How to Stop Giving a F*: Mastering Detachment - How to Stop Being a Loser

Unpacking Detachment: Loving More, Not Less, Through Letting Go Hi guys, welcome back to How to Stop Being a Loser, the podcast. Thank you so much for listening. We are still in my car. Sorry this is my recording studio. Hopefully that will be changing soon, but here we are. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening. Welcome back if you've listened, if you're new. Hi, thanks so much for listening. Please subscribe and follow so I can keep making more of these. I just started an Instagram for this page. I've not really posted anything on it, but I want to start posting little baby clips and updates some things about the show on Instagram. How to stop being a loser. And yeah, today's topic is mastering detachment. How to get everything you want by learning to detach. I feel like this is a topic and a phrase that is thrown around a lot on TikTok and on social media and just in life. And sometimes it's not, I think, described in a way that is useful. And I want to explain the science behind detachment or cognitive reappraisal from a psychological standpoint, from a neurological standpoint, so that you can actually apply this to your life and give you some, you know, tangible tools that are, are going to be easy for you to implement into your life. That it's going to make that it's going to make it easier for you to detach from situations, give less of a fuck about things that you shouldn't, you know, care as much about things that are affecting you emotionally and running your life. I know the feeling of being hyper attached to people or situations or things and it feels impossible to redirect your focus to anything else. But I feel one of the most important skills you will learn in life is detachment and how to let go of things and how to stop obsessing and be in charge of your own energy and your own focus. Where focus goes or what is it or attention goes, energy flows. So whatever you're focusing on is what's going to grow, where focus goes, energy flows, and learning how to shift your focus and how to navigate your energy, your focus, what you're giving your attention to, means you're in charge of what you're giving power in your life. And I think that's how you stay in charge of yourself and of your own life and stay in the driver's seat. And I think that staying in control of your emotions is such a hard thing, especially for women. And I don't mean that in a double standard way. I just mean that it's my personal belief based off of the neuroscience that I've studied, that women can feel things deeper and experience emotions in a more complex way than men. And I think that means it's stronger. And I think that means it can be harder to control. But I do think women, once you do learn how to master that, I think you're better at it. I think you're better at controlling your emotions and it can be such a skill. So yeah, let's jump in. Before I get into the sciency aspect of this, I want to just talk about my experience and sort of a more elementary, not factually like science based definition. The reason why detachment is so important. I think a lot of people are like, well, I don't want to have to act like I don't care about things or like if you're dealing with a, a romantic relationship, a lot of women will say, do I really need to love less to be loved more? Or I don't want to pretend like I don't care and not be attached to something. Let me tell you something, anything that you chase in life is going to run in the opposite direction. And learning how to love things, really, really love things without attachment is going to change your life. It's going to change your relationships, romantic relationships, friendships, Co workers, your relationship with yourself, your relationship with life. It is one of the most self loving things you can do is love yourself enough to accept the fact that attachment is not love. And This is why people that are anxiously attached often end up with partners that they're not actually into, that they're not actually in love with because they're with this other person just for the sake of being with them. They're not with this person because they want to be. They're with them because they need to be. They need to be in a relationship to feel secure. They need to be loved and constantly around this other person, constantly in communication with the with this other person for them to feel secure because if they weren't there, they wouldn't feel that. That's not love, that's codependency and that's attachment. So we're going to learn how to detach when you can learn to be detached and you're not with someone else because you need to be. You're with them purely now because you want to be because you love them so much. And the level of love that you can experience when you do that is vast and it's deeper and it's much more robust. And it's different than thinking that you're in love with someone when truthfully, you're just attached to them. Does it make sense? Not to hype myself up here because I know I'm kind of the best, but I've really never been anxiously attached to men. Ever. I have always been anxiously attached to friends, always felt like I needed to say yes to everything, constantly looking for validation for my friends, and I just needed friends. I never even sat around evaluating if the friends I was friends with were good for me, if they aligned with who I am, if I really like them. If you know, you kind of need to take inventory the same way that you could take inventory of boyfriends or romantic relationships. It's important to do that with your friends, too. And that's not something that I ever did. I was always really picky and had strong boundaries set at a healthy attachment style with men and with romantic relationships. But when it came to friends, I had no boundaries. I would be friends with anybody very easily, trusting of people, and I love that about myself. I love that I'm an idealist when it comes to other people. But I realized that's not me being optimistic and idealistic. That's me just being attached because I felt like if I didn't have friends around me all the time and that I wasn't constantly getting told that I was loved and accepted by my friends, then that's such a cool car. Wow, taking a GTS Tycoon GTS. That is so cool. I really like cars. Sorry. Yeah. So I was never really picky with friends. I didn't understand the difference between loving my friends versus just being attached to them. And now that I've really mastered detachment and I've learned how to let go and not need my friends, I love them so much more. And the relationships I have with them are so much stronger and healthier. And it's a totally different kind of friendship that I have. So that's really what I'm saying when I say detachment. And it's not about you loving less. It's actually a way for you to love more. It's actually a way for you to feel even more connected. But the word attached is not the same thing. And whether you're looking for more money, a better job, a better relationship, like whatever you want, you, you have to learn to want things and work towards your goals and be motivated and put in the work and put in the effort and be disciplined and driven. That's different from needing something and feeling like you're going to die if you don't have it and feeling like there's no way you could be secure or happy without this thing. Learning to be OK if it happens and being OK if it doesn't is a very powerful place to be. Rewiring Your Brain: Detachment, Confirmation Bias, and Reality When you detach from everything, you attract everything. And I'm not talking about attracting like love, attraction, traditional definition of manifestation. I mean, if you believe in that, that's great. I think that's a beautiful way to live. But I am very science based. And so my take on it, it's not manifesting, it's confirmation bias. And something that I think is so important if you want to achieve your dream life is understanding confirmation bias and understanding that manifesting is not you generating things into reality that weren't there prior. It's allowing the your brain to step into a perspective that's going to allow you to see what's been there the entire time. You have two worlds in front of you every single morning. When you wake up in the morning, you have two realities and you can step into one or the other. There's a positive world that's full of all of the things that you think that you want that you don't have. Opportunities to make money, opportunities to find love, opportunities to enjoy life and enjoy the day. Those are all existing at the exact same time that this other reality is existing, which is I'm so broke nothing is ever working out for me, I'm so unlucky, traffic sucks, my job sucks, my coffee spilling on me is literally making me want to eat my own flesh. Those are both existing all the time. Like good and bad things are happening every single day all the time. It's the it's what you choose to feed. The brain is going to expect what you feed it the most and repeated focus on negative thoughts is going to train the brain to expect negativity. So if you get up in the morning and your day, if someone says, how was your day, like, give me a, give me a synopsis of your day. And you're, you say, well, I got up late and I spilled my coffee and then I, the washing machine broke. And then I got to work and I had to stand on my shirt all day long and I ordered lunch and it was so late and it wasn't even that good. And I went to my workout and it was awful. I felt like I wasn't doing as well. And then I went home and I had to cook dinner and it took me so long and I'm just exhausted. So there's that. Or you could say I got up, I had the opportunity to go to work and make money and I drove my car to work. It was a beautiful day. I got to put on clothes that I have. I got to work out at a gym that I'm able to pay for. I got to work my body because I'm healthy. And I'm grateful that I have two legs that can walk me to the gym that can work. I'm so grateful that I have a healthy enough anatomy that I can work my, you know, cardiovascular system and keep myself healthy. And then I got to go cook dinner and I got to have fun in the kitchen and make myself a meal. Those are the same day. Those are the same day confirmation bias. So it's just, it's just dependent on your perspective. You cannot control the wind, but you can adjust your sails. And trust me, you can adjust your sails to the point where you can't even feel the fucking wind. OK, and I know that this might sound like a pep talk about how you need to be more positive, but it's not. It's really important to learn this because this is how you're going to detach. This is a mindset that's going to help you so much to learn to stop being attached to things and just let things flow and find the value and the beauty in every day and find the opportunity in every day. That's what you're attracting. So it's like you're not actually attracting more positive things to happen to you in your life, but you're allowing yourself to see it. And so it is going to seem like these amazing, positive, wonderful things are now flowing into your life because now you're able to see it and you're able to accept it. But if you're not open to it and you're so busy focusing on the negative things, it's going to be really hard to do that. The tighter you squeeze onto things, the more it's slipping through your fingers. A big reason why this happens is because you're focusing so much on what you don't have instead of forcing your neural pathways to shift and, and the internal dialogue going from, oh, I'm so anxious. I wish they would respond faster. I wish I could make more money. I wish things were this way and this has to happen for me. Well, what about all the things that have happened for you? What about all the things that you do have? If you were focused and obsessed with the now, the power of now and what you do have in front of you and the blessings that you do have in front of you and the positive things that are in your life, you're going to only see more of that. And that's going to change the way that you behave and change the way that you operate. If you're someone who is anxiously attached to their boyfriend and you're constantly like scared that he's going to cheat on you and needing to be around him all the time, you need him to respond quickly. If you don't know exactly where he is and what he's doing, you get anxious, you're going to, that's going to affect him. That's going to affect your behavior and that's going to repel him because now you're telling him that he can't go here and he can't do that, and you become a controlling, toxic girlfriend. Just because you're suffering because you have anxious attachment doesn't mean that that's not toxic. You're still putting that on your partner. So you might think that, oh, I can just find someone who can deal with my anxiety and deal with my attachment issues and that that will solve it. Now it's up to you. You have to learn to detach. And the second that you learn to detach, now that's how you're going to behave. And that's the kind of girlfriend that you are. And now that's the kind of relationship that you have. And so now opportunities for a deeper, healthier relationship that's based off of love instead of attachment is what's going to come into your life. And this is really hard because it requires the rewiring of your brain, but it will happen. The brain is neuroplastic and with repetition it will change and it will become your default. But you do have to challenge yourself and be your best advocate here. If you're sitting there doing nothing but defending the position and the perspective that is making you more anxious, you're being your own worst enemy. And it's only going to get worse. And all you're doing is training your brain to keep doing this over and over and over again. And then you, you go, well, I don't know why I'm so anxious. Because you're training yourself to be, because you're training your brain to do this. You're telling your brain, this is how we operate. This is what we do and this is what you're you're repeatedly putting your focus on. You have to challenge yourself and go, OK, stop. I'm going to, I'm going to force myself to adopt A different perspective. I'm going to force myself to debate with my default mood and go, no, Bella, we're not going to go there. This is the perspective we're going to adopt. Force yourself, force yourself to become secure. It's a choice. The brain is neuroplastic and it will change. Do it over and over and over again and it will become your default. Visualize your brain rewiring like a map, OK? It's very, very malleable. If you if your brain right now looks like a map of Los Angeles, if you keep doing this over and over again, it could look like a map of China. It's a roadway. Do you understand? Like that's how different your perspective can be. You can really, really change it to not see what it's saying now and to not feel what it's feeling now and to think differently and to feel differently. There are actually MRI studies that show when you adopt this detachment reappraisal perspective, activity in the amygdala, which is responsible for emotional processing, emotional regulation decreases and activity of the prefrontal cortex increases, which is associated with like logical reasoning, problem solving skills. So now you're not running off of anxiety, you're running off of logical decision making and like really getting a grip on what is the most logical perspective here that is actually going to serve me. When you detach, you're literally shifting the way that your brain operates from a hyper emotional anxious state to a logical reasonable state. Like scientifically, non attachment is a trait. It's a measurable trait defined by the ability to let things arise and let things go without obsessing or ruminating on them and developing this anxiety. And you can't stop thinking about it. That thing, that anxious attachment thing, it can go away. You can train your brain to be someone who has non attachment. And this is a scientific, measurable trait. And those people who are able to do that, who are able to detach, have lower levels of stress and anxiety and they have higher activity in the prefrontal cortex. They're able to make calmer, more rational decisions. Attachment is a threat detection. It's a response to you because you think that you're in danger if you don't have this thing and you think that something is a threat to you when it's not. If you can recognize that and say this is a response to a threat that is not actually happening, this isn't real. And I'm going to force myself to challenge and debate with my default program right now in my brain. And I'm going to say no, we're going to rephrase this. I'm going to have a logical perspective here. And I'm going to force my neural pathways to shift. Do it over and over and over again. It's a muscle and it will get stronger. Shift Your Focus: Invest in Self, Stop Ruminating, and Heal OK, so now I want to talk about some tangible things that you can actually implement into your life, practices besides just that and the science behind it that will help you detach. Like in the moment, the way that you're going to give less fucks about other people, other things is by giving more fucks about yourself. Your energy and your focus is your currency. So stop spending all of it on shit that doesn't matter, that's making you anxious. Why would you want to do that? You're investing it and it has a very high ROI. OK, so the more that you invest it into things that are making you anxious and obsessively attached, the more that's going to grow. Take all of the energy that you're feeling and put it into yourself. Force yourself. And if you don't feel like it, even if you're anxious the entire time, you're forcing yourself to do something different. Ask yourself, what would I do if I didn't care? And then force yourself to do it. Force yourself to be secure. I don't care what it is. I don't care if it's really hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's not supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be challenging, but you can do hard things. You can do challenging things. You're a human being. If you're a woman with a brain, if you're smart enough to listen to me and listen to this podcast, you're more than capable, OK? Don't embarrass me. Please. Just get to work. If it looks like I'm going to go read a book and force myself to focus on this book, If I'm going to go work on my content, if I'm going to go work on my job, if I'm going to clean my space, I'm going to get my hair done. Make a list of things that you could do if you didn't care and just force yourself. It doesn't matter if it's hard and it's not going to be an automatic switch of where it's just super easy to do this. You might be thinking about this guy or this job or this situation the entire time. She has to push herself and keep doing it over and over and over again until until you don't have this anymore and until that becomes your default. Make it automatic. Don't allow yourself to sit there and ruminate on things. There's a difference between rumination and observation and introspection. Yeah, you can allow yourself to be sad. Analyze the situation, talk about it. There's a difference between talking about it and not repressing or denying your feelings and emotions. Don't ever do that. There's a difference between that and wallowing. If you want to heal a wound, you have to stop touching it. So stop touching it. You got to clean it and like give it some love for a little bit. You got to, you know, talk to a friend and talk about how you're feeling and journal and analyze the situation and talk, talk it out. Go to therapy, exercise, you know, do the things that you need to do. But if you're sitting there obsessing over it? You're forcing yourself to relive the trauma over and over and over again. Do you get it? So if you, if you do talk about it, it needs to be in a solution oriented way. Otherwise you're it's just this vicious cycle of repeating yourself over and over and over again and forcing yourself to relive this. If that's what I did, if all I imagine if I went through, let's just say I went through something really, really traumatic, like some form of like assault or something. If all I did was sit around talking about that every day and I thought about it every day, I would never leave the house. Because now I'm living my life as someone who's experiencing this every day. And I'm forcing my brain and my memory centers to replay that every day. And I'm paying my energy and my time, which is my currency to invest in more of this stop invest in something positive that's going to help you because it's not this care enough about yourself to stop caring about this other thing. Find Joy in the Journey: Detach from Outcomes, Embrace the Process I get this question a lot, which is like, well, how do I still work on my stuff and like take steps every day and be motivated to really, really want this thing and have like a fire under my ass and have drive to achieve my dreams and not want it, quote UN quote. You need to learn to detach from the outcome of a situation, not the situation itself. So like, if you are, let's say you really like this guy and you really want to date him, but you don't know where it's going. Like what is he thinking? Detach from that. Don't detach from the fact that you really like him and you love spending time with him and you want to put effort into growing this. That's fine. But detach from the idea that if we don't date, I'm going to kill myself. Like if we don't get married, I'm going to die. If he doesn't ask me to be his girlfriend, if he doesn't ask me to marry him, I'm going to like lose my mind. No, you won't detach from the outcome. I am in a place right now where I'm studying for the Alsat and I really want the specific score. I really want to go to law school. I have decided to let go. I'm just very, very attached to the process. I love learning and pushing myself through this test and I'm learning so much about myself and my work ethic through this test and I'm very attached to the process. I am not going to die if I don't go to law school. I'm not going to die if I get if I don't get a 178 on this test. Like you have to learn that the outcome is not in your control. You're in control of now and focusing on the power of now. Work towards your goals and work towards your dreams. But stop thinking about if I don't make $1,000,000 by the end of the year, like I'm a loser and it's this obsession with this big goal. I also will tell you when you are only allowing yourself to feel rewarded and feel excited and proud of yourself. When big things in life happen like engagement, babies, marriage, promotion, these big trips, these big purchases, buying a car, yeah, those things are awesome and you should be happy about them. But that's not life. That is a rare, rare occurrence. And what you're doing is you're triggering the release of dopamine, which is when that happens, it's your brain's way of saying do that again. That's your brain's reward motivation. Well, I don't want to say that, but it's directly related to your motivation as a as an individual. That's what that neurochemical does. And so neurotransmitter does. And so if you're only having that dopamine release, you're only having your brain saying do that again when it's these big rare things, you can't buy a car every day. You can't get engaged every day. I mean, if you can, yeehaw. But like, that's not life. Life is driving and being proud of yourself for everything that you've done that day. Feeling rewarded for someone opening a door for you or getting excited and having a feeling joy out of your coffee. Being really good or noticing things about yourself about wow. Like I, I really love the way my nails look and having that release of those happy, you know, not dopamine, but other neurotransmitters too, endorphins and serotonin and things. That's how you really love life. That's what life really is. It's not these big things. So be attached to those. Be attached to. I read 5 pages today and I didn't want to, but I did it anyway. And I'm so proud of myself for doing that. That's what you're, that's what you're attached to. You're not attached to. Oh, if I don't read this entire book in a week and if I don't read 10 books a month, and if I don't become a super genius by reading all these books, then I've somehow failed. That's a completely unsustainable way to live your life. And it's going to make you feel constantly not proud of yourself. It's an unachievable goal. And it's not life. That's not the, that's not the setup that we're in. Strengthen Your Will: Trust Yourself and Challenge Your Default Mindset You know what I mean? Another thing when I just thought of there's something called the interior mid cingulate cortex in the brain, which is, yes, directly related to your willpower as an individual. But new studies are even showing it's actually directly related to your will to live. And that is something that literally gets stronger and larger in the brain when you do things that you don't want to do. So this is a muscle. This can be trained. And like you might not want to. Let's say you're really like down bad. Like you're in a big slump and the last thing you want to do right now is work out tired. You want to die. You've gotten your heart broken. I remember I did this. I got my heart broken so badly by my ex-boyfriend. Like he ripped my heart out and stomped on it. And that night I made myself go for a run. I did not want to go for a run. I did not want to go for a run. But I knew that if I did that I was programming my brain to go. We're not going to sit around and wallow and we're going to do something that's going to build your willpower and build your will to live because I don't have any will to live right now and I did it. And when you do things that you don't want to do, that literally grows. So force yourself push your push yourself. If you're anxious and you don't want to do anything but sit there and be anxious. You don't want to cook for yourself. You don't want to clean. You don't want to go be social. Do it anyway. Do it anyway. And I think always do it anyway. But just to be really, really clear, that won't get stronger or grow the post anterior mid cingulate cortex. If like let's say you don't want to take an ice bath or you don't want to do a cold plunge, but then you start wanting to. It won't keep growing after that. Like after you start wanting to, you have to do things that you don't want to do. Just to be clear on the science. So I don't get my head chopped off because people always come at me. I am not a neuroscientist. Another thing I will say to master detachment is you got to learn to trust yourself, do things without asking for other people's opinion. Like if you've got a really big decision to make, I love leaning on, I think, you know, learning to lean on other people and ask advice from other people is incredible. And having the ability to do that, it shows humility and it shows, I think, a lot of courage. But if you're going to people and you're just looking for validation and you just kind of want to rant, that is different. OK, That's really, really different. And I think it's important to learn the distinction between those two things and realize that if you're going to people and all you're looking for is validation and all you're looking for is someone to agree with you, you're not. That's a that's attachment and that's not going to serve you. If that's the place that you're in, you don't need to go put that on other people. I mean, maybe like I've had my friends call me or I'll call my friends, but like, I just need to vent. I don't want opinions right now. I don't want advice. I don't want to talk to anyone else about it. I just want to vent. Like, can you listen to me for like 20 minutes? Like I would really appreciate it. And if you can't, that's fine. Like don't drain yourself. But I would just really love it if you, if you could listen to me. That's wonderful and amazing, but it's different from calling someone all the time and like dumping on them and getting mad at them when their their response isn't exactly what you're looking for. That's anxious attachment that's draining other people and that's not fair. If you can learn to trust yourself and ask yourself, what do I think? What do I think? You're going to build a stronger relationship with yourself and you're going to be less attached to external things because you're now finding that within yourself. You're now finding the security and the validation in you. So instead of your default being, can I call someone else to ask them their opinion? What do I actually think? And be tough on yourself, you know, like really challenge yourself here and go, am I being crazy? Am I being overly emotional about this? If I was being logical, if a friend asked me their opinion on this, what would I say That those are really good thought provoking questions to ask yourself. If I if I was coming at this from someone who was super confident and securely attached and being reasonable and calm, would I have the same perspective as I do now? See, it's not hard. Sometimes you just need the prompts and something I want to say. Adapt and Thrive: Find Advantage in Every Unexpected Life Outcome Going back to learning to detach from the outcome and not the situation. If you are attached to the outcome of things, let me tell you why that's all so ridiculous. Not only will it lead to a unfulfilled, unhappy life and you will stay attached to things and you're going to repel the things that you deserve to have in your life. But I don't know if you've noticed, but life is never going to work out the way you think it's going to. When has it ever? When has it ever? And so how asinine is it for you to sit around getting frustrated and upset when life isn't giving you the outcome that's aligned with your exact expectation? Because has it ever? It's never going to. That's why detachment is so important. It's not so that you can attract more things into your life, it's so that you can live a happier life. It's so that you can be OK if it happens and you can be OK if it doesn't. It's a very powerful place to be in. And that means that no matter what happens to the wind, you're always going to be able to adjust your sales from now on. Everything is an advantage to you. Everything is advantageous to you. I don't care what it is. Find the value. Find a way for this to serve you. Find a way for this to be helpful to you, to make you smarter, to make you more charismatic, to make you stronger, kinder. Why are you attached to anything? Why are you attached to certain outcome? Do you really think that it matters? Are you going to die if this isn't go the way you thought it was going to? Nothing has ever gone the way you think it's going to. You have to be OK with the plan changing. Life is all about how you learn to deal with Plan B Learning to be adaptable and malleable and flexible and tactical is the strongest trait you can adopt. Because that's life. Life is always mandering in a million different directions and you never know what's going to happen. You could die in the next 5 minutes. Like you don't know, you don't know how things are going to end up. You don't know who you're going to end up with. I don't care if you've been married for 25 years. You don't know. You have no idea what's going to happen to you, your friends, your children. And you know, it's kind of sad to think about it like that because it's scary. It's like, Oh my God, we really don't have control over anything. But once you learn that that's OK and you learn to surrender and you learn that I am going to be fine whether or not this thing happened, that's when you gain real control. And that's when you gain real power because you realize that you are so in control of your sails. It doesn't matter what the wind does. There is value in every single outcome. And what if the outcome that's being presented to you is going to end up being 14 times better than the one that you wanted? You just can't see it right now. It's so funny to me because if you look at life since you were an infant, life is constantly taught us that things are going to go the way that you expect them to most of the time, but it's always going to be better and you're always going to be fine and things are always going to end up better than you could have ever anticipated them to be. Trust me, when I broke up with my boyfriend in the 6th grade, I was like, why are you taking my husband from me? I'll never find anyone better. I know this might shock you guys, but I am not still dating him and I'm with someone that I like much better because I'm 24. When you were a baby, you thought the world was ending because your mom wouldn't let you put your hand on the stove. And when you were 13, you thought that your girlfriends that were so mean to you, that didn't want to be friends with you anymore. And you have the world was ending because there were no other girlfriends in the entire world and you'd never find real friends. And when you got D on a paper in high school, you thought you were never going to amount to anything in life. And when the boy that you thought you were going to marry cheated on you, you thought you were going to die. And now you can't even remember his middle name. Like it's over and over and over again. And we still get upset when things don't go the way we anticipate them to. Why even waste your time anticipating things? Have no expectations. The expectation should be, I'm going to be fine no matter what, and I'm going to find the value in anything that comes my way. I can handle it. And not only can I handle it, but it's going to be advantageous to me. I'm going to find a way to make it serve me. If you're anxious, think of it as life giving you an opportunity to work on this. You can't get better at it and you can't heal your anxiety unless you're given challenges to work through and to get stronger. If you want to make a muscle stronger, you got to work it and it's going to really hurt. But it's like if you want to kill a fever, you have to starve it. Nothing changes if nothing changes. So if you are in a in a place where you're just constantly avoiding situations that make you anxious, you're not actually healing, you're just putting a Band-Aid on it. If you're in a situation where you're anxious, stop and examine this and go. This is an opportunity for me to heal this and fix this and push myself and I'm going to do it. That's how you detach. Have you ever find yourself in a situation where you're obsessing, dissecting things and you can't stop? I want you to shift your focus instead of dissecting. Why did this person do this to me? Why are they responding this way? Why didn't I get this job? Why didn't this outcome happened in the way I was expecting it to? I want you to take all of your energy and focus on dissecting why am I having this reaction? How is this going to serve me? How is this going to make me hotter, smarter, kinder? How is this going to serve me? And I want you to obsess over that. Obsess over it, Write about it, talk to friends about it, make mood boards about it. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? How is this going to help you? How are you going to glow up from this obsessed over that, put all of your energy and your focus on to that. I feel like this is a little bit all over the place, but I just have so much to say about it. I think it's such a powerful mechanism and tool that I've learned and I feel really strongly about it. And I hope that you implement some of these tools into your life. I feel like they will really help. And thank you so much for listening. New episode next Wednesday, hopefully in a studio. And please comment, follow, subscribe. Yeah, thank you guys so much. I can't tell you how much your support means to me. And I'll see you guys next week.