How to Stay Sober When You Can’t Control Your Family: 8 Radical Shifts for the Holidays

Hey everybody, welcome to the Addiction Unlimited podcast where you get to learn everything you want to know about addiction and recovery. I'm your host, Angela Pugh, co-founder of Kansas City Recovery, Life Coach and Recovery and Alcoholic. To learn more about me, you can listen to episode zero on your podcast app or find us on the web at AddictionUnlimited.com. Hello my friends, welcome back to Addiction Unlimited where we talk about what comes after sobriety and how to build your unlimited life. Well, it's that time of year again, early December and I'm sure your inbox is probably already full of holiday sobriety survival guides. You know the ones, 10 tips to stay sober at holiday parties, how to navigate family gatherings and recovery. And they all kind of say the same things, don't they? Have an exit plan, bring a sober buddy, avoid Uncle Bob who's definitely going to corner you and ask you why you're not drinking, keep sparkling water in a wine glass so people don't notice, show up late, leave early. And look, that advice isn't wrong, but here's what I want to talk about today. What if the real problem isn't your environment? What if the real threat to your sobriety this holiday season isn't the open bar or your drunk relatives or the champagne toast at midnight? What if the real problem is your addiction to controlling all of it? Because here's the truth about people like us, people in recovery, we are control freaks, that's not an insult, that's a fact. Think about it, we spent years trying to control how we felt with substances, we tried to control how other people saw us with lies, with performance, with managing their perception, we tried to control what happened around us, manipulating situations and people and outcomes. That's what addiction is, it's an attempt to control the uncontrollable. And the holidays, the holidays crank this up to 11. Suddenly, we're in close quarters with family, with old dynamics, with drinking people, with expectations and traditions and all this pressure to have a good time, and what do we do? We go into control, overdrive, we try to manage who's drinking what? We try to prevent the same old arguments, we try to manufacture the perfect holiday moment, we try to make everyone comfortable with our sobriety, we exhaust ourselves trying to control things that were never ours to control in the first place. So today, we're doing something different. We're not talking about exit strategies or mocktail recipes. We're talking about the eight things you need to stop trying to control this holiday season, because every minute you spend trying to control external things, other people's situations, outcomes, is a minute you're not spending on the only thing you actually can control yourself. And that internal focus, that personal responsibility, that's what protects your sobriety, not your exit plan, not your sober buddy, but you. So let's get into this. Eight things you absolutely cannot control and why trying to control them is more dangerous to your sobriety than any holiday party. One, stop controlling who drinks around you. Let's start with this. It's a big one. Because I know this is what's running through your head right now as the holidays approach. You're thinking about who's going to be there, you're calculating how much they usually drink, you're hoping that maybe this year out of respect for you, out of consideration, maybe they'll tone it down. Maybe they won't start drinking it noon. Maybe they won't bring out the expensive bourbon. Maybe they'll skip the champagne toast. And if you're really honest with yourself, there's part of you that wishes everyone would just not drink. Just this once, just to make it easier for you. And I get it. I really do. But here's what I need you to hear. Other people's drinking is none of your business. I know that sounds harsh, but stay with me. When you spend your energy monitoring how many glasses of wine your sisters had, when you're tracking, whether your dad is drinking beer or bourbon, when you're anxiously watching the bartender make drinks, when you're counting down until people start getting tipsy, what are you doing? You're trying to control something you have absolutely zero control over. And what happens when they do drink because they will, they're going to drink. And when they do, you feel resentful. You feel hurt. You feel like they don't care about you. You feel like your sobriety isn't important to them. But here's the thing. Your sobriety isn't more important than their choices. And I know that's hard to hear, but it's true. They get to have their relationship with alcohol. That relationship has nothing to do with you. You trying to control whether alcohol exists at these events, trying to manage how much people drink, trying to make people modify their behavior for you. That's just another addictive behavior in disguise. It's the same controlling energy just pointed in a different direction. And the emotional toll of all of that, the anxiety of watching everyone, the resentment when they don't do what you hope, the feeling of powerlessness when you realize you can't make anyone do anything. That emotional exhaustion is a threat to your sobriety. Sometimes more than the actual alcohol. So here's the radical shift. You're going to let them do what they're going to do. You're going to release control of their drinking. You're going to accept that alcohol will be there. People will drink it. And that is simply not your problem to solve. Your job is not controlling their drinking. Your job is to control your response to their drinking. So in practical terms, what does this look like? And you notice yourself tracking someone's drinks and you will notice it because it's kind of automatic for most of us, right? Do a body scan. Like where are you tense? Is it your shoulders, your jaw, your stomach? That tension is information. It's telling you that you're trying to control something outside yourself and then redirect it. Instead of their drinking as my business, shift to my peace is my business. If being in a room where people are drinking is making you tense, you can physically move. Go to a different room. Go outside, help in the kitchen. Your physical boundary can be as simple as changing your location. And mentally practice this phrase. I'm going to let them do what they're going to do. Okay, say it in your head like a mantra because it's true. You're going to let them because you don't have a choice. You can't control it. The serenity prayer isn't just a nice saying. It's instructions. You cannot change other people's drinking. You can only change how you respond to it. So stop trying to control who drinks around you. It was never yours to control anyway. Number two, stop controlling what people think about your sobriety. Ooh, this might hit harder than the first one. You know that thing you do where you're crafting the perfect response to why aren't you drinking? You've probably practiced it multiple versions. The casual one, the slightly more serious one, the deflecting with humor one. You walk into these holiday gatherings already defensive, already prepared to justify yourself, already managing everyone else's comfort level with your choice. Maybe you over explain, oh, I'm not drinking because I'm doing this health thing and also I have to drive. And honestly, I just feel better when I don't. It's really not a big deal. I'm totally fine with everyone else drinking, right? Or maybe you go the opposite direction, you get defensive before anyone even asks. Someone says, can I get you a drink and you respond with an edge in your voice? Like, no, I don't drink. Either way, you're doing the same thing. You're trying to control what people think about your sobriety. You're trying to make them think it's no big deal or that you're still fun or that you're not judging them for drinking or that you have a good reason that they'll approve of. You're performing, managing, controlling their perception of you. And here's why that's a problem. Their opinion literally cannot affect your sobriety unless you let it. Think about it. Someone thinking you're boring because you don't drink. That cannot make you drink unless you decide their opinion matters more than your sobriety. Someone feeling uncomfortable around your sobriety? That's their discomfort, not yours. You are not responsible for making other people feel okay about your choices. But when you over-explain, when you get defensive, when you try to prove you're still cool and fun and normal, you're giving away your power. You're making their opinion relevant. You're putting your sobriety up for debate. You're not drinking might be a curiosity for 30 seconds and then they move on. But you spend the whole night managing what they might be thinking and that's exhausting. What other people think about your sobriety is none of your business. You don't need anyone's approval, you don't need their understanding, you don't need them to think you're fun or cool or have a good enough reason. You just need to not drink. So in practical terms, how do you do this? Well, simple responses and I mean simple. I'm not drinking. I'm good with water, thanks. Period, no explanation, no justification, no defense, just a statement of fact. And if they push because some people will push, you don't owe them anything more. You can simply say like this is just what works for me and then change the subject. Ask them a question, comment on the food, redirect the conversation. And if there's an awkward silence, let it sit, don't fill it. Their discomfort is not your emergency. You know what's powerful? Not explaining yourself. Not performing, not managing their feelings about your choice. Just being sober and being fine with it. Stop trying to control their comfort level with your sobriety. Your job is to be sober, not to make everyone feel great about it. Number three, family drama and dynamics, right? Stop controlling the family drama and dynamics. Okay, let's talk about this thing that might actually be harder than not drinking. The family dynamics. You know exactly what I'm talking about. The same arguments that happen every year, the same tensions, mom and her sister haven't spoken in three years, but they're both going to be there. Your brother always drinks too much and picks a fight with your dad. Someone always brings up politics and it devolves into chaos. And you, you're sitting there trying to prevent it all from happening. You're managing. You're smoothing things over. You're the peacekeeper. You change the subject when things get tense. You mediate. You try to keep everyone happy. You attempt to orchestrate some version of family harmony that has literally never existed in the history of families. You're thinking maybe this year will be different. Maybe if I just do X or say why or keep things moving along, we can avoid the blow up. But here's what I need you to understand. These dynamics have existed for decades. Decades. They were there before you were born. They'll be there after you leave. You're not going to fix them at holiday dinner. And trying to, trying to control the family dynamics, trying to prevent the drama, trying to make everyone get along, it puts you directly in the middle of everyone else's chaos. It means you abandon your own boundaries. You absorb everyone's tension. You make yourself responsible for outcomes. You have absolutely no control over. And when the drama happens anyway because it will, then you feel like you failed. Like if you just managed it better, said the right thing, intervened at the right moment, it wouldn't have happened. But that's not true. The drama was always going to happen with or without your intervention. And it's going to sound familiar because it's the same language we use for addiction. You didn't cause the dysfunction. You can't cure it. There you go. There's some good Allen on language for you. You didn't cause it. You can't cure it. Your family is going to do what they're going to do. The same patterns are going to play out. And you can observe that without participating in it. You can be in your family without being of the dysfunction. So what does this look like in practical terms? First, identify your fixer triggers. When do you automatically jump in? Is it when voices get raised? When someone starts crying, when your parents start their thing? Just notice it, right? Awareness is the first step. And then practice this phrase in your head. I'm staying out of this one. Again, do it like a mantra. You can say it out loud if you need to or just keep it in your head. But mean it. This is between them. This is not your circus. You are not the ringmaster. And if you need to physically remove yourself, do it. Take a bathroom break. Go outside for air. Offer to help in the kitchen. Go play with the kids in another room. You don't have to sit there and absorb the chaos. Mentally, keep reminding yourself. Even if they try to pull you in. Even if they want you to take sides. Even if they're fighting about you. It's still between them. And here's the thing that might be most important. Set a time limit. Before you even go, decide how long you can handle. I can do three hours. And then stick to it. When your time is up, you leave. Not because you're running away. But because you're protecting your peace. The drama is going to drama. Your job is to not make it your drama. You know what I think about a lot in December after all the chaos, the family gatherings, the obligations. What's the moment I'm actually looking forward to? For me, it's finally getting home. Closing the door, taking off the holiday base, and just resting. And honestly, that's when cozy Earth becomes my best friend. I'm obsessed with their sheets. They're made from visco, from bamboo. They keep you cooler, which is perfect because there's nothing worse than overheating under heavy blankets in the winter. And after a day of managing family dynamics and protecting your sobriety, that level of comfort when you get into bed, it's everything. And if you're looking for a gift for someone else who deserves to relax, maybe your partner or your best friend, or maybe yourself, the bubble-cuttle blanket is incredible. It's got this textured bubble design, ultra soft faux fur, perfect for those nights when you're decompressing after holiday event, wrapped up on the couch, finally breathing again. And here's what I love. Cozy Earth isn't just selling you products. They're giving you permission to prioritize comfort, to make your home a place you want to be. And after everything we've talked about today, boundaries, protecting your peace, this is the physical manifestation of that, creating a space where you can rest. And they stand behind their stuff. There's a hundred night sleep trial. So if you don't love it, you can return it hassle-free. You won't want to, trust me. Plus, there's a 10-year warranty, because this is the kind of quality that lasts. So here's what I need you to know. Head to Cozy Earth.com and use my code Angela for up to 40% off. But you need to place your order by December 12th for guaranteed Christmas delivery. If you're listening after the 12th, don't worry, my code Angela still works year-round for 20% off. And if you get a post-purchase survey, make sure you mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here on Addiction Unlimited Podcast. Give yourself or someone you love the gift of comfort that lasts way beyond the holidays, and carries you into a Cozy New Year, because you deserve to rest. You really do. All right, let's get back to the episode. Okay, number four. Stop controlling the schedule and timeline of events. This might seem small, but can absolutely wreck your serenity. And that's the schedule. You show up for holiday dinner, thinking it'll be at 6. It's 8.30 before anyone sits down. You thought this would be a two-hour thing. Four hours later, you're still there. You're exhausted, you're overstimulated, you want to leave, but everyone's still going and you feel trapped. Or maybe you're on the other side of it. You're trying to keep things on schedule, trying to corral everyone to eat at a certain time, trying to manage the timeline, getting frustrated when things run long or start late. Either way, you're trying to control something that is fundamentally uncontrollable. And that's other people's timelines. And here's what happens. The frustration builds, the resentment builds, you feel stock, you feel like you can't leave because it would be rude, because people would be disappointed, because it's tradition to stay for the whole thing. And that feeling being trapped, that's dangerous for your sobriety. Because when we feel trapped, when we feel like we have no control, that's when we want to escape. That's when substances start looking appealing. You are not trapped. You can leave whenever you want. You are an adult. You can leave. You don't need permission. You don't need a good enough reason. You don't need to wait for the right time. You can just go. Other people's disappointment that you're leaving? That's not your emergency. That's their feeling to have. You can let them be disappointed without making it your problem to fix. Your sobriety and your peace are more important than holiday traditions. Full stop. So in a practical sense, what does this look like? Well, drive yourself. Or arrange your own transportation. Do not put yourself in a position where you are dependent on someone else's timeline. That's setting yourself in a position where you are dependent on someone else's timeline. up to feel trapped. Unless listen, you can have a conversation with your person beforehand and set some parameters like, "Hey, dude, how long do you want to stay?" I think I'm going to be good for about two hours after two hours I want to leave. Or if people start getting too drunk or they start getting riled up, if voices start getting raised, I'm going to want to bail. Do you have my back? If not, I'm out. Like have those conversations in advance so you don't feel trapped. Get your own internal time limit. I'm staying for two hours or three or 90 minutes, whatever you can genuinely handle. Don't overshoot this. Be honest with yourself about your capacity. And here's the key. Don't announce you're departure time. Don't negotiate it. Just know it. And when it's time, you go. You don't need a big production. I'm heading out. Love you all. This was great. And go. If people push back, if they try to convince you to stay longer, you can just say this is what works for me today. You're not being rude. You're not being selfish. You're being responsible for yourself. You're not being held hostage. You can leave whenever protecting your sobriety requires it. Five, stop controlling how others react to your boundaries. This one builds on the last few, but it's so important it needs its own section. You're going to set boundaries this holiday season. You're going to say no to things. You're going to leave when you need to leave. You're going to opt out of conversations or activities. And when you do, some people are going to have feelings about it. They're going to be disappointed, maybe offended, maybe hurt, maybe angry, maybe confused. And what do you do with that? You try to manage their reaction. You overexplain. You apologize. You backtrack. You try to set the boundary in a way that doesn't upset anyone. Which means you don't actually set the boundary. Because a boundary with a, but I hope you're not mad attached, isn't really a boundary. It's a negotiation. It's a plea for permission. You want them to understand. You want them to be okay with it. You want them to respect it immediately without any pushback. But that's trying to control their reaction. And their reaction is not yours to control. There's the truth. Boundaries are for you, not for them. You're not setting boundaries to control their behavior. You're setting boundaries to protect yourself. And that means they're allowed to have whatever reaction they have. They're allowed to be disappointed that you're leaving early. They're allowed to not understand why you won't come to the cocktail party. They're allowed to think you're being difficult or different or too sensitive. Those are their feelings. Those feelings are not emergencies you need to fix. So here's your radical shift. You can't control how people receive your boundaries. And you don't need to. A boundary doesn't require their approval to be valid. You don't need to make your boundaries comfortable for other people. You need to make your boundaries clear for yourself. So what does this look like in a practical sense? Set the boundary clearly and kindly one time. Oh, I'm not going to be able to make it to that event. I need to leave by eight. I'm not getting into that topic, right? No justification, no long explanation, no apology, just a clear statement. If they have feelings about it, acknowledge it without absorbing it or trying to fix it. I understand you're disappointed. And this is what I'm doing, right? The word and is so important here, not but and both things can be true. They can be disappointed and you can still do what you need to do. If they keep pushing, you don't need to keep explaining. You can say, I've already answered that and then you stop engaging with it. This is going to feel uncomfortable at first. You're going to want to fix their discomfort. You're going to want to make it better. Don't let them have their experience. You are not responsible for managing their emotional reaction to your boundaries. Boundaries without guilt are the goal. Their reaction is their responsibility. Number six, stop controlling the perfect holiday outcome. Let's talk about this fantasy you might be holding on to without even realizing it. The fantasy that this year is going to be different. This year, everyone's going to get along. This year, it's going to feel warm and connected and magical. This year, you're going to have that Norman Rockwell moment. You're going to feel grateful and joyful and present. Your family's going to be on their best behavior. The food will be amazing. Everyone will be kind. Someone might even acknowledge how hard you've worked and how far you've come in your sobriety. It's going to be perfect or at least pretty good. And you're working toward that outcome. You're trying to orchestrate it. You're managing your behavior, managing others, trying to create the conditions for this ideal holiday experience. But here's what happens. It's not perfect. Of course it's not. Someone says something passive aggressive. The turkey's dry. Your dad makes that comedy always makes. Your sibling brings up something from 20 years ago. Nobody acknowledges your sobriety. One drinks too much and gets weird and you feel like a failure. Like you did something wrong. Like if you just managed it better, it would have been different. But perfection was never possible. You were chasing something that doesn't exist. Here's your radical shift. There is no perfect holiday. There's just the holiday that happens. Success is not everyone having a magical moment. Success is not things going smoothly. Success is not getting the outcome you hoped for. Success is you didn't drink. That's it. That's the measure. Did you stay sober? Then you succeeded. Everything else is a bonus. And honestly, the goal isn't even to thrive at these events. The goal is to survive them. To get through them without drinking, without blowing up, without abandoning yourself. You're not trying to create a feeling in yourself or in others. You're just trying to show up, be yourself, protect your sobriety and get home safe. So in practical terms, before you go, define success on your terms. Write it down if you need to. Success today means I don't drink and I don't say something. I'll regret. That's it. That's your bar. Lower your expectations to the ground. Seriously. Nothing. Hope for small moments, but expect nothing. And throughout the event, notice should thoughts. This should be nice. They should be grateful. I should feel good right now. Every time you notice a should, replace it with, this is what it is. This is what it is. Not what it should be, what it is. And if you can find one small thing to be grateful for, which you always can, even if it's just, ooh, I get to leave in an hour. That's gratitude. That's enough. When it's over, celebrate that you got through it. Not that you got through it perfectly, just that you got through it. Sober. The only perfect holiday is the one where you stay sober. Number seven. Stop controlling your family's emotional state. All right, this might be the deepest pattern for a lot of us, especially if you're a people please are, or if you grew up in a chaotic environment. You walk into these holiday gatherings and immediately you're scanning. You're reading the room. Is mom stressed? Is dad in a bad mood? Is your sibling anxious? Who's upset? Who needs to be managed? And then you go into management mode. You absorb the tension in the room. You make yourself small so other people can be big. You laugh at jokes that are funny. You agree with things you don't agree with. You do emotional labor. So much emotional labor just to keep the peace. You become an emotional sponge. You're soaking up everyone's anxiety. Everyone's anger. Everyone's stressed. Everyone's discomfort. And you think this is helping. You think this is keeping things stable. But really, you're just abandoning yourself to manage everyone else. And that creates codependent dynamics that are a direct threat to your sobriety. Because when you're responsible for everyone else's emotional state, when do you get to have your emotions? When do you get to feel what you feel? You don't. You stuff it down. You push it aside. You make it not matter. And what happens to emotions that get stuffed down? They come out sideways. As resentment, as anger, as the urge to drink. Everyone is responsible for their own emotional state. Everyone. Including your parents, including your siblings, including you. You can be compassionate without being responsible. You can care about someone without carrying their emotions for them. Their feelings are not your job to fix. You can witness someone's distress without absorbing it. This is what detachment with love actually means. It's not cold, it's not uncaring, it's recognizing that they have their experience and you have yours. And you're not helping them by taking on their stuff. So in a practical sense, start noticing when you're taking on someone else's emotions. Ask yourself, is this mine? If your stomach is in knots but you don't know why check, are you absorbing someone else's anxiety? If you're feeling angry but nothing has happened to you, check, are you carrying someone else's anger? When you notice this happening, do a physical grounding. Feel your feet on the floor, take three deep breaths, feel the boundary of your skin, this is you, that is them. And mentally practice this, right? Saying they're having a feeling, I don't need to fix it. If someone's upset, you can be compassionate, you can ask, what do you need? But let them answer, don't jump in with solutions, don't take it on, don't make it your responsibility to change their emotional state. And if you need to physically remove yourself from someone else's emotional intensity, do it. I'm going to step away for a minute. You don't need permission, you don't need to wait until they're done being upset. You can love people without carrying their emotional baggage. In fact, you have to because carrying their baggage means you're not carrying your own. And you're the only one that can carry yours. Okay, number eight, start controlling, right? Here's where we shift. This is what you do have control of. Your response, your boundaries, your peace. All right, we've spent this whole episode talking about what you can't control. Seven things you need to release, let go of, stop trying to manage. And maybe you're sitting there thinking, okay, but if I can't control any of that, what can I control? What do I do? Well, this is it. This is the flip. After seven things you can't control, here's the one thing you can, yourself, your response, your boundaries, your peace. That's it. And here's the wild thing. That's enough. That's actually more than enough. That's everything. So let's break it down into its three parts, your response. You can control how you react when things go sideways. Not whether things go sideways. They will, but you can control how you respond. If someone says something passive aggressive, you can't control that. They said it, but you can control whether you engage with it or let it slide. You can control your tone when you respond. You can control whether you match their energy or maintain your own. This is the space between stimulus and response. Someone does something, and then there's this tiny gap. Sometimes it's just a second before you react. That gap, that's your power. That's where your control lives. Three deep breaths can create enough space for you to choose your response instead of just reacting automatically. Next is your boundaries. You can control when you arrive and when you leave. You can control what conversations you participate in and which ones you walk away from. You can control what behaviors you'll tolerate and what you won't. You can control how much contact you have with the family before the holidays during and after. You can control what you say yes to and what you say no to. These are not small things. These are major things. These are the things that actually protect your sobriety. Not controlling whether alcohol is there, controlling whether you stay when alcohol is making you uncomfortable. Not controlling whether your family respect your boundaries, controlling whether you hold your boundaries regardless of their reaction. And your piece. This is the big one. You can control your internal state regardless of what's happening externally. The chaos can be happening all around you and you can be calm in the center of it. Not because you've shut down or disconnected, but because you're connected to yourself. You can control your connection to your values. You can control your self-care practices. You can control your sobriety above all else. You can control making your serenity the top priority. This is what personal responsibility actually means. It means you take ownership of your side of the street, only your side. Everything else, none of your business. So what does this look like practically? Let's do this. I'm going to do a quick personal responsibility toolkit for the holidays. Okay. Here's what I want you to do. The morning of your event, set your intentions. Say it out loud if you need to. I'm responsible for my sobriety, my piece, my behavior, period. Everything else is not my job. And then during the event, pause before reacting. This is so simple, but so hard. Something happens. Someone says something. You feel a reaction rising. Pause. Take three deep breaths. That's all. Just three breaths that creates enough space for you to choose your response instead of reacting. And do real-time check-ins. Throughout the event, ask yourself, am I trying to control something outside of myself right now? If yes, redirect. What do I need right now? Bring your focus back to internal instead of external. And then after the event, debrief honestly with yourself. Like, where did you try to control things you couldn't? Where did you stay in your lane? No judgment. I don't want you to tell yourself you're good or bad. There's no judgment. Just observation. This is how you learn. And here's the radical truth that might actually set you free. You're not helpless. You have total control over you. Your choices, your responses, your boundaries, your peace. And this is actually empowering, not limiting, because when you stop trying to control everything, you stop being exhausted. When you stop trying to manage everyone else, you have energy for yourself. When you release control of things you never had control over anyway, you become free. Your sobriety depends on internal focus, not external management. All those tips about exit plans and mocktails and sober buddies. Those are fantastic. But they're not what keeps you sober. What keeps you sober is you, your commitment, your boundaries, your willingness to prioritize your peace over other people's comfort. Personal responsibility equals personal freedom. You can't control the chaos around you, but you can control the chaos in you. And that's the only control that protects your sobriety. So let's bring this home. The holidays don't threaten your sobriety. Your addiction to control does. Every minute you spend trying to control external things, whether people drink, what they think of you, family drama, the schedule, their reactions, the perfect outcome, their emotions. Every minute spent on that is a minute not spent on the internal focus that actually keeps you sober. You have one job during the holidays. Stay sober. Not make everyone happy. Not create perfect moments. Not manage everyone's emotions. Just stay sober. Everything else is none of your business. And when you really get this, when you really internalize that you're only responsible for your side of the street, something amazing happens. You stop being exhausted. You stop resenting everyone. You stop feeling like a victim of your circumstances because you become free. So before you walk into the first holiday gathering, write down three things. What am I trying to control and be honest. Make a list of the things you're hoping will go a certain way. Number two, what can I actually control? And the answer is just you. Your response is your boundaries, your peace. That's it. And number three, what does success look like for me? Not for them for you and make it simple. I stayed sober and I didn't say something I regret. That's success, especially for a lot of us. Some used to saying a lot of things I regret. But the most radical thing you can do this holiday season is mind your own business, your sobriety, your peace, your choices, your side of the street and let everyone else do the same. You've got this. Not because you can control everything, but because you can control the one thing that matters and that's yourself. And that's enough. So before you go, I want to make sure you have everything you need to get through this holiday season sober. I put together a free sober holiday podcast playlist with over 20 episodes specifically designed to help you navigate everything we talked about today and more. Cravings and triggers, social situations, family gatherings, how to respond when people ask why you're not drinking, all the practical tools. There's also a bunch of episodes of like how to start over from day one. If I was starting over from day one, this is what I would do. That kind of stuff. All the practical tools and the real talk you need to not just survive the holidays, but to actually thrive in your sobriety. You can get that at addictionalimit.com/holidayplaylist. It's completely free. Addictionalimit.com/holidayplaylist. And I will link that in the show notes for you, along with the link to book a call with me. If you're done screwing around with a hundred day ones, you're ready to get serious about relief and recovery. I'd love to talk with you and tell you all the different options I have. And that's addictionalimit.com/call. All of that stuff will be in the show notes for you. Because here's the thing, you don't have to do this alone. And every episode in that playlist is there to remind you that your sobriety is possible. It's worth it and you've got this. Now go out there and protect your peace. And don't forget this Friday bonus drop from the Unlimited Life Starter series. We're working our way through the 10 most powerful episodes from the Addictionalimit.com archives to rebuild your rhythm, structure, and emotional peace. We've only got a few of these episodes left. We're going to the end of the year. So don't forget that Friday. Okay, I love you guys. I hope you're having a fantastic day and I will see you next week. You've reached the end of another great episode of the Addiction Unlimited podcast, Candid and Honest Conversation about Addiction and Recovery. Be sure to visit us at AddictionUnlimited.com to join the conversation and access show notes and links to everything we talked about. Love this episode? Please take 30 seconds to subscribe, rate, and review on iTunes to help us improve and give you the information you want. Thanks for listening. See you next week. [Music]