I Broke My Arm

Hey, uh, we're very honored. We're nominated for a webby award. What's the- what's the category? It is, uh, best co-hosts. Here's who we're up against. Um, smart-less. No, boo! Sipping rivalry, which is Bob the drag queen who's been on my show. Very funny. That one's fucking grenade exchange. Sorry, I- I want to make sure I get the right- uh, the pivot, the pivot podcast. Ah, that one's also great. New heights with Travis and Jason Kelsey. Ah, that's even better! We're fucked! We might be fucked. We might be fucked! How do they decide the winner? Is it- is it voters? It's voters, it's voters. It's voters. Like Quades could go in there and quump the bump. Yeah, oh great. See if you're really leading the witness here. Well then, yeah, so- so Quades- Do you mean Quades could just go there now and go over on? Yeah. Oh, uh, Jeff's saying he'll put the link in the show notes but go and, uh, make sure we win. 'Cause there's a huge cash prize. Y'all get Ferraris. All right, uh, now that we've established that, uh, do you get away opening, Chris? Hey everybody, welcome to the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast. And this is the first, I believe, all four of us, which really reflects how much we care about this podcast, are coming to you from hotel rooms. Yeah, every single one of us. Every single one of us has got some travel gear. This will reflect that land. The fact that I will still have the worst sound and now have no excuse at all. You've had no excuse for the last three sessions now. We all brought our minds in Ferraris. Well, it's the same excuse. It wasn't like I was going to fly home and get it. I'm still in the same place I was last week. Sure, so all I brought was this. I know you keep saying that. I heard you. I still can't go home. Well, uh, Andy, you have a wall art behind you that we've seen now, uh, multiple times. Yeah. Which is just peak depressing hotel art. He's in a home. I'm in a rental home, so it's even more insulting. Oh, no. Well, then it's great art. Oh, yeah. I mean, I love it. I love it. What if I was like, this is my house, Seth. Well, because I was safe first. They say we're in hotels. Of course, it's hard to tell if you're even listening. I'm not. I'm doing, um, strands. Oh, you're doing strands. Oh, good. Good. Tells they do. You know, I think the other thing. I like when you also talk about what, ostensibly you're supposed to love, which is newer times games. And they also seem to bum you out as much as this podcast. I think people are just finding out the hard way that you're just a melcontent. I guess I'm just wondering why they didn't accept gurgly. Wait, that is weird. The word gurgly is a word. I was pretty shocked about gurgly as well. Like, what the fucking Sam fuck? I have my stomach feels a little gurgly. I got, I got burglary and then miss burglar. So, you know, I'm not having the best day. Oh, wow. That's embarrassing. Hey, I have a bunch of new slang for the pod, which is really nice that our listeners provide us with slang. When all four of us are in the pod, it's called a "quado," but spelled with a "d," not a "t." Yeah, because the "quado" is an effect. Yeah, so this is officially a "quado." Oh, that's weird. But not that kind of "quado." Not "quado" from Total Recall. It's like, "Oh, four." Yeah, it's almost a "quado." The new term. What's your cooking "quado?" You got that mac and cheese cooking, baby? My wife just met with "quado." The real "quado." So what's up, "quado?" Yeah, what's up, "quado?" She said that he was great. My wife is also successful. My wife's been meeting with "quado" all the time, but they don't have any business together. I don't know. It's interesting that you're just, "Oh." Just liaising. Just talking about meals that they cook, probably. Tag-well. So your wife and "quado" are both successful people, but you're saying that has nothing to do. Their success has nothing to do with the meeting. No, they have no business together. I can't figure it out, but they keep going out to dinner. It's probably fine. And you say, and you say, is it about business? And she just says, she delivers it exactly like that. She says, "We have no business together." And then just closes the door. Nope, right. Oh, oh. And then he swings by and he's like, "Hey, man, thanks for being so cool about all this." He's like, "What about all what?" "Thanks for still shouting me out on the pod. You know, all things considered." I like mac and cheese. She's coming home with mac and cheese days on her shirt. Like just from pan splatter. Pan splatter. Mac and cheese, I don't know what's happening. Let's just say he left it on a bit too long because other things I came about. He's in the laundry room like mac and cheese powder? How did this get in her pocket? Again. Keep fighting. You gotta keep fighting in her clothes, oh no. Slowly, you're lasing it to sniff. And then, yeah, that's mac and cheese powder. There's no database. He's craft. Quado. So he tasted like a gecko. Like that seemed like a real lizard lick. About full on lizard lick, yeah. That's the only way you can know for sure that it's mac and she's craft mac and cheese powder. We're not sponsored by them. Not yet. So a couple updates. Jeff interrupted a hot bit to fucking dude, technical shit. And in the meantime, Seth pounded a whole beer. No, but it's a, it's a nab. Oh, I'm doing, I'm doing vacation. I'm nabbing it on vacation. Nabbing it? I'm nabbing it. And that's a perfect strands. Oh, it's a perfect strands. Oh, yeah, perfect strands. Spangering first. I'm hoping to go to a perfect stront in like two hours. Ooh, a perfect shot. How do you know it's perfect? Andy, have you heard that we bought the domain name? I want stronts. You did not. We did. You can go to it right now. It redirects to late night with Seth Meyers as of now. But we're going to just start listing all the restaurants that we mentioned on the bus. Why doesn't it redirect to Digman on Netflix? Well, because we assumed you'd redirect us there. I mean, speaking of, have you had to, have you had to quilp? Quilp, in case you're wondering, is another portmanteau that's been pitched by the Quaid Army. A quilp is when you have to gulp a member of the Quaid Army because they've watched Digman. Oh, so it's like a quimp, but it involves the gulps. Yeah, it's a quaid gulp. It's a quilp. It's a quaid gulp that results in a quimp. Right. Unless they're being dishonest. But I would never know because I'm taking them all that they're word. Yeah. But yeah, I've got several quates out on the street. Oh, you have. So it's immediately, right? That gets the jokes on them, Seth, because I was doing that before. You know what I mean? Oh, one of the jokes on that. Good joke. It's like I'm getting paid to do my pastime. Thanks. By the way, for over your dead body, I'll quilp a bunch of quads. Bro, stay in your lane. Oh, sorry. Somebody said, looking forward. No, respect. When yours movie comes out, looking forward to variety, headline. Quaid Army quumps dead body debauffo box office. So that's how I would like reading out. Yeah, I hope so. Good luck to all of us. Oh, this is bad. Somebody wrote in that it turns out the lyrics to the Belen Brothers song was their winter soldier code words. Oh, no. It's in their bunch. They got activated like a hundred times. Oh, hey, you're, I missed it. And I feel like Keith missed it too. But in the really listen, I heard it. You said at one point that you're firing on all cylinder. Oh, oh, really. Yeah, that was funny, right? Yeah, yeah, I like that. Thanks. That's a good, that's a good normism for me. Thank you. Seth. Just for the listeners, when we're on Zoom, you know, Zoom sometimes chooses who you can hear and who you can't if everybody talks over each other. So that's why it never happens. Why do you never happen? No, because sometimes we just don't hear each other. No crosstalk. Keith, two people wrote in with this similar comment. I'm falling in love with a Keva's new catchphrase. That short didn't suck as much as I thought it did. Oh, we might get to say that again today. How wonderful. Yeah, the other one, a similar sentiment. A Keva before every short. All right, let's begin this garbage dog shit short afterwards. I really enjoyed that. That's fair. Yeah, he takes it on a journey. It's a lot like what it's like working with him, honestly. But that, I mean, don't you feel like that's been one of the one of the secret bonuses of this endeavor. So far, Keith, is you finding out that the ones that you were feeling shame about are better than you thought? Yeah, I feel like there's a lesson to be learned. But I'm not sure what it is yet. That's part of the journey here. Maybe you're too hard on yourself. Yeah, that's Keva's arc. Have you heard about, um, I'm going to just fully assume you haven't listened. Andy, only because you're busy. I know you love us. But there's a pitch for a new alpha show that you started. Have you heard about it? No, but I'm all ears. You land on Melmack. And so you're the alpha. You like live with a family of me as myself. Yeah, okay. But like you're the alpha and you're the only human. Yeah, that lives now with a family of alphs. We were calling it half like human alien life. Human alien life. Half is going to be fun because then of course everybody's going to think it's called half. I don't really like it. No, no, no, no, no, it's health. Yeah, it makes so much sense for us. It'll have periods between each life. No, it's not called half. Why would it be called half? Could the title of the show be half parenthetical pronounced? I think rhymes with alph. Perithetical rhymes with alph. Rhymes with alph. Alph rhymes with alph. I was pitching not alph that they keep going you not alph. Not alph. Yeah, that's maybe better. Oh, yeah, that's a, okay, great. That's a nice picture from the subreddit that Jeff just gave us. It's an entire family of alphs they even made. Oh, yeah, look at the picture. Yeah, one has long hair. Oh, wow. And just so sorry. Can I ask some follow-up questions? Yeah, yeah, of course. That's a really nice mouth poster, guys. We have a mouth poster, not a mouth poster. That's somebody claims they came up with this idea. That's a really good mouth. mouth poster will be so sorry. No, am I playing myself or am I a character? How do you want to do it? We're the producers. So what do you want? We need to get you to say. Well, what do you guys think? What do you want to watch? I think you're a character. I think you should play the dad character. Like you're a stick in the mud and all the alphs are like, you know, so you're playing against type. Yeah, all the alphs are alph-like. They're all, as somebody on here said, like Liz. is a fair kind of like drinking beer, and you're the ones-- - They lose with the rules. - You're the center of the TV show, but you're like ironing and doing dishes, and you're like, nobody in this out family puts away any dishes. - So I'm kind of like Bateman on Arrested. - Yes. - Yeah, you totally frustrated. - Frustrated by how crazy all the alfs are. - Can the mom be called mouth? The dad could be delved, right? Said like mom, alf, dad out. - We went through this year and last week, they don't consider themselves alfs, because-- - Yeah, they just have normal names, like Gordon. - Oh, right. So their names are like Sydney and Kyle, and they're not aliens to themselves. - And also their pets on their planet are burritos. - Okay. - So that they constantly have to tell you not to eat the burrito. - I can roll with that, yeah. - Are they eating cats for every meal in their pets or burritos? - Yeah. - Okay, I see. - We assume a lot of cat meat. - Yeah. - No, you think they cat for every meal, or is that like having a filet mignon every meal? Is it like that kind of-- - Right, it feels like lobster, yeah, you would-- - Yeah, I don't-- - Right, it's like it's Dowl Spurth Day time for a roast cat. - Yeah, yeah. - Maybe that you ended up there, because it turns out the milnacians have been like using a secret, like ray to steal cats, and they zip you up one day in one of their cat halls. - Okay, and so-- - Maybe. - No, I like everything you're saying is in the show. - This is good. - You've just got my mind racing right now, just thinking of a hundred possibilities. - I've left more question. - Yeah, do I talk like Alf, or do they all talk like Alf, and I talk like this? - I think you talk like this. - I talk like this. - I think you talk like the dad from Alf, the original Alf. - You're, that's a tall order. - Yeah. - You love doing that voice. - You love it. - No, but like as soon as I do it, everyone's gonna be like, this guy's smoking. (beep) - Oh no, we cut that out. We cut that out. - Oh, we did? - Guys, look, I'll just say something, 'cause I feel like we don't have to cut this out. We talked a little bit at post-Alf. The actor Max Wright had a trickier time. And then we felt we made some edits. We made a couple edits. And I-- - A trickier time. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You did have a trickier time. - And again. - Yes. - Trickier time. And we can bleep this, but the trickier time until smoking (beep) having like a (beep) in a (beep) and then-- - But let's just, let's just bleep (beep) because that-- - I mean, I think there probably will be many bleeps. When we-- - We just-- (beep) - We just bleep every other word as a bleep. (laughing) - Smoking bleep in a bleep house. - Can we just say like Google the dad from Al, can we leave even that amount? - I don't know, but look, we can-- This is a standing order to Google the dad from Al. - And then we did go on an extended run about the reporter and what the reporter did to get the pictures. - A photographer. - Yeah, deep dive, deep dive. - And how he was like, for a reporter like that, it was a pretty big, it was a pretty big scoop, I guess you'd say. - Yeah. - And we sort of maybe re-imagined what that convo was like when that reporter brought in the pics and was like, guess what I got. - Yeah, go ahead, do it. - There's a lot of him bursting into the newsroom saying, I had to, Gary. (laughing) - And we again, we can bleep, but he can be like, so to get these pictures, I (beep) (beep) it's not gonna lie to (beep) - Why are we recounting the thing we-- - I got it, we can put it in now 'cause everybody knows we cut it, so it's fine. - Yeah, so we were cool. - For now, right? - Yes, they know we've made the sacrifice keep. - Okay, great, that's what it takes. - So now it's fine. - Because we're not saying it now, right now, we're talking about something that was not said, so it's fine, 'cause we're not talking about now, we're talking about something other people said earlier. - Exactly, that wasn't us, that was us in the past. - Right, you get it. Wait, Andy, go, what were you about to say? - Just that the photographer, the photojournalist, was probably like, in order for me to gain everyone's trust, I had to do it all. So like, these photos you're looking at, you don't even wanna know what I was doing, well I took the-- - The rest of you are almost not reporters compared to what I-- - But I'll give you a hint, it was smoking (beep) while (beep) again being (beep) we gotta bleep all that, we gotta bleep all of that, 'cause I don't want that out there. - Just beeps. - I had to, Gary. - You can just not say it, it's fine, it's just not safe. - You want the scoop and not, Gary. - Do you want the best story that's ever been in a newspaper or don't you? - Wait, this is a story that I'm just gonna read and we can decide what we think. - Okay. - This is from a great, Alph was notoriously unhappy, unfunset. The actors were actually relieved when the show was canceled. They make 20 minutes of Alph took like 20 hours, namely due to the complications of working with the puppet. - Right. - The actors, especially Max Wright, that's the dad, were visibly not amused by the improvisation and tasteless jokes of Paul Alph Fusco, supposedly in the last day of filming Max Wright, left the studio after wrapping his last scene, and I didn't even say goodbye to his co-workers. Andrea Ellsson who played the daughter vowed never to act again after working on the show. Each scene required a take after take, which led to some truly bizarre line reads by Max Wright. Notice that when NBC did the project Alph TV movie, only Alph was the only return to you. - So what you're saying is the show is what led to the behavior. - Yeah, I think so. - Draw him into the arms of the, you know. - I'll do you one more, excellent movie, based on his own autobiography. Permanent Midnight, you remember the movie Permanent Midnight with Ben Stiller, where he plays a TV writer? - Yeah, I never saw it, but I remember it exists thing. - Yes. - It's about a television writer and his addiction and recovery, that writer in real life wrote on Alph. - Yeah, true story. - There's like nods to an Alph-like show in the movie, correct? Or am I misinterpreted? - I believe there is, yeah. - It was kind of the original adaptation, if you will. - Yeah. - Oh my God, there you go. - It had to be so awful to work on, to bring everybody to that, this is that, like when there were still four channels, and this was a prime time show that was a massive, not just a massive hit, but it was like changing the culture and like was on the cover of like Time Magazine and stuff. Alph is still something we talk about. - Yeah. - That's how toxic and poisonous this workplace was. - Well, here's the thing, like Andy, because I want to see you act again, I now I don't know if he should do this show, you know what I mean? - Oh, 'cause you don't want it to send me into a spiral. - Yeah, I mean, half an, or an Alph, imagine being the only human surrounded by Alphs. That's crazy. - Yeah. - Well, we, our big takeaway, Andy, is that we produce it, you star in it, and you're even angrier, than getting talked into this podcast, 'cause you're working with like seven puppets a day, and we're all just like, "Hey, we're heading out." And you're like, "Um, what? I gotta do the omelette scene again." - Yeah. - There might be a good movie to be made for reals that shot a little bit doc style, like the wrestler, but it's about Andy as an actor, getting cast in an Alph sitcom. - Right. - And so it's just like showing the behind the scenes of this happening. - Yeah. - Yeah, it sounds fun to watch and not to make. - I think a lot of things about this are good. - Mm-hmm. - Any other cool slang words that have been made up, Seth? - Yeah, what do you call, there's obviously the Alphoff between Ham and Sandberg. What do you call a feud between a ham and Sandberg? Obviously, it's a hamburger. - Right. - Yeah. - That's correct. Somebody else said, "You can't have beef with John Ham. "You have pork." (laughing) - To. - Shay. - Yeah. - I would love to shame that person, but I would say we've established. I've done pretty deep on the ham buns. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh wow. - You've dipped a toe. - Here's just a few more. I want my ringtone to be Akiva's sad. I guess so. When Seth says, "Should we do push-ups?" (laughing) - It was sad. - Oh, was that really depressing? When he said, "It's how I felt." So I'm glad my-- - Wait, did you guys do more push-ups? - I just did push-ups before we got on this. I did 50 push-ups. So I'm rare and go. - Oh, boy. - They both did push-ups at the end of the last episode, and I was like, "Let's do it again." - Now. - This is bad radio. - Do you remember the Bailing Brothers, Andy? ♪ I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to you ♪ - Okay, so somebody else said, "Did you get it?" - We watched Dressa and the Air last week. - Oh, I might have to listen to that, eh? - It gets pretty thin. It gets pretty thin when you're not here. (laughing) - A bottle of the barrel. - Let's hear it from Dressa. All right, this is great as a non-native speaker. It took until the 10th repetition for me to understand that did you get it, was literally asking if the apple juice arrived at their house. I kept thinking the joke was that there was some silly double entendre, and I sent a bottle of sparkling apple juice to your house, which the band thought was super clever, and they just wanted you to listen. - You're gonna get it. - Oh, they get the joke. - Yeah, it's actually just, did you receive it, of course? - Yeah. The Alph Show should be called Three Alphins. That was suggested. - Oh, like Alphins, yeah. - Whoever wins the Alph Off is the alpha male. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - That too. - Keith said I was leading with my forehead in my pushups, and somebody very hurtfully said hard for Seth not to lead with this forehead. There's so much of it, exclamation point. - No, are you thought of as a large foreheaded person? - I am. - We're all going that direction, come on. - Yeah, I mean, nobody's, nobody's all of a sudden getting less forehead. - Here's what I'll say. If you have a face, there's one feature for everyone. That's the biggest one, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - Oh, it's like, at first time you get like a caricature done. You're like, "Oh, that's why I don't want to do that Simon Rich Broadway show." 'Cause they just fucking do a character of you, and you're like, "Oh no, no, no, no." - I love imagining you texting Simon that. - Smart. - Oh, I can't, I really can't. - So I can't do it, buddy. - Well, I mean, I'll do it, do I have final, do I have a final cut on my caricature? - I have a approval on my caricature, my Coney Island caricature. - Anyway, Yorms would be his left eye. All right, let's move on. Oh, fuck you, man. Now you're gonna think about it though. Once I've been serious, or was it a bit? I just gonna fucking haunt you till you're deathbed, baby. (laughing) - Wait, you guys, I did a reddit AMN, it was really fun and we should do one at some point. with all the extra time again. - Oh, I'd love to do a Reddit AMA. Maybe we could just do a Reddit AMA while we're podcasting. That would be a better use of time for sure. - Yeah. We did one back in the day, the three of us, you want? - I was gonna say, you know, we've done one as a link. - I know, it was really fun when we did it. - I've done a Reddit AMA, they're delightful. - This is very exciting. It was a first Emma Stone show who of course becomes a incredibly valuable member. - I'm sorry, what'd you say? - Okay, we're not in full agreement here. We're not in full agreement here, three of us are very big. - She becomes a linchpin host for, I guess at this point, coming up on like, was crazy to think, but like 15 years, right? What year is this at, so 2011? - She's fantastic. - And we were well past the birth of Indie Slees. - I'm sorry? - What? - What is the reference? - That's what all the music we liked around this time is called now. - Oh, is it really? - Indie Slees. - Yeah, did you done it? - I'll fuck you up. - Give us some Indie Slees bands, like Phoenix, Block Party? - No, like the Strokes and, yeah, yeah, yeah. - What? - That seems like a full decade before this. - Oh, you did say we're well past this. - I said well past. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay, I fucked up, man, I fucked up. - This is October 2010. - Well, I don't agree with that. - To me, it was just music. - LCD, like basically all the bands in the Meet Me in the Bathroom book. - Yeah, yeah, very cool. - All right, guys, you do, I broke my memories of it. Anybody? - I remember Will Gluck, director of EasyA, who I knew a little bit hitting me up and being like, "Hey, Emma's coming on. "Do a great video for her, will ya?" And we were like, "Yeah, of course." - This happened. (laughing) - Don't worry, pal. We're gonna make the biggest one we've ever made. - This one's gonna be a splash. (laughing) - But just being like, oh, we knew coming in that either she or Will Gluck wanted us to do a song or something big and fun and showcase her, which we had already wanted to and we're excited to do. I don't remember how the idea came about though. - So just checking, you guys made an album and you're still not doing one of your album songs. You're still playing it close to the vest. - Yeah. - Coming up with new stuff. - I think maybe 'cause we were wanting to be strategic about it and do one of the ones we thought was gonna be more big. - Yeah. - 'Cause had we put out, we're back, we had, right? To announce it. - Hmm. - I don't think we had yet. - You don't think we had yet? I'm gonna look it up. - So easy A, just to tell you, came out in September of 2010 and then this episode's October. So I think this is a victory lap a month later of like, oh, that movie came out great. Let's have fun. - Okay, good. - So yeah, you're in a kind of a surprise hit. - And I do believe that's why Will texted me. But we were already fans of Amazon, we were excited. I mean, as soon as we had seen Super Bad, we were like, whoa, who's that? She's super funny and great. - We didn't put out, we're back till April Fool's Day of 2011. And so, four months after this or five. - Got it. - Okay, got you, good memory. - So maybe we were strategizing. - I think we just hadn't even started on album stuff yet. We just had the demos and we just weren't touching them yet. - We were still probably like mixing and figuring out what it was gonna be. - Yeah. - But anyway, we just did it the way we always do it. We locked the door and tried to figure out an idea. But I have a feeling I broke my arm, wasn't Akiva. That just strikes me as, yeah. - I don't have any real memory. - Honestly, the only real memories I have were that we started writing it, we were enjoying it. And then we were like, we need an escalation here and Bill was in our office. And he's the one who pitched the wheelchair beat. And we all started laughing and we were like, and I remember even being in a discussion of like, can we do that? Is that too fucked up? And then it was making us giggle enough that we were like, I think it's above board and did it. And then as you'll see at the end, we just completely shoehorned me into it. So that I had something in the show. - And we roped, we roped Chrysler into the VFX to make that happen. - Yes. - Should we watch it? Should we do an old-school rewatch? Cave? - Yeah. - Did you guys watch it already? Or this is gonna be fresh? - I haven't. - I have not yet either. - I didn't. - I was a, I remember enjoying it. - It's fun. - You're more you there because you weren't there for the last one and I don't remember if you were there for this. - I feel like I was there for some of the recording, but not all of it. - I wonder, what were you up to? What were you doing at this time? - I don't know. - Where'd it already come out? - And there's number of Gerber this week, right? - No, but you also weren't there for the rescue dog. - No, no, no, yeah. - So where were you? - I don't know, being lazy? - I don't think so. I don't think you're allowed to be lazy. - No, there had to be a reason you weren't there. - Yeah, well, get a look at the rundown. - I think this one's gonna maybe, this is my prediction. No, then we'll see what happens. - Ooh. - No disrespect to anyone involved. I think this might be an inverted Akiva where we think it's pretty good. And then we watch it and we're like, "It is a little longer." Well, I'm just fighting my tongue to not be a cliche. - Oh yeah, it's probably. But do you remember not thinking it was great? You already did kind of say that. - Yeah, I remember because again, the ones that feel worse, a lot of booger man, how I thought I felt about it, is the ones that I feel like are swinging for the fences and then getting, let's say it's a single, but we're swinging so hard. We like are pointing out at the bleachers, like we're gonna hit a home run and then we're getting a single. And a single is very respectable. If that's what you're going for, but when you pointed out the bleachers and then land on first base, it feels disappointing. - Oh wait, sorry. I know we wanna jump into this. Did we get a nice quump on booger man? How'd it go? - Oh, we haven't looked at the quump. What were we looking to get to? - I think we needed 7,000 more to get over something, right? Wasn't that it? - Oh yeah, to get over 200,000. I'll do that. I'll do that. - Has any baseball player ever pointed to first base? 'Cause that's a fucking pretty cool. - That'd be nice. That's the base I'm gonna go to first. - I'm gonna get to first. - Oh my gosh. - Booger man's a 220,000. - Whoa, that's a big-- - That's like a 27,000 quump, right? - Yeah, that's a big quump. - By the way, somebody also wrote eight days ago like if you're here for the quump and it has 239 thumbs up. - Man, y'all the best. Give me a break. Give me one whole break. - That's a big quump for old booger man. - Yeah, that's a big one whole break. - Appreciate all that. I appreciate the quump, Quedo. - Hey, lay off Kees' wife, brother. (laughing) - That's our friend. - It's weird. - They're both our friends. - We need them for the long haul. - It's just weird, they're hanging out. - I don't know. - I don't know. - Maybe they're just like, it could just be emotional. - Every time I bring it up, she just tells me that I sound stupid. She's like, "This sounds stupid right now." - Yeah, okay. - And then she goes, "Now that's anything new and it closes the door." - Yeah. - Just full gas light. - Somebody wrote, "By the way, there was 10 months was the last comment for Booger man and then there's like 30 since then." And somebody wrote, "Watchin' this with Dignan in the background while quibbling, while quibbing, and Googling strants." That's Kaplama. - Oh, yeah, fuckin' that. - Oh, it just hit me from all angles. - Rolled off the tone. - Oh, we love that. - I had some, I was gonna promote in that same quump way, but I think it's already sold out, which is the pop star screening that I texted. I texted that so that we could promote that there's gonna be a 10 year anniversary screening at the Egyptian in LA, but I think it's already-- - It's a run, I can't go to that. - Give 'em, sorry. - I know, it was gonna be me and your 'em, but I guess I'm going alone. - I'm gonna go to Kevin Smith's theater. That was the reason why I can't go. Hey, you know what, it's cool to talk about clerks and doggo. - I will, I will, 10 years later, or whatever. You know what would go to also be good was if you pointed to the ground 'cause you're in a butt. I was just thinking about that. - Yeah, you don't really want to tip 'em off on that one. - Yeah, a little bit of surprise kind of key on a butt. - I feel like everybody, every batter could point to first space. - Just ask Tom Baringer's character in Major League. - Major, you know, well, let me say this. - Does he bunter love, I don't remember. - Oh yeah, he's a big bunter, yeah, spoiler. - Does he point to the bleachers and then bun? - Yeah. - It would have been so much better if he'd pointed to the ground and then hit a home run though. - All right, let's watch it. And by the way, I hope we have some time because there are a couple sketches I'm gonna talk about. It's not a Seth's corner, but there's a real keynet. This is a real keynet's corner episode. - Well, we have not had a Seth's corner in many movies. - I know, maybe I'm just-- - Maybe the pumps gun dry a little, trying to find something I want to talk about. - I disagree strongly. - Well, there's an Andy's corner from Dress as well. - Oh yeah, we got a lot of good stuff to talk about. - All right, let's blaze through this. - All right, I'm hidden play. Here we are, guys. I think this is sure it's gonna rock. (laughing) I'm unpredictable. I love it. (upbeat music) ♪ Hey, everybody, did you hear the news? ♪ ♪ I broke my arm. ♪ ♪ She broke her arm. ♪ ♪ You really want to know how I broke my arm. ♪ ♪ I slipped and fell. ♪ ♪ Be some sticky grape jelly. ♪ ♪ Two, every single year, there's a girl who breaks your arm. ♪ ♪ And this year, I'm that girl. ♪ ♪ Now sign my cast, sign my cast. ♪ ♪ Sign my cast, now sign my cast. ♪ ♪ Now sign my cast, sign my cast, now sign my cast. ♪ - Well, who made this beat? I assume you, hmm, I don't think so. - It's fun, it's just fun beat. - So far, my favorite part is the line, every year, there's a girl who breaks her arm. - Right, there's a premise happening here that like, you know when you're in high school, there's like always some girl and she's got a broken arm at some point. And you're like, I guess that's not really a solid observation to start like a standard classic trope key. You know, all the John Hughes movies, there's always the girl who broke her arm. That's in there. - One of my daughters broke her wrist once and had a full cast like that, just like Emma's. And she definitely was into it, was psyched. - Yeah, it's cool. - Yeah. - My early report is I'd like this premise and I find her incredibly winning. - Well, yeah, she's really selling shit out of it. - She's one of the all-time grace. - Great to see the old cafeteria. - The thing about Emily is, you know, she can do it all. - I'm not pretty sure it's Emma. - No, we're just trying to get that cranks thing. I love pretty sure it's Emma. - It actually is Emily. - It is Emily, yeah, I was being inside her. - Ooh. - Question, what is this light wall behind it? Is it just white that we pointed lights at? or. - I think that's what it is. - 'Cause we're in the cafeteria that's no longer there. The old NBC commissary. - Which we shot a lot of stuff. - Yes. - Laser cats action. - Laser cats, food fighters getting punched. - The audience now is familiar with this space, but we've made it into a high school. 'Cause look at, we have a homecoming banner. We have a go team. We've got a bunch of, you know, like sports stuff hung up. It's fall, I guess. 'Cause there's a lot of girls with you, yeah. Kids have bags, you know, like look at this actor with this kind of normal school bag you might have. ♪ If you really want to know how I broke my arm ♪ ♪ I slipped and fell ♪ ♪ Be some sticky grape jelly ♪ - Ew. ♪ Every single year there's a girl who breaks your arm ♪ ♪ And this year I'm back girl ♪ ♪ Now sign my cats, sign my cats ♪ ♪ Sign my cats, now sign my cats ♪ - Oh, my god, I'm dead. - Oh, what are you from, Kelly? She's selling it. There's Abby and Paul. We did do a precursor shot of the foot by the jelly before the slip. - Yeah, to show how close it was getting, yeah. - And the jelly was still there. - Kinda building tension. - Do we think that's 'cause we figured they'd be ahead of us? - Yeah, poor shadow. - That's gonna happen, yeah. - And we got Jay and Impalb Britton here. We're deep into our run. - Yeah, we're deep in it. - And we got Abby Elliott was in the other shot. - Mm-hmm. ♪ Hey everybody, did you hear the news? ♪ ♪ I broke both arms ♪ ♪ She broke both arms ♪ ♪ I slipped again ♪ ♪ In a pesky grape jelly ♪ ♪ All the cool guys think I'm super sexy ♪ ♪ So sign my cats, sign my cats ♪ ♪ Sign my cats, sign my cats ♪ ♪ Wake up, hey, hey, hey, did it again ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ Hey everybody, I broke my leg ♪ ♪ And it closed my arm, it closed my leg ♪ - Oh, we got it from my other leg. - Hey, I think I can get up. (grunting) - I got, I got one. (grunting) (upbeat music) ♪ Hey everybody ♪ (laughing) ♪ I'm the best, the best, I'm the super sexy ♪ ♪ The best, the best, she loves you ♪ (laughing) ♪ Sign my cats, sign my cats, sign my cats ♪ - It is dark, sign my cats, sign my cats, sign my cats, tell them a grape jelly. ♪ I'm the grape jelly and it's plain to see ♪ ♪ I was standing still, man she slipped in me ♪ ♪ So don't try to sew it's all below me ♪ ♪ It's white, I can pull the hell out of the mold ♪ ♪ It didn't mind, I was wearing a gel mask ♪ ♪ Like a bitch trying to think before my sex ♪ ♪ 'Cause my brain's telling me while I'm out ♪ ♪ I got shots, I'll be flying out ♪ - It bitching me, like, oh, it's the bridge. ♪ Grape jelly, y'all, get off of my bitch ♪ ♪ She broke her arm ♪ - So why, so his rap just starts with a sentence about the premise and then just goes into a bit of his personal life. - That has so many, like, just lonely islandisms on every level, going faster and faster. - He might feel like this is a classic cave. That's better than you, remember? - I'd say it was right around where I remember. - I remember Brian Tucker liking the grape jelly rap. I'll say that. - Yeah. - Great. - 'Cause ex-wife asking for the alimony. The kid ain't mind. He's wearing a gym hat. Y and bitch trying to get me for my scratches, I was it? - Yeah. - We learn a lot about this. - Grape jelly's been through some shit. - Yeah, he's, and he's maybe not the hero of his own story. He might be the villain that we know. I mean, immediately, I'm siding with the wife immediately. - Oh yeah. - I like somebody reached out to Grape Jelly and they like, explain what the song was. And they're like, "We'd love you to do a guess verse." And then he'd like, sent that in. And they're like, "I don't think he listened to the song." That's exactly what I think. - I think this is an old verse. He had an old verse that he just tried to pawn off on us. - Grape jelly face tough to look at. The color of the makeup really doesn't match the jelly in a way that's upsetting. - Yeah. - It takes even a second to know it's you. - Yeah. - I like his Mickey Mouse. - I might have plausible deniability on this one. - Robot Mickey Mouse arms and legs. - Yeah, he does have Mickey Mouse limbs. - I also like that a Chrysler put the reflection into the table too. Like that's a pretty good jump. - Chrysler. - Oh yeah. - I like that you guys knew it was too sad to keep going and so you had to like have a create. And it was too soon to end it. And so you rocked out Grape jelly. - Also she, on her keyboard types in bitches age shit but those are tricks. (laughing) She needs to get in. - She's still in the song. - Yeah. - Well, she's in his song now. That wasn't part of her. - We obviously at this point, no surprise to the world of large now that Emily Stone has a pretty dark sense of humor. - True indeed. - This was not a tough sell. - No, no. - To Miss Emily Stone. - I would say maybe the detail that I take away liking the most is all of the other quote unquote kids. Very reluctantly doing the call and response on nevertheless, she's still super sexy. - Yeah. - Are you saying that because every single one of them looks like a teacher when you say quote unquote? (laughing) - Yeah, I would say so. (laughing) - Thank you. - A lot of the cast that's in this though, they could be playing high school like in a 90s show. - Yeah. - Yeah, I guess so. - They're 902 and 0 ages. - But I think you were saying something genuinely nice. Andy and I as the negative one will agree that that the call and response but then they're doing it where they all have this look of in their eye of like we shouldn't still be doing this. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Like this is crossed the line but we're gonna support her but we, I don't know, that is a good move. - Not a digital short but of course, she went on to do Welles for Boys. The actress, I believe is the name of the one where she was the non-sex performing cast member in a pornography film. She was really funny. - And then she married Damon Kerry who directed us, so. - But don't forget her most important piece of work ever written by Michael Bryan. Making technology hump. - Yeah, which is that, this episode or next time? - I think next time. - Well, I look forward to watching that. - We'll get there. - We'll get there. I will say I enjoyed that a great day. I think it'll be a nice quomp bump, a nice quomp. - What number? Wait, hold on, I'll check what it is. - Check the number. - And let's over on during the quomp. - So it's at 6.6 mil. - Can we get it at 6.7? - If it gets a bad quomp, could we call it a crumbum, quomp, quomp, quomp? (laughing) Yes? - Sometimes we might wanna aim for a crumbum, quomp, quomp. (laughing) - Oh, when he said it was 30 comments, I'm like, well, that's not that good of a quomp. Booger may have got a legit quomp, but also the numbers feel pretty massive because it was so low to start with. - But I mean, there's people on their commenting from yesterday day before, like early quomp gang. - Yeah. (laughing) - You know. - It's a good T-shirt, early quomp gang. - Quomp gang! (laughing) - It would be nice if we had badges. If there was a way for us to give online badges for quomp gang, that would be a nice thing to be able to do. Keith, can you open up the episode? - Yeah, thank you for that. - You forgot one thing, Seth. You forgot one thing, Seth. - We don't need those things. (laughing) - Yes. - Oh, that's good. - Now, here's my question, Andy. (laughing) - No, but they do, though, Andy. - Yeah, no, but they do for real. They do for real. - I have a hardcore answer to this, a true answer. How did you first know the line? We don't need no thinking about this. Did you actually see the source? - Oh, you know it's UHF. - UHF? - It is. - UHF, for me, is UHF. - And then it was years later that I saw the treasurer's here in Montreal, and I'm like, "Oh, it was a badger's." - I knew what it was from from my dad explaining it, though, but I had not seen it, but I'm going, "Oh, that's from a man." - Did you drag your dad to UHF, though? - Oh, I'm sure. - Or was it like the trailer? - I'm sure. - And that's so funny. - I don't think I got to see UHF in the theater. I think that was a VHS. - So funny now being a dad and doing that same thing. I'm being like, "Oh, well, this is a reference to this." I'm like, "Entralls, these songs are old songs." I do remember making my kids listen to time after time because it's "Entralls," but the real one. And Cindy Lopper, of course, legend the best, but her version is much less pop sounding 'cause her voice is like a little like-- - Yeah, it's an opera. - It's Cindy Loppery, so it's scratchier, I guess, is what I'd say, compared to Justin Timberlake. And Anna Kendrick and Justin Timberlake is a lot more kid-friendly version sounding of it. - Yeah. - Oh, no, true colors. It's not time after time. Don't want to get the jackals after me, Seth. - Oh, I said it. - Wait, wait, wait, wait. - I guess for all of us, Cindy Lopper over Madonna when we were kids, to me, I was totally in love with her. - I mean, not to overstate it, but for me over everything. - It's Cindy Lopper over everything. - Yeah, but my kids like the true colors from the troll soundtrack more, so. - Wait, we got, wait, Seth, we got in trouble because you said you were watching Liar Liar, but then it had Evan Almighty, and that's from Bruce Almighty. - Yep, I fucked up. - We were watching Bruce Almighty. - I fucked up, I know that. - Fucked up. - Oh, shit. - And I'm so fucking sorry. - You should even host a podcast. - I'm so fucking sorry. - You fucking idiot. - I'm having a druse of thoughts. - You aren't, will you open the episode? - I'm sorry, Keith. Will you open the episode and screen share it? - Yeah, I was gonna say it. Like, I don't do that. - No problem at all. - There's no problem at all, just play your demo. - You go to like 4710. All right, Jimmy McMillan, local New York politician, started the rent, is two damn high party. - All right. - So this is a real guy who is ahead of his time. Obviously the current mayor and your Zora Mamdani, basically one ran away with a race because he made the point that real estate rent is two damn high in New York. Jimmy was ahead of his time. Keenan is Jimmy McMillan, written by Colin Joseph, one of my favorite things in the history of the show. And let's just listen to it through, 'cause it's really some pretty incredible. - Love is love. - Do you wanna describe what we're looking at first? - Yeah. - So we're on weekend update. - We're on weekend update. This is a very good, I mean, again, hair make up wardrobe, of course, crushing the actual look. He always wore black gloves, bald head, long white hair. What would you call that mustache? It's like, I feel like that's a famous name of a mustache. It's like basically the-- - So that's the Frederick Douglass? - Yeah, the mutton chops go across into a mustache. And then also, It's also a big, bushy go-t. It's a fantastic look. Look it out. But let's just give it a listen. (applause) Allow me to introduce myself. I represent the rent is two damn high-party. You know why? Because the rent is two damn high. People got seven jobs. They work in 36 hours a day, 12 days a week, and they can't afford a roof. I will make sure that you have a roof over your head, money in your pocket, and breakfast lunch and dinner. Shh, you hear that? Somebody's stomach just grabbed. That was a children's stomach just grabbed, because the rent is two damn high. You know how much a one-bedroom apartment cost in Manhattan, seven to $7,000 a month. You know what a roof cost? You can't afford it. You know what breakfast lunch and dinner cost? Put it this way. It'd be cheaper to eat a roof. You probably look at me, and you think it to yourself. What is he, just another Washington insider? (laughter) That's shaking his head, man. What is the part of the establishment? Well, believe it or not, I have never been a governor anywhere. People ask, "If elected, how would you lower our rent?" Simple. The rent is two damn high. (laughter) I have some queens called $17 million. (laughter) Part three. What? If elected president, I will make sure every single American eats breakfast lunch and dinner. You on a diet, too bad, breakfast lunch and dinner. You in a car driving around all day, pull over breakfast lunch and dinner. You already ate breakfast and dinner? I don't care. You're going to eat breakfast lunch and dinner again. 'Cause why? 'Cause the rent is two damn high. I know Mr. McMillan, what about these reports that you yourself haven't paid rent since the '80s? You know why I don't pay my rent, sir? Well, if I had to guess, I would say it's because the rent is two damn high. So this Halloween, both for Jimmy McMillan. Halloween. You know, it's your help. I hope to become the first black governor ever elected from the rent is two damn high-potty. Climb aboard the Jimmy McMillan Express. You can grab on here or here. 'Cause it's going to be a wild ride. A very short, very wild ride. Jimmy McMillan, everybody. Grabbing that, his own handlebar mustache. He and it is so good. Yeah, fucking, he's amazing. The way he pronounces the word McMillan is possibly the best part, and that's saying a lot. Jimmy McMillan, it's just all one. Yeah. And then let's go straight, 1-26-17, Keith. Can I say one thing before we go to that, Seth? Yeah. I want to talk about, and I'm guilty of this more than maybe anyone. And I used to try for it every time. Update features trying to add one last joke after the clapping starts. Yeah, yeah. And it never lands, but it's always in. And I would always try to do it myself. Yeah. And then you always watch it and you're like, it just gets lost. Why does everyone do it? I still do it. But I did it. So why did we do it? Part of the energy, though? I will sometimes, Andy, and my show today be like, hey, give it up for Anna Kendrick, everybody do this about it. And then I'll try to call back something she said. And I'm like, it's white. They're all clapping. 'Cause it feels more human. It feels more natural as human being to keep going, to not just be like, and now I'm shut down. I'm a robot, but it always is kind of just soupy. Anyway, hit us in the tittus. Should people stop? No. That's great. There's nothing wrong with it, though, right? There's nothing wrong with it. Do people like it just energetically hit us in the tittus? Yeah. Would you rather they try to get in one last joke or just lean their head back a Quattro style where they have gone dead inside the tittus? Quattro with a tittus. Just be like, shh. Just shutting, shutting down would be pretty funny, too. That'd be very funny, at the end of update, if they're like-- Just be like, we all in everyone. [GRUNTS] Everybody's like Colin and Che, too. We're like, I'm in Colin Jones. I'm Michael Tate. [GRUNTS] Just immediately taking off his beard and kind of muttering to himself. Also, when he sit and grab on here and grab on here, he was gesturing to the two different sides of his hand in the bar mustache. Oh, definitely. Just for anybody not watching. What is this one? This is a Googie Renee. I feel like the second or third Googie Renee, a Googie Renee was just discount clothing written by the great James Anderson. So just visually, without even him play, he's in a red member's only jacket. He's got kind of a gray-- Pots of green under shirt. Yeah. A graying short afro. He's got a-- Salt and pepper mustache, yeah. Some kind of shame. He has a afro with one-- you can tell he's one white spot under the sale of graying afro. And then he's got in the background, you can see various superhero and princess costumes. It's a discount Halloween warehouse. Well, we're in a Halloween episode, I guess. Yeah, it's October. Before you start, it says, is Googie Renee? Hey, how you doing? Is that the first line? I think so. Go back with me, Missy. OK, hold on, I'll go back. Quiet, quiet, quiet. It's going to start soon. Let those last go. This is an iconic Mary Ellen Matthews bumper photo. Oh, Emily looks so nice there, doesn't she? Emily does look stunning. Do you have an impression of Al's dad? Yeah, he did it. Al's only the cat. You're telling me you don't want to do that over and over? Do him on his-- it's his last day. He's just finished his last shot. Do him leaving without saying goodbye to it. OK, but you have to yell cut. And cut. Fuck you guys, I'm going to smoke you. Jesus Christ. You got to bleep all that. Why not fire off? Seth just fell backwards into a birthing pose. Nobody come with me, except for you. Larry, Larry, the cameraman. We're seeing the tops of his bare knees, like he's about to deliver a giles. Do you think he invited Larry, the cameraman? Come with me, you can make a fortune. Hey, how you doing? There we go. There we go. It's me, Googie Renee. Halloween is coming real quick. What's it going to be? A Navi Dabbit from the Avatar? Shia. Shia. If you want a great Halloween costume, but you don't want to pay supermarket prices, then you need to get to Googie Renee's, partially damaged Halloween costume discount bond. Here's my seasonings. He says barring and it says basement. What are you having your hands? I think it's a ghost costume, but the whole back's ripped out. So? Ghosts don't turn around. They just approach Shia. But what about when it's time to leave the party, Googie? I don't know. I cannot play in your life. Maybe get naked underneath and tell people it's a hospital gown. Shia. Hello. I'm interested in this Dracula cave. Well, you should be. It's interesting. But it kind of has a weird odor. What is it? I don't know. Let me smell it. I know what it is. Oh, it's old. That smells like Shia. Is there anything you can do about it? No. I'm not touching it anymore. $2. It smelled it twice. Googie Rene's, nothing is more than $2 in a stank basket. Sweet. Googie, something smells over here. It's the stank basket, Linda. Get it out of here. Googie, I love this Greek goddess outfit, but it has tire tracks all over it. That's because the last one I got run over by a smart car. Oh, what? A smart car. Well, if it's so smart, why didn't it hit a person? Shia. How do I get this tire track out? Full around with some bleach. I don't know. Soak it in kaboom. Thanks. I'll take it. The weirdest ring did pop. Take it. She could not, because it's the heavens. Fuck. Fuck. I love this Marilyn Monroe dress, but I'm concerned about the mustard stain. Well, that's not a mustard stain. That's a baby bath. He's not a baby. He's five. Well, he acts like a baby. You need to stop bringing him to work. Does this look like a place for a toddler love? So what do I do about the stain? I don't know. Maybe just hold this gladiator shield in front of it. Marilyn Monroe didn't have a shield. Well, if she had one, maybe she wouldn't have gotten shot. Shia. Googie, Renee, if we can't figure out how to get rid of this stain on your costume, we will give you things to play in front of it. Like this wolf man, within us weekly. Or Yoda with a pot of chili. All Queen Elizabeth with a baby pool. Now, that costume had an enormous stain. Thanks, Googie. I feel special. We all do son of a bea. This is about savings. [LAUGHTER] What's going on there? Horses of damage. Halloween costume discount basement. Rockstar. A lot of quotables in that. A lot of quotables. That was the last one of the night. Hey, how you doing? Shia. Son of a bea. For. That's what it's like. Shia. Also, waving the camera in to give it cross time. And on his face. And then having crossed eyes is pretty spectacular. [LAUGHTER] That was a-- there were the Esadant T-shirts. We've talked about the Esadant T-shirts. There was an Esadant T-shirt year where it was just a cartoon of Googie Renee's face. And the thing is, line, it's not rocket problems. It's not rocket problems. Yes, I do remember that shirt now. Rocket problems. That's quite a few. Do we want to talk about Grif Banks? Well, Grif Banks, we have talked about before, correct? And then we know that the story ends with-- Second Chance Theater. Second Chance Theater on your shirt. Or was this the first time? Or you had you tried it before, and this is the second time you tried it. This is post-gabaret Citabay, correct? [BLANK_AUDIO] I think that was the first time we tried it. But by the way, this is the second time we tried and it got to dress again and did not air again. So do we wanna look at it and to see if it should have aired? - Yeah. - Well, the question is, is it different? A lot of Mondo butts, right? Like, was it adjusted? - There was no pre-watch to determine that. - No, we don't know. But let's just give it a little look, see, shall we? - Police photos seem like winners to me. - Wait, is that the high school you're on that? We always-- - That is correct. - Yeah, that is the LA class. - So this high school is in West LA. Yorm's been an extra on some TV show at this point. - Yes. - And he was like 19 or 20. And I shot rescue rangers here. This is the high school in the beginning of rescue rangers when the Chippendale are little and my kids are sitting on the lawn right here in the middle of the school. - It kinda looks like the Billy Madison high school too, but I bet that's not. - It could be if they, I don't feel like they shot Billy Madison in LA. - Look it up, hit us and let's hit us. - It's been in tons of stuff. Including use the stock footage before this famous cut sketch. - Hit us in Keyes Tiddeth on that one. I don't wanna be bothered with it. I'd like to have my Tiddest free events. - It's a perfect looking high school for shooting. - It's a dress sketch, so I don't think we can show it. So never mind. Hey, check out Chippendale rescue rangers now on Disney+ if you wanna see this high school. - Oh man, and this guy's going over to our corner. - Or your new body also. - This guy's quamp in. - Quamp. - April 17th at the Egyptian theater pop star. - It's sold out already. What are you doing? - Yeah, it's got 500 seats. That's a lot of butts already decided to come see it. - That's mono there at it. Check out the godfather, too. (laughing) Michael Coyleone is back. Now he's the boss. - He's the back guy, brother. (laughing) - He's back and maybe even more violent. (laughing) The boy needs a quamp. (laughing) - All right, shall we? (bell dinging) - Ooh, wait, stop. - Background actors put in way too much stank on it right out of the gate. I mean, this is dressed so that would not note probably what it got through. - Well, also why? We'd have to check the script, but you probably didn't put 10 seconds of dead air right at the top. (laughing) Didn't say that. - Hey, can I just say as well, since we got back into the stuff we cut with Elstad, we also made some cuts in Bigger Man. What I should have said is there is an extra in the beginning, standing with Bill. - Right. - Who I feel is though was under-directed by Akiva. I feel like. - Oh, who's my fault? - Who's my fault? - So under-directed is the course correction on how you're describing that. - Got it. - Sure. We don't know, and we'll never know what I said in what we edited, but in looking back, I do feel as though, and again, maybe I'm looking for a secondary quamp, do I want people to go back and give it one more look? (laughing) I feel as though she just wasn't quite being told. - Yes, trying to bump the quamp. - Yeah, and we'll never know if you wanted to say that a second time because it was so cruel or because your audio was so bad, there's no way to stress it. - No way. - And you're saying that if somebody isn't satisfied with the initial quamp and asks people to go back and listen, it's called bump the quamp. - You're trying to bump that quamp. - Yep, that's trying to bump the quamp. - Well, you especially are gonna want to do that if you get a crumbum quamp bump. - It's very similar to the issue. By the way, obviously I broke my arm, high schoolers. Now we have high schoolers. I would say Fred looks like Gabe Kaplan's dad. (laughing) And Bill looks like the, who's the guy? - Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Land. - Bingo. - Yeah, that's what he looks like. - Yeah. - He really does. He looks like that. (laughing) - Who he's also played. - So Andy, do you think booger man got a crumbum quamp bump? Because 27,000's pretty good. - For booger man, that's a stellar quamp bump. - Right, so you think Seth trying to bump the quamp is unnecessary. - Oh, I mean, I think it's already had its due and it's day in the sun. - Okay. - Yeah. - Oh, wait, so a crumbum quamp bump is, not that it didn't deserve it. It's just a bad quamp. - It's a bad quamp. - Yeah, exactly, it's a bad quamp. - It was just crumbs. It was crumbs. - The quads didn't come through and give it the proper quamp it deserved. But booger man didn't get that. So then trying to bump the quamp doesn't feel that earned. - You need to bump the quamp because it wasn't a crumbum quamp bump. - Right. - You think I'm like a doctor, Susa? - While you guys were talking about crumbum quamp bumps, it also occurred to me that Bill looks a little bit like - Christmas, Jim Jordan as well. - Who I think's later, he played. - For sure, yeah. - I think later he played. When Lauren was watching this, at this point Lauren already knows he's cutting it because of the 10 seconds of dead air and then he's 245. - He's just casting for others. Gets his now? - Yeah. - 245 year old high schoolers. - We're gonna also see how it plays. But yeah, it was cooked. - Early, I would say this is an early cooking. You accidentally had the oven turned up to a thousand degrees. - I pulled up the script from Kevin. It says open on. It says exterior high school from Chippendale Rescue Rangers day, then it says 10 seconds dead air wall actress clear. - Oh, wow, so who was on us? - It's dead and then finally it's like Fred and Bill enter as two high school students looking at their books. So it's got a weird open right off of that. - Yeah. - And it parentheses, it says old. - In retrospect, would have probably omitted some of that. - You wanted them to look at old books, but the Don Roy King was like, oh yeah, they're supposed to be old guys. - Right, right, right. - Yes, it was looking at books. - They can't see something old. - Hang on, let me put on my radio. - Should they be wearing this? - So this sketch did get done at second chest theater? - Yeah. - Is this wanna come with though? No. - No. - No, we've done both at second chest theater. - So you've done two maybe? - It's Griff Banks, the sensitive bully. Yeah. - Got it. - Me and Seth are great friends. - I was there, I was there for wanna come with, but I guess that's why I remember it so well, but I wasn't there for this, I don't think. - Well, the second chance theater of Griff Banks is about to get at Kwambam. - Were you there, Keith? Was it a sort of who's on first situation? Where Andy said, I'm going to Seth, wanna come with. And you thought he was inviting you? - Yeah, and so I did, so I went. - Yeah, you came and Andy was like, what are you doing here? And you were like, you said wanna come with. - What the hell are you doing? - That's the name of the sketch. - That's exactly what happened. - Exactly. - And I was like, what sketch? - Except for what Keith showed up, I said, where are you doing here? (laughing) Where are you doing here? - This is, by the way, this is an insanely long preamble to talk about a sketch we've already talked about. - That is, we're about to look at the time we got cut for the second time. - Yeah, I'm excited to hear it. - All right, here we go. - The limit as x approaches zero is zero. - Hey nerds, give your lunch money or I'll pound you. - We just gave it to you, yesterday, Griff. - We wanted to get it, so cough it up. - Hey, just leave us alone, Griff. - What'd you just say to me? - Hey, you're always picking on everyone, but you're not so tough, you're just a big jerk. - No, I'm not. (laughing) - Are you crying? - No! ♪ Real face is a retouch ballad ♪ ♪ Real face, but is also a buzz ♪ ♪ Real face, the sense of dim ballad ♪ - I feel like we should have watched the first version of this, did you think it had this? - Yes. - The same or changed? - I don't think this is massively different. - I don't think it's massively different, but I will say, for something that had already gone and dressed once before, there's a lot of dead air. I didn't like miscuse. - Well, that was written into the sketch. - No, you're right, this is not. Nobody has taken advantage of this is our second time through. - He says, "No, I'm not." And then we wrote parenthetical, "We wait seven seconds for them to roll the theme song." - It's a lot of weird choices, Andy. All right, let's go back in. - What's up, you cleafs? - Oh. (laughing) - Oh, hey, Griff. - Did you do my homework like I told you to? We're not gonna have to pound you. - Hey, come on, Griff, take it easy. - Would you just say to me? - I didn't do your homework, okay? I'm not scared of you. (laughing) - Griff? - My old man's always wailing on me. - What? - My family's always moving around, so I've never made any new friends. - Oh boy. - Yeah, let's get out of here. - We'll screw you guys that, who needs ya? - Hey, hey, numb nuts. What's the matter with your books? - Hey, don't do that again or I'll hit you. (laughing) - What's wrong with you, friend? - I wear swim tricks in the showers. - What? It hides my diaper. - So you got problems, man? - I do, I do, man. - It takes for listening, bro, you're my best friend. - We're not friends. - Oh, bye, then, screw you, who needs ya? - Oh, come on, Griff, pull it together. You're the king of this school. - Hey, Griff. - Ooh. - I let my dog have sex with me. - Oh no. - You got a big mouth. - I want a little virginity to someone I knew. - Oh. - Yeah, I can tell you that. - I'm a terrible bully. This isn't even a football jacket. It's my little pony. (laughing) - Griff, listen to me. You are a totally decent bully. - I am? - Yeah, you've got all the classic bully traits. Bad home life, low self esteem. - I hate nerds. - Yeah, you hate nerds, see? You're a great bully, man. Here, take my lunch money. - Okay, but can I say, bullied it off ya? - Sure. - Cool, see you around. - Oh, and nerd? - Yeah. - Thanks. (laughing) - Great luck. - Get gay, Lord. Get a problem with me. - Oh no. - But I'm 37. (laughing) (upbeat music) - Yeah, yeah, it didn't deserve to air. - No, it didn't. - It didn't deserve to air. I will say, my dad's always wailing on me. I believe every time you did it to the table was the big ol' laugh. - I think about that line a lot. - Yeah, my dad's always wailing on me. - I say that a lot. It's my kids. It chilled the audience you sound you sounded like um baby Brent from um clouded with a chance of meatballs. Oh yeah Well, not everyone has a thousand voices like you Akiva Thank you. I was fishing for that, you know in chipdale It is great early on when you don't get a laugh on my dad's always whaling on me Which also hearing it now makes perfect sense that doesn't get a laugh I'm just saying like amongst comedy writers that always would yes And then you know like what's coming is that you let your dog have sex People were not finding that funny. They found it quite sad the audience reaction was exactly the same as Emma's Characters reaction. I'm like, oh yeah, why would you tell me that too much paythos? I played it too real is probably the issue My performance is too grounded I think They're like suddenly this is just happening. It was too well-acted. That's where you're coming out. Yeah Yeah, I chilled them because they were like is this an Oscar film? How did it do? How did it do on your show Seth? Well, I mean great. Oh, but again, we've set it up. We're like this. Hey shit Exactly show and then like people delight and like knowing like they they're not like the audience got it wrong They're always like oh my god. This is so funny that they tried to do this. Yeah Do you keep my dad's always willing on me? I assume 100% of course. That's I mean, that's like the linchpin of the whole piece You have to keep the good and the bad. Yeah, so I'm turning on the second chance theater Hello and welcome to second chance theater Where sketches that were once cut from Saturday Night Live are given well a second chance Tonight a tale of a young high schooler with their disparate personalities tearing him apart on the one hand He's an individual who physically and verbally intimidates those whom he perceives as vulnerable and on the other He's a giant pus We now present the sketch Griff Banks the sensitive bully starring Andy Sandberg in featuring the second chance players. Please enjoy Hey, there's the high school, but it's a different angle the different shot That's weird, but same high school. Hey, what you get for number eight? Same amount of dead air at the top, so you were the guest Andy on Sess show So they weren't surprised that it's gonna be you now and how'd you guys already discussed it had here? I think we probably had I think we probably had but then Melania's a surprise here, right? Yeah, yeah, so now Now Melania's in Bill's spot. Yeah stack in the deck. We're stacking the deck on second chance theater Who's this other gentleman Seth? Is somebody that works for your show? That's a German a flanzo. He's a writer for my show very funny writer for my show The limit as x approaches zero is zero, so so far you did cut the dead air interest in choice. Okay, and not a ton of it Hey nerds Oh, you've got a beard now Give your lunch buddy roll pound you We just gave it to you yesterday Griff. Well, I wanted again, so cough it up Based on your face youth we were doing a second chance theater of two sides - oh Was it I know you're gonna say teen wolf yeah, that's what it looks like your huge acting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, leave us alone Griff. Would you say to me? You're always picking on everyone, but you're not so tough. You're just you're just a big jerk Okay, are you crying? We did not reshoot obviously There's a Simon Rich and a Rob Klein and a Gillian Bell And I think we're I think we're good, right? Yeah, we got it. Well, let's see who played Emma Stone's part It's a rough and plays am I and Keene came? Hey Keene came to reprise his same role. Yeah, can we go to my dog? I love my dog of sex to me and see if it got a laugh here though. I will say the pace is much better here. Yeah Do you think it's that or do you think it's that it's killing? It's a good point. It's a good boy. Hey, hi, Griff What's wrong? I'll let my dog have sex with me What why I wanted to lose my virginity to someone I knew You don't have to tell me this This isn't even a varsity jacket. It's my little pony It's a better better back of the jacket. I'm not a bully. I'm just a gaping snorf Wildard said that's a good addition Why didn't we cut to Lauren doing that during the original one? I mean by the way Gaping snorf. I think that's another one for the pod You're also one of the things. I mean it does go to you acted it too well at SML because you are now just playing a big old Splashy cartoon character. You're there's a lot more joy in it now because like yeah, you aren't wondering how it's going You know what I mean? Yeah, correct. There's nothing at stake. The win is that it's in second chance theater. Yeah, yeah It's wonderful. What a great way to show it where the audience is in it with you. Yeah, it's like on this pod I wish all my sketches could have been like that. Yeah, yeah, just joy. Just enjoy so you didn't end up like a gaping snorf Just tell everyone beforehand it sucks, and then they'd be like no, it's good Well one thing sorry sets go ahead what so here we go So I broke my arm not criterion not Kim's video, but fine. Yeah, is that how you feel? Have a stone fantastic. Yes to no fault of Emma's and it was good in fact It's just not one of those two things. Yep, yep. Okay, and you were saying before it started you thought if it was just the jelly stain It would be criterion. Oh my god. Can you imagine a full track of the great jelly? Yeah, pretty good pretty good Tuffa to look at All right. Well, this was just a delight great time the quad out together. Yeah Weird that you're not I'm asking me how I did on spelling me well. I know I know you know, but the quads don't know jack black Yeah Yeah, I could be clean Never beat me dude. Yeah, you'll never I missed the Lally gag, which is hard breaking because that's there a lot I'm also since we mentioned jack black singing in tonight. Well, you kid promo show that's gonna happen a few hours But jack black jack white. Yeah, I know very excited. I wonder how it was I wonder how it was - you guys already know my guess is good Riz Ahmed Riz Ahmed is already an hour into hosting us in L. U.K. Right now Yeah, what a life. What a world that there's two happening. Do you think there's a sketch about his Riz? Mm-hmm. I minimum joke and a mono. Yeah, I like somebody's the Rizler. Yeah Well, does the Rizler his heat crossed over? Do you think the Rizler has made a footprint? I think we just I think it's all I think everything's everyone's the Rizler across the pond We don't know. I don't know if we wrote the Rizler Ahmed you could write the Rizler Ahmed right now And it's like another person that's playing Riz Ahmed, but he's like the one with charisma and I think with the time difference if you wrote it right now You can still get it. That's what I mean Big advantage because it doesn't it doesn't air here for a bunch of it's just because it's not then here now So that's right. That's it. All right, you guys well Let's all get back to our hotel many bars. Love you all. Okay, again. This is my home, but yeah, it sounds good Love you love you guys later Arnold later quates