicating, journaling, and sitting with myself and understanding, why is this happening? What is it teaching me? Is going to help you grow in your life. And so I hope it allows you to do the same and reflect on the things that you might be going through. And yeah, I will see you guys in the next episode. It will be a guest episode. Comment a purple heart if you watch this whole episode. I love you all so much. And I will see you in the next episode of Being Human.