638: How to Disagree With a Senior Leader Without Losing Your Nerve (DAY 4)
from Speak Up: Develop Your Executive Presence & Leadership Communication Style
6m 23s
This session from the SpeakUp Executive Meeting Challenge focuses on how leaders can express differing viewpoints with integrity and effectiveness. Rather than avoiding conflict through diplomacy or saving opinions for private conversations, leaders are encouraged to use a "firm and add" strategy: first acknowledging a valid point made by a senior stakeholder, then clearly adding a risk, evidence, or recommendation that improves the decision. This method fosters trust by balancing respect and candor, ensuring the conversation remains constructive and informative. The approach emphasizes authenticity—genuine agreement on goals or concerns—without using weak disclaimers that diminish credibility. Practicing this method in real meetings helps leaders stay calm, clear, and strategic. After the meeting, participants are asked to reflect on whether their contribution was understood, neutral, and impactful. The session highlights that withholding honest input harms decision quality and long-term trust. Ultimately, the goal is not to win arguments, but to elevate decision-making through thoughtful, grounded, and confident communication. This skill is vital for developing executive presence, especially in high-stakes environments where clarity and integrity matter most.
Some leaders disagree so diplomatically that everybody leaves the meeting thinking that
they were an agreement.
And then they saved their real opinion for the private conversation afterward when it
is too late to improve the decision, and you guys know that that happens all the time.
This is day 4 of the SpeakUp in Executive Meeting's Q4 Visibility Challenge.
So far, you have practiced speaking up early in the meeting, leading with your answers,
staying calm, when challenged, and today we're going to hold a different point of view without
making the conversation adversarial.
Welcome back to SpeakUp, develop your Executive Presence.
I am Laura Camacho, your magical Executive Presence Strategist on Occasional Godmother.
Senior leaders do not build trust by agreeing with the most powerful person in every meeting,
although at times it does look like that, but group think is extremely dangerous.
What you want to do is to build trust by improving the quality of the decision.
But many conscientious leaders make one of two mistakes when they disagree with someone
senior.
Either they become so diplomatic that their actual point just disappears.
Or they wait until the discouragement has created so much internal pressure that they
sound defensive when they don't mean to be.
There is a better move.
I call it a firm and ad.
You acknowledge what is valid in the other person's point, and then you add information or
risk or recommendation that the decision still needs.
So you're seeing me repeat this trend, which is building on what other people are saying.
And guys, that is like secret sauce to Executive Presence.
All right, so here's your structure.
What I agree with is blah, blah, blah, but I would add such and such.
For example, what I agree with is that speed matters here.
What I would add is that launching before the service team is trained could create a much
larger customer problem.
Or another example.
I agree that first quarter numbers are encouraging what I would add is that two of the underlying indicators
are moving in the wrong direction.
So a firm and ad that is a super power tool.
It works because you're not forcing the room to choose between respect and candor.
You're providing both.
But the affirmation part has to be genuine.
You know, a generic does a great point that you don't even believe is not good.
If you think that their idea is truly stupid, then you affirm a positive intention that
you might agree with.
You have to find the part that you can sincerely validate.
Maybe it's the goal.
I agree that we need to simplify the customer experience, or maybe you agree on the concern.
You're right to be concerned about the cost.
Maybe it's the intention.
I agree that this team needs more autonomy.
And then you add your point clearly.
You don't have to soften it.
And don't say, oh, this may be completely wrong, but blah, blah, blah.
Or I'm probably missing something, or this is just my opinion.
Like, that is for amateurs, folks.
That is not going to get you into the sea suite.
So stop with that, disclaimers ask the room to discount your thinking before they've
even heard it.
Because I know that you're thinking, well, Laura, I'm not 100% sure that I'm right.
Obviously, nobody's expecting you to be infallible.
So here are some options for you to use.
The risk I see is the evidence I've seen points to blah, blah, blah.
My recommendation remains ABC.
If you repeatedly save your honest opinion for the conversation after the meeting, you
are not protecting the relationship like you think.
You're withholding information to make a better decision.
So your assignment today is to identify an issue on which you hold a different point
of view from a senior stakeholder.
And you still may not win them over.
You cannot just use great communication and everybody starts agreeing with you.
No, but you have to hold your own and defend your points of view intelligently.
So write down one genuine point of agreement with this person and one addition that the room
needs from you and practice saying both of these in a calm, normal, neutral voice is not
that you're rehearsing conflict.
You're just preparing yourself because that helps so much to record yourself.
And your brain has heard you say certain words that are tricky.
Then it's easier to say them under pressure.
So after this meeting where you are practicing the push back, I want you to ask yourself,
did the room clearly understand what my different point of view was?
Did I remain calm without becoming vague?
Did my contribution reveal a risk, an assumption or option that improved the discussion?
Write the result down in your executive meeting visibility guide, which is linked in the
show notes.
All right.
So tomorrow is the final day of this Q4 challenge.
My birthday present to you.
We're going to take everything that you've practiced and make your contributions sound even
more strategic by ending with what the information means and what should happen next.
Tomorrow I'm going to tell you how to get my personal help preparing for an executive meeting
if you would like that so that you enter the room knowing exactly what you need to say,
how to say it, how to respond when the conversation doesn't go according to plan.
I want you to have a great and glorious day and I will catch you on tomorrow's episode.
Podcast Summary
Key Points:
Leaders often avoid disagreement by being overly diplomatic, which can cause their real opinions to be lost or delayed until after the meeting.
True trust in leadership is built through improved decision quality, not by agreeing with senior figures in every meeting.
A “firm and add” approach—acknowledging a valid point while adding a clear, evidence-based recommendation—builds respect and candor without creating conflict.
The agreement portion must be genuine, focusing on shared goals, concerns, or intentions, not superficial praise.
Disclaimers like “I’m not sure” or “this may be wrong” undermine credibility and prevent meaningful impact in executive discussions.
Practicing a firm and add structure helps leaders stay calm, clear, and strategic when offering differing views.
After meetings, leaders should reflect on whether their point of view was clearly heard, remained neutral, and added valuable risk or insight.
Delaying honest input until after a meeting actually weakens decisions and damages long-term trust.
Summary:
This session from the SpeakUp Executive Meeting Challenge focuses on how leaders can express differing viewpoints with integrity and effectiveness. Rather than avoiding conflict through diplomacy or saving opinions for private conversations, leaders are encouraged to use a "firm and add" strategy: first acknowledging a valid point made by a senior stakeholder, then clearly adding a risk, evidence, or recommendation that improves the decision. This method fosters trust by balancing respect and candor, ensuring the conversation remains constructive and informative.
The approach emphasizes authenticity—genuine agreement on goals or concerns—without using weak disclaimers that diminish credibility. Practicing this method in real meetings helps leaders stay calm, clear, and strategic. After the meeting, participants are asked to reflect on whether their contribution was understood, neutral, and impactful.
The session highlights that withholding honest input harms decision quality and long-term trust. Ultimately, the goal is not to win arguments, but to elevate decision-making through thoughtful, grounded, and confident communication. This skill is vital for developing executive presence, especially in high-stakes environments where clarity and integrity matter most.
FAQs
A 'firm and ad' is a communication technique where you first acknowledge a valid point made by someone else, then add your own insight or recommendation. It balances respect and candor without making the conversation adversarial.
Agreeing with senior leaders without challenging assumptions can lead to groupthink, where decisions lack critical evaluation and suffer from poor quality and risk exposure.
Leaders should avoid being overly diplomatic or defensive, as well as using disclaimers like 'this may be wrong' or 'I'm not sure,' which undermine the credibility and impact of their input.
By offering a genuine point of agreement and clearly adding valuable risk, evidence, or recommendation, leaders build trust through improved decision quality, not just compliance.
The structure ensures that both respect and honesty are expressed, allowing the group to consider diverse perspectives while maintaining a constructive and collaborative atmosphere.
They are actually undermining the decision-making process by withholding critical information, which prevents the team from making the best possible choice.
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