How Jeff Arcuri Went From Comedy Clubs to Netflix | Whiskey Ginger

FanDuel is now available everywhere in the U.S. ♪ I've been everywhere, man. I've been everywhere, man. ♪ So you can get in on the sports action no matter where you are. Including these places. ♪ I've been to Georgia, Houston, Cleveland, Minnesota, Buffalo, Lincoln, Chi-Town, Arizona, Tampa. ♪ Make this your most rewarding season ever with FanDuel. Age and location restrictions apply. Product availability varies by market. See FanDuel.com for eligibility. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a WAVE series presented by FanDuel. Hey there, kiddos. October is almost here and I am going to be performing with Dave Chappelle in Mesa, Arizona at Sloan Park where the Chicago Cubs spring train. Man, oh man, am I excited. I'm opening up for Dave Chappelle October 18th. Come out and see me, Mesa. AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. AndrewSantino.com. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean him once again today. It's Jeff Akuri. Akuri. Yeah. Isn't that the way to say it? That's actually technically the way you're supposed to pronounce it. Akuri. That nobody's ever done that before. No one should. That was so dumb. It is dumb. Jeff Akuri. I had an old Italian man come up to me and he goes, "This is the Akuri." Akuri. It's never going to be that for me. Jeff Akuri. No, it's Jeff Akuri. Akuri. Akuri. Like fury. That's how white people say it. Akuri. Akuri. Akuri. Akuri. Well, cheers to the Akuri. Cheers, man. Cheers. We're drinking a little bit of Blanton's today on the show. Just a little bit of sip sap for the afternoon. Daytime whisk. Mm-hmm. Haven't had enough of that recently. Oh, man. Pretty good. That's great. It'll do something to you, right? Make you feel alive. Oh, the trickle down of that heat is so great. That's why you got to drink it when you're stuck on a mountaintop somewhere. That's why they had those St. Bernard's of whiskey on there. St. Bernard's? Is that what it was? Yeah. But wasn't that like a myth or something that when the Titanic was sinking, they would drink? The guy was like, I'm going to take this drink to warm up. But actually, it makes you think you're warmer, but you're not. You're actually down. No, I mean, they're all dead. Yeah, that's true. Couldn't make up anything with the Titanic. Yeah, they didn't have pods. They were having an orgy on the top deck, I heard, when it was sinking. Really? It was a massive-- no, I don't know who fucking-- they're all dead. I believe you. They're all dead. They're all dead. No one knows. Some people lived. Who lived? Rose. But she didn't save Jack. Would have never gone down like that. I'm like, babe, move over. This is crazy. It's a huge door. You're a tiny girl. Let me on the raft. Isn't it nuts that Cameron did do an experiment, where he actually had people do an experiment in freezing temperatures to see if they could fit? And at the end, he's like, yeah, I guess he could have. Yeah, we could have been on there. I'm like, what a waste of money, that. No, but that's very cool. Yeah, you might as well try. Figure out-- well, because everyone on the internet's gotten something to say about it, no matter what it is. Everyone will have something to say about everything. And you know what they're saying right now? To go watch-- "Nice to Meet You." Now on Netflix right now. Hell yeah, dude. Go watch his new special. He-- where did you tape that? You taped it-- I just saw. "Celebrity Theater." "Celebrity Theater." Yeah, the Phoenix, the round. Yeah, I knew it was-- because I'm an Arizona State guy, so I was like, it was in Phoenix, but I don't remember where. Have you done that venue? No. I've done-- I don't remember the name of the places that we've done down there. There's a couple of theaters that we've done down there. Never the round. We've only done the-- Phoenix Live, the Stand Up Live there is really good. Yeah, that's a club. That's a great club. It's like a 500-seater. It's a good club. We did the theater down there, and I don't remember what it was called. I'm not good at that, dude. Oh, never. I don't remember. So is that-- you ever had that, where you pull into a theater, and they're like-- so it's the Capricious Theater, and you're like, yeah, man. Cool. And then you see-- and then they're like, you know, fucking Nora Bell was here in 1902. Oh, Nora Bell, yeah. And you're like, oh, shit, yeah. But then I feel bad, because then I've done ones where other comics are like, yeah, it's fucking awesome, dude. Like the one in Nashville. The Ryman. Oh, The Ryman. The Ryman. No, The Ryman is the one that you should know. I had no clue. I had no idea. Johnny Cash, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's different. The Ryman is kind of like a piece of history. Like, you know, one of the nine-- one of the nine Pantages that exist around the country. There's like-- in every city, there's a Pantages. There's a-- what's the other one we do all the time? Like an Orpheum. There's one in every city. A Palladium. What was the one we did in Phoenix? Arizona Financial Theater. Oh, the Arizona Financial. Yeah. Oh, the AFT. Yeah, big old AFT, dude. Which I don't even-- I know. I mean, that was-- that was big. That was a big fuck-off. Yes, it's big. That was huge. But that was fun. I love it down there, though, dude. Why Phoenix? What'd you do for-- why Phoenix? I just did-- I did a two-show one night there. On like a southwest run, like Albuquerque and shit. And that was the last one we had. And we had rough shows before that. Like, it was just like venues you don't want to do. You're like, oh, this is a bigger venue. We're going to move you to this, which is great. And then you go there, and it's like a conference room. And I'm like, I would have rather done more shows at a club, you know, than this. And this last one we went to, it was that we did a three-quarter round. So they had like a wall up on one of the parts of the octagon or whatever. And I fell in love with it. I was like, I didn't want to get off stage. And then I did the second show and had more fun. And I called my aunt. And I go, if and when, it's got to be here. Wow. And that was a year later. Less than a year later, we were there taping it. Have people taped there before? Yeah. Tony taped his there. It's a Hinchcliffe. Oh, same spot. Same exact theater, a month before me. Really? Wow. Yeah, he was there exactly one month. And my special came out exactly one month after his. Tom Segura did his, George Carlin, Nate Bargatze. They've all done tape. I know. I guess I never know. I don't know where people do any of their stuff. And I hear it, by the way. I'll forget it tomorrow. Well, they also-- mine, I think, was a little more prevalent because I had the audience lit up more. So you saw how around it was. You saw the stacks of people. Well, you chat with them. So you want to see-- you've got to be able to see them. I still regret how much you see them. Because I'm like, I never really went that far back into the crowd. Who cares? And I do. Watching the V1 and watching-- we cut-- one of the cuts that we made on the special was because I was doing a part where I'm talking about my wife solemnly and a woman in the back behind me. You just see her go like-- Yeah. Tough. Like that. And I'm like, cut. We've got to cut this. I'm not going to-- I can't use it. And then so that's the thing I didn't think about was the people behind you not laughing. Because they're not even seeing you. They're getting the worst show. That's tough. And there's the one the audiences can see. The rounds are a little bit tough. But that's what you get. If you want that kind of experience, you're going to pay for the other side. I took a risk with it. And at the time, I kind of freaked out afterwards. Where I'm like, maybe I shouldn't have done this. But I'm glad I did. I'm glad I took the risk. But I think the next one I'd probably do in like the view at the cellar in the village. Really? I would do something a little more simple. Yeah. You know? I think I want to do one-- what if Brantford did it in her mom's living room? Remember that? Doof. I was like, just her and her parents. I was like, this is hilarious. We've all done corporates. Yeah. You know what I mean? I want to do a truck stop. That would be really nice. A little truck stop. Have you done any of those-- like where it's like-- you know, how they have-- there's some people are doing like comedy in the office while people are working. And they're behind them doing jokes. Like have you done a show like that where it's-- No. I've just done-- I've done some just miserable corporate gigs. You know, I've talked about the Jim Beam one that I did. It was me and Gary Veeder. And Alonzo Boat. And Joe McHale hosted it. And Jim Beam just got acquired by Suntory Whiskey. So we thought it was going to be Jim Beam, like good old boys. But it was all Japanese dudes, like in business suits. Tough, tough, tough, tough. Some would say the opposite. Yeah. Holy shit. Cutting into steaks in round tables, you know, in like the round traditional like, you know, like wedding dinner tables. And that was one of the worst 15 minutes I've ever done. Veeder was like, are you OK, man? I was like, not really, dude. That was-- It's rough. Yeah, it sucked, dude. It was terrible. But whatever, the check clears. And then you're like, well, I'm never going to do that again. And then they call next year. And they're like, you want to do that again? You're like, you bet. I'll be there, dude. I'll be there. So excited. I hate silverware at comedy shows. Yeah, well, eating is tough. You know, that's-- the Comedy Store introduced food. You know, it used to just be knickknacks. Now they do like pizza. But they don't do like wings. And they just do pizza, which is fine. But I liked it more when there was no food at all. Like, the cellar's no food. They get food. Do they? I never see food down there. You don't, because they, I think-- They just highly discourage it? I don't know. But I've seen nachos being brought down the stairs a few times. Yeah, really. I feel like every time when they're-- no one's eating. Maybe people are afraid to eat because it's so tiny. And, well, you're also doing good primetime spots. Like, those are people going out for the night that planned that a month ago. That wanted comedy, yeah. You know, they're not going-- you go to 1:00 AM shows, people are like, housing, just-- Well, McDougal's also so small. If you're on the front, it's tough to eat. VU, you can hide in the back and eat, right? I don't really-- you can't really see anybody back there, so I don't know. But in the front couple of rows, people are pretty scared to eat, because they're-- you're lit up pretty heavily. You get people doing this, too, when you crack a joke. You don't get their laughter, because their mouth is full. You get the-- Yeah, they're nodding. Yeah, funny. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That's the worst. But it's a good-- it's a good-- it's a great room. That's why I like it. But the store and the food is-- they're pretty good about holding it off, because when I first started doing the improv runs, full meals, you got someone with like a three-course meal and you're like, good god, dude. Yeah, dude, I hate the sound of a spoon hitting porcelain, like soup. I did city wineries when I started selling tickets, because I didn't want to do like the bare minimum for the club. I was like, I'm selling tickets. I want to get some money. So the city winery was the only one that was giving me some of the door. And just the amount of times I'd get on stage, and just full charcuterie coming out. Oh, yeah. Soup. Soup. Soup at a comedy show is fucking crazy. Soup. Just the clank and the slurp. I was losing my mind. I was like, I can't do these anymore. I can't do soup shows. And from now, you hate soup from this day forward. I have not-- I don't even touch cereal anymore, dude. Wow. It's too soup-adjacent. That's funny. When was the last time I had a bowl of cereal? That's funny you say that, Mike. I fucking love cereal, dude. We had nieces at the house, and they had cereal. And I thought, no, I'm going to have a bowl of cereal. And I haven't had cereal in a long time. I love it. I used to love it. I love it still. Granola, like a sugary granola cereal. cereal. I'm like a little kid. That's your go-to? Yeah. Of all the cereals? Wegmans, oat, and granola cereal. What if you're going to do like a sugary shit one? Oh, Fruity Pebbles. Fruity Pebbles, that's good. Fruity Pebbles. I would get the rainbow and the chocolate and I would eat both boxes. Rainbow? Guy's homophobic. Did you hear that? He gets rid of the rainbow. Does not support. No, I eat it. I consume it. Oh, you love it. In my cock sucker. He's an ally. Gargles that thing down. He's an ally. Yeah, no one gives you. Only rainbows. No one gives Fruity Pebbles for just consistently being pride. They've done it since day one. Day one. They were just gay. It's called Fruity. Fruity Pebbles and their mascot was RuPaul for a couple of years, which was very interesting. Is that real? No, brother, no chance. He confirms it. I know. That's the part of the bit. Whoa. Really? I throw to him, he nods, you go, holy shit. It wasn't. It was so subtle that I'm like, I don't think he saw me look at him nod. He's a big purveyor of gay nightclubs, so I always nod. If it's that world, he'll. I'm just a straight guy. You weren't quick to jump to that one. Yeah. I mean, that'd be fun. A RuPaul kind of situation. RuPaul collab? Yeah. The RuPaul collab, you get the. What is that show? Why can't I think of the name of the show? Drag Race. Drag Race. Yeah, Drag Race. Special edition Drag Race, Fruity Pebbles. Why wouldn't they do that? Yeah. Marketing, get on that. She's outside the door. Huh? They're already reading the kids. Alright, Carlos. See what he does here? He just interjects nonsense. Shut up, dude. Turn it down. Turn it down. Turn it down. Turn it down. Alright, so what? I asked you beforehand, because I liked the face on the watch. It looked very pretty, and you said you had to get it fixed in Detroit, but you're. You know from Detroit, but family is all living there now? Yeah, so my parents met on a cruise, and my mom's family lives in Michigan. What kind of cruise? What are we talking? It was a. Like a carnival? I don't even know. No, my mom was on a cruise. My dad was on vacation. They met at On Land. On Land, yeah. When my dad. My mom says she walked into a busy restaurant and my dad was sitting there with his buddy. I'm sorry, it was an empty restaurant. It was only my dad and his friend. And he goes, we saved you guys a seat. And then she sat down with her friend, and then the rest of us, they got married. That's it. That's where you came from. Yeah. Cruise baby. Yep. Well, no. No, I had two sisters. They waited. I'm on land. Oh, okay, you're a land kid. I'm a land baby, dude. Land baby. Yeah, but then my mom's family lives in Michigan. My dad was sick in New York, and we just moved. We moved all of us to the woods in Michigan, and I hate. I don't like Michigan. I don't like suburban, quiet, subdivision life. Really? And all my sisters. My sisters all bought houses near my mom, and that freaked me the fuck out, and I just got out. I went to Chicago. And then where from? Then Chicago to New York. New York, yeah. How long did you live in Chicago? Five years. Where'd you live? Boys Town. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. There's nothing wrong with a little ego boost on the way to the life hack. Yeah. You know? Hey, bitch! And then they'd say something. Yes, dude. That's your lead out. That's fucking great. And then Chicago, you left, because you were like, I gotta get more time. I gotta go to New York. Yeah, it's funny. I think every time you start doing like, every time it gets easy is when I wanted to change something. Like, Michigan, I was like, comedy's going well. Oh, gotta get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Chicago, I was like, man, I'm really feeling this scene. Like, I feel like I'm somebody here. Gotta get the fuck out of here. And then New York, like, that's where I knew I ended up wanting to be. I should end up. Yeah. So I just wanted to get to that as quick as possible. In New York, you're never anybody, no matter how big you are. Nope. That's the best part about New York. I love it. I love it. Keeps you way down there. That's why I think my favorite part of the Comedy Cellar is the fact that I'm going in there, and nobody's going there to see usually a specific comedian. Yeah, they're going to see comedy. They're going to see comedy as a tourist to New York City. So you're just getting the people that will buy tickets, potentially, later on. Right. And it's you're getting a real vibe of what the jokes are like. So you don't like this. You're saying you don't like the suburban lifestyle, but what about when you guys end up having kids and all that stuff? You're going to stay in the city? We already bought a house in Brooklyn. Oh, you did? So you're going to stay in the city? So we live, we're going to live in Brooklyn in about 35 minutes. In Brooklyn, but yes, you're not in you're not way deep in Long Island. No. Yeah. No, we got, it's a standalone house in the yard, so that's pretty cool. Nice. Very excited about that, but it is like, that is our, the compromise. She wants the more calm lifestyle. Sure. But I'm like, I can't, I have, I can't not take a train or walk to the cellar. I'm not driving over a bridge to go to the cellar every single night for the next 10 years. Right. So you've got to take a train to the cellar still. Yeah. But it's all on foot. Yeah. I don't mind the train, dude. I can look at my phone. That's the only thing I don't like about L.A. is the Oh, we love it. I think of a joke. I love it. I'm like, fuck, I have to pull over. Or one-handed. No, voice text. Oh, yeah, that's true. No, I always text and drive. What's it gonna, what are you gonna do? Kill someone? Big deal. There's so many people out here, man. It's fine. Anyways. Yeah. Dude, can't wait. You saw Tony Romo just get pulled over. Do you have any drinks? He's like, nope. Where'd you come from? Golf course? She was like, step out. Oh, no. She knew right away. It was so funny. Like, nobody goes to a golf course and doesn't have one drink. Unless you don't drink. But if you have one, you do. Do you golf or no? I have. I don't. Yeah, it's hard to do. If you live in the city, it's hard. Yeah. I used to. I took college classes. Golfing. I took one of the college courses I could take was. A college course was golfing? Community. Ah, yeah. But it was like, they're like, you just kind of work on your short game all day. And I was like, that's pretty sick. And that's when I got into golf. And then I, I couldn't. What community college did you go to? Macomb. Tiny, tiny. Are you gonna be like. Shout out Macomb. Oh, go Huskies. Hell yeah. There's gotta be one guy listening that goes, dude. Yeah, Macomb Community College. How many years? They did hit me up like ten, five, six years ago saying we know you went to school here wondering if you'd want to do like a show. Oh, yeah. For free. And I'm like, nah, I'm not doing a free show for a community college that I went to for two years and never really finished. Yeah, well, isn't two years, they're only two years, aren't they? No, actually I went for longer. I got held back in community college. It's almost impossible to do. I couldn't figure out what I wanted. They're like, brother, you gotta get out of here, man. You cannot be here anymore. I think I spent like three years in community college. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And so then I was like freaking out. Like, I don't know if I want to go to college. And then I go, my mom was like, just check out the counselor. See what you maybe have accrued. And I went back there and she's like, you're like two classes away from like four associates degrees. Because I was like just pounding. I was doing like so many classes. I didn't know. I was like, do I like business? Do I like communications? Do I like I hated all of it. But you got it. You got it now. Yeah, I got three associates degrees. God bless you. You have them framed in the house, yeah? Yeah, hell yeah, dude. First thing you hang up in the new house in Brooklyn. That and a picture of the Ryman Theater. Yeah, and Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash. And we stayed in his room. Didn't we stay in Johnny and June's room? We did laundry I think in the basement, which is crazy. We were on tour. Really? Oh, at the Ryman? We had to. We didn't, I mean, we were on a bus. At that point, we were on the bus. You've done bus. I'm doing that next year. Who are you bringing? A friend or your wife? Just buddies. She was like, can I come for some of it? And I'm like, I think you're going to hate it. I'll give you the option. And then my agent was like, let me talk to her. She's like, she's not coming. Just a lot of guys eating foodie pebbles on the bus? Truly. We're going to play video games and eat snacks. Are these comics that are open for you or just friends that are hanging? Both. So there was, it's going to be, my two buddies are Matt Backus and Jeff Sheen are comics up in New York there. I had a, I, when I started touring, they would open for me. We always had like a little coattail when we started together. Happens for me, happens for us type of thing. Great. And they've just come with me and there's I told my wife, I'm like, sure they like the money and the stage time. It's awesome. These theaters are really cool but I need them just as much as they need me. I need my buddies there to like, when I'm freaking out, to make fun of me and distract me and like, that's the biggest part is having your friends there with you. So we're going to get like gaming, like Xboxes in there. Oh yeah. All that shit and just, none of them really drink. I barely drink. So we're just going to play video games and travel with my dog. You said you barely drink. He walked in, he was like, we're going to have whiskey? Right away. Well I walked in, I saw this. Yeah, you know, it's because I have a problem. Right away. What if I, this is, what if I was like four years sober? It's not my problem. Yeah, yeah. Texting and driving and relapsing friends. Dude, come on back to the dark side. No, I, no, it's fun. The bus is fun. You're going to love it and hate it at the same time. We had a lot of trouble on it because it was really, it's just tough. You're stuck on the bus but like it's fun. But you know, the night time, night's hard to go to sleep because everyone's on different schedules and it's loud. Really? I'm worried about that a little bit. But I also told them that. It's this. As long as you can sleep with this. I worked on cruise ships for years. It's a lot of wobbly, man. Cruise ships, I will say, the rocking to sleep was sometimes very nice. If it was the right way. Left to right. Well the cruise ship's also 500 times the size so it's big enough to take on some of that smooth. This, a bus is narrow. Yeah. So it's a lot, you feel it way more at night. Every time you hit like a bump and shit. Oh, you feel it. Once you're in the middle of the country. That's when you get a lot. When you're like, when you're cruising like Route 66 to the Midwest, it's the worst. Or up in the Northwest where it's like mountainous and then you really feel it a lot. But you know, you get through it. It's fine. It's not gonna kill you. Yeah, I just, it was one of those things where I was like I want to do it at some point and it's not getting easier to do. Just no pooping on the bus, man. Is that real? No pooping on the bus. Can't poop on the bus. It'll stay with it. You gotta wait till you get somewhere to poop. Is that bus rules or is it like your advice? It's just like a cultural rule. You can. I wouldn't. But then it doesn't, you can't, it doesn't just, I guess that would be fucked up for any cars behind us. No, it doesn't dump on the street. That's insane. It turns fine. Who had that joke? Some comic was like, I thought when I was up until like very recently that planes just flush and they just went wherever. Okay, I didn't know they didn't. I honestly. There's some poop falling out of a plane. So they probably, I don't know, it'll probably freeze by the time it gets down. It's pretty, I mean they put it in a holding tank and they have to empty out that septic tank. Same thing on a bus, but also those things are, you know, they're not it's not a brand new bus. They're old. They've been used for years. Those things aren't, that's not their main focus. So if you poop on a bus, it will smell. I don't care. Damn. I don't, dude it will. It's not great. You know what? I mean we didn't even really pee on the bus. Like you would. Really? At night if you had to, but you'd rather wait till you get somewhere to go to the bathroom. Yeah, I told them like once a week we're gonna get like a hotel just to refresh. Yeah, it's good to have like a clean up hotel. Yeah. You can't really shower on that thing anyway. I mean we would shower at the venues or we'd shower at a hotel or we would just grab a hose in someone's front yard if we were in a nice neighborhood. Really? No, we'd come on. Damn it, dude. Listen, you can't get mad at me. sweet gullible boy yeah oh easily yeah you are oh I'm gonna yeah has your wife used that to her advantage she says hi by the way tell her I said hello she said this is the one she was excited for me to do this yeah tell her I said hello where is she where is she back in New York I don't fucking know hell yeah no she's back in New York that's great dude I was just on the phone with her she's uh yeah she had a fucking she's just she's killing it right now hanging yeah having fun in New York she's yeah the no bus thing is very funny that not bringing the wife on the bus thing because there's a lot of a lot of point of contention between relationships where they're like well why can't I go and you're like well I just want the separate time but then you are gonna have the moment of course where you're like ah it'd be cool if she was in there almost every time I'm somewhere there's only so many times you can bone your buddies yeah you get tired of boning your dogs until you start thinking of her yeah it goes back to her you hook up with all your guy friends and then you're like I miss my lady yeah dude but no as long as you're not doing too much time because it will drive you nuts you will start to hate your friends a little bit I'm worried about we all kind of hated each other at some point really it's hard I'm worried about parts of that like I'm worried about certain things but that's the reason why I want to do it just to do it you're knocking out I always wanted to like play video games on a bus with my friends on the way to a show that we had that night like that whole thing is like why not how long is the run two three week runs oh that's yeah that well yeah yeah that's fine so three weeks and then three weeks off and then three weeks to the east coast I don't even know how long we did for the first run ours was similar to that yeah it was like a three and some change yeah yeah something like that and then at the very very end we were like we're flying everywhere yeah we were so over it we were like nope no way I feel that's what I'm going to do I'm probably going to think but I also was like yeah I just want to try I just want to try you have to getting a good bus driver is a big thing we had a very funny dude named Iron Man crazy dude he was crazy man he was insane he was in a fight with his wife at like four in the morning I woke up to go pee I pee in the middle of the night because I'm over 40 and I hear this like yelling and I'm like who's yelling dude and I walk up and no one's in the living area and then I hear it up by the front so I like peel back the curtain and he doesn't turn around because he doesn't know I'm there he's got his headphones on he's that's what I fucking told you he's barking at his wife and I'm like man I hope we don't die while he's fighting with his wife at least he's wide awake yeah yeah yeah that's true at the very least he's fighting so his energy is up versus long road you know like who what tour there was a comic whose bus almost flipped on tour right yeah birds went on fire his caught on fire but there was a middle of the day there was one in the middle of the night they like ran off the road and it like flipped over I can't remember who that was do you remember that's fucking horrifying it was nuts well did you know you get tired Tracy Morgan that's right 2014 yeah he almost he's been he's almost dead like five times no way then he got hit by the Walmart truck what year was that that was earlier wasn't it no it was later whoa what a roll I would it rolled off the side of the road because you know how like the embankments are so steep in those old country roads like the road is lifted up all the culverts or whatever yeah exactly so it went in one of the runoffs and it flipped right when was the Walmart truck it was also 2014 back to back whoa God wants you out of here man wow all the same day actually yeah yeah it happened that afternoon in here we pour whiskey welcome to your most rewarding season ever only on FanDuel NFL season is here and it is amazing how rewarding are we talking right now on FanDuel more rewarding than a touchdown with time expiring more rewarding than an 18 point comeback even more perhaps than an O-lineman catching a touchdown come on everybody loves a big man touchdown don't we and this NFL season that feeling doesn't stop in the field look out for the all new FanDuel Rewards Club exclusive offers surprises and so so much more so every week check out the FanDuel app to see what's waiting for you more rewarding than a kicker making a game-saving tackle Pat McAfee huh that's a clue close one kids got skills it is cool to see make this your most rewarding season ever with FanDuel visit FanDuel.com slash whiskey to get started today 21 plus select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino 18 plus DCWI gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER 1-800-MY-RESET call 1-888-789-7777 visit ccpg.org slash chat Connecticut visit mdgamblinghelp.org Maryland visit gamblinghelplinema.org call 800-327-5050 Massachusetts call 1-877-GAMBLER 1-888-HOPE-NY text HOPE-NY New York call 1-877-770-7867 in Louisiana ginger I like gingers but you will love it you'll I'm excited for it you'll have a little fun I'm just yeah I've just wanted to try it's gonna be it's a lot of theaters a lot of big rooms so that's the it kind of compensates for the bus that's expensive yeah they're not cheap all that stuff is very expensive well you gotta pay for a lot of bodies and gas and housing you gotta house your driver which that was always fun to get him a hotel and he sleeps all day and then drives all night that's so wild he doesn't appear he wouldn't appear until like 7pm and then he'd pop back out and be like y'all ready to go right though he would come to the show sometimes sometimes but pretty rarely he would come twice he came to two of them yeah but those are 8pm shows cause that's he's just getting up eating breakfast whatever and then he was very nice but it's good it's good to have a good driver although he did crash the bus remember he hit the satellite the internet satellite knocked off the roof that's right we didn't have wifi really yeah dude well cause we got we went into a parking garage and it has clearances on it and he backed up into like one of the spots that wasn't a spot and we hear like like it was it was in my mind the roof ripped off it was so loud and we were like what the fuck and then he runs around you know and he comes up the back and he was like so nonchalant he's like it's a satellite I'm like well I don't know well so now no we don't have any service if we're on the road to like watch stream shit and he's like they tried to fix it I don't even know what ended up happening I don't think we ever ended up getting it back no that sucks there was no TV no nothing yeah that's huge we were looking into it cause I'm like I wanna play video games with my friends online well then you don't need you don't need TV for it so that's good oh online oh yeah so we're looking at like Starlink get it yeah we're looking at that type of stuff but then even then my tech guy was just like you'd have to get like four of them to justify playing online with each other I'm like I don't wanna go that even if we just get like a game like Mario Kart shit I'll be fine with that you know how come they haven't figured this out yet you're like come on dude have you tried Starlink yet yeah it's amazing it's crazy how fast it's better than my home internet oh by far yeah it's incredible yeah they got it on JetBlue Delta is it on Delta yeah I don't know my Delta's oh no no I just did it yesterday yeah Delta oh I was on I think it's JetBlue United Hawaiian Virgin Southwest cause I just did Virgin yesterday yeah oh okay Virgin I booked it through Delta but that's their their partners now so they had it on there American's gonna do it American's doing it yeah that's what they said yeah it should be everywhere you should be able to why am I downloading movies just let me stream it yeah just let me stream it I don't wanna download it on an iPad just let me pop it up on something and watch it also a big big I even said that to one of I was like get rid of these dumb TVs some of the planes they outfit with new TVs you're like get rid of it everyone has a phone yeah just get rid of those and supplement how expensive that is with Wi-Fi or like I like when they give you the Bluetooth option for the TV oh that's great dude huge yeah that's massive I'm not using the tin cans that they give you no no no thank you no thank you especially because you know all the porn that I am watching on an airplane I wanna be able to put it on a bigger so funny when we flew like we flew back from Australia it's so long and you're in your like little cubby thing or whatever and there is a moment when you wake up and you're like could I that is true there's one moment where you go and then you go I'm on a plane do that on a plane dude never never never but there's a piece of your brain that you wake up from a long nap and you're like how much longer and they're like seven hours and you're like Jesus Christ yeah waking up and you're still having I think I did New Zealand first and it was 16 hours straight it's a long well because you went to New York yeah and I remember waking up with like 10 hours left and I'm like I slept a full night and I slept 10 hours on a plane yeah you ever get a this happened you ever get a morning wood on a nap on a plane oh yeah what do you mean yeah oh yeah oh all the time and I walk around with it I just go row to row you go beep beep beep beep I go can I get you something can I get you something can I get you something you're just trying to follow the signal hold on it's somewhere over my least favorite thing is waking up farting because it's the first thing you do usually when you wake up is like let it all out I fart and then you're in the thing and you're like I can't move because if I shift someone will know oh yeah it's leaking you just have to let it you just have to let it dissipate or wait enough time that if it does smell nobody knows who did it yeah so you're free to you're good to go I've oh man I remember one time I was working at a bank and we were driving to a branch to go look at the branch I was new hire they wanted to show me the branches and the guy picked me up from the train station it was like a two hour drive and I'm in the back seat probably hung over tired and the other employees in the front and they're both talking and like boring bank talk so I fall asleep I remember having to shit and fart bank talk is so funny just the worst it's just like and if we get our new customer numbers up blah blah blah anyways I'm in the back seat I remember having to fart and then I remember waking up not having to fart and all the windows were down in December I just remember the two of them still talking and all the windows were half cracked and I was freezing cold and I'm like oh I shit my pants in this thing dude for sure like listen man we're not gonna show you any more of the branches anymore I think we got out of this when we needed yeah well how long did you work at the bank what were you doing teller no I was when I wanted to move from Michigan to Chicago I wanted to get like I was like I need a big boy job to afford living in Chicago the move yeah - So I just got like a financial service advice, service for a credit union downtown yeah and it was fine in chicago and then did you work that the whole time you lived in chicago until you left until i was actually going like full-time comedy because of all the clubs there i was able to like skate by yeah just doing comedy and i hated getting up at 8 a.m 7 a.m every day um but that what got me was like they were trying to move me around because i kept trying to quit and they're like let me let's find a position for you yeah they needed you because i was sales and my numbers were good so they're like how about if you work from home six hours a day and i did that for a while that's not bad it was pretty sick and then the last thing they did was they go hey our business development guy is quitting and he's the guy that goes to all the credit unions members like um the power plants all the power plants in the midwest we were their credit union wow so they go we were thinking since you do comedy and you're a salesperson would you want to go out to these power plants do comedy and do a little comedy and then pitch the products and we'll give you time and a half plus paid and you can just go home after and you'll be done by like noon and i'm like fuck yeah let's do it how do you say no to that it was awesome and awful at the same time it was like i'd have to be at the nuclear power plant at 7 a.m and it was like four hours away so i was getting up at like 2 33 a.m driving three hours going through two hours of security like for nuclear power plants there's there's like a hundred yards of cement blocks surrounding it that's great you have to weave through walking and they have to search you and check you for stuff and there's mirrors under the car dogs walking around my car two hours an hour to two hours every time i went into a plant that's why they do like one week on one week off they live there every day and the security is insane they're like if anybody were to rush and tribe a car and we're covered on every angle they have war games they do there like once a year they do a surprise attack no way and they have like fake guns and they have to like they have the war games to make sure we're protected and so i'm like whoa i didn't think it was this i thought i'd be going into like an office building whatever and so i go in there and they're like and it was like a thousand engineers at 8 a.m it was the most people on every one of these things i went to and they were like yeah so you know you're going to be going up after wounded warrior project easy follow yeah who's like singing a song no they're just hobbling yeah and wobbling up there dude my fallen brothers they always had a story that was tough to follow dude it was never like and honestly i feel fine i'm good thank you guys um and i remember going up and then i'd have to like i remember starting clean and then i'd have to like it's 8 a.m this is professional it's a corporate event yeah so i'm like my mom's real silly and then it was just i was bombing and then i remember i did a switch to darker material i remember doing like i got a tattoo of my dad's name 1956-2025 just to see the look on his face and they'd be like oh all right like that's not a great joke but it was a dark darker joke that i was still clean yeah but the worst part was if i did get a laugh i then would have to be like and guys by the way our aprs are at an all-time low and i'd have to like engage with them and i'd have to like do a little bit of a show and i'd have to like do a little bit of a show incorporate back to financial sales into my stand-up and then I'd have to sit at the end as they all walked by and sell the merch of the credit union not your not mine just the merch of the cave you want and I get commission on it so technically I am making money if they get a credit card I get like 20 bucks alright so I was just like having to sit there and then like people be like so let me ask you about the the mortgage blah blah blah and then the whole time they'd be like yes good fun that's pretty funny man and I walk away I'm I'm like, this sucks. But I was getting paid like $300 a day. That's the grind, though. Yeah. You have to do it. It gets you to where you are now. Yeah. Every comic has to go through every tier of bar, VFW, like all these crap shows. A lot of cruise ships. You got to go through all the rungs. Not all of them, but everyone has to go through something. No one started at the top. Did you ever do cruises? Never, man. I couldn't do it. No one needs to. Well, I can't do it. I don't do that. Cruises, I can't. Yeah, no one. No, no, no. I just mean in general, I couldn't be on one. They give me the, it creeps me out. The people or just the water? All of the above. The last phobia of it? All of the above. Really? It's just like too many people on a boat out in the middle of nowhere. It is scary. I just don't like the idea of like buffet, millions, thousands of people. You hear all these horror stories, like the viruses, the breakouts, and I'm like, this is not for me, dude. And I respect that answer 100%. I can't do it. You know what I don't like? Is when I was doing cruises, there were comics that were like, oh, the fucking, that's not real. Like, that's not comedy. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. I'm still doing a show. Yeah, you're doing a show. For people from the middle of this country. That's doing a show. No, I just can't be on one because of my panic. Yeah. I just have bad, that's like claustrophobic nightmare of like, I need to get away. And it's like, well, you can't go anywhere. No. No, dude. I would run every day on the top deck. I just run in circles. That would kill me too. I'd start to, I'd, I'd have a loony, loony tune moment of like, I'm going to jump off the side. I gotta get out of here. Oh, I do. It's like when you get to the edge of a tall building. Why for a second? Are you like, should I do it? Should I jump? The call of the void. It's a French thing, isn't it? Yeah. It's like, do-do-de-bois. Yeah. Or something like that. Because it's there. And you're like, why, what would happen if I? There's got, there's something there. Some people say that there's no fear of heights. It's just a fear of jumping. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not really afraid of being up. I'm afraid of getting, going down. Yeah. You're afraid of going, ah, fuck it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm afraid of wanting it. What's down there? No. Yeah. I don't care about the, I don't have any stigma towards it. I just, I can't. Cruises creep me out. Like that many humans in one place. I mean, even like festivals, as I've gotten older, I can't do, I can do a show. I can do a concert. Okay. But I can't do a multi-band, multi-tiered, like, you know, like Bobby went to, uh, no, he went to Coachella. I mean, uh, yeah, he went to Coachella. Right. And, uh, and he's like, you know what? You should go. I was like, brother, that's the, I can't. I literally. Yeah. So many humans figuring out where to go to the bathroom, when to eat, where it's like, I, it's too inconvenient. I agree with you. I can't do it. It's funny because I love New York, but I hate festivals. I hate. In New York, you can get out of anything at any moment. You can go do whatever you need to do. You can get away from everything. If you need to. That is true. If you need to get away, you can get away. Yeah. If you want to be inside the tornado, you can, but it's got an escape room. That's true. New York has always got a, I got to get out. You're like, I got to go. The amount of times I've, you know, I've Irish goodbye to New York at a party when it got too heavy and I'm like. It is easy to do that. Disappear. Nobody cares. They don't even know you're gone. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? In most places they'll know. They're like, where'd Jeff go? New York tomorrow. They're like, dude, we were there all night. You're like, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They would never know, man. That place has so many black holes though. New York has some of the best black holes you can get into of like sneaking into a windowless bar. There was a bar. Oh, sure. Where'd you, I don't know. You don't have to say where you, don't ever tell me where you live in Brooklyn. We're not going to announce that to the humans, but I want to tell you there's a, there's a bar. My buddy used to, my buddy used to live right down the street too. And when he was out of town, I'd stay at his place and I would just go to this bar all night. It was, it was absurd. It was not necessary. It's very prominent in a lot of Brooklyn and like a lot of Queens, Brooklyn. That's why we don't live. That's why guys like me can't live there because it would be, I would just be an all nighter. It's like a late night bar fly. Yeah. Cause then you walk home, you walk home or walk onto a train. I know. I have, um, look it up. Oh, here it's off of Driggs. I'm going to tell you right now, if you've ever been there, if you're a late night bar Driggs, that's Queens. No, that's Brooklyn. Brooklyn. Yeah. But no, it's no, it's a Williamsburg. Oh yeah. That's nice. Yeah. Well, I ain't that Brooklyn. I am not like, that's like the, what is this called? Is it called foolproof? It's right off of the L. It's like literally off of the L. Why can't I find this dude? Who cares? I'm killing time for no reason. But, um, but it did one of those things to me where I would realize that I was like, Oh, I'm, I've been here way too long. Like, what am I doing? This is bad. That was kind of like Chicago for me was the camaraderie with drinking was like, that was the one thing everybody did. And we're good drinking city. Yeah. And I just, uh, I remember that was like to the point of like, all right, if I didn't have this, what would I have that I need to leave? Like if I, if the drinking was removed from Chicago, Chicago wouldn't have been fun. Like the scene wouldn't have been fun as fun. Like that was part of it. And so the city is great though. The city of Chicago. Yeah. It's a wonderful city. So, so great. I love so much of Chicago. The only thing I don't like is my, the, the five, six years I lived there was told me before the show, the black people, it was crazy that you would say that. Why would you change that from Asians to black? Yeah. I don't know. It was more risky, you know, not as many Asian. No. What do you want? What do you don't like about the city? Was the, the brutality of the. Winter. Yes. Yeah. Tough. The consistency, the, like how it would be negative 12 for like 10 days straight. It would, in New York, it could be like freezing cold. The next day is 65 degrees. You're like, what the fuck? Yeah. I enjoy that. New York's more bipolar. Yes. Chicago is just like. Chicago is like, you are going to hate yourself in February. You are going to be the most depressed you've ever been in February. So I didn't like that. I didn't like how cold it got. Like where if one part of your cheek was exposed, it was like black by the time you got to work. Yeah. Like I hated that. But man. And summers when you've got a skyline behind you, you take the Lake shore drive all the way down on a bicycle to go to the beach. Like, but that's two months, three months, one and a half. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Barely that. And then you're like, fuck. No, the leaves. Yeah. It's coming. Yeah. It's coming. It's sad. No, it's okay. But you know what? Any great city has shitty weather. Yeah. You. Yeah. That's why this place is fake. It's not real. It's part of the charm. You need that shit. You need the, that's the only thing I don't, I don't know. I keep saying. I keep saying there's one thing I don't like about LA as I named the ninth thing I didn't like about it. There's a lot of things. One thing that would freak me out is the passage of time. Like, you don't like, I'll be like, oh shit, it is September in New York. Cause I'm like, it is getting cold here. It's just like 75. We have no idea. Perfect. What is it? July right now? What is it? Yeah. End of July. End of July. Yeah. No, I get no idea. Literally no idea. It doesn't matter. It's crazy. I, yeah. I'll buy it. a little hotter we'll like be like it's a little hotter must be the summer now that's weird or you'll see more kids and you're like oh school's out like otherwise i wouldn't know like you'll see more kids out and like our school's done otherwise that's it i don't know when school is like midwest you just know because it was you know like you would just know when school was about to be out everything could be humming you know like people would be excited yeah out here it's like someone will say something and i'll be like yeah but those are your kids are in school and they're like what no it's the summer i'm like honestly that's the better way of living yeah it's not knowing the schedule of children nowadays you know what i mean is there's 255 he got out four minutes ago where's a hum in the air when school's about to get out in the midwest there's like because people are excited it's about to be a party but here they're they get to live free all year it doesn't matter it's not like parents feel differently out here it's just always i mean i'm sure they do because then they ship their kids to camp and then you know what i mean yeah i do i i've always envied the the high school depictions of los angeles the outdoor lockers skateboarding to school i always wanted that i always thought that was cool as fuck that or the hey arnold ps118 style i hated the suburbs i wanted one of those two right i want to be a beach boy or city boy one of those two and now you're a city boy yeah can't be a beach i am but man the more you spend time in the city and the more you're like i guess like financially stable you're like house in the woods yeah let me go deep into the world yeah let me get like i want to be like you're gonna fight with your wife what yeah you're gonna fight with yeah dude it'll be days we're already out here yeah no it would be a little a getaway is probably you'll get a getaway if you guys are gonna have kids at some point yeah we're thinking about we do the ivf we got the embryos nice dude i tried i swung that bat didn't work for me it's going to work for you watch cheer cheers i know it i can feel it in my bones and your name your kid after me i will santino just your last name yeah santino a curry santino a curry i know it i can feel it in my bones hey dad you call me in here for something dude that's the thing that sucks my wife will never watch sopranos and i i fucking love doing what do you mean she'll never watch it she just she goes i've tried and i she's couldn't get through the first episode and i go you have to get you have to force your way through the first season almost oh no see i'm the opposite i like the first a lot of people were like i thought the first season was fun no it is people are always like yeah it's okay i'm like i thought it was great but i'm the odd man out because i i i liked this first season way more than a lot of people were like once you get to two that's it's cruising but i just i love the first i love every part of it i've watched every two years i restart the whole series and i sit and watch it and then i'll like not look at it because i'm like i can picture this scene you know i've known the scene so much i love but i watch the show so much and it sucks i'm all my impressions are wasted okay wow because if on her yes yeah i'm walking around like a very difficult situation like that and she's like what the hell was that i'm like you know that was a that was a pretty good one dude you understand yeah uh what is it what he's talking about meadow's boyfriend who's half black and half jewish yeah dude the funniest that's like such a funny scene my okay not my dad's not racist but that guy is tony soprano's character all you want but he is yeah but you know what my dad's not racist but if there was a black guy in my car who's this guy jeff you got a wallet on you i will say that if my i generally don't think he is racist i think he has like there are racist tendencies of being a racist and i don't know if he's racist i don't know if he's racist i don't know if he's racist yeah i was born in the 50s born in the 50s yeah grew up in queens and long he in my opinion has the more excusable version of racism because he grew up around black people right i think the ignorant racism is the real problem it's the yeah but he's he's remembering the interactions he's had with black people when he was 12 years old and then he like remembers that at 68 when he's at walmart and that's obviously not right no but he's got a different form of racism where it's just he'll say it's a matter of factly certain things and i'm just like yo it's not good man and he's just like what i got friends mama yeah tommy at the store he's black and i go yeah and you keep bringing him up yeah to everybody everybody no i have a tommy i have a tommy there's no there's no there's no uh excuse for any of it but for some reason the guys in the 50s you're like what are you gonna do that's how they are yeah the old dog new trick thing is funny yeah you're like my dog's black so he gets she's allowed to do whatever she wants yeah it's the hard r that throws me off yeah no but if it's a black dog that's why you can't get a white i see a white dog i see a white dog and my my black dog uh does not like those white dogs doesn't like them is that real yeah it doesn't like white dogs black dog she's fine with she's very rich she's from atlanta she's black black she listens to dr umar uh what's the guy's name that dr oh yeah yeah yeah the guy who's like the most racist black guy like ever who's like he's very pro-black but he's so anti-white that you're like yeah mark johnson yeah you're like these two things don't have to be you know and he's like pro-black you're like right on he's like white people are animal pieces of shit yeah all right he called shane gillis in neanderthal yeah that was so funny very funny though very funny shane's response to that yeah he's gonna buy his school yeah it's very called the robert e lee school so good yeah that dude his whole thing he's like race mixing his um is the devil's work and all this shit he's a nutbag he's a fucking nutbag that sucks yeah you're allowed to be pro-black and not be anti-white but dr umar new level new level of hate he was probably born in the 50s isn't that wild to think in like probably what they say like 200 300 years we're all just gonna look the same no we'll be dead no no yeah you and i no no i mean this place will all be you think so oh dude i talked to a cabbie yesterday about it when i was going to the airport okay well it's good we have a reference this guy he knows dude he's he's out of times fan duel is now available everywhere in the u.s so you can get in on the sports action no matter where you are including these places make this your most rewarding season ever with fan duel age and location restrictions apply product availability varies by market see fanduel.com for eligibility gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER have you ever wondered how movements start i'm ashley c ford host of into the mix a ben and jerry's podcast about joy and justice this season we're talking to unexpected progressive heroes who found purpose in unexpected places people like marley diaz making sure every kid sees themselves in books kyle mesteth a native skateboarder building a movement for kids nationwide joy a lot of coon whose music moves from protests to daily commute find out how they started something bigger than themselves and listen wherever you get your podcast he was him and i were chatting about it he goes you could have said some guy and i wouldn't question cabbies no you who knows more than anybody but a cabbie that's true cabbies are ahead of the game dude they've seen it all they've heard it all they've lived through more conversations with geniuses and idiots than anybody will ever know yeah particularly in new york holy shit those guys back when they have to go get that medal or whatever the fuck it is the medallion yeah it's crazy you don't learn every street and know every person they had like a lot of people who were like oh my god i'm gonna go to the medallion i'm gonna go to like be aware of everything no but i talked to a cabbie on the way to the airport it was pretty interesting because he was like he's like i he grew up in london i was in west west of london 50 minutes west of london he was like he's like it used to snow here he used to snow all the way up to that sign see that sign used to snow up to that sign he goes now no global warming i go yeah maybe i don't know maybe it's just the earth quitting and he was like oh really he said that's pretty interesting i said well the the arrogant thought is that we deserve to be in the here and that we'll be here forever like the thought that humans are like it's our time now it's like yeah but who knows when this time is up and i think we've done enough we've seen enough from a scientific perspective we're like oh yeah this thing's gonna get mad at us soon and just shut down sure it was frozen for millions of years the idea that we think it's not gonna happen again that you're like it's not gonna happen again you're like yeah it will something will something so i think we'll be dead soon i think it's coming next next like 50 years it's that's crazy dude 50 years this is the arrogance why would it not so you're saying my my nephew the world will end before my nephew can retire maybe yeah yeah it's wild yeah and it's his fault you think he did it no but what's the idea that like it like a complete act the idea that we're super safe in space that we're just safe is weird it's you know what who's to say if it's tomorrow okay so you know what gives me kind of peace about that is that space and time is so are so infinite we can agree that there's no end to space there's no end to time right that really the earth is just that the beginning of time or sorry beginning of earth the end of earth in the in all of space and time didn't exist is a basically didn't exist that that's all we exist less so my point is if something happens the idea that it's we're gonna have we have a lot of time left is crazy that i think there's arrogance to you thinking that it's going to happen in around when you were here no no well not not because of me or or near my time but to think that it's just i'll be out of here by the time that happens that's that's my oh sure that's how everyone's living right now no yeah i genuinely think well we have three at least two or three more generations fully generations of people until we start getting the last of us vibes we'll see dude the world's not gonna it's not gonna be a sun like explosion it's gonna be so we think hurricanes and more tornadoes and i guess things like that or a big stone that just comes hucking down you think so why don't why not i don't fucking know what what if what if another life form is like i've had enough we gotta kill those guys one laser well they're down here they're so down here now that you're like all right when they have been here you think that yeah yeah the government we just exposed we exposed so heavily that they're here now that we're like oh what and we're like yeah we've been fucking with them a little bit like the government is like we've been fucking with them dude that's i don't know man they did they did we talked about it on bad like doc brought up all these articles well the government's come clean now about so many unidentified things that we've been would they remember they used to be like that's not true yeah they were pretty adamant against 10 years ago they were like it's true yeah but it's under control yeah that's nuts but there's they don't know like they don't know the difference between a uap like a uap could also be a russian technology like they're saying that it could we don't know anything about it so it could be anything could be i think it's something else you think it's more likely it's from uh it's from something another life form another thing that's that's come that's like finally is is interested in us again that's like what's going on over there i think the chances of two life forms in all of time and space the two that two life forms that one of them was able to develop at the same timeline and speed as us to come and visit us but why not that we know of it could have likelihood but it could have happened millions of times before we would never have known right well so that's what i mean it's why not why not now sure you're right i'll give you that because it could happen it could happen i'd like it to let's be taken over dude we're gonna be taken over by ai and robots so let's do it let at least let aliens do it would you if an alien came down and was like yes you would whatever you're saying really yeah let's go i'm cruising okay what would i what is it would you be the yeah would you be the the the the kid getting people convincing people to get on the trains yeah you know the small jewish kid going no it's okay because they paid him two dollars you know what i mean would you it was two dollars no i mean back that's a lot of money back then uh no like there's there's a book on it like a kid that was they they would do the nazis were higher yeah higher jewish friendliest kids to get other jews to believe in them so if the aliens were like we're gonna need you the same thing but okay fuck now it sucks you did that too early now i get the thought who's the alien dude yeah no i'm not no i'm not no i know what you're saying yes what i suck what i'm saying is no i wouldn't suck i wouldn't sucker anybody else into but if if they were like who wants to come back i'm like let's rock let's go i'm down kiss my wife in the forehead and be like i gotta go check this out so we're gonna yeah come with us and trust us it's been a fun career i think i could pack it up i mean i'd be like dude i did some fun stuff i want to go see what's going on yeah but also if we aliens landed i don't think stand-up would still continue no they would love us i think they're a big fan yeah we've seen netflix they love they love netflix i'm more of a hulu guy they bump into me on the street they're like bobby's mom and i'm like dude i told you they loved our shit no i would i would give it a whirl i'd give aliens a go why not i mean what's the who cares you know what i mean we're i've we've lived a good amount of life my parents are getting older i think it'd be time to be like let's check it out and also then they'd be then they'd write about you oh you'd you'd want to be in aliens history 100 percent you want to be way cooler than here andrew i don't care about wikipedia here i'd give me give me some alien fucking yeah that would be way cool you're like yes some planet somewhere you know they're like what is that is that no that's not mac and me what was that no that's uh like cone heads was like yeah i love that damn you remember mac and me oh yeah dude so good there's a lot of depictions aliens that was one of the creepier ones et i think broke the mold for what people thought that was the best version of a an alien that didn't look like it was going to kill you i was like that's pretty good because it made it a pot belly very smart to make him fat like he looked like a midwest dad yeah they should have given him some like loose hairs yeah yeah like he's balding is he wearing new balance he's wearing glasses what is going on yeah he's got noobs just a barbara light sitting out of his mouth like this alien rocks this is a relatable alien right here no i think i think we'll be around for a while i don't believe in any of it but you know what it'd be it'd be fun to see if they come down and have some fun there's always the there's there's always a what if uh not even just aliens but i think every guy has had this fantasy of what would i do if if a transverse rex jumped into the movie theater right now or if like the world was ending where would i go would i go to the city where i do this like there's a survival yeah that we kind of crave yeah where do you go where do you go if the world starts getting at war like everything war everywhere where do you go war i would leave i told my wife we would i would leave didn't ask i remember this because i remember talking about it like last night where i was like what i would do i'd leave the beaches you gotta get away from the water get away from the way get away from the water right away because the any like end of time's event is the water's gonna rise or it'll recede or it'll up the coast will get up right and then i just go to the the like somewhere in the middle highest point you can find well that's a good point yeah hike up go up yeah we'll go up to the mountains here that's what i would do i go as high as i could grab a couple guns get to the top of the mountain yep just get a bunch of like a bunch of pebbles a lot of canned objects just hope for the best yep that's it get away from the cities get away from the coasts yeah well where they were it sucks we're by both of them yeah yeah yeah we're we are in target one and target two a hundred percent they're getting us it's you guys than us yeah i remember my wife talked about she goes well what if we lived on long island and i'm like oh yeah no the nuclear blast wouldn't hit us there yeah if they hit manhattan no we'd be good on long island one way in one way out we'll get to the hamptons why don't we just go live in the hamptons the worst place to go would be long island new york for the apocalypse like that like when you do go out to the tip when you go way out like by the hamptons anytime you i have a driveway out there i'm always like this is this does feel like an apocalyptic movie where it you are it's no way you can't there's nowhere to go not even something happened you're done it's over that's such a weird feeling i think about that once in a great while when i'm traveling that i'm like yeah this survival stuff you're right that you're like i'm like how do we get out of this yeah something weird fun to it yeah you're like fun to play how do i sneak away yeah and apparently women don't do it no no no no because they rely on you to do it yeah well they're dealing with while they're dealing with more realistic things like how to manage life and we're like how do we how do we figure out an escape room she catches me doing my wife because we do that a lot where i do i very when i think i'm expressive so i'll have thoughts like that and i'll be in the house and i'll just be like like that and she go what are you doing i'm like i'm saving our lives right now oh shut up shut up i'm figuring i'm doing math right now 14 guns 16 yeah yeah yeah that's a gun yeah you you're doing you're doing the necessary evil you're doing what needs to be done i felt that way when i went to australia for the first time i said i went last year for the first time it's great right so cool i did you do new zealand i did we did auckland yeah we did yeah we did auckland i did auckland and then australia we did auckland last did you did it like two cities in yeah why did we do that just weird yeah weird they usually are that's what everyone joked about when i was there they go oh thanks for coming here because you're going to australia well yeah that's part of the route you know that was cool i loved it that was the my more than any other city in australia the nicest people i've ever met i went to an all-blacks game um yeah yeah it was a soccer oh no no i went to an all-blacks rugby game all blacks yeah i i it's the old the haka and all that and i sit down and i get they give us like courtside did you guys i wonder if you use the same people probably the australian guy well which guy shrimp what's the promotion promoters yeah who's the promoters shrimp shrimp was one of the guy's names i don't think that was him shrimp right that yeah that was our guy that's one of our dogs did you did he bring you out like sydney harbor do you have a little boat he brought you on he was the same one that bert used what were they i forget their names i forgot tg dainty yeah dainty teg yeah no i don't think so yeah they read them our guys were awesome um yeah apparently when they had bert he brought bert on a sydney harbor like that and i guess bert kreischer was just sitting on a tube and they had to have a little dinghy circle him to keep the sharks away from him for like two hours so he's just like on the water like that such an idiot it's so funny they brought us on the boat and i was like they're like all the seafood platter and i was like i don't feel like swimming i'm good i'm like i'm just chilling i'm like i didn't maximize australia at all but new zealand was like the nice est i sit down maury guy sits next to me huge like pushes me into my seat and he goes sore about that mate but they have like the sweetest voices they'd be the biggest guy in the world and he's like it's a good game isn't it like it's really funny kind of sweet people and i go buddy i was like i'm going to try and find the joy in this and i was like dude i go i don't mind at all take up as much as you want but i just need help you need to explain the game to me the whole game he was like now that's a scrum that's one penny blah blah and it was just such an awesome experience australia was great it reminded me of america but the people were just more organized than like i was new zealand was very like polite and calm and new zealand's great we had we had a bomb we didn't go to uh we went to an all-white game yeah we don't do all blacks did you do no i don't know dude we didn't know that's the name of their basketball team all whites no the tall more blacks oh yeah tall blacks it's not a joke no it's true the tall blacks it's the tall black and it's just a play on the fact that they're all black blacks tall blacks and then we got the tall blocks yeah two blacks you got a good new zealand yeah new zealand yeah you might as well dude if you're gonna have fun i mean we went to i no not with you guys my parents we went to a aussie rules football which uh holy fucking shit dude what does that mean just more intense dude it's impossible to figure out really football meaning soccer yeah no it's it it's like rugby football soccer combined whoa aussie rules football was impossible to explain i can i don't know what's going on it was a massive circle i couldn't i can't i don't know we really i bought what other sports gun to your head i would say rugby if you had to like officiate a game and not get anything wrong or gun to your head or you die not get anything wrong no no okay i don't think they currently can do that yeah um i would say like if you had to know the rules for a game gun to your head i would say i couldn't do rugby fucking cricket what the fuck you gotta hit a stick yeah no i don't understand there's many days i don't understand no claw just grabbing it one-handed yeah you know like that uh yeah rugby cricket what's the other ones well ozzy rolls you wouldn't get ozzy rolls was really just first time i ever heard of that what is it what are you looking it up um yeah it's crazy it's it it it's um the poles you know the multiple poles they got to kick through in the thing and and mostly it's a lot of fucking kicking and it's like kicking from different angles and i was super like they cheer so we just started cheering but i was like nothing looks like it happened yeah but i guess it did also it looks hard it look it's it's insane uh if it was a sport that you could what about a sport that you could know every call that you know that you would be very confident you could referee baseball that's mine yeah i would say probably say baseball i watch a lot of john boy i watch baseball i'm i watch it every day i'm like really i'm i think my wife is sick of it during baseball season it's on at the house in the background for my mlb app is wide open really well i'm a diehard cubs fan i watch almost every game because my dad me my dad my cousin texts every day about ah i just like it it's like a it's like a family binding thing too we always chat about it but baseball is our number one is it oh it's not yeah close i i love baseball videos i used to watch more baseball i used to play yankees games all the time i went to this 2000 world series subway series game five on the he's won at Shea. My dad last came, came, core memory, comes home, two tickets, and I fucking freaked out, cried, fat. I remember seeing the pictures later on, I'm like, let me see the picture of me and you, dad, at the game. I was like 12 years old, I was like a fat kid, not even smiling, and I'm like, I don't want to see this. My memory of it was way better, but it was like, it was just so, so cool, and I just, there's a lot of memories to baseball, with a lot of, I think a lot of, for me it's more, like yeah, I took my dad to the World Series, and that's also, I looked like shit during that, I was filming, so I had like, my massive beard, and I was all scraggly, and like, I looked like shit, so I'm like tired, because I just got off the plane, so I look like a fat, swollen muff, you know, my dad's like, like bright, like well showered, you know what I mean? And I look like shit, so funny, and that's in my parents' basement, I'm like, I wish it was a different photo, and I wish it was a better photo too, because it was like, cell phone to a guy, before we walked in the game, like, hey, will you take a picture of us? That's what I think adds to the magic of it. Yeah, that it looks like shit, it does look like, it does, it does, it does, but no, those have core memories to me forever, of like, on tour, going to games by myself, or bringing like a feature that I meet, because I used to just go tour every baseball stadium, I've been to like, I don't even want to know, I used to collect a hat per stadium. Whoa. Yeah, and I go, I don't even know, I'm probably only missing a handful, like truly, new Yankee, no, new Yankee, no. I don't like the new Yankee stadium, the old one dude, in the Bronx, with the cobblestone streets. Everybody says that, they don't like new Yankee. It's just corporate. Yeah, but that was the way the world turned, you know what I mean? Yeah. There's how many are left that are old? Right. Well, Wrigley, even now, is pretty fucking corporate looking. Outside of it, yeah, for sure. I remember living there, I lived two locks from Wrigley, I would hear the boss every summer, you know what I mean? From my roof, I would see, baby I was born to, lights go up. That's awesome. It was really cool, but I remember when it was, that it's like, 2012, 2013, when I was a kid. I remember it being grimy. I remember bleachers, all the bars that were there, that could, I don't know how, they just have like old leases, that they were there, these old grimy bars. They've had them for years. And now, they got rid of all the streets, it's all like Times Square now, where it's like paved, and vendors, and this and that. Yeah, they turned it into Gallagher Way, which is like a very like organized, it's bars and hotels. Yes. You know, they had to, they had to, because it became, it just became, it's so popular to go. But there's a beauty to like the old, like the old stadiums, I remember like the smells, and like, even Shea, I would go and work for, at Shea Stadium, in the summers, when I was like 12 years old, and I loved that vibe. Oh yeah. I loved all the old stuff. Yeah. Yeah, those days are, I mean, you know, those days are dead and gone. You're not going to get that, because now super stadiums are going to be built. Now every baseball stadium, that's just going to emulate what happened in football, which is, you have to build a mega venue, right? Like we just did, we played, Bad Friends played at SoFi, they have a theater, inside of SoFi Stadium, that was how many people, I don't even know. It's like, here, let me look up the exact, it's the YouTube theater. YouTube theater, there's a theater, this is insane, you wouldn't even know this if you've ever, you've never been to SoFi, I'm sure. No. But SoFi is an incredible football stadium, but 6,000, 6,000 seat theater, inside of SoFi. Whoa. It's on one end of it, like, basically it would be under the bleachers. Under the bleachers, yeah. It's underneath. Okay, so they've got to repurpose it. Yeah, because SoFi is underground, it's not at street level. You enter SoFi, your street level of SoFi is like halfway up the stadium. Whoa. So it's all buried down, so all of that dead land around it in space was like, it's parking stuff, and then, you know, what do you call it, like, transpo stuff. NFL offices. Yeah, offices, and there is a 6,000 seat theater in the basement, and we played it, it's crazy. Really? And it's beautiful. Yeah, it was nuts, but this is the future, it's like, they have to build these like, yeah, multi-layer, you know, like if the Bears get a new stadium when they, when they go, they're gonna have to build something insane to make up for all that money it's gonna cost. Yeah. To build these fucking things, you know, it's gotta be like, for concerts, which it always was, but it's gotta be really outfitted for like, concerts, movies, live events, you know, touring. It's the most expensive theater in the world, or a stadium in the world at 5.5 billion dollars. SoFi? Wow! Yeah. Dude, you gotta go once, it will blow your brain at how unbelievably beautiful it is. I mean, it's like, it's a, it's an engineering masterpiece, like it looks, it looks like a spaceship, and then you go inside, and it's stunning. There's like full, the concourses have like full atriums of like, trees and stuff growing by the, by the concessions. Really? Yeah, you're inside, because you're indoor, outdoor, it's mind blowing. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, no, they did a good job, dude, the guy, they knew exactly what they were doing. But, again, this is going to be the future. Your kids are never going to see old shitty troughs that you piss in. Yeah. That's gone forever. Yeah, that's, it is kind of nice to know, that my child will not have to see a penis before he wants to. Correct. You know, if he wants to, you better not want to. You better not want to! I mean, that was such a moment as a kid, where you're like, your dad taught you, how to piss at a trough, and he's like, you stare straight ahead, and you do not look anywhere else, and then when you're done, you waggle and put it in, and walk away as fast as you can. Whoa. Yeah. I wish I would have had that. Your dad was like, look at everybody's and make kissy sounds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hey, pick a job from Floyd, J.K. Guy. I did say, I did say one time, as a, like a young teen, you're still nervous to pee in those things. Mm-hmm. Even though you're becoming kind of a young man, and you like, have confidence as like a 13, 14 year old. Yeah, but your dick is new. Your dick is too new. So new. But it was cool to see other grown men's penises, that were either comparable or smaller, because I was like, oh, I'm doing fine. Yeah, yeah. Whoa. It was like a confidence boost. You saw grown men dicks, and you're like, I'm doing pretty good down there? Yeah. Yeah. Well, because not every grown man has a nice penis, dude. Some guys have little wieners, and you're like, bigger than that guy. Really? At 14, I was like, that guy's got a little penis, dude. That sucked. Imagine, imagine he just saw that from the side of his eye. Just some kid getting confidence. He's a 14 year old laughing at him. Some kid, what the fuck? Jesus Christ. Dad, look at this guy's dick. I thought you said they get bigger when you get bigger. Mine's not done yet. Guy's 55 years old, yeah. Yeah, that is a testament to young men, it's a part of the young man growing up, of like, get over it, locker rooms, da da da da da. That's never going to happen for kids ever again. That was a real fear of mine growing up. I thought I would have to shower with boys. What did you play? What sport did you play when you were a kid? Did you play anything in high school or anything? I tried. I mean, I did a lot of baseball when I was a kid, and then I tried football, and then I got knocked out, and I didn't like that feeling. I remember, they were all giddy, like, you're a property cherry, come on guys, let's cheer for them, and I'm like, this doesn't feel right. I quit right away. Three weeks into football, I quit, because I didn't like being passed out. I know, I got a concussion, I hated that, it sucked. I didn't like the feeling. But yeah, it was like baseball, but did you have to shower with other sexy little boys? Basketball, basketball, and high school basketball, yeah, they wanted you to shower. They didn't care if you did. Who did that? What's his name? The coach. He's always like, make sure you get in front of the camera when you guys are showering. You're like, thanks, Coach Johnson. He goes, call me Mike. No, he'd always be like, shower up, go shower up, don't be, stick an ass, and just hanging around. I used to, I did an old joke, that was like one of my first jokes in my old set was, I was like, I played basketball in high school, which means I showered at home. That's great. Yeah. That's funny. It's like you're one of the only white guys, and you're like, you know, I think I'll take this to the house. I think I'll take this to the house. I just never, I thought it was going to be like, every day after gym class, we'd have to shower with other guys. Oh, that was like a fear, yeah. Fear, going into high school, and then being like, no, you just change. Yeah. Well, because that was like movies like Porky's, if you ever, if you're, yeah, they would make you feel like, you have to shower. Everyone's going to see your penis in ninth grade. Also, unmanageable with the time schedule. Like, you'd get out of gym, you'd have six minutes to get somewhere. You're like, how could I shower, sweat, put on clothes, and get to a class? It would be impossible. I still find myself late all the time. My high school, I could never get somewhere on time. It was a big school. We had 4,000 kids. Whoa. Huge. Yeah, it was huge, but it was also twin. There's another one like that, not far away. No, this was in the Burbs. I went to high school in the Burbs. Okay. Yeah. But even still, yeah, the high schools are all over Chicago, are massive. So 4,000 kids. If you had a class somewhere else, you were fucked. You were totally, you were like, just be late and get yelled at there was no way to get yeah i mean they try to plan it and you're blocking so you're near where you're supposed to be but it's not always manageable because you're like coming from somewhere all the time it's just big there's too many fucking people yeah yeah quit school kids drop out it's not worth it get rid of it yeah this guy went to community college for two years and look at him now he's killing it hell yeah who needs who needs i got watches that don't work but they're pearl yeah you know i got watches that don't work one of the first things you say you can just pay someone to put a battery yeah it's a battery well i said it's a great watch i said oh that's a nice watch he goes it doesn't work i said well it's pretty easy to make it work you just gotta fix it anyways i can't fix it until i go to detroit there's there's but there's you know there's certain things about like i i don't want to lose certain things like yeah like i i like for a while i was still doing laundry at a laundromat before we got like an in-unit thing my wife's like it's a crazy way to live and i'm like i find peace in writing between laundry you know you are that's an idiot move yeah stupid shit like that okay well you know what how about this i'll take you up on your bullshit okay why don't you sit in the back of the plane middle seat then fuck off yeah okay well shut up then i have i did i think two weeks ago i did uh when i was doing the great outdoors festivals my wife my wife my sister different person whoa i do that sometimes that's bum that's a bummer i know yeah you know especially physically yeah uh because they have different um i did that recently i had to fly from like edmonton to albert or canada calgary and it was like a recline airlines or some shit like there was a weird airline flare short flare airline an hour an hour and a half yeah but then i sat down in a seat and it was a middle seat well this was actually window and a woman sits down and goes uh this is not supposed to you're not supposed to be here and i was like no i am i'm you know 23f or whatever calls the flight attendant over she goes i'm with my children i don't want a man sitting in the back of the plane and i'm like i'm not sitting with us seriously i swear to god and i go and i so i just sitting there and somebody had just recognized me so they're seeing me and they're laughing while putting their shit away because i'm just like super uncomfortable yeah like she's talking to her about me yeah and then like her daughter was then in the middle seat and we like she goes i don't and she goes ma'am so did you buy this ticket she goes no but i just don't feel comfortable with a man sitting next to me and my children and she's like you didn't buy the seat he bought the seat so he's gonna sit here and then the flight attendant looked at me she's like like that and i go it's okay i just sat there and then the little girl why didn't she switch with a little girl and just sit next to you no i wasn't sorry i was in the window seat no the little girl's in the middle yeah why didn't she just switch with her so that way the mom's next to the yeah i don't know what a weirdo no i grabbed the girl's arm i go keep her here yeah you're going nowhere here's your tickets this middle seat i mean that's just an insane reaction it was and then i remember texting my wife about it like frantically like i don't know who to talk to so i was like nothing look out the window and then the little girl kicks my seat and the tray falls down and i see this as an opportunity where i'm like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna be the dick i'm not gonna be like come on lady so instead i go i struggle to get it back up for like two minutes the girl is losing her mind laughing i just keep going what the heck what the holding up my foot and i'm like this i win the girl over she's fall asleep we're watching stuff on my laptop she's i'm occupying i give her a bear out of my bag it was like the coolest i got a bear from the hyatt they go thanks for staying with us here's a plastic bear in a plastic bag i give it to her the mom thanks me at the end of it this was the mom was what she didn't want to happen and she's like and now i'm petting her child winking at her dude it was i call my because i might i didn't have internet it was a shitty flight so it was a 90 minute flight but then i get land and my wife's like are you okay what happened with that bitch or that lady and i was like actually i live here now magical moments in my life and i remember thinking i had this moment where this kid she starts laughing the mom goes thank you like that to me and i'm occupying the kid i give her the bear and i remember thinking to myself this plane is gonna crash now yeah i had a full character arc yeah i'm like this fucking lady too ah everything's good now yeah like i 100% was gonna turn she goes i told you as it's crashing no dude i had a terrible on the way to i got on the way to london i got diverted to go to new york then they because of these torn edo warning which was such a crock of shit because it was for like an hour and then went away but they took us down to atlanta i get to atlanta and as we take off from atlanta after an hour and a half of sitting because it's clear to new york um my flight to scotland gone so i had to stay an extra night in new york so i'm like great now i get to new york they've lost my bags which i'm already bummed about so lost not even like it's not no i have i have air tags i put air tags in all my shit now so i see where they are but they're nowhere near me because the flight didn't go to for its final destination they kept it overnight because they rebooked my flight so they re-tagged it for another flight who cares about all this information anyway by the time i get to my hotel in the city it's now like 2 30 in the morning like i'm recklessly tired so i need to go back to jfk the next morning for a flight you know what i mean like i have to i went to the city i was like i'll hang out you know i booked a hotel but by the time i got there it was stupid too late so i go back out the next day and at this point i'm excited i'm finally getting to go to scotland this is crazy by the way i've never had this in my entire life i'm excited i go to the lounge i have a little bit something to eat and i get a drink i get a drink at the lounge and i'm chatting it up with this older woman who's also going to scotland and this beautiful old lady and we're just chumming it up we become friends fast we're sitting near each other and she she's never been so i'm telling her where to go in edinburgh and i was like oh and you're gonna love this and oh you should go to this place and i'm having a day i'm like feeling it and the the server is flirting with me and he's you know he's he's he's like a dominican guy who's like he's like anything else you need baby and i was like no no no and i broke him off some good money i'm feeling i'm feeling good yeah yeah you know then i'm going to the gate i wait because i i don't have any carry on it's all checked i wait to the last minute to go to the gate because whatever not like closing time but like when everyone's on yeah why do i need to get i don't i have no nothing with me i mean i can't agree with that because i'm a fucking see i don't get it why am i sitting on the plane if i'm if i don't have luggage in the overhead i i don't that is i don't need to be on that yeah yeah i'm not i didn't all i had was my backpack it's like i'm at the gate three people at the gate i don't know what kind of fucking day they were having but um i'm like hey hey i do one of these i'm excited i'm going i'm going to scotland i'm excited dude let me just stop you to say this i hate you i'm going to scotland i if i made you for the first time and you're going hey hey hey you just you can smell it with just the one whiskey you know hey hey i'm excited dude doors closed yeah you would be so what would be you would be you're a piece of shit you should work at the airline i'm in a good mood i'm trying to instill some happiness i go hey i beat my shit and then the girl is like sir come here please sir as i'm walking she's asian yeah uh half chinese and half half japanese so i want and then i come back because i've seen it went green i go oh it didn't go through and she goes no come here i was like oh shit i go to i'm like do you want me to beep it again and then the guy's like where were you where are you coming from and i was like what new york what do you mean where am i what what are you saying where were you earlier today i go here at the lounge downtown what he's like you were in the lounge i said yeah i just came from the lounge why is something wrong he's like how many drinks did you have i swear to god and it took a lot out of me to not be like hey man i'm 42 i've been drinking for a long time one drink isn't gonna make me drunk and like i wasn't like wobbling i was like in a good just friendly yeah i just said fucking hello and he's like he's like hey i don't even know if that's what i said but it was like that it was like hey what's up cut to the footage you're going hey what's up fucker yes beat my shit bitch i'm fucking punching you didn't give her any money calm fucking mood and this guy's like how many drinks have you had and i was like what i'm like so absurdly like thrown off by this and i was like what are you talking about he's like we have to make sure everyone's okay to get on the flight you seem like you've been drinking i was like no way dude i was like i've i was like hey man i don't want to do this this is crazy i was like what is going on and he's like well we're trying to check everything i go all right man have a good night i was like i'm out of here i was like this is nuts and i walk on the plane and i was sitting there waiting for someone to get on the fucking plane because a piece of me was like get the cops get the cops get the cops and just be stone cold no no because i know yeah yeah one of the cops will go oh what's up dude bad friends and i'll go yeah what the fuck is that about yeah i had one drink like i'm not it's not if dude if i'm if i had been over served i'd feel bad about it and been like shit dude i was like dude i had one cocktail at dinner and i was in a good mood and it's like that guy bummed out my but for a second i thought this is how it starts he'll go yeah he was acting erratic you know what i mean like yeah how easily he could have lied into me being and then i have to be like i'm fine what are we talking about and then the whole plane is like he's hammered yeah they always see the clip from that oh my god but it spun through my head as i'm at the desk i go what are you talking i had one drink what is going on like i leveled into like angry dad mode like i can hear my dad being like excuse me like i i leveled back to like fuck you i didn't do anything wrong i'm in a good mood going on a plane to where i'm trying to get to that by the way your fucking airline fuck me over they turned my flight that was 1 p.m into 6 a.m when i it was insane it was i was like i'm in the best mood i could be in for this in the circumstance yeah yeah i was going to have fun anyway delta can eat my No, no, it's not a big deal, but I was like, I've never experienced that thing where I've seen online. It's power trip. It was so wild. Have you ever worked in customer service? Oh, dude, yeah. There's no better feeling than when you can't help somebody. Yes. When somebody calls and it's out of your reach or it's out of your capability or it's something that they didn't do on their end, there's nothing better than going, I actually can't do anything about this. Can't do anything about that, man. So some people enjoy that part of it where they get to have that power. He had some power. And I've worked in it for you. If somebody was nice to me, I'm on that ride. But if anybody was a dick to me, well, then I'm going to be a dick to you. But I was not a dick. That's why I thought, what a weird attitude change for me. I wanted them to be like, you've been drinking. It's like, well, yeah. I mean, I'm going on an airplane. Yeah. I was at the airport. I try and do the opposite. Like, the urge for anger in those situations, I try and go, I'm going to make them feel bad about being mean to me by being super nice to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that always makes me feel better. That's something my wife actually taught me was kill them with kindness more than nine times out of 10. That's a problem. They're going to feel like shit on their own time later on. If I was too kind, they'd be like, he is hammered. Yeah. And we would be like, guys, hey, hey. What were you doing earlier? Thinking about you, buddy. What are you doing? This guy's blacked out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no winning in that situation, except for me walking away and being like, I had one drink. I'm not, this is insane. You ever had somebody, you ever see somebody that's wasted that's trying to be serious? Oh, yeah, dude. Excuse me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know who you're talking to? Like, that guy? No, I was so normal about it, but I was just shocked as if I had stumbled up or like, I think it's only because I was late to the plane. Or I was after boarding. It's an embarrassing call out, too. It was weird. It was very weird. It makes you feel like juvenile, makes you feel immature. Juvenile. You couldn't handle. I was like, dude, I'm a grown up. This is nuts. Also, by the way, I never, he knows this, I don't drink at airports. Like, I don't. I never either. I don't ever drink. This was like the first time I was like, you know what? I'm with this lady. I'm going to Scotland. I'm going to have one in the, you know what I mean? I'm going to have one with dinner with this old, cute lady I just met who I've given like nine. I'm like being such a sweet citizen. That was that guy's mom. He was trying to fuck my mom in the lounge. Sir, come back here for a second. It was crazy. How long did you talk to Trudy? It was so out of pocket, dude. And then I got on and the flight attendant was chatting with me and I told her the situation. She was like, really? I was like, yeah, I'm. Wild. She was like, you don't seem intoxicated. I was like, no, but when the doors close, you got to get me a drink. Damn. I was like, you got to liquor me up now so I can go to bed. Yeah, there you go. Because I got killed by buzz. What a bummer. Yeah, it was a buzz kill. But I've never had that. I've seen it online. And it's given me anxiety when I watch those videos because guys think they're not drunk and they're hammered. Yeah. And you know what I mean? And the cops come like, buddy, you're going to ruin the flight. You got to get off the plane. Yeah. I hate that. Oh, this is not America? I'm like, no. Dude, it was funny. I just had a guy. I have like subreddits and stuff. And a guy messaged. He replied to like my wife made a post. I made a post. He replied to like five posts saying he didn't like my special. And I recognize that as not somebody. They're just looking for validation on my posts of somebody else going, I didn't like it either. He's just being a dick. So I just hit him up. And I was like, hey, man, I see you keep commenting on all this shit. Whatever. But maybe you should give it a shot because it says that you said yourself you only watched the first three minutes of it. So maybe you watched the whole thing. It's doing well. I was just like, you know what? I'm going to kill him with kindness. He comes back at me. And I go. And also, and I said this because I looked through his search history. He was like, he's a United pilot. I go, also, we all know United is the new spirit. And I just like. I had like one beer. And I'm like, I'm going to reply to this guy. And it loaded up, dude, like to him. So I shared that with my wife. I looked at his profile that she messaged him. And she's like, I made United Airlines aware of the way you're behaving on the Internet. Oh, shit. Just fucking with him. Yeah. How would we find him? No, but he probably thought it was real. He sent us a cease and desist on Reddit DMs. Holy shit. Full like chat GPT. I go, not the chat GPT cease and desist. I go, buddy, when is jury selection? I'm having fun with him. And he keeps freaking out and sending more things like, I will ruin your career over this. If you dare attack. And I go, no, man. I go, this is very serious, dude. Do you think that what kind of judge you think you want? Like, I was like really getting into it. He goes, that's not it's none of that does not matter in the scope of things. And I'm like, he's flying planes. Yeah. You know, that's what scares the shit out of me. He was freaking out that I just looked at his profile two days ago. And he was like freaking out about Indian people in America. And I'm like, all right, this guy thought you were Indian. He's like, this is a curry Indian guy is my least favorite. It's a curry. It's a curry. It's Jeff a curry. That's why I hate you. It's just my name phonetically sounds too Indian. It's just too dumb to understand the difference. Yeah. No, I can't believe you engage in that. That's not. I never do. That's the thing is, I literally, me and my wife were talking. I was like, this is why we don't. Yeah. If somebody's like, you suck, you're not funny. I'm always like, okay. Yeah. And you can't give attention. Okay, dude. I don't fucking. That's an insane. Okay. You suck. Yeah. That's like somebody going up to art and be like, this is bad. Yeah. Out loud. Well, also just don't watch it. No problem. Don't look. I don't care anymore. I really, I don't feel it as much anymore, but I remember, I remember me and Jordan Jensen talked about it when we first started posting online that we're like, we both agreed. We like handshake agreement. Like do not reply to negativity. Can't. Because if you only reply to negativity, that's the only thing that are going to be, people will just go, Hey, you only responds when you're a dick to them. Yeah. So, Hey, you suck. It's better to overly respond to people that say something nice. You're always like, Oh, thanks man. I skip past those. I look for the guys that are like, not that good. And I'm like, Hey pal. I don't, I don't see any of that. I don't just mean like in the public setting, if someone says something nice and you know, they're like, Hey man, thanks. You got me through like a tough time. I'm always like, that's the coolest thing in the world. It is. If you don't like me, I don't fucking care. You know, like there's restaurants I don't like, you know what I don't do? I don't go fucking eat at them anymore. Right. Yeah. It's just like a simple, it's like a funny, the idea is so simple that you're like, I don't like that. You're like right on. So don't do that. Yeah. Don't, don't do that anymore. Then, then go away. But the problem is they actually do like it. Yeah. They enjoy the world of it. That's why they're involved. Otherwise they would, otherwise, otherwise they wouldn't engage. They would be like, that's it. I don't, that's not for me. Like there's plenty of television I don't like. I'm never going to go online and be like, you know what show sucks? Like, nah, fucking don't watch it. Yeah. You just stop watching it and never bring it up. I didn't get through the first step. Your wife was Sopranos. She's not going to make a Reddit thread about it. She does. How funny. I go home and I see it. It's just her Reddit thread about how much she hates Sopranos and people who like it. Yeah. No, dude, I, she's one of those people that if I suggest things, if I suggest something one too many times, she won't do it because I suggested it so much. Ah, yes. Just out of, yeah. I think we all do that. Yeah, we do. Yeah. It's like, you're going to love this. Yeah. You're going to love this. And you're like, I'm going to hate it. One more person tells me to watch the Odyssey. I'm never going to see it for the rest of my life. Dude, we just went through this. Bobby, Bobby's like, I can't believe you won't go see it. And I'm like, I'm just not in a rush to see anything right now. Like, that's all I'm saying. I just don't care to go to the theater right now. He's like, you fuck. And then finally he turns, turns on me and he goes, I don't want you to see it. Don't go see it. I was like, what are you, a child? Like, that's so crazy. As if, as if you'd be like, whoa, how are you doing this right now? That's so funny. I'm disappearing from the photo. That's every time I want her to watch something is if I push it too much. I try and get her to play video games a lot. It's like my Mecca is trying to get my wife to become. My male best friends. Yeah. Just start dating guys, dude. Get over it. Leave your wife for a guy. Like, you know, the sex I wouldn't mind. It's just the, the guy. It's the guys. It's the dirtiness of a man. Yeah. Yeah. They're not just the unkemptness of a man. Yeah. I don't want a video game thing though. I, I, that, that, that's going to be tough for your wife. She doesn't want to do that. She is. She's been doing it. Yeah. Because you forced her to. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. She gets two hours in video games. What do you got around? Uh, uh, GTA or whatever. What the hell? I don't, I don't play video games. You don't? No. Uh, there's a lot of like cozy games. Like we start a farm together and we like organize. What is, Bobby does this. Oh yeah. Stardew Valley. He had the, Bobby had the creator on there. Yeah. And my manager was telling me that he's like, I'd love to have you to meet him. I'm like, yeah. He's like, I've put in hundreds of hours into that game. So is my wife. That's so funny, dude. Yeah, dude. I can't, I can't do video games. I don't, uh. I get into it. I get into the, uh, the, the strategy and the mathematics of a lot of the games. I used to love it when I was a kid and then I just got to a place where they got too advanced and I was like, nah. There are a lot of games I don't play. They're too heavy. It's too much. Yeah. I can't sit there and be like, and pretend to play a single player game. Like where I'm like, oh my God, where do I have to go now? Like sometimes I stop and I'm like, you're 38 or, you know, you're not really, you're fine. You're not a pirate. You're not really a pirate. I start saying that to my head and then I'm like, yeah, what am I doing? This is stupid. But online, the rush of like ruining another guy's day. Uh, you love that. I love like playing with friends and fucking other people up. Like it's so fun. I'm trying to get her into that, but she freaks out. Yeah. She doesn't like, she probably has other priorities. Yeah. I really got to stop pushing video games on her because I'll make her a watch a video on my phone of a video game coming out and she'll, she'll do this. She'll go, wow, that's cool, hon. Like that. And I'm like, oh man, I'm showing a video to my mom. Good for you, Jeff. That's nice. I love that for you, babe. Like that. Those ones. Here's what you like to play. Get her off the video games, dude. Let her live her free life. All right. Listen, dude, I love you. Thank you for coming on the show. I appreciate you. I could drink a hundred more, but, uh, we both have to live real lives. Uh, please go watch a special. It's available right now on Netflix. Please guys. Um, it's, uh, streaming now on Netflix and also, uh, he's on tour for the rest of his entire life. Yeah. Uh, he's never going to not be on tour. Uh, you can go get tickets at, uh, hot six, hot, sexy man, boy.com. Is that what it is? It's an org, but it's, it'll still reroute to that. Yeah. Jeff, our carry.com slash Andrew. Go to Jeff, our career.com. Uh, check out his tour. Check out a special, uh, go see him live all over this beautiful country. Um, and, uh, we end the show the same way you look into that camera. You say one word or one phrase to end the episode. One word or a phrase. Whenever. Pumpernickel. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Gingers are hell no. Ginger. I like gingers. So you can get in on the sports action no matter where you are. I've been to Georgia, Houston, Cleveland, Minnesota, Buffalo, Lincoln, Chi-Town, Arizona, Tennessee. Make this your most rewarding season ever with FanDuel. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER.