how to deal with loneliness

I've been in crowded rooms, laughing, talking, smiling, yet still felt completely alone. Like everyone was looking at me. But no one could really see me. Have you ever felt this way? Like you're surrounded by people, but somehow you still feel invisible. If so, then this episode was meant for you. My name is Ethan Jewel, and welcome back to Feel Your Feelings. You're not the only one. Today, we're going to unpack that feeling, why it happens, what it means, and how to begin feeling a little less alone in a world that doesn't always make space for your emotions. We live in one of the most connected times in human history. Right now, you can pick up your phone and see exactly what's happening in the world. See what everyone that you know is doing at any point. You could text a friend, scroll for hours, hear the voices of strangers, like me, everything that I think feel live. And yet, studies show that we are more isolated, more anxious and more lonely than ever before. The US Surgeon General calls loneliness an epidemic. One study from Harvard in 2021 found that 61% of young adults reported feeling serious loneliness. That's more than half of all young people. That's insane. I know I have personally felt this times where I was surrounded by people that I'd never felt more alone. So how can it be that we're more in touch than any generation before us or more synched up, we're more connected via social media, yet we're more isolated than ever. Here's an easy way to think about it. It's like trying to hydrate with saltwater. You're drinking something, right? Your mouth is full, your hands are busy, but it doesn't nourish you. It doesn't satisfy what you actually need and in the end, it even makes you thirstier. That's what shallow connection does, likes, follows, surface level. How are you when nobody really wants the truth? It's water, but it's not clean and it leaves you starving for something real. Here's the thing about loneliness. Not only is it uncomfortable, but it also can be dangerous. This has found that loneliness is as harmful to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It can increase your risk of heart disease, depression, anxiety, and even early death. And yet, we don't really talk about it, do we? We talk about how bad it is to smoke 15 cigarettes a day. That's for sure. If you were smoking 15 cigarettes a day, anyone in your life would be concerned. But if you isolate, if you don't see anyone for weeks, that's just a part of life, especially living in a post-pandemic world. Loneliness and isolation became more normalized than ever, and that is a real problem. We need connection. Let me say this clearly. Feeling lonely doesn't mean that you're broken. It means that you're human. We are wired for connection. Our brains literally release oxytocin, the bonding hormone, when we feel emotionally close to others. It's built into our biology. So when you don't feel seen, heard, or understood, your brain reacts like you're in danger. That's why loneliness, it can feel like panic, like something's wrong, but you don't know how to fix it. And it's not always about being alone. You can be at a party and feel it at school, at work, in a relationship with your family, because loneliness isn't about proximity. It's about connection, it's about being known, it's about being heard, it's about being understood. I felt it deeply, especially throughout college, ever surrounded by people my age, people who looked happy, who seemed like they had it all figured out, and there I was, struggling to get out of bed, struggling to feel like I mattered. I didn't know how to say it out loud, because what if they looked at me like I was weak or like I was sick, what if I made things awkward, what if I told the truth and it made people leave? So I said, "Quiet, I smiled when I had to." I laughed when it was expected, and underneath, I was drowning. That sounds familiar, I know that I've been there, and you're not alone in your loneliness in the presence of company. It gets better, but not by pretending it doesn't exist. It gets better when you speak it. Loneliness when you're surrounded by other people comes often from self-isolation, and that's not to place blame on you, or to place blame on myself. Often unchecked mental health issues can cause us to feel isolated in ways that we didn't know where possible. When I was struggling with depression at my absolute lowest, it convinced me that I was better off on my own. It convinced me that I was too sick, that something was wrong with me, that I shouldn't be around other people, and that's the problem with mental health issues, that's the problem with loneliness. It convinces us that we don't need anyone else, that we shouldn't be around anyone else, that we're better off on our own, and that's dangerous. We need human connection. We need to be able to talk to have these conversations to open up. We need each other, and so it's important to address those mental health issues, and address this loneliness that can happen when we're around other people, so what can we do? How can we start to feel less alone in a world that doesn't always know how to hold a space for you? Well, I don't have all the answers, but here's what helped me. You have to be the one who goes first. We all want someone to check in on us, but hey, but if sometimes we're the ones to check in first, send the, hey, I was thinking of you text, start the honest conversation, you'd be surprised how many other people are also craving real connection right now. To be okay with being awkward, connection is messy, vulnerability feels weird, you might overshare, you might cry, and that's okay. Real relationships are built on honesty, not polish. Three seek out spaces that welcome emotion, therapy, support groups, creative communities, places where emotional expression is not only allowed, but encouraged. That's why I make music, and that's why I made this podcast to create a space where we can all feel heard and seen, and not so lonely, by communicating and by sharing, because when we share how we feel, we give others permission to do the same, four connect with yourself. This one's hard, but maybe the most important. If you don't feel at home in your own mind, it's hard to feel at home with others, journaling helped me, sitting with my feelings, naming them, not judging them, just noticing. You are your own companion, you are your own best friend always. Being alone is not always a bad thing, loneliness can be, but being alone and getting to know yourself better, becoming your own best friend, that's a beautiful thing, taking yourself out on dates, sometimes being alone teaches us more about ourselves, it allows us to become closer with ourselves, with our emotions in turn, that allows us to be more open towards others, to share, to be okay with expressing, to connect deeper. Being alone is not an inherently bad thing, but loneliness can be incredibly dangerous. Here's the truth, loneliness doesn't mean that no one loves you, it doesn't mean you're unworthy, it means that you need something deeper, something true or something real, and it starts with honesty, with saying to yourself, hey, I'm lonely, and that might be the brave est thing you say all week, but it could also be the beginning of something beautiful. So if you're listening right now and you feel alone in a room full of people, in a world full of people know this, you are not the only one that feels this way. You are not alone in your loneliness and you are not broken, you are not invisible and you are worthy of connection just as you are, you matter. Those feelings of loneliness matter, don't let them go unattended. That's going to wrap it up for today's episode. If you need help feeling your feelings, you should check out my music on all platforms under the name of Ethan Jewel, and I almost guarantee it'll make you cry. Also drop me a comment and let me know what you thought about today's episode, I'm chilling on the couch today, I wanted to make it a little bit more relaxed, let me know what you thought about this topic, let me know how your day is going. I want to hear from you, so thank you so much for being here, thank you for understanding that being alone is not always a bad thing, but loneliness can be. And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings, I'll see you next time.