How to Be Someone People Look Up To

(upbeat music) - Welcome to today's episode of The Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host Rob Dyle. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. We put out episodes four times a week to help you learn and grow and improve yourself 'cause if you can improve yourself, you will improve your life. So if that's you, go ahead and hit that subscribe button. Today, I'm gonna be talking about how to be the type of person that people look up to. The most admired people are not the loudest people in the room. They're the ones that are doing the hard shit quietly when nobody's watching. And the truth is, people already know who you are based off of how you show up and how they feel around you. So if you wanna be looked up to, you need to start acting like someone that's actually worth looking up to. And so today, we're gonna go over how to become that person and in four daily actions that you need to focus on to become the type of person that's actually worth looking up to. The first thing is that you have to understand that the respect that you crave is built in the shadows. What do I mean by that? We have to be honest. Everybody wants to be admired. Everybody wants to be looked up to. Not in an ego-driven type of way, but in a core human type of way. We all want to be admired in some sort of way. We wanna be seen. We wanna be valued. We want to be trusted. We wanna be respected as a person. We just wanna be somebody that is worth looking up to. But the trap of all of it is this. Is we often chase the performance of being admirable, trying to show up as the interesting person or the person who is supposed to get respect from somebody or the type of person that's putting on a performance so that you like me and think that I'm a great person. But instead, what we should be focusing on is becoming somebody that is worth being admired. Not trying to act like somebody that should be admired, but trying to be someone that is worth being admired. People don't look up to someone who's trying to appear impressive. You think about that? Somebody's like, "I'm gonna dress nice so that people think that I'm impressive." They don't think that you're impressive because of what you wear, right? You get looked up to by becoming somebody that people feel safe around. And that what I feel safe around like, you're not, not like you can beat anybody up or like you're dangerous or that you can protect people. But like how they feel in your presence is extremely important. Here's what you have to know. The respect that you're wanting from other people is not built when you're in front of them. It's not built by what you do when you're around them. It's usually first built when no one's around to be able to clap for you. When I go to the gym inside of my gym, they have three huge murals, like 30-foot murals of Muhammad Ali. And every single time I think of them, I think of his quote where he says, "The fight is one or lost far away from the witnesses behind the lines in the gym and out on the road long before I dance under the lights." That's kind of how I think of being somebody that's worth being admired, right? Like the fight is one or lost far away from the witnesses. Like it's forged in those tiny moments when you're tired and you don't want to show up. You don't want to do what you said you were going to do. And nobody is watching. But you still choose to show up with integrity because you're watching. You know, it's grown in the gym when nobody's there to see you work out and you're not taking a selfie or checking in at the gym. You know, it's in doing the right thing even if the right thing is the hardest thing. And so I want you to understand like people don't respect you or look up to you or admire you because you're perfect. So if you're trying to be perfect or portray somebody who is perfect, that's not what they're looking for. They respect you because you're predictable in the best way possible. You're consistent. You're safe in your honest. So if you want respect, you have to start with yourself first. Everybody wants to be respected. But you can't be respected if you secretly don't respect yourself because the energy that you have never lies. You can act as however you want to but people are going to feel the way that they're supposed to feel around you. People feel when you're performing. They can feel when you're chasing validation instead of standing in your own truth. So respect is not something that you can just say, "Hey, you need to respect me." It's something that people feel. Like it, and that starts in the mirror. Like, think about this for instance. How would somebody ever really respect you if you don't respect yourself? Like, do you keep promises to yourself? Do you speak to yourself with integrity or do you talk trash to yourself? Think about that for a second. Do you stand up for your own needs or do you abandon your own needs in order to make other people feel better or in order to keep the peace? Because self-respect is something that's quietly done when you are with you. It's how you carry yourself when no one's really watching. It's how you treat yourself when you fail. It's the boundaries that you set and you actually decide to keep. Want people to look up to you? Start by becoming somebody you look up to. That's where it all begins. Now, let's go into the four daily actions that I think are some of the most important actions in order to be the type of person that is worth looking up to. And we will be right back. And now, back to the show. The first thing is you need to get really good at keeping your word even when it's inconvenient for you. There's so many people that say they're gonna do something in this world and I feel like it's getting worse and worse by the year. They say they're gonna do something and then they don't do it over and over and over again. And you start to realize that person's not reliable. And so what does it actually look like in your life? Like if you say I will be there at six, you're actually there at six o'clock. If you keep showing up late and showing up late and showing up late, you're saying to people, I'm not reliable. People are not gonna look up to that. If you tell yourself, yourself, I'm waking up at seven, you wake up, you don't hit the snooze three times. If you commit to your workout, to your journaling, to calling your mom, then you actually do it. Like it's the craziest thing that I even have to say to this if you really think about it, right? Like you just, like, shouldn't we all be following through with what we say we're going to do? Isn't that the most integrity that we can have? Like why are we even having this conversation? Why are we not all doing the things that we're supposed to be doing? That's what it should be. And so you've got to start by following through on the promises that you keep to yourself because you are always watching yourself. So what do I recommend to make this easier? Make smaller commitments to yourself. And then just knock them out like dominoes so that your subconscious can see, oh, I'm doing what I say I'm gonna do. I'm doing what I say I'm gonna do. You know, if something changes, you're not able to hit a deadline that you promise somebody that you would hit and you communicate that well ahead of the deadline, not after the deadline. Once again, it's not about being perfect. It's about being the right type of person to do and say what you're supposed to be doing. The reason why this matters is because people look up to people who do what they say they're going to do. Why? Because most people don't do what they say they're going to do. If you just do what you say you're going to do and you're like consistent, people, you're gonna set yourself out from the crowd 'cause most people are not consistent. Real respect starts with keeping your word when it is uncomfortable. And people want to be around someone who is predictable and consistent. It makes them feel safe because you're predictable and you're consistent. And that's where most people end up flaking, but that's where like real leaders are actually built. So that's the first thing. Second thing, get really good at owning your mistakes. You will not be perfect, but it's not about being perfect. It's about how you respond and how people see you responding. And so what it looks like is owning up to when you mess up. Hey, I dropped the ball on that. It's my fault. That's it. Own up to it. Say somebody, you are right. I didn't listen to you when I should have. That is my fault. No hiding, no making excuses. Just direct ownership is what it looks like. And so you've got to practice catching the instinct 'cause we all have it to defend or to explain because when something goes wrong and somebody starts to talk to us about a lot of times what we'll do is our walls will go up, our defenses will go up. So you've got to practice yourself noticing the instinct of like wanting to defend yourself or over explain. So you just pause for a second and just breathe. Take a couple deep breaths and just ask yourself what is the right thing to do here? Not what do I want to do? What should I do? What is the right thing to do here? People look up to people who do the right thing. And then what you do is the thing that you come up with. Because the reason why it matters is because most people get defensive, most people want to self protect. If you want to be admired, do the opposite of what everybody else is doing. When people see that you don't have to be right and that you can own up to your own mistakes, guess what? They trust you more. So it's not about being perfect. It's about actually being somebody who is reliable. Okay, so that's the second thing. The third thing is to practice staying calm when everything else is spinning out. You know, if you want to go really deep into this, I just did another podcast episode on how to stay calm. I would recommend that because it's much, much more in depth. But what it looks like when chaos hits, you want to be the most grounded person. You want to be the calm in the center of the storm. You don't shrink, you don't avoid, you don't run away. You're just present and you breathe deeper and you speak slower and you think more clearly because in those moments, I just want you to understand people are looking for somebody to lead them in those moments and they're going to be attracted to the person who is the most calm, who breathes the slowest, who speaks the slowest, who thinks clearly because those things unconsciously tell somebody that is in that situation, this person needs to lead me. And like I've read a statistic one time and it was like nine out of 10 people just want to be led by somebody. And so why this matters is because people follow calm. Your calm becomes their calm. It's kind of like co-regulation more than anything else. The one who can regulate their emotions, especially under pressure, instantly becomes somebody who others trust, who they turn to and who they admire. And then the fourth thing, and this is a really important one for being somebody that people look up to and especially for those of you that are leaders in some sort of way, is to make people feel seen consistently. I wish I could explain with me being in a situation that many a lot of people come to me for advice and for different things. I wish I could explain to you how many people in this world just want to feel seen and heard and understood. Like people are just dying to be seen and heard and understood. And so what does that look like in your everyday life? Remember your barista's name that you see every single morning. Talk to them about their day. Remember their dog's name, whatever's going on. Compliment somebody in front of other people. You know, send the, whenever somebody pops into your head and you're just thinking about them, send them the, hey, I'm just thinking about you text. How are you doing? Even when you're busy, you're not trying to get anything out of them. You're just literally just sending the text. When somebody's talking to you, look people in the eyes. Slow down enough so that they can feel it. They actually, that they actually matter to you. I am oddly enough, I was at a surf ranch that's out in California. And part of the surf ranch when you sign up and you know, you get free massages and all of this stuff. And I was talking to the masseuse and she's seen all kinds of celebrities come through and tons of people come through. Like some of the most famous people have gone through the surf ranch, right? I was like, who's the coolest person you've ever met? And she's like, oh my God, I've met so many cool people and she goes, I can tell you who I feel, who makes me feel the most seen. And I was like, okay, tell me who it is. And she's like Prince Harry made me feel the most seen. She goes, he has this weird way of making you feel like nobody else in the world exists except for you and him when you're in the conversation. She's like, I've never felt somebody who has like full presence in a conversation with me. I was like, that's pretty wild considering he's like royalty or whatever. And she's like, yeah, he treated me like I was royalty. And so like that moment stood out in her life and that just shows you and the reason why is because all of his attention was going into her. How can you be more like that when you're around people? You know, think about it. Like how can you start to give people compliments? How can you think of something kind to say no matter what? How can you practice active presence with another person when someone's talking like listen to them with your whole being? And the reason why this matters is because everybody wants to feel important. If you can make somebody feel important, you will be someone that they want to be around and they'll look up to. You know, people don't look up to perfection. They look up to how you make them feel when you're in their presence. The most magnetic people aren't the most powerful people or the ones that speak the best or any of that type of stuff. They're the ones that remind you of your power and make you feel great when you're in their presence. And so when you start thinking about, thinking about being somebody that people look up to, like you don't earn respect by putting on a show and by being somebody else or by putting on a performance of how great you are and being so interested. You earn it in the ordinary things that you do every single day. The small choices that you make every single day that stack into first off self-trust and then trust from other people as well. That's what you need to work on and then work on those four character traits and being the type of person that is worth being respected and you'll start realizing that people will start looking up to you and respecting you more. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram stories. Tag me in @robdialjuniorROBDI8LJR. And if you want to learn more about coaching with me outside of the podcast, go to coachwithrob.com, once again, coachwithrob.com. And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.