How to Be a New Homeowner w/ Colum Tyrrell!

Oh, baby! New York City, New York, we just added a show over there at Gotham Comedy Club for Saturday, November 14th. Grab your tickets. Yes, Friday night sold out. There's still some tickets for the late show Friday, but get them, get them Saturday. The boys are coming, bring the squad, let's go. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're grouped to be classy. Yeah. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you. On a beautiful day, we're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She's on a little hunting trip. Okay. Yeah, going out there at 12 Point Buck. Nice. Old Millie, it's called. Okay. Trying to hit it with our car. We're out in the woods. All right. Take it. Hello. Okay. That's all the time we have. Fasten time for bonus season. My host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman. He has a little money in the market, as everybody knows. He's also a loving father, loving husband, and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. It's Kevin James Ryan. What's up, everybody? He always says the things he's extremely jealous of, by the way. This guy's got a lot of money. Decent hug. Okay. Guy's got a piece on him. I do not. Guys, thanks for tuning in. As always, just make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the freaking charts. Yes, we are. Top 100 all podcasts of all time ever created. Let's go. Or something like that. And obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. So I'll show you garbage. You go over there. We're hitting all-time highs over there on the Patreon. 17K. 17,000. Goddamn army over there. A lot of money. Gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest. He's back with us again today. A lot of changes in his life. Mm-hmm. He's settled down. I hope so. I don't know what the fuck else we're going to talk about. You have house underlined. Two underlines. A little cold sore coming in, I see. That's the prep we do around here. Very funny stand-up comedian and podcaster. You can hear him every week on his amazing podcast, Cockfight, and he has a brand-new special, Bells and Whistles, out on his YouTube page. One of the funniest, one of our best pals, Colin Terrell, everybody. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, T! You did it. One of my favorites. Thanks for having me. Do you say I have a cold sore? I woke up with a pimple on my lip this morning. I had the. It hurts so much. That's the worst place to go. It hurts so. That's not a pimple. What are we talking about? Well, if I had the herp, I'd let you know, but I just don't want people to think that it's herpes. Yeah. That's strictly a southern issue. That's a genital thing I get going on. I don't have the oral kind. It's strictly on my wiener. Well, I have the cold. I do have. I do get cold sores. I haven't really got them in a long time, but. You got the herp. That's the herp. But it's herp's cousin. It is herp's cousin. It's not real. I don't have the info. I know it is a variation of it, but it is. But I think it's made me build up an immune system to the real herpes. Oh, there you go. Guys, I've. It's like a weed. It's like a weakened version of the herpes that your body beat up, and now you can't get the real herpes. Yeah, it's like a vaccine version. Sure. It's a common affliction among our people. Yeah, I don't know what it is. Scumbags? What are you talking about? It's our. Gay guys? It's our fair. Homosexual men. It gets us a lot. Sure. You know what I mean? The fair skin, the drinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Poor diet. I know. Stress in the home life. Everyone drinking out of the same carton in the fridge. Yeah. That's probably a common thing, I reckon. I got it from my dad. That means your parents. Your parents have it? Yeah, of course they do. Everyone has it. Sure. It's weird if you don't. It means you're a bit muggly. It means you get no A's. Exactly. Buddy, good to see you. Good to see you, fellas. Congrats on the special. Thank you so much. Go check it out. You know, you guys always got the best fans. This guy's pandering already. No Coleslaw's out there, huh? You guys, sexy, cool fans. The fans that leave comments on my special. I'd share it. Specifically, and if you don't leave a comment, you suck. You have one of my favorite. Because you're very, you can't not be you. You can't not be. Such an affectionate personality. You're just like, if you have something, I don't know, we had you. Something rude to say? No, you, we. Speaks his mind. We had you open to a set on the Met Show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And one of my brothers, my brother's been coming to see us. On the Met Show? Yeah. Down in Philly? Yeah. You were down there that night? That was me. No, he wasn't. That was me. Yes, he was. The night we did the Met in Philly, when my nephew and my cousin was backstage? I don't fucking know. How many times have you done the Met? I don't think they were there. I don't remember seeing your nephew back there. He was there. When we got to Santucci's Pizza. How messed up were you? You thought I was the, you thought. That's not your nephew. You thought, yeah. What? I gave you $500 for Christmas. Also, why break our balls on it? Just roll with the idea that he wasn't there. I'm a stickler. Wait. You tell me. You tell me. You're telling me he was in the same room as my nephew? I guess. Yes. That's how you quantify the night with your nephew was there. Not the biggest show you've ever done. Anyway, the point being. And the Santucci's Pizza. The point being is you came out and you shit on us immediately. Did I? Yeah. I don't even remember. It was like something. My brother brings it up all the time. It was like, anytime someone publicly shits on me, my brother is standing in line. Good. Good. I want to shake your hand. You got to keep him around. Yeah. That guy's got balls. He's got balls. He Venmoed me. $10. I said, hey, thanks for that. It was something. Who remembers who's seen me from the podcast and like, you know, half the people clap or whatever because, yeah, they've gotten too big. It's been a while. They won't have me back on or something like that, which I respect. You take your chop block. I love it. I think I was shitting on myself there, but I get it. You guys are sitting in here. Cameron Diaz asking her if you drank milk and all this shit. And I'm just a little. I'm just a little. No good. The fuck? Cameron Diaz was here? I'm just a no good stand-up comedian. You just did Rogan. Shut up. Yeah. You were like, hey. You thought it was your niece the whole time. Here's a nickel. Go buy yourself some candy. There has been a lot of changes, though. You got settled down. You're married now. I'm married now. And you're at the Burbs. Shout out to Big Jay. You moved out of the city. Big Jay. Wait, Big Jay? I came for a nickname, and then I realized that nickname's already taken. Her name's Jessica, so I was like, Big Jay. And then I was like, shit. I feel like that's actually already used. It's a body of ours. You moved out of the. You got out of the rat race in New York City. Yeah. You're out there in the Burbs in Jersey. I'm in the Burbs, yeah. You settled down. Did you guys buy a house? Yeah, we bought the house. You bought a house? Bought a house back in April, yeah. Look at this. I know. That damn homeowner. Irish immigrant comes to this country. Come back. Dirtball. Check his papers. Exactly. I'm in the suburbs now. It's quiet. It's just. Yeah, what do you like about the Burbs? Because you were in Brooklyn or Queens before? We were in Queens. You were in Queens. Yeah, yeah. He was in Astoria. I was in Astoria for a long time. I was also in Brooklyn originally, but yeah. You had a walk up in Astoria. Oh, yeah. That was good, though. It was like uphill. You missed the steps. You start gaining those suburban pounds. You do. You put on a spare tire. Nothing wrong with that. Those little walks down to the bodega to get milk, you know, those add up when you're in the suburbs, but I like it. It's nice. How would you get at the bodega? Milk? Mm-hmm. What do you get? I don't know. Lucy's? Loose cigarettes? You're lighting it still off the guy at the counter. That's a different kind of bodega when you can light, when the guy will light it for you and you can walk out. It's on a piece of yarn. Yeah. It's attached to the bodega cat running around. Yeah. The lighter. It's on like a chain, like a pan at the post office. I always love the comment, someone will light it and then as they're walking out, they stop to look at like the fucking daily news or whatever. You're like, get the fuck out of here, guy. Listen, I like a heater just as much as the next guy, but God damn. Yeah, the loose cigarettes was nice. When I lived in Brooklyn, they would sell them. And then actually when I first moved in there, I had to get the people I lived with, there was a black family, but the local store wouldn't sell these. Sell to you. Because they thought I was a cop. Sure. Yeah, so I had to bring them down and they were like, no, he's good. He's with us. They vouched for you. They vouched for me. Look at that. That's New York, baby. Yeah. That really is summarizes New York with the bodegos. Like, absolutely not. I kind of had to do that. I know a cop and I see them. I'm 24. I'm from Ireland going, give us a cigarette. My bodega would sell you the one shipped in from another state for 10 bucks flat. But you had to have someone, you had to go in and off. Kentucky was the cheap one, I think, if I remember. $10 pack of cigarettes in New York. Can't beat that. Ian's guy did that to me. He fucking wouldn't sell it to me. Ian's like, this is my friend. And Ian leaves. The guy tries to hit me with $20. I had $20. The fucking weird guy said, you give me a deal. The guy just disappeared. He was here a second ago. He goes, I hate that guy. Worst guy you could ever introduce. That's not true. I love Ian. You pay the Ian tax? The Ian tax. How was the house? House was great. A lot of work. I didn't realize. I just never really understood the concept of just buying chores. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's like every day I've got a thing to do. Can I ask you this? Are you the first Tyrell to own a home in America? Got to be. Yeah, from my immediate family, sure. That's awesome. There's also some legendary Tyrells around the place that I've never met. There's like a university. Apparently, they're the ones that created herpes. No, there's a massive university in Canada. Famous donkey fighter. Some guy called, yeah, Derek Tyrell fucking set up a huge university in Canada. And they're related to you? There's only 20 people with my name. Really? There's not that many. It's a small, it's a very unique, weird name. Little clan? A little clan. Tiny little clan. Yeah. You hit that guy up, get a little cash out of him. Well, he might hit me up now. He's got that AYG bump. Now that bells and whistles, it's got 200,000 views. Probably $2.10 by the time this comes out. It's $2.31 when I look. It's cooking. Get it to $2.50. It'll be $2.50 by the end of this recording. Yeah, that'd be good. And listen, homies and bozos, go fucking like it. Go hype it. Go share it. Do all that stuff. Comment. And first of all, watch it. He's one of my favorites. Appreciate it. Thank you so much. An old pal of mine. What is on the to-do list currently? Did it need any work when you moved it? Like work, work, or just like odds and end shit? Because that shit piles up. And I've had my house for three years, and I'm still doing shit. It's mostly just little stuff here and there. Like the pavers, the brickwork in the yard, there's loads of gaps in it, so all the weeds are growing up. So then I bought this sand that I got it put down and watered the sand so it hardens, and it's just sitting there in the garage. What kind of brickwork? Like a walkway? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have a little pavers, so somewhere to park the car and then somewhere to walk right up to the garage. But then there's like little dents, it's like wavy. There's little things on the sides. In the front of the house. Yeah. Is it like brick, brick? Well, pavers, they're like pavers. They'd be like the little, I mean, I don't know how to explain it. I don't really know how to explain it either. It's brick. Did you ever see The Wizard of Oz? Yeah. Did you ever see it? No, it's yellow. Like that, yeah. I mean, they're usually not porous. Oh, okay, you got that. You got that going. All right. Yeah, it's more like this, but it's like red, like this one there probably. Yeah, it's like that. Stones. But now you got to change the grout essentially in between that, because it's all just weeds growing up all the time. And then also on the sides, there's like these dividers that are sticking out, and I just got to do it, but it's just- You don't do it. The problem is I'm just skilled enough that I can do all this work, and I just don't have enough money to really be able to get someone else to do it. Sure, yeah. But I can't do it fast or well. I'm just at that point where I'll spend the day hanging a TV kind of a thing. Did you need a new roof or anything like that? No new roof. New roof. Water heater's good? Water heater's good so far. Washer and dryer? That's ready to go, though. It's right on the edge. Really? Yeah. How old's the house? The house is like late 50s, but it's been renovated a couple of times. But that's good, though, in America. I don't know, after the 80s, it's fucking- Once they started shipping in all the timber from abroad? Are you kidding me? No way. That's all BBC shit. That's all particle board, dickhead. That ain't going to stay in hurricane season. All that Wuhan wood. That stuff's like their studio, that is. Fall over with a breeze. This is American- That's goddamn regular drywall. This is put up by a unique carpenter. Shout out Cousin Mike. It was. I hit a nerve, I think. You guys are like, you both just jumped out of your- Oh, yeah? We vote union around here. The walls fall over. Yeah, I got all that. But it gets boring. I like- I'm always in the yard mowing the lawn. I also mow- You got a push mower? Yeah, I got a push mower. How big is the backyard? The backyard's tiny. Front yard's massive. Massive? Massive? Yeah, big. Because we got a corner house. So it kind of- Whatever way it works, man. But I wish you- Warner lot. That's nice. That's a slice of America right there. But I wish we were further to the front and had a bigger backyard. So we got this big curly one. But I'm in the yard all the time. And then all my neighbors are there. And then there's this old couple that live across the street. And it's- How you getting along with the neighbors? They love me. They love me. Well, I'm just a small talk- Americans love an Irish guy, though. Sure. But I'm always just in- And I'll go up, talk to them. I've introduced myself to every single person. Jerry, this one's got an accent. I dragged my wife around. We gave away, like, we gave pie to all the neighbors. And she was like- What? She was like, we're not doing that. I was like, we're fucking doing it. And knock door to door and go, hey, neighbor, number fucking seven. Give us the- Here's my number. You ever need me? And they're like, oh my- Where'd you get the pies? Delicious Orchards in Colts Neck, New Jersey. The best of the best. You went to a bakery. Went to the bakery. Different flavors? Blueberry, peach? What'd you do? Yeah, a little bit of different flavors. How many pies did you buy? Like five, six pies? There was like seven. We also gave out some brownies and some donuts. Depending on how it got further from the house. Right. The amount of investment got lower and lower. Yeah. So you don't do that here? Anyway, but all the neighbors know me. They all have my number. They all love me. Yeah, I guess so. No, this is good, though. You never know your neighbor. So you went around knocking on people's doors. Hey, I'm Colin. This is my wife, Jessica. We live over here. Yeah, we just moved in. Welcome. Yeah. If you ever need us, here's the number. Really? And now some of them loved it. Some of them hated it. Some of them loved it to the point that if they're in the yard, they'll wait. And we wave and they'll wait and wait and wait until you see, you know, you go, you know. Really? Yeah, because they feel rude. Sometimes it's nice when you see your neighbor and your boat looking the wrong way and you can kind of go, you can kind of hustle in real quick. Yeah. That's very classy. Most of my day I'm spent in the yard mowing the lawn. I don't pay someone, even though I probably earn more working than I would pay for it, but I just want to make my own. For sure. Mowing the lawn anymore with the speed they can do it. Yeah, it feels stupid. It's not like a one guy with a push mower. It's like a team of three guys coming in. It's done in 15. But that's very cathartic. Plus, if you got the small mower, you could do nice lines. That's the plan. Going diagonal in that front yard with the corner lot get beat. Corner lot? Yeah, I didn't know that. But you can always get it done on a Friday before you leave or whatever. Yeah, it just takes it's a time. And then at first you're like. How long does it take you front to back trimming, cleaning, sweeping, blowing, whatever? You got a bagger on it? You got a bagger? Yeah, the thing on the back, you got to empty into it. Yeah. Where's that going? That's going in the regular trash. That's going in the trash every Tuesday that you're not supposed to. That's going in the trash you're not supposed to. Yeah. Okay, a few questions. Please, let's go for it. This is great. I love that. Yeah, this is what we're talking. Good. What kind of mower is it? I just bought it. It's not electric. It's gas. No, it's electric. It's electric. It's electric, yeah. You got a big extension cord, huh? No, it's battery. It's battery. Battery. Battery? Yeah, battery's all the. I think that's what. Battery's the right choice. Battery power now is crazy. Battery like you'd stick in a drill? Yeah, you charge it like. Yeah, you take it out like you would a drill. You charge it. What color is it? What color is the mower? It's like gray and green kind of thing. Is it Ryobi? Evo? No, Ryobi's nonsense. I bought one and I sent it back. I said I couldn't. Never. I sent it back and I go get it. And they were like, it's a shite. I can't. Shite. No, because it wouldn't even last. The battery wouldn't last the whole place. It was, they were dodgy. Ryobi's cheap. Ryobi's like impulsive woman. Eco power plus touch drives. That one? Yeah, there we go, baby. That's it. That's the one. $549 retail Ace Hardware. That's not, no, no, no. That's not it? Mine was like a $1,200 guy. $1,200? I'm doing it every week. Are you kidding me? So something more like this? The 800 series? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you get a weed whacker too? The 800 series is what we got. And I got, yeah, I got a weed whacker too. No, you got the 1,300 series probably. Maybe. I can't really. That's what he's got that day. You gotta tell him you got the blades that just spit. He's got a mule out there. If I'm doing the whole yard properly with the, if I'm doing the whole yard properly with the weed whacker and line up, it can take about two hours. But if I'm just rallying through the grass and I move on, it's like front and back, it's like an hour 15. With this, good one. Do you ever do one one day and the backyard the next day? I have to do that. That's awesome. Just get the front done for appearance. Yeah, exactly. And I've been on the road too where it's like three weeks go by and I had a neighbor one time, he goes, I almost did it for you. Oh, that's the worst. Shout out Steve. Shout out old man Steve. Old man Steve's the best. He's like old man. He's like 72. I got Roger. Yeah. Right. Roger next door is 72, retired guy. He's the eyes and ears of the block. What's the front of the house? If I leave the trash out too long, he'll just wheel it up for you. Really? He's just like peeping out. He goes, I better go over and help him out. Yeah. Shout out to Steve. You're in there with a hot potty looking out the window. I'm waiting for it. I go, Steve, you didn't bring my trash in today. Hey, grab the mail, will you? You haven't had to do a winter yet, have you? Snow, snow. No, no, but he's the winter guy. He's the, he has all the snow. He's got a plow. He's got, he's got all the good stuff. Got to fucking get him maybe a little bit more pie. A couple more pies. This is, this is where it all fucking starts. That's a real smart idea. That's a classy move right there, Luke. See that? This is what you got. You got the Ego Power Plus 1100 series. 22 inches, 56 volt battery, self-propelled lawnmower kit, battery charger. Very similar to that. Yeah, at least. Anyway, if it's not that one. It's got to be. It's $12.99. Maybe it's an inch smaller, but whatever. That's the one, yeah. I know I have the weed wacker. If you get it to a certain, if you get it to a certain point and you're on top of it, you don't need the bagger. You can just. Yeah, you can just blow it right on the, right on the grass. It's not worth it though, is it? Yeah. No, because the mulch will, makes the grass below it die, doesn't it? No, that's what I'm saying. If it's not that long. If you stay on top of it. You can't wait fucking three weeks. How many days? That's like every other day probably, isn't it? No. I mean, probably once a week maybe. No. Really? I don't trust this. I don't trust you. Getting a shit bump. Touch it up a little, yeah. Yeah, maybe. No, yeah, yeah. Because my, they don't bag mine. Like, I have a crew that comes and do it. They don't bag mine. Yeah, things are going all right. It's like 40 bucks. I think it's 40 bucks. It doesn't matter. It's 40 bucks a cut. It doesn't matter. And in the summer they come like. Where's your manhood? Every 10 days. Get off my property. No way. I agree with you. What are you going to bring my wife on a date next? No, I cut my, I cut my fucking arm. You'll take her out, will you? No, I'm busy. I'm busy cutting the lawn. I can't. You'll never see a real man. I'm not there enough. I'm in. I get it, yeah. It's like, if I were to do it, I would be the guy where they'd be, my neighbor would be cutting the grass because I can't. I just grew up in a place where you only cut your own grass, right? Dude, I grew up cutting grass. And now this is my first time having a place. And now having bought the lawnmower, I'm kind of committed for a couple of years to, I got to pay that off. That's not, that wasn't cheap. Cut the neighbor's yard. So there's no point in me buying that. Yeah, I've started a little business. Hey, how's the comedy going? Not bad. Collie's landscaping. Doing a couple of houses in the summer. I try going rogue. Hey, I have a new store. Startup. Muscle the high school kids out. Yeah, you're done here, punk. Okay, let's talk about bearskin. Bearskin. Let's get tactical, baby. Gang, getting caught out by sudden bad weather and not having the right coat or the right rain jacket with you. Talk about. about Jam Up City. For some reason, that rain just seems like it takes forever to dry. You're cold. You're freezing. It's not cool. No. It's not cinematic. No. You want to be looking sharp. You want to be feeling sharp. You want to be feeling dry and not anymore. You don't have to worry about that when you got a little bear skin. You know what I'm saying? Weather doesn't wait for anybody to be ready. One minute it's clear. The next minute the temperature drops and the rain moves in. I feel you, dog. That's bad news. Like Uncle Hank when he's having a bad day. Get a nice hoodie, nice rain jacket. Make sure you're all ready to go with bear skin. Bear skin was nice enough to send us some merchandise. And listen, as a tier one operator myself, I'm tactical. I'm ready for all things happening when I'm traveling. I got the bear skin. I'm moving. I'm cooking. Pocket's in the right place. Boom. I'm barrel rolling over the rental car. I'm doing stuff, dog. And thanks to bear skin, I'm ready for it. Right now you can get $20 off the bear skin hoodie 5.0. Just text. Just text garbage. I like this. Just text garbage to 36912 and they'll send the link straight to your phone. That's garbage to 36912. That's tactical. That's tactical. That's operator stuff for $20 off. And if you're on the move, which you probably are a lot of tactical listeners. Roger 26, Roger 26, need a bear skin hoodie. They'll hold the deal so when you're ready. So just text garbage to 36912 to get $20 off your bear skin hoodie. Do it. Yeah. Kevin's talking about Blue Chew. Blue Chew. Let's talk about Blue Chew. Uncle Hank's not just a spokesman. He's also a client. Again, you get a little older, you need a little help in the boudoir. Yeah. Am I right? Bedroom. Mocking boots. I mean, it is a young man's game out there. I can't be chasing people up and down the court every night. What do you want from me? Shoe and underhand and stuff. Jesus Christ. Listen, there's nothing wrong with a bank shot. No, not at all. And I like to go over to Blue Chew and get what I need and get delivered to my home. Ian's home. Confidentially. Confidentially. I don't want anybody to know my business. He don't need to know. That's right. He's going to hear it, though. But she'll know. She'll know. So do yourself a favor, gang. If you need a little help in the bedroom, get Blue Chew. Get that Blue Chew Gold. Not even Blue Chew. We're talking Blue Chew Gold, baby. Blue Chew Gold is the four-in-one built for mental and physical arousal. Four-in-one. Two ingredients get you barking like a horn dog in an old cartoon. It's going to have your eyes popping out of your skull. Jesus Christ. The other two maximize blood flow. In as little as 15 minutes. Let's go. I'm talking zero to 60. Blood flow, gang. Talking blood flow. Six to midnight. Like the Ganges. Yes. So here it is, baby. We got a special deal for our listeners. Right now, when you buy two months of Blue Chew Gold, you get the third for free. How you doing? With promo code garbage. That's promo code garbage. You'll receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping for your first order. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. Dad. Yes, we do. For sure. Okay. Is there a garage? Yeah. Now, what's in that garage? Bunch of crap. Like what? So I've got all my tools. I've got an old. What kind of tools did you have? I've got all the tools. Why? Because I do my own housework. But what do you mean? You didn't have any of this at the apartment in a story. I've been in that garage. I did. Yeah, for sure. You just didn't see it, but I had bags. It's a lot of wine and bottle openers. A lot of Valtrex containers. A lot of empty bottles. Lights, mostly. Yeah. You had those growlers in there. I remember you had like the big pints of beer. Did I? Yeah. I have a lot of alcohol. What do you call it? Accessories. When did you go and get all these tools? I just bought them over the years. I used to work in construction, so I had lots of stuff like that, but I bought all the tools myself. Are they set up nice? No, it's a pile of shit, but I will get it. I will get it. I have like some Ikea tables set up and everything's just dumped on top of that. I got an old chest of drawers with a broken leg that has just been sitting there since day one. I'll fix that the first day. We move in. It's just sitting there, and I just. Uh-huh. It's got a one-wheel wheel on it. I really need a fire. And so I was about to fix it, but I can't. Yeah. So a pile of shit like that. There's an old shed that came with the house that I need to rebuild the shed. Is that in the garage? That's all folded into the garage. It's like the. Oh, like the plastic. It's almost like the rubber made ones. The plastic boxes almost. Yeah. Those are all right. You got a fence in the backyard? Fence, yeah. Fenced in backyard? With the neighbors, yeah. So I'm hitting one, two, three neighbors in the corner because it's. Is any of the fencing. Is it all fencing yours, or is it all theirs? Oh, God. I believe. It's theirs. It depends. No, no, no. I believe. It depends what they say. It's sitting home. I think it depends on the wall. I think that wall. I think this neighbor's is. You see the. Wait. Yeah. No, because it's all. We have the. One fence divides the two homes, correct? Is it their fence or your fence? If you ask them. Well, the thing is. Do they have that same fence on the other sides? Or do you have three, like. That's what I'm saying, is one of the neighbors is my fence. And then I think the other neighbor's is their fence. Because I have three people touching. Touching yours. And one of them is only, like, half a foot. Whatever way they divided it up, right? Just they made a mistake, and we got the leftover, whatever. Ah, I see what you're saying. That's the old bitch I didn't like now. I went around and gave her some stuff. She was like, what? What do you want? I was like, I'm the neighbor. Is there any beef with any of the neighbors? No, just her. Just her. Did she take the pie? Of course she took the fucking pie. Are you kidding me? They always do. These old boroughs, they can't get through. Get a bunch of laxative in there. Yeah. Is the garage connected to the house? No. No? No. Well, it's obviously touching, but you got to walk through the- That's what I got, too. You got to get the- You got to go through the main door. What do you mean? That must have been a thing of the past. You can't get into the house from the garage? That's exactly what I mean. What do you mean? The thing you just said? Did I not say that right? You can't get into the house. You can't go into the garage and get into the house. So if you look at the outside of my house, there's my main door, and then there's the garage, or the garage, and you have to walk around. You've got to walk out the front. No kidding. There's no side thing. We have plans to renovate it, but I think, I don't know, I might just move, might not renovate at all. I might just move to a better neighborhood. Is that right? Really? No. You just bought the fucking house? I'm not Rogan. Surely the- I'll get those checks to roll in. He's changing. What's that, $800 from YouTube comes in? Oh, baby. He's using the lawnmower to renovate? Yeah. Okay. I love it. Inside the house, can we- We walk into the kitchen, can we see your trash can, or is it hidden? You can see it. Where is it? In the kitchen? Yeah. It's in the kitchen. Like on the side of like where- I don't know. I wish I had a photo to fucking show you. Automatic trash can? Do you step on it? No, you step on it. Step on it. How's that doing? It's great. Hanging in there. We've got two trash cans. Recycled. Recycled. Got to recycle. Yeah. Now, how did you do that? Is that bad? No. Should I be hiding it? No. The classier, you walk into a rich person's house, you can't see it. But I don't like when you have to, you know when you pull out a drawer and it's like a small one, almost like where they like, their permanent trash can is like a toilet trash can? That stinks. You need a big, otherwise you're emptying that all the time. Yeah, you need a full size. Yeah. But people have those hidden. If you do renovate the kitchen, that'll probably be an all right. I'm going to have to have words with my wife. I didn't notice. See, she's supposed to be the classy one to know, but- Ask me if you can see my trash can. I don't want to. Do it. You can. Actually, we keep it in the living room. Mine's an old Philips. Philly trash can. Like it's Christmas morning, it's just in the corner. No, but I do have this, it is small. It's not really small, but it's smaller and it's not the, it's not ideal. It's probably two thirds of the regular tall kitchen bag, which I think is a 30 gallon. Yeah. I like a big one. I like the step on it. Boom. When you got the- Oh, I have another one, sorry. Trash removal company, you know what I mean? Did they give you trash cans for outside? Do you have the- No, I have the- The big wheeled one. Yeah, we do have the big wheeled ones for outside, but- Well, I have to pay for it or something. You do, huh? Yeah, it's like they give you your first month free, but it's like $50 to get them to deliver. What are they banging you out a month for sanitation removal? Sanitation. $33. It's $100 every three months. That's not bad. That's all getting trash taken out? I don't think I pay. A hundred bucks? That's once a week for whatever gallons, yeah. And recyclables too? That's different. That's free, I think, with the town. Really? I believe so. They're not the same company. Are you recycling? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Big hippie. Big hippie collie. She's all cramps. These are bottles. Who put all these pies in here? All right. Okay, we have an island in the kitchen? No. No island. No room, I don't think. Can you eat in the kitchen? Do you have a table in the kitchen? No, it's like a knockdown wall. So we have a big, you go straight from the kitchen into the, I guess, the dining room. Okay. Yeah, the dining room. I'm starting to think there's not a house. No, right into the garage. Oh, my gosh. Next to the bathroom, right? I like making things up. There's no table in the kitchen. There's no table. There is no kitchen. There's a kitchen counter that goes around. Just been shed in the lawnmower. We got the kitchen. It may or may not contain a grill. You got a grill? Oh, yeah. Nice big Weber, baby. Weber. Did you buy it new or did you buy it used? Gift from the in-laws. Because I understand the in-laws do well. The in-laws are doing well from my point of view, for sure. For sure. From your horse. From your horse. From your horse. From the family point of view. They're banished from Dublin. My peaky blinders are fucking uncles. Yeah, they're doing pretty well. So they dropped a nice gift on the Weber. And that's my favorite thing in the world. To whip out. Just grill some chicken out there and then eat outside in the summer. You got patio furniture out there? Oh, yeah. We got a bunch of shit out the back. Yeah. My wife did great. She went on Facebook Marketplace and scoured the place until she eventually. Yeah, because you know a lot of these dumb housewives don't have any. Any value in what they're getting rid of, you know? So, of course, we got like an incredible set for dirt cheap, but they didn't know. but they were like, this is old and trash, and you were like, that's worth thousands of dollars. He picked it up in the middle of the night. He dressed like Cat Burglar. I got the striped shirt on. They've been getting ransacked around the fucking Haslam, New Jersey, baby. That's why the neighbors hate you. Beanies are up 12%. Oh, yeah. I dropped the pie off. I'm looking over the shoulder. Is that a safe? How do you like your windows at night? How do you feel? Do you have any break-ins lately? Yeah. Good stuff. The Cat Burglar. Call him, too. Very nice. How many cars we got in the garage, in the house? Just the one. Just the one. We're sharing right now. What is it? And by sharing, I mean she has a car. It's our car. We're sharing her car. Yeah, exactly. But if I had a car, I'd be willing to share it. So coming to the city, what do you got to do? I had to drive in with the car, or I go to the train station, get the train in. How do you get to the train station? Well, today, which was a rare one, but she dropped me off at the train station. It's five minutes down the road. Did she work from the house, or did she work mostly from home? Nice. Okay, so she's home. She's home mostly. So she doesn't really need to go anywhere. No. Right? That's what I'd be saying. You take the car. I take the car. Nice. But today, she dropped you off. Today, she dropped me off. Do you have your lunch packed up and everything? All right, Collie. She has to get the conductor. Have fun at comedy school. She has to get the conductor to walk you on the train. You're crying. I want to cut the grass again. Don't be late this time. Last time I was late, you were late, and it was scary. Okay. How many bedrooms is the home? Four rooms upstairs. So I guess it's like, what's a bedroom, really? I don't think there's no house. No. Well, we have one of the rooms is like- If they're upstairs, any room upstairs is a bedroom. Okay, it's a four-bedroom, man. I don't know what you guys do in Ireland, but- It's a four-bedroom house. Yeah, and one of them, we shower in it. One of them has a tub. But, you know, a couple of pillows, that's nice. And here's our tub bathroom. This is where the shower sleeps. Yeah, we got the four rooms. Nice. How many bathrooms upstairs? One. That's small, though. That's a small guy. I think we have a very similar house. We got a small- But we're thinking of not- Because my wife, now, what she does is she'll look at all the other homes that are for sale in the neighborhood. Welcome to it. She goes through those photos and then goes, oh, that's smart. Knock down this wall. They want to knock down- These broads have never knocked a wall. They don't even know how to swing a hammer. They love it. They're talking about taking out load-bearing walls. Yeah, they think walls are like an idea, kind of, like, just like, you know, it's like an emotion. It's like, that wall, let's just get rid of the wall. Let's get a jacuzzi in here, all this type of stuff. And on it, I'm like, Ray, I gotta fucking cut the lock. Hey, refinance. I gotta go get my wall tools downstairs. For sure. Hey, refinance. No big deal. Yeah, but she'd be like, she looks at other people's homes on Zillow and really takes the photos, screenshots it, and goes, this is what we could have, you know? Now, what, is there something you learned that you would do differently? Like, would you go like, all right, I wouldn't buy a house that needs, I would buy it more complete or less, like, you know, you see what I'm saying? I haven't learned that lesson yet. We haven't really got that far yet. Yeah, yeah, you know. That's good. I don't know what, yeah. I haven't learned that yet. But I think it was good enough, I think, but we, you know, if it was up to me, we'd be living in fucking Idaho and getting a huge big house. Yeah, like a big mansion. Although Idaho's probably not the best example, but sure, yeah, exactly. But all our family's in New Jersey, so we're just stuck down there forever. Has any of your family come over? To stay at the house? No, not, no. We only just got in, you know. But they all came over for the wedding there, like, a year or two ago, whenever that was. You didn't have the house yet, though? Didn't have the house yet, no. You gotta have cousins with plans. I'm sure. It's a fucking free house in New York, as far as they're concerned. I guess. It's an hour outside of New York, so let's see. Yeah, but it's seven hours closer to them. Mm-hmm. Huh. I'm looking forward to get all the, I'll get the big Irish family come over for the summer, get fucking, they'll evaporate with it. That long's gonna be rough. That's gonna be ruined. Dude, all the carriages on it. What do you mean they banned the horse and carriages? They're in Central Park, giving out rides. Yeah, all the neighbors. Guy next door's complaining about the goat shit everywhere. Knocking, they go knocking door to door. We're gonna have a fucking bare knuckle fight later on, if you wanna come around. You're more than welcome. More than welcome to come around there now. I'm Colin's cousin. Can you fight? What? We'll look for some ice for me knuckles. I love it. Great. How's the fridge? The fridge is doing good. Like this? Yeah, it's one of them guys. You got the ice machine? No ice machine, no. Have you had to replace any appliances yet? Wash or dry, or is there any of that on the list? No, all of it came in there. Came pretty good shape. Everything came with it. It's all the Samson stuff, so it makes that silly noise. Every single thing in the house. Ding dong, ding dong. Oh, Samsung. Samsung, yeah. Got it. Yeah. Any repairmen have to come over to the house yet? Have you had anybody over? Any plumbers, anybody like that? Nothing major, yeah. Okay. No. Nothing major. Just the usual HVAC kind of inspections, things like that. And you said the hot water heater's close. It's ready to go. So we're just waiting for it to kick the bucket, I guess. Does the water go cold at a certain point in the shower? No, not yet. So there's one bathroom upstairs. How many are downstairs? Just a half a bath? Half a bath, yeah. So one and a half bath. One and a half bath. Four bedrooms. One's your office? Basement is the office. Basement? Huge big basement. Finished? Yeah, finished basement. Nice. So you have a finished basement? It's a finished basement. Is that where the TV and all that shit is? No, that's just where my computer is. There's a treadmill that's essentially just a huge big fucking. Who gave you the treadmill? You didn't have the treadmill. It came with the house. Dude, these motherfuckers never want to move the treadmill. No one wants to move the treadmill. They're like, oh, that's yours. You go, I don't fucking want that. It came with the house for them. Is it a Peloton? Is it nice? No, it's not. It's just called Mr. Tread or something. I don't know. I've never even looked at it. I don't even know if it turns on. It's just a giant statue. What are the other bedrooms upstairs? Just empty beds for when there's guests. All the three rooms all have beds? One of them is a cloth office, as they say, I think. A cloth office? It's a closet office. Closet office, yeah. Is that where she gets ready? That's where she gets ready, yeah. Really? Yeah. She has a little vanity in there and all that stuff? She has a little vanity. Nice. Yeah, she works from home, so she has her little set up there. Yeah, nice. I like that. I like it a lot. Classy. No, it's great. Life's great. It's boring as hell, but it's just classic. Classic suburban. Hey, Steve. Yeah, you reach an age of them living in the city. I was doing the math. I've lived half of my life in cities, half of my life in the suburbs, and directly down the line, 20 years. You get to an age, especially in New York, it's like, this city's not for me. I have to be here for work. I'd have to be like, I'm not out drinking until 4 a.m. anymore. I'd have to be so rich to really enjoy New York at the highest. I'd have to have a huge Soho apartment type of thing. You know, to really enjoy living in New York City. For how you want it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you gotten bombed at the house? Like, just at the house? Are you drinking? Sometimes you go on and off the sauce a little bit. I actually drank this weekend by mistake. First time in six months. So did I. Had a couple on the way here by mistake. No, I was in Austin, and I was drinking a non-alcoholic beer. And they had them all in the whatever. I reached in and grabbed it. I drank the whole thing, looked down, it was just a regular beer. And I was like, well, we're open now. So, can't put it, you know. Did you then get? Yeah, I only had, no, I had like six beers. Just got tired, went to bed. Yeah. I don't know. I think that's just where I am now. Which is exactly where I want to be is have six beers and fall asleep. I don't want any more. That's perfect. So you weren't here for the weekend. So no trick-or-treating. You missed all that. No, I missed all the trick-or-treating, unfortunately. Did your wife stay home? She did. She said it was a little bit of a letdown with the neighbors. I didn't get one. These kids don't come knocking. They walk by the house. It's like you almost have to fucking beg them to come. You got to have like the whole song and dance. We had some stuff song and dancing, but I just don't know what's going on. There's not that many kids. I don't think it's a good holiday like it used to be. So, I just didn't. Like in China, we're not populating? Like we're going to tank? One, that is true. My generation is having significantly less kids than previous generations. Really? What about his generation? I don't have kids. I don't know. Luke, you're getting nailed tonight. We're making a baby. Americans are having fewer kids. Yeah. Really? And fertility rates have fallen. What does that mean? Put your dick down. Stop putting your dick in a microwave. It used to be kind of like in Ireland, it was like a lawless night of like kids would just dress up and your parents would go, see you later. Yeah. And they would just go out and then one kid would always like blow up a finger from a firework and it was like kind of part of it. You were doing mission. I was explaining that to my wife because we, so we were in the burbs and we took our son around with another group of like, it was a family that all had older, you know, kids were. Did you have a family? We all dress up as a family? No, no, no, no. I like that. You're dressed up as a fork and the kids. You're dressed up as a fork and the kids a plate or whatever. No, we didn't. That's a family. That's a good one. We're all pumpkins or whatever. Yeah, exactly. I would do it if he asked, like if next year, if he's like, I want to be Spider-Man and you be a web or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, you want to be Mary Jane? He's kissing me upside down. These kids are free. Well, he asked, you know, I got hardened hips. I got to do it. You know, um, uh, I would do it if he asked, but so we walked around and we, we, we walked through this loop through it with a group of people. There's probably 15, 20 of us. We didn't run into one other group of kids or parents, not one. And we didn't get anybody at our house. We live on a more of a, a busier street traffic wide. So I don't think people do it. Walk there. Um, but not one other group. And I hadn't, you know, we went 20 houses and didn't see one other kid. And also when I grew up though, it was a lot of make your own costume, like in the nineties. Ireland everyone was your costume was made by your parents you would see Say a few weeks in advance, you go, hey, I want to dress up as whatever. And your parents go, okay. And then they would take out a black trash bag and tape that around you. And then everyone would just be essentially wearing a black trash bag. And then you'd have to pretend like, no, I'm Batman. I'm a clown. And I'm an astronaut. It's like your parents just shoved shit on you and drew a little thing on your head that said fucking astronaut. And you go, good, go on. Said NASA. Yeah, and there was no buy-in a costume. That was insane. That would be insane. We would get like, my mom made a good amount, but then it would also be like the masks. At some age, you go, just get the, I want the screen mask or whatever. Then you would use that. My brother would get a mask one year. I would use that the next year. We just, she would buy three masks over the last five years. But also, too, all these kids are doing the trunk or treat, which is so they stop. They don't really go out. So they go to. So everybody pulls their car into a soccer field, pops their trunk, and they decorate and they go. One-to-one eating, getting candy that way. It's the dumbest shit I ever heard. Yeah, I just, I get it. I feel sorry for these kids. They don't know the joys. Well, my, because I was explaining to my wife, but this is her first suburban one, like, experience. And she's like, I just don't get it. I go, this isn't what I grew up with. What was it like? There was one moment where, like, the kids were running through the front yard from one door to another, and everybody was screaming. I went, that's it. I go, this feels like, that's what you would see in the movies. They were, like, running under trees. Yeah. You know, all that. That's when the BB gun comes out. I'm like. That's when he gets pulled into the woods by the fucking monsters. But I'm like, that's a, it was so sterile. Yeah. It's just that week, you know. I'm sure they're all safer and all that, but, like, is it worth it? You know. Yeah. I think. You know, what's the cost? Halloween's kind of needs to be a little dangerous. And some kids go. Some kids go missing. I'm going to get my shit checked. See what I got. Oh, yeah? I can smell it from here. It's bad. It's bad and mixed with Mountain Dew. That is bad. That tea has been very sweetened. Sweet lately. You got a lot of sperm, but they're lazy as hell. They're fucking, they're hungover. Like summer flowers, it smells. Your pee? Your pee? Yeah. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet's nice. Sweet's nice. It means you're dying, but it is. It means you're on your way out. It's nice for the people around you. Nice for the people in your life. It's nice for the nurses. Try to piss yourself in the casket. Okay, but let's talk about Mod. Mod, Mod, Mod. Gang, this episode is brought to you by Mod. Mod prescribes a once or twice daily Modafinil drink that keeps you energized. Focus and alert throughout the day. Here's the mechanism. That's a very professional word, the mechanism. Energy drinks with caffeine temporarily block andosine, andosine. Uh-huh. Okay, the chemical that makes you tired. It builds up, and when the caffeine wears off, what do you think happens, Pinhead? Kaboom, the crash comes. 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Unfortunately, I don't like that, though. But my wife, that's like how she does it. So we just, that kind of just took over. I want to go back. What's the car? And did she own the, how long has she owned the car? Or does she? Oh, it's a new car. New car. She just got a new car. She got a new car. And you don't refer to it as your boat. Mom and dad? It's not my car. She bought a car. She bought a car. And we share the payments on it, but it's her car. No kidding. Really? What are we driving? What is it? Subaru Forester. Oh. Nice. Nice family car. Nice family little. I love that. Yeah. No, it's good. Yeah. I'm glad she bought it. Do you have. It's the, you know, I'd hate to be the opposite of going, we have a car. And then she'd ever go, well, I actually bought it. I go, I fucking know. I know. She's going to come on next week and go, actually, I bought the car. She would just be a conversation. She's here right now. I don't need her to have it. I'm an honest man. Do we have a, so we got two, we have two turlets. I knew there was something up about that car. It didn't sit right. Toilets. You got one upstairs, one downstairs. You got one and a half bath. Uh-huh. Is there a particular one that you prefer to handle your. Dumping? Yes. Your affairs. No, I'll go either one. Okay. I'm easy peasy. Is that one that's more comfortable? You like to stretch out in or anything? Where's the one downstairs? Next to the garage. I mean, it's so hard to describe. It's just in the, it's in the house. It's in the house. Like you've not been over, I don't know what to tell you. I don't know. Is it like right? You know when you walk in. I walk in. So when you walk in, the stairs go straight up. We have a very similar house. As soon as you walk in, the stairs go straight up and then the back of the house is behind it. So you walk around and then it's. It's right behind the stairs. It's right to the right of the stairs before you go outside. And then it kind of connects to the kitchen, which would be back around that way, kind of. Let me ask you this. That's the west wing. No, the east wing. Let me ask you this. Let's say you have a little. It's obviously much bigger. Let's say you have a little get together at that house. Yeah. Holidays, whatever. Sure. I'm over there. Are you going to have a party, by the way? A housewarming party? Well, we were going to have one and then my wife got sick, so we canceled it. And then they just had a Halloween party while I was out of town. So I guess. They don't like you very much, do they? They just look at your wet day, look at your tour dates. Oh, you know what? We're going to have a party when he's in Toledo at the Funny Boat. Wait, you were going to have a housewarming party? Yeah, but we had to cancel. My wife came down with the flu or something, so we canceled. What? I didn't invite you today. I didn't invite a single human. What the hell? Other than my wife's family. I got to invite. You did? Man. Would you come? Yeah, I would go. Honestly, she's got such a big Italian family. She's Italian. She's Italian, yeah. She's Catholic. Oh, yeah, of course. Are you kidding me? Are you Catholic? Hell, yeah. Come on. Come on, baby. I can go either well if he's north or south. I am and it suits me. Is that new? This is new. Yeah. Things are going well. Treating yourself. Treating myself. How much that set you back? Have a guess. $79.99. Have a guess. Two grand. No way. A little less. There you go. It was $12.99 on Amazon. Wait, $12.99? Yeah, yeah. This is like an Amazon piece of shit. This will cause me a long-term brain damage. This will slowly leak into my bloodstream. He's not having kids. Everybody's wearing fake jewelry these days. Yeah, of course. It's all the rappers, man. You get robbed, they steal your shit. That's what T-Pain does. That's what T-Pain said. You look like you're in T-Pain. You have a little sciatic. A bit of a crink in my neck. All right, so we got a party going on. It's the wintertime. Everybody's inside. A lot of heat. A lot of sweaters. I got to use the bathroom. Do you? Hold on, hold on. If you had to use the bathroom, the comments, the rude, sharp comment he would make. Would be blistering. Do I have to use the one downstairs in front of everybody? Or can I go upstairs and use it up there? You'd have to trot yourself upstairs. Nice. But, yeah, you'd have to go upstairs. Well, that's where the. Toilet paper is. Yeah, it's where the ex is. The tushy? The tushy is, yeah. You want me to go freshen up? You'd let me use your bidet? Why not? You're not supposed to? No, I don't think so. What are the rules on that? It's intimate to me. I don't know. It's not backwashed water, so I don't think. Who cares? You'd want to know that that was squirted up my ass? I'd feel bad about you sitting. There's got to be spray. I'd feel bad about you sitting on my couch. If you. Ah, there you go. Take it outside. What a clean ass. and I go, quick, you got a bidet? Hey, big dog. You got a bidet yourself upstairs before I wash you down like a prison? I haven't gone yet today. Get up there. All right, very classy of you. Thank you, I appreciate that. Some people don't let me in their homes. I don't know what the rules are. I'd hate to have a house where you can't have a ship because it's kind of part of the house. Well, no, here's the whole thing is he wants to – this all started because he was at a Christmas party, ate like 15 meatballs, buffalo chicken dip, fucking hoagie dip. Some leftover curry. He did a lot of work to himself, and then they didn't want him to go in the master bedroom. Because they had seen what was coming out. Yeah, and this was at – This is the master bedroom. You were 450 at this time. Jesus Christ. This is the master bedroom, though. And I ain't talking the time of day. This is a private – this is the bedroom. This is the master bedroom. Yeah, and you can have that. That's fine. I get it. If you wouldn't – Would you guys remodel and you got the master bedroom in the bedroom? No, no one's walking through the bedroom to you. Nobody's walking through the bedroom. Unless it's like a particular – You're giving a tour of the house, and this is the old league. Your shirt's off. Yeah, no. Shirt's on, pants off. Newspaper. Do you mind? Do you mind? You're reading the Irish Weekly or whatever? The neighbors said I could use this. The Dublin Herald I have on the table. Did you know? Pat O'Shea's fucking in prison. Can you believe these sons of bitches? Ryan Sinn Féin. Yeah, you slide the door over. I'm Collins, friend. You must be the little lady's mom, huh? I get up. The bidet squirts through the air. Smells like a bear died. Jesus Christ. Welcome to the neighborhood. All right. Are we going to do – I'm sorry. Are we going to do Christmas decorations and all that stuff? Oh, yeah. Do the tree, all that? Yeah, yeah. Are we going to do the outside lights? I don't know. I guess we'll see. First year. So I got to figure out how much work it's going to be. We're going to do something. It's a good amount of – We're going to do something for sure. But I don't have like a – I don't even know where you get a big ladder. Like how much – Listen, you're going to push back. Can I recommend – there's companies out there. I think I might have to do that. Dude, I think I pay 540. 540 bucks. For the lights. He comes. He fucking strings them up. He fucking runs them. He puts them on a timer. Are they your lights? Yeah, they're my lights cut to my – I mean, they're like simple, but they're – and then he keeps them. So I buy the lights and then – He'll buy it for you. He'll send you a picture of your house. This is what my guy did. He goes, where do you want them? You go here, here, here, here, and here. And he goes, cool. I'll come, sets them up, gone, timer. Everything's hidden. It's very much worth it. Yeah. Because there's a thing where they say if you make like more than like $25 an hour, you should not be on your roof. I guess I'm going on my roof. What do you say? Pick up one of those ladders. Well, settle up, boys. Anybody got an extension ladder? I want a house now. You should, yeah. Let's get you on ground floor. How about that? Let's get you from subterranean to ground floor. I couldn't afford the ladder. Let's start with Netflix. Let's get you a Netflix subscription first. Let's see if you can handle that. I got that. I got that. Where would you go? Where would you live? I don't know. I'd move out by you. It sounds pretty chill. You'd like it, dude. Pies and shit. Take a dump in any house I want. Buy yourself a pie when you move there. You knock on columns, don't you? I'm here for my pie. So I just moved into the neighborhood, but I heard you gave out pies last year. You're the pie guy, huh? All right. That's good. I love it. I'm happy for you, man. Do you carry a Venmo balance by any chance? Is there anything in your Venmo right now? Are you like, you get it in there? Yeah, whatever's left over. It's probably like $80 there. Yeah, but I keep it. I keep it. You keep it in there. Because it goes out fast enough. Right. That is kind of nice when you go, oh, I got to get it in there. I got to Venmo somebody 50 bucks. And you go in and there's 62 in there. And it goes, you just balance. You go, that's a freebie right there. It would have to be over 1,000. It would have to be over 800 for me to take it out. Really? For me to transfer it. Because I'm going to send it. I don't even have that much. I don't use it that much anymore. It's a good place to put. Say you got, you may do a couple of things or something like that. The bank automatically yanks something out of your account. They can't get it from your Venmo. Talk about the bank. Bank yanks something out of your account. You want a house. I didn't. Yeah. I guess it's good. It's a good little place to park a couple of bucks. If shit ever hits the fan. You got 80 bucks there. I know. I got my 61.99. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you got in there? Probably like three grand. It's like 100 bucks. Really? Yeah. But this guy, he probably has all your money invested, right? You've got that type of face. You think of the 700 in there as wasted interest that you could have in your IRA account or whatever. I'm like, yeah, that's playing money. That's like finding a 20 in the coat. Should be in the Roth IRA. He's like a 65-year-old man. All tucked away in IRAs and T-bonds. You're like a 14-year-old boy. You're like a 14-year-old. I'm not going to say. Freakier Friday. I got no Forrester, I'll tell you that. Me neither. My wife does. My wife's doing very well. You're not listening to the story. My wife's crushing it. Now, what's the grocery store situation out there? ShopRite guy out there? It's North Jersey. ShopRite. Got to be ShopRite. We're a little bit of Everton kind of, actually. We don't really have any local. Like what? Like what? Like what? Well, Costco is right around the corner. Okay. There's also a Lidl around the corner I go to sometimes. Lidl, yeah. Lidl, yeah. That reminds you of home, I assume. And then there's a- I don't know. Do you guys have Lidl in Ireland? I think there's a ShopRite I go to, or Key Foods or something. One of them nearby. Not a Key Foods. Key Foods. It must be a ShopRite. It's a ShopRite. Yeah. I'm always calling them the wrong name, too. I don't know what it is about my brain. You didn't grow up with them. No. So it's tough to- I'm a little stupid, too. It's just like, I'm off the ShopRite, and my wife's like, you're not. You're not. You're going to Key Foods. And I'm like, I don't know. I don't want to live in the world where I know the name of the grocery store. I'm going to just go in- You do the self-checkout, or do you like waiting in line? It really depends on, I guess, how much. Are you doing the- I hate a self-checkout. Really? I love it. No, but when there's a mistake, and then you got asked to dipshit, and she's off telling her friend a story about this documentary she watched and didn't understand. I'm like, oh, yo, get your drug addicted head over here, and fucking scan my belly. Oh, peppers! I got places to be! Keep saying bananas! Yeah. I get cross, and then there's no help. Or then you scan a thing, and it's like, bling! Well, that didn't work. Or put the thing in the thing, and you've done it. I hate it. I hate the scan. I do hate getting in the fight when it's like, place the item in the bag in the air, and you do, and it says, place the item in the bag in the air. You're like, I did! And then it's like, service needed. You go, not! And then they come over, and I'm already fighting in my head. Yeah. I'm too tight. I hate it. I like going to a person, give the little thing, have a little, how's your day? Turn me off. Sure. My wife, every time, she'll like, I'll be scanning, and I go, let me just do it. And then she'll come in with like, a candy bar. Yeah. And then not put it in the, and then that throw, and I go, every time! We do, every time we do this. And then someone's got to come over. Yeah, that's for sure. I don't like any of that. You getting the, you getting the reusable bags, or you getting this to plastic bags? We do reusable. Do you bring them with you, or just get them? Yeah, we got like, the car, the Forrester's packed. The Forrester's supplied. You're bringing your bags back to the grocery store. I gotta say, very classy. What do you mean, bringing them back? I mean, I own the bags, and I bring them with me whenever I go grocery store. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, of course. But I also grew up in Ireland, where that was normal. Yeah, Europe's been ahead of that. You gotta bring your own bag? Yeah, since like, 2004 or something. Suckers. I guess, yeah. Is that a big win for you? He needs it. Just let him have it. He needs it. He goes, now I got more bags! Now I got all my plastic bags! You gotta be so mean about it. Yeah, you've made a blanket when you sleep under the bridge. Is that a win for you? Yeah, a little bit. Hey, we're trying to stack W's over here, okay? Let it give it to him. Those reusable bags, they're hard to tie around a stick for all your stuff. Can I have that last sip of coffee? I'll give you some ice to go. Take that, sucker. All right, that's very classy. Uh-huh. I like that. Okay. But you don't, in the burbs, everyone is doing that. Bringing them back? Dude, it's so. I know how to get them. You keep them in the car. You keep a bag in the car. In the car. That's the plan. Yeah, that, dude, it's. Are you doing that? No, obviously not. They look at me. I get in like, I go, I'll just take, I'll plow by the bag. They go, it's like, I don't know, people behind me go, you can use, take, I have extra. Take, I go, I don't want your bag. Just give me new bags. The world's not operating like me and you. I want triple plastic. No, but it's not even, and then once you get used to carrying the good bags, the plastic bags. You're not wrong. Because they don't make them like they used to. They're not strong. They definitely don't do. They rip through your fingers. You're trying to carry them. You need a couple of big, really. You know, the plastic's worse. Yeah. Uh-huh. The plastic's thinner, rips. Any, if you put a piece of plastic in there, or like a cardboard box, that bad, those bags are ripping, and they don't give you the paper and plastic like we grew up with. They give you the brown paper bags that you have to hold from the bottom like you're in the 1950s. Yeah. Like you're in the Godfather. You're on the Gilmore Girls. One day in the neighborhood, they brought my, whatever. Fix that with AI. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put in a great quote from the Godfather there. You know what really stinks? What really stinks? Can I tell you this? That joke I tried to do. Fair enough. Go ahead. The drawstrings on garbage bags. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, I love them. You're crazy. Those things slice you like piano wire. Yeah, I got it. Because one of the things I got to do at Ian's is take the trash out. It's one of my chores. Uh-huh. I take the trash out. Does he give you your allowance? No. Uh-huh. He has a little boredom. Also, I love how you're like, I have to take the trash out of a place he's letting you live for free. Your perspective of it is crazy. That's the man of the house's job. One of the things Ian makes me do. No, he doesn't make me do it. We do it together. We're a family unit. Me, him, Glennie, and little Sammy. You're reminded to have to do it. I don't know. I feel good about it. No, no, no, no, no. I'm the trash man at the house, too. I do my service. Man at the house. Yeah, man at the house. Bring the trash out. Could not have my princess break a nail. Where do you keep the outside trash cans? In the garage. In the garage? No, on the outside of the house. I don't wheel them in, no. On the outside of the house? Yeah. Over by the garage? Yeah, on the wall, like, leading around the back of it. Okay. So you've got to walk out the front door, go around the garage, and then throw them in the trash can behind the house? A little less of a walk than that, but yeah. And then. So they're just on the side of the house. I should have showed you a photo. I still don't get the fact that there's no entrance to the home through the garage. I know, but I have the same thing, and we've had this conversation like 12 times. The garage door opens and closes, yeah? Yeah, I get that. And then, so in order to get into that particular room, which is the garage, you walk in and out of that door. But you're imagining there's two doors, but there's not. There's one door. Does that make sense now? There's no door going into the house. You can't. No. So I can't walk into your garage and then disappear into your house? No. I've got to come back out like a dickhead and go to the front door? Yeah, you're going to look like a fool trying to save yourself some time down the back there, yeah. Because I don't know if you know, in this story, he's about to shit his pants. He's got to get upstairs. I've got to get upstairs stacked, okay? And then you've got to roll the trash cans down to the curb? Down the side, yeah. I roll them down to the. Where do they get you, Tuesdays? What are you doing? Tuesday, Wednesday, where do they get you? Tuesday night is main garbage night. So that comes on Wednesdays. Nice. Now, some people pay for two days a week, but we're not like that. We're just so young, we're dinks, you know how it is. Dual income, no kids. Yeah. I got it. Let's go. One good income, one small income. Still dual. That counts. Equals two. I love it, man. Yeah. I did the other thing the other night where I went out, I had to take the dog out at night and I forgot it was trash night. Oh, yeah. And it was like one of those things where I'm like, growing up, if you miss trash night, like you'd, you know, take the fucking trash. It was like a thing. Mm-hmm. I'm a fool. And I just went, I'm not doing it. I'm not a restaurant. Fuck it. I'm just not doing it. We'll just wait till fucking, we'll wait till Thursday night. Especially in the winter. And I was just like, I felt like such an adult. I can just do that? Unless you got some fresh cooked grass in that bitch. Yeah, then you gotta get it. That's gonna start smelling bad. Uh-huh. I got hit with that one of the first weeks. Woo! I didn't realize. That moisture sticks in there? Sweet. Yeah, I put the grass in and then it was like a few days later and it's in the middle of the summer, you fucking, poof, comes flying out. Like a diaper. Yeah. The air is thicker. What the fuck? Passed out. Hit my head off the forester. All right, we gotta wrap it up. Dang, the special is Bells and Whistles and it's on his YouTube page. It's absolutely fantastic. Yes. Do yourself a favor. Check out Mr. Carl Terrell, Bells and Whistles on his YouTube page. Check out his amazing podcast, Cockfight, and I'm sure he's got some dates. Yeah, plug away. What do you got? Oh, I got loads of stuff coming up. I don't know when this is gonna be out. This week? Tomorrow. I got Charlotte this weekend. I'm gonna be at Skankfest. I got Key West coming up. Let's go. I got a tour of Ireland coming up. Woo! Anyone from Europe. Back to the old country. Yeah, I got Dublin, Cork, Limerick, London coming up. They'll all be on my website, callemterrell.com. And then I got loads of dates, but callemterrell.com for everything. I can't remember them all now. Cool. Love it. So please, always adding more stuff, too. One of my faves. Thanks. Buddy, we love you. We're so happy for you. Thank you. Special's amazing. Congratulations. Appreciate it. Kippy, what do you got for him? Gotham Comedy Club? Gotham Comedy Club next weekend. Tickets are going. We just added a Saturday night show. Get those tickets before they're gone. And then Philly. And then Philly, obviously, before the end of the year as well. Tickets for that are going. We love you. Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.