How I won the longest battle with my addiction

From Cool Kid to Daily Smoker: How My Addiction Started I smoked 20 to 40 cigarettes every day for more than 15 years, and then I just stopped cold Turkey. And I have not had even a puff of cigarette smoke in seven years. And I'm about to tell you just how I did it. Greetings, boys and men. Welcome to the Men's Cyclopedia podcast with Raghu and Rajeev. The podcast made by men and foremen exclusively a community where we discuss men's interests and issues from a male perspective. So if you are a real man, this is your safe space. And when I say quote UN quote real man, I don't mean the Asli mirth kind of toxic masculinity, but the ability of a man to be real about himself and the male experience. Today I'm going to tell you about my struggles with addiction to cigarettes and how I eventually overcame it, hopefully for good. Now, if you are trying to quit smoking, you might find inspiration, if not tips from my story. But even if cigarettes is not your specific problem, I'm going to give you my method with seven steps that you can apply to your particular situation and get the results you want. If not, at least I hope you'll enjoy my story. I've read somewhere, or was it a movie dialogue that all good stories are about a girl. It's obviously a tall claim, but if there's any truth in it, my story is really good. How did I get addicted to smoking in the 1st place? I'm afraid my reason is not that interesting or different from most of the smokers. I started smoking cigarettes to fit in, to seem and feel cool. I resisted the urge to smoke throughout school and college when a lot of my friends started experimenting with quote UN quote grown up things like smoking and drinking alcohol. But by age 20, Rajeev and I had dropped out of college and joined a television production house called TV 18 as trainees. TV 18 went on to grow into Network 18 and Viacom 18. But at that time it was a small company with big dreams and potential operating out of a basement in Kalkaji, New Delhi. Rajeev and I were truly in grown up land now and we were very in awe of all the creative Mavericks there who were at that time doing some amazing pioneering work in a still young Indian TV industry. Now a lot of the seniors, both men and women would regularly take smoke breaks. 3/4 of them would stand in a group smoking, discussing work and generally faffing and joking and bonding. Some of our fellow trainees who smoked would join in and soon their equation with the seniors would be more friendly, casual and personal. Rajeev and I being non-smokers used to feel left out. We saw our seniors as these really cool cats and anyway, the branding of cigarettes was and continues to be something cool people do. We wanted to be a part of those casual banter sessions and that's how we started smoking so that we appeared cooler and more grown up and got to socialize with our seniors. That culture carried on for the next 20 years with my smoking going up to 1 pack of 20 cigarettes a day, or two packs if I was shooting, editing or partying, which was a lot of the time. The Vicious Cycle: Understanding Addiction Triggers and Failed Quits Believe me. Smokers know that certain situations trigger cravings like smoking when you're in the loo or after meals, with coffee, after sex, and while drinking alcohol. Smokers who are trying to quit generally get tripped up in these situations where they can't get the better of their cravings. This is really funny story from my time and MTV that I want to share with you. One new year, some of my smoker friends decided to quit or at least drastically reduce their smoking. So they made a pact that they would only smoke when they drank alcohol, otherwise they wouldn't touch cigarettes. So far so good. But withdrawal symptoms are no joke. And my friends, like all junkies, started looking for loopholes and excuses. There was this really nice cheap Daru bar right opposite MTV called Madira, and every time they craved cigarettes they'd hop over and drink a pint or a peg. And of course, we weren't the kind of guys to ever stop at just one, so their efforts at quitting cigarettes actually LED them to day drinking at work. But getting back to the point, nicotine withdrawal symptoms are no joke. Like I said, most of the time smoking does nothing for smokers other than just give them temporary relief from the withdrawal symptoms. Of course, I tried to quit smoking too, a lot, but it never really worked. Then I tried a strategy that seemed to work better than others. I would set a date for quitting, announce it to my friends and keep repeating it to myself and to them. Then on the day before, I would party, drink, and smoke much more than usual. I would of course feel like shit for two days after that, but that was the point that made it relatively easier for me to not feel like smoking. Then I would go another day or two out of fear of the embarrassment of feeling so publicly in front of all my friends and having them make fun of me. Once you have a week or so under your belt, you start to feel better about yourself, more confident. You try to avoid situations that trigger your cravings, like going out, partying or socializing with friends, even at home, meeting people and going to places that you strongly associate with smoking. And when the cravings strike, you tell yourself that you would be wasting all the days that you have successfully resisted the urge by giving in now that momentum helps propel you further. This way I went smoke free once for a month and once for 40 days. But both times, sadly, I relapse into my old ways. Addiction uses moments where you let your guard down even a little to assert itself and claim you once again. Back to square 1. A Kiss, A Recoil: The Unexpected Catalyst for Quitting And then I met a girl. Told you there was a girl in my story. I was going through a divorce with my wife of almost 10 years, Sugandha, And though it was all very amicable and we remain buddies till date, it was one of the toughest phases of my life. I'll tell you more about that in a separate podcast. For now, I'm going to focus on my struggle to quit cigarettes, which was about to become really, really intense. I happen to reconnect with Natalie Deluccio, who was an old acquaintance going through the end of her own long relationship, and we went out on a few dates. Our chemistry was instant and obvious, even to everyone around us, but I had serious reservations about getting into a relationship again, especially when I found out how much younger than me she was. When we finally kissed, it was in the middle of a crowded dance floor and it was because she was fed up of waiting for me to get over myself. The first thing I did is call up Sugandha and tell her all about it. She was thrilled for me, of course, and gave me a simple four letter warning. Don't fuck this up. Good advice, always. So the next day I asked Natalie out to dinner, booked a table at a restaurant I knew she'd like, and went to pick her up. When the elevator doors open and she walked out to where I was waiting in my car, I was floored by how beautiful she looked. As she got into the car I told her she looked gorgeous and leaning to kiss her and she recoiled so hard I was left-leaning between the seats with my lips still puckered. Oh, I'm so sorry. She laughed. I forgot you smoked. I was stunned, not so much because of her capacity to forget my smoking habit after I had smoked in front of her multiple times, but more because I had last smoked about half an hour earlier at home before getting into my car and driving to her house to pick her up. The fact that it was still not only detectable on my breath but was strong enough to have such an effect on her was completely unexpected and distressing. As we were driving to the restaurant, she explained that, being a singer, she never smoked or even dated A smoker. The conversation moved on to other topics and it was, as usual, a lovely date, but her reaction stayed with me. Driving home after dropping her that night, I couldn't shake the thought that if I ever wanted to explore the possibility of relationship with her, I'd have to be a non-smoker. And like I've said before, this was something I wanted to do anyway. How I Finally Kicked the Habit: My 7 Strategies for Success So by the time I reached home I had made-up my mind. This time I didn't tell anyone, not even Natalie. She had to travel to Dubai for a show and I quietly hunker down at home to face the withdrawal symptoms, and they came at me like a vicious force of nature. The ordeal was made worse by the fact that I lived alone and was particularly restless at night. Those first two weeks were murder, I don't mind telling you. It would have been the simplest thing for me to light a cigarette and put an end to my suffering. Nobody expected me to succeed anyway. But every time the thought of Natalie and that reaction of hers in my car renewed my resolve, I took strength from the thought that Natalie didn't really know me so well yet. So this was a great chance for me to reinvent myself. I could be anyone I wanted to be, even, yes, a non-smoker. I only told Natalie and my friends on the day I completed one month of not smoking. Natalie, of course, was very pleasantly surprised and a couple of my friends were inspired enough to quit cigarettes with me as well. They figured that if someone like me could do it, it shouldn't be so tough for them either. What I discovered is this. We absorb the strength of the weakness. We resist with every day. Strength passes from our vice to us, making it weaker and our resolve stronger. It has now been seven years and that cigarette I smoked at home before going to pick nightly up for dinner was the last cigarette I smoked. I've had many moments of weakness, of course, but every time I remind myself that if I were to submit to my weakness and smoke again, I will have undergone all that suffering for nothing. And most of all, how much I disappoint Natalie. Of course, a girl doesn't have to be the reason for you to make a big life change. The reason can be anyone or anything. But if you want to quit smoking, try my method. It might work for you too. One, decide a date to quit and announce it to friends. 2 Overdo it a day or two before that date. The point is to feel disgusted by it. Three, make a list of situations that trigger your cravings. Make it in the order of severity. Four, avoid those situations as long as you can. Five, once you have two weeks under your belt, slowly reintegrate into your life. You can go back into the triggering situations in the order of least to most severe. Six, start exercising. Trust me, you'll feel better. And seven, share your progress with your friends. One month, two months, six months, a year. The longer you go, the more your friends will congratulate you. And that validation really encourages you to keep going. I hope this helps you and wish you the very best on your next attempt at quitting. But even if you stumble a few times and go back to smoking, no problem. It is important to not lose heart and to try again and again. Anyway, I hope this helps you with your next attempt at quitting. And if you know somebody who's trying to quit smoking and you think this can help them, please share it with them. And it would mean a lot to me if you subscribed and rated us. And here's a bonus tip #8 if all else fails, fall in love with a nonsmoker. Now, my girl, find your own. Mail me on Men Encyclopedia at raghurajiv.com and we can start a conversation. I love hearing from you. I love talking to you. And I can't wait to meet you again on the next episode of the Men Encyclopedia podcast with Raghu and Rajiv.