How To Survive a Long Distance Relationship

We're going to crack open space and moderate it for this one. This one always tickles my throat. So obviously online, I think a lot of relationships in general can just seem perfect and put together and happy and like there's no struggles. So I wanted to just open up to you guys about how long distance has been going. Some of the struggles we've been having, what we're going to do moving forward with this. And at the same time, I'm also going to be doing my makeup routines. I know a lot of you guys have been asking to see my full updated makeup routine and I've been really bad about getting that to you guys. I'm trying to think if I've ever done long distance before. I don't necessarily think I've gone into a relationship that's been long distance, but I know like when I first started dating my first boyfriend, he went to college that ended up being long distance. I think this is kind of like my first go at a real long distance relationship. I'm going to try under painting, which is basically when you start kind of like backwards on your face makeup, but this makeup artist did it to me and I don't think I have the right products for it. So if I look a little crazy just a little bit. Let's start with talking about our lifestyle. So Roxanne obviously plays football and I play social media. And I'm always traveling around. I'm never in one place, but he is very like on schedule on time type of person. Obviously football also comes with a schedule where there are from like 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. training every day and none of my days ever looked the same for me ever. So I think when it comes to day to day and like our communication, it's honestly harder than usual or maybe if we were on like the same type of schedule, like 9 to 5 together, it would maybe be a little bit easier. But we both have such crazy hectic schedules and especially if mine change it all the time, that it's not always the easiest to like have a set routine when it comes to our communication. And I'm not always the best at communication, which we'll get into in a later part of this. But I mean as of right now, we're trying to see each other once a month, which is definitely very different for us because we used to sleep in bed together every single night. That was kind of like our thing was maybe we didn't see each other during the days or for work, but like at the end of the day, at like 9 p.m. in Miami, I would always come over to his, we would maybe make dinner together or just at least go to bed together. And now obviously we don't have that either. So it's a really weird adjustment, especially because our relationship didn't start off in long distance. And so even though we're only gosh, maybe two, three months into this, like only being long distance with each other. I'm going to try and share with you guys the advice and learnings that have gotten from this and what we're trying to do to make it work, even though it may not be perfect. Because it's also definitely brought about some like different arguments and stuff that we've had, which we thankfully have not had a lot of problems in a relationship, but it's definitely just been a different obstacle when we learned a lot over the past two months. So to give you guys some context of when I've seen Braxton over the past two months, the last time I saw him was around the 4th of July when we were in Europe together and then back in Miami for a quick second. So that was like four or five days we were together. And then before that, he came to Miami to see me during Miami swim week, which was also just kind of like hectic and me running around. And friends were also with us and friends were also with us. The last time I was with him too. So it's definitely been, I guess like a lack of like our one-on-one time, but we've been trying to make the best of it. I don't know, I think you just kind of like put pressure on yourselves, you know, when you do finally get to see each other and like what is the perfect moment together. Like what are we doing to like maximize our time together? We have just found joy in the little moments and really being around each other. Like I think we're just looking forward to like sitting on the couch together. Like when we were in Miami this past month, we were so excited. We didn't want to like book a dinner, book a lunch, anything. We didn't want to leave the house. We were like we just want to sit on the couch because I think that's like what we kind of missed the most. So I'm gonna get into three different things that I've learned during this long distance period. So my first piece of advice is to set your expectations at zero. I'm just gonna be candid with you guys. Roxana and I got into a little bit of an argument, a little bit of a fight. We don't really do that, so when it happens, I feel like I always get on the couch. I'm like, oh gosh, like you know, I mean it wasn't like a brawl or anything, but we were trying to plan out our summer and our months and he was like, we're not gonna see each other for a month. And I was like, I feel like that's like our new normal. Like I think we have to just get used to that. I think he was really startled because obviously a month from like not seeing each other for like a day or 12 hours is a really big difference. We were just starting to get frustrated when I was looking at my calendar and then we were looking at his calendar and I was like, okay, well this weekend's not gonna work, like this weekend's not gonna work. This isn't gonna work out. And then I got a house in Montauk, for July, which I'm not sure that I would have done knowing he was gonna be on the Texans. But it was something that was booked higher and then advanced. He obviously is now in Texas and he's been rehabbing there every day because he towards ACL. But we were kind of getting into a little bit of like a negative spell where we just kept being disappointed that we weren't gonna see each other and that things weren't gonna work out. And I came to him and I was like, I feel like we just need to kind of retrain ourselves and retrain the way that we're thinking. And we need to like set our expectations at zero. And then when we do get to see each other, it's obviously a plus and it's so exciting. I think that's really helped us over the past two months. I'm going on dancing with the stars and he's obviously gonna be in Texas. Which honestly isn't the worst thing ever because I feel like L.I. to Texas is sort of closer. Well, it is closer. It's closer than Miami. So that was honestly a great thing when we found that out. We don't really know our set schedule yet on when we're gonna see each other. I know there's some games I'm gonna try and get to. The first game in L.I. is great. But we kind of had to stop expecting that we were gonna see each other all the time. And I think when we did that and started turning it just into like a positive thing. Like, okay, we get to see each other this weekend. It's a positive. And instead of being like, we can't see each other for a month and like kind of just like moat, you know, over that fact. So I think like retraining the way we thought about those things is really, really amazing. And then I think going into the time that we do spend together and romanticizing every moment. Like when I was with him and you're obviously that was the first time we went like a full month without seeing each other. Which is the longest I've gone without seeing him in our whole entire relationship. When I did see him, I was just like, it was like a fairy tale. Like, I don't know. It kind of felt like the honeymoon phase get where I'm like, I just want to like hold your hand 24/7. Like, I was so excited to be around him. Just like the little things. Literally being able to like sit next to them, sleep next to them, give you tell her a hug. I think just remembering not to take those moments for granted ever. We weren't doing anything super, super crazy. Like we didn't have any like crazy romantic date planned. Which usually when Brox and I do date nights, he like comes with flowers and cleanses extravagant things. We were just so happy and so present with each other the whole entire time. Sometimes we just take it for granted. When you're with your boyfriend, girlfriend, you're sitting next to each other on a couch and you're just kind of like scrolling on your phone. Like you're together, but you're not actually like present with one another. And we just didn't have any of those moments because we were just so excited beaten together. Even like being at the airport was just the best two hours. And really we were having so much fun just like walking through getting snacks together. So I think that's my first piece of advice is to remain present like romanticize those moments you are together and set your expectations at zero. So my second piece of advice is to honor each other's communication styles. By that, I mean, I'm a terrible tax star and I don't see my tax. I don't go on tax. I don't like texting. I've always been a call or face time person. I mean, I'm being a little bit dramatic. I'm not that bad and don't come from me. I'm a great girlfriend. I even remember in the beginning of our relationship, it was like one of the first things I asked Braxton. I was like, do like face time because I'm just going to FaceTime you. And I don't care if I'm like not that close with you, but I just feel like text gets so cryptic, especially when you're first starting to talk to someone. It's like you have to think every punctuation, every emoji, like, am I going to capitalize this letter? Am I not going to capitalize this letter? It's way too much for me. I would rather just get on FaceTime and like be myself. I've always been a big FaceTimeer and not a big textor. And obviously, Braxton and I, I mean, besides the, you know, first part of your relationship where you are excited and like telling each other things, you know, of all that. Since then, it's like we just would see each other every day. So, I mean, we'd send like a good morning text, maybe like, how are you? Maybe a midday call, but like besides that, I never really like had long thoughtful texts with Braxton. When we started doing long distance, this was one of those things where I don't know if it was maybe like a few weeks in or something. Braxton was like, I mean, we never text. It's like our texts are like, good morning, love you. And then it's like we call it the end of the day. He's like, we don't even like say anything to each other. Like, there's no like, you know, deep text going on and whatever. And I mean, for me, I was kind of like, well, it's hard like, I mean, we've been together for two years. What are we having that deep of a conversation about over text? Like, I would rather just, you know, catch up with you on the phone at night and call you. So that's something that I've tried to work on a little bit and he's tried to work on from his side as well. So for me, who was like, la la la, and all over the place all the time and Braxton is very scheduled oriented. Like, he probably would prefer a schedule for our texts. Like, we're checking in at 8 a.m. at 2 p.m. at 5 p.m. Like, that's just how Braxton is. He loves a schedule and I don't think I've ever had a day that looks the same as the other. He's definitely like, loosened up on that and become a little bit more chill and understanding that and understand that it's not coming from a place of like me not wanting to check in or whatever, but like just knowing that like we're gonna catch up at the end of the day. I will say our one rule that we've always had in our relationship though is that I call him at the end of the night after like going out with my friends. And it's so funny because I always get comments that I'm out without Braxton and everyone's like, "Hey, Braxton, they're not together anymore, it's whatever." And I'm like, "Well, do you guys realize how like we don't live together?" Like, we're not even in the same state and like sometimes when I am even in the same state with him, like he can't go out because he's doing football. We end up a lot of the times where like I'm going out without him and I think I understand that's another pain point in some relationships. And I mean, I just personally wouldn't be able to date someone that was not okay with me going out and living my life. Very grateful that we're very healthy on that front. But his one request is that I just call him before I go to bed or text him when I get home just so he knows I'm safe. And I mean, there was sometimes that I would go out. And I mean, this past year, I've been really good at this, but happens from time to time. It's like, go out, I have a few margaritas. And then I'm face down at my bed and I forget to call him. And now it's like engraved in my brain to call him before I go to bed, which is so fair. Like I should check in and just let him know I'm alive and safe. And now it's something that my friends even flagged me at times like, I'll be like drunk in bed with my food. And I'm like, you know, about to fall asleep with a sausage on my chest. And my friends are like, all braxton, check in with him. So I think even though texting and checking in, like that doesn't come so naturally to me, we've made it work where I feel like we're meeting in the middle now where he's kind of let loose on some things. And I've like put in the effort to make sure I'm checking in at different points. I think that's just been a little bit of another pain point or something that we've realized is like our lack of communication throughout the day because we're not together. We always, always, always check in at the end of the night. So I think just like being transparent about what you guys both want. I'm saying you guys is like you and your partner want out of communication and what your communication styles are, which I feel like it's something you don't really think to like ask someone, different people prefer different things. So I think respecting that and coming to a compromise with your partner is super, super important. And yeah, I mean, I just wouldn't be able to be with someone that I had to be like, you know, I'm out with my friends and like in the corner of like texting them updates 24/7. Like I think that would also drive me crazy. And my third piece of advice is you have to have trust with one another. So I know this might sound kind of like an obvious one, but I always thought I had trust in my partners until I recently realized that I don't think I ever fully did. Because one of my friends was talking about a Google Chrome extension or something that you can like look up who they've last followed in chronological order and all that stuff. And I used to do that all the time. I used to look at like what my boyfriend was like and who he was following. Every single thing I would like go in his tagged photos and look back at like any, like a girl from the middle school that he was with and like literally obsessed over it. And I realized I was like, oh my gosh, I'm really never done any of that with Braxton. And it kind of does like dawn on me that I guess I have trust in him to the point that like I don't even really think about trusting him if that makes any sense. It definitely was something that I had to learn over time because at first obviously Braxton was really, really nice and really, really great. And I was like, oh, this guy is very cool. But I had trust issues where I was kind of always expecting that like something was going to happen. Or I was like, oh, like he's going to crack. Like I'm going to make him mad and like his true colors are going to come out. And I was always kind of like waiting for that to happen. Sorry, Braxton. But like I was just like, this is like too good to be true. Like something's got to be off here. I think in like the first six months to a year of our relationship, I was like maybe a little on edge but not about like him with other girls. Always just about him as a person and like really trusting him to where I can like let my guard down because I've told you guys before, I'm someone who like comes with my walls up five feet. So that was a really big thing for me and just learning to like frust him and his niceness. I mean, when we go out without each other, everyone's like, you and Braxton are broken up because Alex is out at a party without him. And I'm like, I just don't know if you guys don't have trust in your relationships or what, but like I am allowed to go out without my boyfriend. And I think we just trust each other. Like it's just not a crazy concept of us. Like imagine if Braxton was like, you can't go out tonight. I would be like, well, this isn't gonna break out for me. We never really have that problem and he goes out on voice nights and his golf days and all different things where like I'm not nagging him and asking him a million questions. We just kind of trust each other. I'm gonna add some moisture back into the face. I think even a good example of this, which is kind of like a crazy extreme. It was Super Bowl weekend this year and Braxton and I have each other's locations now, which is so fun and I never really check it, but he was out at a Super Bowl party and it was before I got there. Like it wasn't in New Orleans yet and I was calling him. His phone was going like straight to voicemail. I was like, this is do not disturb. I call him a million times. It was just like dead, dead, dead, dead. And I was like, okay. And I think most people would be like, oh, their phone died or oh, like what's he doing? Like this is so fishy. He's out at a party and like his phone is off. I can't see his location or anything. And I was texting my friends and they were like, his phone definitely just died. Like stop freaking out and I was like, no. You don't understand like Braxton doesn't. He's too organized, like he has his life together. He doesn't leave the house with an uncharged phone. Like I don't think I've ever seen Braxton's phone die like this. I was like, that's just not Braxton. Like I know for a fact this phone is dead. And then my friends were like, well then like, I don't know, like what if something is happening? I mean, they weren't thinking Braxton was doing anything but they were just like, that's like weird. Like what's going on? And I feel like a lot of girls' minds would go to something like sketchy or fishy or cheating or like crazy, you know? And they're like yelling out their partner like whatever. But I literally was like, oh my God. Like Braxton's gotten kidnapped and murdered. Like I seriously was freaking out. I was like, do I call the police? Like I've just never seen Braxton's phone be off like that. And I seriously thought that something really bad happened to him. Like I was so scared. And then finally, like two hours later, he calls me and he was like, oh my gosh, we were at this party for the Super Bowl, which is where I knew he was. And he was like the party thing was like in a basement. And there was like zero cell service in there. So my phone wasn't working. And I was like, I knew something was happening. I knew his phone didn't die. But basically what I'm trying to say is, you gotta have trust in your partner who are a long distance relationship to work or maybe any relationship to work. I honestly feel like Microsoft Copilot is a great resource. If you're struggling in your long distance relationship, I mean, she's my built-in therapist, so we're gonna ask her some questions. Hey Alex. Hey Copilot, quick question. So what should I do if I'm having a fight or argument with my boyfriend and we're in a long distance relationship? And I feel like it's just not being resolved because we can't really physically be with each other. That sounds rough. It's tough when you can't be together to hash things out. Try setting aside a dedicated time to talk, ensuring you're both calm and focused. These video calls to add a personal touch and really listen to each other. Sometimes writing down your thoughts can also help in expressing yourself clearly. How does that sound for a start? That sounds good. I'm glad to hear. And what do I do if I'm really horny in my long distance relationship? And I'm craving intimacy. That's a natural feeling. You could explore ways to connect intimately through communication, like sending affectionate messages, sharing fantasies or having intimate conversations over the phone or video chat. It's all about finding what makes you both comfortable and connected. How does that sound? That sounds great. Thanks, Copilot. I hope those pieces of advice were helpful for you guys and now I'm gonna be a little bit more positive over here. If you look, I'd be down there and tell you guys like my takeaways. I still rely on you know that all things I've learned. And I'm just the rest of my makeup routine. So I think one of the things I've realized, I think going into the long distance and being like a month, like it was so daunting and so scary and honestly, it really does fly by. I think especially 'cause we're both pretty busy, but like the times sounded so scary and it really has been flying by. And it's not as terrible as it seems. It moves along. And I think knowing that there's also an ending to our long distance, like it's not gonna be forever. I think whenever I'm done with dancing with the stars, whoever before I can make it, I think that will probably be the next time that we're able to like, live or be together. Another thing I've learned is I really think like the independence has been good for myself. And I mean, I've always been an independent person, even when rocks and I are together. I am traveling time to time, but like something about really not being together for this significant amount of time. I kind of talked about on my TikTok a little bit, but like feeling like I was like getting a part of myself like it kind of forced me to socialize and step out of my comfort zone. I just think like there's a comfort in going to things with a partner where I'm like, okay, Braxton, is gonna lead me around and like, I'm gonna hold his hand and he's gonna like start conversations with people. And I think like not having that almost like safety blanket has made me a lot more independent. And I think a lot better socially. So I think that's been a great thing. Obviously I'm so happy in my relationship, but I also think like finding joy in the things outside of your relationship has just made me more well-rounded person. And I think the independence has been really, really good for me. And I don't know, kind of curious, like what are Braxton's positive takeaways? Braxton, I'm recording for hot mess right now. - What's up on us? - I was talking about long distance relationships. And I was talking about like all the good things that have come from it. So I was wondering, is there a takeaway? Do you have anything positive to say about our long distance time? - It blows a. - No, positive, Braxton. - No, I know I heard you. I just had to get that one out first. I would rather be with you. I don't like long distance. I think it allows you both to grow, like give you space to do that and to like do your own things independently. That maybe you would have all the time to do if you were together ultimately in the same space as we do normally. So I mean, I guess that that could be looked on as a positive for sure. But other than that, yeah, I don't like this one. - Preston. - Yeah, I love things. - It's shit, it sucks, I don't like it so much. (laughing) - It sucks 'cause you miss me and I'm so amazing. - Exactly, and you miss me 'cause I'm awesome. I bet you like it better. All right, why don't you finish that? - I'll call you back on the field. Love you. - I love you. - All right, well, so happy we had this chat about long distance and the good and bad of it all. I'm gonna. lock this in with my settings right and hopefully that was helpful on my makeup. Maybe I'll try this and oh my gosh, this always seriously blinds me. Every time I can't open my eyes for like a minute. So glad that you guys got ready with me while we talked about my long distance relationship and we're gonna have an off week next week and then we're gonna be back the week after with more fun episodes and I love you guys. Don't forget to subscribe to follow along for more. Bye.