How to stop hating each other

Hello, my beautiful people. Welcome back to the moments podcast. It has been a while hasn't it? Probably just a couple weeks, but feels like a really long time. I Need to get into a consistent routine of sitting down every single week recording this podcast and coming to talk to you guys because There really is nothing that I love more than it But if you're new here. Hi, my name's Lexi. Thanks for tuning in today. We're going to be talking About how to stop hating each other Sounds kind of deep sounds kind of crazy, but let me tell you something. We are living in a world of so much division At every level at the time that I'm recording this like the thing that comes to the top of my mind is of course politics Like I've never seen politics more divided ever and I used to think maybe it's just because like I'm getting older and a more aware of when people Dislike each other or aren't getting along, but I don't think that's the case. I think everybody around us could agree that This is the most divided that people have ever been since Back when history had some some crazy stuff going on But I mean even like way beyond that we live in a world that is so quick to be like if you Don't share everything in common with somebody you shouldn't be their friend or If you don't like the way that someone does something you should just block them and never have a conversation with them never talk to them never Interact with them. We're so quick to just like cut people off Because they might be a little bit different from us and I'm sure that you've seen this in Your classrooms and your peer groups and your college groups your post-grad life It's just like pretty common these days And I mean think about how quick you unfollow someone if they post like a meme that wasn't funny to you and yes Like there's a part of me that says respect to that. I've done in a million countless times But how do we ever expect to learn from each other and understand each other's perspectives if That's how quickly we are quickly we are to just Delete somebody from our life. How do we ever expect them to see things differently if we just don't ever give them The chance to do you know what I mean? I Have just been reflecting on it a lot and I've been wondering What in the world am we going to talk about on this week's episode? You know, I could do another advice session. I could talk more about confidence I could talk about therapy because I did go back and honestly that is A part of what sparked me wanting to have this conversation But and I'll get into it. But beyond that. I've just been Trying to observe the world. I Have also been trying to observe myself and I've been trying to acknowledge the person that I am because therapies made me want to be a little bit more self-aware and With the condition of the world right now. I find myself being really angry at people really angry at people who don't see Things the way that I do they don't see them as clear as I do they don't care about the exact topics that I do what I What they find important what they prioritize I'm Angry at it because I can't wrap my head around how and I started to really think about that I'm like, maybe there's a problem in that Maybe I'm part of the problem. I can think that you know My morals my thoughts what I want for the world what I want for the people is the best right thing is how everybody should feel Whether that's correct or not it doesn't matter because I should not feel anger towards people who don't see that Don't understand that don't grasp that the way that I do because in a lot of conditions It's a lot of situations. It's not everybody's fault that they don't see things the way that you do they don't Understand things at the level that you do they don't think about other people like you do and I'm saying you but like I'm also talking about me I get really frustrated. I'm like What do you mean you don't understand what you're putting that person's family through by Putting laws like this into place and this again, this goes like way beyond politics just in a general level of being friends with people I have friendships where I'm like, why would you say that about that person and it can be so easy And I'm sure that I've been that person to other people too Okay, I'm not just trying to sit here and be like I'm this almighty all correct all sympathetic amazing Love everybody kind of person like I have my flaws. We all have our flaws. We tend to not see our flaws But we've all been this person to somebody else too And how crazy would it be in this maybe has happened to you to just be cut off by somebody at one wrong Sentence one wrong understanding of a situation one wrong perception of something rather than to Hold a discussion and evaluate both sides of the story if that makes sense at all But as I was doing this like inner work within myself I tend to surround myself Sometimes unintentionally, but with a very diverse group of people people who have different beliefs religiously politically Morally like just around a whole different kind of people and I think it's an amazing way to be I think that It's very important to do that But in that I just find myself With anger okay, and I'm trying to work through it and that's why I'm recording this episode because it's not something that I can sit here and give you this lesson on like I've succeeded at it I have it at all. I know what it feels like to be angry at people who cannot See what you see or feel what you feel or just have like a completely different set of Things that are important to them in life But anger is not the way okay, and that's what I'm trying to get to here I've kind of been rambling for five minutes about what we're going to talk about and have yet to get into talking about it, but it's really how to Stop hating each other how to be a more united people and how to just Move forward at a time like this. I think it's very important to first start out. I made a little I made an outline You guys should be proud of me. I am you don't have to be proud of me. I'm proud of myself though division Is making us really unhappy individuals whether we realize it or not like we were built God's design for us was to be in community. Okay, I always like to think back to Adam and Eve He did not just bring one man to the earth. Yeah, you can argue it's like well because he needed more people and you needed people to conceive Yeah, whatever he didn't bring just one man to the earth. Okay, there were two meaning we need people We need community. We need friendship. We need relationships. We need love. We need each other And the more that we continue to hate each other Isolate ourselves the more unhappy we're going to be on the inside because we're not designed to be alone Yes, I'm always talking about the importance of being alone and being alone with your thoughts That's not really what I'm talking about here Talking about overall you need community. You need a village. We need to be together And after I was thinking about Adam and Eve and I was like let me see maybe if there's some more scripture that talks about the importance of community And there is and I'm going to read you a couple of verses Ecclesiastes chapter four verses nine through twelve say two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor If either of them falls down one can help the other up a pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up Hebrews chapter 10 verses 24 and 25 And let us consider how we may spur one another toward love and good deeds Not giving up meeting together as summer in the habit of doing but encouraging one another And all the more as you see the day approaching by the day I think it's speaking of when Jesus comes back, but don't call me on that Galatians chapter six verse two carry each other's burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ Okay religious or not Christian or not I'm want to talk a little bit about this scripture just because my faith is something that's been really important to me and honestly Really important in me like deconstructing my brain to go back to the root of what in who Jesus was okay I think it's really easy to group in Christianity to group in Jesus with a group of people who Maybe you feel have never replicated the love of Jesus. Okay. There will always be bad people There will always be one good Jesus and we cannot expect man to be like Jesus. Yes, it is man's goal to be like Jesus But the only one who can successfully do it is him himself So that's what I'm going to that's what we're talking about here We're not talking about Christians as a whole we're talking about the man and Jesus calls us to be together with one another to have conversations to have difficult conversations to be in rooms that maybe feel uncomfortable for us and I want to have a discussion. Okay To be honest I battle with my faith every once in a while because I look at the way that people are sometimes like I just said no man I can hold to the standard that I hold Jesus because no man will ever be sinless and perfect the way that he was right But I like to think that people who Praise his word and read his word and teach his word would be somewhat like him But the reality of it is that that is not always the case. There are a lot of people Christians especially who do not lead with love who do not open the door to all kinds of people who simply isolate themselves to only people who believe Just like them Which if I'm being honest is the exact opposite of what Jesus called us to do So because I experience people like that It sometimes makes me experience Question in doubt about God about Jesus. I'm like how do How is this somebody who's preaching your word if they're not at all like you and then I remember that exactly They're not going to be like him. We have to forgive people. We have have to allow people to make mistakes, to not be perfect. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know where my tangent on that was going. It was nowhere in my outline for that to be discussed. But it's something that's been heavy in my heart. And I think that if you are a believer and if you love Jesus or if you're the opposite, if you are somebody who has been hurt by the church, hurt by the people of God, just know that it was the people that hurt you and not God Himself. Remember to get your knowledge about Jesus from Himself. We are granted the gift of His Word. We have our Bibles where He speaks. There's Bibles where it puts His writing, His words, in red writing. Get that Bible. Read that Bible. Look at the words of Jesus before you look at the words of your pastor at your mega church, at your small church, at your small group, at your Bible study, wherever it is. Do not just take in what people teach you about Him, learn for yourself because it changes everything and the clarity that you will have of His Word and His view of the world changes dramatically. Now, I'm sorry for the faith tangent where I was trying to go with that. I think was to then say, even if you don't know Jesus, even if you practice different religion, it's very important to acknowledge that your religion as well highlights the beauty of community. There is no religion that does not highlight the importance of being in a village of people, a village of people who support each other, who love each other, who encourage each other, right? We need a village. And sometimes that means we have to be villagers. And I think it's really easy to forget that. I know we've talked about it on this podcast before, but to be a villager, sometimes means you have to help the people that you don't want to help. The people that look different from you, talk different from you, are different from you, believe different from you. Sometimes you have to help the people that you don't think deserve it, because they do deserve it. Whether you think so or not, every person on this earth deserves a chance, deserves help, deserves love from other people. We need it. We are called to be that way. And I want every single one of you listening to this and myself to search so far deep in our hearts and ask ourselves, have we been treating everybody with love? Okay, even if the people that you strongly dislike and you're like, well, these people don't deserve love because they hate on all these different groups of people. How does you hate on them make you any different from them? And I know it gets you heated, it makes your blood boil, but sometimes when it makes your blood boil, it's because you need it to hear it, and you need it to think about it, and you need it to feel it. I am that way. I have looked at people and said, you don't deserve love because you have not given anybody love in your lifetime. You've done nothing but hate and separate and divide people. But then I go and I treat them the same exact way that they're treating other people. That's not the way that we're supposed to be. And it is really hard not to be that way. We are living in a world that is so loud at creating this idea that we have to dislike each other. We don't have any room for empathy. We cannot understand where one another are coming from. But we must, okay? That's really what I'm trying to get across in this whole entire episode. Okay, so I wanted to go through my little list of ways to be more united. This is for anybody who's listening to this. I don't care who you voted for. I don't care what you believe in. I don't care the kind of person that you are. Every single individual needs to work at being a more united people. Because again, the more that we divide from one another, the more that we give bad things power. The more that we lose focus on what is important, which is each other. Okay, we all deep down are looking for the same things. Okay, we're looking for safety, for dignity, for love, for opportunity, no matter what side of the scale that you're on, whatever you believe in. Those are some of the core values that people have in general. They just tend to view them slightly different. I don't know if you guys have ever had a conversation which I encourage you to do with somebody who believes very differently from you. Okay, if you really get down to it, and if you're having a really respectful conversation and not just attacking one another, you start to come to the realization that you want the same things. You just see them differently. You grew up in different communities with different beliefs. You don't see things that's totally the same, but what you want is the same. And it's really easy to forget that. Because it's really enjoyable to just battle one another. I've been in both kinds of conversations. I've been in conversations with people who I know vote completely different from me. Yet in our whole entire conversation, we're aligning on everything at the core level. Okay, not at the exact ways of how it's going to be implicated or implied. What's the word I'm like, far applied? We all want the same things. In our human design, we want love, safety, dignity, opportunity, just differently. So we're all working to be more united people. We all need to make an effort to love one another more, even those that we don't want to love. Okay? The first thing's first. You got to stop commenting crazy stuff on people's Instagram posts. And you have to stop blocking people at one post that you dislike. This does not make us more united. This makes us more divided. It makes us more isolated. It splits us so far down the middle. You have no idea. This is how we start another civil war. Sounds dramatic, but I'm not kidding. If you only surround yourself with people who believe exactly what you believe, feel exactly what you feel, where do we grow? Where do we learn from each other? Where do we ever meet in the middle? You might be saying, well, I don't want to meet in the middle. I would never want to agree on anything with those people. Okay, that's problematic. If what you're fighting for is a world in a country where we are a united people who support and love each other, you can't think like that. You cannot think like that. Okay? So don't block people. Trust me. Just as quick to do it as you were when election time came around, the post, the memes, everything I'm seeing. I'm like, how can you support this? I'm in the following year. And I never want to see you ever again. Okay. What does that do? Nothing. Nothing. Now, I'm not saying you don't need to unfollow somebody if they're making horrible, horrible, horrible, racist, bigoted, horrible things. You don't have to surround yourself with those kind of people. Okay, but I don't think you need to completely isolate yourself from them either because believe it or not, believe it or not, those people deserve sympathy too. It's hard. I know. But let's remember it. Okay? So no crazy comments on Instagram, no media blocking. That's my first take. If somebody dies, you do not cheer it on. That is complete human decency to not do that. Regardless of how you felt about this person good or bad, regardless if you feel frustrated that nobody spoke up when other politicians were murdered or when genocides are taking place in other countries or when school shootings are happening every other day, I can understand what it's like to be angry that nobody speaks up when those things happen. But the whole world lights on fire when somebody who you might not deem as the greatest person ever is murdered. You don't cheer that on just because, just because it's all horrible. Murder is bad no matter who it's done to. And I feel that that should be pretty easy for all of us to understand. You cannot let your anger cloud your human heart. The fact that people are mourning and people might be mourning very differently than you are. You might not give a crap about this guy. You might not have followed him or listened to him ever, but you have to just, unfortunately, like sometimes respect that people are. It's not that hard to do, to be honest. It shouldn't be. I was not a fan of him, but people were, you know what I mean? Like I just can't imagine being so caught up that you cheer when someone is killed. An argument that I see very often more than not is like, well, he cheered when all this stuff was happening in Gaza. Correct? Horrible. We don't encourage that behavior. But again, and I hate to go back to this because I do feel like this example is like so frustrating because I know what you feel. But cheering on his death is no different than him cheering on another person's death. Don't be like him. If you don't like him, don't be like him. That's all I'm going to say about that topic. I wasn't going to leave it out here because it is a huge part of the reason that this episode is even taking place and why this has been so heavy in my heart because I think that this has created a world of division like I've never seen before. But it really made me need to call out the comment sections on Instagram and TikTok. And honestly, just get off your phone. You're never going to be united on your phone. Like I can assure you, my feed has been very well-rounded, if I might say. I've seen people whose takes I really agree with on both sides of the spectrum. OK, I've seen people whose takes I extremely disagree with on both sides of the spectrum. It is important to be open-minded. But the internet sometimes is not going to give you that. It's not going to help you think in an open-minded way. It's going to help you think. the opposite. The internet is trained to close your mind to shut you out to make you believe one thing and one thing only get outside. I've conversations with people around you in your community and out of your community and like talk to people in real life. In real life and recognize that a lot of times when people talk online they're speaking out of like deep emotions and anger and frustration or yeah mostly just anger and frustration. A lot of times people's takes that you'll see will be biased will be unclear will be just their own thoughts and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it's just important to make sure you prioritize these real life conversations above watching TikTok videos because just because. Okay, moment on. Understand we kind of went over this. This is my next bullet point. Understand that there is a common ground. What we all want are a lot of similar things. Most people most people I say because sure not all people there's some people who just actually really don't care. Unfortunately, but most people want the same things so try to focus on those things versus just battling each other. Another main point don't go into conversation just to battle one another listen to people and try to understand them even when it's hard even when you disagree with them. Meet them with sympathy with slowness. Some people learn differently. Some people can not do not have the gift of putting themselves in other people's shoes. And you have to respect those people too. And you have to try to help them understand in a different way. And you can't do that by just being angry at people when you're angry at people when you're defensive with people nobody is listening to each other and it's like a wall fighting a wall. Nobody's getting through to each other. And that's not the way to do it. Communicate not isolate. And this is kind of going back to when I wrote this I was thinking about just like how quick I was to block people when people disagreed with me on whatever it may be in life. But that is again a form of isolation. Don't do it. Talk to people. Try your best to see things through other eyes. A lot of this might be common sense. It all is common sense. But every once in a while we all need to be reminded of things that even our common sense. Because we forget because we get so caught up. We get so selfish and frustrated. And I know that the world is making us so selfish and frustrated. So it's not easy to want to change the reason that we feel all this anger is because the world is so dark. We live in a time like no other. We are exposed to horrible, horrible, horrible things every single day on our phones, on our feeds and our lives. I mean, there's so much violence that is so accessible at our fingertips. We do not go one week without seeing a gruesome video of somebody, someone somewhere being absolutely tortured in some way or another. It is frustrating. But the more that we let that frustration affect us negatively, the less we're going to see positive change and the worst things that people are worse that things are going to get and the worst things that we're going to have to see. You have to fight. You have to fight to take care of your mental health, to take care of yourself, to be a decent person. Because the goal of all this bad, horrible stuff is to make you a less decent person. To let this anger eat you enough inside that it takes away your ability to be a good person. Don't let that happen. You have to fight by being kind. You have to kill with kindness. I know that a lot of people don't do that. You can be different. You can start a movement. You can change that. I'm saying it was such passion because we all need to hear it and I need to hear it. Everybody needs to apply it to their life. You can disagree with me on certain things and you can not have the same thoughts as me and the same thought patterns and believe the same things as me. But we can all recognize that we are not in a good place. Next, have diverse perspectives. Of course, if you surround yourself with only people that think like you and look like you, you're going to believe what you believe. That is a form of isolation as well. Even if you're in a community of 10,000 people but every single one of those people look and think like you, that's isolation. It might not seem like it, but diverse community is important. Have conversations with people who think different, believe different, look different, act different, or different ages. Love different people, love different things, have different hobbies. Don't just be around a bunch of little clones of you. That's wonderful too. You also need that community. You need community of like-minded people. But you need both. Ask yourself, what are my friendships like? What kind of people are my friends with? Who do I surround myself with? Who do I hang out with? What outside of my life activities do I go to? What church do I go to? What groups do I go to? What clubs am I in? What social places am I going to? And have conversations. I think that's another thing that's really, really, really hard for people to do these days. Me included. It's to talk to people, to not be afraid of these like somewhat heavier conversations. Because we're so afraid that they're going to end up in either no longer being friends with somebody or battling each other. We should not live in a world where that is so hard to do. And I know what happens to me. I love to bring up tough conversations, but then I get heated. I literally feel my blood start to boil. My hair's on my arm stand up, and I just am immediately defensive. So my practice needs to be, if I'm going to bring up these conversations, I need to be able to approach them with a softness instead of this "ah!" But don't be afraid to ask people what they believe. Don't be afraid to ask people why they believe it. And do it with the softness. Do it out of curiosity. Do it in a way that doesn't make people feel like they can't open up. Because a lot of people believe things, and they don't really know why they believe them, and there's nobody that they can talk to about them. So be the person that people can talk to, can open up to, can learn, and can grow from. You get me? Next. Except being wrong sometimes. Okay, believe it or not, you're going to be wrong. People are going to have arguments that are correct against you. People are going to bring up points that are really valid. Instead of just like being so quick to turn those off and blame the other person, just like self-reflect. You're wrong sometimes. And that's okay. You know? Remember that everybody is human. Remember that often times most people don't choose to be born into the families that they're in, into the beliefs that they're born in. Like everybody's a little confused. Okay, it doesn't matter where you grew up, how you grew up, everybody's a little confused. Everybody's a human. So remember that. I really liked this one. When I was doing some research on like other ways that we can unite each other, aside from the ones that I had thought of at the top of my head, one thing that I read is that we should say we instead of they. And this is honestly something I've always tried to do in my life. Like I've always said we us all, like I don't know. I've never been a huge believer in saying I all the time. I me, I this, I. It's a way to start to think selfishly. Sounds so subtle and like not a big deal, but subconsciously, that's what this does. So by saying they, them, that group, those people, you are not bringing anybody more close together. Work on saying we work on talking about one unity, community, village, family, lock that in. Okay, lock that in. Stop hating each other. J's always. Okay, and then another thing that I read. It said unity isn't the absence of differences. It's the strength to stand together despite them. It's true. There will never be a world where we all agree on everything, but there can be a world that is a little bit less disgusting. A world where there aren't people with no profile picture, no username, cheering on horrible things that happen in the world, being creeper weirdos in the comments, being unkind and disgusting. That doesn't have to exist, but you have to be part of fixing that problem by not participating it, by not cheering it on, by not liking comments that you agree with, even if they're like bad comments. Sometimes I've done that. I've seen a comment where I'm like, oh, that was kind of mean, but it was kind of funny. Like I'm going to like that comment. Don't be like that. Call yourself out for your own behaviors. And don't be naive to believing that you don't have things to work on as well. You get me? It's also not black and white. Okay. The spectrum is wide. The spectrum is long. There is a gray area in everything. Do not be convinced that it is black and it is white. It is red, it is blue, it is good, it is bad. It is this, it is that. No. There's in between areas. And do not forget that. And I just want you to know that I love you guys. I hope none of this was crazy. I hope you all get where I'm coming from. I hope everybody took something away from this. I know that I definitely did. I know that I have things to work on. We all have things to work on. Yeah, we'll tune in again next two Wednesdays from now. And let me know what you thought about this episode. Okay. I hope that everything came across in a kind way. I hope that it did. I have just I've been really thinking about this a lot. And I'd love to do a follow up episode on this, honestly, just like deep diving a little bit more with a little more scripture, a little more facts, a little more this, a little more that, you know, where it's needed. But I just wanted to give you kind of my overall thoughts. But I really love you guys. I appreciate you. I just want to see us all be a little bit kinder to each other. Challenge yourself to it. Go have breakfast. Go have a meal with somebody you might think that you deeply disagree with. And you might just be proven wrong. I love you guys. I'm so grateful for you and we'll talk soon. Bye.