How to Understand Men Better…Through Their D*cks with Author Kristina Denton

I was like, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, I have a front row seat to mail shame to the thing that they are the most terrified of, which is this like definition of what makes them a man, is broken. This podcast is a deer media production. Hi guys. Welcome back to the episode of Girls Gotta Eat. Welcome back and happy cancer season. I think I skipped a year. The 22nd of thirds. I mean, this week. All right, it's this week. What other week can I be? The 23rd? I always think it's a 22nd, but you know, there's a mixed review. So enjoy the last day of Gemini season, you eyes. You chaotic June 21st. Most people say, wow, I didn't know. It would be tough to be on June 21st. You're like, what am I? What was I made for? Every sign though. It just depends because I feel like Shashank who was October 21st, like he's a clear Libra. No one's ever said he's like up for debate to be a Scorpio. I'm not up for debate. Yeah, at all. Well, happy cancer season you guys. All right, now we think our partners. Okay, thanks to bio optimizers to sleep great and get 15% off at bio optimizers dot com slash gge with co gge and hunger root get 40% off your first box and a free item in every box for life at hunger root dot com slash gge with co gge and skims shop every day cotton plus our favorite Brazilian underwear at skims dot com. And thank you to I am eight get a free welcome kit five travel sachets and $10 off your order at I am eight health dot com slash gge and use co gge and thank you to resort pass the day is yours get $20 off your first booking of $100 or more at resort pass dot com slash gge and quince get free shipping and 365 day returns on your next order at quince dot com slash gge. So I saw this thing on TikTok and I wanted to see what you thought of this and if you had seen it. So I saw some thing that was viral. This is probably weeks go this point because you know, TikTok, TikTok will serve me some for March, you know, like that's what happened to me lately. Yeah, yeah, just whatever. But I'm like, I have seen this sometimes, like, you guys go. I'll go more. I'll still be I'll be getting comments on my val video till 2027. I hope so. It's like it never stops. So it's still being served to people is my point, you know, so this woman had asked for men's X, you know, in a nice this way and they were pretty nice. Like, I got served one of these like a couple days ago also. Yeah, so there's a few out there, but this is one of the most popular ones and this was still in May. So it's not that old. But it says since girls always talk about their X about guys. I want to hear guys X about girls. Oh, and they weren't that mean, you know, I was like, Oh, what's this comment section going to be? Just a bunch of misogynist men. But they weren't too bad. I mean, I think that someone or I'm personally not a big fan of cheating. Like just a man. Yeah, like unable to say sorry, not saying please and thank you. These are turned off. Just doing everything for, yeah, exactly. Well, but they that's the thing like men don't really have X. But the one that I saw and I saw this in a couple different comment sections is they said bird hands. And I got to figure out that me. Okay. We'll take a guess because I didn't know it. And then it was like linked on TikTok. Like, you could go see a bunch more content on bird hands. Bird hands. Yeah. Let me know what you think. I mean, my only thought is just like a really slight hand because like I'm thinking about like a pigeons. Yeah, but really think about that. Why would a man care if your hands are small? Right. I have a bird hand. I'm just I think birds are so disgusting. I'm just grossed out thinking about it. Can you show me? Okay, this. So when you do a lot of like you see people talk like this. Oh man, it's a mannerism. It's more of a mannerism. So I don't really do this. But if that's how you talk, I talk with my hands. I'm not criticizing it. But you don't talk about and you can kind of see it. So sometimes first of all, this is Italian. Hold it doing this gesture is like that's not. But when the Italian hand is flipped, you do see more women doing like this, this kind of how they hold their hands when they talk. And then you see sometime they clamp where that's really trying to drive a point home. I'm trying to do this. I don't think you do it. And I think of I can think of one friend who does it. But other than that, I think maybe it's a little younger mannerism. I'm trying. I mean, I talk about hands a lot. I watch my Instagram stories and I'm very I'm as I'm talking. I'm very expressive. I mean, you watch you watch me on this podcast every single week. I don't you and I don't do that. I'm trying to think why I would. Unless I was like in your face, like trying to like yap, yap, yap, like you try to really piss somebody off. So that's the thing. And like I saw one TikTok that said, hot take men say they hate birdhands, but women use birdhands when they're emphasizing their words. And I think what men really hate is when women are trying to make a point because then they actually have to listen to them. And obviously that's what they actually hate. Of course, not. Oh, men don't want to listen to women. You know, but that could be that men have they don't like it. I've had an experience where a woman is birdhanding in their face. But just this in general, I picture the women that do this and it's a vibe. It's a vibe. I'm not that vibe. I'm not that vibe. I just I I will find other ways. I do this a lot. I like roll my wrist a lot when I talk. Yeah, and of course, like I'm sure everybody has mannerisms that some of my not like or that would be an egg, but that specific thing I think is interesting. And then I saw one woman be like, I'm going to do birdhands all day because I want to show up my nails. I get them done every week. She's this great nail art. She's like, I want to click them together. And that's almost like why you're doing it too. And it's like a showing off type thing. I do feel that I do that in Instagram stories because my nails always look great. You know, I just get regular manicures and I want people to know that I've put time and energy into this that could have gone into something else. And yeah, I talk a lot of my hand, but same. No, birdhands. I do not. I do not identify this. And then I did see someone take the you're just you just hate Italians. And that's not it. This is not a birdhand. This is upside down birdhand Italian. What would happen to me in order for me to start talking like this? I mean, if I do this hand gesture, like I'm kind of being funny, but I don't pick with my hands like that. Fuck no. Something bad would have had to happen. I know like the who hurt you, men that even clock this and don't like it. I can't be in the middle of an argument arguing like yes, I'm not comfy. Yeah, I got to be as comfy as possible to like win this argument. But I guess I can picture a really loud outgoing woman like us. That's not a dig who's really birdhand in a guy's face on a date. And he doesn't like it. I would not like it. I wouldn't like if no, I understand. It's like it's a vibe. You can see the whole relationship through that hand. That hand is a portal to what the next five years are going to be like of your life. Maybe or sometimes that's just how women want to do this and like make a point. I don't know. So it's just funny. I wonder if any of you guys are like listing watching this conversation. You are doing this not even clamping them together. But when your thumb is touching the rest of your fingers and this bird, this is the bird. This is the bird, right? The shape. Uh-huh. If you're doing this and you're pecking when you're talking, like why? And just let us know. It's no shade. I mean, I support anything women want to do. It hurts my rest. But can you imagine a guy? He's like, dude, I like her, but she's bird hands. Like, can you imagine? This is a man. A man saying that to his friend and his friends like, how big are her boobs? He's like, yeah, right. Yeah. No, he's like, hey, man. I was a date. Like, what do you think? Like, she's such a cool chick. She looks so hot. And he's like, dude, she's like everything. But I just can't get past the bird. Do you think men know what bird hands are? They're the ones you say. They're all other men are like, no, no, no, no, no, like Shashank didn't know. But then I did it. And he goes, no, I don't like that. I think you get a real feeling when you see somebody doing it. Yeah. So he was like, oh, I mean, it wouldn't have turned me off. You probably. But I understand some people mean like it makes my dick go soft. Was there anything else crazy in there? Nothing. Again, the ones that I saw were maybe they don't like a vocal fry or document and everything for TikTok. I guess everybody, I mean, people have a pulse. They'll come up with something. Yeah. And if you want to do everything for social media and you're dating somebody and he doesn't like it, and you want to keep doing it, that's not your person. That's the real. And if you want to talk with vocal fry, you'll find someone that also is fine with that. The Kardashians talk with vocal fry. They're some of the, you know, most desired women in the world. I mean, Kendall Jenner, if I could pick any of their dating histories, it might, I think it's Kendall Jenner. I think it's bad money and Jacob Alority. Like I would die. That's, well, who else wouldn't even be? Is there anyone else's exes that you even care about? That's true. I mean, all Chloe's just seemed like they treated her terrible. So that's out. Scott Dasek, no. Like I'm not attracted to Scott Dasek or Lamar or Kanye or Chris Humphries. Travis Scott is good looking. Travis Scott. That's that Travis Scott. But also Kendall Jenner, there's other people on the roster. I mean, she's got the best dating history that I would choose. Who else does she have? Was Devon, whatever? No. Oh, Devon Booker. Yeah. I just, I've been like getting certain more videos of her. Obviously, like she's the one. That's crazy. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, anyway, you guys let us know what your bird hands in the comments. So something else we wanted to talk about and we received this listener of the show who emailed and posted publicly on Instagram stories and tagged us. I'm like, oh, you're going to tag us. You want us, you want us to see this? I don't care what people say about us. behind her backs on the internet. I never had this on our business. We just never been like that. But when you want to, you want an email and you want to bring it to us, then I'm happy to address it, not, you know? So she wanted some attention. Yeah, so she just kind of complained about the show now and took a bunch of shots, like, was this the first good episode in a while? Like basically, like, hey guys, am I right or does girls got to eat suck these days? Which is, you took a shot at us. I was like, I'm happy to shoot, you don't start no shit and won't be no shit, as always. And I don't need to go through her whole post and redline it because a lot of it, I just didn't really feel it was valid or accurate. She kind of complained about us talking about pop culture, which was interesting because we always talked about pop culture since 2020, really in depth. And then we removed it from the Monday episodes to focus on dating and relationships and made a whole other episode about it. So you actually can consume it or not. But again, I don't need to go down everything that she said. She's welcome to her opinion. And this may be opinion other people share. I mean, this is someone that probably talks about our show to her friends and has been a long time listener and anyone who has been around from the start. We appreciate you being here. I don't consider you a fan. When your posting does this show suck now, I think you're an op. But if you want to still consider yourself a fan, we're happy to have you. And we're happy to address criticism because I actually find this interesting on a bigger level in like an overarching theme. And that's why we wanted to talk about it. It wasn't just like someone criticized us and we're going to defend ourselves. It's more just like, I do find this fascinating when people critique something like a show, a podcast, for evolving over an eight and a half year time period. Listen, everybody is allowed to have whatever opinion they want with us. And Ashley and I check in with our friends and our families and people we love and people whose opinions we value. And I am not impervious to feedback. I like feedback. It's important. Yeah. If you're going to tag me and something shitting on an Instagram story, that's not the type of feedback. I'm going to digest through a positive lens. But I just think in general, the comment of like, this used to be different. And now I don't like it anymore. Yeah. It's really interesting. And I think anybody who's had a business for this long in media, I mean, to have you guys stick around for nearly a decade is like really an honor. I can't even really like compute in my brain that anybody would stick around that long and watch the extreme evolution. I think how different we are and how much we've evolved. And I'm so proud of it. Like I could not be more proud of the evolution of the show and the knowledge that you and I've gotten and the lens through which you guys have allowed us to see the world and see other people. And I think it's made you and I kinder, more patient, more understanding and also a little more private as we've gotten older. So that was me and I'm going to go back. She was listening, she'd be like, my main gripe was that you guys are like gatekeeping and not sharing as much. And I actually don't totally agree. But I see the point only because I guess you're just used to like us being single sharing about our dates and our sexual escapades and that's not our life now. Like I feel like I've been really open about my marriage and the evolution of that. And I'm never gonna come in here and tell you about like a fight we had or something that Shashank wouldn't want me to. I don't know, like my relationship, I share as much as I feel comfortable and if people want more, I mean his comfort level and the privacy that we want to maintain, like does come first. You know, like I think it would have been really hard if he was like, you can't talk about me at all and that would have been a bridge we would have had to cross 'cause the show was very important too and I would have hated to have to make that decision. But I think you see this a lot and you see it with most podcast, a caller daddy being one where these two single women shared all these sexual escapades about people they weren't in relationships with and you got a lot of information and then I mean, that's a different show now but and I don't listen to it regularly so I can't really speak I but I'm sure Alex shares a lot less and there's so many other examples as being that that's the biggest one. And so in terms of the privacy, I don't know, that's subjective. I really think that we are still very open and we aren't ever trying to withhold things and these are conversations at Rain and I privately what we're willing to share and like I have them with Shashank too and Rain and I talk about guys, she's dated and what she wants to share and what she doesn't and it is part of just getting older and growing up too. - I think about Alex Cooper as the perfect example. She grew up, she fell in love with somebody that stakes for hire that's a private relationship that she holds sacred and I think that most people as they get a little more famous. I tailor Tomlinson used to have that podcast and she would talk about her life all the time and I think as she blew up a little more, it became less comfortable. I'm completely hypothesizing and I don't know we're a person of layers. But I think, you know, as more people find you, more people have opinions about you and your life becomes more public and I've just gotten more private as I've grown up. I wanna have solid romantic relationships with people that like when they ask me, you're gonna talk about me on the podcast. I want the answer to be, no, I'm not gonna reveal all this stuff about our lives that are really personal. Yeah, I'm gonna talk about it as much as I'm comfortable. If I'm really dating somebody, you guys will know about it. - Yeah. - And if I have a crazy experience, you guys will know about it and maybe for the last few months, people feel like I've been talking about dating 'cause I haven't been dating. I've also just been on tour. Like I saw a friend recently and she was like, so are you dating and I was like, no. And she was like, nobody and I was like, nobody. And she was like, come on. And I was like, I just went to like 26 cities in three months. I don't have time, who could I prioritize? But you are sharing everything that you're feeling on your tour, which is your life right now. And you know, the move for example, like we put it all out on the table a couple weeks ago about the move. We were sharing as much as we knew on this podcast. Like I think I wonder if people ever thought that like it felt gay keepy. And I'm like, if you think it's gay keepy, our friends do too. Because if they're asking constantly around the clock, and I'm out here like, I don't know. And that's the honest to God, true. And big moments, you and I've never actually really been ones to share exactly what's happening like in the moment. Like no one knew Dewey was sick until he died. And that was a decision I made. And I don't even know if I make the same decision now. Maybe I would have been a little more open. I had my own reasons and not really wanting feedback. And I didn't share about my rhinoplasty for a while after it happened. And I actually don't think I would have done that today. I think I would have been more open about it. Then like we're all making these decisions. And like it almost all comes out. It's just at our own discretion. And we want to figure out how to talk about it. And I really love that about us, that it's not just like, no, I think we do a good job of not coming in here and being like, and then we have to change our minds or run it back or and retract anything. And so I don't know. That's just kind of how we operate. And again, people that listen to show were welcome to think whatever they want. That's their opinion. It's just interesting. All shows will evolve over that amount of time. In 2018, when we started this, I would have known that eight years later, it wouldn't have been the same. And I wouldn't have wanted it to be. - I think it's nice to grow up. And I think that there's so much content in the world to fill the holes. I think that if you want late 20s or early 30s, I'm running around, I'm dating, I'm having crazy sex stories. There's tons of content that exists for that. - Totally. - We are no longer gonna provide that a ton. But I do it on my tour. I talk about all these crazy wild sex stories. And it's nothing but that. And everything can exist in one person, but I think that I have become a little more private as I've gotten older and there's things that I don't talk about on this podcast. I mean, I allude to the fact that I don't really have much of a relationship with one of my parents. I someday will talk about it a little more. I don't need to right now. That's probably the only thing I'm ever really gay keepy about. But that's really private. - Absolutely. And I think to this girl's point, I think in general, it's interesting what we ask of people in media and people that hold a microphone, people talk every single week and what we expect them to share with us, not share with us. And there's tons of people to share everything. And there's plenty of content you can find that are like that. But I mean, there's plenty of shows also where you don't know anything about the house. And they don't talk about the private lives and their families and their relationships. And there's reasons for it. And they don't wanna put those people on the chopping block and they don't wanna make those people public 'cause they didn't sign up for that kind of stuff. And I think we try to sort of strike the balance between like, I at least I hope we do, of like giving enough information, but not all of it. There are some things I'm gonna keep sacred. Yeah, and I think there are people, public figures who shared everything and then stopped completely. And that is your decision to stop supporting them, stop following, consuming their content. That's the decision you have to make. Like, they're within their right to do that. I don't always agree with the decision. I think sometimes people share a bunch benefit from it, take your money, and then stop. And it's like, what do you owe people? You kinda do owe 'em more. You benefit it from sharing. But it's still your decision and it's still your life. That's the consumer, the followers' decision to stop supporting. And we know that we can't please everybody. Like, I've never really been big on the feedback loop. You know, there's people out there like, I don't care and I don't recombin, so I don't take feedback. I'll take it from the type of people in my circle, my team, you know, like there's a healthy balance there too because everyone has to know that's like the advice I would give to anybody starting. You will not be able to please everybody and even on the highest level. Like, some people just listen to the snack every week. Some people just want solos from us. Some people would hate it if we stopped having guests. It's like, we learn that early on. We're doing our best and trying to really stay true to our roots and do what we feel proud of. Like, if someone came in and they're like, girls, here's what you really gotta do. We did surveys, we ran the test and we didn't like it. We wouldn't do it. You know, we wanna feel proud of what we're putting out there. And I think every week reading comments, it's like, we know that some people prefer a solo, versus a guest, versus a sack, versus. And that's when you have to do what you want and feel proud of because you cannot please everybody. And this is advice that give no matter what you're doing. Well, like two things to what you said. You and I also check each other all the time. I mean, all the time, like we are at home an hour or two after recording. One of us will voice out the other person like, "Ah, I don't know if I like how this sounded." Like let's kind of digest this through a different lens. Like we check each other all the time. Our editors are wonderful and they also like listen to the show and give us feedback and just don't like a broader sense, like it's just a good reminder that like whatever you do in the world, if you're putting out content, there will be people that don't like it and there will always be people on both sides of the coin. And I think if this was slut story, slut story, slut story, every week there would be plenty of people that were like, "You ladies are in your 40s." You haven't changed. You haven't grown up. Yes. It's always the same fucking people that are going to hate you no matter what you do. And like our audience has grown up with us and it's such an honor that like there's people in their 50s now, 40s that have children listen to our show too and college and like I think those women want us to be role models for their daughters and like I'm proud that this is evolved and there will always be people that have a problem with what you do. And so like you just have to like trust your gut and the people that you love and the people around you to like give you good advice. Our friends are always giving us feedback and advice. It's always really positive and nice honestly. But I mean I think they can check us too and that's who I want to listen to and take feedback from. And you guys are usually really wonderful. I'll take a private email or DM here. Yeah. I can't take all that in it's you can't know is no everybody and I think it's interesting with this is not nobody in particular when people really think that you should. People really think their singular opinion you should change your show for it. We've been emails like that for years. This isn't about that growth. This is about the entitlement that some people have like I don't like this stop doing it or do it differently. It's wild to me. Well, as you do still like the show everybody else we love you guys. Yeah. We have the best line in the world. We have the time and we're so honored to have moms and their daughters both listen and I say that in a like age range and also literally that that happens and we know that happens and then that they've come to the show and so it's been an honor to have you guys like along on the ride and we love that we still have you young slots listening and women going through menopause listening you know it's an honor. It is. Yeah. We talk about our partners and then we will get into this episode today. We just recorded with Christina and this is incredible. We cannot wait for you guys to hear this interview. Whatever you think it is you may or may not be right because it really takes so many different turns. It's wonderful. Yeah. Whatever you think it is it's going to blow your mind. So I'm just going to tell you about ResortPass. I am so excited they are a partner of ours. I've known about this company for years when they started I was like this is the most genius thing. I know. 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I have it in multiple colors and I just really love that. I think I'm the biggest fan of their cotton. Yes, absolutely. So you guys can shop everyday cotton and all of my favorite bras and underwear at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you, select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show and the drop down menu that follows. Okay. I am eight. You're feeling like you're not at 100% low energy, digestion focus. That is why you were going to want to look into I am eights daily ultimate essentials. I was really sluggish this weekend. I think I just did a lot last week. I went out more nights than I usually do. I drank more. It was so much. And then like went to this golf tournament, we walked all day, but I had like already worked out in the morning. I was like, I'm going to die. But I just felt like really sluggish like I needed something and I really love I am eight. And I just love the packaging. It's so gorgeous. 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She spent a year working hands-on in an erectile dysfunction clinic in LA, treating hundreds of men at their most vulnerable, which resulted in her debut memoir, You Don't Know Dick. Please welcome to the show, Christina Denton. Thank you guys so much. I cannot wait to chat with you. This is so exciting. I know. We're so excited. I don't even know. We're so excited. We're so excited. We're so excited. We're so excited. We're getting to your whole story, but just a little bit about you. So you live here. I've been LA almost 20 years. I come from a very small town in rural California, a rural, who says rural. The country. The rural is a hard word. It is like how many vows do you have? It is the appropriate word. My mom, as a speech therapist, would be very proud of me for pronouncing that. You did. But yeah, I'm from literally a place that couldn't be more different than LA, even though it is California. Most people don't realize how rural California actually is, unless you travel outside of LA. Yeah. So, yeah, I always wanted to be an actor since I was two years old. I have no idea why I knew what that meant at two years old, but I told my mom. So, I think there was just a performer, a storyteller that was always in me, and it took different forms over my life. I started doing poetry from a young age, short stories, dancing, singing, acting. Yeah. And it just kind of all made sense, and eventually I was like, I guess I'm going to be an author now, apparently. OK. Well, I read your book yesterday, Cover to Cover. I just want to gas you up. Like, I love this book so much, you are a really fun writer, and like, we got this pitch to have you on the show. And I was looking at it, I was like, huh, it's about dicks. OK. It's going to be like just like a male apologist book or something. It's so much deeper than that. It's so interesting and funny and light and then serious, and I felt myself like feeling a lot of emotions. I mean, you just, I really want to gas you up. You've done a great job with this book. It's really different. Thank you. Yeah. So how long did the book take to write in total? Actual writing time was, it was six months off and on, but actual writing time was probably less than two weeks. I write really, really fast, but this story's been in me for exactly. So it just pours out of you. Yeah. And then did you find it really therapeutic writing it? Like, did you have moments where I mean, you write about your dad a lot and you guys, well, OK. Do you remember that movie with Diane Keaton? Oh, thank you. We love her. I think. Yeah. Nancy Mayer's movie Something's Got to Give. Yeah. It's got to be right. And she's crying. And she's trying to get pictures. That was literally me the whole time. I was like, muscling my way through. Yeah. Finishing the thing. Thank God I had a deadline. Because otherwise I leave it. That's why I was like, I had to get a publishing deal before I wrote it, or else I would not have actually forced myself to do it. Who's holding you accountable? No, seriously. But like, I did not expect so much emotion. from this book about like penises and dicks can be very emotional. And it's like part of me was like it's just gonna be like man I have feelings too and it was like oh my god here we go. We got it. It was so great and you connected to the stories about your father and your relationship and we will get into it but when you were working at the Dick Clank which we should get into how you got a job there and became like the Dick Westboro but were you writing all the stories down as you went? Okay in fairness because I was already a screenwriter I was already comedian my lens on this whole world already was funny right going and I was like right this is insane I am doing I'm a dick fixer. What is the job for someone like you for sure? Absolutely for somebody who already was like into dicks and drawing dicks as a kid like for sure a horny but I was like yeah I would take notes in my notes app I would be like okay that was the crazy shit that ever happened I'm gonna make sure and remember that you know what I mean like I had to I just had to because I was like something crazy is happening to my life and I'm going to talk about this and I don't want to be crazy not to yes I just want to like wrap up a little bit about you yeah okay so you are sober married yeah and you're are aged yeah do you say your age are you I just turned 44 I know it's but thank you for thinking I'm okay I'm upset this is for living in a light that's you though that's right yeah there's like expectations wow get it together and a lot of healing a lot of healing with foot I aspire to look like you and 10 years you're doing great you're doing just fine okay so wait my last question is that your hands on the book no but I but it looks just like that there's a picture I says you don't know deck and the eye of the deck it's a hand wrapped around that that's so funny that I have a deck you think it was the tip of the penis actually the letter I the letter I yeah it's grabbing the eye and making it make it and making a little bulge that looks a little bit like a buttplug it's what you're right I agree and it's bulge okay so how did that decision made like you were like I want to be the hand model and they were like sorry now you're not qualified no my cover designer and I were talking at length obviously about what the heck the covers yeah I always wanted it to be this very aggressive like bold in your face you're walking by at a bookstore going it's okay whoa that thing just screamed at me I clearly need to look at that I read it in my living room yeah and like my original idea was to turn the eye into like an exclamation mark or have it be like sad or you know what I mean something uh-huh but then I was like you know what I think we just need to grab it like we I don't know and he was like let me show you and he made this and I was like done and the publishers were like we love it I was like okay we're doing it I love it of the color I love it it's unapologetic no it's it is and it's like listen you should read it in public you guys you should get it read it on a plane but it's horny too the graph yeah like it's kind it's bold and it's more fixing dicks one grab at a time listen I don't know grab them by the dick right we're going to change the narrative I don't know maybe that's all of that all of it okay I want to talk about how you got into this job because you were an actress and you did not say like I'm going to go into the medical like med spa profession so like how did this happen no so if anybody has ever tried to pursue a dream of acting I was working multiple day jobs always right like just plenty of things friends of mine were like we're opening a wellness spa and it's close to your house and before I was commuting like an hour to this day job every day I was like yes great perfect I'll be your office manager fantastic three months in they're like we're never going to make money we're never going to like there's a million of these wellness centers every strip all has an anti-aging clinic right and so the husband of the duo was like her this Joe Rogan podcast as he of course because he's that guy and they were talking about this biohacker Ben Greenfield went on the podcast talking about this service this non-invasive solution to rectal dysfunction no pills no this no surgery this not okay and so he's like we're gonna bring this on we're gonna do it and you're our only employee so you're gonna get certified so crazy yeah it's so yes it is very smart it's a very good business decision but like it's fine look at the risk like the the receptionist the office manager and he'll do it and he knew yeah he's like you you clearly can like talk to anybody right and my background was though yes I did have a background in physical therapy though so I have my okay degree in colleges kinesiology exercise science yeah yeah so I had worked in spaces that were similar like adjacent right obviously I was not touching dicks but I was handling people's bodies in certain ways and so I think there was just this natural like you're gonna be able to handle this and I was like you're asking me to do something extremely vulnerable very mature you're gonna have to pay me more money I'm not gonna make $25 an hour like fixing dicks like there's no way that's the most money I think you could ask for like in anything yeah touching dicks I got to touch stranger dicks 10 dicks today and stay professional and be very grind and like a penny per dick also bonus and I was like give me and so we did we worked out a deal who was gonna pay me X amount of money additional per dick fantastic right and so next thing I know I want to fight to Tucson Arizona to trade never been to Tucson was in a clinic with all these urologists from all around the country and I'm like okay wait I'm clearly the only like actor slash comedian slash non-medical profession here and they're taking it so seriously and I'm like there's a whole industry for like fixing dicks like this is like they are paying paying their mortgages from doing this and I'm like over here like like giggling like a schoolgirl at like what we're talking about and we had to do a hands-on portion did that surprise you when the model walked out and they were like here's the dick on the stage yeah of course I was like oh wait this is really like this is going to be now it's like confronting you're like you have to do this because you have to practice in order to get certified and you're crazy can you find a way let's like not forget this is this machine is called shock wave therapy yeah shock wave on a like that is not words you would put together all right like I wouldn't you couldn't shock wave my cloud I'm sorry I don't care but she all did he want to join us I did and I had my own vagina shocked it was so offended by this conversation okay can I see one question and before we continue were you like a dick enthusiast is that a thing I promise you're in it as I would say I love that I mean oh I don't tell you yeah it's like and you're not a dick enthusiast because I like dick pics so much and dick things you love dick pics you love a jerk off video you like to watch people jerk off you like to talk and look at penises like I'm a little more like you dick like oh yeah I do love it I mean I love my husband's dick okay I don't I'm not anti-dick but I between the two of us I think okay no that's fair you're not like I don't want to look at a dick of course you just don't want to look at everyone's dick and I knew you do okay I was just I'm so interested in dick so where do you fall between the rain and I would say I would say I love I love that I probably somewhere in the middle okay like I think it yeah like if it's like there's a dick I'm now now after having this job I'm like yeah great there's a dick of course there's a dick well you're looking at them almost medically yes it's just a night part nothing shocks me anymore after that job like literally when it comes to dicks before that I would say I always love sex I've always like been like pro dick like two dicks in a room I'm always like that's a lot to figure out but like you know it's fun yeah like you figured out no I really do want to have a three someone two eyes I'm really I've never done that because I was figured like I don't know how to pay attention who I do like there's so many body parts flying that's not my problem I'm here for my enjoyment and you guys can figure it out but that's why it's better because you don't care about them yeah like if there was a woman in the room I'd be like I would be worried about her so sure but with men who cares what they think someone I respect was in the room I would care about it if it's two guys I don't get like figure it out sword fight let's go yeah just I've helped out of me let's get let's get guys any woman in an mmf and we've been like I'm just really concerned if they were fully included dude do you feel do you feel seen I'm sure no we don't care let's make a thought you like kiss okay I'm already progressive like three thumbs are like everyone does everyone feel so safe yeah that showed true my one three so I was like really concerned with her feelings exactly yeah I don't care less of men feeling like like I feel like I forgot he was there I was like oh yeah he's like the novelties me and the girl I didn't do this any night yeah you're like okay stay over in your corner please yeah okay see you go to the conference go to the conference and you're notified job now this is my job now and then my dad dies and it takes a whole other turn which I didn't want it we don't talk about that yet but come back two weeks later I have my first client well I think it matters as I think that you healed your relationship relationship yeah he mentioned that's the whole thrust of the book and a lot of ways is about that puns are off the charts I don't know if you're trying never do so it's you're reserved though you have you know I think that you do a while you don't take advantage but I don't know if you're meaning do you say thrust normally I don't it comes out when we're in this like it literally I'll be talking I'm like oh and I catch myself and like shit I'm like everything is a dick on double on top what are they call it yeah and you had a strange relationship with your father and I didn't and he passed and you obviously talk about that in the book did he know you got this job no because he was kind of fading out before I got it yeah right okay so yeah no unless my mom told him and I didn't know yeah he did not know okay he was not aware okay yeah you're like you raised me so poor by the way dad before you die did fixing I mean whenever we want to talk about it where it goes in the story you're welcome to bring it up yeah yeah you really had to get closure and deal with the issues of their father post mortem yeah I did I really did and it didn't occur to me how much I was learning about him until kind of the job was over like what these men just to give you kind of like the timeline I go into the job dealing you know fresh off the heels of daddy dying right and I'm like I can't handle the grief I'm gonna go to the funny literally he taught me that he taught me how to deal with hard moments you find the funny I'm a journey and like comedy comes from pain right it's this coping mechanism for pain so as I go into the job all I'm looking at are the stories I'm getting are the things I'm experiencing these men that are funny I can't hold any shame I'm not looking for it, I'm not seeing it. And a few months in, I'm like, "Oh shit, something is definitely happening here where I'm witnessing men at their lowest." I didn't even occur to me like a reptile's function 'cause when I first heard about guys wanting to get their dicks picked or preserve their dick life, my immediate thought was like, "Of course they do, pervs." Right? It was like gross, like old dudes want to still fuck. Of course they do, like that was the perspective I had walked into this. So that's kind of all I was seeing. And then it started, like again, I started seeing the pattern in all these different stories and he was, you know what I mean? Their wife had died and they're trying to get back out there. They don't know how to deal with that. Their wife thinks that they're cheating because their penis doesn't work and they're trying to prove to her like and they don't want her to know that they're here. And like I was like, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. I have a front row seat to male shame. To the thing that they are the most terrified of, which is this like, you know, definition of what makes them a man is broken. And I'm like, "Oh shit." And so then all of a sudden I started being able to look at them through a different lens. And go, "Oh wow, they are just as like emotional and vulnerable and screwed up as we are as women." They just can't talk about it. - You wrote this line down in the book, men came to me looking for physical solutions to emotional wounds. And I would have the first thought starter that you did, which is like, of course they want bigger decks and harder decks. And I mean, you tell story after story in the book of people who's like, partners are being not faithful to them or partners who died and things like that. Yes, a couple of people wanted bigger decks, but let's like talk about it a little more. - So here's the thing, this service, because it helps blood flow. No matter how big, it's not gonna make your dick bigger, but it will make you look fuller or more engorged, right? So you have this feeling of like, "Oh, I'm at like max capacity now." - Okay, I just wanna clarify, you guys are really keenness in plants. - Not penis enlargement, not penis implant, no. And then can you kind of just explain the machine? - Yeah, so it's literally like a futuristic looking gun. And it sends, so there's this piston inside the chamber. And it goes back and forth, and it slaps this metal tip that you put on the tissue. So, and by the way, it's touching on the penis. - It's not the shaft. - It's down the groin under the balls on the tank all the way up the other side. So every single area that services blood flow to the penis to enlarge, to engorge it, was needing to help, we were trying to remove the plaque. So the idea of this called angiogenesis, right? It causes these little micro traumas from the sound wave, just shocking, like boom. And then the body's like, oh no, there's trauma. Let me go send like healing properties to go fix it. And so it would kind of clean it up, almost like clearing debris out of a river of the blood vessels, so that you have more blood flow. What I was taught is 80% to 90% of ED is a blood flow issue, right? The rest is like psychological, or, and then sometimes when the physical problem is there, then you stop trusting your dick, and then it's, you know what I mean? So there's a speed back on, right? - So it's similar to a microneedling, or you're physically touching it with the wand. - Yeah, it's just not actually going inside the body in any way. That's why I was able to get certified without being a medical professional, right? If you're gonna do any kind of injection, or anything you need, a medical glasses, or degree. So I was able to get certified without that, because it's non-invasive. - And people have to come up several times. - So the protocol at the time was six sessions. The device then took about 45 minutes to an hour per session. So very involved, very intimate, or spending lots of time together. - Yeah, I would have to put ultrasound gel on the penis to conduct the signal, which is basically putting lube on a dick that is not for pleasure. That's a whole story, I tell. It's like, how do you-- - No, I want to talk about it, 'cause you are, I mean, you're a beautiful woman. You come in the room. I wonder if those guys were like, "Fuck yes," or "Fuck no." - It was fun. - I wonder if the blood now they're like, "Oh, this is so weird, my dick works now." - Many men were hard the moment I would pull the sheet down. And because we would have them wear numbing cream in order to help reduce the snap of the machine, they would wear for an hour before. So like, you know how like-- - Yeah, we had to do numbing. - We had to do numbing for-- - Oh my God. You're like, I don't have to film my face, right? Same thing. So there's a lot of desensitization already happening. So a lot of them didn't even know they were hard. And they're laying down on a treatment table, clearly not like I don't contact with me, or their dick. - Sure. - They don't know their hard. And so sometimes I'd get guys who would be like, complaining, like, I don't know if this is working, and I'm literally holding their erectic, and I'm kind of like, oh, oh, I guess it is. - Is it that kind of good? 'Cause it's-- - Yes. - Yeah. - They're like, wait, do I even need to be here? Okay, so six treatments, and then is that the long term supposed to be forever? You come back in. - No, it depends on-- - These are your removal things. - Yeah, no different question. It depends on their health, like in general. Like if they have high cholesterol, they have diabetes, they have preexisting conditions that are impacting their blood flow, they're gonna have to come back more often. So they would tell us, like, this treatment will last about 18 months and then you might start seeing differences. - Got it. - We would send them home with homework, like a penis pump to use regularly. I always tell people, penis pump is like cardio for your dick. It forces blood flow into the penis to help clear the debris. Every man, especially if you're over 40, I'm just gonna say it. - What? - Needs a penis pump. - What? - And should be using it regularly. - I just, I thought it was an aesthetic thing. - No. - It's really helpful. - It's like functional, it's preventive care. - I'm not gonna order one. - Yes. - I'm just gonna show you how it gets any issues. - I know you guys are looking at me face now, like, you can move your face and tomorrow we're going to get Botox. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and then we'll get right back into it with a Christina. So I'm telling you guys about bi optimizers. 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Like, did you have like a spiel that you went through like, change your diet? Here's things that can help you basically like foods, less alcohol, more sleep. Like, what was the other spiel? - I called it penis boot camp. - Okay. - I put my clients through what I call, 'cause I used to be a personal trainer and my background with all this health stuff. I'm like, all right, look, if this is like a blood flow issue, if this is high cholesterol, you've got to clean up your lifestyle. Like, it's only gonna benefit your circulation and your whole body, especially there. And what I was taught is that oftentimes, E.D.'s a precursor for heart disease because the blood vessels are so much smaller. So they start to fill up with plaque first. And usually within, I think it was the stat was like, in within three years, you're gonna have a heart attack or heart problem if you don't change your lifestyle. So it's like a warning sign. Like, I have this thing and there's like, your dick is trying to save your life. Like, pay attention. Like, come on, you know, so yeah. - And what was like the age range of people that came in? - Oh my gosh. - Honestly, I had clients, young as 18 and as old as 80. And the average, of course, was in 50s and 60s. But there were like a lot of other reasons, guys, like motorcycle accidents, sex accidents, which I had a lot of questions about that. - One of our first episodes- - Tell me more. - Yeah, I mean, it happens. - It happens. And people don't realize that unless they've been through it, right? - Yeah. - A lot of my clients, there's, if they had scar tissue on one side because of an injury because of something else, they'd have peronies disease, right? - Which is a lot. - Ben's one way or the other, it's actually pretty common. - Doesn't that feel kind of good? - I mean, that's what you have experience with? - It depends on how it is. - Okay, so it depends on how you're shaped. 'Cause a lot of us are crooked too. - I was like, I'm crooked too. - I don't know, I'm crooked too. - Oh, I'm crooked too. - It's like hooked towards his stomach when it was inside of me, it felt nice. - Yeah. - I could probably have hooked differently. - Exactly. - He could have been different ways, 100%. - Yeah, I've seen it all. - So when someone would come in, do you always talk with them at length or is it, are do people come in? They don't want to talk, just fix me. Or is it there, you've seen it all. - I've seen it all. I credit my acting background to teaching me how to sort of adjust my energy and personality for different people in front of me, playing moments off of them. Often, if they were really rigid and kind of like, I'm tied up first, we would crack at some point. - Right, they would crack. - Because I make them feel safe. And like for me, I don't wanna feel awkward in the room. - Yeah. - So I'm like trying to find my way and like, what do they need from me so that they can feel safe as possible so that I can like help them the best way. And what typically was that? - Humor disarms people, right? Asking them about them being super curious. I would do a lot of self-deprecating humor of like, oh my God, so many guys. Like, oh, we see, making them just feel like this is normal. - As normal and it is. I remember feeling like halfway through the job, I started getting so frustrated that nobody understood about sexual dysfunction and the taboo topic, the shame around it. And I started feeling this conviction to normalize the conversation, which here we are with a book. I'm like, that's my ML because I'm like, I know for me, if I feel like something's wrong with me that's like so shameful and nobody's talking about it, like I don't wanna feel that. How do I normalize what I'm going through? And it's like, you look at other people, they're like, I remember watching, I first started seeing like, Brunei Brown. Like, and she was so just like, guys, I'm human and I'm such a mess. And I'm like, she has a microphone and a platform and she's talking about how messy she is. So I was like, why aren't we all doing that? You know what I mean? It just being honest about, a lot of my book is about the messy middle. We are human. We are so flawed and like, let's just embrace that, right? So I tried to do that with them in the room so that they could feel safe to open up and it would work and it was amazing. I mean, I meet men that like culturally had like a lot of blocks with speaking to a woman. Like, I had this one of my very most funny stories as a guy from Pakistan and I was like, okay, he's like, my wife cannot know that I ever came to see you and I'm like, okay, totally fair. Why would I ever tell her? I never even meet these wives most of the time. - Legally, I can't tell you why. - Yeah. - And I was just like, you know, and then it was like, he didn't want to tell me and I was in a couple sessions and he's like, well, we're having a really hard time having. And I started to learn like, oh, she was very domineering and he's like a submissive man and he doesn't really speak up for himself. And I'm like, well, normally your penis doesn't work. Like, you don't, you're a masculated in this marriage. And like, I don't know why that's happening. But and I was like, well, you know kind of what a strong woman really likes, right? Like, she wants you to like make the decisions. Take that off her plate. Like, I just started like saying, we're there for shit that I didn't know that I was saying. But it felt right and he tried it and he came back and he's like, it worked and we had sex. I go, what? And her penis worked. She's like, yeah, and I go, uh-huh. And I'm like, so he's telling me this one story you guys and then one of the crazy shit that ever happened in my time. And so imagine this man, he's coming off this victory. He's so excited. I'm so excited. I feel like a winner. I'm like, this is my greatest success. Like, I got him to have sex with his wife. This is fantastic. And then a little fly starts buzzing around his penis in the middle of the session. - Wait, this is a series. This isn't a metaphor. This is a real fly. Decided to join us. And it's like, I'm holding his penis, right? And he's just like talking happily about his success. - And the Jell's on his penis. - The Jell is super sticky. And I'm having this machine. It's doing this. And I'm like, oh, you fucking. - Don't you fucking dare land on his dick. Don't you do this to him. I can't have this right now. And of course it does. And it lands. - No, it doesn't. - Yes, it does. - It's just like that debate with Mike Pence and the fly. - And you were watching it and you're like, if that fly lands on Mike Pence's head, when he-- - It's over. - I remember that was the most famous of all. Yes, yes, exactly it lands. And then half of its body is stuck in the Jell. And it's trying to get away. And it's doing this. - It's stuck at you Jell. - Uh-huh. - Fuck, what do I do? What do I do? - Do I kill it on the dick? Do I smash it? Do I zap it? - I smash it. - Look at it. I don't know what to do, right? And I'm like, oh my God, then I got to like, the fly is miserable. He's, I, and I'm, I'm gonna lay down. Can you hear me? - I'm laying on a medical table like flat on their back. Looking up at the sky, trying not to ever make eye contact with me. - Right. - And then another sheen would zap the fly. Like one of those fly swatters. - Totally. It totally would have been wrecked. - It was wrecked, it's electrocuted. I don't even know. - Yes, exactly. It was like, oh my God, I love those. Yes. And so I was like, all right, Christina, just, just, like, whatever. So I try to like kind of like, but I don't want to feel me. Like it was a very complicated situation. - What are you doing? And looking and then he's like, there's a fly on my dick. I can't have that. It'll go right back down to the shame world. And I was like, we're not doing this. So I, I like lightly smash it. And it rolls down onto his ball and I'm like, I'm like, he doesn't have numbing cream on his balls. Now what do I do? And I'm like, okay, I'm going to try to like flick it. Like it was, I was, I was like. - It's like his ball. - How do you flick a fly but not hit the ball? Like that is skill. Like that is skill. And I was like, I somehow, I was like, and like maybe I'll make a noise. It was, you caught. - We saved the day. He did not, he was never aware that there was a fly on his dick. - At all. - Jell-covered fly on his ball. - Oh my god. - This dickiest grossest, it was so, it was amazing. - This poor man. - This poor man, but he will never know. - I love what you said about normalizing. That's what anybody wants. I mean, that's why it's really, women, when we go to the gynecologist, something's off, you want to know that this is so normal. Everyone has HPV, you know, like a whole things like that. - Everyone. - I think that is everyone's biggest fear is to feel like something is abnormal with their body. And of course, in their sex life, there are desires all of that too. But just like something's wrong with me. And so, once you tell men that so many people are coming in and out, this is nothing. And I see this all day, every day. They're probably immediately disarmed. - Exactly. And that's the thing that you, you know, again, because men don't talk to each other about these things. - Right. - Let alone their wives, their girlfriends. - Yeah. - They go to the doctor, their doctor's like, "Mom, here's a pill." I was talking to this woman the other day. She's like, "Well, my husband has a dean." He went to the doctor and he just said, "Well, you probably have it because you're married." And I was like. - What? - What? - Yeah, like the doctor? - The doctor's like, "Mm, you're probably just bored "in your marriage." And I was like, "That is so." This is like the perfect example of the problem. When men go to seek help from this and they go to the urologist, the doctor, a lot of urologists, I'm not saying all of them have antiquated information. They literally just prescribe medicine and tell them to go about their day. They're not fixing the source of the problem. They're not trusting the psychology. It's just, get out of my office. - That might be true, but there's so much more nuance. - It's so much more nuance. - But when you deliver it is like, this is the problem with no solution or context. - Yes. - And no business jumping into that. - What's the solution to this to be your only way? - Right. - Take a take-out take-out take-out take-out. - Like my, should I just get a mistress? - And so much of men's identity and self-worth comes from their penis, but I do like, I understand it 'cause like my whole life, I had these like, giant tits and they were amazing. And I, it was my whole personality. - It was wrapped around your identity. - And I got a rest reduction. They were too big. I got a second one and he botched the second boom job. And I had like a botched left breast. Like it just, it was like flat on the side. The scar, like, healed really badly. And I just was like, I never even occurred to me like, talked to anybody about this. Like a doctor. I was just like, this is embarrassing. This is just kind of how I'm gonna look for the rest of me. - Yeah. - And it wasn't until like another nurse heard me talking about it with Ashley that she was like, oh, this happens. And I know what this is called. But like, I was so embarrassed with how my body loved. - Of course. - And this is the thing I took a lot of self-worth from. - Yes. - Like, my sexuality and I look naked. I'm so proud of it. And I was just like, this has changed my identity. How I look naked now. And like, it was so embarrassing to talk about. And I never would have talked about it. And that's crazy because we do a whole show about your body and how you feel in your body. - Yeah. - And so I'm sure these men, even more so. 'Cause I'm a woman, it's easy for me to talk about it. - Sure. - These men are like, I don't, what am I gonna tell about this? - Who am I gonna tell? - Exactly. - And just in general, like the most vulnerable you are is when you're naked with somebody. - Yes. - And the performance, right? Men are expected like, we, you can't really, it's like, okay, we get wet or we don't. Whatever, but it's like, we're there. It's like, there's no outward expression of whether or not work in function for sex. You know what I'm saying? They are like, it's like, oh, if you don't get hard, we don't have sex. - I like, can't. - I imagine it. - Right? - Feel for men on this room. - I know. - 'Cause if I am not as lubricated as I, - Right. - You started to go, I know. - I know. - And that's what I'm so fixable. - Like this isn't like me. I never need lube. What's happening? - Yeah. - But it's an easy fix. - Yeah. That's right, but what the guy, that's it. If you can't perform, he actually is in charge of how this is gonna go. So, we know to talk to you even about that today. We had a urologist on years ago. - Renemalic. - Renemalic. And ED is on the rise in general. And you already discussed that it's blood flow or psychological or both, and it's cyclical. And I think a lot of women don't know what to do in these situations. We've hammered this home as much as we can. We even have had men on to discuss this that it has nothing to do with how hot you are for mostly, especially if this is your, somebody you've already had sex with, your in a relationship with, whatever. Like kind of one night stands excluded, but women take it personally, and it's not always about that. And so, do you have tips for even just handling that with a partner in the bedroom, and what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do? - Yeah, I mean, I think it's so much of it as again, it's like, starts with a conversation, right? It's like, how do we make them feel safe enough to actually talk about this with us? Like, rather than internalizing it, and making it like blaming ourselves, right? It's like, where can we find the middle ground of going like, hey, how can I help you? Is there something I can do to help you, rather than like, oh my God, like, am I, like you're not attracted? Like, I went through that before, don't be wrong. Like, during the job. - I think you all have when we were young or two, especially you were hyper-personalized. - How could we be in the moment? - I know. And there's a whole systemic thing about women, like, you know, it's like always our fault, right? - We're not pretty, and I'm not gonna, you know, all the things, but, and I don't know how, like, your average age of your audience, but a lot of women haven't had to come up against this yet, in, right? And like, once you get to that place, it's like, oh, I didn't think this was gonna happen to me. - It is really a lot more prevalent, actually. - No, we're seeing it younger and younger. - Yes, especially because there's anxiety, and generation, drug use, like, not in pharmaceuticals. - Yes. - drug use, right? There's so many things that can get caught, that can be, it's just porn. - Just growing up, which is so much. - Desensitize, dopamine problems from screen time, all the things, right? There's so many reasons. And so I think, again, like, it starts with the conversation of like, how do we create a safe space where we can actually talk about this? There are so many different things you can do before medication, depending on what's going on. There's also, like I said, you know, the penis bouquets, like lifestyle, like, getting, you know, a penis pump, making sure you're working out, making sure you have circulation in your body happening in general, right? So it's not to say it's all on the guy. I think if you're in a relationship, it's both people. It's like, how do we both support each other through this, right? And instead of focusing on the shame of it, focus on the solution. I like to be a solution-oriented person. I don't want to focus on how do we fix this, not like what- - For both of us. - Like, wallow and all the sadness about it. So, again, I'm not a medical expert. I always tell everybody, I'm not a medical professional. I just know what I saw, and I just know what I witnessed. - So the people understand, like, the volume. You were seeing 10 dexidae five days a week for a year? - Yeah, at the P. (laughs) Look, here's the fake 10 a day. - And a day. - Dude, it was exhausting. The thing is, so we were one of the first clinics, if not the first clinic in LA, to do the service. And I'm talking, like, in all of Southern California. Like, it was very new. We were, I called the Wild West of Dick Fixing because we were still figuring out what we were doing in general in our clinic, let alone, like, no, people were flying in from other states to see me. - A fun time. - They were driving down from other counties. Like, it was crazy, and so, at the peak, I was working 50 hours a week on dex. - When I tell you, my neck, my- - Like, no. - 'Cause it's like literal construction. - It's like manual labor. This thing sounds like a jackhammer. It's so aggressive. They're probably-- - She was the office manager. (laughs) - I was answering phones. - I was trying to need an actor. (laughs) - I thought she'd get here. - But I was like, I'm an actress. I will answer phones here for a couple of months. - I would go home every night and go like, what am I doing with my life? - By the way, we will, people are wondering, we will get to your relationship at the time. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm like, oh my gosh. - We have so much more to cover. We wanted to just qualify for people to understand the volume of dex you were seeing. - There weren't many clinics doing it. Outside of the headquarters in Florida, right? That sort of trained us on this protocol, right? Of course it was Florida. All the retirees, let's go. So we were like learning every day how to do this and we had an incredible marketing team. The guy's background was marketing the owner of the clinic. So if nothing else, we were great at getting people to the clinic. And then I had to sort of, as the only technician, once we got so, so busy, I mean, my neck and my arm, like everything was in pain all the time, all of it. I was hurting all the time. And I was like, what am I doing here? But we started trying to train people and it was really tough to get another person who could handle this. Even yeses, who you're like, well, you're a nurse. Like you're trained to see crazy shit. No, they were like, I don't think I can do this. And they would bail. And so it was like, and I felt very protective over my clients at the certain point. I was like, okay, not just anyone's gonna walk in here and do this, you need to have a certain personality. You need to like, I've like kind of set this bar how you're gonna behave, what you're gonna talk about. And if you can't like do that, you're not gonna work here, you know what I mean? So it was insane how much I was, and so by the time I left, I looked at like my client roster and I remember clocking the number and I was like, I worked on over 400 dudes. Like in a year, like that's so many different hits. Touched to so many different problems and stories and shame and it was crazy. - I mean, the amount of people just walk in every single day, like with their baggage, like, and I'm like, things accomplished and hold their stories and remember. And like, it was so incredible that changed my life, but it was also extremely exhausting. I was tired all the time. - I wanna talk about people that like walked in. You talk about people that walk in with like, a real sense of like, bravado. - Oh, chest popped out. - Yeah, yeah. - Like, can you talk about that a little bit and how you kinda got through what was going on? - Which like for me, and you know, given like, my dad was very much that guy, right? He was like, very proud and very like arrogant. And so I was trained to deal with men like that from birth, right? I was like, oh, here we are, here we are again. I wasn't really aware that there was something they were covering until I was in this job. You know, you see guys, like, okay, big, big trucks, small dig or, like, the kind of typical stuff that like, as women, we would make fun of with men, like trying to like, front or whatever. But this was so different, right? So like, they come in and it's like you, sometimes they'd see me and they'd be like, mm-hmm. Her, no, she's not treating me. And I'm like, dude, it's LA, I don't know. - I'm the only one. - Because it's right to woman. - Yeah, like, I think they were expecting like, some like, a grandma that like, they could feel like they're just being like, nannyed by and-- - They felt a little less emasculated. - A hundred percent. - Yeah, and so I'd get the like, uncomfortable questions like, oh, so, where's your boyfriend? I think if you're doing this or your husband like, oh, I don't know if I could be with someone who fixes jigs all day, oh, like just absolute, just peacocking like, deflecting, trying to put up the front. Like, I know I'm here for my broken jigs, but I'm still like, better than this. You know, like, they didn't wanna allow the reality of what was happening to exist in that room together. - That's crazy. You were someone they would fuck. So it's like, that's the problem. Like, they wanted some like, older German lady. - Yes, with a, like, doesn't speak English. - Yeah, so they can have that disconnect. - Not a younger woman who like, really puts all their problems in front of them. They're like, you are the person I'm getting as fixed for. - Yes, yes, so it took time and it took work for me to also like, get my ego checked, because as soon as I would be in counter a guy like that, I'm like, that'll be so cute. Like, you're my dad, like, I'm gonna destroy you, I'm gonna be more powerful or whatever it was, right? Because I didn't want them to be in control of me and control the conversation, right? And so here I am like, at any moment, I could shock your ball and hurt you. - Would you say that? - I have that kind of kind of breakthrough. - No, no, no, but I mean, I'm saying like, I knew internally that like, I held the power in the room. But how did you even deal with those things you were saying? Like, that, I'm immediately triggered. I don't have the patience or like, to handle that. Like, I wanna clap back. - Exactly. - And I'm like, "You're at work?" - Exactly. - So how do you, like, deal with that? - Yeah, I think I had to just swallow a lot of like, words and bite my tongue. I will say though, in credit to like the situation, those behaviors didn't last long. - This is like so funny. I talk about this in the book. The big reveal moment. So what I would do is I would provide them this medical drape. It was like a big sheet, right? And I'd say, "Okay, like, go ahead and take your pants off," whatever, and like, lay down, put the drape over you. Now, the drape is always folded. And so you kind of like, at the gunner calls, just to open up the robe and like, put it on, right? The paper drape, right? It's so ugly and gross, but we have to do it. And so they would, a lot of times guys would not open it up and they would just keep this little square on top of the penis, and they would lay down, and I was like, "Oh God." Or they'd open it once in a while. And then other guys would get it, and they'd open it, like, put a sheet on it. So then there was, like, I talked them through, what I was gonna do, I would give them, you know, the whole rundown. And then I would do the big reveal of seeing their dick for the first time. - Uh-huh. - They did-- - The big reveal. - And there's no way, even though I never said that, there's no way they weren't like, "Hup, she's seeing my dick." - You know what I mean? - And I was like, "Oh, here we go." And I'm gonna learn a whole lot about you without ever saying a word, right? Because I'm gonna see what your dick looks like. - It looks like the saxophone start playing louder. - That's right. That's right. - Do you like the music in your room? - Oh yeah. - Okay. - Of course, like, spa-like music. - No, she can imagine she has sound effects. - B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b. - And now coming down to the-- - That's what I'm saying. - That's what I'm gonna say. - Exactly. - And then-- - I'm gonna now say, yeah, is it like, a boxing entrance to, like, the ring? - Like, I'm just like-- - No. - And coming out of the door-- - And it's three and a half-heart. - And it's three and a half-heart. - Yeah. - A guy that came up in the-- in the cyber truck. - That's right. - You just like-- - Of course-- - You can see the music based on how big they're dicking. - That's right. - It's just like, "Oh, god, hey, Siri, can you change it to this bulletin?" - Okay, tell us, man. - Okay, tell us, man. - Direct correlation between cyber trucks and small dicks. - 'Cause, like, I'm sure it's direct. - The Venn diagram. - Unfortunately, for me, I try really not to think. I see it and I just immediately, I'm like, "Oh, come on, dude." Like, really? Like, don't advertise to us. - Okay, but you do talk about this guy who came in who was particularly unpleasant and not nice. - He was-- - So that's why I would ask you-- - He had an inverted penis. - Okay. - Is the big dick energy real in terms of a big nice cock? like a confident, normal dude as opposed to the, also we're talking about problems with their dick, so its size is also involved. Like, a lot of these guys could be insecure about what's actually going on with the dick, but I'm just curious about those guys that act like that. Did it correlate to smaller penises than were bigger dick guys a little cooler? - Yeah, so here's what I'll say, 'cause I'm meeting them flaccid most of the time, which you never know what they're gonna do. - Right, it could be a shower of growth. - No, we don't know. - No, we don't. I hooked up with the guy once, I thought it was my first micro penis the way he got fully hard. I was like, we need more loot. Like, I've never seen it in my life. I did a whole bit about it. - It's crazy, right? - I had the opposite thing happen. I saw one of the biggest texts I've ever seen in my life. I was like, this is my dream, and I'd only ever seen it in like videos and photos and videos. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Well, we had sex, and then it went back to normal watching it, 'cause it's late. - Before I came to the way, I was like, oh, you can get that small, that's crazy. I know I can't believe it. - It's how we function. - It's crazy. - I know it. - So you can, you know nothing by a glass of penis. - Right, nothing. - Right. - It's a huge acid, of course. - No, I told her, I was like, I can't believe it's still going. - It's just shrinking. - It's just sinking. - How did that go to that? - Like a balloon? - What I will say, because again, I was meeting men with like, mostly flaccid, right? There were some that got erect, of course, but mostly flaccid. I will say, I cannot correlate size of dick to size of man. Some of this-- - All this? - A littlest man, the giant, it's like sausage, just-- - Yeah. - And a dog. - And a giant man with like, where did it go? - When you see a guy that's like six four, and it does not match that. - I know, I know. - The statue. - You're like, it is big, it's big on you. - That's right, that's right. - It's not always easy to see. - Yeah, it's, listen. - Sometimes it's just literally not big. - I had a six four guy that, wait, tall skinny guys, usually are slaying in big dicks. - There was a lot of those, I definitely saw a lot of those. - And was there any other pattern? - The other pattern I saw was body fat and ball size. - Balls like bigger and fatter. - Yeah. - There was just a little bit-- - Like you're a big-- - When you're bigger? - Yes. - Oh my god, you don't know what I'm talking about. - It post dates you, like what ozemic is doing to penises? - Oh yeah, I wasn't in the clinic when I was in. - I know, yeah. - So this is how those people want, 28 to 18. - Yeah, okay. - Yeah, during the Me Too movement. - What a time. - Which was fascinating to be like, world is bastardizing men, which I had a lot of my own stories. And yet I'm in the witnessing this in entirely different side of them. So it was a real mind fuck for me. - But could you feel men being a hyper aware of not wanting to come off creepy? - I would say that in general, because of just what we were doing, there was like, there was only one guy that was super creepy. - Really? - One dude, and he only had one session and he never came back. He literally leaned up on his elbows the whole time and he's like, you're doing a really good job. Like watching me and I was like, but he shouldn't be allowed to come back. - No, he wasn't. - Did you ever retire anybody? - No, he wasn't allowed to come back. I had moments where I wanted to. It was very rare. I will say, out of the corner, I had maybe two people where I was like, I don't really like working with this guy, but it's just because he's weird, but it's not like I feel they were all so humbled by what was going on. There was no way, so again, it was another way for me to be able to be in this situation with men, where they didn't have an out to be an asshole. They were, I was like, oh yeah, your dick is broken in my hand. What are, like, what are you gonna do? So it was such a rare moment for me as a woman to be in that situation and learn what I did. - Wow. - And then for the most part, did this really work? I mean, did you have guys coming back in their last session and they're so happy and they're working and things are. - Oh, I got like cards from wives, flowers, like I met girlfriends that I was not, like I had a couple of women watch sessions. I was like, this is, I'm literally working on your partner's penis. Well, this is not how I imagined my three-something, like, you know what I mean? - Right. - Yeah, like it was, it was like changing their lives. It was crazy. So I would say the majority of people all, it worked. - Totally. - It did something for them, you know. It was only people who had like severe health conditions with most of those guys. We didn't even take them as clients 'cause we don't want to waste their money or it wasn't fair. But yeah, it really did work. It was incredible. - You wrote this thing I want to unpack this like thought started with you. You said I learned that men could hurt the same way that we do and women can hurt men with the same precision. And I think that we just forget sometimes that like men can go through the same stuff that women could go through and they can hurt the way that we can. But I was hoping you could like maybe speak on that a little bit and maybe even like related to like Jack and Veronica. - Yeah, yeah, no, I'll bring that up. So I, you know, growing up with a complicated alcoholic verbally abusive father, I'm just gonna throw that all out there in one sentence. Top-me-men weren't safe in general. Like I did not have a good first impression. So either dated men just like him, like assholes, jerks, abusive men, or I went for like the guy who was like, the beta-dormat guy who was like, oh, I feel like I'm in control of this, he's never gonna hurt me, this is good. And those were the two opinions I had of men. I was like, well, you benefit in two categories. That was it, I was very black and white. I get into this job, I had this client Jack. Comes in all peacocking, totally like my wife and I have an open relationship, like, you know, and I was like, am I supposed to be turned on by that? Like I didn't know what he was like. I was like, are you trying to pull me into this? 'Cause I'm not into this and I call him Jack. And then turns out, a couple sessions later, he admits to me that his wife's actually just having a fair with a man that, and he's not doing anything. And he's calling it an open relationship to make himself feel better. But it's really just like this affair. And I'm like, well, aren't you supposed to be dating two if you're, and he's like, I've never hooked up with anybody. And I'm like, now it all makes sense. Why he was peacocking, why he had to cover. And then I just saw the broken boy. I saw the broken man on my table, right? And so it was, it was so weird for me. And then she came in, right? He was gonna stop sessions and go work. I connected him to a sex therapist. He was gonna go work on his marriage. She ends up coming in with him one session and was like, gonna get a treatment of her own. And he wanted her to be in the room with him. They had like repaired things. And so she's in the room, she's not allowed. - You can bring a guest. - Hey. - You're a wife, I guess. - I mean, apparently we were, we were rewriting the rules every day. - Because there was no pamphlet. - You guys started the rule. - But we didn't know. - No, no. - There was no HR department. There was no hipbutt. Like, we didn't know what we were doing. So she was like, - You can bring a guest. - Bring a guest. - Bring a guest. - Bring a guest. - You didn't know what I was doing. I'm like, where do you gotta come to this? Get me on Instagram stories. Let's go live. - Oh my god. - Hashtag. - She's like, you can bring an angle, get it up. - That's right. - That's right. It was so insane. - Maybe it's shocked. - Yeah. - Let's face 10 of this. - Shocking back to life. So she's in there and she's literally on her phone the whole time. Not even looking up. And he's like, babe, babe. See, like this is Christina. Like, it's so cool. It was so happy you're meeting her. See, I told you, babe, babe. Like, this poor guy. He's like clearly looking for attention. She's not giving it to him at all. She could give up, fuck about him. I could just see it. I'm like, wherever she is is not here, right? And then it was like her turn. And so like, that was the first time where I was like, oh my god, women can be villains, just like men. Like, they can hurt. Like, he was clearly hurting and it broke my heart and it made me see my parents in a very different way. And the lack of attention my mom was giving my dad. And now he was trying to like be like, hey, look at you, look at me. And we're just, and so it flipped the script for me and I started going like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Hold on, guys are just little boys. They're trying to just get attention the way we are. They just do it in different ways. And it really changed the way I see men completely after that. And there were so many examples like that through the clinics that I thought it was crazy. I mean, we can sympathize and empathize with that all day. Broken men typically cause harm to the world. To their children, to whatever they do. And I'm going to get too bleak with it. So that's the issue I have. And so of course, but we need them to work on it. So they stop causing so much harm. Like, that's where I think women have a lot of this lack of sympathy. Because it's like, it's about time. When issues don't cause harm the way that men do. Right. But I still like, it's an important discussion to have. We can't just completely invalidate their experiences. Exactly. And I think, and this is like a bold swing for me to say, but I do think there's still like a responsibility on us to make them feel safe to be able to do that. Right. We can't be so like anti-men and so against them that they're like, yeah, go healing solidarity. Like go figure it out by yourselves. Like, we still have to be like, if you do, we're here, right? We're not abandoning you just because we're so. We have a generational, like multi-generational anger issue with them. And I, because I get it, I come from that. But now I'm like, now I'm starting to see this from a different light. I'm like, okay, now what is my responsibility? So there's women knowing this truth that I've discovered, knowing this information. How do I participate in their healing rather than just being like, well, we'll be here when you're ready. Right? It's totally, it's an interesting take. Yeah, and you did a lot of good in the world. You know, like, I think that's the thing people have sex against. Well, that's the way you write about it. A lot of them. I mean, I really initially was like, is this going to be really a male apologize to you? Like, it's just not. You don't write about it like that. You just are like, they have the same experiences as us. It's a messy middle. At least point, you know, a lot of that manifests in a way that like, people become like your father. Yes. That harms the other people in their life. But I think the way you talk about it isn't like, we should feel bad for them. No. It's just like these stories exist. Yeah. And there's hope and they can almost hopefully of them can be rehabilitated if they want to be. Yeah. So what happened with Jack and Veronica? Or read the book, you guys. So, what read the book? I did treat her and I really wanted to like, not treat her and just I was like so angry with her because I felt protective of him. I had seen the little boy I had seen the birding and in our private sessions and now I'm like witnessing the woman. But I'm like, it made me really go. There's two truths. There's multiple. I don't know her story. I don't know her experience with him at home. You don't know how she's treated her. Exactly. All of that. Right? So it's sort of, it just opened my eyes that it's like, there's no way that I can only be all for women all the time. Like, it's, it's situational. There's nuance, right? There has to be nuance these days. We have to bring that back into the conversation. So it just, that was like the first time that I was like, "Can I hold two truths and live in a messy middle?" - Mm-hmm. - It's like the only way we can really function. - Yeah, you're right. There's context and nuance to everything. And I had a friend who would shop this story around a lot that her ex ghosted her. And she would just really like gas everybody up about how terrible he was. And can you believe this? He woke up one more and just fucking left me. The truth of the story. The man was, they weren't therapy. He was an individual therapy. I know he tried to work on this and talk to about this half a dozen times. And when the information wouldn't get through, then yes, one day he woke up and said I'm leaving. But there's so much nuance and context to that. And it paints him in this horrible light, but it's not the truth of the story. And that truth exists too. With other relationships, then dude just wake up with no warning and do that shit. And you know, when you're not having a woman, all the victim. - Totally. - But maybe wrap up with your relationship at the time. - I think a lot of people, this probably, I mean, it's the same question Ashley and I got when people are like, what are your partners feel like you guys being comedians? Like, so I'm sure you got this question a lot, but you were in a relationship, a long time relationship. What did he think about it? What was that relationship like? - Yeah, so that was, it was a very long relationship we were in. It was total of seven years. We were all together before the job. He was very supportive of me. Like, he was very secure in a lot of ways. Like, he was thankfully, we were talking about earlier. Like, he was a very secure guy, but we weren't having sex. So, I was in a sexless relationship while I'm talking about dick fixing sex positivity, trying to get people to have sex again. And I'm having no sex in my life. Just for any specific reason or. - Well, see, I didn't know. It had nothing, you would be like, oh, did he have ED? And it's like, no, he just, I examined this thoroughly in the book 'cause I don't know exactly what started this, but this had already been going on for a while. And I'd be like, are you gay? Like, am I just not attractive anymore? Like, I went through the gamut because sex has always been very important to me. Number one, I'm like, it's how I communicate and have fun. Like, this is like, how are we not gonna have this in a long-term relationship? And for him, I think what I witnessed is a man who was a boy coming into his manhood. We were in our early 30s, but the stresses of life got to him so bad the responsibility of like paying bills and like, oh my God, I'm in a relationship. And we have dogs and one of them has epilepsy and like, oh, and it's just like, I think it put him so in his head that he couldn't connect to his body. Like, he's the kind of guy that would not have a stress outlet would not be sex. That's my stress outlet. We were different, right, in that regard. And so, I was just watching this and like, but it hurt me like something was wrong with me. And it made me feel like such a hypocrite at work all the time because I'm like, oh yeah, that sounds so happy for you. Fuck, you know what I mean? So, we went through a lot of different things to try to fix this therapy. We did, you know, getting him on hormones. Like, maybe his testosterone's low. We tried to do-- - We were talking about it. It wasn't just like in the room, okay? - I was like, okay, I did every version of like thing you could do to try to fix this. - But he wouldn't give you a straight-up answer. - Right. I don't think he knew. I truly believe that he didn't know. I think ultimately he didn't know this at the time and I didn't know this time. I think he felt severely emasculated by me. - Sure. - I was making so much money. - He was not. I was, had this crazy purpose and this, I was like, had a big acting job and this career. And I think he just felt like he couldn't measure up. And I think it just stunted his ability to feel like he was worthy of me. And I, he was like my safe bait of mail guy. Like he was like such a sweet guy when we met and like he didn't even have to talk to me for like the first like three days. I'm like, what the fuck are we doing? You know, like I was like, take your clothes off. I'm done with this shit. - Yeah. - You know? And so if I didn't look at that and pay attention from the beginning, he was always like, what do you like you said? You had to attack one of two types. - Yes. - And did you guys have sex in the beginning and it kind of petered off? - Yeah, like the first year, but he was also like, he was getting out of grad school. Like the world was like in front of, right? It was like everything was possible. There was no responsibilities. Like it was just, there was a lot of freedom. And so it was in a new relationship. - Yes. - It was like spontaneous desire. - Exactly. And real life started sinking in and it just that went away. And I was like, what? Like I didn't sign up for this. You know, but you're integrated and your life is in it. And it happened so slowly and gradually that it isn't like, you're trying to hold on to like, wait. Remember when we were just those people like. - Right, like we could get it back. - Yeah. - What could you, like was your self-talk at that time? Like I can live without this. - No. - Okay. - Okay. - Good not. - No. - I was like, I found this as a person. Like I should try to harder. I mean, you stayed for a long time. - I did. I did. And I think I was scared, right? We had so much good. And a lot of times for me is like, if there's a clear reason to leave somebody, you're like, oh, this is easy. When there's not something that you can just go, I'm leaving because they cheated. I'm leaving because, I think I was confused in my own development of like, he's a good person but it doesn't mean he's right for me. And I didn't have that awareness yet. I was like, oh, I'm the bad guy if I leave. Because there's so much that is working in the day-to-day life. - Yes, and he was so kind. And he was such as supporters, like my little puppy dog. He was like, my fan, like, and I was like, oh, but I was like, wait, I didn't, I didn't actually want that. I wanted like, the man is gonna throw me against the wall and fuck my brains out. But then also cut it with me afterward. Like that's what I wanted. - But as far as you're in those relationships and you're like, this is a nice person. - Yes. - I see all this bad behavior around me and my friends' relationships. - That's right. And I have it so, I should be lucky. We'll figure out how to fix this. And then it just kept not getting fixed. - So now, your husband, from what we've heard so far, masculine guy. - He's just got a larger. - No, I think he's a blend. He's like the hybrid of like all of the versions, like the two extremes. Like he's like the badass army ranger who has been trained, you know, kill people. - That's so hot. - So we feel protected. It's so hot, right? Oh, and she gets it. Yeah, I'm like, so you know, you're like, oh, I'm always gonna be saying, you know? - So we'll be a little harder, yeah. - But he's also a sweet guy and he's also just come out of the military. So we're dealing with all of those transitions and him coming into civilian life. - Like for good. - Oh yeah, he retired, like he's almost 24 years. He's like, I'm out. And that's been hard. And so it's a whole other layer of like our relationship being like where it's like now he's coming into his vulnerability and his like identity crisis. And so a lot of the tools that I learned over the years doing the things that I did in writing this book, I'm applying now to my relationship. I'm like, I learned how to forgive my dad knowing my dad had shame that I didn't know he had, seeing these men in shame. And I'm like, if a man who's hurting me because of his own suffering, I don't learn how to have grace for that. I didn't learn anything from this book. - Totally. - Does that make sense? - So like that's kind of where we're in kind of a current like crisis stage of like trying to have him figure out who he is again. And it's hard, it's really complicated. - I can't imagine that. I can't imagine two decades plus. - His entire identity. 'Cause he was 18. - Yeah, it's your identity. It's your real loss of identity. And I think that's the whole other book. - Yes, and I think that like impacts men and it's so I've seen this with my dad and this health and whatnot, like men losing their identity. 'Cause I think women or so, we're able to discover new things and pick up new friends and get new purpose exactly. We have it easier, I think. And can mourn a loss of identity and find the next thing and then men struggle without a little bit more. - They really do. I'm watching it happen. - Well, stay tuned for the next book, you guys. - I know. - I just, I have to gas you up, you know. Just this book is fantastic. People will love it. I can't not recommend it enough. It comes out on June 30th. You can pre-order it now on Amazon or anywhere that you get books, right? It's just fantastic. You don't need a deck. - Thank you. - I'm really not touching such a different interesting project. - Exactly. There's just a lot of the same out there. And so something that really feels unique and different in the perspective and it's an emotional ride too with the humor. It is really beautiful. - Yeah. Thank you so much. - I'm so grateful. - Tell people anywhere else they can find you. - My Instagram's Christina Seven Denton with a K, by the way, with a K. And yeah, I'm putting all my book stuff, tour information, things like that up there. So. - Okay, perfect. - Great. - Like a little link tree. - Yeah, I'll check out an Instagram. - Exactly. - We love a link tree. - Check your store. - Links in bio. - There it is. - And we are girls at e.com. Girls at e.com cast an Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash has an Instagram and TikTok. Rain is Raina. Greenberg. Raina Greenberg.com for her tour tickets in the fall. And you could watch full video. We recommend it for this one. It's really wonderful. - Yeah. - On Spotify or YouTube. Share this episode with a friend or a man in need. And we will see it Thursday. Have a great week guys. - Bye.