How To Be The Main Character Of Your Own Life

To have agency is to be the subject of a sentence rather than its direct object. It is the tendency to act rather than wait to be acted upon. I was a very judgmental kid. I would always wonder why everyone was so brainwashed. My friends at church seemed to flinch at any question I'd ask about the truth of their beliefs, like a visible glitch in their eyes which represented their mind snapping back to the doctrine. Their parents shoved down their throats. The world seemed too robotic to me. Wake up, hit snooze a few times, scroll until you're on the brink of being late, make coffee, sit in traffic, work on projects you don't care about for people you don't care about. Fake smile at your boss, fake laugh with your coworker. Traffic again, argue with spouse, watch TV, pass out, repeat, it terrified me. Every direction I turned I was being prodded down what seemed to be an outdated path that would lead to the same life as the prodders. Save your money, study for your exams, get a high-paying job, like NPCs in a video game, non-player characters, predictable, prescripted and programmed characters that follow narrow and strict behavioral patterns without agency. They are in the game, but the main character is the one playing it in charge of their own destiny. I always felt a sense of envy toward those people. The ones who didn't care what others think, the ones who could do what they want, without regret or care. The ones who ultimately lived a fulfilling and interesting adventure of a life. They had main character energy. Well, at least that's what I thought when I was young, dumb and naive. Generally speaking, we have two kinds of consciousness. One I will call spotlight, and the other the flood light. The spotlight is what we call conscious attention, and we are trained from childhood that it is the most valuable form of perception. When the teacher in class says pay attention, everybody stares and looks right at the teacher. That is spotlight consciousness, fixing your mind on one thing at a time. You concentrate, and even though you may not be able to have a very long attention span, nevertheless you use your spotlight, one thing after another, one thing after another. Reducing most of the population to mere puppets isn't the answer. Everyone has a complex internal world that everyone else is largely unaware of, and will never be able to fully comprehend as they don't have access to it. Placing narcissists with main character syndrome on a pedestal doesn't help either. Both are distorted theories of mind, but there is some truth behind them. We don't want to think we are the main character. We want to be the main character because anything less is a disservice to your potential. Respect in this world is reserved for those with high agency, the entrepreneur, the athlete, the intellectual, the people who forged their own path, overcome adversity and create a story that we can't help, but marvel at. The rest get pushed under the rug as harsh as that may seem. We label them as average, ordinary, and rarely is there a time where they produce something that society deems valuable enough to reward with attention, money, and anything else that we hold as a symbol of success. But why? Why do so few people break free from the herd? Why do we give all of our energy to the dreams of others rather than our own? I personally believe there are three overlapping answers to that question. There's conditioning, industrialization, and first tier thinking. The second we're born are mind is like a computer without an operating system where these cute crying blobs of human flailing around and if we aren't given proper instruction or care, we die. With a brain prime to learn and a parent eager to mold, this can get dangerous very quick. If the parents programming is a near clone of their parents programming, meaning they weren't taught or they didn't practice agency, then the child is that much more likely to have the same outcome. A main character must come along to break that generational curse. Pair that with a society with an industrial foundation, a system with the purpose of creating useful workers, and you get the American dream. Go to school. Get a job. Retire at 65. I think it can't get worse? Well, human psychology has been extensively mapped over the past few decades. It is clear that our mind, our values, beliefs, and worldview that largely influence how we think and make decisions, evolves through predictable stages over time. These stages can be grouped into first tier consciousness and second tier consciousness. The defining factor of first tier thinkers is that they can't hold multiple perspectives. Their beliefs are right, yours are wrong, and your their enemy. So if your parents believe that schools, jobs, and retirement, or a specific religious or egalitarian belief system are best for you, they will ensure that you believe the same. That's difficult to avoid when you don't know any better. Over 95% of the population resides within the middle upper portion of first tier thinking, falling into three camps. The first is order, and this group of people values rules, roles, and discipline often assigned by some external and almighty ruler. An example here would be Bible Thumpers. The second is achievement, and this group of people values rationality, science, risk-taking, and self-reliance. For example, there's the self-help community, or just climbing the corporate ladder. And the third is egalitarianism, and this group of people values relativism and equality. No truth or belief is absolute or better, except for the fact that no truth is better, forming a dangerous hypocrisy. Examples of this are gender or identity politics. It feels like the world is screaming at you to praise your god, work hard, or become an activist for social rights. And it doesn't help being in the information age now, where we're experiencing information overload, and it seems like everything you come across is just people trying to shove their beliefs down your throat, related to those three groups, those three big goals that most people in society are pursuing. And if those are the dominant values of the parents, teachers, public figures, intellectuals, influencers, and authorities that have direct access to your impressionable young mind, the code written in your mind is going to be that of an NPC or a non-player character. Do what you're told, obey the authority, follow the herd, and you don't have any other choice. Survival is your base. It's the operating principle in every decision you make. If you aren't trying to protect your body, you're trying to protect your ego, and when your ego resides in a first-tier stage of development, you can quickly find yourself lashing out at others about how wrong their beliefs are. New opportunities that could change your life become scarce. And if you are disobedient to the beliefs of your parents or teachers, you may be cast out from the tribe, so naturally you are inclined to obey. That's why the world feels so mechanical. That's why the world is so ripe to be disrupted by AI and why people sit around complaining about the fact that it will take their jobs rather than the other option. We've been trained to narrow our attention. Spotlight consciousness as Watts would describe it. When the authority speaks, we listen. When we're given a task, we do it. And if we don't, we feel threatened. And that fear response keeps us working toward a goal that was never our own to begin with. Some can't tolerate it, so they fall into a hole of depression and anxiety, unable to escape because their spotlight looks everywhere aside from the tools lying next to them to create a ladder. The default path is our destiny. We filter the world through the goals we are supposed to achieve. And if you understand the mind, you understand that we perceive information that aids in the achievement of our goals. All we see is what our programming allows us to see. Most opportunities for meaning, fulfillment, and true success fly right under your nose unless you revolt, unless you reject everything you've been told was true and seek to discover what you are capable of. Ask yourself, what would the average person do, then do the opposite. Failure is the default state. That's the brutal truth of modern life. If you don't create a path, you will be assigned one and no matter how successful you are by the standards of society, the success was never yours, never your goals, never your beliefs, never your actions. You were simply a program running to achieve what you were set out to achieve. Now you aren't doomed to your programming. That's the cool thing about being human. We're the only supercomputer for now that can rewrite its own code. And even that metaphor doesn't come close to explaining the complexity of human consciousness. If you want to change the direction of your life, you need three ingredients, awareness, the ability to widen your aperture and spot opportunities, access, the resources to take advantage of those opportunities, and agency, the ability to act on those opportunities without permission. Those are how you become the main character of your life. Many people are aware of opportunities, most have access to the knowledge to take advantage of them, but very few people do anything about it. For that reason, every trait you could develop in your life is dependent on the last ingredient, agency. Most people still believe that intelligence or book smarts play the largest role in success, but that couldn't be any further from the truth. High intelligence plus high agency equals building rocket ships to bring humanity to Mars. Low intelligence plus high agency equals dropping out in their third year of undergrad to start a business without caring about optimization. High intelligence plus low agency equals graduating and getting a PhD just to cry about how rich people should not exist, and they never go off the guardrails. And low intelligence plus low agency equals the average person following someone else's plan, playing victim to their circumstances. With the right amount of agency, it doesn't matter how intelligent you are. The good news is, agency is a habit and habits can be trained. In the broadest sense, a person's quest for understanding is indeed a story. There's a part of me that everyone sees. I'm how he mandell the comedian apparently I know what funny is funny bought me a house, but I also know what isn't funny OCD I've lived with OCD my entire life and people throw the term around like it's no big deal but OCD is severe often debilitating. It's a mental health condition that involves unrelented unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character your beliefs even your safety. General therapy can help with some things but for OCD it can actually make things worse that's why I want to tell you about no CD no CD is the world's largest treatment provider for OCD and is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans their license therapist specialized in ERP the most effective treatment for OCD if you think you might be struggling with OCD go to nocd.com to book a free 15-minute call they are here to help. Search problem in an abstract space of ideas far too large to be searched exhaustively that is a quote from David Deutsch I would highly recommend picking up his book the beginning of infinity I want you to think of success as a map no legend no roads no landscape it's mostly blank success then is like a needle in a haystack an invisible pin on the map the only thing that does display on this map is the known like a spotlight illuminated only that part of the map for most people this area is filled with aspects of their childhood schooling religious indoctrination and job training your current version of success is a visible pin on the map within that defined area you already know what your life is supposed to look like and you've largely accepted that you rarely think of what life could be and if you do the idea of anything more quickly gets replaced with fear of the unknown in that fear makes sense you don't know where the invisible pin of success is you don't know which direction will take you there but that hints at the problem you've been given directions your entire life and it's natural for you to believe that you need directions in order to succeed but that couldn't be anything further from the truth so how do you find the needle in the haystack first you need a deep intrinsic reason to take a leap of faith into the unknown you need a brutal awareness of the fact that you don't want to live a mechanical and predetermined life because you can directly observe that the masses don't have a life that you want to live people don't change until they are sick of being sick you need to contemplate the idea of where your life is heading every day for the next month minimum you need to finally be honest with yourself that the discomfort of your current life isn't something you are willing to tolerate because if you don't hate it you will tolerate it once you get your taste of the life you are in the next step of transformation is dissonance when your current life and potential life are trapped in a wrestling match that is what primes your mind for insight awareness of the negative is like pulling back a slingshot aim toward the positive second you need a general understanding of how unconventional progress is made you don't follow conventional rules or instructions that lead to known and mediocre results no matter how secure that may seem on the surface if you want unconventional results you make a guess you act on that guess you practically guarantee failure you treat that failure as a data point an error to be corrected you make another guess but from a more educated position and slowly you make the unknown known and given the right amount of persistence you narrow down what doesn't work until you discover what does that's how you create knowledge that's how you generate a deeper awareness that's how you break free from a singular first-tier perspective and begin to expand the complexity of yourself the more areas on the map you explore be it business models spiritual practices or fitness regimens the more you increase the potential of your character but that's just an abstract idea that needs to be made practical if you want to reach a new area of the map you need access to it you need at least a general idea that some form of opportunity lies in the unknown paired with a sequence of steps you can take to reach that area in a video game you must reach a certain level of experience before you can one notice the quest and two accept the quest to trek into the unknown the question is how do we find our next quest and begin acting on it with the prerequisite of experiencing distance with your current way of life your mind becomes a magnet for opportunity the problem with opportunity is that most people still think with a pre-information mind they don't realize that credentials physical location and money aren't a barrier to opportunity anymore you can learn anything on the internet you can follow experts in their respective fields you can curate a social feed ripe with high-signal ideas you can share what you know or what you do for the world to see you can leverage technology to start a business enhance your spirituality talk to anyone improve your thinking or transform your health and fitness those are both the potential for opportunity and the resources to act on that opportunity yet most people use the internet like a drug why spotlight consciousness but we're past that you are ready for the next chapter of your life the steps are radically simple yet increasingly difficult follow individuals who are dedicated to being useful ruthlessly curate who has access to your mind and expose yourself to opportunities that you already scroll by every single day because at least now you'll register them I can't tell you what path to take because if I did you may latch on to it out of fear causing you to narrow your mind which leads to avoiding the uncertainty that is the birthplace of potential in the late 1960s Martin Seligman conducted a famous experiment to demonstrate how dogs could learn to be helpless there were three groups of dogs and two phases of the experiment in phase one dog group one was placed in a harness and received electric shocks but they could learn to press a panel to stop the shock they had control dog group two were also placed in a harness received the same electric shocks but could not stop the shocks dog group three were in the harness for the same amount of time but received no shocks in phase two which was a day later all dog groups were placed individually in a shuttle box which is two compartments separated with a low barrier there was a warning signal that preceded the electric shock on the side of the box the dogs were placed in in order for the dog to escape all they had to do was jump over the barrier to the safe side dog group one escaped any shock by jumping to the other side as soon as the warning signal appeared about two thirds of dog group two did not even attempt to escape the shock they would often lie down whine and endure the shocks dog group three quickly learned to escape the shocks as dog group two indicates and this may be a massive stretch I would argue that due to the environment we are raised in two thirds of the Western population has learned helplessness the core idea of learned helplessness is the perceived lack of control over an aversive event can lead to passivity and tolerating the pain even when dog group two could escape they didn't try because they believed it was impossible now this helps draw a key distinction between low agency and high agency individuals you may have little control over your intelligence or the zip code you were born in what beliefs you were given about God money or equality but agency is the ingredient that can lead to you jumping over that barrier agency is a habit not a trait and just like helplessness can be learned agency can as well to have agency is to choose a goal that is important to you decide what actions will move you toward those goals and as simple as it may sound act but not just any goal will do when we look at flow psychology the psychology of optimal experience enjoyment is found at the edge of the known the goal can't be so difficult that you are overwhelmed with anxiety but it also can't be too simple that you quickly become bored that's where you lose your sense of self and become one with the challenge so there are three types of goals easy difficult and impossible easy goals can already be achieved with the skills and resources you have impossible goals are something we can't do either due to it being outside of the realm of possibility like the laws of physics or due to us not having the difficult goal that makes the perceived impossible possible what I mean by that is that if a goal seems impossible to you right now it may be because you haven't achieved the goal that develops your mind and skill set to the point of seeing the next goal as possible so rather than aiming for something impossible we need to achieve the difficult goal first so that the once impossible goal becomes difficult now difficult goals are something we can't do right away but we can eventually do if we grow acquire skills and collect the resources necessary to do so their tasks that you will fail at but succeed if you persist and iterate agency and the good life is belief in the difficult agency is a belief that all problems are soluble agency is the process of doing good science and that unlocks our final piece of the puzzle we have awareness we have access to resources but we lack the experimentation that moves us forward into the unknown now good science happens in four parts first we have a goal you commit to an important goal often stemming from a problem or what you don't want in your life then we have the experiment where you make a guess as to what will move you toward that goal and act on it in the real world and then you have an experience from engaging with the world the original meaning of datum the singular version of data was immediate experience So, data can be physical, mental, or spiritual. And then last, you have the confirmation, so you observe the data and see whether the experiment brought you closer to or further away from the goal. So if your goal is to reach the lighthouse in a storm, you set sail, get knocked off course, steer left, see where you're at and course correct until you reach the lighthouse. That is how you navigate through the unknown. That is how you develop main character energy. You drop a pin on the map and create the directions. And by doing so, you inevitably create something valuable that can be passed down or shared with someone else or used as a product in a business. And that brings a deeper layer of happiness in your life because happiness isn't one-sided. It's contributing to something greater than yourself and overcoming resistance to make personal progress. Now, I am confident that I've equipped you with literally everything you need to achieve anything that you want in life. Everything else is just technical details that you discover on the path towards your goals. If you are still looking for quick fixes or hacks or tactics, I would encourage you to re-watch this video. You're on your own and that's an incredible realization. Safe travels. Thank you so much for watching this video. The only thing that I have to plug today is my sub-stack where I send out two letters a week on the mind, human potential, starting a business, becoming future proof. That's what it's called. So if you'd like to receive those in your inbox or just be updated on what I talk about, what I'm doing, consider signing up for that with the link in the description. We'll leave it there.