How To Turn Your Pain Into Greatness - Bugzy Malone - #1174

Brand new modern wisdom merch goes live this Friday look this beautiful doing the thing angel with God first ever death metal design sleeveless t-shirt and a hoodie this awesome high-country ranch thing that we've got This snake design which I love wisdom nation world tour wisdom coffee and much more sign up at mwmurch.com now to be the first person to get access What's the difference between making it and maintaining it? I think the difference is We're Advertised to write a lot as as kids So coming up to me. I I seen a lot of nice clothes lambiguinies lifestyles the paid To sort of be people who have made it in life So we're sort of programmed into Trying to get there. I think when you get there There's a whole maintenance situation that nobody's talking about and you're not prepared for and I think that's why so many people sort of shoot up and plateau and fall off Because it's not advertised that It's tough all the way through You got a bit of best version of yourself all the way through It's not just make you kick you feet up and I'm relax. I Think the total addressable market for people who want advice on how to make it Versus the people who want advice on how to maintain it is basically a 10,000 to 100,000 to one right almost everybody is not yet Where they want to be financially in terms of status in terms of recognition or admiration or respect by people that they respect and because of that It means that if you're looking at the world of advice Most people are still on the climb as opposed to trying to maintain the altitude that they've got to and that means yeah that almost all of the pieces of goodwill and Sage archetype mythology is about you getting to the top Not about what happens when you get there I'm kind of fascinated about the difference between someone who never makes it and someone who's fallen off and the pain and the way that that's interpreted Huh that person never actually made it to the top as opposed to the boxer or the rapper or the movie star that did Had it all in their hands and then let it go no wonder which one's more painful It's such an interesting concept one because You when we last spoke you was like where's your head that how have you been and That's something that I'm sort of addressing at a minute and and Where is the top right and I think what a lot of people do is Maybe in the Bible it says a lover of silver will never be content with silver something along them lines and What I've recently figured out is that like I'm content I've really got everything I ever wanted and more And I think if you're not careful what sort of happens is you're tricked into thinking that you need more Hmm, I think there are people that get into trouble And I'm trying to impress other people they want validation They want people to to pat them on the back And I think when you get into a place where You don't need nobody to pat you on the back. Don't need nobody's validation You actually strip it back to who am I What are my experiences of this planet and And sort of recently I've understood that like I come from really humble beginnings one You know that's a sort of it's been an interesting process making this album because I Sort of told myself if If I can't be more vulnerable and more honest than I've been before I make something that's of a higher quality than what I've made before I'm not gonna do it And I was serious about it So I Had to go through a process of like stripping it back And when I'm spent some sort of time in my mind At the beginning of my life It dawned on me that like I've got everything I ever wanted Anson You know Which sort of starts a different direction You know and why what I see is people that I've got like a number in their head and material things Did they told themselves they'll get And now because they've identified with being somebody that doesn't quit they have to get there In the stand and I don't think any of that's real. I think it's an insecurity you must overcome Had a Navy seal on the podcast guy called Andy Stumpf and he's now Big podcaster. I think he's done 10,000 skydives in his career unbelievably accomplished I think he holds some world records for maybe base jumping or or Wingsuit gliding or something like that so they're a very extreme human But does it all with a lot of humor? He's got like a he's one of those people who Very lethal very trained, but does it with a smile on their face? Which makes them feel to me more disturbing the fact that you do it with that sense of Sort of gallows humor to me as like a holy shit like you're really scary anyway. He's telling me this story He'd created his entire life identity around being a person that doesn't quit Right, this is who I am. I'm a Navy seal. I do not quit. I do not give up. I do not leave my guys behind I push through selection training Firefights anything everything. I don't quit. That's what I've built my identity around But the don't quit muscle I'd also caused him to stay in a very toxic marriage for 15 years Well, I'm the guy that doesn't quit Is it well? Sometimes that skill of not quitting of not giving up of continuing to push through of denying your emotions How you feel pushing that to one side can actually be something that is not a performance enhancer, but it's a constraint And I came up with this line when he was talking to me, which is what you are praised for in public You often pay for in private What are the prices of the things that you have built you've Constructed this very unique version of yourself Navy seal rapper person who's overcoming challenges of childhood, okay? But what's the cost of doing that as well? Yeah, and nobody wants to talk about that the cost Yeah, so so again recently I've I've understood that like It's sort of cost me anyway everything because We don't understand when you're looking up at essentially a new world You know if you're coming from real poverty real dysfunction and where you propose to get to is a Functional place and a an affluent place Something's got to give and these parts of yourself that have to have to die and there's a whole Life that you identified with that's got to die and Death death is always violent, right? It's never general song when you talk about sort of paying the cost I Relate yeah, yeah, yeah, and I think Now that I've quote-unquote made it and The dust starts to sell with where you're actually up to and I recently had a family member pass away And it's a heavy one because He would drink a lot and there was some drugs involved And when I when I was young I would I would look up to him. He would he would be the guy that like I was trying to be like him and And then life got on top of him We had a fallout and You sort of see where it's going and you sort of grieving That relationship in advance. Yeah. Oh, that's so interesting. Yeah, because you know, yeah, yeah, alcoholism Any of these vices There they're a train crash we interrupt there are slow burn the right. Yeah, yeah, I think Relationships are somewhat similar sort of You have this sense that it's over between you and a partner that it's not going to work The sort of the writing is on the wall, but you're still on the train car, so to speak And you can slowly see this thing coming toward you and it says odd kind of Perspective grief You know you're thinking about the future grief that you're going to feel in the moment It's like you're taking regret from the future and bringing it down into the present Anticipating that it's about to arrive and I've had People in my life that have taken their own lives and one of my longest friends did only a couple of months ago - By, yeah, I mean, he was always an extreme individual, but he decided that the way that he was going to end it was to throw himself off the 60th floor of a building that wasn't a surprise to people. It wasn't a surprise as much as everyone loved him. And he had one of the biggest funerals that you can think of. I don't think that that many people were surprised. Saddened, distraught, destroyed by this wonderful guy, not being here anymore, but you kind of saw it coming as well. You're like, "Oh, fuck, what does that mean?" And then there's the guilt of like, well, if you could see it coming, how couldn't you step into fix something? - Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think there's only some what you can do. And I think that's the top and bottom of it. In the end, you've got to be responsible for yourself. You know, this position that I found myself in comes with a lot of people asking for advice. People relating, people being inspired by almost feels like my purpose to acquire this sport. However, I've got to be the best version of myself. It's only so much externally I can do. So to me, it feels like the journey's always an internal, you know, and it's sad and it hurts. However, that is, these are the realities of life. You know, and it's not until you sort of take that on board, that you sort of take your own life more seriously, you know. And that's the conclusion I came to. Can you, stuff an alcoholic from drinking? I'm just a man. Can you, can you stop somebody that's suicidal from jumping? I'm not good. You know, all I can do is be the best version of myself and hope that that roops off in a positive way. Can we talk about your childhood? Feel like. For the people that don't know what growing up for you was like, what was that like? What were the formative experiences that sort of made you into who you became? Yeah, just complex really. I think the more I sort of look back and understand it from an adult perspective, there was just a lot of complexities going on in there that like create confusion. And as people were confused anyway, right? You go from being a boy to a teenager, that's confusing. Now from a teenager to a man, that's confusing. You start adding in some dysfunctional characters, some crime, some deaths, some murders, and what I've recently sort of understood is, you sort of lose confidence in your place in society 'cause you don't feel like you fear, you know, you sort of know things and you've sort of seen things that go against the norms, that go against what people think is reality, you know? What like? I mean, if we go sort of go to my early days of being interested in being a villain for a living, 'cause that was sort of the example that I'd seen, you know, the coolest individual I'd ever seen, was a very well-paid criminal. And you come from tough beginnings and you're looking for a job description, right? So in sort of trying to get my education in that world and that area, you stumble across some colorful characters, man. And you meet a man that's murdered people and not been convicted, and he's at large, and he's just in the community, prior to him meeting his own sort of violent demise. You start to see that like what people think it is, it's not, there is a world outside of the parameters of what people are calling normal. And he's really there and he really exists. I always saw a used-off as a kid that I'd watch Harry Potter, right? And then, and that's got an interesting sort of similarity in that like, you've got what they call the muggles, the humans, the normal people, and then there's the wizarding world, but the separate. You've got to go on platform nine, and what is it, free quarters? And run through the wall at the right angle to sort of be immersed into the wizarding world. And that's what the underbelly's like. It's just a whole different ball game with a different set of rules. When did you first get exposed to that? That's what I'm saying, that's why it's complex because I think my mom sort of seen it coming and was trying to shield me from it. We saw them and I was under prepared, if you're like, you know, and then it's just happening. It's just turning off. That's like Harry Potter when the letters are coming through the door and he's like, what are them letters? And the hiding in them from it. 'Cause they know there's a world that you're sort of in hurry that we're trying to shield you from. It's just turning up. And it was light out for me, you know? And so you go from sort of very normal to, you know, a man has been murdered in your uncle's house where you'll go and stay at the weekends, but you're a kid. So no one's having that conversation with you. You just sort of getting exposed to it, naturally. That's confusing. 'Cause then you'll go to you, friends ask to play football and he's living room with a little soft football. And you start seeing that like, your world's completely different to my. The way you talk about your family is completely different to the way I'm hearing my family spoke about. And your fact when your mom gets home, she gives you that look as if to say, what, why have you got him here? You see start, you're not fitting in nowhere, right? And there's two ways of looking at that. You can look at it with the cup half empty or half full. And the more I delve into my face, the more I sort of understand that like, special people on the planet get challenged early doors. It's all a challenge to sort of anchor you in faith and strength, determination. So there's been many a time that I've sort of felt like a victim like, why was I exposed to these things? And then eventually sort of come to terms with a fact that it was given to me because I can handle it. You know enough. It's an interesting quirk of childhood that when you get exposed to things, nobody explains why they're happening. And you're right, it's just like osmosis. You're around this particular type of function or dysfunction, this type of love or this type of abandonment, this type of belonging or this type of isolation. And all of these things just sort of happen. And because you don't have perspective, because you're a kid, you just think, well, this is what life is. Yeah, this is how a family works. So this is how a mum and a dad talk to each other. It's an interesting point, bro. You really got to go and get your education on that as an individual in the world, you know, I see so many people that have sort of taken for granted where they, where they started. Right. And let's say their father is an alcoholic and he beats the month. And that's their understanding of love. And they might be internally fighting that because they sort of know it's wrong. But then you get imposter syndrome because they feel like I'm sort of raised by a man that hits a woman and treats kids bad. And you really just got to get into the world. And that's why music, my sort of model was being inspired, is being inspired. You got to sort of look at greatness and high performing individuals, responsible individuals, accountable individuals and just take bits, learn bits and understand what it is to be a man, I would say. But it's not just men is it's being a good human being. And then you got to sort of detach. You got to detach from the negative examples that you've been sure that they don't define you. So fascinating. When people start to do healing work or reflection or therapy or delve into their own origins, there's so many little pitfalls. It's kind of amazing that anybody ever makes it out of their own childhood challenges. is by reflecting on them without being completely destroyed, because there's so many ways that you can go, that thing happened to me, therefore I'm a victim. That thing happened to me, therefore I should be bitter. That thing happened to me, therefore I should repeat it in my life. That thing happened to me, therefore I shouldn't be able to work as hard or I shouldn't be able to get as far. There's so many ways that deciding to finally face what happened when you were younger, whether it's big or small, whether it's traumatic, it with a capital T or with a small T, so many different ways that that could be interpreted in later life as a justification for you brailing against the world or not being a good person, or being a good person, but wrapping your entire identity up about something that happened to you when you were 11 or 12 or 15. It's kind of amazing that anybody makes it through adult life healed without being taken away by what happened to them when they were a kid. - Yeah, I think it's the pattern of the universe, my. If we were to use an analogy of a boxing coach, I think what God's sort of doing is putting you in the exact situation. That is gonna create resilience in you for the challenges you're gonna have to go through in sort of parenthood or your career or seeking your purpose basically, I think that's all it comes down to. I think each individual has a purpose of some description and if we do use the analogy of a coach, when a boxing trainer puts you in a spa and this has happened to me, puts you in a spa with a guy that can warp your ass. You don't understand that until you get the benefits later down the line. You sort of put you in that situation because you knew it was just enough for you to handle, you know? And the adversity that you're after face on that day is gonna be exactly what you need to sort of gain the skills, to sort of take you to the next level. I had a situation with a guy, he happened to commit suicide, rest in peace. And he was a good boxer, man. He was a good boxer from where I'm from, a little villain he was and a little bit older than me and that's sort of been in and around the boxing gym for a couple of years, my coach liked me 'cause I'm a student type curator. And he threw me in with this guy and I remember thinking he's a bit good for me, you know? And he was being your pillar to post. And here's an interesting one about belief because when I was getting beaten up, I just couldn't believe I could lace this guy's boots. And I remember after a couple of rounds, my coach said, "Member the uppercut, we've been working on job and step back and then uppercut." And I was, I'm just doing as I'm told, right? So then I get back here and we get into it. I do the job, I take that step back, I throw the uppercut and the guy bites his tongue in half, blood everywhere, spark hold off, right? And in that moment, what I sort of took from boxing is that same belief that my coach had in me about my ability and what I was actually capable of, I had to learn to have him myself in order to actually attain success. Yeah, and that was probably the heaviest lesson that I learned in boxing because he was because of that coach an elderly man called Brian Hughes, I'll say his name as much as I can just because he had such a profound impact in my life. But the way he was able to see things in me, I couldn't see them in my self. And he taught me many years to understand that like, oh, like belief faith is a journey that you've got to work by yourself. I click aside, running out of a product is a pretty good test of how much you actually like it. Do you order more or just get on with your life? 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Right now, get a free sample pack of elements, most popular for labor with your first purchase by going to the link in the description below or by heading to drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom. That's drinklmnt.com/ (chuckles) Modern wisdom. Good duck, well played. There's an idea called Solomon's Paradox. Solomon's Paradox is that we are much better at giving advice to other people than we are at giving it to ourselves. And you have a friend that's going through a difficult relationship and you tell them precisely the sort of loving, caring, encouraging, reassuring, motivational thing that they need to hear when it's pithy and beautiful and memorable. And also the exact thing that you need to hear yourself will much better at giving advice to other people. But I wonder if there's an equivalent here with regards to self-belief for a lot of people that sometimes we are much better at believing in other people than we are believing in ourselves that we can often see in our friends and the people around us. And maybe even just the people that we respect and admire, a type of resilience and capacity and talent that they can't see in themselves. And maybe your goal in life should be to try and find as many friends as possible who believe in you more than you believe in you. - I'm gonna disagree. Yeah, I think it's harder and it's a harder path. I think the actual challenge of life is removing all crutches that you're leaning on. - Entire self-reliance? - Yeah, get to that place and then you've got something to offer to friends as opposed to being relying on friends, opinions of you. Because as human beings, we've all got a persona, right? So that means sometimes that people say they believe, but deep down when they go home and take the mask off. Like, you can't really do that. And that will have an effect. That's there in the vibration of that person. - Do you think that part of that worldview comes from growing up in an environment where you couldn't rely on anybody, this level of extreme self-sufficiency? - Interesting one because I think the closer you can get, to the dark side of life, the more realism you're exposed to. - That's up. - You see it for what it really is. You see human nature for what it really is. A lot of people are acting, man. You know the Scarface scene, where he says, say goodnight to the bug guy. Never gonna say a bug guy like this again. And he starts to sort of address the people in the room and what he's saying is you've not got a guts to be who you want to be. And the more I reflect on that sort of scene and the more I take acting serious and dialogue. What he's basically saying there is that like, all of you are savages, man, it's human nature, but you've learned to hide yourself. You've learned to fit into society. When it was a time on the planet when like, all the laws and rules and regulations weren't in place. And that's when you've seen what mine is really like. If you look at a lot of the wars, where people are from one side of the world and they go to another side of the world, they attack everybody there. They steal everything from that land. You know, this is what human nature really sort of looks like. So I guess to answer your question, what I'm saying is sometimes violence, this function sort of chaos is a people being themselves, a people living the most honest version of their existence. You know, not everybody is a good person, but everybody's learned restraint. So that doesn't mean that the darkness doesn't exist, you know? You're sort of a part of the, the polarity of life, the bigger picture of what's going on. It's interesting that as a civilized society, a big part of the game is people being noble, calm, socially aware, humans. Sophisticated savages, and keeping themselves keeping their truth hidden. we would soon as somebody lie and beat him up. domesticated, then be honest and dangerous. That's kind of how society is held together. Hey, you might behave yourself. You might have to, there is a type of decorum and behavior that's mostly acceptable here. But yeah, maybe that's part of the reason that mafia boss stories and true crime killers and heroes are both on the good side and the bad side. What's so alluring about them is that it appears to be someone who is being themselves unashamedly being themselves for better and for worse. - We'll talk about that as kids, right? If you're three years old and a kid gets on your nerves and you slap him in his face, you get told off by an adult. Don't do that. That's outside of the norm. That's outside of what's accepted. And you quite quickly put into line. What's interesting to go back to your question before about my childhood or my job description now is that like, I've experienced lots of freedom, man. I've been outside of the curriculum system at a point where everybody else was taking exams. I've been outside of work at the early phases of people getting the first job and doing the first couple of years and it creates a freedom in your mind. It can be drawn out of a person. When you told about all these rules and regulations, now if with discipline you learn sort of self-restraint and you become a good person off your own back, you develop your own morals and principles. What you've got that other people don't have is sort of a freedom of thought. They've been within the curriculum system and within fitting into society in order to get a job. And if we string themselves, I find that tough about the industry. You know, I really, I'm really sort of from a place where the liars are lying from their S's. These are some of the most talented liars on the planet. Some of the most charismatic and sort of fluid thieves on the planet. So when you turn up to me from a record label, you know, when you went to school and you behaved yourself, you might have done some drugs when you was younger or whatever, but you've been a good person and you went to university and you climbed the ladder and you found yourself in this job description that means you want to sort of exploit someone for their artistic creations and strike a deal with them. Your lies stand out to me as like robotic, uncourismic. You know, you know, you, you want to meet a scarcer and see the way that they can steal or sell something. Unsophisticated deception. Yeah, you know, you get to these sort of corporate liars and I struggle with it 'cause I can sort of see it coming a mile off. And for them, they've compartmentalized it because it's their job and what they're thinking is, yeah, but outside of my job, I'm actually a really nice person. Like when I go home with my family and friends, I'm honest, I'm cool. But what you've done is you've accepted a job description that means that you're putting a smile on trying to take more of the table than you're putting on. And for me, that doesn't sit well, you know, and I think that's why I've been independent, staying independent and sort of climbing the ladder has been my path. What does ignores this accreditation mean? Yes, it is like in that particular instance, I'm talking about the fact that when you get into the underbelly like there's certain things you have to get under your belt, to be deemed as credible, you know, you're a, again, if we use the Harry Potter analogy, you're a credible wizard. When you then transition over to being completely legitimate and having morals and principles, then people are sort of stayed in the darkness, we'll sort of try and discredit your, the realism of your story or who you say you are or what it is that you say that you've lived through. You're no longer a part of this. I just don't believe in it, you know, I, I, and I think, by the way, I think I think that can happen to anybody I'm sure that you get into where you've got to in life has came with many a person trying to just discredit you for what you are, who you are, what you've become through all the challenges that you've endured. You know, I'm just trying to take away from all of that as if what's happening here is look. So it's not it, I was using it in, in its particular, but it's not particular, I think it's just the mindset of the sort of victimhood person towards a person that is no longer identified as we've been a victim. I think they'll discredit you. And I think the psychology behind that is how, how have they done it? Why has it happened for him? Why has Chris's podcast blown up, right? And because they can't justify that in their head, they'll just discredit everything you've ever done. Well, it closes the gap. Anyone that makes progress throws into shop contrast, the lack of progress by the people around them, for sure. And that's uncomfortable. There's a bunch of sort of male subcultures on the internet that don't like the word ascending. So if you're struggling to get a girl and somebody in this community manages to not even get a relationship or get a kiss or whatever, even if the barista at Starbucks that her eyes linger a little bit longer on them than they think they should do. Maybe she might be a little bit interested. That's seen as kind of being persona non grata inside of the community. And the reason is that if you ascend, if you become a person who's a fake cell as opposed to an in-cell, so in-cell involuntary celibate, fake cell, you won't want of us anyway. What it means is if this person is able to be very close to me in terms of construction and worries and concerns and maybe disfigurement or height or charisma or setbacks or financial status or whatever it might be, but is able to get to a place that at one point in the past I wanted to, but have since given up on, that now still leaves the doorway open for hope and for aspiration. And that means that if I'm not getting there, that might be on my shoulders. And I think that microcosm is what happens broadly when anyone that comes from an area where lots of people would love to get out of it to ascend in one form or another. Maybe it's a dysfunctional northern town in the UK. Maybe it's a sports team that lots of people had the opportunity to get started in. But if one person that you used to play football with goes on to become a pro, ah, well, you know, his parents had more money than mine. Or he, you know, the coach liked him more than they did me or he was a suck up, he was always being a suck. Whatever, the ability to try and discredit the legitimacy of someone's progress reduces the distance between the person who didn't make it and the person that did by saying that it was unfair or they cheated, they sold out, they aren't that talented, whatever, they got lucky. And as opposed to going, fuck, what, what should I learn? How can I try and deconstruct the path that was taken there? And yeah, for sure, like lots of people manage to make it through fortune and serendipity and unfairness or like nepotism or favors, all of that stuff happens. But I think far less than people actually think. Yeah, I think my career is allowed me to sort of heal publicly and talk about some of the things that have been sort of learning on my journey, sort of share it with people. And so I try and take things down to the essence. I think the word there is accountability, ruthless accountability. And I think when a person struggles to be accountable, that's what it looks like, you know, and so I'm almost tricking the audience in that a guy listening to me might be 13 years old and he's not really that interested in healing. He actually doesn't know how broken he's going to be later on down the line when trauma sort of sets it and takes a whole, but just the sort of phrase to be inspired. If you sort of take that on and take it seriously, it will change your outlook on the guy that became a professional footballer and you'll admit to yourself, do you know what? When he was trying, I wasn't. When he was doing the runs, when he was doing the extra stretching, when he was watching. and studying the game. I wasn't even interested. I was chilling. And that's why he's a professional footballer and I'm on the streets chilling with my mates. At least then you get the opportunity to pick someone else and go again. You know, and that's what accountability will do. It will tell you the truth. You know, and that's what I'm interested in. And that's why rap music as a job description is tough. Because for you to tell the truth about your life experience, pisses a lot of people off, man. Why? Because you sort of can't help but tell parts of their story that they don't want light shining on. You know, and he can be as respectful as you as you want. Try to be as respectful as you want. Or you can be as brash as you want. But you will end up telling other people stories. I think mine Scorsese talks about it in the films that he makes and a lot of his inspiration comes from early, might be New York, sort of mob, culture, and and he said a lot of people was upset with him because naturally his inspiration was the things he really seen. Right? But what tools is Robert De Niro having an argument in the street? In his world is some real person somewhere that's like mine. I know you. I'll be telling my story to the work. You know, and I'm sure it's the same for a guy rich here, a Tarantino. These artists and storytellers, you're the best, the best stories are true. You know, I'm real and honest. I've spent the last month sleeping on a tour bus and her tell beds and I've taken one of these every single night. Nightly sleep by Momentus have saved my sleep and they are now formulated even better and fifty dollars cheaper than they were previously. Imagine that better and significantly more affordable. Didn't know that you could still do that in 2026. 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What's your relationship like with vulnerability? A heavy one, because it's something that you're always. Vulnerability is like a guide. It's stood there with these fists up ready to throw punches at you. And you just. You nervous. You don't want to go anywhere near this guy. You look big and strong. You can tell it's going to hurt. And it's your job to get closer and closer and eventually go and have the fight, go and face it head on. And it's just something that as bravery sets in courage. In my instance, a hopelessness. You sort of hit rock bottom. You sort of realised that you're not as cool as you thought you were, and you ain't got no way to run, no way to hide. You're too tired to run from it. So you just get into the fight. You just stand in the face of the truth. And in order to do that, you have to be vulnerable. You have to be open to embarrassment. And yes, that's been my experience. And I think with making this album, I've really had to go there, and I think in going there, you see yourself in a way that might not be as glamorous as you'd like for it to be. What did you learn? That I'm just a human being. I think I thought I think I think to be successful early doors. You think a lot of yourself, because you're just trying to get your head around like how did that happen? You know, you know, and you think more of yourself than you actually are. And then there comes a point where you see yourself for what you actually are. And you're like, oh, you know, so yeah, I guess I learned that the work paid off, the consistency paid off, the standing back up after getting knocked down paid off, but I'm nobody special. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm not above people because my results have came in sooner than this. And was there a moment of formative experience that was the beginning of that honesty, truthfulness, self-reflection, vulnerability, like inflection point? Is there something that sort of spurred that honor? Did it accumulate over time? Just the solitude of walking the path while I was making the album, we was using the analogy of the tunnel. And what was basically saying in the studio is that like, success, the place that you see yourself getting to, there's like a tunnel between you and that place, and you're in your starting point. This function, whatever it is for you as an individual, and then there's this tunnel you think, yeah, I'm brave enough to take that. You'll run into this tunnel, everybody else stays behind because they think it's dark. I'm not going in there. There's a point halfway through the tunnel where you'd be ridiculed by the way, by the people that didn't go in. They weren't brave enough to go into the tunnel, but the showering and calling you names, they're trying to scare you out of you. And there's a point where you sort of look back and you can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel that way. But now you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel that way. And then you step on the bones and the remains of the people that failed before you in the tunnel. You start to realise you're in sort of dark territory and it might not happen. And at that point with the freeze and try and go backwards, or do you keep a steady nerve and keep marching forwards, which is all that you can do. You know, on sort of eventually you can see light at the end of the tunnel and eventually you get to your destination. And that tunnel is the reason that is the difference between individuals like yourself that get it over the line and individuals that stay at the beginning of the tunnel, shouting in and ridiculing you, hoping that you fall, hoping that you're not brave enough to keep walking forward. Now I use that analogy to sort of talk about the isolation and the solitude that happens in the tunnel because you lose a world that you're familiar with. You lose a type of an individual that you're familiar with, you understand, you relate to. And there's a long period between going from where you were to where it is that you're going to go. That you'll be isolated and in solitude. And I think that for me was the sort of pivotal point where I was like, oh, I have to have this fight. I have to face all of my insecurities and all of my fears, head on. You know, and I think that unlocks a version of you that people can no longer pull down. You know, there's a line from bedros cullion, he says, your haters are out there holding their breath waiting for you to fail. Make sure they suffocate. Oh, no, you go. They have no choice over the suffocate because yeah, and when I talk about the brutal honesty at the bottom, I've met some of the most honest people I've ever met. And then you get into the corporate world and you meet a guy and a suit and you think, this is it. I'm around some affluent people now like high integrity, high integrity, and it's just not the ways. Just villains with slightly nicer suits. Yeah, man, they've learned to hide themselves, man. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. It's really interesting. I know exactly what you mean. There's something more kind of noble about the, yeah, I'm the bad guy. I'm dressed in black. I've got a balaclava in my pocket. There's a poster of the dude that's got to protect Philippe on and is smiling at you and tries to get you to sign this particular contract. There you go. There you go. And not being said, it means I am educated. And the reason that taught like that is because you sort of come from the bottom and you don't feel like you belong when you're in a room full of people that went to university. Wow, what's that like? Right? But it's like actually my education is the real one because we're all in the same world, right? And then you start understanding that actually on my head, my intuition is much stronger than yours. My sense of reality is much stronger than yours. You know, and that being said, that's what I'm trying to do through music. I'm sure I'll go over into acting and sort of give an account of myself, but through music, I try and give an account of myself that makes people understand their own strength, their own power. You know, that just because somebody may have started in a position where it was better than the position you've started in. It doesn't mean anything. You've been given the challenges that you need to take you to ask quite profound actually. Last time I was on your show, I was talking about like the law of attraction. My opinion on that has changed slightly. Okay, tell me about the law of attraction. The more of my faith strengthens, the more I have an understanding of God, the more I sort of feel as if we're sort of co-creators in that. You will see the way that your life's going to go. I'm going to do a podcast. I'm going to do these shows. I'm going to live in this kind of a house. I think you're then given the challenges in order to make you that kind of a person, a person that can not only attain them things, but maintain them things. That's what the solitudes for, that's what the hardships for, that's what the stresses for. It is building out a strength and a resilience that means that not only will you get that house that you want to live in, you'd be able to maintain it, light work, you know? So yeah, that's yeah. What's your insight around dark forces as you are able to make a more positive change in the world? Dark influence, realizing that the impact is so positive, that they need to put increasingly difficult challenges in your way. We talked about this last time, but I find it really interesting. Are you thinking this is devil, bad energy, comic retribution? How do you see this happening? Yeah, I think you've got within the, within the album I play with biblical framework, right? Just because if you look at some of these cathedrals, men were building them. Sometimes for 300 years, and as you know, a man will live for 80 years, he has to pass on the assignment. So there's something in religion to be taken seriously. However, I sort of look at, let's say if we look at a different culture and a different religion, and you look at a guy and you look at the the grandparent of this guy's grandmother, and she's a really nice person, she's helping the kids up, just because she's of a different religion to another person, I'm not sure that means that she's not in contact with God. So I sort of take a step back from being sort of particular in my thinking towards religion and the devil, and I'm really down here living it. We sort of go back to what you were saying before about when you're living it, it's hard to apply everything, because it's all going on, you know? So I think you can get as deep into a sort of biblical framework or sort of spiritual thinking as you want, but we're here in the physical living it, and you've got a sort of you've got to sort of wrap your mind around it, and I think from this conversation, you can see that analogies and stuff has been the way I've learned. Do you think pain is the best teacher, or is it the loudest teacher? Well, I mean, if you, if you disrespect a man on a cold night and he punches you in your face, you'll you'll quite quickly learn that you've done something wrong in that situation. You'll be in that situation again in front of a guy that looks big and strong, and you will think the next time you you address that person, how am I going to conduct myself when I say something here, because I wouldn't like to get a tooth punched out on a cold night. So I just think it's them, I think it's shocking, I think as a human being to have a nervous system, it's hard not to be influenced by pain, and I think, I think these are the ways that God teaches you. I think pain is a big part of it, so I think it's one of the one and the most sort of impactful teachers. How do you handle fear? Much of a relationship like with fear. Like everybody else? Like everybody else, my sometimes fear wins, but what I've realized about fear winning is you sort of run and hide, right? And a pivotal point in my life where I could give you an example of my relationship to fear is, and I may have touched on it with you, but I get stabbed off a guy, no? I'm 11 years old, I go on to an estate to see some friends ask me to go out, and some guys sort of start a problem with me, and he ends up stabbing me. And what happened, I've touched on this before, but I've not gone into this particular point, and what sort of happened is I went home, I hid in the trousers from my mom, I got stabbed in my leg, and it was a screwdriver, and he opened me up, and so there was a lot of blood in the holes in these punts, and after that I was afraid. The six weeks holidays came, where everybody goes out to play with the mates, and I was just staying, right? And there was just sort of a three year period where that situation was in the back of my mind, the fear of that situation, the pain that I felt, the embarrassment in front of these people invited me out, some of them was girls, they picked my bike up, they smashed my bike, I was running from all of them feelings to a point where I went into a sort of a really dark place, where I was experiencing suicidal thoughts, I made a couple of attempts, but was too young, been too cowardly to really sort of get that over the line, and at that point, he's when I realized I had to face it, and I went on to have that guy a fair fight on his estate, and I won that fight, and that was, that for me was, gave me an understanding of fear, and what it made me realize is, you can hide for as long as you want, but at some point you've got to come out of the house, at some point you've got to face whatever it is that you find scary, and again, have that fight, so that's my relationship to fear, sometimes it still wins, right? Sometimes I'm just not ready to have that particular fight, but then a lot of the times now, I just go and get it done. Within reason as well, is this some fights that the time's not now? Some fights come way, and then some fights are imminent, and you just go and get it done. Most people have no idea where their testosterone levels sit, they'll talk about it, they'll insult their friends about it, but they don't actually know what theirs are. What if I told you, there was a solution, something that identifies low tea, faster than a high school bully, and it won't cost you all of your lunch money, that is where a function comes in, it gives you access to over 160 advanced lab tests, including a deep dive into your full hormone panel. Every result is reviewed by clinicians, and anything out of range is flagged, you get clear explanations, and a personalized protocol with next steps, so that if something is off, you know exactly what to do about it. Normally, this level of testing would usually cost thousands, but with function, it is only $365 a year, one dollar a day, to stop guessing with your health, and start actually knowing what's going on. And you can get an additional $25 off, bringing it down to 340 bucks, get the exact same blood panels that I get and save $25 by going to the link in the description below, or heading to functionhealth.com/modernwistum, and using the code "modernwistum", a checkout that's functionhealth.com/modernwistum, and modernwistum, a checkout. Have heard you say "progress is irreversible". The universe will pay you back for all of your hard work, don't be afraid to work hard. What's that mean to you? Yeah, I think so you've just been doing a tour, right? You'll have me progress on some of them nights. It's the same as a seed being planted, and you don't see the first bit of the seed growing, because we're outside of the soil looking at the ground, but it doesn't mean that it's not progressing. The seed has started to sprout, it's started to grow, and eventually it will be a beautiful trio where everything's going to become. but you you must believe in the fact that progress was being made under the ground and there's some of the toughest nights because you might be trying to become somebody in your life and like nothing's happening it's like me now for an example I've made make it maintain it I call it part one because I eventually I'll make a part two but by the time I make part two I'm not interested in being a rapper no more I'm not I'm not trying to sell albums even with this album I'm not promoting it much you know so this is for the people listening this is the day before the album drops there's been one pre-release so one two a couple yeah doing this podcast today I know why you're here in London you're busy doing a big project there isn't the album which comes out tomorrow yeah yeah and you're spending a few hours today and then we're doing dinner later on like I mean it's it's something that's obviously very meaningful to you and yet you're getting on with life outside of it too it's already transcending yeah yeah and I'm interested in in diversify so the project that he's talking about they actually announced that the other day did they sure we can touch on it which is tell me yeah it's the the gentleman series three we guy richer which is just an exciting prospect for me being that guy richy films prior to me being in the media were films that really sort of grabbed my attention his style of directing really grabbed my attention I look at rap music as a young man's sport not to say that I'm not a young man now but rap music is sort of about the comfort and the transcendence of this function anything after that you can hang about too long and I'm sort of looking at my skillset and I'm like the I've got transferable skills that will apply to different worlds acting to me looks like a world I'm interested in going over into you will be the only actor from the gentleman movie in the gentleman series is that right oh yeah yeah that's crazy yeah all right what privilege I mean fuck me like guy richy is the most on fire man in the world at the moment like just out of this world good and the most recent gentleman series is like I'm seeing guys dressing like Theo James yeah like people deciding oh this is going to be my expression of myself it's an entire new subculture I think and it's crossed across into America as well yeah I'd sort of I haven't said this to guy but I'd sort of say that guy richy's time is coming I don't even think we've seen his best work which is crackers to say given that when was like lock stock and those movies 25 years old at least 20 years old right yeah I mean look I'm speaking out of school because again they're not conversations that I've had with guy but in my early sort of career in music there's a freedom in your first releases you're not really a part of the industry you know rigidity is not setting in that like loads of responsibility comes with it if I might come with it these are just things that happen that can impact the type of work that you make and in my experience you end up catering to the audience at some points that never works you know you end up thinking you smart and you actually are at some points that never works and you end up making some work that's not a true represent is that it's still solid work but it's not a true sort of representation of the the eyes that you actually are and so in the my short experience of of being in and amongst sort of guy richy's atmosphere I think I think he gets better I don't I don't think he's peaked here there's a line that I had to write down from season two of the gentleman I think it's a Theo's character when he's ill when he's banged up right we second he's been in that fight and he says it's not until you leave yourself behind that you can experience who you truly are I thought that was so lovely and I wonder whether there's something similar with what you're talking about here that you start off I have something to say and it's true but it's unrefined it's like rough right so I have a lot of raw material to work with but I don't maybe have the experience that allows it to fully flourish and then after a little bit of time you gain some experience but you gain some pressure and some awareness and some notoriety and some expectations and people want you to do these things and you've got well great first project like let's see if you can run it back again and again and again and then maybe you go off track a little bit with that and then okay well yeah I tried to chase success by giving people what I thought that they wanted that's not fulfilled me in the way that the original wanted but now I've got the experience to be able to make something more grand more beautiful true or to what it is but I've got all of these other things pulling me in different directions too so I'm seduced there's sort of this eroticism of of of attention that comes from the people around me and and and the world and the recognition okay so I need to rid myself of that I need to keep the experience I need to stay tapped into the thing that I had in the very beginning and then finally if you can weave through this maze with seductresses and temptresses and sirens all over the place finally you get to come out the other side and you go wow I have all the experience I'm still emotionally existentially connected to sort of what that route is and now I've rid myself all the barnacles have been culled off the bottom of the ship so that I can actually finally get there and I think that's that's hopefully what mastery looks like you know this sort of ever increasing refinement of getting better and better and better at your art the journey of greatness one yeah that that was a far more articulate way of saying what I was just saying about guy richer you know you you witness somebody's journey there's lots of greatness on the way but then eventually the the the works sort of complete and and yeah that's what you left with a master of their craft and I just don't think there's many of them in this day in age man you know if you if you go back as early as like Da Vinci in the in the I've got a track called Da Vinci on the album and in the beginning I say in the Mona Lisa there's hundreds of layers of paint called it's Da Vinci because there's hundreds of layers of paint and when I was I'll sort of try and study guys like Da Vinci this is where I'm probably quite unusual because it was a study me at the start of this year I did an episode with a guy who broke down the life of Da Vinci how to think like Da Vinci and I was going back through our messages earlier on today and you'd sent me a text about that that particular episode big in your big episode and so now we're getting sort of probably a version of me that I've not probably even spoke about much and there was there was a point when when I'm 16 I'm sitting jail in solitary confinement and I have this dream that these I can earthquake or something and all the world come into an end and everybody's escaping but I'm stuck in this room I'm locked in this room and nobody's going to come and let me out and the whole world's falling down outside and in that moment as a 16 year old guy people that you came up in school with or whatever sort of getting their GCSEs and I remember being like not so much envious bull aware of the fact that like my household was falling to bits there's nowhere I could have focused and got my education now to go back to the victim who had narrative and the accountability that we spoke about before my approach to that was I'm going to go and self educate so I can only really educate on things I'm interested in so I try and yeah I try and find I mean I can't educate myself in areas again I was talking about ADHD not long ago I'm talking about ADHD or ADD or whatever and the more that I take I can't ability and strengthen up the more I sort of realise like do you know what I can learn to the things I'm not interested in it just takes more of my energy and bored I'm yawning but I get through it I will build the stamina to get through it and that's where I've sort of got to know right however our renaissance art and things like that are things that I'm just naturally interested in so why don't you tell me did you say that you got into learning about is it crests like how the code of arms is constructed because you needed it for your house am I making this up no no no what's it called what's the name for it yeah code of arms basically what would what would happen is in the early days and I guess that's attached to my interest in history right because when I'm sort of looking around at the system that's in place I'm like let me strip this back and let me go to the beginning prior to the system and the types of people that put systems like this in place so I can have an understanding of what I'm looking at when I'm walking through this corporate world, what I need to take serious and what's not that interesting. And when you get back to the sort of early days, the prime evil days, what would happen is lots of wars would be kicking off in them days. And you would have, if you was sort of associated with royally, family of the king or, you know, attached to royally, you would have a coat of arms that would have sort of a reference, a representation of how that king came up. And that, I don't know, it just fascinated me in the fact that some of these kings were just men that was able to take power by force. And then you got to think, who is that individual? Well, that's the essence of what a king is. Because when you get to guys like, Henry VIII, when he was like educated and flipping bitspoil and chopping his wife's head off, when they'd annoy him, really, he doesn't represent what actual king is. A king is a man that's top power by force. He's made it, and he's maintained it. And that's the essence of what I'm kind of talking about. I'm talking about the fact that any man can be a king. And this doesn't mean that you're going to rule the land, you know, be the king of the place that you live, but you be the king of your own kingdom. And that's just what I got interested in. Anyways, that's the nature of me getting interested in the coat of arms. What would happen is a big battle. And you might have had your ass warped all you guys are dead, and then you bump into a 10 guys from the other side on horses or whatever. And they would see you ordinarily what they might do is just chop your head off for someone to do, torture, whatever they felt like doing. Because there's no laws going on at that point. But if you've got this particular coat of arms on, it's in their best interest to take you back to their king. And they would then their king would decide what to do. And ordinarily, you might negotiate with your king and sell you back to that king for a rancer. Anyway, so then did make a crest of that coat of arms. I made a fragrance called the house of vision. And it was a part of designing that fragrance. So I guess I'm lucky that I've got job descriptions that allow me to educate myself in places. You know, I'm not just a junior. If you put me back in a room with the kids that were A-class students that got A's in their exams while I was sat in jail, I bet now I'm more sophisticated than them in many areas because that was a generic version of history. I've gone off and got into the nuances, the little details of how things really work and how it's applicable to sort of times now. So yeah, and you're episode on the venture. Again, a version of me that people probably don't understand is I go away and I educate myself of me and I read laws and I go and open my mind because of where I've come from. I think there's going to be people in the underbelly that are coming from real dysfunction that have known to grab onto and look at. I think the more my career grows, the more they'll sort of grab onto me. And by the time I get there, I need to be educated enough to be able to stand on what it is I'm actually saying. Let alone having the type of wife that I'm interested in having. Let alone bringing up the types of kids that I'm interested in bringing up. You're an also education in that respect is key, I think. There's always another level. There's always another level to keep on educating yourself to develop yourself toward. And in some ways that can make people feel a bit despondent because I'm never done. I'm never finished. But also, if you enjoy what it is that you're learning, if you enjoy the process of growth and improving yourself and impacting the people around you, the people that you haven't even found yet, the wife that you don't have, the kids that don't exist, the dog that you haven't raised, the house that you haven't bought, it's an opportunity. Yeah. And I think that is where maintaining it comes into the equation. I think that the anatomy of the way that the body works, how to keep the body strong and functional. The mind, how to keep the mind, elasticated and open to learning more. I think these are all things that are necessary. I don't think there's any two ways about it. You're even going to be the type of an old person that's got a walking stick and you're frail. Are you going to be one of these that we're seeing a lot of in the modern day and age where you're still looking young and feeling fresh and you know, living your best life. That's why I'm interested in. That's the kind of wealth I'm interested in. I'm content. Of course, everything I ever wanted. If I'm smart, there'd be people far richer than me. But if I'm smart, I'll never work again. At that, I'm uninterested, man. What I'm interested in now is enjoying my life, doing the things I enjoyed doing, building the family I'd like to build, looking after my children, giving them every opportunity to live a solid life, you know, and that's what that's what maintenance is. You take the kingdom by force and then you maintain the kingdom by discipline and consistency and I. This episode is brought to you by Gymshark. Gymshark makes the best gymwear on the planet and on November 15th, they're doing their biggest sale of the year. You can save up to 50% sight-wide plus an extra 10% when you use the code modern wisdom 10, a checkout. If you need some recommendations, their hybrid shorts in Onyxgray and Navy are an absolute staple for me. They're Crest hoodie, so I'm flying in whenever I'm traveling and they'll leave this t-shirt to what you've seen me train in for nearly every vlog that I've ever put up. All of their kit are unbelievably lightweight, sweat working, easy to wash and dry, the fit and the quality of the fabrics are phenomenal and the sale doesn't last for long. So if you want to save up to 60% off the best gymwear on the planet, go to the link in the description below. I head to do you think if you stayed in primarily focusing on rap that that would limit you, limit your growth, limit your life? I've probably been in the rap game longer than you should and I've been able to do that because my story telling ability is that's a gift I've been giving. That's one of the gifts that I've got. And I remember being young and being in lots of trouble, as an old friend's house who's on the computer, the PlayStation, and his mum rushes up the stairs, all flustered and worried and she's like, "Just had the police on the floor." And she's like, "You've got an Osmond warning." That could be wrong about that word, but I think it's an Osmond warning. And that's when these intelligence that somebody wants to take your life. And about you, about him, right? I had no way to live so I was staying on his sofa. And it didn't flustered us. It was the lifestyle we was living at the time. We thought we was going to be career criminals and this was the our practice stages. This was the same as being a young boxer in the gym. Sparring. How old were you? 14, 15. At that time of my life, so much chaos was happening on a day-to-day basis that I was sort of, that's one of the few times I've questioned God. I've been like, "Why am I having to go through all of this?" And it's not until my career sort of formulates and takes shape that I understand that like, "Oh, I'm able to be a storyteller in the rap business that's actually got lots to talk about." And I'm just coming to a stage now where I think the rap game it goes in stages of you're from a dysfunctional background. You talk about that. Here's who I am, here's where I'm from, here's what it's been like. We relate to that guy. He gets another album out of that if he's clever. Then he's got some money and then he starts talking about the money, the cars, the girls and what he's spent his money on. What I'm talking about in this album is the point that's under documented in rap, which is what happens after you've spoke about where you've come from, an audience that's connected with you. You've earned some thought, you've spent some money on some fancy things. What next? That's maintaining its main maintenance. We've got that in America. We've got Jay-Z, we've got 50 Cent, we've got. But if you look at guys like Pete, did he? If you look at the way, you know, 50 Cent conducts himself, he's still some heavy dysfunction going on in the mix of that and don't get me wrong, America's a big brush place. So the British rap game is a different game. However. And the US probably had another good example. Good example. Lots of this function there. Right. And but we're British. So we can talk to ourselves different. Yep. So I'm one of the first British rappers, one of the pioneers in that. Here's what it looks like after that phase. And I understand the responsibility of that position. And that's why I take diversity in series. And a lot of other rappers will be shocked. And we'll find themselves having to follow the blueprint. And I just don't say that in any statistical way. I don't I mean it with all due respect. I'm just on my journey. I'm not even interested in being better than anybody else at this point. I'm really just competing with myself. However, rapping is a young man's game. You know, and there comes a point where you must diversify. A lot of boxes don't diversify. A lot of footballers don't diversify. And it all goes wrong. We see them. They've put way on. They spent a lot of the money on the addictions they've picked up. And the sad. So therefore you you have to take that transition series. You know, you must diversify. And in diversifying, you get yourself a more adult job description. So I'm interested in being an actor and take into consideration the fact that as a manicure job to look after a wife and children. And I think I just see people that don't take that aspect of participating in a young man's sport. Serious. They don't take the next phase of the life series. It's interesting. I've been thinking a good bit about something like mastery with an open heart. What drives most people especially in the beginning to work hard to be diligent to be disciplined is maybe a chip on their shoulder. It's wanting to prove people wrong. It's wanting recognition and validation. Admiration respect from people that they respect. It's wanting to get money and freedom and independence to be able to navigate their own sovereignty to not need permission from anybody. There's a lot of fuel in the beginning. And I'm interested how many people are able to continue chasing mastery without relying on the toxic field that was there in the beginning. What happens when you've spent that fuel tank? Because you can keep using it, but over a long enough time period it is toxic. Because then you go and produce more of the fuel. I know a couple of guys recently who have basically manufactured enemies. This situation, a bunch of situations actually did not need the level of friction, cantankarousness, divergence, disagreement. It didn't need that. These enemies have been confected, concocted, confabulated out of nowhere. Purely so that this person has something to push up against. Yes, sophisticated. I'm articulate. I've been giriada. I'm going to make an enemy. I'm going to make an enemy to give me more of this fuel that I worry I'm dwindling out of. I reckon 50 cents giriada. Which enemies has he done? By the law. But not by the way. I have no interest in speaking on another man's journey. It's just an observation. If I talk about myself, which is all I understand. I just see similarities that I can relate to. And what happens in the streets is there's some scary individual that would like to take you off the face of the planet if they could. It's down to, I don't know, jealousy, hatred, anger, whatever the reason is. But it fires up something in you. That also happens in boxing. When you walk into the boxing gym and the coach says, "I've got your fight." Really? Yeah. You're going to be fighting this guy. He's had this many fights and it's real. You're going to be having a fight. That would have to have a similar effect on you. And what it is is this final destination in your mind if you're not careful where by the worst can occur. You can really lose. In losing, you can lose your identity. You can lose yourself respect. There's so much on the line. It just brings out a new version of yourself. You'll do the extra run. You'll go to bed early reading a book. I experience that in the streets. You have a problem with a scary individual. You'll take making some money more serious because you're like, "I can't be out here forever." So that being said, I'm guilty of trying to initiate the production of that toxic fuel. Just because a professional career kicks in in entertainment and some of the lines are blurred. It's like, "I'm a rapper. What does that mean?" Exactly. So you've got to create your own framework. You've manufactured enemies and rivalries because. Well, they're sort of there, right? But they're just not as interesting as the worst ones were. Actually, your pride's not on the line. You don't care what they say about you. But you can open that part of your mind and be like, "What did you say?" And that brings out a version of you that you're like, "If I bump into him and he thinks, because I'm famous, he's going to do something to me and I'm not going to take self-defense serious." That, you know, and that'll just bring out a version of yourself that turns up with a solid physique, turns up focused, has been reading before bed. So there was a lot of that in there. There's a world out there where there's a lot of jealous people, a lot of people that are probably upset with things I've said, things I've done. And there's been versions of events where I've actually looked at that. Let me see what these people are thinking. I'm provoked myself. I've got myself a little bit nervous. You can always hear out there. And he would like a problem with me if he could. All right, for sure. And then you become the version of yourself that is prepared for that challenge. What do you think about that? Because I can see both sides of how useful and adaptive and functional that could be. In one way, it is free fuel, for you to push yourself harder to become better. And in another way, you are manufacturing, like just creating out of thin air antagonism against the world. Well, it's energy. Essentially, you're farming energy, but it's a crutch also. You rely on something external to create energy. In the same way as you were saying, you want to be able to be the best that you can without people around you, begging you up and telling you that you can be better. You've got to go through this season of isolation when it's just not spoken about enough. We're going into winter. That's the winter arc, right? Yeah, man. And have the confidence in yourself that you'll come out of the other side. And in that, you will let go of all crutches. I don't need some negative individual that would love to have a problem with me because it prosperous his life, but hinders my mind. It doesn't matter. I don't need the fuel from that to get up and get to the gym and lift heavy or go sparring and let it fly. So you learn to look within and as opposed to say toxic fuel, find the real fuel, your essence. I'm really comes from a place of love. That's what a real fuel is. Yeah, man. It's love, man. Why am I interested in my purpose? Well, it's because I remember being 12 year old, looking at a documentary when we were kings about Muhammad Ali and George former. They're going to fight in in Zahir. It was in the rumble in the jungle. And I was just surrounded by complete dysfunction and was desperately looking for sources of inspiration. And that's what I served as in a major, major way, you know, there was suicide on my ended times. There was, you know, I was in a dark place and from a place of love, tapping into that abundant energy source of love. I know that kid's out there and I know that that kid is taking strength from what I do next. So therefore, that's all the strength I need to maintain it. In that if I fall off, I let that kid die, you know, and I could have saved the life there. And that's I think when you've you've got a very dysfunctional family, there's this internal battle that sort of goes on where you like, you got to let go of people. And you're like, am I not loving about, am I going cold? There's a song called Prisoner. And I talk to you. talk about it, I'm saying I'm afraid that I've gone cold and that's the question I'm sort of asking myself, sort of writing like my diary in this particular song. And in asking yourself that question, you have to look at your relationship to human beings in Germany because I'm really willing to cut people off, man. Like if, regardless to the title of an individual, to preserve my inner peace, I'll really let go, man. Okay, here you are, what is, if you're not going to take a car, a billet and you're going to lie and be disrespectful or whatever it is, I'm going to leave you over there, I'm just going to keep walking my own journey. When you then look at your relationship to human beings and you meet an individual that is accountable or from a dysfunctional background but is trained and that's where you see what's going on in your heart and it, it turns out that there's lots of love in my heart. Yeah. And actually I'm more open than I thought I was. I'm just triggered by people that have the same traits, similar traits to the ones that I was sort of brought exposed to and sort of first hand witnessed the destruction that comes with how then people are. Do you know why I think that is? So there's a type of illness called Sir's chronic inflammatory response syndrome. And if you live in a house that's got toxins, biotoxins in like mold and microbes, your immune system begins to learn that that's a threat. It's slowly over time breaking your immune system down and chronic inflammatory response syndrome means that if you ever get re-exposed to that kind of environment, almost immediately your immune system switches on. It's like a warning alarm. This is familiar and dangerous and it's an immediate response. So if you have Sir's and you walk into a building, even if you've been out of a toxic environment for 12 months, let's say, you walk into a house that's got mold spores in it, similar to the ones that you were exposed to in the past. Your neck will go red. You'll be inflamed. You'll get a ringing in your ears. You'll get brain fog. You might feel sick. Lots of things happen immediately. This thing switches on. And I think what's happening there is your body has learned that a very familiar but dangerous kind of pathogen is around. And I think that this is somewhat similar to what you're seeing here, which is I know that archetype. I know that kind of person. I understand the mentality, the background, the worldview. And there is a psychological immune system that kicks in, which goes, if I spend too much time around this person, I might go back there. I don't think that it's fully conscious, but I certainly see it myself. There are patterns from my childhood. People that I spent time around lessons that I learned or observed, people that I saw in the modes of behavior. I'm like, that was imprinted so deep into the source code of who I am that I do not want that in my life. I don't want his relationship with gambling. I don't want the way that he cheats on his wife. I don't want his lack of care for his kids. I don't want the fact that he uses alcohol in order to be able to deal with his problems. And anytime that I see something that sometimes isn't even that. I like incorrectly patent match in the same way as chronic inflammatory response syndrome. You can go into a building and it's one one thousandth or one one hundredth of the dosage that you were exposed to previously, but immediately the immune system switches on because it's looking for this thing that was maybe a killer that maybe could have taken your life down a path or your immune system or your health down a path that you really didn't want it to go in. And this is kind of the same, which is I see in this person somewhere or in this relationship or in this dynamic or whatever, I see a world that I really, really don't want to be a part of. And it feels familiar to me in a way where my psychological immune system is kicked on to go get the fuck away from this as quickly as possible. Interesting point, right? Because these two versions of events, okay? And what you're talking about with the inflammatory response is the sort of the bodies like airbags, you know, in a car, the car crashes and the airbags come out and you're talking about them airbags sort of prematurely. Yes, yes. Just sort of a learn and coming out. So within sort of the healing process, there is a phase where prematurely airbags come out and it's like, oh no. As you become the more you become a man, the more you make decisions essentially, you're looking at a situation, you wane it up for what it is and the impact it can potentially have and you're initiating healthy boundaries. You're not responding impulsively. There's a degree of intuition, but it's cultivated. So intuition refined. There you go. Yeah. And at that point, you're just making decisions as opposed to just being triggered and there's a triggered response. Or as opposed to having permeable boundaries, so malleable and floppy that you never actually end up standing up for yourself. Yeah. Or when you were young, being so inexperienced that you weren't able to see the pattern that you should have been aware of, you didn't know what a microbois, you didn't understand what a moldy house smelled like. So you go from ignorance to awareness, to reactivity, and then finally to discernment, maybe something like that. The word would probably be responsibility. You're responsible in the decisions that you make. You can see what it is that you're walking into and you decide to walk away. You decide to let it go. So like some of the people that they're individuals, you spoke about a gambler or, you know, I've been around guys that cheat on the partners and you have to make a decision in that in that moment because these 80% of that person's character that is up your street is in my kind of guy. But at the point that he cheats on his partner, it's like, and as a human being, you can't be judgmental, right? Because we all come from this function. However, when you become in the person that you see yourself being, you've got to make decisions, man. And some things you've got to take a step away from. And also, it's honestly really, I think it's authenticity. I think, again, it comes down to love. How am I supposed to look at that guy's partner in the eye if I have an understanding that he goes and cheats on his misses? Yeah, no. How am I supposed to trust what he's saying to me if he goes home and lies to his best friend? Yeah, I mean, unfortunately, to one of the things I don't think people fully realize about gossip that everyone likes gossip in one form or another, right? Even if you know that you shouldn't until you realize that you've been seduced by it, you're like, oh, is that some information about something behind the scenes that could be quite interesting or cool or a little bit like venting gossipy. But one of the things that people who gossip a lot don't realize is that even if the person they're gossiping about doesn't find out, the person that they're gossiping too is taught a really interesting lesson. Oh, they found out that you are the sort of person that talks behind people's backs. Yeah. And then you get this out of people that won't do that for that reason or you get the types of people that don't do it because it's just against their moral code. That's that's who you want to be. They're the people that are, they're the people I gravitate towards, their morals and their principles are like being around them people because they're accountable, they're responsible. Now, by the way, I have been an unaccountable and unresponsible individual and that is the nature of growing up. That's a part of the journey. So I don't sit here as somebody that's like perfect and always been perfect. You know, I sit here as somebody on the journey, you know, but but taking it serious. There's a letter from Sigmund Freud to Carl Young, glad that he wrote him. One of the lines in it says, "One day in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as most beautiful. The years of struggle will strike you as most beautiful. And I think that it's just such a gorgeous reflection on what most people realize, but only in retrospect. Unfortunately, when you're going through it eating shit, unsure whether or not you're going to be able to get out, tarnished, doubtful, impitty, how can you say that this is beautiful? And yet when you look back, the years of struggle are the ones where you go. That was it. That was where I was forging myself. I think the key is to be present is to try and see the beauty in the darkness, you know, in the midst of the tunnel, in the midst of the chaos, understanding that these beauty within it. And it's a tough place to be. It's a tough place to be. But the does come a point where you've just been through so much that you sort of know now that this is my path. So I might as well accept it. And this will pass, you know, I will get through this one way or another. So you start to admire the fact that that is the beauty of life, man, you know, I've had some really dark situations. And like I said before, the time when I question God, I've had darker situations where I've not questioned God, and I've just understood that like, this is it. This is how it's supposed to be right now. And I'm sure I'll come back stronger, and I've been right, and I have come back stronger. So yeah. When we most uncertain, when he's not uncertain, man, I think in times when I felt the most certain, it's been fabricated, it's because I'm leaning on these crutches, these friends that you're talking about that like, believing you more than you doing all that like that'll create a false sense of security. I think the whole way through these just moments where he just like, you know, and I think the most uncertain I've been is when I'm losing trust in my own mind, my own ability to control my impulses. And I'm making decisions that throughout my right mind, it's like, I wouldn't do a thing like that. You know, or I wouldn't become addicted to doing a thing like that. You know, there was a time where, earlier in my life, when I was exposed to violence on quite a regular basis, and some pretty bad things that happened to me, I was taking, I'm going to say joy in sort of inflicting pain. And it's just with some being somebody that's interested in fitness, it's just one one of the vices that sort of fit with me. So I'd have a friend that I'd have trouble with an individual, and I'd take it upon myself to rectify this situation. It's in retribution. Yeah. And because I think, and again, like, honestly, brother, like, you sort of grow up, my step that beat me up when I was 11 and it had a profound effect on me. One particular time did, you know, yeah, but it has a profound effect that you, it's not until you grow, you become adult and you look back at your life and you like, now I understand why I was interested in just being a nuisance. You know, and it's because that's what you're taught, and you know that it hurt, but it also felt embarrassing. How much of it was the pain and how much was the humiliation? It's the part and parcel, right? And you want to inflict that onto other people. So that feeling that you feel after being physically violated and left on the floor or whatever, when you see somebody else in that situation, you think, deal with it. I did. Don't cry. We cried for. I didn't, you know, so there was a phase in life where, you know, and all that's part and parcel of thinking you're going to be a criminal for a living, makes you a handy guy to have around, because it's a thing that you, you're at the time, enjoy, and then you saw a tap back into the true version of who you are and you realized that that's something that life, if I wasn't careful, was going to do to me. Life was going to make me that individual. You understand that I had to snap out of that and I had to realize, actually, I'm not like that. I'm a loving, kind, caring, respectful person. That's something I've felt like I had to become in order to keep myself protected in the environment that I was in. This comes back to make it. So many of these environments that unfortunately, having no money will leave you in. You will be exposed to dark things and you will have to become a version of yourself to deal with them, dark things, that when you mature, you just won't be able to stand by. You know, and if you're not careful, you take it over the top and I met a lot of them individuals in jail and they've done dark things and you can see that the maturing out of that mindset now, but what's done is done and you've got 14 years in this place. You know, so the whole thing is a process of healing, man, healing, man, and it only now are people starting to talk about it. I mean, now are my people starting to talk about sort of men addressing their emotions of what they've been through. I was talking about this from the get-go because my original mixtapes were me sort of quitting boxing, coming to terms with quitting boxing and coming to terms with being depressed, you know, and sad and down. And what I started to do was look at everything that I've been through. Just from a perspective of, you know, do you know what? That is sad. That happened. It's sad. It's okay to feel sad about it. I don't have to snap and get angry and just accept and move forward. You know, and actually as I look back through that process, I've built an incredible life for myself, man. I've done really good. Yeah, man, you know, I'm a young man. I'm single. I'm in a position where I know I can protect a family. You understand? I know I can pick a country in the world that I want to live. I can design a house exactly I would like for it to be. And I can protect our wife and children and it just gives me a security and I can look after myself. You know, and it just gives me that is all I think any of us really want to give or take. You know, and, and, and, and in that being said, that's what I'm trying to touch on in this album is the, is the get into that place. I don't think the numbers are important. I think once you financially secure, financially free, financially free is the word freedom. I mean, once you've got to that point, who cares if that's a hundred million, 50 million or a million, half a million, whatever makes you free. Once you're there, you're there. You've got to be content with your position. Once you know, you can sort of look after a family, move on and enjoy your life, maintain it. It's interesting, there's a, a variety of different levels of freedom. Yeah. And one of them is you've heard of fuck you money, right? Yeah. So fuck you money means maybe you don't need to work for anybody. You don't need to listen to a boss in the same way. You are liberated from having to worry about how much something's going to cost. That's one type of saying fuck you. Another way of saying fuck you is fuck you freedom and fuck you freedom. Maybe you live off the grid or maybe you're able to move to another country where you can design your lifestyle in a different kind of a way or maybe you've got your own cows and sheep and goats and chickens and yourself sufficient, right? There's a kind of even the local council, the power grid, sort of you're not even, you've got solar panels, you're completely prepped and off the grid in that way. But there's a third kind of saying fuck you that I think is much more attainable for a lot of people and that's a fuck you family. And that is no longer needing the validation of anyone. Like yeah, maybe you're not reliant on a boss to tell you when to go to work. Maybe you're not reliant on the power grid or the local food supplier to give you whatever. But something that's much more attainable for a lot of people I think is to reach escape velocity from being judged or needing the validation of other people by knowing that the people that you care about most think that you kind of can fly, that you can levitate, that you can lift the world up and even if the rest of the universe is falling down around you, the person sleeping next to you in bed and the two people sleeping 10 feet above you in the same house think that you're a superhero. And I think that that is a kind of liberation that I see a lot of men when they become fathers achieving that throws into quite harsh contrast the way that they were trying to gain liberation and freedom and sovereignty and recognition previously. It makes the the games that they were playing like probably quite shallow and desperate. Look at my need for performance like I'm jumping in the air like look at me look at me look over here like look at how cool I am and how much I can do and they didn't know that the right woman and the right kids the bigger picture are is everything it's all of the fuel that they needed and I think it probably in a bit of a smirky way makes them look at that version of themselves as like kind of a kid, you were jumping up and down, performing for all of these people. It was cool, or whatever, but really what you needed was this unit. So, I say why not have all three, right? And I can only speak from the perspective of a young man, but without fuck you money, you can't get fuck you freedom, not the real kind. And if you're not careful, the fuck you family will turn around and say fuck you. If you ain't got yourself in, you know, if you're not functional, and if you're not got yourself together. So, therefore, I guess that is the sort of philosophy I'm talking about, but in order to say fuck you, you need all bases covered, so you're going to need some money. How much that is, you can figure it out for your particular sort of circumstances. The money will buy the fuck you freedom, you know, and also buy the protection of your family, the freedom of you being able to sort of connect, build relationship. And then your family won't turn around and say fuck you. If you've developed the sort of functionality to be a man. So that's the interesting thing that keeps coming up here, and I think it's because you've spent so much time thinking about the psychology, where you've come from, how the human mind works, what human nature is, that when people talk, especially young men that are aspirational and have ambitions, when they talk about building a kingdom, the kingdom that they're talking about a lot of the time is quite shallow, it's materialistic, it's physical, and these things, as you say, important, and maybe even sort of the bottom of the pyramid of like, let's get yourself sorted first. Make sure that you're safe and secure, and you've got the surroundings. But the kingdom that I think matters much more is the emotional one. How much work have you done on yourself? How safe and secure are you as a vessel, not you as a supplier of resources? Yeah, that's important, but I think increasingly to me, I am far more impressed by men who have built a kingdom of psychological security on top of one of financial security, and much, much, much, much rather be friends with somebody who is one, one hundredth is rich and wealthy and famous and statusful, but has got a cathedral of psychological stability, the one who is unbelievably acclaimed, but just sort of left it there and didn't go any deeper. Well, the external reflects the internal, you know, you know them by their fruits, you know, what's going on inside a person is, will be reflected on the outside, so you see that in a man's physique, you see that in the way that he sort of conducts himself, the things he's acquired, the places he's trying to go, which essentially means that the journey's always an internal journey, and he's not getting around that. And that is, that's work that involves solitude, so sometimes I see people that surround themselves with people, because that's what the isolation journey will do to you, right? It'll make you think, have I become unsolvable? Have I lost the ability to make and retain friendships? And then you sort of, you can see within some friendships that like, ah, you've not got comfortable with walking your journey of isolation by yourself to become the strongest version of yourself, and you're clinging onto these people for validation and a sense of belonging. And little do you know you'd be more far more valuable to that friendship group if you just went through your challenges one, embrace the solitude, embrace the isolation, come out on the other side. So again, I just I do, I just think it's an internal journey that one's taken seriously and taken. Then you come out as a man that can serve. I think people have forgotten what a man's job is. I think sort of being around, um, Guy Richie explores that to me and just witnessing certain conversations and why, having conversations with him, I don't know, because I just think that he's, um, somebody that's, um, a philosopher really, that's why we like his films, that's why we like the dialogue of his movies. But who that person is behind closed doors is, um, an honest man and a devoted husband and a devoted father and, um, and also someone that's very human, it's come up through all of the levels. You know, when you hear what a person like that has actually got to say, as a much younger man, it just has a funny way of seeping into your bones one, and, and you just sort of understand that like, again, you have to be just ruthlessly sort of accountable and, and responsible. And then you sort of remember that as a man, it's your, it's your job to serve man. I take, I, I take Jory in, um, in helping out, if that makes sense, do you know what I mean? If I can, I've got a young fan called Oliver is, um, he's autistic, he's, he's, he's, dad in jail or worse, and for me to be helpful towards an individual like that, I, I take Jory from that, you know, I've been in situations where something crazy is going on and I, I can offer a woman in that moment, some sort of, um, protection. They're the moments that, that I think's like masculine nature, that's, that's like a part of me that, um, I take Jory from, I see, I see some people that take Jory from like spending money or, you know, a lot of money I've spent as, as to been, been to reinvest into my brand, which was a wrap brand. Big part of wrap is the perception, so you've got to give them proof of income, um, but really behind all of that, I'm quite simple, a simple guy, man, and, and in that as a man, I like to, I feel like I like to do my job, if that makes sense. How do you square wrapping about having a periscount and a rake that are in the same colors, while also telling young people that money isn't the point? I think that you have a brand like mine, you better, you better get financially free, man. And if you're going to be financially free, and you, and you're young enough to be brush, only any, for it to be acceptable in, in any way, shape or form, then, then demonstrate, you know, I, I've done this independently, I, I own the rights to all my music. That's one thing, right? But then you got to run the record label yourself, you got to employ the people at one point, the outgoing of, of, of, of the, of the business, it was somewhat like 1.3 million on, on, stuff along, as a rapper, on who's doing it, who's taking on all that extra stress, so you building a thing independently, and if you're going to do that, and you're going to take that path, you, you've got to show proof of income, like, it's going well, it's possible. Showing guys coming into the business, like by the way, you can do this in a way where you're not just relying on an industry to make it happen, you know? So that being said, that was, that's sort of part and parcel with the job description I taken on, however, you take me out of that job description, and I'm really a simple guy one. I'm really a simple guy at, I, I come from, we'll begin in, when I come from a house with no, no carpet and, on floorboards and, you know, I really don't need much, and that's the truth of who I am behind it all, but if you're going to be a rapper, and, you know, being poor will really do something to you, man. I've been guilty of being a real show off, and I was like that from, I first started to acquire money, just as a young man, you know, I'd buy a little Superbike and turn up at the party, showing off, like, it was something that I had to sort of humble myself in that regard, but again, it's a journey, it's a journey, anyway. Is there a line of yours that you wish more people paid attention to? From the new album, one that you think people might overlook off from "Pastwork"? I think, a mindset, I think there's a mindset that's overlooked, but in the times that I've, I'm always taught, I'm always going on about Vincent van Goghman. I bore myself sometimes, but you know what? that's the truth, I'm a bit of a boring guy. Why? Because that's where progression lies in repetition, my. So the things I've studied, I've studied them over and over and over again until I've taken the gems out of them situations. The reason people want to learn off successful people is because they don't want to go and do the repetition that's needed. Anyway, so one of the things I sort of understood is to sort of hinge factor in the invite govs legacy which is what it is let's let's have it right. Some of his work is nearly priceless at this point and he was trying to sell work the work wouldn't sell. He dies then his brother goes on to die and his brother had a wife called Joe and Joe put the letters between Vincent and his brother Theo out into the world and when people understood the mindset and the philosophy behind Vincent van Gogh's thinking and the fact that his literature was probably as beautiful as his artwork that's what made the pain in Sir. Okay, so the more that I grow and the more that I'm courageous enough to articulate what I'm actually thinking as somebody that comes from a very complex background that sort of identified with being a villain at one point but has also been exposed to sophisticated people and sort of took that on. When people really get an idea of my thinking then they'll go back and listen to what I was saying in retrospect, right. And there's a film called Eternity's Gate. It's about van Gogh. You may not have seen it and there's a point in that in that film where van Gogh goes to sing Remy's Hospital. And in them days it was like a mental asylum and what you would do is you would go and see a priest. The priest would come and see you to figure out whether he was culpris menis or not. And they would do that by your orientation in faith, in God you belief. And van Gogh, his parents happened to be like pastors and religion or something and he knew like the back of his hand. So then when the priest holds up some of his work and he says you think God made you a painter to paint this. And what he was saying is you works ugly, right. It's different money and some of the big painters in France they was making money from painting like realism and you know all the real but the camera was going to come and destroy that little trend. What van Gogh had made was from his essence, right. And what van Gogh says is he says sometimes I feel like God's made a mistake and he says sometimes I feel like God made me a painter for people that haven't yet been born. And when I understood that I understood that as an artist. The influence that I am having on people might not be for right now. It might be long after I'm God. So it's my job to just do my best work and be humble enough to accept the fact that people might not be able to see what I'm doing. They might not be able to see all of the layers of the painting in the works of art that I'm putting out. But that doesn't mean that I become laser because it's going to go over people's heads and people might ignore it because it's in the world forever. As Vincent van Gogh's paintings are in the world forever and that's why they go up in value. They are now because the more you understand his philosophy and his thinking and his outlook on the world as somebody that was experiencing a really rough go of it. He was sort of closer to reality. You can't get all you can't escape reality so you will always go back and you will always refer back. You know that's something that had a profound impact on me and that's what I've tried to do with this album. I've disconnected from feedback validation. I've just made it. I've tried to make it more musical. These layers and I've thrown it out there. With part two, I've not really even verbalised this but with part two. I'll be getting on with my life at that point. I'll make it and I won't be promoting it as a rapper because I won't be a rapper at that point. I'll be a husband and a father. So I'll make it and I'll throw it out into the world. Four people that are following the trail that I've sort of left out there. And that'll be that. And at that point, acting will have either taken off and I'm supposed to be a more famous person or I'm not. At this point, I've let go, you know, say to let go and let go. I've sort of got the things that I wanted in life and now I'm sort of revisiting faith and understanding my purpose. What am I here to do? How am I here to help? How can I serve? How can I help? And if that means that I'm supposed to be more famous than Solby, if that means I get to be less famous, you know, and I get my privacy back and I'm freedom, then Solby, both times round, I'll be doing things that I'm proud of that I can stand by that, like you say, my children can be proud of, you know. So that's my outlook on that. Bugs in my loan, ladies and gentlemen, did you roll? I appreciate the fuck out of you. Where should people go to keep up to date with what's going on? I mean, look, the the album comes out Friday, so it'll be out by the time this is our, it's called Make It Maintain It. Part one, it's my best work. The gentleman's season three will come out at some point. I'm giving that my all, I shave my hair off and everyone's like, why does he shave this hair off? It's because I'm giving the acting game everything I've got. So I'm looking a bit different. I'm at 10k lows, shave your head. You know, I'm serious about it. It's a job description I'd like. I was lucky enough to be in a film with Jason Stapham and I've seen his job description. I've seen the way he conducted himself as a man and it's a job description I'd like. So I'm marching in that direction. That being said, I'm around, you know, and I appreciate you having me again. I appreciate you moment. Until next time, goodbye my beauties. Dude, yes. Hey, a quick note. One thing that we've been told by a lot of our subscribers is that on Apple Podcasts Spotify and YouTube, they've been unsubscribed or unfollowed even though they pressed it. So just do me a favor and check below. If that has happened, tabning to a lot of people means that you get to find out about episodes before anybody else and it supports the show and makes me very happy indeed. Just give it a little check. Give it a little tap. All will be well. Thank you.