How to know yourself so well that people pleasing disgusts you

Test test. I waited till I saw the sign. I don't know why I didn't go. The gym yesterday with a good buddy of mine who's from New Zealand. Luke, if you're listening to this, you're probably not. But what's up? So we're working out yesterday. Near the end, we're walking out of the gym. And he and I are talking, but he's got his accent obviously and some guy comes over. He goes, "Oh, Matt, are you from Australia?" He goes, "Oh, no, I'm from New Zealand." And there's kind of a, I don't know, playful rivalry, I guess, between the two. And I put on the Australian accent, but this guy not knowing I went, "Oh, no, this better be a rivalry." And he goes, "What, where are you from?" And I said, "I'm from here, but that's pretty good though, right?" It was freaking hilarious. But anyways, this is besides the point. I want to tell you a little story about how I develop the skill of not people pleasing. I don't really care to do the people pleasing thing, but I think a lot of freaking really awesome people really have people pleasing tendencies. Now, of course, I'm not some robot. I care to please the people that I really like and the people that I want to like me. But I think, since I was young, I gained a pretty strong resilience, I guess, to the whole idea of changing who I am to please people or doing stuff that's very anti-me for the sake of others. And it all started back in elementary school. Do you guys remember the dare program that taught you how to not drink and drive or whatever the heck? So every time I tell this story, people say, "Man, you're the only successful dare case of all time." But when I was in school, I mean, you got the police station and the fire department. They come to your little assemblies and they say, "Hey, don't do this because this is really bad. Hey, when some creepy person comes up to you with a bag of candy, don't accept the offer." And for whatever reason, that just really resonated with me because I thought, "Okay, it seems like there's a bunch of people that just get tricked." And they get tricked into doing some shit that they didn't want to do or looking back, they wish they didn't do. And it brought them a life of trouble or it freaking killed somebody or someone's leg got cut off and, I don't know, I guess it just scared me a little bit. And I thought, "Wow, I don't want to be one of these people that just make some massive mistake of taking the candy from the creepy person and then I get abducted or something or there's drugs in it and I freaking die." So I had this almost obsession with becoming so prepared to say no. I'm thinking, "Man, if somebody ever comes up to me, I'm going to be so ready to just say no, thank you." And it was funny because I built this strong confidence based on that. Nobody's ever going to be able to get me to do anything I don't want to do. And in some ways, it almost turned into nobody's going to get me to do anything, even if I did want to do it, but now that somebody wants me to, now I don't want to. So it just became my baseline of somebody wants something from me. Let me not give that to them and not in kind of a helping way, but more of, they want me to be a certain way, I'm going to be the opposite because other people don't control me. Which honestly, I really can't hate. I look back on that. I go, that's kind of freaking awesome. I love that that's how my mind started to process other people's desires, I guess, in my direction of controlling my actions or dictating what path I'm going to be on in life. And so, yeah, I started to build up this confidence. I said, "I'm absolutely not." Now, long story short, nobody ever came up to me with a bag of candy with drugs in it and offered it to me. Nobody ever offered me the drink. Well, I mean, maybe here and there, but nothing serious. Nobody offered me anything. I'm going, "What, where were all these opportunities to use up this confidence to say absolutely not to other people?" And they never really happened. I can't remember if I've told this story before. Apologies if I have. But the one time I did get offered drugs is kind of funny. I was in my neighborhood that I grew up in in Rolly North Carolina. And I used to, I had a boosted board, one of those electric skateboards. I used to just ride it around all the time. So I was riding around the neighborhood and some dude, I want to say, I want to see you just said what's up or something like that. And he said he was filming a music video. It is front yard. And his front yard had this massive tree stump on it. It was pretty funny. For Regent's Alex Flanier in a second. He goes, "Hey man, you want some of that angel dust or something like that?" And I just went, "What's that?" Knowing all well that it was some sort of drug or something. And he just, he explained it to me and I said, "Oh no, I'm good." And then I asked you what he was up to. He explained that he was filming the music video. And then I said, "Oh, do you want me to do a backflip or something off of that tree stump?" So the dude that offered me angel dust, which honestly, I still don't even know what that is. I might lick it up in a second. But the dude that offered me angel dust, yeah, I hit a sick backflip off the tree stump in his front yard in his music video. So how cool is that? I'm going to do a little, what is angel dust? This is hilarious. I'm holding the microphone. So my typing is real slow. Angel dust is a common street name for "Finciclidine, PCP, and elicit dissociative hallucinogen." That's pretty cool. Originally developed as a surgical anesthetic, it distorts a person's perception of reality sight and sound, frequently causing users to feel detached from their bodies and surroundings. So safe to say the music video probably wasn't that good. Damn it. Well, that's okay. Anyways, I want to teach you how to become very resistant to the people pleasing. Because if you are out there in the world trying to make other people happy and then you're looking in the mirror going, "Damn, why am I half of myself? Why am I not the person that I would like to be? Why am I doing things that are anti-self just to please other people that maybe don't even care about me that much? And their opinion of me is just going to be a projection anyway because that's what the heck humans' opinions kind of are. It's an assessment of something mixed with the bias of who the heck am I in the face of this thing? So I want you to walk away from this going, you know what? Maybe I'll please me and then other people and see how life goes." So the first question to kind of answer here, "What the hell do you want?" Right? Living for somebody else, it absolutely builds resentment. If you spent your whole life putting energy and effort towards something that you didn't even care about, I mean, if you were able to do that, it's kind of amazing. But if that was the case, you would be so resentful of your entire life's pursuit of doing that because you would realize that the one life you have, emphasis on you by the way, the one life you have was just gifted to somebody else. Are they doing that for you? Better yet, is anybody doing that for you? No, because people are selfish and that's not even to paint a bad picture of humans. I think it's just true and it's kind of fine, honestly. I mean, you are yourself. So would you not be the most focused on yourself? There's this cultural false hero kind of thing going on where if you just throw your own life away and you help somebody else and you're super charitable, then you're an amazing hero, that's not true at all because if you're trying to pour from an empty cup, you're just pouring air into the cup of somebody that needs a drink of water. You've got to fill your own cup first, you know, to put your own oxygen mask on before you put it on somebody else kind of thing. So the parental pressure thing, this is a really big one that people face. You know, you spend your whole life trying to please your parents and then you get to a certain age where you realize your parents were just freaking people the whole time. You gave your life to making sure that they think you're doing everything right and they were just people. It's not to say your parents aren't super important. Of course, they're super important, but their people, their opinion of you, shouldn't dictate everything. They're not the all-knowing beings and you want to know the deeper kind of happening within that dynamic when you choose to do something different from your parents. when you choose to take a different path. You might receive the flack and you're thinking, geez, they're all knowing opinion doesn't like me and what I'm doing and they think I'm stupid. Consider this. Imagine you bring a person into the world and they don't want to follow your advice and what you've done. You might go, damn, what did I do wrong? How was I such a bad example to where my kid wants to be? Nothing like me. That just might be the voice on the parent end of things. So, you know, in the child position, you receive the, oh gosh, I'm stupid. I'm doing everything wrong. They don't like me. They're feeling the exact same way but it's just different words. It's coming from a different place. It's just really clarifying to be able to see through that. And again, getting to that age where your parents are literally just humans. Oh my gosh, it's very weird. And you know, everyone's doing the shit for the first time. Everyone's living for the first time. You know, so you can't knock everyone's attempt to do it right but holy cow, it's kind of hard to do so. Again, reality check here. Everyone is just worried about themselves. It's so hard to believe. You know, because if somebody comments on what you're wearing, right, it'd be pretty difficult to go, oh, they're just projecting their own insecurities, right? But it's most likely true. I mean, I guess you can make statements and share your opinions and whatnot decently separated from some sort of personal experience or insecurity. But for the most part, there's always going to be that built into it. Because if you're trying to pursue a business and all your friends are like, oh no, that's not going to work out. Do you think it's just that they're assessing the potential for for the business to succeed? No, they're thinking dang well, I don't know if I want to watch my friend try this because then if it works, then I'm going to feel insecure about what I'm doing because I have a normal job and maybe that's going to work really well. And then they're going to forget about me. We can tell a story that's a million miles long and about half a second. And so you'll never be able to get the full picture of what somebody else is projecting onto you. But I think it's the responsibility of somebody trying to become more confident, get out of the people pleasing to recognize that those opinions, they're not just truth-based statements. There is, it's only personal bias really. It's all subjective. Again, everybody is just worried about themselves. So they're seeing themselves in the mirror. You just happen to be the mirror. Right? When I put out my ideas and then everybody hates me for it on freaking Instagram, I go, well, gosh, I guess I could take some of these negative comments and go, yeah, everybody hates me, but they don't know me. Right? They've seen a 30-second video of me, but I'm just kind of a character on their phone screen. So I have to process that. And I think the more ambitious and driven you are in life, the more you have the responsibility to process things in that way. Because otherwise you'll take everything as some sort of truth statement of yourself. And again, you get back into the loop of trying to please people, but then internally your soul is dying when you do that. So if you actually cared about other people, here's a little challenging statement. You would be authentic to them, authentic to them. You'd be honest with them. Because what do you people not typically receive from others? Authenticity, honesty. That's world's more valuable than just bullshiting them and making them feel good in the moment. It's like telling your kid that they're amazing at singing. And then they go on American Idol and they suck ass. And then the entire country is going, wow, you're horrible. And then Simon Cowell is going, you know what? That was absolutely horrendous in it. And then life ruined. But if you had the awareness that came from a little bit of honesty and authenticity, it had been all right. So if you cared for other people, you'd be as honest as possible. I'm not saying you have your kid and they're singing and you go, you suck, you know, quit. But it's kind of, hey, that wasn't the best. You know, let's work on it. Right? And of course, it's just kind of a goofy analogy here. But you see what I mean. There's there's so much opportunity to really care for people, really give them the experience of someone real, which is world's more valuable. And you do that through being honest and authentic and you're yourself. And you say the jokes and you put an imperfect self out there. Because the only way you're going to be able to put a better self out there is if you fail a little bit. You know, people say, oh, you got to fail when it comes to business or athletics. You got to fail when it comes to socializing and looking out for yourself and saying the wrong thing and saying the right thing and having the weird pause and not knowing what to say and then rambling and not being able to find a landing place and freaking out and getting really nervous and shaking. I was trying to act like that was me, by the way. But see, if I have the pause, I just stand on business. I'm trying to, I'm trying to please myself. I don't want my heart racing just to make the perfect product for you listening. If I'm being honest with you, I feel the best about a piece of content that I put out when I enjoyed the process the most. So I don't know, maybe maybe you get nothing from this episode. But I'm going to be fueled to continue putting out my best work when I feel good in this moment right now. Okay. So loneliness, if you are trying to not please people, the most of loneliness might find its way into your life. And look, if you're trying to do anything contrary to the typical bullshit of the world, you'll feel a bit of loneliness in one way or another. And I would say, I mean so much of my life was lonely. And it doesn't mean people aren't around. But I think when you're misunderstood, oh my gosh, there's just this emotional tax to very much know who you are, to know what you want, and then just not be able to get it across, not be able to have that heard. It's a pretty heavy thing. So how can we use the loneliness to your advantage? You shouldn't try to be lonely. But if you are, it's either going to make you go crazy or it's going to make you learn to love yourself. There's really only those options. When you indulge, well, maybe I shouldn't say indulge. When you just experience loneliness and you let that, you let that dictate the rest of your life and you let that be a defining statement of who you are, that's when it becomes pretty destructive. And you can start to freak out. I'm never going to be around anybody that gets me. I'm never, never, never, never. And then you start projecting fear into your life like crazy. And I say it all the time, I will continue to say it, acting out of fear attracts the fears. So when you are so afraid and you obsess hyperfixate on the fear of being alone, you attract more loneliness because, well, practically speaking, who the hell wants to be around somebody that is constantly in a fearful frame. Now, love yourself, part. If you can take the loneliness and say, you know what, if I'm going to be with me for a lot of time for a long time, then I need to make this a good relationship. And this brings us to the self-relationship. Everything comes back to that. The self-relationship is the root system of your life. And this whole episode is essentially about that. Because if you can build a strong, rooted relationship with you, well, then the relationship with other people is going to be much stronger. I have obsessed my whole life over building the golden self-relationship so that when I'm in the presence of other people, I don't throw myself under the bus. If looking out for myself involves speaking up for something, acting a little bit more confident than even maybe I feel in my gut, then I do it. I rise to the occasion because I'm looking at the emotional me and I'm going to look out for that version of me. And that's what you want. If you're at odds with the only person that you can never actually get away from, then it's going to be very, very hard to ever achieve what you really want to because life is a team effort. It's a team effort with yourself. If that team is fighting, what game are you going to win? What amazing things are you going to do butting heads with yourself? This is where the entire philosophy of everything I talk about really ties the bow in a sense because that self-relationship is huge. Quickly, I should mention that if diving into the self-relationship and the deeper mindset, real introspection, these things are things you need more guidance with, check out the link in the description or show notes. You can learn a bit more about the mentorship that I do. one-to-one and my mastermind community where I am very, very intently teaching these lessons among a group of people that are deep thinkers and they act like deep thinkers. It's people that are serious and lighthearted, people that are honest and authentic trying to become better. So if you want to be a part of something like that again, check out that link. You can learn more about it. Some really powerful things that I'm offering. So I want to throw it out there, but if you can talk to yourself and be nice, be fricking nice, then we're money, okay? Because that team, you know, I think of a sports team, is the team that's constantly shitting on themselves and going, "Gosh, we suck, we keep losing games, are they going to win?" Or is it the team that's going, "You know what? We've lost some games and we've won some games." If we position our mind towards what we've won and what we want to win in the future, I think we're going to be inviting that a little bit more frequently than the losses. I think they're going to win. I think that team is using energy to the advantage. I think that team is using the talk and the conversation and the language around success to really take that on. Your relationship with you needs to be the same thing. So yeah, you're a high performer. You want to achieve everything, you're ambitious, you're driven, you're neurotic, you're all of these things. Great. Overthink. Great. Be anxious. Great. Let it all happen. Stop trying to mute yourself, okay? But the final word, the last word in the conversation with yourself, we need to be reconciling anything with a better self-talk. It's not stupid, fake, unsupported, toxic positivity. I'm talking about real optimism. A real understanding of yourself matched with the language that brings you in the direction that you want to go. This is some nuanced stuff. But again, beating yourself up, how is that actually going to work? I mean, I have a lifetime of that under my belt. I'm only 25, but you know what I mean? I used to be so harsh on myself. And that should be the case, but then the language, again, it needs to be reconciled in the optimistic manner. I'm hard on myself because I know what I'm capable of. Why don't I say it like that? You know what? I'm incredibly frustrated and I didn't do as good as I wanted to, but it's only because I know what I'm capable of. I'm not going to quit. This isn't going to define me. Yeah, do I feel like shit about this, of course, but look, we're a team, you know, seeing the self as we, it's a powerful tool to kind of adopt this language. And so talking to yourself and being freaking nice is a really big responsibility here. Because if you're going to be nice to other people to do the people pleasing thing, well, practice that with yourself a little bit. See how that goes. You know, try to not hurt your own feelings. But I know you've looked at yourself in the mirror 400 billion times and it's the same old you every single time. You get sick of yourself. Well, you're not going to leave that relationship. You know, you get sick of your significant other. What do you just quit? You just leave? Or do you try and create some energy? Right? Do you try and improve the communication? Ideally in that relationship and that is one that you can leave, I guess, but you would want to reconcile. You can't leave the relationship with you. So you have to bring that energy or else it's just digging yourself into a hole. So a little message of let go. It's all fake. Okay. So my note here, it's all fake. Let Tf go. Let the full go. Okay. Do you guys how many people have said they hate me? Said this earlier. The amount of comments and messages, you're terrible. You're, I can't even think of the words right now. You want to know why? Because it's fake. It's all fake. They don't know me. They don't know me at all. Has anyone said that kind of shit to my face? No. Because they know they're going to get that olmaplata to a triangle choke and then they'll tap and I'll go, no, sorry. You're the enemy. I'm just kidding. Your Jetsu's been going pretty well lately though. It's a little bit at the top of mind. But so I say all this, right? It's all fake. It's all BS. People don't know me. It's all this short form content garbage. It's just toxic. Instagram, success, TikTok, success. You get it, right? But I'm still human. I'm still human. So to see 20 lines of crew you are a piece of shit, does it just roll off my back like nothing? No. I mean, I'm still taking that in. I'm still kind of a sponge for these ideas and I got to kind of ring it out and say, right, get out of here. Because I have to do that deeper look into what's actually happening here. But the feeling is there. You don't try and get rid of your feelings. You just try and direct them in a much better way. So you are never ever ever going to not care. But at some point you got to care and then let go. That's really the only thing. So when my first video blew up like crazy, I got 220,000 followers from that one video. Maybe some of you know the one that I'm talking about. It's pinned on my Instagram. I got two million views. So I posted this thing. I think it blew up a couple days later. I'm asleep in bed in the middle of the night or somewhere along the timeline. And I hear, I go, what the heck? I thought it was one of those amber alert or emergency notifications. And so I wake up, I go over to my phone and I see that it's just Instagram notification after Instagram notification just piling on to my lock screen. And I went, what on earth is this? And so for the following month, I went from 7,000 followers to 300,000 followers in one month. And this is before I turned off my Instagram notifications. I would be getting into the ice bath in the morning, swinging my leg over the edge of this thing. And then I got three comments come down from the top of my phone. This guy must be real fun. What a piece of shit. Oh, but just all of this stuff, and I'm going in a split second, I'm seeing three opinions of me at five in the morning as I'm climbing into my little bucket of freezing water. Holy shit. So you can imagine, it took a little while to understand how to deal with that. But the thing is, my whole life, since the story I told at the beginning of this, you know what I mean, I've been practicing not taking that so heavily because I've known myself for a really, really long time. I spent a lot of time by myself, a lot. Okay. So knowing me was never a problem, knowing my intentions, never a problem. So I had a really clear view of that. And I think if you're so overloaded and bombarded with other people's opinions and just this overwhelming social container, I guess, well, maybe a little bit of that loneliness needs to be manually injected into your life. As in, cut out the noise. Spend some time with yourself. You're going to go on the long, long, to wake up early in the morning, sit outside and go, damn, get to know you. You really, really got to do that because it's going to give you a much better resilience to the noise because there is so much noise. And it's not just this social media container. You go anywhere. If people aren't telling you what they think of you, you're making it up in your brain at least. So to reconcile all of that freaking sound, just get it out of there. So a few things to end off here. Some practices that I think will be helpful for you. Now look, I'm not big on Instagram right now. Not big on any of the short form crap because as you can imagine, a lot of what I care about and think about is not going to get across in the 22nd sound, but it's just not going to do it. I've never said something fully satisfactory on an Instagram video, right? Post on Instagram, perhaps, and that is going to give you a real new landscape of progress in the non people pleasing because it's a hyperinflated version of the typical. So when you're posting content and you're doing it just to make sure other people like you, you are going to become very resentful, very quick. Because you're going to see how quickly people can just throw their opinion at you. You're going to see how stupid people can be. You're going to see how nice people can be. You see how charitable people can be. You can see how hateful and evil people can be. And it's all just because you were trying to help. You were just trying to say something good. You were just trying to make a joke. You can either let that consume you and destroy you. And I see a lot of big ass creation. do it because I don't care if you got a K next to your follower account. I don't care if you got 500 million followers. It's still hard for people to remove the meaning from opinions being directed at them. So maybe post on social media. Maybe maybe post some of your ideas. Stand on business a little bit. It's tough but it'll be a good gut check for you. Now next thing here I would say skillfully disagree with people when applicable. Hold space for their emotions and oppose. So if you just agree all the time just to be agreeable again it'll build resentment resentment you'll go wow. Am I just some ideological pushover? Can I say what I think if you're the if you're the stand back and just listen person you'll get sick of it if you aren't already. So is there a way to disagree with people and not hurt their feelings of course. What this really goes into is the kind of emotional intellect. So if you don't know how to propose a different idea to somebody without hurting them I think it's very important that you take some time and understand okay what is it that this person is sharing with me. What do I not believe in as a part of this? Aside from the idea itself what form of vulnerability are they putting forth by sharing this. So if someone's sharing a creative idea with me and I disagree with it maybe I ask a question hey what do you think of my song check it out and I go I freaking hate this. It's a little bit of a music snob. I would say how did you how did you record this and I would just get curious. Now I guess that's not necessarily a debate question straight disagree but it's kind of a like I'm not gonna just lie to somebody but maybe I'll be emotionally aware enough to not tear them down. Oh I think that this is the best way to do this. Yeah I mean in my experience I've seen it differently but I'm it it's so interesting how people's lives are so different and I can think one thing is delicious or sounds amazing and you can think the other and just turn it into kind of a wow look at how different people are instead of a I disagree with you and what you said is wrong in the eyes of me. Alright so having a little bit of the emotional awareness it's tough and as people that really exist on kind of an emotional spectrum look I'm very logical and I try and be pragmatic about everything but I'm a very feel kind of person and I find that even a lot of really nice people emotionally break my trust and I've experienced this my whole life and I've never known exactly what it was until very very recently it's the emotional trust being broken. If somebody does not seek to try and understand me they don't try and digest what I'm saying and they just respond I go oh there's kind of a shorted circuit there they don't have the capacity for me so my capacity for them starts to shrink massively and very very quick so again I think having the ability to skillfully disagree and scan somebody for their energy and their emotional state and do that all to look out for yourself your version of that is so powerful. Last thing here spend time with yourself period I mean again how are you going to build world-class self relationship if you're not spending time with you. It's one of the most important things that you can do having great external relationships that is amazing that's it is a branch from you though you want to show up as your best self to every other thing that you do so cultivating that that money self relationship it's a big deal so that's all I got for you I hope again that you can walk away from this and yeah be nice to people and build amazing things outside of you but it starts with you it absolutely does okay so a few things before we go okay like I mentioned the mentorship and mastermind community if you want to learn more about those check out the links in description show notes yada yada these are things that I am incredibly proud of and it's not something that I just do for the hell of it the way I work with people you know it's a culmination of every single thing that I've learned in my entire life it's a lot of the philosophies that I share in my content obviously but you know I I try and be humble but I am so damn good at getting people to build a golden self relationship and change their life in all of the categories based on that everyone hyperfix aids on oh fitness and nutrition or making money and relationships and I go why is nobody focusing on the one thing that is the common denominator with all of that the self in a real way so again I try to be humble so good at what I do so that's something you're interested in and you need more help in that regard you want to make a true change in your life let me know go check that out if you're listening or watching this on Spotify leave a comment you guys know that's my favorite freaking notification give me a little five star review or a five star rating on the show so other people see it and go hey maybe this is a good show to listen to and give me a follow I've been saying that Spotify told me usually it shows that get similar engagement have more followers than you so get your freaking numbers up so that was a bit of a Spotify mug so yeah help me out there and hopefully it helps you out there too because I do this to genuinely help as much as I possibly can and I wish the best for anybody that listens to this pod if you're watching on YouTube click subscribe leave a like comment all that great stuff in my newsletter that's something I write twice a week and send twice a week obviously that makes sense you can subscribe to that totally free a lot of the same things that I talk about in my spoken content but if you're more of a reader a screenshot or a quote highlighter and whatnot would be a great spot for you to go sign up get the sent to you so funny I made the title of one of them recently you suck oh my god wait this is actually genius because it was exactly about this I said you suck you're not cut out for it everyone else is better than you of course you failed after reading that do you like me very much would you want to do something kind or courageous for me would you show up day and in day out to make my life better if I had to guess the answer is no so it talks directly about the self-relationship and the self-talk I promise you I didn't plan that why I brought it up somebody replied to the newsletter and said this is so touching thank you but the email from my view it says re as in the the subject re you suck and then this was so touching thank you so that gave me a good little laugh yesterday but anyways if you're interested in that sign up for the newsletter and last but not least three words or four no phone optional fricking dinner no phone dinner you're gonna eat dinner and be on your phone you're gonna eat a meal at the end of your day and you're gonna be staring at a screen shut that TV off shut the freaking laptop their your phone at the damn window absolutely not you're telling me you want to build a golden relationship with yourself and you and your stuck hypnotized by a stupid screen of pixels absolutely not get it out of there enjoy the meal enjoy the time with yourself or your friends or your family all of these are great options sit there at the table present right maybe look out the window see what the heck is going on is there a bird chirping outside is the air conditioning making a little bit of a noise is there more of an echo than normal is it why does an echo happen oh I guess it's because I don't really have a carpet so maybe softer things in a room kind of absorb noise oh wait a second is that why when you're on a mountaintop and you're going echo it echoes off because there's nothing really soft which is a bunch of rock and empty space see how the mind can go when you actually let it curiosity breeds kind of everything that you're looking for so sit your ass with yourself okay sit your ass down at the dinner table for no phone dinner all of that said I hope you have the best day in the world I'm going to go have the best day in the world so I'll see you at the top I love you catch you in the next one bye bye and it's all because your mom I don't dance and your daddy don't rock and boom boom boom boom that is that's the go to that's the that's the stem right there every end of the podcast I don't know why.