How to Use Double Entendres with Trixie and Katya

i'm trying to be less poorly dressed i sat down the other day and i made a pinterest board of what kind of outfits i look the best in and what you would call that personal style and how i should spend the next few months really trying to to pick a lane which lane is this exactly i've gone full circle i am country trash and i think with my bone structure and everything that looks best on me this is i don't like this negative self-talk i don't think it's negative i mean like what do you call it country trash rustic americana yes we're uh like uh canvas down home country denim that's what looks best on my face my everything so that's still magnolias stolen magnolias we have to talk about um what i said before we walked no no no no he didn't get out of the car cockadoody car oh my god instead of us people have been begging us to do like a movie club and instead we've pivoted to book book mary that book miss you want to say what it is misery misery got my pussy in a knot it's amazing she kicked it down the stairs spoiler big time spoiler alert people who have seen the movie the movie is amazing movie's great annie wilkes um kathy bates oscar winning incredible oscar winning performance best supporting actress but the book right mama the hobbling in the book the horny is coming from inside the house she takes spoiler spoiler spoiler so in the movie she takes an yeah in the movie she breaks a hammer yeah she puts a block of wood between his ankles and then she whacks it with a sledgehammer to break his ankles because she finds out he was out of his room yes you know her little penguin is always facing due south so in the book mama she takes an axe to the fucking foot and it doesn't happen once it goes wham and then wham yeah and then she gets that last little piece of gristle wham and then a blow torch to caught her rise of the wound baby in the book she takes the foot off he only takes one foot off one she takes one foot off oh but he also she also takes the thumb with an electric knife she in the baby in the book it's longer obviously so figuring out how crazy she is is much slower yeah and much scarier but you you know she's crazier from you know she's cuckoo from the jump because it gets right into it also the ending oh he kind of is like seeing her forever and then in the end you're like is it her is he just seeing but also when that when okay so fast forward fast forward fast forward you know the fight scene in the end with that you know stuffing the charred um uh manuscript into her mouth in the book oh it's much longer and much cuntier yeah oh they really go to the death it's so i read in two days and honestly similar to the shining what you miss in the book the feeling of isolation yeah the feeling of you are fucked yeah no one can hear you no one will find you and he's there longer it feels like in the book he's there longer kind of like in the hunger games she's in the hunger games she there's like a whole two weeks they don't show where she almost starves so they don't eat in the hunger games is that why it's called hunger well they're kind of like me where they're eating always and still hungry because you know i like my two breakfasts my two lunches my three dinners and then my sweet treat which is a popsicle up my butt and in my mouth at the same fucking time and then do you know what my big ass but you got that stoma it just comes right out i feed to this girl i wait one second hello okay i have to tell the people what transpired upon my arrival here so i'm sitting out there just minding my own business feeling great loving my life and i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like my life feeling grateful and then miss thing walks in and she says oh hi ugly do you want some makeup that's not what i said no no no what i meant was i'm i'm using the makeup station i meant do you need the station and you're like no you need this no can i tell you the truth that's not what i meant at all no i meant do you want me to put makeup on for you no i know because i don't know how to do it i know i was trying to help you did yeah i'm just trying to help i don't know i don't know if my color exactly matches her but she's okay but it's better than wherever gray white underneath was the gray white and red with the hair if you're gonna go lemon yellow with the with the skin with the with the tanning you get more red and so this is toned did you use mustard toned with gray poop on i think you look really good you look like um what is it uh trey parker and uh no i look like the guy from um lawnmower man oh oh oh it's almost too rich almost too sweet about the lawnmower man you know i saw that in the theater the uh i've only seen it once it's not that great it's not that great isn't it like kind of he gets sucked into the computer or something something like that also did you see the tweet about um if jesus joe rogan's um if jesus comes back maybe he's ai it's fine it was like to wrap it up but you know what though he knows his audience his audience is like it's the a1 he's a1 5g like what i don't know he he'll who knows girl ro jogan okay so what's up oh so november 1st i woke up i said it's time went down to the cbs and bought all the leftover halloween candy thrifty 70 off you love it sour punch straws mambas mambas you know mambas mambas tell me they're you didn't get non-pareils no no high chews starbursts and a bunch of snickers i got them all stacked away in the grocery uh in the pantry for a rainy day why don't you freeze them that candy will keep me going for three years no but honestly months i'll be like i'll have this candy through because the halloween candy is good and it's all individual small pieces a little portion control sure and that way i only have 16 small pieces you know you digest it better if you keep the wrapper on it goes right through you of course of course you get the you get the satisfying chew but none of the calories right i'll talk about the medical mystery please i had to go to a urologist and oh god i had to go to a urologist and they had to do a trigger warning they had to do i'm gonna be honest this is pretty graphic and i wasn't sure if i would share but i thought they told me at the urologist's office that this is really common if people get it done all the time so i don't feel that crazy maybe somebody knows they had to do a i forget what it's called but they put a camera a camera up your pee hole the sound into your bladder so first they put a numbing gel in my pee hole then they clamped the end of it with like a like a chip clip right and i'm just laying there and clamp the pee hole yeah i'm just laying there and they're kind of like you know the girl at the front desk says she knows who you are i'm like great perfect the girl wants to come in and look at your pee hole is that okay oh yeah oh one time i was at the proctologist and after they pulled out the brown glove they said huge fan huge fan um the brown glove so um then when it's all numb he comes in he goes you know this is actually really the whole thing's like 90 seconds he was like i don't even know what's going on he's like what's going on he's like i don't even know what's going on he's like i don't even know what's going on he's like oh i don't even know what's going on the camera gets to what you call the bladder sphincter which is like another butthole and what do i do i tense it's shocking so i just go it gets up there and i go i go i'm not kidding i go and he goes okay okay when you when you get nervous about this you're gonna close but naturally it's not that tight so if you just relax the camera will just go in and he was right the second try just was like i was like play dead no matter how much it hurts play dead and it just went it was perfect okay but that's that is a situation where you need to use a strategy like don't worry is not gonna cut it relax is not gonna cut he was right though like yeah no i know that response it's a you nervous you tight totally but but saying don't be nervous what am i gonna do right i'm gonna get nervous and i laid there on the table and i thought if i leave now i i'm not being good to myself health-wise if i just dip out on this so i'm just gonna do it so i'm laying there with no pants on i'm just gonna do it and i'm just gonna do it and i'm just gonna do it and i'm just gonna the tube is up the penis i'm like not looking i'm like staring at it i'm like i'm dissociated yeah um and they have they bring the screen over and they go look and they show me my bladder i'm looking at my bladder on on on twitch.com they're live streaming you start to get hard it's a live stream and i get with the thing in there it could happen no um people do it for pleasure and i'm so ran through that like them handling my penis even a medical environment i like that wasn't even so touching my penis in medical environment i don't care like i'm not nervous about like a doctor i'm not nervous about like a doctor i'm not nervous about like a doctor do whatever you need to do you're you're you're a body doctor what you want with my body also i'm not when i was younger i think i was like an sti test i'm so now i'm just like swab it do whatever you need to do yeah i respect your process break a q-tip off in my ass and i said do you guys do this a lot they said are you kidding me with five before you got here and we'll have like 15 more today this happens we do this all the time so i was like great honey you are not special or not special a little scary but like i said the whole thing in and out was 90 seconds but you know what though 90 seconds could be could feel like 90 minutes can i say this was the first time in my life i've had a foreign item wiggling around in my body that wasn't like that you feel a little camera in your bladder i don't doubt that so he's showing me he brings a tv of or and i'm looking at the walls of my like my bladder and i'm going oh i'm looking at my own bladder okay okay okay and luckily it looked normal it was just if you google a bladder you know that weird kind of fleshy peachy yellowy color with like very small veins that's what it luckily but it was like oh god oh god it wasn't i don't i don't love it i don't love the i don't love that i don't wish it on people no and it was bad but you got to take care of yourself i guess what the fuck is that an award. Oh, yeah. We won an award. Come Granger. When did that fucking show up? Today. Literally today. I know. Congratulations. Can I see? I'll grab it. Congratulations. Excuse me, what? This is not true. Look at that. Oh, Grinder Unwrapped Podcast of the Year. Is this real? Yeah. I'm going to take this to my Eyes Wide Shut party tonight. People who use Grinder voted us the pod of the year? This is like I'm sorry, Grinder's real gays. These are real gays. I work for them. Ran through dolls. $40 a month. My Grinder pod. Does that get me every subscription? No. Should we say something? Say what? I mean, can we accept a Grinder? I can't do a speech? Yeah, please. Speech. Speech. Speech. Speech. Wow. I had never thought this would happen. After years and years of paying for Grinder Extra, which I think is $785 a month now, I think that I bought this this maquette means the world to me. I beat Meryl. Thank you so much, you guys. She's right. My $800 a month. It's huge. And it's heavy. You could beat someone to death with this thing. Low hangers. This award is a low hanger. This could be a ball stretcher. You know what I mean? It does have two holes in it. Hello! Hello! On the Patreon, which you don't know we have, we don't have one, but on the Patreon, can we fuck this? Can we fuck this award? Did you guys watch that? If we two-timed, each took, we fucked this award. You know what I just had the strangest vision of? What? Us doing the whack-a-mole through the weenie hole through there, but somebody else on the other end with a lighter. Honestly, my pubes are so long right now. In the event that they could get burned off, everybody would be a winner. That's tea! Do you understand? Do you understand that for them to put the camera up my pee hole, they had to do like chip clips of the hair? The hair had to be swept back. Oh, baby. I'm so sorry. It's okay. You know, being an adult means having to go to the doctor and be uncomfortable, but you have to take care of yourself. If you think something's up, you gotta take care of yourself. This is true, but I mean, I don't wish cameras up the pee hole on anybody. I mean, I have friends who fully love to sound. Sounding, yeah. It's a little, it's a, I don't want to yuck anybody's yum. I do. Be careful, though. Be careful. That particular thing is horrifying to me because, like you said, I think it's like, also. But we're putting things up the butt. Is it really different than up the pee hole? Yes, it is. Can you fit two fifths up your pee hole? But they're not sounding with fists. No. They're sounding with knitting needles. They should take those metal straws. My pee hole is exit only. Right. Traditional. Yeah. But no, no, no. So, like, I, oh, God. But what I think. The gays are so ran through, that's the gay version of straight women being like, I don't do anal. For the gays, if you don't sound, it's like, oh, vanilla. Valiana. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I just. When people say, relax, I tense up. Right. They would have to use some kind of reverse psychology. Yeah. At a van. Yeah, probably. Why didn't they drug you? They don't drug people. The type of inflammatory disease I have with my stress and autoimmune disorders, things just happen when I get stressed out. You don't have lupus, do you? No. And so I think what's going on is what I'm getting. I think it's just the symptoms of my body getting tense. And involuntary systems getting out of whack, which I think is occurring. But no matter what, part of adulthood, you've got to go to the doctor and you've got to get it checked out. Yeah. And you've got to let those medical students walk in the door and look. I did not do that. That's happened to me. When I went for my, you know. They're like, this is definitely that. We have some med students in the hallway. Can they come and look? And I was like, no. No. No. Not today. But they were streaming. Live streaming doctor's appointments. They were one on top of the other, like, through the crack in the door. Oh! Heated rivalry. Do you know about it? No. I mean, the memes online I've seen. So there's this hockey show. I think it's the Lesbians New Jerkoff Show. Well, it's based on. I ordered all the books. It's based on books, by a woman author. The cover art is a little suspicious. It's giving YA. It's giving YA picture book. It's giving, like, YA, like, 9 to 12 age range. Like, it's so bad. But Connor's story. So there's a Canadian actor, and then there's an American actor. He plays a Russian guy. And his Russian accent is good. His Russian is not great. But that's how I knew he wasn't Russian. But his ass. is huge and lovely. Okay. Jason Momoa. Who cares anymore? Jason who? Right. That's just being deleted from the phone as we speak. Literally, he's being, like. He's got his, like, walking papers, and he's, like, off my phone. This motherfucker's ass is so big. Yeah. Well, maybe I'll have to watch it. I actually. You'll be proud of me, because I've been watching a lot of stuff, and you know I don't watch a lot of TV and movies, but it was the holidays, and when you're with family, you really have nothing to do but all sit and watch things. What did you watch? I watched this amazing documentary called The Joneses. It's about this trans woman who lives in Mississippi, who has a family, and she lives in a trailer, and she's, like, a woman who transitioned later in life, and she's gorgeous. Long legs, beautiful face. And it's. Seeing. How later in life? Seeing older trans women with families and, like. How later in life? Thriving and living, like, a normal, normal, comfortable life. How later in life? Like, 73. She looked amazing. There's hope. Her name was Jerry, J-H-E-R-I. I believe when she was male, her name was Jerry, so she switched it up. But she has four kids. She lives with three of her adult sons. Supportive, like, nice family. They do her makeup and everything. Dysfunctional, but not more than normal family. Yeah. And I don't know, seeing, like, an older trans woman living the life of just a woman that age with the same things, in a way. She's just, like, planting her tomatoes. Love it. A lot of the movie was her putting on, like, workout clothing and, like, strutting around her trailer. Oh, that would be me. It was a hundred. That would be me. And I just, like, loved it. I thought it was a very beautiful film. That's fantastic. Great. Then I watched. It was great. It was great. Yeah, great. No, I meant it was great. Then I watched something about Disclosure, the alien movie. The new documentary about aliens. Okay. So, I was. Yeah, this came up at the holiday table as well. And I watched it. Talk about it. Well, I was watching it with, I can say now, my boyfriend. Wow. Oh, my God! Where's the confetti? And he. Oh, we did talk about this on my channel, but I think I should mention it here. Yes, I. This is news to me. I mentioned it here. It's been going on for quite a while. Yeah. Let's just say. Let's just say I fucked him. Let's just say you're enjoying my sloppy seconds, so whatever. Just kidding. Could you imagine? Not like it hasn't happened. Do you remember that? Oh, Mary, don't even. Don't even. Do you guys know about this? We. No, no, we shall. I think we can. We will talk about it off-camera. I don't want to get that person. I'm the Patreon. I keep saying we have a. We don't have one. We will talk about this behind a paywall, baby. Thank you. When the ad-free version of this drops, and it will, the deepest, grossest sex story we share will be only, what, $4? That's how low-rent we are. You want to hear the worst sex thing that's ever happened to us? It's $3.50. Our one degree of separation sexually will cost $4. It's going to cost two gold shillings and a piece of gum. So, high dollar. Well, congratulations. Oh, thank you. By the way. No. He's amazing. He's gorgeous. He's wonderful. You don't deserve him. I know. But I just want everybody to hear. I said it on the channel, too. I have really learned, as you all can imagine, the value of keeping this part of your life to yourself. Yeah. I mean, what about me with those medical students? You know, I keep my herpes to myself. Girl, there should be a class where they just cut your body open and show things. It'll be like, Crimes of the Future. Organs that go, boop. Five years from now. No, I think you should be alive. Oh. They show it, and you go, and then they put it back in. They pull out the lung. It's black. Mary, you know if I have general anesthesia for an operation, I'm waking up and going, I'm going to go right back. So, he loves aliens, so we're watching it, and he's watching. We're watching the documentary, and every time they say something, he's. Blanket covered around up to the head. And every time they say something, family all around, we're watching this video, this movie, every time they say something like, and that's when I had confirmed that it was an alien body, he would just go, hello. Hello. So, like, every eight minutes when somebody, because these are all ex, like, F, not FBI, whatever it is. Military. They worked in the military, and these are people who've seen, what do they call them, UAPs. Unidentified alien P something. No, it's not alien, but I know what you're talking about. Yes. UFO, I guess, is not the term. It's UAP. This sounds more legit. Yes. Yeah. And these people, all from different eras of government, areas of government, they don't even all know each other, but they're all telling similar stories of seeing something and being encouraged to keep it secret. Is it unidentified air. It's unidentified anomalous phenomenon. Okay, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is pretty broad. Yeah, it's like weird shit. And every time they confirm something like this, I just hear, hello. Hello. I do think there's. do be aliens and i think there are probably already here and they're just hiding out well that's mary that brings me to my next point charlie's bougonia oh watched it i watched you did not oh my god yes i did and that will also be on the patreon and that will be another three dollars you did not watch yes i did you know why i watched it why because i knew you would watch it oh baby what did you think mary i lived you lived well okay here's the thing the electrocution scene was really shocking so i i knew oh oh my god scary the screaming the electrocution scene was really it was shocking i didn't know i didn't think about that it was it was i didn't get it the land honey the land oh shit it was scary oh but i knew so i knew why did you know because i read the wiki oh come on why would you do that because somebody told me i didn't read the wiki because i wanted to be able to for myself ride the ride does it make sense of course courtney chide courtney literally for like the last four weeks courtney act was like have you watched begonia yet i'm like no stop harassing me i had a blocker yeah and then so i i read the wikipedia i don't i never do that i never do that but i was like i'm gonna i was like oh whatever when i watched the movie i was still shocked here's what the wiki is good for the wiki is good for let's say you're cooking while watching a movie and you're like did i miss a plot point go read up to that point to make sure you've got all the information with andrew he wikipedia's every movie he watches while watching it yes i love it you know just turn it off i do like to watch i mean i love jesse plemmons jesse plemmons eats and everything he's such a phenomenally he's amazing oh my god tracks love the tracks the scene where they're at dinner and it's sort of the political part of the movie where he's saying he's been through every side of political affiliation and reveals that she knows who he is she deduced that that was his mother we're ruining the movie i'm sorry no yeah big time spoiler big time spoiler alicia silverstone always happy to see her and you know she's such hardcore vegan she was like you know she's like i'll play the woman that a corporation kills you know she of course and that scene love alicia silverstone she was in the air floating on there's like amazing yeah the performances and god they just all eat the autistic gentleman who plays the brother incredible i looked him up i think this is a first film incredible he was so good but miss emma stone i know it like she's got 13 oscars already but give her another one because that hoe is forget everything you know about la la land mama la la who exactly la la la la la like she just she nails everything she really eats she's like like that whole she she nails that like shitty the scene where she's in the corporate apology yeah and then starts over yeah diverse there's too much diversity it was like all it's just so funny she's so she's pitch perfect i because of the level of movie i was like there's no way she's not going to be an alien at the end right that was my that's kind of what i figured and that i was like i was not shocked to have that be confirmed and i was still as surprised because i knew like i knew nothing about the set piece of like what happens in the end which was riveting um what about the castor the the castration the chemical castration love love i've done it i love when he goes well we thought you might try to seduce us so we both came to the cast and she goes oh shit that's when she realizes like this is i'm in danger electrocution was crazy yeah it was but then shocking but she i was i love that he was like oh my god your majesty i'm so sorry and he gave her a wig he gave her a wig she gives her he gives her a wig once she realizes she's so she doesn't have to be bald members when she at the end when she goes back to the office she has a wig on oh that's right that's so crazy you need to read the wikipedia i don't know i don't know i don't know that was a vanity unit that was a wigs by vanity unit that was a miss australia miss sweden miss sweden stage lace um it was a great movie i loved it the the end was i was like hello that was you at the end hello hello i'm just trying to bus out of an ambulance get to my office to teleport to my homeland girl i still be i still be saying help you remember when i told you when i started driving again i say hi in the car a lot because i'm not used to being in the car alone and i'm still i'm turned out of the freeway going hello hi other cars hey hey get out of here you caca in the car alone is it's creepy it's creepy no it's not it's no it's not you know what i do in the car i'm doing grammys performances right i'm at the grammys i'm sabrina carpenter i'm karen carpenter right the grannies i'm giving vocal performances i'm doing master classes like christina aguilera vocal performances i'm giving octave ranges i also watched there's a lot of movies i watched i watched madam did you watch this this is a tony collette it's a tony collette film her and her husband play uh rich upper echelon socialites who are american who live in paris no and they're hosting a dinner party and they realize there's 13 chairs and she's like i can't do that right tony collette's like this complete bitch she's like i can't have that she goes to her maid and is like go put on a nice dress don't tell the don't tell the people here that you're a maid we need 14 guests just drink a little bit don't talk much shut up but we need 14 chairs and she accidentally charms the pants off of this super rich guy that's at the dinner and they start dating and he doesn't know who she is and tony collette's like i can't believe this made in manhattan the reveal is at the end he's like so in love with her and she's worried that he's gonna like dump her and tony collette tells him that she's the maid and he does dump her and then she quits the job and leaves but it teaches her that i'm not that different than these people hello and these people suck and she's like i'm wearing them basically the subtext being like i had a maid's outfit on telling myself i'm not as good as these people i'm as good as these people yeah i'm better than these people and i would and that guy sucks and i'm leaving and she quits great it was a great movie and the actress who played her this woman um she was uh she's a spanish model and actress who has like a million awards but i never seen her anything and she is um oh i love rossi de palma she has a very distinctive looking yes yeah big nose i was yes i was watching she's almodovar she's in like every almodovar movie okay i love she's so big noses on women oh she's incredible and i'm watching her and in the movie obviously she's meant to be like not traditionally ugly duckling yes yeah but i'm watching it and the family commentary is going around i go you guys i bet she was a model i google it sure was oh yeah mooglair yes um also she eats beautiful she chews up every scene she's in in all those almodovar movies and the red carpets yeah she's so fucking funny she's so funny so funny so fucking funny anyway i'd never even heard of that movie it's a it's it's not just a tony collette film the gentleman who plays her husband it was his last movie before she died he died i believe what was his name harvey kaitel oh he's her husband in the piano and tony collette i never get to see her be like a true cunt she's really a cunt in that movie oh wow is there anything she can't do this is the part where she reads the she reads the nurse the nurse the maid down and tells her to go to bed and then all the party is like you're embarrassing yourself you don't belong here whatever and then before the girl walks away she goes and you look really pretty in lipstick oh wow cunt cunt hello hello hello it was a great movie you know i sometimes when you let when you're not when it's not your house and you're at the mercy of what other movies people pick you can be surprised things you never thought of or never knew about play on the tv and you go oh the jones i would have never picked this independent documentary about a trans woman in mississippi loved it loved it thank you weenie's still intact today you know what you know what i love about harvey kaitel his large schlong i love him in um dust till dawn think about it think about it and that's what the community's afraid to talk about you know you know what i can't get out of my head what salma hayek in her pool swimming with the bikini and those large breasts you know what i'm talking about on her instagram oh yeah you know i'm talking about and you did it at my birthday party i just watched that girl that's so weird in all this on all this cinema i was like should i re-watch that no it came all this oscar cinema begonia into that video i mean it's apples hello begonia could never begonia could never i'll see you at the oscars tati i'm ready for some sort of like at my birthday dinner i'm ready for some kind of i tanya movie about like 2016 arab sandra bullock tati who's playing tati sandra bullock yeah right bring it on okay who uh who's playing james charles maybe himself no um um it's gonna be tim de chalme oh of course tim de chalme and he can do it too he's got the range he could do everything he's motivated he wanted to be the best uh sandra sandy bullock is tati or liz hurley and i think i think emma stone is jeffrey right a hundred percent yeah and there's got to be that do you know what you follow that account head very empty where it's um the swing this way do i follow that account pull up in the sri lanka are you kidding me they're in the red track suits head v empty on instagram everybody needs to follow every day every day every day every day it's like it's like my my pill and we're all running through the field i got it i have a shirt that i've got my red dress on did you see the new drag race promo i okay so let's talk about that rupaul says like it says in shady times like let there be light and rupaul's in this glowing dress i honestly set glow i i was like we we do need this we need drag racing these tying time trying time yes we do do you know what you know what's going through my head the entire promo how pretty i was three words i could never baby i don't care some of those girls were hit that you had to self-evaluate some of those girls were hit and tore down in the face obviously but every single one of them was wearing an outfit that i could never dream of acquiring designing or even you don't care i do care that's why it hurts me right i don't can i say i don't know when i was just like it wasn't this isn't i'm more rude she's wearing a little purple like purple off the shoulder thing from tello she might not even be in the picture no but i mean she was there yes yeah um like when we did the all-stars promo i remember she was there like the day before we never saw her she she shoots her own oh no she's not gonna be there with you guys yeah no i was running through the parking lot with the shoes singing you're gonna get in drag ahead to set with thorgy got your mind can i tell you the craziest thing happened on that i think i talked about this on my channel but that photo shoot for all-stars three was gold yeah and thorgy brought a yellow feather dress and was mad when they were like this isn't gold they didn't style you no we brought our own she bought a yellow feather dress and they were like this isn't gold and she was like what is this this isn't gold this isn't gold what it's yellow let it mellow you know it was david david la chapelle shot that right yeah we had i think we shot ours shot our own on an iphone what's with that mary what's with the all-stars two pro no no no no there was no promo we didn't have promo what is it no it was queen faggot queen faggot queen it was like royal it was boo-boo we didn't really have it we didn't have a we didn't have a commercial amazing television though you guys didn't need it best season maybe they watch it and thought we don't need it it's this good yeah horrible i mean do you know where my who looked cunt i actually think uh roxy looked really beautiful you're dressed literally from like ace house yep um not ace house it's um something something better aliexpress um detox i think won that challenge she looks incredible i think y'all look fucking chopped best season of television take your clothes off best best season drag race ever i cannot wait till you and i can someday do a recap of of all-stars too i've been wanting to watch it so bad you are so good at that shit i you know what i'm not i'm not the type of person who like peaked in high school always reliving my glory days you know tipping cows didn't peak in high school you were drinking vampire you were being and you were in red leather vampire widows doing acid widows peaked in high school no peaked peaked at what peaked i peaked through the hole peaked at men in the shower yeah rubbing the skin off um oh my god no but i don't like i'm not the type of person to relive my glory days still waiting for them to happen right but like i agree just amazing television it was the best it was the best um it was so good you guys are just amazing i'm so glad i'm so glad i didn't get eliminated at the third episode of the show i'm so glad i didn't get eliminated at the third episode of the best tv ever yeah riveting the moment when the mirror people are back there i just i fantasize about it yeah i fantasize about it wait i got two words for you type in club.com that's not a word type in club so typing club you know how my my secret shame hunt and peck uh-huh don't know how to type mary asked me what i did the other day 70 words per minute 100 accuracy eat my ass seven seven d 70 that's very very that's very out of character are you sure you're not going to do it you're an adderall no i'm no i couldn't that it's like that's like a lot of characters a minute no complete words no words or sentences but a lot of pushing but the thing but full disclosure no capitals no capitals that's giving me a that's giving me a big but that's stan twitter you turn off the auto caps on stan i'm doing periods though and carlos i'm doing semicolons periods comes i just the capitals are really killing me because you got to go you got to choose the shift i know and i don't like it that's okay but mary i was i've been cruising and it's so satisfying like i haven't learned to do anything in so long do you want to write another book nope um but i could i could dictate somebody else's book or write somebody else's book you want to be a stenographer that's what i put 17 years into drag to go be a court stenographer and we get a brown wig breast implants real marcia cross little is that her name whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa wait marcia cross sarah paulson all's fair you ryan what ryan murphy and those ladies are doing to us is something hitherto undid on television they are trolling us so hard why are you feeding into it no no no i'm not feeding into it i i saw don't stare into the abyss no no this is not the abyss this is the most dazzling car crash you've ever seen in your life and nobody dies this is sarah paulson has a monologue talking to glenn close about her pussy her cat you sent it to me and as soon as she said pussy i turned it off oh it's i'm sorry but i'm gonna make everybody listen to it because she's getting her star i believe sarah paulson or she just got it it's so unhinged it's it's a level of like unhingedness that is just like i was like incredulous the whole fucking time did sarah get her star she really is you know what jokes jokes aside she's an incredible actress i love her reminds me of my pussy my kitty cat who died when i was five mrs pussy she had feline aids excuse me but you're not comparing the loss of your cat to her husband of 40 years a child's grief can be just as profound my pussy was my whole world okay can i say and when my pussy died i kept her in my bed for days stroking her and talking to her of course my mother she got so angry stop playing with your pussy car she yelled but uh i refused to even when my pussy started smelling really bad and got really crusty i just stayed locked in my room grieving in private because i just couldn't let go of my pussy you need to put this in a lip sync stop saying the word pussy and i promise you will get through this you know it wasn't easy for me either but eventually i learned how to soothe myself without touching my pussy going into pussy my pussy my pussy i want to do the cabaret thing how she turned to me and say oh my god that is that is so crazy it is that is so fucking crazy it is it really is crazy um i also have been listening to some new music and i've been listening to some new music and i've been listening to some new music and i've been listening to some new music and i've been listening to some new music and i'm like orville peck's new album is out and you know she is one of our friends but i she's a crooner amazing singer and of course we've seen her on stage and i have both of his first albums and then the other ones i kind of cherry picked this one i was on a long drive and i just put it on he's beautiful he's just a great artist orville congrats girl congratulations and unrelated and inappropriate i had a sexual dream about him the other day okay what happened i fucked him in his huge butt let's take a break finally you called a break my pussy crusty so that is the ryan murphy and the girls are having fun i think listen i the other day i needed a sarah paulson fix and i watched a bunch of clips of apocalypse because i i love to watch sarah paulson in anything yeah and what i loved about apocalypse of american horror story was it was the season where all the seasons are kind of converging it's murder house it's coven it's this and so they're all playing their characters from other seasons but they all have facial blindness when they're like who are you and i'm like well that's the that's the supreme in a different way like i love that i love it's so drag it is so there's this part where the bitches for christmas medicine medicine montgomery turns and she's like at the murder house and she's like and who the fuck are you or whatever and she's like i forget what the the medium's name is who's from murder house but it's sarah paulson and she's a medium and i'm like but that's the supreme who you saw earlier that's sarah paulson and i love the fantasy and then like jessica lang shows up as the constance from season one and she's like this is my fucking house you know whatever she does blanche devereaux smoking commercial and then when they're like who are you i'm like well that's the supreme with cancer who died two years ago you don't recognize the girl she's on the call sheet girl i'm like y'all need to get your eyes checked uh ryan murphy's diabolical love it though oh i do too at this point i'm like go girl do it do more fuck it up eat it shit on them oh i watched several christmas movies already what'd you watch well i don't want to overshare too much have you seen scrooged by the way yes oh that's my favorite christmas i'm writing a christmas movie right now i've never gotten to write a movie but you know you and i've watched so many christmas movies at netflix that i've gotten weirdly empowered because the bar is in the basement girl so i'm gonna write there's no yeah but i like christmas movies the world is so bad that i think i've i've reached a point where i want to watch a formulaic predictable christmas movie is it like a lifetime or netflix or like a like irreverent or like what? really good christmas movies right like um lampoons scrooge i would say elf the grinch those are like good amazing christmas story yes but i'm more interested in and then there's the top tier made for tv kind of seasonal christmas movies such a i'm interested in what's a little bit below that okay anything starring jonathan bennett who the fuck is that aaron samuels from mean girls he's been in i think i counted 12 christmas movies the king of christmas and i watched a movie that i thought i was gonna make fun of and hate but you love and i sat down to be like fucking gay movies i love fucking gay movies i love bad christmas movies i love bad gay movies and the two come together ah the clit clit the clit carved fucking chip clip on the clit crusty pussy love it crusty pussy dead dead pussy in bed so this movie stars kristin stewart okay i'm sold and who plays her girlfriend it's a beautiful actress mackenzie davis incredibly beautiful oh i know this one so they're they're they're girlfriends yeah and um i had no idea what this movie was about and i've been working on my christmas shit and i was like let's just go watch christmas movies get me in the mood while i'm working on my christmas shit working out with jennifer from netflix and i just want to say the hard thing to believe in this movie was that you're bringing home kristin stewart and you're trying to pass her off as your roommate okay kristin stewart isn't like this unit color with like two hair clips with like overalls no she's giving like grungy cool tegan and sarah okay like emo girl gorgeous there yes and drop dead gorgeous but really giving gay yeah i love the idea of bringing home that level lesbian and be like this is my roommate well mary love that's what my my grandmother called my my uncle's you know what for the entire life love well it's like an old school thing yeah yeah um his roommate it was such a good movie really yes it was so good i had no idea it was going to be so good that i uh arby plaza's in it this sounds great jinx and dale are in it um the drag queens where i really was like this is too much um uh the mom is mary steenburgen amazing love her and she's kind of a mean mom in it she's fun to watch her be mean love her i love this movie was so good and i'd never seen it i've never seen it i've never seen it i've never seen it happiest season happy it was the best it was not only a good christmas movie it was one of the best gay movies i've ever seen well that well i don't think there's any good game hilarious dan levy there's this runner where he's babysitting her fish and they're dead kills him and so the runner is that he's spending the whole movie trying to be like hey if i have a friend who wanted to get your exact fish maybe the exact same size where would you get those because he's trying to like replace her yeah that should make me laugh there's one whole scene where they're having a heart-to-heart and they zoom out and he's in a fish store holding two bags like replacing the fish the shit is so funny i cried like three times damn because this girl is in this family where her parents want her to be so perfect and the dad's running for office and the damage and then really the takeaway is like allison brie is in this these kids all just want their family their parents that they feel like their parents love is conditional right and that obviously the gay daughter feels that but the other two heterosexual siblings also feel that this story is more of like a cautionary tale of like parents making their children feel like their love is and gay stuff fits in that yeah but it wasn't like a gay themed movie it wasn't like eating out no but the lady bunny wasn't in it a piss ballet you know did you know brandon is in that yes another gay sequel yeah there's a piss ballet in that it went out a yellow like a golden shower ballet like you sing it in the rain oh jesus christ wait in this movie no no yeah it's Kristen Stewart. I love Kristen Stewart. Clear stream. Are you kidding me? I love her. She's so pretty. Love her. The acting in this, I was like, is this my favorite Kristen Stewart movie? Maybe. But you know what else is fucked up about me? What? There's nothing I fucking like more. I don't know what it is. If you ever go to a hotel and turn on the TV and turn on the cable, basic cable, Twilight will be on on some channel and I always turn it on. If I hear those opening chords, I lay in that bed that feels like pizza boxes on my shittiest bedspread and I put both, I put my legs up in the air and I watch it. I watch Twilight. With a trowel. It's a little like the ring. Like I can't look away. And I've got seven days to watch the series. Like after I watch one, I have to watch all of them. Mary, if the Volturi scene, if the Volturi fight scene comes on, you know that I take my glasses off, I take my eyes to the screen because I'm gooning. Are you talking about the head pops off? Yes. I'm talking about the bloodless head fight. The bloodless decapitation. The bloodless, oh, I also love when Dakota Fanning throws the baby in the fire. But where was, are you Jacob or Edward? Neither. I'm Volturi. I want those dead, I want the baby in the fire. Right. I also don't like that that whole fight happens and then it's a psychic vision. I hate that. That's why I turned it off before that. For me, that's a real thing. Popping heads like, I don't know what. Like a Pez dispenser? Yeah. Weird. And then also like, what's his name? Martin Sheen? Not Martin Sheen. That British guy? Who played like the leader of the Volturi? Yeah, what's his name? He's got that, that smirk, that gay smirk, that it's so hammy. It's so hammy. And Dakota Fanning is so hammy. They're just hamming it up. Michael Sheen. Married to Kate Beckinsale. Divorced, of course. Yeah. Father to Lily Sheen. Yeah. I love that shit. Are you caught up on Derry? I am. I gotta, don't ruin it. I gotta watch this week's. Don't ruin it. No, I'm not gonna. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not living. I'm not living. I think they have some really great set pieces, but. Did you think that Maddie was gonna be alive? I knew it was a trick. Of course. He came out of a yellow tent. I was like, this is a raincoat. Girl, he came out looking like whodunit. When the back of his head opened up, that was scary. Yeah, but I was like, I was like, when is this kid gonna turn into whatever? And I, I did think he was gonna shoot his son in an accident. Yeah. I'm living. I gotta watch this week's though. I'm living. Unpopular opinion or whatever. I don't care for this Pennywise. I've, I've never cared for, I think Bill Skarsgård is so talented. Incredibly talented. I hate the design. I hate the look. I don't think it's scary. I think it's boo-boo. I think it's too ornate. The big head just, it's funny. It's not scary. I, I think Tim Curry was eating, eating, eating. Maybe we should end it here because I have something to, I, I went, I, I saw the scariest media I've ever seen. What, what? And I will tell you next week. Oh, that's a cliffhanger. $3. $3. Bye. Bye. Bye.