How to own the confidence you have worked for

(upbeat music) - Hello, my gorgeous humans. Welcome back to another episode. Today's topic is all about owning the confidence you have worked so hard for. And it's a, I got this request in my DMs, and it's a big slate, okay? It's such a good topic, a really good conversation to have so relevant, especially for this podcast when we're talking about becoming the best version of ourselves, the most confident version, the strongest version, okay, that's gonna require you stepping up into a level of power, and that can be very intimidating, okay? And a lot of people won't do it because of the things that they have to navigate in doing so. And this is what we're gonna be talking about, okay? I'm gonna read out the chunk of message that this girl sent me just so you guys can really get on the same path, the same wavelength, so that we can really like, yeah, so you can just understand where this is coming from. So this is what she said. How to be truly confident, such proud and appreciative of yourself and your hard work, without having the fear or anxiety of people thinking you are showing off or searching for attention, especially as a person who clearly trains hard and maintains a muscular and lean physique year-round, just learning to be okay with strutting your stuff and feeling sexy and know that's not a bad thing and that you aren't doing anything wrong for loving what you have worked so hard for. Amazing, so great, really, really good topic. Before we go down that track, I am going to do a quote of the day. This quote is super specific to this episode because for those of you who have listened for a while, you know, I just go in randomly, choose a quote, pick that one, that's perfect, I just go off like, I got led to that quote today for a reason, whatever. This one I actually specifically chose and I'm trying to remember the movie that it comes from and I, for the life of me, can't remember, it's a basketball movie. Ah, it's on the divin' my tongue when I can't get it. I'm just not remembering it right now, but it's from this movie and it's not, it's not been created from this movie. It's an old quote from, I should just write this stuff down. I should write this stuff down of who actually wrote this quote, but it is super relevant to the energy behind today's episode, so I chose it specifically. So here it goes. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. It's that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so others won't feel insecure around you. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same as we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others. I love that quote, so, so, so much. It's an extremely powerful quote. All right, going into the juice of today, people shy away from doing better because standing in your own power is really fucking intimidating. Okay, it's intimidating for yourself to confront all the things that come with that. It's also intimidating for the people around you. That's what you're basically navigating, right? The minute that you shine, someone out there, someone else is going to say it's too bright, switch it off. Hence why we get stuck playing so fricking smallness is something that's been wired into us from a very, very young age from the whole like be a good girl, be quiet, be humble, don't celebrate yourself too loud because you don't want to make the person next to you uncomfortable, fuck that shit. Why is it that we have been taught that from a very, very young age to be a good girl, be quiet, sit down, play small, do as you told, all that little, just fucking bullshit. So we have to, as women, re-learn that standing in our power and celebrating ourselves, there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with that, okay? But because of this is why we get stuck playing small because the narrative we've been taught from a very, very young age, okay? You start to grow and celebrate yourself and be the stronger, more confident version of yourself and then there may be and there will be people out there who say, you know what, bring it back down a notch, okay? And you know what, I have to say to that, bring it back down to what level, Karen, your level? No, why? Because I've seen your level, okay? You're so super fucking unhappy at your level. I don't want to be on that level. Okay, so I'm climbing levels. I'm finding the level that makes me happy because going back down there, fuck that shit. No, not doing it. So, you know, respectfully shut the fuck up. So there is always going to be someone who says it's too bright, switch it off, be humble, all these things. So I want to tell you a story because I really do understand and know this feeling too well, okay, too well as someone who has been relatively fit most of my life, okay? I've always played sport, I've always been active, it's always been an active part of my life and then I started strength training and I found an immense amount of confidence through strength training. And I remember this one specific day we were out at Somerset Dam, going water skiing and having a really good weekend up there. Anyway, I took, this is when I started strength training, I started finding a lot of confidence in who I was and all the things and I remember rocking up and I took my, I had like an oversized long sleeve tee on, I took that off and the immediate response was like mind blowing. The people that were around me and like in saying this, no one ever did it in a malicious way and I have a generous, practicing generous interpretation with people is really for yourself, okay? And I had generous interpretation that these people weren't trying to be malicious but still, it still gets to you a little bit, still makes you uncomfortable. The minute I took my shirt off and I was just in my bikini, immediate turns towards me, oh my God, you're so skinny. Oh my God, you're this. Oh my God, you're that comments on my body immediately. Did it make me uncomfortable? Absolutely. Ab so loosely made me uncomfortable in my confidence. And I was like, what the fuck is that? And I had the time, had no idea, I didn't have understanding of all this, didn't have an understanding of people's projections and people's, all of that. Like I didn't understand the way that all went down but what I did understand is what it made me fucking uncomfortable and it made me want to put my shirt on immediately and I spent majority of that day always with one piece of clothing on, either with that t-shirt that I could wrap around myself or a pair of shorts because then the lower half of my body was covered up. And mind you, I was very lean back then, like even more lean than I am now, like a 10 kilos leaner than I am now. So I definitely was one of them and I say this with empowerment when I say this, the thinner, I was definitely thin. I didn't have as much muscle as I have on now because I was just starting off my strength training journey. I was starting off and finding confidence in doing it and realizing the benefit of doing it. So I hadn't, I'm not 10 years, like this was when I think about it. Like eight, seven, oh yeah, I'm doing rough math here but like six to eight years ago that this occurred. So this was a very long time ago. I'm six to eight years ahead in my strength training journey now but I just remember that one moment of like feeling so confident within myself and it being absolutely smashed to pieces. And like I said, these people didn't intentionally mean to be negative. It was just a projection from themselves. And if I had known at the time how to hold it then I probably would have spent a lot, I probably wouldn't have spent a lot of different events with these people, cover it up. Okay, I probably would have just embraced it and gone, yeah, I fucking worked hard for this. And your comments don't affect me in any shape or form like it doesn't matter. But I did, it affected me and I let it affect me and I let it affect the way that I show up and the way that I dress and the way that I do things. Like I can't be too confident or whatever because other people are gonna be uncomfortable by that. So I'm just gonna play it a little smaller and that never served me. It kept me stuck for a really fucking long time until I hit the point where I went, why aren't we growing, why aren't we moving? I have these goals, I have this vision, I wanna do it. I wanna be that woman for other people as well, for other women to see what confidence is like to show up and I'm like, why am I not like, there's all these questions, okay? All these questions and I realized 'cause I'm still playing it small. And there are still levels to this day that I still navigate with this. Like I really, like I still to this day confront different areas where I'm like, oh I could deepen my confidence in that, oh I could deepen my confidence in that. We're human, okay? You're always going to be finding new levels and growing, okay? We don't stop growing until we are in the ground, right? One of the other questions people ask all the time, they're like, but am I being cocky? Am I being cocky by loving myself and showing up it? Okay, the difference between confidence and cockiness is someone with confidence doesn't have to prove anything that they do, okay? They just do, it is who they are, it is who they be, it is how they act, they don't need someone else to follow them, they don't need someone else to be doing the same thing, it is just who they are, how they operate on day-to-day basis, they do not need or require validation from someone else. Someone who is cocky is always trying to prove something, always trying to prove something because they are searching from validation from someone else. And I can tell you this, if everything that you do is to get validation and acceptance from other people, you are going to continue to live your life searching for that. And you cannot build the internal confidence needed to not give a fuck about what other people think. Okay, so you need to ask yourself, why am I doing the things that I'm doing? Am I doing this because I want acceptance from this person? Am I doing this because I want validation from this person? Am I doing this for attention? Am I doing this, did it, or am I doing this for me? Am I doing this because this is who I'm becoming and this is who I am? And I try. and it's like a trust thing, right? When it comes to the time, when it comes to the time to put it to the test, you know this is who I am. Behind the scenes, in front of people, by myself, in all cases, in all scenarios, I'm not trying to prove anything because I know this is who I am. So when someone threatens that and someone makes a comment to you and says something, you're not affected by it as much as maybe what you would if you were searching for validation 'cause you're not affected by it because you know, okay, well, that's not true, but that's like, I'm not threatened by that. That doesn't trigger me because I know it's not true because I know who I am. Okay, that's one of just the little differences of like, when things trigger you, if someone says something and it triggers you, point the finger back at yourself and go, okay, why does it? Where is their truth to that? Where am I searching for validation in people still? Where am I searching for acceptance or where am I actually still lying to myself, cheating myself, going back on the things that I said that I was going to do? Like, where am I doing all these things because that is the trust piece I am missing for confidence, okay? We kind of went off track on that a little bit but that's like that whole question of, oh, if I show up on my power, am I doing all these things I'm bragging, I'm being cocky, I'm, no. Someone who is confident is just showing up as who they are. Someone who is cocky is showing up trying to prove some, they are someone they are not, okay? Behind the scenes, someone who is cocky that is not who they are, they are putting on a facade to say, hey, this is da da da da, and they're always going to be triggered when someone confronts them and asks them something or says this or da da da da, okay? Someone who is confident doesn't get triggered by these things, isn't needing to be loud and in your face and whatever they are quietly just being themselves. There was all that, there's this thing I learned a very long time ago. People have confidence wrong, right? People think the most confident person in the room is the loudest, the, like, person up in front of everyone, you know, da da da da ba ba, the most confident person is probably the one sitting down, the quietest in the room, okay? And obviously give or take all the different things, but that's what it is, is confidence isn't something that is loud. Showing up in your power has got nothing to do with screaming at the top of your lungs, okay? Being confident is knowing who you are and operating in that regardless of what someone else has to say, okay? So one thing to also understand is people who try to bring you down are doing so to put themselves back on top. This is probably, this is part of the projection and I'll go into this a little further is this is one of the perspective shifts that I learned that really, really helped me was understanding that if anyone out there is trying to pull you back down, it's because they had a projection, they felt uncomfortable from your power and the only way they knew how to feel comfortable again and how to navigate the discomfort they were feeling was to pull you back down and get you back down to their level, so they felt good again. Because when you were shining and you were big and you were all in your glory and you were fit and you're strong and you're muscular and you have the physique that maybe someone else is also wishing they felt uncomfortable, so they got to pull you back down, they got to make a comment, they've got a direct attention to something they think is an insecurity of yours, they've got to do anything they possibly can to bring you back down. So that they are now back on top, okay? So that's something that's a perspective that really helped me was understanding that when someone is so willing to pull someone else down, they are feeling a sense of insecurity, they are feeling a sense of whatever and for them to be superior again, they need to pull you back down so that they can be on top again. So I want to continue to shift your perspective to understand that owning your confidence is actually needed from you, okay? Especially if you've done a fuck ton of work to get there and it is so needed, it is very important that you lean into being the most confident version of yourself and there's so many reasons why. I'm gonna just go through a couple of other things before that, kind of continuing on from what I just said, someone else's projection is their own shit, okay? It's their own shit and I wish I learnt this earlier, I really did, but the fact that I've learnt it by 30, that's pretty good. So if you're listening to this, I really need you to learn this, okay? Someone else's projection is their own shit, okay? When you show up in your power and someone has a problem with it, you are highlighting to them all the ways in which they don't allow themselves to do the same, okay? So when you win, when you celebrate yourself, when you show up in your hottest sexiest state and you not flaunt your body, but you bet you do, you enjoy your body. You go, "I fucking worked hard for this body." And you enjoy that and however you want to enjoy that, like whatever. And someone gets uncomfortable from that. You are highlighting to them all the ways in which they don't show up for themselves in the same way, okay? In all the ways they wish they could show up in the same way, they wish they could celebrate as, celebrate themselves as much as you do. They wish they had the physique and the discipline to show up in all the ways that you do, okay? It's a complete projection of their internal world, okay? Your internal world, and it's something that you can put in perspective for yourself as well as your internal world is a mirror, well, not your reality, right? Your reality and how you perceive things is a mirror to your internal world, okay? I got that the wrong way around. Your reality is a mirror to your internal world, okay? So when you constantly get triggered and constantly feel like someone's watching you and judging you and da-da-da-da. Point the finger back and go, okay, where's their truth am I judging myself? Am I cheating myself right now? Like there's an opportunity for you to go deeper into all these things. But that's like the number one perspective and the thing I want you to see is when someone has something to say, it is just simply a projection of their own internal world. But also, it's also not always that personal, okay? It's actually not that personal. Some people just are like, wow, she's hot and I don't know how to communicate that. And they say something so stupid. And then when you take that personally, they're like shit, like it's like a shit, shit, oh, oh, all these things. It's sometimes not that deep, okay? It is sometimes not that deep. Sometimes you're making up scenarios in your head of this person meant it this way because this and that, no, no, that's just just spiraling because you need to go deeper with your confidence, simple. Next point is change the way that you actually respond, okay? I want to challenge this part of you is when someone gives you a compliment, I'm a bat, you start explaining all the different reasons why it is the way that it is instead of just saying thank you. Okay, pay attention to where you simply cannot take the compliment. Okay, start saying thank you instead of continuously downplaying the compliment that someone has given you. Someone says to you, wow, you're looking fit. And it doesn't matter if they say it in a way that you're kind of like, oh, that's a weird way to say it. It's there attempt at complimenting you. Okay, remember generous interpretation saves you more times than not. I know a lot of the times that someone's back in the day used to say to me, oh, you're so skinny. They didn't mean it in a harsh way. It's the only word they knew how to attach to someone who was fit and athletic looking as like you mean lean, you mean fit, you mean athletic, they just attach that to skinny, which is what we are all doing the work to be right of what it all means. But that's okay, I knew what they meant. And I just said thank you. Thank you, I've put a lot of work in the gym. I redirected it to exactly what I do. I've been putting a lot of work in the gym lately and I'm feeling really, really good. So thank you. Own it. How many times when someone gives you a compliment, I like your shirt, oh, I got it for $5 at the store down the road. What, why does that fucking matter? Why can't you just say thank you? Even if it costs $1,000 or it costs $5, thank you very much. I like it too. Someone says, yeah, I like your shoes. Oh, these old things. Oh, just picked them up from the bottom of the thing. Thank you. Okay, take the compliment. Okay, you want the confidence yet you can't take the compliment from someone who is trying to give you that. Yet you pay attention the most to the people who are trying to put you down. Okay, change the way that you respond to other people giving you that positive feedback. Okay, because when you downplay it, that's from the history and from you constantly trying to play it smaller. So that person doesn't feel uncomfortable. Because in your head you're like, oh, maybe this person doesn't have this shirt. So I feel bad. Okay, I'm gonna just tell her, oh, it's just $5. Like that's all it really was. Like this old thing, duh, duh, duh, duh. Say thank you, doesn't matter. She liked your shirt, say thank you. Thank you very much. Someone compliments your physique. Thank you very much. I've been putting a lot of work in lately. Wow, you said no to the second slice of cake. Oh my God, I could never. Thank you, I've been working on my discipline lately and it's been really serving me well. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. They may see it and it's the same both ways as like they could actually be giving you a compliment or they could actually be saying something to maybe try and make you feel bad. But in reality, they don't know that the trust you're building in yourself, you know who you are. And you know when it is the right time. And for, you know, all the different things. But like in that instance of, I didn't have the second piece of cake because you know that you don't need it. You know, you've clocked that you're full. You've enjoyed the piece. You don't need to have another one because someone else is maybe saying, I'll have another piece, I cooked it. I didn't make it like, I wouldn't have made it if I didn't think you were gonna eat half of it. You know, well then no, I didn't ask you to make it. Okay, this is where we really start to own the decisions that we make and build that trust within ourselves. And someone makes a comment. complement. A comment, how many C words, compliment, confident, calm, calm, now I've forgotten the word that I was just saying before, makes a comment about something in a downgrading kind of way and you're kind of, and you own it though. And you go, "Oh, thank you very much. I have been working on my discipline lately." So thank you very much for noticing that. And then they would literally be shocked. Like, "What? Oh, oh, right. Thanks." And they're shocked because you took your power back. You took it back. You snatched it right back out of their hands and you said, "No, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you." And obviously there's going to be some comments from time to time where you can't really turn it back around. You can't really say that. And you just ignore it. You don't say anything. Like I'm just as human as you are and sometimes I don't always have the right answer. I don't always. I don't know. Lots of people, "Oh, must be nice. Oh, must be nice to have those genetics. Oh, I can't really do the same thing as you. My life's not really the same. My life's a little busier." And they start to throw all these projections out, right? And you start to hear all this. And then the minute you start to want to challenge that and start to prove to them why we have lost it. Pull yourself back. Okay, this used to be me. I used to give so much context. I used to over-explain. I used to do a lot until I realized I don't need to. Let them have it. Let them have their moment. It's all good. Oh, no, I could never do that. My life's not the same. My life's a bit busier than yours. And they're trying to make it out to say, "I've got it harder than you, basically." Cool, you might do. That's all good. I was like, "I know the shit that I've had to go through. I know the shit that I've had to work through. I don't need to prove that to you because let's go back to the whole confidence first cocky part." Okay? They're projecting it because they understand and they know deep down in their chest that they're just not willing to shift their priorities around. They're just not willing to take ownership of where they are letting themselves down. So they're projecting versus you holding it to yourself and going, "I don't need to explain to you how busy and hard my life has been." But I have found the time for myself and I've put in the grinding work to get to where I am today. That's okay. I'm going to let you have your moment because we do the comparison thing of, "I'm not jealous of you. I'm not jealous of you because you are not living the life that I want to live. So your opinion, your projections and all those things are not important to me. They don't affect me because I don't want to be where you are. So I've become someone who doesn't take the opinions and advice from someone whose life I wouldn't want to swap." Okay? And you need to really let that sink in because someone who is out there doing the work, putting in, who's reaping the results and is living a life that you would want to swap with, they're not sitting there putting you down. Guarantee you. Okay? They are not sitting there wasting their time trying to pull you down because they're actually above you. They're, and when I say above you, there's no hierarchy. We're all fucking the same. All right? There is no, you know, whatever. They are ahead. They are charging. They are winning. They are so focused on watering their own grass that they're like, "Hey, I've got some extra fucking water. Do you want me to water yours too?" They're not wanting to pull you down because they understand the more they pull others up around them, the better they do. The better they do because they have hacked the system. They understand the system. Okay? They understand the hacks to the system is when others do better, they get to do better. So someone out there who is living a life that you would sit there and go, "Oh, yeah, I would love that reality. They're not going to be putting you down." So the people that are putting you down, you probably don't want to swap lives with them. So when they're saying all these things and they're like, "Oh, my life is this and that and this and oh, I've got the kids and I've got this and I've got that and these are all the reasons why I can't achieve the thing that you've achieved. But I would love to achieve." It's just them saying, "I'm not willing to confront all the areas where I'm not doing the things that I said that I would. So I'm going to project on to you because I feel really shit right now and I can see all the areas in which you are willing to confront those things. That makes me feel really shitty about myself. So I need to pull you back down so I feel better about myself." Okay? Do we kind of get the whole like, are we getting it? Are we getting the whole energy behind this whole thing? Okay? When you show up in your power, someone who is so confident in themselves is going to celebrate you in doing so. Someone who understands that your reality has got no effect to theirs because they're so busy watering their own grass. When they see you win, they're going to go, "Fuck a note says you win, you flaunt that body, you own that, you've put the work in for that, you like enjoy it and you should be confident in that because you've put in the hard work for that and I know what that's like because I'm doing the same thing." So I see that, I see the discipline, I see it and I respect it and they don't need to pull you down because they're over here doing the same thing. They understand when you win, that inspires them and empowers them in a way that they continue to want to water their own grass and do the same. Okay, all these changes, we're going off on all these changes, I could rant about this all day long, about the effects of energy, right? Next point and this is a very big piece of self-acceptance and if I read this out and the first thing that you say to yourself is, "No, I don't do this, I've never done that." You probably are the one that do it, you probably are the one that does it the most, okay? Where are you judging other women for showing up in their power? Okay, point the finger, take honesty, like take personal responsibility about this, you've done it, we've all done it. Okay, we're not perfect, we're humans, self-acceptance is like the best place of understanding, I have been that person before I didn't like it, I didn't like being that person, so I'm going to use that feeling of not liking it to project me forward into someone better. I have done it, I absolutely have done it to this day, do I catch myself having small little moments of judging someone for doing something? Yeah, I do and I'm okay to admit that and I don't, like I'm okay because I trust and I'm so confident within myself that I know that that little moment has got nothing to do with that person and I take responsibility and I go where am I feeling triggered that she's that confident to show up in herself like that? Where am I not willing to do the same thing? So you need to start pointing the finger at yourself and going where do I judge other people for showing up in their power or for just living their life or doing their thing. The minute you have a projection of like, oh that's so cringe, oh I could never, oh I could, well yeah no sis, no you couldn't. I could never do that. No, well no you can't and you're not going to until you accept I can, I'm just not willing to show up in the way that she is. Okay, that is the first place, one of the first place, all of these places are the fucking place to start, but it is one of the first places to start, especially us as women, we are so quick to tear each other down and it is disgusting, it is disgusting. But the reason that you are waiting for judgment or feeling a scared of judgment is because you were judging too, so you are expecting the same energy back. Okay, this is the whole kind of like, you give what you get, you know, you get what you give. Yeah, this is the whole like you get what you give kind of energy. Okay, you judge other women, well guess what, you were going to be so susceptible to all the judgment in your life and you're not going to be able to hold it. Like I, when judgment comes, if I experience or feel judgment, I'm not paying attention to it half the time. Like I'm really not, when someone says something negative and I had a few negative comments on the podcast, I remember when I got my first negative review, I was like, oh my god, I got my first negative review, like I must actually be making it because if you're not pissing people off, you're not going hard enough, you're not showing up in your power strong enough, right? And I remember I got it and I remember that's okay, they're on their journey, they're experiencing their things, they've had a projection, not everyone's going to like you, it's impossible. Okay, there are people I don't like. So why would I expect everyone to like me? It's not how it works. Okay, but in some people are going to say something and this kind of leads me into my next point and it's the uncom, like uncomfortable unspoken truth about growth. Okay, except that it might be true, someone may judge you, someone may laugh at you, someone may have a comment to say, someone, whatever. But when you do the internal work and you start building that internal trust within yourself of going, this is who I am and I know it, behind the scenes, this is who I am. And I've built that real deep levels of trust and self-respect within me. Someone else's judgment doesn't bother me because I know where it's coming from. I know that it's an attempt to pull me down for them to feel better. So I know that. But a lot of people do not want to step up into it because they're not, they don't want to hold it, they don't want to see it like that. It's really uncomfortable for them in the moment to simply hold it and go, that's okay. That's your own journey. Like, like I said, I'm here. I don't know what to say half the time. Someone says something. Not everyone's trying to be directly malicious. They'll say it behind your back and you just won't know. Okay, because you're too busy water and you're guys, you fucked off by now. You don't care what they're saying because you're not looking back. Okay, but you need to accept that sometimes it might be true, someone may judge you, someone may say something that triggers you a little bit. But if I can give you one thing to pull power out of in this is it's what you asked for. And you're going to probably going to listen to this and go, is he what the fuck do you mean? It's what I asked for. I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for judgment. I didn't ask for someone to challenge my confidence. Yes, you did. Okay, every moment is a chance to take your confidence deeper. Okay, you asked for more confidence. Expect all your insecurities to get brought to the surface. Okay, this is you being handed more chances to deepen your confidence or be aware of that. ask for more confidence, expect more judgment, expect someone to challenge your insecurity, expect people in the gym to stare at you and for you to have to challenge that part in your brain that's saying they're staring because I'm ugly. You have to challenge that and go even if they are, I don't care. I have to hold it, I have to continue to push forward and challenge it because if I don't confront that discomfort, I'm never going to grow. It is something to earn and it is the unspoken truth about growth and with confidence and with loving who you are and showing up in your power is can you hold the discomfort and keep moving anyway. And a lot of people, a lot of coaches want to preach that growth is all sunshine and rainbows, it's not fucking sunshine and rainbows, okay, it's dungeons and dragons. It's hard. It's not comfortable, it's not nice, it's not pretty, it's not sweet, it's ugly, it's fucking ugly sometimes. I'm going to literally stare yourself in the mirror and go, I don't like what I see, but I respect who I am and I want to continue to make moves despite that discomfort and then trust over time that will start to shift. I'm going to go to the gym and I want to deepen my level of confidence, okay, well, what's one thing that I could do that makes me face the discomfort a little bit more? Okay, maybe I could take my t-shirt off. I'm starting to feel better in myself, I'm starting to feel that shift, what's something that can make me deepen my confidence a little bit further today could do, and that is do the thing that makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable because the only way through it is through it, okay, not around it, not over it, not trying to manipulate it, unfortunately that's why you spend a lot of your life searching for it, not actually feeling it is because you continuously avoid moving through it. You have this thought and you let that thought dictate you and dictate the decisions and the action that you take within your life. So you need to understand that except it might be true, okay, you might get people saying shit, you might get people challenging you, you might have, and this can go to a different level of like health and fitness of you're trying to be better and there's people trying to pull you back down because they're uncomfortable of the discipline that you have and they feel uncomfortable that oh, you used to be someone that would eat the whole packet of chips with me. Yeah, well, that doesn't serve me anymore. So I'm not going to be eat the packet of chips on your own if that's the decision you want to make because that's the second part. You're making your decisions, you're not in control of anyone else's. Let them make their decisions own your own shit. That's all you need to worry about. But it might be true. People may judge you and they may try and pull you down, they may try and do all these things. One, communicate to them that it's really important that that doesn't happen. Allow, give yourself the generous interpretation to communicate to the people around you and say, hey, can you not fucking do this, please? Makes me feel like shit. One, they'll either, oh my God, I did not intend to do that. Absolutely. Absolutely. I will not do that anymore. Or two, they won't. And I'll continue to try to pull you down and go, lighten up. I'm just having a joked blah, blah, blah. Get away from those people fast. Okay. But this is what you asked for. Don't be out here saying you want more confidence. You want to be more disciplined. Like you say, immediately say, I want more discipline. And then tomorrow morning at work, the big jar of lollies gets restocked. And you're like, shit, usually I demolish half of that. I literally asked for discipline yesterday. People say to me, I want more joy in my life. Okay. Well, then what's your life get a little bit harder tomorrow? And you have to search for all the pockets of joy. You have to create it. You have to feel it. You have to build it. That's how you earn it. People say I want my life to feel a little bit more easier. What's your life get harder tomorrow? I want to learn how to be, what am I trying to say? I want to learn how to be, to maintain my standards in a busy season, what's your life get busier tomorrow? Okay. What you ask for is you're going to get all these opportunities to deepen the level of the thing that you have asked for. So be aware of that. And this is the unspoken truth of people thinking, oh, I want to growth. And then my life just got so fucking hard. What the hell? Yes, you did. Don't think it's all sunshine and rainbows. You have to earn your shit. You want confidence. You have to earn that. Watch all your insecurities come to the surface. Like I said, someone stares at you in the gym. You think that they're looking at you because they think you're ugly. They could be looking at you going, fuck a lover shorts. You have to confront that. And the only way to do that is to continue to move forward, not to allow it to let you go back and to stay smaller. Every moment is a chance to deepen it. Remember that. Next point is surround yourself with people who celebrate you, okay? Get the fuck up from tables that put others down like now. Right now. Get up. Push your chair in and leave. Okay? Do not be begging for a seat at a table of people who can only bring other people down to fail. Feel good about themselves or to bond. Surround yourself with people who celebrate other people who are there for other people, who uplift other people, who don't spend their entirety of time together pulling other people down. Because when you do that, you are susceptible to this energy. So much more than you think you will absorb it, it will become who you are, that negativity. And when you get up from that table and you leave and you feel really uncomfortable and icky and gross, that's that energy following you. And then you will be susceptible and always looking for it elsewhere going, what is this person going to say? Oh, I can't show up in my power because that person's always going to have something to say about it. And I don't want to hold it. Cool. Get up and fuck off and don't be around them. Go and shine and put yourself around people who celebrate you doing better. And if I can not even begin to explain the power of that, of putting yourself in a room that if you fall flat on your ass, someone comes and picks you up and says, go again. Go again. I want to see you win. Put yourself in more rooms with people who want to see you win. And your entire, entire reality will change when you are around people who celebrate you for who you are and what you do and how you show up. And when you win, they celebrate the shit out of you. So round yourself with more people like this, because the other side is really negative energy and will only continue to pull you down for the rest of your life. Okay. Now, this leads me to my last little kind of point and the impact, the power, the power of showing up in your own power. Okay. You have a responsibility. We all have a responsibility. We all have a massive, massive, massive responsibility to the generation after us, the people around us, the generations behind us, our parents, our grandparents, like it's to them as well. When you show up in your own power, it gives other people permission to shine because you don't apologize for shining. Okay. You have become the permission slip for someone else to do the same. And this is a very, very big responsibility, very, very big. When you shut yourself down, when you don't stand up for yourself, when you cover yourself up because you get insecure and you don't flaunt and own every version of you and love yourself and respect yourself and treat and honor your body with such love and care, you are showing someone else that that's the way that it's got to be. And I know that feeling of like, you know, when you let someone down, it's that feeling. And one of the biggest shifts for me is because like some days, it's not going to be enough for you. Some days showing up for yourself, doing the things that you do, it's not going to be enough for just you. Some days you get up for the other people in your life. And it was a big shift for me within who I was and of the big key, okay, to confidence because confidence isn't simply just a look, okay, that's the byproduct, loving and flaunting who you are and the work that you put in for yourself and owning your muscles and your strength and your physique and all these things. That comes from internal, that comes from inside. So like I said earlier, you can chase all this validation and reassurance from other people. You'll always be chasing it. You'll never feel it internal for you to be able to give less of a shit of what someone else has to say, you have to point the finger back and do the work internally. And one of the biggest shifts I had internally was understanding that it's bigger than me. It is way bigger than me. It is for my future kids. For my little girls or boys, both to look at me and see their mum celebrate themselves in the mirror. Love themselves in all shapes and all forms and all seasons of her life. My mum celebrates herself and loves herself. So I'm going to model the same behavior versus my mum plays small. She yells at me and doesn't control her emotions. She does all these things that represent something that I don't want to pass on. So it was a big, big message for me to go. I have a massive responsibility to be the permission slip for someone else to shine. It's the same for my sisters, my niece, my nan, my cousins, the women you all, every single one of you women in my life that are listening to this. I literally show up every single day for you guys, for everyone else as well to be that permission slip, to show you that it is possible to stand in your own power and do your thing. Because playing it small doesn't serve anyone, okay, go back to that quote I said at the beginning of the episode, playing it small does not serve anybody, okay, there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so others won't feel insecure around you, okay, your playing small does not serve the world, okay, all these points from that quote, it's so strong. And it's the biggest most like that's the whole message behind all this, okay, it's not our, like it's, our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate, right? that we are powerful beyond measure, that we have so much more to do. standing our power with yet we're not doing it. That scares us the most because of all the things that we need to confront to be there and do that. But it is so needed for you because it gives other people permission to shine because you're not out there apologizing for it. You're going thank you. When someone says something negative, you just hold it and you leave it. You don't make it mean anything about you because it doesn't. It doesn't mean anything about you. It's all to do with them. And when you lead by example, you are showing others how to do the same when you show up in your strength. When you show up in your confidence, when you rock up at the gym, enclose that make you feel comfortable. When you start to get all sweaty and hot and flustered and you take your big t-shirt off. If that's what you want to do and you own it, you wear the shorts because it's fucking a hundred degrees and middle of summer. And I've got a little bit of cellular out in the back of my legs, but it's so hot I'm not putting tights on. I'm going to own it and I'm going to wear my shorts. You give permission to the next person to do the same. You have shown them that it is possible and that is a big big responsibility. So when it comes to thinking about becoming like that girl, that girl with the confidence who own like being able to be so confident in who you are and own the shit that you have worked for. Think about all these factors of why people shy away from standing in their power. Understanding that someone else's projection is their own shit. Okay, change the way that you respond. Start to say thank you more. Start to pay attention to where you actually judge other women and understand it's a reflection of how you're feeling too. Okay, it goes two ways except that it might be true. Some people may judge you. Can I hold it? This is what I ask for. I ask for more confidence. Can the next time something happens that challenges the way that I feel about myself? How am I going to train my brain to show up in its power? I need to do I need to continue to honor myself. Not play it small and bring myself back down. Okay, every chance moment is a chance to take your confidence deeper. Can I take it? Because this is what I have asked for. When I show up in my power, I give other people a permission to shine because I do not apologize for shining myself because my life is so much better when I do. And I'm not going to let someone else's lack of joy ruin my joy. Because remember what I said, someone who is winning and living a life full of joy is too busy doing that to pull you down. So the people that are trying to pull you down, you don't want to swap lives with them. So why take on their negativity? Be proud of your efforts. Okay, you have put in the God damn work and I'll be damned if you live your life, showing away because someone else is intimidated by that. Shine brighter, blind them, blind them. Okay, think of all the shit that you have had to overcome. The hard days, the low motivation, the tough seasons, you have put in the work and it has not been easy. Don't you dare let someone else take that away from you because they do not know how to hold it themselves. Okay, so when you come back to that question of like how to be confident without having the fear or anxiety of people thinking you were showing off or searching for attention, point the finger and back at yourself and go where do I judge people and think they're showing off or searching for attention? Where do I think someone's bragging when they celebrate themselves? Where am I doing all these things? And that's the energy that I'm getting back because I'm giving it. Okay, it is not a bad thing to feel sexy and own the work that you have put in and the byproduct has become the physique that you have. You are not doing anything wrong for loving what you have worked so bloody hard for. It's just going to take a bit of shift in perspective, a bit of self acceptance, a bit of personal responsibility, massive amount and then a lot more trust building and starting to see all these little moments as opportunities to take that confidence deeper. When someone judges you, I can take my confidence deeper here. Like when something's happening, I'll give you a completely like off topic example. When someone's pissing me off, I'm going, "Huh, this is an opportunity right now for me to take my patience a little bit deeper." Like when I'm stuck, another example is like when you're stuck in traffic and stuff and you're like, "I am an opportunity to slow down right now. This is an opportunity for me to take my patience even deeper for me to not get so flustered and overwhelmed. This is an opportunity for me to take it deeper. Anytime I'm getting overwhelmed and frustrated in business, in life, in things, this is an opportunity for me to increase my capacity. So I can become someone who does more and shows up with being able to have so much more on my plate and I get it done stress-free. These are all opportunities. So when you ask for confidence and you get met with insecurities and you get met with judgment, just remember you asked for it. So it is your decision on whether you were going to sit with the discomfort or you're going to run away from it and then forever question why you're not confident enough to show up in your true power because you continue to play it small and run away from the exact piece of the exact opportunity that was ready to give it to you. Like literally came to you on a silver platter. Oh, there's this story and I love it. It's a really good example. I think it's a great way to finish this episode off. I love this. I'm going to shorten it just like long story short. A man was stuck on a roof and a boat came along. It was a big flood. Big flood happened and a man was stuck on a roof and a boat came along and said, "Hey, I'm here to rescue you. Jump in." And the guy on the roof was like, "No, God's going to look after me. He's going to save me." So the boat left. Another boat came along. Same thing. God's going to help me. He's going to save me. It's all good. Another boat left. Third boat came. Same thing. The man died. He went to heaven. He needs meets God and he goes, "God, what the fuck? I literally was sitting there waiting for you to help me. Why didn't you come and help me?" And God's like, "I sent you three fucking boats. What more do you want? What more do you want?" Okay, and I love that story because it just puts it so perfectly of like your opportunities are right in front of your eyes. Take them when they come. They're there. Jump in the boat and understand as you have asked for this, you are asking for this and you're not looking at what is right in front of you. Okay, I just, I don't know. I always love that story because I was like, "Yeah, literally." He's like, "I sent you three fucking boats. What more do you want from me? You were getting handed these opportunities and you're not taking them." Okay, so I want you to understand that. All right, there is nothing wrong for loving what you have worked so bloody hard for. Okay, all the shit you've had to overcome the hard days, the low motivation, hold that and remember that and go, "I've done this work so I am going to live my life in the version of me that I have worked so bloody hard for." Okay, my loves. I feel like I could talk about this all fricking day, like all day and there are so many different. Obviously, it's like, it can be very personal. There can be very specific reasons why you can't show up in your confidence and things like that, but that's the basis. That's all the things I kind of want you to think about. It's what I've done over time to really learn to show up in my confidence. Yeah. Similarly, that episode there, I really do hope that kind of helped you and can kind of help start to create some shifts where you're like, "Yep, absolutely. I'm going to start stepping into my power and I'm not going to apologize for it and I'm not the only way for you to do that is to embrace the discomfort that may come with it." Okay, my loves. If this episode hit home and you want to keep these conversations going, hit the follow button and stick around. Also, sharing this podcast to people you think will need it to your stories. All the things really, really helps this podcast out and I appreciate you all so, so, so much for it. Let's grow this motherfucker. Let's grow it. All right. This is the Growth Mindset podcast. I'll chat to you guys in the next episode. Until then, keep chasing your highest self. Like she owes you your happiest life. Love you, bye.