How I Manifested My Soulmate Using Neuroscience

How do I manifest love? How do I manifest a soulmate? How do I attract a specific person? These are all questions that I get all the time from students and clients that I coach. And so in this video, I'm going to share with you the exact step-by-step process that I use to manifest my soulmate. And I'm going to share with you all of the neuroscience behind why it works. And yes, this is going to be a science-backed process. I actually used to get told back when I was dating people would say, "You date like such a scientist and I did date like a scientist. I have a whole formula and I'm going to share that formula with you." And this formula does not just work for me. I actually had a call with someone on my team a couple of months ago and he had been wanting a girlfriend. So I finally I shared with him the process. I said, "This is what you need to do. Step by step." He went and he met someone the very next day that he is now in a relationship with. The next day, he told everyone, "Emily Hiltley manifests my girlfriend and I did. I'm going to show this process with you and if manifesting a soulmate or love maybe you already have the person of your dreams or not or you're just not interested in it, that is okay because this process can be used to manifest anything. How you manifest one thing is how you manifest anything at the end of the day because it's all energy. So let's get straight into it. Step one is clarity. You need to know exactly what you want. And I have found that many people don't know what they want and that's okay. I mean, you don't need to know what you want exactly in the beginning. But clarity is extremely important because if you don't know exactly what you want in a person in a potential partner, your brain won't be able to filter for people like that. And I have found that people in my life, they try to date this way. They know what they want aesthetically. They know what they want their partner to look like, their height, maybe a job, whatever. And so their brain filters their reality for people that look like that. But what we all have found out is that we're not just looking for someone that looks a certain way. We are looking for someone that makes us feel a certain way. And this is true for anything that you're trying to manifest, right? Like we don't really want the thing for the thing, we want the thing for the feeling that that thing is going to bring us. We want the feeling. And so super, super helpful. And so step one is to get very clear on what the feelings that you want, your soulmate or your potential partner to bring you. Like what are the feelings that you want this person to make you feel? Do you want them to make you feel supported? Loves. Do you want them to like believe in you and make you feel like confident, right? So come up with a list of how you want this person to make you feel. What are the feelings that you're really after? And then it can be very helpful. Also, this is something that I did. I had a list of all of the characteristics that I wanted in a potential partner. And this is where kind of the experimentation side came in. This is where I really became an extra scientist Emily mode. Every single time I would go through like a talking stage or I would date someone and it wouldn't work out at the end. I wouldn't do it in the beginning. But at the end, after it ended, I'd be like, okay, like what did I really like about this person? What did I really enjoy about this relationship that I'm going to look for now in future relationships? And what did I not enjoy about this relationship? Like what were the things that were maybe deal breakers that I am now going to add to the list, maybe like the opposite. Like for example, maybe this person was kind of stuck in their ways and they didn't really believe in anything that's possible. And now you're going to put growth mindset on the list of things that you want, right? So this is something that I did and you just start to collect data. And this helps you to gain extreme clarity around what you want. And again, when you have clarity, your brain can now filter your reality for things that align with what you want. And so this really is part two of step one, which is to date like a scientist, right? Like treat it like an experiment. The waiting period is actually the preparation period. So don't waste it. Bad dates are not wasted dates. They are lessons. They are experienced that you are supposed to gain and learn from so that you can gain even more clarity so that you can actually go and attract and manifest the perfect person for you. And I don't say this lightly when I met my fiancee. I went back and I looked at the list that I had on my nose app on my phone. And my fiancee checks every single box, every single box on that list. And so some good questions that you might want to ask yourself are, you know, like what are the values that you want this person to have? Wow. Like what kind of lifestyle would you like them to have? Right? I mean, for me, that was very important because I don't work a typical job where I'm in an office all day long. I'm kind of always on the go, always on the move, travel a lot for different things that I do. And I wanted a partner that could be on the go with me and go and live this lifestyle with me. And so get clarity on like what, how do you want this person to live? What do you want this person's mindset to be like? What do you want their beliefs to be like? Very clear on what you want on the inside of a person and not just on the outside. And this alone can break barriers for you. Step two is to check your beliefs around love. Do you find yourself saying things like dating sucks in my city? Or there's no one to meet in my city like, oh, my city's the worst for dating, men suck, women suck. I caught myself doing this back whenever I was in the PhD. I was not in the biggest city for school. And I remember thinking like, oh, there's no one to date in this city like the city sucks for dating. The truth is that you don't need 10,000 options. You need one person. More options does not automatically mean that you will meet the perfect person. A lot of the times, if you find yourself saying any of these things or you have sort of limiting beliefs around dating, around meeting someone that you love, around meeting a good person, that will absolutely keep you from meeting a good person. Now, I will share my own personal experience from this just because I was absolutely blessed growing up with my little brother. He's literally like my best friend. And I always believed that there were good men out there because my little brother is a great man. And so, I call him little, but he's not little anymore. But he was the example that I had and kind of provided hope for me. And so I invite you to look for evidence that there are great women and great men out there. They do exist. Maybe it isn't your parental figures. Maybe you don't have that. Maybe it's not even a family member, but maybe that there is somebody in your reality that you can look to to prove to yourself good men and good women do still exist. And if you have this limiting belief about about location, I really want you to know that they don't have to live in your city. What I met my fiancee, we were not living in the same city. So don't go and place limits on yourself geographically. When it's meant to be, it can find you anytime, anywhere. In fact, whenever we were getting to know each other, we found out that our family's both almost moved to a different state. That was the same state. So we almost moved as children to the same state. So when it is meant to be, when you are prepared to receive the opportunity and the blessing, it will come. So get out of your own way for a second. Get out of your own way. Stop telling yourself and providing yourself all of these limiting beliefs and excuses. The person absolutely is out there for you. I promise you, you will not be single forever. I'd say that because I know how it can feel sometimes. I'm just going to be single forever. I'm just never going to meet the person. I know how that can feel sometimes. It's really easy to get caught up in this mindset. I promise you you won't be able to ask yourself, what do you currently believe about dating? What do you believe about men or women? What do you believe about your city? Do you actually believe that the relationship that you want exists? I was coaching a client and he lives in Los Angeles and he was saying that all the women that I try to date, like all the women in the city are just like this. I said, no, actually, I personally know women that live in your city and they're not like that. They're actually incredible. I'm friends with them. So the issue wasn't that there's only one type of person in his city. The issue was that his brain was filtering for that type of person because he hadn't really been clear and given his brain instructions to look for someone different. He had existing beliefs and biases that were causing his brain to filter his reality for the same person. I need to bust one more huge limiting belief that I used to have and I found a lot of other people have and it's that you don't need to be fully healed in order to be in the relationship of your dreams. You don't need to have it all figured out and be fully healed. I've even seen on social media, I like sort of mental be like, well, if I meet this certain person but I don't have the dream car, the dream house, the dream business. I don't have my perfect body yet and so I can't be in this relationship. This woman is just going to be a distraction like actually the right relationship will have you believing in yourself even harder, working harder, working more disciplined and working from a place of love like the right person can actually help to catapult your dreams and help you make your dreams come even more true. The right person is not going to be a distraction because the right person is supposed to be aligned with your goals and so if you are finding and meeting and dating and liking people that are distracting to your goals then maybe you want to check in with yourself and ask yourself like am I actually dating people that have similar values and that are aligned in that way with me. For me personally, when I I was writing my list and getting clear on who I wanted, like having a growth mindset, someone that valued growth and growing as a human, growing in their dreams, like making achieving big things, that was really important to me in a partner because it's important to me. You're a human being. The growth is never done. And so to think that you need to be fully healed in order to be in a relationship is just wrong. And in fact, a lot of times when we get into relationships is where a lot of the healing is done because your partner and intimacy is triggering at times. And so a lot of the work, a lot of the growth happens inside of relationships when you are triggered, when they maybe trigger a certain wound that you have or you're feeling insecure, XYZ. Step three is to become a match for your list. Now that you have clarity on what you want, ask yourself, would that person want to date you? The values that you're saying you want in a person, do you have those values? If you're saying that you want someone who is fit and healthy, are you fit and healthy? You want someone that will believe in you. Do you believe in you? You want someone that's gonna make you feel loved. Do you make yourself feel loved? And so this brings me to an amazing tip, which is to date yourself. You've probably heard it before. Are you to date yourself? But I mean this in a deep way. For example, do you know what your love languages are? There are a bunch of them, personally mine or quality time, a physical touch. So quality time is something that is really important to me. And I say this, not to be like, oh, this is what I was looking for in a person, but to say this is what I needed to give to myself. If quality time is one of my love languages, then I need to be spending quality time with myself. It's acts of service is one of my love languages and I need to be going and doing things for me. If gifts is one of my love languages then let me go buy myself some flowers. Dating yourself quite literally means showing up for you. How do you want your potential soulmate or partner to treat you and you need to treat yourself like that? That includes self talk. Back when I was single, I was calling myself babe in my head. I remember one time I sat down to record a video and the lighting was not good. And I said, ooh babe, you need some better lighting. I would just call myself babe and I would call myself love. I would call myself those things in my head. Like I fully was talking to myself how I wanted my future person to treat me and talk to me. I was showing up for myself how I would want my future person to show up for me. And this is so important for many reasons. I want to break down the neuroscience of it first and foremost because what you do for yourself sets a limit. It sets a boundary. If you actually enjoy your own company and you enjoy spending time with yourself, if somebody showed up and treated you any less than that, you would not accept it. But if you're not treating yourself the way that you want to be treated, then someone can show up and treat you less than and you'll accept it because that's what you accept from yourself. There's a beautiful story from the book The Mastery of Love by Daniel Berwies. And he talks about the magical kitchen. And he says, if you had a magical kitchen, every single cupboard was full of any food that you could ever want to eat, you opened up the cabinet and it's whatever you want to eat. It's like literally overflowing with food. And somebody shows up at the front door and says, "Hey, I want to give you this pizza because I love you in exchange for control over you. What are you going to say? I don't need your pizza. I have a magical kitchen. Get out of here. Like get lost. But if somebody shows up at your door with the pizza and says, "Hey, I want to give you this pizza because I just love you." Come on, I'll take your pizza. Come on in. Like I just want to treat you. I want to treat you amazing. I want to give you this pizza because I love you. I don't want anything in return. Come on in. Let me get a piece of your pizza. Check out my magical kitchen. See all the food that I have in here too. This is why we accept the love that we think we deserve. How you treat yourself becomes the standard of what you will accept from other people. If you want someone ambitious, are you chasing your dreams? If you want someone interesting, is your life interesting? Are you growing and trying new things and getting outside of your comfort zone? Are you a match for what you want? And I will tell you this. Becoming a match for what you want, of course, energetically makes you a match for what you want. But it also just makes you more attractive. You will start attracting so many people because people will be so attracted to your energy. They will be attractive. They will tell you things like, "Oh, you're so different. You're so interesting. I love your energy." That was a compliment that I would get all the time because I was chasing my dreams. I was pouring into myself. I was non-stop leveling up my mind and growing. And growth is what makes you interesting. You will never be boring in a conversation and have nothing to offer in a conversation on a date or just otherwise. If you are always trying to learn new things. If you're always trying new things, learning new things, getting outside of your comfort zone, you will be so interesting to not only people that you want to date, but people that you don't want to date and just making friends and being in conversations in general. Now, of course, I do want to apply a little bit of nuance here. This doesn't mean that the person that you're with won't make you feel confident. Like, there are, of course, days where I'm not feeling like the most confident version of myself and my fiancee, Stepson, and he just knows exactly what to say. And he lets me back up and he supports me. And I have friends like that too. I'm sure you have friends like that too, where you have days where you're not feeling like your best self. And then they are there to believe in you when you don't. So this is not to say that you need to be perfect and you need to always be believing in yourself, and be like, no, it is okay to be human. But it is to say, right, because you don't expect your partner, like you don't expect your soulmate to be like that either, right? Like, they can have faults and times where you get to lift them up too. And that's the beauty of connection. But becoming a match for what you want will make you 10 times more magnetic. It will also do something else very important, which is help you enjoy the process. It'll help you enjoy your life and actually be happy without the person. So that when you do get into the relationship, you're not becoming toxicly codependent on the person because you're actually happy in yourself. But it will also just help you enjoy the process and enjoy the journey of dating and meeting people. And it will help you to enjoy your life. This is true for anything that you're trying to manifest. If you can be happy and give yourself the feeling that you believe the thing is going to bring you, then you can actually be happy and feel whole right now. This helps you do the fourth and final step, which is to detach from the outcome to let go. You cannot receive in a hand that is clenched shut, that is gripping and trying to control every little thing. If you are trying to control every single step of the way, you are not leaving room for divine intervention. You are not leaving room for things to work out in ways that you never could have expected. I thought that I was going to be able to meet my person one way and the way that I met my fiancee, I never, ever, ever could have predicted. In fact, it came after I gave up. It was the same week or maybe the week after I told all my friends, I'm just going to give up on dating. I'm just giving up. I had just called it off with kind of like a talking stage that I had with someone we were just dating for a couple of months. And I gave up. I was like, you know what? I'm just going to focus on myself. I'm going to date myself. I'm going to focus on making my dreams come true. I'm just going to focus on me. And then I actually met my fiancee while I was working, while I was on a call. So I just happened to find and meet somebody that wanted to help me make my dreams come true, while I was focused on making my dreams come true. And he has helped me exponentially. Like when we met and then as we were getting to know each other, I truly felt like he was made for me. And for the first time, I knew what it meant. There's like a Taylor Swift lyric and she said, you know, all the perfect couples say, when you know you know and when you don't, you don't. And I had spent so long trying to make different relationships work and trying to like, over explain myself and give people all of these chances. And when I met my fiancee, it literally felt like God had made him and designed him to be with me. It was just clear as day. So obvious. Like I was calling him my future husband and he was calling me his wife. He was calling me wifey like before we were even like dating. And so the point is that I was pursuing my life when we met. I was working, pursuing my dreams, creating, not desperately scrolling the dating apps, trying to figure out somebody to date and trying to find someone and clinging onto it and thinking about it 24/7. I was focused on dating myself and making my own dreams come true. And then I met somebody who also wanted to help me make my dreams come true. And the point here is not to tell you that you shouldn't want to date someone or that you shouldn't want to try to manifest love or be in a relationship. That is not my point. You can absolutely have a desire without being desperately attached to it. And the best way to do that is simply to just stop outsourcing your emotions. Stop making yourself emotionally dependent on an outcome. Right? Like give yourself the feeling that you want to feel. Give yourself the feeling that you believe the thing that you're chasing is going to give you. Now there are a couple other things that I want to discuss here because there are some frequently asked questions that I get. on all of my masterclasses that I hold. By the way, if you've never been to one of my master classes, I highly, highly, highly recommend it. Every single time I host a master class, I have people in the comments in the messages saying that they came to the last class and it changed our life and they're just coming back from more to wired into their brain even deeper. So if you want to work on shifting your identity, rewiring your beliefs and shifting your reality and manifesting your best life through reprogramming your subconscious mind, I highly recommend coming to my master class. It is like an hour and a half to two hours like jam packed everything that you could possibly need to know in one class, like truly. It's insane and it's free. So check out the link in the description and you can save your spot for the next class and come, come rewire your brain and reprogram your subconscious and live your best life. But I do live Q&As at the end of my classes every single time. I usually end up sitting there for an additional hour or so just answering people's questions because I like to. And a question that I get all the time is how do I manifest a specific person? And every single time my answer is the same, you don't. Why do you want to do that? Like why are you acting like you know better than the infinite intelligence that knows all things? If something isn't working, if something isn't aligning, can you trust that there's a reason for that? If that person isn't chasing you, isn't choosing you, I should say. Why would you want that? Like why would you want that for yourself? You want somebody that's going to wake up and choose you every single day when times get hard and when you maybe get into little fights or disagreements or things like that because it happens, you will never be afraid that they're going to leave you because they choose you. Why would you want to be with someone that isn't choosing you? Like why do you want to override the possibility that something even more aligned exists? Right? Because if that one thing isn't working out for you, can you trust that if it's not that, then it's something better for you? I unlocked that belief system whenever I was applying for PhD programs. I had applied to a bunch of different programs and in my journal, every single morning, rather than writing my affirmations of like, oh, I'm going to get into this program. No, every single morning I would journal, I will get into the PhD program of my dreams. And I remember telling someone at that time when I was talking to them about this process, I remember saying, I know enough to know that there is an infinite intelligence that knows more than me, that I don't know what's best for me. I can't see my future. I can't see all of the inner workings that are going on in the dimensions of the human brain isn't capable of perceiving. I saw a quote last week and it said, calculus to a grasshopper is reality to us. Like a grasshopper cannot understand calculus the same way that we cannot understand reality. Like our human brain is only programmed to perceive different levels of reality. Okay, we know for a fact that birds can see the UV spectrum that different animals can sense electromagnetic fields, sense heat maps, that we can't sense those things. So if we know scientifically for a fact that there are things going on behind the scenes that we can't perceive, then what, imagine what we don't know is going on behind the scenes that we can't perceive. Probably a lot. I know enough to know that I don't know it all, right? Like I don't always know what's best for me. And so I have to trust that there's an infinite intelligence that does. Now while you are on this journey of moving toward manifesting the love of your life or whatever it is that you want, I want to give you a little practice because this is something that I used to do for years before meeting my fiancee. I would go into deep meditation. Now this is a very intuitive practice. So if you've never practiced anything like this before, I would start slowly maybe with things that are less important. But I have just this belief that the answers to our questions are always within us. And you can absolutely tap into that infinite intelligence. And so I would actually go into deep meditation. And I would ask, like, is this person meant for me? And sometimes the question would be, yes, right? Like you are meant to be dating this person at this time to teach you something specific. Right? Like some people are brought into our lives for seasons and for reasons. And they're not meant to be in our lives forever, right? And then sometimes I would ask, is this person, you know, the person that I'm going to marry or be with forever? And the answer would always be no until I actually met my fiancee. The answer was no. He was the first, yes, I ever got from this practice of going deep into meditation. A lot of the time I would do it in the bathtub. That's very relaxing for me. But deep into meditation. And he was the first person that I ever got. Like, yes, this is the person that you're meant to be with forever. Now, if you don't have a regular practice of asking questions, receiving answers, following your intuition, I highly recommend you start one. There are many different ways to do it. I can maybe do a whole different episode on that. If you're interested, leave a comment. Let me know if that's something that you would like me to talk about. Now, I do want to share one more piece of wisdom that really, really helped me while I was dating. It came when I was actually on a road trip. So I was driving across the country in my car with my puppy, Trea. And we were driving and we stuck at the gas station. And I was pouring her up some water in her water bowl. And she's just crying. And I'm like, Trea, you know it's coming. Relax. Relax. And as soon as I said it, I knew I needed to hear it. Because I had been driving. And I've been like, I just really like him. And this was actually about my fiance. I just really like him. Like, I just want to be with him forever. Like, I wouldn't even dating him. And I'm just like, and my friends, like, my friends on the phone with me. And she's like, you guys both like each other, but no one's saying anything yet. And I, when I said that to Trea, immediately I knew that that was meant for me, that it's like you know that it's coming. Trust that it's coming. Trust that it works like ordering something online. Like you submitted the order, but you don't have the tracking information. So you have to just trust that it's on its way to you. You don't know when, and you don't know how. But trust that it's coming and relax. I did this practice recently that was very healing for me. And I want to share it with you because it might speak to where you are right now. I imagined myself a few years ago before I met my fiance when I was single sitting on the couch of my apartment in Fort Lauderdale. And I was lonely. And I didn't know if I was ever going to meet someone. I legit thought that I might be single forever. And I went back to that version of her in my imagination. I said to her like it worked. I could all work out. He showed up. And it all worked out. And you know there is science behind the fact that every time you recall a memory, you reactivate that memory and make it subject to change. Every single time you activate a memory, it is actually kind of altered by the present moment that you're in. And so in a way going back to the past and giving advice to the past version of you sort of changes your future. And if you've ever seen the movie "Interstellar", it's exactly what happens. And I want to give a spoiler to people who haven't seen it. But it's exactly what happens in "Interstellar". Like it's his future self helping his past self. And I like to think of it that way. I like to think that you can go back to the past version of you and give yourself the wisdom that you have now. Like give it to yourself back then. Like go back and sort of like it's like repairing your inner child a little bit. But it's also very healing to maybe sad memories or negative or down memories that you have. And so I want to share that message with you if that's the period that you're in. If it's the time that you're in where you're just waiting and maybe you feel or feeling doubtful, maybe you're not really believing that you're ever going to meet the person you will. Like it will work out. They will show up, surrender the how and the when. Focus on feeling the way that you want to feel right now. Move like it is already yours and become a match for whatever it is that you want. Stay open and let life surprise you with how good it can get. And don't settle for anything less than you deserve. Do not settle. Please don't settle because you're trying to rush the process. Don't try to override the plan that's made for you. All right? And last but not least, I'm actually going on tour next year and we are currently collecting RSVPs for certain cities. It's actually how we're going to decide which cities to go to. So check the link in the description. If you want to come see me live and person we're going to be talking all about reprogramming your subconscious, shifting your identity, manifesting your dream life, neuroscience, spiritual, all of it. So check the link in the description because that is how we're going to decide where to go. I'm sending you so much love and I will see you next time. Bye.