I Can't Believe I Went On This Date!

Welcome back, frickin' frack. Welcome to the jungle. ABC Wednesday. Abbott is back. It's gonna be the best year yet. Thank you, now we can finally turn this up. And everyone's going wild. Y'all think you run this school, but you don't. It's going great. Abbott Elementary. Anything can happen in the jungle, right guys? Season premiere Wednesday on ABC and stream next day on Hulu. My dating life is so bad. So I was going on this date with this one guy. He gets to my house, he picks me up. I'm expecting him to come and open the door for me, right? Did he just send you like an I'm here text? Yeah, he said here. What a way to start a date, man. We sit down, he's automatically so rude to the waiter. He's like, I want fish. Number one, that's an egg. You want fish? Like, ew, eat some chicken. And so then he's like, actually, I need to use the bathroom. So I'm like texting my friends, I'm like, ew, I need to get out of here. He comes back, his hands are soaking wet. His hands are soaking wet, he grabs one of my fries. Oh. All right, hey guys, I ripped off all my nails again. Just stop talking about your nails. Every episode you started. Every episode. We started with her nails again. Maybe, Harper should have a nail podcast. You ripped all of them off? Yeah, they're all gone. Wait. Now you look like you have little kid hands. I have an idea for the podcast. Oh, this is rare. Okay. Jay hardly ever has ideas for the podcast. Okay. I do have ideas. Okay, let's see it. My idea for the podcast, none of you guys watched Love Island, did you? Nope. Okay. So in Love Island, not an appropriate show, by the way. In Love Island, they do this thing called Movie Night, where they bring all of the couples together. Little kid hands. And they put a big TV screen up in the villa. Oh my gosh, so bad. And you just watch everything that has been said about you behind your back. That's the only episode I watched, and I was in shock. And everything that your partner has said about you behind your back, all your friends. Just. Everything. I don't want to see that. Remember when Sincere, or whatever his name was, was like, good morning, my beloved. And then it went straight to him saying. He kept calling. He called multiple girls in the villa beloved. I feel like that's just a cheesy thing to say. He went to a tech. If any guy calls me beloved, you better beloved my way, your way out of my life. I think we should. I would love to get anybody from Love Island on, honestly. I would too. I want Huda or whatever. I didn't watch her season. They hit me up to be a bombshell. I'll not show, but I told them I was married. I was like, nobody did that. Fortunately, I can't do it. Yeah. I'm never going on Love Island. There's no way they hit you up. They did. They hit my email, and they asked me to be a bombshell. That was a scam. You were getting scammed. No. In case y'all don't know, the bombshell are the people they put on the island to tempt the couples. Yeah, I don't think that happens. I'm pretty sure. I feel like trying to find a different couple. Honestly, I feel like I've never watched any other season except for this season. But I feel like all the bombshells came in. Hold on one second. Most of them had a really hard time. Finding relationships because everybody was really closed off. You know what's crazy? I hated dating and loved it, but it was like one of the worst times of my life. I can't imagine going on a show and trying to do it live. It's a show. Where everything's recorded. That's just like the worst way to date. It's a show where you're going to be in a couple, and then your partner may just decide that they like the bombshell that walked in earlier better than you. That would be-- insert me. Insert me in there. I'd put up to be a bombshell. Right. Right now. Anyways, I'm convinced Love Island, all of it, and I mean all of it, 100% of it, none of them like each other. Not one of them. I mean, there's no way. Because you guys know something? I'm sure there's a decent amount that don't like each other. No. Yeah. They put a prize pool of $1 million. A prize pool? It's $100,000. $100,000. Wait, they win money if they stay together? Yes. Yeah, the couple at the end. So the couple that wins at the end gets $100,000. You stink. He stinks. I know. I was going to shower before, but I didn't have time. So this is going-- It's bad. I never really understood when people said Cash smells bad. It's like, oh yeah, like a regular BF. Don't be mean right now, Cassie. Until we played soccer the other day. And then I was like, I can't be around him. I can't. I can't do it. I don't know if anyone says that. It's so stinky. All my friends that have come over, like Blake and Brooke, and when I was friends with Kayla, she was like, why does Cash smell so bad? Aw, that's sad. Let's stop being mean. This isn't Love Island. I'm not watching all the-- We're just on hoops right now. OK? We're like, let's just tell you what everyone says. I think that you do need to get a heavier deodorant. That's all I'm going to say. Here's the issue, what they talked about the other day. I told Kinsey after that pot I wanted it. What did they call it, the-- Welcome back, frickin' frack. Welcome to the jungle, ABC Wednesday. Abbott is back. It's going to be the best year yet. Thank you. Now we can finally turn this up. It's going great. Abbott Elementary. Anything can happen in the jungle, right, guys? --soap that is non-scented. He wanted the pH balancing soap for his armpits. Antibacterial? No, because Cash had told me this before. And I believe him. After you shower, sometimes you feel like you smell worse later. I've never said that. Yes, you have. No, listen. Or no, deodorant. You said after you wear deodorant. No, here's my details. I can smell good. Here's my details. I can smell good if I want to. I was supposed to shower before this episode. But then we ran out of time, and I didn't have time to shower. So I was like, frick, guess I'm going to stink. But that's only because I was sitting outside on the porch all day. And I do that in the middle of the day when it's like 100 degrees out. So I just sweat all day on the porch. And then I didn't have time to shower before. When you met him as a teenager, did he smell good? No. He smelled so good when he was younger. Y'all don't understand. It's because I sit outside all day in the sun. No, it's because you wore cologne when you were a teenager. And you don't wear anything now. I sit outside. I met you in a meet and greet when I was 10. No, you didn't. I sit outside all day in the sun, and I sweat. So then if I go do anything, I'm supposed to shower before I leave. But I don't. Today I was supposed to shower before I came up here, but I didn't have time to. So I came straight from the back porch. Did you meet us in a meet and greet when you were 10? Yeah. No. Where? No. LA. Close enough. Something like that. Because we did a meet and greet probably 10 minutes from your house. That is crazy. Our second ever meet and greet was 10 minutes from here. Really? Yeah. Why? Y'all don't even live here yet. Nope. We did one in the Tulsa Mall, and then we did one here. Where? In Louisville. It's a thrift store now, but it used to be an event center. Thrift Giant? No. Look. It's a different one. Here, I got some pictures and videos. Yeah. Yeah. Don't tell me. For a second, you were talking about-- We did it for free, too. You were talking about-- We just did it for the fans. For the love of the game. We were talking about how the Love Island couples don't really like each other. I do think some of them probably don't. But I do think the winners of this season actually really liked each other, because they're still together now, and they've been together every day since-- Is it over? Yeah. The show ended a few weeks ago. But the couple that won was literally the best couple on there. They started dating in the show. Yeah. They're dating. They started dating in the show, and they've been together every day since. And you want to know what's funny? I thought it was crazy, is the guy who won, his name is Bryce. And he was living in LA. He was a model. But he was downplaying his success in the show so that people wouldn't like him for being a model. And when the girl asked him, she's like, what do you do for work? He was like, oh. That's so embarrassing. I don't even like talking about it. And she was like, what? And he was like, I work on garbage trucks. I repair garbage trucks. Wait, he lied to her? No. He wasn't-- so he's a model. He said, I do a little bit of modeling, but then I also work on garbage trucks, and I repair garbage trucks. And she was like, that's not embarrassing at all. That's work. You're working. But what he didn't tell her was that he owns the garbage repair truck company. Oh. Wow. So he doesn't work on it. He's just-- He's a baller. Yeah. And he's a very successful model. He's been modeling for years. Yeah. She was like, wow, I'm just with the trash truck repair guy. This is our first meet and greet, or second meet and greet. What's up, everybody? Yo! And the crowd goes wild. Why are you-- why are you not like, wow? Maybe she saw the wrong video here. Because I didn't get a reaction. I don't understand what she's looking at. Here's another video. Oh, what's up? The line goes outside. Lots of people. Can I see it? The line goes outside the building. OK. Yo, I have a big pimple. Don't distract from his moment right now. He's trying to have a moment. There's a few people there. Oh, my gosh. There's Lilly. Lilly made a cameo in that video. Oh, wait. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. So this was December 8, 2018. And in this meet and greet line-- this is a crazy stat. In this meet and greet line, Kate was the one taking the photos for everyone. You would hand Kate the photo, and she would take it. I was the photographer. For Brooke Berry, I was Brooke's photographer. Because it was like Cash and Maverick, Brooke Berry-- Where was Alex? He was there. Alex might have been there. It was Cash, Maverick, Brooke Berry, Michael, and Laney. And Laney were all doing pictures this day. So it was like you'd meet Cash and Maverick. And then you'd meet Laney. And then you'd meet Michael. And then you'd meet Brooke. And then there was a bunch of people taking pictures. And I was taking pictures of Brooke. Yeah. And yeah, so Kate was the photographer that day in 2018. Yeah. With zero followers. No followers, not at all. I just had to pop this pimple, and I literally-- I think you went from being the photographer for social media creators to the social media creator. With how fast did you gain followers? What a come up. Wow. Didn't you gain followers rapidly? Rapidly fast? As soon as-- Well, considering she was dating me. As soon as I posted with Cash, yeah. How fast did you grow? I remember overnight, we made my account on my 16th birthday because that was when the video of us had gotten leaked. And we were like, OK, we might as well full send it. And so I remember overnight, I had 60,000 followers, which was crazy. Dang. This was the day before the meet and greet. This was Kate. Yeah. That's the day before. That's the day before the meet and greet. Wait, you asked her to be your girlfriend? No, not this day. You're so skinny. who cash or kate oh no not get oh my that would be so rude i was i was so she's like no kate was big she's like no kate was not when i was i was literally i was not talking about kate i was 14 there yeah cash was 16 cash was 15 15 something like that he was about to turn 16 you know who what other couple amazes me uh from a reality tv show jim and monica still together oh yeah are they really yeah because that one's real and they don't get a hundred thousand dollars for being a couple they look like they really love each other i'm not gonna lie i really thought it was fake the entire beast i didn't think it was fake but i just thought like oh i just felt like it was like you know how there's people that are always just kind of in relationships no matter where they are yeah i kind of thought that it was just two people like that had came together and then as soon as the show ended i thought i thought jim really liked monica but i thought monica was just kind of using him but they actually are like in love it's crazy they actually just look at them they just love each other that's cute they match each other's vibes perfectly i need to find a chopped boy a chopped boy why why do you need a chocolate like so then i can mug him and then he'll never run away does a girl say that all the time they want like an ugly cute boy which means they're just like ugly with a good personality so that way they never leave i guess which is kind of toxic you shouldn't want that harper i don't think i'll ever ever find a husband because like how can i how can somebody put up i don't think i'll ever ever find a husband because like how can i how can somebody put up with me like with me like with me like being gross there's gross guys out there being gross there's gross guys out there being gross there's gross guys out there maybe well you you don't want a gross guy maybe well you you don't want a gross guy maybe well you you don't want a gross guy no no like i'm saying you're not gross you're not no no like i'm saying you're not gross you're not gross you're not gross no i'm not gross but like no i'm not gross but like no i'm not gross but like like i he's gonna wake up and see self-tanner on my face that's okay like i he's gonna wake up and see self-tanner on my face that's okay kasha maps see that on me and kasha maps see that on me and kasha maps see that on me and kinsey it's horrifying kinsey it's horrifying kinsey it's horrifying i almost leave every day because of it i i almost leave every day because of it i i almost leave every day because of it i wear a sleep mask so i don't have to yeah kinsey and i like marinate in our yeah kinsey and i like marinate in our yeah kinsey and i like marinate in our self-tan and they see us dude i smell so self-tan and they see us dude i smell so self-tan and they see us dude i smell so bad right now i smell myself yeah it's bad right now i smell myself yeah it's bad right now i smell myself yeah it's pretty bad pretty bad pretty bad that's how i feel when i put self-tanner that's how i feel when i put self-tanner that's how i feel when i put self-tanner on now on now on now i'm like he's trying to act all insecure i'm like he's trying to act all insecure i'm like he's trying to act all insecure now no my eyes twitching because of it i now no my eyes twitching because of it i now no my eyes twitching because of it i promise you promise you promise you no that's that's i haven't smelled you no that's that's i haven't smelled you no that's that's i haven't smelled you really that helps you at all smell that really that helps you at all smell that really that helps you at all smell that well don't i swear if you come over here well don't i swear if you come over here well don't i swear if you come over here and try to shave his armpits though and try to shave his armpits though and try to shave his armpits though that that's the reason like your like that that's the reason like your like that that's the reason like your like sweat is holding on to so much yeah it sweat is holding on to so much yeah it sweat is holding on to so much yeah it smells so bad is because your armpit smells so bad is because your armpit smells so bad is because your armpit hair holds scent you know from hair holds scent you know from hair holds scent you know from experience no i'm just saying throw it experience no i'm just saying throw it experience no i'm just saying throw it out one time did you know this 50 of out one time did you know this 50 of out one time did you know this 50 of guys shave their armpits uh let don't be one of them wait saying shave or trim because i trim them i believe shade oh my gosh that reminds me um at the beginning of summer i went on a date with this guy we were like talking back and forth for like three weeks and he shaved his armpits oh you went on a date with did he show you did he like be like no i was yeah look at how smooth it is got this new razor man it was really good i was taking a video you want to feel the live streams he's got a tiktok shop link he's like bye now i was taking a video and he put his arm around me and i look up and i see no hair and i was like who is this uh this random guy that i used to talk to i had a i had a coach one time who was a guy and he shaved his legs his armpits his arms i've known a lot of guys who shave like their legs and does your dad shave his legs and arms smooth skin then what the why are you looking at scott's skin i was looking at his legs just the other day i was like i feel like we always know when you go on dates and you did not tell us about going on a date how long ago are we talking months we talking weeks days how long yeah his armpits were literally shaved that's so gross were you just trying to pull up a picture i don't want to see that i'm okay no there's no way what no put it down there's one left i don't know if you guys saw the other episode where we did these but we thought we used that i want you to really think about yourself here all right and about how poorly this went for you i know i almost drowned myself last time a self-drowning the ceiling very terrible everything you really you had to change your clothes and everything do not point that towards me i swear you literally look like honey don't don't i'm going to the movie theaters i will oh oh oh my gosh i'm gonna crash out it's on my forehead okay okay my socks are wet now dang it oh there's gelatin on my mic i wanted to wear these clothes to the movie theater hold on we got to get this off my microphone oh there's water dripping out the microphone oh this can't be good kenzie's gonna kill you she's she's gonna kill you she wanted she you ruined her i'm sticky i think is my microphone good hello why are you acting like you're worried about it now well what do you mean gelatin got all over and she drowned it in water you shot gelatin on it just call it jello please your seat right now looks like your table after you eat hey cash is using our merch to to dry clean up the mess why are you just giggling but if he was smirking at my gnome dude that was crazy i'm not kidding she was looking she was just like cut yo cut it back to her face that was weird hey cash is using our merch to to dry cash i was about to do a merch plug what i was about to do a merch plug okay our new back to school merch shop is officially here and we have so many new pieces for you guys we have these new varsity style crewnecks for you we have these new i'm literally just a girl t-shirts i mean look at the back look at the back i mean yeah yeah yeah like you could be the new best dressed in school to do the bend do the bend do the bend okay all right enough if you guys want to go get your new back to school merch pieces you can shop them at thellopodcast.net go get them now all right here we go oh how is the tv still welcome back freaking frack welcome to the jungle abc wednesday abbott is back it's gonna be the best year yet thank you now we can finally turn this up and everyone's going wild y'all think you run this school but you don't it's going great abbott elementary anything can happen in the jungle right guys season premiere wednesday on abc and stream next day on hulu this is really cute where'd you get this i know target you know it's ruined you got that today yes wait you should get a refund i can't there's gelatin on it sleepy that's why i would get the refund wait right here nope you don't have any but this is really cute y'all is there any more jellies no more jelly nobody wants any more jellies hey is our is our mics and stuff good everything's fine we're fine pape what do you want no no no more jellies no more we gotta like wipe all this down no more no more no more no more gosh darn it no more no more gnomes either i can't help you i can't help you you are frustrated do something clean yourself up you look hideous right now come on you gotta hey look what that was rude well i'm just like you look pathetic is what i meant like that was even more you're just like standing there like i was rude i feel like what you should apologize oh oh what did i do i just got caught in the crossfire careful the gelatin might get on the nose i'm not gonna lie it's so nasty when this stuff gets on you like what is that absolutely zoom in on that it's wet jello it's disgusting that is it literally feels like boogers on you ew ew it's everywhere y'all don't ever like y'all don't ever like uh zone out and start smiling at things not no what you thinking about what you thinking about this how's you smiling like i was like laughing and like thinking about the situation about that guy and i was like smiling at the guy with the shaved armpits what um but what's it all like you know when you're like you're like when you're laughing about something and you're just enjoying the moment you just laugh and like start staring at something that's what happens to me a lot and i'm like what'd you think like the camera was cutting to you for b-roll it's like she's just like b-roll of her life feel the rain on your skin the whole like the whole moment okay all right harper did your mom do your laundry uh sometimes yes and whenever she does your laundry does she like fold it in and bring it all the way to your room or she like put on the stairs yes she folds and brings it dude like two weeks ago when chase was here i had some laundry in the dryer and he folded it for us i was that's a good boy no it was really nice but i wanted i meant to tell him not to do that i felt bad i was like don't we should invite him over chase is my favorite he's so funny really so real what about the rest of us very real y'all are real too but like chase is like a it's like a celebrity appearance every time he comes yeah he's just like i'm in town and i'm gone yeah he does come for like two seconds i barely even talked to him last time though because i was sick and he's scared of sickness yeah yeah he's like terrified of sickness are you are you feeling okay do you feel bro he should have bro madison beer got married madison beer got married taylor swift got married ariana grani got married ariana grani got married tom holland got married got married ariana grani got married no no wow has she ever been married yes wait actually yeah oh yeah seven rings thought i'd end up with sean but he wasn't a match wrote some songs about ricky oh ricky and her back to me - Bye! saw that ain't no way she wrote a diss on him and now she's back with him you know you know how she told everybody even almost got married and repeat i'm so thankful so her and pete almost got married and then uh even though i'm married wait what is the one which i can say which i can say thank you to malcolm because he was an angel one time in love one time in patience and what pain huh she's amazing yeah you know how she told everybody that she was back with ricky what she turned into a rap though it was kind of hard that's not what i see you haven't seen the video she's at a concert and she's singing that song did you see oh yes yes yes i saw that and she like changed the lyrics and her dad and her are close again uh they weren't they weren't close for a while i think i don't know if ariana sees this i promise i'm not trying to like say false information but at the concert she was singing you and i listened and i was like that's weird she said wrote some songs about ricky and i'm very glad or something yeah yeah she changed the lyrics and i'm so very glad that's weird switching up in your songs like you did someone and then you're back together during like concerts and stuff when people do that fans always like freak out because because then it's like sabrina carpenter yeah yeah what'd she do you know what's weird i feel like she was like nonsense and she was like she changed the nonsense lyric to like joshua bassett is a very bad kid yeah who's joshua bassett uh he dated olivia rodrigo and sabrina carpenter and then a month later what was the lyric before he came out as gay dang he got around i have a question i guess um they weren't good enough but i've heard people say that like they're single for the summer like like but does that mean breakup season yeah i wasted my summer on going on dates you went on dates how many dates did you go on yeah all these dates that we have not heard about summer i've been on the hairless boy four dates oh my god with how many different guys four four different guys yeah four different dates for oh i've been on like 20 dates then wait who's the guy you went mini golfing with oh that one um so let's just say yes let's just say did he have hair in his armpits how did it not work out that one did too oh you want him to shave that um what's this like mini golf form like i get the x so easily and it's so bad that's why i don't think i'll ever be able to find a husband wait what happened no i can't find a husband at all like this is mini golf form like i point out things in people's faces where i'm just like oh don't do that oh don't do it don't be the person well they can do it to me they can point out a lot of different things on my face but it just just did it to me a while ago no one see that that's different why are you pointing yeah it's not like wait what are you doing my phone's about to die so no it's like we're the thing we're in the middle of a pod why are you touching my hair he's touching my hair i'm listening harper the thing is i like point out things like i was just a minute ago i looked at cash's face i noticed a big cold sore on his lip yeah and she said you got a cold sore no one said anything but if i looked at her and been like you got a cold sore everyone would have been like i had a dream last night and i have something big to say about cold sores no oh well it was me and i'm looking in the mirror and it's kate and harper on either side of me and it like it's like the mirror like goes watery you know and like goes back in time to the conversation ain't no way you had a dream she's been reading way too many fantasy books you probably but yes but it like flashed back to the exact moment on the podcast when i was telling y'all i had so many cold sores and i went to the doctor and got rid of them oh no and then we came back and i'm looking in the mirror and i got three cold sores i'm like i'm so ugly and harper and kate are like you're ugly you're ugly their heads are like floating there like you're ugly ugly ugly you're so ugly that's okay i have something huge to say what what is it why was he just whispering oh i was trying to do the echo thing where you go hey hey hey oh that was good hey no harper's is really good watch hey hey hey that was not so good boom boom boom watch hey hey watch this hello i can talk with my mouth pretty much hello hello hello hi how are you that your mouth was completely open yeah i can do it your mouth was completely open it was not wait i want to hear the rest today i went to the store and i got chicken nuggets did you sound like this today i went to this today i went to the store and i got chicken nuggets do i sound good when i talk like this yo that is game obsession vibes hey no tell me tell me the story you were talking about watch this ready you did that on like when we first met you that's pretty good kate that was good did y'all used to do that thing where you said girl over and over again you're like no what no no one did it what are you talking about wait maybe i'm two-year-old wait what was the purpose of it i don't remember it's kind of like a police siren i don't remember what was the point of it okay let me tell the story all right all right ready okay so basically this is absolutely insane i swear on my life like this happened okay so i um what's it called so i was i was um i had a fever and i had a dream so this is basically a fever dream so in this dream were you awake during the dream um no but let me tell you about this okay so so basically two days prior to the stream i saw this guy in my quick ad and i was like he's really cute and i know that he's best friends with some of my other friends yeah quick ad on snapchat yes yeah so basically i like saw him on my quick ad i didn't add him or anything like i didn't add him at all but i saw him i was like he's literally majestic you saw his bitmoji bitmoji yeah a bitmoji just so you know he killed the design on this man oh my gosh the architect wait what's it called the artist the artist on this yeah graphic designer okay so i saw him in my quick ad and i was like oh my gosh like he is so cute so two days later i have a dream none of my friends know that i know him like nobody knows that i know him he i don't you told us this i did yeah and then he's yeah then you yeah you told us all of this you're no there's no way you're telling us the same story you told me yesterday that was like literally in the last 48 hours i need to go food can you no can you just finish the story about the mini golf guy have you spoken to that guy yet oh gosh yeah that seems real i'll be honest most of the time you just say it so cracked today but that one that would have me scared we're about to smell something more than just me okay so basically oh my gosh my stomach hurts so bad harford do you need to go to the bathroom have you ever been trying to go in public restrooms no because last time i went to the bathroom my bubble flipped inside out wait no let's how wait what are you what are you gonna say kinsey have you ever tried to go to the bathroom in a public restroom and you like shut the door and you're like okay i'm alone it's great and then all of a sudden you're like and you're like dying right and then you have to wait like 20 you know what i'm saying no kinsey you don't know nothing's worse than when there's one single urinal and you're in there by yourself and then you just hear welcome back freaking frack welcome to the jungle abc wednesday abbott is back it's gonna be the best year yet thank you now we can finally turn this up and everyone's going wild y'all think you run this school but you don't it's going great abbott elementary anything can happen in the jungle right guys season premiere wednesday on abc and stream next day on hulu or a guy up in the door he's gonna come up behind me all my friends behind you and he's like no he just waits for you and watches you if there's one single urinal wouldn't the door lock it's like a single restroom kind of situation not always no we were on a school field trip and we went to cc's pizza after the aquarium and so we go to cc's i'll promise y'all right now no story that starts with we went to cc's it's probably gonna end with a lot of bodily fluids it's about to be bad cc's what i love it i'm just saying okay sponsor us i love cc's please so basically we went to cc's and we were all sitting on a table and we were sitting on a table and every time the guys would open the men's bathroom the urinal was running and we were like oh my god we're gonna be like oh my god we're gonna be like right there so that's that's always the weirdest thing too when the urinal is by the door people open it open the door and i literally see kids in my class butt naked whoa whoa no one wait what grade are you in here no one should be what age are we talking seniors oh i thought i was hoping you were saying like kindergarten no because they do be pulling their pants down at the urinal i'm not kidding no but like i was like oh my gosh like that's crazy like what is that design that's funny makes me laugh every time that's not the design that's not the design you know we don't do that right she's talking about the design of the bathroom the layout no no no i'm not talking about the bitmoji design or nothing no nothing makes me laugh harder than when i go into the men's bathroom and there's just a little boy that's like four and his pants are just all the way to the ground on his ankles for absolutely no reason using the urinal. I'm like, what are we doing here? One time, I took a shower in a urinal. We've heard the story. Did you? Yeah. Twice. I only did it once. Okay. I peed in a urinal. What? No, no. You have two. You literally told me you have. You have? Kate? Peed in a urinal. Yeah, you told me two years ago. Oh, no, two years ago when Paige was on the podcast, I was like, I peed in a urinal. Paige was like, Kate, let's give it a shot. And then y'all were like, yeah, let's go give it a shot after this. Yeah, no, just so you know, we never gave it a shot after that. We were making jokes. What was that? Wait. Have any of y'all used a sink? Be honest. Yes. What? I have not. That was a very crazy, absurd question. I said that the other day when I was making fun of a person for using a sink. And y'all were just like, oh, that's horrible. Why did you? I peed everywhere. Hold on. What was the scenario where you used a sink? I don't really remember. Well, actually, no, I didn't. My sister did. And I tattled on her. Oh, look at her changing her story now. No, I can call my sister right now. I can call Anna and she'll tell you she peed in it. Okay, let's do it. Yeah, but what if you did too another time? I didn't do that. It was a double sink? I wouldn't have. It was a double sink being in a head. Stop looking at a dude's snapper. But I would not have peed in the sink after tattling on Anna for doing that. Who is that? Oh, she's about to be. I'm going to put on blast. You do not want to accept this phone call, Anna. Probably this age. Oh. Telephone number. That's embarrassing. No, it didn't even ring. Anna peed in the sink. No, she was probably like five or six. Okay, that's. So, I've been on a few dates this summer, yes. I can't lie. You want to talk about that? You brought that back up yourself? Yeah, I do want to talk about it. Because the thing is, I get the ick from guys so easily. Like, it's embarrassing. Like, I like one thing. One thing, well, like, I immediately check their nails to see if they're long. Is that the first thing you look for in a guy is their nails? Yeah, I do. And that's why Cash, like, I don't think. Trim them. Cash is traumatized here. I know, but still, the shape of them are ugly. Like, you know, like, you know, like, the last guy that I was talking to. Half circle? Like, what? No, the last guy that I was talking to, I genuinely ended things with him because of his nails. What shape would you like them to be? Mine are ugly. Or mine are, like, really ugly because I just got them off. But I want them to be, like, literally, like, honestly, like, it's hard to describe. Nubs? Like, they, like. No, not nubs. Like, not, like, bite. Yeah, I want them to bite them. I want them to constantly be short. But I, like. You want them to bite their nails. Requirement. Requirement to date Harper. Must bite nails. I'd rather have them bite their nails than clip them. You want them, like, animal style. Y'all think there's some, like, 12-year-old boy that watches our podcast and he low-key is gonna, like, because he likes Harper, he's gonna be like, oh, I'll just start biting my nails. In case I ever meet her one day. Ew, my pants are, like, so cold. I'm gonna see a little boy sometime, like, at the mall, like, wanting to come up and ask for a picture, but he's like, hold on, I gotta just. What is that kid doing over there? He's just. Looking up at us, like. What is the gremlin activity? No, but, like. He's, like, bleeding from his fingers. No, it has to be a specific. It has to be, like, a specific shape of nail. Like, they can be short. Like, Cash's shape of nail, like, those are, like, square and ugly. Like, so you know. What are you talking about? These are half circle. He was so pretty. I'm so proud to show them to you, too. He's like, I'm more torn on these. Let me see. Let me see. I have to know, where did you clip your nails? Like, what location in the house? Oh, I do it in Kate's sink. Okay, that's. And then I wash them down the drain. I always wondered, can you wash nails down the drain? I don't know, but I do it a lot. Why were you doing it in Kate's sink when you have your own sink? Because hers is where the clippers are. You couldn't move over a foot and a half to your sink? Hey, finish your story. Oh, yeah. So, any guy, like, I. That's. Like, genuinely, why I ended things with my first ex and my most recent ex. Well, ex talking to today, just because of his nails. Like, I can't do it. Yeah. It's disgusting. You cut things off of them because of his nails. Like, if the white part is showing, like, the white growing out part is showing, like, we're done. You couldn't get past the nails? I can't get past it. No. Dang. It's so bad. Or if your breath smells bad. That's really bad. Well, I feel like that's automatically a turn off. I screwed up. Yeah. No, nobody likes bad breath smell. I don't know how Kinsey puts up with it. I'll be honest. What? Oh. What do you mean? Stink breath. My breath just smells like Tums. I'll be honest. Oh. I'd be snacking on it. Maybe that's Tummy. No, I'd be snacking on Tums. Tummy. All right. But, um. At least your nails aren't screwed up. Oh, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, man. Listen, it's anonymous. Everybody point who has the worst breath. Three, two, one, go. You. Well, you said the wrong word. Wait a minute. You feel like a bully. You said the wrong word. Who has. Who is most illiterate? No, wait. Who has the worst breath? Three, two, one. Well, you said. Wait. You used the correct word, though. You said it's anonymous. Do you know what that word means? It's anonymous. Oh, it's anonymous. That's what I meant to say. It's not unanimous. Unanimous. Everyone ready? Three, two, one, go. Okay. Y'all are making me feel real rude every time y'all do that. I feel like a straight up bully. Wait, but seriously. Was there anything else besides the nails? Yes. Okay. So, those nails. Because I feel like you can get past the nails. No, I can't. Like, I can't. I can't physically. Like, why did he just do that? I don't know. That's disgusting. I don't like that. Did he scare you? No, like, the shape of them is so disgusting. I'm sorry. Okay. Did he. Is there anything that wasn't physical that made you turn off to him? Girl, there ain't. Oh, my gosh. Why'd you grab her like that? Zoom into that. Hey. Zoom into that. She's reflecting. She's self-deflecting right now. Her nails are chopped. It looks like she glued them and then rubbed the glue with the nail file. It doesn't look good, Harper. I'll be honest. I mean. To be talking about other people's nails right now. Also, your wrists dry. Put some moisture on them. I almost. It was like sandpaper. I almost cut myself. You grabbed her wrists hard. You did. Trust me. You want to be delicate with sandpaper. Next time, don't do that. You win. Yeah, because I had to get her before she got away. She knows what she's doing. You, like, treated her like you were trying to hit a mosquito. Don't take that. Don't take that. Yeah, come on. Let the camera zoom in on him. Show him. Show him, Harper. Come on. He just took off my nails. Oh, I didn't. Show them your nails and mine. I bet mine are prettier right now. I'm not showing them. Are you jealous of my nails? No. Is that why? Oh, my gosh. She's jealous. Would you get a full set? She's jelly. Ew. Ew. That just got all over me. You nailed it. She's jealous. Nailed it. Basically. Basically what? So basically. What are you basically in? Basically, this guy had bad nails. Wait. We're talking about a guy still? My wrists are so dry. Wait. What's another? What's another red flag outside of fingernails? And like his physical appearance. Dry wrists. Can y'all let her finish a story? We're trying to help. I don't even know what her story's about. All she's been saying is that she hates some. She hates nails in general. So it's that. And then another thing is he went to the back. ABC Wednesday. Abbott is back. Thank you. It's going great. Abbott Elementary. Anything can happen in the jungle. Right, guys? After one time, this was my first ex. Okay. Wait. Hold on. Wait. Let me set a ground rule for you. Ex this summer? The first one I went on a date with. So he came out of the restroom. Do I know this guy? Oh, my gosh. Can we have. Do I know this guy? No. Can we have. Have I ever met him? Can we have a story? No. Can we have a story that doesn't involve bathroom or nails? Just one time. One story. So he came out of the bathroom after our date, and his hands were soaking wet. He didn't dry them? No, no, no. It wasn't from that, I don't think. He didn't wash them. I don't know what it is. You think he went in there. You think he stuck his hands in the toilet? You think he peed all over his hands and then walked back out to your date? Well, I don't know what it is. No, he probably rinsed them off at least, right? Let's just say those wrists were not dry. Do you guys ever. Okay. Do you guys think it's appropriate to call someone out when they don't wash their hands after the bathroom? Yeah. Yeah, I've done it. Mav did it. It was bad. Mav doesn't do it. No, listen to this. One time when we were little, we were super little. I was like three or whatever, and Mav was like. I was like eight, bro. No. Okay, sure. Whatever age. You were like seven. Okay, I'm just estimating here, man. I'm just saying, we weren't like so little that it was like acceptable. We were old enough that I shouldn't. Okay, well, whatever age Mav was, he was a little baby, and we go into the bathroom, and we're standing there, and my dad's washing his hands. And then he said, the other guy walks in, uses the bathroom, and walks out, and Mav looks at him straight in the eye, just like seven years old. And he was like, hey, mister, I think you forgot to wash your hands. And the guy was like, uh, yes, I did, young man. Yes, I did. No, he's like, I was going to. I'm like, you're halfway out the door. You are not washing your hands. You're getting called out by a seven-year-old? That's tragic. You were at a buffet. I'm sorry. You can't do that. Ew, that's disgusting. I'm not allowing it. A buffet? That's. I've done that. Well, I don't want to say any names, but someone here I don't think washes their hands. And I just need to know if it's okay if I call them out when it happens next. Well, call it out right now. Yeah, is it dry wrists over there? Wait, who do you think it is? I just want to say. Casey, who do you think it is? That sounds awfully. That sounds awfully suspicious. Who do you think it is? Who is it? She's like, freaking out on me. Hey, listen. I have no evidence except for the fact that numerous times I have heard this person flush the toilet and immediately open the door with not enough time to wash your hands. Oh, I already know who they're talking about. Wait, at your house? Wait, you don't wash your own hands at your house? No, not if I'm not. I'm not doing anything that needs to be washed. Okay. If I'm just peeing. That's disgusting. No, Matt, that's exactly when you need to. No, I don't. All the time. When you reach into my Dorito bag, I don't think I'll understand you. You have unwashed hands every single time. As a man, when I go to the bathroom, I don't touch anything. Literally anything. You're never getting my jerky, Doritos. Nothing. Trail mix. Nothing ever again. Yeah, you wash your hands in my own house. I'll be honest. That's like saying you don't wipe in your own house. No, no, no. If you're going number two, you have to wash your hands. Going number one, I don't think a lot of people wash their hands. And I know you don't. Because I've seen you. I never said I didn't. Well, number one, if it's about me, you don't wash your hands. Every time I see you, you wash your hands. Is it because you know I'm going to yell at you? I do this little trick. I turn the water on. I think Kate heard. There we go. That's so evil to make it just seem like you wash your hands. You better not be doing that. You don't think he'd do that? Come here, honey. Kate, I promise you, if he's just peeing, he's not washing his hands. No, he is. Kate. He is. Who knows? I will bet you ever. Everything. No, he is. Yo. You see how he's not denying it? Wait, so. Look her in the eyes and tell her that every time you pee. Matt, we're over it. I'm trying to talk about my date life right now. Your dating life? When were we talking about that? Y'all are all happily married. Kate, it's okay. It's okay. That's not okay. It's okay. What, that Harper hasn't found her match yet? No. If anybody is in our house going to the bathroom and not washing their hands after, that's diabolical. What are you going to do if it's your husband? Think. Can't get rid of him. I literally will freaking. I will freaking throw my shoe at you every time. I'll just. Like what? Not the chancla. No. The chancla. Chancla. It's a chancla. But yeah. What I'm saying is like. Everybody. What do you mean? You weren't saying anything. You just started your thing. Everybody in my life is like happily. Like y'all are like pretty much my only friends. No, you have a lot of friends. You do. Just a lot of LARP friends. A lot of fake ones. Whoa. He just wanted to say the word LARP. Okay. Yeah, he did. I'm trying to use it. Literally, someone told Matt the other day that LARP is strange. And he keeps using it. I don't even know if I'm using it right. I'm just using it. Do you know what LARP is? Live action role play. Okay. Yeah. Do you know what it means? I need to wash my hair. Do you? What does it mean? He just said. No, that's like the nerd version of it. Do you know what it really means? What? Like if I said, Kinsey, you're LARPing right now. It's like a new trending thingy. What would that mean? That is incorrect use of the word. No, it's not. It's very correct. It's not trending. You're stupid if you use it in any context other than. No. No. That's the correct use of the word. LARP is a real word. Yeah. Don't look it up, Kate. Don't look it up. LARPing is the people who go to. No, stop looking it up. I want to know if you know what it means. I don't. LARPing is the people who go to the park and they do live action role play and they have swords. No. And they're just like. Yes. Now, you might get that. You might get that confused with what me and Maverick did. Pop up a picture. That's not LARPing though. That is melee. We are fully aware we were not wizards. That was melee. So there was a very big difference there. I'd just like to point that out. If I had popped up the picture, that's really embarrassing for you. No, I was the championship in my age division. Like, of course. What, the under 12? My nails never stay on. They never stay on. You can't pick them. You can't pick them. It's because you go like this. At least they're pretty. If we all LARPed, just know I would win. Do you feel like the guys you date are LARPing? What does it mean? Wait, LARPing. Oh, no. The guys that I date. I'll show you. Always end up having some sort of, like, some sort of reason why I can't date them. Why are you LARPing? Why are you grabbing a pitchfork to tell me what LARPing means? Stand up. I'm scared. I'm scared. Should I stand up? Stand up. Can I have this? Yep. I don't want you to touch it. All right, stand up. And hold it in the air. I don't know if I should. I'm embarrassed. No, no, no. I promise. I promise. No, this is a prime LARPing situation. All right, now say, I'm a farmer. No, seriously. I told you a LARPing was. No, say it. No, I will not. Hold it up. Hold it up and say, I'm a farmer. I refuse it. No, wait. You got to do it to understand what LARPing is. Just do it real quick. Well, you stand up and you hold this up in the air and say. Oh, you're going to stack it. I'm sorry. Go on, do it real quick. I'm going to be so mad. I'm going to be crazy. And you say. Yes, and you say. What will Cash say? Cash says. I'm a LARPer. I need more food, okay? Oh, there you go. I like the accent. No, I'm not doing it. No, just do it real quick. I'm a LARPing for a second. What does I'm a farmer mean? They want me to embarrass myself. Okay, just hold it right there. It'll make sense. Okay. Wait, are you sure? No, with the accent. I'm a farmer. You just did it. You're LARPing. You're a sad farmer. I literally told y'all what it means. No, no, not role play. I don't like it with the pitchfork anymore. All it is, all LARPing is, is just being something you're not. That's what people do. This is literally a huge back scratcher. No, I promise you, it is a huge. Wait, let me scratch your head. What? Let me scratch your head. Turn over, let her scratch your head. Oh, wow. That is like, now it's now. You need a little hair, Rich? Let her scratch your back. Okay, gentle, gentle. Oh, did that hurt? I kept literally feeling myself. That felt like it hurt. You could scratch my back with it, though. Yeah, lift your shirt up. Oh, wow. Turn around, Kat. Angry farmer, is that what you are? Turn around. She's mad. What are you doing? You want me to do it. You don't want them to do it, trust me. Unless you want to lose your skin. All right. Lift your shirt up. Lift your shirt up. Ew, ew, ew, don't do that. Yeah, lift, lift, lift your shirt. Lift your shirt up. Lift it, lift, yeah. No. What are you doing? Why are we lifting his shirt? Why can't you do it over his shirt? He's laughing so hard at himself right now. Wait, do y'all want a new bag tour? Ready? Y'all need to see the other POV. Why that episode is so good? Oh, my goodness. Okay, ready? Turn your towards the camera more. Simmer my timbers back, come on. Ew. Ready? Is that her? Let me do it. That's terrible. I dug in a little that time. I mean, you got some marks on you now. Was there marks? Barely. You're going to have some. He's got white skin. They'll show up really, really soon. What did you just put on his leg? What is that? He's got a red freckle all over his back. Oh, my gosh. Well, you have tons of them. I'll get it off, Tess. Okay. Ew, what is that? Oh, it looks like lip gloss. What is that? It's gelatin. What is that? What is that? Wait, what is that? Lip gloss. Or Vaseline. Oh, Vaseline. All right, Harper. You clearly wanted to say something about your relationships. Yeah, I've been trying to, but y'all have been, like, messing around. We're here for you now. We'll listen. Okay, so my dating life. Harper. Oh. She said, oh, I'm on a podcast. Okay, so my dating life is so bad. This was, like, a few months ago, and it was going great. Like, everything was amazing. The one date, or did you go on multiple dates? One date. After this happened, I just, like, I couldn't. Oh, no. So we were going on a date, and everything was going good. I was so excited, and he gets to my house. He picks me up, and I'm expecting him to come and open the door for me, right? Like, that's what I did. Open that door to your house? No, open the door to the car. The car door. Okay. So I get out. I'm all ready. He's in the car. Did he just send you, like, an I'm here text? So, yeah, he said here. Oh, that's rude. Oh, wait. Then did you have to do the awkward walk from the front door to the car? Yes. Those are awkward. He didn't even knock on the door? It doesn't take that much more effort. Just walk to the door. No, listen to this. So he was just on his phone like this. It means a lot. Like, in the car. He was, like, on his phone trying to knock on the door. I feel like he didn't see me. So I get in the car. I'm like, yay. Let's date or whatever. Okay, so then we're on the way to our destination, or our food place, and he's like, oh, yeah, he's driving. So he doesn't open the door for me, number one. So we start driving, and we get to the stoplight. It smells literally disgusting in the car, and I'm like, I don't want him to think that I farted, so I asked him, I said, did you fart? You should have just said, do you smell that? Yeah, I know. I asked him, I said, did you fart? And he was like, no. He said, no. Did you, LOL? He said, LOL. Oh. LOL podcast? No, so I was like, did you just say LOL out loud in person? He was like, yeah, you don't use abbreviations. And I was like, no. Use abbreviations? I was like, not really. So this is already awkward. We're already being awkward. And I'm like, dude, this is not going to be a good date. Poor guy. So, no, not poor guy. He didn't open the door for me. He farted in my face. Okay, so we get to the date. I open my door again. So I open the door. And we get to, we sit down. He's automatically so rude to the waiter. Uh-uh. You want fish? Like, ew. Eat some chicken. So he gets up, uses the bathroom. You can see the urinal from your chair. No, he gets up, uses the bathroom. I'm like, dude, this is so bad. So I'm texting my friends. I'm like, bro, I need to get out of here. That's the worst when you're stuck on the date. I know. I know. And so I'm like, this is so bad. He goes to the bathroom. He comes back. His hands are soaking wet. Soaking wet. That's this guy. He grabs one of my fries. Oh. At least you know they're clean. Did he eat all of them? No. It wasn't. It wasn't. It could have been water. It wasn't water. You don't know that. No, it wasn't water. You don't know that. What do you think he did? I choose to believe it was water. Harper, it gets worse, I think, as you get older. Because I knew a guy one time who went on a date with this girl. Multiple dates. He's gone, like, five. Five or six dates with this girl, okay? Okay. And then after the fifth or sixth date, however many dates they've gone on, it was a lot. she invited him over to her house and he was like okay cool yeah like we'll go to your house he goes to her house she has eight ferrets and they run around like dogs ferrets have like a natural musk scent yes that's so gross he was like it was the smelliest house i've ever been in that's so fun wait is this an ex you're talking about yeah no i'm talking about this one day that i'm talking about this one day that i went on with one guy and it ended up like being the worst day ever so then he comes back his hands are soaking wet he grabs my fries uh we're we're barely talking he's on his phone the whole entire day and i'm like dude so it gets to it gets to the end of the day and i'm like okay like let's probably grab the check so we get the check and he says can we split it no he did not swear no no i he like he's like okay well people no listen to this he's really cute you just expected him to pay well i expected him to pay because it's a date obviously so i was like he was like uh we'll do two separate checks i look at him i'm like maybe he didn't like you maybe you did maybe after you asked him if he farted he was very offended he was like we're splitting this what the heck so i paid for my portion he takes me home like right after he takes me home that night he hangs out with the girl that was the end what the heck that's that might be the worst ex ever i'm not even kidding that might be the worst date i don't even know if it qualified that's not really an ex wet hands in my french fries i don't think i'd be able to eat the rest of them that's not even the worst part like the fact that he hung out with the girl after bless you oh i know the girl after it's not you liked him wait you think the fact that he hung out with the girl after was the worst part i'm still caught up on the french fry part or splitting the bill that's wild can we split the bill i look at him and i was like i was like no i like i thought he was gonna say can we have one check and like it was just so rude i was like what that's crazy but that was my story dang i can't believe i've told you all that story was wait did i tell you about the dream like the seal part yes yeah he told us about the seal part yeah it's on the podcast really yeah i don't remember that at all it was like the seal get you deja was here yeah okay yeah yeah yeah yeah she should come back on yeah she should yeah all right guys well thank you so much for watching this episode we'll see you guys next time adios