How to Get People to Listen to You

Deals not just another payroll platform, it's when your team might actually enjoy. HR, IT, and payroll together finally. Built in-house, built for peace of mind. Visit d-e-l.com/hbrpodcast. Welcome to HBR on Leadership. Case studies and conversations with the world's top business and management experts. Hand selected to help you unlock the best in those around you. Being heard at work isn't about how loud you say something. It's about saying the right thing at the right time. In other words, it's about strategy. And HBR, contributing editor and workplace conflict expert Amy Gallo, says this is so important for your career success. In this episode, you offer some research-based tips for how to get those ideas heard at work, from choosing the right words to your body language. This episode originally aired as part of the HBR Guide video series in April 2024. Here it is. I have a lot of important things to say, and no one ever seems to hear me. What? Okay, I hear you now. But getting people to listen has less to do with volume than strategy. And in the workplace, being heard has a huge impact on whether you're seen as competent, get credit for the work you do, and are able to get your job done. In this video, I'm going to share tips to improve your chances of being heard at work without having to screen. First things first, listen well. Before you can expect others to listen to you, you need to understand and demonstrate active, engaged listening. Sure, a good listener will be quiet, but they will also show that they are processing the speaker's points attentively. We have a whole other video on active listening with more tips that we'll link to in the description. The point here is that listening is a prerequisite to being heard. Now, let's talk about what you can do when it's your turn. Lay the groundwork. There are a few things you can do to increase your chances of being heard. In the short term, you can encourage your counterparts to focus. Keep in mind that you are most likely competing for attention. Your colleague may be checking their email, thinking about their next meeting, or feeling distracted by modern life. To get their attention, you can simply request it by saying something like, "I'd love your full attention if possible. I also understand you may have other things on your mind at the moment, and I'm happy to return to this whenever is good for you." Another short term idea is to put important things in writing. Research has shown that people only remember a small fraction of the things they listen to. If you're in a setting where your audience can read along and hear you speak at the same time, there's a better chance to absorb and retain what you have to say. Lastly, and this one takes more time, build relationships with people around you. Take the time to get to know them and earn some credibility. The more they respect you on a personal level, the more likely they will take the time to listen to what you have to say. Pay attention to your words. Your boss or colleague likely spends a huge portion of their day listening to others. So you have a limited amount of time to capture their attention and be heard. Get to the point. And only provide the necessary context for your message to be heard. Author Ben Par reminds us that attention is the most important currency anyone can give you. So spend it wisely. Next, choose your words carefully. Especially in situations where strong emotions can prevent people from being attentive listeners. Author and communication expert Holly Weeks suggests keeping your language simple, clear, direct, and neutral. Here are some good rules of thumb to being heard in a heated situation. Own your perspective as your opinion. Start sentences with "I" rather than "you." So your listener doesn't feel accused and shut down. Starting with "I" can also show that you acknowledge your role in a situation and help you identify what you hope will happen. For example, I was late in getting you the numbers for your report because I felt like you might question my methods. I'd like to clear the air so that our next report will be on time and more successful. I don't apologize for your feelings with phrases like "I feel so bad about saying this." Or "This is really hard for me to do." This takes the focus away from the issue at hand and makes the person feel obligated to take care of your feelings before moving on instead of listening attentively. Use "and" instead of "but." It's not necessary for someone else to be wrong for you to be right, but is a naturally combative word and could make your counterpart stop listening. By contrast, using "and" can engage in collaborative problem solving. Like, you mentioned that we need "X" and I'm concerned that we'll draw resources away from "why." What are our options here? This word choice can perk up your listener and draw them into truly hearing what you have to say. Similarly, use hypotheticals to jumpstart in an imaginative discussion, which is more engaging than one where everyone is defending their points. You could say, "I hear you're concerned about A. I wonder if we could do that by starting with B." What would that look like? Author Ben Par reminds us that repetition is also key to capturing people's attention. It can help them embrace an idea they may have been predisposed to ignore. Bottom line, don't be afraid to repeat a message if you want it to sink in. Don't be afraid to repeat a message if you want it to sink in. If needed, change the tenor of the conversation. Despite our best intentions, conversations don't always go as planned. Things can get heated or go off the rails in some other way. And when this happens, people certainly won't hear you. My advice? Don't panic. Pause and take a mental step back to see the situation objectively, as if you were a curious fly on the wall. How would you describe what's happening? Hmm, how interesting. Every time I bring up the sales numbers, she stops listening and raises her voice. Then, state what you are observing and suggest a different approach. You could say, "I notice when the sales numbers come up, you seem frustrated." If we put our heads together, I think we could come up with a way to move past this. Do you have any ideas? This shifts the conversation to talk about the process itself, so that you can get back to the substance at hand, rather than a power struggle over who's right and who's wrong. Here are some alternate phrases you can use to make the conversation more productive. I have a different perspective, but clearly you think this is unfair. How can we fix this? Can you help me make the connection between this and the other issues that we're talking about? Is there anything I can say or do that might convince you to consider other options here? Next, pay attention to your body language and that of your counterpart. The words coming out of your mouth are only half the story. Your nonverbal communication can either undermine or elevate what you have to say. Wordless actions like aggressive finger pointing or slouching can convey that you're overbearing or not interested. Confidence is key here. It draws people in and motivates them to listen, so how do you communicate confidently? Authors Amy Jensu and Muriel Magnen Wilkins use the acronym Center to help people remember six key sources of nonverbal communication. C stands for core posture. How is your posture? Are you standing tall or slouching? E is eye contact. Do you make eye contact or avoid it? N. Natural gestures. What are you doing with your hands, shoulders and feet? Are you fidgeting, clenching your fists or gesturing naturally? T stands for tone, tempo, timing. Are you speaking clearly, calmly and audibly? E. Expressions of the face. What expressions are you making and how might those be interpreted? And lastly, are stands for Regions and Territory. How do you take up space in the room? This, of course, is a lot to think about in the moment. So don't get too hung up on asking yourself these questions as you're talking. The key is to simply be aware of what messages you're sending beyond the words coming out of your mouth. You also want to pay attention to the other person's body language for any clues about how receptive they are to what you're saying. If you notice something, consider an observation like, "I hear you saying that you're fine with this approach," but it looks like it's a lie. As if you still might have some concerns. Am I reading that right? Should we talk those through? A side note to managers here. All of your employees have valuable things to say, but they all very likely learn different ways to communicate. I urge you to be hyper aware of your own biases, cultural, gender-based, or otherwise, that favor some styles over others. For instance, our meetings set up in such a way that introverts and extroverts have equal opportunities to be heard and get credit for their ideas. Do some people in your organization tend to be valued and advantaged over others because of their perceived confidence rather than actual talent. It's critical that you hear everyone and model that behavior for others. You deserve to be heard, but that doesn't always mean you will be. There are some simple rules of thumb to help you assert yourself and increase the chances that people will listen to your ideas and respect your opinions. Thanks for watching. All of these strategies are based on HBR articles linked in the description. Do you have any advice on how to improve your chances of being heard or do you have other big topics you'd like me to cover? Comment below. Bye for now. That was HBR contributing editor Amy Gallo on the HBR Guide Video Series. Gallo is an expert in workplace conflict and communication, and she co-hosts another excellent HBR podcast Women at Work. Her most recent book is Getting Along, How to Work with Anyone, Even Difficult People. We'll be back next Wednesday with another hand-picked conversation about leadership from the Harvard Business Review. If you found this episode helpful, share it with your friends and colleagues and follow our show on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. While you're there, be sure to leave us a review. And when you're ready for more podcasts, articles, case studies, books, and videos with the world's top business and management experts, you'll find it all at hbr.work. This episode was produced by Amy Gallo, Scott Lopier, Jessica Gidal, and Sanny and me, Anna Bates. Ian Fox is our editor, video by Ellie Honein, design by Alex Belser and Karen Player, music by coma media, and special thanks to Morene Hoek, Nicole Smith, Erica Trucksler, Ramsey Cabaz, Ann Bartholomew, and you are listening. See you next week. [music]